#I can say it out loud

[dangans-ur-ronpas]

happy pride month

[22mzk03]

Doodles of the other gurls

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Remember: The burning sensation is part of the process.

[cali]

a lolcow is obviously a bad and harmful thing but studying weird people online is a wonderful and soul enriching experience. but if u treat the fun of it as a product and engage with them to get more of this product, if youre "milking" the "lolcow", youre fucked. youre going down the path of darkness. it needs to be aetherial and loose. the better alternative is looking at lolbirds instead which is quite beautiful cuz, like birdwatching, its a process where u do not enact power and force over ur subject to make it show u what u want, you just let them naturally come by and show off their plumage (10000 near identically composed deviantart illustrations of different kids show character crying while getting knead into dough and baked[this happened in a single episode of a show the artist saw when they were 4]) and then u maybe show some of ur favorite feathers of theirs to your close group of friends and then let them pass on with the wind and u keep them as a sweet memory ❤

[eulerseverything]

Seven being the only of the base 10 digits to be multiple syllables really pisses me off cause everything is fucked up by it. What if I wanna count fast? Seven throws off the whole groove. And when I’m counting higher too it’s like I gotta slog through the 70s or god forbid the 700s. Seventy-seven? Get the fuck out of here. And something like just sev would’ve worked just fine. Doesn’t sound like any of the rest of the numbers. It also has “even” in the name and it’s odd. You know what else has that? Eleven, another pissass number for reasons I won’t get into. Easily worst single digit number. I don’t care if it’s “the lucky number” either, that’s just bullshit propagated by casinos probably. Not even that mathematically interesting. The only thing I can think of is the decimals repeating in a unique way when it divides, what with the repeating from different places. And what, most common number when rolling two six sided die? Be for real. AND its multiples are cringe too. Where does 49 even come from. 63? 91??? What the fuck. Stupid fucking number and I’m tired of pretending it’s not.

[battlekidx2]

“Do you like girls?”

“I don’t know.”

“Do you like boys?”

“I don’t know. I think I like TV shows.”

I remember when I was in middle school all the other girls were talking about the guys they liked and I said I didn’t like anyone. I just wanted to do my own thing.

I didn’t really get why I would want to date anyone. I understood friendship, companionship— having someone to share my interests and mutually info dump to sounded cool— but I struggled to understand the appeal of spending every day and every night with someone else. Of holding hands and going on dates. 

This led to a lot of homophobic bullying and a few of them would act disgusted that I might be into them. Constantly acting like I was looking at their boobs and sexualizing them (I never made eye contact with anyone and would frequently look at the wall or space out while looking in their general direction). Or make a big show of not being interested and many other things.

I didn’t get this either. I didn’t know why I would be interested in any of them. They treated me poorly and I thought attraction was something people made up and simply just claimed to feel towards other people.

Just like I never understood celebrity crushes. You don’t know the person so how could you possibly know you liked them? And I never understood how people “chose” who they dated. Did they just choose whoever they liked hanging out with the most?

But any time I voiced this it was always met with worse and worse reactions. It led to isolation among peers and my family. My parents made it pretty clear I wasn’t who they wanted me to be. That I wasn’t normal.

I soon learned to fake it. Pretend I understood it.

The idea of not being attracted to anyone seemed like a foreign idea to most people I met. Even when I branched out and moved away, I met a few people in the lgbt community who couldn’t grasp it either and reacted poorly and it made me feel stupid. Like maybe I wasn’t just screwed up to people who fit in the neat little box society wants you to fit in, but to everyone else as well.

Maybe I was wrong. If it’s an impossibility even in this community that champions diversity and acceptance then can that really be my reality?

I kept trying to force it. To date, but every time I did I always felt that same skin crawling discomfort and it always petered out. It didn’t matter who it was or what gender. It always felt wrong. It was suffocating.

I don’t think there’s a movie that better portrays that all consuming, suffocating stagnation of feeling so out of place– knowing you’re out of place compared to those around you– and in response forcing yourself to fit what other people expect of you than I Saw the TV Glow.

Whenever I think back to growing up or whenever I return home that same feeling this movie is centered around always drenches my experiences.

And even now it’s hard to put into words when I talk to other people what I’ve felt when it comes to this aspect of my life.

That comment from Owen about knowing there’s nothing there when talking about romance and attraction, but being too afraid to look and knowing that his parents know something is wrong with him hit harder than any other scene from a movie I’ve watched this year.

It’s that absence of something that is at the heart of asexuality that makes me always question what I choose to identify as when I have to explain it to someone. Because for the most part my explanation boils down to (in broad oversimplified terms): I’ve never felt attraction, I’m more interested in watching a Spider-Man movie than I’ve ever been into even just the idea of dating, every time I’ve attempted to date it’s been uncomfortable and I’ve actively dodged anything beyond friendship while in the “relationship”.

And when I try to voice that to another person it always feels like those experiences don’t hold water. That’s describing the absence of something. There’s no real proof of the identity.

With being bi or gay or lesbian there’s something you can I don’t know—point to?— that can help you know your identity.

And that’s the fact that you’ve experienced attraction towards one or more people of one or more genders.

It’s defined not by the lack of something but the presence of an experience.

And so every time I try and explain it I end up feeling stupid. Like I just haven’t tried hard enough to find someone compatible. That I need to get back into the proverbial saddle and try again. I always in some way feel ashamed and backtrack as a result.

This is in no way to say that it’s harder or easier to be one identity or the another. Everyone’s experiences are different and everyone experiences are valid. This is just a struggle I’ve found that’s unique to asexuality that many people I’ve talked to have also experienced.

I haven’t felt that part of my experience be seen in media until I saw this movie. Maybe I’m latching onto what I can get or maybe that was an intrinsic part of the movie. That’s not important. What’s important is that it’s something I felt seen in even if it was literally just one scene.

This is my really long winded and roundabout way of saying that I really think this movie is going to stick with me much longer than any other thing I’ve seen this year.

Things can be hard to put into words and as a result I tend to keep things inside. I’m fairly certain I’m ace but it might turn out I’m on a different romantic spectrum then I thought or I fall somewhere different than I thought on the ace spectrum. I don’t know what I’ll discover in the future.

I’m likely not going to express my label out loud to anyone but a select few. I still can’t express this particular label out loud to many people. My family is definitely never going to hear it. A friend or two might.

It’s something I struggle with on a regular basis. I’m fine with identifying with the label in my head—in a lot of ways it makes me feel comfortable and happy— but any time I try to voice it the words die in my throat and I can’t help but feel ashamed. It’s easier to just tell people I don’t want to date right now. That there are all these factors in the way (finances, time, jobs, etc) than it is to try and explain what I’ve just rambled about above.

I know many people have felt and understood that experience and I hope people know they’re valid. You can express your identity with your full chest, shout it from the rooftops and let people know, or you can keep it to yourself, identifying as your label solely in your head. Both experiences are valid. And if your label changes at some point in your life that doesn’t make what you chose to identify as at this point any less valid too. People are always learning and growing. You can gain a new understanding of yourself as time move forward.

Sorry for the way too long ramble. This movie made me feel things.

[airenyah]

The four of you have worked together before, but never in the same series, is that correct? How was it when you learned that the four of you would be playing the main characters of the series?

BONUS: everyone's reaction

[arainywriter]

honestly, brennan getting completely fooled by zac is so relatable to me because whenever I DM, all knowledge of dnd leaves my brain except for the basics. like I cannot for the life of me tell you what a spell does when I DM. my player's abilities are unknown to me. I am simply here to be fooled by my players

[arcanewebs]

amazing episode EASILY one of my most favorite battle episodes of all time. How Ever is it insane of me to wish it went Just a little bit worse than it did. for the plot

[marzipanandminutiae]

parents know to talk to their kids about sex and violence and bigotry in things they see on TV, generally or at least, there's a conversation about that in the media. but I want to add "archaic views of self-esteem" to that list

no I'm not joking

I was a highly anxious kid who grew up reading a lot of historical fiction and/or actual 19th-century kids' literature. and the MASSIVE dose of "pride goeth before a fall" and "Don't Be Vain or Bad Things Will Happen" applied to situations that are literally just...a character liking themself or having confidence in their abilities and getting taken down a peg for it (sometimes violently) really screwed with my mind

but nobody talks about that risk. so you end up with a bunch of children getting those messages undiluted. and for girls in particular- or children being raised as girls, at any rate -the Vanity side of things can be particularly rough. since we're also getting the message still present in modern culture, that you're supposed to be pretty but NOT actually LIKE the way you look because that's Conceited and Bad (ie the Mean Girls self-deprecating mirror scene)

obviously not everyone in the past thought that way, and some cases in books are legit examples of a character hurting someone else through pride and having it go wrong- see also: Amy March convincing her sister to spend their family's ONLY spare money on something she wasn't actually allowed to have in school. or villainous characters taking it too far, like Jane Eyre's headmaster insisting that her friend's naturally curly hair be cut off because VanityTM. some people recognized how this language could be weaponized, and the differences between legit and overzealous use thereof, even at the time

but it IS a thing and I never see anyone talking about the way it can result in children- and later adults -who are petrified to like anything about themselves, for some nebulous ingrained fear that Bad Things will happen if they do

[sysig]

Recently had a silly Handplates dream where Papyrus was trying to snoop around Gaster and Alphys’ lab, but didn’t know who Alphys was and so was trying to pass it off as his own lab lol (Patreon)

[churro-on-a-unicycle]

The Old One

[felassan]

I'm excited to visit Treviso (<- DA:TV spoilers at link) :D

[some burblings about Treviso here in this now somewhat-out-of-date post hh (ctrl-f Treviso)]

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

The four alignments of Tummy Hurt

[the-crooked-library]

what I learned from season 2 of IWTV is that a distressingly large amount of people cannot tell the difference between a consensual BDSM dynamic and assault/abuse, nor do they know anything about how kink actually works

it’s not unhealthy for Armand to be submissive or delve into maître/slave kink dynamics. in fact it’s something people do to explore and get past their traumas all the time irl. additionally, he is like five times older and more powerful than Louis, he wasn’t being forced to do anything, nor could Louis ever actually force him. the kink was probably the healthiest aspect of their relationship, what fucked them over was a jumble of commitment issues, a lack of trust, and eventual murder - which is something that would cause problems in any relationship ever, no matter how vanilla.

the Point of the tragedy is that they were on the precipice of something happy, but Louis hesitated for too long and Armand couldn’t recognize when he was loved, and the kink had nothing to do with it, for fuck’s sake. Louis wasn’t abusive and it’s not bad or wrong for Armand to want to be a sub -