#I WOULD I WOULD DO EVERYTHING I CURRENTLY CANT
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hhhhhg inkmare with emotionless ink????
No drawing yet I'm afraid (working on an animatic currently...!) but the idea of emotionless Ink even without Inkmare is so interesting to me????
First of all, I'd assume Nightmare knows there's a state of "being" that Ink threatens to access whenever his paints dry off. A "blankness". But this kind of blankness would be particularly... morbid?? for them??? both as monsters and as beings that need not to sleep. Like. Ink usually doesn't sleep, so Nightmare wouldn't describe this state as Ink sleeping with his eyes open. Ink doesn't need to breathe, so seeing him just... being still? wouldn't ring any particular bells if not for how still and how colorless he looks.
I'd assume his first thought would be (to his horror) a state similar to death. Except that death doesn't look like that to monsters, Ink's not dust. (Also I wonder if blank Ink has any reflexes? Would his eyes follow moving figures?) maybe he's falling down? But Ink can't do that, only monsters drowning in hopelessness do that.
But then he'd go "oh yes, he's told me something about... something like this". And he, of course, would seek Ink's vials. They must be close, since Ink never takes his sash off. Are they empty? (How could Ink forget to refill them? Is there... Is the paint just... running out?) Are they full? (Is there a problem with the process of drinking it? Or, may it never be, has Ink just decided to drink them all together? What could that be, if not an act of—?) Are the vials just. Gone? Where's the sash? (Did someone steal it? Why didn't he search for help, to get back to the Doodlesphere and refill the blank of his chest? Was there something hindering him to get it?)
Anyways, the moment passes, shock is somewhat gone, silenced. Nightmare knows what to do (Ink has told him. Has he? Nightmare knows what the vials do. It makes sense for him to be able to piece it together, even if Ink never was very explicit on it). So he, of course, decides to give Ink back a piece of himself. (Ink gave him a blue vial for this purpose, after all. So even if the sash is gone he can still be recovered. Can he?) So he force feeds him paint as. Y'know. As one does. And Ink's himself again! But he's all sad and stuff cuz. Blue. Oh well. He can now get himself to the Doodlesphere.
But now Nightmare knows what Ink looks like when he's blank. And may he hate the sight as much as Ink does. Evil stuff
(i imagine that if ink got somehow stuck as an emotionless being, nightmare would actually struggle "giving him up" to the stars. Like, he knows theyd probably help him better than he could since theyre friends and they probably have magic paint somewhere cuz. Friendship idk. But also Ink is his, he just couldn't- give him up. What if he lowkey falls over and dies. What if hes wrong and they cant help him and ink's stuck there as a thing forever and theyre not with him and nightmares just failed to keep him alive and well and he cant do anything and the villagers maybe were right after all and he cant be trusted with guarding things and hes an abomination BUT HE SWEARS HE CAN SO HE COULD ALWAYS GO AND GET INK BACK AND EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY AND oh nvm inks back. Anyways)
#ask#utmv#undertale au#sans undertale#undertale#ink sans#nightmare sans#zu yapping#inkmare#nightink#sanscest#blank ink#no but like id just imagine how weird itd be for monster based creatures. like.#you see someone of your same species lowkey looking dead the way someone of another species would????#but also the implications of emotionless ink existing in the story are very. dim???#like ink actively searches not to be blank. he hates and hes afraid of becoming blank.#hed probably never become blank ever since hes got his vials#and now imagine ink existing *outside* of the doodlesphere as blank. where hed be basically hopeless cuz theres no paint falling down#like. how it happened. and why didnt he go back to the doodlesphere when you just KNOW hed claw his way back if he could#just so he doesnt become blank#evil stuff#headcanon#also nm would probably have heavy flashbacks cuz. statue. statue connection. yea#evil stuff id say
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bsf!chris x reader
summary: you and chris have been friends for the longest time,but what happens when you get to know about his fantasy of fucking your face?
warnings: smut,bj,use of pet names ( a little ), no use of y/n,slightly sub!chris
a/n: do not copy my work,but if you want you can use it as inspo whenever!!! (english is not my first language)
your tiny palms,long fingers,your freshly manicured nails,wrapped around chris’ dick pumping it slowly as you bend your head down to take him in your mout-
“chris?” you spoke waving your hands in front of chris’ face to bring him back to earth
unfortunately,for chris he was just day dreaming again. it had become a frequent thought train for him when he is around you,at first he ignored thinking maybe its just because he is a horny kid but he started questioning himself after jerking off to a very specific picture of you almost every night since the past month.
“whats up with you kid?” you asked chris as he slowly bought a couch cusion upto his lap and set it there to hide the tent in his pants that was becoming prominent with each passing second
“nothing,just alot on my mind,also can you go grab a pepsi for me thank you” chris spoke fast,catching a breath as soon as he ended his sentence
“okay…” you get up from the couch rolling your eyes at his odd behaviour
chris quickly puts a hand in his pants to adjust himself before you walk in again
“chr-” you were taken aback from the scene in front
chris quickly pulled his hand out of his pants and sit up straight,contemplating if he should make an excuse and leave or tell you that he was itchy
“i-that was-it-” chris tried to come up with something
“chris” you almost sighed
“its okay” you continued speaking,now coming closer and taking a seat next to him,fearlessly looking into his eyes
“its not what it seems like?” chris asked narrowing his eyes trying to see if he can convince you that it isnt what it seems like
“chris i can see your dick almost popping out of your pants” you chuckle,eyes wide looking at the dick print on his sweats
“god” chris groans,his face falling in his hands as he sank down the couch
“hey hey hey” you spoke trying to pull his hands off his face
“its okay” you tried assuring him
“no its not! its weird ive been having these-thoughts about you since the past month i dont know” chris laid his hands to his sides,looking down at the carpet,embarrassed.
“i thought we shared everything,why didn’t you tell me” you look at him innocently
“are you crazy why would i tell you i was having wet dreams and thoughts about you giving me head and what not” chris scoffed now looking directly at you
he cant seem to read the expression on your face currently
“and?” you asked coming closer in contact with his face
“a-and?” chris repeated dumbfounded,his eyes not moving from your lips
“and what other kinds of thoughts” your eyes flicker
“uh-um you-uh riding me” chris’ breath hitched,he can feel you breathing on his face,that alone driving him insane
“yeah? and?” you asked again slowly changing your position and getting off the couch
“most-mostly just you sucking my dick with your boo-”
chris eyes follow you,as you get down on your knees in between his legs and pull off your crop top before he could finish his sentence
“with your boobs out-fuck” chris finished his sentence groaning at the sight of your lacey black bra
“go on” you said putting your hands behind to unclasp the bra, slowly and gently removing it off of you
“fu-oh my g-yes and-um uh-you let me fuck your face” chris cannot form sentences,nor can he blink as he takes in the sight in front. he bucks his hips forward sinking in the couch,pulling his trousers off,still in disbelief that his dreams are coming true
“fuck your’e so fucking beautiful” chris says hastily getting rid of his black calvin clein boxers looking at you like you’re a piece of meat
he watches as you spit in your hand,that image alone making him almost cum
“fuck ma you’re killing me” chris has forgotten how to breathe
you slowly wrap your spit covered hand around his dick and pump up and down at a painfully slow speed
“shit-dont tease me im gonna cum like right-t now-w” chris spoke,voice shuddering with pleasure
you collect some spit in your mouth before bringing your lips to his tip and sloppily kissing it,releasing the said saliva,you tease his tip,kissing it,swirling your tongue around it,which brings out a reaction in chris
“ahhhh-fu-fuck” chris groaned rolling his head back,eyes shut as he removed the red backwards hat he was wearing and throwing it somewhere
you quickly stop what you’re doing and that makes him shoot up,his eyesbrows in a knot
“keep your eyes on me” you spoke before going back in and chris complied nodding his head several times in desperation
you finally take him whole,your tongue touching the underside of his dick and slowly swirling around it
“oh my-" chris spoke, blinking repeatedly trying not to cum right then and there,he quickly grabs your hair in a messy pony tail before you start bobbing your head up and down his huge dick,his tip reaching the very end of your throat making your eyes water and saliva collect around your mouth with each dive
chris watches in awe how your tits move rhythmically with your movements
“tha-just like that yes baby” he spoke between his whimpers and heavy breath
his words just making you up your speed,his whimpers get louder and heavier with each moment. he bucks his hips fucking your face and you take it,he goes harder with each thrust
“fuck fuck im go-nna come fuck fu-” you and him both aligning your speed with that
“shit shit shit shit-shi” chris gets louder and louder as he reaches his climax
“ahhhhhhh fu-ck” he groans loudly,shooting white ropes down your throat with one final big thrust,eyes shutting right after and thrusting into your mouth a few more times to get rid of his high
you pull yourself off of him,both of you catching your breaths.
you get up putting on your crop top,completely forgetting about your bra that is probably lying on the floor somewhere and go grab a tissue to wipe the access cum off your face. you look over at chris,looking at you in disbelief,his face tinted with a shade of red
he grabs his trousers and boxers putting them on before slouching on the couch again,you go sit beside him
“you are fucking awesome” he looks you dead in the eye.
#chris sturiolo fanfic#chris sturniolo smut#chris x reader#chris imagine#chris sturniolo#christopher sturniolo#matt stuniolo fanfic#matthew sturniolo#matt sturniolo#matt x reader#sturniolo#sturniolo fanfic#sturniolo x reader#nick sturniolo#chris smut#matt smut
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This was my introduction to bunny waiter eiden,which warrants a cut because I'm me🫢😑😐
I wuz screaMun because ppl weRE FAST ON THAT SHITE the dash was lighting up with eiden intimacy room details and i was Aghast LIKE NO!!! I CANNOT LOOK UPON YE .
I must RUN INTO TH3 QI LALAPP .APP. POSTHASTE
Oh got THERE HE IS . DIVERGENT DREAM? PLEASE ohhh look he's doing magic tricks just like he was just showing off to kuya in sleepless fun fair awww the continuity!!!-----
SHUT UPPPP I AGREE WITH YOU 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭🥺😭
So I FINISH READING the chapters that are released and i get to the Battle stages and OhMo what's this i see
Multiplier?+?+?+++!!!
Ohhhkaaaaayy that means i have to roll for eidento get my max rewards NoOooo;;; he's always eluded me I'm gonna lose all my comtracts qnd BE EMOTIONALLY CRUSHED 3 YEARS IN A ROW (ノД`)ノ eiden PleaSe come to me i want your furniture my floors are barren i am in desperate need of chairs for my tables and your little nightstand of beverages PLEQSE. I HAVE SO MUCH OF YOUR FAVOURITE FOOD. PLEASE.
PSPSSPSPPSPSSPSPSPPSSPS
GasP NO...ITCANTBE!!!!
>?! In THE FIRST 20 PULLS. wsit who are u protecting what is the story behind your line--
MY NEW FURNITURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU BEAUTIFUL BLESSED GENEROUS EIDEN MWAH I ML OVOE U
now. what are you. Are you going to help me in battle what's your deal
Light guardian!!! That's cool!! Don't have a light guardian in my battle roster!!
Wtf is going on!!!!! This doesnt look like a set of pure guardian skills!@!!! WHATEVER! IT'S FINE! IT'S EVEN BETTER, ACTUALLY BECAUSE I DOUBT ANY REGULAR GUARDIAN CAN OUTCLASS SR MORVAY ANYWAY
Hmmm...... does that mean i won't really need this eiden for most battles? Morv has been carrying me and idk if it's worth it to build eiden to 3 stars because i only have 1 of him... that would cost a LOT of memory shards... :/
BUT EVERY EIDEN HAS BEEN SOOOO USEFUL UPON RELEASE. I CANNOT MISS OUT ON HIM THIS TIME!!!
CRYSTALS FOR YOU, .YMY LIEGE 🫴🫴🫴🫴🫴🫴 . Did i just drop the 5400 memory crystals I've been saving for years oh whatever i still have SOMe left
WAughH i NEED TO LEVEL HIM NOW I DON'T KNOW WHEN I'LL NEED HIM IN BATTLE BUT I NEED TO BUILD HIM *NOW*
MUST REACH MINIMUM TIER 6 SPECIAL ABILITY!!!!! I CAN (PROBABLY) AFFORD THAT MUCH I CAN BUILD HIM MORE WHEN I ACTUALLY USE HIM IN BATTLEA AA A A A AAAAAAAAAA WHER E IS MY GOLD I NEED COIN
AND NOW FOR THOSE INTIMQCYROOM BUFFS
Aaahhhh..... eiden is now the default face once i enter the Intimacy Rooms..... yes, this feels proper. Arrival of the king. Positioned Where he rightfully belongs.
Oh Glorb I FORGOT THAT GIFTING EIDEN PORTRAITS DOESNY USE ANY POINTS LET'S GOOOWWEEEEEEEEEEE
FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS SALTED AND SEASONED I nEED TO HEAR HIS 18 SECOND ORGASM NOISE (<- so the legends say.idk. i never counted. I should count now. what The FriauK wAS TGAT SQUEAK)
How did it only take ~200 portrsits to unlock all 5 rooms what have i been hoarding for why didn't the other eidens come to me SIR I'M KEEPING YOUR FAVE SNACKS IN MY PANTRY FOREVER SO YOU'LL BE ENTICED TO VISIT. EIDEN YOU'RE KILLING ME IM RUNNING OUT OF ROOM FOR MY OWN SNACKS BECAUSE YOURS ARE TAKING UP ALL THE SPACE--!!
5-room-buffed now. BReathes. ok. Fine, we're good. We're o k ay. I cant watch the rooms yet, though. Not until the full event is released. I need to know everything before i dive in. AAAAAHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHH I FINALLY HAVE AN EIDEN AT TIME OF RELEASE!!!!! A CURRENT EIDEN!!! HE IS WITH ME AND I'M NOT BANKRUPT! WWAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
..nd this is me after that whirlwind of emotion, which all happened in <10 minutes
Eiden put me in some sort of trance
Whe4rn am i.?
Why are my coffers empty
#it felt like i woke from a daze#saw depleted numbers all over my account#resources in shambles#i barely hesitated when ripping off a chunk of memory crystal for him#which is very little hesitation by my regular standards#can i guarantee that he'll be a good unit? nope#but the eiden hypetrain was too strong. i raised him anyway#i'll MAKE HIM be a good unit NOW#he's in my teams forever#he WILL protect people#his tagline will come true BY MY WORD#divergent dream#nu carnival eiden
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Why does no one ever take u seriously, I've been living in this body for 25 yrs I kno what I'm feeling and experincing and when things are wrong, I don't want attention, fuck Idec about myself that much but I'm not making shit up, why am i screaming into the goddamn void
#why am i fighting for my own voice to be heard#just for others to do say 'i dont think'#u dont fucking kno me#weve had a 20min convo#thats not the full fucking story#think what u want#but im still valid#just blame my depression on everything its cool#its cool#also if was healthy enough to exercise GUESS WHAT I FUCKING WOULD#I WOULD I WOULD DO EVERYTHING I CURRENTLY CANT#AND THE LAST THING I WOULD BE DOING IS CALLING YOUUUU#'u have to help yourself' oh really u deal w 24hrs of absolute agony#and lets see how far u get#and then tell me i need to goddamn exercise#im so angry i wanna cry#the cure to depression is exercise and Pilates but u cant do that if ur physically ill so die#and i didnt even call for this#i called something else entirely and got this lecture#what a waste of time
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i hate doing laundry ough it's The Worst
#not only does leaning down to move my stuff hurt my back#but i have to touch dirty clothes and go into the dirty room and touch the dirty machines and i have to wear 2 pairs of socks (so my#normal socks dont touch the contaminated floor) and when i lean over the washing machine my clothes touch it <-the worst part of it all#tbh. now my current clothes are dirty but i have nothing to change into and i will have to wear them all day and it makes me SICK#and i cannot talk abt how dirty the garage (where the laundry machines are) it makes me nauseous that place kills me if i never#had to go into it ever again i would and i have to carry a laundry basket (dirty) and it touches my clothes when i carry it (disgusting)#and now my clothes are even more dirty and i feel like i cant touch any of my things bc i dont want to infect them but i cant just do#nothing all day when i have to do laundry but it makes me so SICK i need smth to cover all of my clothes but everything i've tried misses#some part and my clothes are ruined and it makes me SICK how am i supposed to do school or draw or anything when it's so bad#i have everything scheduled so i can take a shower and go straight to bed after i'm done but still it's so bad and it stresses me tf out#and i have to do laundry every 3 days because i only have 3 towels to use after showering and even if i did have more towels#i still would have to do laundry as often bc i couldnt handle doing multiple loads or having bigger loads my back couldnt handle that#w the system i have set up now it's just bad it;s all bad i hate doing laundry#i dream of one day where i can do laundry in a better way i think it'd involve not having the washer and dryer down steps bc that's#dangerous for one and for two not having them in a garage bc garages stress me out and three to have smth to cover all of my clothes#and 4 to have machines that dont need me to bend down idk if they have ones like that but it hurts#anyway that's it for listening to dux complain abt smth that ultimately doesnt matter and is only a problem bc their brain#chemistry is off#k bye i have to go do laundry *explodes* and take an exam *explodes* it;s an essay exam *explodes* and then im going#to like sit around feeling sick thumbs up emoji
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I just rewatched moonknight and your audios are literally the only thing keeping me alive in that somewhat dead fandom THANK YOU 😭😭🙏
i do feel adrift making moon knight stuff still so thank you
#like even if season 2 does ever happen ive seen rumors that if it does marvel wants to tie it further into the mcu#like obvs it was already in the mcu but i mean ive heard they might put avengers characters in moon knight and#honestly im too tired of the mcu have been for too long#marvel ruined marvel for me#moon knight would honestly be the only mcu property id go and watch but i wont if it ends up with whoever the current avengers are in it#i dont want to go and do homework and watch all the mcu movies and shows ive missed just to watch moon knight season 2#and if they put loki series bullshit like the tva in there then i cant watch it at all#thats why i couldnt watch deadpool and wolverine even though i was initially excited for it#the loki series caused me as a trans person active in the loki fandom to get harassed so much i cant see anything#to do with that show without getting uncomfortable so if the tva is there i especially wont be watching moon knight#i dont know how marvel thinks they can sustain the mcu forever like surely if new people want to get into the mcu#or even like kids who like superheros they cant just to go the cinema and watch the newest movie#cos they wont understand anything unless they stay home and do homework by watching years of movies and tv shows first#having everything connected at first was run. watching avengers assemble in the cinema was fun.#but theres too much now and it hasnt been fun in a long time#i also remember hearing after phase 1 they got rid of the team that made sure all the movies by different writers and directors#still felt cohesive and had continuity with each other and i feel that shows more every year#wow didnt expect to be giving an mcu rant in the tags its just sad sometimes to think how long i loved marvel for#and now i really couldnt care less about it. though that started with endgame when they made fatphobic jokes about thor all movie#that was the last time i saw a marvel movie in cinemas. think it was the last time i watched any mcu movie.#watched a few shows after that but got too burned by the transphobia in the loki series. and then moon knight and then nothing.#im just sitting here forever clinging onto the main mcu timeline loki who died in infinity war and never got brought back to life#just me and them in my own corner where they can have nice genderfluid representation#the vampire answers
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nothing is more soul crushing than finding out pages and pages worth of fic planning is permanently gone and deleted from any recovery/storage space bc it was something probably deleted from at least 2 years ago 🧍♀️
#sophie's idle chatter#MY BLACK CLOVER FIC PLANNING WITH THE ARCS AND INTERACTIONS AND GROWTH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO#actually having a meltdown pls i got back into it again today bc i have sooo much to catch up with the manga esp aND TELL ME WHY#I HAVE BARELY EVEN A FIFTH LEFT OF WHAT I PLANNED OUT IN MY NOTES YEARS AGO??? AND EVEN THE GOOGLE DOC I HAD#DEDICATED AS A BACKUP IN CASE I LOST THE NOTES FILE WHILE TRANSFERRING TO MY CURRENT PHONE IS GONE AS WELL???#WHY ARE MY DEVICES HATING ON THE BLACK CLOVER AGENDA I DID NOT INVEST MY TIME AND MONEY FOR THIS BETRAYAL#HEAD IN HANDS I AM /GRIEVING/ U DONT UNDERSTANDKJSDFH#looking at my sad little notes page with barely anything on it... im going to throw up oh my god#i still remember some of the stuff and ideas i had for the series but thats not enough for everything i had originally....#all the nozel interactions... readers backstory and growth... yami and fuegoleon and kirsch and nacht and damnatio and julius and zora and-#man... im going to go sleep with tear streaks and wake up to go to uni tmrw with puffy eyes i cant do this#my little 16-17 year old self would be having the meltdown of the century if she saw this... but current 19 year old me is having it instea#huhu.... my fic planning.... man....
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post ankle-twisting clarity
#i slipped in the mudddddd the other day LOL i twisted my one ankle and scraped up my other knee#so the past few days ive just been kind of needing to waddle around.....#LUCKILY its healing well and fast <3 but yknow i was like#so stressed out over shit that doesnt matter in school. and like this is an awful unintentional habit i have but i will get like#overly stressed over shit and then i'll start getting SUPER careless with everything. and then i'll injure myself foolishly and Calm Down#happened last year with my foolish midnight woodcarving incident LOL its always november....#BUT yeah luckily this years foolish injury is a quick one at least!!#but yeah like genuinely i was so stressed out about all my fine arts major shit. teachers have been really getting on my case recently#my main professor said that it was a good thing people get so riled up with my work because it means its impactful#tbh i didnt believe her at all i thought she was just trying to placate me but then i listened closely to the things faculty say when#they look at my fucking. cartoon wolf drawing or something and i think. she might be right actually. people keep getting frustrated with me#because i think they see a lot of potential in me but i basically only have to drive to draw cartoon wolves etc HFKJSDHJVKRFEds#which is great for my ego. maybe too good for my ego. that my mark making and colour use etc is so evocative to these industry and#instutition people. but on the other hand i was told like thrice now that my work has no place in a gallery. which is fine although im not#totally sure how true that is. but also afterwards one time i was suggested to go into animation instead which is. um.#so its not out of nowhere i mean i did want to be an animator when i was like 10 but if you know anything about the current state of the#animation industry its like genuinely wild to tell someone who you've only seen 2 dimensional watercolour and acrylic painted#sketchy lined drawings from and who has said they cant do digital art anymore that they should get an animation degree?#brother they would kill me. i would be killed. i had an inkling but it really made me notice so clearly how limited the experiences my#faculty kind of have with certain industries. which is fine. or maybe not. for a professor LOL but yknow. but i was like huh. i guess i can#just kind of chill lol if i just keep doing things maybe something will come of it. i may not get as much help in my artistic development#rn as i would like. but its chill i think i'll figure it out if i just keep doing stuff <3#doesnt really matter that my teachers dont know what to do with me. my kneeeee has a booboo so i am CHILLING out :)
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college is making me want to shoot myself in the head really bad, which is crazy because i thought i was completely done with feeling suicidal after highschool ended. my life is looking up and i have a lot to look forward to.
but the funny thing is. that beautiful future, which is the reason i don't want to die, is only obtainable through going to college and working very hard and stressing myself out all the time. which, in turn, makes me want to die.
#as per usual my mental health has been doing great and here comes school again to throw a wrench in the works#its so unfair that i cant be guaranteed a small house and a well paying job and a domestic life with my girlfriend just by surviving#i mean for my girlfriend i've tried to set it up so that that's all she has to do and i'll set up everything else#but surviving in itself is a lot harder for her than for i#i just want us to be O.K. !!!#and then there's the genocide that doesnt involve me but i'd be kind of a horrible person not to care about it#which i do care. i want to donate but i barely have enough money for myself and my girlfriend to live happily#and thats WITH my parents keeping me housed and paying for groceries bills repairs etc#AND college tuition.#swear to GOD i could be given like 10 thousand dollars rn and i would use almost all of it to help others just out of sheer moral obligatio#theres not even very much i would want to spend money on for myself rn#i like my current wardrobe enough and my doll collection is almost at full capacity so its gonna stagnate soon#and thats like. it. i buy myself snacks and stuff sometimes but thats all the ways i spend money for purely selfish reasons#besides that i just wanna help my girlfriend out and all those suffering in palestine#im rambling. i need a fucking break from it all sorry#life suddenly seems so bleak again#evilmartin430.txt#vent
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uuuuuhhh no reason just wanna see the robot get preggers because nobody is really taking advantage of the narrative consequences of the robots of ULTRAKILL having fleshy bits inside them (in my humble opinion hahahaha...hahaha....hah....). Anywhosen also a sucker for general Bad End especially when it involves a psycho-sexual (breeding) binding to a greater entity but also I wanna see the murder-robot get knocked up. And the galaxy brain bit of this is instead of calming down they just get Worse.
YEAH NO ONE REALLY TAKES ADVANTAGE OF THAT. and well i mostly assumed a very small percentage of people actually want to breed the robots like that which is why.
also i don't think this as a bad end, but a bad path that can lead to some other.. inch resting things (my stupid ass is trying to craft a plot with horror and drama from this path and how it'd change the story slightly despite knowing I will never get around to writing it in fic form except tiny excerpt ideas and art)
also i have so much to say abt the 'it doesn't calm down it just gets worse' bc its So true
#kicking my legs. it sooo genuinely gets worse i think it believes its actually in “love” with hell. and maybe it is.#gets worse and loses itself more and more. abandon any last trace of identity that had never been regarded anyway by anyone#its easy to let something guide you and instruct you in nearly everything if it feels too painfully good? and why spend more power thinking#altho for the. plot i was conducting in my head it was msotly involving gabriel and the primes bc of an idea my friend gave me which was#that if this occurred before v1 reached the prime sanctums it could have been guided or instructed to go to the sanctums but at the time#it does its currently carrying a child and because of that both the primes and v1 itself are spared because. i dont know if i think#the kings would fight a pregnant person . i at least think sisyphus Wouldnt because wheres the fun in an opponent who appears to already#be disadvantaged. (even if it can fare just fine.)#if any friendships were able to be made (cough . i like sisyphus qnd v1 platonic and romantic) itd be kind of. sad from an outside perspect#ve to watch it deteriorate into being less of its own entity and becoming slowly just another extension of hell. even in fighting it shows.#i wish i could explain it all better#and sorry if this ask is late to be answered i was writing my rwsponse at a con LMAOOO#.txt#ask#i want to write i have no timeee no energyyy but hear me out there is potential for crazy wackjob shit#ive decided also not to kill gabriel i think i should do somethign fucked up with him and his inexperience in relationshios#i forgot who suggested he should get so desperate that he begs for hell to take him as well. (which i cant decide if it would or wouldnt bc#its kind of really funny and mean if it#says no)
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im the sort of person who destroys the relationships that matter to me the most because of my paranoia short temper and self-destructive urges so its best to keep your distance
#jiraiblr#jirai kei#jirai#jiraiblogging#landmine#landmineblr#landmine type#landmine kei#landmineblogging#地雷#地雷系#pien#pien type#pienblr#pien kei#ぴえん#ぴえん系#as much as i would like to have more friends#i break hearts much more often than i keep them safe#to maintain my current friend group ive had to keep myself at an emotional distance so i dont fuck everything up like i usually do#i cant resist the impulse to burn bridges in a close relationship when i get scared or angry#it sucks because id like to be closer with them but its the only way i can keep those relationships safe#ofc that doesnt justify it and im not saying it does#i just wanted to make a post about it#sickness.php#noa.txt
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ahhhhhhhh guess who made the mistake of getting a haircut
#i was planning on growing it out for real i swear#but then the back of my hair got to that length (like it always does) where it starts touching the back of my neck wrong and i cant stand it#so i figured I'd juuuuuust get a trim maybe only the back so it wouldn't keep bugging me#and it started off pretty good too she was doing well with everything and i liked the way it looked#then she asked me a question with two options. and i answered the question. and she repeated my answer. good enough right?#well i think she maaaay have forgotten my answer in the span of like 2 seconds bc she started cutting SUPER short suddenly#and now my perm is completely gone lol#i think she's used to going a bit shorter so it looks good in like a week when it's grown out a bit#and you don't have to go back for a haircut every 2 weeks#but like. i would rather not hate my reflection (more than usual) for a week or two while it grows out yknow#eurghhhh it's not that bad tbh ive had haircuts where i wanted to kill myself and this is just 'hmm maybe i should wear a hat for a week'#but still. very annoying. and especially so bc i was actually feeling optimistic with where we were going at the start#anyway there's this weird phenomenon that keeps happening where I accidentally get my hair cut too short#then i decide this is going to be the time i finally grow my hair out for real#and after a while the back reaches that length where it starts bothering me again#and ill get a haircut juuust for a trim#then i somehow end up with a bowlcut#it's an emo bowlcut to be clear. so im not super hung up about it bc i still love that haircut for reasons i cannot comprehend#but everybody else seems to go 'ew a bowlcut why' except for the alt queers who go 'omg gender'#which i consider to be one of the biggest compliments i could ever get. and have gotten. seriously that moment will never leave my mind#like having someone that you consider Gender to look at you and say *you're* very gender? my crops have been watered my cattle have been fed#etc etc. anyway this currently has the shape of a bowl cut but it's too short esp on top#so im back in my 'okay im gonna grow it our FOR REAL this time' phase again. as it goes. like fucking sisyphus.#anyway. im gonna be tearing it up in the pit at origami angel tomorrow so if anybody's also going feel free to join me there#just gotta let off some steam. goddammit i knew i should have gone the queer route and just done it myself. in my defense i still had a perm#and i didn't trust myself to cut curly hair. turns out i shouldn't have trusted the barber either bc she just held it straight out#and chopped right across. and soon the curls were gone and everything was straight. ...that sounds like a metaphor for conversion therapy#'yeah just head into that place by the time you leave you'll be straight'#anyway. sorry for the waterfall of tags if ur still here kudos to you and may you have a wonderful day#mine
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Tough day rambles
In a world with a different setting id be a prophet or a person with cool visions, id be a person worthy of protection and trust and friendship. Here im just paranoid and i worry about the wrong things. Somewhere else when i dance on my way to a shop everyone thinks im full of joy and whimsy and they dont think im drunk or childish. Somewhere else i can be around people for more than 5 hours before i shut down for the rest of the day. Somewhere else i dont remind everyone im stupid and dumb and i dont describe everything i do and feel as "slight" and "little" and "a bit", im able to love romantically and dream of tenderness and give it and recieve it. Idk i just hate myself a lot.
#period moment#im unable of feeling any positive emotion currently#but its true i am worthless#i always promise myself i wont enter new fandoms because in the end theyre just reminders of how ill never be cool and enough etc#i wish i had a confirmation that im not that bad#old man journalist who came to our uni said oooh i thought you were american with your accent and how much u use the word 'like'#i told him my vocabulary is just really really bad and he laughed but yeah omg what a way to tell me im dumb#and also guy from class texting me transphobic pro trump stuff just cause he wants me to give him arguments against what he says#why#just why#and im bad at german#and i havent started writing my article even tho i have over a month to do it#and i dont understand in between wars economics in germany#and i cant write my coalecroux and theres no point of continuing there are much better writers#everything i do is wrong and i dont understand what i should understand#disgusting uh i feel disgusting#my mom told me that her boyfriend got a “beautiful” christmas gift for me#dude why WHY would you buy me things that can be described as beautiful#i hate christmas#i just want to be somewhere else in a different world#i want to be in avantris i want to use magic i dont want to be human#i wish i was older because maybe when youre like 27 your opinions and feelings matter#but im over here rocking back and forth and sucking on a necklace like a fucking baby watching wizard of oz#how do you stop hating yourself i dont get it#i dont fuckinf understand anything#everything is clouded with my desire to be dead or somewhere else and its been like this for a decade i just want it to stop#goodnight i hope i dont fucking wake up i hope my cat scratches my stomach open and eats my body so im useful for something
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want to cut my hair again like you wouldn't believe. What are the possible consequences of going bald
#100% секретный дневник левы НЕ ЧИТАЙ#actually i dont mean bald i just mean all one guard length#but hhhhh maybe i'm in an awkard stage maybe not i just CANNOT live like this#middle part is frustrating because it's not perfect in the way it sits side part is frustrating because i look like a girl#i feel like i could go all in with the 4 and then sorta texture a bit with the 2 guard HOWEVER having used the 4 previously. i know#how short that is. it might not look good so i worry#the bright side is it would grow out a bit by the time of the parade but augh i hate this#i'm currently a tightly wound ball of rage sorry. i didn't eat much of anything 2day#tried to call the hospital to get help with the letter/consulation thing preceding top surgery and they were NOT OPEN so idk if they will#be open tomorrow or not. the passage of time has gotten very vague all of a sudden#iiiiiii do not think i am doing well. lol. idk why though! god forbid any of it have a reason#i almost wish i'd relapse just so i could like. eat food again#idk i don't think it would solve it but i feel in my heart it might make things easier#buuuut because relapse is Bad For Me i guess i have to avoid it. well i want to anyways.#one bad day would not a reset make but my previous day happened this year already so...#i dunno it's been so long that i feel like it's not valid or whatever cause it was at an age where i can say it was a 'phase'#.............. i dunno what to do with that information. anyways.#i mean so what if i went all in on it again anyways? i kinda miss it lol. it's not like i could do any serious harm??#(potential infections aside.)#i just want to be creative and i CANT because my stupid brain will NOT think of anything#and the majority of what i have concretely written of this was written... get this .... right when i was trying to stay clean at first#correlation does not equal causation ........ sighs#i feel like i'm fighting a losing battle because i WANT IT to be that bad again#i've never really regretted it & it's never really been because of anything#i just started because i was curious about why someone would do that. that's all#i dont think i've EVER had any of the mental distress i see people in when theyre in these spaces#in one journal entry i made this big deal about wanting to kill myself but *i didn't want to*. i never did.#like sorry old me but it is REALLY hard to believe i've ever been depressed depressed#i just want things to be better and they never are :/ this should be everything i wanted and its just ... not#i'm not really sure how to ....... oh tag limit ok hold on
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no because if ao3 does actually get taken down because of USAMERICAN laws, i will just start a revenge plot against the entire country
#land of the fucking free WHERE???#ik its unrelated to the current issues but seriously it would do so much harm#I'm mostly in small fandoms now (like below 500 fics on ao3 small) so i couldnt even fathom looking somewhere else#kosa act#internet censorship#ao3#archive of our own#im going to download EVERYTHING when its back up#red cant fucking shut up
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Ooh you know you're extremely stressed and shit when you dream about exasperatedly trying to explain Project 2025 to your conservative leaning parents (I woke up before I made any headway and now I'm not sure if I want to go back to sleep even though I'm still tired)
On the plus side, I also dreamt about getting a certain former president to trip over his words. Oh and in the dream with my parents all the ballots were made of pool noodle foam and you had to like, put together your votes like a puzzle
...but it definitely doesn't reflect well on my mental state that I am dreaming about US politics at all. Don't like that.
#delete later#cw us politics#i cant even try to explain this shit to my parents#because i dont think dad would care too much#and mom has a 'both sides' mindset#and i highly doubt shed listen to me if i tried#id get a 'well you need to make sure you have the full context of everything'#i do! and the current repub candidate is a fascist and his cronies are too!#and not voting blue will just help him#anyway im going to stop rambling#sorry for the sudden vent#and the politics#im just scared
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