#I am not crying but I am dying inside | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

ernestelm · 8 months ago

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its me, krita, the video essay in my background and the holy spirit sitting in this place wondering is this is really as good of a concept as I thought it was

it was supposed to be Misto for this one

and tugger for this

No I wasn't high when I came up with this concept, yes I wanted to draw a little good omens as a treat (cat ears are so hard to place >A<) but like it fits them right? like-

#Im probably not gonna finish this which is why Im posting this sadly #tuggoffelees #I will not tag the others to minimize the psychic damage giving this concept up has caused #I am not crying but I am dying inside

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j0celynh0rr0r · 2 months ago

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Ghosts in flesh suits

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mushed-kid · 2 months ago

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#tw vent #tw suicide #this is my diary #i cant stop crying its so annoying i start tearing up every other minute #nothing in my life is the way i want it to be #and i cant fix any of it #and i just feel horrible all of the time #i wish i would just die already #like.#im done here. ive nothing more to do #i wouldn’t really mind #i think i might be doing way worse than i have ever before because i cant stop or ignore things anymore #like i cant stop myself from saying it i cant bottle it up like before #i mean. i didnt even mean to admit to it but i fucking slipped up and said it earlier todsy #and suddenly the words ‘im doing bad’ slipped out of my mouth. which is crazy because i would never admit to anything like that.#its so scary to think about that im doing bad because that means im doing bad #wdym i would just give up wdym wdym wdym im. like thats not me its not me. its not me its not me thats not me #i feel like theres two uh idk brains inside me and the one that wants to live is being completely overstepped by the other one #i have so many feelings all the time and i still do but its also like. i dont care. like theyre somehwat muted or number now #and i dont think thats a good thing #also i feel horrible for admitting im doing bad because i know myself and i would never do that so im not me i cant be because me woulndt #and i feel bad that that worries people because as much as i feel like dying i wont do that and i know it sounds like i will but i wont #but i feel bad about making people worry #so pls dont worry because i Am doing fine. well. enough to live but like #i sound mentally ill

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lunarharp · 1 year ago

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qifrey's birthday and silly stuff

#witch hat tag #orufrey #excerpt is from my 30k failing eye fic (link in pinned) which has a birthday scene. i revisited and edited it again and it is now 30k :)#kerplunk thing is because of a mysterious game that shirahama has drawn orufrey playing before and to me it looks like Kerplunk.#a kids' game from this 'Real World' which we live in. card game is Cheat from neopets. but it's a real game. i want to play it for real....#you lie and cheat in it..hence the name..and 'branston the eyrie you are a bold one' classic neopets tumblr post...no....ok then.....#'hey qif i know we're obsessed with witches' kerplunk but we used to play cheat all the time what happened to that??'#'oh. i just..don't like lying to you. i don't like how it feels.' 'oh haha i guess that's a good thing. ok let's play kerplunk instead ^_^'#'mm. *dying inside crying in the rain in my soul*'#i dislike trying to illustrate my writing. i resent myself for having described oru's captivating mysterious smile so perfectly #i can't draw that. i know what it looks like perfectly in my mind and i am right there on that roof but i can't draw it satisfyingly enough #writing comes from a different part of my brain. there's different things in there. i'm glad i wrote out some of what i can't draw.#then there are things that i don't write or draw but which are still a crucial ongoing facet of my orufrey mindscape.#the Written orufrey the Drawn orufrey and the Unspoken orufrey... three faces of a beautiful irreplaceable jewel in my heart...#could a depressed person do THAT.

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drunkenlion · 2 years ago

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I’ve never been a sucker for poly relationships, especially after a pretty toxic one irl, but the need to feel squished between Vash and Wolfwood is driving me mad 🥵🥵

#Wolfwood #nicholas d wolfwood #vash the stampede #Vash #trigun #vash x you #vash x reader #wolfwood x reader #wolfwood x you #like I’m feeling the physical itch #and dying inside #I’m sure I’m not the only one 😭😭 am I ??#they make me so soft #I wanna hug them and cry #and also be fucked into oblivion at the same time ahahaha #maybe it’s my approaching ovulation talking #sorre not sorre

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shireduchess · 5 months ago

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listen...listen... idk man i didn't expect downfall to hit me as hard as it did. but i'm at the end of ep101 and i have cried more maybe than during any other part of this story...and what a story within a story downfall is

it's about faith, the faith the mortals have in the gods and that the gods have in mortals, the faith in their creations, in and for their love of each other. and there is something so moving and intoxicating and emotional about that depiction, of gods deciding to become mortals to achieve an end goal, but of learning how much mortals love and feel and suffer

just the love between them all, everyone depicted. the wildmother and the lawbearer... the emissary.... trist and ayden, the everlight and the dawnfather... fucking just....everyone

idk man this sort of tragic story really just gets me so so so fucking bad, it hits me in such a unique way

#i am. so emo #cassida reaching out for the help of a god in a city that would kill her for prayer because her son is dying #betrayer gods and prime deities working together #asmodeus--ASMODEUS becoming who he is because he took the brunt of the force of their ship coming to exandria #the emissary being sent out ahead of the lawbearer because she could not bear to be unable to break her own rules if she had to save her wi #the way noshir's voice changed before the matron of ravens and he genuinely was a child #the way the lawbearer held the hand of her wife and asked the wildmother to tell her everything about her brave child #the way trist tried to hold onto her husband and children for as long as she fucking could. this mortal life she'd made #just...the matron of ravens being the matron of ravens. being kind.#the fact that the dawnfather was a fifteen year old boy #i am actively crying right now post episode #it's not a bells hells episode and i have missed them SO much but holy shit i think this six hour long insane episode has been my favorite #my favorite of the entire campaign #might even end up being of all of cr point blank eventually we'll see #not to mention the INSANE combat and roles #abubakar???? INSANE. what a fucking guy #silaha was a blast and the meteor swarm was unbelievable #the fact that nick knew the mechanics INSIDE AND OUT???#i'd literally watch it again just to pay attention to how he maneuvers the layers of abilities and stats #anyway im so weak right now #going to go through everything for those eps in the tags now #critical role #personal

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loveandthings11 · 2 years ago

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Jeremy Strong for Newsweek, 3/26/23

Not well and unsettled.

"Please, let him get what he wants this time."

So what does satisfy? Love?

#I'm dying inside #gonna throw up and kms before i have to see this not to be dramatic #but i can't deal with this #the complete about-face that is going to happen is hard to even wrap my head around #like he's all teamwork and connected to his siblings and then apparently destroys them #what #I can't even imagine this version of him?!?!#Jeremy said before that Kendall had crossed ethical lines but he was talking about the car accident #so this is something different I am assuming #something ruthless as that one review put it #I can't with this #I love Kendall don't make him like this 😭#Logan-esque like where Logan is at the beginning of this season #has lost everything but so powerful and blah blah #this is the longest tag essay of all time but I am very upset about this #jesse if this is actually where you leave him I hate you #gonna cry #WE WERE PROMISED HOPE- CAN'T GIVE UP YET #kendall roy #jeremy strong #succession #succession season 4 #succession spoilers

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dead4ngelxoxo · 4 months ago

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#coquette #lana del rey #girlblogging #dollette #dead inside #destroy #bows #pretty when you cry #angels and demons #angelina jolie #my year of rest and relaxation #birthday #i am so tired #i am just a girl #i am dying

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joshbruh10x · 2 years ago

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Ruins spoilers ahead

I finished playing Ruins a few hours ago and

THEY MASSACRED MY BOYS *CRYING AND IS BAWLING MY EYES OUT*

STEEL WOOL YOU FUCKER

#fnaf sb #fnaf #montgomery gator #glamrock bonnie #glamrock freddy #joshblogs #I AM CRYING AND DYING INSIDE #US MONTY FANS ARE GONNA GET BEATEN UP #PLS GUYS MONTY'S ALREADY DEAD PLS STOP PINNING THE BLAME ON HIM

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ye-olde-trojan-horse · 2 years ago

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every time I go into public I’m reminded of the unfortunate fact that people exist, and how much I don’t want to be here.

send help.

#please #a child is crying #someone just asked me a question #wtf #no #ew #pls #just no #mmmmm #crying #screaming #dying inside #but you would never know cause on the outside I look as cool as a cucumber #jks I am a mess constantly

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sherlock-is-ace · 9 months ago

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#welcome to another installment of: angel spits out all his thoughts about autism cause if he keeps them inside his head will explode #in today's episode: is it possible that my ''panic attacks'' have been autistic meltdowns all this time?#then answer is maybe!#ok so i was watching this youtube video from channel I'm autisticn now what? (check it out it's great!)#and meg was talking about the different types of autistic meltdowns and how they might manifest #and then in the comments people were discussing autistic meltdowns vs panic attacks and how cofused they used to be about them #and that got me thinking... there's a big thing that needs to happen during a panic attack for it to be a panic attack #and that is anxious thoughts... many people talk about fear of death during panic attacks #and that was never my experience. I don't feel like I'm going to die when I have these ''attacks''#they feel painful and like i'm completely out of control but my head is quite clear in that regard #i always thought it was because i don't think dying is like The Worst thing that could happen to me so maybe that was why #and it never ocurred to me that it could be an autistic meltdown because i always saw those as ''little boy hits his head against the wall'#(horrible i know) but it's more than that! (plus i sadly started self harming when the ''attack'' is too bad so not i fit that idea lol)#it's the uncontrollable crying. the throwing anything you have at hand across the room. the not being able to utter words #(other than ''no'' in my case) it's the complete lack of control #and that fits so much more to what i experience! i even related to meg's personal anecdote about a meltdown she had as a child #being separated from my mom made me go into full panic modes as a kid and that was seen as a tantrum but it was more than that to me!#and as an added bonus the only therapist i've ever seen in my life used to call my panic attacks ''pseudo-panic attacks''#because even she felt it didn't quite fit in the description (not that she was a good therapist so i can't put her as an example lol)#but anyways... yeah every day that goes by i'm more and more convinced I am autistic and it scares me to fucking death #because of the way my mom reacted when i first raised the question. so yeah this is for nothing lol nothing will change in my life #¯\_(ツ)_/¯#angel talks #personal

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odetolovers · 2 years ago

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shaking crying screaming

#get u a girlfriend who wants to get someone to recreate your old childhood stuffie that u lost #and wants to get u ur old favourite childhood book that u lost #bc she knows that ur childhood wasnt great but those parts were and wants to give them back to u #im seriously. dying every second every minute every day i have never experienced a love as kind and thoughtful and good as this #and i am truly obsessed with her she is everything i cd have ever wanted and more #i feel so lucky i cannawt believe this is real life sometimes i stg. SORRY im being extremely sappy but it’s just soooo #i was not looking for this love it just Happened TM and it makes everything else it took me to get here worth it #me when i am so very devoted and i would do anything to make her happy and i know she’d do the same #i Adore her. i cant even conceptualise how much i love her what the hell man #and not just bc of how she loves me but bc of who she is #ive never met someone more unflinchingly honest but kind and loving and fawking hilarious #and capable and self aware and such a beautiful person inside & out #i love her in all her humanness and i love her with everything in me If im honest.#i knew from before we even got together that i was going to marry her and that feeling hasnt changed #me when i spill my guts on tumblr i am treating it like a diary not a social media site. oop #WHATEVER IM HAPPY AND IN LOVE AND DEVOTED AND !!!!!!!!!!!!!#anyway.#valentina talks #my lover #EDIT IM ENDING IT ALL SHE FOUND MY OMD STUFFIE AND BOUGHT UT IM CRYING SHAKIFNGBSUING THROWIFNUOP AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

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savage-rhi · 2 years ago

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Daily Highlights #14 (3/7/23)

3 Things That Made Me Happy

A friend checked in on me while I was flaring up and shared their art.

My bearded dragon didn’t try to eat my fingers this time while I fed them.

My lover bought me a slice of cake just for fun.

3 Productive Activities I Performed

Productivity be damned. I slept most of the day so I didn’t deal with the brunt of the flare.

3 Self Care Activities I Accomplished

Made my bed extra comfortable after calling out for work.

Kept interactions with others minimal so I could spend my energy on feeling better.

Went through a mental list of reasons why I’m not a burden and committed to said list.

3 Emotions I felt Today

Scared

Troubled

Elation

Overall Day

7/10 Jeff Goldblum’s

#dailyhighlights #mental health journaling #it was definitely hard today #im glad i slept through most of it #in my experience if i try to power through an excruciating flare like the one i had today #i would have been crying a lot and needing to lie down periodically #i don't like people seeing me that vulnerable #its happened during employment where ive been forced to come into work or lose my job #pretty sure my absences are pissing off my employers #but i need to take care of myself first #they cant afford to lose me anyway #and how am i supposed to help people if i cant pour from an empty cup #invisible illnesses are difficult #one of these days it doesnt matter where i work #im gonna show up with full on grotesque make up to demonstrate hey this is whats going on inside my body 24/7 #this is what you don't see #its frustrating too when you're at a 8-9 on the pain scale #but you're so used to it that you mask #and people have the nerve to say well you're not on the floor dying #thats cause i internalized it asshole so i dont make you uncomfortable but really i feel like im being ripped apart inside out #this happened last week at work #still been thinking about it #gonna keep trying to get to the good #fuck em

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sav3m3pls · 6 months ago

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😭✨

ur first and last recent emojis are ur gender now. mine is 🅱👨‍❤‍💋‍👨

#so true #lana del rey #dying inside #female hysteria #just girly things #save my sanity #why am i like this #hozier #fall out boy #capitalism #japan #i am a disaster #pretty when you cry

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rose-tinted-nostalgia · 25 days ago

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I had to tell my manager, borderline in tears, that I had to go home just minutes after clocking into my second shift after finally returning to work this week because my son’s father is so incapable of watching his own children that he had a tantrum until I came home. But I got to dance in the kitchen with my kids while my oldest very proudly made pancakes all by himself, and although I sobbed the entire way home, seeing my children smile at me with that much love almost made me forget it.

#I didn’t leave him with them alone ofc #my mom was also home but she said she wasn’t prepared to watch the baby and so I had to come home if he wasn’t gonna do it #this man told me to go back to work #told me watching kids was easier than working #spent an entire year berating me for being lazy and not working even though I was fucking half dying in the hospital and I’ve never not wor #even though I’ve been the primary parent and the primary supporter this whole goddam time #and then because I woke him up at 5:30 AM and he was hungover and tired from going out the night before and because my child is still adjus #to my absence #and was crying #he decided absolutely not #blew up my phone cursing me out and calling me selfish and accusing me of abandoning my child because I care more about leaving the house #sending me videos of my son crying and saying he wasn’t going to pick him up at all so I better come home #even though my mom said she watched him pick him up to console him immediately after the video so he was just being a #manipulative ass #telling me he wasn’t a babysitter and demanding I come back and even though he spent so much time telling me to go #he tried to tell me he told me not to #even though once again he said he was moving out last night and wouldn’t be giving me a dime so idk wtf he expected me to do #Sure with the right person I’d love to stay home and raise my children to think I want to go to work ???#but I’m not about to remain trapped and ar your mercy forever but #I could not stay and work after all that. My heart was breaking and I’m not strong enough to watch videos of my baby crying and not react #and even though my mom took him at my request she did not want to take care of him doe ten hours and I had to come home #and I just don’t know how she can continue to judge me daily and say things like you’ll figure it out when I’m trying my fucking hardest an #no one is able to help like it’s no one’s responsibility and I wish I could do it alone but I cannot stay home with y kids 24/7 and not rel #on him #and I csnnot go to work and support my fsmkly #Without him if I have no one to watch my kids #and I was sobbing so hard on the way home I almost couldn’t drive because I feel so trapped that I couldn’t breathe #truly an awful morning but I will spin the memory of my son laughing at the perfect pancakes he flipped #and my other son giggling for the first time when I tossed him up into the air #inside my brain so many times that it’ll erase everything else

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dead4ngelxoxo · 3 months ago

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I am going to a mental hospital soon

#dollette #lana del rey #girlblogging #dead inside #destroy #effy stonem #i am dying #pretty when you cry #lisa rowe #my year of rest and relaxation

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