#I am usually not angry about this things | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

holocene-sims · 3 months ago

Text

next // previous

october 1, 2021 4:15 p.m. grant's house

[juhani] hello? grant, can i call you tomorrow? it’s late.

[grant] no, you can’t. i know it’s 11 o’clock where you are right now, and i don’t really care. you answered, so you’ve trapped yourself.

[varpu, faintly] juha, if you don’t talk now, he will never call you back.

[juhani] i want to speak with you, of course i do, it’s just–

[grant] fantastic, because that’s what we’re doing. we’re talking! i have 30 years of stuff to get off my chest, and i'm sure you have your own piece to share. not sure where to start, but.

[juhani] may i ask you a question? what did you overhear at dinner the other night? are you upset i'm moving? is that it?

[grant] i mean, that stung a little after the whole “i’ll be around to build a relationship with you,” thing, but i gave you my express permission to go home, so it’s whatever. we are both adults, so i am not going to fault you for making adult decisions that improve your life. i'm more upset by you claiming you didn’t tell me about your plans or include me in the moving and wedding stuff and whatever because i'm difficult.

[juhani] that’s not what–

[grant] oh, come on. don’t kid yourself. you said it yourself, anything involving me is like pulling teeth. i heard it loud and clear.

[juhani] well, when i tell you things, you never react well. it always goes precisely like this conversation is going.

[grant] really? never? because i remember being pretty positive about your proposal and about you contacting me in the first place and about coming to dinner to acquaint myself with varpu’s kids and about meeting varpu a while back…

[grant] what i react poorly to is you leaving me out, you calling me difficult, you complaining about me in front of impressionable people, etcetera.

[juhani] i don’t want to leave you out.

[grant] that’s what varpu said, too, but i didn’t believe her, so why would i believe you?

[juhani] i have no idea how to interact with you. i've apologized to you, told you i regret the events of your childhood. nothing works.

[grant] do you regret it? because it kind of just feels like you’re doing the same shit again. abandoning me for your own self-interests. oh, and this time you’re replacing me with a brand new family you treat better.

[juhani] i'm not repl–okay, what would you prefer me do when you push me away? you told me i was difficult.

[grant] when did i say that? i mean, that's true, sure, but i would not say that to you. what i probably said that you’re misconstruing is that talking to you is hard because i'm not comfortable around you.

[juhani] and how long will it take you to be comfortable around me? i don’t know what else you want me to do. truly, i don’t, and it is not pleasant to be rejected endlessly.

[grant] well, i'd have to forgive you, but i don’t. if forgiveness was meant to happen, it would not be instant. you’d have to keep trying with me, even if i piss you off, even if i push you away. you’re my fucking father, it’s your job. you show up for your kid even if they’re horrible or annoying. you never turn your back on them. but, you know, you didn’t show up for the first 22 years you were around, so you’d have to try extra hard now to change my mind.

[grant] but honestly, i will never be comfortable around you. i've realized that over the last few days. i did actually think if you just kept trying, i'd relax and be less on edge, but nope. you could become an honest-to-god saint tomorrow, and i'll still be furious because nothing will make me understand why you couldn’t have been a decent person when i was a kid. like, when i needed you.

[grant] and i don’t get why you weren't. i don't. i'm serious. i can’t comprehend it. clearly, you have it in you to be a decent person. you love varpu's kids. you're fatherly towards them. you take them on vacation, you invite them to house and wedding venue tours, you tell them about and include them in your hobbies, you remember details about them, you smile at them without being forced, you go to their weddings and don’t flip out about them being queer even though you were viscerally disgusted with me when you found out–

[juhani] you shouldn’t bring them into this. it isn’t fair. and i've taken you on vacation before, for one.

[grant] i am being petty, but i think it's fair because i'm not shitting on them specifically. and yeah, okay, you took me on vacation once. you took me to finland exactly once, but i never met your family, and i remember nothing other than the plane rides.

[grant] and you shouldn’t do this. we don’t need to split hairs. you don’t need to crawl through that list of grievances and “well, actually” me as many times as you can manage. one vacation changes nothing. that does not erase all the times you sat there like a lame duck and ignored me or mocked me or let my mother abuse me. there is nothing for you to pat yourself on the back about.

[grant] nothing.

[juhani] so, what are you upset about now?

[grant] why?

[juhani] why what?

[grant] why are you like this? why were you a terrible father? why have no heart for me or my sisters? why did you save all your love for someone else’s kids?

[grant] oh, and how about cerise? you sure didn’t care about your bastard kids either, did you?

[grant] shit. i'm sorry. that just kind of came out. that’s not how i wanted to, you know, pepper that into this conversation. i was going to save that for the end.

[juhani] how do you know about her?

[grant] doesn't matter. it's a long story.

[grant] on that note, what is up with the secret daughter? how’d that happen? is she the only one, too, or should i be on the lookout for any other siblings? and hey, you only divorced my mother in the last few years, so you were cheating. how many times did you fuck around on her, and why would you? you wouldn’t divorce her because you were afraid of her, but apparently it's no big deal to cheat.

[juhani] grant, how can i answer you if you don't allow me to talk? cerise’s mother michelle is a doctor. your mother and i were both at a conference in detroit about healthcare outreach, and…

[juhani] i know it seems contradictory, given how long i stayed with your mother, but i was unhappy in the marriage. i met michelle there at the conference, and she was kind and intelligent, and i suppose the rest of the story should be obvious to you.

[grant] goddamn, man. i hate my mother, but that’s bold: sleeping with another woman right in front of her face.

[grant] did she ever find out?

[juhani] eventually. you remember how she was with the finances. she tracked all the money going in and out of the household. you couldn’t have one cent go missing without being accused of something, and she’d always blame it on some incident with her brother and start ranting about him.

[juhani] look, the agreement with michelle was that i'd stay out of her life and send child support, and she wouldn’t interfere with my family either. i used to lie and tell your mother the child support funds were going somewhere important, but she didn't believe me very long. she did finally question me and find out the truth.

[grant] and?

[juhani] in hindsight, her reaction reminds me a lot of the one she had when you lashed out at her during your graduation dinner. very little left her speechless, but that did. initially, i should clarify. she would go on to never let me live cerise’s existence down.

[juhani] and to answer your question, as far as i know, cerise is the only other child.

[grant] as far as you know?

[juhani] i cannot rule out further surprises.

[grant] jesus christ. my grandmother is right, all men are dogs, but you most of all.

[juhani] does it upset you that much?

[grant] again, i don’t like my mother, but if i needed any more proof that you’re more spineless than a sea sponge, this is it. you were so unhappy with my mother that you’d cheat on her, but you’d not divorce her when your kids were vulnerable.

[grant] you disgust me. you slept around and thought with your dick before you spared a single thought for the kids you let my mother abuse. or for yourself! fuck you. if you’re going to be that selfish, at least be selfish enough to prioritize yourself and leave the woman making you that miserable!

[grant] and now i don’t believe you when you say you wouldn’t leave her back then because you were scared of her. do you seriously mean to tell me it’s less terrifying to cheat on her than to just walk out of the house and never come back?

[grant] i did that, you know? when i'd had enough of my mother, i told her as much and then never spoke to her again. and guess what? wouldn’t you be so stunned to find out she’s never tracked me down, never tried to call or email to reel me back in? she left me alone after i told her to go fuck herself!

[grant] and technically, you know it's possible to leave her, too. what did you say about the divorce? that she just rolled over and let you do it and was fine with you just coughing up all the assets and dipping?

[grant] exhibits A, B, and C that she’s a coward, too. she thinks she’s the boss, but if you fight back hard enough, she gives up. you could have left her at any point in time.

[grant] god. oh my god. you stupid, spineless motherfucker. i thought i'd maxed out on anger. apparently not!

[grant] you really could have been a better father. you could have had your whole little life overhaul decades ago, and you could have saved the entire family so much pain. you, me, elizabeth, kelly…

[grant] i should have suspected as much, and i guess i did, but it's shocking to realize over and over just how useless you are as a father. i think it can't get any worse and then it does. you are a complete and utter failure as a parent.

[grant] this is why i can’t forgive you. you didn’t have to mess up so badly. but no. whatever you got out of the relationship was enough to convince you to sit there and watch my mother ruin all of us, and even thought you weren't happy with her, you got by with fucking other women and only regretted staying a billion years later when you noticed you had nothing of substance left in life but my mother. and that’s a pretty depressing way to live, isn’t it?

[juhani] i stayed because i thought we deserved each other.

[grant] with that attitude, maybe you did.

[grant] listen, i'll admit this, no problem. it’s no one’s fault that she is the way that she is. it’s not even yours. she’s abusive, and what she does to other people is her fault and her responsibility. she’s excellent, too, at convincing you to just go along with it and never question her. it's not that hard to get caught in her trap at first, and she will try her very best to break you. but at some point, you have to question anyway. at some point, you have to recognize you deserve better and do something about it.

[grant] but you didn’t. not until it was too late for it to mean anything.

[grant] i would never think i've done everything right, but in the end, i've respected myself enough to make better choices and do something about the situation i was in, and i've had to do that because the adults in my life weren’t responsible or organized enough to fix things before responsibility fell into my hands.

[juhani] you are a braver and a better man than i.

[grant] i'm glad i am, but do you know how exhausting it is to be brave all the time?

[grant] i am because you weren’t. it is entirely because you failed. you weren’t brave enough to give a fuck about yourself or your kids, so i've had to be brave my entire life. brave enough to survive my childhood, then brave enough to leave. and guess what? i don’t want to be brave. i just want to exist. and back then, i just wanted to be a kid.

[grant] just a kid.

[grant] i wanted to come home from school and play with my pokemon cards and hear my mom and my dad say, “hi honey! how was your day? we love you!" i didn’t want to live in fear of what horror would befall me each and every day.

[grant] fuck you. fuck you. fuck you. you stole my childhood. you stole elizabeth’s childhood. you stole kelly’s childhood.

[grant] you and my mother, but you could have done something. you could have given us our childhoods back. you could have done something! you should have done something!

[grant] you didn’t have to do everything right even. parents mess up, i know that, but you could have at least tried. the bar was on the floor. i would have over the moon living in a single parent household with a father who at least showed up to my hockey games if he wasn’t busy at work and gave me a hug every once in a while.

[grant] and you know what, you did more than steal our childhoods. because you couldn’t stand to sacrifice your comfort long enough to take care of your kids, we all have to live in permanent hell. i have to spend the rest of my life freaking out when someone walks up behind me or speaks too loudly or–god forbid–touches me! it took me years to finally learn not to flinch when someone high fives me! and kelly–i don’t know what she deals with, but i know her life can’t be peaceful.

[grant] again, i am not blaming you for what my mother did–i know she was not kind to you either– but i do blame you for not even trying to stop her or get away from her. you were an adult with power, and you didn't use an ounce of it. actually, you did use it, just not for good. you threw me specifically under the bus because it was easier to let my mother use me as a punching bag than you.

[juhani] you’re right.

[juhani] you’re right, grant.

[grant] i have nothing else to say, short of "fuck you" again. i think i'm done yelling at you.

[grant] no, wait, one last thing. what did you even see in my mother in the first place? what was so enticing about her that you’d stay with her so long and ditch your college sweetheart for her?

[juhani] i don’t know. i don’t know anymore.

[grant] i guess it was two people drawn to each other's misery.

[grant] great. well, that’s all, folks.

[grant] good luck with the new family. maybe you can make it right with someone else and enjoy a totally fresh start because you will never make it right with me, and i will never let you forget what you did to me and my sisters. and don’t lose varpu again, by the way. she is, like, far out of your league–so far it's not even funny–and you are lucky to have this second chance with her and to have a good relationship with her kids.

[grant] also, just so it's clear, i don't want to speak to you anymore after this. don't call me, i won't call you either, except in one circumstance. i'll consider it on the day my mother kicks the bucket. we can toast to the end of that chapter of our lives and hope that the haunting ends. because surely you have to feel a little haunted, too, right? i have a sinking suspicion that’s why you reconnected with me. you don’t care about me. you care about that fresh start, about making yourself feel better about wasting your life and fucking up everyone around you.

#ts4 #the sims 4 #sims 4 #sims 4 story #sims 4 storytelling #simblr #hlcn: everything the stars promised #holocene.docx #holocene.png #hlcn: grant #hlcn: juhani #hlcn: varpu #TADA #grant delivers the verbal smackdown of the century to his father: scene complete #it's quite satisfying #also snarky/angry/etc. grant is soooooo rare to see and write #he's usually pretty demure and cagey about things or just plain old polite but he is indeed grandma aoife's grandson #if and when he wants to he can snark like a champion #okay some actual serious analysis now #some of this conversation is retreading the same old ground and not making any huge revelations #like i think we all know and grant knows that his father really failed him and did not take the opportunities to do the right thing #and we know that he is selfish that he is just out to protect his own comfort without rocking the boat #but actually hearing grant tell his father how badly he fucked up and how badly he harmed grant and his siblings IS the big deal here #grant had his 'i'm done' moment at that college graduation dinner but this is the most sincere one #this is him really expressing at last how he feels and not just letting that angry kid out of the cage #i mean the angry kid is out of the cage here but there is some real processing of emotions and regrets and such on top of that #ANYWAY i am curious to hear your thoughts on this #*end lengthy author's note*

35 notes · View notes

galadriel-blue · 9 months ago

Text

VENTING

Rant under the cut (people telling me to change things about my blog [like the way I tag things???] and just general Rings of Power hate towards me

Hey just so you know, it's not my job to cater my personal blog (that I made for fun) to your personal preferences. This is a Rings of Power & LOTR blog. I am going to post about both because it's my blog. If you only follow me for my Rings of Power stuff, great! If you only follow me for my LOTR stuff? Also great! follow me for both? Awesome! Spectacular even! but like, If you don't like one of the fandoms I post about, then block the tags or just ignore it instead of going onto MULTIPLE OF MY POSTS and messaging me, telling me what to change about MY BLOG.

This is all because I tagged something Rings of Power related with a LOTR tag and a few people got mad at me (comments and messages) saying that "The Rings of Power isn't LOTR??? Can you not tag it like that I don't want to see Rings of Power stuff. I follow for LOTR" like what???

They exist in the same universe whether you like it or not?? And lots of people tag TROP stuff with LOTR tags too. Plus, sometimes I am talking about both in the same post (like comparing and contrasting things that are the same or different from the show and movies) so I am going to use both tags for that. Besides, why are you telling a complete stranger who posts her stuff for fun to make her blog okay for YOU? I make my blog and posts for me so... Maybe just block me and move on if you don't like how I post things, or tag things.

Also, it's not my problem if you don't like Rings of Power?? Don't interact with it then?? Like, you can control that? My blog is pretty clearly a Rings of Power blog. I literally have Morfydd Clark's Galadriel as my pfp lol

If you don't like it don't interact with it. I could care less if somebody hates the show I genuinely enjoy because it doesn't affect my enjoyment if someone dislikes it. Just don't be a bully and don't tell me how to run my blog because it's upsetting when the only comments I get are "I don't like this show can you stop posting about it," and "Don't use those tags pls I don't like seeing Rings of Power on my feed."

Cater your experience to you and I'll cater my experience to me. If you are going to be entitled and tell me how to run my blog, I am just going to block you <3

If you read this to the end, you deserve a The Rings of Power Galadriel for your troubles.

#sorry for the rant lol #I usually don't like to post stuff like this but it has happened multiple times with different people and I am just fed up #Don't tell me to not to post rings of power stuff on my rings of power blog #It's just weird to be honest lol #especially when my blog is clearly for TROP stuff #and don't tell me how to tag things either #It's my blog I'll do whatever I like thanks #If I was making a legitimate mistake on my blog I am 100% open to constructive criticism #but if you're going to be rude about something that you can control by blocking or ignoring me than I'm just going to block you #this is a rings of power blog as well as a lotr blog so i'm going to tag it and post on it as such #and if trop bothers you than cater your enjoyment of the LOTR universe to you #I don't care if you hate trop just don't take out your anger on those who DO like the show #Post your opinions on your own blog #don't tell me to change mine #blue blathers #the rings of power #lotr #lord of the rings #rings of power #rings of power positivity #trop #<- using both trop and lotr tags because I'm feeling spiteful lol #sorry for the spelling and grammer mistakes I was angry haha

23 notes · View notes

lightblueminecraftorchid · 6 months ago

Text

My roommate and I had a conversation last night and I keep rotating it in my brain and I Don’t Like It

#blue chatter #they called me a resilient person. and no the fuck I am not. I break down so easily over everything and my body is falling apart on me.#I scream in terror when someone knocks on the door too hard the fuck you mean I’m good at handling adversity #I pointed out that I freak out whenever my grade gets low even a little bit #and they were just sitting there like ‘yeah. and then you pick yourself up again and you do the work.’#and no? not always? oftentimes I give up and don’t try hard enough to fix it and let points go that I could have earned #I barely ever go for extra credit opportunities and I’ve never gone to office hours of my own free will #I can’t even think about talking to a professor about a bad grade without wanting to cry? hello?#but they were insistent that even with those things I am still managing Incredibly Well in class given the circumstances. which made me #uncomfortable. like. I don’t think of myself as resilient At All and I feel a bit like I’m lying or tricking them.#I start shaking like a chihuahua when people are upset and I’m In The Vicinity. even when they’re clearly not upset with me.#I really struggle to advocate for myself ever and even when I do I usually feel guilty and walk it back partway so I don’t cause a fight #and I always get way too emotional for the situation when someone has anything they’re upset with me for. which isn’t fair to them bc I need #to be able to take constructive criticism without taking it as a personal attack on me.#like what the fuck do you mean *resilient*. I can’t even handle seeing a bug flying near my face or getting a B in a class. or being told #that I did something wrong. I’m actually significantly worse at handling adversity than I used to be. high school me was a resilientish kid.#and it’s not like I was ever *good* at handling my emotions. even when it was essential for my safety. I’ve always cried way too easily #even when it actively made the situation I was in Much Worse. even when I knew better.#I would get angry and scared and sad and start shaking and crying and even screaming at my parents when they were mad at me even though #I knew that it would always make my life much worse. and extend an already beleaguered argument.#I brought this up with my therapist and she was like ‘well. anybody would have done that if they were treated like you were’.#which. okay. maybe so. I still feel like I should have been able to handle it and just shut up and move on and not make it worse.#but I am aware that this is probably a cognitive distortion. even so. that definitely doesn’t make me resilient.#I just. I feel gross being called resilient. I’m not. I’m weak and easily scared and unable to handle even small amounts of adversity.#the fuck is my roommate even *seeing*.#the annoying part is that they’re generally an insightful person about other people and I know logically that they’re probably right #which is why I’m not going to complain any more about this to their face bc I should just drop it and not make it a Thing #I talk too much about myself and my problems anyway. not every conversation has to be about my brain worms.#but the discomfort is Distinct and Unpleasant. and now I’m just having to sit with it. and Feel Uncomfortable. and try to accept what was #definitely intended as a compliment. I know it’s draining to talk to someone who doesn’t accept any of the kind things you say about them.

7 notes · View notes

bleaksqueak · 8 months ago

Text

Insomnia is letting up off and on, but I'm still super jelly brained from it case in point, I want to continue back with posting WIPs for the aired pages, but I can't remember what page I left off on now lmao (guess I'll have to dig through my blog to check... eesh. at least it's decently organized by tags?) Not a result of goo brain, really, but equally "AUGH" is that I let my screen protector go for too long without replacing it and now it's slick as snot and I don't have a replacement handy to put on it. This isn't a resulting consequence of goo brain but it does mean I'm going to be trying to draw without any traction while I'm already loopy. Good times ahead!

#shut up pu #I"ve had problems with insomnia my whole life so I'm sadly used to this #it comes and it goes #and right now it's in the middle of a big angry come #what do you mean that wording is atrocious??#it gets the point across #ordered a new screen for the draw slab so I've at least been proactive in fixing the problem #the only other problem is I hate drawing on brand new fresh screens too lol bad finger feel #only the middle screen is good for both fingies and pens #anyway the parts of chapter 3 I really love are coming up over the horizon #part of me does wish I would have tweaked the pacing of chapter 3 a little when realizing the usual posting schedule wasn't going to work #after real life delays all butted into production time bc chapter 3 was still paced for the 2 - 3 pages a week schedule #reading it all at once it still carries that pacing but I do feel a bit bad about the way it has felt at once a week #very occasionally twice lol #but I'm just a stickler for pacing so it bothers me personally probably more than it bothers literally anyone #knowing what it's meant to feel like on the proper release schedule vs. the slower release schedule is largely my own problem #and I'm feeling that extra hard right now because I'm having to do prep work for designing and asseting a new set #which saves a huge amount of time in the long run but slows things down in the immediate now #aka: I want to draw characters and story wahhh why am I making set pieces #also hey where the fuck's that stupid fox at he's even in the story synopsis write up where is he #get in the story proper you piece of shit #hello I am sleep deprived and rambling about comic production how are you doing

14 notes · View notes

yellowlaboratory · 3 months ago

Note

omg you’re active! how are you girly? how has life been treating you?

LMAO hello!!! I'm doing okay!!! certain things in my life are going really really well and I'm very grateful for that but it's at odds with the overall existential dread I feel about the state of .... everything else. so. there's that!!!!!!!!!

I've clearly been around a little less (lol) just because of the sheer amount of stuff going on in my life but every once in a while the hyper fixation bug is poking its head out. I haven't sat down and written in a minute and I feel like there's a missing piece of me. here's to hoping that 2025 has a television show waiting for us that is so jaw droppingly good I'm back to bugging your dashboard everyday 🫶🫶🫶

how are you doing???? are we all hanging in there???

#file this under the latest in a long line of signs that I should come around more often LMAO #I am usually hovering in the margins and stalking but I guess I haven't been reblogging like. anything. ASKJDHFLKAJSHDF.#anyways a lot of that ties back to the fact that I got a new boss at work #which !!!! I don't talk too much about the specifics of my job on here other than telling y'all all the annoying bits LMAO #but without going into it too much it's a good thing I have this new boss and it's something I've been asking for #for literal years now #and I REALLY like my new boss #there's just a certain expectation for the amount of work I need to do that's been raised #not necessarily by my new boss directly but mostly by myself because I want to impress him LMAO #so I'm busier than I have been #anyways!!! that's on oversharing!!!#I also discovered the genre of adhd relief music on Spotify and my productivity has been forever altered #I haven't yet had the chance to turn the power of that music to writing but I'm hoping I will soon #between the music and a pair of noise cancelling headphones..... I'm unstoppable.#also I was just walking around the place where I live this morning thinking that I'm so thankful for so many things #even when I'm so angry about so many others #like I live in a place that I love and I have friends who I love both here and around the world and I just #idk #the sun was shining today and I was like a plant photosynthesizing #cue Justin Bieber singing life is worth living!!!!#ALSO. everyone go watch my fault London right now and tell me what you think!!!!!#poor anon I know you did NOT ask for all of that but here I am!!!!

4 notes · View notes

faksyan · 4 months ago

Text

Rewatched arcane and I'm afraid the final is worse the second time I'm gonna explode

#might also be the fact that I want to scream about it and I've got no one to turn to.#what do you mean you chose to do all of this instead of like. anything else.#what is this.#fanfiction save me I guess but I don't think I'll ever get an in-depths rewrite that hits all the marks for me #BECAUSE I'M NOT SURE WHAT THE MARKS ARE. I just know they are not that. do you understand.#I have a 2k rant in my notes about all the things I think went badly in season two but honestly. is there even a point #I need someone to match my rage about it ASAP because SOMOENE watched it with me and said yeah it was bad whatever #I NEED TO FEEL ANGRY IT FUELS ME WHAT DONT YOU GET. I need an essay. I need analysis. I need discussion.#as usual I am on my own in this boat mad and seething hi. don't mind me.#faksyan talks #faksyan talks arcane

4 notes · View notes

steampoweredskeleton · 5 months ago

Text

Ignore

#delete later #wildly embarrassing meeting today where managers brought up concerns about my work and i had to explain that i cant get my #shit together bc my ocd is being a bitch and i can't think properly. and nearly cried multiple times so thats. embarrassing. and now #i am actually crying bc i cant do shit right atm anf its so frustrating ao so frustrating #fuck im tired of it all. they were so nice aboit it evej though i know ive pissed them off and made them frustrated.#i feel shitty bc it feels like ibe just given an excuse as to why they cant be angry at me when they absolutely should be #but im also terrified of them being angry at me so maybe i dud just use it as an excuse and am terrible and shitty #all while knowing FULL WELL that im feeling like this BC im in an ocd episode and moral scrupulosity is a part of my ocd #its this intense BC my ocd is not great atm. its so frustrating abd exhausting and makes me want to scream. and i know that ive #slipped backwards in terms of my skills. i fycking hate it. i hate it.#i just feel useless atm. and it's miserable. and im making things harder for other ppl and that makes me worse than useless #but at the same time i know why i feel like this and why i cant operate how i usually do but that just makes me more angry

2 notes · View notes

triptychofvoids · 1 year ago

Note

hey just wanted to pop in and say that your Medic (or how you portray him anyways) is slowly becoming a fictive alter in my system, specifically a soother alter.

not really relevant to what you post, just thought you should know

im genuinely unsure if this is meant as as positive thing or not....? but i feel like this is something i have to address because i have received asks like this or comments in my tags about it and it keeps happening. i understand that i am just drawing canon tf2 medic over here, but that is me. those are drawings of me. i cannot control what you do or what is happening to you or other people, and i will not start fights over this, but please do not send me stuff like this please dont tell me about it. and this goes for everyone, please dont say stuff like this to me, please dont tag any of my art as kin or me or anything like that. thank you very <3

#usually i just delete asks like this or block people if it becomes an issue #but it keeps happening so i feel like i have to say something about it #i do want to clarify that i am not mad at you anon #and i understand that you cannot control what alters form #but it is incredibly jarring to have people come into my askbox or tags and proudly declare that they are me #so again i am not angry with you but i would really appreciate if people would stop saying things like this to me #again i dont know if you meant this as a positive thing or not #i suppose i should be flattered? that you find me and my art so comforting?#but i am going to politely ask you and everyone else to pretty please just not bring it to my attention thank you #the doc is in #replies from the void

11 notes · View notes

katabay · 2 years ago

Note

I'm going to be honest finding your account has sent me down a rabbit hole I did not expect to find myself in, yesterday I spent six hours, looking at all of your stuff and I'm absolutely amazed, I have no words. Your art and everything you talk about I'm absolutely fascinated in a very normal way I don't mean to sound weird. I was wondering if you had any thoughts to share with someone who's hating everything they draw and have lost the fun and passion when creating, I want to snap out of it.

I've been holding onto this ask for a minute because a few years back I went through a phase (I call it a phase, I fully intended never to pick up art again) where I also hated everything I was making

ultimately, what got me out of it was mostly doing other stuff. not even in a 'get a new hobby,' kind of way, I hated drawing in my sketchbook, so I started cutting out washi tape as clothes over old sketches and filling in the negative space between scribbles with highlighter and pen colors I thought looked nice. I went out to daiso, bought $10 worth of stickers, and started putting them where I thought it would look nice when I got the urge to do something but still couldn't bring myself to actually pick up a pencil.

if there's something that you know for sure you don't like about art, it can help to confront it and then go in the other direction. there were a lot of things I used to draw because I felt like it was expected, only I was unhappy all the time, and once I realized I was unhappy because I wasn't actually exploring what I thought was interesting about the subject holding my attention, it was sometimes easier to see what I DID want to do, I just had to acknowledge what I DIDNT want first.

that said, I still have an on-off again antagonism with myself and art, it's messy and it's always going to be that way for me, but whenever I feel stuck, I do try to change things up, or head off to a space that I feel has absolutely no expectations from me whatsoever. like. whenever I get really annoyed on my history blog, I actually turn to watching 2PM's vlogs on youtube. I have enough 2PM art in my sketchbooks I almost thought about making a dedicated HOTTEST twitter account lmao.

probably my last thought on this might be: try keeping two sketchbooks. nothing expensive. one can be something more serious, but keep a space just for yourself to fuck around in. don't draw in it unless you want to. put stickers in it, press flowers that you think look neat. buy some cheap water colors and see if you like the blues that you get out of it. it's okay to feel antagonistic towards art, but if you aren't ready to break up with it (and art will always be there if you want to go back, that's an important thing), I've found the straightforwardness of 'I like these stickers, so I'm going to put them on top of this square of blue I liked,' to be akin to leaving messages for someone you aren't ready to talk to face to face just yet, but maybe someday.

#idk if this was helpful but i am wishing you the world anon #(a lot of my current antagonism with art comes from expectations i feel other people have for me #and also this part of me that doesn't want to come across as cringe so i'll suffocate things i want to do for things i think will #come across more serious. usually tho i kill this impulse in its sleep because the joy of embracing whatever bullshit #captures my attention is so much more satisfying in the end #i will say part of what fixed a lot of it was allowing myself to feel angry that art wasn't what i wanted it to be #bc in turn it let me start to figure out what i wanted to do)#ask tag #actually hang on i have a. i have a photoset from a show that had a really good bit on creative burnout that might be #....comforting? maybe. i think about it often #i'll have to dig it up

42 notes · View notes

allylikethecat · 11 months ago

Note

irl matty at erwhon!!!! do u think he got an $18 dollar smoothie???

-🥤

(ps i accidentally sent the first ask to my other fav fic writer betweenthings2 and i’m very embarrassed)

Hello My Dearest Smoothie Anon!

I saw the picture!! He looked so very soft even though I was like sir why are you tucking your tee shirt into your sweat pants you look silly (said with love and care) Also how did Matty Healy of all people end up with IU sweatpants?! That just feels very random but also I kinda love it for him. I hope for both of our sakes he did get one of those ultra expensive smoothies and that he enjoyed every sip of it because he deserves to treat himself!!

Also I'm dying, I'm sure @betweenthings2 doesn't mind! They are ultra talented and I am so looking forward to sitting down and reading the new fic they posted a few days go! I haven't had a chance yet, (I'm weird and like to read fic in "ideal situations" ex. on my couch, on my iPad, with my favorite fluffy blanket and a diet coke rather than frantically on my phone while doing twenty other things at once lol) but I'm sure it's absolutely brilliant as all their work is!

As always, it is so wonderful to hear from you smoothie anon and I hope you are having a fantastic Tuesday and that the rest of your week is the very best! I hope you also have a fancy expensive smoothie in YOUR future because like Matty, you very much deserve it!

❤️Ally

#allylikethecat #ask ally #anon ask #keep it kind #smoothie anon #🥤 anon #🥤#ally's fic recs #its always such a pleasure to hear from you!#i hope you are well!#and I hope irl matty had a lovely shopping trip #he is braver than me #i hate grocery shopping with a burning passion #so i either dont go and then am sad because i have no food #or i have to order delivery or curbside pick up #because i just get irrationally angry being in a grocery store and then buy like two things #neither of which i came for #which doesn't help at all #ok i do like the local gourmet grocery store in my town #but thats mostly because i like all the samples #BUT that also isn't super helpful because they don't have like normal things?#and i dont like buying too much their because its expensive #i usually just get weird local products that i know i like from there #i feel like i just way overshared about my grocery habits in these tags but oh well

4 notes · View notes

i-love-tubbs-the-cat · 8 months ago

Text

like "i think activism should be about peace and respect" "i don't believe in violence" "hatred of an oppressor limits your movement" "not everyone realizes why discrimination is a problem we should focus on education" "ACAB wasn't about all cops" please kill yourself my god

#txt #usually i am more cautious about posting negative things here i don't find much of a use in it #i don't really care about that right now though and ranting alone to myself makes me more angry

4 notes · View notes

izzy-b-hands · 7 months ago

Text

Things I've thought about this morning:

-How buying one of the pieces of merch I've found from a creator I like might actually be an accurate shirt for me to wear in general (I've stretched for today, and the bones feel so Squishy, as reference to it w/out explaining more bc. I don't want to.)

-How I used to not fully understand why people w/arthritis were rather grumpy to outright mean in the morning (including patients at the clinic and also my grandparents.)

After all, my joints sucked even when I was a kid and it hurt constantly (likely undx'd juvenile arthritis, got mentioned once by my doc back then and then never tested for so who knows), but so what?

Surely all joints for everyone are like this and age doesn't affect that in any way, so there was no need to feel instantly grumpy once you're awake for the day (though I do want to say that you still shouldn't be like. Taking out that feeling on other people, the patients and my grandparents were in the wrong for that in my opinion, but I give them more grace re: that now.)

-Guys. Age affects it. It hurts so much worse. I stretched extra this morning purely bc I'd rather the bones and joints feel Squishy and slightly less Painful than just Painful and Sort of Squishy. The sounds I'm making when I get up are even louder than they used to be. I think the neighbours can hear me sometimes. I don't like that.

Idk what the point of this post was going to be aside from me whinging abt my joints, so let's call the moral of this post:

Maybe I should ask for that merch for Xmas from my family since all we're doing to celebrate this year apparently is buying gifts. Legit, Mum has no idea if they're even meeting up back in ND. Wild. But I digress; they don't know what else to get me so. Squishy Bones Shirt.

If you can safely stretch/yoga/something along those lines at some point in your day, do it. I did yoga more when I was younger and I never should have let myself lapse with it. I'm back to doing more of it but even then. The bones. The joints. Save your bones and joints and just stretch a little. That or join me in making noises such as 'OUaghh' and 'ARghhfuck' and occasionally 'woahlksjifhdsafhnj god I think I'm stuck here' whenever you need to get out of bed/up from the floor/out of a chair/sometimes while just like. Standing there doing dishes or queuing or staring blankly at a wall Blair Witch-style.

#text post #usual disclaimer that I am fine bc like I say the joints have been Angry since I was young but #even after stretching I'm making the Sounds today and that almost bothers me more than my knees feeling like they're gonna combust #and I needed to 'old man yells at cloud' about it #also some folks were in my inbox v kindly worried abt me going sort of quiet w/personal posts lately #so this is me showing I'm alive! I'm okay! Just dealing w/some mental and personal life shit #that involves several out of my control factors that I'm waiting to hear how they'll shake out #so the spoons have been low to do more than like. survey sites a chore a day some viddy game as a treat and trying to find a way to sit/lay #that my body won't instantly hate despite hating every other way I'm attempting to sit/lay #ayyyy I brought the tags back to my joints! mini circular tag essay thing; that's fun #unlike joint pain so fr. if u can safely stretch go do one now. for me. wherever you are. now. in traffic class wherever. NOW.

1 note · View note