nahimjustaworm

[nahimjustaworm]

BkDk Titanic AU

the moon is on fire

Chapter 2 | Up, up, a little bit higher

Against his better judgement, Katsuki found himself on the Bridge deck, scanning the passengers for a curly head of green hair. He was dressed more casually than he was normally allowed, hoping to blend in a little more and not attract any attention for people that might recognize him. He was still thinking about Himiko’s thinly veiled threat, and though try as he might to wipe the shorter man from his memory, he couldn’t. He hadn’t been able to fall asleep easy, replaying the events from last night over and over in his head. He tried forcing these thoughts out of his head- they would do him no favors to fixate over, and worrying about his well being was of no use. In fact, it could put him in more danger.

But he thought that he owed it to this stranger to at least give him a little warning. That was the only reason he was over here.

After pacing around for what must have been a half hour, he stationed himself against a pole, leaning on it for support and crossing his arms. Perhaps it had been a long shot to come across him again. Perhaps it had been a little insane as well. He had barely even spoken to this person- in fact, most of their interaction had involved their fists. The most he had even learned about this mystery person was their name.

He was just about to give up and head back when he got a glimpse of green in his peripheral. There he was, finally. He was coming up the deck, face shoved into a notebook of some sorts, without caring to look at the environment around him. Katsuki huffed out a small laugh as he walked right past him.

“Oi, twerp,” he called out as Izuku kept walking. He startled and frantically looked around him, trying to see where the voice was coming from. “Behind you.”

Izuku turned around, and his eyes widened slightly once he recognized Katsuki. Katsuki raised up his hands, gesturing that he didn’t intend any ill will.

“Don’t worry, I’m not going to attack you.” He took a couple steps towards him and crossed his arms.

“I see you managed to lose the rest of the fancy getup.” He gestured to Katsuki with his pencil.

Katsuki sputtered then turned away. “Let’s not mention that again.”

“My lips are sealed,” Izuku said, nodding seriously. “About… all of it.”

Katsuki gave him a careful look, trying to determine if he was being genuine. “...Thank you.”

“Is uh... that why you came down here… to assure that I wouldn’t say anything?”

“That is… part of the reason,” Katsuki said, glancing around them as he shifted on his feet awkwardly.

“Oh, only part?” the shorter man questioned, his interest piqued. Katsuki’s brow furrowed with slight irritation, not being able to pinpoint if it was because of the way his green eyes appeared to glow even brighter with curiosity or that his own heart seemed to quicken at that.

“It’s nothing to excite yourself over.” He gestured for the other to follow him to a more secluded area. This way if one of the bastards (or his mother, for that matter) happened to walk by on the deck above they wouldn’t be spotted.

“Firstly, I wanted to… apologize,” Katsuki said between clenched teeth, looking anywhere but the person in front of him, “for my behavior. It was very improper of me to have done that.”

“Well, I did hit you back.” He laughed a little, and rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. “You’re not the only one at fault. And I’m sorry for your jaw.”

Katsuki flushed a little, thinking about the purplish spot below his ear. He was just thankful it wasn’t a black eye and discreet enough to ignore.

“Though I’m a little confused about why you decided you needed to pick a fight with me in the first place. I was just trying to help.”

“I don’t need your help,” Katsuki spat out before he could even think better about it. Quickly regaining his composure and wanting to beat himself for letting it slip in front of this stranger again , he shook his head. “It was very out of place for me. It will not happen again.”

Izuku, seemingly unfazed, pinched his bottom lip between his thumb and index finger thoughtfully. “Okay,” he said slowly and sounding utterly unconvinced. “Though, would you like to talk about how you were throwing your belongings overboard?”

“I thought we agreed we wouldn’t mention it again,” he gritted out.

“Well it appears to me that maybe you did want to talk about it, seeing as though you went out of your way to find me today.”

“It really isn’t any of your business what I do, regardless,” he said firmly, trying not to snap at him again.

“It does feel like you’re trying to make it my business, Mr. Bakugou.”

“Or maybe you’re just butting in to things that have nothing to do with you.”

“ Maybe ,” Izuku said, eyes full of challenge, “you’re not as opaque as you think you are.”

“You-” Katsuki cut himself off, trying to keep his fuming temper at bay. Who even was this person? And why was he having such a hard time keeping his composure around him? He had endured far more irritating and enraging people and circumstances before. Almost daily he had to censor himself and watch his tongue. This individual hadn’t even really done anything to warrant this behavior. So why was he having such a hard time controlling himself?  “This is not what I came here to speak to you about.”

“Alright then, what did you want to speak to me about?” he said, looking like he was tabling this discussion for another time.

“A warning,” Katsuki started, still unable to look him in the eye. “There are a couple people I believe you should be on the look out for. The blond girl and the guy with the black hair she was with. The ones that were.... insulting you last night. They also have another “friend” who might cause you trouble. He’s got white hair, hard to miss him. And Jin- he has a long scar going down his forehead.”

Izuku chuckled nervously.

“Is that so? Does my poverty offend them?”

Katsuki’s eye twitched. “Himiko likes to fixate on things and you’re well on your way to being the next thing. So if you see her or any of her lackeys, you better walk the other way.”

“Why would she even bother with me?” Izuku frowned, still not understanding. “I didn’t even say anything to her.”

“It’s because… she…” He scoffed. “I don’t know. She’s fucking crazy, and dangerous . So take this seriously!”

The shorter man still looked rather confused and not totally convinced. Katsuki wanted to shout, but knew that this wasn’t the place to make a scene.

“As you wish,” he finally said. “I’ll try to avoid them. Though that may be an issue if they’re coming to dinner tonight.”

“Dinner?”

“One of the gentlemen with you last night invited me. Uh.. I believe his name was Toshi?”

“Shit,” Katsuki hissed between clenched teeth. “You can’t come.”

“Believe me, I’d really rather not,” he mumbled. “But I promised him I would and I don’t go back on my promises. Plus I think you could use the company.”

“Excuse me?” Katsuki snapped his head to finally look at him again. “There will be plenty of people there- it’s getting them to leave me alone that’s the issue.” Then, as an afterthought he added, “And how would you know what I could use?”

The green haired man shrugged, avoiding answering. Katsuki clicked his tongue. Did this stranger have no sense of self preservation?

“I’m serious, you cannot come to dinner. I can tell Toshi that you will be unable to make it.”

Izuku balked and waved his hands in front of him.

“That’s incredibly rude to have someone else refuse an invitation for you! I may be a third class passenger but I still have manners.”

Katsuki snatched the tattered notebook out of his hand that was still flailing around.

“H-hey!” He went to grab it back, but Katsuki just held it out of reach.

“Don’t wave things in my face then if you don’t want them taken.”

“That’s not- hey don’t open it!”

Katsuki wasn’t entirely sure what he was expecting to find. And honestly, he still wasn’t sure what he was looking at once he did open it. Pages upon pages of words and little drawings scribbled amongst them. Some passages lasted for pages, some were little notes squeezed where they would fit. Some looked like poems, some like journal entries. There must have been some method to the madness, but Katsuki was unable to sort any of it out when it was snatched out of his hands.

Izuku clutched the notebook to his chest and glared. For a moment, he looked like he might punch him again.

“Speaking of rude,” he said a little breathlessly. “Didn’t they teach you in those fancy schools not to touch things that aren’t yours.”

“What is that?” Katsuki asked, ignoring him.

“My notebook.”

“Obviously, I’m not an idiot. What’s in it? It looks like the scribblings of a mad man.”

Izuku bristled. “Well it’s not meant for other people to look at! It makes sense to me, and I’d appreciate it if you didn’t look through it again.”

“Are you a writer?”

“W-what?” he stammered, looking a little flushed. “I-I mean, not professionally or anything.”

“Then what do you write for?” Katsuki crossed his arms.

“I don’t know, my personal enjoyment,” he said a little defensively. “It’s not like I had the opportunity to pursue it, even if I wanted to.”

“It appears to me like you’ve had plenty of time to scribble in that thing. It’s almost filled.”

“Well, that’s because…” He looked down as a shadow crossed over his face. “Lets just say I’ve been doing a lot of traveling lately.”

“And just your luck you happened to end up here, getting yourself into a mess.”

The sad look on his face quickly vanished as he gave Katsuki a soft smile.

“I wouldn’t go so far as to say I’ve been unlucky meeting you. Maybe it was fate.”

His heart quickened- all together unwelcome and utterly confusing. What on earth was wrong with him?

Read More | Read Chapter One

[nahimjustaworm]

ESRB: rated E for Everyone!

AO3: rated E for Everyone Gets Railed

[nahimjustaworm]

The mood every time I post a new chapter

[nahimjustaworm]

BakuDeku Titanic AU

the moon is on fire

Chapter One | balance yourself like a bird on a beam

Author: WorminaWall on AO3

He took a step out of the car, thankful to finally be out of that god awful cramped space. The trip had seemed far too long, and any time he spent stuck with his mother was always a test of his willpower. Though, he supposed that this next week he would yet again be stuck with her without anywhere to run- while having to play nice with the other rich pricks they were traveling with. Dinners, small talk, people trying to get chummy with him. He would’ve had more motivation to be more civil if the end of the trip meant the end of dealing with all these assholes. Instead, this was just the beginning of his misery. A tease of sorts- the preview into the rest of his life.

Without bothering to see if Eijiro was following, he began to walk towards the ship. The excitement buzzing around him sounded like wasps in his ears. All the hustle and bustle just irritated him more and the hulking mass of this supposed “luxury” appeared to him as nothing more than a holding cell. It leered over him, a mere prison here to escort him back to America where he’d play the pawn until he died.

“Sir, wait!” He ignored the call, wanting to get this over with as soon as possible. He pulled at the collar of his shirt, wishing that he could just pop off the first couple of buttons. Why did it have to be so tight? “Sir!”

He huffed out a sigh. Ever since he had finished up university he hadn’t gone a single day without someone needing something from him, constantly asking him questions and bothering his peace (or what little peace was afforded to him).

“Make sure the bags make it to the room.” He called behind his shoulder and continued walking on.

“You wouldn’t dare walk away from your mother, would you?” He stopped again upon hearing her voice, fisting his hands at his side. “Or your fiance?”

He inhaled deeply, trying to swallow down a curse. He needed a drink- badly. Not trusting himself to reply civilly, he turned around completely and made his way to the side of the carriage, extending his hand to assist his mother out despite knowing full well she could get out of the damn car by herself.

“Be nice,” she whispered sternly as she made her way down the step, gripping firmly at his arm, “and behave yourself. Go escort her into the ship.”

He clenched his jaw and stood still for a moment before walking to the car behind them, not bothering with a reply. Do this, do that, don’t say this, don’t act like that. Every fucking day. A damn nightmare.

“Himiko,” he said as politely as possible as he opened the door for her, though it was hard to sound polite through gritted teeth. At this point, it was to be expected from him, and she chose to ignore it as she hooked her arm through his. “Eijiro will make sure your belongings are brought to your room.”

“No need,” she said, waving her free hand. “Jin has them.”

Of course. Though he was quite indifferent to Jin, he couldn’t help but hope the poor bastard would be left behind. He was getting sick of nosey people coming up to him and making snide remarks about his fiance’s butler. Honestly, he couldn’t give two shits if she was being “unfaithful” to him- in fact he was thankful that she was distracted half of the time with his company- but constantly hearing about how inappropriate it was or how he shouldn’t allow her to spend so much time with him grated on his nerves. He didn’t give two shits about what she did behind his back.

They boarded the ship with ease, making their way to the stateroom quickly. It was only a matter of time before his mother forced him to go to lunch with the other pompous bastards, and he needed a whiskey.

“You certainly drink a lot,” Himiko said as he began pouring his second glass. He wasn’t enthusiastic about sharing a stateroom with her, though he supposed it was better than sharing with his mother. Either way, he was going to have to figure out how to avoid the both of them as much as possible despite, not having many places to hide on this godforsaken ship.

“Think of it as celebrating,” he said dryly. “When I get back I’ll be the new CEO of the company.”

“And married,” she chirped, grinning at him. He avoided looking at her, and instead gave a short nod, acknowledging her words. He downed the drink in one go, just in time for his mother to walk in.

“Katsuki, put on your jacket. Time for lunch with the Todorokis.”

The Todorokis were a big name family. Not only was the head of the house powerful, but he was intimidating in both stature and influence. Plus, being the chairman of the damn company that owned the ship they were on, they were filthy rich and thus had a gaggle of people sucking up to them.

But he wasn’t the one to watch out for. Despite his power and all his money he was relatively harmless, as long as you stayed in his good graces. It was his son, Touya, who you needed to keep a watchful eye out for. Known in the underground simply as “Dabi”, he was the guy you could never turn your back on. And it was just Katsuki’s luck that he was a close family friend of the Togas. Both him and his slimy “friend” Shigaraki were close with Himiko, which meant Katsuki had spent more time with them than he had ever wanted. As much as he didn’t like being around Jin, those two were worse. Though no one ever complained about Himiko spending time with them (at least out loud, for fear of retribution) they were far more insufferable to try tolerating. Katsuki wasn’t the rosiest of people out there, but Dabi and Tomura were downright sick.

As much as he didn’t care about Himiko, it was unsettling to know the company she surrounded herself with. Not for the first time he wondered if one of these days she was going to slit his throat as he slept. Maybe after they married. For now he was going to have to sit through another meal and act like he cared about what everyone was saying.

“How are you feeling about taking over the family business?”

Katsuki felt an elbow poke into his side. “What?” he hissed at his mother.

“Mr. Hakamata asked you a question.” She smiled tensely and nodded at the man in question.

“My apologies,” he muttered, earning him another subtle jab into his ribcage. “What was that?”

“How do you feel about taking over the family business?” he repeated. Though his tone of voice was genuinely kind and interested, it still rubbed Katsuki the wrong way.

“Fine,” he replied, trying not to lose his temper. After all, Mr. Hakamata was a loyal customer and a friend of the family and Katsuki wasn’t stupid. But how did everyone expect him to feel about prematurely having to take over his father’s job?

He could feel his mother’s gaze boring holes into the side of his head. Clenching his hand into a fist, he continued. “It’ll be nice returning home. I’m looking forward to partnering with Mr. Toga as we expand our company.”

It was a rehearsed reply, one he had said a dozen times before. He only wished it were true.

“I’m very sorry about your father’s passing, he was a dear friend of mine.”

Katsuki nodded numbly.

“Yes, our condolences as well,” Mr. Todoroki said, though he didn’t seem too mournful.

Soon the conversation shifted to the boat itself. Enji Todoroki and his inflated sense of importance to match his big, obnoxious ship. Katsuki couldn’t deny its luxury, but he wasn’t going to blow smoke up his backside. If anyone was worth any praise it would be Mr. Hakamata who designed the damn thing.

Katsuki poured himself another drink.

“Don’t you think you’ve had enough for today?” his mother asked, clearly irritated.

“I don’t have to be in the office for another week,” he replied curtly, raising his glass in a mocking way.

Without missing a beat, Mr. Yagi raised his glass as well.

“I’ll drink to that,” he said with a grin. Katsuki could see from the corner of his eye Todoroki giving the older man a distasteful look. Though he was not fondly spoken of by the other people in their circles, Katsuki didn’t mind him. Especially now.

“If you will all excuse me,” he said as he finished his drink and rose from the table. Giving Himiko the briefest of nods and intentionally not looking at his mother (who was no doubt enraged at his rude departure) he exited the room. He needed a moment to breathe. Though the alcohol made it easier to tolerate everyone’s bull, he was starting to feel overwhelmed.

Upon leaving the room, he beelined it to the edge of the deck. Gripping the railing to steady himself, he closed his eyes and inhaled deeply from his nose. Exhale. Okay. That was better. No people to bite his tongue for. No woman nagging in his ear, though maybe it was a good idea to take it easy on the drinking for the rest of the day.

He opened his eyes, finally getting a good look at the seemingly endless expanse of the ocean. Home. He was going home. Not out of choice, but out of obligation. Fucking fantastic.

Scanning the lower deck, his eyes caught a flash of green. What he wasn’t expecting was for it to be looking back at him.

He inhaled sharply, a little caught off guard by the intensity of the person’s gaze. Even from this distance he could see the… quizzical look on his face. Almost as if he was asking with his eyes, Are you okay?

Katsuki shivered, discomforted by this stranger but somehow unable to look away. He narrowed his eyes.

“There you are.” He felt a tap on his shoulder and jerked out of his reverie. “Did I scare you?”

“No,” he grumbled his reply, finally able to tear his gaze away from the strange boy with bright green eyes.

“Your mother would like to go over some wedding plans with us before dinner tonight.” Himiko smiled, sharp and threatening, daring him to make an excuse. “Walk with me?”

He stood still for a moment, wanting to look back to see if that boy was still looking at him. With a minute shake of his head, he dismissed the thought, and silently relenting, he extended his arm out to her.

Read more on AO3 >

[nahimjustaworm]

Ok so big question here .. who is the bigger simp for the other ? Imma make my case here . It’s Bakugo hands down . This mf laid down his life for Deku with no hesitation and got skewered like crazy , then he went runnin laps bleeding out in the hospital just to see deku . Also , Mr. “I never share my feelings” had no problem letting everyone see how much he loves deku . That’s the most extreme simp shit I seen . What do you guys think though

[nahimjustaworm]

BKDK Titanic AU

I have other WIPs I need to work on but oh god this popped into my head and now I can’t get it out.

I just can’t decide what “roles” they should play. I’m so torn between the options-I really like the idea of both Izuku and Katsuki being the free spirited person who teach the other how to live and both feeling bound by their families’ expectations of them and learning how to be free and takes their lives into their own hands.

This is so hard haha. I like both options equally as much and see the merits and possibilities for their characters and development as the story progresses.

[nahimjustaworm]

Izuku: 13-year-old-me would be in awe of who I am today.

Shoto: 13-year-old me thought I’d be dead by now.

Katsuki: I would fight 13 year-old-me.

[nahimjustaworm]

10/13 untamed tarot cards

i will post these all individually i think, but for now they’re going in this big ol post

[nahimjustaworm]

famous works with titles that are unabashedly stupid but we dont notice because they’re so ingrained in pop culture

[nahimjustaworm]

today I give you: baby bkdk scribbles

[nahimjustaworm]

day off

[nahimjustaworm]

These Hands Can’t Hold His Heart

BakuDeku Fanfic

By WorminaWall on AO3

30k

9 Chapters - Completed

Angst | Pining | Time Skips | Eventual Happy Ending

Rated M

Chapter One

Bakugou is no stranger to pain.

Given his Quirk, pain is a part of his DNA. His climb to the top of his third year class has come with plenty of scrapes and bruises and he’s familiar with hurting other people. Pain, in varying degrees, from varying people, has been part of his life since he was a child. He likes to think that he’s pretty good at tolerating it. He’s not some fucking crybaby who can’t take a punch. He can handle it, and he can hide it. He’s gotten good at hiding it- years of practice helps with that- so much so that he sometimes forgets he feels pain at all.

Sometimes, though, that pain bubbles up in unexpected moments and knocks him off guard. It’s not like any pain he’s ever experienced before, but he’s familiar with it. It doesn’t come in the form of a punch, or a blast, or anything of the sort. Its weapon is shy laughs, determined eyes, freckled cheeks and crooked fingers. A sideways glance. A voice saying a name he has no right being called anymore. The pain of this doesn’t cut him like a knife, it’s not sharp and quick, it emerges from inside his chest, an innate part of him, squeezing his insides until he feels like he can’t breathe. Sometimes it only lasts for a moment, once the glance has been broken, or the freckles turn away. Sometimes it lasts into the night, where he’s laying on his bed, curled up on his side, clutching around his body like he wants to crush that dull ache out of him or help it finish him off.

Bakugou is no stranger to pain.

He doesn’t know if it’s easier now- nearly three years of living in close proximity, two years of them sorting their shit out, one year of a mutual pact to try being “friends” again. The verdict is out on whether or not he prefers this to their constant fights and outward intolerance of each other. It’s taken them what seems like a lifetime to go back to being able to stand next to each other without starting an argument.

There are times where he thinks he preferred the way it was. The times when Deku smiles after Katsuki says something funny, or when he’s the first person the other tells when he’s figured out a new move, or when his shoulder brushes up against his own when they’re sitting on the couch.

There are also times where he’s convinced that what they are now is better. The times when Deku’s smile makes his eyes crinkle after he says something funny, or how excited he gets when he tells him he’s figured out a new move, or when his shoulder brushes up against his own when they’re sitting on the couch.

Hate is an easier emotion to fake than love is to feel.

-----

Everything is going fine until it’s not. Katsuki’s been hiding the pain that has buried its roots inside him for years, but he’s forgotten that pain like this is a disease and other people carry it too. Hell, he’s the one that sowed it.

Moments of weakness unearth buried memories- trauma reveals trauma. They’re only a few months into being Pro-Heroes, and after everything that’s happened to them, they forget that this world is still new to them. They forget until one day Deku’s staring frozen at the spot where a living, breathing human just was two seconds ago and now they’re not. Katsuki’s not there to see it happen- he works in a different district- but he hears the news report about civilian casualties where Deku is and knows that the other is not okay.

Deku comes stumbling into his apartment later that night, uniform still on, gore and dust still covering him.

“What the hell, Deku?” He says, the usual heat not there in his voice. He stands up, ready to force the other to go home and take a damn shower, when the look in those green eyes locks him in place. They’re unfocused, unseeing, haunted. He’s never seen them look like that before.

“You should have let me do it,” he mumbles, voice hoarse. Katsuki winces slightly at the sound of it.

“Do what, what are you talking-”

“The roof. You should’ve let me jump.” Katsuki’s blood runs cold. He’s buried that memory so far inside him that the feeling of it resurfacing is enough to knock the wind out of him. Words he never meant to say ringing inside his head again.

“Why’re you bringing that up now?” He asks, voice weaker than he’s heard it in a long time. They’ve put a lot of things behind them, an unspoken agreement when they decided they’d try being friends again. Ever since that day, they hadn’t talked about it.

“How can I call myself a hero if I let that happen to that woman. How can I ever be worthy of All Might’s power when I can’t even save someone right in front of me?!” He’s looking up at him now, frantic, like a wounded animal. He’s clutching his chest so tightly that Bakugou can practically feel the bite of Deku’s nails on his own skin. “You shouldn’t have ever saved me- I’m not the hero that All Might thought I was! You were right, why did you have to-”

Izuku’s cut short when Katsuki yanks him into a crushing hug. 

“Don’t fucking say that.” He hears Izuku inhale a shaking breath to protest, but continues. “You’re only human, not even All Might could save everyone every single time.”

“One for All was wasted on me.” He grips onto the back of Katsuki’s shirt as his tears flow freely. “I’m worthless.”

His voice is so small, like they’re back in middle school again. He hates it, it’s like a slap to the face, a testament to the person he was, the person that planted the seed of doubt inside his childhood friend’s head and tended to it so carefully and meticulously until it blossomed into something ugly.

“This isn’t your fault. It happens to every Pro.”

“I’m not just any person, Kacchan! I’m his successor, I’m supposed to save everyone, how can anyone believe in me if I’ve fucked up this fast!” He’s practically screaming, but it’s muffled by Katsuki’s shirt.

“There wasn’t anything you could do- no, shut up. I know people say that when they’re tryin’ to bullshit you, but I'm not a fucking liar. I saw the footage, you were hit with a binding Quirk. You were lucky you weren’t hit by debris too.” Izuku flinches at that, no doubt replaying the scene in his head. Katsuki tightens his grip, not realizing what he's doing. “Go take a fucking shower.”

He releases his hold, but keeps one hand on his shoulder. For an instant he’s being taken back to a familiar position in an empty classroom.

“All Might's never had any regrets choosing you. And you need to stop thinkin’ you’ve got to do this all on your own.” He removes his hand and straightens up. “Go take a shower. I’ll get you a change of clothes.”

“Y-you don’t mind…?” You don’t mind me being here right now? You don’t mind me being in your space unannounced, despite how many times you’ve pushed me away, despite how many times I’ve had doors slammed in my face? All this goes unsaid, but he knows the other is thinking it. Nothing is going to make him stop thinking that things haven’t completely changed- no matter how many times they do this.

“You think I’m going to send you out looking like that, nerd? The press would go ape shit.”

Izuku smiles meekly. “Thanks, Kacchan.”

After he’s clean they lie on the bed next to each other, staring blankly at the ceiling, and Katsuki feels that crushing weight on his chest again. He’s good at hiding it, but that doesn’t mean it ever goes away.

“Kacchan, why did you do it?” He knows what he’s inferring, he had hoped the other would let it go. It’s just a reminder that there’s this void between them still, this gaping hole where the past should be but he ripped it to shred years ago when he had said those unforgivable words and now the hole is bleeding out again or maybe it never cauterized in the first place-

“You know why,” is his response. The weight of those words is crushing- the implications damning, and he knows that deep down Izuku knows what the connotation is.

The shorter boy- man? Are they men now?- hums his reply. They lie there, their hands mere inches away from each other. They used to hold hands. When did they stop? Who initiated their last gentle contact? He knows the answer to that.

“Why do you keep coming back to me?” He whispers finally, almost hoping the other is already asleep. This question doesn’t mean the same thing it did their first year at U.A. 

“You know why.”

Silence envelops them like an old friend.

----

The first year goes by and before he knows it he’s sitting on Shitty Hair’s couch with a cup of something in his hand, half listening to Sero go on about a villain fight he had earlier that week. Most of former class 3-A is here- Katsuki isn’t really keeping track- only knowing that a particular green haired nerd doesn’t seem to have arrived yet. He’s got his elbow on the arm of the chair, chin casually propped up in his hand, eyes slowly surveying the little party Mina’s gathered together. He doesn't know how exactly he ended up here- there was a bribe involved he thinks- but the alcohol is making his head fuzzy and he’s just grateful tomorrow is his day off.

“You know, you’ve sure mellowed out since we met.” Kirishima plops down next to him, drink sloshing around in his cup.

“The fuck are you sayin'?” He grumbles into his palm. Shitty Hair just laughs.

“See, if I would have said anything like that two years ago I would’ve gotten blasted in the face.”

“Too many witnesses,” he replies. They both know it’s a lame excuse- Katsuki’s never given a shit what other people think of him. Well, most other people.

“Yeah okay.” He grins at him. “I’m just saying, before you would have never agreed to come to a party with all of these ‘extras’. I’m really glad you’re here.”

“‘M gettin’ more booze,” is his reply, and he slightly stumbles his way into the kitchen where a makeshift bar has been set up. He’s just finished making his “cocktail”, if it could be called that, when he hears him.

“Sorry I’m late guys.” Katsuki’s not looking over at him yet, but he just knows he’s bashfully rubbing the back of his head. “I just got off my shift.”

He hears Round Face bumble on about something to him, and suddenly he feels nauseated. He wants to back out, change his mind about coming, make up some excuse about needing to leave, fake a villain attack, do something that removes him from this room that’s suddenly shrunk in size. He’s no coward, but the alcohol is muddying up his brain, settling uncomfortably in his stomach, and he doesn’t trust himself to act in his best interest.

He’s considering just escaping out the hallway window when he hears, “Kacchan!” spoken from across the room.

“Excuse me,” he politely says to his friend, his eyes crinkling in the way that makes Katsuki want to punch something. He approaches the other with a smile so genuine Katsuki is sure something's going to get punched now. “I didn’t think you were going to show up!”

He’s not sure how to reply. He calculates the answers in his head, formulating his options, knowing that the easiest is anger or irritation, but the default isn’t what he should choose. He wants to be defensive- he sure doesn’t want to admit the real reason he showed up to be surrounded by a bunch of people he doesn’t give a fuck about.

“N-not that I’m not happy you’re here! I’m glad you showed up! I’m just surprised because Kacchan usually avoids large groups of people, and he hasn’t been in contact with many of us since graduation. It’s interesting that he decided to come today, though maybe because it’s a special occasion and he wants to-”

“Oi, you’re mumbling.”

“Sorry.” He smiles shyly and scratches his cheek. “It’s… it’s nice to see you.”

Pain.

Chest tightening, breath faltering, palms sweating, throat closing- pain, why is there nothing but pain when I see you I can’t stand this pain anymore just stay the fuck away from me so I don’t feel this way I can’t do it-

He downs the rest of his drink. “Yeah, whatever.”

He doesn’t know why he stays. He should have left the moment he had the chance- he shouldn’t’ve come in the first place. He’s screaming at himself inside his head, but his body is moving on its own- he’s pouring more drinks, he’s sitting on the couch, he’s leaning in to conversations he has no right stealing, he’s laughing, he’s stumbling outside with him, he’s walking down the sidewalk, grabbing a scarred arm, pushing his body against the door, fumbling keys, stripping clothes, grabbing at hair, and why the fuck are you doing this you need to stop this why aren’t you listening you fucking idiot how could you do this?!

When he wakes in the morning he instantly runs to the bathroom to retch. Despite purging his insides, he still feels rotted out. He’s pathetic and disgusting and unworthy and selfish and he wants nothing more than to lay on the forest floor and let the moss feast on his rot.

Deku is already gone.

Read the completed fic here >

[nahimjustaworm]

fantasy au but that one scene

[nahimjustaworm]

Time to say goodbye.

[nahimjustaworm]

BakuDeku Fic

These Hands Can’t Hold His Heart

By WorminaWall on AO3

25,942 Words

Rated M

Angst

Longing

Pining

WIP

They’re standing barely two feet apart. He’s not up to the challenge to reply with words. Instead, the aching, magnetic desire ripping through his chest pushes him forward and pulls Izuku in. They meet in the middle as Katsuki wraps his hands around soft green curls and the other grips at his shirt sleeves. This kiss is different from the other two. They’re pressing so hard against each other as if they’ll never get the chance to again (he isn’t sure if that’s what he wants or not in all honesty) and Katsuki is having trouble getting air in but he doesn’t dare pull away yet. He can feel Izuku’s heartbeat pounding where his thumb brushes over the side of his neck.

He’s spent so much time longing to be able to touch him like this and hating himself for being so selfish for wanting it. He’s bottled up the feelings and desire and pain so much that it’s now filled to the brim and there’s nowhere else for it to go. He likes to think of this as making room in that bottle- if he acts on these feelings a little now he can go back to storing them away. That’s all this is. After tonight he will have enough space so he can go back to how it was.

Except- Izuku is moaning his name into his mouth as they’re sprawled out on the bed. Izuku is kissing him so deeply and meaningfully that it makes Katsuki want to cry. Izuku is receiving everything Katsuki has to give him so perfectly he decides that he’d rather suffer with his longing and feel every ounce of pain and self hatred if it meant getting to have him like this.

Read more here >

Last updated 12/23/2020

[nahimjustaworm]

[nahimjustaworm]

one moment of silence for Jiang Cheng