#I almost forgot these 2 existed
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I feel like today was a good day for me to remember that Deltarune Chapter concept I had made & to draw these 2 lesbians from it again
#I almost forgot these 2 existed#Deltarune#Deltarune ocs#my ocs#Wix#Lampshroom#Thriftstore chapter#if y’all want lore about it I can give all I got#but it’s not that much#My art#do not steal my art please & thank u#Your honor they are in love#Roommates in a historical sense#’gal pals’ if you will#Oh yeah I can also find & share the items they’re based off of if y’all want
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decided to check out the tvtropes page for ultrakill and saw it had a drinking game section
#alcohol poisoning speedrun any%#gabriel#ultrakill#ramblings#id included#just putting this here bc i almost spit out my water#edit: this was trapped in my queue for like 2 months and i completely forgot it existed 💀💀
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commission
#destiny 2#destiny the game#destiny fanart#warlock#commission#I am drip feeding the destiny crowd lmao#forgot to post this one it was from last year and it almost made me lose my non existent sanity
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Bleach’s Issue with Queer characters (3/3)
So then there’s Giselle (and to a less canon extent Shutara) who I think Kubo erroneously categorizes as similar to both eachother and to the above gay men stereotypes. And I think understanding Kubo’s approach to Giselle hinges on what he set up (but didn’t follow through on) with Shutara.
I’ve mentioned before, but I’m pretty certain think Shutara Senjumaru is meant to be a kabuki onnagata*. Not in-world, mind you; I don’t think she is somehow employed as an actor in a literal kabuki theater. (i would hope that was obvious, but one can never be too sure...) Just like Tier Harribel isn’t literally a light skinned, dark haired person doing gyaru/ganguro fashion, her presumably naturally tan skin and blonde hair is based on the general aesthetic. Shutara likewise is channeling distinct look and feel that draws from a mix of oiran, geisha, and kabuki aesthetics. (granted all three are closely related in influencing one another’s aesthetics in the first place)
But while the look and even the demeanor tend to play all three ways, I think the particular fixation on clothes, costuming, and the somewhat adjacent theme of “disguise” that Kubo has shown to put emphasis on in this kinds of situations, as well as the fact that he gave her a distinctly masculine name, Senjuumaru, point to her being some form of queer, albeit something Kubo seems to pretty clearly lack the understanding to better articulate himself. Is she a trans woman? Gender fluid? A male identifying transvestite? There’s not enough real material for us to draw that particular line, but I don’t think it’s a stretch to conclude that she’s not a cis woman.
*Kabuki is traditionally an all-male theater form, and “onnagata” refers to actors who specialize in playing women roles. Generally all actors train in the delineated masculine and feminine styles, but an actor’s career sticks to just one or the other...
...There is a whole big thing about how cultural institutions like kabuki and takarazuka theaters’ creation of socially acceptable and even celebrated, public and professional genderqueer spaces creates a myriad of gender dynamics that just don’t exist in the West, and it’s something that has made the attempt to adopt a globalized understanding of queer identity a little trickier in Japan:
In the West the gender binary was rigidly enforced such that to explore alternatives was basically uncharted territory (that’s an oversimplification, but you know what I mean; There’s a lack of contiguity with those who came before) but with japan there were already nonbinary spaces in place, and the lines around those don’t neatly line up with the ethnocentric western ideas some people try to pigeonhole those into. In general, it gets dangerously close to just flat up colonizer rhetoric.
(forgive the outdated reference image, but honestly I don’t know what even counts as a recognizable example of a “““trap”” character these days. And I use that term with GREAT reluctance, but I want to differentiate the exploitative cliche usage of a trans caricature from any actual representational trans character.)
Anyway... That all just leaves Giselle. And let’s be real, there’s no excuse for this one. Maybe that seems like a weird anticlimactic place to take this series of posts... like, after all this, maybe it feels like I should’ve had some equally obtuse logic to explain this one away as a matter of escalation or as a Rule of Threes. But no, not really. I just think it’s a little unreasonable to treat the massive screwup that was Giselle’s portrayal as part of some sort of bigger ongoing trend, when it’s really more of an unrelated outlier in a bigger umbrella subject.
She is in fact a bad case of the long standing anime/manga fetishization of transwomen as a concept, as a spectacle to be gawked at and made the butt of jokes or to be included specifically as an anomaly. And in Giselle’s case her specific depiction as a depraved, physically/sexually abusive villain on top of that is an explicitly toxic combination.
In spite of that, I still don’t think Kubo actually meant for it to reflect poorly (not that that matters or diminishes its harmfulness) I think he genuinely just has no real grasp of what that kind of characterization means. I say that largely because of the way he treats a lot of her role in the plot. Not that she’s integral to moving it forward, but that she occupies space and survives in the plot as long as she does, even when she could've been conveniently (and frankly more neatly) written out;
He seems to like drawing her and gives her a range of expressions and gestures (something he doesn't afford all his characters, even some of his major ones)
He likes to expand on her powers and gimmicks beyond what was necessary if he'd been aiming for minimum effort
He even paired her off against his personal favorite character, Mayuri.
Point being, Kubo seems to personally like Giselle as a character, but he took a horrible insensitive and ignorant path in writing her character.
But an undeniable fact is, she’s not alone as this kind of villain, she’s just the only one that happens to be trans.* Mayuri himself, Aaroniero, Szayelaporro, Zomarri (just a little bit), Tousen (at the very end), Tsukishima, As Nodt, Gremmy (a little), and Askin all to some degree dip into this shtick Kubo does where his villains aren’t just sadistic but ecstatically so, to the point of intoxicated, gleeful derangement. Yet in spite of that, those characters are all usually meant to be “cool,” not detestable.
Remember, Mayuri was initially written as, hands down, the most despicable characters in Bleach —he was abusive and sadistic, misogynistic, actually physically grotesque, predatory, dishonorable sneaky & underhanded, complicit in a genocide, just in general a clearly communicated mad scientist villain, and he was all of this in direct and deliberate contrast to Uryuu’s chivalrous personality type(already established in his defending Orihime from Jiroubou) as well as Nemu’s noble stoic subservient victimhood— and yet he’s also Kubo’s favorite character in the series. Kubo doesn’t actually write Giselle any particularly worse than the others, BUT he also doesn’t disassociate her being trans from her being villainous, and again, even incidentally, that manages to perpetuate a harmful narrative in the overall.
*(Actually, I’ve kinda touched on it before but I sort of suspect Mayuri could be trans, in which case; OOPS, that makes two, and that doesn’t make it better....)
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#bleach#bleach meta#KUBO TITE#senjumaru shutara#giselle gewelle#geez this thing is so old that bridget wasn't even reintroduced to guilty gear yet#in fact strIVe wasn't even a thing on the horizon this far back#also weird that preupdate drafts still adhere to outdated formatting#because typing these tags now and editing these drafts#is working on weird janky tumblr formats that i kind of forgot existed#anyway like i already said in the tags of part 2#im kind of super not satisfied with the wording on a lot of this#feels muddled#and i think i sort of lost track of the root of things#where someone was calling kubo ''obviously'' transphobic#and i think that's not entirely accurate#even if the bottom line almost doesnt make any difference#but there's a difference between ignorance and insensitive#and just outright malice#but the former is very much fixable and even reclaimable#the latter is absolutely not#again tho i get why to a lot of people that doesn't really make a difference#even this far out i dunno how i thought i was gonna end this#or how id do it any differently if i tried now
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ok guys i take it back...these insufferable debate kids are slowly worming their way into my cold misandrist heart like some kind of fungus
#am i...actually starting to like them...??? omg???#like genuinely i read and even REPLY to all the whatsapp messages on the ridiculously spammy group??? and BANTER with them???#what. happened#vagueposting the shit out of tumblr dot com#i almost let my guard down so much i forgot this one guy basically hates people like me just for existing and is part of the discussion 💀#but maybe. most of the group. is kinda cool. maybe its just 1 or 2 annoying mundrikotais idk#its so much better now that i know that pretty much everyone is in second year with me#being active in the club was intimidating as hell in first year dkfjghdkfjh
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✨Them✨ :D
I'm practicing some little poses and expressions here and there with them because humans are hard to draw, and because I have very specific little details I wanna get right when drawing them
Also, for context for the first one, I feel like Allison often helps Audrey to maintain peace within the Cycle if needed, kinda like some sort of right hand-man or knight. Malice sometimes join her because she likes her compagny "is bored and want to see what's happening"
#Fun fact : I almost always forgot to post my stuff so by the time you see it it's already at least 2 or 3 months old#my art#my art 2023#batim#batdr#allison angel#alice angel#twisted alice#malice angel#mallison#Malice is so fuckin obvious#The only thing that saves her is Allison's obliviousness that yeah gay people exists#YEAH NO ALLISON COULD COMPLETLY SAY THEY'RE GAL PALS IN THIS VERSION EGGBDFBGDHT#But otherwise the whole cycle is aware of that dsvdffbg
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I have Got to get more transgender
#100% секретный дневник левы НЕ ЧИТАЙ#transmasc#trans ftm#transgender#i like 2 say i'm very trans already but unforch i am Not Really. mostly boring ftm Guy Ever#so tempted to cut my hair again but my sense of what i look like is already so fuzzy i dont think it'd help..#want to dye my hair anyways. at this point i'd take whatever color i can get if not purple LOL#it's almost everything i could want and yet ... still me. still the same life. stuck.#soooo high functioning like you wouldnt believe EXCEPT istg i need an emotional support human who will guide me through tasks#such as 'pay with your Moneys Card at the Store'#or... idk that's it really. maybe go grocery shopping without feeling like i'm not meant to be there also#or like. exist in general maybe#reasons why not emotional support Animal: creature cannot understand capitalism. and also is not as necessary as a service dog specifically#idk! every time i come on here i fall apart (in text) and then pull myself back together for another day of ... this i guess.#i'm not even having like crying breakdowns or anything to go along with it i'm just held inside this shell of a body. typing away again#i'm soso tempted to make things worse. progress wouldn't matter anymore... at least maybe it would feel real that i'm like this#i wish my face fit on my body right. and also that i did not look quite so much like a vaguely gnc lesbian#like at LEAST let me look butch as hell but no. curse of sad hair & uncertainty#miss my little mullety thing from that brief period in october... miss my short hair from back in 2017 ...#just dont feel satisfied with what i am now. in general.#top surgery is literally Within my reach but i'm not sure about cost and i need to wait because of doing guard now......#my list of do i want t i kept for the past month turned out to be a bunch of maybes#partially cause i got sick. partially cause it stopped being shark week and i forgot about it#as always happens...#still unsure in my new(er) name. only heard it once#didn't feel the same way as with my old one? but idk. just don't know.#missing guard also but feeling conflicted about not having time for other hobbies...#since winter season is over i've had so much time to play guitar! that's insane! mostly cause i stopped playing for unrelated reasons...#just tired again. wonder if i need more sleep than what i always get. kind of restless.#there's nothing else to say i guess. just wish i could be a person the way everyone else seems to be.
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I forgot to watch Survivor tonight and instead watched a 60 minute long video essay called Martha Jones Deserved Better (And Other Correct Doctor Who Takes)
youtube
I regret nothing.
#martha jones#doctor who#forgot to watch survivor is a strong way of putting it by the way#it was more i didn't feel like sitting through commercials so i'm just gonna watch it tomorrow instead.#the first 2/3-ish of this video are about RTD and Martha and then the last half is about Moffat era mostly River#anyway. i have 2 small complaints about this video:#1) the angel sending amy to the same time as rory had canonical precedent from billy shipton in blink landing in 1969 too#so i get it seems very 'oh of COURSE she conveniently will end up in the same time'#because prior to that point there was the complaint of weeping angels going from scary to stupid#but that aspect of the angels was there from the beginning#2) i adore clara so i'm sad the video creator has 'avoid-Clara-itis' or however she worded it#but i get it.#a small third minor complaint is that the creator said she has been wary of properly watching Bill's season#and also Jodie's seasons because she is scared of more mistreatment of companions of color#and she seems to not be aware of the existence of Ruth!Doctor at all. i hope she'll like her.#but i hope that she does watch it eventually. especially because Bill was a definite improvement.#almost purposefully meant to be like 'yes Martha had a scene like this but this time Bill gets a better outcome'#and she also says she wanted to know who was in the writing room for Jodie's era and that's one of the best things about Chibnall#that for episodes like Rosa and Demons of the Punjab the co-writers were people of color from the specific cultures#anyway besides those small things i was watching this video like girl you are preaching to the choir#highly recommend for all my fellow Martha Jones Defense Squad members#Youtube
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more dnd and adjacent media should be run and written by people who think dwarves and elves are boring but care very sincerely about halflings and gnomes
#me it's me they should put me in charge#welcome to my campaign. all of the halfling and gnome NPCs are richly developed and well-rounded. maybe sometimes a dwarf will exist#actually I almost left elves out of this post because imho they're more interesting than anyone ever bothers to remember or implement#and I don't think they're boring and I would give them loving and meaningful worldbuilding-- but I DO think most people run them boring#'oh they're like humans but better. they're like beautiful humans who are old' that's IT?? I am ASLEEP!!!#anyway why do people just flatly refuse to engage with the small races at all!!#are they boring or are you just writing them off for no reason!!#I have one(1) dnd friend and DM who Gets It-- oh no sorry I forgot Justin is also my DM and dnd friend dfkjhgdfj. TWO DMs who get it#so halfling and especially gnome NPCs actually get to 1) fucking exist at all and 2) feel like real people but also distinct from humans#I think people just don't know what to do with them. which is a bummer and also boring.#I dunno like. as a reasonably intelligent and fully realized adult who is also playful and silly#I have pretty strong feelings actually about gnomes getting to be real people and ALSO culturally value goofiness and whimsy#and very strong feelings about how hard that is for most people to understand or believe (:#about me#gnome stuff#worldbuilding
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okay today was like the first time since surgery that i've been able to exist as a human outside my house!! and i had a great time even though i am PAYING FOR IT. HEAVILY 💀
#god my ribs are KILLING ME SLOWLY#anyway i had a good day 🥺🥺🥺 last night my partner and i woke up at the same time#bc we both had to pee. and i totally forgot but when we laid back down i told her ''i'm hungy..''#bc it was like 3 am and i didnt wanna get up. so i just wanted to complain lol#but she woke me up to a big breakfast she ordered in like ''hey it made me sad that you were hungry jn the night-#so i got you and i a big breakfast 🥺👉👈💖'' and UGH it made my heart so happy#and then we chilled out before i decided i could handle leaving home and wanted to go to the mall#and i had a really good time existing in public!!! im getting a little depressed from being bed bound#i FINALLY got after laughter on vinyl after wanting it for like almost 5 years 😭😭😭#and some cute stickers!!! anyway yeah i had a nice day w my baby and it made me happy 🥹💖#as much as im hurting badly rn it was worth it for the lil date 💖💖💖 pain meds should help soon anyway#im just glad to have finally gotten out of the house#chatter#round 2#also let me just say my previous thoracotomy did NOT prepare me for this one.#turns out the open version is VERY DIFFERENT. which i knew but god its so stark when youre living it#p sure by 2 weeks post op last time i was relatively fine!!!! almost back to normal#oh and uh#autumn
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Yo, do you think the reason Hollow Ground manipulates everyone into thinking they do not exist is due to the fact what telepaths are disappearing and dropping dead all around at the alarming rate?
Like not to redeem them or anything, but if someone was actively hunting my kind I too would brainwash everyone into thinking I do not exist.
#fallen hero: retribution spoilers#fallen hero retribution#fallen hero spoilers#hollow ground#like for real all telepaths are connected to thefarm. heartbreak was their experiment.#Sidestep is their experiment too and probably a kidnapped telepath turned re-gene#shroud is the farm's operative#the farm seems to have a thing for telepaths#hollow ground is literally the only telepath who has kept themselves safe#and it's bc they've convinced everyone they do not exist#oh and i almost forgot about locus#who is missing and farm has something to do with it#52 telepaths disappeared in the last 2 years#52!!!
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shoutouts to games that have crossovers
#my art#colored sketch#medibang paint#castlevania#alucard#i labbed out the dracula fight in dead cells more or less just before posting this but i actually did this like. 2 days ago#one of these days im gonna drawing characters that arent just like. existing in an off-white void by default. i prommy#i dont really know alucard's character in detail so along with his design being more complex than i usually work with#i have pretty much no sense of his 'acting'. like i dont know how to really pose him. i think those are my two main hurdles#last time i posted him i had at most gotten like 60% through the first cv. it has been two years. i have not touched it since 💀#ough i almost forgot: i based this loosely on his dialogue portrait to test my comfort with his design bc yall havent seen it but#ive been fighting for my Life trying to draw this man. im in the Tranches. but i did it (it will happen again. maybe in two more years)
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I drew Redson with a bunch of different hairstyles (that I got from discord the decorated braid was the only idea I had)
I hadn’t drawn them before this and omg he’s so pretty ;w;
#my art#sketches#lmk redson#surprise surprise I’m better at drawing him in my style rather than Lego#I liked it better- it took so long looking between the page and the references- those three Lego drawings took longer than using my own stul#*style. it’s a fun reminder that I am indeed an artist who’s cultivated a skill to be able to draw sketches like this so fast and naturally#THE LAST ONE I ALMOST FORGOT ABOUT- it almost didn’t exist but then I remembered the last hair idea and HAD to draw them all to complete the#-set#and holy shit he’s so pretty oh my fucking god#it’s my favorite and it took like 2 minutes I’m so proud
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Love the feeling of going back to a draft after a legit year and laughing out loud at shenanigans you forgot writing.
#rose and rambles#prosie's writing adventures#so i have a fairy tale series in the works and bonus points to whoever remembers this but#i did write book 2 once i finished book 1#i just haven't touched it literally since writing the first draft and its been a year almost exactly#i finished it last august/september#and i went back to it to give a reread because ive known there were things i was going to fix so im getting prepared to do that#and the thing about the fairy tale series is i want each book to follow different protagonists and there's an overlapping narrative#that drags everyone together in the last book#and my antagonist from the first book makes an appearance near the end of the second book#because of background machinations#his name is robin and hes such a little jerk fr fr#but it was so funny because i forgot exactly what happens with him#and he ends up getting chased away by an arctic fox and theres a scream and were meant to assume he was frozen#and im like beautiful. love he gets frozen before the day is saved#poetic justice. BUT THEN AFTER THE THREAT IS NULLIFIED THE LITTLE BRAT POPS OUT LIKE 'NEVER FEAR I HAVE THE SOLUTION' COMPLETELY OKAY#I FORGOT THAT AND JUST STARTED LAUGHING#anyway the fear exists that this story is too self indulgent and it does need work still#but it got me to really laugh so you know what? that's enough rn#I love robin so much#hes meant to be the most pathetic antagonist but his ego is off the charts#and he's only fueled by petty revenge against a protag in the first book so he gets roped into a grander scheme by the main antagonist#he's just a delight#not to hang out with but to write and hopefully to read XD
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i am perhaps in my iwaizumi era. rotating him in my mind.
#so many thoughts about iwaizumi and his moms and his friendships with characters outside of seijoh.#which only exist in my mind but that's fine.#i was thinking about how much he would love camping last night and i almost made a post about it before i realized it was midnight.#and then i forgot to do it today. and now it's 2 am and i feel its too late again. tomorrow for sure.
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Before starting T, when I socially transitionned, I was surrounded by radical feminists who saw masculinity as gross and inherently evil, something to avoid, something to make fun of, something to destroy. The other transmascs in my friend group, sometimes, told me that they didn’t knew if they really were non-binary or if they just were scared shitless of saying “I am a man”. Because they saw this as a betrayal to their younger self who had been SAd and abused.
I saw many of my masc friends and trans men around me hate themselves, not outing themselves as men because it would imply so so much, it was like opening the Pandora Box. Even when we were just together, talking about our masculinity was always coated with bits like “I know we’re the privileged ones but…”, “I don’t want to sound like I have it bad but…”, “Women obviously have it worse, but last time…” and we were talking about terrible traumas we experienced while taking all the precautions in the world in the case the walls were a crowd of people in disguise waiting to get us if we didn’t downplay the violence we faced, or like crying and being upset and being traumatized and afraid and scared and to say it out loud would make us throw up the needles we were forced to swallow every second of every day living in our skin.
Most of us weren’t on T yet, some of us were catcalled every day and harassed in the streets or in abusive relationships nobody seemed to care to help them get out of because they were “strong enough” to do it by themselves.
I was using the gender swap face app and cried for ours when I saw my father looking back at me through the screen. The idea of transforming, of shedding into a body that would deprive me of love, tenderness, and safety, was absolutely terrifying. I knew I couldn’t stay in this body any longer because it wasn’t mine, but I also knew that if I was going to look like my dad, my brother, my abusers, it would be so much worse.
5 years later and I’m almost 2 years on T, and almost 2 months post top surgery.
I ditched my previous group of friends. I was bullied out of my local trans community. But let me tell you how free I am.
I was scared that T would break my singing voice: it made it sound more alive than ever.
I was scared that T would make me less attractive: it made me find myself hot for the first time in my life.
I was scared that T would make me gain weight: it did. But the weight I put on is not the weight I used to put on by binging and eating my body until I forgot that it even existed. It’s the weight of my body belonging to me, little by little. The wolf hunger for life.
I won’t tell you the same story I see everywhere, the one that goes “I started going to the gym 8 times a week, I put on some muscles, I started a diet and now I look like an action film actor”, in fact if you took pictures of me from 5 years ago vs now I’d just have more acne, I’d have longer hair and still look like I don’t know what to do with myself when I take selfies.
But the sparkle in my eyes, my smile, tell the whole story way better than this long ass stream of words could ever.
I want to say some things that I wish someone told me before starting medically transitionning.
It’s okay to take your time. It’s your body, it’s your journey, if you don’t feel comfortable taking full doses and want to go slow, the only voice you need to listen to is your own. Do what feels right.
If you feel overwhelmed, it’s okay to take a break, it’s okay to ask for support.
Trans people are holy. Everyone is. You didn’t lose your angel wings when you came out because you want to be masculine. You are not excluded from the joy of existence, from being proud of yourself, from being sad, from being scared, from being angry. The emotions and feelings you allowed yourself to feel while processing what you experienced when you grew up as a girl and was seen as a woman are still as valid as before. Nobody can take that from you. If someone tries to, don’t let them.
It’s perfectly normal to grieve some things you were and had before you started to transition, like your high soprano voice or even your chest. Hatching is painful. You can find comfort in things that don’t feel right, so making the decision to change can be incredibly scary and weird and you deserve to be heard and supported through this. Wanting top surgery doesn’t make the surgery less intense, less terrifying, less painful to recover from. When it becomes too much you have the right to take a break and take some deep breaths before going on.
You don’t have to have a radical, 180° change for your transition to be acceptable or valid or worthy of praise. Look at how far you’ve come already. It doesn’t have to show, you’re not made to be a spectacle, you’re human and it is your journey.
Oh, and last thing, you know when some people say “Oh this trans person has to grow out of the cringy phase where you think that you can write essays about being trans or transitionning or just their experience because it’s weird” ? If you ever hear this or see this online, remember all the people whose writing you read and, even if they were not professional writers, helped you more than any theorists did ? If you want to write, do it. It won’t be a waste. It can help people. Or it won’t, and even then, if it helped you, that’s enough.
Love every of my trans siblings, take care of yourselves. You deserve the world.
#ftm#ftx#genderqueer#transgender#lgbtqiaplus#lgbtqia#queer#trans#trans man#transmasc#trans masculinity#transmasculine#queer masculinty#trans men#trans writing#trans writers#trans pride#transblr#queer writers#queer artist#queer community#queer pride#lgbtq#non binary#genderfluid#lgbtq community#enby#enby pride#trans nonbinary#gor3sigil.txt
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