#like i think we all know and grant knows that his father really failed him and did not take the opportunities to do the right thing

[holocene-sims]

next // previous

october 1, 2021 4:15 p.m. grant's house

[juhani] hello? grant, can i call you tomorrow? it’s late.

[grant] no, you can’t. i know it’s 11 o’clock where you are right now, and i don’t really care. you answered, so you’ve trapped yourself.

[varpu, faintly] juha, if you don’t talk now, he will never call you back.

[juhani] i want to speak with you, of course i do, it’s just–

[grant] fantastic, because that’s what we’re doing. we’re talking! i have 30 years of stuff to get off my chest, and i'm sure you have your own piece to share. not sure where to start, but.

[juhani] may i ask you a question? what did you overhear at dinner the other night? are you upset i'm moving? is that it?

[grant] i mean, that stung a little after the whole “i’ll be around to build a relationship with you,” thing, but i gave you my express permission to go home, so it’s whatever. we are both adults, so i am not going to fault you for making adult decisions that improve your life. i'm more upset by you claiming you didn’t tell me about your plans or include me in the moving and wedding stuff and whatever because i'm difficult.

[juhani] that’s not what–

[grant] oh, come on. don’t kid yourself. you said it yourself, anything involving me is like pulling teeth. i heard it loud and clear.

[juhani] well, when i tell you things, you never react well. it always goes precisely like this conversation is going.

[grant] really? never? because i remember being pretty positive about your proposal and about you contacting me in the first place and about coming to dinner to acquaint myself with varpu’s kids and about meeting varpu a while back…

[grant] what i react poorly to is you leaving me out, you calling me difficult, you complaining about me in front of impressionable people, etcetera.

[juhani] i don’t want to leave you out.

[grant] that’s what varpu said, too, but i didn’t believe her, so why would i believe you?

[juhani] i have no idea how to interact with you. i've apologized to you, told you i regret the events of your childhood. nothing works.

[grant] do you regret it? because it kind of just feels like you’re doing the same shit again. abandoning me for your own self-interests. oh, and this time you’re replacing me with a brand new family you treat better.

[juhani] i'm not repl–okay, what would you prefer me do when you push me away? you told me i was difficult.

[grant] when did i say that? i mean, that's true, sure, but i would not say that to you. what i probably said that you’re misconstruing is that talking to you is hard because i'm not comfortable around you.

[juhani] and how long will it take you to be comfortable around me? i don’t know what else you want me to do. truly, i don’t, and it is not pleasant to be rejected endlessly.

[grant] well, i'd have to forgive you, but i don’t. if forgiveness was meant to happen, it would not be instant. you’d have to keep trying with me, even if i piss you off, even if i push you away. you’re my fucking father, it’s your job. you show up for your kid even if they’re horrible or annoying. you never turn your back on them. but, you know, you didn’t show up for the first 22 years you were around, so you’d have to try extra hard now to change my mind.

[grant] but honestly, i will never be comfortable around you. i've realized that over the last few days. i did actually think if you just kept trying, i'd relax and be less on edge, but nope. you could become an honest-to-god saint tomorrow, and i'll still be furious because nothing will make me understand why you couldn’t have been a decent person when i was a kid. like, when i needed you.

[grant] and i don’t get why you weren't. i don't. i'm serious. i can’t comprehend it. clearly, you have it in you to be a decent person. you love varpu's kids. you're fatherly towards them. you take them on vacation, you invite them to house and wedding venue tours, you tell them about and include them in your hobbies, you remember details about them, you smile at them without being forced, you go to their weddings and don’t flip out about them being queer even though you were viscerally disgusted with me when you found out–

[juhani] you shouldn’t bring them into this. it isn’t fair. and i've taken you on vacation before, for one.

[grant] i am being petty, but i think it's fair because i'm not shitting on them specifically. and yeah, okay, you took me on vacation once. you took me to finland exactly once, but i never met your family, and i remember nothing other than the plane rides.

[grant] and you shouldn’t do this. we don’t need to split hairs. you don’t need to crawl through that list of grievances and “well, actually” me as many times as you can manage. one vacation changes nothing. that does not erase all the times you sat there like a lame duck and ignored me or mocked me or let my mother abuse me. there is nothing for you to pat yourself on the back about.

[grant] nothing.

[juhani] so, what are you upset about now?

[grant] why?

[juhani] why what?

[grant] why are you like this? why were you a terrible father? why have no heart for me or my sisters? why did you save all your love for someone else’s kids?

[grant] oh, and how about cerise? you sure didn’t care about your bastard kids either, did you?

[grant] shit. i'm sorry. that just kind of came out. that’s not how i wanted to, you know, pepper that into this conversation. i was going to save that for the end.

[juhani] how do you know about her?

[grant] doesn't matter. it's a long story.

[grant] on that note, what is up with the secret daughter? how’d that happen? is she the only one, too, or should i be on the lookout for any other siblings? and hey, you only divorced my mother in the last few years, so you were cheating. how many times did you fuck around on her, and why would you? you wouldn’t divorce her because you were afraid of her, but apparently it's no big deal to cheat.

[juhani] grant, how can i answer you if you don't allow me to talk? cerise’s mother michelle is a doctor. your mother and i were both at a conference in detroit about healthcare outreach, and…

[juhani] i know it seems contradictory, given how long i stayed with your mother, but i was unhappy in the marriage. i met michelle there at the conference, and she was kind and intelligent, and i suppose the rest of the story should be obvious to you.

[grant] goddamn, man. i hate my mother, but that’s bold: sleeping with another woman right in front of her face.

[grant] did she ever find out?

[juhani] eventually. you remember how she was with the finances. she tracked all the money going in and out of the household. you couldn’t have one cent go missing without being accused of something, and she’d always blame it on some incident with her brother and start ranting about him.

[juhani] look, the agreement with michelle was that i'd stay out of her life and send child support, and she wouldn’t interfere with my family either. i used to lie and tell your mother the child support funds were going somewhere important, but she didn't believe me very long. she did finally question me and find out the truth.

[grant] and?

[juhani] in hindsight, her reaction reminds me a lot of the one she had when you lashed out at her during your graduation dinner. very little left her speechless, but that did. initially, i should clarify. she would go on to never let me live cerise’s existence down.

[juhani] and to answer your question, as far as i know, cerise is the only other child.

[grant] as far as you know?

[juhani] i cannot rule out further surprises.

[grant] jesus christ. my grandmother is right, all men are dogs, but you most of all.

[juhani] does it upset you that much?

[grant] again, i don’t like my mother, but if i needed any more proof that you’re more spineless than a sea sponge, this is it. you were so unhappy with my mother that you’d cheat on her, but you’d not divorce her when your kids were vulnerable.

[grant] you disgust me. you slept around and thought with your dick before you spared a single thought for the kids you let my mother abuse. or for yourself! fuck you. if you’re going to be that selfish, at least be selfish enough to prioritize yourself and leave the woman making you that miserable!

[grant] and now i don’t believe you when you say you wouldn’t leave her back then because you were scared of her. do you seriously mean to tell me it’s less terrifying to cheat on her than to just walk out of the house and never come back?

[grant] i did that, you know? when i'd had enough of my mother, i told her as much and then never spoke to her again. and guess what? wouldn’t you be so stunned to find out she’s never tracked me down, never tried to call or email to reel me back in? she left me alone after i told her to go fuck herself!

[grant] and technically, you know it's possible to leave her, too. what did you say about the divorce? that she just rolled over and let you do it and was fine with you just coughing up all the assets and dipping?

[grant] exhibits A, B, and C that she’s a coward, too. she thinks she’s the boss, but if you fight back hard enough, she gives up. you could have left her at any point in time.

[grant] god. oh my god. you stupid, spineless motherfucker. i thought i'd maxed out on anger. apparently not!

[grant] you really could have been a better father. you could have had your whole little life overhaul decades ago, and you could have saved the entire family so much pain. you, me, elizabeth, kelly…

[grant] i should have suspected as much, and i guess i did, but it's shocking to realize over and over just how useless you are as a father. i think it can't get any worse and then it does. you are a complete and utter failure as a parent.

[grant] this is why i can’t forgive you. you didn’t have to mess up so badly. but no. whatever you got out of the relationship was enough to convince you to sit there and watch my mother ruin all of us, and even thought you weren't happy with her, you got by with fucking other women and only regretted staying a billion years later when you noticed you had nothing of substance left in life but my mother. and that’s a pretty depressing way to live, isn’t it?

[juhani] i stayed because i thought we deserved each other.

[grant] with that attitude, maybe you did.

[grant] listen, i'll admit this, no problem. it’s no one’s fault that she is the way that she is. it’s not even yours. she’s abusive, and what she does to other people is her fault and her responsibility. she’s excellent, too, at convincing you to just go along with it and never question her. it's not that hard to get caught in her trap at first, and she will try her very best to break you. but at some point, you have to question anyway. at some point, you have to recognize you deserve better and do something about it.

[grant] but you didn’t. not until it was too late for it to mean anything.

[grant] i would never think i've done everything right, but in the end, i've respected myself enough to make better choices and do something about the situation i was in, and i've had to do that because the adults in my life weren’t responsible or organized enough to fix things before responsibility fell into my hands.

[juhani] you are a braver and a better man than i.

[grant] i'm glad i am, but do you know how exhausting it is to be brave all the time?

[grant] i am because you weren’t. it is entirely because you failed. you weren’t brave enough to give a fuck about yourself or your kids, so i've had to be brave my entire life. brave enough to survive my childhood, then brave enough to leave. and guess what? i don’t want to be brave. i just want to exist. and back then, i just wanted to be a kid.

[grant] just a kid.

[grant] i wanted to come home from school and play with my pokemon cards and hear my mom and my dad say, “hi honey! how was your day? we love you!" i didn’t want to live in fear of what horror would befall me each and every day.

[grant] fuck you. fuck you. fuck you. you stole my childhood. you stole elizabeth’s childhood. you stole kelly’s childhood.

[grant] you and my mother, but you could have done something. you could have given us our childhoods back. you could have done something! you should have done something!

[grant] you didn’t have to do everything right even. parents mess up, i know that, but you could have at least tried. the bar was on the floor. i would have over the moon living in a single parent household with a father who at least showed up to my hockey games if he wasn’t busy at work and gave me a hug every once in a while.

[grant] and you know what, you did more than steal our childhoods. because you couldn’t stand to sacrifice your comfort long enough to take care of your kids, we all have to live in permanent hell. i have to spend the rest of my life freaking out when someone walks up behind me or speaks too loudly or–god forbid–touches me! it took me years to finally learn not to flinch when someone high fives me! and kelly–i don’t know what she deals with, but i know her life can’t be peaceful.

[grant] again, i am not blaming you for what my mother did–i know she was not kind to you either– but i do blame you for not even trying to stop her or get away from her. you were an adult with power, and you didn't use an ounce of it. actually, you did use it, just not for good. you threw me specifically under the bus because it was easier to let my mother use me as a punching bag than you.

[juhani] you’re right.

[juhani] you’re right, grant.

[grant] i have nothing else to say, short of "fuck you" again. i think i'm done yelling at you.

[grant] no, wait, one last thing. what did you even see in my mother in the first place? what was so enticing about her that you’d stay with her so long and ditch your college sweetheart for her?

[juhani] i don’t know. i don’t know anymore.

[grant] i guess it was two people drawn to each other's misery.

[grant] great. well, that’s all, folks.

[grant] good luck with the new family. maybe you can make it right with someone else and enjoy a totally fresh start because you will never make it right with me, and i will never let you forget what you did to me and my sisters. and don’t lose varpu again, by the way. she is, like, far out of your league–so far it's not even funny–and you are lucky to have this second chance with her and to have a good relationship with her kids.

[grant] also, just so it's clear, i don't want to speak to you anymore after this. don't call me, i won't call you either, except in one circumstance. i'll consider it on the day my mother kicks the bucket. we can toast to the end of that chapter of our lives and hope that the haunting ends. because surely you have to feel a little haunted, too, right? i have a sinking suspicion that’s why you reconnected with me. you don’t care about me. you care about that fresh start, about making yourself feel better about wasting your life and fucking up everyone around you.

[endlessdreamworld]

Baptism by Fire

the sequel to a short AU fic featuring secret priest! Sunday of a small village x baker! gn reader. part one here.

The familiar jingle of the bell above the front door signaled the arrival of a customer in the tailor’s shop. “Coming!” Sunday called, putting a pause to the present project. It was a simple hem for the blacksmith, though it did require some special care given how thick the heat resistant fabric was.

There you were, dripping on the polished wooden floorboards of the tailor’s shop with all of the charm of a pathetic wet cat. And it wasn’t just that. Your uniform had frayed threads that were burned loose from what seems to be a fire. It left you looking like you were covered in wet spiderwebs, the clothing in total ruins. Poor thing’s shaking, Sunday hurried towards you. “How in the world did you manage to both drown and burn your pretty uniform?” He knew you weren’t the type to be wasteful, so this current predicament put him on edge. I need to do something before my sweet dove catches a cold. 

Sunday took your hand, being mindful to brush as much of his skin against yours as he could. It was a test just for you, to see if his favorite lamb could resist the temptation of flesh. He didn’t fail to notice the small twitch of your lonely fingers just before he let go and sat on you on a stool, towel already in hand.

“There was an accident at work. A corner caught fire and I had to throw myself in the river or risk hurting myself,” was your out of character confession. It was unlike you to be this careless. “I’m sorry Mr. Oak, but I wasn’t able to save you any of today’s specials because I had to run right over here.” The implication of missed payment went unspoken between you.

Sunday retrieved the towel, and replaced it with some undergarments. “Think nothing of it, or maybe like a gift for being a loyal customer for such a long time. Now we need to get your measurements, don’t we?” He took your hand and led you to the back of the shop where there was a curtain to grant you privacy. You changed into the garments and readied yourself for the impending proximity. He pulled back the curtain, measuring tape already in hand.

The next – eternity. It was nothing short of an eternity of torture. It felt like you were dying every second Sunday’s fingers roamed your body. The brush of measuring tape and the tender pads of his fingers seemed to be relishing in your suffering. God was testing you, you justified. It was up to you to endure this for you and Mr. Oak.

Sunday worked in complete silence, leaving you with only the pounding of your heart and the scratch of ink against paper as he wrote down the shape of your form one number at a time. Just before you went crazy, and opened your mouth to vomit out your sinful feelings, it was over. You passed.

With a spare set of clothes, and a pat on the back, Sunday sent you on your way. It must be hard to make an entire set of clothing from scratch, and it would give you an excuse to come back every few days just to ask about the progress. There was nothing wrong with wanting to know about the status of something that important, right? But deep down you knew you were lying to yourself, and so you had to confess to all of the filth you have buried deep in your heart.

“Forgive me father, for I have sinned.”

It was you. Sunday was hoping you’d stop by and tell him the story of what really happened earlier that day.

“Speak freely child, God forgives all who sin.” He tried to keep his voice steady, but you were just as much of a test of faith for him as he was for you.

It took you a moment to find your voice but he couldn’t blame you. It wasn’t easy to confess your shortcomings especially if they weighed as heavy. “Today I lied to the person I cared most about.” He wasn’t surprised to hear this. Sunday knew the moment you spoke to him earlier that morning that you were lying about the circumstances of your garb.

“Confess to me the truth of your lie and all shall be forgiven,” Sunday kept his voice level, maintaining that unusual drawl of his to mask his identity.

“Perhaps it’s more of a fib, but my intentions were to deceive. Today I told him I had a workplace accident, but it was a bit more than that. The baker’s son has been more and more forward with his intentions and he’s become more shameless with his... touch,” the words tasted bitter leaving your mouth and you couldn’t hide the shaking in your voice even if your life depended on it. “I’m afraid to speak out for fear of losing my home.”

A foul serpent in our midst, one that needs dealing with. The viper will be extricated from our hallowed garden by the week’s end.

“Today, he got closer and closer, and I prayed to God to save me. As if by divine intervention my uniform caught fire from a stray ember that escaped the oven. No one thought ill of me when I elbowed past them on my dash to the river. That’s what truly happened. I just wanted to spare him the worry.”

He sighed, “A kind lie but a lie nonetheless. You are forgiven.” That wretch will pay most dearly for making you feel such desperation. 

“Father,” you called out, the wood of the confession booth felt claustrophobic. “Do you think this is a sign from God that my feelings are pure? I cried out to Him and he granted me the blessing of sanctuary, an opportunity to spend time with the one I hold most dear.”

You leaned up against the screen of the booth and shut your eyes, recounting the memory. “I feel I was tested today. I didn’t notice how soft Mr. Oak’s hands were until today when he traced them down every part of me. I fear I’ll be haunted by the memory of it until the end of my days.”

Sunday’s mouth went dry at the thought of your confession. “The book speaks of baptisms of fire. God has given you a sign from above that you’ll find salvation in your beloved. You should accept it for what it is.”

“Thank you, Father.” You bid your farewell, your heart much lighter and your head clearer. Yes, he was right, this surely is a sign from above. And so when you returned back to the bakery, you snuck around like a thief in your own home. You grabbed what you needed, the tool of your salvation, and climbed up the ladder to your room in the attic.

This is God’s will. You were told as such. But was the way your heart was racing, and the filthy thoughts that plagued your mind God’s will too? You didn’t know. What you did know is that you were desperate to be delivered from the fate you were given -- indulging the baker’s son or risking homelessness. You find the borrowed clothing you had gotten from Sunday earlier that day on the bed where you left it.

The object you had in your hand that you’ve used countless times felt much heavier, as if consecrated by the weight of what you were about to do. This is necessary, this is God’s will. This is so we can be together, so I can be saved. Your breathing sped up in anticipation and your hands shook. The shrill groan of metal grinding against metal as you opened the object echoed through your mind as you began to wildly cut at the fabric.

Who knew a simple pair of scissors could feel so holy?

Sorry for taking so long! I hope it met your expectations. Tagging everyone who requested a sequel or to be tagged: @yae-yu127 @hersweetsstrawberry @666xist @killergee @anzuwrld @xeltxt @thypplover @mehkers

[alexthebordercollie]

Ford's autism

K so I don't think I need to defend the interpretation Ford is on the spectrum. People make jokes about him being autistic all the time. We all see it. What I want to do here is sort of connect together some character details and examine them through the lense of my own autistic experiences.

I wanna start with his hands. It's an observation I've seen from multiple people that Ford is insecure about his hands and often hides them behind his back or in his pockets. And yeah, he is obviously insecure about them. He even mentions his six fingers at times when they aren't really relevant to anything. It just showcases the space this physical deviation of his takes up in his mind. And yes, it makes sense that he's insecure about them because he was bullied for them growing up. I want to add to this observation.

Ford would have been bullied regardless.

The problem was never really his hands. When you're on the spectrum people around you can tell that you're weird. Uncanny. Something is different and feels wrong about you to NT people, especially kids. They will pick any shallow superficial thing they can find as an excuse to bully you and justify the sense of revulsion they feel around you but can't articulate. If Ford had been born with normal hands they just would have made fun of him for something else, it would have been his glasses, or the movies he liked, or hell maybe some good old-fashioned antisemitism. Literally, any excuse they could find.

I know growing up I tried for years to change the things about me that I was made fun of for and it never made things any better. The bullying never stopped. "Fixing" things about myself didn't work because the thing that was actually "broken" was something fundamental to who I am. That realization as a kid was soul-crushing. That there was nothing I could do that would ever make me "normal", that would ever make people like me. I felt like an alien born on the wrong planet.

Ford continues to latch onto his hands as a sore spot because they're something simple and obvious he can point to as an excuse for why he's so outcast. He probably knows by this point that the hands aren't actually the problem. I'd argue this journal entry and his comment about "another failed social interaction" shows that he's aware his hands aren't actually the problem. But, it is a lot easier to fixate on those than to dwell directly on that sinking feeling that at the core of you're being you are fundamentally weird, wrong, unlovable. Ford's a genius. If his polydactyly bothered him that much he could have removed the extra digits. The hands aren't the problem, they're a symbol of a more fundamental kind of pain.

Looking at it through this context also makes the gloves Fiddleford gives him an extra sweet gift given what they represent. A kind of wholehearted acceptance of who Ford is and even a willingness to adapt to his unique needs just to show him love and affection. I think something that hurts me so much about their relationship is that Ford had someone who very clearly loved him as is and would have never wanted him to be someone or something else, and Ford was too stubborn to fully appreciate that.

The same is true of Stanely by the by. He never had a problem with his brother being weird. Another relationship with someone who loved Ford as is but who Ford took for granted. He needs these kinds of relationships in his life. People who embrace and accept him for the weirdo he is. He needs them desperately, which gets me to my next point.

Ford's ego. So it's also a common observation that Ford has a massive ego. He's kind of an ass, to put it mildly. But I have had someone in conversation frame it like the pressure to prove themselves was just on Stanley and Ford just spent his whole life being hyped up and told he was hot shit. This isn't true, or at least it's a flattening of his experiences.

Ford was praised for his genius. This is true. But his own father only gave a shit when said genius showed signs of netting material gains for the family. It only mattered cause Ford could be useful. Furthermore, this genius never netted him social acceptance from his peers growing up. He was still a bullied, weirdo, loser most of his childhood. Add that seeing Stanley kicked out would have drilled into Ford's head that if he couldn't make something out of himself his family wouldn't want him either. Stan was an unspoken threat of what this family does to failures.

Gonna bring up my own personal experiences again. Having set the stage for how it feels growing up on the spectrum. That feeling of alienness that you can't really explain. I loved to write and draw from a very young age. Moreover, as I got older I realized that when I drew, people were nice to me. The only time I got social acceptance was when people were admiring or praising me for my art. So I did it more and more, I devoted myself feverishly to my art. I loved it anyway and would have hyper-fixated on it regardless but the positive reinforcement turned art from something I loved to a need. I NEEDED to be an artist. I needed to be the best at my school. I needed all eyes on my work because it was the only way I could make friends. The only way I could prove that I had value. That I deserved a place in society.

I see that in Ford. I see his ego not as shallow narcissism but as an overwhelming need to prove his value as a person. To be loved and accepted and believing that no one will want him if he isn't brilliant. If he doesn't change the world. If he isn't useful. This is also why he couldn't bring himself to destroy his research even knowing it was the safest and most responsible option. Burning down everything he worked for would mean finally giving up on the fantasy of ever being accepted or valuable.

The sad thing is he's so single-mindedly fixated on this personal goal of proving his worth to the world that when people do come along that love him unconditionally he takes them for granted. These people are statistical anomalies in his life. Nice to have around, but not enough to fix the bigger problem. They aren't reflective of society at large. They aren't enough to prove that he, personally, is loveable. Just that on occasion he meets another weirdo. For a while it's nice. Like a campfire in a barren tundra. But he has to keep moving, he can't stay. Warmer lands are ahead if he can just get to them. If he can just keep moving.

This also is why Ford was so susceptible to Bill. Bill told Ford what he wanted to hear. That he was destined for greatness. That, the fundamental wrongness he felt all his life was something incredible other people just couldn't see. Bill promised Ford exactly what he wanted, but not what he actually needed. Ford never needed the world at large to accept him. He just needed a few good people.

I also think his chemistry with Bill was connected to his autistic experiences as well. Bill is literally an alien. There's no pressure to mask around him. To try and "act normal". Ford can just be himself with Bill and not have to think about it. And sure, he could be himself around Fiddleford, but Fidds is still human. The anxieties of human social expectations are still present. Like when Fidds get him a gift for the holidays and Ford feels a bit guilty that it didn't even occur to him to do the same. He doesn't have to think about these social nuances with Bill.

That said I'm sure Bill isn't what his world would have considered neurotypical anyway. Not that Ford would know that. But Bill was also a strange freak in his own society. Just as outcast, possibly more so. I think Bill sees a bit of his own experiences reflected in Ford. I think he relates to him on a level. Not that he would ever admit it outright due to his own ego. I think Bill's fixation on him after the breakup also stems from Ford rejecting the path that Bill chose for himself. Bill still lives with some sort of deeply repressed guilt for what he did. Imagine how validating it would have been to see someone else like him burn their own world to the ground for the same reasons Bill did. But no, Ford's a better man than him, and Bill can't stand it.

Ok, I don't know how to end this long-ass monologue so I'm gonna call it here I guess. I just wanted to spill some thoughts of mine about Ford as a character. If anyone else wants to add to this with other examinations of Ford's character through this lense go right ahead. I'm just saying as an autistic person myself I understand every choice Ford made. I could relate to why he did the things he did even if I know those were mistakes and even acknowledging that he's kind of an asshole. Ford is a strange man who makes an eerie amount of sense to me.

[0ccuria]

Wanted to do Halsin as a young cub coming into his Druidry, with a familiar friend to wish him well. (not to worry, the face tat is just paint here)

also wrote a little blurb (791 words) to accompany it under the cut!

“Alright. You can do this – relentless studies do not fail me now.” A young Halsin told himself, alone within a small grotto. It was time for him to prove his knowledge to his elder peers. He had been preparing for months, nights after long nights of arduous studying of old tomes and hours long meditations. His hands buzzed with a cocktail of anxiety and excitement as he quietly rehearsed his teachings.

He pressed a loosely closed fist to his chest and bowed his head, “Oak Father, grant me courage to excel through the trials this Circle has bestowed upon me. I trust no other counsel but yours.”

A moment passed as he reflected on his prayer, but was soon interrupted by a magical disturbance in the air. A faint golden light flashed behind Halsin that grabbed his attention. Suddenly, an apparition of a young boy with a familiar pair of horns materialized before him.

“No other’s, hm?” It said, hands on its hips.

Halsin’s eyes widened at the sight, “...Thaniel?!” He shouted in shock.

His best and only friend to ever grace his company stood there in front of his very eyes. When was the last time he had been so lucky? The teachings and training of the Circle had regrettably pulled Halsin away from seeking out Thaniel’s connection for some time. Immediately, Halsin set his hands upon the boy’s shoulders, lightly gripping them.

“It’s really you! Why are you...” he shook his head, “I’m so sorry, I have neglected you for too long. I hope you can forgive me.” He pleaded.

“But, why?” Thaniel replied, perplexed. “Don’t apologize for following the path that nature has set before you.” An assuring smile stretched his cheeks.

Halsin bit his lower lip to quell his heart from welling up over the sudden mixture of emotions. He then nodded and retrieved his hands. “Yes, you’re right.” He sighed, “I only wish I could have you at my side, always. It has become rather lonely on walks without your little shadow trailing behind me.”

Thaniel skipped over to a moss covered slab and sat upon it, crossing his legs and holding onto his ankles. He swayed back and forth, unable to keep still. “As do I, but we all must fall into the whirlwind of change at some point in our lives, and like the branch of a tree, there will be many more paths that you will have to decide to take for yourself. Nature is not-”

“Stationary.” Finished Halsin.

The two smiled at each other before sharing a giggle, still able to finish each other’s sentences. The young Druid then joined Thaniel for a seat, leaning forward with his hands clasped between his knees. Thaniel then set his head against Halsin’s shoulder, which had certainly grew in size the last he had seen him.

“Don’t fret, Hal, I have been trailing behind – I always will be. Wherever there is a breeze in the air, you will be content to know that it’s me checking in on you.” The boy said. “I know you will become a great Druid – I could see no other better to protect nature. You got this.”

Halsin’s lip quivered, breaking loose to the tears that rolled down his cheeks. He sniffled and wiped his eyes as he let the wave pass through, “Heh. Oh, how I have missed your kind words, thank you, truly. I will take that to heart as long as I live.”

He wrapped his arm around the boy, pulling him into a tighter hug before releasing him. “...Will you sit with me for a moment longer before I have to go? I think there is still time.” He asked.

With a sudden puff of glittery mist that startled Halsin, Thaniel teleported to the other side of the grotto that lead outside and stood there with his arms crossed, “I have a better idea…” a smirk crossed his lips.

Halsin knew of what he spoke of; a game of chase they had always enjoyed. “Are you sure?” He daringly asked. “I’ve become quite fast these days!” He continued, accepting the challenge. He then got up into a half crouched stance, holding his hands out beside him to pull nature's blessing from the soil below to conjure himself into the wildshape of a wolf. Once on all fours, he vigorously shook as if he were wet in order to acclimate himself to the form. Thaniel stood ready to run, awaiting Halsin to come after him.

“Let me be the judge of that!” The boy shouted, tauntingly.

With an elated howl, Halsin charged towards Thaniel, who swiftly darted away as the unmistakable shrill of a child’s laughter and the clacking of claws on stone faded into the distance.

[zahri-melitor]

I want to go on more about The Boy Wonder #3, because it’s just really on top of aspects of the Tim and Damian problem without taking sides or getting aggressive.

Damian’s failing in it is that he is so ready to misread Tim’s intentions that he doesn’t stop to think that Tim is equally undercover like he is and overlooks what he knows about Tim’s skillset. (Someone here is jamming your signal, Damian? What a mystery who that could be)

Tim’s failing in it is that he doesn’t bother to explain the plan to Damian, doesn’t expect Damian to listen to him and follow his lead, and he doesn’t trust that Damian won’t betray him, so he plans around him.

BOTH of their plans don’t consider the other as active participants, but Tim’s is able to adapt on the fly to take into account Damian’s actions, while Damian with a lot less experience in team environments cannot.

I can tell you feel bad about killing that guy. But do you feel bad because you hurt someone...or because you were punished for it? Do you only feel bad because you got found out?

And yeah, that’s the thing with early Damian.

Tim’s mistrust is completely understandable. Even as he grants Damian grace - “I know you feel guilty about it” - he points out he doesn’t know the reason for the guilt and that also has meaning to Tim, because he doesn’t know if the growth associated with the regret has happened.

Damian's actions that Tim sees do fall into this valley of 'why are you guilty'. Whereas Dick and Bruce both see Damian's growth and attempts to make amends, Damian's prickly enough that Tim largely does NOT see that and instead gets Damian who doesn't trust him, who reads the worst intentions into Tim's actions...and so Tim does the same.

They even out! You can see it on page in places! But 'doing the right thing because someone else wants you to' and 'doing the right thing because YOU want to' are two different steps, and we watch Damian go through both, and early on he is definitely not yet at appreciable self motivation.

And when Damian does demonstrate this growth for Tim in the story:

You stuck with doing what was right, even when it was hard. I appreciate it.

He acknowledges it and takes it into account!

And look part of the misunderstanding here is definitely that Tim doesn't slow down and explain his plans to Damian. He's used to working with Bruce or Dick where he wouldn't need to, he's also had bad responses when he's explained to Damian before, so he treats him as an obstacle or a spoiler in the mix that he plans around and uses as a distraction but doesn't bother to explain his actions to.

(Also Damian is just. so young. in this. He can't tell that Tim's playing along to let people tell him the information he wants)

Just an hour ago, the prince had seen this same brother abuse his gifts for personal gain...hadn't he? And yet here he was, setting that aside to join the prince in doing what was right. A reminder you could indeed start wrong and course-correct. It's never too late to act better.

If he had inspired his brother toward such a change, maybe he could live up to his father's expectations after all.

Ahahahahaha Damian. Baby. Tim was schmoozing Oswald Cobblepot and Lex Luthor and Veronica Cale for a purpose! Tim does not think they are good people to work with! He was trying to get information out of them! He needs to know what they're up to for the family company! Tim is not going to trust Luthor or Cale!!!

And yet baby Damian here is still telling himself a parable that he saw growth in Tim so he can also live up to that growth. He 'inspired' Tim.

Character centred storytelling at its most hilarious. But also quite sweet - because it's just another level of 'the problem between Tim and Damian is they misread each other and exist in the other's blindspots', so the resolution STILL having Damian with that giant blindspot but working it through in his head to put Tim into a slightly better light is actually a creative and interesting way to approach the growth.

Also funny. SO funny.

[vktrsnclr]

TEACHER'S PET (R18+)

MINORS GTFO

pairing: miguel o'hara x f reader

summary: you're a college freshman in biochemistry and miguel is your professor in biochemical engineering, a major subject that you're about to fail.

warning: I'm a feminist and I'm concerned.

word count: 1.9k+

contents: humiliation, degradation, age gap, height difference, fingering, oral sex, p in v, hair pulling, public groping.

MASTERLIST

It's your first year in college studying biochemistry, the exam results for the first semester's finals are supposed to be distributed today.

Your professor in biochemical engineering, Mr. O'hara discusses the grading system for the second semester but you're losing out of focus. You're staring at his thick voluptuous thighs, thick veiny hands and imagined how he would choke you with it.

You took a gulp at the thought of it. He then started the distribution of the report cards. Your stare followed him as he sat on the table, individually calling out your names and distributing the cards.

"Parker, good job. Reyes, do better next time. Stacy, impressive. Stark..... dios mio." His voice was hoarse. The way he says your last name followed by a spanish term you don't understand sounded like a moan but truly, a term of disappointment.

"Ms. Stark... Are you seriously daydreaming right now?" He asks with a stern voice.

"Oh um, no sir. W-What is it?" Your classmates tried to hold their laugh, you can hear them giggling.

"Get your ass over here." He orders. You stood and walked up to him, hands behind your back, signing 'fuck you' to all of your classmates.

"What are we gonna do with this?" He points at your grade in bio-engineering which is his subject and a major too. You looked at it by bending your torso down, slightly bowing cause you have an eyesight of a dying man. Your cleavage flashes in front of him unintentionally. He tries to look away and focus your report card.

"2.0 (C/73-76%). This is bad." Everyone in your school knows that you're a daughter of a billionaire genius and this is what you got.

Deep inside, you know that the reason you failed is because you've been partying too hard. Just like your father, you're a party animal.

"What can I do?" You asked worriedly.

"Meet me at my office at 6. Class dismissed." He stood up, towering over you at 6'9 ft. He walked out of the room with your classmates.

Your friend, Gwen Stacy clinged on your arm on the way to the cafeteria. You sat with her and his boyfriend, Peter Parker. You can't really understand what they're saying cause your mind is split between your daddy getting disappointed and your disappointed professor being such a daddy.

Four hours later, it's time to go home but you still have to go to Mr. O'Hara regarding your first semester results. You walked into an empty faculty, the other teachers already went home. You walked by Miguel's office window and saw him looking at his watch with what seems to be an irritated brow. You proceeded to walk inside his office, it's smells good and is neatly organized.

"Good evening Mr. Ohara."

"Miss Stark. You're 10 minutes late. Seems like you're not being very committed to your studies." He clenched his jaw and his pair of brow furrowed.

"I'm sorry I was j-"

"Was just expecting 'daddy' to fix it with his money?" He stood up and mocks, pertaining to your father offering a grant to your school.

"No... sir, I just ran into my friends." You opposed, looking down at the floor.

"Are they gone?"

"Yes sir."

"Good. Sit down." He sighs.

In a heartbeat, you sat down in a reclining chair right next to the table. He walks up to you, taking his crotch inches away from your face.

"Good girl." He takes your chin to look up at him. The view made your heart race and your cunt twitch.

"You think I'm not aware of your lustful eyes, hermosa?" He looks directly into your eyes with his hands still on your chin. Your eyes gawks and your face slowly turns red, not knowing what to say.

"Mr- Sir, I uh, I'm here for extra credits." You stuttered.

"Uh huh, what else?" He leans down, not breaking an eye contact.

"Uhhh... um m-my dad can pay you!" You blurted out of nowhere. You didn't know what to say since your mind is occupated by dirty thoughts but now you just seemed like a brat.

"Daddy's money hmm?"

"I'm your daddy here." He whispered roughly onto your ear, his hands shifted from your chin into your neck, gently gripping under your jaws.

"Daddy?" You spoke weakly.

"That's right, bitch." He replied with smirk.

You kind of expected this as a cliché porn category but you had no idea that you're gonna experience this in real life.

"You want credits? You little slut?" He cups the side of your cheeks and leans back to watch your face near his pants again.

"Yes! Yes, I want it." You nodded in agreement.

"Then earn it." He grabs a fistful of your hair and rubs it softly in his black pants with a huge bulge on it. You can smell his essence leaking from the fabric. This is all you ever dreamed of since the first day of school, you didn't think it would happen but it DID. All of your fantasies, clothed in black, sliding across your face.

You unbuttoned his pants in a hurry, dropping his undergarments down then finally busting his dick in front of you.

"Good girl." He slapped your face and you loved it. You proceeded to wet your lips to seduce him. He gripped on your hair tighter as you lick the tip of his 8-inch fat cock.

"Fuck." He groans, his voice deep and hoarse. You licked his length, wetting it together with his pre-cum leaking from the tip then swirled your tongue in its head while jerking him off.

"Holy shit you're good." The corner of his lip curling upwards.

He started throat fucking you, his head thrown back, moaning in pleasure. His cock reached your throat but you continued to take it until your eyes water. Miguel likes the way you look, internally choked by his massive cock.

He drags you up and makes you open your mouth as you spread your tongue that still has his pre-cum.

"Swallow." He ordered and you followed. You showed him an empty tongue to prove it.

"I'm gonna fucking destroy you." He places his hand on your chin to squeeze your face and starts kissing you roughly, like you've taken something from him. This is exactly how you want it. It's wet, sloppy and aggressive.

His kisses trailed down on your neck, you let him take off your clothes, even tear it up. He threw your designer clothes in the air like it was nothing. You would let this man do anything to you.

He began to roam his hands all over your body, from pumping your breasts down to your vagina, already dripping. He circles his middle finger on your clit sensually.

"You want this?" Miguel asks between the kisses.

"Uh huh." Your mouth can't form a proper word but a moan. He slaps you again, wanting you to say it clearly.

"You want this, you whore?!" He dips his hand on your hole, teasing you.

"Yes daddy, do it!" A high pitch pornographic whine came out of your mouth.

He then crooks his head onto your neck, leaving marks as he rams his finger up in your hole, sounds of wet squelching, moans and ass slaps filled the corners of his office. He reaches for the back of your clit inside your tight cunt and it drove you crazy. Your eyes roll at the back of your head. Unlike your other sexual partners, Miguel knows all about human anatomy.

"I'm gonna fuck the shit out of you." He takes your hands from his cock to your back, pulls his belt out of his pants and then ties your wrists.

"Yes please, I've been dreaming of this." You replied while he bends you over on the desk.

"Oh I bet you do you fucking slut." Miguel teases the tip of his cock on your clit, both wet from foreplay.

"Please fuck... fuck me."

Without any reply, Miguel rams his long and fat dick inside you, filling your walls with euphoria.

You groaned in pain after he put his full length in.

"Daddy it hurts."

"Nah, you can take it cariño." He reassures then pins your head on the desk while thrusting deep on your leaking hole.

"You... You've been spending a lot of time with that Parker boy huh? You like him?" He asks curiously, grabbing your hair.

"No, please he's with Gwen." You explained.

"You guys fuckin? Huh?" He ignores your answer while pounding at your pussy, making you scream in pain and pleasure.

"No daddy, Pleaaase.... I only want you. I want youuu." He grabs your tits from the back, holding it for support as his pace goes slower, making it comfortable for you.

"That's my girl. Now I'm gonna make you mine." His last words before sucking the skin off of your neck, leaving love marks that is visible to everyone.

"Ironman's daughter, pumping on my dick with her drenched punani. What's he gonna do? Save you?" He laughs devilishly. At this point you didn't care about your reputation. Your body wants him, even your cunt pulses everytime you peak behind your back to see him using you.

"You're my daddy, please fuckin destroy me." You surrendered. Miguel removes his belt on your wrists and puts it back as he pins it over your head in missionary position. Now, he can see your face while he fucks you, your lips smeared in red lipstick, smiling psychotically. Becoming undone by the stroke of his dick, his hands playing with your nipples and the other holding your wrists.

Your smile made him excited. His thrusts go faster and faster as you scream his name. "Mr. O'hara I'm cumming." You whined. It made him chuckle, you using honorifics despite your pussy currently being destroyed. He bit his lips, carried you by the hips, using you as his fucktoy. He pumps his dick in your tight little hole in a doggy position. Your feet doesn't even touch the floor because of your height difference. You simply just hang in the air with your pussy continously getting pounded.

"Shit shit shit I'm cumming." He whimpers.

"Cum inside daddy." It's the first time you had sex without protection and now you want him to cum inside you.

"That's right, princesa."

He continued plunging his sword into your uterus ramming even harder, seconds later, he busts his load. Your pussy's leaking with his thick cum all the way to your thighs. He lets go of your hips and places you on the table, back arched, pussy flowing.

He puts your panties back without cleaning your pussy, only the sides and the extra cum dripped on your legs and thighs.

"You did great, mija" He kisses your forehead.

"I did?"

"Yes you did." He smiles softly, saying it like he's a proud mentor.

After that encounter, he kept you as his pet, your friends noticed the hickeys on your neck every now and then and your alibi is always getting burnt by the hair curler. Flash Thompson even joked that the hair curler you're talking about is Mr. O'Hara.

Even if you denied it and threatened him with a lawsuit, It's obvious. Your lustful stares in the classroom, the special treatment you get in class above all the other students.

At times when the corridor is empty, he would grope your ass, spank it and squeeze it until you reach the classroom, walking in together at the same time. Your friends would always ignore the same smell coming out of you and Mr. O'hara. Fucking in every empty room, any chance that you get. You've certainly become the teacher's pet.

[mr-leach]

Thinking about how Ulder Ravenguard was so dead set on hating his son for not being a perfect replica of himself that he refused to listen to a single thing he said. He will not even consider listening unless you, a complete fucking stranger, step in to advocate for him, and even then it's an uphill battle. No amount of love or respect Wyll has for his father is enough to grant him any sort of grace; choosing his own path was so much of a slight in Ulder's eyes that Wyll might as well not even be his own son. The only surefire way to get him to understand is to literally break into his mind and show him what happened, and once he finally sees reason what does he do?

He immediately decides on what Wyll should do with his future now that he's back in daddy's good graces. Even sends him to go and finish a quest he himself started to prove his worth. Sure, when Wyll "fails" he acts forgiving, but his attitude is still that Wyll is just a younger version on himself and should act accordingly. Well now that you've earned forgiveness, son, you can get back to business as usual, clearly... regardless of whether that's what Wyll wants for himself or not.

Like. I have a lot of thoughts about this. For one, I have to wonder if Wyll hadn't made a pact with Mizora, or had made a pact with a divine or neutral patron rather than a devil...how long would Wyll and Ulder have actually maintained a good relationship after that night? Like, Wyll has this habit of talking about his childhood and adolescence in that...barely-fond manner. You know, where the person telling stories feels like they're sharing a sweet or funny anecdote, but to everyone else it sounds... miserable. There were parts of his upbringing that he surely enjoyed, but it is deeply overshadowed by a cloud of resentment that Wyll himself barely recognizes. He loves his father, and truly respects and looks up to him, but it's evident from the stories he shares that Ulder treated him more like a student than a son. Wyll was his protege more than his progeny, it sounds like.

And the way it affects how Wyll talks about himself is heartbreaking. He puts himself down all the time, makes self deprecating jokes, or makes unhealthy predictions of what others might think of him. The only time he doesn't...is when he talks about the Blade of Frontiers. He loves the work that he does so much, he is so passionate about being right on the front lines protecting innocents and doing away with evil, and he even takes pride in his decision to make his pact with Mizora because it's that power that he uses to help people. Like gosh, even when fretting over how others might perceive his devilish form, he concludes that, if people see him as a monster, then they'll get to watch a monster fight evil and save people's lives. It sounds cheezy as fuck but oh my god. Like talk about feeling inadequate and unloved but choosing a path for yourself that you can be proud of in spite of all that.

And then, just thinking of that reuniting exchange in and of itself, and just. You can tell just how used to being shot down Wyll is, even though he really, truly wants his father to understand him. And it takes actually forcing Ravengard to witness what happened to make any progress. Many of us wish we could project exactly what we mean or feel or experience directly into the mind of someone we're trying to get through to. And still it's like he can't see past his own selfish perception of Wyll as an extension of himself. Wyll seems satisfied in the moment, but it's apparent that he's still been misunderstood despite being forgiven by his father. It sucks.

[allpiesforourown]

Hey, so sorry to be using your inbox like a fuckin confessional, but getting that dream thing off my chest literally cleared my skin and I've just got this itch that needs to be addressed so I'm taking it out on you again. Reflecting on this thought the second after I had it made me think, "Oh, I get what Shen Yuan was on about now," and so here I am, typing this shit out ig. fucking embarrassing, anyway.

So, like. I watch those gacha react videos on youtube. Like a concerning amount of those gacha react videos, man. I fuckin love them so much, even if I wouldn't admit to it under pain of death to anyone I know or love. I have a seperate youtube channel I made under a fake email that I made specifically to watch them. It's bad. I remember back when it was just me and the FF.net filter system before they added the 'Without' section at the bottom and trying to find crossover content in the LoZ tag between games. 10th circle of hell; my 13th reason. Gacha react videos in concept are heavensent for my inner child, and on the rare occasion I find one of those 'fandom react' series that are active or complete and well done, it grants me joy on par with nigh nothing else.

This being said, I understand that the main demographic for this content tends to be a handful of years younger than me. I've seen community posts on some channels mentioning their time in college, but these are few and far between in my experience. I appreciate these teen's artistry in putting these all together, because god knows I'm not, but like,,, --and I know I sound like an ass right now but bare with me-- it feels like with the conclusion of Arcane came a flood of reaction videos with no real substance. I've watched upward of what feels like thirty seperate videos --at least,-- on the show and its the same ten to twenty edits I've seen on repeat and I'm watching them by pressing the skip key and catching half the dialouge only to come out the other side tired and a little miffed. Then I feel bad, because they created something and all I did was mindlessly consume and feel entitled to complain. Ugh.

Now, Because I've been cycling through these almost cookie cutter videos for ages --I used Arcane vids as an example before because its recent and relevant, but I do have this take for a whole slew of the fandoms I watch react videos on, and I picked this addiction up in 2021 so it's been a minute-- I've begun predicting the dialouge before it's come up and projecting what I hope the author will say. If I see a video with, for example, Giyuu from kny seeing Sabito in a video, I hope to see shock, yes, but also to see him comment or think about how he hasn't seen his face in so long, you know? Just... things that aren't just "OMG!!" or making the characters eyes widen. I've found now that I seek out these videos for the slim chance that they'll provide me with the satisfaction I get from these moments of true understanding with the presented characters.

Yes, I know that there really isn't any "true" way to understand a character, and that while we are all entitled to our own interpretations of media, the insistence that mine alone is more "right" or "correct" is bullshit, but I'm not saying that my preference has to be law, only that I get a rush of happiness whenever something I like happens to pop up in a video that I was already checking out of because it failed to really,,,,wow me. This is my bias speaking, of course, but its also the reality of my situation borne from overconsumption of this genre.

But anyway, onto the main point of how this relates to svsss. I was watching a video just a minute ago --an Arcane video, big shocker I know-- where there was a line from the creator's Vander character about how he wasn't ready to see Vi so grown up, because to him she's still his little girl. I thought, "Yes!!! This!! He's a father! He's showing realistic reactions to seeing your child suddenly grown up, and while he's proud of the woman she became, he still loves her as she is in the moment!!" ....I then watched the rest of the reaction, and was left cold and disappointed in the end. I'd clicked for Viktor, got three videos of him in a twenty minute reaction when the rest was the same four edits of jinx on repeat. Love you Jinx, but holy fuck. I thought then, "God, what a waste of potential." The creator of the video had insightful dialouge, clearly a decent grasp on character interaction, and the drive to create the video in the first place, but settled for pumping out another copy of the same video they've released three times previous on the same channel.

Then I thought, "Oh, like PIDW."

I need to get a life, Tumblr user allpiesforourown. If your blog wasn't so damn entertaining, I might even go out and touch grass one day. Take responsibility, damn.

(ty for reading my rant, if you did. have a good day regardless.)

I think you watching gacha react videos for characterization might be the one and only thing more baffling than Shen Yuan reading porn for plot. Hope you find gacha videos of Vander teaching his daughter how to ride a bike

[burningcheese-merchant]

ok, so as someone who also tends to use strength over smarts like Matar Paneer Cookie, I tend to think that maybe it’d be better if I preferred books to fights. When I try to read books for assignments though, I develop a headache that will ruin the rest of my day and sometimes blurs my vision. I don’t expect Matar Paneer to have something like this (cause I cannot torture her like that) but maybe a more watered down version. Yknow, for the mandatory ’my older sibling’s better than me’ thing that every little sibling has at least once.

just a though tho, love your work!

Thank you ❤️ I'm always glad to hear that my nonsense brings some measure of joy to someone haha. Thank you also for sharing your thoughts, I enjoy having discussions like this with people! Understanding and learning from others is a gift we all take for granted (and I always welcome an excuse to vomit word salad lmaooooo)

I think I understand what you mean. Matar Paneer isn't stupid, far from it (same with her father. I always imagined Burning Spice to be quite intelligent, if not outright wise, at least to some degree. He can't NOT be, not when he was the Herald of Change/History, you know? Buff does not automatically mean dumb). It's not even really that she dislikes reading or anything more cerebral like that (she actually really likes being told stories haha. As a child, she often asks Pepper Jack to read her something before bed (and him above either of their parents or anyone else, because she likes the way he reads things the most). Not because she doesn't like to read, but because she likes how others might approach reading/telling her things). She just has her own way of doing things, you know? She's energetic and rather reckless at times. Those often tend to naturally nudge someone away from "calmer" activities, but that doesn't mean they can't do them at all. Strength over smarts is not some great moral failing, nor vice versa. Different people do things differently. The key is learning to find balance when possible. (It's not that Jack shuns strength, either. He is a very tough and capable warrior, even while so young. He carries a dangerous weapon everywhere he goes lol. He'd just rather solve something with his wits if he can. Just how he does things, nothing more nothing less)

As for the "my older sibling is better than me" thing, Paneer actually does wrestle with that to some degree, and it's arguably worse because she adores Jack so much. Jack is her hero. It's not Golden Cheese that she looks up to the most, it's not Burning Spice, it's not Mozzarella or Nutmeg Tiger or Hollyberry or anyone else. It's him. It's her brother. Everyone thinks so highly of the kid, Paneer included (perhaps most of all). Jack is smart, Jack is strong, Jack is disciplined, Jack is this, Jack is that. And Paneer does not begrudge him any of these things; no one cheers for Jack harder than her. It's just... compared to him, who is she? Who is Matar Paneer? What can SHE do? She loves him, but she doesn't love feeling like she's in his shadow all the time. She doesn't resent him at all for this, she doesn't hold anything against him (that's not really how she is tbh), she only holds it against herself. She's mad at herself for feeling inferior. She wants to be cool and strong, too; she wants to be up on that pedestal right next to her brother, not knock him off and take it for herself. She just doesn't know how to do it. Both children hold themselves to very high standards and hurt themselves in similar ways by doing so. They will eventually come into their own and develop the self-confidence they both need, but it will take time and several important life events for them to get there. Paneer will also eventually understand that it's not healthy to put someone on a pedestal like that (it isn't fair to her OR to Jack), and she is just as great as he is and always has been. But again. It will take time and character growth.

She'll get kickstarted on that journey for real after what happens to Jack when they're older. Poor kids, both of them. He loses something important, she watches her hero fall for the first time ever (and when she never imagined it would even be possible. Pepper Jack is great, but he is not a god. She fully realizes and understands this the hard way)...

[aeraspais]

There’s been talk about how the vertigo arc is meant to “punish” Eddie since the very start this past spring, and I’ve never understood why fans ever reached this conclusion when the storyline was written with such love, care and compassion for the character. You can really feel Eddie's pain if you actually engaged the storyline in good faith. Like, Ryan Guzman gave us his best performance and “we” as a fanbase only paid him back with complaints and dismissals that it was too fantastical, stupid and had no true narrative relevance. When Tim Minear wished he had more episodes to explore the storyline, he wasn’t admitting that he failed. He was telling us, the audience, that there was even more to explore through this particular lens. And instead of analyzing what was said and how it was vocalized during the Kim’s forced roleplaying scene, this fandom have gotten stuck in a never-ending battle in a rush to litigate who was at fault when that doesn’t particularly matter to the characters or even the show itself. It was always supposed to be a physical manifestation of Eddie’s internal struggles, that of his sexuality (again, as we all should know by now, this man’s a flaming homosexual) and the role Shannon played in his self-denial and repression.

To cope with his perceived failures, he heavily romanticize his marriage and relationship with Shannon because he’d be cast as a dutiful husband, father and provider from childhood. Shannon asked him for a divorce after she spent an entire year making him jump through hoops to prove he was “worthy” enough of her attention, of her love, even though it was she who ran in the cloak of darkness never to contact him or their son again. It was Eddie who’d brought her back into their lives, as she was content with being away until her vanity was satisfied from being needed by way of being the deciding factor in Christopher’s school placement. So, although I don’t know if Shannon was ever truly “happy” in Los Angeles, during this period, she still got a chance to “self-actualize” without the “burdens” (responsibility) of being a parent for two to three years before died in front of Eddie, who’d never been granted this same opportunity. Instead, this crystalized him as a father first, husband second, first responder third with Eddie Díaz the person coming in at a long distance fourth. All this is something Eddie doesn’t know how to turn off since his life has never been calm enough to simply be. He's a performer through and through so, to me, his heightened silliness is his mask, not necessarily the mustache. I think that maybe that’s his test, that maybe we are going to learn that he already has had his thoughts that maybe he’s gay and his mustache was him feeling things out. But who knows what to expect with 9-1-1. While I’m opened to being surprised, I fear that many aren’t.

[winterlogysblog]

Overanalyzing King's POV

Part 2

Link to Part 1

Let's talk about Adoption

So Kiane adopted Mertyl and it's pretty obvious that it's a kept secret and that only a few people know the truth. Which is fine, in adoption parents tend to keep it a secret until the child is ready and prepared to know the truth.

And here's the deal, if King and Diane were just a normal Fairy and Giant couple that's all they have to worry about, but that's not the case here. King is the well the King and Diane is the Queen, they're royals and I don't think the fairies would be too pleased to know that their first prince is actually a human oh and not just any human. The human that was switched with their actual fairy prince.

Realistically, if Kiane we're to have told Mertyl that he's adopted. He'll still be in same situation, probably even worse. Fairies are already on his case, questioning his relation to Kiane. "Are you really their kid?" "You don't look like them at all!" Just imagine if Mertyl being their adopted kid is common knowledge. Their quips would be worse and would hurt Mertyl more. Kiane is trying to protect Mertyl from this, that's why they kept it from everybody.

At least now, yes they say these things to Mertyl but they acknowledge him as their prince because that's what they've been told and that's how he acts. They're actually really cool with Mertyl it's just to them, Mertyl is weird looking. So, even if the truth were to come out it wouldn't matter to them cause yes Mertyl is human but he's still Mertyl he's still their prince.

Now, why didn't Kiane tell Mertyl anything even though it's been 18 years. Cause Mertyl isn't ready yet, I mean based on Diane's expressions she knows that this secret is long overdue but in a way they can't do it cause it'll only break Mertyl.

Mertyl has always been insecure about himself and Kiane is trying to make him feel secure, shower him with love and affection in the best ways they could so that even if the truth would come out Mertyl knows that his parents loves him literally no matter what.

And they've done this, as shown in Mertyl's flashback but Mertyl still feels the way he does.

In a world where Mertyl is secure in his place, that he knows the love that his parents, siblings and everyone has for him. There will be no conflict between him and Nasiens. In this world Mertyl would actually feel happy that Nasiens is at their doorstep and would actually help and guide Nasiens into learning about their true identity.

Unfortunately, that's not the case here.

Mertyl saw King gave the Drug of Yore to Nasiens. Now this scene is just filled to the brim with misunderstangs that my only hope is for Sixtus to use his brain and talk it out with his pops.

Mertyl felt betrayed at this moment. This is his worst nightmare came to life.

There's this medicine that in his mind can cure him, can help him and Sixtus reassured him saying that their father is a kinder King than anyone out there and he'll give it to him.

Notice the phrasing here, they know their father's responsibilities as King, they can differentiate between his two roles. Yes, he's their father and he'll do anything for them but he's also the Fairy King, a being that has immense responsibilities and power. They're aware that there are some things that he can't do for them because he's the Fairy King.

But there he saw, his father giving the very thing he came there to ask for to Nasiens just like that. This is the ultimatum for him, so he ran off. Without knowing the full truth behind his father's actions.

Then, we have Nasiens, I love you but baby you kinda messed up on this one. He just jumped to his assumption here.

When King gave the drug, Nasiens refused and claimed that he's rather cruel for letting him run around and make medicine for Percy and fail everytime for the past 2 years only to give this to him now and argued that he should have given it to Mertyl.

Granted, Nasiens doesn't know that Mertyl is human so I guess good on you for having Mertyl's back. But Nasiens you can't just assume these things without knowing the full story, let the man explain. Regardless of King's reasons (I already made a post about it check it out if you wanna know my thoughts) in my eyes he made the thoughest decision a father could ever make here.

At this very moment, King is letting Nasiens go.

King knows what Nasiens is here for and he knows that the moment Percy wakes up they'll leave. King and Diane have suspected and confirmed to themselves that Nasiens is their kid. But Nasiens doesn't really need them, he's fine, he has friends that cares for him, he has hopes and aspirations, he grew up to be such a great person. To King, seeing Nasiens the way they are now and being able to take care of him for 2 years and help him with his goal, that is more than enough. King is letting Nasiens go because he knows that Mertyl needs them the most.

And here's the thing, I have a huge feeling that King decided on this a long time ago, that's why he didn't explicitly tell Nasiens anything for 2 years. And look at King's face here, he seems content, happy even.

King is willing to let Nasiens go without even saying that he's their father, without saying that they're family, without a hug, without a good heart to heart, not even a chance to hear the word Father from them, without any closure. None of that. Because King chose Mertyl

King chose Mertyl cause that's his son

King chose Mertyl despite the fact that he has finally found his firstborn

This is a sacrifice he's willing to make because that's how much King loves Mertyl

[hollys-fairy-hell]

PromptDale catching Peri some how. So heres my ideas on that captured Peri.

Like we are talking no fairy world take over here. Dev figures he can use this to get his fathers love anyway though. Tells his dad about Peri and how Peri can grant wishes. But only for Dev. So Peri is captured and Dale tries to force Peri to give him what wants but Peri doesn’t grant the wishes. Hes Devs fairy after all. And thats how Dev worms his way into his fathers life. He can make Peri grant Dales wishes. Dev is a smart kid so he isnt going to fall for a lot of Dales tricks but Dale is a smarter grown man. He pushes the limits and knows what Dev is after. So why not pay it up. As long as Dale keeps Dev in the picture everything should work out smoothly for him. Just keep Dev as the one who makes the wish.

Dev thinks hes finally got his fathers love from this. Look at how much his dad is including him in now. They spend so much time together too. Dev is always by his side! He never wanted to stand above his dad just next to him after all. Sure his dad was trying to remove him at first but now hes fully keeping Dev along side him. No more sneaky wishes to take Dev out of the game. Dev thinks he is a player just like his father because technically he holds control over the power but really he is pretty easy for Dale to manipulate.

Meanwhile we have Peri. Seeing everything for what it is cause hes an adult. He can see on full display how much he was failing Dev. How had he missed what Dev needed not being wishes but a parental figure. Someone to guide him and love him. Of course he is suffering for his mistake. He can refuse wishes of course but it’s costly. If he refuses them all he risks magical back up. Dev might be above torturing Peri but Dale isnt. And boy howdy did Dale try to torture Peri into granting his wishes without using Dev. Which sucked for Peri cause he literally can’t lmao.

Dale is letting Peri get right of the edge of magical back up then having Dev make a wish that Peri can choose to grant or suffer the effects of magical back up. Which Dale never lets go too far. Wont do any good to kill your money press. He doesn’t have another and isn’t confident in his ability to can’t another fairy. Not yet buy hes doing some research. Which is how he managed to even keep Peri captured before Dev could make a wish to keep Peri from poofing away. (Peri almost died from magical back up not wanting to grant a wish that kept him from teleporting)

Anyway I have more plans for this little prompt but this post is long enough lmao.

[blackphanto]

Chucky predictions

SPOILER WARNING FOR CHUCKY S3E5!

I wanna make Chucky theories so bad, but I can't think of any! This show is so crazy that I can't even predict or speculate on what could happen next. There are some people teasing on twitter though and all they've been doing is making me even more hyped for how this season is going to end. So here are some of my predictions based on everything that's been teased so far.

Jake will enter the spirit realm:

I don't think he's necessarily going to die, but he's so fixated on ending Chucky for good to the point where he refused to run away from it all like Devon suggested. And we've heard the doctor, the only way you get to the spirit realm is by dying, but what if you didn't need to die? I believe that thanks to all the supernatural shit occurring there, the White House will become some sort of passage between the two realms. Jake will cross it to try and destroy Charles' soul, but if he will fail or succeed is still debatable...

Caroline helps Chucky get young again:

If Jake fails in permanently killing Chucky, Caroline will come to the rescue. We know she'll be back, but what role will she play in this mess? When she'll return, all hell already would've broken loose and she'll just make it worse. Her sudden entrance at the White House will cause quite the emotional reunion for Lexi and her. Yet, Caroline didn't come alone. Armed with the Voodoo for Dummies book, sure, but she brought another friend, who's none other than the Good Guy Doll creator played by John Waters. He came with a new doll, a new vessel for Charles and with Caroline's newfound knowledge of Voodooism, she'll get Damaballa's blessings and give Chucky a new body, a new chance to not disappoint the almighty Iowa and if he plays his cards right, he might even become forever young.

Grant will survive:

I don't have any evidence to back this up, I just like him and think it's unfair that Lexy always has to say goodbye to someone she loves each season and I just don't want it to happen again. From a psychology standpoint it just desensitized her and would lead to her not getting attached to anyone else besides Jake & Devon next season, in fear of someone else always having to die because of her. And from a writing perspective it just gets repetitive, predictable and boring. So please Don Mancini don't kill him, also I love Jackson Kelly.

The past will haunt everyone:

Charles Lee Ray isn't the only ghost the Terror Trio will have to deal with in the newly supernatural possessed White House. We've seen the past of the Collins family haunt them time and time again, we've seen Henry talk about ghosts and fearing what they told him almost every single episode. Why would that stop at Joseph or Charles? Wouldn't it be horrible for our trio to be faced with the lives they lost thanks to a doll they couldn't stop? How would Jake react upon seeing his father again, disappointed at him for being gay. And Lexy, the poor girl, facing Junior, the boy she watched die, trying to save her... Not making at least one ghost of the past come back would be a wasted opportunity.

Tiffany will survive, but Jennifer's body might not:

Tiffany's possible death has been brought up in every interview Jennifer Tilly made following the comeback of Chucky season 3. At this point it even became a ‘will they, won't they’ situation. Does Mancini really have the guts to kill off a cult favorite character and actress he loves so much? Or will we just say goodbye to seeing Tilly on screen and welcome only her voice? I mean the trailer kinda made it clear for me that this isn't the end of Tiffany's story, but maybe that of Jennifer's body.

[seamlesssleep]

thinking about the potential for some really good eddie-athena conversations if/when we get eddie's coming out arc. because eddie is someone with Multiple narrative parallels to bobby, but eddie-and-shannon draw comparisons to michael and athena. canonically we already have the allusion to comphet with eddie feeling unable to 'fix' his life and himself, placing responsibility on shannon (kim's version) to do so, which is reminiscent of michael's "i let you love me because i thought that you could fix me" in season 1.

but there's also a parallel made between shannon and athena as the wives who initiate the divorce, and i found athena's reasoning in s1 to be really compelling:

"i love you. you're my man, the father of my children, my best friend...us staying together like this - holding onto this house, holding onto some picture of what was, is making me hate you".

firstly, this was growth for athena, who admits in 1x02 that she was in some level of conscious denial about michael's sexuality because she wanted a life with him and didn't want to let it go, proposing a celibate marriage and continuing to wear her wedding ring across episodes.

that denial - that "holding onto some picture of what was" is echoed in eddie's idealised view of his marriage, except his is made more extreme by shannon's death. he holds onto memories of them in la, that same picture of her at the beach in 2x17, and strips away the context until he's looking at a marriage that could have lasted a lifetime.

but equally, when kim pulls her dress up stunt, what is most at the forefront of eddie's mind is shannon leaving intentionally . when she left for LA and, in his mind, her asking for a divorce. the two events are conflated for him, and then her death is added to that in the admission that she can never return. they're all blurred together - the letter eddie and chris read after her death being the same letter that was intended for chris after she had left.

and the thing is, eddie and shannon's marriage after that initial two year separation is marked with uncertainty (not mentioning their conflict). at the beginning of s2 eddie doesn't wear his wedding ring and describes shannon as not being in the picture, yet admits they're still married as a matter of technicality to carla when the school admissions require him to. shannon more or less asks her husband of almost a decade "what are we?" at the beginning of 2x17 to which eddie replies "i don't know". he asserts to buck that he and shannon are still married in 2x17, but questions whether they'd have to get married again, and it's played as a semi-genuine question. when eddie points out to shannon that they're (technically) still married at the dinner in 2x17, she says that they should get a divorce.

and then she dies.

chimney tells eddie to say goodbye to his wife. everyone refers to shannon as his late wife or dead wife. she is memorialised as shannon diaz. and maybe she would have wanted to keep that surname - i mean athena still goes by grant professionally - but the complete absence of a maiden name, of a sign of who she was before she was married, is significant to me. context stripped away again. only eddie and bobby know shannon asked for a divorce at all, so isn't it essentially like it never happened?

but it did happen, and it's the thing that eddie still needs closure from. he questions shannon (kim's version) about her leaving, asking "why".

there's no 'why' about her dying after a car accident. he was there, he's an EMT, he understands what happened. and while it seems like he's talking about shannon leaving the first time, he's contextualising that event with the divorce that came after.

because he knows why shannon left to go to LA. shannon tells him in 2x07 why she found it so hard to come back to chris, reiterates that she left out of love for chris and fears failing him in 2x17.

but shannon doesn't really explain the need for a divorce - for shedding the ambiguity they already have in their marriage and permanently detaching from eddie. that's solely about their romantic relationship: the fact that she perceived it as something that made her more likely to fail chris, more likely to fail eddie as a co-parent. eddie says "you left me" to kim, not 'us' - not him and chris - because asking for a divorce did not change shannon's intentions to be a mother to chris, but did signify her lack of intention to be a wife to eddie. with that context, shannon writing chris a letter (that she never sent, but whatever) after she leaves the first time but leaving eddie a note becomes this retroactive sign of her differing intentions towards the two of them - of her "not [loving eddie] enough" as eddie posits in the scene with kim.

but that's not the case. shannon says she didn't leave chris because she didn't love him but because she did and i believe that logic can be applied to eddie. at every point in their relationship we see shannon trying to connect with eddie, trying to communicate with him, telling him that he doesn't need to fulfil the roles or obligations he thinks he does. i don't know if she was in love with him in season 2, or ever, but she loved him.

"my man, the father of my children, my best friend."

kim may have been wearing shannon's appearance but she had no real clue what shannon had felt towards eddie. she couldn't provide eddie with real conversation, real answers to make sense of. and to an extent, nobody but shannon can give eddie those answers.

but i believe that athena grant would definitely have some worthwhile perspective, and that perspective is going to be a significant part of eddie making his peace with that relationship. of him being able to look back and find the answers in that 8 year relationship, and to let it go.

[missmarthanightingale]

i want to tell you guys a story from my life, about something that really happened in my family, & then i want to talk about that story in relation to what happened between ray & sand in ep10. let me be very clear -- this post is not intended to scold people for disliking ray. part of the reason i waited so long to write this was so i could have confidence that i was being fair & not letting my affection for the character colour what i wanted to say. i would really appreciate it if people who feel negatively about ray in particular took the time to read this & take it into consideration, as a sincere appeal from someone who has alcoholics in her family to really consider some of the ways i've seen this fandom talking about ray's addiction.

so. the story. some half-dozen years ago my uncle was trying to get sober. his marriage was on its last legs & no one wanted his kids to be living with their father while he was going through withdrawal if that could be avoided, so he came to stay with us for a while. my mum did her homework, understood enough to know that he shouldn't have easy access to alcohol in that time, & so we moved all of the alcohol we had to hand into a locked room in the cellar & gave the key to a neighbour for the duration of his stay. it went okay for a little while, & then my uncle had a fight with his wife over the phone, or something to that effect. in one night, he drank three half-bottles of prosecco which we'd forgotten we had stored in the garage.

we didn't even know that alcohol was there. we'd totally forgotten about it. but because we missed it, what should have been a bad night turned into a relapse. keeping alcohol in close proximity to a recovering alcoholic, especially in the early days of sobriety, makes it so, so easy for them to backslide. partly because constantly knowing it's there can wear on them, sure, but mostly because no matter how strong anyone's commitment, there will always be moments when they falter, & the easier it is made for them to relapse in those moments, the likelier it is that they will. & maybe not everyone in this situation would relapse, but you cannot know whether a person will or won't until it happens. most of it's up to factors far beyond your control. it is not worth taking that risk with someone you love.

so trust that i am speaking from bitter experience when i say that sand's home-brewing was always, always going to be a problem. they put it in the opening credits, for god's sake. i was absolutely certain from ep2, when we first found out about the plum wine, that whether ray ultimately tried to get sober or not, the easy access to alcohol that a relationship with sand granted him was destined to be point of conflict between them. sand was always going to have to confront the tension between his relationship with an alcoholic & his main (?) source of income being home-brewed alcohol, & he was always going to have to choose between them. & it is not fair to sand that he has to make that choice, i know. it's fine if you think that he made the wrong choice, or that he shouldn't have had to make that choice at all, but it was inevitable that he would have to, fair or not. because if you have an alcoholic in your life, you are most likely going to have to change your behaviours around them, in big ways & small, for their benefit. this is just how it goes.

i was astonished that there were people who seemed caught off-guard by this fight -- the only thing that surprised me was that it happened before ray was really taking rehab seriously, because i fully expected that this fight would happen after a relapse, likely one involving the plum wine, a couple months into sobriety. there was no version of this show that could both be honest about ray's alcoholism & fail to highlight this conflict at some point. they gave sand this source of income specifically so that sand & ray would have this problem down the line. it was so obvious to me that this was coming, i just took it as a given that everyone else saw it too. & again, this post is not intended to judge anyone for how they have interacted with this show or with this character, that's not what i'm here to do. but i do want to address an element of the way that i have seen some people talk about ray & his addiction.

it is fine if you don't like this character. i am not going to scold you for being understandably mad about the way that he has treated the people around him. but it is very frustrating, & sometimes downright upsetting, to occasionally see people speaking with great confidence on alcoholism despite saying things which i know from lived experience to be inaccurate, or worse, unfair. i am not here to judge you, but i am going to ask you extend a certain amount of grace to this character, & more importantly to all the people who see themselves or their loved ones in him. if you're going to talk about alcoholism, or the aspects of ray's character & actions which are intimately linked with his alcoholism, i would ask you to take some time to make sure that you do actually know what you're talking about. if you're criticizing ray -- & there is plenty to criticize! -- i would ask you to take a moment to think about whether you're really just holding him accountable, or if maybe you're being unduly harsh on him. i think there's more than a few people in this fandom who have some unexamined biases around addiction & those who struggle with it; this is an excellent opportunity for all of us to educate ourselves on this subject. i've been learning a lot about what different structured recovery programs look like; my uncle never pursued one, & i'd never sought out information on that before.

ray isn't real. none of the people he's hurting are real, either. but he & the people around him are a very well-written reflection of a very common, very difficult experience. you don't have to like him, but if you want to understand more about addiction i think he could be a really good starting point for that. if you don't want to, i genuinely get it -- sometimes you just want to watch a show & enjoy it without having to do homework. that's okay. but if that's your position, then please think twice before making public posts passing uninformed judgement on the show's representation of an incredibly complicated & sensitive topic.

i'll reiterate one last time that this post was not intended to judge, scold, or otherwise castigate; i hope that i've managed to maintain an acceptable level of the objectivity i was aiming for, & if i haven't, then my apologies, i definitely tried. if you're going to disagree with some of what i've written, that's fine, but please remember that i wrote all of this based on my personal experience with a family member, & be kind.

[period-of-nocturne]

just wanted to say i loved your tags on the shinonome siblings post you just reblogged. so insightful! these two make each other better in their own backwards ways—akito who doesn’t want to end up like ena, beaten down and lost without her passion, and ena who wants to be a better sister for him…

i think there’s something to be said for how ena is the eldest, and also the “problem child” of the family. akito has learned to mediate and protect because of her, and i think in a perfect world where we actually focus on the shinofamily dynamic in-canon, there would be some guilt there. both of them were forced to grow up fast, but akito especially, since ena was stuck in the same place for Years without maturing. aghhh

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah thanks ! I haven't touched pjsk in months but somehow those two still live in my brain it's worse than a disease

And definitely. She's the older sibling but it's like Akito tried to become his older sister's older brother at some point. Or maybe he didn't really tried and it just kind of happened. But in both case Ena would hate this with all her heart because 'How Dare He I'm Supposed To Be The Older One Here! Anyway bring me cheesecake thanks' or something like that.

It's funny to think it happened around the time Akito has his growth spurt too. And also terrible for Ena because it makes it worse. One day he was just her baby brother and the next he's taller than her. And on top of that he's stealing her bigger sibling role and handle her while she's being a messy capricious mess who snaps on him when he didn't deserved it.

I frame it as Ena being upset at Akito because it's probably how I'd pretend to react in her situation - And she could do the same too - but we all know she'd just be pissed at herself in reality. She'd just hate being stuck here as a total mess, snapping on her baby brother who never did anything wrong and never refuses her anything despite how much he can complain about her, and looking at him becoming the responsible one, taking care of her instead of the opposite and progressing towards his own dream. And he probably didn't told her what's going on in Vivid Street, too. And she probably saw his frustration build up more and more each day without knowing why. And in the state she was in where you don't think rationally and hate yourself so much, when someone is upset and you don't know why and you already feel like you failed them so much you then to think it's all your fault. Granted, she probably added onto it when snapping on him, but it wasn't just that. There was much more going on than just that.

Anyway I'm not sure where I'm going. I think I read the word 'guilt' and thought of Ena immediately because of course she must feel terribly guilty for everything she did back then even if she'll never outright say it or not before another year manifesting for Shinonome event 2 if it still hasn't dropped.

Oh and yeah the way her father and teacher talked to her at the time, implying she wasn't ready yet or not serious enough, or too emotional (ofc men had to put down a girl for being too emotional too. Of course.) to become an artist and actually improve when she was just a TEENAGER. tiskkzkalktkfjabnt'tlzkdkgkfkek. Stupid teacher blaming a 14 years old for seeking attention. As if it was an extremely weird, uncommon and unacceptable teenager behaviour. As if she wouldn't grow out of it later without all of your stupids inputs of jaded depressed old artists. Arrrrgh.

I start rambling again. Never get me started on the Shinonome I'm unstoppable. I could even keep going but I'll stop here and shorten it to : You're so right you totally get it