#it’s about the queer need to have control of your appearance and how the world sees you

[its-your-mind]

Something something timkon and hair and how lex lichrally programmed Kon to shave his head before he went all luthor and was forced to attack his team, his best friends, his family. and then how most of the hair on the back of Tim’s head got burned off when he got blowed up (thx Steph) and he had to cut or shave the rest of it off so it could grow back semi-evenly. and how kon was a #rebel esp compared to all-American Boy Scout Superman; Kon’s rockin around with the side cut and the leather jacket and the buckles and the spikes or the (ill-advised and made me sad) black t-shirt and jeans but even the “I am a totally normal bro” getup made him distinct and different from Kal and that is really important to Kon because he wants to be his own person, not a Superman-stand-in. and THEN fucking LEX made it so Kon would look more like Lex! his other DNA donor!!! And Tim!! He kept his hair short — just long enough to spike it up as Robin — until both of his parents were gone. which suggests to me that he kinda always wanted it long (hello Tim Drake, #1 Dick Grayson stan) but that just wasn’t an option allowed to him (not uncommon for parents who care Very Much about Appearances — my own parents were the same about my brothers’ hair growing up, not least because the private all-boys school they went to dictated that their hair couldn’t be long enough to touch the collar of their shirt (with exceptions for [insert kinda racist and vaguely xenophobic language here] hair styles). As soon as he turned 18 my baby brother got a rocker-style mane. But I digress. Anyway). Then, post-tragedy, Tim’s hair got long enough to flip down over his forehead and stream behind him when he swung through the city (perhaps one of his ways of clinging to control and his sense of self in the whole awful situation). But then… Tim got fucking exploded, betrayed by his ex-girlfriend who had only just returned after letting him grieve her death for a year, and now she’s following Tim’s dead father mentor’s instructions to challenge him or whatever the fuck bullshit Batman told her, (a young girl whose own father was an asshole criminal, who so desperately wanted Bruce to be proud of her) and now Tim has to cut his hair all the way down to the scalp again and listen. I’m sorry dc tim looks fucking amazing in adventure comics and I’m in love with how he is arted but hair cannot and does not grow back that quick!! Mf had to wait!! I bet it grew in fucking patchy!! I bet kon’s did too!! (prolly not as bad as Tim’s cuz Tim’s got scar tissue and shit.)

but I just think tim and kon deserve a chance to sit down and just commiserate with each other about growing their hair back out (growing back out a sidecut is a BITCH I speak from experience) and Tim’s prolly having to trim his own hair super often to keep it nice-ish while it comes back in, and Kon’s curls are just a fucking MESS until they grow out enough to like. Curl. (Again, speaking from experience) And they’re just shooting the shit (“well MINE was worse bc I looked like fucking LEX. LUTHOR.” / “well you didn’t have to wait to figure out which parts of your scalp we actually gonna bother growing hair again”) until it gets quiet for a minute. And then one of them asks if the hair also reminds the other one of The Shitty Thing That Happened. And then they fucking talk about it. About how they can’t look in the mirror without having a flashback of pain or rage. How it makes them feel like they don’t even get to control their own bodies, their own appearances, and how much that fucking sucks. How they go to run their hand through their hair and there’s just. Not enough of it to do that. How Kon is terrified that somehow looking like Lex means Lex will use him to hurt the people he loves again. How every time Tim sees another Bat or Bird looking at the back of his head, all he can think about is how they might be planning to lure him into another Bat-mandated trap test. How both Tim and Kon kinda really miss the feeling of people playing with their hair. How they miss playing with each others’ hair.

And maybe then one of them extends an offer and the other does the same and they agree to do each others’ hair. Maybe it’ll help paint a new layer over those awful memories.

So Kon finds Tim once a week (he’s never in the same place, he’s rarely even in the same country) and he trims the hair until it looks even, gives Tim the #sitch on how much hair is growing back in. After the second or third week he realizes that Tim’s not keeping up with his burn-care routine, so he starts bringing burn and scar cream with him too. Then he remembers Tim’s lack of a hair care routine and starts trying out different products on Tim’s hair to see what works best. Tim doesn’t say anything, but he thinks all of this feels even better than when Kon and Cassie used to twist little braids into his hair.

Kon insists that Tim doesn’t have to help until his hair’s grown out more, (that he doesn’t want Tim nearby and distracted while Kon still looks like Lex) but Tim outright refuses to let Kon push him away and he will NOT be outdone in the caretaking game. He waits until Kon’s busy fighting some giant alien robot in metropolis and sneaks in to the Kents’ house to scope out what products Kon uses. When he leaves the bathroom, Ma Kent is there, eyebrow raised. She tells him he “could have just knocked on the front door, sweetheart, we know how’ta keep secrets in this house. Now, let’s get some food in you before Conner comes home. You’re all skin and bones, hun.” So Tim goes downstairs and takes some mini meat pies for the road, and then researches the products Kon uses, what they do, what the ingredients do, if there are other (more expensive) options that people have sworn up and down are better. He amasses a collection, and the next time Kon shows up with clippers and healing creams and a new shampoo to try, Tim’s already got ten different products lined up on the sink — everything from shampoos and conditioners to serums and masks. Kon asks if these are things Tim wants Kon to use in Tim’s hair. Tim tells him that no, all of these are for Tim to try on Kon. Kon almost cries. (He does cry, he just doesn’t let the tears fall until Tim isn’t looking.) (Tim notices anyway ofc.) And Tim’s made a spreadsheet to track the effectiveness of different products, different ingredients, different combinations, so he tells Kon to start coming every 2-3 days instead, so he can establish results using a realistic timeframe. Sometimes, if Tim’s gonna be in one place for a few days, Kon just crashes with him. (Neither of them say it, but they both fucking CRAVE the old Core Four cuddle piles.) Eventually, when Kon’s hair is long enough that he’s ready to switch back to his side-cut again, Tim surprises him by not only shaving the hair down, but shaving a few racing stripes (“they’re flight patterns!” / “rob, I dunno what to tell you. everyone’s gonna think they’re racing stripes. doesn’t mean they aren’t dope as fuck, though.”) into Kon’s hair. Every time Kon’s hair grows out enough, Tim shaves it back and stencils in a new design. Kon starts making requests (“gimme the Super ‘S’!” / “It’s the House of El crest, Kon. You know that. Also, you have a secret identity to maintain.” / “C’mon, I’ll just say I’m a fan!” / “With the same El family crest shaved onto your scalp as Superboy?” / “No one’s noticed the identical head decor yet!”) but it’s the day Kon asks (with the same confident and mischievous tone as always) for Tim to shave in the Red Robin crest that something in Tim’s chest, something formless and warm that he hadn’t really paid attention to before, seers a burning path through his heart, takes root, and solidifies.

“Kon. I love you.”

Kon’s distracted, rifling through their hair-care bags for Tim’s razors. “Love you too, Robbie. Duh. That’s why I’m askin’ you to shave your cre–”

“No,” Tim shakes his head, mildly frustrated with himself for the lack of clarity. “I’m in love with you. I think I have been for a while.”

Kon is seated in the chair they’d pulled into the bathroom from the hotel room’s desk, so he has to look up to meet Tim’s eyes. The hand digging beneath sample bottles of leave-in conditioner freezes, still wrist-deep in hair products. Kon’s expression looks to Tim like one of his video games’ character builders froze between the settings for ‘bright smile’ and ‘shock and awe.’

So Tim just looks down at him. Waits. If this was anyone else, Tim would probably be losing his mind right now, but… it’s Kon. Tim’s safe. Kon would never do anything to hurt him.

Kon unfreezes, blinks a few times. “Could you–” he coughs. “Could you say that again? I think my brain maybe like, malfunctioned for a second.”

Tim takes a step closer, reaches out one hand to cup Kon’s cheek, scratches his fingertips through the stubble on the side of Kon’s head. “I’m in love with you, Conner Kent.”

Tears fill Kon’s eyes, and he blinks them away. “That’s– that’s what I thought you said.” His hand (the one not trapped beneath a sea of shampoos, some detached and unhelpful part of Tim’s mind remarks) comes up to gently rest on Tim’s hip. “Robbie, Tim, I– of course I’m in love with you. You– you’re– you’re amazing, you know that? You’re so kind and strong and you’re a genius and you’re a gift to everyone around you; I dunno how everyone else doesn’t see you like I do.”

Tim can’t help but reach out his other hand to wrap around the back of Kon’s head, to feel where the curls carve a path down through the shorter hair and come to a sharp point.

“I mean, damn Wonder Boy,” Kon tries to muster up his Superboy smirk, but the look in his eyes is full of too much genuine affection for him to pull it off. “I think I’ve been in love with you since Kauai, since you grabbed me outta free-fall and swung me to safety. You caught me. No one’d ever done that before. And then you just… kept doing it. You’re still saving me, still taking care of me.”

Kon reaches his other hand (no eruption of hairspray, thank you TTK, that same unhelpful part of Tim’s mind comments. Read the room! the rest of Tim yells at it.) around the back of Tim’s neck, avoiding the tender and scarred areas with practiced ease, and pulls Tim down until their foreheads touch.

“I love you, Wonder. I love you, Robbie.” Kon tilts his head up, waits until their eyes meet. He’s got the biggest smile on his face that Tim’s ever seen.

Tim smiles back, and Kon’s eyes soften. “I love you, Tim.”

Tim leans down and uses his hands on either side of Kon’s head to guide Kon’s lips up to his own.

This is what I want to remember, Tim thinks as he feels Kon’s fingers gliding softly against the sensitive skin of his burn, feels Kon’s TTK covering and protecting the parts still too tender to touch. Tim runs his own fingertips back and forth over the stubble on the sides of Kon’s head, before pushing them up until they’re tangled in Kon’s curls.

I don’t want to care anymore whether or not the people around me look at the back of my head and see weakness or failure. They don’t get to decide whether this mark on my body matters or what it means. I do. And I decide that these scars are important because they brought me here, to this moment. They brought me to Kon.

Kon tilts his head down to break the kiss. He stands up, and before Tim gets a chance to move away and give him space, Kon wraps his arms and TTK around him. He plants a kiss in Tim’s hair. “Damn, Wonder Boy. Having to grow all my hair back almost feels worth it if it got me here.”

Tim smiles and wraps his arms around Kon’s waist, nestles into Kon’s chest. “You know what, Clone Boy? I was just thinking the same thing.”

[darcytaylor]

Honestly, at this point I think a lot of people need to be stepping away from this fandom and thinking about themselves more for awhile. I’ve been absolutely horrified by the discourse around Jake’s sexuality that has started to break out on here and other platforms and it is NOT a respectful or appropriate discussion to be having to begin with, let alone the tone and word choices people are using. 

This whole situation is a bit… messy at this point. To your point, you can’t read into anything we see online all that much because we don’t really know the full story or what’s going on inside their minds. That said, sometimes actions speak louder than words and there comes a point where the appearance of things should at least be respected.

People longing to get direct declarations or statements from folks like we might have been used to in the past, I feel, are going to be left wanting I fear, because more and more celebs are choosing to let their actions and choices speak for themselves, especially in their private lives. Margot Robbie didn’t even announce her pregnancy, she just lived her life and let photos be taken, and that’s turning into a fairly typical move since social media/news cycle is so open to everyone to see.

All that said, a lot of really nasty comments and opinions and behaviors really do seem to be coming out lately, and it’s really just a disappointment.

A thing that always makes me roll my eyes is when people argue that since it’s okay to label someone as straight, it should be fine to speculate and label someone as gay or queer. It’s important to remember the historical context behind these labels. For much of history, being gay or queer carried stigma, discrimination, and harm. It’s not about the labels themselves but the weight they carry and the harm that speculation can cause.

Ideally, we’d reach a point where we no longer feel the need to label anyone’s sexuality. Sexuality is fluid; it’s not binary. But we’re not there yet. LGBTQ+ individuals still face challenges, and respecting someone’s autonomy over their identity - and what they choose to share - is key. How we talk about sexuality matters because words and speculation can have real consequences.

But achieving all of this requires continuous change, empathy, and respect for others privacy and identity. Ignoring that need for caution disregards the health and safety of people.

This situation feels messy, and honestly, the fandom is making it messier. It’s hard for people to grasp that we don’t truly know these individuals or what’s happening behind the scenes. When Nicola talked about false rumours about herself, she said, “But they don’t even know me. That's the key.” She was right. Even if she corrected the narrative, people would still cherry-pick moments from her life and pretend to know everything. The internet gives us a lot of information, but it’s just a snapshot. Nothing replaces the nuance of someone’s private thoughts and feelings.

While actions do speak loudly, we need to balance that with respect for what’s shown publicly and avoid making assumptions about someone’s personal life. We might interpret actions one way, but that doesn’t mean they reflect the full story. The rumours being turned into “truths” haven’t come from Nicola herself, and even if she did speak out, people would still believe what they want. Speaking out could even lead to more harm, including hate directed at people she cares about. Personally, I don’t think it’s worth it for her to inform fans or the general audience - at least not now, when it could do more damage than good.

We’re living in a completely different world than we were 20 years ago. Social media has given us access to celebrities lives, making it difficult for them to maintain any sense of privacy. In the past, we relied on traditional media outlets for glimpses of celebrities. Now, social media shows so much and often without control.

On top of that, almost everyone carries a camera in their pocket, making it far too easy to invade peoples privacy and turn their private moments into public spectacles without their consent. It’s no wonder many celebrities now choose to keep their personal lives more private and let their actions speak for themselves. By focusing on their actions, they avoid having their words twisted, and if their actions are kind and considerate, they don’t worsen situations, even if they don’t fully reveal what’s going on.

Unfortunately, the anonymity of the internet often brings out the worst in some, leading to nastiness and judgment. And even when we feel strongly about a topic, we should all strive to be more empathetic and mindful in how we engage. ❤️

[heyitsspiders]

Bitten Apple ~ AdamsApple Fic - CHAPTER 2

Adam wakes up and is pissed at the world (as always) plus with a bit of Adam having a mental breakdown

Ao3 Link

a/n: yippee another chapter, this one delves more into adam's trauma so if that sort of thing isnt your jam, then this chapter isnt for you

First Morning

Adam woke up the next morning to an annoying ass knocking on the door. He tried to cover his head with the satin pillows but his new ears made every noise ten times louder. Groaning, he got up and made his way across the room he had destroyed the night previous. It was his way of asserting dominance.

He opened the door to find Lucifer, mid knock and looking very peeved – which wasn’t fair when he was the one annoying Adam. “Finally, thought you’d up and died a third time,” Lucifer cocked a hand on his hip and raised a brow, leaning to see past the larger demon. 

“I thought you were a little too old for throwing tantrums?” Lucifer asked, eyes scanning the wreckage before flicking back up to Adam and then his room again.

“It wasn’t a tantrum, asshole,” Adam growled. How fucking dare Lucifer talk to him like that.  

“Uhuh, okay, well,” Lucifer stood up straight again, “it’s time for breakfast.”

“And?” Adam crossed his arms.

Lucifer pinched the bridge of his non-existent nose, “And that means you are to come to the dining hall and eat breakfast with me.”

Adam laughed, “Okay gay ass, why the fuck would I go eat with you like some queer?”

“Hm,” Lucifer hummed, “seems like someone forgot what they signed.” Lucifer flicked his wrist as that damned gold piece of paper appeared once more.

He pointed to it, “per our deal, you are to do as I ask and I am asking you to get your sorry ass down stairs and into the dining room.”

Adam rolled his eyes, “are you so lonely you need to make deals with people just so you don’t eat alone?”

Lucifer maintained his composure aside from his eye twitching, Adam was getting somewhere, “my actions don’t need to be explained to filth like you.”

“Sounds like I’m right,” Adam smirked.

“Sounds like you better go get cleaned up and get to breakfast before a suitable punishment is enacted,” Lucifer’s eyes bore into Adam.

“A punishment? Really?” Adam laughed, “oh please, I’m not a fucking child.”

“You sure? Because your actions seem very childish to me.”

“Childish?” Adam clenched his fists, “how am I acting childish? Why, because I don’t want to be your little bitch?”

“I’m not some chick for you to order around,” Adam spat.

“Oh but you are,” Lucifer purred. A golden chain suddenly materialized around Adam’s neck and in Lucifer's hand. Lucifer yanked down on the linked chain, forcing Adam down on one knee and by proxy at Lucifer’s eye level. “You are at my mercy and you will listen.”

Adam’s lip curled, showing off his now much sharper teeth as his brows knitted. The golden collar burned against his skin and he resisted trying to claw it off, instead opting to try and pull away. How fucking dare Lucifer talk to him like that. The anger he had for this cunt was immeasurable and what was worse is that he couldn’t even do anything about it. 

Lucifer let go of the chain, causing Adam to fall backwards, “Be down in 10 and look presentable.” And with that, he was gone once more.

Adam rubbed the back of his head as it ached dully from the impact. He stood up, mumbling to himself ‘fucking bitch,’ and ‘what is his fucking deal?’ He decided he would not only stay how he was – he was always presentable and Lucifer could kiss his ass – but he would also show up late. Lucifer may own him but Adam could still be in control. 

This however did not work out in Adam’s favor as when he finally showed up to the dining hall – which was nearly fucking impossible to find – he was dragged across the floor by the stupid fucking chain.

“I thought I told you to be down here 5 minutes ago,” Lucifer snapped, yanking the chain with harsher and harsher pulls. 

“Fuck – ow –” Adam tried to use his hands to push himself back but only skinned his hands in the process. “I got fucking lost – ow – fucking – shit – stop!” Adam yelped.

Lucifer stopped tugging on the chain as he sat in thought. He gave one more violent yank, “I suppose that’s fair, I meant to show you around but you gave me trouble. However, that does not explain why you still look like shit.” 

“I do not look like shit! I look cool as Hell!” Adam protested, now on his bruised knees. 

Lucifer just rolled his eyes in response and dropped the chain as it disappeared, like it was never there. Adam rubbed his neck as he pushed himself back up.

“Would you stop fucking shoving me on the ground?” Adam complained, subconsciously holding his palm to soothe the stinging flesh.

Lucifer let out a tsk, “maybe if you stop misbehaving I wouldn’t have to.” He snapped his fingers and pointed to a chair next to him, “sit.”

Adam stiffened at the command. Lucifer was commanding him like he was a fucking dog. He was the first man! Not some wild animal – no matter how he looked. Lucifer looked bored but Adam could see the hidden amusement in his eyes, he was fucking enjoying ordering Adam around like he was nothing but a mere plaything for him to move around.

Apparently, Adam was taking too long as Lucifer roughly sighed and pulled on the reappearing chain, yanking him forward onto his hands and knees. The carpet dug into Adam’s palms.

“I don’t think I stuttered, pet. Sit. In. The. Chair.” Each word was punctuated by a harsh tug. “You’re lucky I’m being nice and not making you eat out of a food bowl, or straight up starving you.”

Lucifer tugged the chain down, making Adam slam his face into the soft yet painful carpet, “but that doesn’t mean that won’t happen if you don’t start acting right.”

He finally released the fucking chain, allowing Adam to recover from his thirtyeth time getting dragged today. Adam suppressed a growl as he made his way to the stupid chair Lucifer wanted him to sit in, which was within arms reach of the man. He sat down on the plush red cushion that was the seat of the chair, readjusting as he accidentally sat on his new tail – he still wasn’t used to it yet. It was comfortable but that didn’t make Adam any less pissed.

Adam looked down at the plate in front of him, it was some fancy shit he couldn’t quite name but he couldn’t lie – it looked good. Lucifer looked so pleased with himself as he looked over Adam with a grin. Adam wanted nothing more but to wipe that stupid smile off his face and beat him into the ground. But, he couldn’t and that fucking stung. Adam was supposed to be powerful, worshiped, loved, praised – but now he was getting beaten senseless and insulted left and right. It wasn’t right. He wasn’t even supposed to fucking be here, he was supposed to be up in Heaven celebrating another successful extermination with his girls. 

Adam didn’t realize how hard he had been clenching his fists until blood drew from his sharp ass claws digging into his already stinging palms. Great, just another-

His heart sank. No– Surely it was a trick of the light– right?

He lifted his bloody hand to his face to get a better look at his hand. He wasn’t mistaken. Red blood ran down his palm and onto his wrist. Red. Images of sinners that had fallen to his hands flashed in his mind. Red, red, red, red redredredred–

Red blood. Sinners. He…

He was really a sinner.

He sucked in a sharp breath and held it. He was not about to break down – especially in front of the bitch that caused it. From the corner of his eyes he could see Lucifer, distantly remarking how he looked less smug and more confused at Adam’s sudden change in tone. Adam quickly held his bleeding palm to keep any more blood from spilling, his vision clouded. He couldn’t even think over the dull yet loud buzz that filled his mind. 

Adam grit his teeth and pushed his chair backwards, using his hands to push against the table which caused it to shutter and the silverware and plates clicking from the sudden jostle. He stood up with a swift motion and stomped off.

“Where are you-”

“To my room, asshole!” Adam roared, slamming the dining room door behind him.

Lucifer stared at the closed door. Adam had slammed it hard enough that some photos on the wall faintly swung. He debated going after the man-child and teaching him another lesson about listening but was swayed to leave him be when a droplet of red caught his eyes. He wiped his mouth with a napkin and stood up to examine further. 

Ah. Adam’s little outburst suddenly made sense as Lucifer peered at what he suspected to be Adam’s blood. A dark crimson – a stark contrast from the brilliant gold that signified angels. 

Lucifer chuckled to himself, “so much for being down here by accident.” He snapped his fingers and the blood was gone, it’s not sanitary to leave it hanging around, even more so in a place you eat.

Lucifer hummed to himself and looked at Adam’s untouched plate. Their first meal together definitely did not go how Lucifer had wanted it to and Lucifer guessed any further attempts today would not work. He sighed. Why was Adam being so difficult? Couldn’t he see there was no point?

He sat back in his chair and continued to eat. He couldn’t help as his mind wandered in the quiet room, thoughts of Adam filled his mind. Their days back in Eden, before everything went to shit, were so nice. Sun filled days, laying in the grass and listening to Adam talk about all the new discoveries he had made. The days before Lilith had been made when it was just the two of them. He was full of so much wonder and curiosity, everything was new to him and he was so excited to learn.

Lucifer blinked, dropping the fork he had been moving in mindless circles. Wow, he had not thought about Eden in a long time, especially about Adam. He shook his head, he couldn’t be thinking of Adam in such a light – the man had hurt his daughter and no amount of reminiscing could change that. Anger seeped back in, Lucifer was going to make Adam pay for everything he had done, one insult and chain pull at a time.

He looked down at his food frowning as his appetite was suddenly gone. Oh well, Lucifer waved a hand and it was gone. He stood up, grabbed his apple-topped cane that had been leaning against the table and pushed in his chair, his eyes catching on the untouched plate. He mulled over his options – he could send it up to Adam so he can eat but that would be rewarding bad behavior, which Lucifer didn’t want. Lucifer shrugged and waved it gone as well, if the first man got hungry he’d just have to come down during lunch or dinner, wasn’t his problem. A small smile fitted across his lips as he thought about how well he had Adam under his control – oh how the mighty have fallen.

Lucifer checked his nonexistent watch, he should really head over to Charlie’s hotel – he had agreed to help out more and with his sudden disappearance yesterday there were sure to be questions. He sighed, fixing his tophat and collar before snapping his fingers, disappearing from the already empty room.

He popped into the hotel, which was fairly busy after their recent victory against the angels. Lucifer wasn’t sure if people were coming to actually be redeemed or if they saw the hotel’s strength and were staying for protection – either way people were coming and staying and it made Charlie happy so Lucifer didn’t think about it too hard. He looked around, his red eyes scanning the room for his darling Char-Char. Finally, his eyes landed on the familiar red suit and blonde hair of his daughter. She was currently talking to her girlfriend – Maggie? – a smile adorned her lips as she spoke passionately and excitedly. Pride and love swelled in Lucifer’s chest, he was so proud of his daughter he could barely contain himself from running over there and giving her a bone-crushing hug. 

In fact, he couldn’t contain himself at all considering that is exactly what he did. “Charlie!” Lucifer greeted with a wide smile, wrapping his arms around his much taller daughter and squeezing her close to him. “Oh I missed you so much!”

Charlie laughed, returning his hug, “Dad, you saw me yesterday.”

“I know but that was so long ago!” Lucifer finally released her, who caught her breath with her uncrushed lungs.

“Anyways, where did you go yesterday?” Charlie asked, mildly distracted by the sinners everywhere.

“Oh you know,” Lucifer waved his hand as he tried to come up with an excuse. He didn’t want Charlie to know about Adam – not yet. He wanted to wait until Adam had learned his lesson, “important things.” He cleared his throat.

Charlie gave him a knowing look before sighing, “alright.” Her smile quickly returned as she grabbed his shoulders, causing Lucifer to jump a bit, and dragged him over to the front desk “come see, come see!”

Lucifer allowed himself to be dragged over to the fancy front desk, it was a polished mahogany with apple adornments – he had added those – with several drawers on the inside. Charlie opened one of them to show him the long list of what looked like names.

“Look!” Charlie wore a wide, genuinely happy smile. Heavens he loved that smile. 

“Very nice, uhm, what is it?” 

“Oh, right right,” she lightly tapped her fist to her head. “These are the names of sinners that are staying at the hotel! Isn’t that amazing?”

She set down the paper and looked over the sea of sinners – okay, sea isn’t the right word, it was more of a moderate lake but there were still more people than Lucifer was used to. Okay maybe that was a bad comparison, he wasn’t even used to small gatherings. Whatever, there were a fuckton of sinners, too many to count – “Finally, people are seeing that the hotel works.”

Charlie looked back at her dad, her smile reached her eyes and crinkled the edges, “Heaven will have no chance but to listen with so many sinners backing my plan,” She grabbed Lucifer’s hands, “and you too.”

Lucifer smiled up at his daughter. He was so proud of her. “We’ll redeem these sinners and fill Heaven to the brim.”

Charlie laughed and let go of his hands, turning around to file away the list back safely in the drawer. “I have some errands I need to run but feel free to hang around and get to know the new sinners!”

Lucifer’s smile was tight as he nodded, he really didn’t want to but he supposed it wouldn’t kill him to talk to some of them. “Of course, is there anything you need me to do?”

Charlie pondered for a moment before shaking her head, “not that I can think of. Anyways,” She pulled open the door, “bye Dad!” She waved as she exited the doors.

He waved until he couldn’t see her anymore. He turned to the mass amounts of sinners – he recognized a few as the bunch that had been there when he originally visited. He could talk to a few sinners, he was the King of Hell! Lucifer cleared his throat and began walking over the original group, who were near the sofa. The spider, cat and bomb lady were all sitting on the couch with the little maid sitting on the floor next to them. Maggie was standing next to the sofa, spear still in hand. He got the impression she didn’t know how to relax.

“Hello, uh, you… guys!” He awkwardly greeted with an equally awkward smile. He internally cringed, what kind of ‘hello’ was that?

“Oh, hello your majesty,” Maggie said with the faintest of a bow to which Lucifer dismissively waved off.

“Please, call me Lucifer,” It felt weird to have people call him ‘your majesty’, it didn’t feel right.

“Well, uhm, Lucifer, what brings you here today?” Maggie attempted small talk.

“I came to see my daughter but she had errands to run and told me to talk to some of the people here, and I don’t know anyone else so I decided to hang out with her friends and my daughter in law,” He nudged Maggie with a grin who turned away to hide a faint smile.

Lucifer stood back up straight and opted for just listening to the sinners chat amongst each other, talking was not his strong suit. So he stood, his eyes following the conversation but never joined in, absentmindedly nodding to things here and there but, to be honest, he wasn’t listening. None of these matters concerned him nor did he even know how to talk about them. His mind wandered once more – he never could stay focused on what was in front of him – but he made sure to steer it away from anything with Adam. Instead, he thought of what duck to make next, or- oh! He could make a duck of Maggie and Charlie and give it as a gift. He was sure they’d like it, who wouldn’t? Probably Adam- no, no, not thinking about Adam. 

A hesitant hand touched his shoulder making him jump, “Sir? Are you alright?” Oh, it was just Maggie.

He nodded, “yes, yes, I’m fine. Apologies, I got lost in my mind.” She opened her mouth to say something but he cut her off, “I think I’ll be off, tell Charlie I said bye.” And he was gone.

He was back in his room. He let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding and walked over to his bed. Lucifer’s heart ached at the sight of it, he had specially made it for both him and Lilith and now it was just him. The bed was entirely too big for just him but at least it gave him enough room to do his usual tossing and turning. He sat at the edge, dipping into the soft mattress and dropped his head into his hands.

“What am I doing…” Lucifer mumbled into his hands. What was he doing? Keeping the leader of the exterminators hidden away in his castle? He groaned. What was Adam up to anyways? Lucifer toyed with the idea of leaving him alone but he knew Adam was vulnerable right now – the perfect time to fuck with him. Plus, messing with Adam would give him something to do.

Adam viciously scrubbed his face with his undamaged palm. Fuck – he couldn’t cry, not here, not now, not ever. He was a man – the man! He couldn’t cry like some chick. He slammed the door to his room behind him and stomped over to a pile of shit he had thrown to the ground the previous night. He grabbed a large handful and threw it violently into the wall with a grunt. 

“Why?” He snarled, “why me?” He grabbed a candle that had been set on his dresser and held it in his hand. 

“What did I do wrong? I did everything you told me-” His grip increased on the candle, causing the glass exterior to shatter in his claws “- to!”

More of that damned crimson leaked from his hand as glass shards stuck up in odd angles. Fuck. Fuck! He fell to his knees and buried his head in between his kneecaps, his claws gripping and digging into the smooth floor. Adam tucked his wings closer to himself, creating a self-made barrier between him and the outside world.

“What did I do wrong?” He mumbled again, much quieter. “I’m perfect- I-” He choked on what he refused to acknowledge as a sob. 

He moved his bloody hands to hug himself. He felt and looked so weak but he couldn’t muster the strength to be mad. He sat there, for the first time in a long time feeling a stinging heartbreak but instead of being left by his wives he was being abandoned by God. God, the man who made him – made him to be perfect, in his image! – left him just as quickly, as if Adam was a toy he had gotten bored with. His chest felt tight. It seemed to be a recurring pattern of people meeting him, loving him, and then leaving him.

He was perfect… Right? So why did everyone leave him in the end? Adam growled, slamming a curled fist onto the floor as he felt something wet drip down his cheek. No. He was not about to start crying, he was a man and he needed to act like it. Men didn’t cry, that’s what women were for, they were the emotional ones. He rubbed the traitorous tear away and sat up. He looked over the mess he had made, something he had control over. The stinging pain of his hand finally set in – oh right, there was fucking glass in his damn hand. He sighed and got up, the clown had to have some sort of bandages or something, Adam’s new big ass hands were not good for picking out small shards of glass. With his luck he’d just push them in further. 

Adam opened the door to his room with his un-glassed hand only to be met with Lucifer. Great, literally the last person he wanted to see. Lucifer’s eyes widened as he looked up at Adam as if he hadn’t been expecting him to be in his own fucking room. Adam just glared down at the sole cause of all of his problems.

“What,” Adam barked. He was already done with his shit.

Lucifer blinked, “where are you going?”

Adam rolled his eyes and held up the hand that was chock-full of glass, “to clean my fucking hand. Anymore dumbass questions?”

He looked at Adam’s hand, mouth slightly agape, “how- what happened?” Lucifer looked up at Adam, “I wasn’t even gone for that long!”

If Adam didn’t know the fallen angel in front of him, he’d think there was concern hidden within those piercing red eyes. Adam just shrugged, “just cool like that.”

Lucifer stared confusedly at him, his eyes flicking between his hand and his eyes. “I-” Lucifer cut himself off by simply grabbing Adam’s hand – which fucking hurt, there was glass in it!

“Ow, asshole! What the fuck are you-” Adam shouted but stopped as the pain dissipated. He stared blankly at his now completely fine hand – for a moment he wondered if he had made the whole thing up in his weakened state. Adam raised his eyes from his hand back to Lucifer, “how the Hell did you do that?”

“Why did you do that..?” Adam added, much quieter. It didn’t make sense for Lucifer to heal him.

Lucifer just stared at him before blinking rapidly. He looked… Confused? As if he wasn’t aware of what he just did. He looked down at Adam’s hand – which he was still holding. 

“Uhm,” he quickly let go and cleared his throat before his stupid smile reappeared as if it had never left, “I’m the King of Hell! I can do all sorts of things.” 

Adam furrowed his brows. What the fuck was happening? Was- was this a trick? Was he fucking with Adam? He pointed a finger at Lucifer, “what the fuck are you playing at? You were slamming my face into the ground an hour ago and now you’re all buddy-buddy?”

Lucifer scoffed, “it’s no fun when you get hurt on your own.”

Lucifer got closer, his grin turning sharper, “I’d much rather do that for you.”

Hatred pulsed through him as he pushed the short man away from him – finally, an emotion Adam was used to. “You queer bitch, what the fuck kind of kink thing is this? You fucking freak,” Adam spat.

Lucifer raised his hands innocently, “I just want to beat you senseless! Afterall, you tried to murder my daughter – I never said anything about it being sexual!”

“I- what? You literally smirked as you threatened to hurt me,” Adam held up his hands, “my fucking bad that it sounds like some gay sex thing!”

Lucifer rolled his eyes, “I’m just excited to grind you into the ground after the centuries of hurt you’ve caused.”

“Freak,” Adam whispered sharply.

“Anyways, I came over to see what you were up to.”

Adam raised a brow, “why?”

“Because I was bored and have nothing else to do, so why not do you?” Lucifer immediately snapped his mouth shut. Both men stared at each other before Lucifer coughed, “I did not mean it like that.”

“Sure, faggot,” Adam huffed. 

Lucifer let out a sharp laugh, “Ha! Me? The gay one?”

Adam didn’t like what the bitch was implying, “yes, you. Have you seen yourself? You might as well be the whole damn pride parade.”

“Ohoho- someone clearly doesn’t remember Eden-”

“Do not talk about Eden, cunt,” Adam growled. “You have no right to after you ruined it.”

Lucifer barked a laugh, he was really getting on Adam’s nerves. “Ruined it?” he repeated louder, “I didn’t ruin it!” Lucifer shoved a pointed finger into Adam’s chest, “you and all your filthy descendants chose to do evil with the freewill I gave you-”

“We didn’t ask for you to!” Adam yelled, causing Lucifer to finally shut the fuck up. Adam panted, “me and Eve never fucking asked for freewill, we were fine in the garden how we were.”

“But-”

“But nothing! Just shut the fuck up!” Adam huffed. Lucifer had ruined fucking everything Adam had – corrupted Eve, got them kicked out of the garden, brought evil into humanity which caused Cain to– 

No. Not now.

Adam glared down at Lucifer, who looked both equally angry and in thought. Lucifer spoke up after the gathering silence became suffocating, “I didn’t know you were capable of actual thought.”

Adam snarled, “what the fuck does that mean?”

“Nothing,” he adjusted his white suit. “Dinner will be served in 30 minutes, I expect to see you there.”

He turned on his heel and walked away, calling out, “and I expect you to make use of the wardrobe I provided!”

Adam rolled his eyes and slammed his door shut. Fucking prick, ordering him around. 

[songhunter]

trans allegory in mystic fragrance and forbidden rain

aka: the essay no one asked for

Content warnings for: Discussions of homophobia and transphobia, and brief mentions of suicide.

If you guys have any other comments on this topic (especially KnightsPs, I'm an UNDEADP so I'm less familiar with their lore) please comment or rb or drop an ask or anything! I love talking. It's also been a hot minute (3 or 4 years) since I last took an English class so my analysis is a little rusty.

Part 1: UNDEAD's "Monster" and Queerness

Every UNDEAD song (with one exception) has the same premise — the singers are the impure, immoral monsters who are singing to a pure, human audience. There are two genres of UNDEAD song:

“I’m a monster seducing you into the darkness, give into your desires because I know that secretly you want it too” — Immoral World, Savage Love Affair, etc.

“I’m a monster and I’m so badass” — Darkness 4, Nightless World, etc.

Darkness 4 lyrics, translation by Shirayukin on Fandom wiki.

The “monster” in UNDEAD’s music is shorthand for anyone that exists outside of a pure society. By joining the monsters, you become tainted and can't return to society, but that’s the only way you can possibly live as your authentic self. In this way, the "darkness" is a safe space that these monsters have created for themselves.

This is, of course, a reference to Rei and how he feels ostracized from society -- the whole reason why Koga began UNDEAD was as a message to Rei that if Rei felt like a monster, he shouldn't roll over and die, but live with them as an undead. However, the concept of the queer monster is incredibly applicable imo. Historically, lots of villains in horror media were queer-coded as a way of eliciting disgust or a fear response, as a way of making its villain seem strange and, well, queer. (Oh, no! Look at all these horrible people ruining life for the law-abiding families!) The link between queerness and horror has been analyzed to death.

But queer people also love the misunderstood monster who's shunned by "proper" society. The gothic novels that originated the horror genre in the 1800s, like Dracula or the Picture of Dorian Grey, were written by queer authors and/or contained scores of queer themes. Do I need to go into why werewolves, shapeshifters who had to go deep into the woods to hide their wolf form, can be read as queer? Do I need to go into why Frankenstein, someone abandoned by his own creator and shunned by society by the nature of his existence alone (something out of his control), can be read as queer? Do I really need to go into why the modern-day vampire is queer? Vampires? Of course queer people will love these monsters, because they see themselves in the monsters, more so than the victims. (Also, nothing more in line with the queer experience than seeing a monster and going “ngl they're kinda hot actually.”)

In summary: It's very easy to read UNDEAD songs and UNDEAD's conceptualization of the "monster" through a queer lens. The monster is queer, and the monster welcomes you into the darkness and invites you to also give into your desire to live freely.

Immoral World lyrics, translation by Mandy on Fandom wiki.

Also, shout out the love you tried to hide, huh? Show me your truth? Show me your pride?

Dude.

Dude.

Sidenote: The one exception to this “monster” theme is of course the elephant in the room, Sustain Memories. I think it plays well into UNDEAD’s image — at least in !-era, Rei, Adonis, and Koga have always been the monsters, while Kaoru is the human that joined them (see: their Halloween costumes in !-era). So Kaoru doesn’t sing of monsters, he sings of a human love. There's also something to be said about Kaoru being the one member of UNDEAD who tried so desperately to appear cishet and experience a "normal" love in !-era. But also, it's a wedding song because the anime boys look cute when they sing about weddings.

Part 2: What about Forbidden Rain?

Here's the thing about UNDEAD's other monster songs -- they're always proud of being monsters. They're not ashamed, and they want the audience to join them in their freedom.

Forbidden Rain lyrics, translation by @/snaketaper on Twitter.

On the other hand, the singer in Forbidden Rain sees themselves as a "beast" who can never be forgiven, someone who's slowly poisoning their pure lover. They love them so much that they apparently have to let go of them, for their own sake. It's the first song that actually contains references to genuine love (usually UNDEAD is just horny).

The song remains sort of ambiguous about the nature of the relationship between the singer and the audience. It's clear that the audience does actually care for the singer, since they do reach out a "gentle hand" that the singer can't take. But the singer says, "Let's end this thing that never even began" -- are they even together in the first place? Maybe it never began because they were scared of the "beast." Or maybe it never truly began because the relationship was built on a lie. They sing about a beast inside them that they have to hide, and says that their current self -- the one they show to the audience -- is a fake. And this is something that cannot be forgiven.

It's not hard to read this in the context of queerness. Maybe it's about a gay singer who doesn't want to reveal their feelings and tarnish a platonic relationship. Or maybe it's a trans singer who's wracked with guilt at keeping their identity under wraps and hasn't come out to their heterosexual lover, so they want to break off things before they come out and taint their previous relationship.

In Love & Beast, the "source material" behind Forbidden Rain, Inogari (Adonis' character) is soft-spoken, protective, and kind. He saves the main police character in the very first scene. He's an ambassador and a respected enough member of society that he's part of the Sakurayama (Rei's character) social club. He uses "watashi," which is even more polite than Adonis' "ore." He literally faints at the sight of blood. He's the picture of innocence and goodness and all that society approves of. But in a Jekyll and Hyde-like twist, he ends up secretly being the killer Beast. In the end, the Beast is finally caught when Inogari realizes the truth and chains himself to a wall so he can be caught by the police in an act of sacrifice.

Inogari is the picture of propriety, but he keeps the Beast repressed, and eventually this Beast destroys him. Even if you try your best to act as part of proper society, you'll never really fit in.

Silent Oath lyrics, translation by royalquintet on Fandom wiki.

Another note: Forbidden Rain has a lot of the same themes of self-sacrifice, repression, and pure, romantic love that Knights songs do. Knights, in game, is a much more traditional idol unit than UNDEAD is. Forbidden Rain thus attempts to align itself more closely with the socially acceptable Knights, but it's still an UNDEAD song at its core. The monster is inescapable.

Part 3: Mystic Fragrance and Trans Allegory

This thread by @/pretty5P on twitter (https://x.com/pretty5p/status/1625958198623539200?s=46&t=lm_x5Uw5f8pKXHUoLzYksw) is a really cool analysis on the perfume symbolism in the song and how it relates to Arashi's gender identity (go read it!!), but if you don’t want to give Elon Musk ad revenue, the gist of it is this: Odette is her "masculine" initial impression, the impression others have of her, and the impression that fades most quickly. Odile is her lasting "feminine" self and the true self that remains when the top notes fade away.

Over the course of the song, the singer (Odette/Odile) grows more and more tainted, going from a pure white dress to a multicolored rainbow dress to a pitch black dress. The final perfume note is desire, the desire to live as themselves, the desire to be with the person they love.

Mystic Fragrance lyrics, translation by KYM2020 on Fandom wiki.

While the song does focus on a pure romantic love, just like Knight's songs, the symbolism of wanting to be Odile is far more similar to UNDEAD's monster. The idea of a "hidden desire" lying in wait beneath pure feelings is explored in almost every song, as is the symbolism of a dress that gets tainted by desire:

Savage Love Affair lyrics, translation by Nina on Fandom wiki.

And just like UNDEAD songs, the "tainting" of the pure is never presented as a bad thing. Note the references to the moon in both -- it's only in the dead of night, in a midnight ballroom, that one can "spread their wings" and reveal their true self. The darkness, the space of monsters, is a safe space, and in the light of the truth-seeking moon the singer of Mystic Fragrance says that their audience is beautiful.

In the original Swan Lake ballet, Odette is a beautiful woman who falls in love with Prince Siegfried. She's cursed to transform into a swan in the daytime, a curse that can only be broken if someone who has never sworn their love to anyone swears their love to her (in other words, someone untainted). Unfortunately, the evil sorcerer who cursed her turns his daughter into Odile, the black swan who looks identical to Odette, and Siegfried mistakenly confesses his love to her. Knowing that the curse can never be broken, Odette throws herself into the lake rather than live the rest of her life as a swan, and Siegfried joins her.

Mystic Fragrance isn't tragic, however.

Part 4: Living your truth

The endings of Forbidden Rain and Mystic Fragrance are where they differ. Both of their source endings are tragic — Inogari is unable to control the Beast and shackles himself to a wall, waiting to be arrested. Odette and Siegfried leap into a lake and drown themselves, because the only way they can be together is in death. Forbidden Rain ends with the singer holding their loved one close to them one last time in the rain before they leave.

But Arashi rejects her source material because she chooses to embrace the monster. She becomes Odile. She decides to live her truth, and as the top notes and heart notes fade away, all that lingers is her true self. That's why Mystic Fragrance has a happy ending.

There's a lot of symbolism in the Mystic Fragrance music video with respect to the person who loved Arashi during the war era and who killed themselves. She spreads her arms like the wings of an angel and sings in front of a setpiece that looks like the cenotaph. Her outfit contains anemones, symbols of a lost love and grief (and, coincidentally, the flower that Adonis in greek myth turned into when he died). Her greatest regret was that that person couldn't love themselves the way Arashi now tries to love herself. In this way, Mystic Fragrance is like a message to that person -- live your truth.

[dailyanarchistposts]

What does it mean to be an Ally? In political spaces that address social issues and systems, this term refers to someone who lends support to a cause without belonging to the group of people it most directly affects. For example, white folks can be allies in movements by and for people of color against white supremacy; cis men can be allies in conversations about healthcare for non-men; people living in homes can be allies by supporting fair and free housing for all. An Ally, or the performance of this role — “Allyship” — goes beyond just acknowledging the cause or stating your support for it. Allyship is to listen and learn from movement leaders (intentionally centered voices), integrate that knowledge into how you navigate the world, and leverage your privileges and resources to support individuals and their movement. An Ally does not take over the space or speak for marginalized people, but rather works to propel their movement forward as an accomplice to the cause.

Now, what does it mean to be Straight? Most would say it’s simply sexual attraction to the opposite sex or gender. They claim it is innate, similar to the “Born this Way” argument from the mainstream LGBT lobby, and one of the factors that makes up someone’s personal identity. However, this definition is based on many layers of socially-constructed oppression that harm Queer people and causes. Once these layers are unpacked and dissected, “Straightness” is revealed as the harmful social construction that it is.

First: sexual attraction. What is sex? When not upholding penetrative PIV intercourse as the singular definition of sex, where does any other form of touch end and “sex” begin? Sex is not real. Rather, it is a socially constructed category aimed to control our behaviors and desires, to classify our wants into “sexual” and “not sexual,” to induce moral panic over whether acts are “appropriate,” and ultimately predominate the way we perceive and interact with all other individuals. Classifying people based on this definition, primarily by adopting a sexuality/sexual orientation label, is a way of projecting how we will or will not interact with other people based on their (presumed, assigned) sex or gender category. You may think: “But what if it’s just my personal preference?” How would you know? Raised in a society that promotes sexuality as a core feature of identity (and specifically heterosexuality as normal, natural, ideal), you have been conditioned to ascertain how your desires fit into categories of “sexual” and towards which “type(s)” of people those desires are directed. Even the mainstream LGBT agenda pushes this narrative: people “are” or “are not” part of one of these named identity groups, and know based on their feelings of attraction (meaning: perceived desire for “sex” with named categories of others). If instead we neutralize sex by distilling it into specific acts or behaviors that create joy, build community, or indeed serve any purpose, it is clear why there is no need to categorize what we do with other people as “sex” or “not sex,” and no benefit to centering our identity around who may inspire our interest in a particular activity at any one time. Promoting sexuality as identity is a way to control us: instead of pursuing our desires freely, our wants and needs become character traits that can be assigned moral or amoral qualities that are used to justify oppression or marginalization.

Next is the piece about “opposite sex or gender.” There is plenty of writing on this already and, assuming you, the reader, are already at least sympathetic to mainstream LGBT causes, I hope you have already reached the conclusion that gender is a social construct, based largely on appearance and role performance, and shouldn’t limit how people are able to move through the world. Whether people are assigned male or female at birth, they should have the right to self-determination and all the same possibilities of the other group. To claim attraction to an “opposite” sex or gender (and, in doing so, fit yourself into one of these groups as well) reinforces the artificial binary of both these things and pre-determines what you will or won’t do with someone based on your perception of their sex, gender presentation, gender role, or any other number of things that may fit some part of an established sex or gender category. Heterosexuality is built on a presupposed gender system — whether strictly XY-testosterone-male/XX-estrogen-female or even the socially-conditioned/constructed masculine and feminine — which by default marginalizes all sex and gender nonconformity. Just as with “sex,” these categories themselves limit our individual expression, self-perception, and modes of relating to others as normal/natural — or the opposite. To promote your (perceived) alignment of sex, sex assigned to you at birth, gendered features of your appearance/style, and social role by identifying as Straight plays a direct role in marginalizing gender non-conforming people and upholding the gender system that limits our collective freedom. One way to subvert these extant, imposed, policed categories in our everyday lives, and move towards abolition of not only the harms but the categories themselves, is to refuse to perform or tolerate the prejudices associated with sex and gender categories (especially the predominant binary system).

The third component of adopting Straight as an identity label is that it is innate. “Some people are Straight, some people are gay, and all of them are just born that way.” However, the society we are raised in influences all of our thoughts and preferences. Mass media and dominant social hierarchies influence our ideas about who is attractive (desirability politics: thin, able-bodied, young, etc.), what categories of “race” exist (and associated values within White Supremacy), and what types of work are valuable (under Capitalism). Similarly, we are also raised — and continue to operate — in a Straight supremacist society that pushes ideals of Straightness onto all of us. Even in homosexual dyadic relationships (“couples”), individuals are asked whether they are the “man” or “woman” in the relationship — and likely feel pressure to adapt to these roles in some ways. Again, see how gender roles feed into the very notion of heterosexuality: there must be a “natural” balance of these roles/spirits/bodies/energies, and what could be queerness instead reproduces the form of Straight coupledom. What you think you want under Straight supremacy is a distorted version of what has been fed to you for much of your development. Even if you do not perceive pressure from social expectations of Straightness and consider heterosexual dyadic pairing to be your personal preference, consider how this harms all others still suffering under this System. Other privileges that surely shielded you from related trauma are not the reality for all, and refusing to acknowledge this maintains a society in which those with the most privilege are free to flirt with transgressing (some) social norms while the rest of us are condemned to permanent degenerate status. By living within and the dominant Straight narrative, you limit not only your imagination and tools to create anti-oppressive and anti-coercive relationships, but the ability of others to envision and co-create that better world with you. Promoting the dominant hegemony raises the costs for anyone trying to break away from that System, especially those who do not yet see its direct harms.

Beyond just the harms implicit in the basic definition of Straight, I invite you to consider some additional unspoken societal assumptions that come with it. Of primary import is the tacit acceptance of the Relationship Escalator: a set of default steps that describe increasing intimacy between two people, following the format of a “couple” and culminating in marriage (or at least the de facto marriage-esque bundling of finances, housing, other friendships/relationships, routines, expectations, future goals, etc.). The Relationship Escalator, the dominant hegemonic narrative of Monogamism — the oppressive system reinforcing/supporting monogamy and marginalizing all other intimacies and erotic energies — forces all our interpersonal interactions through a lens that prioritizes couples over community and sexual interactions over non-sexual ones. This model is not exclusive to Straight people (see the mainstream push to legalize gay marriage, for example); however, the organization of society into Straight couples that reproduce nuclear family units is the model at the top of this hierarchy. Organizing society in this way disrupts many of our possibilities for authentic, fluid, liberatory relating. The Relationship Escalator, like all other oppressive systems, rewards Straightness and punishes or silences expressions of self that do not fit those norms. Relationship goals are predicated on the model of the heterosexual nuclear family, a coercive structure that destroys Queer communities and individual would-be Queers.

Identifying as Straight communicates that the way you present yourself to others — and the way you want to be perceived — is as someone who prioritizes strict categories of sex/gender and how those affect your sexual (again, whatever that means) desires and/or behaviors above everything else in how you relate to other people. This is intertwined with the Relationship Escalator, as pedestalization of sex and amatonormativity make intimacy into a scarce resource that can only be met by one person in the structure of a couple unit. Straightness keeps you in this box, and simultaneously limits possibilities for the rest of us to pursue liberation from these harmful systems.

To be Queer is to be anti-assimilationist, anti-oppression, and pro-liberation. If you choose to call yourself Straight, Queer people are justifiably against you. The label of Straight represents much of what harms us as individuals, in our communities, and on a larger systemic scale. Your personal reasons to call yourself Straight and perceived preferences don’t matter; intentionally claiming and centering an identity label with the meanings described above is oppositional to Queer Liberation. Queer people don’t need Straight sympathy under the guise of Allyship; once the harmful social structures and presuppositions are removed, nobody in favor of our collective (Queer) liberation can be Straight. How to be a “Straight Ally?” Stop being Straight.

[hikaaa-bi]

one thing that i love about infinity train is how REAL the characters are, despite being in a fantasy setting, and the narrative of how experiences shape individuals. the way they speak and act are so realistic, their choices are understandable and their arcs are so well-written. all of the characters have glaring flaws they need to work on, but it's also clear that these flaws are the results of some kind of trauma or the way they were treated.

tulip was disillusioned with the world, angry and distant. and this is a direct reaction to her parents' divorce and her inability to cope with it. which is sympathetic, of course, it's a hard thing to go through as a child. the show also reveals that tulip blames herself for her parents' divorce, which can hit close to home for many people.

lake was similarly angry and defiant, even outright hostile in certain situations. again, this comes as a response to the way she was treated in the train, the way she was never granted her freedom and individuality, and how she was trapped in a role she didn't want to play. it's no wonder that many queer people identify so much with lake, because the rules of the train mirrors real life.

jesse has people-pleasing tendencies that reach the point where it actually hurts people. we've all seen protagonists who are people pleasers or eager to appear likeable to people, but usually it only hurts themselves. jesse's case is the prime example of "a friend to all is a friend to none". you can't please everyone, there are people you should oppose or ignore. otherwise, you end up hurting people who actually matters in your life.

simon and grace are straight-up villains, or anti-villains at the very best. grace is manipulative and cunning, playing on people's feelings and insecurities to serve herself. simon is controlling and somewhat egotistic, refusing to change his mindset, regardless of what happens. again, both these characters are shown to have reasons for why they became what they are, even if it doesn't justify their actions. grace grew up in an environment where she was neglected and felt lonely, and found out that her only sure way of making any sort of connection is to manipulate people. simon is implied to have dealt with someone's death before he got on the train, since he seems to have an idea of what funerals are like. that, paired with samantha the cat accidentally leaving him behind in a crucial and dangerous situation, he develops some very intense abandonment issues. again, both these issues can be very relatable to a lot of people, even if we aren't as bad as either of these characters.

min-gi was shown to be insecure and uncertain, but at the same time, arrogant and condescending. the pressure he recieved from his parents has fueled his gifted child syndrome while simultaneously making him depressed and burned out. ryan is probably the closest we have to a "conventional main character", hyperactive and quirky. but he is also not exactly perfect in all other aspects, as he wants to push things forward and refuses to give min-gi some time to think and make a decision. as a child who grew up with lots of other siblings, ryan struggles to prove himself to his family, since they don't seem to pay him much attention. both these scenarios are especially relatable to asians, but of course, anyone who may have trouble pleasing their parents and living up to expectations.

i just gave a character analysis of each protagonist, but my point is that while other cartoon protagonists tend to lean more on the heroic side, the characters in this show doesn't. in most other animated shows i've watched, the flaws a protagonist is allowed to have are either "heroic" flaws such as being too forgiving or being self-sacrificing, or shallow flaws such as clumsiness or being kind of an idiot.

but not in infinity train. the protagonists in this show aren't heroes, they are normal people. they don't have a magical destiny, they don't have to fight for the good of the world, they aren't the "chosen ones". their ultimate goal is to get out of the train (or in simon and grace's case, to be superior to everyone else, to "win").

so it really feels good when one of the characters does choose to do something nice. when tulip chooses to empathize with and help amelia, when lake bonds with alan dracula and jesse. when grace chooses to change for the better and face the consequences of her actions. when ryan chooses to stay with min-go despite getting a door, and when min-gi does the same later on.

i watched this show about a year ago, and it's still one of the best animated shows i've watched. it's so uncomfortably real sometimes, you stop and go "am i like that?" when a character does something wrong, you know that the show addresses it and their actions have consequences. the show doesn't hand out redemption arcs to everyone or sweep things under the rug like some shows *cough* steven universe and she-ra *cough*

there's a reason why a lot of people seem to relate more to villains than heroes, because villains are allowed to be flawed while also being sympathetic. infinity train managed to create a cast of protagonists who are exactly like that. they are more than heroes, they are people.

[ignitesthestxrs]

embarassment is cringe who's your bias

oh LOL dw dw i am not literally embarrassed! more just, mindful of audience u know? but also ur my audience now

i am not really a person who tends towards Biases, but here are some guys that i really love atm!

SHINee's Key - look i love all members of shinee, they probably are my ult group these days, but if you forced me at gun point to pick one it would be This Guy. key is kind of the embodiment of the tension of how faggy can you be in public without ever coming out and - well, coming out. i also have a deep respect for how much effort he puts into his solo career, and how interesting and innovative his album concepts have been esp since he got back from the military

Exo's Kai - ah my precious Nini who is here with us largely to vibe. i think he's such a great example of like, how you can be totally hands off in terms of the creative direction of your albums LOL and still be a great performer? this man lip synced his way through his own concert and looked great doing it, 10/10. but i also love just how much he clearly loves his job and meeting other idols and getting to go on tv shows and learn new things about people and the world LOL a giant puppy of a man

TXT's Soobin - speaking of giant puppy men, this is one of my Large Son's Whom I Adore. my fave thing about soobin is that he's like. never held more than a single thought in his head at one time, and everyone he has ever met adores him? like every 4th gen group has a member who is just completely enamoured with soobin, and soobin does not appear to have done anything in particular to have earned this other than being a big guy who likes anime and hedgehogs. i also enjoy how everyone in his group agreed that he needed to be the leader, especially the guys (yeonjun and taehyun) who might have preferred to be the leader themselves, specifically because they knew giving it to the guy who didn't want it the way that they did would probably be a better outcome for the group. amazing head empty man. he's so tall.

Zerobaseone's Hanbin - something is wrong with this man (positive) (fond). no uh, this is a man who has gone to great lengths to change both his physical appearance and personal affect in order to take one last shot at achieving his kpop dreams and something is wrong with ME for how feral this makes me. another guy in the 'legibly queer' column (as in, he was a competitive waacker and faggy as hell doing it lmfao like, sure i'm sure there are straight guys who waack but at a certain point you're allowed to start assuming Gay instead of defaulting Straight ok). he is a control freak. he said his favourite type of person is someone who is competent but pretends not to be so that he can do things instead. one time he was so horrified by his member wearing socks on the bed that he REMOVED THAT BOY'S SOCKS FOR HIM? ON CAMERA? HANBIN WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU

WayV's Kun - the dad to end all dads. i have endless leader feelings about this man, who is the leader of SM's final push to conquer the China market that was actually going really well until [redacted], and suddenly Kun is the leader of a group that has members in different countries, that cannot promote in China while the pandemic is going on and cannot promote in Chinese while in Korea. technically WayV is under the umbrella of the broader NCT group, but xenophobia will have stans staying 'they just don't vibe for some reason'. this man's group was shelved for over a year due to international geopolitics and he held it and them together admirably, and it's been SO good to see WayV employed in 2023 and gaining momentum again. also he can fly a plane ( a real one), somehow made PUBG hot by being very good at it, and one time he was live and you just heard from the background one of his members yelling from the shower KUN GE THERE'S NO HOT WATER, like, every man in this group just has it hard wired into their brain that if there is a problem, kun ge will fix it. and he does.

honestly i could probably go for longer, there are a lot of boys i have a lot of feelings about s o b.

[selfshippingtrash]

Spidersona info dump cause I have no character limit here.

They're name is sugar crawler unless someone comes up with something better

Sugar Crawler, or Viva Marisol, was bitten at the age of 14. They have organic webs that shoot from their arms like the original Toby Spiderman. They can stick to walls but also have retractable talons that they can use to dig into walls and use in combat. Like spiders have their sense, sugar crawler has the additional power to read the minds of anyone they want to exploit their weaknesses, like how certain spiders have the instict to know a prey's weakness. This makes them an excellent negotiator and manipulator with enemies and people trying to find out their secret identity. They have fangs but no lethal venom. Instead, this venom can be used to control the minds of people who are injected, something that only works for a short time but can be very effective against enemies not wearing thick clothing or armor. Similar to Miles' ability to cloak, they can shift their body to mimic other people's appearance. Only human beings, though, and they don't have the person's voice, so it can be pretty noticeable once they open their mouth. They do try to do voices in their spare time to help with this.

Sugar finds out about the spiderverse through an anomaly that occurs in their timeline when they're about 27 years old. They are found fighting the anomalous villan by Hobie and told about spider society bluntly. They're incredibly interested in seeing new worlds and meeting new spiders. Hobie enjoys their genuine nature and sunny spirit and introduces them to the bossman Miguel if not to just fuck with him that day too. Hobie likes to cause problems for people who need em and I'm here for that chaotic energy.

They find themselves getting closer with Hobie and his friends, being overwhelmed by the sheer amount of spider people there are to even try and socailize on their own. The only little bit they have is that familiarity at first, but they find comradery in their mutual love of the arts, being queer as fuck, causing problems on purpose and hating the British government.

Miguel is impressed by their work over time. They're quick and efficient, taking every case he gives them with little collateral damage. They're a hard worker when they need to be, but they’re quick to snap back at him when he’s rude. They still demand a level of respect out of him and when you're dealing with someone that can read and control your mind, you kind of have to respect them.

[void-galaxy-shenanigans]

I had a thought about community, religion/cults, diversity, & exclusion/inclusion that I think some will appreciate (though others may hate it). I just wanna put it out somewhere so it stops rattling around in my brain (/met), and maybe it’ll help people.

(This is coming from a queer, polyam, trans/nonbinary, auDHD, physically disabled, mentally ill (+ partially prescription medicated) person/collective. It’s based in research/science, but inspired from my own diversity/divergence and interactions with the world.)

Cults and cult-like churches hate diversity (DEIA) because they require group cohesion to maintain control.

You can’t have group cohesion and unity without (a) an outside enemy to unite everyone & (b) an intolerance of what makes that enemy (or enemies) different. You need everyone to be the same so it’s clear who isn’t in the good group—you have a distinct common enemy, to avoid ‘friendly fire’.

A lot of Christian denominations and churches do this. Sins (& sinner vs saint dichotomy), specific ways of appropriate dress (especially binary (man/woman, priest/member)), taboo phrases and actions - these are weaponized as methods of control.

They take advantage of people who are seeking community (often desperately), especially those who want a concrete/clear schema* or multiple of those to make sense of something (being handed one is simpler than forming your own complex webs of schema). They especially take advantage of children (born with very few schema), but also of people in poverty seeking a way out & of people who feel like they’ve lost their way in life (or even their own identity).

(* fancy word for ‘map/concept/framing of how the world works’)

Diversity becomes their enemy.

If people are allowed to be diverse, and your members learn to accept diversity, that means they also learn critical thinking skills that make them question you & your authority. They may even find a schema that works better for them & leave your cult / religion (which you really don’t want when you seek this level of control).

So you (cult/controlling leadership) make them fear & hate those who are “outside”, to not just exclude/ostracize but oppress The Other, because ‘if they didn’t want to be oppressed they could choose to be Correct’, AKA choose to believe what you (or, more, the powerful people in charge) want them to.

It is inherently manipulative.

But it takes advantage of real physiological (body function) wiring already in your body - to be wary of the other*, to feel powerful emotions & feel validated in those emotions. (These are important for survival, not evil on their own but easy to take advantage of.) It relies on members who are ignorant, or afraid to stand out/speak up.

(* which usually allows room for curiosity, if not overwritten with hate)

That’s also why deconstruction is so difficult. They control so much of what you’re allowed to say/do/be/consume. They shape the way you believe the whole world works, or should work.

This also means they want all human people united under their Good Group, because power & unity are “good”. This requires converting or eliminating The Other by any means necessary.

The contradictory reality of this world is that people do need community, but community requires some exclusion.

A community of nuns excludes those who aren’t nuns. A community built at a football game excludes those who aren’t watching or playing in the game. A community built around profit excludes those who can’t generate endless profit.

The world needs diversity of community. We can’t cram everyone in the world (all our experiences, needs, appearances, etc.) into one box. We require access to communities that are accessible to, inclusive for, and well-suited for us. We need people we share commonalities with. We also desire to learn about other communities, especially when this isn’t vilified/demonized.

Division and hatred breed PTSD / traumagenic disorders (anxiety, depression, borderline, etc.) and autoimmune diseases and chronic illness. Exclusion makes us physically sick/injured (including mentally ill, because the brain is the body’s pilot, & inherently part of the physical body).

Some disabilities are genetic. People can be born with disabilities. However, some disabilities are created by the scrambling for world cohesion, for assimilation that erases diversity, and the inherent damage caused by surviving / trying to live that environment.

~~~~

This sprung from social science classes (last semester, & current). I’m finally making sense of what I learned, and this interconnected web of concepts has been rattling around in my brain.

I hope some of y’all appreciate this. It brought me peace and clarity. 💜

~Nico

[hyperpostmodernfeminist]

Scavenger Hunt #4: Hair

I saw a video online a long time back talking about how different gendered/sexual groups treat their hair in relation to a mental health crisis and it will never not be interesting how one of the first things that people preter to change about their appearance is their hair. What is funny about this and the reason why I write about this currently is that hair is not just a specific aesthetic, it's essentially a state of being.

The presence of hair marks a specific arrangement of the body aligning with cultural norms, with it acting as a representation of your entire being within circumstances. A "bad hair day" is not just reflective of the hair, but of your entire day. Hair, as the easiest part of the body to change (and therefore the best way to understand someone's identity) is a big point within tons of aesthetics and political ideologies, whether we consciously have that idea or not. For instance, modern professionalism arises out of this idea that one must be clean, unkempt, pure, and where better to control that than hair? Naturally, this white professionalism excludes any and all black hairstyles, but it also inadvertently chips at individual white practices.

For buzzcuts, they're a heterosexual return to masculinity. As men are told that they need short hair to be real men, their crises tend to result in the emulation of the system to its logical extremities to balance out their faults. A sort of "if I'm good at this, I'll hurt less"

To messily cut your bangs is the white feminine response to the logic of society: it's a reaction and a temporary personal liberation from gendered ideas of what it means to be a "proper" long-haired and neat woman. To bleach your hair is a revolt, possibly arising from the specters of 2000s pop music and the gay culture surrounding that era, that positions your hair color as "freakish" and adoring that freakishness, that queerness.

Hair is malleable and changeable. By changing it in a moment of panic, we are changing our entire selves. Society might be about as changeable as hair is. Just as we can queer hair, we can queer society and radically change it to fit our needs. We can cut harmful structures and mold beneficial ones to be better for us. We can create an entirely new world.

[porcellune]

kamukomahina gender/body headcanons

a bit of a ramble about my body, gender, and general appearance headcanons for them bcuz someone sent me a curiouscat prompting this 3k words of hyperfixation nonsense

Komaeda:

- He has a naturally lithe body, with a thin waist, broad shoulders and hips, which give him an hourglass. and a rather andrognyous body, which is "lucky" for him, because I hc him as nonbinary and gender non-conforming

- Gender-wise, as I said, I think he's nonbinary. Usually I do view Nagito as AMAB but I indulge in transmasc Nagito from time to time depending on my preference and how much I wish to uh, well, project, lol. But either way I think he would use he/they pronouns in a western sense. In japanese, however, they don't use third person pronouns that other people refer to them with, and in canon he uses the first person pronoun "boku", which is a "soft" masculine pronoun, in comparison to the "hard" masculine pronoun, “ore” (which Hajime uses btw!) which fits quite nicely, in my opinion! Also, in Japanese, you can be 'fluid' with your first person pronouns depending on the situation, so I think he could use more neutral or feminine pronouns should he desire it, too, to play on his gender non-conformity.

- Komaeda is very secure in his gender, regardless of being AMAB or AFAB. He does not care about stigma, or discrimination, he does not care about being "accepted" by broader society. Broader society is sort of meaningless to him, the average person and their ideas about gender and presentation and effeminity mean NOTHING to him. Whether or not a random person the street genders him correctly or treats him with respect is sort of, pointless? Because to him, most ordinary people are pointless nobodies. Their thoughts do not matter to him. I think he is still prone to insecurity, however, when around his "betters" but I just struggle to think he would degrade himself in regards to gender. to him, it's the least of his problems. what he cares about is hope and talent. He could dress femininely or wear makeup or straight up crossdress and not mind it, really. He thinks people would find a problem with it are the problem, because why does it even matter? It speaks to the way Komaeda is detached from societal norms & "normal" people, he did not grow up in normal circumstances, so he doesn't interact with the world normally by any means. he can mask and act normally to the best of his ability, often unintentionally?, but he simply does not fit into broader society and doesn't seek to.

- Komaeda loses weight really easily, and doesn't gain weight that well. This is mainly due to his many illnesses but also the medications he's been put on. He has a low appetite and burns weight rather easily, even though I headcanon that he eats like garbage (mainly junk food & takeout, since he obviously cannot cook). This makes him overall, health wise, not very healthy, and stick thin because of it. A stiff breeze could knock him over, tbh.

- He has a lot of faded scars, self-inflicted or not.

- Pre-despair (in HPA) he is fairly healthy but still lithe, and progressively his body deteriorates through his 2 years of hopes peak before the Tragedy begins.

- During the Tragedy itself, his body is at it's worst. he is almost nothing but bone at times, barely kept together by a need to live so he can see hope triumph. His weight fluctuates but he's very unhealthy. He's not anorexic or on death's door, but he's not well off, either.

- After being put into the neo world program, right after waking up, he's very, very thin and gaunt. he was in a pod on feeding tubs for an indiscernible but at least probably a month's worth of time? So he's just very weak, like he could collapse if he moves too quickly.

- But a while after waking, he goes into remission, and starts to gain more healthy habits due to being rehabilitated and cared for by Hinata, and gains some weight, finally at a healthy, normal weight. I still think he would struggle with putting on too much weight, but I am slightly fond of the idea that he gets a bit of healthy pudge after a while. To him, it's so foreign being healthy, that he honestly think something's wrong with him at first.

Hinata:

- Hinata has a very... average body, true to form. His hips and waist aren't too pronounced but he has a loosely "hourglass" shape, too, just not as exaggerated as Komaeda's in comparison.

- Gender-wise, I am EXTREMELY fond of transmasc Hinata. While I think I portray AMAB Hinata more than transmasc Hinata (in art and writing), I still firmly prefer transmasc Hinata. The reason I think portray otherwise more is just out of comfortability, but I've been getting better at comfortably portraying FTM Hinata. I have some reasons I prefer it and think you can extrapolate it from canon, but let's get into that

- Hinata, in my eyes, has an arc and story that fits perfectly into him just. Being trans. His desire to be someone else, someone better, someone he can proud of, and the way he overcompensates for himself and has an extreme inferiority complex would easily lend to him having similar feelings about his gender. To me, Hinata is a trans man who overperforms his masculinity out of insecurity and a need to pass. I see him as someone who would strictly use "he/him" in a western sense, which is lended to by his use of the "ore" pronoun in canon, which is almost hypermasculine.

- Even if he were AMAB, I think it still works, I think he's still someone who's insecure and tries to assert himself more strongly and therefore performs masculinity in a way to appear more confident than he is.

(side note: I actually read a bit about queerness in Japan and how it relates to gender performance and the use of pronouns, and read a bit about how queer women in japan tend to use "boku" and "ore" to perform masculinity, which I find neat. “Ore” was also sometimes used exclusively to show anger and dominance, which is why it's categorized as a "rough" pronoun. I think Japanese language, gender, and expression, and how those all relate to one another, are extremely interesting and if you get the time you should read about it lol)

- Body-wise, pre-despair, I think Hinata would. not have top surgery, obviously. I think he has a fairly average but leaning a little on the hefty side chest (pre-op) and binds it, hence the '91 cm' (but also he still has 91 cm post-op because bazongas). I also just think he leans on the "twunk" side of things at this point, not buff but not stick thin or without muscle, just kind of average with average strength and all, though I think Hinata would've tried to do sports and stuff to find his talent so he's in shape :)

- My personal, kind of amusing, but also kind of... thematical? Headcanon, is that during the Kamukura project, he also underwent gender transition. to be honest, while it may not make sense in modern Japan, I think we can suspend our disbelief for fiction, and also make the argument that Hinata's "transition" into Kamukura CAN be read, in some part, as relatable or at least familiar to the trans experience. Iit is not out of the realm of possibility, either, to assume that because many bits of society in Danganronpa are advanced (specifically science, is extremely ahead of our understanding, almost sci-fi like at times) certain attitudes about gender and sexuality can be smoothed over more in a Japanese context.

(side note: I also think that science-wise, we can suspend our disbelief, and assume that top surgery and bottom surgery are much more advanced in this universe, given the almost unbelievable levels of science in Danganronpa, such as memory wipe, mind control, completely realistic virtual simulation, um literally everything about Kamukura which is body modification and brain modification to an extreme, etc. I think it's kind of fitting within these to assume that... Hinata/Kamukura could just, gain a functioning penis, lol)

Kamukura:

- Kamukura would have a. "Perfect" body. it's stated, I'm pretty sure, that they modified not only his brain but his body, because he needs to be able to perform every talent under their belt with ease, and his strength, instincts, technique, are all superhuman. So it's clear to me he'd have a buff body. toned muscles and all. He wouldn't really feel a need to keep it up, though, but I think since they're very... artificial (basically fucking steroids?) they wouldn't fade from a lack of keep-up.

- Kamukura also rarely ever is injured, but when he does, his body heals rather fast and can care for himself adequately, because again, his body is modified to a point of almost inhumanity.

- Gender wise, Kamukura genuinely does not care. however, I am not one to think that Kamukura is "a different person" from Hinata, rather, he is separate from Hinata, but an extension of Hinata as well, proven that he experiences some of his emotions even if subconsciously and without understanding them. he isn't a different personality or person developed in Hinata's body, but a very traumatizing, repressed, and manipulated version of Hinata given a new name, with memories repressed. He's like Theseus's ship in human form---if you get rid of everything that makes someone themselves and replace it, bit by bit, is it the same person? Technically, yes, but... truly? Who knows. 

Because of this, I think Kamukura would have a leaning toward masculine gender performance (in canon, in fact, he uses the soft masculine pronoun "boku" in stead of "ore" like Hinata) BUT I think he is still very nonbinary. In a western sense, i think he would use he/they pronouns, but not really care if someone mistook him for a woman, I suppose.

- His appearance, unironically, is very nonbinary or "he/they" to me because he's wearing a suit, the archetypal form of masculinity, but has extremely long hair, which is considered feminine, and speaks softly (dully). Of course, the bishounen "pretty boy" appearance isn't uncommon or considered less masculine in japan, I think, but there is still a different between soft masculinity and rough masculinity in japan, which lends itself to being interpreted sort of gender non-conforming by western audiences :)

- Kamukura, due to his apathy, struggles with self-maintaining, but as we all probably know i am extremely attached to KamuKoma and thus headcanon that Servant helps him, sort of like a royal servant would royalty in the old days, take care of himself by bathing him, brushing his hair out, grooming him, etc. partially out of duty, partially out of appreciation for Kamukura's body, and partially out of maintaining his sort of "perfect" look since Kamukura, especially post-Junko death, is perceived widely by the public as the new leader of the ultimate despair, even if he is ambivalent to such a title.

Post-DR3 Hinata/Kamukura combined:

As I rambled on about previously, I don't think that Kamukura and Hinata are separate people or personality, I really dislike the interpretation that they are like a "split personality" or operate like DID, because they do not "form" like DID, but also in canon, are not portrayed as separate people.

In post-dr3, Hinata instead says that he is both of them, because he is. Kamukura is Hinata, always was, but had been given a new, false identity, had been stripped of his previous self, his memories, his personality, and crafted into something new. but that did not "split" his brain into two people. It simply repressed who he once was, and made him someone he now was. But when Kamukura regains his memories, his past self, through the means of the new world program by restoring his own memories after SDR2 concludes and he wakes up, as well as doing the same for everyone else, he decides to be "Hajime Hinata" who he always was, but carrying and shouldering the weight of what "Izuru Kamukura" had been, become, and done. Hinata *is* Kamukura, he answers for Kamukura's wrongdoings, his crimes, as something he had done as a different person who's mind operated differently, due to being artificially suppressed, modified, into an apathetic tool for the scientists who made him, and later and aimless, bored individual who simply sought meaning he did not have in the unknown of what despair would be at it's climax. And if hope could overcome it.

As such, I think, when Hinata's self is brought back into the mix, and he now deals with Kamukura's apathy and boredom in part, but much less consuming and much less often, I think hinata is less staunchly "masculine", does not overperform it anymore, and is trying to understand what his past means to him, what his present is, and what his future will be. I think that Hinata would still primarily use he/him (or still use "ore" in Japanese, as it's also a means of his personality, which is a bit rough around the edges and blunt), but be more ambivalent to rigid gender expression, still finding comfort and idealness in masculinity, but not be made dysphoric or feel frightened, uncomfortable, with non-comformity or anything like that. being boyish, masculine, is what he enjoys, but he's comfortable in it now, doesn't need to prove himself or overperform it. He can explore nonconformity without feeling like his gender or masculinity is at threat, even if it's not his preference outright.

Body-wise, I think it's safe to say he retains Kamukura's muscle and all, but Kamukura didn't put much effort into the everyday machinations of being a human being in general, and Hinata is much more fond of food than him now, eats more often, and I enjoy the idea that he gains a little pudge and has a kind of "dad bod" almost, post-DR3? lol.

Both for Hinata and Kamukura I don't see their bodies as “bara” or overly buff, masculine, but a kind of comfortable middle ground between twunk and hunk, lmao. I think they're also averagely hairy, not overly so, very lightly. kind of well groomed, and all. Hinata, pre-despair, put not so much effort into his appearance but still some, especially in trying to pass. (In fact I think his hair cut looks like a home job, all choppy and stuff, which fits him in my opinion, something done by his own hands even if messy and imperfect, he still prefers to be in control of it. also fits the trans headcanon tehe).

Izuru put very little if any effort into himself, only the bare minimum necessary to function, but servant helped him upkeep it to a perfect standard. Hinata, post-dr3 now, finds himself putting you know, an average amount of care into himself and his body, enough to be healthy, but not overly critical and conscious of himself.

Komaeda i have always seen as someone who takes a good deal of care about himself, merely if to alleviate the "disgust" of his appearance and body, by practically preening himself. He is someone who is good at cleaning and seems to appreciate clean and well kept spaces, so I think he would have a similar attitude toward himself. even if he is insecure, and of course, struggles with mental health and may slip at times in his routine in keeping himself well-kept, I think he still maintains an appearance for the most part, at least in his later years (teen to young adult). An argument can be made that he cared less in his adolescence because he had much more apathy about the world, but when he gave himself a purpose with hope and talent, I think he would care for himself a little better, even if his was spiralling mentally.

His hair is always washed, it is just very curly and prone to mess, so it often looks like perpetual bedhead, even when he combs and brushes it. His skin is soft even if a little worn by his tendency for accidents & injury, it's still soft and almost luckily so, and he takes pride in moisturizing and cleaning himself. His skin is a little sickly, still, and I think that despite having blemishes, scars, etc. Komaeda manages to look pretty in a strange way, not conventionally beautiful, but almost ethereal? He's just *pretty*, there's no way to explain it, he is nice to look at even with all his "flaws" and imperfections. Even when he's sickly and bony, even when his cheeks are gaunt or his hands shaky and weak, when his hair is a tangled mess or his clothes are dirty, he's nice to look at in a way that's nonconventional, and it's sort of mesmerizing.

Hinata I think is very average but also in a way that's nice to look at it. He's not ground-breaking hot or conventionally attractive, he has a good body, a nice face, and hair you could play with a little if you wanted. I think what's appealing about him is his normalcy, he's not trying too hard or "gifted" gene wise, but he's just kinda nice to look at, he's enjoyable to be around, an understanding person, or at least tries to be even when he fails, and despite having flaws, insecurities, blunt, he is someone you're drawn to because he's one of those people that's just, easy to talk to? An emotional anchor, almost. The kind of guy everyone kind of knows and has talked to at least once, even if you're not friends with him personally, not because he's cool or popular or anything, but because he's a normal dude who's easy to trust and talk to.

Kamukura, on the other hand, is intimidating, appearance wise and personality wise. he looks, strange, anything but normal, his eyes are red and his hair is this dark cloud that envelops him. His face may still be that plain one Hinata has but faces can be changed by the surrounding attributes as well as expression and such is true for him, with his apathetic and cold expression as well as otherwordly characteristics, he comes off as much more beautiful in a dark way, kind of? In a way that's intimidating or a little daunting, but he's still very beautiful. mesmerizing.

okay, thats my ramble. ty.

[gromellette]

what's your thought crime Opinions

how nice of you to ask!

as a disclaimer, this is less about the commonly discussed concepts of mental illness & harmless sexual/romantic fantasies seen under the original post and more about the less than normal kinds of thoughts that can be harder to talk about in a neutral way for a lot of people. proceed with caution, i suppose.

i don't have anything to say about thought crime that hasn't already been said, i think. but i do hold, from my experience, controversial & unpopular opinions surrounding thoughts, desires, attractions, urges, and feelings vs. actions where it relates to violence and sexuality.

i don't immediately reign judgement on people who experience some or all of the above surrounding the likes of incest, pedophilia, necrophilia, bestiality, non/dubious consent/rape, mutilation/murder, etc. these things would be undoubtedly unethical and, to most, detestable to act on, but simply experiencing those feelings & thinking those thoughts & having those urges or desires is not something i'm interested in demonizing someone for. human beings are incapable of controlling their thoughts/feelings/attractions. if we weren't, we would never feel anxiety or grief or anger, people with OCD & intrusive thoughts would eliminate them before they appeared, queer people in conservative spaces and/or grappling with internalized homophobia would simply choose to not be queer. we know this isn't how it works, so why would it be any different for the unsavory ones, the socially unacceptable?

this isn't to say it's just chill that some people sit around having fantasies about certain things; i do think destigmatizing needs to also come with unpacking and rehabilitation where appropriate and measures to prevent violent acts, but the cultural obsession with morality is probably my biggest gripe with the conversation surrounding violent thoughts and violence in general; how morality is the highest priority, the means by which we must categorize the world in terms of "good" people and "bad" people, the end all be all to understanding and solving the issue of violence and, therefore, the only thing that really matters when observing these categorically "bad" people². all this, despite the fact that morality is entirely subjective and does nothing to actually prevent or treat violence because one's perception of right and wrong varies widely from person to person depending on endless variables. contrary to popular belief, the world cannot be broken down into such simple parts; good and bad, right and wrong, just and unjust. the world is nuanced, gray, and not altogether easy to understand.

i'm as passionate as i am about this (and about protecting freedom of speech and expression in fictional media where this topic is concerned too, another conversation altogether) because the shame and dehumanizing that happens in response to someone expressing violent thoughts or compulsions is what ultimately leads to real life harm¹. i believe it's important to foster an environment where people can feel comfortable talking about these things because with that comes feeling comfortable asking for help and preventing violence from the start, which is ultimately what we want, right? to listen to, show compassion for, and aid people with "immoral" thoughts (and predators, while we're at it) is to participate in creating a safe community for everyone³.

punishment begets more violence, not less, and it's troubling how popular the opposite sentiment seems to be. i'm frankly tired of seeing people make black and white moral judgements that are not at all black and white (i.e. thinking about something one has never acted on). it's okay to feel a way about things but, as far as i'm concerned, a person's actions are far more important than what goes on inside their head, or what they choose to write, draw, read, or watch for that matter (unless it's legitimate pornography involving real life parties right like obviously that is very bad because it results in and perpetuates real life harm, lets be reasonable here BUT even in these cases, the answer is not to demonize. there could be cases in which a person might very well be incapable of change or remorse (debatable) and in those cases, sure, but i believe the majority of the time such violence can be not only treated, but prevented by recognizing their humanity and doing what we can to foster it. the ultimate goal being, of course, to prevent violence. but i digress, that is another conversation also lol)

¹ James Gilligan has talked extensively on this topic, the correlation between shame & violence, and how treatable and preventable it really is if we could dispel the notion that predators are inhuman, some sort of separate evil species incapable of treatment and understanding and "deserving" of punishment. His book, Preventing Violence, is a great place to start, or this interview if you can't access it (highly recommend, it is a fascinating read). ² See also James Gilligan. Morality is the Problem, where he talks about morality as a means to justify violence on both sides of the coin.

³ i also feel it necessary to make clear that it's not anyone's, and particularly any victim's, responsibility to bear the burden of showing compassion to or otherwise protecting someone who has harmed or wanted to harm others. i just hope to highlight the importance of recognizing and considering the humanity in those individuals because the most effective way of changing someone for the better is allowing them the space to do so, should they be receptive to it. because monsters don't exist, human beings who do unforgivable things do. and, yes, even those human beings need compassion from others.

[kaya-yildiz]

what is your character’s ability?

Dream Walking. Kaya has the ability to enter the dreams of another and influence that dream, as well as allowing them influence over it too.

what is your character’s  government-assigned classification level?

Level 1. It’s a pretty benign mutation.

what can your character do?

When he is awake, Kaya can enter people’s dreams. It’s generally quite disorienting for the dreamer, as it forces people into a lucid dreaming state, but if they experience it repeatedly they can acclimatise. Once there, Kaya can control the dream: change the clothes or the appearance of the dreamer, change the whole landscape, make things appear. Essentially he’s omnipowerful, but only in the dream. Once the dreamer awakes, it all melts away.

There’s no distance limit to this power, but he does need to know the person before he can reach them. The ‘knowing’ can be something as simple as a photo or a video of the person but it might take him some time to ‘locate’ them. The better he knows someone, the easier it is for him to find them. He has liaised with the police over a few  missing person cases, but as the missing person often doesn’t know where they’ve been taken, there’s only so helpful he can be.

what can’t they do?

He can’t enter the mind of anyone that’s awake, and he can’t use his mutation while he’s asleep. He can’t do anything ‘real’ i.e. anything that changes or happens or bleeds in the dream ceases to exist upon waking. The only exception is if he says something hurtful; obviously the person’s feelings will still be hurt on waking. 

Incidentally, Kaya isn’t sure if this is part of his mutation or simply a personal quirk, but he’s never been able to remember a single one of his own dreams; not one fragment, no nightmares, nothing.

what are their weaknesses?

For psychically powerful people, it’s possible for them to kick him out of their dreams if they don’t want him there. Drugs/alcohol make it pretty much impossible for him to access someone’s dreams, too; this is how he was aware of just how bad Delia’s drinking was towards the end of their marriage.

He is also very vulnerable when he uses his mutation. Externally he goes into a trancelike state, totally unaware of the world around him, though it’s possible to shake him out of it.

how did they first come to the realization that they were a mutant?

At a sleepover when he was 9. He couldn’t sleep, and his friend was whimpering like he was having a nightmare. Kaya watched him curiously, and concentrated so hard he slipped into the dream. It was a childish nightmare with monsters, but Kaya willed swords into existence for them and they fought them off. The next day, the friend didn’t realise Kaya’s presence had been real; he told him with great excitement over breakfast about the great battle of his dreams, and Kaya realised what he’d done.

if given the choice, would you they remain a mutant? why or why not?

Yes. It gives him a more intimate way to stay in touch with people than phone calls or texts. He is aware that sometimes, it reaches a point of being bad for him; he relies a lot on fantasy and make believe. There’s something addictive about the all-encompassing unreality of dreams, but he’s got it under control for now.

Because his mutation isn’t visible, he’s never really received any trouble for it. So all in all, he has no reason to resent it, though he is sympathetic towards the struggles of people with more visible differences that have to face distrust or persecution.

what do they hope to see change in the future, with respect to the current strife over mutant acceptance? short-term? long-term?

He’d like to see more universal acceptance, of course. Legislation to make mutants a protected class in line with queer people, disabled people, poc, etc. However, he is not at all outspoken about mutant rights, and is slow to admit he’s a mutant himself; the need to keep himself safe so he can be there for his kids ensures he keeps his nose very clean.

[ialwaysknewyouwerepunk]

Hi Ella! This isn’t so much an ask as a jumble of thoughts, but I feel like you’re someone who might get it. I’ve been thinking quite a bit about a conversation I had with a friend about Larry, and her insistence that if Larry is real, it’s “wrong” that they haven’t come out yet. Both of us are queer, and I was a little taken aback by this line of thinking because I sort of expect my queer friends more than anyone else to understand others’ right to stay in the closet (assuming they even have control over that in the first place), but I think there’s maybe a way in which we see likely queer public figures who have a great deal of money and influence (which we sometimes falsely equate with agency) and see the potential for that kind of visibility. And I think maybe we begin to believe this creates a kind of sense of moral responsibility to be brave and take the risk of coming out because of the good it could potentially do in the long run, but this is kind of a red herring, right? Because we forget about the root of the problem, which is the moral responsibility of society to look beyond the bottom line/their own comfortably heteronormative perceptions of the world. I guess I’m wondering if some queer people are even more susceptible to this because of the potential for how much good people like Louis and Harry coming out could do for the community, and in light of that maybe there’s some resentment that they appear to be “choosing” money and fame over this potential good, even though we have no idea how much of a choice they have in the first place, and anyway, isn’t it their right to choose how to live in a society that marginalizes them through no fault of their own? And then you of course have the other side of the issue, where the question becomes how to reconcile the possibility of queer baiting with the right of a closeted person to participate in the community in whatever way they have the freedom to do (I can’t tell you how many people I’ve seen go after Harry for queer coding, either because they think he’s just a cis straight man trying to be “interesting” or because they see it as proof that he could come out if he actually wanted to. Anyway, I’m terribly sorry for this essay 😅. I’ve just had all these thoughts bouncing around in my head, and I’ve been trying to reconcile my friend’s reaction with others I’ve seen in the fandom, and with my own fleeting moments where I do find myself thinking that surely they’re free enough to no longer keep up the charade, and have to catch myself. I’ll admit that sometimes I have trouble with it too.

oh wow :( well, first off, you're right: no one owes coming out to anyone, and you don't have to come out to be valid in your queerness. i think it's very harsh by your friend to say that. yeah, there are a lot of things at play for louis and harry and it isn't as simple as them deciding to not come out, but they really are just queer people who deserve our acceptance no matter how open they are. of course, their reach and influence would be immense if they were. it would mean a lot to queer fans. but we don't know what really is going on bts that is keeping their closet secured. as you said, them being out would immediately label them and would influence their career immensely, bc that's just how our society loves to treat ppl. so imo it's now a mix of contracts and mind games done by their teams, and their own decision to wait for the right time and guard their privacy in the meantime. i do think this right time for h especially is close, to him, bc he's expressed more now that he doesn't mind offending people or losing fans by staying authentic. but that's just me theorizing. as a last point, i need to add that a person can't queerbait. h and l are just living their lives and being themselves and they don't need to be out to be able to act queer. as a queer person, i see them and know what they're telling me, and by their actions they're also validating my existence. and telling me i can be myself and that my own approval is enough. we'll see how it goes for h and l in the future, but in the meantime all they need is our acceptance and support, without them having to prove anything

[nerdygaymormon]

What do you think about the possible excommunication of Natasha Helfer?

Before this week, the only thing I knew about Natasha Helfer is I’d read an article she’d written about masturbation being part of normal sexual development, and she doesn’t see it as sinful. I agree with her. 

Because of the publicity surrounding her summons to a membership council, I now know much more about her. 

She made a video about being summoned to a membership council scheduled for April 18th. For starters, a stake where she hasn’t lived since 2019 has decided to do this, which seems strange to me. 

Here’s the things the summons letter cites as “misconduct”:

Support for same-sex marriage

Teaching that masturbation is part of a normative sexual-development journey and should not be seen as “sin” or as a reason to keep our youth from being considered worthy to serve or church activities

Her stances on sexually-explicit materials, aka pornography (she believes this is because she educates about using a values model vs an addiction model in the treatment of such concerns)

She’s been critical of Church leaders

Concerns she has encouraged people to leave the Church 

—————————

I went to section 32.6 of the General Handbook which lists the things someone may face a membership council. Frankly, the things listed in the letter sent to Natasha Helfer are not found in the Handbook. 

I suppose these could fit under the charge of “Apostasy,” because she publicly declares opinions different from the Church. Here’s what the Handbook says constitutes apostasy:

Repeatedly acting in clear and deliberate public opposition to the Church, its doctrine, its policies, or its leaders

Persisting in teaching as Church doctrine what is not Church doctrine after being corrected by the bishop or stake president

Showing a pattern of intentionally working to weaken the faith and activity of Church members

Continuing to follow the teachings of apostate sects after being corrected by the bishop or stake president

Formally joining another church and promoting its teachings (Total inactivity in the Church or attending another church does not by itself constitute apostasy. However, if a member formally joins another church and advocates its teachings, withdrawing his or her membership may be necessary.)

—————————

Natasha Helfer is a well-known LDS marriage counselor and certified sex therapist in Utah. She’s written several articles that have been widely read. She’s been a recurring guest on the Mormon Mental Health podcast, Mormon Matters and appeared on many other podcasts. 

She’s particularly sought out because of her training & expertise and her experiences in helping members of the Church overcome their sense of shame regarding sexuality. 

As a marriage counselor, she helps couples where one or both goes through a faith crisis, she says she doesn’t encourage anyone to leave the Church but honors their choices and helps them work through their thoughts & feelings, and also the effect it has on their marriage.  

Because of the news about her being summoned for a membership council, I’ve learned more about her positions. Here’s a list of some of the things I’ve seen in her writing: 

Sex Ed in Utah public schools should be comprehensive and accurate

Sexual assault is a crime & should be talked about as such

The LDS Church should know how to address sexual misconduct and sexual assault much better than it currently does

We should embrace and minister to our trangender neighbors, not fear them and make church difficult for them

Excommunication is cruel and unusual punishment which often is a traumatic experience used by the Church to silence its critics

Service Missions should be setup to be meaningful and seen as equal to proselyting missions

LGBTQ+ members should be affirmed and included in their faith community

LDS teachings & messages to LGBTQ+ members is akin to bullying and has real-world consequences on their mental health & lives

Fear of the BYU Honor Code actually causes many to not seek repentance for fear of academic punishment

The Church teaching that only certain families that fit the mold will get to enjoy the afterlife together is harmful. Mormon Heaven = Sad Heaven. She lists many groups who are harmed by this teaching, including: mixed-faith families, LGBTQ+ individuals & their families, families where someone struggles with addiction, single-parent families, families trying to deal with abuse & trauma, families dealing with mental health conditions such as bi-polar or impulse-control, family survivors of someone who died by suicide

When the Church rescinded the policy of exclusion against gay couples and their children, it should have been accompanied by an apology, not just a brief statement of the announcement with no explanation for the change

Social media isn’t the problem, how we use it is. If we’re keeping in touch with family & friends with whom we otherwise wouldn’t because of distance, accessing support you wouldn’t find in your area, obtaining ideas & resources, these are good. Comparing ourselves to others’ “best selves”, debating others, writing mean comments and such are not helpful. Too often people behave differently online than they do in person

We should wish people well when they leave our church and faith community and wish them well on their spiritual journey. We do a good job at celebrating newcomers even though many of them had to say goodbye to something in order to say hello to us

We need to speak of abortion more than as if anyone who gets one is evil. Even the Church’s position makes room for abortion in certain circumstances and we should be more nuanced in how we speak of it

Biological sex and gender are not binary. This may be LDS doctrine but the sciences of Biology and Psychology say otherwise

She supported the law ending conversion therapy in Utah of LGBTQ+ people

Racism is a public health emergency in the USA, racism is more than hate, it’s in our systems. It’s in our scriptures, our folklore, our culture, our history

Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. It’s acceptance and moving forward

She also has many articles & podcasts about improving marriage relationships, how to talk with your child about sex, tips for a mixed-faith marriage and similar topics directly related to her job as a marriage counselor and sex therapist.

I’m very impressed, from what I see. She is a tremendous force for good in our LDS community. We need people willing to speak the truth. 

—————————

Here’s two articles that especially impressed me. 

First is one is about masturbation, how it’s a legitimate way to meet one’s needs and some of the many benefits associated with sexual release. 

Second is one about pornography, the LDS culture gives pornography more power than it deserves with our blanket bans, secrecy & shaming, and calling virtually all porn viewing an addiction.

—————————

Frankly, based on what I post on my blog, I could be charged with all the same things that Natasha Helfer is being charged with.

Do I support same-sex marriage? Yes. Absolutely.

Do I think masturbation is a sin? No, and I think many Church websites, publications, and the General Handbook back up this view. 

Is masturbation a normal part of sexual development? Yes. And it has many benefits for individuals, especially singles like me, and even within a marriage

Is porn always wrong? I definitely can think of ways porn can be included inside a healthy marriage, perhaps as a way to help a partner get “in the mood,” or for someone with a higher libido to use along with masturbation, as part of foreplay, or even getting some ideas to spice up their love life. 

Have I been critical of Church leaders? You betcha. I think they’re wrong on LGBTQ+ topics and I say so. 

Do I encourage people to leave the Church? I don’t view myself this way, although I wouldn’t say that I try to get them to stay, either. It’s their path to walk. I know most LGBTQ+ people leave the Church, it’s the way our journeys normally go. I feel God has told me it’s fine for me to leave this church, so in no way do I think poorly of people who leave. This church isn’t ready for queer people and I don’t think God requires us to remain some place that harms us.

My understanding is we’re allowed to have beliefs that differ from the Church, as long as we’re not recruiting people to our side. Simply sharing your opinion or some differences in how you view things shouldn’t be something we can be punished for.

I suppose the difference between her and me is she’s seen as a high-profile individual and she’s using her credentials to give weight to her opinions, and I’m just some rando gay guy who has a blog.

[potteresque-ire]

More ask answer about Word of Honour (山河令, WoH) and the so-called “Dangai 101 phenomenon” under the cut ~ with all the M/M relationships shown on screen, does it mean improved acceptance / safety for the c-queer community?

Due to its length (sorry!), I’ve divided the answer into 3 parts: 1) Background 2) Excerpts from the op-eds 3) Thoughts This post is PART 3 💚. As usual, please consider the opinions expressed as your local friendly fandomer sharing what they’ve learned, and should, in no ways, be viewed as necessarily true. :)

(TW: homophobic, hateful speech quoted)

Here are the key points I’ve picked up from these op-eds:

* The state believes Danmei can turn young people queer. * The state also believes Dangai dramas can turn young men “feminine” to suit the taste of Dangai’s young, largely female audience. * The state views queerness in both sexes, and androgynous beauty in men as negative traits. * The state is wary of Danmei and Dangai’s popularity and wishes to contain them as subcultures. * The state is particularly annoyed by how the Dangai dramas have achieved their popularity with CP-focused promotions and marketing tactics, in which the actors are involved and blur the line between fictional and real-life suggestions of queerness.

What do I think of, concerning the acceptance and/or safety of … everything, with the above opinions given by the state media about Dangai?

* For c-queers, I don’t think things are different from before—these op-eds didn’t change the big picture for me. The op-eds taking traditional BL characterisation for Dangai / Danmei means the state’s intended focus of the genres is not its queerness; this is not unexpected, as the established review system is supposed to have removed the show’s queer elements, and to characterise those elements as queer would be a critique against the NRTA.

 While unpleasant, the veiled, antagonistic view towards non-traditional gender expressions and homosexuality isn’t new: the state has long believed popular culture can turn its young male audience “feminine”; the NRTA directive that bans homosexual content from visual media already makes clear its stance that homosexuality is, while not criminal, something that is Not Good in its eyes.

A (very) good thing that can be said, I think, is that none of the op-eds explicitly disapprove of the queer elements, the things that got away from being censored—of which there were, arguably, many in WoH. While Article O2a noted such “playing edge ball” (note the articles use this term to avoid mentioning “queer”), the comment right after was neutral / positive (“provide their audience with room for imagination”). Article O3, meanwhile, acknowledged that Dangai can be imitated by introducing suggestive atmosphere between male characters in their plot layout, thereby admitting that suggestive atmosphere between male characters in their plot layout is a defining trait of Dangai—and it didn’t say anything bad about it; the criticism was only for non-Dangai playacting Dangai.

This signals, to me at least, that Dangai can continue to be the cover for queer relationships to reach its audience for now — which is, perhaps, the best case scenario for continued queer representation on TV, given the current sociopolitical climate.

* For Danmei / Dangai, I’d also venture to say the genres are safe. Upcoming Dangais may need to undergo stricter / further reviews (if the rumours surrounding Immortality 皓衣行 are to be believed), and whether they can still achieve explosive popularity after such reviews remains a question; the genres themselves, however, will likely survive. 

Article O1 was a very positive, very enthusiastic review of WoH; its determined focus on the show’s aesthetics (as TU’s review) signals to me that the state approved of the genre’s take on aesthetics—which, again, also includes the aesthetics of a world cleansed of its real problems, which also aligns with the NRTA’s directive on TV / web dramas to focus on the positives of life in the country (Previously translated in this post: D12: … They [Pie note: the dramas] cannot place too strong an emphasis on social conflicts, must showcase the beautiful lives of the commoners.). Article O2b was very critical at places, but actually tried to sever Danmei  / Dangai from its major complaint, argued that the attention-grabbing gimmicks path was taken * instead of * aspiring to positively, proactively guide and display Danmei culture, therefore positioning Danmei on the “good side”.  While Danmei was named a (bad) influence for potentially turning youths queer (and predator, by the cartoon) in Article O2a, no mention was made of eliminating the genre both in the same Article or its editorial (Article O2b). The focus was placed, instead, on the subculture’s “containment”, and how it has been broken for “Rot Culture” to reach mainstream. The implied solution to Danmei’s “bad influence”, therefore, was to re-contain rather than eliminate.

[Logically, of course, this makes little sense. Blaming Danmei on turning youths queer is already confusing correlation and causation—youths may be drawn to Danmei because they are queer, rather than Danmei turning them queer. Re-containment, meanwhile, suggests that the state, which isn’t a fan of gays, is okay with Danmei turning kids gay… as long as there aren’t a lot of kids.

However, I’m hoping to tease out what the state may do, not whether the state is logically sound.]

Article O3 had the harshest wording on Danmei—“the canon and the Rot Culture behind it still hides large amounts of pornographic, violent content…”; “this vulgar custom of “playing edge ball” as a means to tempt, to lead the audience into indulging in fantasies [Pie note: sexual fantasies implied by the idiom 想入非非] have spread from visual media production…” . Still, no word on axing the genre, only containment.

* For CP culture, specifically, actor-character based CPs that are promoted with the dramas: while I don’t see it on the chopping board yet, these op-eds are, I believe, warnings for those in charge of the promotion and marketing of the upcoming Dangai dramas to tread carefully. I find the reach of these warnings difficult to predict still, because these warnings can be genuine—as in, the government truly believes the CP-focused promotion and marketing tactics are morally objectionable—or they can be more for show, in that the true reason behind the warnings is that CP-focused promotions, which also put a heavy focus on in-drama candies, make the NRTA / censorship board look like a joke and the government had to put up some objections to save face. 

In all cases, companies will likely need to talk to the government to nail down its stance. Whether to heed the warnings afterwards, tone down or eliminate the CP-focused promotions will require a thorough risk-benefit analysis. After all, CP culture appears to sits at the heart of the money-making machinery of Dangai dramas. The expenditure of fans is mainly to support their favourite actors and see their interactions, and money is, ultimately, what Dangai 101 is about.

Finally, for the sake of completion ~ how likely did these op-eds reflect the actual opinions of the state? Here are the sources of the articles:

Article O1: 上觀新聞, which is under Liberation Daily 解放日報,  the official daily newspaper of the Shanghai Committee of the Chinese Communist Party.

Article O2: 半月談 Banyue Tan, a state-controlled biweekly magazine published by the Xinhua News Agency, the official state-run press agency of China.

Article O3: 光明日報 Enlightenment Daily, a newspaper associated with Central Committee of the Communist Party of China (中共中央機關報).

None of them are of the calibre of People’s Daily (official newspaper of the Central Committee of the Chinese Communist Party). However, they’re all very well-respected state-sponsored sources. Banyue Tan does require an asterisk  ~ while affiliated with the Xinhua News Agency, the massive influence of which has earned it its nickname “the world's biggest propaganda agency”, Banyue Tan‘s authority on this particular issue of Danmei/Dangai has been somewhat undermined by a … strange (?) trivia to end this super long piece: the magazine has also been caught in the controversy surrounding 227. Due to its pro-TU, pro-Gg stance, antis have insisted there are Gg fans within its writer’s ranks, who have used the state-sponsored publication for their private, support-Gg purposes. To this day, the argument is ongoing—with the criticism of Danmei in Article O2 sparking another round of “discussion” due to its previous approval of TU—and the lead anti is a well-known international politics professor and CCP (Chinese Communist Party) mouthpiece named Shen Yi (沈逸), whose claim to fame was the US government cancelling his visa and denying him entry due to suspected espionage …

[Banyue Tan was not the only state-sponsored publication caught in 227′s cross-fire. This is one of the reasons why some political watchers have suspected 227 to have a political component, that some form of political power struggle was happening in the post-227 chaos and disguised as the fan war.

While the truth may never be revealed, one thing is for certain ~ fan wars are about the worst things fans can do for their favourite idols, by lending space for such veiled conflicts to happen, by lending the names of their idols / their idols’ fans to the actually warring parties who may not wish to reveal who they are.]

[Okay okay, I will shut up now :) ].

PART 1 PART 2 PART 3 <-- YOU ARE HERE