#Logan-esque like where Logan is at the beginning of this season

[loveandthings11]

Jeremy Strong for Newsweek, 3/26/23

Not well and unsettled.

"Please, let him get what he wants this time."

So what does satisfy? Love?

[alitgblog]

finale thoughts!!

I knew fusebox had to drop the ball at some point it just happened a lot slower than I was expecting 🤣

first off, now that I've fully rejected Theo it feels like he's missing in action again, hilariously. said it before, but they said he's like the dad of the group initially and I wish we'd have more platonic interactions with him to see that.

Hari and Hazel having Oakley and Emel esque drama God damn we should've just kept Oakley and Emel. That would actually be more interesting to me bc in character makes sense, they're always fighting but something about their last argument was the last straw and then they tearfully announce finale morning that though they care for each other they decide to break up and won't join everyone in the final to be true to themselves (basically I stole this from love island USA S4 with Nadjah and Jeff lol)

also bc I liked Hari and Hazel together I wish they could've just made it. Like they make more sense to me than Bea and Logan.

Speaking of Bea and Logan, I do think they're such a random couple. I mean, ngl it's not like the love island show always produces four strong couples for the finale each season, but since like S5 of the game it feels like there are no good couples that make sense in the finale except for MC and whoever she's with. Like Amelia and Toby MAYBE just bc they were written for each other, but even then. at least when Angie coupled with Oliver as a last minute love interest for her, there was the story that she couldn't find anyone and that they had a lot in common and actually showed some interest in each other until fusebox threw that out the window and made Angie a lesbian (which I'm not complaining about but then whyd they keep Oliver around)

And since I'm talking about all the couples anyway I guess I will comment on Theo and Claudia being together still for some reason?? said this before but WHY. at least they're a hot couple. if they're still together during the reunion though oml 🙄

anyway hideaway is nice.

I didn't realize your answer with Hazel would determine your final date but that's cute it's in a castle. Also I picked it bc I personally thought that would be interesting, but I totally forgot Jin is also a history nerd so I'm just gonna pretend that the imaginary producers were like oh we have a perfect date for these two hot nerds lol. I wish he had more comments on the castle though, bc yeah he's a history buff! just really shows the dialogue is all merged now so it's very generic.

like I feel like Jin hasn't made any jokes for a while too, which is out of character but that's bc the dialogue has to work for Jin and Oakley and Jack and Tyler too 😭 I guess it doesn't need to be fully custom but a couple lines here and there to remind us of the character they had in the beginning would be nice.

I love Hazel up until this episode now because what do you mean they're fighting over suck and blow now???? I let the card drop bc I want to be an instigator!! let MC kiss Hari again,, cause a big fucking mess 🤭

that did not happen of course

I also think we just didn't need drama the last episode. like there'll be enough emotions with the characters being sad about leaving and talking about the outside, there doesn't need to be more relationship drama. if there MUST be drama: do what I said earlier in the other hari/hazel bullet point where they just have a swift death and self eliminate in the morning/afternoon, or have petty drama between non romantic islanders. like when S2 the girls are arguing over lotion or perfume or whatever or the salt crisps later and bathroom problems later on. These guys have been living in close proximity for some time, they're bound to get agitated over little things that don't result in big shocking revelations and breakups, so just do that.

speeches cringe as always but that's just the nature of those declarations anyway. Hazel though, girl, stop it.. I'm getting the ick for you as a friend

another comment for branching would've been nice: it's weird that Claudia is like omg we're besties when they both sorta cheated on their partners in casa for each other (in my game at least). like she says we have to plan to hang out outside the villa and I'm thinking oh shit,an open relationship with Jin??gotta make sure he's okay with it first 😂😂

Beady eyed Finn is around and he clearly got that post villa plastic surgery

also wtf, seriously Finn!!!!????

like Hamish I don't like and I don't think it makes sense he'd do it S6, but I understand that he's a fan favorite and very silly so that's why he's there. S7, I didn't play but I think it was Ivy and she's not a fan favorite, but I could so see the producers trying to pick anyone who had the free time and wanted to do it and she's the only one who said yes. But Finn??? I'd bet on Eddie coming back before Finn?? And fusebox has access to S4, like they could've picked Bruno, so why Finn??

and of course fusebox does one last begging for gems in exchange for some gossip you can do without 🙄 AND it would be gossip about ex in the villa no thank you

even though we have a few more

[siobhom]

Shiv’s approach to Tom at the party really feels like she’s trying to shift their relationship into something different. When she’s talking about the women Tom likes it almost sounds like she’s trying to be a wingman. And then the game of bitey- is a very sibling-esque thing. It seems like she’s trying to shift things into a buddy relationship. And then, after their later conversation, wants to shift it to a more business relationship. All of this an undercurrent for Shiv actually not wanting to lose their relationship-relationship, but recognising that it’s not sustainable in the form it had.

I find the subversion intriguing in the for love or for money conversation with Tom and Shiv. Probably the vast majority of the times Shiv is placed in one of these categories in her life it’s the ‘for money’ category and we can see when Tom begins to talk about thinking a lot about money, she’s afraid he’s going to say their entire relationship was just for money. She knows it’s partly for money, and status, and power, she’s always known this- that was always their plan. But to find out it’s all there was would be devastating. And then Tom places her firmly in the ‘for love’ category, explains that going to Logan was ‘for money’ over love.

It also gives a different insight into Tom’s decision in 3x09. I do still think his reasons for his decision included him being hurt and angry with Shiv, and thinking their plan would fail, and wanting to suck up to Logan.

But I think there’s a key reason that’s actually ignored. And that’s the fact that Tom cares a lot about his career and his own money and he’s basically being called up and asked to nuke his boss. And I think if anyone career-minded is asked to do this it would be a hard sell. He could have just said no, but there are all those other reasons to contend with also.

I do think there’s some truth to what Tom’s saying, but not the whole truth. Like if Tom was having that conversation with a normal person, they would probably point out that Tom’s parents are fairly well off and he would never be truly without money. But there’s no part of Shiv who would mention that because there’s no part of her that considers Tom’s parents rich. The vast chasm of difference between the amount of money Tom’s family has and a family on the bread-line has is insignificant to her because of the scope of her wealth. (Though I suppose to be fair, Tom wouldn’t be able to have the seventy thousand dollar suits on his parents money).

There’s also the point that all Tom had to do was sit back and do nothing and he would’ve been set for life, because he’s literally married to a multi-millionaire. But clearly by the end of season 3 he didn’t feel secure enough that the relationship would continue to rely on that. There’s a self-fulfilling prophecy aspect for both of them here. Would Tom have felt more secure if he didn’t sign that pre-nup- would he have fought for love in all those instances where he said nothing because he was trying to hold onto the relationship and money (e.g. the open relationship etc.)? Would the marriage have ended up stronger for it? Or would it have been weaker because Shiv would feel she had no power to keep Tom?

Is the idea of Tom losing it all even realistic? Even without Shiv, he must be earning a significant amount, and he must know how to invest properly. It’s interesting that Tom’s discussion focuses so strongly on money, when it would make more sense if the focus was on his career. There’s definitely an aspect of Tom considering ‘his money’ the money he’s getting from his salary. Though possibly he has very little access to Shiv’s money beyond the services he has access to (e.g. domestic staff, planes). It seems silly to suggest a joint bank account could have helped fix their marriage.

At the end of the day the money question arises in the first place because of the deep insecurity both Tom and Shiv feel in their relationship, and that itself needs to be resolved before anything else. But it seems like they now understand that the old form of their relationship didn’t work, so that’s hopefully a first step.

[sablesides-writing-corner]

Serpent's Fangs (Pt.3)

-------------------------

Time certainly had passed since Logan had sent the three of them into the witch woods, but it hadn't been so much time that the landscape had become entirely unrecognizable.

There was one thing that was glaringly different, though.

There was an inescapable air of terror and misery, and it blanketed the area with almost as much suffocation as the eternal winter had.

“Oi! You! What's up with the massive castle!” Remus asked a nearby villager, with all the grace and tact of a newborn foal.

“That’s the Lord Liddell's lair that is- scary place mind you, don't want to be caught alive in there- or single.” The woman replied, her eyes wide with haunting terror.

“What do you mean?” Remus prodded, Roman hadn't missed the way his eyes flitted toward him as she'd said ‘single’.

“He's been asking- asking for sacrifices- young men- always young men, once a year- they never come back- not even as- as creatures like him- he's a vampire lord, you know, nasty business.” Roman felt his stomach lurch.

“Sends that horrible little son of his down at the beginning of crop season, if he doesn't get an offering, the crops wither away,” the woman shuddered, her eyes hollow and sad.

“Well uh- we'll- we'll keep that in mind- I guess-” said Remus, who made a hurried grab for Roman's arm before taking a running start toward their old home.

“A vampire lord? Gods above Roman you sure know how to pick ‘em.” said Remus as they shut the door behind them, Logan waving his hands around to start repairing the minimal damage to the house.

“I didn't pick anything! He cornered me! In the woods!” Roman shot back.

“Well you're a single male and crop season is in a few weeks from the looks of things, so for your sake let's hope they don't remember you.” Remus hissed.

It wasn't malicious, Roman knew it wasn't, but he still felt like he was being scolded- like a child.

“Right- well uh- I'm- I'm going to see if my screenplays survived-” said Roman, meekly. He headed up the stairs, a nauseating sensation bubbling in his stomach.

The screenplays were all still where he left them- but he couldn't seem to focus on them, even while actively trying.

So, he figured he'd check on the old graveyard- see if his parents’ graves were still there.

He elected not to tell Remus, considering the man would probably try to stop him.

It was still weird to him- really- Remus being responsible. After their parents died something in him must have just. . . Broke. He certainly wasn't the same man that brought spiders to school and made poor taste jokes on every shopping trip.

Sure enough, the graves were still there. Though, noticably, there were no more iron bars- and there were flowers that had been set on the graves.

“Witches are a lot more respected, these days, now that people know they're on opposing sides of the war with the supernatural,” Roman jumped a little at the sound of the girl's voice. He turned around to face- whoever she was.

She was dressed in all black, a wide-brimmed hat atop her head. He thought she must've been a witch daughter, though the frogs and toads poking out of her pockets implied more of a hag-esque association.

“Oh uh- hi?-” Roman said. The girl stared at him, green eyes wide.

She couldn't have been much older than 15, with blonde hair in a short bob just above her shoulders, and glasses nearly as big as her face.

“He's looking for you, you know- the vampire lord,” said the girl.

“Oh uh- I- I don't think I've ever met him- so-” Roman said, his palms felt sweaty.

“Yes you do, you just haven't seen him,” the girl continued, whether she was aware of how uncomfortable the situation was for him, he wasn't sure.

“Well if it's who I think it is then he should get over it,” Roman snapped back.

The girl let out a shrill laugh.

It was only then that Roman noticed her teeth. Sharp, pointed fangs, right at the front of her mouth, and another set that was much sharper than what her canines really should have been.

“You- you work with him.” Roman glanced around, only with his eyes, he wouldn't dare move his neck in any way that might expose his neck.

“Of course I do, I'm his daughter! Well- one of them, vampire lords do tend to have quite a lot of wards,” said the girl, she took a step closer to him, and Roman tripped over one of the graves in an attempt to regain the distance between them.

“So- so that's what you've been doing with the sacrifices- then? Turning us into creatures like you?” Roman had spit the last word with more venom than he'd meant to- and the girl looked almost upset by it, but he couldn't quite bring himself to feel bad about it.

“Well they would have- but vampire children just get- hungry, sometimes, we're a lot more volatile, you know,” that would explain the boy Roman had met the first time he'd seen the vampire lord.

“Are you going to kill me.” Roman demanded.

“I won't, it's not allowed, see, but I don't make any promises about dad,” the girl vanished after she said this- and Roman took a sparring second to glance around, hoping her father wouldn't be anywhere nearby.

Once he was sure it was safe, Roman stood up, and bolted back to the house.

“Where've you been! You almost gave us a heart attack! Couldn't even find you on the wards!” Roman was pulled swiftly into a spine-crushing hug before he'd even made it all the way through the door.

“I- I wanted to visit our parents’. . .” Roman said, flashing his brother the most pitiful expression he could manage.

“And- and you promise- you promise you weren't hurt, right? No vampire lords?”

“No vampire lords. . .” The lie would probably come back to bite him, later, possibly literally, but it was all he could do to keep Remus from locking him up in his room forever, probably.

[tomwambsmilk]

“Does Shiv love Tom” is such a tired question but on the same kind of topic, how attracted to Tom do we think Shiv is?

Well that's the hundred-million-dollar question, isn't it? Even more so than "does shiv love tom", which is sort of interesting in the sense that it forces you to consider different experiences and expressions of love, and then stops being interesting as soon as you encounter the people who answer it with a definitive and misguided 'no' (or worse - 'she's an emotional abuser').

Obviously I have to acknowledge the lesbian shiv truthers out there. I'm not one of them, and we'll get to why in a second, but I absolutely understand that school of thought and I think it's very valid; while I don't think it's the intended interpretation I think there's enough in canon to make it plausible. And if you're part of the 'repressed lesbian shiv' school of thought, then the obvious answer is 'no, but this doesn't mean she doesn't love him'.

Personally, I think Shiv was intentionally written as being attracted to men, mainly because I think there's a pretty clear attraction between her and Nate. At the beginning of season 1, Shiv and Tom aren't regularly having sex (hence why he tells her pussy that he misses it - aside from being a peak cringe moment that's actually giving us some critical information about the state of the relationship). Obviously, a lot of things could be responsible for this - they could just be too busy (which looks like it's partially true), or Shiv could just have a low sex drive.

However - there is obvious chemistry between her and Nate that doesn't seem to exist between her and Tom. I'm saying this as someone who loathes Nate with every fibre of my being. I do not like him. I do not ship shivn*te. In fact, it's maybe the only succession ship that actively makes my skin crawl. But. Both 1.06 and 1.07 actively juxtapose Shiv's interactions with Tom and Nate against each other, and I think those juxtapositions make it clear that Shiv has a lot more sexual desire for Nate than she does for Tom.

I think this is especially highlighted in the fact that all of the scenes where she and Tom start to have sex are either a) moments of very intense emotion (like the wedding night) or b) Shiv has upset Tom in some way and this is how she's trying to reach out to him and fix it. We don't see her initiating sex just for the sake of it, and we do see her do that with Nate. Sure, it could theoretically be happening offscreen, but I think its absence is pretty intentional.

(There's also the actor she sleeps with in 1.03, who I'd probably put somewhere between Nate and Tom on the scale of "how sexually attracted is Shiv to him". She doesn't have the same level of chemistry she does with Nate, but there is chemistry, and I think more attraction than she has with Tom.)

On the other hand, she clearly doesn't feel safe with Nate in the same way she does with Tom. (Which is probably a good call on her part). And I think this highlights the fundamental dichotomy in how Shiv relates to men: the men that she is attracted to are not the ones she feels safe with, and vice versa. (I'm saying men specifically because I don't think she has the same problem with women, although the show hasn't explored Shiv's possible attraction to women enough for that to be definitive.)

And I think this is largely Logan's fault. Beyond just the general insecurity and lack of trust resulting from his emotional abuse - I think Shiv is attracted to men who are like Logan in some way, but she absolutely doesn't feel safe with them, much like she doesn't feel safe with Logan. Logan's right when he points out that she's with Tom because she's afraid of being betrayed; what he misses is that he's the one who's instilled that fear in her. Sure, it's probably been reinforced by other relationships, but that's only because (I would bet) she's been dating people who are vaguely logan-esque.

Part of the irony of her relationship with Tom is that I do think there are logan-like qualities to him, but they're largely suppressed during the first two seasons of the show. And while this might not be entirely conscious on Tom's part, I think it's at least somewhat intentional; he does sometimes repress the kinds of tendencies that would make Logan respect him because he's aware of the fact that those tendencies are going to harm his relationship with Shiv. I don't think he's fully thought through why, I think he just knows that certain things trigger bad reactions, or create distance. I think Tom does have the potential to be the kind of man Shiv would be attracted to, but has opted instead (in the first two seasons) to be someone she would feel safe with.

Which highlights one of the tragic and somewhat infuriating aspects of her relationship with Logan - he's not going to respect anyone who loves Shiv enough to prioritize her over their own ambitions or, more to the point, him. The kind of 'killer'-type personality he would respect would also be willing to throw Shiv under the bus if need be. This is fundamentally why Tom isn't able to please both Shiv and Logan, although he doesn't realize how extreme that dichotomy is until... well, honestly I don't think he fully realizes it until the end of season 3. But my broader point is that it isn't a coincidence that by becoming someone Shiv can't feel safe with he's also become someone Logan can respect.

[class-wom]

Legion Chapter 21 “Morning After”-Thoughts – SPOILERS!!!

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  SPOILER TERRITORY

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The more I think about this one, the more I’m wondering if we’re looking at two mutant masters of manipulation, both of whom have all the power in the world but neither the capacity nor desire to see the consequences of their actions, and the folks who lie somewhere in the middle of their carnage and are struggling to take sides and figure things out.  (Since Farouk has not only a few years on David but a few centuries, it’s only fair that I’m harder on him, as he should know better! 😏) Okay, fine, we have Syd declaring about David, “He thinks he’s the victim,” to which Farouk says something along the lines of, “Yeah, isn’t that always the way it goes?” and I couldn’t help but flash back to Chapter 11, where he’s presenting himself to David as a benevolent king of a relatively happy kingdom (or so he thinks, idk),  the misunderstood victim of David’s mean old daddy who just butted into a situation he didn’t understand. (Admittedly, after D3′s invasion of David’s commune in Chapter 20, this is taking on an entirely new meaning!)  On the subject of Chapter 11, David’s “Wait...after what you did to me when I was a baby, now I’m supposed to feel sorry for you?” is a note-worthy parallel to Syd’s “I’m supposed to see you as the victim after what you did to me?” in Chapter 21, and Syd is having as much trouble helping David understand and seeing himself as anything but a victim as David had trouble understanding and seeing Farouk as a victim.  So I thought Farouk’s response was, frankly, kind of rich under the circumstances; how can everyone expect David to see his own flaws when they fail to or refuse to see their own?  Sorry, but until further notice and/or revelations, I still stand by this.

That being said, once we finally get the lowdown of the Farouk/Xavier showdown, perhaps some perspective will finally be seen.  Gotta say that I’m looking forward to that.

Syd’s “We need to talk” to Farouk (usually that phrase has incredibly serious implications, both as used from David to Clark in Chapter 8 and Syd to David in Chapter 19) made me wonder if we may be looking at the potential Clark/Syd turn on Farouk down the line, or at least if she’s (rightly) suspicious over how easily David slipped through their fingers and/or Farouk’s potential involvement, since David tipped her off about her killing him twice.  Again, nice how Farouk pinned it all on Switch; he didn’t even hint at their astral plane interaction with Syd!  And the creepiness of that “I will teach you to lie...”-line -- 🤮  But depending on whether or not I’m right about the circumstances behind Syd’s potential “for real”-confrontation with David, I think there was some significant foreshadowing there in terms of how a successful trap will finally be sprung -- not the means by which it will be executed, but how she may ultimately get him within...oh, let’s just call it (MASSIVE SPOILER THEORY ALERT) “touching distance.”  We shall see... (END MASSIVE SPOILER THEORY ALERT)

Also, I’m wondering if a certain Chapter 15 exchange between Lenny and Syd, in which the former insisted to the latter than Farouk raped her (the now-infamous “You’re the song they sing in a hostage crisis”-classic delivered by Syd), is taking on a whole new meaning for Syd when she complains to Farouk about David’s “victim mentality,” especially when Farouk turns around and suggests to Syd that she should essentially play the Mata Hari with David and more or less seduce him into complacency rather than coming directly at him with guns blazing?  (Okay, fine -- I get her “Hell hath no fury”-mentality, and I get Farouk’s “Catch more flies with honey than vinegar”-approach, and while both points are taken, they are still hard pills to swallow as I struggle to keep up with all sides.)  I hate asking questions like this in the name of fairness, but I can’t really look at all of this and just blindly yell “Go, Syd! get him good!” the way NH seems to be implying that I should!  Yeah, David’s screwed up royally, and yeah, he’s going to potentially screw up even more royally, but the constant and convenient playing of Farouk and Syd’s responses to it aren’t much better imo, and I’m not so sure they can’t or won’t single-handedly destroy the world themselves at the rate they’re going!  Besides, with regards to Lenny’s accusations, it doesn’t make Farouk right by comparison, especially in the name of “age before beauty” and “with age comes wisdom” and all that jazz.

Good grief, all this Charlie Brown-music -- am I looking at the potential for more deletions from my iTunes account by the end of the season?!? hope not!!!

As far as I’m concerned, Clark is now officially a jerk...and I’m not using the word “jerk”!

I also think they missed a massive op to make a “flying Squirrel”-joke!  Or even a group (such as Lenny’s van gathering, for example) witnessing Squirrel’s landing and having a reaction something like this:

David vs. Cary:  I’m getting the impression that DS and BI really hit it off on the set!  Love the chemistry and quasi-comedic timing between Dan and Bill; this made Chapter 11 one of my favorite eps, and while the relationship of their characters by Chapter 21 is more than a little strained. that reparte is as present as ever when David abducts Cary.  (The Cary-lover in me thought this kind of sucked and tbh is still struggling a little, but then again, just wtf was D3 thinking leaving him unguarded in the car, along with his fancy and expensive equipment in a potentially dangerous area?!? what, they couldn’t have at least one lousy Vermillion keeping watch to alert him of any potential danger?!? just sayin’...)  David takes a moment to vent a little (imo understandable) venom about that S2 finale bait-and-switch that has made things -- and by “things,” I mean David! -- a lot worse.  Cary’s take on it --- “I saw it as more of an intervention!” -- was a nice touch, but somehow an “intervention” complete with armed soldiers and a “Surrender to treatment or die!”-ultimatum as “old brain-eating enemy” hovers about in full view to really rub salt in the wound seems a teensy bit heavy-handed imo.  It did then, it does now, and the only thing David has truly learned from that experience is to not only (cough) adopt that X-Files adage of “Trust No One” but to up the ante where invasive uses of telepathy and mind control are concerned, if you’ll allow me a second to conceal my “shock and horror” at such a response.  (Especially since part of the problem is that David’s sanity at the time was and is now highly questionable, and oh gee, what  else could possibly stabilize an unstable mutant, and how could this plan possibly go wrong?!?)   Wow, congrats, D3 -- your idea of “intervention” only made things a lot worse, and you’re about as good at squelching the potential end of the world as you are at safeguarding your most valuable assets!  And ironically, just as D3′s attempts at “preventing the end of the world” are only messing things up further and causing more friction, David’s attempts at “fixing things” may also prove more complications than improvements.  One would hope there’s an Occam’s Razor-esque solution to all of this, but right now, emotions and adrenaline seem to be running  way too high on all sides to really solve the numerous problems!

Also, loved Cary’s interaction with Switch at the end and that all-too-brief shot of David in glasses!  And I may be a little low on Syd at present, admittedly, but I did enjoy her “David...what did you do?” as kind of a sly wink at both Logan and Dark Phoenix, since “What did you do?” is uttered by Xavier in the former and aimed at Xavier in the latter.  So nice little “Like father, like son” Easter egg (”A delusion begins,” yadda yadda yadda) they managed to sneak in there.

Anyway, just a few thoughts...

[imightbeapotatobutihavestandards]

He’s Hurting Me Pt 9

part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5 | part 6 | part 7 | part 8 | part 9 | part 10

Summary: Logan begins to get worried when Patton ditched both him and Roman, without even a text. He knows something’s wrong, so he finally goes to see him. Desperate to help. 

This chapter is freaking long guys, honestly I’m sorry. They’re usually like 1500 words... this is over 5000... I got a bit carried away.

Warnings: Lots of talk about abuse, violence, sexual abuse, cuts/scars, panic attacks

Part 9

Logan wasn’t mad when Patton didn’t show up for coffee the next day. He’d tapped his fingers repeatedly on the table, checked his watch, messaged him. Nothing. He called him. Nothing. That wasn’t odd, Patton often forgot to charge his phone, or turn it on, or even answer. Never on purpose, it just slipped his mind as his phone wasn’t that important to him, he was the opposite of Roman and Virgil in that respect. What was odd, wasn’t Patton blowing him off. It had happened so many times by now, something would come up last minute, something usually to do with Mike. What was odd, was Patton not notifying him before. Patton was the kindest, sweetest person Logan had ever met, and he’d never want Logan to waste his valuable time, sitting alone, upset and embarrassed in a coffee shop, he’d have told him as soon as possible. But Logan wasn’t mad that Patton had just left him, in the coffee shop, by himself.

Logan wasn’t mad when Patton did the same to Roman. The following Monday, Roman sat alone, waiting for his friend to appear. But he never showed up. Roman tried calling him, but nothing. Defeated, he’d messaged Logan and left, picking up an extra ice coffee for Virgil on his way out. Logan felt a familiar feeling bubbling up in him again, pulsing through him. But Logan wasn’t mad, not at all.

Logan wasn’t mad when he discovered Patton hadn’t been at work for that past week. It was Thursday by the time Logan managed to get to the cafe before it closed. It was coming up to exam season and Logan had been desperately grading essays, homework, extra revision, and trying to help each student individually, trying to find ways to explain things better for them. He’d been desperate to see Patton, but by the time he’d left the school, it was already too late. Thankfully, come Thursday he’d only had to briefly explain red shift to a student after class, then he was free to go. He’d usually have lessons to plan, but not tonight. He rushed to his car and made his way to the café, he’d practically sprinted to the door, swinging it open in a dramatic Roman-esque fashion. There only were a few customers, most of them being students, happily chatting and sipping coffee in the comfortable café. Thomas, Patton’s older brother, was casually wiping down the deep brown counter, he looked up through his fringe, grinning brightly when he saw Logan.

“Hey, Logan!” He smiled that bright smile the Sanders’ seemed to possess, an infectiously beautiful smile. “What can I do for you?”

“Salutations, Thomas. I was actually looking for your brother.”

“Oh.” Thomas seemed very confused, tilting his head the smallest bit to the side. “He’s-um, he’s not been in. For the whole week. Mike called up and told me he was ill.”

Breath caught in Logan’s throat, it took everything in him to keep his voice level and face emotionless. “Mike told you?”

“Well, yeah, is something wrong?” Thomas asked, putting down the cloth and standing up straight, concern lacing his voice.

“I’m not sure.” Logan replied honestly. “I’ll stop by his on my way home. Don’t worry about it Thomas, I’ll text you when I see him.” He turned to leave.

“Alright, take care of him Logan.” Thomas replied, eyebrows still knitted together in concern, posture still straight as a blade.

“I will.”

Logan wasn’t mad. Logan was terrified. Patton hated missing work, he loved that café too much, and he loved spending time with Thomas. Patton would come in deathly pale, barely able to stay on his feet, and Thomas would have to call Virgil, or even on the occasion they were free, Roman and Logan, to force Patton home. Something didn’t feel right. The teacher wasn’t one to panic easily, and certainly wasn’t one to jump to conclusions, but he was sure there was something deeply wrong going on, and it made him feel physically sick. The thought of Patton; sweet, wonderful Patton, getting hurt in any way, seemed so unthinkable, but Logan knew it had been happening for a while. His grip on the steering wheel tightened, his knuckles turning white, his self-restraint working overtime to stop him from hunting Mike down right then and there. Again, Logan wasn’t one for jumping to conclusions, and here he was so convinced of Mike’s hidden malicious nature, with only circumstantial evidence, however, when it came to Patton, Logan wasn’t always the most reasonable. The young man just did something to him, something that could sometimes cloud his cynical thoughts, or interfere with his insecurities, something that made him feel the need to protect the little ray of sunshine.

By the time Logan pulled up in Patton’s driveway, his usually restricted emotions seemed to be running riot in him. It was a containable riot, but a riot none the less. His thoughts seemed to spiral from fear and worry, to rage at Mike, to utter confusion at why he felt like everything was crumbling around him when he hadn’t even spoke to Patton yet. Logan paused, taking a deep breath and counting to ten, steeling himself and trying to calm his revolting emotions. He tried desperately to think reasonably as he knocked on the bright blue door, already preparing for several different situations.

Logan wasn’t sure why he hadn’t expected the door to pull open slowly and cautiously. But it did. Patton’s head peeked through the gap, clearly confused, his eyes looking lost and a little scared. His expression changed completely upon seeing Logan, and he swung the door open fully, revealing his full body.

“Logan?” Patton asked, eyebrows furrowing together. “Wh…why are you-“ Patton cut himself off as he noticed his friend’s horrified expression. He followed the taller’s eyes to his bandaged wrists, panic beginning to settle.

Instinctively he drew back, hiding his arms behind his back, mind searching through a million excuses, but it was too late, Logan had seen and was advancing towards him as he fumbled for words. Patton was so lost he had faded out for a moment, and suddenly all he knew was a figure was close to him, he was holding out a hand, he was reaching for him, Patton’s heart leapt and he jerked backwards, cowering, expecting pain. Logan stopped dead in his tracks, looking at Patton heartbroken.

“Patton, please can I see your hand?” Logan’s voice sounded so much softer, so much sadder than he’d heard it in a while. The taller man stepped inside the house and shut the door, cutting off the outside world, much to the other’s relief. Patton shakily complied, praying to anyone who would listen that Logan wouldn’t freak out.

But he wasn’t a religious man.

Logan carefully unwrapped the bandages, inspecting the wounds, he couldn’t help the slight relief upon realising they weren’t self-inflicted, so what caused them? The cuts were uneven, some deep, some not, some already seemed pretty much healed. One of his wrists was also bruised, the soft freckled skin stained with deep purple, vivid blues and sickening yellows. Logan seemed to jump through so many possibilities, eliminating several as a new theory popped up. Whatever the cause, right now, it didn’t matter, because one conclusion always stayed the same: who had done it. Logan felt that bubble of rage in his stomach, his worry for his friend made him attempt to swallow it down, but it never seemed to subside.

“Patton when did you last change these bandages?” Logan practically growled, not daring to meet Patton’s eyes. He knew his tone would already scare the poor man enough, let alone the fire burning behind his eyes. Like he predicted, Patton flinched slightly, causing a part of the teacher to shatter, dulling the flames eating at him by a little, not enough though.

“U-um…” Patton squeaked, desperately searching his mind for the last time he’d dared look at his aching arms. He realised, with regret, he hadn’t changed them since they’d first been bandaged, he’d been too intimidated by what it meant, it taunted him of what had happened. How he’d caused Mike to lash out. How he’d gotten himself hurt. How it was all his fault… wasn’t it?

“Sunday?” Patton said, though it came out like a question. He could feel Logan sigh heavily, his voice softened suddenly with protectiveness as he spoke.

“Please sit down.” He then walked to where he knew Patton kept his bandages.

Logan knew he had to contain himself, he hated how he’d scared Patton already. The young man had been through enough. Collecting supplies he took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and counted to ten. He could deal with his anger later, his first priority is Patton. His thoughts quickly flickered back to all the times the protective younger man had fought for him, how when Logan had thought he was trapped Patton had grabbed his hand and they’d ran, how Patton never failed to come up with an awful pun in every situation, how he’d smile so brightly it was almost blinding. He felt relief run through him, just for a moment, dimming the fires. He kept thinking, kept trying to calm himself, for Patton. He thought back to the first time he’d openly cried around Patton, felt the pressure release as he finally just collapsed into caring arms. He winced again remembering the pained expression when he’d shown Patton his scar, and how his face had changed to utter heartbreak when he told him it was of his own father’s doing. Logan vividly remembered how everything he’d tried to keep hidden so desperately for all those years of his life suddenly came spilling out, how everything so ugly and pitiful just fell from his mouth because he was so unable to stop it, and because Patton was so ready to listen.

*Flashback because somehow Logan’s backstory made it here*

Logan allowed himself to think back to what had happened after that. Patton had begged him to get out of that house but Logan couldn’t, it would mean leaving his father alone. Logan’s mother had died in a car accident when he was younger, and since he had always been blamed for it, so he understood where his father’s aggression came from, and despite all the fear he harboured towards him, he loved him, he couldn’t abandon him, leave him truly alone. At least he couldn’t until that night. The night of his mother’s birthday, when his father all but drowned himself in cheap liquor and allowed himself to stew in his awful mood, he was so much more unstable than usual. Logan remembered crawling to bed when the older man had finally let him go, the one place he was safe was in his room. He had finally allowed himself to curl into a ball cradling his bruising arm, when he’d heard heavy footsteps. He tensed and froze automatically, squeezing his eyes shut, knowing if he just pretended to be asleep his father wouldn’t care, like usual. But that wasn’t the case that night. The steps continued, he heard them draw closer and closer, he remained paralysed as his door swung open. His limbs were stuck entirely, like every muscle had just stopped working. He’d hoped his father would just leave, but he didn’t. He felt a hatred filled gaze that was cast at him, and something icy cold crawled up his spine. Suddenly out of nowhere he felt a weight on him, and arms forcing him to turn onto his back. He’d snapped his eyes open, only to be met with blurry dark shapes, without even realising it he reached for his glasses, scooping them off his bed side table and trying to sit up. The arms knocked the glasses from his hands, and pined him against the bed. He wasn’t sure what was happening.

Logan remembered vividly the constricting feeling of arms on him, the fear of the unknown, how he’d screamed as loud as possible and how the sound had been muffled with panic. His father was shouting something at him. He was shaking him, a bruising grip on his arms.

Nononononononono.

That was all he could process. His defiance.

Nononononononono.

He frantically flung his arms anywhere, reaching for anything he could find. His hands closed around something on his table, it was heavy and an odd shape, he didn’t have time to process what it was. He desperately attempted to grab it, eventually managing to curl his fingers around the odd shape. With all his strength he smashed it heavily against his attacker, hearing a violent smash. It was his lamp. He didn’t have time to care. The weight fell off him, as soon as he could move he was up. He scooped his glasses from the floor and sprinted down the stairs, stumbling and hitting the wall as he went. He needed something, where was his phone? Clothes? Keys? Had to get out. Needed basics. There’s the door. Can’t leave yet. Footsteps. Phone.

Logan grabbed his school bag, knowing it had a fair amount of necessary items and hurtled himself towards the door. He ran through the darkness, barely noticing the tears, he just ran and ran and ran. His mind barely processing anything other than his feet meeting the pavement. He just ran. Until he stopped. Vague recognition seeped into his clouded mind. He’d barely had time to breathe, his mind focusing on his feet again and forcing him to walk forwards. He couldn’t comprehend anything until he knocked on the door, and by some miracle, it opened.

A ruffled Patton in pyjama bottoms, a pale blue hoody and slightly tilted glasses stood before him, and in that moment more than ever, he looked like an angel. Logan collapsed onto him, crying, sobbing embarrassingly loud, but he didn’t care, and neither did Patton.

It had taken a while to feel safe again, except when he was with Patton. Patton had helped him so much; encouraged him to see a therapist, to find his aunt, to tell people. Without Patton, Logan wasn’t sure what would have happened, so now he needed to repay him.  

Logan sighed, finally leaving with the supplies to see Patton with his head hung, sat on the sofa. Logan’s hands were no longer balled into fists, his knuckles no longer white, and his rage no longer uncontrollable. Instead he was overwhelmed by the urge to hug Patton closely to him, to convince him he was safe now and wrap a blanket around his shoulders. He wanted to return to Patton, what he had given him so long ago. He wanted Patton to feel heard and secure and that maybe things would be okay. Everything Patton had been so desperate to hide, Logan wanted it freed, because he knew the relief he’d feel. More than anything, he wanted Patton to be happy, because that man deserved the world.

Tentatively he stepped closer, voicelessly sitting next to his friend. The teacher winced as the smaller man beside him flinched, eyes wide and brimming with fear, he could practically hear his beating heart.

“Don’t worry Patton, it’s simply me.” He stated, wincing again, only this time at his own cold tone of voice. Logan had never been the best at emotions and feelings and allowing them to come across, but for Patton he’d try his best. He readjusted in his seat, turning in to face the smaller man, letting their knees graze gently together, hoping it would provide tentative comfort. Thankfully, it did, Patton recognised Logan’s attempts, smiling at him with sad, broken eyes. Logan’s heart broke even more.

“I um… I am deeply deeply sorry if my, earlier attitude, scared you. I just, I know I snapped, and that was so wrong of me. You’ve always been there for me Patton, I could never ask for a better friend… I just wish I could be the same for you, but evidently, I am… struggling.”

“Oh, Lo-“ Patton tried to comfort him, but Logan held up his hand, gently smiling.

“I will strive to be better, for you. As I said, you have always been there for me, so it is difficult seeing someone I care about so much hurt, as such it was difficult for me to, control my emotions. Still that’s no excuse for scaring you.”

“Logan,” Patton said, voice soft, almost fragile, but entirely sympathetic. “It’s okay, I-I’m fine, really it’s nothing. Nothing at all. Don-“

“Falsehood.” Logan interrupted, voice still calm and quite, yet warm. He didn’t need to say anything else, everything seeped out in the tone of his voice. It’s not okay. You’re not okay.  But I can help. Logan held out a hand patiently. “May I?”

Patton’s eyes flickered from his friend’s face to his out stretched hand, before he cautiously, like a frightened animal, allowed his wrist to fall into the other’s large, slim hands. Logan’s long fingers curled around the wrist carefully, pulling it lightly towards his face so he could inspect it. He decided the best course of action would be to clean and then re-bandage the cuts, they were bad, but didn’t run deep enough to warrant expert medical help, though needed to be routinely cleaned to ensure they didn’t get infected.

At first, Patton had winced when the cold, wet cloth was pressed against his skin, it sent a sharp stinging sensation over his skin, Logan automatically drew away.

“I… I am sorry Patton, this will sting a bit but I’m afraid it must be done. I really am-“

“It’s fine Logan.” Patton interrupted, holding his arm out again. “Go on.”

Nodding, Logan placed the cloth back on the cuts, being very careful about cleaning them. After drying them, Logan began wrapping a bandage around his friend’s arm, his graceful slim fingers gliding around and precisely attending to the task. The process was then repeated on the other wrist, Patton watched in awe at the delicate process, and those fingers working with such precision and care seemed to capture him, he even almost forgot that deep feeling of guilt, disgust and fear that was writhing around in his stomach. It felt like death, like he was decaying from the inside and it was gradually consuming him all, eating up everything that was once him. He knew he had changed, and change isn’t a bad thing, of course he couldn’t be that bright-eyed and bold kid that he used to be, he’d grown up, but there was always still this childlike wonder in himself. Now, it felt like that had faded. He felt like so much had faded. So much so that he wasn’t sure who he was. It had become so difficult to look in a mirror.

Patton knew it wasn’t the first time, in fact, it had never been easy to look in a mirror, he’d always hated his appearance. Objectively, he wasn’t fat, but our minds seldom think objectively. He had short, stubby fingers, nothing like Logan’s long elegant ones. His legs were larger than Virgil’s thin ones. His chest was soft and he had a belly, unlike Roman’s toned chest and broad shoulders. His friends were all so beautiful, and he looked nothing like them. Though somehow, they had made him forget that, he had reached a point where he didn’t feel inadequate around them, and thought that maybe, if these people found him beautiful, then he could find himself beautiful too. What happened to that?

Patton looked up to his friends concentrated expression, his eyes fixed on his hands and a look of pure focus dancing in them, an unwilling smile crossed the smaller’s face. The feeling in his stomach became lighter, it wasn’t gone, not in the slightest, but it was an improvement. He missed Logan so much. He missed those late night talks that ranged from borderline insane to crying lightly into the others shoulder, feeling entirely protected and warm. He missed hearing that rare laugh Logan had, the one he’d always tried to hide but Patton adored. And of course he missed that begrudging smile he’d give after one of Patton’s finest dad jokes. Damn, Patton missed dad jokes. Mike hated dad jokes, so much more than Logan, so much more. Patton decided it wasn’t worth making them some time ago.

Logan didn’t need to say anything after he’d finished bandaging up his friend’s wrist, he just carefully opened his arms out, silently asking if the other wanted a hug. Instantly Patton fell into Logan’s arms, he felt them curl around him, the lean yet strong muscles shielding him from the outside world, he felt his heart rush and calm at the same time and he let a deep but shaky sigh. He allowed his own arms to wrap around Logan tightly, pulling them further together and burying his face in his friend’s neck. Logan moved slightly and lifted Patton’s legs so the other was comfortable and safe in his lap. He didn’t say anything, just held him, for a long while.

Eventually, Logan’s soft even voice broke through the silence, like the hum of the wind.

“Would you like to talk Patton? I understand it may not feel like it, but it is quite often beneficial for someone to talk about what is distressing them.”

Patton swallowed; did he really want to open up that wound?

He wasn’t even sure if he was justified, what he’d gone through wasn’t that bad, not really. Did he really have the right to paint Mike in such a light, if he really loved him? But, now he was questioning it, the warmth, the protection that Logan’s arms offered… he felt; safe. It had never felt like this with Mike. With Mike it had been uncomfortable, humid, suffocating, or even cold and overwhelmingly empty. When they were together, it wasn’t wrong, not when he was being kind. When they curled up together to watch movies, it was pleasant, nice, he had been content. Maybe at first he had felt his heart swell, felt the warmth he felt now, but this security, when he was curled into Logan, that seemed to surround him was so unlike anything he’d felt for a while. He’d missed this, missed Logan, so much. He wanted his best friend back. It made that question burn in the back of his mind, did he truly love Mike? Mike was a good person, he cared for Patton, so what if they had their ups and downs? Of course, of course Patton loved Mike, he had to, after everything… he’d done, he did for love, and that makes it okay, right? A sickness crawled from the very depth of his soul… but he’d done it for love, so that can’t be right! He tried pushing it down again but, like a snake, it crawled back up. He shouldn’t be feeling like this, because everything was fine, because he forgave Mike and he loved Mike and-

-and he was so lost. He was trying so desperate to find answers but every emotion just seemed to tangle into some unrecognisable, Gordian form. He looked up to Logan. Calm, collected, rational Logan. If anyone knew… If anyone could help Patton’s conflicted mind… it would be Logan. Logan, with those bright, dark brown eyes that shone with compassion and patience. His lips were a thin flat line yet those brilliant emotive eyes told Patton everything he needed to know.

Logan held his gaze, not pushing him or prompting him, which strengthened Patton’s resolve. The smaller nodded, breathing in deeply as he did.

Logan readjusted, allowing Patton to move out of his lap, he re-positioned himself in front of the shorter and instinctively grabbed his hands, gently enough that he wasn’t trapped by the grip but instead felt comforted. Patton smiled down at their carefully entwined hands, feeling a temporary warmth rush through him, before it was replaced with a flood of dread. He couldn’t help but holding on a little bit tighter, allowing the grip to stabilise him and give him strength.

He’d hidden this for so long, he wasn’t even sure what he was hiding anymore, or what might come tumbling out of his mouth when he found a place to begin at. He was determined, but he didn’t know where to start, because there had been no clear turning point, it was just a faded hazy mess that Patton had no idea what lead him here.

“Everything was fine… was good for… so long. I guess that, maybe, there were always little things but we all have our little things y’know? I’m far from perfect myself and our flaws are what make us, us, after all. And his flaws made Mike, Mike. And I loved him for them.” Patton rambled on, desperately trying to show, prove, to Logan the good in him. He was so lost trying to find the right words that he missed the flash of hurt that darted across his friend’s eyes, missed the way he tensed slightly and back straightened. It was only for the smallest second, then the impassive mask returned.

“But… he is very, insecure… he was, I don’t know threatened? By… by the amount of time I spent with you and Ro and Virgil. He um, he had a breakdown. He was so upset but embarrassed, I-it… it was my fault, and it hurt s-so much, but I just, I  c-couldn’t put him through that again. I didn’t think it would be so bad, missing an hour or two of time with you all, but…” Patton breathed in deeply, allowing his voice to steady, Logan soothingly rubbed circles over shaking knuckles. “He got worse. He got more paranoid… more angry , just more-“ Patton cut himself off again, stumbling over his words, trying to make his jumbled thoughts coherent. “He’d always liked to drink, which is perfectly fine of course but, he suddenly became this different person. And then it started seeping into just, everything. He’d snap and yell and, and- I’d try to keep the peace. Do whatever he wanted – I even urged him to see a therapist once! But he’d just yell and say, horrible things. He didn’t mean  it, it was the drink but… it still… hurt...” Patton admitted weakly, almost ashamed, like saying it out loud would make it more real. He waited the weight of the words to crash around him again.

Logan could feel a soft bubble of anger boiling; how could anyone hurt Patton? How dare anyone? But Patton didn’t need this right now, and after reminding himself of that, he easily swallowed back his quick temper and continued to soothe and listen. For Patton.

“B-but, after everything, he’d be so apologetic, kind… more, passionate…” Patton coughed awkwardly, suddenly feeling uncomfortable. He didn’t have to say this, he reminded himself. He didn’t have to tell Logan. But he wanted to.

“There were a, um, a couple of times, w-when after a fight…” He felt the words get stuck at the back of his throat, choking him. He tried breathing, but his eyes kept darting to his bedroom, then to the floor. Logan noticed. His face hardened. His anger burned, roared inside him, but he held it in. He told himself not to jump to conclusions, Patton could be looking for an escape, a place of comfort. Logan let his rage extinguish, before shifting closer to Patton, looking at him with patient eyes.

“He… didn’t like me saying no, to… to sex.” Patton cringed at putting it so bluntly but he had to know Logan was on the same page. “He’d just, keep pushing, until I gave up… gave in.” He practically coughed out, squeezing his eyes shut, trying to block out the memories.

“I-“ Something cut him off, some sort of strangled, animal cry, that racked his body. He took a sharp, hissing intake of breath. All at once, he felt everything. The needy, unwanted hands crawling all over him. The hot breath against his neck. The cold sweat coating his body. The vile crawl up his throat. The feeling of shame heating his face. Another painful sob escaped him. He drew away from Logan, he couldn’t help it, hands were all over him, marking him, burning him.

Patton clamped his hand over his mouth, trying to squeeze his eyes shut even more, desperate to get the images out of his head. He’d done it for Mike, because he loved him, it was normal to want to prove it. If Mike needed Patton to prove it then he would, and that was okay. If he needed him to be good, then he would, he could make the sounds for him and pretend he was okay, pretend everything didn’t feel so, so wrong. If it meant that much, if saying no wasn’t accepted, then it must be important for him. He knew he would only be mad if he said no. But it was fine. He could do as he was told.

Hands, hands were on him again. They burnt. Reflexively he tensed, freezing up entirely.

“Patton,” Soft, calm caring. Not breathy, not needy, not demanding. “Patton, please look at me.”

He complied, fearfully, only to remember those hands were Logan’s, something somewhere felt lighter.

“I cannot begin to understand what you are going through. Know that everything you’re feeling, is exactly what you should be feeling, do not feel guilty.”

Patton nodded hesitantly, a sudden burst of memories surrounding his brain again.

The demands came flooding back. The feeling of helplessness surrounded him, paralysed him. He couldn’t breathe again. He tried biting back a sob, but instead gave in. He let the sobs crash over his body and tears cascade down his face.

What must Logan think? To know what you’ve done… he probably doesn’t want to be around you. Mike was right about you; just a whore. He was right. He was right. He was right.

“Patton.” Logan’s voice again. Patton wasn’t sure when he’d cupped his hands over his ears, or curled his knees into himself, or began muttering and rocking back and force, but when he looked up at Logan through his fringe with glistening, terrified eyes, he realised it all at once.

“Patton, I’m not – I could never think any less of you. No matter what. Least of all for that okay?”

“O-okay.” Patton gulped in the humid air, nodding quickly, the movement making his brain hurt.

“I know this is difficult Patton bu-“

“I-I’m fine. No.. I’m fine, I’m fine, I-“

“Stop. You are not fine. And it’s okay to admit that.” The smaller considered it, heart heavy and tears still streaming down his face, his thoughts were swimming through mess and memories. He opened his mouth, but it was dry, and his throat was hoarse. The words were painful, they were lies, and they burnt.  

Eventually, Patton breathed out. The hands were still there, they were threatening, hovering over him, but they weren’t on him. But they could be, at any moment, he was exposed and vulnerable and so so tired. He shook his head, feeling his fight drain out of him and letting his body collapse into Logan. He buried his face into the teachers neck, desperate to feel safety again, tugging at any remnants of protection he could. Logan wrapped his arms around the small, shivering form, protecting him from the hands. Protecting him from the world, and his thoughts, and everything.

“I’m not fine.”

-----

Note: Thanks everyone reading this for the support on this story, honestly I didn’t expect anyone to read this at all! Your comments and likes mean the world to me :) 

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[restinpicturespod]

HARRY DEAN STANTON WATCHLIST

Over 6 decades and nearly 200 feature films and Aaron and David could only muster up enough time to watch and/or re-watch 11 films featuring the late, great, Harry Dean Stanton.

While the two of us watched whatever we could get our hands on, our goal is to always watch three (however for HDS, we went for four) of the same films together in order to create a deeper discussion. Check out our complete LETTERBOXD for everything that we watched as well as our pick for the Must-See Harry Dean Stanton movie.

DEATH WATCH (1980)

A movie profoundly ahead of its time. The late 70s was a breading ground for a wealth of extremely pessimistic views of the future with totalitarian governments, environmental disasters, and dystopian wastelands. This fear of the future was the perfect platform for iconic films like SOYLENT GREEN, SILENT RUNNING, and LOGAN'S RUN. When 1980 rolled around we also found the world beginning the plunge into an all information, all the time with the introduction of CNN and the 24 hour news cycle.

In a future where dying of illness and disease is rare, Vincent Ferriman (HDS) has created a show that exploits our morbid obsession with decay and destruction. He remarks " Look how shy we've become about death. It's the new pornography." DEATH WATCH is a lo-fi thriller of impending death, moral decency, and television ratings. Ferriman is the suave, slimy, cutthroat television producer while Harvey Keitel plays Roddy, his secret cameraman. In the only real instance of "science fiction", Roddy's eyes have been surgically replaced with cameras to infiltrate the life of the ill-fated subject. Whatever he sees, so does the audience of DEATH WATCH.

It's an all around great performance piece as Keitel gets to turn in another fantastic layered character alongside his subject, the doomed Romy Schneider. HDS presents the villainous television producer capitalizing on the public's voyeuristic thirst. Is he the true villain for creating the material or are we to blame for consuming it. In a real world that has prolonged 14 seasons of KEEPING UP WITH THE KARDASHIANS the answer is unclear. Either way, DEATH WATCH provides all the great moral complications that come along with great science fiction.

REPO MAN (1984)

REPO MAN is a movie of the moment. If you make this movie about any other time it will not feel as genuine. As kitschy as it may be, the 1980's fueled the stark contrast between the rich and the poor, the right and the left, the haves and the have nots. This is punk rock's cinematic magnum opus. It's the movie anthem that doesn't conform to your societal norms or to Hollywood's interpretation of the punk movement. Many "punk" movies have been made before. But REPO MAN is different in that it's a movie about punks, made by a punk, that's for punks. But under the tenderly punkish care of Alex Cox, the movie becomes something more than just a parody of itself.

In true punk anarchy, our antagonizing protagonist, Otto, refuses to accept the 'everyday onslaught of the capitalist consumerism of 1980s Reaganomics'. It's such a cliche statement, but instead of uttering those words Cox litters the screen with the impersonal, faceless marketing, dead behind the eyes parents, and reckless government goons. Unbeknownst to Otto, he can't escape the vice grip of the United States marketing machine.

For a movie that is so overtly "punk" you'd expect it to just be littered with the sounds of Black Flag, Bad Religion, Minor Threat and others. The music embraces a sort of Link Wray style of rambling guitar riffs and steady drums driving the rest of the story along. Its that waning guitar crossed with a sort of rockabilly, beach rock, proto punk vibe that gives the movie an almost fairy tale quality to the seedy side of the LA underground.

It's such a great movie that holds a mirror up to the social and the anti social. It's a movie about the disassociated youth, a detached society, and a radiated alien car. It's the kind of movie where one can talk about a plate. Or shrimp. Or a plate of shrimp and still sound impressively deep. There's no real explanation. It's just the cosmic unconsciousness telling us how good this movie is.

PRETTY IN PINK (1986)

It's really just another story of star crossed lovers from the opposite side of the tracks. However, there is one thing that feels slightly different from every other entry in the John Hughes Cinematic Universe. That main difference comes from the relationship shared between Andie (Molly Ringwald) and her father, Jack (Harry Dean Stanton). We are treated to an incredibly realistic relationship between a young lady who is forced to act as a parental figure to her own depressed, lonely and broken father.

In most Brat Pack flicks we get a paternal relationship that is either non-existent or entirely eccentric and played for laughs (i.e. Non-existent = BREAKFAST CLUB, SOME KIND OF WONDERFUL. Entirely eccentric = WEIRD SCIENCE, BETTER OF DEAD... I know not official Hughes but it might as well be). This relationship utilizes the raw, every man nature of HDS to convey a personal and flawed interaction between the father and daughter. They are both sharing the loss but are forced to deal with it in different ways. This grounded relationship reveals a youthful, blossoming connection between Andie, Blane, and Duckie juxtaposed with a prophetic look into the reality that many relationships, including Jacks, eventually become. A much more grown up, however loosely structured story of young love in the 80s.

TWISTER (1989)

Calling this movie TWISTER is like calling BATMAN (89), DINNER DATE WITH VICKI VALE. Yeah, I guess it does take place but I don't see what that has to do with the story.

I know this is going to be a shocker but Crispin Glover is just as insane as ever and he's kind of the best thing in this film. It's more or less an aimless ROYAL TENENBAUM-esque family of rich, eccentric weirdos just getting along with life and not getting along with each other.

It really feels like the filmmakers told Crispin to improvise everything and told HDS to react accordingly. That part kind of works. I just wish there was more of that interaction. This is really just a movie that shows solid actors elevating a lackluster script.

The two of us watched 7 other HDS films. Check out the entire list on LETTERBOXD.

[brokehorrorfan]

Best New Horror Movies on Netflix: Spring 2017

I know there's an overwhelming amount of horror movies to sift through on Netflix, so I've decided to take out some of the legwork by compiling a list of the season's best new genre titles on Netflix's instant streaming service.

Please feel free to leave a comment with any I may have missed and share your thoughts on any of the films you watch. You can also peruse past installments of Best New Horror Moves on Netflix for more suggestions.

1. It Follows

I assume most horror fans have already seen It Follows, as it was one of the most-talked-about genre films of 2015, but if you somehow missed it, stop reading this and watch it right now. A horror classic for a new generation, the plot revolves around a curse passed on through sex in which the recipient is followed by... something. Not only does it draw influence from Halloween and A Nightmare on Elm Street, the film also evokes everything I love about those classics: a strong female lead in Maika Monroe (The Guest), a dreamlike atmosphere, precise direction, stunning cinematography, a memorable synth score, a familiar suburban setting, and an unsettling, mysterious antagonist. Read my full review of the film here.

2. Under the Shadow

The first half of Under the Shadow works well as a compelling war drama, while the last act turns into an edge-of-your-seat supernatural chiller. The Persian-language film takes place in 1980s Iran while the Iraq war rages on. When her husband is drafted, Shideh (Narges Rashidi) is left to raise their young daughter on her own, living in a war zone under the constant threat of an attack. The daughter becomes convinced that evil djinn have taken her beloved doll and soon develops a fever that won't break. The stressed mother dismisses her stories until she experiences the hauntings herself. The film explores similar themes to The Babadook, in addition to sharing an appeal to both genre and arthouse/film festival audiences.

3. The Invitation

As raw as it is calculated, The Invitation is an understated thriller that brings to mind such films as Rosemary’s Baby, The Shining, and Let the Right One In. The captivating plot revolves around a group of friends reuniting at a lavish dinner party, but one man (Logan Marshall-Green, Prometheus) becomes increasingly paranoid of ulterior motives. Director Karyn Kusama (Jennifer's Body, Aeon Flux) strings viewers along with just enough information to maintain engagement without sacrificing ambiguity, anchored by brilliant performances from the ensemble cast. The deliberate, slow pace creates a pervading sense of dread, which culminates in a chilling finale worthy of the build up. Read my full review of the film here.

4. Train to Busan

Think you’re done with zombie movies? Think again. In addition to smashing records in its home country of South Korea, Train to Busian is easily accessible to a global audience. Like Snowpiercer meets 28 Days Later, the plot involves a ferocious zombie outbreak aboard a train. It's on par with a Hollywood blockbuster movie in terms of spectacle, performance, and entertainment value. It's also surprisingly heartfelt, thanks to characters for whom the viewer cares - including a sweet father-daughter relationship and one of the best supporting characters in recent memory. Read my full review of the film here.

5. Cheap Thrills

Cheap Thrills is a few years old now, but if it went under your radar, you need to check it out. A quick glance at the trailer or synopsis may leave you questioning how the plot - in which two desperate men perform increasingly twisted dares for money - could sustain itself for 88 minutes. Against all odds, you'll watch in suspense, wondering what they'll do next and questioning if you'd do the same with money being waved in front of you. Ethan Embry (Can't Hardly Wait) completely reinvents himself in the role of the scumbag, while Pat Healy (Starry Eyes) earns the audience's sympathy despite being just as guilty. David Koechner (Anchorman) plays the wealthy man handing over the money, with Sara Paxton (The Last House on the Left) as his arm candy.

6. Trash Fire

Trash Fire certainly isn't for everyone, but if you've enjoyed writer-director Richard Bates Jr.'s previous output - Excision and Suburban Gothic - you should have a pretty good grasp on what to expect from his latest. In an attempt to mend their toxic relationship, arrogant pick Owen (Adrian Grenier, Entourage) and his on-again, off-again girlfriend, Isabel (Angela Trimbur, The Final Girls), visit his estranged sister (AnnaLynne McCord, 90210), who was horribly burned in a fire that killed his parents. The cast also includes Fionnula Flanagan (The Others), Matthew Gray Gubler (Criminal Minds), Ezra Buzzington (The Hills Have Eyes), and Ray Santiago (Ash vs Evil Dead). The genre bender begins as a quirky, black comedy, then transforms into a dark and disturbing drama with horror undertones. Both halves are uncomfortable in their own way.

7. Evolution

Evolution is definitely tailored for the foreign/arthouse crowd, as French director Lucile Hadzihalilovic explores the horrors of puberty in an esoteric manner. It's immediately striking, from the breathtaking, Planet Earth-esque underwater photography that opens the film, and remains visually interesting even when the plot goes off the deep end. The story centers on a young boy who discovers a dead body in the ocean, after which he's sent to a mysterious hospital where he and other boys are subjected to bizarre experiments. The finale is a memorable one.

8. The Similars

The Similars (known in its native Spanish as Los Parecidos) is an unabashed love letter to The Twilight Zone and similar science fiction thrillers from the 1960s, right down to the Rod Serling-style voiceovers that bookend the story. The film takes place in 1968 Mexico, adopting a period-appropriate aesthetic with desaturated color, nearly to the point of being black and white, stark film noir-esque lighting, and fake film grain. The events occur in a bus station during a heavy rainstorm, where the handful of stranded patrons face a bizarre phenomenon that I won't give away here. It goes a little off the rails toward the end, but the premise is so riveting you won't be able to take your eyes off the screen.

9. Tales of Halloween

Tales of Halloween is a horror anthology made up of 10 segments from directors such as Neil Marshall (The Descent), Darren Lynn Bousman (Saw II-IV), Lucky McKee (May), Paul Solet (Grace), and Mike Mendez (Big Ass Spider), among others. The cast is equally impressive; you'll recognize nearly every face as a genre veteran, indie favorite, or master of horror filmmaker, including Barry Bostwick (The Rocky Horror Picture Show), Lin Shaye (Insidious), Barbara Crampton (Re-Animator), and Adrienne Barbeau (The Fog), to name a few. There's really only so much you can do with a Halloween-night setting in 10 minutes, so the film becomes monotonous at times, but there's still a lot of fun to be had. It won't replace Trick 'r Treat as the go-to Halloween anthology, but Tales of Halloween makes for a great addition to your seasonal viewing.

10. Antibirth

Antibirth is further proof (as if we needed it) that Canadians love David Cronenberg's body horror fare. The first half of the film is, frankly, a chore to slog through, but once the prolonged set-up is out of the way, we're rewarded with nightmarish visions of blood, pus, and hideous deformities. It's worth the time commitment for the insane final 10 minutes, which make this movie a fun one to watch with a group of friends. Natasha Lyonne (Orange Is the New Black) stars as an unfortunate girl who shows signs of being pregnant - including a bulbous belly - without having had sex. Whatever is inside her infects both her body and mind. It's a wholly unglamorous role, but Lyonne owns it. Chloë Sevigny (American Horror Story), Meg Tilly (Body Snatchers), and Mark Webber (Green Room) make up the supporting cast.

11. Death Race 2050

It's hard to warrant a purchase for Death Race 2050, when the original Death Race 2000 does the same thing far more successfully, but a Netflix viewing is the perfect way to spend a mindless weekend afternoon. Roger Corman returns to produce a new reboot of the 1975 cult classic. Like many of his productions, it's not a particularly good movie, but it’s an amusing one. It serves as a timely satire under our current administration, with Malcolm McDowell (Halloween) as the Chairman of the United Corporations of America. He hosts a three-day, cross-country race that plays out like NASCAR meets The Hunger Games with a hint of Looney Tunes. Manu Bennett (The Hobbit) assumes the role of half-man/half-machine reigning champion Frankenstein. Read my full review of the film here.

BONUS: American Crime Story: The People v. O.J. Simpson

I think Ryan Murphy is brilliant with casting and marketing, but I've always found his storytelling on American Horror Story to be heavily flawed. By basing his latest anthology effort, American Crime Story, on true events, he's able to focus on his strengths without as much concern for sticking the landing. The People v. O.J. Simpson is well worth the 8+ hour commitment; it's engaging even if you lived through the infamous case, doubly so if you don't know all the details. The cast is populated by notable names like John Travolta, Cuba Gooding Jr., David Schwimmer, and Nathan Lane, but it's Sarah Paulson and Sterling K. Brown who steal the show as the defense attorneys.

[zeroviraluniverse-blog]

Eric Hosmer striking it rich in San Diego is so crazy it could work

Visit Now - http://zeroviral.com/eric-hosmer-striking-it-rich-in-san-diego-is-so-crazy-it-could-work/

Eric Hosmer striking it rich in San Diego is so crazy it could work

While most of America was either tucked away in bed or deep into Saturday night revelries, the tortoise pace of baseball’s lingering offseason quickened. The most divisive member of this year’s class of free agents finally found a home: Eric Hosmer is a member of the San Diego Padres.

According to reports, Hosmer’s deal runs for eight years with a total value of $144 million. Meanwhile, MLB.com reported that there is an opt-out clause after the fifth year, and Bleacher Report reported that the deal is front-loaded: The first five years are at $20 million per season (with a $5 million signing bonus); the last three are at $13 million annually.

Unsigned veterans such as Logan Morrison might be tempted to wait to sign after Opening Day, but it’s a gambit without guarantees — or recent success.

As spring training begins, we identify baseball’s elite — the teams with a chance to compete — and the teams that aren’t even trying to win this year. Where does your squad land?

From a former superstar at a crossroads to an ace on the mend, you won’t have to wait until Opening Day to see if these guys are ready to shine.

2 Related

The back end of that contract — the three years and $39 million — is a fascinating way to structure a deal that overall, frankly, isn’t going to register as “smart” by most analytically charged readings. But we’ll get to that.

The practice of front-loading deals is one that might become a trend, given the typical shape of free-agent deals — albeit without the opt-out. The opt-out protects the player in case of serious injury or a rapid decline in performance. It doesn’t do as much for the team. This structure does limit the back-end downside for the Padres, in theory, because of the lower salaries. The hope is that the surplus value created by the first five years of the deal will cover the club for the last three, less-costly campaigns. But it all comes down to properly valuing those first few seasons.

It’s a risk: If the next phase of Hosmer’s career is better than his first, then he’ll surely opt out when he can in five years. By then, the Padres will have already have paid out $105 million of the $144 million in potential value. If Hosmer ages in that way, which is unusual, the surplus value the Padres would have gotten at the end of the contract would be moot. But that’s not the way things tend to work out with these big free-agent deals, which is what makes this contract structure so interesting.

At first blush, this deal is tough to justify by metrics — but not impossible. According to FanGraphs.com, Hosmer has accumulated 9.9 WAR during his seven big league seasons, 4.1 of which came last season. In easily his best overall campaign, Hosmer overcame a slow start to hit .318/.385/.498 with a career-high 25 homers, 94 RBIs and 98 runs.

It’s important to understand the rough math to see why this contract is likely to be hotly debated in analytical circles, just as Hosmer’s free agency has been a hot-button issue for the past year. Hosmer is projected for around 2.8 WAR this season in most systems, with his forecast being the product of a reasonable degree of regression coming off a career season. If Hosmer plays out this contract to its completion, that would take him through his age-35 season.

Eric Hosmer’s deal with the Padres promises huge rewards, but will it trigger more signings? Jay Biggerstaff/USA Today Sports

Let’s give Hosmer three years at 2.8 WAR apiece, taking him through his age-30 season and his likely peak seasons. Then let’s take off a half-win for the remaining years of the deal, which is a standard rule of thumb when it comes to the aging curve — though Hosmer isn’t necessarily a standard anything, and players age in different ways. Anyway, that gives him these WAR totals for Years 4 through 8: 2.3, 1.8, 1.3, 0.8, 0.3. The total WAR he’d compile during the deal in this case would be 14.9. For the Padres to break even on this investment, the average cost of a win during the course of the contract would need to be around $9.7 million.

With that figure in mind, perhaps the best way to justify the terms of the deal is reflected in the work of Matt Swartz, writing for FanGraphs. The key point is that with revenues and payrolls rising across baseball, the cost of a win in the free-agent market has been on the rise. That trend may or may not be blunted or even reversed by this year’s slow market, but that remains to be seen.

If Swartz’s estimates prove to be close, then we can estimate that the above WAR forecast for Hosmer could yield up to something like $180 million of value, not only justifying the outlay but actually giving San Diego a nice buffer if market values stagnate. That said, Hosmer’s performance was below replacement in 2016, and there is literally no value created by that kind of performance. Plus, he’s joining a new team in a new park that is the toughest power-hitting venue for a lefty hitter in the National League.

We don’t always know how a player will translate to a new context, and if Hosmer turns out to be more 2016 than 2017 early in the contract, the deal will be an albatross. It could also be a problem if the costs of a win stagnate or decline. In any event, despite what many are likely to conclude about this contract, it is far from certain how this deal will look in hindsight. It really depends on how San Diego projected Hosmer internally, if that projection is close to right, and how close their estimated costs of a win are to reality. In other words, there is plenty of room for interpretation on a deal of this length, for those dollars and for that player.

Players and teams get in gear for Opening Day in Florida and Arizona. • Complete spring training coverage »

Something else to keep in mind about Hosmer is this: His WAR totals have possibly been deflated by a consistently average-to-worse defensive showing in the metrics. However, last season’s Gold Glove was his fourth. This is as Jeter-esque a divide between measured defensive value and perceived performance as you’ll find. Indeed, if you watch Hosmer play first base for any length of time, then go to the numbers, it’s hard to make sense of it. Teams don’t use the measurements we’re quoting here. They have their own systems, and if Hosmer’s glove carries more value than systems such as defensive runs saved seem to think, that changes his outlook considerably.

Also working in his favor is his athleticism — few first basemen in recent memory have been better on the basepaths than Hosmer. Generally speaking, the more athletic a player is, the better he ages. Finally, there is real reason to believe that Hosmer has untapped potential at the plate. His bloated ground ball rates have been the subject of a lot of hand-wringing, but the fact of the matter is that few players hit the ball as hard consistently as Hosmer. Given the right adjustments, it’s entirely possible that last year’s breakout was evidence of a powder keg about to go off.

Hosmer was one of the youngest free agents on the market, and the fact that he’s entering his age-28 season explains the length of the deal his agent, Scott Boras, was able to extract even from this locked-up market. And for all of this technical picking apart of the contract’s terms, those terms are tough to judge based on cold metrics analysis.

There could also be a considerable opportunity cost from the team’s perspective. This is money that the Padres might have been able to spend on a player with a more stable performance record — but the “might” qualifier in that statement is important. Hosmer was willing to come. There is no guarantee another marquee player would have. You could also state that the uncertainty expressed here is the very reason the Padres shouldn’t have taken the plunge. It would be a reasonable response.

Nevertheless, why San Diego?

For one, the Padres are a team on the move. Or at least it will be — just not in 2018. After plugging Hosmer into San Diego’s depth chart and moving incumbent first baseman Wil Myers to left field, the Padres’ 2018 win forecast jumps by a whopping 1.5 wins — all the way to 71.2. (This is a baseline number, before being run through a schedule simulator.) This signing isn’t so much about what Hosmer brings to the Padres this season, but the foundation he’ll provide for the seasons to come.

Who’s still on the market as teams hunt for help this winter? Insider: Law’s top free agents | Trade market

From the day he arrived in the big leagues, Hosmer was the heart of the Royals’ clubhouse, and that remained the case through Kansas City’s gradual rise to a World Series title in 2015. He set the tone in terms of playing smartly and aggressively, always willing to adjust his approach to the situation, a trait that marked those Royals teams. And he was there all through the rise of a team from bottom-feeder to champion. Still young, he can now be that person for another franchise, one still seeking its first World Series crown.

Are intangibles worth at least $105 million, or possibly $144 million? Of course not. But there are plenty of reasons to believe — call it hope — that this deal will work out for the Padres, as the likes of Luis Urias and Fernando Tatis Jr. and Cal Quantrill and MacKenzie Gore make their way to Petco Park over the next few years. They will join a clubhouse in which Hosmer sets the tone, and as a former champion, he’ll command the respect that such veterans always do in big league clubhouses. Maybe you don’t value that; the Royals clearly did, and the Padres clearly do.

As for the metrics, just remember this: The Padres, led by general manager A.J. Preller, believe in analytics. They aren’t ignorant of the various valuations floating about. In fact, just last month, San Diego hired FanGraphs writer Dave Cameron to work in its front office. If Cameron couldn’t talk Preller out of signing Hosmer, couldn’t it just be that teams work with better information than the rest of us have?

That last question might not be the right one. Sure, teams have better data. But teams also make mistakes in the free-agent market, and the Padres haven’t played in free agency at this level, well, ever. This is the largest contract in Padres history.

For several weeks now, Hosmer’s market has appeared to be just two teams: The Royals, who gained another high draft pick for their rebuild with Hosmer’s departure, and the Padres. Maybe this shouldn’t be that surprising. The market for first basemen just wasn’t robust this winter. Besides, the very things that make Hosmer so well thought of in the industry are perhaps more valuable to teams like the Royals and Padres than they would be to a more established, star-laden team.

In other words, the Padres and Hosmer are a better match than they appear to be at first glance. In a few years, we might well look at this late Saturday night splash as the moment San Diego began to turn the corner. Or, if the metrics hounds prove prescient, it might be the night the San Diego rebuild hit the skids before it really ever got started. The outcome may depend on soft factors we analysts tend to despise.

Either way, this is the most interest the national baseball media has taken in the Padres in years. Doesn’t that, in itself, speak volumes?

[tomwambsmilk]

Okay I know I've said this before but I need to spit it out of my head so I can get some work done. The succ writers really wrote the lines "do you want a deal with the devil?" "what am I gonna do with a soul anyways?". They really did that asbhfvewhfi. Like we all went "haha funny hyberbolic tomgreg moment" (myself included) but like. Succession is structured so closely to a Shakespearean tragedy (I'm actually writing a whole post series about that concept alone), and the idea of fate, of dramatic irony, of hubris and corresponding downfall is so central to literally any Shakespearian tragedy. It's making me crazy because I fully believe after season 4 airs we're all gonna look back at that moment and go "oh fuck me, that was it, that's where it all went wrong". Tom is offering a deal with the devil because he knows he's going to push Shiv down the stairs, but he's also about to be siding with Logan and like. You never win in deals with the devil. Even if you get what you want it comes at a horrible cost, often what you love most, often the very thing that would allow you to actually enjoy whatever it is you made the deal for.

What's making me extra extra crazy is that I remembered that Georgia Pritchett wrote for "Veep", which, even though it's last season as a whole was very "meh", had a fucking phenomenal finale, where Selina Meyers (Veep's main character) did exactly that. She completed her corruption arc and achieved what she wanted most in the world (becoming an elected president), but at the cost of all the people who at one point were dear to her, and whose presence would have made the presidency enjoyable. And the peak of that, the climax of that episode, was when she betrayed Gary, her loyal sidekick, who had been by her side since the beginning, the only person who had never left her, the person who believed in her and supported her the most. She sold him out to the FBI to take the fall for her election fraud - and that was the completion of her arc because he was the one person in the world she actually cared about. He was the thing she loved most, and so he was the one she would need to sacrifice to make her deal with devil.

Idk exactly what's gonna happen with Tom and Greg in season 4; I know we've joked about Greg betraying Tom, but... what if Tom actually ends up betraying Greg? Sure, he didn't sell Greg out in boar on the floor, but... if all of Tom's personal ambitions are actually in reach? If he becomes increasingly logan-esque? If he's so close to actually being Logan's successor, but cruises starts to rear its ugly head, and Greg's the one who signed out the papers, and there's a recording of Greg (but not Tom) talking about destruction of evidence, and there are text trails between Greg and Kendall about the papers? If Logan places the same choice in front of Tom that he placed in front of Shiv in 2x10; if he asks Tom to prove his loyalty by sacrificing the person he cares about most?