#and also be fucked into oblivion at the same time ahahaha

[drunkenlion]

I’ve never been a sucker for poly relationships, especially after a pretty toxic one irl, but the need to feel squished between Vash and Wolfwood is driving me mad 🥵🥵

[sapphicfolksongs]

over 3 years ago i filled out this short lil survey because i was bored. this was before i started college, before i started “really” dating, before i knew what i was going to do with my life, before i made most of my current best friends, while i still lived at home... so forth and so on. my life is pretty different now so anyway, i thought it’d be fun to do a before and after sort of thing. for ma blog records. ya know.

(bold is first answer, three years ago; normal font is present.)

1. The meaning behind my URL

Makes sense if you’re in the DW fandom, i s'pose. Basically I just liked the way “bay” sounds like “babe,” you know, in a way, and Rose Tyler is a total babe… but the url was already taken so there are, alas, two l’s.

My blog used to have a DW focus and now it’s primarily t100. I sort of stopped watching DW after the 12th doctor arrived (but honestly I think I stopped mostly because I started college). I started watching t100 and just got obsessed so quickly. My URL now is a combination of “rebel” and “bellarke” (bc life) and I like how “rebellark” without the e in bellarke also kinda references the ark.

2. A picture of me

lol this is such an awk picture

here’s another for balance

those pictures were in my old house! that makes me so sad. also, notice how I’m repping my Boston University shirt pretty hard. surprise, surprise: didn’t end up going there. plot twist: glad I didn’t.

anyway, some updated selfies-

basically the same except i’ve adopted lipstick on special occasions and have discovered that eyebrows are a powerful secret weapon

3. Tattoos I have

nope none, probably will never have any either. needles freak me out and i get over things way too quickly. last thing i need is to hate this permanent design on my skin eh

same. like i’ve thought about it more, have actually made a pinterest board dedicated to possible ideas!! but i am still fickle. still afraid of needles. i like the idea more as i get older. would like to get one with my brother. i guess we’ll see.

4. Last time I cried and why

I got into UT! It was happy crying. I literally thought I wouldn’t be accepted; it’s one of the hardest (if not the hardest) state school to get into if you’re not in the top 7%, and I’m not. I literally had a breakdown. I don’t even know if I’m going, I was just thrilled that someone actually wanted me. You knowwww??  

this is so funny to me. i’m always glad i had that reaction because it was just... pure joy. relief. wonder. i never thought i’d get in. now i’ve just finished my third year there. i love it. it’s been crazy. it’s changed my life. it’s caused my unbelievable stress and tears at times but it’s also been arguably the best time of my life. 

anyway, on to the question - i cry a lot lmao. i don’t even remember what i last cried about or when. it was probably a combination of school stress + work stress + life stress (what am I doing, ya know?) + boy stress. it’s been like two-ish months since i got dumped but it’s still sorta lingering in my mind and it’s been rough. but i’m giving myself a break, letting myself breathe (letting my heart breathe, let’s be real) and letting myself feel. so tears are welcome. though i hate the build up of emotions to it [sigh]

5. Piercings I have

My ears. I don’t really like piercings all that much. I might like a cartilage or something. I also like belly-button piercings, but I don’t have the body for that, and ow, and lots of other things.

lol yeah same. i don’t even wear earrings so what’s the point

6. Favorite Band

At the moment, Bastille! Imagine Dragons is also a long time favorite of mine.

and then a year or two later I’d see both of those bands in concert!! that’s so cool. i’m so happy i got to see those bands with my friends (and now i am sighing dreamily at those concert posters in my room). anyway, these dudes will still be my faves for a long time coming. but recently i’ve really enjoyed listening to MAX. his songs are fucking bomb like i love all of them.

7. Biggest turn off(s)

Jerkiness. Rudeness. That really, REALLY bothers me most of anything.

i feel as if I remember answering this question and though of course most people hate “rudeness,” i didn’t have enough experience with dating really to know what i disliked. which is how i got where i am today. wonderful! lol. but no, i can safely say my biggest turn-off is not being listened to. when someone feels like they are the only person that matters or is interesting, and treats you as if you are not interesting. i am a human being - and an important one! - with a full, interesting, crazy life, and i deserve to be treated like i’m important by the people i associate myself with. and all other things that that entails. 

10. Biggest turn on(s)

Nice hair. I also really like guys with nice, uh, hips? Like thin and stuff you know? That sort of lean but a little muscular look. Idk that nineteen year old boy look. Sooo beautiful lolll. Also, sort of faux-hawk hair, it’s a bit of a fad but I’m starting to really like it. And long sleeved dress shirts rolled up to the elbow. And you know what- just overall polite guys. That’s really important and very attractive. Oh, and a sense of humor! Wow. This was a bit of a list.

nice smile and nice laugh. i love falling for someone and having their laugh stuck in your head, hearing it when you text them or when someone mentions their name. 

11. Age

Eighteen!

twenty-one.

12. Ideas of a perfect date

Fun & comfortable, and just a tad romantic :) I don’t know what, though. Anything spontaneous, wild- or calm. One or the other, no in between!

i would agree with 18 year old anna. something comfortable where i’m able to talk to the other person, without feeling like we’re on stage or too exposed. good conversation, easy laughs, experiencing something new. i love (and hate) revisiting places i went to on dates because they overflow with memories. good and bad. but i think making new memories like that is the best kind of date.

13. Life goal(s)

Be a writer! Published before I’m, eh, 25?

wtf anna. *sssiiiggghhh* little did I know that I would stop writing almost entirely once i got to college! idk why. it’s something i’ve struggled with immensely, my loss of “identity” as a writer. i will probably not be published by 25. not in the way i wanted, anyway. i did join the paper at college and had quite a few articles published but a book is far from the works for me.

my life goals would be to write creatively, though, in some format. if i can. if i still have the motivation and the drive... i want to be nice to myself. i would also like to be independent, and happy. 

15. Relationship status

In a relationship with a wonderful guy. Been just a little over 5 months now.

update on that relationship: we dated for a year and then i went to college. after a few months in college, i dated (a little.. like, a very little little) and ultimately regretted breaking up with aforementioned HS boyfriend. that spring break we met up and talked; he wanted to get back together, but i decided i wasn’t ready. we’ve talked probably only a few times since (it’s been like 2 years). i’m back in a stage where i’d like to try again. i think i needed to grow up and mature to really be ready to be in a relationship with him, and i think i’m there now. unfortunately he’s been dating a girl for like a year now, so that’s a no-go, and obv i’m no home wrecker (not intentionally anyway - long story!) but i think if there’s ever a time where he’s single and i’m single... i might try again. 

anyway, as i mentioned earlier, was recently dumped (by somebody else, unrelated) so i’m basically the most single i’ve been in a while. i’m sort of enjoying it but also kind of bored/anxious/fearful of being alone forever, etc etc, also quite afraid of another rejection and the whole process of getting to know someone and.. ugh dating is ugly and gross. anyway. i’m single. i’m so rambley. my apologies friends

16. Favorite movie

You know what movie I really liked, and will go on and on and on forever about? Wuthering Heights. I think it was the last one that was released, I’m not sure- but that shit was beautiful, man.

ah haha hahaha ha my favorite movie is pride and prejudice. it’s the only movie i can see several times and not get sick of. why am i such a predictable period drama lovin’ hoe

17. A fact about my life

I’m going to college to study English and/or Pyschology!

dropped english after a semester, fell in love with psych (i was a TA of sorts for this really popular Pysch 101 class with two really famous psych professors) but ultimately i decided to pursue elementary education. i’m about to start student teaching and i’ll be in a third grade classroom! 

18. Phobia

Cockroaches. Fire. Erm… Death and oblivion and the sort of unknown realm of things. Dark, sort of.

same ahahaha also, i’m afraid of a bad marriage? or no marriage at all. i’m afraid i’ll be afraid to be alone and end up in a bad marriage. i’ve got love and lost love and bad love on my mind lately. it’s like a phase or something

19. Middle name

MARIE. Such a boring name. I wish it’d been Belle or Bella so I could have been Anna Belle or Anna Bella. Or Annabelle or whatever…

it is the same and i hold the same thoughts in regard to my middle name as i did at 18 years old