#and I csnnot go to work and support my fsmkly | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

rose-tinted-nostalgia · 2 months ago

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I had to tell my manager, borderline in tears, that I had to go home just minutes after clocking into my second shift after finally returning to work this week because my son’s father is so incapable of watching his own children that he had a tantrum until I came home. But I got to dance in the kitchen with my kids while my oldest very proudly made pancakes all by himself, and although I sobbed the entire way home, seeing my children smile at me with that much love almost made me forget it.

#I didn’t leave him with them alone ofc #my mom was also home but she said she wasn’t prepared to watch the baby and so I had to come home if he wasn’t gonna do it #this man told me to go back to work #told me watching kids was easier than working #spent an entire year berating me for being lazy and not working even though I was fucking half dying in the hospital and I’ve never not wor #even though I’ve been the primary parent and the primary supporter this whole goddam time #and then because I woke him up at 5:30 AM and he was hungover and tired from going out the night before and because my child is still adjus #to my absence #and was crying #he decided absolutely not #blew up my phone cursing me out and calling me selfish and accusing me of abandoning my child because I care more about leaving the house #sending me videos of my son crying and saying he wasn’t going to pick him up at all so I better come home #even though my mom said she watched him pick him up to console him immediately after the video so he was just being a #manipulative ass #telling me he wasn’t a babysitter and demanding I come back and even though he spent so much time telling me to go #he tried to tell me he told me not to #even though once again he said he was moving out last night and wouldn’t be giving me a dime so idk wtf he expected me to do #Sure with the right person I’d love to stay home and raise my children to think I want to go to work ???#but I’m not about to remain trapped and ar your mercy forever but #I could not stay and work after all that. My heart was breaking and I’m not strong enough to watch videos of my baby crying and not react #and even though my mom took him at my request she did not want to take care of him doe ten hours and I had to come home #and I just don’t know how she can continue to judge me daily and say things like you’ll figure it out when I’m trying my fucking hardest an #no one is able to help like it’s no one’s responsibility and I wish I could do it alone but I cannot stay home with y kids 24/7 and not rel #on him #and I csnnot go to work and support my fsmkly #Without him if I have no one to watch my kids #and I was sobbing so hard on the way home I almost couldn’t drive because I feel so trapped that I couldn’t breathe #truly an awful morning but I will spin the memory of my son laughing at the perfect pancakes he flipped #and my other son giggling for the first time when I tossed him up into the air #inside my brain so many times that it’ll erase everything else

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