#I also feel like we might not really see her because she's like

[rosemariiaa]

02 sᴇᴄᴏɴᴅ ᴄʜᴀɴᴄᴇs, ғɪʀsᴛ ᴄʀᴜsʜᴇs

𐙚—pairing: Paige x Azzi

𐙚—rosie’s note:i have nothing to say but enjoy this long and sad ass flashback and yeah..pls don’t humor me! live reacts are very much wanted and needed!! also wanted to say tysmmm for 700+ followers, i love evb soo much and ty for being here! happy reading lovelies 💌

𐙚—links: rosie’s bookshelf, series masterlist , prologue

𐙚—themes: au (time travel), angst, fluff (if you squint), hurt/comfort, mentions of depression

𐙚—taglist: @thaatdigitaldiary @ohbueckers @makethemhoesmad @imaginespazzi @sierrale8ne @bueckersbitch @xxloveralways14 @kmoneymartini @lupinqs @pboogerswbb @pbaz7 @guesswhoitsn @patri-ots87 @ashortyluvsports @absolutelydreadful @pazzilover101

enjoy!!!

Storrs, Connecticut 2021

It started a few weeks after Azzi and Paige made their “agreement”. That’s what Azzi called it in her head—a way to convince herself it was something mutual, something they both wanted. In reality, it was her idea. She was the one who said, “We can’t keep doing this,” and Paige had gone along with it, like she always did.

Azzi thought it would be better this way, safer. If they stayed just friends, they couldn’t hurt each other. But watching Paige move on, watching her live out this version of their lives that Azzi thought she wanted—God, it was killing her.

The first time Paige mentioned Leana, Azzi didn’t think much of it. Paige always had a way of making friends quickly, effortlessly. But then Leana started showing up, a lot. At the end of practice. At team dinners. At their apartment.

Paige introduced her to the team a few days after their conversation, her arm slung around Leana’s shoulders like it was nothing. Like it wasn’t the same way she used to hold Azzi. And Leana? She was perfect. Nice. Pretty. Confident in a way that made Azzi’s stomach churn with jealousy? No, Azzi never really got jealous when Paige would be with other girls. Especially because they would only last a day or a few hours, but Leana would not stop showing up.

So, it was definitely not jealousy. Hatred.

Azzi hated her. She hated how she laughed at Paige’s jokes, how she touched Paige’s arm all the time like it was it was gonna grow legs and run away if she didn’t, how Paige seemed to shine a little brighter whenever Leana was around.

She hated how much she wanted Leana to be awful. Selfish. Mean. Anything that would give Paige a reason to leave her, to come back to Azzi. So Azzi could hold her and comfort her, the way she always used to. But that wasn’t going to happen. Leana wasn’t a bad person, and Paige didn’t need Azzi anymore.

Fuck. What did I do?

Azzi tried to convince herself she was fine. That she didn’t care. That this was what she wanted. Right?

But then, tonight, she saw them in the dining hall. Paige was leaning against the table, laughing at something Leana had said, her head tilted back, blonde waves brushing her back. She looked happy. Free.

And then Paige’s hand went to the small of Leana’s back.

Azzi froze.

Her breath caught in her chest, her heart pounding in her ears. That was her spot. Paige used to do that to her all the time—those small, familiar touches that felt like secrets only they shared. And now Paige was doing it to someone else.

She would never do that to Azzi again.

The realization hit her like a punch to the gut, and for a moment, she thought she might be sick. She thought her heart had already broken, but somehow, it found a new way to break.

Because even though Azzi was the one who asked for this—even though she was the one who insisted they be just friends—watching Paige with someone else made her realize just how wrong she’d been.

She turned away before they could see her, her fists clenched at her sides as she hurried out of the dining hall. Her vision blurred, hot tears slipping down her cheeks before she could stop them.

This was what she wanted.

This was what she’d asked for.

So why did it feel like this?

Azzi wiped at her face, angry at herself for crying. She couldn’t help but think about the agreement again, how it all started.

She could still see Paige’s expression that night, the way her brows furrowed, her lips pulling into a small frown as she listened to Azzi stumble through her words.

few weeks earlier..

Paige sat down beside her, resting her elbows on her knees. “We need to talk.”

Azzi’s shoulders tensed, but she closed her laptop and turned to face Paige. “About what?”

“About why you’ve been avoiding me,” Paige said bluntly.

Azzi’s lips parted, but she hesitated. “I haven’t been avoiding you.”

“Az,” Paige said softly, giving her a pointed look.

Azzi sighed, leaning back against the couch. “I just… I needed space. To figure things out.”

“Figure what out?” Paige asked, her voice steady but laced with concern.

Azzi stared at her hands, fidgeting with the hem of her sweatshirt. “Paige, I can’t keep doing this. We said we’d be friends, and then I end up in your room, in your bed… It’s confusing.”

Paige leaned closer, her brows furrowed. “You just wanted to sleep and it’s not confusing to me. I know how I feel about you, Az.”

Azzi shook her head quickly, cutting her off. “That’s the problem. I don’t think I know how to stop letting this happen. And I don’t trust myself not to hurt you or get hurt again.”

Paige’s jaw tightened, her voice dropping. “So, what? You’re scared, so you’re just gonna shut me out? We’ve been through too much for that.”

“I’m not shutting you out,” Azzi said, her voice rising slightly. “I’m trying to protect us. You and me. If we keep crossing these lines, it’s only gonna end the same way it did before.”

Paige exhaled sharply, dragging a hand down her face. “You’re making this harder than it has to be. I get it, Az. I do. But I’m not gonna sit here and pretend I don’t want more.”

Azzi’s eyes softened, but she looked away. “And what happens when it gets messy again, Paige? What happens when we mess this up? I can’t lose you completely.”

Paige’s voice was quiet but firm. “You’re not gonna lose me.”

Azzi didn’t respond, her silence weighing heavy in the room.

Paige hesitated before speaking again. “So, what does this mean? Do I still get my goodnight kiss, or is that part of the deal over too?”

Azzi’s eyes shot to Paige, her cheeks flushing. “Paige…”

“What?” Paige said, trying to keep her tone light despite the tension. “I’m just asking.”

Azzi sighed, her lips curving into a reluctant smile. “Yes, you still get your goodnight kiss. But just… don’t make it a thing, okay?”

Paige grinned. “No promises.”

Azzi rolled her eyes, but her smile lingered as she stood up. “I’m going to bed.”

“Hold up,” Paige said, standing too. She leaned down slightly, her voice soft. “Goodnight, Az.”

Azzi hesitated, then stepped closer, pressing a quick kiss to both of Paige’s cheeks. “Goodnight, Paige.”

As she walked away, Paige watched her go, her heart heavy but hopeful. This wasn’t what she wanted, not entirely. But it was something. And for now, that was enough.

present day

Azzi knew she was fucked the moment she made the decision. She knew she was fucked when Paige agreed. She knew she was fucked when she realized Paige could talk to, kiss, and hold any girl she wanted now.

Because they were just friends.

And Azzi was completely, utterly fucked.

—

The past weeks have been hell. It was like she was going through the stages of “grief” or whatever. That’s how Azzi thought of it, at least. How else could she explain the sinking pit in her chest every time Paige and Leana walked into a room together? Or the way her throat tightened when she saw Paige’s hand on Leana’s ass or her arm thrown over Leana’s shoulder, her smile too wide, her laugh too loud? Seems fake to me. She thought.

The team noticed it, of course. How could they not?

Azzi’s energy had shifted. She was way quieter, more withdrawn during practice. When Leana was around, her answers became clipped, her eyes glued to the floor like she couldn’t bear to look at anyone. It didn’t help that Leana fit in so well. The team adored her.

KK had asked her once, “Az, you good?” when they were running laps.

“I’m fine,” she’d lied, her voice sharp enough to end the conversation. But KK’s look lingered, filled with concern Azzi refused to acknowledge.

She wasn’t fine. Not even close.

First stage: Denial

Azzi told herself this was temporary. It had to be.

Paige didn’t really like Leana, not like that. It was just something new, something casual to pass the time. Paige didn’t do relationships, not seriously, and this one wouldn’t last either.

Azzi clung to that thought like a lifeline.

But then Paige started bringing Leana to team dinners. She started showing up with her at practice, standing too close, laughing too hard. And when Azzi saw them together, her chest tightened like someone was physically squeezing the air out of her lungs.

One night, she sat on the couch in Caroline’s apartment, her hands gripping a throw pillow as if she could crush the ache out of her chest.

“I keep telling myself it’s nothing,” she admitted, her voice trembling. “That she’ll get bored and come back. But what if she doesn’t, Carol? What if—” Her voice cracked, and the words wouldn’t come.

Caroline pulled her into a hug, her voice soft and steady. “I’m sorry, Az. I know this sucks. But you can’t keep doing this to yourself.”

Azzi didn’t reply. Because what was she supposed to say? That she didn’t know how to stop?

Second stage: Anger

The denial didn’t last. It couldn’t—not when Paige started bringing Leana to their apartment.

Azzi walked in one day after practice to find Leana sitting on the couch, Paige sprawled next to her, both of them laughing at something on Leana’s phone. Paige looked up, her face lighting up when she saw Azzi.

“Oh hey, Az. You hungry? We’re ordering sushi.”

We. Azzi hated the word.

She dropped her bag by the door, her jaw tight as she muttered, “I’m good,” before disappearing into her room.

That night, she slammed her bedroom door harder than necessary, her chest heaving with an anger she couldn’t contain.

Paige was supposed to be hers. She didn’t care how selfish it sounded—she didn’t want to share Paige with anyone else. Especially not Leana.

Third stage: Bargaining

Azzi started picking apart every moment she’d shared with Paige, searching for something she could’ve done differently.

Maybe if she hadn’t been so stubborn about staying “just friends.” Maybe if she’d let herself fall the way she wanted to—completely, unapologetically. Maybe Paige would’ve stayed.

She confided in Caroline again one night, her voice barely above a whisper as she lay curled up on the couch.

“What if I just tell her?” she asked, her hands twisting the hem of her hoodie. “What if I tell her I messed up, that I want her back?”

Caroline gave her a look that was equal parts sympathy and concern. “Az, you’re the one who pushed her away. Do you think telling her now is going to change anything? She’s with Leana.”

Azzi’s stomach sank at the words, but she couldn’t let go of the thought. What if Paige still loved her? What if there was a chance, no matter how small?

When Caroline finally left, Azzi retreated to her bedroom, unable to escape the weight of her emotions. Her eyes landed on the photo frame on her nightstand—the picture of her and Paige after their U16 gold medal win. Paige’s smile in the photo was the kind that made Azzi’s chest ache, bright and unguarded, as if she’d never known heartbreak.

It had become a nightly ritual, one that Azzi couldn’t bring herself to stop. She picked up the frame, her fingers trembling as she brushed over the glass. “I’m sorry, P,” she whispered, her voice cracking. “I shouldn’t have pushed you away.”

She pressed her lips to the corner of Paige’s smile in the photo, just like she used to do before bed. It was their tradition—their goodnight kiss. Only now, it was one-sided. A ghost of a memory that haunted her.

“Goodnight,” she murmured, her lips still resting against the glass. “Sweet dreams, P.”

Azzi set the frame back down and collapsed onto her bed, clutching the pillow to her chest. Maybe if I hadn’t been scared. Maybe if I just told her now…

Her mind raced with impossible scenarios, rewinding and replaying their history, searching for the moment she could fix, the word she could take back, the step she could retrace.

But in the end, she was left clutching nothing but a pillow and a memory, her tears soaking into the fabric.

Fourth stage: Depression

The hope didn’t last.

It was gone the night Azzi walked into the gym to find Paige and Leana standing by the bleachers. Paige’s hand was on Leana’s waist, positioning her towards the basket, Azzi felt her heart crack open all over again.

She barely made it through practice, her movements sluggish, her mind a blur. By the time she got home, she was shaking, tears streaming down her face as she stumbled into her bedroom.

Caroline found her an hour later, curled up on the floor, her chest heaving with silent sobs.

“I can’t do this,” Azzi whispered, her voice broken. “I can’t—she’s everywhere, Care. And I can’t—” She gasped for air, her words dissolving into another sob.

Caroline sat beside her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. “Az, you don’t have to go through this alone. I’m here, okay? Whatever you need.”

Azzi nodded, but the ache in her chest didn’t fade.

She thought about their first kiss. On the dock, at the lake house of Azzi’s grandparents, the way Paige’s lips had been so soft, so sure.

Would Paige still think about it?

Would she remember the way they’d laughed afterward, giddy and breathless, as if the world had suddenly cracked open and spilled all its light into their lives?

Azzi closed her eyes, tears slipping down her cheeks.

Will I still cross your mind in a year, Paige? she wondered, her heart aching. Will you miss us, even for a second?

Because Azzi did. She missed Paige every day, every second of every day. She missed the way they fit together, like two halves of a whole, and the way Paige used to make her feel seen, like she was the only person in the world who mattered.

I miss you, she thought, her chest heaving with the weight of it. I miss us.

But Paige was with Leana now, and Azzi was just a ghost in her life—a shadow of what they used to be.

And no matter how much she wanted to believe otherwise, she couldn’t shake the feeling that Paige had already moved on.

Stage 5: Acceptance? No. The lack of Acceptance

No matter how hard she tried, Azzi couldn’t let go.

She couldn’t stop thinking about the way Paige used to look at her, like she was the only person in the room. She couldn’t stop replaying their last kiss in her mind—the warmth of Paige’s lips, the way she’d whispered, “Just friends,” like it was a promise they could keep.

But they couldn’t.

And Azzi couldn’t accept it. She couldn’t accept that Paige was gone, that she’d moved on, that the life they’d imagined together was slipping further out of reach with every passing day.

She wanted to scream, to cry, to do anything that might ease the crushing weight on her chest. But all she could do was sit in her room, staring at the wall, as the realization settled in:

She wasn’t grieving Paige. She was grieving herself—the part of her that had believed in them, the part of her that had loved Paige so fiercely it burned.

And now, all she had left were the ashes.

—

Paige didn’t like Leana.

Well, that wasn’t entirely true. She liked her well enough to talk to her, to hang out with her when the apartment felt too quiet, too empty, too suffocating without Azzi. But when it came to everything else—when it came to the little things—Paige didn’t like her at all.

She didn’t like that Leana couldn’t cook. It wasn’t like Azzi was an all-star chef or anything—Azzi could barely cook either—but it was different. It was Azzi. At least Azzi could make scrambled eggs. And those nasty green smoothies she used to force Paige to drink after workouts? Yeah, Paige hated them, but she never really hated them because they were from Azzi.

Leana couldn’t even make toast without burning it.

Paige didn’t like how Leana was so touchy-feely all the time. It was suffocating. She hated how Leana’s hands always found her waist or her shoulders, how her arms would wrap around Paige’s neck, clinging like a vine. Paige was supposed to be the clingy one. She was the one who used to jump into Azzi’s arms after practice, planting kisses all over her face or pulling her into hugs just because she felt like it.

And Azzi? She didn’t need to be all over Paige all the time. Sometimes, Azzi would just sit next to her, quiet and comfortable, letting Paige know she was there without saying a word. Paige loved that. She loved being in Azzi’s presence. It was Azzi, after all. Who wouldn’t want to just exist beside her?

But with Leana? God, sometimes Paige wanted to yell, “Can you just get the fuck away from me already?”

Leana’s hair? Always slick, stick-straight, and perfect. Paige hated it. She missed Azzi’s hair—how she’d wear it in curls or braids, switching it up depending on her mood. Paige loved running her hands through Azzi’s curls, loved how soft they felt and how they smelled like flowers.

Leana always smelled like strawberries. Safe to say Paige never had an appetite for them anymore.

She didn’t like the way Leana chewed her food, loud and careless, or the way she slurped her drinks like she grew up with no one teaching her manners. Azzi chewed her food so pretty—if chewing could even be called pretty—with that bright, wide smile she always had when Paige surprised her with ice cream sundaes every Friday night.

Leana always wanted to eat out, and not even at good places. She was obsessed with Jimmy John’s. Paige was too, but only when she went with Azzi every other week after games. Paige couldn’t stand it. She missed how Azzi would insist they eat at home, complaining about how Paige didn’t eat healthy enough.

And God, Paige hated the way Leana fucked. She hated the way her tongue moved on her breasts, her stomach, and just her body. The way her small, slender fingers never hit the right spot, the way her kisses felt too wet, too desperate, too wrong. Leana always tasted like candy, but Paige didn’t even like that anymore. She liked when Azzi tasted like candy.

Because it was Azzi.

Leana was all wrong—her touch, her smell, her laugh, her everything. Paige didn’t like anything about her, not really. And the more she tried to forget Azzi with Leana, the more it became painfully clear.

She didn’t want Leana. She never did.

She wanted Azzi.

But Azzi didn’t want her, not like that. Not anymore. And Paige couldn’t admit it out loud, but she knew the truth.

She was in a tangled mess she doesn’t think she can cut herself out of.

The worst part was Paige only really showed Leana affection when other people were around—when the team was watching, or worse, when Paige knew Azzi was somewhere nearby. It was all for show. A charade. She wanted to convince everyone, herself included, that she was fine. That she didn’t think about Azzi day and night. That she didn’t spend every waking moment wishing things were different.

She faked a laugh at Leana’s terrible jokes, forcing herself to look interested, to act like she wasn’t distracted by the mere thought of Azzi. But she was. She always was.

Every time Leana touched her, Paige’s mind wandered to Azzi’s touch instead. Every time Leana spoke, Paige thought about Azzi’s voice, the way it softened whenever she called Paige’s name. Every time Leana kissed her, Paige found herself comparing it to Azzi’s kisses—how they tasted sweeter, felt deeper, left her breathless in ways Leana never could.

It didn’t matter how much Paige pretended. She wasn’t fooling anyone. Certainly not Azzi. Certainly not herself.

She was a fucked fool.

Present day (au)

The night was colder than Paige expected. The sharp winter air bit at her cheeks as she adjusted the duffel bag slung over her shoulder, glancing over at Azzi walking beside her. Her girlfriend’s hands were stuffed deep into her coat pockets, her brow furrowed in curiosity.

“You really aren’t gonna tell me where we’re going?” Azzi asked, her voice soft but laced with amusement.

Paige smirked, shaking her head. “Nope. You gotta trust me, princess.”

Azzi rolled her eyes, though the nickname softened her expression. “Last time you said that, we ended up at that hole-in-the-wall pizza spot where you made me eat that ‘experimental’ pineapple jalapeño pizza.”

Paige held her hand to her chest, feigning offense. “Okay, first of all, that pizza was fire, and you know it.”

Azzi gave her a side-eye, her lips twitching upward despite herself. “It made me throw up on your shoes but okay! Just hurry it’s cold.”

Paige rolled her eyes and grinned, nodding toward the gym as it came into view. Its towering doors stood shut, the building silent under the faint glow of campus lights.

Azzi frowned, glancing between Paige and the gym. “Uh, you do know the gym is closed, right?”

Paige pulled a key from her pocket, holding it up with a mischievous grin. “Not for me, it’s not. Perks of being a super senior and coach’s favorite.”

Azzi followed her inside, the smell of the gym familiar but the sight in front of her unexpected. The center court lights glowed softly, illuminating a small setup Paige had prepared: a picnic blanket, a thermos of hot cocoa, a container of chocolate-covered strawberries, and a jar of Nutella sitting neatly on top.

Azzi’s jaw dropped slightly. “Wait—is that Nutella and strawberries? Wow Paige, you really thought this through.”

Paige shrugged, trying to play it cool but clearly pleased with herself. “You’re the one who put me onto it. Said they’re ‘life-changing’ or whatever. Figured I’d return the favor.”

Azzi laughed, kneeling down on the blanket and picking up the jar of Nutella. “I didn’t just say they’re life-changing. I said they’re essential. There’s a difference.”

Paige chuckled, setting her duffel bag near the bleachers before grabbing a basketball. “Yeah, yeah. Now let’s see if you still got that jumper.”

For the next hour, they played like they were kids again—shooting around, teasing each other, laughing until their stomachs hurt. Paige couldn’t help but steal glances at Azzi, marveling at how at ease she looked, her usual focus replaced with unfiltered joy.

When they finally settled back on the blanket, Azzi leaned into Paige’s side, her head resting on her shoulder. She dipped a strawberry into the Nutella and popped it into her mouth, sighing contentedly.

“This is perfect,” Azzi said softly.

Paige smiled, her fingers tracing small circles on Azzi’s thigh. “Yeah. I figured we could use something like this. It’s been…a lot lately.”

Azzi tilted her head to look up at Paige, her brow creasing slightly. “What do you mean? You’ve been killing it this year, P.”

Paige hesitated, her fingers stilling. “Yeah, but…it’s weird, you know? Knowing this is my last year here. I’m really gonna miss this place.”

Azzi’s smile faltered, and she sat up a little straighter. “You don’t have to think about that yet, though.”

Paige raised an eyebrow, her lips quirking. “What about you? You’ve been quiet about what you’re gonna do. Are you staying another year or declaring?”

Azzi blinked, caught off guard. “I—” She stopped, her gaze dropping to the blanket. “I haven’t decided yet.”“I don’t know. It’s a big decision, and I don’t want to rush it. But…sometimes I think staying wouldn’t be so bad.”

Paige reached out, gently turning Azzi’s face toward her. “Hey,” she said softly. “We’ll figure it out, no matter what. You staying or going doesn’t change us, Az.”

Azzi’s throat bobbed as she swallowed, her eyes shining with uncertainty. “It’s just…a lot to think about.”

Paige’s expression softened, and she leaned in to press a kiss to Azzi’s temple. “I get it. Take your time. You don’t have to decide tonight.”

They sat in comfortable silence for a while, the gym’s stillness wrapping around them like a blanket. Finally, Paige broke the quiet, a playful grin tugging at her lips.

“So,” she said, glancing down at Azzi. “Am I still get my goodnight kiss tonight, or what?”

Azzi laughed, rolling her eyes. “You’re ridiculous, you ask this everytime” she teased, but her cheeks flushed pink.

Paige tilted her head, her grin widening. “That’s not a no.”

Azzi sighed dramatically, leaning forward to press a soft, lingering kiss to Paige’s lips. When she pulled back, Paige was grinning like she’d won a championship.

“See?” Paige said, leaning back against the blanket. “This is why I’m gonna miss UConn. Nobody does goodnight kisses like you.”

Azzi laughed, shaking her head. “You’re lucky you’re cute, because you’re so corny.”

Paige chuckled, pulling Azzi closer. For the first time in a while, she let herself just be present—with Azzi, with this moment, with this version of her senior year.

—

The gym was almost empty now, the faint echo of their laughter still hanging in the air. Paige knelt beside her duffel bag, tossing in her shoes and a few loose pieces of tape she’d peeled off her wrists. Azzi was a few feet away, waiting patiently for paige to finish.

The night had been everything Paige hoped for—light, easy, and full of the kind of love that made her forget, even for a moment, about everything weighing her down.

Azzi turned to Paige, her brown eyes sparkling even under the harsh fluorescent lights. “You okay?” she asked, tilting her head.

Paige zipped up her bag and stood, throwing it over her shoulder. “Yeah, I’m good,” she said with a small smile.

Azzi didn’t look convinced, but she didn’t push. Instead, she nodded toward the doors. “Come on, let’s get home, KK is blowing up my phone.”

They walked side by side, their footsteps echoing off the walls as they made their way to the exit. Paige glanced over at Azzi, watching the way her ponytail swayed with each step, the way she hummed softly under her breath. She was so beautiful, so effortlessly radiant, and Paige felt her chest tighten at the thought of everything she was keeping from her.

As they stepped outside, the cold air hit them immediately, their breath visible in the chilly night. Paige unlocked the car with a press of a button, and Azzi walked ahead, tossing her bag into the backseat before climbing in. Paige lingered for a moment, staring up at the stars as if they might hold the answers she was looking for.

“Paige?” Azzi called softly from inside the car.

Paige snapped out of her thoughts and climbed in, shutting the door behind her. The heater kicked on as she started the engine, and for a moment, they just sat there, the quiet hum of the car filling the space between them.

Paige had one hand on the wheel, the other resting casually on her thigh. Azzi sat in the passenger seat, her head turned slightly toward Paige as if she was studying her. The hum of the engine and the faint sound of the radio filled the space between them, but Paige’s thoughts were so loud they might as well have been screaming.

She’d done her best to stay in the moment tonight—to soak in Azzi’s laugh, her smile, the way her nose scrunched whenever Paige teased her. But as they neared campus, the weight in Paige’s chest grew heavier.

It wasn’t just about what she’d gotten a second chance at; it was what she’d lost the first time around.

Azzi broke the silence first. “Hey, you wanna just crash in my room tonight?” Her voice was soft, almost hypnotizing.

Paige glanced at her briefly before returning her eyes to the road. “Yeah,” she said, her voice just as quiet. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

Azzi smiled, reaching out to give Paige’s arm a squeeze before settling back into her seat.

For the rest of the drive, Paige’s thoughts spiraled.

What if she could fix things?

The question had been haunting her since the moment she woke up in this second chance of a life. She could do so much—change so much—but every action had consequences. Good ones, bad ones. Ones she couldn’t even begin to predict.

Her grip on the steering wheel tightened.

And then there was the truth. The one thing she knew she could never fix, never change. The one thing that had already shattered Azzi once before.

Paige swallowed hard, her jaw clenching. She couldn’t think about that now. Not tonight. She needed to focus on the present—on Azzi, on the way her voice softened whenever she said Paige’s name, on the way her fingers always found Paige’s whenever they were walking side by side. Just focus on Azzi, just focus on pretending.

But was she really pretending? No. No, she wasn’t.

Paige knew she loved Azzi. Everyone did. She loved her so much it felt like it was tearing her apart from the inside out. She loved her enough to want to protect her, even if it meant keeping this secret. She loved her enough to die for her.

But loving her didn’t make what she was doing any less wrong.

By the time they reached Azzi’s dorm, Paige felt like she could barely breathe. Azzi didn’t seem to notice; she was already climbing out of the car, waiting for Paige to grab her things before leading the way inside.

When they reached Azzi’s room, Paige hesitated in the doorway, her duffel bag slung over her shoulder. Azzi turned to her, frowning slightly.

“You good?” she asked.

Paige forced a smile and nodded. “Yeah. Just tired, that’s all.”

Azzi’s frown deepened, but she didn’t press. Instead, she grabbed Paige’s hand and pulled her inside.

They moved through their usual routine with ease—Azzi handing Paige a pair of sweats, Paige tossing her hoodie onto the back of a chair, both of them brushing their teeth side by side in the small bathroom. But as they finally settled into Azzi’s bed, the silence between them felt heavier than before.

Paige lay on her back, staring up at the ceiling while Azzi curled up beside her, her head resting on Paige’s shoulder.

“You’ve been quiet,” Azzi murmured, her voice barely audible in the darkness.

Paige exhaled slowly, her fingers brushing through Azzi’s hair. “Just…thinking.”

“About what?”

Paige hesitated. She could feel the words bubbling up in her throat, threatening to spill out. But she couldn’t say them. Not now. Maybe not ever.

“Everything,” she said instead.

Azzi shifted, propping herself up on one elbow to look at Paige. “Hey,” she said softly, her fingers brushing against Paige’s cheek. “Whatever it is, you can talk to me. You know that, right?”

Paige closed her eyes, the weight in her chest almost unbearable. “I know,” she whispered.

Azzi’s thumb traced slow circles on Paige’s cheek. “You’re scaring me, P. What’s going on?”

Paige opened her eyes, her gaze locking with Azzi’s. And for a moment, she thought about telling her—about laying it all out there, no matter the consequences. But the thought of the look on Azzi’s face, the hurt in her eyes, stopped her cold.

“I’m just…I’m scared too,” Paige admitted, her voice trembling.

Azzi frowned, leaning closer. “Scared of what?”

Paige swallowed hard, her fingers tightening in Azzi’s hair. “Of losing this. Of messing it all up again.”

Azzi’s expression softened, and she leaned down to press a gentle kiss to Paige’s forehead. “You’re not gonna lose me, Paige. Not now, not ever.”

Paige closed her eyes, a single tear slipping down her cheek. “I hope you’re right,” she whispered. Oh, hope, hope was a beautiful thing.

Azzi pulled her closer, wrapping her arms around Paige as if she could hold her together. Paige buried her face in Azzi’s neck, her heart pounding in her chest.

She wanted to believe her. God, she wanted to believe her.

But deep down, she knew that as long as she kept this secret, the clock was ticking.

And she was terrified of what would happen when it finally ran out.

——

𐙚— rosie’s note: so how do we feel? do we love rosie ?? 😊

[higuchisora]

Honestly, I was always under the impression that Vander parented them "indirectly", if that makes sense. Like, Vander parented Vi, and Vi took those lessons and parented the others with them, because Vander simply didn't have the time to do so himself, and Vi was basically his mini-me.

Even prior to season 2, when I saw how the previous League bio for Warwick, implied his only memory of his past life was Powder (it says all he remembers is a little girl screaming a name- aka Powder screaming for Vi), that kind of confused me. Because on one hand, yes they're both his daughters and it's his final on-screen moment in season 1, but on the other, it felt thematically odd.

Like, he's supposed to be "dead"/unconscious by then. So wouldn't it make more sense if his final memory is of Vi screaming and crying over him? Also, considering Powder wasn't even crying over Vander- it's weird to me that his final memory is about an experience he isn't really a part of. It's Vi and Powder's scene, not Vander's and Powder's or Vander's and Vi's, so why would we want that to be his only memory?

Safe to say, as much as I thought it was sweet that they had a moment of recognition in season 2 (though I do have to wonder why seeing him like that didn't trigger Jinx at all), it definitely felt off to me. Especially since we never got to see Powder/Jinx have any real positive relationships with anyone other than Vi (before Silco), seeing her and Vander being so connected after his transformation didn't feel earned. Any affection she might've had for her previous family (and them for her) prior to Warwick nearly killing her is left entirely up to the audience to infer, which isn't really a good choice for a scene that you want to be emotional for EVERYONE. If his return is supposed to be inarguably a good thing, why leave the context behind it entirely ambiguous?

Especially when they already have a character set up for this exact kind of bittersweet moment: Vi. The focus on Jinx in the Dad Rescue Arc would make way more sense to me if Silco was the one being brought back. It really should've been Vi taking the lead on this one, which would've perfectly handled the "we don't know what to do with her anymore LMAO" thing Linke was talking about. (Honestly, I'm personally of the opinion that we shouldn't have had a Vander-Returns-Arc at all, considering the lack of time and simultaneous lack of substance both this arc and this entire season had, but I'd do anything to give Vi something to fucking do). OP is 100% correct, Vi should've been the one to grab Jinx and hit her with the "he was your dad too" line. Could've especially been potent if Jinx was all, "why couldn't it have been Silco?" about the whole thing, maybe even making digs at Vi at first when she tells her Vander's back (doing a "looks like crazy runs in the family" line or something), leading to some conflict between them at first, before Vi dishes out that line and perhaps a heartfelt "trust me just this once, just one last time" (or something to that affect). Which would work on Jinx IMO, because as we've established, as angry as she is with Vi, her willpower might as well be wet paper when it comes to trying to "hate" her sister.

If anything, this arc probably should've centered more around how the sisters still love each other, rather than their dads tbh. Vi obviously loves Vander, just as Jinx loves Silco, but I feel it's pretty clear they BOTH prioritize each other over everyone else, even still. Yeah yeah, Vi hit Powder, Yada yada- but think about it for a second. If all of this still happened, but this time it was, say, Mylo that did all this, blowing up their family etc. Etc.- do you seriously think Vi would have forgiven him for it? Do you think she'd desperately chase after him the way she chases Jinx, if Mylo ignored her orders and gotten Powder killed? This would be entirely different story, because Vi would've probably beaten Mylo to death, actually. She wouldn't have held back and walked away the way she did for Jinx in act 1 of season 2. She wouldn't be crying and bargaining with Mylo at that dinner party- she'd be straining against the ropes so she could strangle him with them. I'd say the same goes for anyone that isn't Jinx. Even Vander- even if she couldn't kill him, she'd never forgive him. He'd be dead to her in all the ways that matter.

Hence, this arc (imo) should've looked more like the sisters lowkey using Vander as a vehicle/excuse for their reunion. Like, Vi being so eager and happy to have Vander back because yes, she loves him and missed him, but also, it's one less reason for her to be mad at Jinx. One less reason her sense of duty would have to pit them against each other. If Vi could wave her hand and bring them all back, I'm convinced her first thought would be, "now we can move on, now I'm not obligated to oppose her." Because I genuinely believe the only thing really holding her back at this point is this idea of "I have to do what's 'right'." She was ready to move past this even before Vander came back as a furry, now she just has an excuse to show up unannounced at Jinx's door. And Jinx, too, being as obsessed with Vi's affection as she still is, would probably make some jabs and generally be distrustful, but the entire time she's still going along. The opportunity is too good to pass up. The chance to have Vi back is too tantalizing, is quite literally exactly what she's always wanted, even now, even after all this time. She'd take it, and as soon as she got a taste of that affection again, the soft smiles and the fond gazes, maybe even an instinctual pat on the shoulder, done before Vi even has time to consider if she should do that or not- it's a done deal. She'll still be insecure, in need of constant reassurance- but she'd be too eager to really be cautious, desperately seeking more and more of it.

As would Vi, who'd be over the moon to be able to hold a conversation with her sister again that wasn't laced with constant insults and hostility. It'd be almost like they're kids again, before everything went to hell in a handbasket, just them (and their dad) in a dingy old bar. As long as they ignored all the fur, of course.

TLDR basically I hijacked this to say I agree 100% with OP and think this arc was emotionally/thematically dodgy in several ways, which I explore a little in this reblog.

Jinx just never really liked Vander that much.

One of the things that, to me, seemed like a main theme in Jinx's arc in season 1 was the contrast between her two families, and how her switch from Vander's daughter to Silco's drastically changes the way her personality takes shape.

And I hate that the fandom, and now the show, too, has reduced Silco to an unhealthy influence in Jinx's life, pushing her towards her "bad" side (being Jinx) when, for all his flaws... he gives her a better childhood than she ever had with Vander. The first three episodes of the first season, to me, when I watched them, illustrate quite clearly that Powder feels unhappy in her family life. She is the most mal-adjusted of Vander's kids. Her older brother constantly berates her, and it's quite clearly having a big effect on her self-image. She later takes up the Jinx name and persona once she feels like she has become irredeemable as a person. Her other brother never defends her. Vi is the only one who is there for her, and they care for each other, but at the same time you can see there's still a little insecurity in their relationship. Vi is worried that maybe Powder is indeed too weak, and Powder worries that maybe Vi does indeed see her as a Jinx like her brother does.

And when it comes to Vander... he's just not really all that present in her life. And I don't blame him, the man has four kids to take care of, on top of keeping things running in the Undercity. It's clearly not his intention. But it doesn't change the fact that he's not there for Powder, not as much as she needs. To me, when I watched the first season, it seemed like Vander was a figure that felt far away to Powder, someone that she admired but also feared being completely herself around, and someone that she ultimately wished to be closer to than she actually was. It's worth mentioning that Jinx never says his name post time skip, and he is not a hallucination for her, not until Vi brings him up in the finale. Hell, Claggor is somehow a hallucination for her and he never even speaks. Vander was just not an influential figure in Jinx's life.

I always found the scene at the end of ep3 of s1 fascinating, because Powder never once mourns Vander. She never once cries for him and never once says his name. When she sees his dead body, she becomes shocked and starts crying, but it's not actually what breaks her. What breaks her is Vi's rejection. Had it just been that she accidentally caused the deaths of her brothers and adoptive father, she would not have crumbled mentally. It's Vi's rejection that destroys her. Now, of course, a little girl that cares more about her sister's affection towards her than the lives of her family members is kinda messed up, but that's what makes her character interesting. And we can see that that little girl doesn't go anywhere, as Jinx displays the exact same one-mindness about her sister. Because Jinx and Powder were never really that different, after all.

She is quite clearly placed with her back to Vander's body, that she never turns to, barely looks at, only enough to recognize him and see he's dead, and never says the name of. She's turned towards Vi, calling for Vi, crying because of Vi, and no one else. Heck, Vi had just been crying over his body a few moment ago. Vi is clearly distraught over his death. Vi is devastated, she literally punches her sister and curses her in the exact worst possible way she can, in the way she know it will hurt her sister the most. But Powder... she just honestly dgaf.

So to then hear Jinx say this line in season 2...

...is just straight up jarring. I was pulled out of the story when I heard this. This is Jinx saying this to Vi. This kinda makes it seem like it was Jinx who was most attached to Vander, or at least that she was just as attached to him as Vi was. Which is just not how things seemed in the story at literally any point until this one. And then season 2 continues this way, and somehow makes Jinx seem like the closest daughter to Vander. Flipping Warwick literally acts more attached to Jinx than Vander ever did to Powder. Like literally. Season 1 clearly sets up that Vi is the favorite daughter, and then they just... flip it?? Warwick cares more for Jinx and responds better to her than to Vi. It's actually insane. It's true they sanitized Jinx's character to hell and back this season, but this is a straight-up rewrite. I can't wrap my mind around why they did this. Plus, the entirety of act 2 they set up this weird and pointless arc of Jinx rekindling her relationship with Vander or something... and like literally her story was genuinely never about that.

(This COULD have been Vi's story. And that might have actually been cool, and made sense. Maybe Vi is the one who finds him, and she is the one who helps him calm down. And then she brings Jinx, and maybe Jinx is terrified because she was never that close to Vander, and then she literally killed him, so seeing him again is the last thing she wants. Maybe VI is the one who tells Jinx that "he was your dad, too", which would make A LOT more sense, and maybe that's the first time that Jinx thinks that oh, yeah, he was... And then maybe they have a cute moment where Vander forgives her. Or maybe she sees the state he's in right now and loses it completely. Or maybe they look at each other and they both see the monster each of them has become. And then maybe Vi looks down at the enforcer uniform she's wearing, and, privately, sees it too. Idk. The things we could have had.)

Silco was actually a good dad to Jinx, in all the ways that Vander wasn't. He gives her all the attention that she never had before. He not only listens to her, but actively asks for her side of the story. He never insults her, and he defends her against Sevika. He trusts her and gives her opportunities to prove she's capable. She goes from being one of four siblings, and getting lost in the shuffle and often ending up feeling forgotten and alone, to being the most important child, always taken into consideration and almost put on a pedestal by her dad (this, like, has to have cured some inner wounds, i think).

Silco understands Jinx better than any other character in the show, and I'm genuinely sad that we didn't get to see any flashback of Jinx growing up with him. Because their relationship was so unique, and so integral to Jinx's character and to the rest of the story, that the fact that we never get to see any other glimpse into their bond is just...

As a final note, I'd also like to add that I dislike when people say that Silco "groomed" Jinx. I think a much more realistic analysis is that he enabled her. And as for all the times he tells Jinx that Vi "betrayed her", that's just a reflection of his own trauma, and also because he fears that if Jinx knew Vi was alive, she would go back to her and leave him (which, considering what goes down in the s1 finale, not an unfounded fear). It's wrong that he does that, but it's not out of malicious intent (also tbh Jinx never really seems to believe him anyway).

And for all the people who say that Silco "turned Jinx into a terrorist" (dumbest people in this fandom fr, im sorry), that's just straight up not true. Powder was already like that. That is quite literally why Silco adopts her. Because he sees that she's like him. Silco would not have taken Powder in if he thought she was just a cute, innocent kid who was orphaned (to, what, raise her for years so that, MAYBE when she's older, she MIGHT be useful to him? when they meet he doesn't know she's the one that caused the explosion, he just knows that she's been abandoned by Vi). This is the kid who thought playing around with explosives was a fun hobby. This is the kid who giggled at the thought of hurting others. This is the kid who already suffered from explosive emotions. This is the kid who saw her father and her brothers dead, because of her, and all she cared about was whether her sister was mad at her because of it. This is the kid who throws herself at the first person she sees, someone who her sister hates, who is the cause of all this destruction, and with an anger that shocks most viewers, declares that Vi is not her sister anymore. She is livid in that one moment.

Powder already had it in her from the beginning. And it's also ok to like a character (and to write one) even if they are not 100% morally pure in every single way under the sun, cause that is quite literally what stories are for.

[couch-potato28]

Imagine being a Blue Lock manager! ⚽

Prologue

(a/n: Hey everybody! First time writing here, so please 🙏 excuse my poor looking posts and grammatical errors /let me know if u see any!!/ English is not my first language so pls take that into account O.O tyy ❤️) WARNING!-there's i think one swear word

wc: 2.8 k words im sry really, like i yap alot 😭

ALSO: please let me know if you're interested in the continuation

Imagine that in addition to your logical thinking, communicational skills and physical performance, Blue Lock also tests your mental health, because if you excel in these 4 areas, you might be worthy to become a manager of one of their players. However, competing with 199 other girls who are going through the same ordeal, let's admit, doesn't really calm your nerves. But how did you even end up in Blue Lock in the first place?

—————— Saturday morning, sitting in the corner of a nearby coffee shop, with your books open, laptop fully charged, your phone on silent mode with of course, a cup of caffeine on the side, you are ready to conquer those history notes. You had already started to memorize everything the previous week, so today was really about practicing and revising. After cracking your back and sipping some coffee, you began reading the first few lines on your laptop, occasionally peeking at the highlighted parts of your book in case you got stuck. Time passed quickly, and when you looked at the clock on your phone screen, it turned out that you had been revising ridiculously difficult names, dates, places and events which were described in an awful lot of detail for exactly 1 hour and 32 minutes. Seeing the time, you decided to take a well-deserved break, which actually just consisted of texting and watching funny cat videos.

Closing your laptop and books, you gave yourself half an hour to rest, so that time wouldn't double leading to you procrastinating and forgetting everything you'd just revised. Reaching for your phone and turning off the silent mode, you started reading the few messages that had come in during your study session. Most of them were sent from your best friend, briefly stating that she had fallen asleep and will probably have stay up all night to cramp whatever material she can get into her head, hoping that she somehow manages to pass on Monday.

“Told ya to set an alarm >:( Well, you should have accepted my offer to study together HAHAHA good luck btw :D”-you wrote in response, feeling kinda sorry for her. Then you went straight to your emails after seeing a notification, where you found a recently received message with a strange title.

“BLUE LOCK INVITATION”

What the hell is Blue Lock? And why did you get an invitation? Your initial thought was that it’s a scam and were trying to delete the email if your stupid finger hadn’t slipped, making it press and open the email. Great, now your eyes were glued to the screen, trying to read whatever was on the message.

“Dear L/N Y/N!

We are honored to invite you to the Blue Lock Manager Training Program, where you will be granted the chance to work with one of our future star football players. We hope you will consider the offer because this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. If you are interested, please come to the following address and time.

Any further questions will be answered on-site!

Blue Lock Assistant and Health Manager,

Anri Teieri”

Um, what the fuck. Yeah, doesn’t sound sketchy at aaall…as you read the letter over and over again, trying to make sense of it, not understanding how they even knew about your existence in the first place and more importantly…how did they get your email address? Although that wasn’t the point, it piqued your interest. You had so many questions yet you could only get answers on the spot.

“Smart tactic.”-you said, before browsing the internet to find something about this Blue Lock project. After about 20 minutes though, you leaned back into your chair and sighed in defeat as there was not a single thing about Blue Lock at all. The only thing you had was this quite fancy looking email. Finishing the rest of your coffee, you began to think about the offer and whether or not to go. Your current job wasn’t good neither was the payment, which is why you recently had to take on a second job. But from what you read about the program, if you were to actually work with a soon to be star football player, the pay would probably be high. Plus, how hard can it be to manage a person, right?

After thoroughly thinking about the offer, you decided to give it a chance. Finishing the rest of your work, you came home and talked to your parents somehow persuading them to agree. Later that day you also informed your best friend as well. The weekend passed as you successfully finished your history exam on Monday and then you headed straight to the so-called Blue Lock building, the very next day. ——————

That's how you ended up in your current situation. On your first day there, they led you to a big hall where there were a lot of people. To be specific, young girls around your age. Looking around for a bit, you realized that there were a lot of girls indeed, but no boys in sight. Finding it a bit strange, but shrugging it off, you turned around to face a huge stage, where moments later a pink-haired woman appeared, whose name you assumed and now know is Anri, introduced herself and greeted you from a big podium with a mic in her hand.

Finishing the brief intro she then continued with a very thorough and detailed speech, revealing that if you agreed to the conditions of the program, you would technically be locked up in the building for the next 3 months and would participate in intensive training, where you potentially could be eliminated for poor results.

“There goes my money…”-you thought, since you never really cared about football in your life nor did you know anything about it. Which in retrospect, you should have done or researched a bit before coming here since you applied to be a football player's manager after all.

“Well, it doesn't matter now anyway.”-you told yourself for some comfort. After Anri had finished her monologue, she instructed everyone that:

“If you agree and ready to take on the challenge then please go through this door!”-pointing with her microphone at a huge dark blue door that was slowly opening.

Hesitating a bit, you thought about all the possible things that could go wrong, but after a not-so-long train of thoughts you managed to convince yourself. Also that little push by a girl running towards the doors sealed the deal for you as you slowly started to walk towards the unknown.

“I mean, what can I lose, right? My sanity is gone already and even if I get eliminated, I'm just going to go back to my normal life again”-you whispered and with a small grin you officially entered Blue Lock.

To your surprise, the facility was quite clean and not to mention huge since most likely somewhere on the other side of the building, boys were kicking balls and running laps. Following the crowd, you arrived in what you assumed was a large waiting room with multiple TV screens on the walls. After managing to squish yourself through the crowd, a sudden voice spoke from the speakers and an egg-headed guy with a strangely perfect bowl cut appeared on the screens, introducing himself.

“Hello, diamond grinders! My name is Jinpachi Ego, the coach of the players in Blue Lock and the overall boss of the facility. I guess you already know why you’re here so I won’t bother with that anymore. First, let’s start with a quick count, which is...currently 200 people.”-he said and you looked around with wide eyes. The fact is, there were indeed many people besides you, but you didn't think such a large amount of them would participate.

'Pfft, no worries…'-you thought, encouraging yourself, realizing that you’d probably get kicked out on the second day, if not today. You looked up to the screens again, and bowl cut continued.

“Out of these 200 people, the best performers will be given the best athletes to work with. But! You have to know what you’re doing. From now on, every minute of your time will be spent, from morning to night according to a routine and the underperformers will be eliminated. Understand?”

You nodded unconsciously, following those around you. This was serious and there was no turning back now. Even so looking at that man’s gaze somehow as he spoke made you shiver a little.

'What have I gotten myself into?'-the question suddenly popped into your head, making you doubt for a moment, if you being here was truly a good decision, but Ego's voice immediately made you get back on track.

“Great. Let’s start with a quick summary then. First, you will be divided into 20 teams, 10 people each. This division was based on your current abilities, but they can change over time while you’re here. Each week, the levels to pass are going rise and be harder and those who can't pass will automatically fail and get eliminated."-he said leaning back into his chair.-"Next, is the routine which the assistant will tell you about in detail later. The goal here in Blue Lock besides creating football players, is to produce ideal managers who have the perfect skills and attitude to fit with them, and to maintain their level, helping them until the end of their careers.-he suddenly raised his index finger and the screens showed what looked like an animation of whatever he was about to say.-"This includes, one: Strategic and logical thinking, two: A healthy and fit body and three: The highest levels of media and communication! If you perform well in these three main areas, then a job and the experience of a lifetime are guaranteed! Don't disappoint me! Now lock off and goodbye for now!”

With that, the egg-headed man finished his speech, disappearing from the screens and Anri, with a microphone in her hand, started to divide everyone up, while handing out papers with our new weekly routine printed on it. Seems like have been assigned to group number 10. That's not bad, but were your abilities really worth as much to be a team 10 member? So far you have only (tried) to manage your own life and your current football knowledge was equal to zero. But there was no time left for further thoughts, because after receiving the uniform you had to immediately start on the first task according to your assigned routine for the day.

—————— Okay. This was harder than you thought. Wiping off the sweat from your forehead, you started running your seventh lap around the damn track again.

"I’m gonna pass out.”-you muttered under your breath, as your newly made friend you’d just met a few ago appeared next to you.

“Same, I'm too tired to be running around in the morning!”-she replied, and after a few seconds the sound of a whistle was heard, signaling the end of the first part of the warm-up. Well, today was going to be long again.

Your new routine consisted of starting your mornings at exactly 7 am with physical exercises and then, you had a quick breakfast. After that you had to start on some brain work tasks for the day, followed by communication class and lunch. A 15 minute break later, media and IT started and before finishing the day with a small workout again, were language lessons waiting for you. Yes. You also had to learn languages. Unfortunately not just one, not two or three, but four fucking languages in which you had to reach a basic level. At least the variety was good, since now you knew how to say hello in French, German, Italian and Spanish. (multilingual queen slay) And then based on those you could decide which one you wanted to work on more and reach at least an intermediate level. If that was not enough, the knowledge of English was also mandatory, but at an advanced level. Also for every other day there were talks, activities and tasks about basic football for those (like you ^_^) to have a grasp on the topic. So there you were, in full uniform everyday for the last two months, suffering through training.

It almost hurts to admit, but on some days you started to miss your simple, slightly boring school life. Thinking back to your friends and parents who you hadn't talked with in a while, to those boring classes and your warm bed. Training was hard since other than having to excel at the 3 fields, worrying that you could get eliminated at any moment, if you lacked behind was stressing you out even more than you already were. On top of that, seeing that some of the girls were kicked out of the building was saddening, yet it worked like a charm to make you work even harder to survive till the end.

Sure, it’s not like it wasn’t good here since you arrived. Fortunately, you quickly adapted to the new environment, getting used to the shared bathrooms, roommates, the extreme routines and plans you had to follow and the surprisingly good canteen food. But the lack of 'fresh air'of the bustling Tokyo, the crowded places, the subways and the fact you could sleep in on the weekends certainly made a void in your heart. The mountains were a beautiful view, but you started to get bored of them after a while.

That's how you usually spent the rest of your days with. Time also flew a lot quicker with your new friends who you suffered with together until they finally announced the end of the program, ordering everyone to gather in the waiting room. Everybody arrived on time and just a few minutes later bowl cut finally appeared on the screens again. —————— “Yo, diamond grinders! Congrats on surviving till now. Looking at your data and statuses, I'm pretty much satisfied with everyone. Well, it doesn't matter now, since the results are already decided.”-Ego said in a voice that lacked emotions yet again. Still the boredom and lack of sleep were evident on his face, noticing his eye bags and the empty cups of ramen in the background that he didn't even bother to clean up. He coughed a little before continuing.-“After analyzing every single one of you on each field, I have decided on which player to assign you, based on these factors and scores. Let's start now, shall we?"-he asked and a little icon of the first girl who was about to be assigned, appeared on the TV screens, showing her name and the team she belonged to.-"First of all, congratulations to Aiko Hashimoto…”-he said a girl's name that felt unfamiliar to you, and then went on with, what you assumed was the player's jersey number and the name of who she would be managing from now on. Meanwhile on the big screens the footballer's little icon made an appearance as well next to Aiko's.

Ego soon continued with announcing the girls by their rank and time seemed to slow down the moment he started speaking again. After a while, at least 20 minutes have passed, yet your name was nowhere to be heard. Even your closest friend was now assigned to some boy while you were still waiting for your turn. 'Did you do that well? Maybe they just forgot to kick you out.'-you assumed after another 5 minutes passed. Listening to Ego as he was still announcing names, you glanced around at the remaining girls who seemed confident while standing, not hearing their names yet. They seemed certain that they were getting one of the top players you thought, while you, yourself were still unsure who you would end up with. Before any more thoughts could occupy your mind, you suddenly heard your name.

“Next up is L/N Y/N.”-you heard from the speakers and finally your little icon also turned up on the screens. Oh my gosh, it’s you! Wait who was before you again? What numbered player are we even at now?!

Blinking twice, you looked up to the main screen, staring at the miniature doddle of you, while Ego was about to say the lucky guy's name you were going to work with. A sudden rush of excitement and worry began to overwhelm you, anxiously waiting to hear the fruit of your 3 months of suffering. Sure, you did do well in all areas required and even gained some knowledge about football in general, but was it enough? Every girl here did their best, trying equally hard, afraid of missing the opportunity of a lifetime and getting kicked out of the facility.

You gulped ready to hear whatever and whoever was waiting for you on the other side of Blue Lock. Ego’s voice rang through the waiting room as he said the following:

“Congratulations L/N Y/N! Based on your results, you've earned your place in Blue Lock as the manager of player number…”

(Oh my gosh, this was a long one, hope you guys enjoyed it ^^; i wasn't sure about this story since it's my first one, so pls let me know if you are interested in a continuation and tell me, who you think will get u as their manager? (★‿★) tyy

[roots-symphony]

Unpopular opinion maybe, but I don’t really buy into the whole fuckboy agatha/turbo virgin Rio narrative. Like it’s fun to play around with, but I don’t think it’s as canon as some I’ve seen some ppl say. I think it’s just one of like many possible interpretations of what their dynamic could have been, and tbh I think we’re all sleeping on the funniest one. Let me explain:

Agatha fucks now, that’s super obvious but there’s also been like how many centuries between now and when she was younger/met Rio? Agatha grew up during a very puritanical time, in an isolated coven, with an abusive mother, could she have been sneaking and getting action/figuring herself out on the side? Definitely. But I feel like she would’ve been more focused on trying to sneak around and learn magic and (depending on just /how/ isolated the coven was, which the ones we saw her and Nicky go through ranged from super small family to a small-medium community) might have not been either a lot of options and/or the options there were would have been like difficult to do anything about. We don’t know when she meets Rio, but presumably not /too/ long after her attempted execution just based on when Nicky was born, so she definitely in this time could have come to an understanding of herself and her body, especially in regards to how she could use her ~feminine wiles~ to get by with her entire support system gone. But I feel like another way to look at it, is that while she may not have been able to experiment as a teenager, she definitely could have run into some inappropriate books while reading the magic books she also wasn’t allowed to read. That plus just probably the whole way sex and everything was viewed during that time, I feel like she could easily come up with some weird ideas about what sex even is.

And Rio has been around for like ever. Do you know how many humans probably died doing weird sex things?? Rio knows what sex is, but her view of it is probably super skewed. (Also, we don’t see Rio from a point before Agatha which is unfortunate because all her focus after agatha is like… /on/ agatha so we have no way of knowing if she had any curiosity regarding humanity or any of the things she saw. She definitely could have experimented in her long existence, we just don’t know. Which doesn’t really matter to this, I just want to point out that even that is up to interpretation and is based in canon literally just as much as virgin Rio [which is to say not at all])

Anyway I think we’re all missing the funniest way to read this, which is /both/ Agatha and Rio having wildly different and also just wrong ideas about what sex is/how it works, and just trying to figure it out together like the blind leading the blind with all their directions based around colors. Bonus in that Rio could probably say some buckwild shit and Agatha ‘fake it till you make it’ Harkness would probably be like ‘well yes, obviously that’s how you do it’

[choccy-zefirka]

Emergency Follow-Up Book Club Meeting

[Won't really make sense if you don't read Part 1 first, but Tumblr will hide this post if I add a link, so search "book club" on my blog]

Attending: Bellara, Harding, Lucanis, Neve, Davrin, Taash, Emmrich, Rook

Book: Adventures of Dolor the Daring, Volume 49, by I. L. Literatus Evaraas Mercar (Rook)

Notes taken by: Neve (Bellara was too overexcited to hold a quill)

Notes:

Important preface: This will likely be the serial’s last volume ever to be published. According to the paper sellers and my own sources, there is currently a lot of public outrage around the scene where Dolor gets hit by an enemy mage’s ice spike and, aside from wounding them for dramatic suspense, it also shatters a glamor amulet around their neck, revealing that they were not a human, but a Qunari all along. Reactions from (human) readers have included, to my knowledge: verbose letters to the publisher decrying the serial’s “forced diversity” in character backgrounds, as apparently it was already bad enough that the supporting cast is “teeming” with elves and dwarves; threats to the author as an “agent of the Qun” trying to “falsely paint their kind in a positive light”; laments from anguished mothers that their children will now think that the “oxmen” are all friendly heroes (I would point out that children have no business reading crime serials in the first place, but we know there’s no stopping a particularly determined twelve-year-old with a yearning to see a throat slit); and even high-brow critical essays insisting that Dolor has so far proven themselves to be far too quick-witted and intelligent to be a Qunari.

Rook opened the meeting by going over all of the above; which, according to them, was precisely what they feared when they picked up writing as a hobby. “It didn’t take you too long to figure out that Dolor’s adventures are based on my own,” they said, looking at me specifically (they did not seem angry, at least; though I suspect that Rook has trained their facial muscles not to betray them when they are angry, to put humans at ease). “But do I look like someone these adventures might happen to? In most people’s eyes, at least?”

Bellara and Harding disrupted the meeting to give Rook a hug.

Taash further disrupted the meeting with an offer to beat up every qalaba that made them feel like this. Lucanis supported them and volunteered his services to do it “more elegantly but also more permanently”. The offer was appreciated, but graciously declined.

Davrin asked if Rook regretted revealing Dolor’s true identity. Rook said they did not, and added that it was not a revelation, but a last-minute twist, which never would have happened if it were not for us. “I have been avoiding your book clubs because I was so embarrassed about my little secret… But it turns out I never had to hide it. Not from you.”

BEL, I CAN SEE YOU LOOKING OVER MY SHOULDER. I AM NOT GETTING SENTIMENTAL. I AM JUST KEEPING AN ACCURATE RECORD!

Harding said that she found Dolor’s sendoff to be “quite lovely”, and in her mind, they are still out there, fighting evil mages on the streets of Tevinter as their true self, with their friends by their side.

Bellara stopped trying to contain herself and erupted into enthusiastic gushing about the final scene, where the heroes get a moment to breathe as the villain is dragged away by a very Rana-like templar, and the mage Flosculus gently tends to Dolor’s wounds. In the previous volume, Dolor assumed that their feelings for Flosculus were not reciprocated, and decided to bottle them up. This volume still ends before the two can have an open conversation — but the delicate touches of the healer’s glow-infused hands all across Dolor’s bandaged torso, and the soft whispers asking them to tell him where it hurts “had more spice than the one romance we read that made Lucanis walk out of the room in a straight line”.

I am inclined to agree.

Emmrich laughed at no, that would be too mean-spirited; let’s say, was very amused by Bellara’s stumbling over the word “spice” and told her, “You can say eroticism, dear. That was the intent, after all.”

Rook has quite a few vitiligo spots on their otherwise slate-grey face, and that makes it a little more obvious when blood rushes to their cheeks. Which it certainly did in that moment — as they admitted the healing scene was Emmrich’s idea, and they merely “did their best” to commit it to paper.

To which Emmrich said, “And you described everything marvelously, my darling. I hope you know that all of us in this room are deeply grateful to you for sharing your work with us”.

I am also inclined to agree with that last part. But also, let it go on record that Emmrich held Rook’s hand while talking. If he ever blinks those big eyes at me again and claims that he had “no idea” everyone in the Lighthouse knew about him and Rook, I will just point to the evidence.

The meeting concluded with everyone reassuring Rook that, despite what happened to the Dolor serial, they should never stop writing. Harding even said, tearing up a little, that Varric would be proud. That made Rook blush again; are they finally beginning to process what happened? I cannot be certain.

Once we settled down, dice were rolled to choose the next book. It is Emmrich’s turn now.

Taash begged him, with a groan, not to choose any of the “thousand-page academic shit”. He protested that he has amassed “quite a collection of enjoyable romance stories” over the years — and took Rook’s hand in his again.

I see you, old man.

[stellar-solar-flare]

I’m so glad to finally be back to this story! The end of the year 2024 was a rotten cherry on top of a trash fire cake which was a drain on my energy. But I definitely haven’t forgotten about this one – especially since I have been super amazed at how quickly you’ve been able to write this story and publish it. You’re awesome! I’ve seen some light spoilers to this on my dash from people’s comments so I know it’s going to be a ride and I’m here for it!

You’re not anxious at all over meeting with Pepper, but what has you on alert is the possibility that you could theoretically meet Steve Rogers, former Captain America, today.

Oh, interesting. So we’re seeing subtle hints that she’s a Steve girl right off the bat – but then again, like when we see her think about her friendship with Pepper, it’s clear that she’s not just starstruck or someone easily swooned by celebrity status. Are we harboring perhaps a little crush here?

Your background in political science and your years working in non-profit management seem like they could be useful, but you can't help feeling a little out of your depth.

I always say in comments that I enjoy it when we see the little things that make the Reader similar to Steve, or qualities that I know Steve will find attractive, and I feel like working in a non-profit is definitely one of those. Doing her best to make a better world.

You were among the half who disappeared - still such a strange concept to grasp though you were supposedly settled back in.

I don’t read a lot of post-Endgame fics / fics that deal with the Blip one way or the other, but when I do read them, I immensely enjoy writers working with all the things that the Blip would cause, and I think we’ll see a layered, deep approach on it from you in this fic! I’m definitely curious.

"There's Maria Hill," Pepper continues, "who's handling security and intelligence briefings. She's got connections that'll be invaluable. Then there's Peter Parker - you might know him as Spider-Man - he's officially our youth outreach coordinator, but he's also got a brilliant scientific mind that we're tapping into for policy development."

Oh it’s lovely to see that Peter is still around the Stark Foundation even with Tony gone, and hehehe, the little reveal of his identity. I love how competent we see Pepper be here, how she’s been so good at putting this team together.

You feel your jaw drop in shock, almost hitting the ground as your mind races with disbelief and anger. The room feels like it's spinning as you struggle to process the weight of her words.

I love how you wrote her shock here; it makes sense that her first reaction to this would be anger – she would feel like she’d be just a trophy wife when she’s been hoping for a big role. And while I’m certain she’ll have just that big role, it makes sense that initially a marriage of state, essentially, would sound insane in modern-day America.

"I know," Pepper says softly. "That's part of the plan. We want to show that leadership isn't about who you're married to or what your last name is. It's about vision, compassion, and the ability to bring people together."

But I really like this point. It feels very Steve – I adored all the glimpses we saw into his plans through her thoughts, as well as her note about not even being able to sleep – to create a world like this and especially lead by example.

“We have an opportunity to show what a healthy partnership in marriage could look like to new generations. You’re my first and only choice because of your skills, experience, and the vision I know you would bring to the table. But you’re also my first and only choice because I think you two are well-suited for each other.”

I really really love this, in addition to the way we see Pepper go through the strategic side of this, the polls and expectations and all this. This feels like something that Steve would agree to, in the end. After all, he is from a world where marriage wasn’t so focused on romantic love. But since he is a romantic, I’m definitely looking forward to them falling in love.

A soft laugh falls from Pepper’s mouth. “He actually asked the same thing.”

Hehe, more of the little things that show they’re similar.

And yet, there's a part of you that's intrigued by the challenge, by the opportunity to make a real difference on such a grand scale.

I love her your honor. I always enjoy Readers that are shown to be competent and not afraid of going after what they want. Also this is a very Steve thing again.

You both lost husbands, but you don’t want to talk about it, yet again, and you don’t want to bring up a painful subject for her either.

Oh, I’m intrigued by this. Is she a widow too?

"You must be the future Mrs. Rogers," Sam says with a warm smile, extending his hand. "I'm Sam Wilson. Steve asked me to come apologize and explain - and to have breakfast with you, if you’ll have me.”

Oh, I wonder what came up for Steve to skip this. But aww, I hope she and Sam end up being friends, as I can definitely see that happening.

“President Bartlet?” you can’t help the awe in your voice. “I’d skip out on breakfast with me, too.”

Oh, yeah, that makes sense. It’d be very beneficial for him, and I enjoyed seeing that Reader understands. And yay, we’ll be seeing more Sam in the fic!

“I can’t help being a little disappointed - since I was hoping to finally meet my future husband - but he’s unemployed and you’re technically Captain America, so I guess it’s really an upgrade.”

Oh, you and me both, Sam. I really really like this Reader. I’ll nickname her the First Lady for comment purposes, since that’s easier for me. I hope you don’t mind!

"Trust me, Steve takes this very seriously," Sam says, his tone becoming more earnest. "He may not know you yet, but he respects you and the commitment you're making. He's not the type to back out or let you down."

Oh, Aspen, you’re coming straight for my heart with this. This isn’t even a thirst trap, it’s a heart trap, and that’s worse. I love how serious we see Steve be about this from the beginning, and I really like how reassuring Sam is here too.

"But then again, I've seen a lot of crazy things in my time with the Avengers. This? This actually feels like one of the more normal things I've been part of."

Also this tracks, and I wonder if this is a part of Steve’s mindset too.

"Steve's one of the best men I know. He's loyal, compassionate, and has a moral compass that doesn't quit. But he's also been through a lot, and he can be... guarded. It might take some time for him to open up fully."

This makes complete sense, and I am HERE for the pining and the slow burn that’ll follow from this. It’s very compassionate of Sam to warn her about this so she doesn’t get the wrong idea about Steve’s behavior, if he’s going to be a little distant. And also this has the delightful found family vibes – which are definitely highlighting some major loss in First Lady’s background, I mean, she has to have a hint of craziness and not a lot to lose to jump into this headfirst – that I always enjoy in fic.

Sam grins. "Trust me, once you two actually meet, you'll see what I mean. Just don't let that 'aw shucks' routine fool you. He might look like an all-American boy scout, but there's a lot more going on under the surface."

I’m definitely looking forward to all this characterization; from the (shamefully few) works that I’ve read from you so far, I know you write Steve in a very human way. And this is definitely hinting towards how he’s not just the perfect soldier or the good man but human and I am always here here for it. And we love Sam for recognizing all this in his friend.

Also as a more general note, I enjoyed Reader having these little doubts about the marriage side of it working – there is definitely hint here that while she’s not waiting to be swept off her feet, she’s certainly not going for a simple marriage of convenience. I always enjoy fics that show that wanting love and to be loved aren’t mutually exclusive with things like strength or independence.

You learn about Steve's dry sense of humor, his unwavering loyalty to his friends, and his surprising skill at sketching. Sam describes missions where Steve's quick thinking saved the day, but also quieter moments - movie nights with the team, intense debates over board games, and Steve's ongoing struggle to catch up on pop culture.

I love this for her. And for Steve. That she goes into the whole marriage knowing not only Cap but also Steve Rogers. I am VERY excited for the wedding, and not just because I love weddings. I know it's the delicious sort of slow burn when they don't even lay an eye on each other in the first two chapters.

I’m so glad to be back at this and I’m so looking forward to diving into the next chapter! Sorry if I got a little rambly or overexcited but I had so many thoughts. I hope you're well and the muse is behaving!

Red, White & True: Manhattan & Brooklyn (1/?)

Characters/Pairings: Steve Rogers (future x curvy Millennial Female!Reader), Pepper Potts, Sam Wilson Word Count: 4k Summary: "There was an idea..." Words at the heart of what brought the Avengers together. Pepper Potts has persuaded Steve Rogers to step up and help again - but this time in a battle to The White House. She invites you to consider a key position.

Content/Warnings: none

Notes: This takes place in a post-Endgame scenario where Steve stays and generally most of TFATWS happened.

Prologue | Series

↠ Main Masterlist | Aspen's Ask Box | Field Guide to the Forest

[MAY 15 - Manhattan, New York]

You try not to hold still while you wait in the lobby, but you’re nervous and the longer you sit, the more difficult it is to resist drumming your fingers, tapping your foot, jiggling your right leg as it’s crossed over your left, or even just chewing on your bottom lip.

You’re not anxious at all over meeting with Pepper, but what has you on alert is the possibility that you could theoretically meet Steve Rogers, former Captain America, today.

You take a deep breath, trying to calm your nerves. The lobby of Stark Industries is immaculate, all sleek lines and modern design. The large windows let in plenty of natural light, making the space feel open and inviting despite its corporate purpose.

Your mind wanders back to your college days when you’d walked into a different Stark Industries lobby for the first time, a hopeful intern wanting to make a difference at the then-new Stark Foundation office. Pepper had been very involved in building the Foundation at the time, and had become a key mentor and - as the years passed and you left Stark Industries - a dear friend. She had helped fuel some of your late-night study sessions through grad school. Living in a new state, she had shown up and seen you through breakups, family drama, and the stress of putting together your thesis. Even when your paths diverged, you'd managed to stay in touch.

Back then, she’d become like the older sister you never had, seeing you through some of the difficult years figuring out how to be a real adult. Now, here you are, waiting to potentially join a presidential campaign she’s orchestrating for none other than Steve Rogers.

The receptionist's voice startles you out of your reverie. "Ms. Potts will see you now."

You stand, smoothing down your carefully chosen outfit - professional, but not stuffy. As you follow the receptionist down the hallway, your mind races with possibilities. What position could Pepper have in mind for you? Your background in political science and your years working in non-profit management seem like they could be useful, but you can't help feeling a little out of your depth.

As you approach Pepper's office, you take a deep breath to steady yourself. The door opens, and there she is - Pepper Potts, looking as poised and confident as ever in a crisp white blouse and tailored navy suit. Her strawberry blonde hair is pulled back in a neat ponytail, and her smile is warm and welcoming.

"It's so good to see you," she says, embracing you in a quick hug. "Come in, please."

You step into her spacious office, taking in the floor-to-ceiling windows with a breathtaking view of the city skyline. Pepper gestures to a comfortable-looking chair across from her desk, and you sit, trying to keep your nerves in check.

"I appreciate you coming on such short notice," Pepper begins. "I know it's been a few years since we’ve been able to catch up - even before the Blip.”

You were among the half who disappeared - still such a strange concept to grasp though you were supposedly settled back in. “I was happy to come! And of course I don’t mind a trip on the Stark Industries dime,” you say with a grin.

"Can I get you anything? Water? Coffee?"

You shake your head. "I'm fine, thanks."

Pepper settles into her chair, folding her hands on the desk. "So, I know I told you we’re putting together the campaign team for Rogers for America, but I'm sure you're wondering more specifically why I called you here."

You nod, leaning forward in your chair, eager to hear Pepper’s vision.

"We're putting together an incredible team," she begins, her eyes sparkling with excitement. "I've been reaching out to some of the brightest minds in politics, economics, and social justice. We have former White House staffers, grassroots organizers, and even a few unexpected faces from the private sector who are eager to contribute their expertise."

You are instantly intrigued, trying to imagine the caliber of people she's describing. Your mind races with possibilities - perhaps that brilliant campaign manager who orchestrated the upset victory in the last Senate race, or the economist whose revolutionary ideas about sustainable development have been making waves in academic circles.

"We've got strategists who are anticipating every move our opponents might make," Pepper continues, "and communications experts who can craft messages that will resonate with voters across the political spectrum.”

You listen intently, trying to pinpoint where you might fit into this powerhouse group.

"There's Maria Hill," Pepper continues, "who's handling security and intelligence briefings. She's got connections that'll be invaluable. Then there's Peter Parker - you might know him as Spider-Man - he's officially our youth outreach coordinator, but he's also got a brilliant scientific mind that we're tapping into for policy development."

Your eyebrows raise at the mention of Spider-Man.

Pepper leans forward, her eyes locking with yours. "But here's the thing - we're not just assembling a team of political operatives and policy experts. We need people who understand the heart of what we're trying to do, who can see the bigger picture and help keep us grounded in our core values."

Your heart begins to race as you start to realize where this might be going.

"That's where you come in," Pepper says, a warm smile spreading across her face. "I've watched your career over the years, how you've navigated the non-profit world, building coalitions and making real change happen. You have a gift for bringing people together, for seeing connections that others miss. Your experience gives you a unique perspective that we desperately need."

Your heart races as you process her words. You had assumed you might be offered some kind of advisory role, perhaps in fundraising or event planning. Maybe even appearance management or offering occasional input on strategy. But from Pepper's tone, it sounds like she has something more substantial in mind.

"Where do you see me on this team?" you ask, trying to keep your voice steady.

"I've been putting a lot of thought into this," Pepper continues, her voice filled with conviction. “You know we’re doing something unconventional. Did you read the presidential plan?”

You nod. Steve’s bid for President of the United States was still technically not public knowledge. You had signed an NDA - being told only that you were receiving a proposal Pepper wanted your input and consultation on, with potential to join the team if you supported the initiative, and just silence if you didn’t.

“It’s bold, idealistic, aspirational; but it’s also unapologetic, has clear plans of action, and could be transformational in ways we haven’t seen in living memory,” you give your assessment.

“And it’s something you could see yourself being a part of?”

You take a deep breath, but smile genuinely. “I couldn’t sleep the first night after you sent it over. I couldn’t stop reading, hoping, re-reading, imagining possibilities!”

“Good,” Pepper responds. “Perfect.”

“Put me to work wherever you need me!”

“I was hoping you would say that because I have a very specific position I need to get filled, and you’re my first - and only - pick for the job.”

“Pepper, stop holding out!” A nervous and eager laugh escapes you. “Tell me!”

Her response slams into you like a freight train, knocking the air from your lungs.

“Future First Lady.”

You feel your jaw drop in shock, almost hitting the ground as your mind races with disbelief and anger. The room feels like it's spinning as you struggle to process the weight of her words.

"What?" you gasp, your voice barely above a whisper. "Pepper, I... I don't understand. First Lady? But that would mean..."

Pepper holds up a hand, her expression serious. "We're not just running a campaign here. We're trying to redefine what leadership looks like in this country. Steve is an incredible man, and he needs a partner who understands the complexities of modern America, not just a trophy wife, someone who can connect with people from all walks of life."

You shake your head, still reeling. "But I'm not - I mean, Steve and I aren't even - we've never even met!"

"I know," Pepper says softly. "That's part of the plan. We want to show that leadership isn't about who you're married to or what your last name is. It's about vision, compassion, and the ability to bring people together."

Pepper leans back in her chair, her expression at least revealing some concern over your reaction. "I know it's a lot to take in."

"A lot to take in?" you interrupt, your voice rising. "Pepper, it's insane! It’s May, and the election is in November. How could I possibly be the First Lady?"

Pepper holds up a hand, trying to calm you. "I know, I know. Let me explain."

But you're on a roll now, your initial shock giving way to indignation. "Explain what? How you thought it was okay to offer me a position that requires me to be married to a stranger? Use me to score points?”

"I understand your reaction," Pepper says calmly, "but please, hear me out. This isn't about scoring political points or creating some sham marriage. We're trying to redefine what leadership looks like in this country."

You take a deep breath, trying to calm yourself. "Go on," you say, your voice tight, “because you’re still trotting out marriage.”

"We can’t outright ignore traditional expectations and polling numbers. If Steve were running as the nominee for either of the major parties, we could probably win without him being married, but since he’s running as an independent, he needs a wife. That being said, we want to move away from the traditional concept of the First Lady as just the President's wife," Pepper explains. "The vision is a First Partnership. Two people who work together. There’ve been a few First Ladies who have done more with their platform and position, and that’s what we would want for you, too.”

You chew on your lip, not persuaded yet, but a little less angry.

“We have an opportunity to show what a healthy partnership in marriage could look like to new generations. You’re my first and only choice because of your skills, experience, and the vision I know you would bring to the table. But you’re also my first and only choice because I think you two are well-suited for each other.”

You open your mouth to protest, but Pepper raises her hand to stop you.

“You and Steve don’t have to put on a show and be madly in love - that’s not what I want, that’s not what he wants or expects either.”

You frown. “What does he expect?” you ask. And then you perk up even more. “Has he agreed to this? Shouldn’t he at least be here to make the offer himself?”

Pepper sighs. “It was easier for me to convince him to run in the first place than to agree that he needed a wife.”

“But you’re telling me he did agree?”

Pepper nods. “He did.”

You unconsciously rub the empty space on your left ring finger. “Couldn’t we just get engaged and leave the question of a marriage for whether or not he wins?”

A soft laugh falls from Pepper’s mouth. “He actually asked the same thing.”

“And…?” You raise your eyes expectantly.

“The public would rake us over the coals and accuse us of only doing it as a publicity stunt. The campaign would become a gossip column on your relationship status and nothing more.”

“But isn’t it a publicity stunt?”

“We can spin a marriage that seems to appear out of nowhere. Steve’s always been a private person when it comes to his personal life. We will tell people you met through me - which is true. I thought you were well-suited for each other - which I do. When people asked why the wedding just before announcing his bid for the presidency, we tell them you two didn’t want your relationship status to become the big question on everyone’s minds so they can focus on the platforms and policies instead and that every marriage takes work regardless of the length of the courtship.”

You sit in stunned silence for a moment, trying to process everything Pepper has said. The idea of marrying someone you've never met, let alone becoming the First Lady of the United States, seems utterly surreal. And yet, there's a part of you that's intrigued by the challenge, by the opportunity to make a real difference on such a grand scale.

"I need some time to think about this," you finally say, your voice barely above a whisper.

Pepper nods understandingly. "Of course. It's a lot to take in. But I want you to know that I wouldn't have asked you if I didn't think you were perfect for this role. Not just as a political partner, but as someone who could genuinely connect with Steve."

You raise an eyebrow. "You really think we'd be well-suited?"

"I do," Pepper says with confidence and warmth.

You rub your ring finger again, but this time you see Pepper’s eyes drop to watch your unconscious action, and you quickly stop. Her eyes, when you meet them again, are full of sympathy. You both lost husbands, but you don’t want to talk about it, yet again, and you don’t want to bring up a painful subject for her either.

She can read that in your tight-lipped smile.

So instead she says, “I can give you three days to think it over.”

You sigh and rise from your seat to go. “I don’t know if that’s long enough, but if you give me three days or three weeks, I don’t think it will change my decision I’ll land on. Give me the night to sleep on it. I think I’ll know by tomorrow morning.”

[JUNE 4 - Brooklyn, New York]

Three weeks later, your life has been packed up and put in a truck on its way to the new brownstone in Brooklyn that’s been acquired for you and Steve to move into, and you’re sitting at a table in a café a few blocks away, waiting to meet your future husband for the first time over breakfast. Every time the bell rings over the door, you dart your head to see if it’s him, but he’s evidently running late.

As you wait, checking to see if you have any messages on your phone, the bell over the door chimes once more. This time, when you look up, your breath catches in your throat. A tall, athletic man with dark skin and an easy smile has entered the café. You recognize him immediately as Sam Wilson, the new Captain America. Your heart sinks a little as you realize Steve isn't with him.

Sam spots you and makes his way over, his stride confident but casual. As he approaches, you notice the way his eyes scan the room, a habit born from years of military training and superhero work. He's dressed in civilian clothes - a leather jacket over a simple t-shirt and jeans - but there's no mistaking the aura of strength and capability that surrounds him.

"You must be the future Mrs. Rogers," Sam says with a warm smile, extending his hand. "I'm Sam Wilson. Steve asked me to come apologize and explain - and to have breakfast with you, if you’ll have me.”

You nod, forcing a smile, and shake his hand. "Of course. I understand.” You motion toward the chair across the table from you, inviting him to sit. “I know campaign prep must keep him incredibly busy."

Ever since you’d accepted the proposition to marry Steve Rogers and join him on the campaign trail to the White House, your own life had turned upside down, giving you hardly any time to breathe, and you’d been told this was only a mild version of what your own schedule was going to look like once Steve formally announced.

“Former President Bartlet agreed to meet with him, and the schedules ended up aligning this morning for Steve to go up to New Hampshire for a sit down,” Sam explains.

“President Bartlet?” you can’t help the awe in your voice. “I’d skip out on breakfast with me, too.”

“I hope I’m not a disappointment of a substitute,” Sam teases. “Since we’ll be working together as part of the senior staff, I volunteered because I was eager to finally meet you.”

His smile is genuine, and you feel the absolute truth of his sentiment. It melts away some of your disappointment and worry.

In return, your smile becomes a little warmer and easier. “I can’t help being a little disappointed - since I was hoping to finally meet my future husband - but he’s unemployed and you’re technically Captain America, so I guess it’s really an upgrade.”

Sam laughs. “Oh, I’m going to love you, I can tell.”

“Just promise me he’ll actually be at the ceremony tomorrow?” you ask. Your tone is light, but Sam calls your bluff.

His laughter fades, replaced by a reassuring smile. "Don't worry, he'll be there. Wild horses couldn't keep him away. Or androids. Or aliens. Or wizards. Or..." He trails off, realizing he might be overdoing it. "You get the idea."

You nod, appreciating Sam's attempt at humor. "I hope so. It would be pretty awkward to explain to the press why the groom was a no-show at his own wedding."

"Trust me, Steve takes this very seriously," Sam says, his tone becoming more earnest. "He may not know you yet, but he respects you and the commitment you're making. He's not the type to back out or let you down."

You nod, feeling a mix of relief and nervousness. "I suppose I should get used to schedule changes and last-minute adjustments," you say, trying to keep your tone light.

"It's part of the package," Sam agrees. "But so is having a team of people who have your back, no matter what." He leans forward, his eyes meeting yours intently. "I want you to know that includes me. We're not just colleagues in this; we're family."

His words touch you deeply, and you feel a bloom of warmth in your chest, the firs time you’ve felt grounded since you agreed to do this. "Thank you, Sam," you manage to say. "That means a lot."

The waitress approaches, he orders coffee, and you both order breakfast.

As she walks away, you take a sip of the drink you’d ordered while you were waiting before, mulling over Sam's words. "Can I ask you something, Sam? You know Steve better than almost anyone. Do you think...?”

You hesitate, uncertain if you should voice your doubts to Sam. But his open, friendly demeanor encourages you to continue, and you’re going to need to learn to trust this new circle of people you’ll be surrounded with.

"Do you think this is crazy?" you finally ask, your voice barely above a whisper. "Marrying someone I've never even met, maybe becoming First Lady... it all feels so surreal."

Sam leans back in his chair, considering your question carefully. "Crazy? Maybe," he admits with a small smile. "But then again, I've seen a lot of crazy things in my time with the Avengers. This? This actually feels like one of the more normal things I've been part of."

You can't help but chuckle at that, some of the tension easing from your shoulders.

"Look," Sam continues, his tone becoming more serious. "I won't lie to you. It's not going to be easy. The scrutiny, the pressure, the constant demands on your time and energy - it's going to be a lot. But if anyone can handle it, it's Steve. And from what I've heard about you, I think you're up for the challenge, too."

Sam pauses as the waitress returns with your breakfasts and his coffee. Once she's gone, he continues, "Steve doesn't do anything halfway. When he commits to something, he's all in. And he's committed to this - to you, to this campaign, to trying to make a real difference."

You nod, appreciating his honesty. "And what about... us? Steve and me, I mean. Do you think we can make this work? Not just for the campaign, but as a real partnership?"

Sam's eyes soften. "Steve's one of the best men I know. He's loyal, compassionate, and has a moral compass that doesn't quit. But he's also been through a lot, and he can be... guarded. It might take some time for him to open up fully."

You absorb this information, feeling a mix of apprehension and curiosity about your future husband. "I appreciate your honesty, Sam," you say softly. "I guess we'll both be navigating uncharted waters."

Sam nods, taking a sip of his coffee before responding. "True, but you won't be doing it alone. Not only do you have the support of the team, but I think you and Steve might surprise yourselves. You both have a strong sense of purpose, a desire to help others. That's a solid foundation to build on."

You pick at your breakfast, mulling over Sam's words. "I just hope we can find some common ground beyond the campaign," you admit.

Sam leans in, his expression earnest. "Like I said, when Steve commits to something, he gives it his all. That includes relationships. He may be reserved at first, but once he lets you in, you'll have his unwavering loyalty and support."

You nod, feeling a bit more reassured. "I appreciate that. I’m not some hopeless romantic, I’m not looking to be swept off my feet, but I just hope we can find some chemistry, some spark beyond just being political partners."

Sam chuckles. "Oh, I wouldn't worry too much about that. Steve might be from the 1940s, but he's still a red-blooded man. And you," he gestures at you with his fork, "are definitely his type."

You feel your cheeks flush slightly. "His type?"

"Smart, independent, passionate about making a difference," Sam lists off. “

Your work in non-profits, your passion for social justice - that's right up Steve's alley. Plus, you've got that whole 'take no crap' vibe that he needs. I have a sense about these things, and you have it.”

You laugh, feeling some of the tension dissipate. "Well, I'll take your word for it. Though I have to admit, the idea of being Steve Rogers' 'type' is a bit surreal."

Sam grins. "Trust me, once you two actually meet, you'll see what I mean. Just don't let that 'aw shucks' routine fool you. He might look like an all-American boy scout, but there's a lot more going on under the surface."

You raise an eyebrow. "Oh? Do tell."

Sam shakes his head, still smiling. "Nah, I'll let you discover that for yourself. Where's the fun if I spoil all the surprises?"

You roll your eyes good-naturedly. "Fine, keep your secrets. But seriously, Sam, thank you. For breakfast, for the pep talk, for everything. I'm really glad I got to meet you before tomorrow."

"Me too," Sam says, raising his coffee mug in a mock toast. "To new beginnings and unexpected partnerships."

You clink your own mug against his, feeling a surge of warmth and camaraderie. As you finish your breakfast, the conversation flows easily between you and Sam. He regales you with stories of his adventures with Steve, carefully omitting any classified details but painting a vivid picture of the man you're about to marry.

You learn about Steve's dry sense of humor, his unwavering loyalty to his friends, and his surprising skill at sketching. Sam describes missions where Steve's quick thinking saved the day, but also quieter moments - movie nights with the team, intense debates over board games, and Steve's ongoing struggle to catch up on pop culture.

As Sam talks, you find yourself leaning in, captivated by these glimpses of reality, getting to know more about the man behind the myth. And even if the next twenty-four hours will be a whirlwind of you choosing and getting fitted for your wedding dress; interviewing candidates that have been vetted for your personal staff - assistant, pr strategist, stylist, initiative director; and a bachelorette party; you feel like you’ll be able to face it all with the bit of reassurance you’ve gained by spending this time with Sam.

next part: LAS VEGAS & CLEVELAND

↠ Main Masterlist | Aspen's Ask Box | Field Guide to the Forest

I do not do tag lists, but FOLLOW @buckets-and-stories and TURN ON NOTIFICATIONS to be updated any time I publish a new work!

This story will have 3-4 chapters, depending on where I split up the narrative. I anticipate about a chapter a week, usually posted on Fridays.

[winchesterwild78]

Unspoken Words pt 5

Master List

Characters: Jensen Ackles x Reader, Reader’s daughter, other characters

Warnings: fluff, illness, mild language

A/N: Another collab story with @cheekygirl2309. This one is about a single mother with a nonverbal autistic daughter who loves Supernatural. The reader is going to a Supernatural Convention with her daughter and things unfold from there. The daughter character is near and dear to my heart. I have someone very close to me who is nonverbal, but he’s such an amazing kid. 

This chapter got a bit long, but it’s worth it. So much happens in this part. I think it’s one of my favorite parts so far. Enjoy. 

This is a work of fiction and does not depict real life. Jensen is single in this story. 

All work is my own and @cheekygirl2309, don’t take it or use it as your own. Reblogs and likes are appreciated. 

Minors DNI 18+

The next morning we woke up in each other’s arms to the sounds of giggles coming from the foot of the bed. We looked up and saw Lily sitting on the floor, playing with her stuffies. She must have woken up and came into my room, but because Jensen was there she didn’t crawl in the bed like she typically does. 

Jensen smiled at me and I at him, “Good morning, sweetheart. How did you sleep?” I snuggled closer in his arms, inhaling his scent and smiled, “Amazing.” “Good, me too.” He lifted my face and kissed my lips. 

Lily came around to my side of the bed and tugged on me. I turned towards her, Jensen’s arms still lazily lying around my waist. “Good morning, Lily. Are you hungry?” “Eat, please” I smiled, “Okay, baby. Let mommy get up and I’ll cook you something.”

I started to get out of the bed and Jensen pulled me back down. I fell back into him and laughed, “Jensen, I need to get up.” “Not yet, not until you give me a proper kiss.” 

I blushed, turned towards him and we kissed. All the unspoken love and the emotions from the past few days poured into the kiss. 

I climbed out of bed and walked into the kitchen. I started the coffee pot and grabbed the bacon and eggs from the fridge. I pulled the toaster out from under the counter and when I got back up Jensen was standing behind me. 

I jumped, “Jeez, Jensen. You scared the heck out of me. You’re like a stealthy mouse.” He laughed, “They do call me squirrel.” He winked and grabbed a coffee cup. “Need some help, baby?” 

“Sure, if you want to start the bacon. Lily likes it crispy, but not too crispy.” He nodded and started cooking. The two of us moved around the kitchen like a synchronized dance. It felt perfect. 

The first batch of bacon was done and Jensen asked how it was. I grabbed a piece to test it, “Hmmm, I don’t know Ackles. I might have found something you’re not good at.” I ate the bacon and laughed. 

He knew I was joking. He grabbed me around my waist, and spun me around. “Oh really? If it’s that bad I guess I need to kiss the taste out of your mouth.” “Yes please, it’s horrible” I exaggerated my words. 

He started kissing my lips and then down my neck. The sound of our laughter and me squealing filled the kitchen. Without thinking I wiggled around and faced him, breathless I kissed his lips, “I love you.” 

I froze. “Jensen I’m sorry. It just came out.” He cupped my face, “Hey, it’s okay. I’m okay with it. I promise. I love seeing you happy.”

I looked at him and nodded. I am in love with him, and want to say it all the time, but I also don’t want to make him uncomfortable. 

We continued cooking, and Jensen kept up the playful banter. It helped and made me feel better. I really didn’t want a repeat of last night. When he finished the bacon I sent him to relax in the living room. 

Lily had moved to playing on the floor. Jensen sat on the couch and scrolled on his phone. I grabbed my phone to send Sarah a text and let her know what’s going on with me. 

Me: Hey girl! I have updates! How are you?

Sarah: Hey! I have updates too, you go first. How’s my Lily girl? How’s Jensen?

Me: She’s doing great. He stayed last night. We had sex, it was amazing..Like REALLY amazing, then I almost screwed it up and told him I loved him. 

Sarah: Wait, you what?! You told him you loved him?! That's huge girl? Did he say it back? What did he say? Oh, and girl I NEED details. 😉

Me: He didn’t say it back. In fact he left afterwards, but he came back. He said he was scared, and I understand. We talked when he came back and now we are making breakfast. So, how’s things going with Steve?

Sarah: Steve is great. Perfect gentleman and our date went great. We ended up back at his place. 

Me: Did you two have sex?! 👀

Sarah: No, not yet, but that’s partly because we didn’t have protection. 😂

Me: Girl….I don’t want a niece or nephew right now. You better be safe.

Sarah: Always. Give my love to Lily. I gotta run. Steve and I are heading into a store. Love you, Y/N.

Me: I will. Have fun, and I love you too. 

“Lily, go wash up. Breakfast is ready.” I called from the kitchen. Jensen stood and stretched. Revealing the bottom of his torso and showing me the soft skin of his navel. I bit my lip thinking about last night. My body still tingled. 

We sat down to eat and I noticed Lily was devouring her bacon. “Lily, honey. Is the bacon that good?” I chuckled. All she said was, “mmm”. 

“Well, baby, Jensen cooked it today. He did good, didn’t he?” 

Lily stopped eating, looked at her plate and then up at Jensen. She climbed out of her chair and walked over to him. 

She stood by his chair and he moved back a bit. Lily walked up to him, placed her hand on his chest and looked at him. I looked at Jensen and he looked at me. I’d never seen her do this before, so I was confused about what she was doing. 

With her hand on his chest, she looked up at him and said, “Love Jensen.” I gasped and so did he. He scooped her up and held her tightly. Kissing the top of her head. Tears fell heavy and fast from my eyes.

“Wow, looks like both my girls love me. I am one lucky man.” His eyes flicked to mine and then down at Lily. She snuggled into his arms, “I love you too, Lily, and (he turned towards me) I love you too.” 

My breath hitched. Lily wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. She let him go and wiggled out of his arms, climbing back in her chair to finish eating. 

Jensen took the opportunity to walk over to me. He took my hands in his and pulled me up to him. “Jensen, you didn’t have to say it.” “I know, sweetheart. I wanted to, because I mean it. I love you and Lily so much. Being with you two is exactly where I’m supposed to be. I love you, Y/N. I’m still scared, but I know we are in this together.” 

A few tears slipped out and Jensen wiped them away with his thumb, “Don’t cry baby. Please. Hearing you say you love me last night and hearing that sweet girl say it made me realize just how precious and rare what we have is. I’m all in baby, for as long as you’ll have me. 

I leaned into his chest, “How does forever sound, Jens?” He chuckled, kissed the top of my head and whispered, “Perfect”. 

Jensen and I fell into a comfortable rhythm over the next few weeks. Lily talked some, but mostly around or to Jensen. 

I had just gotten home from work and Sarah was bringing Lily home later. I jumped in the shower and changed into something more comfortable. Steve and Jensen were coming over dinner and a movie night. Sarah and I were cooking and I was baking dessert. 

Sarah and Steve were spending more and more time together and I could tell she was completely smitten by Steve. I had already told him if he hurt her I would make sure he was never able to have children. Jensen roared when I told him that. Steve looked genuinely scared, Sarah was embarrassed. 

Dinner and the movie went great. Steve and Jensen chatted in the living room while Sarah and I went into the kitchen. Lily was in her favorite spot, on Jensen’s lap. 

“Y/N, Steve invited me back to his place tonight. I’m so nervous.” I smiled, “It’s going to be fine. Just make sure you do what you’re comfortable with, and don’t feel any pressure.” Steve said that too. It’s just been so long since I, well, you know. I don’t want to be bad at it and it ruins what Steve and I have.” “Sarah, I promise it won’t be bad. The first time with someone new is always awkward, but you two will figure it out.” We were hugging when Steve and Jensen walked in the room. “Wow, we let them out of our sight for one minute and we’re already been replaced.” Jensen said laughing. I playfully rolled my eyes, “Nobody can replace her.” I smirked and kissed his lips. 

Steve looked at Sarah, “Are you ready to head out?” He asked softly. She nodded and hugged me. When I pulled her close I whispered, “You’ve got this, and details later.” I squeezed her tight and let her go. 

After Steve and Sarah left Jensen and I snuggled on the couch. “She’s good for him, you know?” Jensen broke the silence. “I hope so. She’s like a sister to me. I can’t stand the thought of her being hurt.” 

Jensen turned me towards him, “Hey, baby. I promise. He was telling me tonight how much he really likes her. They were heading back to his place tonight. If I’m being honest I was surprised they hadn’t already had sex.” My eyes went wide, “What? Why?” Jensen chuckled, “Hey, relax. It’s not what you think. I just know how much Steve likes her.” 

“Well, she really likes him too. I hope tonight is great for both of them.” 

Jensen chuckled softly, “Well, maybe we should head to bed ourselves. I’ve got a couple ideas on how to make tonight great for both of us.” 

“Just a couple? You’re slipping Ackles.” He kissed me and pulled me to the bedroom. 

The next morning we woke up to Lily jumping on the bed. Jensen rolled over and moved so Lily could climb in between us. “Lily, baby. Mama needs more sleep. It’s too early.” “Mama, up.” 

I tried to pull the blanket over my head but she kept pulling it down. “Fine, I’m up.” Jensen chuckled and stretched. The three of us made our way out to the kitchen. 

Jensen made coffee while I fixed a bowl of cereal for Lily. I was about to ask Jensen what he wanted to eat, but he started coughing hard and I looked at him. “Are you okay?” I asked him. 

“Yeah, guess I have a little tickle in my throat.” He coughed again and my brow scrunched. 

I handed him a bottle of water and he nodded, drinking it. 

By the afternoon I could tell Jensen was feeling bad. 

“Jens, are you sure you’re okay? You look like you don’t feel good.” 

“Yeah. I am feeling a little bit bad. I’ll be fine.” 

“Jensen, I think you’re sick.” I took his temperature, much to his dismay and he had a fever. 

I grabbed him some medicine and some water. “You need to rest. Go to bed and I’ll be in there in a minute.” 

“Sweetheart, I should go home if I’m sick. Lily hasn’t been out of the hospital long. I don’t want to make her sick.” 

“You won’t. It’s my job to take care of you. I’d like to think I’m your girlfriend, even if we haven’t made it official.” 

Jensen smiled and cupped my face, “You’re definitely more than that, baby.” 

I smiled and kissed his forehead, “Good, now bed.” 

He smirked, “Yes ma’am.” Jensen crawled back in the bed and I went to check on Lily.

“Sweetie, Jensen isn’t feeling good so he’s in bed. We have to do our best to keep it down so he can rest.” 

Her eyes flicked up at me and filled with concern. She climbed off the couch and ran to my bedroom. 

“Lily, honey. Come back.” Before I could stop her she was standing in the bedroom. “Lily, come on. Let Jensen rest.” 

Tears filled her eyes. Jensen saw her and it broke his heart, “Hey baby girl. I’m okay. Just a little cold.” 

He held his arms out and pulled her in for a hug. She crawled on the bed and sat beside him. 

“Lily, come on.” I tried to get her to leave but she just snuggled down into the bed. 

I shook my head and rolled my eyes. Jensen chuckled, “I can’t imagine where she got her stubborn streak from. She’s okay. I promise.” 

I sighed, “Fine Lily, but you have to let him sleep.” She giggled. “I knew you two were gonna be trouble together. She’s already got you wrapped around her little finger.” 

“Since the day we met, right Lily?” Jensen laughed wearily. 

I went back into the living room, grabbed her stuffies and other things. When I walked back into the room the two of them were watching Supernatural together. 

Lily kept looking at Dean on the tv and then back to Jensen. Her smile grew wide. 

“Of course you two are watching this.” I laughed as I handed Lily her things. 

“Do you need anything?” I asked as I placed my hand on Jensen’s forehead. 

“Maybe my other girl snuggled beside me too.” “As much as I’d love to, I need to clean the house and do some laundry. I’ll be back soon to check on you two. Holler if you need anything.” I placed a kiss on his forehead and left. 

A few hours later and 2 loads of laundry I snuck in to check on Jensen and Lily. I found them both asleep. Lily snuggled to Jensen and his arm draped over her. I couldn’t help but snap a picture. 

My heart was so full looking at them. I crept back to the living room and finished folding the laundry. 

Lily woke up and wiggled out from the bed and came into the room with me. 

“Hey baby. Did you have a good nap?” She grabbed my hand and pulled me to the bedroom, pointing at Jensen. 

I wasn’t sure what was wrong, but I stepped closer to him. Soft snores left his slightly parted lips. 

Lily took my hand and placed it on Jensen. He was soaked. I knew what she was telling me. 

I picked her up and took her out of the room. “He’s okay baby. He’s sweating because his fever is gone. I promise he’s okay.” 

Lily stayed in the living room with me while Jensen slept. A few hours later he was awake and feeling a bit better. I told him what Lily did and he smiled. 

“Look at that. My Lily girl made the fever go away. Thank you baby girl.” 

She smiled. When he started coughing again she looked worried. 

Lily left the room quickly. “Wonder where she’s going.” I said. 

She came back with her moose and squirrel and handed them to Jensen. He smiled. “For me to get better?” She nodded. “Love dada.” 

I gasped. “Did she just..” my voice trailed off. Jensen smiled, “yeah she did.” 

“Jensen, I’m sorry. I…uh…” I started to panic. Everything was happening so fast I was afraid it would scare him off. 

“Hey, Y/N. Take a deep breath. It’s okay.” I took a deep, shaky breath. 

“Besides, I kinda like the sound of that.” 

Over the next week Jensen got better. He’d split his time between my house and his. We’d talked about Lily and I spending nights at his house so today the three of us were heading to pick out some things for Lily’s room at Jensen’s. He wanted her to be comfortable and was willing to get her whatever she wanted for her room. 

“Jensen, please don’t go overboard. She’ll be perfectly happy with a bed and dresser.” 

Jensen chuckled, “I promise I won’t go overboard.” He got a devilish look on his face and I knew I was in trouble. 

The three of us loaded up the car and Jensen headed towards the furniture store he frequented. 

Walking in I gasped softly. “Jensen, I can already tell this place is going to be out of my budget.” 

He stepped closer to me, “Not out of mine.” He kissed my lips and scooped Lily up and walked towards the kids section. 

I laughed, shook my head and followed them. A sales associate approached Jensen and I, “Is there anything particular you two are looking for?” She asked. 

Jensen pointed at Lily, “Whatever she wants.” She looked over at Lily and nodded. 

Lily walked around and Jensen was close by. I hung back and looked around too. I found a cute little bed, simple and perfect. Then I heard Lily squeal. 

My attention was instantly focused on her. She’d found a bed that looked like Cinderella’s carriage. There was a matching side table and dresser. The canopy sparkled under the showroom lights. 

The sales associate walked over and started talking to Jensen. “Seems like your little girl really likes this bed.” 

He chuckled then looked over at me then back to Lily. “Yeah. I think so too.” 

I stepped closer and I shook my head. “Jensen, this is too much. She doesn’t need a princess bed.” 

He walked over and sat beside her on the bed. “Yes she does, because she’s my princess. Isn’t that right Lily?” 

She snuggled close to him. “I’m going to lose this argument, aren’t I?” 

He nodded, “Yep.” 

I sighed and shook my head. “If you say so. I still think it’s too much.” 

He kissed my lips, “Nothing will ever be too much for her or you.” I smiled and kissed him back, “Just try not to spoil her too much.” “No promises, darlin’.” 

Jensen paid for the bedroom set, a new mattress and delivery. He ordered the full size bed instead of the twin because Lily loved snuggles and it’s easier with a bigger bed. 

Before we left a few fans approached him and he took pictures and signed autographs. 

This was the first time I’d been with him since the convention where he was noticed. 

Getting into the car Jensen took my hand in his and kissed the back of it. “I think that was a successful shopping trip, don’t you?” 

I nodded. He knew something was wrong. “Baby, you okay?” “Yeah, it’s still just strange being out in public with you and people approach you. I guess I need to get used to it. 

He nodded in understanding, “I know. It can be a bit much, but I’ll be by your side the whole time.” 

We pulled back up to Jensen’s house and went in. Lily ran to play in the living room while Jensen and I went to the room that was going to be Lily’s. 

“Jensen, this room is huge.” “Nothing but the best for my girl. So I’m thinking of an area rug so she’s not sitting directly on the floor. This floor gets chilly. I’ll take care of all of it. The bedroom set will be here in a few days, so I’ll get my designer here to pick out the rug and other things for the room.” 

I just smiled and nodded. I knew it was pointless to argue. I kissed his lips softly, “You’re amazing, you know that.” He smirked, “I’ve been told a time or two.” 

We cleaned out the room and as I was sweeping the floor Jensen’s phone rang. “Hey, I’ll be back. I’ve got to take this.” I nodded and kept cleaning. 

When he came back into the room he let out a deep sigh. “Hey, we need to talk.” 

I swallowed hard, my heart pounded in my chest, “Sure, what’s going on Jensen?” “Well, a couple of things actually. That was my manager. Apparently someone took pictures of us today and posted them online. Lily’s face was hidden, so that’s good, but your face was not.” 

“Oh, so is your manager telling you to break up with me?” Jensen’s eyes went wide, “What?! No, they just wanted to let me know and wanted to see if I wanted to make a statement about us. That’s what I wanted to ask you, if you were okay with going public or not yet.” 

I sighed and let out the breath I was holding. “Um, I’m okay with whatever you want to do Jensen. This is all so new to me. I don’t want to mess your job up, so I will let you decide. I’m okay with whatever you think is best.” 

“Well, going public or keeping our relationship to ourselves right now have their advantages and disadvantages. If we go public we don’t have to sneak around, but that means your face and name will be in public, and unfortunately at the mercy of some nasty people at times. If we keep this between us, then we continue to keep things private, so not going out as much, and your name stays out of public. If we keep things private that means I attend events and parties alone, and if I’m being honest I don’t want that.”

I took a deep breath, “Let’s do it, Jensen. Let’s go public. I’m terrified, but I know you’re going to be by my side the whole time.” Jensen stepped closer to me and pulled me close, his lips ghosting mine, “You better believe it. I’m not going anywhere.” 

“So, what was the other thing you wanted to talk to me about?” He took a shaky breath, “Well, they bumped up my shooting schedule for one of the series I’m working on. I have to leave next week for California.” 

My heart sank, I got so used to him being at home I almost forgot he worked away from home. “I get it, you’ve got to go when they want you to. Lily and I will miss you like crazy, but we’ll be here waiting for you. Just promise you’ll FaceTime us. I don’t know if I can go long without seeing your handsome face.”

He smiled at me, “Yeah, I promise. I’ll call and FaceTime every single day.” 

The two of us walked into the living room and found Lily coloring and drawing. “You know, the hardest part is going to be telling her you’re leaving. She might try to hide in your suitcase.” We both laughed, but I was worried about her. 

“Well, what if we don’t have to tell her I’m leaving?” I looked at him confused, “Jensen, she’s going to realize you’re gone. Even if she can’t talk she’s going to feel your absence.” “No, what I mean is why don’t you two go with me?” “What?” “Yeah, Y/N, you and Lily go to California with me. When I’m not on set the three of us can explore the area and I can take my girls out in LA.” 

“Really? You want us to go with you?” He nodded enthusiastically, “Yes!” “Well, I’d have to talk to my boss, but I don’t see why not. I think she’d love that. I know I would.” 

He pulled me flush to his body and kissed my lips, “I’d like it too, sweetheart.” 

The next few days we went about our normal lives. Jensen told his manager he was going to go public with our relationship, but he would do it his way. They agreed. Lily was sitting in between Jensen and I on the couch when there was a knock at the front door. 

I got up to answer it, looking out the peephole I gasped. Jensen was by my side quickly, “What’s wrong?” “Um, it’s David. Lily’s father.” 

“What the hell does he want?” “I don’t know. I haven't seen him since I found out I was pregnant. What should I do?” 

“Go ahead and open the door. I’m right here, baby.” I nodded and opened the door. He smirked when I opened the door, “Hey Y/N. Long time. What's it been, 7 years?” “David, what the hell are you doing here?” 

“Well, I saw you on Instagram. I see you went ahead and had the baby. I’m here to meet my daughter.” 

I scoffed, “Your daughter?!  Where the hell have you been the past 7 years of her life?! She’s not your daughter, she’s mine.” I practically growled. 

He looked past me and saw Lily on the couch, “Hey sweetie, it’s daddy. Why don’t you come say hello.” Lily wouldn’t look at him. 

Jensen stood between us, “I think you should leave.” “Who are you, pretty boy?” Jensen’s jaw tightened, “I’m the one that’s been here with Y/N and her daughter. Like I said, I think you should leave.” 

“Not happening until I meet my daughter.” “David, please leave. You’re going to upset Lily. She doesn’t do well with strangers. If you even care about her a little bit you’ll leave.” 

“What do you mean she doesn’t do well around strangers? I’m not a stranger. I’m her father. Lily, come here baby. Come to daddy.” 

I could see Jensen’s jaw get tighter. Lily ran to Jensen’s leg and grabbed him. “Dada up.” 

David looked at me and then Jensen, “What’s wrong with her?” “She’s autistic, David and doesn’t talk much. Please leave.” 

“Wow, what did you do to her that caused this?” Tears fell from my eyes, “I didn’t do anything, she was born this way you asshole.” 

Lily buried her face in Jensen’s neck and clung tightly to him. Jensen stepped between David and I, “Let me ask you something. If you're her father then tell me when is her birthday? What about her favorite TV show, color? How does she like her bacon? What’s her favorite stuffy? A REAL father would be able to answer all of that. You aren’t her father, you’re just the man who knocked up her mother and then left. Now, I’m not going to ask you again to leave.” 

David scoffed, “You know what, you can have both of them. I never wanted her and she’s just an easy lay. Good luck with her.” He turned on his heels and walked away. 

I closed the door and let out the breath I was holding and the tears fell. Lily clung to Jensen, “My daddy.” “Yes, baby. I’m your daddy and I love you beyond the stars.” 

“Speaking of which, Y/N, let’s make that announcement now. I’m ready if you are.” I nodded. He picked a picture he took of us, both of us looking at the camera and smiling, and another picture of us kissing. “Are these two okay with you?” I smiled and nodded, “Perfect, Jensen.” 

He posted both photos to Instagram, tagging me, and captioned it with: I can’t believe I get to call you mine. I love you beyond the stars, Y/N. Now and forever. 🥰 💗

When my phone went off I smiled and commented: “You better believe it. Now and forever, Jens.” 

He smiled, looked at me and kissed my lips. “There, now there is no mistaking who my heart belongs to. I love you, Y/N.” “I love you too, Jensen.” 

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[meelusinee]

ITALIAN FOR DINNER? | R.B X READER

word count \ 2.8k | fluff and stuff | slash / regulus black x reader

in which regulus takes you out on a date to a local italian place

A LITTLE LOAF SERIES MASTERLIST

ITALIAN FOR DINNER? | REGULUS BLACK X READER

Regulus had never felt more nervous in his life than what he did right now.

He had faced a lot of things. He had faced his father’s and mother’s weath. He had faced Sirius leaving. He had faced death over and over, either his friends or ones he might’ve done. He’d even faced the Dark Lord himself, no speck of fear shown in his face. 

The Dark Lord himself called Regulus Black a brave man. One of his bravest.

So why was he so nervous now?

He had changed his outfit about ten different times before Kreacher had gotten sick of his pacing and chose one for him. A black sweater with a black denim jacket on top, different patches of paint covering the pockets and back. He had on work pants similar to yesterday, the ends flaring out. Kreacher had also handed him jewelry to wear, gothic necklaces and rings each.

Even though he wasn’t sure, he didn’t have much of a choice in the matter anymore.

“Kreacher doesn’t understand why Master Regulus is freaking out this much.” he grumbled, shaking his head and ticking his tongue. “Kreacher never freaked out this much when he was with his wife.”

“Because I feel obsessed with her,” Regulus stated simply, grabbing an eyeliner pencil before blinking. “Wait, you have a wife?”

“Oh yes, Kreacher has a wife!” he said excitedly, clapping his hands before standing on top of Regulus’ dresser while he did makeup. “Kreacher’s wife was sold to a different owner though. Kreacher hasn’t seen her since.”

“Maybe you should try and find her.” Regulus said. “Could you do that?”

“House elves have magical bonding to each other once they are together, yes.” Kreacher says. “It is how Kreacher knows she is still alive and well. We can communicate through the bond.”

Regulus blinked at that, having not known that was even possible. “Like telepathy?”

“Yes, like telepathy.” he smiled. “Think of it like a matching bracelet with a partner, with a part that buzzes your bracelet each time they press it. Whenever Kreacher thinks of her, Kreacher’s wife will feel it, and visa versa. No thoughts though.”

“You know,” Regulus mumbled, blending his eyeliner out to make a more faded look. “I’ll be gone for this date for a while.”

“Master could not possibly be suggesting what Kreacher thinks he is.” Kreacher muttered, almost in awe.

“You deserve so much more than her, Kreacher.” he said, patting Kreacher on the head. “You deserve the world. And I think finding your wife is a key to that. Go get her.”

Kreacher smiled happily at that, agreeing on the condition that he would help Regulus first. 

Regulus decided that he needed to stop worrying. That thought didn’t stop him from worrying, but the thought counted at least. He also decided that he was going to buy you flowers. Magnolias seemed to be a staple in your relationship now that he had talked about them yesterday, so that was what he was going to get.

He walked to the park about an hour before your date was meant to happen, spending about 20 minutes magically ensuring that the flowers were of the best quality. He made sure to cloak his magic though, not wanting neither Muggles to see or the Ministry to track him.

He had flowers. Now was the time to get to your house.

Your house that he didn’t know.

You were currently panicking in your room, dress laid on your body.

You really wanted to impress Regulus. Sure, you didn’t know Regulus all that well, but there was something about him nonetheless. He seemed genuinely nice, like a true good guy.

Which is why you had bought this dress just for him.

It was a purple mermaid dress with spaghetti straps and a black lace overlay. You thought that he might like it, it gave you a vampiric aesthetic kind of vibe. You thought he gave those too.

But would he like it? Would he think you’re doing too much?

You sighed, hands rubbing your forehead as you tried to think. You seemed to know about him, but you also felt like you knew nothing at all. He talked, but not about him. He mainly talked about you, if he was being honest, which made you feel extremely guilty now that you thought about it. Would he only talk about you once you got to the restaurant? Would your dress even hold up in the weather on the way to the restaurant?

You were dragged out of your thoughts when your phone rang. It was Regulus.

REGULUS: I planned on picking you up for our date, but I realized that I don’t know where you live.

REGULUS: Do you want me to come to your house, or do you want to meet at the restaurant?

You felt a flush growing even harder on your face as you read that. He wanted to come to you? Was that a thing that you wanted? 

Your heart had immediately said yes.

YOU: i really don’t mind either way, whatever u want to do!!!

YOU: i live just above the bakery, it’s a two story building. the stairs are in the back, tho it’s a bit of a climb

REGULUS: That’s fine, I don’t mind.

REGULUS: Do you have any vases?

Vases? Was he bringing you flowers? Did you even have vases?

Your eyes darted over to your kitchen counter, looking at the island counter. You had a vase when you first moved in, though gave it away after a month or two for a friend.

YOU: no vases :c i’m sorry reggie

REGULUS: That’s fine, don’t worry. I’ll see you in about 10 minutes then, is that okay?

YOU: that sounds lovely! i’ll see you!

You sighed softly, looking down at your phone with a lovesick smile. You were already so done for.

Regulus showed up to the bakery with a smile, going to the back and walking up the stairs. It was a bit of a long climb, though he didn’t mind.

He hummed after he knocked on your house door, the Magnolia flowers in a red vase. His hair was a bit tousled from walking, but he hoped that would add to an appeal of some kind. There was a flush on his face, smiling softly as he waited.

“Coming!” you called out, your voice echoing through the room behind the door.

Regulus smiled at the sound of your voice, hand tightening around his vase as you spoke. He held it even harder when you finally opened the door, almost dropping it out of shock.

How was it possible for someone to look so good?

There you stood in your magnetic glory, the purple dress you wore quickly becoming his favorite sight. 

“Are those Magnolia flowers?” you asked him excitedly, gently grabbing the vase. “From the tree that we saw yesterday?”

“Yeah,” he stuttered out, clearing his throat. He wasn’t sure if he was dreaming or not. It all felt like a fever dream. “You, uhm, you look good.” he muttered with a blush. “Really good. Truly.” 

You giggled softly, holding the vase of flowers in your hand. “Let me put these up, okay?”

“Okay.” he whispered breathlessly, smiling dopily as you walked off. He felt his heart beating out of his chest, his face flushing bright red.

You came back outside just as quick, the large smile on his face making his heart beat even worse. It suited your face so perfectly, a sight that he wasn’t sure he could ever get out of his mind.

You looked perfect.

“Are you ready?” you asked him. 

He nodded, a small smile growing on his face. “Yeah, I’m ready.”

The walk to the restaurant was calm and serene; which helped your beating heart for just a moment. Then it made it worse. A lot worse.

Your hands were swinging together peacefully as you walked in silence, though you found the silence comfortable. You wanted to learn more about him, but you found this silence gave you more about him than things he might say instead. 

Regulus was a quiet man. He liked the silence, and didn’t like talking about himself much. Even still, he seemed caring. Like a man who cared too much but was never allowed to express it. 

You wanted to show him that it was okay to do that. 

Regulus held your hand as you both walked. He practiced the sidewalk rule. He bought you flowers, held doors for you, and did anything one could imagine for a partner to do. He was absolutely perfect, though you weren’t sure if that was a good thing or not. 

“Here we are.” Regulus said, smiling at you with an expression that just screamed love.

You wanted to see it every single day.

“It smells delicious.” you sighed softly, smiling as you inhaled the scent. It smelled like a lot of things. Bread, garlic, sauces that mingled so well together. “What do you think you’re going to get, Reggie?”

“Probably something light.” he muttered quietly. “Spaghetti?”

“We could share!” you said excitedly, arms wrapping around his. “We could have that scene from the Lady and the Tramp.”

“The what?” he asked curiously, looking over at you.

You grew a bright flush on your face as you realized what you just said, stammering as you looked down at the ground. He had a small smile on his face, though it also looked rather confused about your reference. “It’s, uh, it’s nothing. I mean, it was stupid.”

“I want to know.” he whispered, tilting your chin up to look up at him. “C’mon pretty girl, tell me.”

You flushed wildly at that, your stammering getting even worse as he spoke. How could one say things like that so casually? He was like a character from a romance book, or someone from your dreams. Someone you never thought you would meet in your life.

“It’s just a movie reference.” you mumbled quietly. 

Regulus smiled softly at that, caressing the line of your jaw. “What was the reference?”

“Well, the two love interests,” you muttered, stuttering out your words as you spoke. “They were eating pasta, and they had the same piece. So they, you know, ate the piece. Together?”

“You want to kiss through pasta?” he smiled knowingly, raising his eyebrow.

You pouted at him, crossing your arms. “You hush.”

“My lips are sealed.” he chuckled quietly, hand moving down to your waist as he guided you inside of the restaurant. “C’mon.”

You felt your face flush with every step as you both sat down, your fingers fidgeting with each other as you sat across from him. Your heart was beating out of your chest wildly, so fast that you were sure that it wasn’t forming any contraction.

The waiter came over and you ordered, though your date was mostly a blur because of your emotions. You felt everything all at once, warmth and fuzziness running through your veins.

He was so kind and caring. You got to talk about yourself. He talked a bit about himself, enough to keep you coming back for more. Maybe that was his plan all along, but you found yourself too hooked already to truly care about it.

There was something magical about him, something you couldn’t quite place. It was a feeling that felt so familiar to you, like the feeling of home.

Maybe that’s why you liked him from the beginning. Because he reminded you of home.

“Do you want a to go container for your food?” he asked quietly, pointing at your half eaten pasta. You had eaten quite a few breadsticks beforehand, which made your stomach rather full by the time the pasta came around.

“Maybe, yeah.” you smiled. “Thank you.”

He waved his hand mindlessly, calling the waiter over for a container and the check. You didn’t know how much it cost, since he took the check before you could even look at it.

“Are you sure you don’t want to split it?” you asked.

He shrugged simply. “I have money,” he said, putting cash into the folder. “Plus, I felt you’d want to focus your money on the bakery.”

You flushed brightly, smiling softly. “Thank you, Reggie. Really.”

“You're welcome.” he smiled. He grabbed your container after standing up, holding his hand out for you to hold. “Walk home?”

“Walk home.” you smiled softly.

Your walk home was absolutely perfect. The sun was setting down and created the perfect ambiance, although the air was still cool. The park was full of small children running around for their weekend play, images of your future ones running around with them.

God, you were being delusional.

But how could you not be? Regulus was the perfect man, the best one you had ever met. And so far, he had no issues with you either. He talked about himself when you asked, he let you talk about yourself whenever you wanted.

He was the definition of perfect.

Which is why you felt destroyed by the time you reached your apartment.

“I suppose this is goodbye for the night.” Regulus whispered softly, a small frown growing on his face.

“I think so.” you whispered. “I wish this night could last forever.”

He smiled softly, his hand squeezing yours. “Me

too.” he whispered. “But I read that having some time apart is healthy. I can stop by the bakery tomorrow, if you’re working?”

“That sounds amazing,” you giggled softly. “Thank you, Reggie. I really loved this date.”

He smiled softly, hand squeezing yours again. This time it was a bit harder. There was a blush growing on his face as well, though you decided not to comment on it.

“I did too.” he smiled softly at you.

You smiled softly, the both of you standing there for a couple minutes. There was no sound or movement that you felt could distract you from this moment, eyes locked on each other.

“I have to get back home.” he whispered under his breath, though he didn’t move a single inch.

“You do.” you nodded slowly, still holding onto his hand. “But I’ll see you tomorrow, right?”

“Of course.” he smiled softly, still standing there. He busted out into a small chuckle after a moment, looking down at the ground. “I know I said that it’s important for us. But I really don’t want to leave.”

“I don’t think you should.” you grumbled with a pout, before sighing. “But, you are right. We need our alone time each.”

He smiled softly, nodding. “We do.” he said.

Your hands finally separated as he looked up at you, his eyes looking down at your lips before up at your eyes again. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

You smiled softly at him, though it didn’t reach as far as it could. Did he not want to kiss you?

“Tomorrow.” you smiled.

He nodded, a large blush covering his face as he nodded you goodbye. His hands fidgeted with the other as he walked back, and you watched him walking away down the street.

You smiled softly. It was probably too soon to kiss him anyways. So, you made your way back inside your apartment.

The flowers were still on your kitchen counter when you walked in, the scent of the flowers permeating inside of the house. It reminded you of him.

You felt your purse buzz, most likely your phone going off. Your hands reached down to grab it, smiling brighter when you saw Regulus’ name.

REGULUS: I wanted you to know that I really loved our date today, Y/N. It was truly amazing.

REGULUS: I’m sorry for not being very expressive, or for not kissing you before I left.

REGULUS: I wish I did.

You felt your cheeks flushing as you read his messages, anticipation building higher and higher the longer you watched those three bubbles type.

YOU: i really enjoyed our date too!!! it was really nice, and refreshing? idk if that makes sense

YOU: and u can always come back for a kiss <3

You smirked proudly, feeling very proud at your successful teasing. 

You decided to change out of your dress, changing into a sweater and some shorts you had lying around. You were about to start a movie when your doorbell rang, feet carrying you to open it.

“Reggie?” you asked quietly, a small squeak coming out of your throat as his hands grabbed your face desperately. 

The kiss was perfect. Everything felt perfect with him, if you were honest. His hands were grabbing at your cheeks, thumbs caressing them gently as his lips hungrily kissed yours. 

“Jesu,” you chuckled breathlessly as he pulled back, taking a moment to catch your breath.

Regulus panted softly, looking down at your lips. “They felt better than I thought they would.”

“Really?” you asked breathlessly. Could he get any hotter?

“Really.” he smiled, kissing your forehead. “Thank you for that. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

You sighed dreamily, giving his lips one more peck. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

AUTHOR'S NOTE

thanks to everyone who's read this! i loaf all of u guys frfr (i have written so much that i have no regular people words)

AS ALWAYS - please like, comment, and reblog!

[asarigg]

Inside the Character's Mind: Part 5

CHILDHOOD. SLY AND KOUJAKU. THE AVOIDANT BEHAVIOR: part 2

When we get to the bad ending, the first thing that catches our attention is that it’s not Aoba’s point of view, but Koujaku’s. This is also a thing with most characters as well, but I feel like it takes a very special meaning here because it resonates with previously mentioned themes.

It’s a way of emphasizing that duality between the two of them, that deep down they are the same, and that they are always being a reflection of one another. If the whole game has been under Aoba’s perspective, why change now? Maybe it’s because he loses the ability to speak and it’s a way of telling us what he thinks and what goes through his head during the process of losing sanity, which the others, with the exception of Ren, can do. That’s another thing, when we get the bad ending in the base game we jump straight to Sly telling us how Aoba weakened and disappeared, letting him take control, and that Koujaku also lost all rationality. We assume that Koujaku completely transformed into a beast immediately after the failed Scrap, after all in all the endings when Aoba fails Scrap is when the other goes crazy, but here we learn that that is not the case.

Koujaku is able to wake up, physically drained, but still himself. He’s the first to wake up and sees his group members and Aoba by his side, still worried that he might be dead, that he might have killed him. Platinum Jail guards then come and start taking everyone away.

When he sees that they are taking Aoba away, he tries to call his name, but his throat is torn and his body is too weak to move. Seeing that he can do absolutely nothing to wake Aoba up, he begins to despair, knowing that nothing good can happen if they take him away. With his internal dialogues we can see how far the obsession and desperation goes, repeating his name non stop in his head almost maniacally, repeating his desires to protect him and stop them from taking him no matter what, even if that means his own death or something worse, as long as Aoba is safe.

It’s not Scrap, but these thoughts that really drive him insane. His obsession with Aoba, his love for him, and his willingness to sacrifice himself to keep him safe. The person he swore to protect, his mother, died at his hands, despite all the love she had given him, betraying her in a way. This trauma is extremely shocking to him, and I think you can understand how deep is the shock and terror he feels at the thought of harming Aoba in any shape or form, only for this cycle to repeat itself again and end up doing something unforgivable to Aoba at Glitter. All he could think was that he intended to kill himself when he betrayed his mother, and he would do the same (and kill Ryuuhou in the way since he hurt Aoba too) now that he betrayed Aoba, because a monster like him can’t stay, thinking about what could happen if he lost control again terrifies him.

It almost seems like he’s letting the tattoo consume him just to use its power and free Aoba, that’s all that matters now.

Despite this, he won’t turn into a beast yet, as he later wakes up inside a cell. When Aoba arrives we see him completely changed, his personality and his appearance. We know he’s Sly/Desire, but Koujaku doesn’t even know he exists yet.

Sly begins his torture, one he’s been doing ever since he took control, as this isn’t the first time Koujaku wakes up in this cell. He’s been losing and regaining consciousness constantly for who knows how long, and each time Sly tortures him to break his consciousness, his spirit, his will. He could do it with his power easily (or maybe he knows it won’t work), but he doesn’t bother, he prefers to do it with the most painful words Koujaku could ever hear. That Aoba is gone.

I feel like the reason why Scrap doesn’t affect him as much and why it takes so many tries to fully transform him into a demon is because he’s been dealing with this kind of influence and power for years, working on being able to control it, which resulted in him developing a really, really strong will and mind. Also the reason why his usual anger doesn’t make him lose control, but only his deep, rooted hatred towards Ryuuhou and his devotion, equally intense, for Aoba. Only these intense, personal feelings work against him.

Which by the way, the reason why Aoba can’t keep control is because of the tremendous anxiety and depression that comes over him knowing that he didn’t do Scrap well, constantly blaming himself for having failed him, he becomes so weak that he “becomes someone else”. I find it interesting that the main reason why they both lose their minds is for the well-being of the other. It’s more of that mirroring and parallelism we were talking about. Get a bitch as devoted as this. In a way, they are both captives of themselves, in their own bodies. How poetic.

Sly even tells him that he isn’t completely gone, that he’s still there, but that he’ll beat him up until he’s practically dead, out of revenge, while grinning and laughing out loud, just to take advantage of that little hope left that Aoba will return back to normal to crush him and let it drive him crazy again, because he knows that Koujaku will try to talk to him, that he’ll try to do anything to save him, he knows that his desperation and his love for him will do the rest. He even lets Aoba out for a few seconds, to which Koujaku can only respond by screaming his name while chains pull his body back. Notice how they refer to the beast as an entity, it’s not just the tattoo transforming him, it’s someone else.

There is one thing I want to comment on and it’s that many people over the years have taken this interaction as pure hatred and many times it’s considered that they would basically hate each other even in a good ending, mostly by having Koujaku hating Sly for not being the cute kid he knew (lol). But Sly doesn’t scare him, he’s not intimidated, even if he doesn’t know he exists, of course, always being aware of the limits his violent actions should reach. I feel like Koujaku would sympathize a lot with him in case of meeting him normally, he doesn’t judge his violence, he uses it too, and in his head Sly wouldn’t be worse of a monster than him, as he continuously blames himself for what "he did", no matter what.

One of the key points of his route is acceptance, Aoba accepts Koujaku as he is, and Koujaku accepts him as he is, and that includes Sly. If Aoba accepts that inner “demon” inside Koujaku, he’d do the same with Aoba’s. Beast Koujaku and Sly are equivalent. Also, we can’t forget that the context of the good ending and the bad ending are completely different, with Koujaku chained in a cell while Sly is torturing him. There is no possible reality in which Koujaku could not despise him or go mad with rage after that. I could hardly call it hatred at all, anyway, or at least not in the purest sense.

There’s a line Ryuuhou says in one of Koujaku’s memories that appears when he’s losing control of his body that I think sums it up pretty well, although it varies depending on the translation, because one takes the liberty of using an expression I doubt it’s translated the same in Japanese. The important thing is to keep in mind the comparison of hate and love. It resonates a lot with what one feels in some kind of abusive relationship when someone is extremely dependent on the other person or have been together for so long, or both. If you add knowing that the other person isn’t really bad, but external conditions are the ones that shaped that relationship it’s even harder to make a logical decision. You know it’s wrong, that you would be better off without it, but somehow, you can’t let it go. I feel like this is something specially relatable with familiar relationships, with parents/mentors/whoever raises you.

Koujaku keeps within him an intense love and hate alike, to the point of obsession for both. His love for Aoba is what condemns him. So does his hatred.

He seems to hate Sly, but it’s impossible to separate it from his love. If Koujaku really hated him for that, in the purest form of the word, he would have already tried to kill him, it’s something that Sly himself wonders when he bites him. He could perfectly sink his teeth in a little more and it would be over. Death would be merciful for both of them. His lips can no longer kiss him, so he bites him instead. To a certain degree Koujaku still has something in him capable of thinking, rationalizing even if just a little. In this state, Koujaku still loves him, he prefers to stay by his side as a slave, as much as it hurts him, because losing him is an even worse option. Deep down, no matter how much harm Sly does to him, he is incapable of hating him. As long as Aoba breathes, Koujaku will be there.

[ultimateplaylistmaker]

Oh I don't think I've seen the addition, SO TRUE, Makoto is very selfless in a very selfish way, he doesn't want anyone to die, even if they're the worst people humanity has ever known, because they are people. The worst you can get from him is him admitting to not feel overly bad they died, see his reactions to Celeste, but even then he's still upset and frustrated because she was a human being and no human being deserves to die. Not Celeste, not the Remnants, and not Junko.

Makoto cannot be conflated with Future Foundation, because Makoto constantly butts heads with Future Foundation. He does not like Future Foundation very much, he doesn't trust it, he doesn't really like the people there it seems, and they don't like him either. They're basically forced into working together because Makoto has the brand and Future Foundation has the resources. Even then though, they are ALWAYS at each others throats.

Even before DR3, you see hints of that in the emails Future Foundation sent Makoto in Goodbye Despair in how they assume he was tricked by the remnants, but at the same time they had forced the remnants onto him before they knew they were remnants because they were vaguely the same age.

This also gets mirrored more in UDG when you see that people are NOT really fully sold on Future Foundation, distrusting it, and while some of that is propaganda by Towa, the general vibes of "we cannot trust Future Foundation" are everywhere when they even vaguely get brought up, and there's got to be more to it. Future Foundation needs Makoto for their image, but they do not respect Makoto, and they especially don't respect any of the survivors outside of like maybe, Byakuya and Kyoko somewhat.

Toko is STILL running around in the same ragged outfit in UDG, and while Toko is unhygenic, at some point that's gotta stop being an actual choice and more they straight up might not have other clothes for her because it's gotten REALLY ragged and I'd like to think by that point she'd at least put on a fresher version. The survivor and Future Foundation are not friends, they are extremely uneasy allies, ones that Makoto was more then happy to cut ties with for GBD.

However besides that Makoto is very much a person struggle to understand or connect to, which you can see in Chihiro's FTE's where Chihiro notices they've been doing all the talking and Makoto hasn't had any chance to talk about himself, then has to directly ask Makoto to actually talk about himself, and even then, HE FORGETS HE SAID HE'D DO THAT it takes THREE free time events to get Makoto to open up AT ALL to Chihiro despite Chihiro clearly wanting to know about him.

Which even when he DOES he barely says anything about himself, one of which is just a straight up self deprecation, before the conversation shifts BACK TO CHIHIRO'S PROBLEMS

Actually, there is one other really interesting bit here when Chihiro addresses their issues with inferiority and Makoto actually opens up a bit because it's in the name of Chihiro's problems, not his own.

Makoto directly states that he feels inadequate and ordinary, forgettable even. He's painfully aware that he's just, average. Then when asked how he overcomes it, he straight up says he doesn't think he can, and instead he just accepts it and doesn't let himself think about it. Saying he's accepted it and just distracts himself, which very much implies he has not in fact, accepted it. Makoto displays these SAME BEHAVIORS as the Ultimate Hope. He throws himself into bigger and bigger hard projects, things that let him forget.

Makoto is actually has a lot of avoidant personality traits at times, and they make up some of his worse self deprecating habits. So of course he sees a situation like Junko's or the Remnant's and just, be avoidant about what they've done. Downplaying, or denying, or talking around it, he does not let himself come to terms with anything, because he runs from it. He doesn't think about what they've done, he focuses on the problem of how to save them.

Really, it's a willful ignorance even, he knows logically what they've done, and says he accepts it, but refuses to process it on any emotional level and doesn't think about it. He goes "well they've done horrible things, and i accept that so lets just not let them die" then doesn't actually process what any of that... actually says and means. What they've actually done, what it means to let them live and let these terrorists who have tortured thousands of people, one of which who has led to the downfall of basically an ENTIRE nation, casually live on a deserted tropical island by themselves.

The ethics of whether he did the right thing are not could be debated for fucking hours with no solid conclusion one way or the other. Especially since he fucking leaves before he can even... confirm that the other remnants won't wake up as remnants. Really, his avoidance is what leads him to these great feats of hope, and there is hope don't get me wrong, he's very much an embodiment of hope and a lot of how he avoids has roots in that overwhelming Hope he's capable of. He's still distracting himself from what that means though, still running from himself and the deeper ramifications of everything, still hiding behind the excuse of just being some average person.

He doesn't come to terms with what he is, and what he's doing, because he doesn't think he can cope, he can't overcome it, so he runs into bigger and bigger projects on what can seem like a whim without thinking through them, he can't stop running, if he stops running, it'll catch him, so he needs to keep running.

Junko didn't let him run though, Junko never lets him run, never lets him sit in his denial or pretending that he's just accepted it. Which is definitely one of the reason she has such a profound impact on him.

I don't even know if this makes sense anymore but uh yeah, Makoto is REALLY INTERESTING and I'm biting anyone who pretends like he's not so they can make some joke about how clearly people only Makoto because he's baby.

you ever think about how makoto naegi can understand anyone but no one understands makoto naegi. and that this is the one fundamental thing he shares with junko enoshima.

[deeplyshalllow]

Hi! I've seen some fans, in my opinion, completely misunderstand Elphaba telling Glinda in the deleted scene that choosing Fiyero was a "mistake." They are taking that to mean she would've preferred bringing Glinda and hates that she chose Fiyero?

I saw her calling it a "mistake" as her 1, sparing Glinda's feelings, and 2, she called it that because it was the event that made her feelings for her BEST FRIENDS BOYFRIEND grow, so of course she has some regrets. 😅 She loves Glinda, her not choosing Glinda doesn't devalue how she views their friendship, she just subconsciously knew Fiyero genuinely cared for the same cause.

I love your takes, so I was just wondering as to what your thoughts exactly were in that scene?

^ Video for context

(Firstly, apologies if I repeat some of the same things you’ve already said, I had a lot of thoughts about this scene and I just wanted to get them down and it was easier writing this as a bit of a scene analysis rather than just a direct response)

*Checks there’s no Gelphie fans holding sharp objects in hearing range*

Ok let me begin.

I’m glad it was cut.

I don’t think it was a very good scene. I think it doesn’t really make sense with the train station scene (there’s no way Glinda would still think Fiyero was distant and moodified about Dillamond if she knew this) and it introduces Galinda’s suspicions about Elphaba and Fiyero too early (I like the scene with her waking up and noticing they were both gone, I like the scene where she notices the moment between them at the train station, I want the niggling doubts in her mind, but something big like this doesn’t feel right pre-interval).

Saying that, I don’t think it’s saying what the Gelphie fans think it was saying.

I actually think it’s a fairly selfish scene from Galinda’s perspective. She’s upset because she was left out – which I do understand, but she’s failing to see the bigger picture. There was a sentient, intelligent, being in danger and it got saved and, instead of being happy about that or even asking if the Cub was ok, her first reaction is “but what about me?” Contrast this to Fiyero not even listening to Elphaba’s panic in the Lion Cub scene, because he’s seen an opportunity to get it to safety, or Elphaba who immediately joins him. Their first priority is about the Animal – any focus on feelings or why this happened doesn’t come until the Lion Cub appears to be safe.

And let’s imagine, for a second, the scene of Galinda in the Lion Cub scene. She would go with Elphaba, I believe that much, though it would not be Galinda who made the first move the way it was for Fiyero. She’d be discouraging Elphaba from doing it at least at first “Elphie, we’re going to get in so much trouble!” and she’d be busy complaining about going through the forest in heels. There probably would be some concern for the Lion Cub, in so much that it’s cute and small and vulnerable, but I wouldn’t be surprised if she didn’t end up asking “are we sure that the teacher isn’t right that the cage is for his own good?” Galinda doesn’t like challenging the status quo and is known to downplay atrocities (hell, we see in the train station scene that she refers to Doctor Dillamond being literally dragged away by guards as an “old Goat” that she was surprised Fiyero cared so much about who was “fired”).

Her insistence that “you could have picked me” isn’t one of her genuinely thinking she had the ability to help in that situation. It’s that she’s uncomfortable that her best friend and her boyfriend shared something she didn’t, that Elphaba (quite rightly given the circumstance) didn’t immediately turn to her for help. There also possibly is a hint of her realising here (if, I think, subconsciously) that Elphaba and Fiyero might have feelings for each other, and reacting to try and prevent it.

From Elphaba’s side, she is feeling guilty for having feelings for her best friend’s boyfriend. She first tries to downplay it “he just helped me rescue the Cub,” and then, on further pushing, apologises, says it was a mistake and promises to “pick” Galinda next time.

How do we know that it was a matter of her feeling guilty over feelings for Fiyero rather than thinking it was a “mistake” that she “picked” Fiyero? BECAUSE SHE DIDN’T PICK HIM! We know that she didn’t have any control over the spell, we know she was just as surprised as Fiyero when he didn’t fall asleep with the others. The only reason she wouldn’t have said “I didn’t pick him, he must have been immune to my spell for some reason, maybe he took a lot of hay fever tablets that day,” is because the mistake is not about that. The mistake was letting Fiyero get close enough at all that she caught feelings for him (perhaps even ones she sort of knew she was brewing – given the cut Boq train station scene implies that he’s noticed too and they’ve all be hanging together for a while before this point).

Therefore, her promise to Galinda is not about trusting her, or thinking she’d have been a better person to save the Lion Cub with, it’s about making it up to Galinda, and proving to herself that she will never do something that might hurt Galinda again.

And Defying Gravity proves that Galinda was indeed the wrong person to be “picked”. We see Elphaba and Glinda in a very similar situation to the Lion Cub scene, they’re breaking the law for the good of the Animals. Firstly, Glinda doesn’t even follow Elphaba until Morrible tells her to “get her back”(again, Fiyero takes the lead in the Lion Cub scene, he’d have saved the Cub without her), then she tells Elphaba to come back, that she’s out of her mind and, while she does clearly flirt with the idea of joining Elphaba, not only does she quickly back down, it’s never, never about truly believing, or even fully understanding, why Elphaba wants to go.

Ultimately, the promise scene is a tragic one, it’s the first scene where we see how different both girls’ morals really are. They’re making the promise for two different, selfish reasons, that have more to do with their own insecurities than actual belief in each other, and it’s a promise that gets broken before the end of the movie.

It’s also worth noting that Glinda even has another chance to keep this promise in Act 2. In the throne room scene, she could have gone with Elphaba and Fiyero – it would have been easy to say “me too” when Fiyero says he’s going with her, but it doesn’t even occur to her. Meanwhile Fiyero, again, has already stepped up, willingly giving away his palace life, reputation and become a traitor to Oz to ensure Elphaba gets away safely.

Fiyero was always the right person to pick in the Lion Cub scene.

[wisteria-lodge]

What do you think a wizarding wedding would look like, and what do you think Lucius' and Narcissa's specifically looked like?

The book does show us Fleur and Bill's wedding, but that was a wartime shotgun-ish wedding in the peripherals of the story's focus. I'm also not ever sure how much of the details there are things joanne really thought about and decided to include in her representation of a Magical wedding, and how much of it are just modern social customs she might have considered the forever universal default and put in the book.

Narcissa and Lucius also seem to be the rare fictional couple who'd actually enjoy all the pedantry and tradition and specificities in a wedding to me. Seeing as you're writing a fic with them in it, I thought you'd probably already thought about this aspect of worldbuilding/character writing, so I hope you don't mind me asking abt it. Thanks and have a great day!!

Okay, I love this ask, and I'm going to lay it all out, but first I want to lay out my Reasoning.

Here are my rules, when it comes to expanding on/filling in the Harry Potter world building:

ONE: If we’re dealing with any sort of political or social structure, my reference is England, year 1700. 

This does make sense with the backstory we get: the Wizarding World split away from the Muggle world in the late 1600s, wizards live a really long time, and wizards also didn’t need an industrial revolution (because magic filled the place of tech) so they wouldn’t have gotten any of the social changes that happened because of the industrial revolution. 

Also, this particular time period generally fits with what we see on the page. Education, politics, the police force, mental health care - it all seems to work in a very 1700s way. We don’t have any electricity, there’s no industrialization. (Like, Umbridge’s pamphlets are made by hand. I mean obviously they’re made by magic, but an individual’s magic, they’re not assembled in a magical factory.) So when Draco brings up a “museum”...  it makes sense to me that he’s not not thinking of a modern museum with a ticketing department running off grants and public funding, full of typed-out little plaques written by scientists and historians, telling you the provenance of whatever you’re looking at. If we went to a museum in Wizarding World, I would expect the type of museum you saw in 1700: a cabinet of curiosities assembled by one single wealthy collector, arranged in some eccentric way, handwritten labels or no labels at all, very probably in a wing of a private house. That feels correct and in-universe to me. So… whenever someone asks me something like ‘how do taxes work in the Harry Potter universe,’ I take 1700 England as a starting place, and go from there. 

TWO: If we’re dealing with aesthetic details or inventions, I draw from England 1700 - 1880

There isn’t much that’s Victorian in the world building… but there’s plenty in the set dressing. We see lots of 1800s fashion: women wearing hats with birds and flowers on them, men wearing bowler hats and top hats. There are 1800s hedge mazes, most of the holiday decorations are from the late 1800s, we’ve got radios and trains… and I’m completely fine with all that. It seems to me that if you’re a wizard walking through the Muggle world, it’s a lot easier to see someone wearing a cool hat, and say ‘I would like a hat like that’  - versus walking around and picking up the concept of, idk unions. So cameras are okay: they’re 1800s. Note that Rita Skeeter’s photographer Bozo has a magical version of a 1850s camera

while Muggle born Colin Creevey has… a modded 1930s camera? To communicate that he’s got a foot in both worlds. 

My point is, if you saw someone riding a bicycle in Harry Potter, you would assume they brought it in from the Muggle world. Bicycles showed up in England in the 1880s, so that’s slightly too late. It’s important to the feel of the world to keep up a good chunk of separation between the aesthetics of the Wizarding World, and the aesthetics of the muggle world.

THREE: Gender politics/gendered customs basically don’t exist

This is one of the things that makes Harry Potter a J. K. Rowling fantasy world. Obviously, JKR the person has a lot to unpack about gender politics, and there are all kinds of Doylist differences between the way male and female characters are treated in the Harry Potter books. But in universe, there is no Watsonian benefit to being a guy or being a girl in any particular situation. We get gendered bathrooms (although the prefects’ bathroom and the locker rooms seem co-ed), gendered fashions, gendered dorms… and that’s basically it.  

Of course there are some very old and baked in gendered things I doubt JKR even thought about… a woman taking her husband’s last name for instance. (Honestly - I would have loved a posh doubled-barreled name for Draco. Draco Malfoy-Black sounds quite sharp and public schooly.) There’s a thing where Dumbledore mentions that the Blacks prefer it when a guy inherits… but in the same breath, he’s completely convinced Bellatrix is about to inherit, so clearly that isn’t that important.

The only other example I can think of is the way we’re told the unicorns prefer the female students. But, the boys in Professor Grubbly-Plank’s class unanimously think this is bullshit, and I would argue that the framing of the book supports this read. We haven’t seen magic work like this before, so did Professor G-P get it wrong? And/or just doesn’t want to deal with the boys? Presumably this is why we are happy Hagrid is coming back

FOUR: There is basically no organized religion/spirituality in the Wizarding World. 

The narrative does a lot of work to not tell us who the random officiant at Dumbledore's funeral and Bill and Fleur‘s wedding is. Who is he? Who does he represent? How do you find him? How does he have authority to do this? Not important, doesn’t matter, keep moving along. We are definitely in a world where there is a holiday named Christmas… but it’s like the women taking their husband's name thing, that seems too baked into JKR’s worldview to question. But there is no mention of any religious dimension, it’s just presents and feasts and balls. 

If I’m writing something that’s interested in what these guys consider to be the sacred underpinnings of their world (like something focusing on a wedding, for instance…) then I think I would end up expanding on important magical rituals. I’m thinking Fidelius, Unbreakable Vow, sacrificial magic. Not for nothing, but considering how much importance the moment where Severus and Narcissa make an Unbreakable Vow is given by both the narrative and the characters… it feels more like a wedding than the wedding does, and I’m not even a Severus/Narcissa shipper. 

*

So when it comes to weddings… I’ve honestly found it uniquely difficult to research the history there, because a lot of people are very motivated to suggest that every wedding tradition has some deep, meaningful ancient origin - or that it was just kind of always that way. Take the concept of a “best man” and the term “best man" for instance. That starts showing up in the 1780s (so it’s a social custom that doesn’t make my 1700 deadline.) Harry is of course filtering everything through his POV, but if I were writing a wedding thing, I’d want to say that Sirius is filling a different position. Like “godfather” seems a very legally important role in the wizarding society, so lean into that.  Maybe the “best man” equivalent at a wizard wedding is the person who you’ve picked to get custody of your kids if you die. 

We also see things like white wedding dresses and matching bridesmaid dresses being treated as an absolute given at Fleur’s wedding, when both of those things pretty much only exist because Queen Victoria did them in 1840. One interesting thing is that JKR doesn’t seem to do an exchange of rings, and she’s changed up that moment to make it more reminiscent of (I think) a handfasting ceremony? Which is fine, I can work with that. (Also rings are just treated very negatively across the board in the Harry Potter books. No idea why.)

But, in-universe, the Bill/Fleur wedding is really hard to use as a model for what a typical pureblood Wizarding wedding looks like. For all the reasons Anon mentions: It’s war time, it was put together very quickly, Harry is not paying the most attention, we don’t get to see the whole thing. I would also add in the fact that the Weasleys are political radicals, and at that point especially would be very politically motivated to have a wedding that looks more Muggle. 

Okay.  If I were writing a pureblood wedding… like Lucius and Narcissa’s wedding… what would I do.

First, I don’t think I want a typical wedding from the year 1700. I want 1700 does renaissance/medieval. (Kind of Sir Walter Scott.) I like this because it brings in/explains the Merlin thing - the purebloods all use ‘Merlin’ as an oath, so I guess Merlin (and Arthur, and that kind of romanticized middle ages) is important to them culturally. Also, medieval influences are going to make your wedding feel impressive and established… which is exactly what the Malfoys are after. Make sure everyone knows what an old family they are. All these pureblood families have crests, so put them everywhere, front and center. The decorations should be banners and flags with the crests of everyone attending, no florals.

I also love the idea of fossilized fashions, old-fashioned clothes that don’t come out except during a very ceremonial, traditional occasion. (Think of the ways that veils used to be a pretty normal part of a lady's wardrobe, but now you only see them during weddings.) I’d have it so that during a wizard wedding… all the ladies bring out their long, draping, evil enchantress sleeves and the guys are supposed to wear half-capes and swords. It’s also a good excuse to bring out all the really old family jewelry, of which I am sure the Malfoys have buckets.

I also want this to be a very magical wedding. Like, there are parts of it you straight-up could not participate in as muggle, because I think (sadly) that would be the vibe during the timeline of the main books. Weddings are for showing off, and part of that would be showing off your magical prowess. I’m thinking - light the dance floor on fire before the first dance, and then the couple has to perform a Flame Freezing charm. This tradition started as a screw-you to the Muggles after the witch trials… but now everybody just kinda does it because it looks really cool when the newlyweds dance on a bed of flame. Oh, and we’re definitely doing medieval-style palm-touching dances. No waltzing for the first dance at a traditional Malfoy wedding.

And they’ll go all out for the wedding feast, which will be long. The 1700s and middle ages were both really into food that did stuff - food that transformed, or food that looked like other food, or food that had birds flying out of it. So  just lean into that times a million with magic.

I am also such a sucker for slightly sentient magical houses, and Harry Potter absolutely has some of that, with the way Hogwarts (the building) has various ways to fight back against enemies and infiltrators. So I think a Malfoy wedding would definitely be taking place at Malfoy Manor, and that the house itself would be a part of the proceedings in some way. Like it’s got to accept the new family member (we know, from little moments like Umbridge being barred from Dumbledore‘s office… that sometimes magical buildings just reject you.) Integrating a new person into the new space would be a multi-step process. Maybe there’s a ceremony where they present the new person with the family spell books, and another one where they present them with keys to various parts of the house, etc.

You could tie this in with the idea of a bedding ceremony (which also hits my medieval + 1700s markers.) Maybe the house changes in some way when the couple first sleeps together, like it redecorates with the belongings of the person moving in, or grows them a rose garden or observatory so they feel more at home. I bet it’s fun for the guests to stick around and watch this change happen. (A trope like this might be especially fun in an arranged marriage or marriage-law type story.)

I’m thinking this would also be a very long wedding, and the wedding party is probably staying at the house for a week or so beforehand. That’s part of the flex, the family’s ability to adequately pay host to so many people for such a long period of time. Like that’s what a house like Malfoy Manor is for, there’s a reason those places were functionally small hotels. If at the end my old-school pureblood wedding feels like a modern muggle wedding... I don’t think I’ve done my job. A Muggleborn who’s been invited ought to have culture shock.

And yes. It goes without saying that Lucius and Narcissa would have eaten up all this pomp and circumstance, with a spoon.

[its-your-mind]

Something something timkon and hair and how lex lichrally programmed Kon to shave his head before he went all luthor and was forced to attack his team, his best friends, his family. and then how most of the hair on the back of Tim’s head got burned off when he got blowed up (thx Steph) and he had to cut or shave the rest of it off so it could grow back semi-evenly. and how kon was a #rebel esp compared to all-American Boy Scout Superman; Kon’s rockin around with the side cut and the leather jacket and the buckles and the spikes or the (ill-advised and made me sad) black t-shirt and jeans but even the “I am a totally normal bro” getup made him distinct and different from Kal and that is really important to Kon because he wants to be his own person, not a Superman-stand-in. and THEN fucking LEX made it so Kon would look more like Lex! his other DNA donor!!! And Tim!! He kept his hair short — just long enough to spike it up as Robin — until both of his parents were gone. which suggests to me that he kinda always wanted it long (hello Tim Drake, #1 Dick Grayson stan) but that just wasn’t an option allowed to him (not uncommon for parents who care Very Much about Appearances — my own parents were the same about my brothers’ hair growing up, not least because the private all-boys school they went to dictated that their hair couldn’t be long enough to touch the collar of their shirt (with exceptions for [insert kinda racist and vaguely xenophobic language here] hair styles). As soon as he turned 18 my baby brother got a rocker-style mane. But I digress. Anyway). Then, post-tragedy, Tim’s hair got long enough to flip down over his forehead and stream behind him when he swung through the city (perhaps one of his ways of clinging to control and his sense of self in the whole awful situation). But then… Tim got fucking exploded, betrayed by his ex-girlfriend who had only just returned after letting him grieve her death for a year, and now she’s following Tim’s dead father mentor’s instructions to challenge him or whatever the fuck bullshit Batman told her, (a young girl whose own father was an asshole criminal, who so desperately wanted Bruce to be proud of her) and now Tim has to cut his hair all the way down to the scalp again and listen. I’m sorry dc tim looks fucking amazing in adventure comics and I’m in love with how he is arted but hair cannot and does not grow back that quick!! Mf had to wait!! I bet it grew in fucking patchy!! I bet kon’s did too!! (prolly not as bad as Tim’s cuz Tim’s got scar tissue and shit.)

but I just think tim and kon deserve a chance to sit down and just commiserate with each other about growing their hair back out (growing back out a sidecut is a BITCH I speak from experience) and Tim’s prolly having to trim his own hair super often to keep it nice-ish while it comes back in, and Kon’s curls are just a fucking MESS until they grow out enough to like. Curl. (Again, speaking from experience) And they’re just shooting the shit (“well MINE was worse bc I looked like fucking LEX. LUTHOR.” / “well you didn’t have to wait to figure out which parts of your scalp we actually gonna bother growing hair again”) until it gets quiet for a minute. And then one of them asks if the hair also reminds the other one of The Shitty Thing That Happened. And then they fucking talk about it. About how they can’t look in the mirror without having a flashback of pain or rage. How it makes them feel like they don’t even get to control their own bodies, their own appearances, and how much that fucking sucks. How they go to run their hand through their hair and there’s just. Not enough of it to do that. How Kon is terrified that somehow looking like Lex means Lex will use him to hurt the people he loves again. How every time Tim sees another Bat or Bird looking at the back of his head, all he can think about is how they might be planning to lure him into another Bat-mandated trap test. How both Tim and Kon kinda really miss the feeling of people playing with their hair. How they miss playing with each others’ hair.

And maybe then one of them extends an offer and the other does the same and they agree to do each others’ hair. Maybe it’ll help paint a new layer over those awful memories.

So Kon finds Tim once a week (he’s never in the same place, he’s rarely even in the same country) and he trims the hair until it looks even, gives Tim the #sitch on how much hair is growing back in. After the second or third week he realizes that Tim’s not keeping up with his burn-care routine, so he starts bringing burn and scar cream with him too. Then he remembers Tim’s lack of a hair care routine and starts trying out different products on Tim’s hair to see what works best. Tim doesn’t say anything, but he thinks all of this feels even better than when Kon and Cassie used to twist little braids into his hair.

Kon insists that Tim doesn’t have to help until his hair’s grown out more, (that he doesn’t want Tim nearby and distracted while Kon still looks like Lex) but Tim outright refuses to let Kon push him away and he will NOT be outdone in the caretaking game. He waits until Kon’s busy fighting some giant alien robot in metropolis and sneaks in to the Kents’ house to scope out what products Kon uses. When he leaves the bathroom, Ma Kent is there, eyebrow raised. She tells him he “could have just knocked on the front door, sweetheart, we know how’ta keep secrets in this house. Now, let’s get some food in you before Conner comes home. You’re all skin and bones, hun.” So Tim goes downstairs and takes some mini meat pies for the road, and then researches the products Kon uses, what they do, what the ingredients do, if there are other (more expensive) options that people have sworn up and down are better. He amasses a collection, and the next time Kon shows up with clippers and healing creams and a new shampoo to try, Tim’s already got ten different products lined up on the sink — everything from shampoos and conditioners to serums and masks. Kon asks if these are things Tim wants Kon to use in Tim’s hair. Tim tells him that no, all of these are for Tim to try on Kon. Kon almost cries. (He does cry, he just doesn’t let the tears fall until Tim isn’t looking.) (Tim notices anyway ofc.) And Tim’s made a spreadsheet to track the effectiveness of different products, different ingredients, different combinations, so he tells Kon to start coming every 2-3 days instead, so he can establish results using a realistic timeframe. Sometimes, if Tim’s gonna be in one place for a few days, Kon just crashes with him. (Neither of them say it, but they both fucking CRAVE the old Core Four cuddle piles.) Eventually, when Kon’s hair is long enough that he’s ready to switch back to his side-cut again, Tim surprises him by not only shaving the hair down, but shaving a few racing stripes (“they’re flight patterns!” / “rob, I dunno what to tell you. everyone’s gonna think they’re racing stripes. doesn’t mean they aren’t dope as fuck, though.”) into Kon’s hair. Every time Kon’s hair grows out enough, Tim shaves it back and stencils in a new design. Kon starts making requests (“gimme the Super ‘S’!” / “It’s the House of El crest, Kon. You know that. Also, you have a secret identity to maintain.” / “C’mon, I’ll just say I’m a fan!” / “With the same El family crest shaved onto your scalp as Superboy?” / “No one’s noticed the identical head decor yet!”) but it’s the day Kon asks (with the same confident and mischievous tone as always) for Tim to shave in the Red Robin crest that something in Tim’s chest, something formless and warm that he hadn’t really paid attention to before, seers a burning path through his heart, takes root, and solidifies.

“Kon. I love you.”

Kon’s distracted, rifling through their hair-care bags for Tim’s razors. “Love you too, Robbie. Duh. That’s why I’m askin’ you to shave your cre–”

“No,” Tim shakes his head, mildly frustrated with himself for the lack of clarity. “I’m in love with you. I think I have been for a while.”

Kon is seated in the chair they’d pulled into the bathroom from the hotel room’s desk, so he has to look up to meet Tim’s eyes. The hand digging beneath sample bottles of leave-in conditioner freezes, still wrist-deep in hair products. Kon’s expression looks to Tim like one of his video games’ character builders froze between the settings for ‘bright smile’ and ‘shock and awe.’

So Tim just looks down at him. Waits. If this was anyone else, Tim would probably be losing his mind right now, but… it’s Kon. Tim’s safe. Kon would never do anything to hurt him.

Kon unfreezes, blinks a few times. “Could you–” he coughs. “Could you say that again? I think my brain maybe like, malfunctioned for a second.”

Tim takes a step closer, reaches out one hand to cup Kon’s cheek, scratches his fingertips through the stubble on the side of Kon’s head. “I’m in love with you, Conner Kent.”

Tears fill Kon’s eyes, and he blinks them away. “That’s– that’s what I thought you said.” His hand (the one not trapped beneath a sea of shampoos, some detached and unhelpful part of Tim’s mind remarks) comes up to gently rest on Tim’s hip. “Robbie, Tim, I– of course I’m in love with you. You– you’re– you’re amazing, you know that? You’re so kind and strong and you’re a genius and you’re a gift to everyone around you; I dunno how everyone else doesn’t see you like I do.”

Tim can’t help but reach out his other hand to wrap around the back of Kon’s head, to feel where the curls carve a path down through the shorter hair and come to a sharp point.

“I mean, damn Wonder Boy,” Kon tries to muster up his Superboy smirk, but the look in his eyes is full of too much genuine affection for him to pull it off. “I think I’ve been in love with you since Kauai, since you grabbed me outta free-fall and swung me to safety. You caught me. No one’d ever done that before. And then you just… kept doing it. You’re still saving me, still taking care of me.”

Kon reaches his other hand (no eruption of hairspray, thank you TTK, that same unhelpful part of Tim’s mind comments. Read the room! the rest of Tim yells at it.) around the back of Tim’s neck, avoiding the tender and scarred areas with practiced ease, and pulls Tim down until their foreheads touch.

“I love you, Wonder. I love you, Robbie.” Kon tilts his head up, waits until their eyes meet. He’s got the biggest smile on his face that Tim’s ever seen.

Tim smiles back, and Kon’s eyes soften. “I love you, Tim.”

Tim leans down and uses his hands on either side of Kon’s head to guide Kon’s lips up to his own.

This is what I want to remember, Tim thinks as he feels Kon’s fingers gliding softly against the sensitive skin of his burn, feels Kon’s TTK covering and protecting the parts still too tender to touch. Tim runs his own fingertips back and forth over the stubble on the sides of Kon’s head, before pushing them up until they’re tangled in Kon’s curls.

I don’t want to care anymore whether or not the people around me look at the back of my head and see weakness or failure. They don’t get to decide whether this mark on my body matters or what it means. I do. And I decide that these scars are important because they brought me here, to this moment. They brought me to Kon.

Kon tilts his head down to break the kiss. He stands up, and before Tim gets a chance to move away and give him space, Kon wraps his arms and TTK around him. He plants a kiss in Tim’s hair. “Damn, Wonder Boy. Having to grow all my hair back almost feels worth it if it got me here.”

Tim smiles and wraps his arms around Kon’s waist, nestles into Kon’s chest. “You know what, Clone Boy? I was just thinking the same thing.”

[wyvernspirit]

So after watching all of Jentry Chau Vs The Underworld in the past 2 days I've quite a bit to say

This show needed to be two seasons long, I feel half my critiques would probably not exist if it got the runtime it deserved

Kit had the most interesting character arc and was done the most dirty of everyone by the lack of runtime later in the season and also the characters around him??? Can everyone stop treating Kit like shit for two seconds please??

I at multiple points went "God this feels like arcane levels of Greek tragedy" so it has that going for it

If it has ended as a season 1 on episode 9 (I think? The episode where she's out on the field and Cheng revived his daughter then the portals are opened) it could have been a really solid set up for a season 2, but unfortunately the next final episodes feel incredibly jam-packed and rushed with no room to breathe

The music and fight scenes were arguably the best part of the show, there was some really interesting "camera" work too

I didn't like how Michael basically played with 3 girls feelings for the whole show, particularly sorry to girl from the last episode who doesn't even get a name as far as I can tell

(also the way he went "and Kit did you love him too??" as some kind of snap back to Jentry like HE DIDNT LITERALLY JUST DIE MICHAEL CAN YOU STFU FOR TWO SECONDS NOT THE TIME)

Michael kinda just sucked? Like I wanted to like him but he's very meh to me and I'm sorry but the reveal of him actually being really bad at the flute just, threw me off completely especially because instruments are expensive!! He didn't buy it on a whim, the whole thing is he's supposed to have this deep passion for music but like it's not really reflected at all?? There's not even any conversations between him and Jentry about music outside band tryouts

And him having powers I guess could have been set up for a season 2 but we end this season really conclusively? All the plot threads and character arcs wrapped up. Like if anything I could see a spin off with him maybe but- like I don't want one, I just could see that happening

Actually to go back a paragraph for a second, that's something the show does a few times where it drops these very sudden interests of the characters and pretends they had them all along?? Like Jentry and baton twirling, like come on wouldn't it have made more sense if she got sought out by the school dance team or something?? Or just have her main spirit fighting weapon be a baton!! Show her having genuine interest in that aspect of spirit fighting and then have it reflect later in school? Like why did these girls see a video of Jentry dancing and go "Hey she could probably baton twirl!" that makes no sense!

The animation was really great! More than that even, I love the art style and art direction this show has, it really gave me some major inspiration! I want to draw some fanart really badly!!

Okay this a major IN MY OPINION, low-key I think the show might have been more interesting if it was just set in Seoul for the whole time, I preferred Jentrys friends there, I much preferred the environments and the colours the art direction had in the setting of Seoul

I didn't really care for Texas in the show and It made the feelings of her later questioning if she should return or not be hollow to me the viewer, because I was like OF COURSE SHE SHOULD

Stella is a character I have complicated feelings on! I really did not care for the minuet of Michael's introduction at school her getting weighed down as just "the girlfriend" character and how Jentry wasn't allowed form a meaningful connection to her until after Michael and her broke up, hell Stella basically gets forgotten by the plot until the last 4ish episodes, and IN THOSE she's a REALLY fun and strong character! I love how she started learning seals and was such a a big part of them winning that final fight at the school, which frankly I don't think she gets enough credit for

And while I find her blushing at Jentrys other friend cute it just makes me sigh because now I realize the show totally could have just done a "Fuck the boys" Jentry x Stella ship and I would have been totally down

Actually low-key I think my ideal is Kit and their Girlfriend Jentry and Jentrys Girlfriend Stella ((and I guess maybe Stella's boyfriend Michael if he got written better, but meh don't expect me to include him in the polycule if I ever write Fics/draw art for this show))

Also speaking of Kit god I would love them to be genderfluid or I guess it to be acknowledged? As queer and not just, because their a skin walker. Like you can read them that way because of them being a skin walker demon but like if it was acknowledged in the show after making Jentry's skin he experimented a little with how he looked as Kit and his sense of fashion and style!!

Idk I would have loved it, I have some strong feelings on how this show had hints of queerness but never actually acknowledged that queerness besides I guess Jentrys fake parents being like "So do you have a boyfriend?? ..or a girlfriend??" Which I mean, I guess, diversity win the cat spirits pretending to be your dead parents don't care if your gay!

I was very invested in the mysteries of the Chau family for the whole run I just wish that they had time to breathe, we went from one revelation to the next and each one hit just that little bit less because there was no down time given between them.

Okay overall though, it's going to be rotating in my mind like a microwave for the next two weeks I can tell

I don't know if it's strong enough to stick around as a major fixation but maybe a minor one where I occasionally get drawn back over the characters who had so much potential to me

I'd say a solid like 8/10

Yeah I know I just did all that whining and complaining

But I did genuinely enjoy most of the viewing experience and the ideas behind it

It was good, I think other people should give it a try, it deserves a lot more love and attention for sure

[mur1an]

I will say this at once, Tantris and Isolde 2 are both illusions created using Isolde ideal of how she wishes they could be. Because, there's no way in hell that Tristan sees Isolde like Isolde 2 or wishes she was that way, it just don't make sense for him to thing like that. While Isolde has already spoken about how she feels about her high, and that she believe that this is a reason for him not like her back.

And as I are said in previous post, Arthur most definitely know that Tristan was in Camelot, I mean if the black hole that opened wen they were talking is not a prove enough, and yes, we can say it could be a natural reaction of Camelot, but Arthur created this place so he must be aware of the people that don't fall for it's tricks.

There is also the part about Isolde and Chion finding one another quickly after the fall, but Tristan took a year to find!

You may say, but if it creates an illusion of Tristan why not make an exact copy of the original? And that's were I wanted to get.

It has already been established that the illusion of Camelot are nothing more than a reflection of people memories.

Isolde and Chion have ared went through this experience, so logically they would be able to notice at some point that is a illusion. Following that same logic, it would make sense why Tantris don'ts have memories. Since if he doesn't have memories then he wouldn't have the same reaction as the fake Jade.

And you may ask me, why would Arthur do an illusion of Tristan? Well, It could be to distract them. Make them believe that they have found Tristan, but that something is wrong with him, so they would stop looking for him because they are know where he is.

Now, why Arthur might want Tristan, for several reasons, it all depends on the narrative that Nakaba wants to follow. He may have taken Tristan to perform experiments, to torture, to kill him, but if you want to think of another path that is not so obvious (and which I find more interesting), he may be wanting to bring Tristan to his side.

Now you may ask, why would you think that? And I will answer, because I delusional.

Ok, talking serious right now, it's because from all the four, Tristan is the one with less lore in the arthurian legends (Nakaba has are put the most interesing part from his lore in the manga, from now one his history is basic Romeo and Juliet but with different characters), so by logic he is the one that Nakaba can create most new things for. There's also the fact that from all the four, Tristan is the only one that don't have a connection with Arthur. And I personally would find really boring if he just end up hating Arthur like Percival and Lancelot, I think it would be really interesing see the oposite happenig to him.

Like, think of them having a relationship similar to Silco and Jinx, our Claudia and Aaravos.

That would be really cool!! And also the quantity of angst we can get with that, ooh boy.

And it makes a lot of sense. These two characters have a lot in common. Both are made of light and darkness (Tristan is a nephilim and Arthur is chaos), they both had a human part in them, but from what we can understand, Arthur took away his human side, or at least half of it. Both could create a natural curiosity for each other due to their similar nature, after all they are unique.

And yes, there is a possibility that Tantris is Tristan just with amnesia. But again, that would be boring.

Woo! I think this the biggest post I have ever made,... I need to do more in the future! But that's it for today, thanks for reading to the end. I would really like to read your guys opinions on this, if you guys want to share.

[ficsinhistory]

Ok, I'll ask! Since team Sonic all have their traumas, what might be Amy's? Anything to do with some other characters, like Cream or Vanilla, or some new ones per the movies? Thanks, and glad you liked the movie too, IT WAS FREAKING AMAZING!!!! 🖤❤️🖤

Hello @selemercy !! I’m so happy you asked because I’m really excited to dive into what could be the possible horrors and traumas of our little sweet pink hedgehog (and speculate in general about her in the fourth movie) !!!

THIS WILL HAVE SPOILERS TO SONIC 3, PLEASE AVOID IF YOU DON’T SEE IT YET!!! (GO SEE THE MOVIE IS PEAK!)

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LET’S GO!!!!

First, I will delimit some info. For what we’re seeing in the SCU, the games are the base but not followed step by step, so some modifications can be done. Also, it seems that it’s a game per movie, so Cream and Vanilla wouldn’t be in the movie or barely mentioned. Also using what was seen in the post credit scene.

Ok? Ok.

In the movies, Sonic, Knuckles, Tails and Shadow all have their traumas and heavy backstory that molded them as characters that impact them in all the story. Seeing how this universe is building them so well, I can’t see Amy not receiving a similar development. Because, even loving Amy, I have to admit: she doesn’t have a strong or big backstory for herself. Her own origin was err…kinda cliche, borderlining problematic (for today standards ofc). Sure, she evolved a lot but when we talk about movies, backstory is a huge point. So, a change comes. Let’s see some points.

Sonic 4 will follow probrally loosely the events of Sonic CD. That's my most safe bet. With Metal Sonic involved, I only can see this game as the base. But keep in mind the key-word here: base. The movies give me some strong reasons that Amy’s and backstory will be wildly different, while her personality could have some changes yet, keeping the core of Amy Rose. So, some changes:

Amy will be from the Little Planet. Amy Rose doesn’t have a home, so taking into account Sonic CD, this is what could be a good change, Little Planet can and is inhabited in the games, so can be in the movies too! Is a pretty big one too, because my next bet is…

Amy will find Sonic because she’s the guardian AND holder AND user of the Time Stones! See, remember the whole “find you because fate told me”? Can work with some changes that I will explain later!

Amy will PROTECT Sonic! You hear me right, Amy Rose in the movie universe will be a protector of this boy this time! 

With that explained, here my humble takes!

Amy will be a girly girl from the Little Planet, that still with her core traits: optimist, full of unconditional love, kind, hot-tempered, bold, fearless, proactive, energetic and with a huge amount of empathy. She is the girl we already know with an eagerness of adventure and unstoppable drive, great! 

To her life before chaos I have two lines:

She has been alone since…always. Sonic had Longclaw, Knuckles his tribe, Tails his village. Amy…had nobody. No origin or family. She grows up as an orphan and with no parental figure. We would see her living in some orphanage or an institution for kids like her. The point is that Amy would not have nobody and this makes a number on her. She wants help and to be there for people so much… because no one ever has been there for her. Would be a great contrast with everyone and Sonic, in particular. She loves the universe so much, yet… with no family or friends. (bonus point if she sees the Wachowski at some point with a found look wishing that she had a family too *cries*)

A bunch of messed up things happened that left her with anyone. Big tragedy here. Amy would have a good family but a disaster out of her control ripped them of her. In this case, the Metal Sonic army (more elaboration later). In this case, she also would lead with grif, but she would feel more the impotence in front of fate and tragedy, and this would mess her up. 

Or even can be none of this! 

So, Amy Rose is a kind, feisty and lovely girl that lives in her home: Little Planet. She would have some attachment issues, if for the reasons above or other, she would have them (some good material about this here and here). Amy would feel really bad about being alone, left behind and virtually, without anyone in the world, thinking that even longing for bonds, she is always left behind, leading to some issues and a sense of inferiority. Yet, Amy would love everyone and everything, seeing the best in all people and trusting that life can be good. She would be resilient and lovable.

Not only that, maybe because she would be an apprentice of the guardian (like Sonic and Longclaw) or by chance, but Amy also would know where lays the Time Stones. The central piece of her culture and the reason she believes times and fate is the answer to all. You can’t fight destiny, isn’t it?

Well, is all sun and rainbows in her life…

Until the plot happens :D 

The Metals Sonic would appear and dominate Little Planet, wanting the Time Stones to reign supreme, destroying all she ever knew. But Amy then got them first to discover a way to fix things and they show how: Metal Sonic can be defeated. What leads to the bad end is Sonic being defeated, so now she has to make sure he's alive. This blue boy became her hope and the girl now has a mission: find and protect Sonic.

Then Amy runs away to Earth at the current timeline with the help of  the Stones, at the same age and time as Sonic.

Now, she was truly alone, having to hide from the Metal Army that now made her a target, trying to always do good things to people but never staying for so long. Is dangerous. She is running from a powerful enemy and can’t stay with anyone.

She doesn't know how to find the blue hedgehog either.

The Time Stones would give only some flashes of Sonic and Amy has no courage to use them again, afraid of messing up the only change she has. As she grows up, they'd only give some glimpses of how Sonic is in the moment, and how he spent the most part of his life hiding, would make it pretty hard to find him.

Also would make her basically grow up along him and her only constant in life. In the flashes, Amy would always observe as if he was sad or happy, catch his little mannerisms and the people he sees. She finds him funny, a little lonely, and ultimately a good person. She sees his power and why he is the one who stops those machines. Amy really wants to talk to him.

He's on Earth like her. Is everything she knows.

Meanwhile she trained a lot. Being chased for your whole life teaches some tricks and Amy became very good at being under the radar. She learned how to elude the metal sonics even with the power of the Times Stones buzzing beneath her skin. She learned to fight with the hammer, the only thing she brought with her from home. How to use her chaos energy in her favor. 

A warrior made after years.

Is when the things with Shadow and the almost destruction of the Earth gave her the sign she needed and using the Time Stone, finally finds where Sonic would be.

So basically it would be this. Also, imo, Amy's conflict would be that she wants to save everyone from Metal Sonic. But she is also attached to Sonic and after basically growing up with him and seeing him with his family…let's say she doesn't feel exactly comfortable sending him to battle. Maybe also with some visions with him dying in the mix, and a Future that all is okay, but she dies instead and she prefers this than sending her lover one to danger thanks to some sacrificial tendences plus unconditional love PLUS nobody would care because everyone leaves her behind anyway and Sonic had so much to lose.

What would drive him crazy because he may or may not have fallen in love with her (if some media can do Sonamy right is the SCU and they are kinda confirmed to be a point of the movie so…yeah. My take on Sonamy is the old that fate brings us and we're doomed by the narrative. A classic. I could write a post about Sonamy in the SCU context and that could really work!)

Thanks for asking!