#I CRIED A LITTLE WHEN I TOOK THESE
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Happy one year anniversary to In Stars and Time!
#ISAT#in stars and time#siffrin#loop#I truly mean it when I say that this was the best game I have played since Disco Elysium.#It pulls off some of the best examples of Ludonarritive Harmony in a video game...possibly ever?#Not to mention just...wow. What a great story. What a tale of twists and introspection. What a tale about the need for home and connection#I know many of you have trusted me before with media recommendations. Trust me one more time.#Do you want to experience the torment of being in a timeloop? And *still* have fun and feel like your time is being respected?#PLAY IN STARS AND TIME!#Do you yearn for complex characters and love unravelling mysteries? PLAY IN STARS AND TIME!!!!#Please heed the content warnings; I took them a little too lightly on my playthrough! They are there for a reason! Don't be like me!#This game means a lot to me and so many others. On the small chance the dev sees this (they are on tumblr after all):#Thank you so much for all your hard work in creating this game and seeing the project through.#It has been a year for us fans but many years for you. So thank you!#I hope it has been a joyful year for you! Watching as people descend into shrieks of agony from playing your game.#It's good! It made me vomit blood. I had so much fun! I felt like I was torturing the protagonist when I played it. I loved it! I cried.
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Can I interest you in some guppy Black Pearl art in these trying timez? (with a hint of Grand Reef Cookie, of course!)
believe it or not, I had these doodled before the update! Granted, bp was colored slightly different than now, but it's easy to fix that with pixels~! Frankly my ideas on how my shining grandpapa Grand Reef haven't changed much! In fact, I think the conformation that bp has (or had) sisters helps me! All that really changed is that merbabies leave the reef at a certain age to go with their pod of siblings to their kingdom and be a good citizen or whatnot-
AND BECAUSE I'M ME~
Yes, I know logistically there is no way in HELL these two would have ever met as kids; But that's what AUs are fooooooooor~~~~ SO SHUSHH
#cookie run#cookie run kingdom#black pearl cookie#captain caviar cookie#I headcannon baby Cavi to have been a blustering crybaby#all talk when it came to being a tough cookie but cried angry tears the entire time he was confronting anything#also a homeless feral brat that took what he could to get himself and others he tried helping by-#Grand Reef Cookie#Pearl was also a feral little spawn when she wanted to be as a pup#a bit skittish but ready to bite you should you test her#like a kitty~#CRK#Guppy AU
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we're taking a moment to sit and eat but i just cried my eyes out bc immediately after i proposed to Steph and stood up, she got down on one knee PULLED OUT ANOTHER RING BOX AND PROPOSED TO *ME*!!!!! WHICH I DID NOT PREDICT AT ALL AND NOW IM CRYING HAPPY TEARS LIKE MY LIFE DEPENDS ON IT


ring + blue feather necklace she got me so i can wear it bc im not a big fan of wearing rings 🥺🥺
#our friend took really nice photos of both proposals so i will show those off when he sends them to us shortly :3#i cried a lot of happy tears ❤️#we got a little rained on but oh well#we're engaged!!! stephs my fiancée!!!! we're soggy and cold and in love!!!!!
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#vyncent: vyncent who's a hero, stuck on level zero
#campaign03season02episode32#fun fact i always put my phone on dnd when i record these clips so i get no notifs but my little sister is set to go thru dnd in case#theres an emergency or whtv#and i swear to god every time as soon as i got past the 3 minute mark she fucking texted 😭#this took FOREVER to finally obtain#anyways storytime over#jrwi#prime defenders#vyncent sol#william wisp#jrwi spoilers#prime defenders spoilers#like guys seriously this is actually rlly srs spoilers#grey scale arc spoilers#just roll with it spoilers#i cannot make it any clearer#don't spoil this peak if u havent seen it yet#im in the midst of rewatching rn and ive been talking out loud to myself at work#take a shot every time ive cried out “WILLLLL” in despair#you'll get alcohol poisoning
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Trying 2 be so normal rn
#spent a lovely 3 days and then a v heavy last night w him . i cried into his arms and told him all the little worries & none of the#overarching things causing them. i was so afraid that this display of weakness would end everything and when we woke up the goodbye was so#short so i called him on his way back home and told him everything. he seemed to understand but im still scared but at least he has an#honest version of me ig. idk#he is lovely and hes trying to help etc idk if i've ruined everything but yh#anyway met w my friends i havent spent time w them in a while its been nice to listen to them#and look at them . and theyve said nice things#and comforting words. i have to remember that people dont just end up hating you#i was shielding my eyes from sunlight and a few of them put their hands up to shield me more#((hand over hand over hand over hand) and two weeks ago i remember i was walking with two of them and i said that i was cold and they took#their jackets off at the same time. i remember this buzzed but not sober.) i think i suppress the good things as a survival instinct and#I wish my head understood it makes things harder. Requires way too much evidence to believe anything and little evidence to doubt anythin#anyway i like him n i want this to work. im glad i have my friends. im glad he has his#and his space. he has people there and i have them here and im happy he can afford to live how he does#and i have a rly good therapist now and i hope itll help. Ps he looks lovely in my eyeshadow#i like holding my friends hands#the worst case scenario is that it's over. Ill see him around his city and#It might be painful but i'll live. I wont ban myself from all joy.#the best case scenario is that he understands what i said and he feels empathetic towards it and he will do what he can to help#and that he doesnt like me any less for it all. the best case scenario is what he said is the case.#im writing this post over the course of. 57 minutes and 25 seconds rn#one of my friends just had his hands around my shoulders he said its been too long and i agree#Ok im home now gn i have to wake up early tmrw morning#I rly hope its all ok#I hope itll all be ok
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FUCK YOU VOLTRON LEGENDARY DEFENDER!!!!!!!!!!!! I SHOULD NOT BE CRYING AT DAMN NEAR MIDNIGHT CAUSE OF YOUR FAILURE OF A SHOW ASS 🖕
#ok so first I thought about allurance because a few days ago maybe even a week ago I thought of a scene where allura is crying alone in the#observatory because it’s her parents anniversary and Lance comes in she thinks she’s being not dramatic but like to her it feels weird to#get emotional over a ‘parent anniversary’ thing and Lance assures her that it’s not weird at all and that he can even relate#Alfor would make his and Melanors anniversary different every year and he’d ask allura to help him and called her his ‘luck charm’#and Lance tells her that his father wasn’t really the most outgoing in the family and often times they’d forget he’s in the room cause he’s#so quiet. and he’s not really the type to do big things for people but he loves his wife and he’s do these small things for her everyday#and especially on anniversaries every morning around 6am he’d dance with Lances mom with no music#and he tells this to Allura and they both get like emotional and homesick#more happens in the scene but then I started thinking about the designs I did for Allura and Keith’s parents#how for Allura I made it very sure that Allura (or at least my design of her) looked more like her Father than her mother and I wanted#Melanor to look almost more like Lance#and in that scene Allura cant help but to see how similar Lance is to her parents#(I also forgot to mention that Lance even with how showy he is. when it comes to someone he genuinely loves you’ll see him do small acts#like his father does) and that’s just the allurance that got me tearing up BECAUSE THEN I THOIGHT ABOUT KEITHS PARENTS#as I’ve said before I want their first meeting of them beating the ever loving shit out of each other but they fall in love#and for their designs similar to alluras parents (though I forgot to mention) I wanted Keith’s dad to have soft features and Krolia to have#masculine features (yes they have a mix of both but I digress) I’ve already thought a lot in detail about their relationship and how it#developed and I already thought about Krolia having Keith but what I just NOW thought of was Krolia leaving#I love breaking gender roles and even though Keith’s dad is a masculine man he’s very neutering#and so when Krolia has to leave He just kinda breaks down. yes he selfishly doesn’t want her to leave but also Keith’s going to never know#what it’s like to have a mother. he’s too young to ever remember Krolia and will never even meet her (coughs)#and Krolia (whos taller than him because 🖕) has to be the one to have him let go because no matter what she won’t be able to actually#protect Keith. because either she gets taken away or he does. she doesn’t belong on earth and she can’t force her son to hide. they’re lucky#enough that he appears human. (she’s holding Keith’s father head in her hands as she says this btw)#and even though he KNOWS it’s true it’s heartbreaking for him. so when Krolia moves away he can’t help but try to hold onto her as long as#she can. even asking her to stay just one more night ‘last night was my one night’ response from Krolia#but he’s desperate so he at the very least gives Krolia his one photo they have. the one with all three of them. the only photo they took.#and when she eventually leaves (this is at night btw) he just stands there tears flowing down#and when he goes inside their home he tries to settle into bed but he fails#so he shackily goes into Keiths little room and sits in the chair they have next to his bed and just cries silently to himself.
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i wish i had more thoughts on the playlist event beyond "omg its so cool its happening" and "omg im so sad its ending" etc etc. i need to like reread what's been said about each playlist bc that's the one thing I probably dont do enough. i just have the gist of what i remember from when i read it on sunday and then the rest of it is just me going "whoa i can really see xyz listening to this" except for jopson who i constantly want to strangle bc what the fuck do u mean. Jopson and miss jamie's mixtape drive me up the WALLS im ripping my nails off thinking about them (jopson what do u listen to off the clock brother and well. dave just tell me who put what on the playlist u dont need to confirm anything at all beyond who put what on the playlist, just give me one song per guy dave i dont think its a big ask)
#jokes i say to myself uuh well he confirmed everything by putting that one crozier song i took off my crozier playlist but i gotta stop#thinking about that and talking about that im sorry everyone for being annoying about that for real#like yeah ian cig whatever my name is shut up brother ur making a huge deal of nothing like a little freak and not positive#but regardless#i do want to know who put what on that mixtape MIXTAPE aughshkdjhg e#i could cry thinking about how this event is almost over like I hope the playlist posts early or the time its been posting this sunday bc i#hoping to really party it up before i have to go do a STINKY STINKY STINKY shift of work and then#i will be super unhinged after that#truly sorry everyone im going to be insufferable on sunday#but also crozier didnt put me at post limit at all#i didnt expect that especially bc jfj really#she took me out way before bedtime#but crozier#i think i was in such absolute shock for so many reasons#like GOD FUCK there are so many crozier choices where i was just like man#i cried and threw up a little bc i was overwhelmed with emotion#you could say im normal abotu thingsb ut also i guess we are lying#the throw up moment was the song i recognized from my crozier playlist and two other songs that have appeared#on other playlists of mine so i had a delusional moment of like being like#HAS HE LISTENED TO MY PLAYLISTS ???????? DOES HE KNOW ABOUT ANY OF THEM#but then i calmed down and saw reality and was like ok#its fine#bc its like my brother in christ one of the things u are donig is trying to not only get into the minds of the characters#but also picks that you think the creator of those characters would pick when thinking about a modern au for them#like chill out god#im not sorry for how i am about the playlist event i think its been more freeing to express my joy about it then if i didnt bc how cool#this show aired in 2018 like waht are you talking about rn ya know#anyways#playlist event you'll always be famous to me#gays4vulo
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Y'know sometimes you need to be held by a giant hand. Sometimes you needed to be petted gently by big fingers for your soul to heal. Sometimes you need to be lightly squeezed. Get juiced a lil and the bad emotions just get squished outta ya
#certified autism post#and other times you need to do the holding and the petting and the squishing#can you tell im autistic or do i need to make another g/t stimming post to really drive the point home#i think i cried a little at the thought of being gently squished like a squishy stim toy. i squeak when it happens#in this moment i feel i was made to be lightly and caringly squeezed yknow#one of my self soothing behaviors is petting my arms so big fingers doing the petting is much much better#g/t#giant/tiny#took me a while to get to those tags huh
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Go to the DMV without something going horribly wrong challenge (impossible)
#I did pass my test for the record!#but only after realizing I SOMEHOW lost my learners permit?? even though I never ever took it out of my wallet??#I feel like I’m going insane HOW DOD I LOSE IT?????#I mean I guess it isn’t important anymore bc I’ll have my license but still#Concerning that important things can just disappear from my wallet#and THEN when I get into my lane for the road test I find that the insurance paper in the car is outdated!#and when it got renewed my parents just. forgot to give me the paper.#so we had to call our insurance guy in a panic so he could send us a picture of it#and I nearly had a panic attack bc if we didn’t get it in time I would need to reschedule the whole thing and that’d HELLA screw me over#but it’s fine we got it in time and I only cried a little bit#parallel parking did good it’s all fine#but I swear my track record with the DMV is abysmal. I have never not had a problem when I go
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Learning to celebrate the little wins!
#fersona#While I don't have the capacity to do Hourly Comics Day#I did journal my day hour-by-hour and the sheer difference in my self-care and routines is *staggering*.#Honestly both Feb 1 2024 and 2025 were rough days...but this year I had a far better outlook on it all.#The funny part is that when I drew this a few days ago I actually *was* celebrating not crying.#Might have still cried on Feb 1st. A meagre 4 times. But I also had lot of good moments!#January is a very hard month for me and frankly I've been in a fugue state for most of it.#Drawing helped me pull through these last 2 years but this year I've been finding myself so upset at how I can't seem to focus anymore.#So updates and posts have been slow. I'm just slow. I'm tired and burnt out from work and grieving.#But you know what? The days I do manage to post; I'm never shamed for how long it took. You're all just as excited and kind.#I'm coming home and eating better and sleeping more and spending time with loved ones.#This is all to say; you can be a lot happier when you realize that life can be taken a little slower.#I'm more grateful that words can possibly convey.#If you related to the mindset of constantly feeling like you've 'failed' the day; please know you have done more than you realize.#I'm struggling with it everyday! I'm in the trenches with you!#Life is too short and painful to not celebrate what you *do* accomplish! It's hard work but it is worth it!#Bit by bit...we will learn to live. *Really* live. And enjoy it!
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went to see six for the second time today and i have SO many things to say about the all you wanna do choreo
#i may or may not have cried just a little bit#it hits so hard fr </3#six the musical#ALSO THE INTERACTIONS BETWEEN THE QUEENS BETWEEN SONGS ARE ACCTULY HILLARIOUS#I TOOK NOTES ON THEM AND WILL SHARE WHEN I HAVE THE ENGERGY TO DECODE MY THEATRE HANDWRITING
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burst out crying this morning bc of a toy from when i was a little kid. ?
#specifically it was one i feel like 80% confident in saying my parents took and donated#for no real reason beyond that they were irritated with my paternal grandma for getting me Yet Another plush for easter#i have a memory of having lost it and looked everywhere for it only to give up#and then much later seeing an essentially identical toy at goodwill#which obviously they would not let me have#recently in looking through family photos i saw a picture of myself with it#and i had misremembered the color of the toy but it was recognizably the toy#i found a listing for an identical toy online that's like absurdly priced but i do have hope of finding it again#i mostly cried i think bc like. it's such a relatively small thing compared to their like actual felony type abuse#but how little do you have to think of your kid to take a toy you KNOW they love a lot like that and like#lie about it when your kid is frantically looking for it#it's so fucking cartoonishly mean i can barely believe it even though like#they have done so much worse and what i remember of the toy makes it very likely#just so scummy. anyway mr. ducky when i get my hands on you again
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To be honest, seeing the audience's live reaction for the last BostonNick scene tells me everything I need to know about why their story ended up like it did.
#They were fucking CHEERING when he got dumped by Nick#Full on screams of joy#If I were Neo I'd be a little offended ngl#But he's a good kid and took it as a joke most likely#Idk I'm so upset still and it's been hours from the finale#Whatever I'll get over it#Justice for Boston#and justice for me who loves Nick and saw his character assassination on screen and lost it#That was NOT the same character who cried his eyes out over a simple “I missed you”#and I will never stop believing that#bostonnick
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it also occurred to me like yesterday that in my kali/sil fic I’ve been writing I think I like, focused so hard on figuring out characterization and relationship dynamic accuracy and also just fighting for my life with the plot that I believe I neglected to like. Mention silvers sleepy boy situation like,,, at all. Maybe once offhandedly??? Like I didn’t forget it’s a part of him but I think somehow I just forgot to work it into the fic at all when it’s generally a pretty big part of his character 😭😭😭 like maybe it’s bc we’ve been in book 7 and it hasn’t come up in the dream zone (I forget if he mentioned if he’s just not sleepy boy in the dream realms, probably lol) so maybe that’s why I forgot??? But even then I literally went to some of the vignettes to study how he talks with kalim and the sleepies does come up in those examples….. I feel like it’s just something I was like “yeah yeah that’s a given I need to figure out the rest of him rn tho cuz he’s more than just a sleepy guy” so hard that it slipped my mind completely….. I went too hard in the other direction….
#I’m???? I need to reread AGAIN next time I sit down to work#on the next chapter but like#the realization hit me yesterday or whatever#AND IT’S SO EMBARASSING IF TRUE LIKE GIRL HKW DID WE MESS UP THAT BADLY#like sure I can see maybe some fics don’t need to cover every little detail#but this is multichannel fic where he’s supposed to be a co protagonist …..#I GOOFED IT LADS …..#I literally. like I get so stressed writing for that one bc like#I know I’m mutuals / have ppl following me that are big diasomnia fans#so I’m like if I slip up on ANY of the characterization I’ll be killed for this#AND YET SOMEHOW ONE OF THE SIMPLEST THINGS I JUST….. DIDNT DO…#unless I did add it in and I’m just forgetting every instance lol but. p sure I didn’t.#HEAD IN MY HANDS TOP 10 MOST EMBARASSING FANFIC BLUNDERS NOOOO#another one is when I wrote security cauldron and forgot they took like teleportation magic there#and I was like uhhh I remember mention of Publix transit in book 4 so sure they probs took a bus to Vargas camp#NO THEY DIDNT!!!!#in my defense tho I wrote that one before I was posting to ao3 it was one I wrote just for my friend and me#that I later stuck on ao3 so super accuracy wasn’t on my mind then lol#anyway cries sobs screams silver I’m so sorry I love you so much this is so embarrassing forever#anyway I looked on ao3 just now and saw that fic has 25 subscriptions and I got scared LOL#i have made progress but I’m so so so scared always lol#but I love my lil guys so I’ll see it thru…. eventually …#if I ever recover from this blunder lol 😭#AAAAUUUGGGHHHHHHHHHH
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you know, in certain ways I am disappointed by the fact that clothing is no longer as gendered as it used to be—don’t get me wrong, I think this is a great thing, and it definitely is still more gendered than it should be—but it means that people’s perceptions of you now have this additional emphasis on the way that you physically look, which is to say, the unchangeable aspects of your appearance. in the sense that, like, gender is based not on the way you present yourself but on the way you are. and if you don’t physically match to people’s perceptions of what “is” male or female or whatever, then to them you just aren’t.
throughout history, and in some extent today, so much of gender was how you presented yourself and how you performed your gender—which is a problem in itself, of course, but it also kind of gave you the option to “reject” one gender by choosing to present and act as the other, even if it came at a great cost, because people would generally take this outward expression at such face value. in a paradoxical sense, the rigidity of, say, victorian gender expectations made it easier for one to “not achieve,” or even outright reject, their assigned gender, and in that sense, made it easier to transform it. and you can’t do that in the same way anymore, which, as I said, is a double edged sword, but like… I don’t know. it’s a feeling mostly from personal experience, arising from my own historical fantasies as a history-oriented person—a hundred years ago, if i wore men’s clothes as a woman, I’d be told that would undermine my assigned gender and make me “too masculine,” which, you know, would have been the goal. nowadays if I dress entirely masculine I’m just a girl wearing boys’ clothes because people can’t ever see anything else. I don’t know. I guess I’ll just sit here daydreaming about running off in the 18th century to join the british army by “disguising myself as a man” instead of being given one look at a reenactment event and observed with the remark that “the british units tend to have really good female impressions.”
#the guy was well meaning when he said it and I still took it as a compliment but at the same time just. idk#a little bit of an unintentional slap in the face#just to be outright told ‘you make a very convincing boy even if I can tell you aren’t one’#I just. I Wish I could appreciate that like a cis person could but I can’t#because it means no matter how hard I try because of the way I look I will never be perceived in any other way#idk maybe I’ll write a more coherent post on this phenomenon eventually#right now I’m feeling Very Transgender#but like. in the bad way. I have Cried about this recently#idk it’s late shut up#mine#historyposting#gender#redcoatposting
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Rest in peace Mateo, I'll miss you
#my cat mateo#the last photo is the last one i have of him the day he died.#as you can see he was not doing well#im just glad i was upstairs when he finally passed because i would have started bawling#he was the first cat my family got back on March 16 2017#we got him and Pepperoni at almost the same time (pepperoni came home the day after)#ive always talked about them being brothers even though theyre not related and now pepperoni has lost his brother#midnight has lost his brother and everyone else lost their uncle#the plan is to take him to my grandparents to bury him in their backyard#my brother is planning to make a marker for him#i am slightly worried for my brother because he has claimed Mateo as his for years and now hes gone#and he couldnt do anything to help him#he bought a bunch of jack daniels after he took mareo to the vet and they said there was little they could do#i cried holding pepperoni for like an hour at least last night#and i keep seeing Whiskey and thinking shes Mateo because they look kinda similar#mateo is sitting in a box on the back deck while we wait for it to warm up enough to dig his grave#hes wrapped up and hes got a can of food with him#i just dont know what to do#i keep being fine all day but then night comes and everything makes me think of him and i start crying again#i just wish i could have done something to ease his pain. to help him
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