#I am unable to feel joy

[inlovewithdeadpoets]

I drank coffee before sleeping and I woke up after 5 hours with a headache and a feeling of emptiness that is slowly consuming me

don’t caffeinate and sleep kids

[nimblelizard]

i am UNWELL about this man

[north-wilkesboro-moonshine-cave]

another weekend, another job rejection!

[doctormaxbankman]

how many times do we need to learn as people that irony and hyperbole can be harmful because 'jokes' aren't easily distinguished from genuine thoughts and feelings until we stop rewarding people for speaking or posting about violence

like even if you're joking/don't actually believe that/think whoever you are insulting is bad/immoral/fictional therefore deserves it - ad hominem attacks always do more harm to the people who share those characteristic then the individual you intend to cause harm to or discredit

[castieldelamancha]

In another life...

The world isn't ending, their world isn't haunted by shawdows and nightmares.

Dean wonders sometimes, how would it all be...

In another life.

With the right timing.

He could have reached out his hand across the table and take Cas' with it, all those times he thought about it, intertwine their fingers together, given him the reassuring touches and loving words he clearly needed.

In another life...

This thing, this story between them, wouldn't be impossible, complicated, unreachable, hopeless.

Dean wonders sometimes, how would it all be...

To know his touch isn't a curse, one that gets those he loves hurt or dead.

Maybe in another life...

He could be himself, fully, unapologetically, bravely and freely.

Not here, never here. It's never the right time for him, for them, for anybody.

He envies the other Dean, the one with the other life, with the bravery and the freedom to be himself.

That Dean looked Cas in the eye and when he was told about how loved he was he could tell Cas about his own love, the one that fills his heart to the brim, make him understand how loved he was in return.

But not here, because Cas left, because Dean was too scared to say it out loud.

Together.

They surely are together, just in another life.

It must be something gentle and wild, all at the same time, passionate and quiet, everything at once, it must be safe and scary, the good kind of scary, because he wouldn't jump into the unknown alone, but with Cas besides him. It must be lovely and easy, hopeful and bright.

So wonderful.

.

It is.

Dean finds out.

It's all those things and so many more, he can't find his words anymore, it's so vast none of them would make it any justice anyway.

It's not another life, this is them...

Cas is back.

Dean reaches across the table, he joins their hands, anytime he feels like it. Cas is back, solid and real, right there, and Dean can intertwine their fingers together, he can say all he couldn't before and he sees it in Cas' eyes, he sees it in Cas' smile, it's all he needed to hear, all along. Who knew four words could be so powerful?

I love you too.

This is them...

Together.

He is himself now, he forgets about the other life and about that other Dean and that other Cas, he wishes them well. He doesn't envy them anymore, he has it all too, his love, all around him, inside of him, bright as the biggest star in his galaxy, and his bravery and his freedom.

[flowerpotmage]

how i feel every time i open my google docs to try and work on anything at all and it just Won't Happen

[tortademaracuya]

Lalala im just venting in the tags

[jaynovz]

According to my mood tracking app, the longest I have gone without writing since I started up again in Jan 2021 was ten days in a row, which was when I was in GA for xmas during the last two weeks of Dec 2021...

The overall effect on my mood when including the writing activity is pretty high, in a positive way, based on the data.

All of that to say that my current depressive slump as a result of facing the fact that I may have finally hit a hard wall of burn out, after two years of intense output?

...well, it makes sense lol.

[longagoitwastuesday]

.

[giantkillerjack]

Actually, things that give you joy matter more than ever in times of horror, and without joy, revolution is meaningless.

Hey hi if you feel you are living in a state of constant horror, then it is more vital than ever to take comfort from wherever you can find it as often as you can.

The idea that the truest and more morally pure form of existence is constant austere self-sacrifice - holding off your own joy and happiness until all the world is righted - is a terribly handy idea for keeping capitalism alive.

Humans need leisure to be healthy.

And yet many of us feel we are the last person who deserves rest. I certainly used to. I still have to remind myself every day that I deserve to be okay.

And guess what?

The idea that some people deserve rest and leisure inherently more than others is one of the capitalist lies that got the world into this mess.

When my wife writes stories of revolution, she makes a point to include a joy in the rebel groups. The rebels party! they taste life! they have community!

They aren't fighting for vague ideas of justice and obligation and goodness, but rather to protect what they love. And in order to do that, they first must have things they love!

You need things to love or you will wither. And then you will need more help than you are able to give. And you'll deserve that help then too.

Your first mission of saving someone must be yourself; there is no other way.

Small joys have the power to keep people alive through Hell.

Every single step you take towards separating joy from shame, you take a step towards freedom.

If you feel like you are at your absolute limit, there's a good fucking chance you are. And at that point, shame becomes very very dangerous.

Listen. I used to believe if I just pushed myself hard enough, I could do anything and therefore I felt it was irresponsible and even cruel of me to rest.

This attitude crippled me.

I mean literally crippled me. My whole life, I wouldn't stop for joy or rest or healing or anything. I thought I could save everyone, which meant it was somehow my fault for not doing that yet.

And eventually I developed fibromyalgia from pushing my nervous system to its breaking point. It broke my body. I don't blame myself for pushing so hard in a world that kept demanding just that. But I do hope to tell people the things I wish I had heard.

Comrades, many of us are fighting for the right to rest. I fight for my own and for yours.

So if you feel like you are barely hanging on, then I am dead fucking serious when I say the best thing you can do for me and for this world is to get as much rest and healing as you possibly can.

Enjoy as many small and silly fixations as you can find.

Do every single thing you can to make your life worth living as long as you are not actively harming innocent people

Not having time and energy to help more does NOT equal harm!

You are a growing tree and if you try to hold too much before your branches are strong enough, you could snap. And if you try to hold up the sky alone, it could kill you.

When you are stronger, you can share from your excess time and strength and energy: you can go out and advocate and help people and become a supporting pillar in a loving community!

Your growth and thriving can do so much more good for the world than your misery ever could!

Hell, I am fighting so you will suffer less.

So what good does your sacrifice do me if you are just hurting yourself in the exact way I want to sacrifice myself to help YOU? When does it end?

Where are we when only the most "deserving" are allowed to rest?

Why is it morally better to suffer more?? In fact, Catholicism can suck it:

Martyrdom is a bad goal and an even poorer gift.

And I don't want it. I won't accept it.

I want you alive.

I want you enjoying things.

I want you to have enough joy in your life that the fight for a better world seems possible because that is the point!

Because if you can do it, then I can do it.

When you are kind to yourself, the world is kinder. And you are showing people it is possible to be kind to oneself.

"Oh but so many people have it worse than me!" - Yes! Yes, Of COURSE they do! This fact will always be true, and yet all of those people matter! But how will you help any one of them in the long-term if you don't stop even when you feel you will cry from the guilt and stress of reading a fan fiction??

Nevermind that the more trauma a person endures, the more likely they are to believe they don't deserve simple pleasures! Or that even the people that DO have it the worst feel often feel the most like they don't deserve it!

"Seriously though, people have it way worse than I do!!!" - And what are you, the tipping point? Only those in worse shape than you deserve basic nice things? Exactly how much worse off do they have to be before they deserve to watch an episode of TV?? How many minutes of relaxation per childhood trauma per week?? How shall they then prove what they have earned? and why does everyone better off than you not deserve to enjoy small nice things?? And if they do, why would you be the one exception???

Joy and rest and leisure are human rights! They are not a privilege they are human rights. The fact that you are suffering less than someone else means that BOTH of you deserve less suffering. Less joy for one of you is counterproductive.

The last things our enemies want is for you to rest.

At this point in capitalism, joy needs to be present for revolution in any positive form to take place.

So, please, please, enjoy your silly little things. At the end of the day, they are neither silly nor little.

the cycle of trying to enjoy my silly little hyperfixations to distract from the horrifying reality that is our country/world but then feeling guilty and irresponsible for devoting time and attention to things don’t matter while said reality is horrifying

[saintedbythestorm]

Stomach... I don't know what the fuck you're doing... but stop it!

[mildcicada]

Honestly I lowballed the amount tbh because a lot of times I'll copy the drawing file or whatever because I'm like "this is too many layers I need a cleaner space" and then I can delete some I'm not using like sketch/reference images etc. and keep working while still having those layers available in the previous file in case I need them for something while making more layers in the secodn file. So maybe it's like 200+

[mayordebbie]

If you receive this, you make somebody happy! Go on anon and send this to ten of your followers who make you happy or somebody you think needs cheering up. If you get one back, even better! ❤️❤️❤️

I wonder who sent this? Who did I bring happiness to? How did I make them feel joy?

[raubtierfuetterung]

I feel like I feel the way a trans person feels about their biological sex about being a human.

[plutonianeris]

CHIRON

Blood on my shirt, rose in my hand

You're looking at me like you don't know who I am

🖤 Chiron in the 1st House: From the beginning, life has left its mark on you, both inside and out. There’s a constant feeling of being seen, but not always in the way you’d like sometimes, it feels like others are looking right at your scars. This awareness of not quite fitting, of always being “too much” or “not enough,” can make it feel like you’re on display, even when you’d rather hide. Self-doubt is a frequent visitor, leading you to question your worth or think you’ll never be as confident as others seem to be. The journey of healing here means stepping out of the shadows and realizing that your uniqueness is your strength, regardless of what others think.

🖤 Chiron in the 2nd House: Your relationship with security, especially around money and self-worth, has been rocky. It often feels like you’re striving for something you can never fully attain. You may have experienced financial instability or felt as though you lacked the foundation others seemed to have. Even when you do achieve success or accumulate wealth, the feeling of “not enough” lingers, and no amount of material gain seems to fill the void. Your journey to healing involves learning to value yourself independently of external measures and understanding that your worth is inherent, not tied to what you have or earn.

🖤 Chiron in the 3rd House: Communication has never felt easy or natural. You might have grown up feeling like no one truly listened, or perhaps you were criticized for what you said, leading you to hold back. Sometimes, it feels like your thoughts get stuck, unable to be fully expressed. This can make interactions exhausting and even painful, as you’re left feeling invisible or overlooked. The healing process here is about realizing that your voice has worth, whether or not others understand or agree. Your words matter, and you don’t have to prove or justify your thoughts for them to be valuable.

🖤 Chiron in the 4th House: Home and family may feel like sources of deep pain rather than comfort. You might have grown up in an environment that lacked warmth or safety, leaving you with a sense of instability. No matter where you go or how much you try to build a safe space, it can feel haunted by old memories and unresolved emotions. This sense of never truly “belonging” can follow you, leading to a feeling of isolation. True healing lies in creating a sanctuary within yourself and letting go of the past, finding peace in a space that is yours, even if it’s just a quiet corner of your mind.

🖤 Chiron in the 5th House: Joy, romance, and creativity feel like distant concepts. While others seem to enjoy life with ease, you may struggle to let go, fearing judgment or disappointment. You might push people away to avoid the potential of being hurt, or find yourself critiquing every creative effort, never allowing yourself to fully enjoy it. There’s an ache here, a longing for the freedom to simply be yourself without overthinking. Healing means allowing yourself the grace to be imperfect, to embrace joy, creativity, and romance without fear of failure or rejection.

🖤 Chiron in the 6th House: Everyday life often feels like a grind, and you may experience constant anxiety about your health, routine, or responsibilities. This can lead to a cycle of burnout, where you push yourself relentlessly, hoping that if you work hard enough, you’ll finally feel “good enough.” Instead, exhaustion becomes a constant companion, and the inner emptiness remains unfilled. Healing for you involves letting go of perfectionism and understanding that your value is not in how much you do or how well you do it. True self-care is more than a concept it’s a necessity for survival.

🖤 Chiron in the 7th House: Relationships bring out some of your deepest wounds. Being alone can feel unbearable, yet being with others brings a different kind of pain often because you’re reminded of past disappointments or fears of abandonment. You might attract people who mirror these insecurities, leaving you feeling incomplete or unworthy. It’s a struggle to find balance, to give without losing yourself and to receive without feeling indebted. Healing here means realizing that no relationship will complete you; only by accepting yourself fully can you find peace in connection.

🖤 Chiron in the 8th House: Intimacy and trust are difficult for you, often tied to painful memories or past betrayals. You may want closeness but fear the vulnerability it demands, keeping others at a distance to protect yourself from potential harm. There’s a deep wound here, a sense that life’s darker sides loss, betrayal, suffering are unavoidable. Until you allow yourself to confront this pain and the protective walls you’ve built, true intimacy will always feel just out of reach. Healing means embracing the idea that vulnerability can coexist with strength and that trusting others doesn’t diminish your power.

🖤 Chiron in the 9th House: You search for meaning in a world that often feels unsteady, leaving you questioning beliefs that others find comforting. This can lead to a sense of isolation, feeling as though the spiritual or philosophical answers you seek are never quite within reach. Traditional beliefs may feel inadequate or insincere, and this constant quest can leave you feeling lost. Healing means accepting that your journey is uniquely yours and finding peace in a path that doesn’t need to align with anyone else’s truth. Embrace the unknown, trusting that not every question needs an answer.

🖤 Chiron in the 10th House: Career and public image are areas where you feel the weight of expectation, often putting immense pressure on yourself to achieve. No matter how much you accomplish, there’s a lingering fear that you’re still not good enough or that others will see through your achievements. You may feel driven to overcompensate, working tirelessly to fill the emptiness left by self-doubt. True healing lies in redefining success according to your own standards, letting go of the need for external applause, and finding fulfillment in growth rather than recognition.

🖤 Chiron in the 11th House: Finding your place in the world often feels like a challenge. You may feel like an outsider, longing for a sense of community but often feeling let down by friendships or social connections. There’s an ache here, a wish to belong while fearing that no one will truly understand or appreciate who you are. Healing means realizing that your path is different, that your uniqueness isn’t a flaw but a strength. You’re here to create a tribe that values the real you, even if it’s only a small circle of genuine connections.

🖤 Chiron in the 12th House: You carry a deep, often unspoken pain, a sense of loneliness that feels beyond words. It’s as if you’re bearing the weight of the world’s sorrow, and while people may recognize your empathy, they rarely understand how heavy it is to carry. You may find it difficult to separate your own pain from that of others, leading to exhaustion and emotional overwhelm. Healing for you is about setting boundaries and learning to distinguish your own emotions from the collective pain around you. Embrace solitude as a place of healing, not isolation, where you can nurture your soul without being consumed by the world’s suffering.

[sgrplumditz]

You had his baby and he didn't know.

She sat with the 3-month-old baby girl. Every time she looked at her she saw His eyes, the eyes of the father of her child that had no idea she existed. A perfect blend of the two, but like her father the most recognizable feature was her eyes. Carrying her mother's soft and feminine features, while having her father's gaze.

She was standing in the kitchen of her two-bedroom apartment preparing to pump her full, plump breasts as her daughter slept soundly in a playpen nearby. Thinking of her daughter had become second nature to her, which meant that her thoughts only revolved around her daughter from the moment she found out she was pregnant. Although she was struggling as a single mother, she did not hold any resentment toward Simon. After all, he had no idea their daughter existed.

Simon was forced to leave for his work responsibilities. He knew he would be gone for a long time, it was a no-brainer that they would go their own separate paths. When her thoughts were not consumed by her daughter they were consumed by Him, she craved the closure, or support, or comfort that she knew he could bring her.

Interrupted. Her thoughts were interrupted by a light knock on the door. Her protective nature took over as she walked to the front door while holding a bottle in her right hand. Her heart sank the moment she looked through the peephole. "What is He doing here?" she thought before slowly swinging the door open.

His gaze immediately dropped to the pink bottle in her hand, "Why didn't you tell me?" he spoke, his voice was soft, yet it still held a slight tone of hostility. His accent was prominent, something she noticed would happen whenever he was emotional. His eyes looked drained, tired, and confused, but physically he looked as good as ever. His tall stature and wide frame cast a shadow over her significantly smaller build.

"Tell you what?" she said as her face flushed red and her heart pounded in her ears. Her ears also burning.

Simon walked into her apartment closing the door behind him, "You have never been a good liar". There it was, the exact gaze she saw in her daughter staring back at her in His body. That same gaze turned to his sleeping daughter in the pink playpen that was littered with stuffed animals and pink accents.

She couldn't tell what he was thinking or feeling. Anger, frustration, joy, sadness -- it was evident that he was on a roller coaster.

"Why didn't you tell me?", he sighed running his hand through his thick blonde hair. She was stunned, but she didn't know if it was because he actually showed up, or if she was stunned because this was their first time standing in a room together as a family. "Who told you?" her voice came out soft, timid almost.

"Price, but that is beside the matter" he paused to take in the sight of his daughter. "Why didn't you contact me? I gave you my cell for emergencies... th-this is an appropriate reason to contact me." he now sounded frustrated with her. She was gripping the bottle in her hand still, unable to relax and let it go. Was he mad?

He wasn't. He approached her and gently took the bottle out of her hand -- he knew her better than anyone meaning that he knew that she reacted poorly to confrontation. "You're okay, Love" he spoke gently as he held her small hands in his, "Talk to me, please." he pleaded as he guided them to the nearby couch, making her take a seat. There was new sense of gentleness when he spoke. The shift came naturally to him as now he was fixated on protecting the mother of his child in all aspects. His thumbs massaged her wrists gently while he waited for her to find her words. Simon has always been patient, a quality she loved about him.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, the only audible noise coming from the cooing sounds of their daughter. "Whenever you're ready, Love. I'm here to stay," he said with his warm hands still on her.