#I am not a competitive person I'm just really stupid mind you I think it is funny to do stupid shit like this and that's the reason

[dan-crimes]

Hmm someone outta stop me bcuz I'm seriously considering going thru my whole blog just to tag all my Sonic posts cuz the way my brain works I'm casually lookin thru my blog and a thought pops up tellin me like Man just think of how hard it would be to tag all of these tho I wish I could so I don't lose some of the cooler posts I got on here... wait is that a challenge? You don't think I'm capable of going thru all these posts and tagging them? HA! YOU KNOW NOT MY POWER! YOU KNOW NOT WHAT I AM CAPABLE OF! IF I WANTED TO I REALLY COULD and etc etc etc so yeah I'm like super close to biting the bullet and going thru all my posts just to tag some of those potential straggler posts of Sonic stuff I may have reblogged back in the day

[ja3yun]

Melting Point | P.SH | CH.6

brother's rival!sunghoon x fem!reader warnings: fluff, angst, smut (mdni), unprotected sex, oral (m. rec), fingering, dirty talk, switch!ynhoon leaning on dom!hoon, mentions of panic attacks and anxiety, unloving mother, confrontation, anything else lmk! ch. 6 synopsis: after sunghoon's injury, you're making it your mission to care for him, but a surprise visits from his mum and shocking revelations lead you to question everything you have ever felt. wc: 16.6k previous | masterlist | next a/n: surprise! i am gifting you this all a day early <3 i have so much to do over the weekend so you can thank my work for scheduling me crazy hours for this early update. ynhoon stans...i'm sorry. this chapter is a rollercoaster so buckle yourselves in. thank you so much for the love on the last chapter, seeing all your reactions to minhee was...yeah. again, likes, reblogs, feedback is always appreciated!

The day after the incident, you finally summon the courage to visit Sunghoon.

You’ve been in an emotional battle with your head and your heart, wrestling with the decision of whether to give him space or to be there for him during this setback in his career. As his girlfriend, you know you should show support when he needs it most, so you listen to your heart. 

However, you’re still conflicted about one thing: whether to reveal Minhee's involvement in the reason for his injury. The whole ordeal yesterday has left a bad taste in your mouth. Minhee and your mum had planned this sabotage but you have no clue why.

You sense there's more to this than meets the eye, something you don't comprehend, so you’re choosing to keep it hidden for the time being. It's not an easy decision because you've never lied to Sunghoon before but your mind rationalises it as a temporary withholding of information rather than a flat-out lie.

On your way out, you double-check you have everything, but while you’re preoccupied with checking your trusted lip gloss is in your bag, you bump into Minhee.

The atmosphere around you is thick with tension as your eyes meet. You’ve spent the entire night going back and forth in your mind as to why Minhee would do this, mostly because you want to believe he’s a decent human being who wouldn’t sabotage someone else for his own success. 

That’s the part you can’t wrap your head around, the idea that this is for his benefit because there is nothing to gain except getting Sunghoon benched for Nationals. 

Would he stoop so low just to get a better chance at winning first place? It’s so out of character for him. Minhee has always worked exceptionally hard to get the things he deserves, which was evidenced only in the last month with the extra hours practising and perfecting his routine. No logical person would put in hours and hours of grafting just to take the easy way out and eliminate their biggest competition. Even when you both watched the documentary about Tonya Harding, he was the first to say how stupid it would be for anyone to sabotage another skater because the ban would never be worth it if you really loved the sport.

Maybe you just don’t know your brother as well as you think you do, maybe this is his true side coming out. After all, he didn’t know about making it on the Olympic team if he skated well yesterday, and since Minhee’s dream is to be placed on the South Korean skating team, getting Sunghoon out of the way is a sure way to guarantee a spot - he could have conjured up this scheme with your mum.

It’s these conflicting thoughts that come to the forefront of your mind as you look him up and down. Regardless of any reason, he still did what he did, so you snub him, walking past in haste.

“Y/N, where are you going? Why do you have a bag?” he questions your pink overnight bag that you use for long weekends away at Rina’s. You ignore him and boost down the flight of stairs to get your shoes on, “Are you going to his?”

The tinge of sadness in his voice doesn’t go unnoticed, it’s similar to yesterday although anger has seemingly flushed from him, replaced with a guilty conscience. 

“You know I am so why are you asking?” you spit back.

“Are you going to tell him?” he queries quietly.

You can practically feel his heart gaining speed as he asks the question. He knows if you tell Sunghoon, his career is effectively over. It’s why you have such conflicting thoughts about telling your boyfriend because until you know the whole story, is it really worth ending Minhee’s future like that so easily? 

Standing up, you grab your coat, “Why shouldn’t I?” The question is posed to let Minhee tell you exactly what is going on, it’s up to him to let you in on the reason for his actions.

He rubs his face in his hands and shuts his eyes, you can see he’s fighting himself, “I…I don’t know.”

“Really?” you scoff, “You aren’t even going to give me a reason not to say anything? Then what was this all for, Minhee?”

He doesn’t answer, hanging his head down in shame. It’s the glimpses of him like this that are what are going to stop you from telling Sunghoon. The look on his face wasn’t just guilt he got caught but for his actions.

“Tell Mum I’ll be home in a few days,” With that, you walk out and slam the door behind you. 

You take two buses to get to Sunghoon’s side of town which takes about an hour if there’s traffic but luckily for you, there wasn’t. As you stand outside Sunghoon's flat, your heart leaps with excitement and concern. The rhythmic beat of rock music in your headphones works as a distraction. Sunghoon taught you this trick when you first started to hang out, the loudness of the base helps ease your mind, especially if it was flooded with any nagging thoughts about Minhee. 

You've come all this way to be by Sunghoon's side, realising that your attention should be on him rather than getting caught up in the complexity of Minhee's situation. You slightly curse yourself for not just being with him earlier, you should have been here as soon as he got home yesterday.

Chapping the door, you wait for someone to answer; It’ll either be Jay or Jake because you know Sunghoon will be resting, or at least you hope he will be, your boyfriend always had a habit of defying instructions. The loophole he found to start this whole relationship was a huge giveaway.

The door opens, revealing Jake on the other side. His eyes are filled with relief as he recognises your face, "Hey," he says with a small smile, "Sunghoon's resting, but he'll be glad to see you."

You nod in understanding, a part of you thought maybe the almost 16-hour silence would have put him in a sour mood with you. As you enter the quaint flat, you remove your earbuds and catch sight of Jay in the living room, absorbed in his reading. The subdued atmosphere tells you that everyone is attempting to retain a sense of normalcy in the aftermath of recent events.

It’s funny, you didn’t consider how his closest friends would have reacted, this must be hard for them too considering the three of them are inseparable, each in their own field of sports; Jake in football and Jay in rugby, all of them meeting in the same major at University. You’re appreciative of them, they could empathise with him in ways you couldn’t.

The short walk to Sunghoon's room feels like an eternity as your mind races with thoughts about how to comfort him. How do you approach this? Especially knowing what Minhee did. 

Why are you always harbouring a secret from someone you love?

You gently push the door ajar, revealing Sunghoon lying on his bed, his leg bandaged and propped up on a pillow. His eyes, heavy with exhaustion, meet yours, and a small smile plays on his lips as he registers your presence, “Baby,” he exhales softly and outstretched his arms. 

Closing the door, you walk over to him and envelop him in a tight squeeze. You let the gravity of the situation sink in as he nuzzles his nose into your neck, it wasn’t just his ankle that was hurting but his heart.

“I should have come earlier, I’m sorry,” You confess, drawing back to sit on the edge of the bed, “I didn’t know if you needed space or not.” 

Sunghoon shuffles to sit up straighter, wincing as his ankle subsequently moves with him, “I get it, Sweets, really. You don’t have to apologise…it’s a weird situation, y’know?” He widens his eyes for a moment, inviting understanding without verbalising the implications. It was a fucked up scenario, Sunghoon hasn’t once had an injury in his whole career.

Interlocking your fingers with his, you ask the dreaded question, “What did the doctor say?”

“I have 4 days to live,” he jokes in an attempt to make the air lighter between you both but you don’t find it very amusing. You know he’s hurting inside and you can’t stand when he hides it. Sunghoon is strong and dependable but he rarely admits any vulnerability unless it’s got anything to do with you.

Slapping his chest, you narrow your eyes, “Shut up, I’m serious, Hoonie.”

Sunghoon sighed and looked down at the damaged ankle, “It was just a twist, I should be okay in 1 to 2 weeks but that can take me right up to Nationals. I can’t be on my ass for that long, Y/N.” Anger seeps into him, almost as if he’s realising the severity of what lack of training will do to his chances at Nationals.

Can he even go to Nationals now? Did Minhee and your mum get what they wanted? Maybe you should just tell him about Minhee, an eye for an eye and all that other stuff. 

But you need to investigate first and figure it all out before you jump the gun on this. It’s difficult considering Sunghoon is in front of you, cursing at himself for not stopping the practice, this wasn’t his fault. 

As his mouth keeps moving, you slowly start to tune back into what he’s saying once his skate is mentioned, “You saw my skates the night before, they were perfectly fine!” he exasperates, pointing to them at the bottom of the bed. Somehow, being confronted with the evidence of your brother’s crime brings a moistness to your mouth as if you could vomit right there.

The way your face goes a little paler causes Sunghoon to stop his rant, his hand bringing your face to meet his, “Sweets? What’s wrong?” You’ve spent so much time with him that you’re starting to curse how he can read you easily. If he catches a flash of guilt or withholding in your eyes, he’s never going to drop it.

Standing up with purpose, you advance over to where the skates are, curling your fingers around them. "I think having these in your line of sight isn't healthy for you mentally. I'm going to put them away," you say, opening his cupboard and tucking them in. In actuality, you feel compelled to throw them away, realising that their main purpose now is to serve as a horrible memory. With your back to him, you muster the bravery to bring up the topic of Nationals.

“Coach Lee said if I rest it and can get back on the ice just before the competition, hammer in a few practice sessions and see how it goes since I’ve already officially qualified anyway,” The perks of being the best skater in the city, you suppose, “But Coach Kim says it’s too risky and that I could break my ankle if I go back too fast.” 

"Did the coaches say anything about Nationals? Can you compete?" The avoidance of eye contact becomes a shield, a method to ease the weight of the question from your chest. The guilt you harbour is overwhelming as if you were the one responsible for shattering his skate.

It seems you’ve not been the only one fighting with conflict.

"What are you going to do?" you inquire, returning to his side, your hand soothingly rubbing his thigh, a silent promise of support regardless of his decision.

He bites his lip, determination sparking in his eyes. "I'm going to Nationals, I don't care," he declares with unwavering resolve. "I need to do this. I've finally rediscovered my passion, and I can't bear to watch it disappear again, Y/N. I know that if I miss Nationals and the Olympics, I’ll lose the love I have for it, I feel it."

Nodding in understanding, you convey your unwavering belief in him, your smile a testament to your faith. Taking his hand, you bring it to your lips, planting a soft kiss on his knuckles, the action makes his heart skip.

For Sunghoon, the past few hours have been consumed by self-loathing, but your presence breathes new life into him. He hadn’t decided to try to get fit for Nationals right after the doctor gave him the news, it was only after he saw you walk through that door. You were the reason he wanted to prove he could do it because you always brought him back to life.

"Can I help with anything?" you offer, breaking the tender moment.

"You can give me a kiss," he cheekily responds, a playful smirk gracing his face.

Rolling your eyes in mock exasperation, you shuffle closer to his side and lean in, capturing his lips in a gentle kiss. The synchronicity of your hearts creates a natural rhythm as they engage in their own intimate conversation.

Grabbing your sides, he guides you to sit over his lap, the new angle giving you more leeway to fully capture his lips, melting them with yours. His hands snake under your top, rubbing the skin of your back, grabbing lightly at your sides.

“I love you, Hoonie,” you murmur into his mouth and you feel him smile happily.

“I love you so much more, you’ve got no clue,” he presses your chest flush to his creating little distance between you. As he goes to buck his hips up, the pressure on his ankle makes him cuss and yelp out in pain.

Drawing back, you look behind you, “Sunghoon! Can you watch your ankle please?” You argue with him, trying to climb off but he holds you there in his lap.

"No, don't," he whispers, stealing another kiss, "I need this ankle to heal up quickly." Groaning, he shifts it into a more comfortable position.

"You'll be back on the ice in no time, baby," you offer a reassuring smile, but he looks at you with confusion.

“I wasn’t talking about that. I mean so I can fuck you,” The tender moment takes an unexpected turn as he expresses a different desire. The tone of his voice was offended, Sunghoon didn’t understand why that also wasn’t your first thought. Sometimes, he really is just a man.

His admission catches you off guard, and you playfully chide him, "You can wait, Hoonie." Cradling his face in your arms, you rub his nose with yours.

He doesn’t seem to like that idea.

______

"Hoonie, baby, do you want a cup of tea?" you call out from the kitchen.

You've been taking care of Sunghoon for the past five days, tending to every one of his needs. Part of this is due to your position as his girlfriend, but there is a deeper purpose lurking beneath the surface. You are well aware that your attentiveness is tinged by a desire to make up for your brother's mistake. You don't know why you're carrying the burden for your brother but you're living with it.

As you hear Sunghoon's ‘yes please’ response, you set about preparing the warm brew. The rhythmic clinking of the spoon against his mug becomes a backdrop to the quiet surrounding the flat. 

“Y/N, can you make me one too?” Jay asks while shoving his gym bag on the counter beside you, a flask in his hand. 

Accepting the flask you fill it up with some tea from the pot and add a dash of vanilla milk, just how he likes it.

Living with the three boys for nearly a week hasn’t been as challenging as you once thought. They’re respectable, clean enough, and have created unspoken boundaries to make sure you are as comfortable as possible. Obviously, you knew Jay and Jake before you moved in temporarily to look after your boyfriend but this continuous time with them has made you realise that Sunghoon surrounds himself with only good people, a reflection of his character.

Handing Jay back the flask, he raised it in a silent expression of thanks before walking away, “See you both later. I made extra lunch so eat it before it goes off,” he points to the pot of curry on the stove before he twirls out the door. 

Entering the room with the steaming cup in hand, you find Sunghoon gazing out the window, lost in thought. He has been getting better at a rapid pace, now able to stand confidently on his ankle, albeit not for a long period of time, particularly when he’s standing still, however, the progress he’s making for his recovery is astounding. 

He had a home visit from the doctor at Belmore to check his ankle and he said he might as well be a superhero with how well he is doing. He also said Sunghoon had a high likelihood of getting back in the rink for Nationals, as long as he kept doing what he was doing.

His attention turns from the outside world to you as he graciously accepts the tea from your hands, "Thanks, Sweets," he murmurs, planting a tender peck on your lips before making his way back to the bed. Seating himself at the edge, he glances over at you, curiosity in his eyes as you plonk down on his desk chair.

"Are you going to class today? Jay could have given you a lift," he inquires, taking a sip of his tea, his gaze lingering over the rim as he watches you.

You've willingly abandoned everything - school, work, even Rina and Allen. The neglect of your actual life becomes a mere consequence of your guilt-ridden state; until Sunghoon is better, focusing on anything else seems impossible. You've informed your professors that you're completing all assignments from home, citing an illness that keeps you from attending classes. Another lie to add to your bank.

Shaking your head, “No, not today. I’m all caught up anyway.”

With a sceptical look, he puts the mug down and walks over to you, each of his arms on the rests of the chair, effectively trapping you in, “Sweets, I love you and I love that you’ve taken care of me this week, but you’ve done enough. You can go to University and I promise I won’t break.”

Deep down, you know he’s right but your guilty conscience aside, this was also a lot more fun. The ability to spend everyday with Sunghoon, waking up to him and making him breakfast in exchange for him making dinner, the random shows you’ve both binged and laughed at, learning every intricate detail of him - it’s been the best time you’ve had in years. It gave you a glimpse into the future of what it would be like to live together.

You meet Sunghoon's gaze, your eyes reflecting a mixture of reluctance, "I know," you concede, "but it's been...nice. Taking care of you, being here with you.” 

“Trust me, I appreciate it more than anything, but I’m fine I promise,” Sunghoon tries to give you some comfort by looking into your eyes and assuring you. You can feel his genuine care for you and your own life. He watches your eyes shift as you look away from him, “It’s not just me, is it? There’s something else going on?”

People on Twitter cry out for a man as attentive as him, they crave it because men these days don’t notice anything. Taylor Swift and Adele aren’t top artists on people’s Spotify because men are great at listening. 

But right now you wish he wasn’t so attuned to you, that he didn’t know you so well because you don’t have the energy, nor the words, to explain to him that you know he’ll be fine, you just can’t face going home.

Because that was the real issue here, wasn’t it? 

You can lie to yourself all you want but that house is the last place you want to be. That house is a labyrinth of unresolved issues. Minhee's actions have put you in a difficult position with your boyfriend, secrets linger in the cracks of the house that only he and your mother are privy to, and you feel like a stranger in your own home. Here, in Sunghoon's space, you can simply pretend that the world consists solely of you and him. It's a comforting illusion, shielding you from complicated family drama.

Sunghoon bends down, despite the strain on his ankle, trying to get eye level with you,

“Baby, you can talk to me.”

"You need your eyebrows fixed," you say quickly, seeking to change the subject. His astonished reaction causes you to quickly break into laughter, "They're getting a little wild, Hoonie."

He tilts his head and furrows his brows. "You want me to believe that my eyebrows are what's bothering you, not something a little more serious?"

You eventually stare into his eyes, mentally pleading with him to drop it and accept that your concern is indeed about his brows. The last thing any of you need is for you to reveal the information you're keeping hidden; it might jeopardise the calmness of this week and, potentially, your entire relationship.

His eyes soften and a small but understanding smile tugs at his lips. He relents, knowing you’ll speak to him sooner or later about your worries, “Alright, come on then,” he slaps his palms against his knees and slowly rises, ignoring the shooting pain that courses from his ankle to his knee. It might only have been a twist but fuck did it hurt.

With sparkling eyes and relief, you follow him into the bathroom, excited to get to work on his brows. It might have been a quick scapegoat to change the course of conversation but his brows did actually need to be tidied up. In only a week they’ve become unruly, the true curse of bushy, perfect, luscious eyebrows.

Opening the cabinet door, he reaches for a new hair shaper; you had bought the pack for yourself just in case that one chin hair made an appearance while you stayed here. He goes to hand it to you but yanks it away before you can grab it, “If you even think of shaving them thin I will 100% break up with you,” his tone tells you he’s joking but his eyes are deadly serious.

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” you say with a lighthearted giggle and stand in front of him, putting a few dollops of his moisturiser on your fingertip before rubbing it on the area you plan on attacking. There aren’t many straggling hairs but his eyebrows are a trademark, you can’t let them sit even the slightest bit unruly. 

Taking the razor you pop the cap off and reach up to sculpt his brows. Sunghoon is tall but it’s never really been an issue until now as your line of sight is constantly covered by your hand, no matter how you angle yourself. With a little pout, you assess your options.

Sensing the struggle, he chuckles and decides to take matters into his own hands, literally. He sweeps you off your feet, lifting you effortlessly and placing you on the bathroom sink, “Is that better, Sweets?” From this elevated position, you now have a perfect vantage point to tackle his eyebrows. 

Nodding, you place one kiss on his nose before beginning your venture into his bushy brows, cautious not to shave too far in or knick him. With each swipe, you concentrate more and more, pleased with your work. A sudden surge of adoration pings in your heart as you see the way he’s looking at you, accompanied by his thumbs tracing over your hips. In times like this, you wonder how you could ever be so lucky to have someone like him love you.

While you continue working, Sunghoon is thinking the exact same thing. It’s so strange how as soon as he started to spend time with you all those months back, a valve opened up in his heart to pour love out, and as he’s observing you now, he realises that he’s now just flooded with emotions all over his body. He’s happier, more patient, less angry, and just filled to the brim with adoration for not just you, but his life. 

You wouldn’t know it because he hid it well but he was losing himself before he met you. The pressures of skating and university, the coldness from his mother, and the constant image of being arrogant and obnoxious that was posted about him in the media, it all got to him more than he let on. Now, none of that matters; he loves skating again, you actually make him study with you so he’s on top of all his assignments, and the opinions of his mother and journalists are no longer an issue for him - he doesn’t care anymore. 

“I really do love you, y’know,” he says out of the blue, just as you begin on his left brow.

A chuckle escapes your lips because it was so painfully obvious he did, you’ve never felt more seen or cherished in your entire life. Fair enough, the bar was way down to the bottom of the Pacific Ocean, but still, he made you feel on cloud 9 all the time. Even if you argue over different opinions, you never belittle one another or get mad, you talk it out rather than fight. It’s a dynamic you’ve not seen in your personal life before - when your dad was around, he and your mum would scream at one another or just never speak, the complete opposite of you and Sunghoon.

“I love you, too, Sunghoon,” you beam at him so widely you’re showing your gums. If anyone saw the way both of you were in the bathroom, giggling messes and smiling at each other like this, they would slag you off easily. But no one else is here, just you and him. If only it could always be like this.

Getting back to the task at hand, you finish up shaving off the last few bits and tidying the brows up, sculpting them like you’re Michelangelo and he’s David. They look good in your unprofessional opinion but it wasn’t yours that mattered, “I’m all done, take a look.”

As you go to jump off of the sink, he holds you still and shakes his head. Instead, he snakes his arms around your figure and pulls you in for a hug, resting his chin on your shoulder as he looks in the mirror behind you. The intimate action has you instinctively wrapping your arms and legs around his body, clinging to him.

You feel him move his head side to side to inspect, “They’re perfect, Sweets. How much do I owe you?” he jokes, squeezing you before pulling back. 

“I charge one kiss per brow,” you tilt your head and bite your lip.

“As long as I’m your only client,” he looks at you with that same playful serious stare, “I’ll even tip you,” he smirks, pushing your core against him. 

Since the injury, you and Sunghoon haven’t had sex and it’s not through a lack of trying. Every time you both get into the swing of things, he either puts unnecessary pressure on his ankle or hits it off something. It’s stupid because at the end of the day, it’s his ankle and not his hip but you hadn’t realised how important a working ankle is during the deed. Even when you attempted to give him a blowjob, the tension in his leg went straight down into it. 

He feels confident in his ankle today, there’s no way it can cockblock him for the 5th day in a row. He wouldn’t let it happen. 

His plump lips cloak yours as his hands grip your ass and manually grind you onto him, eliciting a moan from you. Between your pyjama shorts and his gym shorts, there isn’t much material between you, so you feel each other’s need for one another easily. 

Dancing your fingertips along the nape of his neck, he shivers, a grunt coming from his mouth when you grip the bottom of his hair.

Your attempt at intimacy is short-lived however when you hear keys rattling in the door but Sunghoon won’t let his roommate stop him, “It’s Jake, ignore him,” he continues to kiss you eagerly, the grip on your ass is so tight you’re bound to have marks.

However, when an unexpected voice echoes in the apartment, you both freeze, hearts in your throats.

“Sunghoon? Where are you?” His mother bellows, locking the door behind her.

She hasn’t bothered to come see her son since the accident, once she knew he would be fine, she left him to his own devices. So why is she here now?

Panicked, you push him off, the sudden movement makes him stumble over his ankle, “Shit, baby, sorry,” you whisper, quickly jumping down from the unit. You can hear her footsteps exploring the living room and kitchen.

She still didn’t know about you both, and as terrified as you were of Minhee finding out, Sunghoon was of equal measure about his mother, claiming she was psychotic enough to hire a hitman on you for ‘distracting’ him. Your boyfriend said it as a joke but he was genuinely scared of her reaction to the news. 

Cupping your cheeks, Sunghoon gives you another kiss, and then another, and then another, “Baby, stay here and keep quiet. I’ll get rid of her,” he keeps dragging you to the door, placing urgent kisses all over your face as he backs up. You should tell him to stop considering he’s risking it but his lips are so addictive, “Fuck, what if I pretend I’m not here?”

“Go, Hoonie,” you’re acutely tuned into her footsteps coming up the hall. 

Opening the door, he gives you three more short kisses before turning around, bumping straight into his mum. She startles, taking a step back, clearly caught off guard by his sudden presence, "Sunghoon, why didn't you answer when I called?" she queries.

“Sorry mum, I was having a piss” 

You roll your eyes as you hear him from outside. There had to have been a better way to say that. Their voices get distant as they walk into his room across the hall but you can still hear them enough with your ear pressed against the door. Is it morally wrong to eavesdrop on the conversation between mother and son? Yes, but you’re nosey and none of the three boys keep magazines in the bathroom for light reading.

As Mrs. Park surveys the room, a disapproving huff escapes her lips, exhibiting her dissatisfaction with its current state, "How are you?" she asks in a monotone voice.

Sunghoon shrugs, “Fine, I guess. What are you doing here?” His arms are crossed defensively and his eyebrow quirked, “And where did you get a key?”

Of all the years he’s lived with Jay and Jake, his mum hasn’t so much as stepped foot into the flat so this was a weird situation he’s found himself in. 

She turns to inspect the shelves of his room, running a finger to collect dust, crumbling it away in disgust, “I made a copy one of the days you were training,” Twisting back to face him she continues, “And can’t a mother drop by to see her son when he’s injured?”

Sunghoon, clearly sceptical, could almost burst into laughter, "I got injured almost a week ago, and I could have easily texted you about my condition," he retorts, his narrowed eyes reflecting suspicion.

“I might have been busy rescheduling your appointments but that doesn’t mean I don’t care about you, Sunghoon,” she doesn’t flinch and neither does he.

The relationship between them is spread thin at this point, merely a transaction of small talk and managerial duties, he acknowledges this and so does she, so the act she’s putting on right now isn’t fooling anyone, “Mum, we’re not exactly known for heart-to-heart chats. What’s the real reason you’re here?”

Scoffing, she matches his stance, crossing her arms, subsequently closing herself off, “I think it was sabotage.” 

You wish you weren’t listening now. Does she know it was Minhee? There’s no way she could, maybe she’s just a sceptical person…or perceptive.

The tension in the room rises as Sunghoon tries to process her words, “Mum, this isn’t one of those bad dramas you watch during the week, my skate snapped, that’s all it was. Plus, no one hates me enough to do that,” he barters with her, the idea that this was anything more than a freak accident made him laugh. 

In the bathroom, you’re freaking out and regretting all your decisions to keep it a secret. If you had just told him, he would have had some respect for you but you know for certain if she does know that it was Minhee and tells all to her son, he’ll lose every ounce of regard for you. 

This is bad.

His mum shakes her head, dropping her arms and going back to snooping around his room, “I think it was Minhee…or Y/N. She is always around that rink when she can’t even skate, that’s a bit suspicious, no?” 

The accusation makes Sunghoon’s blood boil. You have been the one to look after him throughout all of this and his mother dares to think for a second it was your doing he’s in this position. All the care and love you’ve shown him this week alone is enough for the insinuation to filter in one of Sunghoon’s ears and out the other. 

Paying him no mind, his mother continues to the other side of his room, “The whole family is bad news but her? She’s up to something, far too quiet that one,” look on her face only grows with more disgust as she spouts her words.

“You’re ridiculous! Y/N wouldn’t do that. You don’t know shit about her,” he protests angrily, his fists balling by his sides as he tries to remain some sort of composure. Sunghoon would be dead before he let anyone speak badly about you. 

“Fucking stop it. What is your obsession with the Kangs?” He knows he shouldn’t have asked considering you’re in the bathroom and could probably hear every word of this conversation but it was more rhetorical than genuine curiosity.

However, his mum will take any opportunity to slander your family, “Her mother sleeping with the judge to get that scoundrel of a boy a higher ranking at Junior Regionals is enough of a reason. Her whoring around nearly cost you the final.”

Junior Regionals, 2018, the year your dad left because of a rumour your mum had slept with one, possibly two of the judges. Of course, it wasn’t true, Minhee worked incredibly hard to get high scores that year but Mrs. Park couldn’t accept that your brother almost knocked Sunghoon off the top spot. The rumour spread so fast that it almost tarnished everything that Minhee had worked for, there were investigations and everything - judges got fired, your dad divorced your mum, and it was a rough time for everyone in your family.

Sunghoon swallows down what he actually wants to say, “Is it really that serious? It was like what? 5 years ago and so what if I did come second to him? Would it be the end of the world?” 

“If her little plan had worked the way she wanted it to, you wouldn’t have had the opportunity to work with Mr. Son and get the sponsorship that propelled you to fame, you’d be a nobody like Minhee.” 

Rage, unfiltered, pure toxic rage overcomes you. She can say anything she wants about you, even your mum but never Minhee. He has done nothing but grind on that ice for years to prove himself as a main competitor since the accusations. Minhee is top of his league for a reason, he is just as good as Sunghoon is. Did he work on his humble and modest persona to make brownie points in the press? Sure, but his talent can never be questioned.

Reaching for the knob of the door, you’re about to barge in and tell her where to stick her opinion when you hear Sunghoon, “Are my talents not good enough? Did you ever think that Mr. Son wanted to work with me because he saw my skating and thought I’d make a good ambassador?” His voice is pained.

"Be real, Sunghoon," his mother says dismissively, and a heavy silence falls over the room. Your heart hurts for him, and your hand falls to your side, the weight of their conversation temporarily overriding your desire to intervene.

The admiration you’ve held for Sunghoon’s skating since you were little was a testament to his skills. His fluidity and grace were unrivalled, and he was seen as an embodiment of potential by everyone. It's frustrating to witness his mother's lack of faith in his talents. It feels completely unjust that the one who should champion him the most fails to recognise the kind of athlete Sunghoon is.

Sunghoon's shoulders drop, the weight of his mother's doubts and lack of belief in his talents crashing down on him. He lets out a deep sigh as he struggles to find the words to express his disappointment and dissatisfaction. "Don't you get it, mum? All of my years of training, sacrifices, and everything, were all done to prove something. To prove that I can be more than what you expected,” he lets out a bitter laugh, looking up to the ceiling as if to hold in tears, “But I’ll never be good enough for you, will I?”

The room echoes with the heaviness of Sunghoon's emotions, the unspoken tension hanging in the air like a dense fog. As you listen, a profound empathy washes over you, recognising the pain of a son seeking validation from a parent who seems drastically out of reach. He was always so good at comforting you with your lack of self-esteem instilled by your mum because he knew. He knew how it felt to be seen as less than from your flesh and blood.

His mother remains motionless, her stare unwavering and detached. "Sunghoon, the world is cruel. How can you expect to survive if you can't handle critisism? You are skating on thin ice, both literally and figuratively. Your National top spot is up for grabs, this is serious, I don’t have time for your pity party.”

Sunghoon's jaw clenches, a mixture of frustration and resignation etched on his face. He had hoped for understanding but what did he expect from a mother like his? He gathers himself, not letting her words hinder him anymore today, “I’m fine, just go. You’ve checked in and laid your conspiracies on the table, you can go now.” 

Her gaze remains icy. "Fine? Is this what you call 'fine'? Being 20 years old, living with two delinquents, and a twisted ankle to boot? I came here to tell you about the sabotage to spur you on and give you a reason to get better for Nationals. Don’t you want to show up the person who tried to end your career?”

“No one tried to end my career, you’re fucking delusional!” He raises his voice and it makes you jump, the anger portraying in his voice is similar to when he beat up that guy at the party for touching you. Sunghoon never gets angry, not seriously, so you know he’s had enough, “You seem to have a lot of opinions about people I care about, just so you can justify your weird allegations.”

She raises a brow, “You ‘care’ for the Kangs? Is that what I’m hearing?” 

To be fair, it does sound strange if you don’t know the whole context, Minhee and Sunghoon don’t strike anyone as buddies and you and Sunghoon apparently haven’t spoken two words to one another. 

Sunghoon is so overcome with emotions he doesn’t stop himself, “Yeah, I care about them, Minhee is actually a decent guy who I just don’t see eye to eye with. And Y/N, she…she isn’t even any part of this, so keep her name out of your mouth, okay?”

Mrs. Park looks at him with scepticism, “I’m curious, Sunghoon, how you’ve suddenly become so protective over Y/N. What is she to you?” 

You can feel your heart ripping through your chest as your name bounces between their lips, you never wanted to change your name so much in your life. As your palms get sweaty, you hear nothing but silence.

The question hangs in the air, challenging Sunghoon to define the nature of his connection with you. For a moment, he seems caught between the impulse to reveal his true feelings and the desire to shield you from his mother's wicked ways.

“She’s someone who you don’t know and are making wild accusations about, sorry if i have some morals,” he states firmly, eyes unwavering as he stands his ground. He doesn’t want to add you further into this family drama, you’ve been dragged through it enough at no fault of your own.

Despite his best efforts to swerve you out, his mother drags you back in, “You like her, don’t you?” When Sunghoon doesn’t say anything, his mum cackles, “I should have known, all those nights at the rink were to see her, weren’t they?” 

If she wasn’t basically figuring out your secret relationship with her son, you would have given her some props - the woman is smart. 

Sucking his teeth, Sunghoon nods, “Yeah, so what? I’ve been seeing her and we’re happy, doesn’t that just prove your mad theory about her sabotaging my skate null and void?” 

Her eyes flash in disbelief for a moment before she finds her resolve, “You don’t know her, she could have done it. She would do anything for Minhee.”

You want to argue but she’s right, you would do anything. You’re literally hiding in a bathroom as they argue about someone deliberately breaking his skate knowing fine well it was your brother.

“I know her, mum.” 

"What could you possibly know about her?" she responds sharply, the scepticism written across her features

"I know she loves me, and I love her. She wouldn't do that," Sunghoon says firmly, his voice carrying a confidence that fills the room. In the long silence that follows, you can almost imagine his mother's jaw dropping, either that or she’s fainted.

Staring sternly at Sunghoon, she tightens her jaw, a silent attempt to regain control of the narrative slipping through her fingers, “You’re an immature child, Sunghoon, you don’t know what love is.”

“And you do?” he spits back.

For a while, you don’t hear anything except your heartbeat and the air coming through the toilet vent. It's as if the world around you has vanished, and stepping out of this bathroom will transport you to a reality similar to a dystopian movie where there are no survivors left.

This was not an argument meant for your ears, which weighs hard on your conscience. Guilt flows through you like an electric current, yet ironically, it's a conversation that is entirely about you and your family.

Frustration etches deeper lines onto Mrs. Park's face as Sunghoon doesn’t budge. She clicks her tongue and strides towards him, “Fine. But just know your father would be highly disappointed in you right now,” she pushes past him and storms out of the flat, leaving a heavy atmosphere in her wake.

Sunghoon’s heart wrenches at the thought, he feels sick. He’s only ever wanted to make his father proud and now his mum said that. He stands frozen, his gaze fixed on the ground. The weight of his mother's words hangs in the air like a dark cloud, casting a shadow over the room and Sunghoon's heart.

Shock doesn’t even begin to describe your state right now. There is no way she said his dad would be disappointed in him, she said that to spite him because he won the argument, it’s pitiful. Mrs. Park is supposed to be the adult in the situation, yet she handled it like a child. You hate her.

Turning the door handle, you ease your way out of the bathroom, careful not to startle your boyfriend. There’s not a lot you can do for him, her words are a wound that can’t be healed by hugs and kisses. But you have to try.

Tip-toeing into the room, you gingerly place a hand on his arm, “Hoonie?” He jumps slightly but doesn’t lift his eyes to look at you. As you circle to the front of him, you see the water in his eyes and his jaw clenched, holding in anger and hurt.

You reach up to touch his face, stroking his cheek in an attempt to loosen it up but you fail. He is trying to be so strong and not let his emotions overwhelm him but even if he’s fighting them on the outside, inside he is breaking.

“Baby, please don’t listen to her. She is so incredibly wrong,” you speak softly.

His eyes flicker to yours for a split second but it was a mistake, he can see the sympathy in your eyes and it makes him feel weak. He shouldn’t be affected by his mothers words so much, not after he vowed to stop caring about her opinions but the way she spoke so easily about his dad’s disappointment boiled him over the edge, not to mention how she dragged you through the dirt. He felt ashamed for some reason, “Look at me, Sunghoon.”

Pleading with him falls on deaf ears however because he doesn’t dare, knowing he’ll breakdown. Sunghoon has always held it together, even that day he sat rubbing your back on the bleachers, when you hit a nerve he switched from sad to joy in the space of a second, something he’s been so good at his whole life, so why is this influx of sadness any different.

Because she mentioned the two most important people in his life and how the relationships were stained with something negative. Sunghoon obviously knows you wouldn’t corrupt his career like that and he knows his dad won’t be disappointed in him but he can’t help his mothers words poisoning his brain. 

Exhaling slowly, you withdraw your hand from his face and trail it over his heart. It’s beats are irregular, swapping between a regular pace and missing a few pulses completely, his lungs are moving at a faster rate yet his nose and mouth are still.

“Sunghoon, hey, listen to me, okay?” You try to guide him to the chair behind him so he can sit but his feet remain sturdy, “Please, Hoonie, I think you’re going to have a panic attack or something so can you sit down for me?”

All the signs are there. Panic attacks are different for everyone and he might just be going through the motions, but you’re better safe than sorry. 

His entire attention is distant, absorbed in the chaos of his own mind. You can practically see the internal fight in his eyes, the conflict between the emotions and listening to his body. It’s scary because you’ve never seen him like this before.

Sunghoon finally relents, allowing you to guide him to the chair. You crouch down in front of him, placing your hands on his knees, trying to establish a connection. "There we go,” You learned about bringing people down from panic attacks in a mental health first aid course you took years ago. Granted you’ve never used any of the steps on anyone other than yourself, so now would be the perfect time to use it.

Knowing your boyfriend well, he loved it when you lay on top of him, the weight of you calmed him down if he was nervous about something, so, you figured he could benefit from deep pressure touch and if not, you’d try something else. Anything to stop him from hurting like this.

Straddling his lap on the chair, you bring him into a hug, tightening your arms so it is snug and not uncomfortable and hold him, soothing his back and whispering positive affirmations beside him.

You sit with him like that for about 15 minutes before he finally moves, his arms circling your waist and his face buries into your neck. He doesn’t sob or break down, he just holds you with the same force you are giving him. He finds some serenity in your touch and he can’t thank you enough. 

You wish he would just let it all out, to cry because he needs it, but you can’t push him - he copes in his own ways.

“I’m sorry you had to hear all that earlier,” Your heart tears as he mutters the words into the nape of your neck. He is the one in pain right now yet he’s apologising for your feelings that got hurt. Pulling back you see his sullen face as he finally looks at you, “She had no right to accuse you or Minhee like that, she was out of line.”

A lump forms in your throat but you force it back down. You can’t tell him now, not while he’s like this but fuck do you feel like a piece of shit right now. Every fibre of your body wants to tell him and relieve yourself of the burden on your shoulders, but now is not the time for that.

You plaster on a gentle smile and place your hands on his cheeks, “And she had no right to tell you your dad would be disappointed in you because I know for a fact that he isn’t. That man worshipped the ground you walkrd on, he still does. You’re everything he would want you to be.”

The words hit Sunghoon a little too hard, the ducts of his eyes filling again but he quickly blinks them away and clears his throat, shaking his head as if to rid him of any thoughts in his brain.

“Thank you, Y/N. For everything and I don’t just mean right now,” he pauses, collecting the correct words, “I mean for the past few months. I feel so…I don’t know, I can’t even describe it. I just know I’m lucky to have you.”

You jutt your bottom lip out and nod. Of course, you understood what he meant because you felt it too. His mum was certainly wrong about Sunghoon not knowing what love is, he’s experiencing it in ways people can only read about in books. You cherish each other as best friends, as lovers, as soulmates.

Tucking your hair behind your ear, he smiles genuinely, “Never leave me, yeah? You’re all I’ve got.”

You look at him, your eyes silently convey the depth of your care and commitment to him, “Unfortunately, you’re stuck with me for a long, long time, all my snoring included,” both of you laugh, the tension and animosity that still lingered from the confrontation with his mother slowly but surely dissipating, “I am going to tell Jay and Jake about how you said that though. They’ll be highly offended.”

The joke settles in Sunghoon’s smile, “What can I do to keep you quiet?” 

You pretend to think, mockingly looking up at the ceiling as if to contemplate, “I think I’ll take the same toll as my eyebrow-shaping services. Two kisses and your secret is safe with me.”

If Sunghoon could imprint a single vision to his brain, it would be you right now with the loving smile you have adorning your face, “You drive a hard bargain, Sweets but I’ll pay up,” Leaning forward, he kisses you tenderly, holding your back for support. Your bodies melt together, any tension in your persons now evaporating as you lose yourselves in one another. 

His tongue makes its way into your mouth, licking you softly and with so much affection. You loved this side of Sunghoon, it proved to you that men could actually be soulful. He’s a ruby in a diamond world, you’re certain.

“You know, I never did give you my tip for your services earlier?” He wiggles the freshly shaped eyebrows.

“Seriously? After all that went down, you’re still horny?” You ask confused. 

Nodding he dips his hands down to your ass, “I have been cockblocked for a month-”

“5 days,” you interrupt.

“Whatever. Doesn’t matter how long, I just know I need to feel you,” There’s a playful glint in his eyes but underneath lies a strange vulnerability as if he just needs to be loved, to be wanted. You can understand that; you felt the same way when you were upset after the party, desperate for a genuine connection. 

Lifting you, he carries you to the bed and lays you down gently, yet, with enough urgency to relay his needs to you. He is so desperate for your touch and your love that he’s already kissing down your neck and hands roaming under the borrowed shirt that you’re wearing. 

But you stop him suddenly, using all your strength to push him away and push him to sit up against the headboard. 

He had to feel the pleasure this time and as much as he would tell you that getting you off was enough for him, you wanted to return the favour.

Sunghoon has a terrible habit of just diving into making you feel good that often your night antics are one-sided with him doing most of the work and you get all of the reward. Tonight, you can’t let it follow the same routine, no matter his protests. 

You start rubbing over his cock that is concealed by his sweatpants and boxers. The imprint of his size is already making your pants stick to your pussy.

You sit on Sunghoon’s legs, anchoring him to his bed as you play with the toggles of his sweatpants.

Licking his lips in anticipation, he watches you pull back the strings and let them go, allowing them to snap and send a shock to his already desperate cock. The way you’re just as eager as him makes his blood pump straight down, helping his member to stand to attention.

There is still an apprehension in you to continue; the last time you attempted to suck him off, it ended in his feet digging into the bed and his ankle swelling back up. This time, however, he was in tip-top shape, or at least he would rather be in pain than not have those beautiful lips of yours wrapped around him

Pulling the bands of his bottoms down slightly, you expose his semi-hard dick, drooling at the sight. It looks as pretty as ever, the tip blushed with a hint of pink already from arousal.

Sunghoon rubs your thighs, the pads of his fingers trickling along your skin, setting your body alight. Even the simplest of touches from him is enough to get the blood in your veins to stir. He sees the effect he has on you and smugly licks his bottom lip, “Are you sure you don’t want me to…” he trails off, his right fingers ghosting your heat, giving you just enough to tease but not to please.

“No,” you shake your head with conviction, determined not to fall into his trap, “I want to do this.”

You honestly do feel bad for the lack of give compared to take, but Sunghoon has an addiction to taste you, to feeling your essence on his lips and tongue. He gets lost down there so long you, making you cum however many times he pleases that sometimes you’re too fucked out to even think, never mind give him anything in return.

Your hand is cold compared to his warm shaft, so when you grasp it softly, it jumps in your hand as Sunghoon gasps, “Jesus fuck,” he whispers as he shuts his eyes, his hand gripping your inner thigh.

You slowly drip your spit onto his cock, gathering enough to coat it. You begin to move your hand up and down slowly, spreading your saliva over him, squeezing periodically where you knew he was most sensitive. 

Rubbing your thumb over his head, you apply special pressure to his slit with each passing which Sunghoon obviously loves, his face being the number one indicator; his jaw is tense, eyebrows scrunched together, and his nose is breathing out harshly. You're driving him crazy with lust.

“Baby, please don’t tell me you aren’t going to use that pretty mouth of yours,” he pleads to you while his hips thrust up further, trying to get as close to your mouth as physically possible from the position he’s in, “I want your mouth so much.”

“You want what?” you tease, bringing your lips down to the tip only to spit on it once more, denying him what he craves.

Sunghoon doesn’t take the teasing well, gritting his teeth from aggravation and pleasure. Although he’s desperately seeking the warmth of your tongue sliding up and down his cock, he can’t deny how good your palm feels stroking him like this.

Both of you are as bad as one another, teasing while still giving something. Usually, it’s Sunghoon and his soft kitten licks to your folds when all you want is his fingers inside you. 

It was nice to be in control like this.

Pumping him faster, you watch as he struggles to speak, chest rising and falling with your hand, “Just…fuck…don’t make me ask again,” he pushes out, tone laced in flames. It’s almost cute how he thinks you’ll give up so easily, this is your time to get him back for every time he tortured you.

Bringing your face back down to his head, you lick into his slit and circle his head slowly. As soon as he thinks he’s won, you sit back up straight, smirking as he grinds his jaw in frustration, “Like that?” you ask innocently, fluttering your lashes at him.

“Y/N, c’mon, this is supposed to make me feel better,” he pouts, trying to hide a smile. You falter for a moment, thinking about his words carefully.

You suppose that this was to make him feel better after what just happened with his mum, he needs to feel loved and appreciated, to feel that someone actually cares about him and backs him through everything.

But you know him, and that glint of playfulness in his eyes tells you everything you need to know, “You can’t use the pity card to get what you want, Hoon,” you laugh and continue to work his cock.

Losing his despaired expression, he clicks back into his cheeky self, huffing while he rolls his eyes, “It was worth a shot.” he mutters disappointedly. He really thought that would work.

“I can’t believe you’re trying to guilt trip me into giving you what you want,” you sigh, feigning annoyance. Your hand starts to slow down, “Should I even give you this much?” The confidence in your voice wavers once you look into his eyes.

“Don’t start something you can’t finish, Sweets,” he challenges you, those menacing fingers from before now pressed exactly where your clit is. You jerk at the sudden touch, loosening your grip on him just slightly. His expression is smug, a wide grin plastered all over his face.

He rubs on your bud causing a chain reaction of events; you fall forward a little, mouth slack open, and with one swift push of your head, he’s gotten exactly what he wants.

Gripping your hair tight with his free hand, he forces you to take him deep into your throat, holding you there as you gag on him, the vibration sending a shiver through his entire body.

Despite his force, he’s left you enough leeway to come off if you want to, but now that you’re down here, mouth stuffed with him, you don’t really feel the need to. Instead, you hollow your cheeks and give in.

His fingers finally slip into you, not even bothering to wait for you to discard your underwear. Curling his two fingers inside you provokes a high-pitched moan to rise from your chest and onto his entire length.

You clasp your hand around his wrist, holding his hand still, grinding on his hand of your own accord. It feels so good you pop off his cock, leaning your head on his shoulder as you get swept away in the goodness.

Your boyfriend tuts mockingly before whispering in your ear, “Baby, I’m starting to think you only want to make yourself feel good,” his voice is embedded with amusement, not a trace of annoyance to be heard. 

Sunghoon’s greatest pride is making you feel good, and as much as your mouth feels fucking unreal, he’ll take hearing your cute noises of need over getting sucked off any day.

You know he doesn’t mind but you want to give him more, something just for him. Regaining your thoughts, you quickly push him to lay flat on the bed, withdrawing his hand from your pussy.

Confused, he raises his eyebrows, “Baby, what are you-holy fuck!”

He stops his question mid-sentence as you take him back in your mouth, this time focusing on sucking his red tip, alternating between licking and slurping.

Grasping at the sheets below him, Sunghoon’s knuckles turn white and his legs tense under you while you give him head, probably with the most vigour you’ve ever shown. He doesn’t know how long he will last with each passing of your tongue over his slit, the accidental dips of the tip of your muscle making him jerk forward.

“Fuck, baby, do that again,” he asks pleadingly, desperate to feel that good again. And you oblige, flicking your tongue into his hole once again, and again, and then once more before you start to taste his precum on your tastebuds. 

As much as he is enjoying this, the idea of splattering his love over your face and tongue, he could think of somewhere else he’d rather have it. Ever since that first time without the condom, you quickly hopped on the pill and never looked back, both of you obsessed with how it felt to fall apart raw like that.

Yes, it was irresponsible, chances of still getting pregnant at a staggering rate but it felt too good and looked even better. Sunghoon still hasn’t got the image of the first time his cum leaked out of you, the sight is the closest thing to heaven as far as he is concerned.

You feel the pulse in his cock thump against your tongue, signalling that he’s close, ready to erupt; however, your hair is yanked to pull you off, the control from each strand to your brain acting as a puppet string as Sunghoon moves you to crawl forward and kiss him, his tongue dancing in your mouth. 

It’s not like him to deny himself release so you know he wants you on him quickly. If his free hand shoving your underwear down wasn’t indicator enough, his little moans certainly were. 

Freeing yourself of your bottoms and pulling his off at the same time, you hover over his angry cock, crying out for your cunt. But that doesn’t mean you can’t cause one more bit of torment. 

Sliding his cock along your wetness, you pretend that you're just gathering enough of your natural lubricate to easily slip him in, but in reality, you keep going; every time his head touches your entrance, you slide it straight back out. 

Clenching his jaw, he shakes his head once you’ve done it one too many times, “Fuck this,” he says lowly. Both of his hands grip your hips tight and once his dick is close enough, he forcefully pushes you onto him, engulfing his whole cock. The sudden action ruptures a loud, porn-like moan from you, the tip of him sitting right at your cervix.

“Isn’t that so much better than being difficult?” he asks cockily, kissing down your neck as you adjust to him, “Remember when you used to be so well-behaved with me?” His words flutter in your tummy, the raspyness of his voice spinning your head around. He must be reading those books you leave at his place, his sex talk is getting a little too good.

He rocks your hips to test the waters for any discomfort, and when he doesn’t see anything but pleasure on your face, he keeps going, “What happened to my good girl? Hmm?” he licks a long strip up your neck before nibbling your earlobe.

This damn praise kink will be the end of you because now all you can think about is him telling you how good you are for him, “I’m sorry, Hoonie. I just wanted to tease you,” you confess, face red from lust and embarrassment at how easy it is for him to get you surrendering.

It’s not a power play, he does it because he knows if you give in and just be your good little self, you enjoy yourself more. You physically shudder at every word of praise and touch of love, why wouldn’t he want you to just surrender to your desires? When you feel good, he feels good; it’s a win-win.

“My beautiful girl, teasing me after saying you wanted to look after me?” he tuts mockingly, smooching along your jawline, “You still want to make me feel good, don’t you?” 

The question makes your pussy walls hug him tight, eyes shut as you quickly nod, “Yes, yes I want to look after you, for the rest of my life,” you utter the words so tenderly that it catches Sunghoon a little off guard. 

When you’re both close like this, having sex, fucking, making love - whatever anyone wants to call it - you are always so vulnerable and honest with him. He wonders if you know you do it or if it subconsciously slips out.

Pickling your hips up, he guides you gently up and down him, the bell of his cock bumping each part of your canal perfectly, “Feel how my heart is beating? That’s because you always look after me, you don’t need to do anything other than be here with me, that’s enough,” he places your hand on his chest and you feel his heart accelerating.

Sunghoon speaks with genuine love, like he’s trying to tie both of you together for an eternity, and you have no reservations about that. You love him so much that even though you can’t see down the tunnel of your future with one another, you know you want to be with him until the end of the line.

Nodding, you smile brightly, “Still, I would like to actually finish giving you head at some point,” you joke, lightening the mood a little.

“I’ll think about it,” he mirrors your expression, nuzzling his nose with yours gently, “For now I think I’d really like to cum inside my girl.” 

You’re convinced you’ve just cum already, the bluntness of his needs only fueling your own. There’s nothing you want more than his cock - which is currently fucking you gently - to fill you up.

It gives you the motivation to move your hips in rhythm with him, pressing your palms on his chest while you pick up speed. Your g-spot is being satisfied each time you fully sink onto him, bringing you close to the edge.

“Fuck, you’re so good, such a good girl,” he echoes loudly. He wants to buck up faster but his ankle has an annoying twinge in it, telling him not to push it too far, so he puts all his strength into his other foot, using that as his anchor to fuck into you deeper.

“Sunghoon…right there,” you whine, your mouth collecting drool as he fucks you dumb. 

He heeds your words and keeps drilling into you, fighting through the discomfort so you can climax. Reaching his thumb up to your mouth, he wipes the saliva formulating at the side of your mouth but he quickly stops when you suck on it, eyes boring into his as you do. 

Your plump lips look delicious while your tongue swirls around, giving him something to think about for the rest of his life. Grabbing your chin, he pulls your mouth open which you do obediently. 

“You’re so close, Sweets, I can feel you,” he states, swiping his thumb along your bottom lip, smearing your spit all over your mouth and down your chin, he grips you a bit tighter to keep you staring at him, “You’re gonna cum, and you’re going to keep looking at me when you do, okay? Do you know why?”

Without hesitation, you agree, staring straight into him, “So I know who makes me cum so hard,” It’s a little embarrassing to admit it, but it turns you on so much. You wonder if you could convince him to go full dom on you at some point, you know he has it in him.

“Good girl, you can cum whenever you want,” the huskiness in his voice pulses into your heat, making you clench around him again. The motion only makes him smirk, “I need to feel that perfect pussy fall apart so bad.” The confidence in his voice wavers as his dick spurts a little. He’s trying to hold it in until you cum but it’s proving more difficult than he anticipated, your core just clamping down on him too deliciously.

“Cum with me,” you say, cradling his face, “I want to cum with you.”

The suggestion doesn’t come unfounded, you know he’s holding back until you climax, “Let me milk your cock.”

Okay, you might have to seriously cringe after this because who do you suddenly think you are? Dirty talk isn’t something that comes as naturally to you as Sunghoon so every time you initiate or say something like that, you have to stop yourself from shrivelling up.

What you fail to see is how Sunghoon’s whole body shuts down, the dirty words falling from those angelic lips put his head in a tizzy and cock on the very brink of shooting into you. The drive he has now is exhilarated, his hips snapping into you, weight on both his ankles but he couldn’t care less, he had to feel you coming undone.

You try to keep up with his pace but he’s going so fast you don’t even have time to comprehend how you could add to the situation. His length is pistoning into you, hitting your sweet spot over and over again, “Sunghoon! I’m cumming,”

“Cum for me. Milk my cock, Y/N,” he echoes your words but they don’t sound as good to him when it’s not your voice. 

Snaking his hand down to your clit, he rubs it, just helping to push you that last bit over the finish line, and it works like a dream. Your walls contort around him, your body tensing as your orgasm flushes over you. 

With your pussy tightening, Sunghoon spurts his seed into you, filling you up. The way your body is responding to your climax squeezes his cock clear of any cum, his balls deflating as he keeps shooting his sperm into you. 

He doesn’t stop for what feels like minutes, his dick jumping inside of you with each rope, only adding to your pleasure. Sunghoon’s thumb slows down but doesn’t stop giving your clit attention, making sure you get to ride out every remnant of your orgasm. 

Panting, you collapse on him, smooshing your face into his chest and kissing his heart softly, it’s your weak attempt to help him come down. 

Sunghoon wraps his arms around you, the rest of his body going limp as he cherishes the time with you on top of him like this, his cock still buried deep inside you, “You accomplished your goal,” he says into your hair, laying a kiss on your roots, “I feel so much better.”

You look up at him, leaning up slightly, “I never want you to listen to your mum again. She’s wrong about everything, you’re so perfect in every way, shape, and form,” your voice whisps over his face as you try to instil some assurance into him.

There was the little issue of saying this knowing full well she was kind of right about the skate being sabotaged. It gnaws at you, wishing you could tell him what you know, but you don’t want to hurt him, or your brother.

“I promise, I mean it when I say you’re the only one I need,” his fingers trace hearts into your back as you both bathe in the love that fills the room. 

The connection you have to Sunghoon feels surreal like it’s too good to be true. 

______

After the few days you’ve spent nonstop with Sunghoon, you decide you need to go back to your normal life, you can’t stay in your comfort cocoon forever. You’ve been back at classes, hanging out with Rina, and returning to work. However, you still haven’t been home, opting to spend the nights with Sunghoon. 

Minhee has texted and called you a few times, leaving messages asking if you can meet up but you ignore him. His messages punctuate your days like soft knocks on a door you are scared to unlock. 

Each time he contacted you, there was a little angel on your shoulder telling you to hear him out and let him explain what’s been going on. You have been telling yourself that the whole reason you refuse to tell Sunghoon about his skate is because you want to find out the truth; so why aren’t you trying?

Instead, you listened to the devil perched on your other shoulder, telling you to ignore him because it was still wrong even if there was an excuse to be had regarding the sabotage. 

Maybe it would have been easier to go back and forgive him if you hadn’t seen Sunghoon struggle to even stand in the shower.

Your boyfriend also got back to normality, he got his boots fixed in spite of you recommending new boots altogether, he’s determined to keep the old ones, claiming them lucky and ‘crucial to his National win’. 

He’s healing well, you wouldn’t even know he had an injury 9 days ago if you hadn’t been by his side. You knew his recovery was going well when he walked to his uni campus and back with no complaints. Well that and how he made up for the lost time and starting fucking you anywhere and everywhere just like before.

As you make your way to the rink to study, you see Sunghoon’s car in the parking lot which is strange because he said he had classes this afternoon. You shrug it off however, it’s probably just a health checkup he forgot to mention. 

Miss Barbara greets you, a beamer of a smile on her face but not like her usual happy to see you smile, more like an ‘I know something you don’t’ type of smile. You want to question her on it but you’re too curious as to what the rink has in store to wait around. 

The sound of multiple skates resounds off the arena walls, it’s just gone 3:30pm so it’s not an unusual occurrence, the junior skaters usually have afterschool training on a Tuesday anyway. It’s the bellow of Coach Lee’s voice that causes you confusion.

“Take it easy okay, don’t walk before you can run,” Strange. He doesn’t take the Junior class anymore, not since most of the parents complained that he was ‘far too harsh’ on their children. Of course, that’s not how Coach Lee saw it. 

As the rink comes into your sight you see the children standing to observe the skater on the ice as he lands a triple axel.

Sunghoon.

What on earth is he doing here, specifically, what is he doing skating like nothing happened?

You aren’t the only one who has a distaste in your mouth due to Sunghoon’s showing off. Coach is crossing his arms and tapping his foot in annoyance because his star skater has just defied his advice, “Sunghoon! Get off the ice. Now,” His tone indicates that he is in no mood for Sunghoon’s showboating.

Slowly, you make your way to the side while Sunghoon hops off the ice. Knowing your boyfriend, you can see his frustration with his coach, the slightly pouty lips and narrow eyes are a dead giveaway. 

He hasn’t noticed you yet, too busy begrudgingly taking his skates off. To be honest, you’re a little surprised that he doesn’t have some form of PTSD or at least apprehension about getting on the ice again; it would scare the shit out of you never mind doing tricks as if you didn’t almost have a career-ending fall.

“Listen to me, if you want to make Nationals next week you need to calm down with the aerials, alright? We need to build up to it,” Coach reasons with him.

“You saw me, I was perfectly fine,” He mumbles, tying his trainers in a strop. Sometimes he acted just like a kid but you found it endearing, probably because you’re never on the other side of the tantrum.

You now stand next to Coach Lee with a dissatisfied look on your face, “Hoonie, if you don’t listen to Coach Lee, you’ll end up injured again and I am not looking after you again,” Your voice is playful but coach points to you and nods, his eyes still on Sunghoon.

Whipping his head up at your voice, the bratty attitude melts from his body and is replaced with pure happiness. He stands up and brings you in for the tightest hug, his hand placed behind your head as he scratches your hair. 

Now that everyone in your immediate lives knew about you and Sunghoon, there wasn’t really any need to hide it. Both coaches were a little perplexed, wondering how your relationship started considering you both looked like you never spoke a word to one another. Little did they know you’ve spoken and fucked in every room of Belmore, including their office but you’ll omit that information if they ever ask. 

You don’t actually know if your mum knows but rather just assumed she would, either the coaches or Minhee have told her. If she’s anything like Mrs. Park, she will not take it well. 

As you’ve come to realise, your relationship with Sunghoon isn’t that controversial, it’s just two people falling in love while their families go at one another’s throats, like Romeo and Juliet but way, way less dramatic and hopefully no death. Although, if you had gotten a hold of Mrs. Park the day she came to visit Sunghoon, there might be one casualty in it all.

Coach Lee leaves you both, heading into his office. 

“What are you doing?” You ask, still unaware as to why he’s skating.

Leaning back to look at you, he smiles, “I got the all-clear from the doctor. He said I must be some bionic mutation because it’s basically fixed itself,” You’re sceptical, knowing his doctor would usually be a little more cautious than just telling Sunghoon he’s good to go.

Unwrapping your arms from his waist, you raise an eyebrow, “He just…said you can go back to skating? Perform your intense routine at Nationals like it was nothing?” He senses your apprehension and dubiousness and looks away, whistling. He isn’t slick and he knows it, “I guess I’ll go ask him.”

“No! Wait!,” He pulls you back as you go to walk away, a guilty smile plastered on his face, “Okay, maybe he told me to take it easy, skip Nationals and rest up for a few months.”

The look on your face is incredulous, how can Sunghoon and his coach possibly justify letting him back on the ice? 

Sunghoon fails to tell you that the doctor also said if he goes back too fast then he risks tearing a ligament and possibly putting him out of action for the foreseeable and with his age, he doesn’t have a lot of time left in competitive competitions.

That’s why he’s taking the risk. He’s 20 now, which is young in anyone else’s mind but for him, he’s too aware of the fact that in ten years maximum, he’ll either be doing exhibitions, coaching, or not skating at all. He had to take the chance, he had to make it to the Olympics and experience it.

“Sweets, I know what I’m doing, I know my body better than anyone,” He bargains with you, trying to help you see it from his point of view, “If I skate at Nationals, rest up for a bit before the winter Olympics, I’ll be all set. Trust me, baby.”

You do trust him, but you're also acutely aware of his stubborn nature. "Sunghoon, this plan might look good on paper, but it carries serious risks. You could really get hurt," you express, unintentionally letting a hint of begging slip into your voice. The mere thought of him sustaining another injury is unbearable.

Admittedly, there's a selfish reason you don’t want him to skate too soon. You don't want him to risk injury because, deep down, you fear that Minhee would have technically ended Sunghoon's career, invoking the butterfly effect.

“You also said that about us, that we’re good on paper but it couldn’t work. Look at us now,” Using your own words and relationship against you is a low blow, he knows that but it’s the only way you’ll understand. 

With a slow nod, you reluctantly drop the argument. "Just please be careful. I don't want you to cause yourself more damage, okay? If you see my side, at least consider it."

Sunghoon intertwines his fingers with yours, leaning down to kiss you. Instead of responding with words, he lets the kiss convey his gratitude for your concern for him. He knows you’re only looking out for him at the end of the day, just like always.

For a moment, you both get lost in each other, almost forgetting your surroundings. The usual nagging in your brain about the need to be discreet fades away, allowing you to revel in the affection. It’s the joy of telling the world about your relationship.

However, before the moment can linger, your name is angrily shouted from the entrance door, shattering the intimacy. "Y/N, what on earth do you think you're doing?" Your mum storms over to you and Sunghoon, his protective grip on you tightening in response. 

If she didn’t know about you and Sunghoon, she did now. Minhee tries to reach for your mum to calm her down but he isn’t quick enough.

“Mum, I-”

Before you can finish your sentence, she cuts you off, lifting her hand to silence you, “Don’t ‘mum’ me. I have been worried sick about you. You disappeared with…him for almost two weeks, not so much as a phone call to anyone.” She’s furious, if she was a cartoon you would see the steam coming from her scalp.

Sunghoon scoffs, bringing you to his side as a way to stand by you against her, “It’s a bit late to care about her now,” he mutters under his breath like he’s saying it to himself but it doesn’t go unnoticed from your mother.

“Excuse me?” She challenges Sunghoon, her posture hardening to match her stern gaze, “Do not involve yourself in our lives, I know what you’re up to,” her voice is accusatory. 

Yanking you away from your boyfriend, she roughly shoves you to Minhee’s side who catches you. This is the first time you’ve seen him since the morning after the argument and he looks horrible, his entire expression is sullen and his dark undereyes showcase the lack of sleep he’s had. Your heart hurts, wishing you had picked up the phone at least once.

That’s the thing, everything is easier when you shut people out. You haven’t given much thought about how Minhee would be feeling since the incident because you didn’t have to face him.

He gives you a sympathetic look, genuine remorse in his eyes. 

“Don’t speak and listen very carefully,” your mum looks at you, turning her back on Sunghoon to dismiss his presence entirely, “I didn’t want to believe the rumours about you two but it ends now. You will not see him again, that family is cruel and evil and I will not let you continue this relationship any further. Do I make myself clear?” You know she’s angry because she’s speaking clear and concise to get her point across. 

“Not Sunghoon, mum, he’s not a bad person,” 

Pleading with her falls short, her manner never wavering. You look to Sunghoon who shakes his head in disbelief at how brazen your mother was being by talking about him so poorly while he was right there.

She huffs, clearly irritated by your defiance. "Sunghoon is especially toxic."

"Mu-"

"He's using you to get to your brother."

The entire arena seems captivated by this unexpected drama, like it’s an episode of  Maury and the DNA results are about to be revealed. Minhee and Sunghoon exchange perplexed glances, but all you can muster is laughter.

The idea that Sunghoon has ulterior motives for dating you seems utterly ludicrous, "Mum, Sunghoon and I are together, and we're happy. Why can't you just leave us be?"

Ignoring your plea, she digs into her handbag, determined to prove her point. As she scrolls through her phone, you seize the opportunity to exchange a glance with Minhee, who can only offer a shrug, equally taken aback by the unfolding spectacle.

Finally finding what she's looking for, she hands you the phone, revealing screenshots of text messages between two individuals. "I did some digging once I found out about your little relationship. He's been texting his friends and making a mockery of you."

As you peer at the phone, Sunghoon's name is at the top of the screen, and the messages depict Sunghoon boasting about sleeping with you and how easy you are to get into bed, all it took was playing on your ‘mommy issues’.

The stress in your body builds, lying heavily on your shoulders. Despite the initial shock, the rational part of your mind takes over. Nowadays, anyone can make a fake text. The absurdity of the situation dawns on you, and you suspect that your mother is creating drama for her own sick pleasure.

"Mum, anyone can fake text messages. This doesn't prove anything," you assert, hoping to inject some reason into the escalating confrontation. 

Sunghoon still hasn’t seen the messages so he doesn’t know the severity of the allegations being made about him but he knows it can’t be good. Although you’re ninety percent convinced that it’s fabricated, he can see the ten percent of you arguing that they’re real.

With a dismissive wave, your mum takes back the mobile, “Thought you might say that. Texts can be faked, but voices? They don’t lie.” 

You suddenly have a sick feeling that’s rising from your stomach to your throat. What else could she possibly have? It won’t be substantial, it can’t be.

Out of your eyeshot, Minhee and Sunghoon are exchanging a look of curiosity, both wondering what Sunghoon could possibly have said about you that would elude to your relationship being made from lies.

Opening a file on her phone, your mum plays an audio clip, the sound of Sunghoon’s voice fills the tense air.

"All I gotta do is keep her hooked until Nationals. Once Minhee catches wind of me messing around with his little sister, he'll be too wrapped up in that drama to think about anything else. Can't have him messing with the Olympic team, you know?...

…No, she doesn’t have a clue. I practically have her doing anything I say. Seriously, sex whenever I want! I missed my opportunity to be an actor because how i’ve been pretending to be in love with her makes me worthy of an Oscar….

I just used lines from those movies that girls watch, read a few Twitter threads, I did my research man c’mon.”

In the wake of the phone call clip, a heavy burdening silence hangs around the rink, suffocating you. Your mum adorns a victorious smile, proud of her revelation. 

She’s the only one who was happy in this situation.

Minhee balls his fists, face going red and stature in fight mode, ready to knock everyone out of the way so he can lay his hands on Sunghoon. He isn’t even upset that he was planning all of this to sabotage him but rather that he hurt the one person most precious to him. You.

You find yourself at a crossroads, torn between the person you’ve come to love and the evidence presented to you. Sunghoon wouldn’t do this to you but the proof is right there, clear as day. The weight on your shoulders is unbearable as you contemplate the idea that maybe the Sunghoon you thought you knew, the one you love, actually isn’t who he says he is.

Sunghoon’s mouth hangs open and his eyebrows merge together as he processes what he just heard, “Y/N, I swear I didn’t say that, I have never…I wouldn’t…” He can’t even finish the words, still perplexed by the audio.

“Oh? But isn’t that your voice?” your mum says. It’s sick how much she seems to be enjoying this, almost like this will be the most gratifying ‘I told you so’ in history. 

“Well…yeah but I did NOT say that,” he walks towards you, hands on his chest, “Baby, please believe me. I love you, I wouldn’t use you,” Sunghoon’s voice wavers with anger and sadness, conflicting feelings fighting one another as his mind bats them around.

The weight of humiliation and deceit bears down on you, threatening to shatter your composure. A storm of emotions swirls within, but you stubbornly refuse to let it consume you, denying anyone the satisfaction of witnessing your breakdown.

With determination, you storm out, deaf to the desperate pleas from Minhee and Sunghoon. Your singular focus is on escaping the prying eyes, sparing yourself from the judgment and pity.

How could Sunghoon betray you like this? You gave each part of yourself to him, only for him to throw it back in your face.

But it was so real, the connection you have with him, even from the start, it’s like nothing you’ve ever experienced before so how could it all be a lie? The way he made you feel was otherworldly, it’s hard to believe for a second he would have manipulated you like that. 

Was every whispered promise and affectionate moment just a ploy to damage your brother's chances?

As you push open the double doors, your mind is filled with conflicting thoughts that drown out the background noises of the outside world. The confusion envelopes you like a thick cloud and the cold air hits you like a slap in the face, a dramatic contrast to the hot chaos left behind in the rink. 

Stumbling slightly, you make your way through the car park, the weight of betrayal and inner struggle increasing with each step.

Tears threaten to spill, but you clench your hands, determined to maintain composure. The weight of embarrassment, uncertainty, and sadness pushes over your chest, making it difficult to breathe.

“Y/N! Wait!” Sunghoon’s cry finally infiltrates its way through your ears, “Sweets, please talk to me,” his voice gets louder as he catches up, attempting to grab your wrist but you harshly pull it from his grasp.

You’ve had too many arguments in this car park for your liking, whoever runs the CCTV must sit with some popcorn every time you trudge out of Belmore.

“Was this your plan, huh? To use me like this?” This was your chance to find out why he did it, why he tricked you so easily, “Was all of it a lie? When you told me you loved me, was it all fake?” you batter question after question out to him, word vomiting your inner thoughts in hopes of some clarity to the situation.

Standing in front of you, Sunghoon’s expression reads more anger than hurt, “Don’t be ridiculous, Y/N. Don’t fucking diminish my feelings like that,” he argues back. It instilled a fury within him that you could even elude to his love being a lie.

“Oh? So what, getting under my brother’s skin was the plan but then you started to fall in love with me as time went on like one of those bullshit Rom Coms. Is that really the angle you’re pulling here?” You can hear your voice getting louder and you have no desire to lower it. 

Sunghoon is a mirror of you, anger rising but it’s not aimed at you, it’s the situation he’s furious with, “Y/N I swear on my life I didn’t say any of those words back there. I…I don’t know what’s going on,” his shoulders raise as he fights internally with himself. 

“That was your voice, Sunghoon. YOU. I hope you get your fucking Oscar, I’m sorry it was so hard to pretend to be in love with me, isn’t that what you said?” It’s not like you to scream at someone, however, the love you have for him is like a clutch in your heart, a burden you once thought was a privilege. 

Tightening his jaw, he has a tough act on in front of you but his wavering voice gives him away, “I love you, Y/N. I love you so fucking much you can’t actually think for a second any of this was fake to me.” Sunghoon groans and slaps his cheeks lightly, a habit he has when he’s frustrated, “I don’t know how to prove to you I am not fucking lying. Y/N, you’re my whole world and you know it. Why are you believing your mum when she couldn’t give two shits about you,” he barely pushes out the last sentence from pure agitation. 

Weeks and weeks have gone by and he has listened to you tell him stories about your mother and how she’s a horrible person. Now you’re standing in front of him suddenly believing her over the one person that has shown you all the love you’ve been missing. It’s enraging him to another level he didn’t even know he was capable of.

“Why shouldn’t I believe her? She literally has stone-cold proof of you admitting that you used me,” you argue.

He takes two long steps to stand in front of you, invading your bubble. His big hands hold your cheeks as he forces you to look into his eyes, “I didn’t say it. I didn’t send any texts. I haven’t got any friends except Jay and Jake and they would be on my ass if I pulled something like this. I love you so fucking much. Are you really going to believe a shitty audio clip instead of seeing what’s right in front of you?”

Either he’s telling the truth or he’s really committing to the role. The sincerity in his eyes clashes with the damning evidence, leaving you torn between love and reason. 

Pushing him back, you shake your head. You can’t rationalise anything, the red you’re seeing clouding over your judgement. His love that poured through the words was evident but even on the call he said he faked being in love with you, maybe he was just a natural talent in the art of deception.

“You’re just like my brother, y’know, literal carbon copies of each other. You’ll do anything to win, to top one another in this stupid rivalry. First, it was him with your skate and now this, using me like I’m some pawn in your game.”

A weird silence fills the air as Sunghoon takes in your rambling, “What about my skate?” 

Fuck. Shit. Fuck.

As if the icy air just took over your body, your blood runs cold at your accidental admission. This isn’t how you wanted to tell him, truthfully, you didn’t want to tell him at all but if you did, you wanted it to be a bit gentler than this and well after you figured out what Minhee was thinking.

“Did Minhee fuck up my skate that day?” Sunghoon can’t believe it, his face going a paler shade as he takes in the gravity of your words, “My mum was right? You both had something to do with it?”

He is seething, his body shaking as he comes to terms with your words. Sunghoon has never felt more fury coursing through his blood as he does right now, never in his life did he ever think you could make him this angry.

“Of course, I didn’t, Sunghoon. Believe it or not, I was actually in this relationship for real, not pretending,” you spit back at his accusation.

“You knew he did this to my ankle, you listened to me argue with my mum and defend both of you to the point she won’t speak to me anymore and it was true?” The hurt in his voice drains some of the anger from you, making room for guilt to sit shallowly at the surface. 

There wasn’t anything you could say right now that would make you look better in this scenario. You fucked up, you knew when you found out about the skate, you knew it while you cradled Sunghoon in your arms as he broke down, and you know it now.

What you did was fucked up. Lying to him was bang out of order.

However, since the guilt is only taking about a 1/8th of your body, the anger suffocates it, choking it down, “You’re turning it on me but I can’t control Minhee’s actions.”

“You kept it a secret, that’s just as bad,” he shouts, veins popping from his neck.

It hurts, the way he says it. He sounds so betrayed.

But he betrayed you, he’s been lying this whole relationship and now he’s getting angry at you for keeping one fact to yourself. You know it’s wrong to try and compare the two, to find a way and dilute the severity of your lie but you’re livid at him right now. Once you’ve calmed down you might be able to see clearly, that won’t be today though.

“Okay, fine. I should have told you but you’ve also been lying to me, and for a lot longer,” you retort back, staring into his eyes.

Stunned by your confession, his mind temporarily short circuits. You lied to him, after everything you saw him go through with his ankle, you neglected to mention that it was Minhee. He practically disowned his mother in honour of not just you but your brother…for it all to be true. And to top it all off, you still don’t believe him as he tells you that he loves you, that somehow that audio is fake.

Before Sunghoon can gather any words to say back, Coach Lee has a firm grip on his arm, the man’s eyes flicking between you both. It’s clear that even without hearing the conversation, your relationship was essentially over and Coach Lee didn’t want to meddle.

“Y/N, go home. Sunghoon, come with me.” His parental voice is switched on as if he’s telling his kids to stop playing with their food or drawing on the walls. 

You and Sunghoon stay stagnant as you watch each of your worlds crumble beneath you. All that you knew and loved got swept away on a random Tuesday afternoon.

And you just let it happen.

taglist (closed!!): @heelee-01 @zerasari @beomgyusonlywife @iwaplant @monstanctiny21 @chiiiiiiiiis @minniejenseo @run2gyuz @jngwnlvs @haelahoops @capri-cuntz @nctislifue @jaehoonii @weyukinluv @skzenhalove @enhypenlovre @cherriruto @bambangan @who-tf-soddhi @nxzz-skz @nshmrarki @hotsforikeu @enhastolemyheart @erehkinnie30 @judeduartewannabe @neosexual @fakeuwus @positivelyinlovewithjungwon @tobiosbbyghorl @kimsunoops

[captain-joongz]

I hope you are feeling well and eating well. I wish you to always be healthy. I am writing this with great shame right now. This may be perversion, but it is funny and that's how it is. I think you are the best person to handle this issue on this platform. 🫠

To be honest, my bias is Soobin and I had thoughts floating around in my mind for the past few days. You can apply it to the other members too<3. Soobin and I have been together for a long time and have been together many times, but we promised each other 1 month before the wedding not to even masturbate. We had difficult requests etc. The wedding day was pretty normal, but our honeymoon bag was changed by our close friends and it contains all kinds of garters....

hello baby, thank you for trusting me with this request! i hope that i was able to deliver what you wanted <3 i am so sorry for the delay with the answer, though, i promise to do better next time!

i'm having fun with these, and wedding seems to be a recurring theme of Soobin's stans 👀

warnings: unprotected sex, making out, mentions of masturbation, dirty talk, lingerie

the idea came to the two you quite easily, it was even super easy to agree to it - a month, that's nothing right? it's not like you can't handle having no orgasms or having sex with the love of your life, right?

right...

it started off okay. giddy and full of anticipation and excitement, you both giggled at each other like two high-schoolers, giving each other eyes and pursing lips, the understanding that nothing was to happen running between you. and it was fine

it was fine

you didn't talk about it with Soobin in depth, but honestly, you started breaking after the first week. the month before was the most stressful part and you found yourself begging for some easy fun in the sheets with your fiance, your body heating up and thrumming anytime you two were close. but Soobin looked completely unaffected, so you didn't want to be the one to bring it up. yes, if given the chance you'd probably be fucking him or yourself like three times a day just to fucking cope with the wedding stress, but you could do it

until like the middle of week two, then you realised that you really couldn't. but both you and Soobin were so damn competitive and you wouldn't be the first to buckle - and you saw the cracks in Soobin's unbothered persona. you saw his hands clenching when you walked around in shorts, the way his eyes would catch on your nipples anytime you walked by in only your tank top

he would suddenly turn more serious, speak less and focus solely on you in that way that you knew he'd be balls deep already if it wasn't for the promise. the stupid annoying no good promise that was starting to drive you up the wall

week three and you'd start to slip - hands would start to linger, eyes would wander more. both of you had a hard time focusing and you were so fucking tense you felt like dying. the need to just jump onto a cock and make yourself cum over and over again was making you insane and you were barely holding on anymore

and the only thing that kept you in lane was seeing Soobin struggle just as much. you swore the man had to wait out more awkward uncomfortable boners in these past three weeks than he had to through his whole puberty, and it was funny at the beginning before you became too desperate and even the faint outline of his hard cock was enough to make you wetter than a fucking bathroom sink

you were ready to throw in the towels, but that would be giving up and you two didn't do that

not even when you lost control and your innocent little kiss quickly spiralled into a heated make-out that ended with you humping your fiance like a fucking dog before he pushed you off with a pained whine. you both were fine

thank god the last few days before the wedding were so crazy and packed with activities you barely had the time to think about the sorry state of your love life, but your body didn't forget - the buzz was there, under your skin, making you feel like you were losing your mind. and combined with the anxiety from the planning it was turning you into a jumpy nervous wreck. you needed it, you needed it bad

the rest came in a blur, the wedding was beautiful and you spend the whole day happy crying, drinking with your friends and family, and dancing with your now husband. the hungry looks you two were sending each other were not lost on everyone, but of course you'd be excited for tonight, so they only shrugged it off with smiles and laughs. they had no idea...

at least you thought they didn't, until that night you finally turned in and after much screaming, laughing and wolf whistling made your way back to your wedding night suite. and now, you were looking at what you thought was your bag with your usual toiletries and a tasteful pretty sheer white night gown. what wasn't in your bag was the deep red lacy lingerie, garters and black pumps that you were currently looking at

what in the fresh hell??

after checking through the bag a couple times, trying to make sure it was really meant for your and it wasn't by accident dropped off here by some confused guest (if so, they were planning to have a hell of a night, god damn), but it was your bag, only different contents

the mystery got solved when a text came to your phone. did you find the bag? it was from your best friend and you started to realise what had happened. have fun tonight after your little ban ;)

embarrassed, you didn't even want to answer. your bff was the only person you shared this little secret with, but she probably roped in your other friends so they would help her switch your bag. in your mind you were cursing her, but your hands were already going through the contents again with barely contained interest. well, it was already here... and it would look extremely good... why not?

dragging the bag into your bathroom to change quickly before Soobin came in from the outside where he was still talking with his family, you carefully tore yourself out of your wedding dress (not easy, turns out) and started untangling the delicate lacy undergarments

when Soobin entered the room, it was still empty. his mind was racing with the possibilities, and he knew that after a month of complete abstinence with the occasional excitement when you two lost control, he probably wouldn't last longer than a few minutes with the accumulated lust that was already making him hard. but he had a whole night, didn't he?

hearing the bathroom door open, the excitement surged in him and he braced himself to turn. he knew you'd get something pretty to wear, but upon turning seeing you in a deep red lacy set complete with garters and black tights and heels, it was like his whole world spun and he was suddenly dizzy with desire

you barely had two seconds to take in the absolutely ravenous look in his eyes before he was on you - he moved so fast you didn't even catch it with your eyes. one moment he was standing by the bed and the next he was grabbing you and prying your mouth open with his tongue

the kiss was filthy and fast, overwhelming you in mere moments before you were thrown back onto the bed, back hitting the soft bedding and bouncing lightly, and Soobin quickly climbing on over you to kiss you more until your lips were wet and sticky with drool

"are you actually trying to kill me, baby? already want to collect my life insurance?"

he'd throw out little remarks between your moans, nipping your lips, biting your neck, hands running over your whole body and catching onto the lingerie, pulling strings to snap them back onto your skin, to feel you tense and clench under him as you cried for him

"fuck, i need to fuck you right now, i promise i'll be slow and loving later, baby"

and that's how you found yourself falling apart on his cock seconds later, Soobin barely undressed with his shirt open and tie hanging between you, pants and underwear pushed just under his ass, your legs forced apart as far as they could go with your panties only pushed to the side so he could easily slide into your pink wet cunt and fuck it with reckles abandon

both of you were so turned on you couldn't even speak anymore, Soobin grunted above you as his hips rolled smoothly into you and hit your sweet spot effortlessly, and you lied under him completely boneless, just hungrily taking the pleasure his cock was providing for you, high-pitched whimpers and moans falling out freely. you heard the quiet rapid squeaks of the bed as your bodies bounced on with the motions, you heard the rush of your blood as your climax ruthlessly approached until you were screaming, the bliss taking over and cunt clenching

you both came at the same time, the orgasm that barrelled through you forcing you to tense up as your back arched, and Soobin's cock got mercilessly squeezed until he was spurting his cum deep into you, groans being punched out of him with the force of it

"don't worry baby, i didn't take anything off, so i can still take a nice look at you with my cum trickling down your thighs"

you had a long night ahead of you, and you were going to enjoy every damn second of it

divider by @cafekitsune

[lalalian]

I always think to myself, "I'm out of ideas... I'm out of actually cool, creative ideas, will I have to shut all my shit down? How am I supposed to continue posting if I've got nothing..." but then, the next second I'll come up with something that genuinely could be a whole ass dr

...

here's a dump of some of the drs I've been wanting to make into filled scripts for awhile now, but I haven't even started designing the scripts for them yet.

Some of them are literally just titles, but idk I just know I can work with it yk?

since I finished some prototyping hw today, I'll put in a little more effort sectioning this post

some of the ideas in question

cloud catcher: steampunk reality based on a cloud city, you've got a job as a cloud catcher, your job is to catch and sell different kinds of clouds, have a cloud shop

inedible edible cafe: inedible things here (in our OR) would be edible in this dr.. Initially I only wanted to include slime as a dish, but now I want to make dishes with different ingredients, like puffy sticker cereal or sum shit

shifting school dr: okay so this actually was a trend on shifttok for a sec, it was called a 'mysterious school' idk why. anyway, this school was supposed to be it's own dr, but I think i may include it in my dreamscape dr

magitech engineer dr: ngl this idea was in the fucking basement of my mind-- ain't nobody gonna wanna shift here besides for someone that actually likes crafting things. idk i just feel like it’s a niche idea

number magic: uh so no, that's not the title for this dr-- I just really wanna make a dr with this kind of system. idk I was just in world lit class and I realized the poem I was reading was repeating the number 5. we were supposed to analyze the poem, but my dumbass just started daydreaming... anyway, next idea

fantasy cosmetic makeup maker dr: so like imagine handmaking make up with like... mermaid pearls or like ground unicorn horns (sourced ethically of course-- unicorns will shed their horns like baby teeth throughout their lifetime. I cannot imagine depriving a unicorn of its horn... imagine doing that... what a psycho😨) you could make like a mermaid line, a sky beauty line, IMAGINE THE PACKAGING. STOP. WAIT. FLOWER KNOWS. AHHH.

guardian flame: I have so little down for this DR lmao 😭😭 essentially like you're some sort of being that's been assigned to protect another, probably someone who isn't as strong as you. the kinda oddball part about your drself in particular is that you have to go to school to train how to be a good protector, but like you've already got a person you need to protect. nobody is assigned to protect anyone until affffftteeerrr graduation, but ur stuck with an idiot

futuristic skater/futuristic biker: self explanatory! I also wanted this to be in a high school setting. this idea stemmed from me just wanting a high school futuristic dr, cuz like yk I was curious about what high school students would need to learn. what would be considered important to learn about? would all students be taught about how to make technology we would find difficult to make today? what about psychology class? what new theories would arise? what would students think about our generation (in our CR) today? would they think we're stupid, crass, or selfish? anyway, initially I just wanted to go to school and walk around... but, I had a dream about living in the future, more abt that in the next idea (this idea is getting long). Instead, I think I wanna deviate a bit from what I would usually do here and in literally every other school dr I have-- I want to experience what it'd be like to be a... deliquient? idk, growing up i kinda just was just that quiet girl that listened to her parents... soooooooo why not do smth different? I'm still not gonna drink or do drugs tho, boooooooo ik so boring 🙄🙄 oh also I was gonna have a group of friends that were also skaters or bikers and compete in definitely legal biker/skater competitions

futuristic entertainment district: anyway more about that dream, essentially everyone was wearing these levitating rocket boots that looked a lot like roller skates (they had those wheels at the bottom of the shoes). the city was like a huge pot hole filled with stores on the side, but like it seemed like parts of the land was broken apart and floating around-- even those had advertisements and people singing and dancing on them. like this pot hole city was filled to the brim with advertisements, shops, stores, entertainment places, literally I remember that there was a huge section of like idol shit. there were a lot of people darting around the place using those levitating boots I was wearing, but there were also futuristic floating cars. imagine cyberpunk but if it was located in a big ass pot hole. yah, that. idk i just wanna explore

dystopian futuristic dr: similar to cyberpunk in the fact that it's a world dominated by companies; I want to join an underground group that wants to overtake the gov and make the world less ass

singles inferno - introvert ver: I actually have all the contestants scripted + designed a script for this DR, but I haven't worked on this script in a whiillleeeee. I wanna be song jia. not literally, but like I want to have her charm, yk? ok so the introvert part-- a lot of the game will take place in a group chat room. you do challenges in-person and in this chatroom to get a date, sometimes it's a random date, but most of the time it's like your choice. very heavily inspired by a game called picka!

a minecraft roleplay dr: I know at least one of yall cringed so hard at this, trust me, I knooowwwww-- but I really want to be like the next aphmau or smth. oh except I don't want to make kid vids, tho I'm sure yall knew that right. I want to recreate aethergarde academy in minecraft (ALSO ALRUNA TOO OMFG) but then I also wanna do other things that aren't dr related. idk I just know that this DR's gonna be sooooo fun. I haven't even decided on a channel name yet 😭😭

...

uh so I prob got more, but these were just the ones that came to mind

I'll prob make a part two when I'm lazy with posting

if anyone wants to use these ideas, please do credit me! if one of yall see someone using my ideas without credit, plz plz tell me, ty!

[td-scenarios]

Request: Confessional about s/o for Cody, Scott, Justin, Heather, and Lindsey? Have a great day!

(I hope u dont mind if it's pre-relationship! u didn't clarify, but i thought them talking abt their crush on reader would be cute :] )

__________________________________________

Scott

He looks slightly disturbed being here. A shifty look in his eye, almost as if he was nervous to look directly at the camera. Every time Scott had been in to make a confessional up until this point was to explain whatever he had been planning for the competition, so this was unsettling for him to say the least.

"So, Y/N, am I right?" He started before the camera fizzed out and came back to him in a different position. "Nevermind this is stupid."

It would take a while until Scott would brave the confessional again. This time, he was gripping his head like a madman. Slowly, his head tilted up until he was holding onto his face with his eyes framed by his fingers.

"I can't take it anymore. They're perfect! My schemes can't touch 'em!" His hands had left his face and he was gesturing wildly. "I don't think I even WANT my schemes to affect them. Woah. I never thought I'd say that."

Scott blinked dumbly at the camera before a scowl took over his expression.

"Y/N I'm comin' for ya."

-

Lindsay

"Oh my gosh!" Lindsay twirled a strand of her hair around her finger as she stared off into the distance past the camera. "Do you guys think that Y/N likes me? 'Cause I toooootally like them. Like, I like-like them." A dreamy smile plastered on her face as she kept talking. "I hope they like me back. Like who wouldn't?"

She thought about what she said for a second, her expression a bit grave as it finally focused on the camera.

"People like me, right? Yeah, they do. That means Y/N has to like me." A pause. "Ooooooh, but what if they don't?" Lindsay tapped her chin in thought at the idea. "Whatever! They're really cute and like smart and amazing!" The blonde finally stopped talking and just sat there with her head resting on her hands as she let out a wistful sigh. This pause continued for about a minute before she finally perked up and tilted her head at the camera.

"Wait, is this still going?"

-

Justin

The model tapped his finger on the vanity as he was thinking about what he should say. He finally looked up and fixed his hair in the mirror as he started talking.

"I never thought I'd meet anyone as gorgeous as me. And I haven't. But Y/N comes pretty close and that's dangerous. They're stunning and their wit is unmatched." His lips puckered in defeat since his hair wasn't falling the way he wanted to. Ultimately, he gave up on it as he kept talking.

"Maybe I should go for an alliance with them. The thought of getting Y/N voted off just...doesn't sit right with me. But I also can't have this sort of competition."

Justin sat there with a frown, not really knowing what his plans would become at this stage. He sighed before he shot a smirk back up at the camera.

"I need to stop with all this thinking, it's making me ugly."

-

Heather

"They're insufferable!" Heather growled, folding her arms across her body while glaring off to the side. "All they do is be stupidly kind and have a dumb face and...and...and well they piss me off!"

"I need Y/N out of this game. Pronto! If I am to keep my game face on then Y/N has to go. They're totally messing everything up!"

Heather huffed and continued stewing in her anger. Eventually, she kept sputtering on some anger fueled words before letting out a frustrated groan.

"I can't believe this is happening..." She grumbled, scrunching in on herself more.

Before the camera fizzed out, a slight smile was seen on Heather's face as she let out a dreamy sigh.

-

Cody

"Wow. Y/N..." Cody sat there, staring at the camera with the most overjoyed look on his face. "They're probably the first person I've ever found attractive that is actually giving me the time of day! This is great!!"

Cody silently cheered, raising his arms in the air with a big smile on his face. Once his tiny little self-contained celebration was over he finally began speaking once more.

"I really really hope they like me back. Wouldn't that be awesome?" He got a bit closer to the camera, a smile on his face.

"I mean, they don't push me away, they're not mean to me, and they actually laugh at my jokes! I think that the Codemeister has finally done it." His ecstatic boy-ish demeanor quickly replaced with a more smug one.

"Or, at least, I hope so."

[call-sign-jinx]

Spencer Reid X Reader - "You are smarter than me."

summary: there's a competition between you and reid about who is smarter than who. when he finally confesses something y/n can't get it out of her head so confronts reid about it.

warnings: unknown pining (reader was too busy trying to one up spencer), swearing, making out

a/n: hey girliessss! av jus started watching criminal minds and i love spencer's character! don't know if this is completely accurate of his character so pls don't come for me 😂😂 anywaysssss enjoyyyyy xx

spencer reid x fem!reader

Spencer Reid was and still very much is a pain in my arse. We both have IQs of 187, able to read 20,000 words per minute, have 3 PhDs and he thinks it's a competition, but I'm smart enough to know that if we actually put our smarts together then we'd make an unstoppable team for the BAU. However, he thinks it's a stupid competition of who is actually smarter.

So instead of being a normal human being and talking things through with Reid, I decided to play his little game because I've grown to absolutely love pissing him off. It's become my new favorite hobby.

"This guy seems to be a complete psychopath, he shows barely any sympathy. He only has a few close relationships with people, but he even takes advantage of them." Reid says as we're talking about the new guy we're profiling. However, this reminded me of something. Reid is explaining a sociopath, not a psychopath.

"Actually, Reid, you're describing a sociopath. Psychopaths have no empathy while sociopaths have some empathy. And this sociopath we're dealing with has a few close bonds with few people. However, psychopaths have no close bonds with anyone, as they find people easy to manipulate and just a little puppet. The guy we're dealing with enjoys hurting people for personal gain, not enjoyment like a psychopath would." Reid's facial expression makes me grin. He's pissed.

"Good work Y/N." Gideon pats my shoulder as he walks away to get a cup of coffee.

I give Reid a smug look as I go towards the little breakroom. I can feel him quickly following after me, God I love pissing him off, kind of makes me forget that he's so good-looking.

As I get to the breakroom, it's empty, I go towards the cupboard and grab my special mug with little daisies all over the mug with a light blue background. I put a tea bag in the mug and go to put the kettle on but Reid gets in the way.

"Care to move out of the way Reid?" I say as politely as I can but it's hard with the look on his face, I can tell he's angry angry.

"Care to stop making me look like a dumbass?" His jaw tensed as I smirked at how pissed he was.

"Maybe educate yourself a little more then you'd stop looking like a dumbass. It's not my fault I'm smarter than you. One day you're just going to have to deal with it." Reid seems to be getting angrier and angrier with every word I say.

"You are not smarter than me Y/L/N. Just because we have the same IQ, both have 3 PhDs - in which one of them is practically useless - and can read 20,000 words per minute does not mean you're even as smart as me." Reid's tone reeks with venom laced in every word.

"Actually, my degree in biochemistry may be useless to you. But, it's not as useless as you think because it's helped solve cases faster than without my biochemistry PhD. So you are yet again wrong." My smug grin only becomes bigger as I correct him for the 4th time this week. It's Monday.

For once, Reid was absolutely speechless. Not really the reaction I was looking for. And on top of that, his facial expression was calm. Makes me feel uneasy. Very uneasy.

"You know what Y/N. I'm just going to end this right now. You are smarter than me. And you want to know why I'm admitting all of this right now? Because I am tired of pretending that we don't want each other. I'm tired of pretending not to see the look on your face when I'm wearing that particular shirt that I know you like." My breathe hitches at even the slightest mention of that shirt, he always looks so damn good in it. "And I know you're getting tired of it too, especially because of the glances you send my way from your desk." He was now inches away from my face, his breathe fanning against my ear.

As he finished talking, he pulled his face away gave me a small knowing smile and walked out of the room. I was flabbergasted. Reid wanted me? Like in that way?

---------------------------------------

For the rest of the day, I stared at the case files. What Reid said took me aback. Not even I knew how I felt about him until he mentioned all those things.

I was taken out of my trance when someone knocked at the door. "Come in." I sigh as I lean back in my chair. When the door opens, I see JJ.

"JJ, what's up?" JJ sits down in the chair opposite mine. She has a warm smile on her face as we make eye contact.

"We've cracked the case! It wasn't the husband who killed her. It was the gardener because he was having an affair with the husband and wanted the husband all for himself!" JJ was ecstatic, it took us almost 3 weeks to crack this case.

"How did you figure it out?" I leaned on my desk, almost as happy as JJ finding out that we cracked the case.

"Wasn't me, it was you." I leaned back in my chair in shock.

"Me? What did I do?" JJ smiled and leaned forward on my desk.

"Reid told us that your correction to his mistake helped him find out that the gardener was a diagnosed sociopath and the only person who fit the description. At first the gardener wasn't even considered by how well he and the husband covered up their affair!" I leaned back in my chair, guess Reid really meant it when he said our 'competition' was over.

"Glad I was able to help." I had a small awkward smile on my face, the mention of Reid reminded me of what he had said to me earlier.

"Also, we're all going out to celebrate. The bar 2 blocks from your apartment building. 8 o'clock." She smiles at me before closing the door.

-----------------------------------

As I arrived at the bar, everyone was there. JJ, Garcia, Morgan, Gideon, Hotchner, Greenaway. And Reid. God why did he have to look so good? The way he styled his hair, the clothes he wore, the way he presented himself.

I made my way to JJ and Garcia who, from what I heard on my way over, were talking about how buzzed they were about solving the murder.

"Y/N! Heard you were the one who solved the case! Well done! Proud of you flower!" Garcia hugged me, I looked over her shoulder to see Reid staring at me, he had a look on his face that I couldn't pinpoint and haven't ever seen before. Especially not on his face.

"Thank you. It was Reid who helped me actually. If he didn't make a small error I wouldn't have even mentioned that the killer was a sociopath." I tucked some hair behind my ear as I smiled shyly.

"Reid told us you'd say that. Speaking of, how come you and Reid are giving the credit to each other? Usually you both argue for the credit." JJ had a suspicious look on her face as Garcia stated this.

"We just had a chat in the breakroom and decided it was the adult thing to do and stop our little competition we had going on." JJ and Garcia wasn't convinced but they nodded their heads anyway.

As the night went on, everyone except for me and Reid got drunk. Because I don't really like being around drunk people, I sat in a booth away from everyone else.

I was looking through Instagram on my phone when I felt the seat next to me dip with someone's weight. I looked up from my phone to see Reid next to me.

"Hey Reid, what's up?" Reid had the same look on his face from earlier. Made heat rush straight to my face.

"You still thinking about what I said earlier?" He rested his face on his hand as he stared at me intently. The heat in my face only grew more as he spoke. I never noticed how much I actually like the sound of his voice.

"What exactly did you say Reid?" I tease him a little bit. I remember exactly what he said. Word. For. Fucking. Word.

"Please don't make me say it again, I had a sudden urge of confidence in that moment and just then." He leaned back and looked at me pleadingly.

It made me giggle. How introverted he is but when he wants to be he can be the most extroverted person ever.

"Don't worry love, I remember and cannot stop thinking about what you said." I leaned closer to him, leaving just a few inches between our faces.

"R-really? I... I-I was kind of hoping you wouldn't." He had an awkward and embarrassed look on his face.

"And why's that?" I lean slightly closer, I can feel his breathe quicken.

"B-because you obviously don't feel the same way, the way you oppose me every chance you get, the way you look at me when I correct you, the tone of voice you use when you speak to me. The facts are there Y/N, to anyone it'd seem like you almost hate me in a way." When Reid was stating the facts I felt horrible, he thought I hated him. I could never hate him, I just hate when people correct me.

"Spencer. I don't hate you. I could never hate you. I just hate when someone corrects me. Especially when we're in front of other people that I care about the opinions of. It's because when someone corrects me, I feel like a failure. When it used to happen in school, I'd always go red in the face and want to curl up in a ball. It's nothing against you Spencer." Reid's face lit up.

"That's the first time you've used my first name. And you used it twice!" He had the biggest smile on his face.

"That's all you could focus on?" I chuckle and lean back then forward again.

"Well not actually, but it's a huge thing because we've known each other for years and you've always called me Reid because we've always had this sort of rivalry going on-"

"Shut up and kiss me Reid." I say before placing both my hands on his cheeks and connecting our lips. He kissed me back after quickly processing what I just did.

His hand went to my waist shortly after to pull me closer. His other hand went to my neck and pushed my head closer to his. The kiss was desperate but also freeing.

We eventually pulled away to catch our breath and giggled like school children as we made eye contact.

"I guess the facts are not there." He breathed out a chuckle, his hands staying where he had placed them, not wanting to let go. Of me. Of this moment.

"Guess you don't know everything Spencer." I had a smug smile on my face. He rolled his eyes before he peppers my face with kisses.

"You have always been such an ass Y/L/N." I mock an offended look on my face and place my hand on my heart.

"Such a hurtful thing to say Reid." We both giggle as we lean in for another kiss.

[panvnsleake]

βrγce gets eliminated (in a vore way)

based off of this. of course you had to write something about it instead of working on your other stories pancake. of COURSE. also there's swearing in this. just for comedic effect (it's not funny anyway but whatever) i'll call βrγce braces (or sober boggle for his competition name) and αirγ aireado (just his name in spanish) so i don't have to censor it every time i mention their name.

this is a crackfic so i didn't really check it

this has vore in it, as the title states. um. story is under cut

Braces sat down on the grass, sighing tiredly. He just wanted to be eliminated. Everyone asked him why, but...wasn't it obvious? he wanted to get out of this cage already. He perked up at the sound of Aireado's monotone voice, before looking back down. He had about...what, 7.7% of getting eliminated? Why should he even care about who got out? Surely, it wouldn't be hi- "The contestant eliminated is...Sober...Boggle." Braces' eyes lit up. Him? HIM?! He stood up and exhaled in relief, looking at his claws. Finally! He was fr- His excitement, unfortunately, didn't last long. He felt himself getting picked up and froze. He thrashed around a bit at whatever was grabbing him, but it was no use. This force was a lot stronger and bigger than him. Everyone gathered around, only being able to stare and shout at him to try his best. He, at last, went limp, and let himself get lifted up without a fight. At some point, the blue sky started to fade, and instead became a dark grey. could see a light coming from what seemed to be a computer. It was huge, compared to him. He shivered as he thought about how big the person (object???) lifting him up probably was.

Eventually, Braces was lifted up all the way to Aireado's face. He couldn't help but freak out. After all, he was like a pebble compared to Aireado.

"WHAT THE FUCK" Braces shouted, squirming. He stopped when he realized Aireado was slowly dragging him towards his mouth. "LET ME GO YOU BITCHASS MOTHERFUCK-" Braces' insults were cut off as Aireado shove him in maw, using his tongue to pin him against the roof of his mouth. Braces wriggled as much as he could, trying to claw his way out, feeling himself slowly slipping downward. He whimpered in fear before he was fully swallowed, not able to fight against Aireado's esophagus.

Braces closed his eyes tight as he descended towards Aireado's stomach, bracing himself to feel the acids. After landing and not feeling anything for a few seconds, his eyes fluttered open. "Wh- where in the ever-loving FUCK am I?" "you're in aireado's stomach. dumbass." Braces stared at the textbox. Looks like Texas was in here too. Well, it was probably better to have some company than to be completely alo-

"Hi! I'm Braces, and I'm gay as FUCK!" Never-fucking-mind. "IT'S BISEXUAL YOU STUPID BiTCH" Braces shouted back at Jac.kson Pol.loc.k's failed art piece. In response, it chuckled. ..."i know that you're probably very confused but i think aireado literally can't kill us. so we're fine. anyway do you want to play our bootleg version of uno"

"S- sure, whatever." Braces grabbed a bunch of torn up sticky notes (which he assumed were supposed to be the cards) and passed them around. Then they all played or something idk ive never played uno. everyone rage quit because emotional healing pool would always win. the end

i think bry.ce uses the word fuck a lot :3

[minetteskvareninova]

Anyway, in light of ContraPoints' essay, I promised to continue my slow, steady Chłopi brainrot, so here it is:

My thesis is that you can absolutely read The Peasants, specifically the central pairing of Jagna and Antek, in light of the DHSM, it's just that it comes out of the other end as a pretty brutal deconstruction, which I don't think Reymont had intended.

Consider Jagna. She's your typical feminine protagonist, beautiful, virtuous and madly in love. The object of her desires? Goddamned Antoni Boryna. Antoni Boryna is, of course, very conventionally attractive, I daresay the most attractive man in the movie (although the competition is stiff, see Maciej and the organist's son, whatever the fuck his name is). He's also kind of unhinged. Antek is the kind of person who mostly acts on instinct with little regard to morality. He's nice to Jagna at the start, because he likes Jagna; he defends Hanka from his father's abuse, because nobody mistreats Hanka but him, and also fuck his dad; he leaves his dad's household and stubbornly refuses to submit to his authority despite the difficult situation it puts him in, because fuck his dad (sensing a pattern here?); he tries to kill his father, because fuck his dad, only to chicken out at the last second and realize, hey, maybe I don't hate my old man THAT much? These two are an Oedipal nightmare, is what I'm saying.

More than that, when I say that he acts on instinct, his instincts are... How would I put this... Stereotypically masculine in a very toxic way. He's very angry, bad-tempered, doesn't express tenderness that much - mostly because there isn't a whole lot of it things or people in this world that he genuinely likes. As far as I can tell, he kinda likes Hanka at the start (or at least the way old Boryna treats her is too much even for an A-grade asshole like Antek Boryna; there's also the fact that it's part of the ongoing power struggle between Antek and his old man, but that's neither here nor there) and really likes Jagna, and that's about it. His main motivation in life is to get one over his old man, which I almost sympathize with, since his old man is somehow even worse person than him. But don't get it twisted, Antek is a very, very bad dude. Some might even call him... A bad boy.

That's right, I am going there! Antek is in many ways very similar to the typical "bad boy" love interest found in romance novels. Toxic masculinity? Anger issues? Desperate need to dominate? Freaking daddy issues??? Yeah, baby, he's an alphahole all right. The only thing he's missing is, perhaps, an elevated social position, but even then - his dad is supposed to be the richest man in the village, and in the second half, his old man dies, presumably leaving Antek most of his property.

Anyway, Jagna starts out having feelings for Antek, which are in context kind of understandable. I mean, he is hot and she's one of the few people he treats with any tenderness; 18-year old girlies have fallen in love for less. The situation these two lovebirds find themselves in is of course very difficult. Jagna is coerced into becoming the trophy wife of Antek's shitty dad, while Antek is still married to Hanka and still mad at his dad for other reasons. But aside from being start-crossed lovers, there's another tiny problem with their relationship: Jagna, though young and in love, isn't stupid, and increasingly realizes that Antek, as mentioned above, is absolutely unhinged. Add to this the fact that Jagna kinda feels bad for poor Hanka, and it's kinda understandable why their relationship turns sour. So Jagna just... Dumps Antek. For which he rapes her and lets the villagers do the ending scene to her.

And here's where we get to the DHSM of it all. A lesser deconstruction might go for the "see, you can't in fact change him" angle, but like... Here? The thought of Antek ever changing never even crosses anyone's mind, least of all Jagna's. If she fell in love with Antek despite him being, as mentioned above, unhinged, it's because she clearly didn't know him that well and didn't recognize the full extent of his assholery. An understandable, if unfortunate mistake to make. Anyway, if the common DHSM dynamic is a woman elevating herself by worshipping or in some way (like morally) elevating an already exceptional man, it clearly doesn't work here. Jagna cannot adore Antek once she gets to know him, cannot abide by his assholery (she's too smart and proud for that), not can she change him into any kind of admirable person, and that thought doesn't even seem to cross her mind. Jagna cannot elevate Antek in any way.

But he can, and does, drag her to the mud.

That is the other side of the coin, the objectification and degradation of the woman, isn't it? And, well, since Antek cannot be elevated in Jagna's mind above her moral concerns, nor in real life by becoming a better person... Well then. To abide with the DHSM, Jagna has to be humiliated instead. First morally by sleeping with the married man, then, when she refuses to participate in this "sin" anymore, physically trough the rape and the ending scene.

And that's the unintentional genius of The Peasants - it reveals, in its full ugliness, the degradation side of DHSM by subtracting the elevation side completely. Antek was never worth the pain he put Jagna trough and that she was put trough for the relationship with him. But of course, is any man ever? There's a reason why Jagna never actually seems to consider a relationship with any other man, outside of maybe her ex Maciej, who, while not as terrible as Antek, still does some pretty shitty things, namely lying about sleeping with her (unwittingly contributing to her downfall). It's not that Jagna just happened to find a bad man. The whole system is clearly broken.

Of course, "the system" here clearly isn't meant to be just DHSM, as much as I focused on this aspect of it in this post, but patriarchy in general - for the writers of the movie if not Reymont (because I haven't read the book, so I can't speak on it, sorry). But to make a full feminist analysis of The Peasants is kind of outside of the scope of this tumblr essay, so.

[stargazer-sims]

Victor 🫰🏽 and your word is INCORRIGIBLE

Thanks for the ask @morgynemberisagenderfluiddaddy ! I had to think about this one for a minute. I mean, Victor is the embodiment of incorrigibility, so...

__________

"It'll be fine. Don't worry."

Famous last words, Victor thinks as he lies on Yuri's bed and stares up at the ceiling. He knows he's not dying, but he feels like he's going to, or maybe as if he should, if only to release him from his agony.

It'd all started with a viral TikTok video his teenage cousins showed him. They said they were going to make their own version, and then they dared him to make one, too. They dared him! Not being the sort of person who backs down from any challenge, naturally he had to do it.

He still can't decide if it's a good or a bad thing that Yuri walked in on him when he was just about to tap 'record' on his phone's video app. Maybe if he'd actually listened to Yuri's perfectly reasonable argument against it, that would've been good. But no... his competitive spirit would not be tamed.

"Victor, what in the world are you doing?" Yuri asked.

"TikTok challenge," he said. "Maddie and Bella put me onto it."

"Is that an energy drink?" Yuri was eyeing the can on the table in front of Victor. "And a stopwatch?"

"Yeah," Victor said. "You're supposed to drink the whole thing in one go, without pausing for breath, and do it as fast as you can."

"Victor, no," Yuri said. "That's a terrible idea. You know how you react to caffeine. You always say your belly hurts when you drink coffee. What do you think an energy drink is going to do to you?"

"I'm gonna drink it fast."

"That's not the point. It doesn't matter how fast you drink it. You'll still make yourself sick. In fact, you'll probably make yourself even more sick if you drink it too fast."

"Maddie and Bella didn't get sick."

"Madison and Isabella are teenagers who are powered almost exclusively by peer pressure, stupidity and caffeine," Yuri said pointedly. "You, on the other hand, are an intelligent adult who hardly ever puts anything unhealthy into his body. Honestly, I can't believe you'd let your cousins talk you into doing something like this."

"They dared me, Yuri! I couldn't say no."

"Yes, you could have," Yuri said.

"It'll be fine," Victor told him, "Don't worry."

But of course it wasn't.

He thought he'd gotten away with it for the first half hour or so, until the caffeine kicked in. Then, he began to feel lightheaded and started trembling uncontrollably. it wasn't long after that when he found himself stumbling toward the bathroom with the sensation of an invisible hand squeezing his insides.

Yuri followed him in and knelt on the floor beside him, stroking his back while he heaved.

"I'm not going to say I told you so," Yuri said, once he was done.

He sagged into Yuri's waiting arms, heedless of the fact that he's really too big and heavy for Yuri to hold like that. Yuri didn't seem to mind, though, awkward as it was. He let Victor cry for a minute, and then helped him up and led him upstairs to bed.

He doesn't feel nauseous now at least, but his stomach still hurts like crazy, and he's still shaky and kind of dizzy despite lying down. His one bit of comfort is Yuri's soft little hand beneath his shirt, rubbing slow, gentle circles on his belly.

"You're not going to do anything like that again, are you?" Yuri says.

"No. Not for a while."

"Not ever."

"No promises," Victor says. "Impulse control issues, you know? Plus, I like to compete."

Yuri makes a small noise of exasperation. "You're incorrigible, Victor."

"Maybe I am," he concedes. "But, I finished my drink way faster than Bella and Maddie finished theirs, and you know what that means.”

“I probably shouldn’t ask.”

“It means I have bragging rights, ‘cause I won the challenge."

Yuri shakes his head. “What did I say? Absolutely incorrigible.”

[pricemarshfield]

15 lines tag!

i was tagged by @gwynbleidd !! late because i Forgot so sorry jackie 😭 losing the fight against adhd lately

RULES: share 15 or fewer lines of dialogue from an OC, ideally lines that capture their character/personality/vibe. Bonus points for just using dialogue without other details about the scene, but you’re free to include those as well.

i tag anyone who’d like to talk about their ocs, but also @wretcheddthing (🫵 excuse to write venali GO!!!) @atrueneutral (i love your tav and am so curious what lines you think would sum her up, if you wanna share) and @pouralaura (would love to see more from eris, if you like!)

as always, no pressure if you don’t want to, and under the cut to avoid spam :) this is a long post bc i write dialogue more in paragraphs than in lines sorry. chose tav, helena (personal problem bea), aphrodite (all things end bea), and leta for this! if the format is bad I Tried tumblr post editor was fighting me every step of the way

tav khoury (bg3, tempest cleric of talos/college of lore bard) because she’s my darling. tried to use mostly lines from upcoming wips but a fair portion from talk because that whole fic is just yapping (and also smut but like. they don't shut up)

"Trust me." "No, not at all. But perhaps I would be open to negotiating. Though I’m sure that option is closed, now, and I’m rather disinclined to part with my soul. I’m already fighting to keep my mind intact, if you recall." "Perhaps I’m less generous than you." "To your credit, you were a real challenge." "And you are far more committed to the pretty words than I’d have liked." "And with a devil, trust is far less useful than clearly defined terms." "I won’t squander an advantage for vengeance alone." "You misunderstand me. Something like this suits me far better than abject submission." "I won't beg, but I'll otherwise be the perfect damsel for you for the rest of the night. You can have my simpering submission, my perfect, obsequious obedience, knowing you'll have earned none of it." "Any use I could make of the thing would force me into a precarious situation, and I’d rather utilize the reputation of a savior than a tyrant. Also, Lae’zel may kill me if I don’t find a way to get that hammer in her hands, and as I’ve said, I’m not stupid enough to steal from you." "Don't flatter me. It won't work." "If you're going to try to manipulate me, at least do a better job than the fucking Emperor. Honestly, I expect more from you." "My goodness, are you sure? And here I thought making a bet with a devil in his own boudoir was the pinnacle of good behavior. Really, Haarlep, I..." "The limit of what I can bear? I can take anything you throw at me." "Tempestuous, really."

helena hughes (these are all from personal problem and p much all from the early chapters because i am lazyyy and because that fic is 200k. also hi if you cared enough to read under the cut i am actually working on the next chapter it's like 15k rn)

"Oh, what snacks do you want? I'll make sure Lexi doesn't melt into the seat like the Wicked Witch of Applied Anthropology." "I mean, you're not my professor." "Knew you wanted a piece of me." "Maybe a fantasy or two." "Please kiss me back." "No, I know, thinking back it's really dumb and honestly, kind of mean? No, not kind of. It's mean. But it seemed like a good idea? And it was really hot." "She feels...real, you know? Like, completely outside of all this drama with the rankings and The T and Poppy." "—that was mostly to mess with Poppy—" "Were you jealous?" "I get that we have to keep things secret, I get that it's risky, but I want this and you want this, so what's the issue?" "Hey, how about you let me tell you what I want? I'm an adult, I can make my own decisions." "No. Just letting you know that, uh, I win. So sorry, but you were barely even competition." "I'm sure you'd have me doing far more hands-on work." "Are we gonna actually have sex, or are you guys gonna just talk about my underwear all night?" "You're the one who's obsessed with me."

aphrodite hughes (a couple of these lines are tweaked versions of the in-game ones but i didn't include anything i didn't think was changed enough to justify putting in here and calling at least kind of mine. the first one only the zinger at the end but it's SOOO aphrodite i had to include it)

"Who died, your dignity? Or is this some sort of repentance outfit Mommy and Daddy are making you wear for humiliating them at the Year End Gala? Sorry. Not Daddy." "I get that everyone on this campus is thirsty for gossip, but she's not my type, even if I was dumb enough to get involved with a professor. But nope, y'all are just making something out of nothing! If Belvoire loves anything, it's rumors, right?" "Poptart, just 'cause you're obsessed with me doesn't mean I want anything to do with you. Like I told you last year, you're not my type." "As for...what did you call Selene here? A walking, talking Billabong ad? Look at how cute she is. I think you're just jealous." "I didn't mean to, like, pressure you. You're just so fucking pretty, I'm..." "Hey, she's my girlfriend, back off." "But I wasn't seeing her, and I was able to convince her when i explained how limiting my ability to take classes when Belvoire has so few professors related to my major. Only had to mention lawyers once, and voila!" "Everyone else in the class can be boring or dumb as hell, and I know you're neither." "Wow, suuuuuch a good line." "Your stepdad's, you mean, your dad is a preschool teacher. Funny you forgot to mention it! Plus, isn't Piers' studio the one recasting Tinsley in the F is for Friends sequel?" "To be honest, I mostly just thought you were hot and I love how much of a shit-stirrer you are." "Are you being rude? Wait, forget I asked, that's as pointless a question as are you breathing or are your roots still showing." "You know, I was thinking of you the whole time." "You realize that the only shot you have is to embarrass yourself more than you already have, bitch. I can't believe you're getting a new job just to chase after someone who doesn't even want you." "—this isn't a catfight, but I am happy to oblige—"

leta brereton (SHAKING with the effort of not providing context for these ones honestly, since i haven't actually posted much about her yet but i do love her so much)

"Look, I get that we're not in the best place we could be, but if you ever get mad at me for keeping a child from being murdered again, I'll kill you before the tadpole can. Understood?" "I'm not bluffing, I am being dead fucking serious" "I really can't think of a single world in which I say no to that. Or, uh, to anything you ask, wow." "Ugh. Your god's justice seems lacking. Or devil's wrath, whichever." "Wyll, does your contract say anything about if someone who isn't you kills her? Because I would be really fucking happy to." "Would you get off my case? Just 'cause I don't approve of child murder doesn't mean I'll turn down gold." "I keep you around because you're fucking good at what you do, dickhead. And you make me laugh, sometimes. Shouldn't have said that, you're gonna be so fucking annoying about it." "Oh, fuck yes, yeah, I'm down. Shadowheart can heal me if it goes bad. Uh, or Withers if it goes really bad." "Trust you? Trust you?! You're lucky I don't end you right now!" "Shut up, jackass, I don't have to like you to keep you safe. You're one of ours, I'm one of yours. Long as that's true, you've got my axe." "What's the use of a wizard if he can't figure out a spell for me to be able to kiss you? No, stop, Gale, I'm joking—" "Uh. Sorry? Are you hitting on me? Wow. I mean, it's fine, I'm flattered, but, uh...why?" "Don't tell anyone. I'll be fine in a minute. I just want some quiet." "Hey. Are you actually alright with this? I can tell her I chickened out if you're not." "I...fine, but only because you've been way nicer than I'd—oh."

[misscrawfords]

Hello, fanfic writer question, please. 1, 2, 9, 13, 40, 44, 58, 91. There were so many good ones! Thank you

I'm sorry for the delay in answering this! It was Easter and then I've been on holiday...

do you know how you want the story to end when you start, or are you just stumbling through the figurative wilderness hoping to find a road?

I never start writing unless I know the ending of the story. Like how the conclusions to essays should reflect the introduction, the ending of a story needs to be in the mind of the author from the beginning. But there might be quite a lot of wilderness in the middle I'm not sure about!

2. talk about a notable time a narrative or character has looked you dead in the eyes and said “fuck your plan, here’s what we’re actually doing.”

Actually, that doesn't really happen to me a lot. Stories unfurl and sometimes develop in cool ways when I think of a new bit of plot or development, but the characters don't really do this... I guess a kind of example was with my teenage HP next generation sequel where after writing it for quite a long time I realised one of the main characters was gay and this made so much sense! It wasn't relevant in any way to the plot but I felt I understood Xanthia so much better and it wasn't something I consciously plotted out.

9 - already answered

13. talk about a writing experience that has pleasantly surprised you.

Back when I wrote Downton fic, my collaboration with Claire (@orangeshipper) was such a lovely experience. We were just so in tune with each other in terms of what we wanted to convey about Matthew and Mary and it helped us both develop our writing skills a lot. And we became proper IRL friends too. I can't really imagine having a writing partner like that again.

40. best piece of feedback you’ve ever gotten.

Ooh, I don't know about anything specific but I always loved the comments that a fellow M/M shipper EOlivet left on my fic. We ended up kind of falling out but I was always sorry about that - she gave the best feedback! And @wah-pah also writes amazing reviews and I always feel incredibly grateful if she reads what I've written.

44. any writing advice you want to share?

Uhhhhh I'm not sure I, a person who hasn't written in ages, can give anyone any advice! But I guess I would say that writing has to be what you want to do and whatever you do is okay. I've wasted my emotions and my energy feeling competitive about my writing which is stupid when writers should support each other, and I've also felt jealous of people who seem able to write all the time on top of other lives or who are able to prioritise it or manage to write 1000 words a day or whatever. We all have different lives. Right now, my life doesn't admit of me pursuing writing seriously. It's the wrong point. I do hope at some point that will change but it's okay that I am prioritising other things at the moment. So I guess my advice would be to take it easy and not beat yourself up if you're not writing as much as you want to or how you want to - and definitely don't compare yourself to others!

58. what is the last thing that a fic made you google when you were writing it?

Golly, no idea. I'm sorry! It's been so long...

91. how has your writing style changed over the years?

Tricky. I'd like to think it's improved but honestly I'm not sure it has. I think I peaked when I was doing my masters degree, now over 10 years ago. I was so immersed in reading and the analysis of fiction I was really conscious of how I was writing. I wrote Consolation Prize and a lot of University Challenge then. I think I've got better at writing stories set in the modern era since then and perhaps developed more of a style. But tbqh I think I was a better writer ten years ago and I find that really depressing and it puts me off writing again. :(

[mysafespaceforquestioning]

My Interesting Gender Situation

Hi, I'm an AFAB nonbinary person who's questioning if they're maybe trans or want to physically/aesthetically transition within being nonbinary. I'm only very recently out to myself and partner about that. Even now, I have doubts. See here's the thing.

I feel I truly enjoy being a women in certain regards. I am proud and feel euphoric to call myself a feminist, a girls' girl, to speak against the patriarchy, etc. It's actually a core part of who I am. Some of you trans men may be triggered by this (sorry in advance, it's not you as much) but I do hate and mistrust men. In my book, I find most men repulsive both aesthetically and sexually. And socially? NAH. Most of the time I can only befriend twinky guys, gay guys, trans men, etc. Men who are either in touch their femininity or used to be women so they understand. I'm not so close minded that I will directly bully a guy and refuse to get to know any of them- it's just that they are guilty until proven innocent and I'm very gaurded. And to any of you feminists of any gender, you understand why. I won't debate or explain.

More superficially, I enjoy elaborate makeup looks a few times a month, doing nails/nailcare, skincare, dresses, skirts (though I'm picky about practicality), having feminine curves, etc. I like to look cute/sexy/hot. I wear sparkles, jewelry, and like to explore with my expression in a very nonbinary and gay way- not dressing for the male gaze.

However- and this is a good part of why I identify as nonbinary currently- there are some things that I feel or think that don't align with cis womenhood, both psychologically and physiologically.

Physically, I have many traits that I think some trans men may be envious of. I am naturally hairy and even grow dark hair in places that are usually light on women- hairy pits, hairy arms, hairy legs, the whole private sector, nipples, happy trail, generally my belly, lower back, a sprinkle on my chest, upperlip, sparse but long and strong growth on my chin and sideburns, thicker inner thigh hair, knuckle hair, and toes hair. Despite being basically inactive and also overweight, I build and keep a lot of muscle and strength really well. I have beaten probably 8/10 arm wrestling matches I've been in, and I've been in many. I have a sturdy (but curvy) build with a large ribcage, chest, and fairly wide shoulders. My calves aren't sculpted, but they are SOLID and big and don't jiggle. I have some kind of hormone issue that is still a mystery, but it's caused my breasts to grow different sizes (one is an A, the other a C) and I go years without having a period. I don't know if it works this way, but I feel like my body itself is telling me something's off, I'm not meant to be a women, or that I'm somewhere in between.

And look, this is isn't just insecurity/body hate, though I'm concerned that's part of it because I'm from a conservative southern area and grew up in a patriarchy. I feel that proud euphoric feeling about some of my masculine things as well. I love hiking, and bodybuilding (when I used to do it) and feeling my strength. I take probably too much pride in helping people move or volunteering when someone says they need a big strong boy to carry/hold/pickup/move something. I feel competitive and want to show off a tad. I enjoy showing up other men. Growing up, I hung out with my brother instead of 3 sisters, played football with him and his friends, smoked pot with them, played Pokémon with him, and stole his clothes constantly. I felt something when I wore his pothead hoodie, or his big boots, or baggy shirt. The same thing I feel now when I wear those stupid cargo pant short things, baggy tees, flannel, hiking boots, etc. I think it's ugly on a lot of guys. But it feels different on me. I love surprising my girlfriend and showing off by picking her up, moving her, pinning her, etc. I used to think I was a bottom or switch but I've been exploring and am finding I really like being dominant in the bedroom- and I'm good at it too.

There's a lot of things I don't like about my body, that trigger me, that make me feel ugly. But I'm realizing… I think those things don't really make me feel ugly- they make me feel wrong and unhappy as a girl/women. My breasts are very different, and I hate that, but I think either getting one filled to match, binding, or removal would make me happy. I'm hairy- when I'm presenting femininely I hate it- but love it when masculine. I wouldn't mind my facial hair if it grew less patchy, or if it was gone entirely.

Recently, mortality and the passage of time was on my mind. I was talking to my partner and mentioned in passing that almost none of my clothes are mine- as in, I didn't choose them. I started tearing up and realized just how much that bothered me- how suppressed I felt. Especially because most came from when I lived in the conservative south. Gifts, donations when I was in salvation army, pass me downs… not my choice/style. I just did my best to express myself within the confines of these clothes. I couldn't afford anything else. She insisted we go thrifting, and I felt drawn yet again to male section. The section I tried to shop in as a young tomboy and was shamed for and not allowed to. I got some cool outift pieces, and now I feel different. A kind of healing calm feeling, part peace, part comfort, part excitement, part anxiety. And I have to wonder:

Am I maybe a trans guy? Or still nonbinary, just opening up more to masculinity?

Do not worry about triggering me or sounding transphobic. Short of just denying trans and nonbinary people exist I really want to know what y'all think. I'm so conflicted.

[total-drama-brainrot]

i am indeed a big fan of topher. a) superfans rock (yes i love sierra too, sorry for cutting you so early in lyler sabotage but at least you get an important role in courtney's all stars) b) he's so funny c) i think i like him bc i wrote for him so much. i just wanted to humanize amy tbh i have no strong opinion on her. they don't interact very much in canon but then most of the pahkitews don't interact with each other very much, so i've been writing them as amy being more noticeably mean (i swear to god her trying to play the good sister only worked because max and rodney were so stupid and topher was too chris-absorbed) but with no idea how to do things long-term and topher as more superficially charming and the better planner.

jo is indeed a more minor revenge villain and then is third all stars boot in canon. (unfortunately she still goes there in my rewrite though, sorry but everyone else except the guy eliminated right after you had more plot) i wasn't necessarily planning on redeeming her especially with what i have planned for dave but i think i can give her the same kind of "if you want to be a better person despite everything you're welcome to try" ending i give amy.

@ as anon: i'm sure you will have wonderful ideas esp for gen 4 crossovers! don't feel like i am the Authority on this stuff

-lindsanon

I'm still watching through RotI, so I can't really make any comments on whether or not I like Topher, Amy, ect. But I can empathise with trying to humanise characters that don't really have a lot going for them in canon- if you guys had access to my mind palace, you'd see a metaphysical library of Angsty Backstories and Development Arcs for the silliest characters.

But I can comment on Jo! Who, (as far as I've seen, at least) doesn't really strike me as antagonistic at all, really. She's just controlling and competitive; her desire to win outweighs any semblance of being a Good Person, but that doesn't make her a Bad Person. That's why a 'redemption arc' for her seems more feasible to me- she doesn't need to be 'redeemed', she just needs to learn Basic Empathy and maybe chill out a little. You could have her do so in the span of one scene if you're shrewd with it.

As for loving superfan characters? They're cool! I like Sierra well enough, she's an interesting character and her scenes are always fun (and sometimes my poor tolerance for second-hand embarrassment is really tested, but that's irrelevant), and her character motivations are pretty solid. Do I wish she was less "Stan by Eminem" inspired? Not really.

Again, I can't really give an opinion on Topher, but I'm sure he's pretty cool too.

[moonlightknightess]

I have horny prompt like : floch watching his boss (eren) fucking his wives (mikasha) in his office.

Lmao

I'm sorry this is just so random 🤣 like why Floch? Why especifically him out of any of the rest of the characters? And why are they doing it in his office!? (Unless u meant Eren's office, if that's the case im sorry cuz I already wrote the whole thing lol) I'm really curious abt it

Not like I mind tbh, he never struck to me as a character so I don't really care giving him a hard time lol

I'm sorry in advance for anyone who genuinely likes him and read this by any chance, because I did him dirty 💀

Anyways, enjoy!

.

.

.

If anyone ever asked him why he hated Eren Yeager so much, he would go into an endlesss rambling so long that would make the poor soul that asked him that question regret all the decisions that lead them to be at that exact time and thay exact moment

For starters, he has known the fucker ever since college in the law program, for almost a decade especifically, and his experience dealing with him has to be one of the worst he has ever did dealing with any normal person, but it's not like he is a normal person afterall

The guy was basically a ticking bomb, always at the vergue to explode at the smallest provocations, which really became a problem the moment he started to pick on him just because he had the audicity to call his midget blond friend "four eyes" once, jumping into his defense like his fucking husband and giving him a hard time whenever they run into each other

Another thing he hated about him was his mountain sized ego, always acting like top notch shit at everything he participated at, getting the best grades despite spending more time at parties than working his ass on his career or getting rewarded for his performance at the football's competitions even though he hardly tries at all, the dumb nuts that always surround him feeding his narcisism with praises and by basically licking his boots, simply disgusting

But if there is something that he hated the most about him it's how lucky he was

It was already bad enough that he seemed to do good on his grade despite not trying at all, but the fact that he got lucky in the genetic lottery was simply so fucking unfair, giving him all the right traits that made girls fall to his feet and getting the best body genetic to presume to everybody else, the perfect example of annoying gym bro that can't shut up about himself

The fact that there was someone so fucked up in the head to willingly date him like that chick with the scar in the cheek was just amusing

So much wasted potential to be honest, he can only pity her

And yet, when he thought he wouldn't have to deal with his bullshit anymore now that he graduated but was meet with the fact that the very first job he landed he met him again, and even more upsetting, managed to become his boss, he almost wanted to jump off the window

There was simply no way life could favorite someone this much

That's why, when he went to his office to bring him the workpapers of the cases and saw him fucking the living shit out of an unknown woman right on his desk, he couldn't think about something else than ruining his life, taking out his phone and reconding the whole thing from start to end, making a note of asking Jean for that Ackerman girl once he is done

This time he wont get away with it

.

.

.

- ... Are you serious? - Said the female voice frim the other like, unsure

- Of course I am! - He said almost screaming, already fed up with her - I sent you the video! He was fucking a girl in his office! -

- I can hardly see anything in that video, it's too blurry - He really wanted to shout at her face how delusional she was, he knows she really was down bad for him if she was willing to marry that idiot but this was stupid

The video didn't look that bad!

Plus she didn't even sound that upset about the prospect of her husband cheating on her

- Can you describe her at least? - Said Mikasa

- She is a redhead! - he tried to explain, getting all the details he could from his memories - She ties her hair in a ponytail and got bangs on her forehead - He really doesn't want to remember all the details about that fucker fucking one of his whores stupid, but if he can ruin his marriage by doing it then so be it - She got tannish skin too -

The memories are still fresh in his mind, the overreacting and annoying moans of the bitch still ringing inside his head as he grunted like a sick dog in heat, watching every single snap of his hips on her thick thighs and the slight jump her breast did out of her unbuttoned shirt, the ripped pantyhose giving him the view of the pinkest slit he has ever seen, ruined by his horrible shaft, watching the whole thing just making him feel like throwing up and yet enduring it until they seemed to be done

Just making sure it was really Eren, nothing more

- Oh - She simply said as response, not quite the reaction he was expecting from her - I think I know who she is... thanks for telling me -

- You're welc- but before he could say something else she hung up

It's not like ti mattered anyways, once he goes bsck to work he will hopefully met the wondeful sight of the asshole dealing with a divorce, and if he was lucky, he would get to see him getting fired for having sex in work installations

For once, he will win against Eren Yeager

.

.

.

Unfortunely, instead of being met with the news of his boss being fired, he went to his office to meet the sight of him accompanied by two women, the very same girl from before now along with his wife, both of them lying on his office desk as the mess of papers and clothes on the ground grew larger, witnessing in first seat rows how he basically destroyed a week worth of work by ruining it with their disgusting sweat and the distinct white threads staining the document he spent so long working on

- What the fuck? - He meant to shout it, to scream it, but instead, it came out as a small whisper, so small it was swallowed by the sounds they were making

Swallowed by the sounds of the two bitches that might as well haven't be dicked down in a long time, the one he knows it's his wife getting drilled by him in a way that makes it look like a performance for a freacking porno, her body throwing and tossing in every direction, making the few left documents fall to the ground, the other woman on her side eliciting more curses out of her with every kiss delivered to her chest and the quick rub of her fingers on her clit, circle motioned movements making her whimper im the same way his fingers make her grith her teeth and bite on the snowy white skin of her companion

- Oh? - It was him who speaked this time, voice so codescending and uninterested and yet with so much edge that it brings back the memories he tried to bury inside his mind for so much time, body shaking just at hearing it - What's the matter? I thought you liked watching, snitching bitch -

His stomach dropped to the ground just hearing at those words and the meaning behind them, cursing at himself for watching him go for so long despite having already recorded enough evidence at the time

Cursing at himself for ever believing that bitch had the spine to confront him, instead of joining

He was just way too dumbfounded to react, to come up with something- anything to defend himself

Instead, he only could stood there, watching him have his way with his companions right in front of him, in the office he spents day and night working his ass off for a paycheck that barely helps him survive the month, fists tightening in hopes of using them for once but too afraid to do something about it

His only consolation prize coming in the form of enjoying the sight of the two women and their dreamlike bodies covered in mouth-watering lace underwear, to see them enjoying themselves by the actions of another man that was not him, by hearing them praise the very same fucker that made his time in college a living hell, whorshipping him in the only way a lover would, the intense glint of the silver white rings they all wear on their fingers making him understand why his plan failed

By watching the very same good for nothing fucker get favorited by life again and being given the life he deserved

- Now, don't get too comfortable, weirdo - It was hard to tell what he was saying, his words barely making out of the concert of moans he was focusing on creating, not even bothering to turn in his direction to make himself clear, his only priority being trying to make the two girls come undone by his hand, the Ackerman girl and the other woman by his side seemingly reaching their peak the more they struggled to breath and the more sweat formed on their bodies, hiz gaze lowering to the mess if papers he created for a second - You still need work to get done, unless you want to gwt fired... fuck -

He really wanted to beat the shit out of him right there, his feet slowly closing the gap in between them and his fists raising with the intention of eraising that shit eating smile he seemed to do just to provoke him, to get justice by himself for once, even if he had to go against the odds

And yet, when he flickered his gaze in his direction for flash of a second, he knew perfectly that there was no way he was doing that, that there was nl way in which he could fight him

Not when he knew for sure he could never win, nor when he knew the repercursions of even daring to do such a thing

He could only fall to his knees and gather the only dignity left in the ground in the form of the several papers he would surely have to rewrite, fingers trying to dry the whitey ooze of it in the hopes of recovering some of it

- Good job - Eren taunted, voice stil deafened by the voice of his girls, his non stoping hips coming to a stop the moment he heard one of them let out the loudest screams he has ever heard a woman made, his eyes locking themselves where she was dripping right to the floor

- Bring me some water too, will you? - He said, almost as if sensing him not doing what he was asked, hands hurriedly resuming gathering the seveeal papers on the floor, the voice of the redhead woman slowly growing to the point where she was the only thing he could hear, the nasty sounds of his figers stirring her insides - I won't be done here for a while -

His hold thightened in frustration, ruining the paper on his hand as he tried to think about all the wrong things he ever did to deserve all this shit...

[shoechoe]

I'm really sorry about this and I know this is abnormal for me but I really need to vent right now. I might delete this later and everyone can ignore this if they want. I've just been spiralling in my mind for the past few hours and I feel like I have to say something

Cognitively I know that is a really dumb thing to get worked up over and this will come across as irrational- I have really not been having a good last few weeks, and I think this just pushed me over the edge. But a few hours ago I reblogged one of those character poll competitions and, in the tags, called Speedwagon a character that wasn't even that canonically well-written and was mostly just the "meme character" in the fanbase. I actually like him fine, I was just being mean and trying to be light-hearted because I wanted Yasuho to win. (I also wrote a separate post about the real reasons why I just like Yasuho better.)

And then someone reblogged me quoting those tags and went on a several paragraph-spew about how much they loved his character and how I was wrong and compared me to annoying Redditors and such who misinterpret his character, and then people started reblogging that and saying I was wrong. (And to make it worse, now Yasuho is losing and I think it's all my fault.) The person that reblogged from me wasn't being mean or anything or even particularly in the wrong. But seeing it happen totally freaked me out and now I haven't been able to live with myself.

I guess I just don't know why stuff like this always happens to me. Ever since I can remember, whenever I get too comfortable or excited somewhere I always end up saying or doing something that makes everybody angry at me, or make fun of me, or think that I'm stupid. I am never able to live with myself afterward. I have had to leave group chats and stop talking to people because my guilt and embarrassment gets too unbearable to ever face anybody there ever again. And this is the first time something like this has ever happened to me on this Tumblr.

I know nobody else did anything wrong and I brought this upon myself for being a stupid loudmouth on another post. I really don't know why I thought saying that was a good idea. But I cannot stand the thought of everyone being mad at me and I feel like I always have to consciously and carefully tone down and consider every word I say so people don't get mad or make fun of me to the point where I am never comfortable anywhere. And even then, I always end up slipping up eventually. I don't know if that means that I'm stupid and have bad opinions or what, but I am so sick of doing this every single time I try to branch out and interact with other people. I am so sick of it.

I am really sorry for posting this. I just don't have anyone else to talk to and I feel like I'm going to explode. I'm not deactivating or anything, but it might take me a while to feel better enough to start posting again, so I might take a break for a little bit. If you read all of this, I do hope you have a wonderful day.

[vxvidlandmine]

Spiraling on a Saturday

Hello again.

Today I woke up and spent 40 minutes looking at my phone. I have picked up this bad habit in September 2021 and I have yet found a way to just get rid of it. I'm just weak.

My mom greeted me as I got out of my room. Since it's saturday, her morning starts with cleaning the house. She gets up before me, so she always tries be silent and not make any noise. I tell her I don't care about sleeping late, because I really don't, yet she's persistent on not wanting to wake me up.

I had breakfast, went to the bathroom and then straight to study.

I revised what I re-studied yesterday then got some work done my laptop. I had to cross-check 3 different sources so that what I'm studying is actually correct, as well as coherent, as to not miss anything.

I had lunch with my family. Nothing wrong yet.

The friend I have been hanging out with in the past weeks was supposed to let me know if she would be able to go out today, yet at 14:00, when she usually does text me, my notifications were dry.

I still had some stuff to study so I decided not to get worked up over it and focus on my books. At 15:10 that was over and my mind was free to wonder why she forgot. Every reason I came up was more stupid than the previous one- she had to study and forgot, she had to study and purposely ignored me, she had nothing to do and finds me annoying- but they all had one thing in common. They could be "defeated" just by saying that if she actually wanted to go out, she could just speed up studying, or move around her schedule to make a 1 hour long walk fit.

After 10 minutes of going back and forth between coming up with these awful reasons and nervously opening and closing Instagram and Tumblr, I decide my mind was too clouded to get more studying done. Just like an animal going back to its cave, even after years and years of wondering around, I decided to "calm down" by playing a game I have been obsessed with in the past. I mean really obsessed, I got like 2300 hourse over the course of 2 years. I put calm down in quotes because it's competitive and you either play 40 hours a week or just suck and lose, and get mad over it. So that's what I did. I tried to find comfort in this game, instead I got absolutely smashed and quit after 2 hours.

At 18:00 my eyes were red and dry. I was cold. I hadn't drank or eaten in 5 hours. My elbows were hurting because that's what they do- my chronic pains are such a big deal that they deserve a whole post about them. Still no message. The same void I have described started growing me but I got up, got a glass of milk and a trail mix, and watched a stupid series on netflix. I ignored the shit out of it, then I regretted it later. I turned off my laptop, cleaned the glass then decided to air out my room. I stink.

The more I thought about how she ignored me- and still is as of now- the worst I was getting.

First come all the thoughts about me as a person. The fact I'm skinny and weak and pain all over my body. The fact I'm 20 and still look and sound like a 16yo. The fact I'm not enjoying the company of other people.

In the past I used to get out of these spirals by reminding me how well I was doing academically. Lmao. In just 3 years my mind completely deteriorated and if I'm still "running" it's just inertia. My impostor syndrome deserves a post of its own. Now, low self-esteem about my body is just a stepping stone to doubt my mind.

The third thoughts that come are about how lucky I am to food, clothes, a warm house, and a family, all things that not everyone has. I end up thinking I don't deserve everything I have. I don't deserve it because I'm not enough in any way possible. One could argue that just by existing one's enough to have their basic needs met. Other people do, I don't.

So here I am, still waiting for someone to care a bit about me.

Venting and not changing anything to make this better is completely useless and doesn't even alleviate what I'm experiencing.

I think I just need human warmth.