#I am not even kidding when I say every single human being that interacts with me in my day to day life makes me feel like to some extent

[kavehater]

I hate everyone 😭

[your-absent-father]

Children in writing: my personal pet peeves

Okay, some might know that I work as an elementary school aid, done it on and off since I was 19, so I have the credits lol. Last december I even got my trade school papers for it. I preface this this way bwcause I have worked with shitton of kids, and will in a future. My background also means that I am very quick to notice when people don't interact with kids that much.

Even the savant syndrome kid is still a kid

One thing that annoys the hell out of me is when the 8 year old smart kid character acts like a 32 year old with all the emotional cababilities it entails. Yes, some kids have an higher intelligence, emotional or otherwise, but in the core of them, they are a kid. They get temper tantrums, they are in awe of new discoveries, they love to play in their own way.

For example, the class I'm in now, we have a kid I will call James. James is raised by his grandparents and it shows in everything he does. He is an old soul, always getting striaght As and almost helping the adults in conflicts. James also giggles as I race with him during recess, he sulks like a kid after not getting what he wanted and laughs really hard at fart jokes. He is 8 even if he has an emotional intelligence of an older kid.

Children are sponges, in bad and good

Speaking of James, he is a great example of children being sponges. This 8 year old, he uses terms like "gosh darn it" or "welp, it is what it is", terms I could see his farmer grandpa using. When he is stressed, he poses like a 73 year old looking at a broken tracktor. You can see his grandpa in him clearly.

I want to say it because a lot of people only write like "I am bad because my dad was bad" characters, even though it isn't that simple moat of the time, and children being sponges could be used in so many different ways, and not just bad.

Kids knowing big words doesn't always mean they are smart

This adds into the "kids are sponges" segment. Lot of kids, especially now, pick up different words, some very difficult, but they themselves don't know what they mean. Just today I had to explain what a dictator meant to a kid talking about North Korea. (That is an other thing too I like to add: kids try to explain with their own understandkng of the world what things they don't understand are)

Children's are adults in progress

Thus is a thing that peeves me the most of all, because a lot of people think children are thing entire different entity than adults. I like to explain it in videogame logic, like as a kid you are doing the first levels and progressing trough. You still the same character at the core of it, you just leveled up and got new tricks up your sleeve. Children are humans, they aren't that difficult to comprehend.

kids with disabilities have presonalities

Omg I am such a passionate person towards this, especially because I am specialized in special ed. It annoys me in no end when a special ed kid's presonality is "ehh they are disabled?". Every single special ed kid I have been with have different personalities and likes and dislikes, if they can't show it to you themselves. I don't think I have met two disabled kids (nor adults) with same personalities, even if they have exact same disability.

In the class I am in now, James's best friend is this kid named Jackie. I don't know Jackie's diagnosis but she can't walk straight, and uses multiple walking aids when her legs hurt too bad. She can't talk very well, struggling with her speak. Still, those things weren't the first thing I'd use to describe her. I'd describe her as a dramaqueen, always ready to complain about something, i'd describe her as a sporty, always running after her friends, even if she is much slower than others. I'd describe her as kindhearted, and clingy as she is always ready for a hug. Her disability is n intergal part of her but not everything.

I could complain about this all day. I have worked with kids and adults with disabilities and they have all been do different from each other (like able bodied people). Maybe another post lol.

Okay rant over.

Tldr: Chldren are humans too. Lol

[candy-cloud-system]

I have Never seen an endo shit on traumagenic systems - i have seen them shit on people discrediting their experiences but its wild that ur acting like a victim when ur the one being weird. Psychology largely agrees that we do not know enough abt the human brain - specific dissociative disorders - to claim they can Only be caused one way. Also forcing people to reflect on if they're traumatized or not just for them to be "allowed" to use system terminology is Wild - even if every single system is caused by trauma, so many traumatized people have no recollection of the trauma. This isnt black and white and youre silly for caring so much abt internet strangers repressed memories or lack thereof 🩷

First off, learn to read . D N I. Means DO NOT INTERACT! I don’t understand what’s so hard about that, literally you have to go through the effort to read a whole message that’s literally saying don’t interact, go to my account, which tells you not to interact, and then type a whole message and never once do you think “oh! I’m breaking DNI! I’m crossing boundaries! Hm! Maybe I shouldn’t do that!”

So I’m gonna be a bitch to you now cus you broke my DNI and I’ve already stated I’d start being a bitch to people who do that

“I’ve never seen endos shit on traumagenic systems 🥺🥺🥺” okay explain the constant death threats we get. Explain the people LIKE YOU! Who break DNI to tell us shit we literally do not want to hear, explain the people who go into our comment and tell us to off ourselves, call us names, make up slurs. Tell us no one loves us and everyone will leave. Do you understand how fucking stupid you sound?

Traumagenic systems get SOOOO much bullshit from endos and that’s why it’s such a problem. They bully trauma survivors and victims, making them spiral and feel like fucking shit because they didn’t want people mocking a disorder that makes their lives harder. The amount of times I’ve seen endos telling traumagenic systems to die simply because they fucking EXISTED is fucking insane.

Even if you could be a system without trauma, you wouldn’t be in the same groups as us, you wouldn’t have the same terms you wouldn’t be classified with the disorder. Because our disorder stems from TRAUMA! You have to have trauma.

You can have trauma you don’t remember, BUT THAT DOESNT MAKE YOU AN ENDO. It makes you a traumagenic system who doesn’t remember their trauma! You guys fucking groom people into believing their trauma isnt enough or that they’re endo because they can’t remember and it fucking disgusts me.

I’m not making people reflect on their fucking trauma, IM TRYING NOT TO GET HARASSED FOR MINE.

FUNFACT. I AM A VICTIM! I GET HARRASED BY ENDOS FUCKING ALMOST DAILY AT THIS POINT! IM ACTIVELY TELLING YOU TO LEAVE ME ALONE CONSTANTLY BECAUSE YOU GUYS CANT FUCKING READ THREE LETTERS !

I AM TIRED OF COMING ON THIS APP AFTER WISHING I DIDNT GO THROUGH THE SHIT I GO THROUGH BECAUSE OF THIS DISORDER AND SEEING SOME RANDOM ASS KID SAYING HOW THEYRE GONNA MANIFEST A SYSTEM FOR THEMSELF. IF YOU FUCKING “CREATE” A “SYSTEM” BECAUSE YOU WANT ONE. FUCK YOU. ACTUALLY FUCK YOU. WORDS CANNOT DESCRIBE HOW MUCH I HATE YOU. AND I HAVE ALL RIGHTS TO HATE YOU.

“You’re so silly for caring 🥺🥺🥺🥺” I CARE BECAUSE I GET HARRASSED TO THE POINT OF SPLITTING OR HAVING CRASHES DUE TO OUR BPD AND NPD. I GET FUCKING HARASSED UNTIL I CANT TAKE IT. THATS WHY I TELL YOU TO NOT FUCKING INTERACT.

Get off my fucking blog. Never come back. Endos and their supporters are NOT fucking welcome here. Respect my fucking DNI.

[certifiablyinsanez]

My boomer mother told me once, “we thought we would change the world too”. And she isn’t wrong. Boomers were forefront of the hippie counterculture, the anti-war front for the slaughter in Vietnam, were home to the Gay Liberation Front, Stonewall, the Civil Rights Era, and the entire second wave of feminism that fought for our right for abortion, contraception and the right to self determination. They were the people that perished in the AIDS Epidemic and the ones who took care of those afflicted. When you look at the historic track record, boomers would seem to be our natural allies rather than those we are in constant conflict with.

This is something Gen Z needs to keep in mind, not for the future, but right now. Gen Z is often convinced that we are the generation who is gonna save the world. But I can say with confidence that this is not the case. Not only would that sentiment disregard historical precedent, it also allows us to disregard the ugly truth of what we are rapidly becoming. Gen Z is reactionary as hell. You’ll tell someone “we should have love for our fellow people” and some fucking keyboard warrior will say something stupid like “eVEn pEdO’s???”.

I never thought I would complain about cancel culture, but here I am. Because people can’t seem to differentiate between holding people accountable for reprehensible behavior versus having a whole “guilty before proven innocent” mentality. We all grew up in an imperialist, colonial society. White supremacy has not left a single inch of the earth untouched. Every single person has done something wrong in their lives; it’s a feature of the times we live in. It’s a feature of being a human person period. I’ve seen people harass an artist who has been extremely vocal about Palestine and has used their platform for donations and attention and people were in arms about something distasteful he did in like 2002. Be so ffr guys.

I see European Gen Zers saying the most abhorrent things about Romani people. They still actively call them a slur, and when called out they always reply “that’s just what they are”. Some brag about how desensitized they are to gore or sexual content because they were so young when they were exposed. I still remember kids at lunch trying to convince me to watch an ISIS beheading video and couldn’t conceive why I refused to watch it. I’m gonna say it.

So many of yall are just as apathetic and narcissistic as boomers, if not more so. Because boomers pretend, but yall are brutally honest about it. Sure a whole bunch of us believe in liberation and see how shitty capitalism is, but a good chunk are also so extremely far right that even my boomer republican father would balk at the things they readily say. I actually have had conversations with my dad as his queer communist child and I think we had more agreements than these right-wingers in my own generation.

This trend is enormously widespread with Gen Alpha but Gen Z isn’t clear of it either. The inability to fortify their own mental understanding using concise, accurate, and vetted information. In the 14 years I’ve interacted in fandom spaces (where this happens all the time), I’ve never seen such a trend as now where a singular person will just pull something out of their ass and people all over the internet just readily agree. People believe photoshopped photos every day. We make fun of old people for believing everything on the internet, but we’re equally guilty.

Listen I can go on for ages, but let me make my point clear here. We are quickly becoming the very thing we all hated most, and I’m sick of the mass facade that we aren’t.

End of rant.

[sukugo]

i have to ask because i adore you and i want to know about your new blorbos- who are they and what are they and why are they always soaked in blood

JDHSJFHJFDDJFFSDFDF, oh man where do i start cassie.

they're from the anime/manga jujutsu kaisen, and they are:

gojo satoru. love of my fucking life. my fucking everything my boy my man, i am so so in LOVE with this man i cant even begin to tell u. he consumes my every waking thought, my life is dedicated to seeing him get fucked. (he's the guy in my header humping his all into the other's arm)

and (ryoumen) sukuna. beautiful sexy evil man.

(can u tell who's my fave)

so in this world, we have jujutsu sorcerers, who are people with special powers that they use to defeat/exorcise curses, which are basically evil spirits born of negative human emotions

gojo is the strongest jujutsu sorcerer alive. he is insanely strong, not a single person can go against him. his powers make it so that u literally physically cannot touch him. he controls "infinity" and can warp space, and he also has pretty special eyes that let him perceive things at a much deeper level than a regular person. those two things combined make him quite literally untouchable. and insanely powerful.

as for sukuna, he used to be a human who lived thousands of years ago, who used to be the strongest sorcerer of his time, and is considered to be the strongest sorcerer in history. he is the King of Curses, no one could ever defeat him, or destroy his soul, which he divided into his 20 preserved fingers so it would survive through time, even after dying.

so itadori yuuji

this lil baby boy (literally the babiest sweetest boy to exist btw) (he's actually the main character haha)

due to some stuff, he ends up eating one of sukuna's mummified fingers and sukuna reincarnates inside him. yuuji becomes a vessel for sukuna, who lives inside yuuji's mind now and sometimes takes over his body (reason why they look the same)

and now, yuuji is sentenced to be executed bc he holds the most evil sorcerer in history inside him, but gojo goes nope! wait a minute, let's not do that. and manages to convince the people in charge to postpone yuuji's execution, saying that they'll get yuuji to find and eat all of sukuna's fingers and then execute him, getting rid of sukuna all in one go.

ok so that's the context (that's actually what the anime's about haha), but as to gojo and sukuna.

THEY ARE IN LOVE

well, they're there. sdkkhfkjdkfdf

ok no, so like they do their things right. gojo is a teacher (tho we never actually see him do any teaching lmao) and sukuna lives inside yuuji and causes trouble sometimes. they don't really ever interact in the story (they literally meet and have a lil confrontation, decide to kill each other and never talk again djshjfdasdadfd) (until they actually have their Fight, more on that later)

BUT!!!!!!!! they may not interact, but they are completely tied together narratively.

as u can see, they're both the strongest from their respective times, so they have a lot of links when it comes to their characters themselves and what they are referred to in the story. specifically that, in being the strongest, they exist in a plane above everyone else, literally untouchable.

now, in the story, this position of strongest is coupled with solitude, being the strongest meaning u're alone and no one else understands you bc of this

and SO they have their fight. bc plot reasons right. this is obv what it was all gonna lead to. fight of the two strongest.

and the fight, consequently, revolves around that idea of solitude, and understanding each other.

which like. ok. yeah we saw that coming. ofc. no big deal.

EXCEPT, to make reference to their relationship and that idea of understanding each other, the term that is used is, and i kid u not, love.

there's a very specific phrase that is used multiple times between them. which is actually used originally with a character who shows romantic feelings towards sukuna.

she challenges sukuna to a fight and sukuna promises to marry her if she wins. her goal in this fight is to share in sukuna's solitude and show him love (read R→L)

but she says this to sukuna and this. this is his reaction.

SUKUNA KNOWS LOVE ALREADY

to which she gets super pissed bc that's not!!! love!!!!!!!

sukuna defeats/kills her. and u know when the next time that exact fucking phrase is used? when sukuna and gojo finally meet again and set up the date to have their Fight, where sukuna remembers her words

which tells us that.

sukuna was.

thinking about gojo when she said that.

*screams into hands*

BUT IT DOESN'T STOP THERE. this phrase is then repeated. multiple times.

1. right after gojo punches the fuck out of sukuna:

2. said in reference to gojo, when he realizes there's a chance of him losing:

3. gojo reminiscing about their fight:

so, as u can see, they were going to teach each other love. their fight is. canonically. about teaching each other love. what the FUCK.

but ENOUGH love talk (or else i'm at risk of going crazy insane)

LET'S TALK ABOUT HOW THEY'RE LOADED WITH SEXUAL TENSION

this was in their first meeting where they fought (for quite literally 10 seconds)

like... why he do dat.... .......... . ....

next day sukuna goes "hey im gonna kill u first <3" and gojo just goes "teehee omg really? *hair twirl* <3"

they also decide to have their final battle on dec 24 which is like a super romantic date in japan (explicitly said so by another character)

and their FIGHT. it is LITERALLY just them flirting and touching each other

LOOK AT THIS SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i fucking lost it. i still haven't recovered. that is the hottest thing i've ever seen in my life. gojo wants that dick so fucking bad

not to mention thigh grabs and hand touchies

and the entirety of the fight is just them having fun 😭😭 they're supposed "enemies" on opposite sides and the fate of the world is at stake here, but they actually don't give a fuck about that.

they're literally smiling and having a great fucking time. this fight for them is just play. their fight is just for them to have fun as the strongest and to connect with each other. they're enemies but they don't hate each other or anything, they only search for that sense of fulfillment in each other OTL

AND ABOUT THAT, oh my GOD

sukuna wins. he defeats gojo. and at the end, this. is what sukuna says to gojo at the end of the fight:

FUCKING. I'LL NEVER FORGET YOU. SCREAAAAM THAT'S ROMANCEEEEEE.

and the soft smile? the fucking petals falling all over them? oh GOD they're trying to kill me

but that's on sukuna's side, what about for gojo? well

HE GENUINELY TRIED TO REACH SUKUNA, GAVE IT HIS ALL TO CONNECT WITH HIM. TO TEACH HIM LOVE AGFKDHSKFHFKJFHDF (BUT HE FAILED HE COULDN'T GIVE SUKUNA WHAT SUKUNA GAVE HIM 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭)

HHRRRRGJFHSJDFHDSJFSDFA KJHDKFJSFKASLDKS ADKJKFHEWRKJEKRKTRELRW

and if i start crying OTL

but alas *deep breaths*

even without all that they're just very fucking sexy. two insane powerful men going at it? come on. how could u NOT want them together. they both hold the same title of the strongest, might as fucking well fuck nasty about it.

and oh god, when i tell u gojo is a fucking brat and he's so strong and untouchable, but then sukuna is capable of putting him down which is. insanely sexy. and i need it. i need gojo obliterated. and i know sukuna won't let me down (AND HE DID NOT. HE OBLITERATED THAT MAN) can he now obliterate his holes too

agdkhfhdkhdhs, anyways.... yeah.. that is the situation.........

im just gonna end this by saying

SUKUGO MY LOVES

[mari-lair]

(the hanakou analysis: Here)

Thank you, Anon! That's an interesting question but a bit tricky to answer because I don't think Mitsuba needing to eat spirits to survive is comparable to Kou's trying to see Hanako as an evil spirit but I do want to talk about how Mitsuba's "exorcise me" moment have connection to Kou's journey with Hanako.

Before seeing how each relationship influences the other I wanna highlight their big differences, so bear with me.

Kou does not see Mitsuba as a threat, the 'he eat evil spirits to survive' reveal does not change that. Mitsuba goes out of his way to only eat supernaturals and Kou does not consider killing monstrous supernaturals as something 'evil'. He has seen Teru do it since he was a little kid, has seen Hanako do it to protect him, and even did it himself.

What makes Hanako be considered an evil spirit is that he is capable of murdering humans. Hanako can be genuinely dangerous, and so far, Kou had gotten no reason to believe Mitsuba is too.

Even if Mitsuba shows signs of being dangerous, Kou does not perceive Mitsuba as a supernatural nearly as much as he does Hanako, spending a good portion of the manga confusing him with Sousuke the human, and treating him like someone he wants to get close to, not judge.

Mitsuba is, first and foremost, someone Kou is desperate to be of use to, not very related to his identity as an exorcist.

If Hanako is the one he relies on. Mitsuba is the one in need of his help. Kou's role of being Mitsuba's guide is self-assigned, present even before the supernatural was born, all the way to when he interacted with Sousuke's ghost.

Kou failed Sousuke and Mitsuba many times, so his inclination to help him became a need. As the people he trust seem to not take him seriously he grows desperate for Mitsuba to rely on him.

So Mitsuba saying he wants to be exorcised is a spit in his face. He does not care about how inhuman eating demons is when Mitsuba is basically saying "I don't want to rely on you, I don't believe you can make my dream come true. I give up"

He is angry and frustrated. He wholeheartedly rejects the idea not even Mitsuba needs him. He does care about Mitsuba and doesn't want him to die, but he is also blinded by frustration that even the person he had been sure only had him to count on considers Kou a second option.

Even after he realizes Mitsuba is able to hurt human beings he does not focus on the new information, he does not care about 'how dangerous this supernatural is', his issue with the situation is still not being trusted. Not being needed.

Mitsuba had even commented it would have 'been quicker' if it was Teru who got there to kill him. As if even for giving up, Kou is not the first option.

It makes him feel lonely and incompetent.

The thing that makes him stop being angry is when Mitsuba, who saw him cry like a baby, still says "I am glad I came to see you" he was not disappointed by Kou

It grabs his attention, it soothes his insecurities a little.

But Kou's reaction gets interesting here:

Kou doesn't deny his claim that "you would be sorry to see me go, the same way you would for anybody."

What Mitsuba said here hits hard, because it makes him think of Hanako.

Even when faced with a cruel version of Hanako in the red house, Kou was frozen, aware he can't exorcise him.

Kou run away from every single wish in the red house, but killing Hanako is the only wish that makes him hide behind his hands. He does not want to think about it. He does not want to face the possibility he may need to kill Hanako.

So he can't argue with Mitsuba.

And that makes him angry because exorcising Hanako does not mean the same as exorcising Mitsuba. For Hanako dying is not giving up on a dream, it is a reward, something he craves. Or at least, that's what Hanako consistently tells Kou.

Hanako's beliefs go against Kou's beliefs. This is the one thing Hanako constantly tries to 'teach' him, that Kou refuses to accept.

It is also the only thing Hanako has ever shown to want besides saving Nene. It is important to Hanako, Kou can understand that much. So when the ghost say "I look forward for when you exorcise me." it is a huge show of trust, of expectations.

Hanako only ever explicitly trusted Kou to help with two things: protecting Nene and exorcising him. He seems to be under the impression Hanako no longer trusts him to be of help to Nene, since the supernatural did not share his plans about the severance or trapping Nene in Mei's canvas, and that hurts.

He can't mess up Hanako's hopes of being exorcised too.

He doesn't want to disappoint Hanako again. There is a reason Hanako's asked Kou to kill him in the house the show you your wishes.

Is no wonder that when Mitsuba makes Kou remember Hanako his view on the situation changes, he considers Mitsuba's nature as a supernatural more carefully instead of dismissing his behavior as the personal attack he had thought it was.

The idea that Mitsuba may share Hanako's view on being exorcised is so frustrating to Kou. He fucking hates it, but he is more willing to think about it instead of dismissing his wish with to die with all the grace of a heart shoved in his mouth.

When he does a competition and claims he will exorcise Mitsuba if he wins, he feels more... Detached than usual. Even if he is visibly troubled.

It feels like a more raw version of when he is trying to convince himself Hanako is a threat that should be exorcised, telling Nene of all people this:

Which makes me believe that deep down a part of him wants her to convince him otherwise. Make him believe that Hanako is not an evil spirit he needs to exorcise. But she can't do it.

Kou does not want to exorcise either ghost but Hanako is dangerous, and Mitsuba no longer believes he can be human. So both ghosts force him to think about exorcism.

Mitsuba claim Kou wouldn't have exorcised him even if he had won and that is true. Even if Kou is serious about it, he doesn't have it in him to go through with it and kill Mitsuba.

All he can do is to think about it.

I find that neat.

[yutaholic]

Thank you for even making that post because I honestly feel like I’m going to explode!! Championing every issue is EXHAUSTING. I have such empathy fatigue. Bombardment of “rules”, behavioral guidelines, services, companies, networks + food brands & PEOPLE to boycott ALL THE TIME. Fandom is space many of us come to unplug from reality…it’s certainly my hyperfixation & ppl be like “well then get another one because you shouldn’t support–” IT DOESN’T WORK LIKE THAT. Fuck. I can’t take it anymore. Calls to action being in EVERY single place have weakened my mental state even more than it was before which was already on “pending disability” level of severe & now I’m just. burned t-absolute-f out….at everything!! I can literally FEEL myself unraveling. Kpop stans & their toxic activism can go to hell. They’re so worried about making sure to condemn others for “not doing enough” or being bad people, that they don’t even realize their actions are making them into bad people. This shit takes a toll on mental health, there is science behind this, it is real and what happens to human beings when inundated with constant terrible news, and it’s not just being ~too privileged to care~ but these performative mfs have no concept of blacklisting anymore and just want to assume the absolute worst about someone, call them names & wish harm on folks who are at the end of their ropes! It’s maddening! So even if compassion fatigue isn’t why you didn’t go out of your way to Denounce and Drag™️ him (bc you totally have the right to simply not want to do that on a fanfic blog!) I’m just glad someone else stated that this is supposed to be an ESCAPE. fuck.

Baby, burnout will fuck you up. Don't do that to yourself. Take the time you need and recoup. Life is a constant war and you can afford to lose a battle here and there to focus on your own health and well-being. Getting yourself back into a good place mentally will be a huge win. We both know the ppl obsessed with performative activism aren't doing anything from a place of compassion. The real ones are out there making change, not sending people death threats online from the comfort and safety of their mommy's basement.

When I posted the pic of NCT Dream and Big Time Rush, I wrote in the tags how BTR was something my sister and I loved and bonded over. We watched the show even though it was obviously a kids show and we were both adults. It was just something that gave us joy. My sister passed away years ago and anything BTR-related will make me teary because I think about how much we laughed together over it.

So the first thing I get are messages over how problematic BTR is, that I should delete the post or I'm pro-genocide if I don't dislike them. Ngl that made me so upset because I got a bunch of faceless people trying to taint some precious memories of me and my sister. If they came at me trying to educate me on things I didn't know that would be different, but it's straight to judgment and hatred toward me over something I posted that was totally innocent.

Meanwhile I get criticized for posting about a kpop group instead of reblogging every call to action post. I donate my money to these causes, but I don't post about it because I don't need my ass kissed for doing what I know to be right. I am 1000% sure the anons in my inbox that try to police me have never given a dime to anything, but are policing people's blogs for not reblogging posts or talking about it more.

I feel bad that I haven't been very active on here this year so I try to come on when I have some free time to interact with you guys. I make a silly post about Doyoung and get anons tearing into me for it like I'm his social media manager. Okay so because the world is going to shit we aren't allowed to enjoy anything?? Can't make jokes about anything. Can't show support for anything. Just wrong on every fucking count.

Believe me I am so goddamn aware of how lucky I am that I can sit here and say I'm very privileged that I live comfortably in the life I have. I know what's going on in the world and I do my part to help where I can, but I also have to keep functioning. I don't want every minute of my life to be seeped in anger, I did that for a long time and it not only eats away at you, it makes you ineffective in actually changing the things making you angry in the first place.

This was just supposed to be a blog where I posted my stories. One of the few places I could go and not constantly be reminded of how fucked up the world is. I've always said that people who told me reading a fic of mine made their day a little better or helped them escape for a bit were always my favorite. That was what I came here for and I loved being able to share the tiniest moments of peace and quiet with others through stories with guaranteed happy endings.

I'm frustrated because I have 4 drafts ready to go next year. I got the story posts done and made all the headers. But I don't want to post them. I have no problem admitting I'm selfish and spiteful. Even though I can turn off anon, I can't block these miserable people and I don't want them reading my stuff. They don't get to consume my content and then tell me to off myself right after.

A massive fuck you to those of you that ruined this blog for me.

[wise-lizard-wizard]

thoughts on dino squad? (2007)

(btw it’s episodic. You can watch it in any order tbh (first episode is titled ‘the beginning’))

I absolutely adore it!

I run the account Victor-Veloci-Simp-69.

I've been thinking about linking it to my Main, purely bc when I reblog and reply on posts, it shows my main, so it seems like I don't interact with people as my DS account, which makes me sad because it feels like I might be interpreted as standoffish? But I never have time, and it feels insignificant to do so.

I watched the show when I was a kid, then rediscovered it a couple of years ago, and now every few years I rewatch it.

Its not Technically a "good" show but eh. I love it.

I think the reason why I'm so obsessed with the show is because (This going to get so long, I am so sorry, I have so many thoughts)

There are so much that is just never adressed. I have so many thoughts. There is so much to expand on, so many AUs that are there for the imagining.

I genuinely like the episodes. The plot is genuinely so much fun. The why's of these plots is...questionable. The how's is fun tho.

IT IS SO INCONSISTENT! Okay, not part of why I like it, but Ahhhhhhhhh. None of it makes sense. The characterization changes literally seconds apart!!!!! WHAT!!!!!

JUST FROM EPISODE 1: WHY IS BUZZ DEPICTED AS AN ANIMAL LOVER AND THEN GOES "NAH, I'M NOT SAVING THE DOG FROM DROWNING". This happens seconds Apart!!!!

Why does Roger act indifferent about the assignment and then say "we should work together on this assignment" and Care about the assignment. SECONDS APART!!!!!

THEN THERE'S THE ANIMATION! OH MY GOD. At 4:21, Caruso is shown barefoot. At 4:25 HE HAS SHOES ON.

Ms Moynihan after they get mutated goes: "I told u not to go into the water" NO YOU DIDN'T. YOU NEVER SAID THAT. WHY R U LYING.

(Okay, so she could have said that off screen,I'll give it a pass, but also Literally No Where was that message implied to have been said before she stated that. Also, that implies that she knows Veloci is regularly dumping shit in the water.)

Also, Veloci injects Peter in episode 1 and this is just...never adressed again? What does that do to Peter, besides his eyes changing? THERE IS NO EFFECT WHAT DOES IT DO, I DON’T REMEMBER SEEING THE GUY EVER AGAIN WHAT!!! WHY DID VELOCI DO THAT.

Since Peter was injected with the Ooze, but Veloci is looking for his "perfect dinosaurs", then that inplies Peter is a failed dino. What happened to him? I am in hysterics. What. DOES VELOCI JUST HAVE LIKE A BUNCH OF STAFF THAT ARE FAILED DINOS!!!? I HAVE QUESTIONS!!!

I AM....AHHHHHHHHHHHH....I am so normal about this hahahaha.

Which is probably why it sticks in my head so much. Any media I get obsessed with usually has some aspect that makes me want to rip apart a chair with my teeth. Half the fun is telling my friend about the thing that makes me choke in frustration/rage. I like ranting. Its part of the fun to me.

4) I love the animation style.

5) I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS, I AM CLAWING AT MY ENCLOSURE, HOW!!! HOW DID VELOCI AND MS M SURVIVE IN THAT CAVE???? WHERE THEY SLEEPING FOR MILLIONS OF YEARS??? IF SO, HOW WHERE THEY NEVER DISCOVERED BY HUMANS IN ALL THAT TIME?

AT WHAT POINT DID THEY AWAKEN? THROUGH WHAT TIME PERIODS HAVE THEY LIVED? HOW DID THEY EXPIERIENCE WORLD WAR 1? WORLD WAR 2? ALL THE TRAGEDIES? How did they get from point A to point B????

How did they get to their current lives?

There is so much that remains a mystery. And with the large amounts of time Veloci and Ms M had, there is so much thats just. Not there. There are so many gaps to fill. There are so many AUs that can happen. And with the inconsistencies, there are so many places where I can't image the characters are anything but either unreliable or maybe even straight up lying...

Oh, and that's the other thing:

5) They are all, and I mean every single character, Major Assholes. The assholiest. Their only consistent character trait is being an asshole. I love it.

Anyway, I am sooooi normal about this show. So normal.

Also, very important! I love your dinosquad posts!!!! They're really cool, and I love seeing you in the fandom! Just. Feel really gushy about your posts. Also, I always feel really happy when I see you liked one of my Dinosquad posts. Its a small fandom, so I always feel like I'm talking into a void.

I have more thoughts, but this post has gotte really long as is lmao. I am so sorry.

This ask meant a lot to me, so thanks ♥.

[shitaholicshits]

Does anyone feels this sense of guilt not being able to do anything to help people literally being murdered in a genocide? Especially when we are here sitting in our homes with all the privilege we have. I feel like crying everyday seeing children dying, people losing their whole families. A father lost the only kid he had after 20 years of trying. Another one was looking for his kid's body parts and carrying it in a trash bag. Entire lineages of certain families are completely wiped. My screen time for Instagram has increased from an average of 1 hour everyday to 4 hours, because only certain pages on social media are showing the ground reality. News channels just refuse to show anything about it. They are calling Palestinians the terrorists. I have even heard people saying, "well they deserve it for supporting Hamas". Really? Really? Do you even have an ounce of humanity left in you? And who funded Hamas? Please tell me. I'm angry, but grieving the loss of so many innocents at the same time. My day starts with interacting with as many posts as I can related to Palestine because Instagram is shadow banning the influencers who are using their platform to show this. They are hiding these posts. They won't let us see the reality. I am trying to beat the algorithm by going to these pages, interacting with the posts as much as I can. A Palestinian reporter recently lost his whole family while he's been on ground reporting since this started. And Israel has the audacity to play the victim. I am seeing headless bodies of babies. How can you sleep after seeing all of this? How can you be okay with this? How do you people not see it. It's not a Muslim vs Jew situation. Its Palestinians vs Israelis. It's the oppressed vs the oppressors. It just feels so heavy on my heart that I can't do anything but talk about it on social media, and pray for them. I pray for them every single day. I end up crying while praying for them. It honestly hurts so much. When will this end?

[justatesfan]

Who wants to hear an info dump about my headcanons and thoughts about Captain Zero, Zorran and their relationship in my TUGS human AU?

Ha ha, no one asked for this, but I want to share it with someone. Mostly to get stuff out of my own head. So here I am, sharing it with you, the people.

Ok, so first of all they are very close friends, and if you spend any length of time around them you will pick this up. You might not be able to tell from a single interaction between the two, depending on their moods. The only people who won’t tell you they are friends this, is Captain Zero and Zorran themselves.

These two will admit they are close, but don’t see each other as ‘friends’. They more see it as a relationship of last resort. They both need someone to be there for them through thick and thin, and unfortunately they are each the only option that the other has.

When they first met, neither of them liked the other. Zero thought Zorran was a lovesick gullible idiot, and Zorran thought his future captain was a shouty man who was almost certainly doing something illegal on the side (Zero has always worked with smugglers, mostly finding ways to sneak stuff on with helmsmen that he can half trust, are oblivious, or are desperate for a little cash themselves).

The pre-catalyst for their friendship was Zorran’s heartbreak from a miscommunication and a seemingly unrequited love. This isn’t the same as the problems Zero was having with his wife, but it is close enough that he has the horrid feeling of pity for the kid (as well as seeing a vulnerable person who he can manipulate to do his dirty work).

The second, and more important factor in their relationship improving is when Zero’s wife ‘leaves’ him. Zero doesn’t take this very well, and Zorran helps him deal with everything. This event really cements the trust between the two of them.

When Zero’s job is on the line (because employing a possible criminal is bad for business), Zorran does everything he can to protect him from the prospect of prison and support his idea for a new business. Zero sees this as Zorran being ‘his man’, the guy he can rely on when the whole world is against him (which is how Zorran viewed him after that first step in their friendship). But Zorran is partly doing it out of the guilt he feels for being responsible for the fleet finding out about Zero’s activities. He will NEVER tell Zero this though.

Every year that they work together they get closer, purely due to the nature of their work putting them squarely in between the authorities and criminal enterprises. They had to learn how to run/appear to run a legitimate operation. And at first, they were not very good at it. They only stayed in business because of the profits from smuggling, which they were thankfully pretty good at.

Eventually they did work things out fleet-wise. Zero learnt that you can’t always be doing shady stuff, sometimes your pretend business needs to do some real work. Zorran learnt that you can’t be a nightmare to work with just because you know there is money you can fall back on if a contract is suddenly pulled from under you. They also are completely incapable of doing each other’s jobs. Zorran has no skill at paperwork and Zero nearly gets himself locked up when he tries to do the activities he has Zorran doing.

The two of them are very good at keeping each other in check. Which is good, because both of them are equally talented at having the most bizarre ideas at times. Usually when they get too emotional or invested in something. If left alone Zero would more than likely become a sad and bitter old man who hates the world, and Zorran would piss people off to the point no one would have anything to do with him.

They will die for each other, regardless of what they might actually say. Even, and possibly especially, if the other person is in a tricky situation because of a foolish mistake.

Uh, I don’t really know where I was going with this, just wanted to ramble about these guys a bit. I had written a lot more, but it became a full fan-fic plan and no one here wants to read through that. I certainly don't want to write it all out right now lol.

More than happy to answer any questions people might have about my AU though.

[yes-but-theyre-my-dorks]

Buzzfeed Unsolved x MCU: The Battle of New York

summary: Shane and Ryan do a Supernatural Unsolved episode on the Battle of New York

rating: PG-13 for language

warnings: none really? language

word count: ~1.6k

a/n: I wrote a fic like this years ago, but unfortunately I deleted that tumblr account back in 2019 and I literally cannot find any record of my post anymore. I couldn’t even find the original copy anywhere on my computer. hope y’all enjoy it! extra info found on the MCU fandom wiki.

Ryan: This week on Buzzfeed Unsolved, we’re covering the Battle of New York, an event that destroyed half of Manhattan in a single afternoon and opened the world’s eyes to the existence of extraterrestrial life. Bet you feel pretty fuckin’ stupid now, huh Shane?

Shane: Now, look here, I am pretty fuckin’ stupid, but I have never said that I don’t believe in aliens.

Ryan: You say it literally every time we do an episode on aliens.

Shane: No, I’ve said that I don’t believe aliens have ever interacted with humans before.

Ryan: All I’m hearing are excuses.

Shane: Who’s pretty fuckin’ stupid now?

Ryan: Still you.

Shane: Damn, when you’re right you’re right.

Ryan: Can I get into the case now?

Shane: Go ahead, open your file with a single piece of paper in it and tell us all about it.

Ryan: Let’s get into it.

On May 1st, 2012, in a secret, underground facility in the middle of the Mojave, experiments were being performed on an object called “the Tesseract.” The scientists performing the experiment were employed by the Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division, otherwise known as “S.H.I.E.L.D.”

Shane: Wait a second, say that name again?

Ryan: S.H.I.E.L.D.?

Shane: No no no, the acronym.

Ryan: Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division.

Shane: (wheeze) That’s the stupidest name I’ve ever heard.

Ryan: Yeah, it does seem like they’re trying too hard.

Shane: Someone really wanted their organization to spell out “SHIELD.” What a bunch of nerds.

Ryan: The Tesseract had been used during World War II by Nazi scientists Johann Schmidt and Arnim Zola to create energy weapons that were capable of completely pulverizing its targets. It was briefly lost when Captain Steve Rogers, also known as Captain America, hijacked a German bomber called the Valkyrie that was on course to destroy multiple major cities across the United States. He was unable to change course, so instead he attempted to fly the Valkyrie into the ocean and ended up landing in an ice field in Greenland. The Tesseract was found by Howard Stark not long after, although Captain Rogers and the Valkyrie were not found until about 70 years later.

The Tesseract changed owners several times, but by 2012 it was in S.H.I.E.L.D.’s possession during Project P.E.G.A.S.U.S., which was an acronym for “Potential Energy Group - Alternate Sources - United States.”

Shane: Oh you’ve got to be kidding me.

Ryan: (wheeze)

Shane: Fuckin’ tryhards. 

Ryan: On May 1, 2012, there was an incident involving the Tesseract. The facility was breached by Loki Laufeyson, an alien born on Uranus and raised on Saturn. Thanks to Natasha Romanoff leaking all of S.H.I.E.L.D.’s data in 2014, all security footage from that night is available to the public. While they were experimenting on the Tesseract, it opened a portal through which Loki was able to come to Earth. He attacked and killed several agents using a staff that looked to be powered by something similar to the Tesseract. He used the same staff to subdue several agents and scientists through mind control. He even used it on Clint Barton, also known as Hawkeye: an actual Avenger!

Shane: Now hold up, mind control? On an Avenger? No way.

Ryan: I’m just telling you the facts.

Shane: There is no way an Avenger just let him waltz up and take control of his mind!

Ryan: Well actually, Loki is so powerful that he shows up in Norse mythology as a god, so really an Avenger got mind controlled by a god.

Shane: But we know he’s not a god now, he’s just an alien.

Ryan: The footage doesn’t lie!

Shane: This is bullshit.

Ryan: One of the side effects of this kind of mind control is that it turns the victim’s eyes bright blue, and according to footage we have from this event and images of Loki later on, his eyes are significantly bluer during the battle and the events leading up to it, so-

Shane: Ohhhhh, so he could have been mind-controlled, too!

Ryan: Yeah, exactly.

Shane: That tickles me very much!

Ryan: Ew, I… I didn’t like that.

Shane: That is very tickling indeed!

Ryan: This is a weird turn of phrase, even for you.

Shane: I will say, it makes the whole “mind controlling an Avenger” thing way more believable.

Ryan: Loki successfully stole the Tesseract, and the entire facility collapsed on itself, apparently due to the sheer power of the portal they had opened. Footage shows Loki using his staff to shoot oncoming S.H.I.E.L.D. agents and completely pulverizing them. He even shot down a helicopter!

S.H.I.E.L.D. used this as an opportunity to reactivate the Avengers Initiative, a project focused on bringing together people of special abilities to protect the Earth. The Avengers at the time were made up of Tony Stark, also known as Iron Man, Captain America, Bruce Banner, also known as the Hulk, Thor, another alien from Saturn who is seen in Norse mythology as the “god of thunder,” Agent Natasha Romanoff, also known as the Black Widow, and Hawkeye.

Shane: I thought Hawkeye got mind controlled?

Ryan: Well they got him back before the battle.

Shane: Do we know how?

Ryan: According to Agent Romanoff, she hit him really hard in the head and he was fine.

Shane: (wheeze) Is that really what she said?

Ryan: Yeah, they were fighting on one of S.H.I.E.L.D.’s helicarriers and she slammed his head against a railing and then knocked him out for good measure.

Shane: What a badass!

Ryan: Oh yeah, the Black Widow is definitely one of the most underrated heroes in history.

Loki spent a brief time in captivity on S.H.I.E.L.D.’s helicarrier, but was rescued by some of his mind-controlled goons who launched a fairly severe attack on the aircraft. Thor and the Hulk fell off the carrier, and several S.H.I.E.L.D. agents were killed, including a high-ranking agent named Phil Coulson.

On May 4th, famous astrophysicist Erik Selvig (who was also under mind control) was caught building a portal using the Tesseract on top of Stark Tower in downtown Manhattan. After some failed negotiation between Tony Stark and Loki inside the tower, the portal was opened and an alien army known as the Chitauri was released on New York. The Chitauri are a sentient species of cybernetically enhanced beings that operate under a hive mind intelligence. They use another species called Leviathans for troop transport and combat, which are extremely augmented using armor, anti-gravity devices, and even laser cannons. 

The battle itself lasted two to three hours. Most of Manhattan was destroyed, and the World Security Council actually authorized the release of a nuclear missile to try and end the battle. As the missile headed for New York, Tony Stark intercepted it and redirected it into the portal. The missile hit the Chitauri Command Center, destroying the hive mind and deactivating every single soldier left fighting. Stark’s suit lost power as he let the nuke go, and he fell back to Earth through the portal just as Agent Romanoff closed the portal using Loki’s staff. As he was falling, reports say that he was caught in mid-air by the Hulk and brought safely back to ground level.

Shane: How the hell is New York still standing after that?

Ryan: Well, S.H.I.E.L.D. had a subsidiary team called “Damage Control,” and after the battle it was transferred to the federal government and is now the U.S. Department of Damage Control.

Shane: What, they couldn’t come up with a fun acronym for that?

Ryan: I guess not, whoever was coming up with cool names was off that day.

Shane: Damn, right when they needed him the most.

Ryan: Honestly, that’s the real tragedy of this whole story.

Shane: So is that the whole case?

Ryan: That’s pretty much it.

Shane: I remember where I was when I saw this on TV, actually.

Ryan: Oh yeah?

Shane: Yeah, I was watching TV at home and flippin’ through the channels and when I flipped on the news I thought I was watching a shitty alien movie.

Ryan: (wheeze) You didn’t realize this was a real thing that happened?

Shane: No, not until I saw it on Twitter like an hour after it happened.

Ryan: Oh my God, dude! You really are fuckin’ stupid.

Shane: I never said I wasn’t.

Ryan: Even though we now know the facts of the Battle of New York, a lot of questions remain unanswered. If Loki was being controlled, who was controlling him?  Where are he and Thor now? Does this open the door for future alien attacks, or alien alliances? What else is out there? As of this episode being filmed in April of 2015, we’re still waiting to see what the Avengers do next, but until then, all of these questions remain… UNSOLVED.

So who’s your favorite Avenger, Shane?

Shane: Hmm, that’s a toughie.

Ryan: Mine is Captain America, no contest.

Shane: Oh yeah?

Ryan: Hell yeah, dude. Killing Nazis and fighting aliens and surviving 70 years in ice? That’s badass.

Shane: So… no cap?

Ryan: *disappointed silence*

Shane: Get it, because- 

Ryan: No I got the joke.

Shane: Well, you’re not laughing, so I thought-

Ryan: Well it wasn’t funny.

Shane: Goodness, Ryan, you don’t have to hurt my feelings like that.

Ryan: I love hurting your feelings, actually.

Shane: Hm. This is awkward, then.

-----

please lmk if I should write more of these, I had a lot of fun with this one and I haven’t written stuff like this in like 5 years so I feel a little rusty lol. hope you enjoyed and if anyone wants to give me suggestions on more stuff to write please do!

[scattered-winter]

yeah i’ll bite what’s ur more correct hoo? 👀

for friends who have not yet read the series this is gonna spoil pretty much ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, everything. heroes of olympus, trials of apollo, etc etc so on and so forth. i am full of Opinions and by god's big green tits i'm gonna make them Heard.

alright listen. I have so much beef with heroes of olympus because like. the things it could've been. I'll list all my grievances first to get it all out of my system before telling you about my more correct version. if you'd like to skip the salt and get to the good bits, scroll down to the bolded text xox

gaea was a weak-ass antagonist with no real motivation outside of "she's trying to destroy humanity because she's evil." arguably, kronos was the same way, which when you look at him from a mythological standpoint it makes sense because his whole thing is trying to overthrow the gods (and really, the same could be argued for gaea; mythologically, she tends to cause some shit on occasion). but kronos had the lesser gods/demigods on his side, which added a fascinating aspect to the conflict in the og series, especially since, in the end, percy realized that they were right. everyone who had fought for kronos had justification for it. the gods used them, abused them, and abandoned them, and they were tired of being tools. and percy realized that, and changed the status quo so it would never happen again.

fast forward to heroes of olympus. gaea and the giants are destroying the world...........because they want to. there were no other arguments. there were no other motivations/antagonists to add a more interesting aspect to it. it was a classic good vs evil conflict with little to no grayness which,,,,isn't a bad thing, but it just wasn't as compelling.

camp jupiter. boyyyyyyyy howdy do i have a ramble for that. it's so insane to me that the camp was defended by kids and teenagers when an entire city full of adult demigods was literally just a short hike away from the camp itself ????? like. I get it was because camp jupiter was meant to be camp half-blood's opposite force or whatever but come on. one could argue that camp half-blood is similar because chiron is training kids to go on quests, but like......that's his mythological role. in the myths, that's what chiron does. and without an established city/safe place other than a summer camp, the greek demigods are child soldiers by necessity, but the roman demigods are child soldiers for literally no reason other than that the plot needs them to be. which ,, i'm not saying that's bad. i'm just saying it's not as good as it could be.

also the 7!!!!!!!! THE 7!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! honestly, I think their whole deal is boiled down to a classic case of TELLING, not showing. we were told all throughout the series that the 7 are all best friends ,, a family, even. we were consistently told that. but there was very little actual instances of this being shown. group interactions were uncommon, and relationship dynamics were limited almost exclusively to romantic relationships or surface-level friendships that were explored only as an opportunity for quips and funny moments, but nothing deeper than that (percy and jason, for example). even the romantic relationship that preceded the series, percabeth, was broken down into a blander, flatter version from before, and both characters suffered for it. piper/jason was also flat and flavorless for most of the series, and frank/hazel is just. a mess. a 13 year old dating a 16 year old is squeamish in any context, and throw leo into the mix to make a weird, unnecessary love triangle, and it's just. even more of a mess. throw in the fact that every single character was motivated purely by romance and romantic relationships, and that every character ended up in a romantic relationship, and well. y'all know I'm aroace, so that's fairly self-explanatory. nothing worse than a piece of media claiming to be found family but focusing only on romance. kill die die die maim tear.

also about the 7, but it seemed to me that.......rick was trying to mimic percy's inner monologue with all of them--the sarcasm, the dark humor, etc. we all fell in love with percy in the og series, and I think he was trying to make us like the new characters in the same way, but in doing so he just made them all mini percys while also sandpapering the real percy. give each member of the 7 a different sense of humor/personality is what I'm saying. come on.

calypso. the only reason she was even in the books was to give leo a love interest, because apparently the single worst thing that can happen to a character is to not have someone to kiss (sarcasm intended). the gods not freeing her from the island just threw literally everything won from the og series out with the trash, and like. we know the gods are just Like That sometimes but look me in the eyes and tell me percy jackson, the boy who had just fought for so long and lost so much to get the gods' heads out of their asses, would just assume they followed through and not even check to make sure that another person wronged by the gods, someone he was very close to, got freed from her prison. that's right, you can't. my percy would never.

in that same vein: caleo. not only was the relationship kinda shaky in the first place because it was only there to give leo someone to kiss, it's also....not very good. calypso spends all her time belittling, talking down to, and sometimes even hitting leo, a character who canonically grew up in an abusive household. idk about y'all but.....an abused character already being thrown into a relationship for no reason, and then having that relationship be abusive?? and portrayed as the height of romance????? not a good vibe. I also really hated how, on top of all that, leo left his found family (canonically the only people who have ever made him feel loved/like he belongs) to go travel the world with calypso. which. another classic instance of familial/platonic relationships always, constantly being on a tier lower than romantic relationships. and y'all know how I feel about that.

the poc characters. I'm not the best resource on this one, since I'm not a poc, but there are plenty of people in minorities who have spoken out on this point, and I urge you to listen to them, because those arguments are all valid ones. (here is a good post that provides a good overview). I also remember seeing a really good post about piper's indigenous heritage as well, but unfortunately it's been lost to the void of tumblr.

aphrodite cabin. rick riordan seems to have this complex where the only female characters he can write about are tomboyish, tough, and badass. which isn't bad, of course, but it becomes a problem when all the more feminine female characters are portrayed exclusively as bullies/wimps. smfh there's more than one type of character in this world, richard

octavian. I get it, I hated him, everyone hated him, but I really can't deny that he had the potential for a compelling story. being manipulated by the oracle spirits into playing right into gaea's hands????? it COULD have been sooooo good, but octavian had hardly any development/focus, and I think him being manipulated only came up once or twice. storywriting equivalent of "he a little confused but he got the spirit."

now, for my more correct version :]

gaea's whole deal is completely different. instead of destroying humanity just because she Can, gaea is destroying the gods because she's furious and grieving her children, the titans. kronos was chopped into pieces and cast into eternal oblivion by the gods and demigods, and the other titans were forced back into subjugation, and gaea, who's been dealing with the gods' shit for thousands of years, has had enough*. so she rallies her other children, the giants, to bring down the gods and western civilization to avenge the millennia of heartbreak and injustice. which, yeah, fair enough. the gods suck and they've done some shitty things.

*this was actually touched on in the books when piper was using her charmspeak on gaea during the final battle. and I don't own physical copies of the books and tried everywhere to find the exact quote but it eluded me so I'll do my best to paraphrase from memory, but piper was sympathizing with all the grief and loss gaea has suffered over the centuries. tartarus banished, kronos defeated twice, etc etc. and I feel like that had potential for gaea's motivations but it was literally only brought up that one time smh

bonus points if there was some nuance to both sides. a few monsters who fight alongside the protagonists because they rely on western civilization just as much as the gods/demigods do, or even some gods or demigods who fight alongside gaea for one reason or another (like octavian, if he had been better developed). something to add some new facets to the conflict, because that was part of what made the conflict against kronos so damn compelling.

the 7 would be a found family FIRST, and a group of individuals w romantic relationships SECOND, if at all. percabeth can stay, as long as it's. actually the percabeth we all know and love, not whatever the fuck we actually had. piper/jason is on thin fucking ice, and only happens with the caveat that both their characterizations are my more correct versions (see below). hazel/frank is NOT a thing. piper, annabeth, and hazel have on-page interactions and friendships, and they have conversations about shared trauma and bonding over their common pasts in abusive households and shit like that, instead of talking about boys every fucking time. there are complex and multifaceted interpersonal relationships within the entire 7, and each friendship/dynamic has a chance to shine.

jason and percy. oughhhhhhhhh I have sooo many thoughts about them. they're character foils. percy had to fight for respect. jason had to fight to be treated normally. they're sons of arguably the most powerful gods of all time. they're opposites in nearly every way, but in the very same breath they're mirror reflections of each other*. I'm all for them being best friends, but the "sharing a braincell" himbo thing they had going on? that was played off purely for humor? hell no. they have a very deep and complicated friendship because they recognize themselves in the other and yet they're so completely different that they're on opposite ends of a spectrum. sure, they can hang out and have fun, but at their core, they have both a deep-seated understanding for each other but their personalities also grate a bit because they're so completely different. maybe there's a sideplot of them learning how to get along/be amicable with each other because they're both very traumatized TEENAGERS with so much pressure and stress to deal with, which, combined with the inherent complications of their relationship already, would make them a powder keg ready to blow. and I'm here for that. *the groundwork for their relationship being "two sides of the same coin" was already laid with hera switching them, and even with some characters stating how similar they were in some ways, but of course it was never expanded on so that's why it's here in the more correct version :]

piper. sooooooooo many complicated feelings about her. at first she was a generic Not Like Other Girls type, which. felt soooo cheap to me and is probably why piper/jason felt so. meh. because they were BOTH very flat and one dimensional at first. but in my more correct version, piper and drew were able to bond over being underestimated/ignored as daughters of aphrodite and as women of color, and I also hold the concept of piper being more feminine soooo close to my chest. I love characters who are so tough and badass who aren't allergic to dresses and makeup. her sexuality is also explored/brought up before she suddenly has a girlfriend.

jason doesn't DIE right when I start to actually LIKE him. smh (I'm sorry but it felt SOOO cheap to me. like it was purely for shock value. killing and biting). I do, however, love the concept trials of apollo introduced of jason being much more relaxed and comfortable with himself both as a greek-leaning demigod and as a kid who no longer had to deal with all the weight and pressure of being a Leader (tm). and jason acting more like a greek demigod vs percy acting more like a roman demigod can be another aspect of them being mirror reflections of each other. as percy begins to pick up more roman traits (because i LOVE to study how trauma/circumstances can change a character), jason starts to pick up more greek traits. it's another facet to their very complicated, very deep relationship with each other.

i ALSO love the concept of jason having a villain arc. he was a mirror to luke in so many ways; child soldier, abandoned by his godly parent, huge responsibilities on his shoulders, etc. I'd even argue jason had it worse than luke since he was a son of jupiter and thus had the constant pressure accompanying that. I think he deserved to go a little apeshit instead of that "high priest of the gods" bullshit

leo started out as my favorite, but as the series progressed, his character development stayed right where it was in the lost hero. I would have loved to see him change and grow as a person; maybe having a sokka-style arc where he grows out of his misogyny and sexism, and also gains some maturity (I liked his jokes, but come ON.) he would also have a different sense of humor, because as I said earlier it felt like rick was trying to make everyone into a mini-percy. I would also have loved to see a character not end up in a romantic relationship, since leo canonically had a lot of complicated feelings about family; it would have been great catharsis for me, someone who also has a lot of complicated feelings about family, to see a character I could relate to be able to find a family all of his own, with people he genuinely cared about and who loved him back.

hazel gets more development in how she was literally from the past. she died. I want more development and focus on that smh!!!!!!! how much is different in the modern age?? how many times does she walk down the street and do a double take because something's so completely different??? how many nightmares does she have about dying???????

frank stays chubby throughout the entire series. he does Not have a sudden glowup where he's No Longer Fat. he also doesn't date a 13 year old godbless

NICO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! nico. first of all, him being gay is built up from day fucking one. maybe not said outright for a while, but it's at least CODED. it's not suddenly flung out of nowhere. for that matter, him being forcibly outed against his will is talked about more!!!!!!!!!!!! yes, jason was probably one of the best people he could have been forcibly outed to, but STILL !!! the trauma of having the choice taken away from you!!! especially for someone like nico, who was 1) raised in the 1940s where being gay was practically a death sentence and 2) sooo slow to trust. I need him to have some focus on that shit because it was fucked!!!!!!

in that same vein, solangelo is sooo much different. will solace gets some characterization in the pjo series to build him up beforehand, and he and nico interact a few times on-page in pjo as well to give their relationship some foundation as opposed to just. throwing them together for no reason. I would've really loved seeing them working together during the battle of manhattan!!! nico canonically has an admiration for will's bravery during the battle, and I would've loved to actually. ya know. see them work together on the page. I also think their dynamic has SOO much more to it than "sunshine bf/goth bf" that everyone+rick have turned them into. one of them is the son of death. one of them is a healer. will's probably lost so many of his friends because he was unable to save them. nico's lost so much of himself. they're soooooooo <333 by the time blood of olympus rolls around, they're already good friends, and almost losing each other in the battle only brings them even closer <3

annabeth and percy are still the same fucking couple/characters that i fell in love with in the og series, not the watered down romance we got

the final battle is much longer with much higher stakes (I want the camps having 24 hour watches while waiting for the enemy to attack again!! I want makeshift hospitals!!!! I want!!!!! a war!!! not a battle!!!!!!!!!)

the greeks are actually. taken seriously. on god. they're a highly competent force of fighters, not a bunch of immature idiots. rick riordan i am biting you (derogatory)

[random-xpressions]

Did the confines of this world ever trim or clip my wings or is it that with each passing day my wings have only grown larger and stronger than my yesteryears? A little throwback into my oldest memory, when I first became conscious of gender segregation was when my eyes fell on some "vulgar" (semi nude) movie magazine at the young age of 6. Then until now, I've met and interacted with literally hundreds from the opposite sex, be that some silly attraction to a cousin or distant relative, or even some perverted wet dreams of some aunt or older lady in the neighborhood during my adolescent years, or even more specifically when in the year 1997 I for the first time in my life spoke with a girl for nearly 45 min over the phone at the prime age of 14, and then were the fun filled adventures one usually has during the younger years. Wait - why am I narrating all this? We'll get to that point but fast forward to where I stand today in terms of my relationship status is a subject that needs some light. For the records, I'm separated but that doesn't mean that I have severed completely from her, I must confess that I still miss my ex every single day of my life and that there are instances when I still weep, a little more profusely, when I remember her. A divorce only ends a marital relationship but never the soul bonding you had with someone, especially knowing that she had been the Queen of my life for a decade and had gifted me with two priceless gifts, my kids, an honour no one else on earth has been entitled to. So with much reverence she still holds a place in my heart that will never be effaced with time or even by anything that fate may as well choose to write. When I've scribbled someone's name into my heart, then destiny sounds way too feeble to come between us. But again what's ended has been ended for known reasons and quite consciously. So after paying much homage to the first lady, does that mean in any way that the "other women" that I have encountered in my life are by any means inferior? And does it even sound degrading to you that they are being mentioned as 'other women'? To me, I have grown from any such cheap measures to judge a woman in black and white terms. I'm as grateful to any feminine soul that has raised my level of experience in whatever subtle or obvious way it could be as I'm to my own mother who brought me into existence with much pain. Does it sound like a Casanova paying tribute to all his known and unknown mistresses? Oh bite your nails, if you so wish, and label me in whatever way you please, it barely makes any difference to me. Somehow society has portrayed any relationship with the opposite gender with much taboo and chastisement as if to say that a man or a woman having more than one soulful relationship is a sin one must feel guilty for - not to me at least. I declare it proudly that I've more souls in my life more dearer to me than myself than you could count on your fingers. Hence, to the contrary, I feel blissful for having known souls who are set ablaze in fervour, passion, intellect, beauty, charm, gentleness, dignity, honour, and above all divinity garbed in human skin - I see them, every single one of them - as pure reflections of heaven walking upon earth. Toast to the open hearted ones then - the ones I've met and ones I'm yet to meet. Heaven must be a place where we all get together for a grand feast and a wild dance!

Random Xpressions

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

So, as people know, I watched a lot of panel shows during lockdown. Too many panel shows during lockdown. My friends were all sending messages about mentally suffering from the lack of human contact, and I was saying I don’t know what you’re talking about, I’ve seen every single episode of 8 Out of 10 Cats in the last month and I’m fine. Do you want to hear about it? No? Fine, I’ll create a Tumblr blog and tell them about it instead and the only cost will be that by a couple of years later I’ll have totally emotionally disconnected from the real life I used to have. Like I said, my mental health responded really well to lockdowns.

Anyway, that had some less dark effects on my mind as well, one of which is that at some point, British accents started to be the ones I expected to hear. Because I was listening to them all day, and never interacting with anyone in person, I didn’t hear the Canadian accent of myself or the people I know for ages, I just heard these British ones. It maybe didn’t help that I got so focused on the accents specifically, as I tried to overcome my tone-deafness and learn to tell the difference among the 300,000 known British accents that are out there so I could get the jokes based on them, and I mostly failed in my quest but I can at least reliably tell Scottish apart from Welsh apart from Yorkshire apart from Croydon these days. Also I know what Croydon is. (I already knew what Yorkshire was, due to the Monty Python sketch.)

Anyway, I spent so much time buried in that media that when I did start occasionally interacting with humans again (not even when most restrictions were lifted, but when I went to stay with my parents for a while because they were worried about the agoraphobia I was developing/the lockdowns were clearly validating the agoraphobia I had always been prone to but hadn’t been able to enforce due to my lifestyle), I realized their accents sounded slightly strange to me. Not really weird or anything, I’d just hear them and get a tiny sense of “Oh, that’s different from how most people talk.” Even though it is how I talk and how everyone I know talks.

(Please note: I did not actually say this to anyone I knew, including my parents. Because I am aware of the stereotype of a person who goes to Europe for a few weeks and comes back pretending that they’re European now. And the only thing I can think of that would be worse than that is someone who manages to have picked that up by not even going over there, just spending many months locked in a room watching their TV shows. I did not walk around telling people they sound funny because I’m used to British accents now. I am also pleased to say I can confirm that no amount of concentrated panel show watching is enough for me to pick up a British accent myself, though I have normalized a few of their phrases in my head from all the Britcom, I have to stop myself from saying “football” instead of “soccer” on the rare occasions when that word comes up in my real life because I do not want to sound like I think I’m British now. I just genuinely hear that sport referenced constantly in my British media and almost never in my Canadian life, so the word for it in my head has changed. There are two or three other things like that, where my own vocabulary’s drifted toward British-isms as a result of the last few years, but mostly, any British-isms in my vocabulary are there because I read a lot of Phillip Pullman and Harry Potter and CS Lewis and Douglas Adams as a kid, and I picked up words from there, not thinking I was trying to “talk British”, I was just young enough to still frequently learn new words and expressions and I thought the stuff I came across in those books were just regular things I didn’t already know so I incorporated them into my speech and by the time I realized they’re not used here I’d already solidified the habit. Point being that I’ve been saying “brilliant” since long before 2020, and I can get away with little things like that because “brilliant” is a word that means the same thing in Canada and just isn’t used as often – it’s not like I use a word like “trousers” or something that we don’t have here at all. As for the actual accents, the only British accent I can sort of do a tiny bit is Glaswegian, but I can only do it while saying words that Jamie MacDonald said in The Thick of It, because I’ve spent so much time quoting him over the years that I think I can imitate him a bit. If you heard my Glaswegian accent you’d think it was bad, and you’d be right, but it would still be true that I can do it better than any other accents I’ve ever tried. It’s the tone deafness again. People have asked me before why I’ve never tried making music when deep love of music has always been such a big part of my life, and I tell them I don’t even have the auditory processing capability to tell an English from an Australian accent, I sure as hell can’t sing or play an instrument. I realize I’m getting quite far off the point by now. Back to the post.)

Since then, I’m pleased to say I’ve stopped having that feeling in real life, and have gone back to expecting the people around me to talk with Canadian accents, with no little twinge of “oh, that’s a bit different” when I hear it. However, I do still get that with media. I watch British TV and think they’re all talking normally, for how people on TV are meant to talk. I almost never watch American or Canadian TV anymore, so when I do occasionally put on an episode of 30 Rock or something, my brain will have a brief little jolt of “Oh, that’s a notably different accent” when the characters start talking in the exact same exact that I and everyone I know have (non-region-specific American accents = the same as non-region-specific Canadian accents, I’m almost sure, though I’ve had some people tell me there’s a slight difference and maybe I just don’t hear it due to the tone-deafness).

There is one exception to this, as I realized yesterday. I was watching a British TV show that featured children, and that sounded odd to me. It gave me that brief moment of thinking “Oh, that’s interesting, that’s a bit of a different way of speaking than I’m used to.” And I realized that while I’ve gotten very used to hearing adults be British on TV – so used to it that it sounds a bit weird when anyone on TV isn’t British now – I have rarely heard a British accent in a child’s voice. That still sounds like a surprising foreign accent to me.

Anyway, this was an overly long post in which I was just trying to give enough context to say: it turns out that I don’t expect children to be British, and my brain is slightly shocked by the idea. I am travelling to London and Edinburgh this summer, and as much as I think I have obsessively learned about British culture to the point where it's normalized in my head, I'm kind of looking forward to finding out what other things exist in British real life but not in British comedic media so I'll be surprised to see them when I get there. Things like children being British.

[limpfisted]

WYLL’S FLAWED PERSPECTIVE. or, how to “read” my replies!

i personally believe wyll is a flawed character and its important to give him the full spectrum of emotions beyond “good” “kind” or “bad” “evil.”

i am personally working on trying to stay “ic” and true to my characters, without pushing the character into saying something that will like, be good for a ship, or like, be an “rp people pleaser” if that makes senses!

i don’t JUST want to have interactions where wyll is perfect. to me, wyll has flaws in the way he communicates and sees the world. this does not mean he is not heroic, or a kind, decent man—it just means i love him as a character for his layers. these things make him more REAL and complex than i think wyll as a PERSON wants to be, in a kind of “hide my truth, hide my feelings, elsa frozen kinnie” way

so without further ado, here are some things wyll might do or want to do or say incorrectly or percieve your character in the wrong way even tho i personally would not behave in the same ways irl On Purpose For Some Of These Things

CONDESCENDING. wyll believes he knows best. wyll believes he can say all the right words and “fix things.” he can make EVERYTHING better. he has a SAVIOR COMPLEX. while never being a perfect martyr, he really does think he can “ahaaha dont have depression ur so sexy” ur ass by being gentle and kind and roleplaying a fairy tale with you. additionally, if you seem “soft” in some way, or “meek” in some way, wyll want to “help you” more.

AVOIDANT. wyll does not want to talk about what he wants, what he notices, what he feels, except in poetryor tall tales or threats of violence. his pretty words sometimes hide an emptiness, a dreaminess. he speaks of things he cannot have and will not ask for. he is embarrassed to want, embarrassed to need, attention, desire, anything but charm and protecting the innocent and meek.

OVERLY ROMANTIC. this ties in with above. he idealizes people, he puts them on pedestals, he treats them like they are made of glass. he does not humanize others or himself enough, and prefers to live in a world of fantasies and pretend.

BOASTFUL. wyll tries to be humble—but this is to match a persona. if you dive even slightly deeper into things, he’s all too happy to tell you how strong and heroic he is, to the point of condescion and vanity. on the other hand, he will not take you seriously if you threaten him! he’ll threaten you back! he doesnt give a single fuck!

BLACK AND WHITE THINKING AND SNAP JUDGEMENTS. to wyll, you are either “hunter” “prey” “hero/villain” the person he needs to protect people from. he will bide his time—but it is difficult for him to trear villains kindly, and he will NEVER truly respect them as people, unless they prove they have changed or are not trying to hurt anyone currently.

WILL WORK WITH VILLAINS. WILL MAKE DEALS WITH DEVILS. WILL ALSO HUNT THEM FOR SPORT. easy to understand, wyll believes he can “control” devils, if they are useful to him. wyll can ally with evil—even if he is just biding his time to kill them later.

VIOLENT. ROLEPLAYER. if you are evil, he will just want to kill you and that’s that! he wanted to kill every goblin at that camp! he relishes in violence as long as it’s for justice. he gets off on the power and pomp of it n his heroism—even when its not actually heroic

WORDS GET AWAY FROM HIM. he will speak with intention, but has a tendency to ramble poetically. when angry, and threatening someone, sometimes he makes no sense at all bc he just wants murder myrder death death justice

A SILLY BILLY!! he can take himself very seriously, but also he is brainweird and skin hungry n loves to touch n be weird and wrestle n write funny poems and get drunk n dance under the stars. he’s a silly ex-(would have been a theatre kid but his dad wanted him to join jrotc instead) kid! he likes big bold gestures. he is EXTREMELY REPRESSED, but the closer he gets to u, the more ull see his joy n not just his “good hero”

DEEPLY LONELY AND APPROVAL SEEKING. wyll really likes it when people pay attention to him. nore than he likes actually doing good things, sometimes. note: there is nothing wrong with doing good things for recognition, everyone deserves recognition of hard work n pain. but it still makes him more interesting to me than generic hero!:

EASILY CORRUPTABLE / MOLDABLE / MANIPULATED. he approves of killing for auntie ethel n them immediatley goes. oh. fuck. oh no…. i fucked up. im trash…. he got i. cahoots with mizora and thinks he CHOSE that bc hes so so good!

NOT IN TOUCH WITH HIS FEELINGS. wyll doesn’t always know wgat’s going on his beain/heart, n honestly he doesn’t want to think abt it too hard! but i will! i always will, wyll.

SMART, BUT DOESN’T CARE ENOUGH TO QUESTION. i dont feel like writing anymore god free me. free me from the sin of my hubris. free me. no more writing

THERE ARE MORE THINGS PROBABLY BUT I DONT FERL LIKE WRITING THEM. LOOK AT MY PRETTY HC BANNER ITS SO PRETTY. GOODBYE FOREVER

something so,ething hes traumatized and pushes people away n puts them on a pedestal so they can never know how scarred and scared and unworthy he feels bc of the deep loneliness inside him from his family’s emotional instability coupled with being homeless as a teenager with only an abuser to guide him thru his late teens, etc

[ihavenothingtodo10220]

do u ever think how in life we are told to aim for so much success and reach our full potential but then every other average person including celebs, idols etc etc are or have already done so, so why should we also need so much wealth or why should we need to put ourselves out there.

im constantly torn between wanting a simple affordable life that id be happy with maybe in the countryside (but its not affordable nowadays to live simply we still have to slave away) and the other side is that i have a need to constantly prove myself and to gain some type of recognition cause we are always told from kids to aim for the top paying jobs etc etc, most of that is what celebs have or do. i mean it cant always be that great what do rich ppl keep buying for each other dont they run out of things to own eventually cause they already own most rich people items?

fair enough if celebs and idols have talents but i dont im not even remotely pretty enough to do whatever it is they do but again its alwayd the what if i wouldve done things differently, maybe it would feel less narcissitic to want a bit of what celebs have if i already had done something differently yonks ago

the other issue is i no longer feel so attached to society if at all like i dont care to succeed i dont care to fail, im neither fussed if im alive or dead it just dont matter to me anymore, in the end the only thing thats going to happen is i will eventually pass away so no ones exactly going to miss me even in death or heaven as people still have their own lives i wouldnt or havent been anyone special at all

its almost saying how it only matters if its someone rich and famous so we have to be a somebody in order to be remembered otherwise we generally end up being a nobody as it is the way the internet goes into meltdown when celebs pass away as if it wasnt to be expected at some point. but if we arent on social media or we dont have a following we honestly do not matter even if we dont have partners or social group either like im so irrelevant no one gonna notice bar immediate family if i stop existing rofl

the way we have to do everything via a screen and screens are everywhere doesnt help me at all cause i feel further distanced from folk and like i dont belong, i dont need nor want a following but its almost being forced on all of us like people.

even idols cant do anything without needing to show their fans but the idols wouldnt notice every single fan to ever exist would they? all the interactions with celebs that fans have is always monentary or beifly. stays even treat bangchan like a long term permenanttherapist friend. yet neither if them truly know one another, so why do we get so attached to the idea of having thoughts and feelings towards someone whos never going to know us so again it dont matter if we do or dont exist as long as these idols and celebs briefly have enough fame for them to get by

but then what am i someone who just does nothing for a living cause i dont want what others want out of life if that makes sense? i either end up feeling like im from the wrong era dont belong with my generation dont belong with next generations would probably have preferred being in previous generations when things were simpler and affordable

sorry if this ask is a bit morbid, nihilistic or pessimistic i have so many mixed thoughts and feelings about existing lately what do you think? i mean obviously there is much narcissism in the world as it is so wouldnt we just be adding to it? am i just having nearly mid life crisis early? idfk anymore

Honestly people tell you to aim high because not only is it the best way to survive, but also because you can easily improve things. Many people who’ve done a lot were considered sub par, and the main reason they did was pure spite to the people who looked down on them and had more, and then they eventually became those people. It’s a cycle, and it’s human nature. And in this society, whether we like it or not, only the successful can truly be sure they can make it. Even middle-class families can easily crash and burn in the blink of an eye with losing their job and end up without anything to eat. But the successful don’t really have to worry about that, because they have a lot to fall back on. Things are also getting more and more expensive, and only the wealthy can really keep up with that. It’s sad, but reality.

And yeah, I think fans put so much pressure on idols because they’re just that. Idols. They idolize them and see them as these perfect beings far above any and everything, and they delude themselves into thinking they can be with them one day. So if an idol makes one wrong move, or dates someone, that false image comes crashing down. You don’t see that in the west simply because we don’t idolize celebrities to that same capacity. To us they’re not necessarily idols, and they’re much more open about their humanity.