#I JUST CANT FUCKING STAND HEARING IT
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#AAAAGGG#if youre new WELCOME#if you arent#YOUUUU KNKW WHAT TIME IT IS!!#TIME FOR ME TO RAMBLE ABOIT POINTLESS THINGS#UGH I CANT STAND JUST HEARING THE T WORD#EVEN IF ITS NOT TEASJNG#I JUST CANT FUCKING STAND HEARING IT#i remember in first class of middle school someone who sat behind me found out i was tklsh and AKWAYS tkld me in class#i mean it even got to the point where it was annoying#dont get me wrong#it was funny at the start#but then it happenrd non stop#and jt was really irritating#but anyways#like for me#tklng js like a way to show affection to someonr#and it really shows that they love you snd trust you#thats why i love this little community#and all of my friends here#i love you all so much#you are trully my friends and i appreciate you more than anything
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Are there any Professor Snart fics out there? The thought came to me and now I'm lying on the floor trying to get my brain to reboot.
Think about it. The gossip surrounding the hot new English professor. The casual but professional outfits. The captivating lectures. The charming smiles. The corny jokes. The starry-eyed students. The never-ending string of faculty friends and students visiting when he's in his office. The abundance of award-winning books he's written (James Patterson who?). The Dean is ready to offer him tenure if Len agrees to add another class or two to his roster because they have so many students begging to be in his class. He goes to his students' poetry slams to encourage them and has a writing workshop for inspiring authors. He sponsored a scholarship in his name for LGBTQ+ students. He volunteers to help with the theater department. Not long after he's hired, Professor Leonard Snart seems to be the only thing anyone wants to talk about at Central City University.
#theres so many ways to fit barry into this#a stressed senior who can't stand hearing Iris go on and on about her new hot teacher#a fellow professor who cant string two sentences together in front of his favorite author#an inspiring CSI hell-bent on proving the picture-perfect professor isn't who he seems to be#the Ezra/Aria meetfuck in the bar bathroom the day before he realized he just had sex with his new professor#Barry's work friends have adopted Len into their friend group and think they should date#professors rivalry aka how many times can we pretend we actually hate each other before we fuck on your desk#i could go on#but I'll run out of tags#leonard snart#coldflash#barry allen#the flash#captain cold#professor snart
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I think I'm gonna die soon if I don't talk abt Martha and her brothers
#BRUCE HAS TWO UNCLES AND HONESTLY? HONESTLY???#i am gonna fucking scream#literally wheres my post mortem panic. that scene where marthas and thomas families gather to decide what to do witj bruce#whos still reeking of death everywhere he goes and cant stand the taste of life#wheres my Philip kane -- the youngest of them the dumbest of them -- who says they cant just volley with a child#and have a contest over who wants him LEAST#wheres my jacob kane with a voice like winter observing Gotham from a clean glass window as he stares at the misery below#'do YOU want him then?' and philip stays quiet. hes serious. its unnatural for him to be serious. hes the stupid little brother#the jester. the family clown. he's thomas' favourite because he makes them laugh like a court monkey#and now he'll never hear thomas laugh again#and he still can’t bring himself to say he does#and bruce? bruce is tugging on Alfred’s trousers. he wants up. he wants to die#and alfred holds onto him and won't let him. 'take him.from me. i'll kill us both.'#AAAAAAAA#philip kane#jacob kane#martha kane#martha wayne#bruce wayne#HISSSS SHIS SSHISSSS#wahhh wails and cries#young bruce wayne
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rehyperfixating on a children’s game that came out in 2015, is one of the least popular entries in its series, and has minimal content, the vast majority of which i’ve seen before. the series has been dead for nearly 10 years, nothing has happened recently that would warrant anyone’s returning interest in it, very few of my friends give a shit about this specific game, and those few who played and liked it in the past have no reason to give a shit about it at all right now. i have been coasting through on a playthrough i’ve been doing with a friend who’d never seen the game before and who was kind enough to let me show it to them, but we just beat the game, and after we play the epilogue we will have nothing left to do, and on top of that they really have just been humoring me as they have their own very strong current hyperfixation they would much rather be thinking about. also i am depressed enough right now that literally nothing else except for waiting to play this game with them and playing this game with them and watching them enjoy it at least a little has been able to briefly quiet the constant cacophony in my head screaming how much of a worthless, lazy, constantly-failing miserable excuse for a living person i am and how much better everything would be, especially for myself, if i stopped existing lately. would anyone like to volunteer to 🔨💥⚒️Kill Me With Hammers🔨💥⚒️ because i would really like for someone to 🔨💥⚒️Kill Me With Hammers🔨💥⚒️ right now
#me.txt#delete ltr#and i like hearing my friends talk about and show me their interests but it isnt enoughhhh its not enough right now to make my head SHUT UP#right now the only thing that can give me energy is a hyperfixation like this#but with enough content and engagement from others to keep subsisting me without hitting a wall#SOMETHING THAT IS EXTREMELY DIFFICULT TO DO WHEN YOU CANNOT DRAW OR WRITE‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️#BECAUSE WHEN NOBODY IS MAKING ANYTHING!!!!! AND YOU CANT MAKE ANYTHING FOR YOURSELF!!!!!!!!! ALL YOU CAN DO IS CURL UP AND STARVE‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼#immmm so sick of the only thing that makes being alive feel worth it being hyperfixations theres nothing REAL tying me down i cant stand it#because i am!! too broken!!!! to ever achieve any of the things that WOULD give me a real solid tangible reason to keep living!!!!!!#like a stable job!!!! a place of my own!!! a partner whos dedicated to me above everyone else and me to them in return!!!!!!!#a LIFE that isnt just constantly failing over and over and waiting for the shoe to drop and to lose everything all over again!!!!!!!!!!!!#i dont have that!!! and i cant have that!!!!! because im too broken to be able to cultivate and maintain it!!!!!#and the only way. to fix myself enough to be able to do so.#would be to HAVE ENOUGH STABILITY THAT ID HAVE THE TIME AND ENERGY TO PUT INTO FIXING MYSELF AND HEALING#i cant fix myself without stability and freedom. and i cant get stability and freedom unless i’m fixed#so it is. literally impossible!!!!!!!#impossible to create my own concrete solid reason to be here.#impossible for me to even create anything to feed the fixations that are my backup reasons.#theres nothing!! nothing!!! i have nothing new to leap to and ive been dwindling for too long and i think i am about to drown#im just waiting for time to tick out. for me to fuck up too badly to come back from one last time and get found out and punished.#and then? theres nothing left. theres literally nothing else left for me
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You know, the Zelda fandom is the only fandom I know that will get extra official content and find something to complain about it. Dearies, if it's in an official book, it's canon. LEARN TO APPRECIATE IT. I can't fathom why you all always want to find the negative in the series so bad. Do you even love or care about Zelda?! "It's not in the game 😩" yeah but it's in a book BY THE CREATORS. What more could you possibly want?!
You have the ability to draw and write fanfics. Do it. That's what extra content is there for. For you to take from it and enjoy it. To fantasize off of it
#the legend of zelda#i cant stand the majority of the fandom for a damn second. what happened to you all?#botw came out and everyone started acting so entitled. just ENJOY THE GAME SERIES GOD DAMN IT#okay rant done. i needed it off my chest#oh zelda fandom. oh zelda fandom#scamperin shroom spouts nonsense#this is like the equivalent of people complaining that the content of the book of bill wasn't in gravity falls. its so fucking frustrating#no one in the zelda fandom has any reading comprehension whatsoever which is shocking when the games all have text in it!#im sorry to any fandom that has to hear zelda fans complain. we have NOTHING to complain about 💀#with the book of bill i mean people having a riot of alex not putting Bill's backstory in the show when we understand why it wasn't#you can only fit so much into a game#im glad the zelda team even cared to show us more of rauru and sonia in a concept book
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thinking about lawrence. about how he held adam. crawled over to him to cup his face and promise. thinking about “we’re gonna be ok?” “i wouldn’t lie to you.” about how lawrence couldn’t keep his promise, no matter how badly he wanted to and “i myself, whenever i close my eyes, i see adams corpse.” thinking about. ‘eventually something you love is going to be taken away. and then you will fall to the floor crying. and then, however much later, it is finally happening to you: you’re falling to the floor crying thinking, “i am falling to the floor crying," but there's an element of the ridiculous to it - you knew it would happen and, even worse, while you're on the floor crying you look at the place where the wall meets the floor and you realize you didn't paint it very well.’
#sorry the richard siken crept in#lawrence makes me so sad he just makes me. so so upset i cant stand it#sacrificed everything for nothing. still breathing given a ‘second chance at life’ yet still just as dead as adam#everything he was died in that bathroom hello can anyone hear me#lawrence gordon#chainshipping#if i think about lawrences face going back into the bathroom .. him remembering it all .. looking back almost longingly i’ll go into shock#he is just so fucking sad. broken guy of all time#do you ever think he wishes he just stayed and died in there like adam#with adam#anyway#📹
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I believe Kamala- despite every word she has ever spoken on the matters- is actually deeply pro-Palestine, pro-trans & overall a progressive hero, because I understand that when democrats say repugnant reactionary things while campaigning they are actually lying! which is good & normal for so-called democratic elections!!!!! if you listen to the gnomes who live inside my walls you'll understand her real values, which she'll totally pinky promise act upon once you reward her lies & elect her! you dumb third party voters would understand this if u payed attention in civics class 💅💅💅
#do you votescold blue no matter whos even hear yourselves#like i say this from the glass house of mental illness i too live in but yall are fucking clinically deranged#'u see the good guys will lie to us to seem like bad guys until the season 4 finale when plot twist reveals thay r good!' LUNACY!!!#santa clause is more real than a promise out of the mouth of a democrat i am BEGGING liberals to understand (and give a shit about) this#sorry i guess unlike the 'injustice sensitivity' many american neurospicies love using as a shield for when they do racist things i just#have boring I Dont Like Being Lied To autism which uh is preventing me from (well a lot!) getting on the imperialism train that many#of you are twisting yourselves into pretzels of cognitive dissonance & ahistorical nonsense in order to cope with!#vote if you want idgaf but stop posting electoral cope!!! stop seeking absolution for the crimes youre cosigning!! you cant have it all!!!!#i'll see you in another 4 years when nothing has been done about climate catastrophe or genocide or lgbtq rights or reproductive rights#bc if- and its still a huge if- kamala wins i know for FACT the usual suspects are already cooking up excuses as to why she cant follow thr#through on any of the crumbs of progressive policy she claims to stand by. its already the senates or SC fault right 🙄#ugh anyway now im just going down the 'every easily identifiable lie of the dems that I'M somehow the bad guy for noticing' rabbit hole#and that leads to nowhere but madness and an afternoon wasted 😤
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im so emotional about gorillaz rn (how surprising)
#i was on google photos trying to find a pic and in the process i reencountered 2 old 2D fanart i made as a kid AND#some concert videos from 2018.......#TAKE ME BAAAAACK I WANT TO GO BACK I NEED TO BE THERE AGAAAAIIIIIINNNNNNNNAAAAAAAAUUHGHHHHHHH#no joke i started crying a lil bit#specially on the on melancholy hill one#beautiful ass song i cant stand hearing it bcz it always makes my eyes wet . hate it .#aahhhhhh I've said it a bajillion trillion times already but i love this fucking band SO so . so so sooooooooOooooOOOOOOOOOOoO*shoots mysle#they forever will be a BIG BIIIIIG part of me#not just artistically#but in every way possible of me#eevr since i was a little ~6 y.o🩷#i gotta thank my mama for this one 💋#shout out to my mama for brainwashing my brain with this stupid ass band since very young#and consequently making me This overwhelmingly intense about them forver till i die 🫰
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i will genuinely never understand my dad!!! and i feel guilty for being confused and angered by him!!!! i don't know what he wants and i doubt i ever will
i guess he's known that he's had cancer for over a month now but never told me. and i dont know if it's because he wanted me to reach out/pay attention to him, as he's done in the past or if he just didn't think to, or if it's some other third mysterious reason that i can't think up
we aren't close since he was rarely in my life but i feel like that's something you tell your kid.
and the only reason i found out is because i went to go check and see why he hadn't replied to my message about asking if he wanted to hang out for the thousandth time without getting a response
#[static]#he tells me 'kid im gonna change i miss you i love you we need to hang out more im sorry that i wasnt around'#and then when we try and make plans it's like pulling teeth to get him to follow through#and sure there's been a couple of times in my life where ive had to back out of plans with him but like .....#we're talking less times than i have fingers on one hand in 30 years lol meanwhile he disappears for years without a word regularly#i thought we got somewhere last year when i decided to reach out after i stopped talking to him#we're both adults and we're busy but i somehow manage to have regular scheduled dnd games with 4 other adults twice a month#and i cant get my biological father who claims to want to know me reply to a message#and i know i know i know he's got his own demons and battles but i s2g it's just Frustrating because i dont know what he wants from me#i dont fuck with indecision and i dont like not knowing where i stand with someone#i know that he wont reach out to people in hopes they 'care enough' about him to do it#but like dude .......... SHOW THAT YOU CARE ABOUT ME TOO WTF#i want to be unendingly compassionate to him since he's gotta figure out what he's gonna do regarding his throat cancer#but like ..... what am i supposed to do with this lmao he saw my message and didn't reply and maybe he's busy#but he also didnt reply to any of my other messages asking to make time to see each other#but then he called me this summer to see if i was in town when he was there (and i wasn't and it was out of the blue)#he also posted a lowkey transphobic comedy sketch on his page which is weird because that's not really his politics but also he's old#and i can just hear exactly what he'd say about it if i tried to even bring it up to him ever#idk what he wants from me but i sometimes think even he doesn't know#i think we missed our time to mend things into something that makes sense#anyways sorry for the vent into the void i just got new information and dealing with stuff about my dad is always difficult#i have rarely felt wanted by him and have never felt seen for who i am either
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#sorry i cant shut the fuck up today. i think i just feel worse on the weekends bc i kno i shoulf b relaxing#ppl r telling me to relax. take a break. let me kno how i can help. let me kno if theres a problem. bc my behavior is apparently ya kno like#visibly somethings not right. but how tf am i supposed to relax when i have so much to do#so im stuck spiraling like dont work but also think insistently abt working. but get nothing done. its horrible#mostly rn im stressed abt all the grading i havent done and the work on my masters data i havent done#but its like. something in my head is on fire and it's burning thru all my cognitive energy. i am just trying to keep existing#how tf am i supposed to find the energy to read 45 lab reports? im like illiterate#and idk i just feel bad about coming into a new lab being so sick. i just dont like being a problem#it also does not reflect well on my future career that im being such a flake on things. like sorry if i have to work on my research#assistant data rn i might die ✌️ ugh. itll b fine. i just need to find a way to effectively manage my head#and i keep hearing my dads voice in my head talking abt personal responsibility but like i dont even kno how to employ that. i could suck#it up and double down on productivity but that way leads to burnout and self destruction. do i doubke down on relaxing?#i dont kno how to do that. like u would probably just have to drug me. which is y i do not partake in substances. that way also leads#to self destruction. so what am i do to? cross my fingers and pray for a fluctuation in my general mood?#hope that aliens invade and that an incoming invasion sharpens my focus onto only one single thing?#idk. but my sister is finally working on the fish i askrd her yo draw me. so i gotta think of how i wanna get it tattooed#bc shes not an art person and its an act of indulging chaos to get an imperfect image tattooed onto me#so i might have to do some things to make it make me not insane. i asked for this bc i like causing myself problems. also i was in a#slightly altered state of mind when i asked lol but i stand by it haha. anyway. idk things r just annoying and hard rn as i knew they would#b. and im good at catching myself before things get dangerous but it sucks that i feel like a ticking time bomb of destruction. ugh.#unrelated
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hate how im now at a point where im legit like kicking my legs and grinning like an idiot over fictional characters SEND HELP
#take One Guess who im talking about. YES ITS KOI BOI#hes so prettyyyyy and cute and lovely and i love looking at him i wanna hear him speak and laugh and sing just AAAAAAAAAAAA#(turns to my own brain) BITCH WE ARE MEANT TO BE AROACE WHY ARE YOU IN LOVE WITH TWO FICTIONAL CRIMINALS WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?????#my brain: (that fuckin anime girl gif from evangelion (i think??))#like fuuuuuck man is it self shipping if u use a proxy? like. hes an oc but he's a stand in for me. he is me and i am him but we also arent#he is his own person and i am my own our lives are very very different but i use him to express love for Mad Dog and Koi Boy#cause they could actually love him if i were in their world i wouldnt stand a chance but my boy has one so he loves them for me#its far easier to imagine him kissing them than it is for me to imagine myself kissing them but that might be because im wired weird#idk it *feels* like it counts yknow. my dumbass out here gettin jealous when i see a Certain Ship cause like i disagree with it on#a Fundamental Level. and on TOP of that half the time the art is so CUTE and im like 'motherfucker that should be ME' or i guess my lad but#STILL am i making sense?? doesnt help that i worry im like. misreading what content i have but also fuck you i can do what i want and also#i get him more than yall kgyugkhjhk (jk jk. Unless) basically when i call them my boyfriends i fuckin mean it#look its Real Missing Nishiki Hours i love him i wanna kiss his perfect face someone shoulda shown him love i could save him and he could#make me worse <3 I Want Him#and do not get me wrong i may be focused on him but Majima is still my wifey too!!! hes mine you cant have her <3#i just have koi boy brainrot i very much desire them Both (YES THAT MIGHT BE WHY I SHIP THEM TOO LOOK I ALSO THINK THEYD WORK WELL TOGETHER#OR AT LEAST HAVE A FUN DYNAMIC TO EXPLORE I SHOULD DATE THEM AND THEY SHOULD DATE EACH OTHER WE ALL HAVE 2 HANDS)#might delete this in the mornin who knows but im feelin silly i wanna talk about them i wanna talk about my boy but idk if ppl would really#GET IT yknow i can think of maybe Two People and that INCLUDES bestie but just aaaa point is i love my koi boy so much hes so lovely <3 <3
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the unfortunate thing is that in playing the evil connor & hank route i feel bad and i want to reset to make sure they’re friends again. that’s not how video games work and they aren’t real and my choices don’t actually have consequences. but fuck, man.
#:( i dont like that theyre sad. theyre the only little dudes i care about here and its fucking me up.#i had to replay the worst hank ending for night of the soul. TWICE.#AND LIKE. there’s no way to. make him not do what he does at that point. you cant stop it.#you did this. and you csnt stop it at this point.#and maybe the best part of this game is when connor walks out of that house.#and you hear the gunshot. and it just. it just forces you to stay there. listening to sumo crying and barking.#you’re just stuck there and. god. its probably just because this is fucked for me in specific for Reasons. but.#god. god. it just makes you stand there. it just makes you stand there.#it’s not a long time it’s like. 6. maybe 7 seconds. but it feels long. for this game that stillness feels so so long.#that stillness and that inability to act at all. usually when control is taken away from you the characters are Doing Something on their own#but this time its just. connor just stands there. and you cant make him move. and WHY IS THERE ALWAYS ONE KERNEL OF A GOOD SCENE IN THE SHIT
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AOAUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH MIS AMORESSS
#ot3: ❤rhyme💛easy💙#tape entry circa 1980#ooohhhh my babies my babies MIS BEBES MIS AMORES LOS LUCES DE MI VIDA#all i need is them mis amores ill never need anyone else ever as long as i have them both#i need to hold them both so so so fucking close and kiss them and tell them every little thing i love abt them#which will last hours cause ill keep repeating myself and ill never stop hjfdks#i need my husbands so so badly especially cause its our birthday... ;w;#i wish i could be w them rn so we could properly celebrate together..#itd be nice to go to a carnival and do karaoke and rollerskating or bowling#and a movie of course!! maybe walk around the mall#auhh i miss them sm... id really like to lay w them rn and fall alseep cuddled against them w their arms around me#and id like to wake up to min making us all breakfast and later we can maybe have a little jam sesh :-]#i really want to play w them rn tbh#auhh our voices sound so perfect together it was like we were destined to be in a band together 💖💛💙#god i just... miss them man#i want to stare into their beautiful eyes and see the way they smile and hear their laugh#i want to hear their lovely wonderful voices... to feel they way they hold me and have their fingers intertwine w mine 🥺💖💙#i cant properly express just how deeply i love them but i just cant stop thinking abt them#and the way i feel is overwhelming me again i just NEED them i need them so so badly i cant stand being away from them i need them...#i just want to drink w them and eat good food while listening to records while singing at the top of our lungs#and laughing so hard w them that my ribs hurt and i cant breathe#i want to be leaning against them and feel the warmth of their body against me and really take in that moment#to hear and feel the way they breathe in and out w the rise and fall of their chest#the way they sigh feeling content and relaxed in this moment#to take in their own personal scent along w other things like the smell of their hair products or cigs
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This semester's summary: existential crisis, existential crisis, existential crisis
#ah and 💸💸💸#so im always good in words compared to action so theory is not bad but my skills is lacking#im aware of it but im always a bit slow to catch up and all and that's one of my biggest insecurity#anyway today we had our last review skills session and i was unfortunately standing nearest to the trolley#so i was selected to do the tracheostomy suctioning and boy thats one of the skills that im really bad in#and i was struggling so bad and im shaking and my group has the top students and while i give no fuck you can see how they judge me#and the person in charge for that section is a master student who is having her assessment and i really dont want her to get bad results#so more panic and insecurity#but throughout the session she still guide me patiently and even say like its okay youre doing great and all#and by the end of it i got the grip of it but i was so upset with myself and regret everything#but then she lightly touch my arm and said its okay youre doing really well when i obviously fucked up#and then i just.. cried#what a good thing i wear a mask because two of my course mates are tested positive today because damn#and i keep on pretending to wipe my glasses when i was actually hiding my tears like damn this is embarrassing#but... i really want to thank her personally but i cant even talk just now and i dont even know if i will meet her again#because i really am doubting myself lately and that word is really comforting and i really needed to hear it#god 2nd year sucks i didnt even cry throughout my first year even when i did the worst presentation of my life and look like a dumbass#i always rant here you guys must be sick of me lol#personal.txt
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Sick of jerking off to porn now i just look up pictures of kiryu in his little grey tracksuit whenever i need to cum
#Yakuza loveblog#unzipping it down to his bellybutton and then sticking my hands inside#salivating whenever he gets really sad and puts on his comfy clothes and smokes sitting on the floor of his bedroom/living room#i literally need to mess his hair up and grind on his face and i take his cigarette and flick it out the window and kiss him#and he just tastes like smoke like what did i expect ... hee hee ... kisses him again#i hate this fit because its so fucking cute like he really is in pjs ... ready for bed. fuck. ... i want him badly#grey sweatpants kiryu (you see me shaking violently and hear my teeth chattering) taking a bite out of his cock through his pants#just ripping it open so i can fuck him faster hes like my little bag of popcorn puts him in the microwave#kissing him all over ... cant stand him ... hes so cute hes my favourite .... sorry i put my boyfriend in the microwave and let it run for#twenty minutes yeah he was gone within the first ten seconds but i wanted to keep going ....#sorry if you wanted him as well hes gone now. im sad too but i think we all can learn something from this#which is dont microwave your boyfriend too long. sorry again. i know you liked him
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//Venting in Tags:: TW Sewerslide and shit like that
#dude seriously sometimes I think I’d be better off dead. and the people around me would be better off if I wasn’t around#I know they love me they say it all the time but at the same time in the back of my head there’s just this little voice telling me like#telling me its all fake. telling me theyre only staying out of pity for me or something like that#theres so many things wrong with me and if it’s not on the inside or how I act its how Im presented#I hear it all the time ‘you need to lose weight’ or ‘your face looks bad (acne)’ or literally anything#even small shit like I got told I was feminine and it hit me like a truck#I never EVER liked myself#I cant remember a time when I did#even when I was little I knew there was something wrong with me#I genuinely cant remember a single time when I was happy with myself and my life#I love my friends more than anything#and I have family members I would do anything for#but I know damn well what a disappointment I must be. Im not productive I don’t talk to anybody irl I don’t do anything irl I’m just#lazy and gross and depressed and stupid#I hate myself I always have and I don’t think I’ll ever stop hating myself#I have a fucking suicide note written and everything because I know one of these days somethings going to happen#and I won’t be able to stand it#and I’ll do something idiotic#and I’ll find the one permanent solution to a possibly temporary problem#I don’t want to be this way but I can’t bring myself to fix anything#it’s like my mind and body won’t let me get better. maybe i was just destined to be this gross fucking thing#maybe that’s it#maybe I don’t have a purpose. maybe I was just born to suffer#who knows. maybe Im overthinking everything. maybe im fine. maybe it’s gonna be ok. but I don’t know#I just don’t know anymore#I don’t know what to do
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