#I just. I Wish I could appreciate that like a cis person could but I can’t

[iamthemaestro]

you know, in certain ways I am disappointed by the fact that clothing is no longer as gendered as it used to be—don’t get me wrong, I think this is a great thing, and it definitely is still more gendered than it should be—but it means that people’s perceptions of you now have this additional emphasis on the way that you physically look, which is to say, the unchangeable aspects of your appearance. in the sense that, like, gender is based not on the way you present yourself but on the way you are. and if you don’t physically match to people’s perceptions of what “is” male or female or whatever, then to them you just aren’t.

throughout history, and in some extent today, so much of gender was how you presented yourself and how you performed your gender—which is a problem in itself, of course, but it also kind of gave you the option to “reject” one gender by choosing to present and act as the other, even if it came at a great cost, because people would generally take this outward expression at such face value. in a paradoxical sense, the rigidity of, say, victorian gender expectations made it easier for one to “not achieve,” or even outright reject, their assigned gender, and in that sense, made it easier to transform it. and you can’t do that in the same way anymore, which, as I said, is a double edged sword, but like… I don’t know. it’s a feeling mostly from personal experience, arising from my own historical fantasies as a history-oriented person—a hundred years ago, if i wore men’s clothes as a woman, I’d be told that would undermine my assigned gender and make me “too masculine,” which, you know, would have been the goal. nowadays if I dress entirely masculine I’m just a girl wearing boys’ clothes because people can’t ever see anything else. I don’t know. I guess I’ll just sit here daydreaming about running off in the 18th century to join the british army by “disguising myself as a man” instead of being given one look at a reenactment event and observed with the remark that “the british units tend to have really good female impressions.”

[artificial-transmutations]

Your stories and images are beyond incredible. My favorite blog on tumblr BY FAR. Truly incredible work. I guess it’s kind of selfish, so absolutely so absolutely no worries, at the very least I got to tell you how much I appreciate and love your content. But I’m a short, nerdy, thin, art student in college right now. I’m tired of being in the closet, I’m tired of being a push over, Im tired of being weak and submissive, I’m tired of being a virgin, and I wanna change. Maybe you could help with a story by turning me into one of those jaw dropping beautiful confident men that you make the pictures of, I would very much appreciate it. But no worries if you can’t, I just love your content!

Confidence

Nathaniel sighed quietly, as he came over his hairless stomach. Of course, he had to be quiet! The dorm walls were paper-thin, and he certainly didn't want the guys from the neighboring dorm rooms to hear him. He looked at the website once more, with the story and the hot buff men before he closed the incognito browser tab and proceeded to clean himself up.

When he looked into the bathroom mirror, he sighed again, but this time, it was a sigh of sadness. There really wasn't anything remotely impressive about him. He was thin and weak, and pathetic really. If it wasn't for his lack of boobs and his sorry excuse for a dick, he could very well pass as a woman. In fact, he had been mistakenly called "Madame" more than once, and one time, he had even been asked "how his transition was going".

No, Nathan was a cis man, just not a very impressive one. He was gay, of course, and loved to look at 'real' men while jerking his small cock. Most of the time, he fantasized about some hairy brute rough-handling him, pushing his face against the bed and fucking his tiny ass into submission. However, even though the thought was exciting to Nathan, he even more wished to *be* such a man. The rational part of Nathan knew that both fantasies would not happen anytime, though. It was physically impossible to just *become* a 'real man', and it was impossible for Nathan to even admit to anyone that he was gay. So, he would probably just stay a closeted virgin forever - doomed to masturbate to some kinky stories he was so embarrassed about that he only dared to look at them from an incognito browser tab.

He sighed a third time when he crawled into bed. Perhaps someday he would accept his fate.

Nathan was already almost asleep when he heard the firework starting outside. Right. It was New Year’s Eve. What a way to start the new year.

The next morning, Nathan was feeling a bit better. Of course, his deep-rooted unhappiness still lingered within him, but Nathan decided to try and enjoy the day. He liked new year’s days. Everyone usually was at home after having celebrated the whole night which meant that the world outside was very quiet. Not much happened on New Year’s Day.

Nathan decided to go to a nearby cafe. There, with a steaming mug of hot chocolate next to him, he got out his drawing utensils and looked around the place. There weren't too many people. An older couple sat together, the man reading a book, and the woman reading a magazine, while an elderly lady sat at the counter. She was probably the owner. However, there was one more guy, a young adult like Nathan, who sat on a nearby table all by himself and was playing on his phone. He had his chair tilted back a bit, stabilizing himself against the wall and rocking a bit. He had earphones in his ear, so he was probably listening to music while doing so.

Nathan's first instinct was to draw the old couple, but then he looked at the other young man again. He looked a bit like one of those men from the internet, the kind that Nathan would fantasize about. Just a bit. The other man wasn't burly and muscular and assertive, but instead he had a lean, fit build. Nathan was a bad judge of character, especially without having spoken to the person in question, but the young man didn't look particularly assertive or dominant either. So, all in all, not too much like the men Nathan longed for on the internet. But still, he had a certain charm to him. Nathan liked the fit, lean body and the aura of positivity the man seemed to exude and wanted to capture that on paper.

Nathan began sketching the man, while occasionally looking up, making sure the man wouldn't notice. However, it was hard to keep his eyes off the guy. Every now and then, he would laugh a bit or make a funny face when watching something on his phone, which Nathan couldn't help but find very attractive.

He was just working on drawing the man's hands, when Nathan suddenly heard someone address him.

"Hey, what are you drawing?" The voice didn't sound rude or unfriendly, but plainly interested. Still, Nathan flinched visibly. The attractive man on the other table had removed one earplug and turned towards Nathan.

"Uh, sorry?" stuttered Nathan, not quite sure how to react. The guy pointed at Nathan's drawing pad and smiled: "You're an artist?"

Nathan could feel the blood rushing to his face. The drawing pad was tilted towards Nathan, so his unvoluntary model could not have seen what exactly Nathan was drawing. He could - no, he should - just lie and tell him he was sketching something in the room. But he just couldn't think of anything and the time for a good answer was running out. Almost involuntarily, Nathan stuttered, with his head red like a tomato: "Uhm, yeah, kind of. I was sketching you, actually."

The guy laughed a short and friendly laugh: "Really? Cool! Can I see it?"

Nathan could feel his heartbeat quicken, and his face got even redder. This was so embarrassing! But he couldn't very well refuse now, could he? So, he placed the pad flat on the table, just as the guy came over and sat himself down on Nathan's table.

"Oh wow!", he sounded impressed. "You're really talented! It's like looking into a mirror."

"Thanks" - Nathan hated getting compliments. Not only didn't he know how to react to them, but he also found them mostly fake. He was an art student, but he wasn't that good really, at least in his own opinion. In the dictionary, there was probably a picture of Nathan right next to the entry for "Imposter Syndrome".

"But why are you drawing me?" Although Nathan had feared that this question might come up, he didn't have a good lie to answer it. It was almost as if his mouth was acting on its own, when Nathan heard himself stammer: "Uh, eh, it's because I... I find you quite handsome actually. Good-looking I mean."

Nathan wished for nothing more than to be swallowed by the earth here and now. But to his big surprise, the guy just laughed again and said: "You think so? Thanks! The name's Oliver by the way." Oliver had, apparently, much less of a problem taking a compliment.

"Nathan." said Nathan and started to relax a tiny bit. However, the situation suddenly got even worse, when Oliver continued, in the same light-hearted voice. "Nice to meet you, Nathan! Are you into guys?"

Nathan froze solid. He hadn't expected that. And even worse, the answer was, of course, yes. But there was no way he could say that, was there? So, instead, he just stared at Oliver with his eyes wide open and a deer-in-headlights look.

"I mean, I'm gay - are you as well?" Oliver explained. "With the whole drawing dudes and all."

Nathan's brain had stopped working properly, so he couldn't help but nod and mumble a faint "yes".

Oliver's smile broadened and he said: "Really? Cool!"

Nathan's mind was racing. He had just admitted his homosexuality. To a complete stranger. Out of the blue. He didn't plan to come out that way, it just... happened.

A moment of awkward silence radiated from Nathan, but, thankfully, Oliver salvaged the situation pretty elegantly.

"Listen Nathan, I'll have to run now. But are you free tomorrow around 2? We could grab a coffee and you could show me some of your drawings if you like."

A spark of bravery, completely foreign to him, awakened in Nathan and he answered: "Y-yes. I think I would like that."

Oliver smiled another of his broad smiles. "Awesome! Let's meet here then tomorrow!"

With that, Oliver nodded at Nathan and left the cafe, putting in his headphone again while humming happily.

Did that really just happen? Nathan looked from the unfinished drawing towards the cafe door. Did he really just... got invited to a date? With a handsome guy named Oliver? Nathan wasn't sure whether to be happy or not. On the one hand, it was a miracle, a once in a lifetime opportunity. A cute and hot guy was actually interested in him! But on the other hand, there was no way he could make a good impression. How desperate had that Oliver guy to be to actually ask *him* out?

A small voice in his head insisted that he could just not show up tomorrow and avoid the whole disappointment. But the spark of bravery was still there, and Nathan fought down the feeling. No, he was going to show. If it turned out to be a disaster, he could still flee the scene - it wasn't like Oliver knew literally anything about him.

Nathan quickly packed his things and returned to his dorm room. Once he arrived, he noticed that he was completely covered in sweat of fear. His shirt showed wet spots under his arms and felt cold to the touch. Disgusted, Nathan immediately went for a shower. Only there, standing under the hot steamy water, Nathan could appreciate what happened. He got *asked out*. On a *date*. With a *guy*. Yesterday he had been certain he would die alone and lonely but then, today, he got *asked out*. Was this really a thing? Did it really happen?

He wasn't sure. He had a hard time believing it. Perhaps the whole thing was just a weird dream? A figment of his imagination. But no. The half-finished drawing was proof enough that Oliver really existed.

When Nathan exited the shower cabin, the whole bathroom was covered in steam, blinding the mirrors. Perhaps this - or the spinning of his thoughts - was the reason that he didn't notice that his hair had changed. Instead of his usual medium length brown-ish hair, he now sported a much shorter hairstyle - in a much darker color, almost black. Be it as it may - Nathan had other things on mind than checking his hair. He spent the whole afternoon and even the evening researching on how to make a good impression on a first date.

The next morning, Nathan slept in, which was pretty unusual for him. His whole frame felt weird, when he crawled out of bed. It wasn't too late, either - he had a comfortable 3 hours until the date. When he passed the bathroom mirror on his morning routine, however, he stopped for a moment. Something was... off about his face. His hair. It looked kind of... different?

Nathan stared at his reflection for a few seconds, straining his mind. Somehow, the shape of his jawbone seemed unfamiliar. And was his hair always that dark, almost black?

Finally, he shook his head. No, he was just seeing things. Of course, that was as it always had been. After having finished his bathroom business, Nathan went for a shower and prepared himself.

An hour later, he stood in front of the mirror, trying out a bunch of outfits and felt slight panic rising inside of him. None of his clothes fit very well, it was like he was cursed! It wasn't that his shirts and pants were much too big or much too small, but for some reason none of his clothes really felt comfortable. Both his favorite shirt and his usual jeans felt somewhat constricting today. Finally, Nathan just put on an outfit, and left his room.

When he entered the cafe, Oliver was already sitting there, two coffee mugs in front of him. He smiled, waved and gestured for Nathan to join him.

"Hello, Nathan!"

"H-hi." said Nathan, his nervousness returning.

"Here, I bought you a coffee!" Oliver pushed one of the mugs over the table.

"Thanks." Nathan was somewhat distracted by the ill-fitting clothes, and he could pretty much feel the nervous sweat practically pouring out of his pores.

"No problem!", said Oliver. "I was early, anyway. How are you doing today?"

"Fine." said Nathan and took a sip of his coffee, trying to hide his nervousness. He vividly remembered all the good advice he had read yesterday, but all that felt just impossible to him.

"So, you're an artist? What do you do?" Oliver asked with genuine interest.

"Well, I study art, I guess. I want to be a concept artist, you know, for games or movies or so. But, eh, right now, I'm just a student, and I'm not really that good."

"That's not how I remember it!" smiled Oliver. "Can you show me more of your work?"

Nathan nodded as he got out his sketchbook. Talking about his art was something he was comfortable with and allowed him to warm up somewhat over the course of the conversation. Oliver appeared to be quite a nice guy and had a lot of questions about drawing, so, Nathan, in turn, started to relax and talk more freely. He found out that Oliver was a veterinary technician and had a part time job at a dog shelter. That, combined with the fact that he was, in general, a really nice and positive guy, made him incredibly appealing to Nathan.

After the two had talked for a while, Oliver suddenly remarked: "You know, I really like your stubble! It really suits you!"

Stubble? What was he talking about? Nathan rarely needed to shave, but he had done so this morning, so, it was absolutely impossible that he should have visible facial hair. And yet, as he felt his chin, his fingers met with bristly short hair, so dense and long that there was no way he could have missed it this morning. Nathan found it strange, to say the least, but didn't want to make a scene in this situation. His spark of courage was a small candle flame now, as he just smiled while he felt his chin and said "Thank you!"

The two continued to chat a bit. While doing so, Nathan tried not to think too much about the fact that his clothes were, somehow, tighter than before.

Finally, Oliver's phone buzzed, and he looked at the screen.

"Damn, it's that late already?"

"What is it?", asked Nathan.

"Oh, the dog shelter. I have a shift soon, I need to go!"

Nathan sighed inwardly. He was really enjoying the date and didn't want it to end. He was pulled out of his thoughts by the feeling of Olivers hand on his. It felt... good. Good and strange, like the texture of his own hand was somewhat wrong, somewhat rougher than before. When he looked up into Oliver's eyes, he found the other man smiling.

"I really enjoyed this. You are a wonderful person, Nathan. We should do this again."

Nathan nodded. He didn't trust his voice right now.

"How about... tomorrow?", Oliver continued. "There's an art exhibition in town, perhaps you would like to go there with me?"

Nathan's heart jumped a beat. He didn't have time or courage yet to go to the exhibition and the prospect of seeing Oliver again so soon was wonderful.

"I would very much like that", Nathan replied and smiled.

"Great! Let's meet there, say at 5?"

"Sure!"

Oliver smiled his beautiful, broad smile, and stood up, leaving some money for the coffees on the table. Nathan too got up, but before he could leave, Oliver stopped him with a warm expression in his eyes. "You know, I really think I like you a lot." He said, and his hand touched Nathan's somewhat bristly cheek. Almost automatically, both of their faces drew closer to each other, until their lips met with the slightest touch. It was a chaste, short kiss, but Nathan could feel Oliver's lips smile when they broke apart.

"See you tomorrow!", said Oliver and left the cafe.

Nathan's knees felt weak, and his heart was beating rapidly. There were a thousand feeling, all happening inside him at once and Nathan needed a moment to sort through them before he was able to move again. There was a part of him that couldn't quite believe what just happened, but the biggest part was just euphoric. He basically jogged back to his home, full of a never experienced energy.

When he arrived in his room, his body was feeling even weirder than before. All of his clothes were way too tight. It was not just that he felt constricted, no, the clothes actually were much too small. He quickly got rid of them, noticing that, again, he had sweated like a pig. As Nathan glanced down on himself, he could almost see that his body was somehow different. Fitter, healthier. It was probably just his imagination, though, caused by his ecstatic mood. He briefly considered taking another shower but postponed it to tomorrow. There would be plenty of time and Nathan felt really glad and tired for today.

Nathan woke up from two different feelings the next morning. First, he felt itchy and sweaty all over his body and was subconsciously scratching himself in his sleep. Second, and perhaps even more importantly, Nathan was experiencing a severe case of morning wood. His manhood was rigid and pulsating under his sheets and was begging for attention. Nathan had a hard time remembering when he last experienced such an urgent urge to jerk off. He wasn't sure, but the memories of their kissing yesterday came to his mind as soon as he woke up, so, he couldn't resist closing his hand around his hard cock and started pumping. His hand felt rough and big, and Nathan couldn't be sure, but both length and girth of his tool seemed increased, too. However, Nathan could hardly concentrate on that due to the waves of pleasure washing over him.

It didn't take very long for Nathan to shoot a big load onto his stomach, with a moan. It was a big and sticky load, too, mixing with the little dark hairs on his stomach and chest. Nathan blinked in post-nut clarity. Hairs? He didn't have body hair.

Nathan got up quickly and went to the bathroom. Something about his perspective was off, too. It was like the ceiling was closer than it was supposed to be, and the ground further away. Once Nathan had used some toilet paper to wipe away most of the cum, he took a look at himself in the mirror. There was no denying that he looked different. He was definitely somewhat taller and broader than before. He didn't have a scale, but he was sure that he had gained quite some weight as well - not only due to the increased height and broader shoulders but also because his previous stickman-like appearance had been altered quite somewhat. All over his frame, a lean definition was visible, hinting at muscles even. His chin was covered in visible stubble and there was a bit of body hair visible, mainly on his chest and stomach as well as peeking out under his armpit.

Speaking of which, as Nathan raised his arm to look at his pits, a certain smell reached his nose. A musky, manly, slightly sweaty odor that wasn't quite unpleasant but was certainly unfamiliar.

Nathan had a hard time wrapping his mind around what he was seeing. There was no denying he looked *good*. He just didn't look exactly like *himself*. And for some reason, this didn't bother Nathan quite as much as it probably should. He should be panicking or calling a doctor. People didn't just grow taller overnight or put on definition without working out. And yet, Nathan only felt a slight bit of curiosity and a weak impulse that he probably *should* work out then.

Nathan shook his head and went back to his bedroom. He didn't bother putting on clothing and tried to pass the time until afternoon. The only thing that he *really* regretted about his sudden changes was that his favorite shirt and jeans would definitely not fit anymore.

He ended up watching a bit of TV and browsing the internet, before he decided it was time to prepare himself. Finding clothes that would fit now proved to be quite a challenge, but in the end, he settled on a plain t-shirt and some cargo pants. He had bought both of them a number too big by mistake, which came in quite handy now.

Walking through the city was a strange experience. He felt good about himself and held his head high. Combined with the fact that Nathan's head was, indeed, higher than before, it was like seeing the city in a whole new perspective. Less looking at the ground and more looking straight ahead.

His new posture seemed to have another effect, too. Where before he had to avoid people, trying not to get in their way, now they seemed to be stepping aside for him, which was a foreign but not unpleasant experience.

Finally, he arrived at the exhibition and found Oliver already waiting for him. They greeted with a hug and a short kiss, both fully reciprocated by Nathan, and went inside. Although Oliver seemed to notice something was off about Nathan, he didn't mention it and apparently forgot about it quickly.

Today, Nathan found it much easier to talk to Oliver and brought up topics by himself.

The exhibition however was kind of a let-down for Nathan. Although he could judge on a rational level that the art presented here was really well-done and interesting, on a purely emotional level, Nathan found it mind-numbingly boring. The conversation steered away from the art quickly, and more towards personal matters, which was a relief. So, even though they didn't care much about the paintings around them, the two of them ended up wandering around the exhibition for hours, talking and having a good time.

During the date, however, Nathan was quickly experiencing an unfamiliar feeling. The company of Oliver was... exciting. Exciting on a sexual, primal level. Nathan's larger manhood grew semi-hard in his underwear quickly, so Nathan had to readjust himself more than once. At first, he was very self-conscious about it and tried to be as subtle as possible. However, with every push his cock needed in order not to be too obvious, Nathan actually cared less about who saw him readjust himself. He was a guy after all, and all big-dicked men had that particular problem from time to time.

Besides forming a bulge in his groin, however, his constantly semi-hard cock did one more thing: Nathan was leaking precum in his underwear. First, it was just a drop or two on an involuntary throb, but it quickly became more. His underwear was feeling damp before long, and a faint note of sexuality mixed into his still present smell.

After a while, Oliver even commented on it, in his usual upbeat way: "Hey, Nathan, I have to say, you smell pretty good. Are you using cologne?"

Nathan hadn't noticed his own smell too much. His first impulse was to apologize, but the burning campfire of courage inside of him quickly told him otherwise. Oliver didn't complain. In fact, he liked it.

So, Nathan answered with a grin: "Nope. That's just how I smell."

Oliver took another whiff of the mixture of sweat, dried cum and precum and smiled. "Well, I like it!"

Nathan wasn't quite sure how to react, and just said: "Thanks!"

The exhibition was closing down soon, and Nathan offered Oliver to accompany him to the train station, which he gladly accepted. When they parted, they kissed again. This time, it wasn't a small, timid kiss like before, but a long, sexual one that made Nathan's dick twitch like mad in the confines of his pants. Since their bodies were pressed closely together, Nathan could be sure that Oliver felt the movement against his own groin.

Only after they broke the kiss, Nathan noticed that he was now looking down on Oliver slightly. He could have sworn that Oliver had been slightly taller than him yesterday.

There was no telling on how the evening would have continued hadn't it been for Oliver's train to arrive just then. Before Oliver could board the train, however, Nathan grinned at him and said: "Dinner tomorrow? The Italian place downtown, at 6?"

"I would love that!"

They kissed again and Nathan watched as the train pulled out. Then, he went back to his dorm, whistling a happy tune. It didn't even occur to him that he had taken the initiative in asking Oliver out for a third date. The fire of confidence was burning bright inside of him.

When he came home, Nathan immediately stripped out of his clothes. Even the larger shirt had become somewhat tight. He took a short look at it. There was a wet patch under both arms from his constant sweating, and the t-shirt had adapted his smell. There was something else in the smell, though. At the chest region, there was a medium sized stain, machine oil from the smell of it. Nathan wondered briefly how he could have missed it this morning but then diverted his attention to more pressing matters. His cock was fully hard and was poking out from the waistband of his briefs. Nathan hadn't had an erection like that since puberty and, if he was honest with himself, the feeling was rather nice. Without hesitation, he closed his hand around his hard meat and gave it a few experimental pumps. A low growl escaped his mouth, and a shiver went through his body. He didn't want to go slow, he wanted to fuck. His mind was focused on the task at hand. He didn't even bother to close his curtains, as he went for it. Nathan was jacking himself off, fast and hard, growling and groaning, until he finally exploded all over his chest and face, shooting multiple loads of thick white cum everywhere.

As Nathan was catching his breath, the smell of cum was heavy in the room. God, he needed that. Ever since he met Oliver today. He wiped his face and chest with his discarded t-shirt and briefly considered if he wanted to take a shower. The smell emanating from him was rather strong now, but still, he didn't want to. Oliver seemed to like his body odor, and, if Nathan was being honest, he did so himself, too.

Nathan was woken by his alarm the next morning. As his mind came to focus, his hand reached for the smartphone automatically and dismissed the alarm. He yawned and stretched. He was really looking forward to today. Given, it was the last day before classes started again, but he was going to a third date with Oliver this evening!

When Nathan crawled out of bed and went for his bathroom, however, his body felt weird again. The muscles had become more defined over the course of the last two days and now, the whole body structure felt *strong*. The few hairs from before had become a small forest of body hair and the stubble had grown thicker. He still didn't feel the need for a shave, though.

Nathan wasn't quite sure about the whole situation. Of course, he was enjoying the change. On the other hand, ... No, fuck the other hand. This was great, plain and simple. He finished his morning business standing up while peeing, which he usually never did. But right now, it just felt *right*.

After that, he inspected his wardrobe. He had half-feared that he would need to go and buy new clothes, but apparently, overnight his wardrobe had changed as well. It was filled with sturdy cargos or work pants as well as simple shirts and the occasional overall. Good!

His underwear choice had also changed. Instead of briefs or boxers, the drawer was now filled with jockstraps. That made sense, of course - only a jockstrap would set his large dick in the right scene.

None of the clothes qualified as "clean". Sure, they had been washed before they went into the wardrobe, but permanent grease or oil stains had permeated the fabric just as Nathan's manly stink - both marks no washing machine could ever erase entirely.

Nathan grabbed one of the pants and smelled it. He couldn't help but smile. This was his smell. This was *his* smell. His manly, sweaty, dirty, horny smell. He even felt his ever-present dick twitch a bit at the smell. Nathan wasn't sure if he would ever get used to this new reality. Or if this even was the final reality.

The hours passed quickly. Nathan was keeping himself busy, playing games or listened to music. Not once did it occur to him to draw something or even look at his art. This new him wasn't particularly creative, it seemed.

Nathan's mind wandered back to the date this evening. He couldn't wait to see Oliver again. In fact, he couldn't wait for more than that. It was a third date and Nathan wanted to go all the way with Oliver. He wanted to take his ass and fuck it into oblivion.

At around 5 pm, Nathan stood in front of the Italian place, waiting for Oliver. When Oliver finally arrived, the two men greeted each other with a passionate kiss. Nathan could tell that the kiss was having an effect on Oliver, as his breathing was quicker than usual.

They went inside and sat down on a table. Almost automatically, Nathan's legs spread wide, taking up space, establishing presence and, most importantly, giving his equipment the necessary space. The *old* Nathan would have sat with his legs closed or even crossed, in order to not draw any attention to himself. However, the new Nathan didn't want to draw *less* attention.

The two chatted a bit, with the main topic of the conversation being the menu, before ordering. When he spoke, Nathan noted that his voice had dropped an octave, making his voice gravely and his laugh a low rumble. When Oliver had chosen, Nathan summoned the waiter and ordered for the both of them, his lower voice full of confidence. For Nathan, it was a large meat pizza and a beer.

"You know, I have never seen you drink before", remarked Oliver.

"I don't usually", replied Nathan. "But I thought I'd have a beer today."

"You're not driving, are you?"

"Na, I'm here on foot."

Oliver smiled his usual smile. "I'm here by car, so if you like, I can give you a ride home afterwards."

There seemed to be some subtext to this offer, but it went over Nathan's head. Not that it was necessary, because he had the exact same plans, anyway.

"Sounds great!"

A couple of minutes later, their pizzas arrived, and the two dug in.

"I really like your style, Nathan." said Oliver after a while.

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know, the way you dress. The way you talk. The way you act."

"Oh. Thanks."

Nathan thought for a moment before he added: "You know, I go by Nate these days."

"Nate, eh?", smiled Oliver.

"Yeah. Fits better, you know."

"I guess so. I like it a lot!"

"I like your style, too."

"What do you mean by that?", Oliver laughed.

"Just, the way you talk, the way you walk. Everything. You're cute, you know."

"Why, thank you!"

The conversation was definitely a lot more flirtatious than yesterday. When they had finished their meals, they didn't linger much longer in the restaurant but got into Oliver's car.

Nate proceeded to give Oliver directions to his home. However, at a certain crossing, he had to stop and think for a moment. He knew for a fact that his dorm was to the left. But he also knew for a fact that his *home* was to the right. Nate decided not to overthink it and directed Oliver to the right with a firm voice.

They didn't get very far from that point, when suddenly, the car stopped with a jerk.

"Damn, sorry!" said Oliver. "The engine is acting up again. It's probably too cold or something like that. I'll just try to start it up again."

When after the third try, the engine didn't start again, Nate laid a hand on Oliver's. "Let me try." he said with a confident voice and left the car. When he opened the hood, the problem became clear to him right away.

"The carburetor is a bit clogged, I'll unclog it real quick and we're ready to go."

While Oliver was staring at Nate in surprise, as the latter quickly and with trained skill removed a few parts and then, with a flex of his mighty arms, applied percussive maintenance to the part in question. After Nate had reassembled the engine, he cleaned his hands on his pants and got into the car again, filling out the passenger seat with his presence.

"It should work again for now, but I'll have to clean it thoroughly tomorrow. The thing is just old and worn down, it needs replacing soon. Just try starting the engine."

Oliver was still staring at Nate with a disbelieving look on his face. Finally, however, he tried starting the engine again, and the car did indeed start running smoothly.

"Wow, Nate, that was amazing! Where did you learn that?"

"What do you mean", grinned Nate. "That's what I do!"

Oliver stared at him for a moment. "Wait, you're a mechanic?"

"Yeah, sure, didn't I tell you when we met?"

Oliver seemed to think about it but then slowly nodded: "Yes, I... think so. Weird. I could have sworn..."

Nate shrugged and pointed down the road: "Shall we go?"

They arrived at Nate's place shortly after. He had a cheap apartment directly over the car garage where he worked. Nate did try to clean up a bit the afternoon, but the place still screamed "Manly bachelor" all over the place with the occasional beer can or jockstrap scattered around.

Neither of them had time to care, though. As soon as the door closed, the two kissed. It wasn't just a chaste, romantic kiss. This was a heated, passionate kiss, full of desire and lust. Nate took Oliver's body and pushed him against the wall, grinding their bodies together. Both were hard and their breathing was rapid. Nate's hands wandered up and down Oliver's body, squeezing and grabbing his body. His fingers were strong and forceful, and he squeezed the smaller man's buttocks and his dick with the same intensity. Oliver responded by moaning and pushing his groin against Nate's, humping him.

Suddenly, Nate broke the kiss. "Oliver, I... I want you. I want to fuck you."

Oliver didn't answer, but kissed Nate again, harder this time. Nate's tongue invaded his mouth, and the bigger man's hands were ripping Oliver's shirt and pants off him. Once Oliver's dick was free, it was enveloped by Nate's big calloused hand, and Oliver's breath hitched in his throat.

"Oh god, Nate, yes!" he moaned.

Nate had enough of foreplay, and he wanted to fuck, now. Without wasting any time, he quickly pushed his pants down and pressed his dick against Oliver's. It was massive, even compared to Oliver's not insignificant size. While Nate's balls were big and heavy, his cock was thick, long, and veiny, with a fat mushroom head. It was also rock hard, and the head was already drooling precum.

With one hand, Nate stroked the two cocks together, rubbing them and smearing the precum all over his dick and Oliver's. With the other hand, he pulled Oliver close and kissed him again, a long, sensual, passionate kiss, which made Oliver moan into his mouth.

The two stood like that for a while, but finally, Nate's need to fuck was stronger than anything else.

"Bedroom. Now!" he growled and dragged the smaller man with him. Once there, Nate simply tossed him onto the bed and followed quickly, his cock pointing up. He positioned himself on top of the other man and kissed him again, their tongues dancing in their mouths.

When the kiss broke, Oliver was panting.

"You really are a big boy, huh?"

"Damn right I am."

"Oh god, I need your big dick inside of me!"

"Yeah? You want me to fuck you?"

"Please! I've wanted to feel your huge meat in me for days."

"Fuck yeah. You're gonna get it."

Nate reached under his bed and produced a bottle of lube, which he applied liberally to his dick.

"You're ready?"

"Do it, big guy."

Nate placed the head of his massive cock against the tight pucker and started to push. Slowly but steadily, his dick invaded Oliver's ass.

"Oooooooooh god, Nate, yesssssss!" moaned Oliver.

The pressure around Nate's dick was unbelievable. Oliver was clearly tight, and the way his asshole was massaging his dick felt heavenly.

Finally, Nate's dick was balls-deep inside Oliver. Both were breathing heavily, and Oliver was moaning incoherently. Nate gave him a moment to adjust and then started moving his hips, first slowly, but increasing his pace quickly. Soon, he was slamming into Oliver's ass as hard as he could, pulling almost completely out and then thrusting back inside the smaller man.

"Fuck yeah! You like that? You like my huge dick pounding your tight little ass?"

"God, yes, Nate, fuck me, fuck meeee!"

Nate was groaning and growling, a sound that came deep from his chest and made Oliver moan even louder.

"Oh shit, Nate, I'm so close! Don't stop, please don't stop, don't st- ooooooooh gooooooood!"

Nate felt Oliver's muscles clamp down on his dick, and that sent him over the edge. He buried his dick as deep as he could and shot a big load of cum deep into Oliver's guts.

The two of them collapsed on each other, spent but happy.

A lot had changed for Nathan in this new year. He had gotten a new body, a new job, a new identity even. But most importantly, he had found love. Nate the manly mechanic sighed. If he were to describe his feelings, looking into the future, there was only one fitting word: Confidence.

I actually generated a ton (okay, 50) of images for this story. If you want to check out the alternate versions of the different stages of Nathan/Nate, check out my tip jar, where I posted them!

[vroomvroommuppett]

george x carmen x pediatric dentist!reader

taglist

kofi

still taking requests!

likes, reblogs and comments are appreciated!

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ynrussellmmundt

liked by carmenmmundt, georgerussell63, and others

ynrussellmmundt missing my lovers right now.

tagged: carmenmmundt, georgerussell63

carmenmmundt Miss you so much baby.

georgerussell63 Wish you could be here.

user1 i love the difference between the pictures

lewishamilton Come see us soon!

ynrussellmmundt promise me, if i could i would.

mercedesamgf1 our parents

ynrussellmmundt love you admin🫶🏼

user2 why isn't she there?

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monacopediatrics

liked by ynrussellmmundt, georgerussell63, and others

monacopediatrics ce mois-ci est le mois national des soins dentaires pour enfants, et nous commençons les célébrations en célébrant notre propre dentiste, le dr. russell montero mundt!

•••••••••

this month is national children's dental month, and we're kicking off the celebrations with celebrating our own dentist, dr. russell montero mundt!

tagged: ynrussellmmundt

user1 SHES A DENTIST?!

ynrussellmmundt thank you so much!

georgerussell63 That's my wife!

carmenmmundt Look at my wife everyone!

mercedesamgf1 Our favorite dentist.

user2 this explains so much why she doesn't come to races as much

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ynrussellmmundt just posted a story

[husband's home race time]

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ynrussellmmundt

liked by mercedesamgf1, georgerussell63, and others

ynrussellmmundt finally reunited with my lovers at husband's home race. je vous aime🤍🖤

tagged: carmenmmundt, georgerussell63, mercedesamgf1

georgerussell63 Way too long.

carmenmmundt Love you, baby.

mercedesamgf1 our parents reunited

user4 i want this kind of love

francisca.cgomez we need to have a girls night now!

ynrussellmmundt YES carmenmmundt Yes please! alexandrasaintlmeux ooh yes! lilymhe I'm down!

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tag list @stupid---person @boiohboii @novelswithariana @nichmeddar @magical-spit @lady-laura-speaks @exotic-iris13 @raizelchrysanderoctavius @d3kstar

[velvetvexations]

Venting but like. I know it's influenced by which circles I follow and such (I'm on this site, for example) but it feels like people just seem to associate gender varience with lesbianism. Like I see so little content of people who center femme gay men, or masculine women who aren't lesbians, etc. People constantly make jokes about like "sees what looks like two gay men but is actually two butches which is ontologically better" but never never anything like what if these two femme looking individuals were gay men. That and like the lack of community and language for feminine men just makes it harder for me to feel like I fit in where the options seem like cis gay overall gender conforming men on one side, people attracted to women of diverse genders and presentations and experiences on the other. People talk about events where they've felt seen as their gender and found other people with queer gender experiences and it's like yeah it was at the Dyke bar or something and I love that for them but where do I go someone who's gender is femme but also man and attracted to men cause the gay male community feels so distant and very cis and conforming, I don't feel a sense of belonging there but the alternative feels desperate to tie me back into womanhood or attraction to women. Butches and dyke's are fantastic but I wish I could find more queer rep of gender exploration that isn't tied to lesbians, personally. And I know it's largely because of the history of these groups and all that and the ways that lesbianism is treated and policed (how there's always arguments against bi lesbians but not bi gay men, trans man lesbians but people just flat out ignore trans women gay men(see the language deficit) etc. There's no equivalent to the butch community for gay men as far as I know, not to the same extent. There's not even commonly used terminology similar to butch or lesbian that gets across that kind of meaning without explicitly tieing in a binary gender(people try with things like Achillean, but that doesn't have the same recognition and often gets mocked instead)(easier to say "the term lesbian includes nonbinary people" than it is to say "the term gay man includes nonbinary people") so I've had to say gay men community even if I'm not entirely a man because there's no words for me) but I feel like I don't even know where to look to find people like me a lot of the time.

This is all just a very personal rant and probably not entirely indicative of wider reality but it helps me to express it to someone else, so I greatly appreciate you having your ask box open to listen <3

It's not things I have a good handle on, but I've heard very similar from others. You're not alone, anon!

[killcodesashes]

[QUICK RANT ABOUT QUEER REPRESENTATION IN TSAMS/TSBS SHOWS]

[As a genderfluid aroace person myself.]

TSAMS

Uh. I don't like it. Aroace Moon? Cool. Absolutely valid, we love him for that. Wasn't adressed much except in a few episodes which are pretty good, I liked the one where he rejects Foxy a lot!

But recently- g e e z. I understand wanting to bait people in with ships people want! Specifically KidsCove. Same in tmgafs! But the problem is that they do it not just to tease/mess around with the viewers in good fun, they genuinely seem to hate the shippers and actually want to make fun of them? Not just with kidscove but with any other ship that isn't canon. They don't even want to confirm Sun's sexuality, just constantly making it a gag that he has a bisexual flag in his room. Which as a queer person? It's just annoying. Just really annoying ? Please all we want is a confirmation or something? We want queer characters we can actually relate to. And we don't really get that :( Then New Moon came along and said it was possible he wasn't aroace. . . And then they never mentioned it again. So why mention it in the first place ? I don't think I would've minded it if he had just changed how much attraction he felt but was STILL aroace/on the aroace spectrum. As long as it was actually clarified. But they seemed eager to rush to his evil era so they didn't bother to close to any lose ends before hand, though I guess being aroace might've just not been as relevant.

On a bit of a side note- Ruin feels very gay coded. Very gay. There is no way he's straight T.T he's a villain but he's a zesty man and we absolutely adore him for that!!

That was probably an accident, though. Every theatre kid seems gay! /lhj

Just overall upsets me that the VAs seem to act offended by the mere idea of shipping characters? As if that's not a common/vital part of every fandom.

[OTHER SHOWS UNDER THE CUT]

TMGAFS

Upsets me that they can't clarify Puppets identity or pronouns? [Or maybe they have recently but I genuinely doubt it]

Because who are they meant to actually represent ?? It's probably just me but I wish it was more clear or something. I appreciate the VA for trying I do though, absolutely love that guy[Foxy’s VA, genuinely seems to just be a chill guy. And I think it's really cool that he actually does roles that could come off very cringe, voicing most of the cringe dimension characters +struggling with Puppets voice for the longest time.] I just wanna know if Puppet is a trans fem queen or trans masc slay or just trans ? But nothing seems to be clarified.

Again with KidsCove? Genuinely just annoying how they blatantly just do it to make fun of the people who ship them and get views from them.

Foxy seemed to have been gay before his memory loss. Or was at the very least interested in men to an extent. But since he began to be the main character of a show he suddenly only likes women?? S u s. They really keep insisting he's extremely straight and genuinely just annoys me that they erased him being interested in men [Proved he liked men in the episode he asked Moon out.]

. . .now. . . M o n t y. As a genderfluid person? I hate them and literally feel more represented and seen by cis characters from other shows. For the longest time Monty being genderfluid wasn't even adressed and was usually just brought up for plot reasons or something? And it pissed me of that every time they correct a character on Monty's pronouns.. they immediately go back to using he/him pronouns. I think the new fem body is pretty neat! Though I think it would've been more interesting for Monty to stay masc but ACTUALLY get their right pronouns used and their identity getting genuinely respected DESPITE of their appearance. But the body? It's genuinely completely fine! /gen I used to hate my body too and understand that the writers might've thought it might be easier for people if they just used a different body completely! But it annoys me that my gender representation comes in the form of M o n t y. The annoying character known for constantly hating on others and partially destroying their lives. Anyone can be genderfluid, yes. But when the representation is so little? I just wish it was at least a bit better or with a less hateable character.

TLAES

Lunar! Uh. Again can we just get clarification on his sexuality? Is he polyamorous? Bisexual? Omnisexual? Just any clarification please?

Gemini! I wish they were canon nonbinary. They're literally stars. Why did they have to be gendereddd. Also curious about their 'sexuality'? Will also likely never get clarification on it :/

OTHER SHOWS/SIDE NOTES

Roxanne is canon lesbian and so is Glamrock Chica! I'm so sorry but I forgot his name T~T I think it was Tiger Rock[??] Is also canonically gay! Glam Chica has a girlfriend! And I do think their relationship is pretty cute [from what I've seen] and overall wish I would finally get to watching the show a bit more! Funtime Foxy feels very queer to me? Not just because his design is pink but his overall characterization! He does have a girlfriend! But he seems to be comfortable in his own identity and presentation from what I've seen? At least, it seems to be more comfortable than some o t h e r characters. I feel more represented by Funtime Foxy and Lolbit than I ever felt represented by Monty. But that is a personal opinion!

I overall have just lost interest in all of the shows. I'm tired of being constantly disappointed and lead on. But I do wish I could watch more of the other shows since they seem to show more love and care towards their characters :)

CLOSING THOUGHTS!

It's just shows. Does any of this really matter? I think it matters when the shows are claiming to have good representation when they really don't. And they're allowing people who aren't queer/a part of the LGBTQIA+ community to feel like they have the right to shut real queer people down. I've seen so much acephobia and overall homophobia even in this community. A l o t in this community. I wish the writers would listen to ACTUAL QUEER PEOPLE!! I wish the VIEWERS listened to ACTUAL QUEER PEOPLE.

That's what I really want. I just want to be heard and represented.

I don't claim this community. I CAN'T claim a community who is constantly against us.

LISTEN TO QUEER VOICES.

[kimyoonmiauthor]

NB posting about cultural differences between gender, more personal

When I came to the US as a kid barely speaking English well, (about 5 years old, adopted), one thing that bugged me endlessly was gender. US standards of gender are WEIRD man.

I struggled unbelievably hard with the "new gender standards" which kept telling me to wear certain colors or you don't fit in, that you can't pick up bugs unless you're a BOY. That you can't WEAR certain things unless you're a GIRL. That you can't be or DO certain things.

'cause to me, I didn't have any of those disciplining factors when I was in Korea (of the time). I was allowed to go out and explore and be a fucking kid. But to face such rigidity and not be able to CHOOSE bothered the hell out of me.

And then in my ear I had my Mom who was hardcore Second wave whispering into my ear other gender ideals. And Fuck it, like why did it matter sooo much when often it contradicted so deeply?

So I'm supposed to like FLOWERS but hate bugs? I can't like camping, but I'm supposed to appreciate a butterfly. I'm saying this as someone who grew up in the US, but your gender ideals are fucked. I still don't get them. Your columns make no sense.

Girls are supposed to like ponies? WTF I thought you said girls are supposed to hate camping. And horses were for men? Ponies are for girls?

I suppose being an outsider I saw how fucked up your categories are while people tried to press into me their fucked up ideas of gender and maybe this is why I'm more NB. I never could perform the US's idea of a woman well, and I never liked the definition of man either.

This isn't to say I hate people who perform these things, but really, for me, I could never do them to the US perfection. I also feel a tiny bit isolated since apparently I'm supposed to perform NB in a certain white commercial standard too (White queers in dating apps What the hell is with that?). Fuck that too. Just because I'm AFAB, I'm not going to perform more European masculinity for you white queers to be recognized as NB. I rather fuck around with the Asian presentation of gender which allows for a lot more flex anyway.

In my WIP I am totally trying my best to fuck with gender at its core so you get the outsider feel I had when I first arrived with one of the cultures I set up. I really, really want to emphasize a few things with this:

This will not change your "real world gender" but it will try to challenge the idea of a fixed gender presentation across all cultures. Something that my sibling also struggled with going back to Korea and other people have reported to me.

That if I fuck with gender, I have to fuck with sexual orientation, but this doesn't change your orientation. But I've know cultures where people had both change and they struggled with how to define it in US terms. I changed the masculine ideal. I messed with the whole patriarchy binary.

Yeah... my point is that queerness is not stable across the globe and I don't wish you the dysphoria and confusion I had coming to the US, but you might encounter it if you get out of your tiny bubble, probably especially if you are Cis. I thought it would be safer to do it in fiction, though.

[babehog]

can you explain how the "im so jealous of your eyebrows" is transmisogyny? /gen. Should i avoid complimenting anyone's thick eyebrows unless im sure they arent trans woman?? I have always loved thick/bushy eyebrows and as tboy im sad mine didn't get much better on T.

I'm by no means the most well-read or articulated person on here to answer this so I encourage any mutuals of mine to add on if they wish.

Anon I would like to first of all say, no you do not have to "avoid" complimenting eyebrows just because the recipient is a trans woman. There's obviously nuance to this. The post in question was using eyebrows as an example but I just as often personally hear these types of comments about my arms, my jaw, my body/facial hair.

So what was the point? It's that TME people, whether they are trans or cis, have a tendency to compliment and appreciate the masculine aspects of trans womens bodies. This isn't necessarily a conscious choice of course but it is a comment that can make a trans women feel othered from a perceived femininity.

I'd also like to give you a chance to reflect on your own preconcieved notions. In your ask you identify yourself as a tboy, and you mention you like "thick/bushy eyebrows" and you end your ask by expressing dissapointment that your eyebrows didn't "get better" on T.

Do you think this phrasing says anything about how you view thick/bushy eyebrows? For example: If you wanted thicker eyebrows because you think that would make you appear more masculine, could framing your compliments through that perspectiv potentially affect how the compliment is interpreted? There is of course nuance here. A trans woman that styles her eyebrows might appreciate having that skill be appreciated. Having aspects of your appearance that are not within your control be judged can be a very uncomfortable feeling and although I personally as a butch woman wouldn't mind having my eyebrows complimented I do recognize that there are a lot of trans women that do not appreciate that.

I hope you genuinely were asking this in good faith and that you read my response.

[jackedjacket]

Sometimes it feels like transfems get so wrapped up in what is going on to them personally that they forget what actual oppression is.

Reading Detransition Baby by Torrey Peters and theres a scene where the transfem main character goes to a boutique that caters to trans women for the first time, and while she's there a cis woman walks in, realizes this isn't a store for her, makes a polite lap around the store, and leaves. The trans women then has a complete meltdown about how the very presence of this woman completely destroyed the experience for her and made her feel unsafe (note: this woman said and did nothing outside of existing in the store for maybe three minutes)

I can understand how this experience can make someone feel put off but 1) a cis woman existing near you is not a threat 2) I would fucking kill to have what this woman is complaining about. I'm sorry you're in a STORE that CATERS TO YOUR TRANSNESS and is EMPLOYED BY TRANS WOMEN and you're mad that a cis person happens to come near it? There is nothing I would want more in this world than to have a store where I could actually try on binders and make sure it fit me instead of paying $80 for something that will permanently distort my ribs. I wish there were employees around that I could ask questions about STPs or packers. I wish there was somewhere I could get clothes made for my body, or has people who are like me shopping in it. And I wouldn't care if cis people were in it because, guess what? You can't tell someones gender just by looking at them and maybe this is the start of their journey. Maybe we can be less gatekeepy and appreciate the things we have and be open to sharing these things with the people in the world around us instead of getting mad at other people for existing?

[escapingrealtiylovinginsanity]

Rewind, Remix, & Replay 6x4

You can read the rest of the series here

This chapter took on a life of its own. But I like the way it led me. I hope you all do too. <3 On that note- nobody come for me.

Kim was slumped over the table peeling the label off the beer in front of her. Trudy watched her with concern. They had been going for a latte, but after sitting in a car and feeling the emotions roll off her, Trudy quickly decided they needed something stronger. They had ended up at a table at the back of Molly’s bar. “Did I just end my career in Intelligence?” Kim ran a hand down her face. “Voight was so furious. He threatened to bury me. And I don’t blame him. I can’t believe I did something stupid.”

Trudy caught Herrmann's gaze and gestured for another round. He nodded in acknowledgment as he eyed the younger cop who seemed to be in the midst of a downward spiral. “He will get over it- he knows you are a good cop. But even good cops make mistakes. Voight understands that he just needs time to cool off.”

“I knew the detective exam was coming up and Brennan was giving me all this praise. And I just… I just wanted my work life to be good. Something to be proud of. My personal life is…” Kim pressed her lips together trying to gather herself as she blinked back the tears that sprung to her eyes. “Well to be completely honest it’s been a complete shit show.”

Trudy watched as Kim ran a frustrated hand through her hair tugging at her locks and she felt her worry grow. “Nicole has been on a spiral since her rape. She was really struggling at the beginning but at least she was trying. She’s flatlined now- totally given up. Won’t leave her house. I helped as much as I can-I'm still trying to help… You know she won’t even answer my phone calls anymore? But Zoey? She calls me almost every day. She’s been staying with her dad more. She says that it’s been okay. I wish I believed her."

Herrmann sets down a Sour Cherry Gin in front of Trudy and a Long Island in front of Kim. Kim looked up at him, she hadn’t ordered another drink. Herrmann put a comforting hand on her shoulder. “Looked like the two of you could use something a little bit stronger. Rough day on the job?” Kim twirled her straw around her cup and then took a long pull. Herrmann took notice and immediately changed the subject to something safer. Something he was hoping would bring a smile to her face. “So, I heard you and Halstead are shacking up.”

It had the desired effect; Kim couldn’t help the smile pulling at her lips. It made Herrmann breathe easier knowing she had a strong man to help support her through whatever she was going through. “Yeah, been together for a while now.”

“I’m happy for you guys. Jay is a good man. He will treat you right- and if he doesn’t just let me know and I’ll take care of it for you, alright sweetheart.”

“Thanks, Herrman,” Kim gave him an appreciative smile. Herrmann might not have known about Kim’s lack of a father figure but when Molly’s opened and became the go-to place for the blue bloods he unconsciously started to fill that void. Not by overcompensating something she had lost but just through the consistency of being there, listening, and caring. Kim thought about the missed calls on her phone. Calling her dad was a mistake- she wasn’t ready to talk to him or deal with their issues yet. Especially not when life was like this.

The older man sighed wistfully, “It’s a shame about his old man. Losing a father that young.” He shakes his head, “Is he holding up, okay?” Kim pressed her lips together before she took another long pull of her drink to give her time to figure out how to answer. Jay was pushing through but he has not been as unaffected by his father’s death as he wanted people to believe. He went through phases of being distant and withdrawn to irritable and angry. Will issues with the FBI and his CI status had also contributed to Jay being on edge lately.

“He is working through it.” Kim offered vaguely not wanting to say something Jay wasn’t comfortable with.

“I’d say,” Trudy pulled a cherry of the stick that had come with her drink. “He laid Ruzek out today.” Kim sighed downing more of her drink as Herrmann whistled sharp and low. “Left him with quite a shiner.”

“I’ve seen Halstead fighting with a perp at a scene. He is not someone I would want to go toe to toe with. He has a mean swing.” Chris looked between Kim and Trudy, “Alright if you’re going to make me ask- I will. Halstead has good control over his temper-What did Ruzek do to deserve his wrath.” Kim shook her head rolling her eyes and taking another strong pull of her drink.

“Adam needs to learn not everyone wants to hear his commentary.” Kim had been trying to warn Adam to back off with his “jokes” for days. Jay's patience was already running thin because of his nearly consistent fighting with his brother. She was honestly surprised Jay had put up with them for as long as he did. Kim didn’t catch the comment he made but she could still hear the distinct thwack of Jay’s fist hitting Adam’s face.

“Ah,” Herrmann felt the pieces click into place. Kim had been engaged to Ruzek so there was history there. Add the fact that Adam tended to put his foot in his mouth and push on things he should let go of and Jay’s need to protect those he cared about- It painted a pretty clear picture of what had probably gone down there. Herrmann’s name was called and he nodded his head to them, “Well you ladies let me know if you need anything else.” He patted Kim on the arm before heading back to the bar.

They finished their drinks but didn’t linger at the bar for much longer. Kim had calmed from the alcohol but exhaustion was written on her face. Trudy knew the girl needed a good night's sleep, some time to process what had happened, and support. Kim didn’t notice that she had been driving her to Jay's apartment instead of hers until she was parking in front of the building. “Try to get some sleep. I’ll see you tomorrow, Burgess.”

Kim only hesitates for a moment before letting herself in the apartment. Her eyes find Jay on the couch. He has showered recently and has his sweatpants and a black T-shirt on. Kim thinks for a moment about talking to Jay about the ride along, Kendra being there and her lying about it to the board, her hiding that she knew Kendra had seen the shooter, and Voight's threats to bury her. The thought exhausted her even while his passionate words from months before about always having her back echoed in her head. How would Jay view her if he knew the truth?

He looks up his blue gaze catching hers. Jay shifts on the couch. Kim’s dark eyes were half-lidded with alcohol consumption. Kim had been upset since he took a swing at Ruzek. Jay had taken his stupid little comments in stride for the last two weeks but he had hit his limit and then some. Ruzek needed to learn when to shut up. Now Kim was pissed at him. He flexed his fingers. The knuckles of his right hand were bruised and slightly swollen. It caught Kim’s gaze as she headed for the kitchen. “I’m not going to apologize to Ruzek, he had coming it today. He has for a while. He needs to learn when to keep his opinions to himself and his mouth shut.”

“Okay,” Kim’s agreement was monotone as she stopped in front of him putting the ice pack she had grabbed from the fridge on his battered knuckles. All Kim wanted was the reprieve of his soft mattress and sleep. “I’m going to go to bed.”

“I shouldn’t have brought it into work.” It was as close to an apology as he was willing to give at the moment. Kim paused in the hallway turning to look back at her boyfriend. “Things should be settled now though.” Jay wanted to talk things out with her. But he felt a glimmer of insecurity in her being so upset about him. Did she still harbor some feelings for Ruzek?

“I’m glad you boys finally got it out of your system.”

[manstrans]

I didn't want to make the reblog chain too long lol. But there are things I genuinely have a hard time wrapping my head around when it comes to saying trans men don't have male privilege.

It's been my experience that people interact with gender on a visual basis. I was able to transition (1 point) in a liberal area (1 point), so folks can be aware of my trans status and still treat me like a man. The trans guy who looks like Kratos may get called a girl (transphobia) but cis dudes wouldn't do shit to him because he looks like the kind of guy other guys don't mess with.

If we insist trans men don't get male privilege because trans, then the only thing that would bar me from male privilege is being afab.

Personally it feels gross to define myself by my private parts, not to mention that's what terfs do (though I'm not trying to call anyone here terfs!). While I can possibly get pregnant (-1 point) I don't have the issues with transphobic gynecologists other trans men report (1 point). But most people aren't seeing me naked, so they aren't thinking of me that way. I have a residual fear of being sexually harassed, but it is unfounded. My female coworkers get sexually harassed; I don't (1 point).

The whole conversation kind of assumes that if I were to (for instance) interrupt a woman, it wouldn't be "a man interrupting a woman" because no one is actually seeing me as a man. Which, since I pass as male (1 point), simply isn't true.

In solidarity with anyone who faces the misogyny I no longer do, I'm not willing to say I don't have male privilege and an obligation to account for it. I am also proudly trans (-1 point), so it's not like I'm choosing one at the expense of the other.

Trans men who don't have the privilege of being seen as men are valid in talking about all the privileges they don't have. But if we're not counting trans men with 3 privilege points or more as part of the group, then I wish we'd just say so.

It's not that there's never any access to it, it's that it's extremely situational and uncommon imo. I could have phrased the question better originally, but some trans men being stealth/mistaken for cis men doesn't mean trans men as a whole inherently have that privilege. Stealth/passing also doesn't account for the fact that the trans man who looks like Kratos likely still needs to go to the gynecologist or just has different needs from a cis man. This isn't even getting into factors like race

I also don't know how to unravel the implications of trans men et al being privileged because some of us who pass are seen as cis men

I appreciate you sharing your experiences though! Ty!

[transfaguette]

my thing abt "pronoun circles" is that like. you dont have to out yourself in them? if you think its safer to say "she/her" instead of "he/him" then u can do that? u saying ur pronouns isnt supposed to be like. Im Transgender And You Can Tell Bc I Told You Pronouns Instead Of Having You Assume Them... like ideally cis ppl would be doing this too and ive been in environments where cis ppl DID introduce themselves w pronouns or wear pins. if the goal is normalization, if the goal is "genderqueerness should be accepted" then we have to like. Do Things to Normalize It.

(bc this website is like an active pvp zone i wanna clarify im not trying to criticize you or start an argument...! ive had lots of Talks w my trans friends and family abt this and like I Get It lol and i dont necessarily disagree. likewise it's just my opinion that 'pronouns circles' are supposed to make things safer For Me and it is not for stealth trans people at all to begin with... i feel like ppl blame nonbinary folks for a lot of things transphobic cis ppl do vis a vis gender neutral language and 'pronoun circles' and stuff like 'you shouldnt assume ppls pronouns' a lot. which isnt what ur doing but it is the reason why im Sharing my two cents. anyways i hope u have a good day bye bye)

maybe it's a bit of irrational anxiety but i just hate misgendering myself because i'm just..lying. I feel like when someone who looks like me (presumed afab and not a typical cis female) says she/her, people breathe a sigh of relief. Like oh great, we thought you might have been trans but good to know you're not. and they cling to that. because queerness makes them uncomfortable and they don't want to be uncomfortable. and then if I ever want to get close to someone I feel like I have to shatter that expectation. I don't know. It's also why, for Me and Me specifically, giving my correct pronouns is going to be a confirmation of my transgender identity. not just because "giving your pronouns is something trans people do," but because people know I am not a cis man.

It's all about the environment, too. a queer meet up where I Want to be open about my identity, that makes perfect sense. Training at a new job? That's incredibly unfair to me, a person who is not stealth nor out, and just wants to exist in the world as myself. I don't know these people, I don't want to have to divulge this or get into it. It takes my agency away.

It does bother me a lot that this isn't a perfect solution and not everybody likes it. I wish there was something better. I wish it was simpler for me. I just know what I wish cis people understood and could be more careful about how they approach scenarios like this. I appreciate your kind approach though and I really, really wish this was an easier dilemma to solve.

[11natrium]

I suppose that I might share some feeling regarding my own masculinity I've been having about myself to the world, perhaps some will find them relatable.

tl;dr - I'm AMAB, and while I struggled with accepting my masculinity, trans men made me feel at peace and safe with it, and I cannot thank them enough.

Now for the longer version:

For quite a while now (a few years, in fact), I have been struggling with my masculinity, as an AMAB person. I grew to feel super uncomfortable with the implications that came from being a "man", at least as it can be stereotypically understood. I know very well that masculinity has positive aspects, like strength or reliability, but being called a "man" made me also feel like someone automatically perceived as aggressive, or dangerous, or a sex pest, or a creep. As far as I'm aware, I am none of that - but I can't help that being "a man" makes me feel like someone who poses some sort of danger, or is a threat to those around them. It no doubt comes from experiencing toxic masculinity - more so from my peers and general society, as I'm thankfully privileged to have a normal family, where everyone is, well, normal and supportive and non-abusive. Still, that toxic masculinity, or hearing about certain men being just, fucking losers, made me want to detach myself from being called a "man".

This is partially why I embraced the identity of a demiboy. Someone mostly masculine, but still someone who does not want to call themselves a man. To be clear - there is more to my identity than just discomfort with stereotypical masculinity. I have interest in outfits and activities perceived as feminine, there are subtleties to how I like to picture myself in art, using a feminine name (Marcy) towards myself, using gender neutral pronouns (they/them) etc. - it goes deeper than just what I outlined above. That's a story for another day, though, what matters for this post is that I felt that unease with my own masculinity.

I guess this is where trans men come in. Briefly - over time, as I interacted with trans men and transmasc folks in general, I started to feel a weird sort of appreciation, maybe even jealousy for them, like I wished I was more like them myself. Eventually, I started to realise that their comfort and the gender euphoria they feel from being masculine made me feel more at peace and secure with my own masculinity. Seeing as one can feel genuine joy from being a man, from the masculinity they themselves worked to achieve, and from the positive aspects of that masculinity, while also rejecting the toxic parts of it... It just, makes me feel SO much better with myself as well.

Perhaps it sounds silly or obvious? But that realisation that I do NOT have to embrace all the baggage that comes with masculinity, and I can instead pick and choose parts of it, shaping my own version of being a man that makes me feel comfortable is something that made me feel massively better with myself. Being a silly guy gives me genuine gender euphoria - so I just embrace that "silly guy" part of masculinity, and give up on the toxic parts of it, like aggressive dominance, or hierarchical view of the world.

Going onwards, I don't think I'll be changing my pronouns from they/them, or drop the demiboy description of my identity. As I said - there is more to my identity that just discomfort for being called a man. But at least, I can be at peace with my own masculinity.

I genuinely have every single trans man and transmasculine person to thank for it. You made my life better, and I could never show properly just how deep my appreciation for you all goes.

While it doesn't really apply to me, I'm certain that trans women and transfeminine people have a similar influence for cis and gnc women. In fact, I have read a similar post from a female perspective before, and I have no doubts that this post influenced my realisation in how much more comfortable I am with my own masculinity thanks to transmasculine folks.

Trans people are a gift to this world. Their presence alone makes the world such a more beautiful place, period. I wish them all plenty of luck and joy going onwards! And once more - thank you all.

[bugs1nmybrain]

can you make a Aizawa or Hizashi x bigender reader.

🖤Shouta Aizawa x Bigender!Reader Headcanons💛🐈‍⬛️

I have never written for Present Mic, and I don't want to botch his character at the moment, but I will definitely consider writing him in the future. I actually like the idea of Aizawa being polyamorous with the reader and Hizashi. Maybe I'll try to think up something fun with the three of them in the future. These are just headcanons, but I could make a bigender reader in a one-shot in the future.

My gender identity is similar to bigender, but because of personal reasons, I usually have to mask as a cis-gender girl. I hope I wrote these headcanons with proper consideration.

🐈‍⬛️👍minor's do not interact 💀👍

Warnings: some sfw, but there's some saucy stuff,, mentions of misgendering and dysphoria, soft, some sex headcanons specific to afab and amab people, anal and vaginal sex, mentions of HRT, aizawa is my boy n I love him, not proofread yet

I personally see Aizawa as someone who's bisexual but doesn't give himself a label. For you being bigender, he isn't bothered at all.

When he sees you express as more masculine than feminine, or vice versa, he doesn't really pay much mind to it. He thinks you are incredible no matter what you wear or the gender roles you assume.

Explaining your gender identity can be scary, and Aizawa is a very direct person about his opinions about things. When he assured you that he takes your gender identity seriously, it was a weight off your shoulder.

He will actively ask how he can make sure that you are comfortable. He's not ignorant.

That applies to your physical presentation but also to your personality. So he doesn't care at all if you're being "girly" or "one of the guys," that's not how he is. He appreciates you as you are.

He is supportive, and if he's going to meet people with you, his eraserhead mindset makes him protective of you and he is always paying attention to how others treat you.

Corrects pronouns like no one's business

He will stick up for you if anyone misgenders you, make no mistake of that

And if someone tries to invalidate you, his stare is enough to get them to start walking

Some people who are bigender mask in public or in general, and if you did, he'd understand that. He'd respect your wishes, and when you two are in a more domestic location, he'll address you as what you want him to call you, and lets you be yourself without having to worry that he doesn't see you the same way than when you're "being the other gender."

He secretly thinks you're cute as fuck, but will hardly ever admit it (he'll insinuate it, he can get flirty when he's feeling bold).

This guy has no fashion sense most of the time, but he thinks your style flatters you, and it's easy for you to seduce him sometimes. When you both get home and he's feeling it, he'll start to lecture you, but he isn't disappointed in you in the slightest.

"Do you have any idea how handsome/pretty you've been today?" in a teasing tone.

You'll feign ignorance (tho it turns you on so bad).

"No, you just constantly have to be a brat, huh?"

It gets spicy from then on out. Shouta's sex drive isn't high, but when he knows he has time to kill, he'll rizz you up so bad

He'll have you thinking, "Aizawa?? Are you there??"

Aizawa is big, and so anal sex can cause anxiety, but he's patient and makes sure you're as comfortable as you can be. He'd never pressure you.

Sex can be complicated as someone who isn't on the binary, but Aizawa is here to listen and learn. He's sexually aroused by people no matter their anatomy, so he's open to whatever you're comfortable with. Sex isn't simply penis and vagina, and he knows that.

If you have a penis and aren't comfortable bottoming on a physical level, he's ok with being the recipient. He's a dom-leaning switch, in my opinion. But if you want him inside of you, he is obliging.

The same goes for vaginal sex. He wants to meet your needs because he loves you and wants you to enjoy having sex with him.

He'll make sure to address you properly and ask what you call your genitals and other body parts. Pronouns and pet names are also on his priority when making sure you're comfortable. He'd never want to make you dysphoric

He's proud of you. For everything. Having the courage to be yourself in a world that has a limited view about gender takes guts, and he reminds you of that when you're feeling dysphoric. He'll do everything in his power to support you

He will also completely support you if you decide that HRT or further is something that would affirm your identity better. Will never give you the "I miss who you were" schpeel because that's irrational and he doesn't feel that way, you are who you've always been to him.

He'll notice when you start showing changes and will probably avoid drawing attention to it unless he knows you want to hear him compliment your progress. He thinks you're wonderful with every passing day.

Your gender is a part of who you are, and he is proud of his bigender partner. You're his, no matter what anyone thinks. No matter if you doubt yourself, he sees someone who's strong and resilient and he loves you with all his heart.

[genderoutlaws]

Hey sorry if this is too personal but I just wanted to put this on here and ask for advice. I (early 20s) always thought I was a cis girl but lately my gf and a couple of people have started using some he pronouns for me and I really like it?? I don't experience dysphoria, I don't feel bad if people perceive me as a woman, but it feels really good dressing masc and being called that. I have no idea how to figure out if I am genderfluid, nonbinary, or something else. Not to be a stereotype but like, how do I navigate a gender crisis without annoying people around me? I wish I could explain but I really don't get why/where this came from, my gf was asking questions and I had no idea how to answer. So yeah any advice would be appreciated, ty.

mmm my advice is to not worry so much about labelling it and just go with the flow and do what feels good for now — the labels are more about how you choose to communicate yourself to the world, if/when ya feel ready to do that. and pls don’t worry about annoying people, like if they’re worth keeping around they won’t find questioning your identity to be a burden on them bc its got nothing to do with them.

but like yeah hearing he and dressing masc feels good? lean into it, explore, try new things. u might not feel affirmed by every single thing you try but there’s no harm in getting to know yourself better. hope thats helpful bud 🩷

[genderkoolaid]

Hi! I pondered today the post you've reblogged asking people to examine their biases in how they perceive transmascs. My thought was only vaguely related, as it was more related to bisexualism. I hope it's not an issue. I'd like to share it, as I respect you a lot. (Thank you lots for introducing me multigenderism! I didn't knew it was an option and I'm exploring a little! :3)

Specifically I was thinking about the erasure of men perceived as feminine from mlw relationships. There's this... assumption, that feminine men are almost inherently (OOF) unable to be attracted to women? (Putting aside fandom bias to ships involving women in the first place.) What's up with that??I cannot quite put it in the words properly but... it just doesn't sit right with me. Idk, it feels... emasculating? Like, being a femme is a vibe, a presentation, etc, but if it's a femme man it's still *very much a man*. This + typical bisexual erasure and overall assuming you can clock people's sexuality on appearance alone... Probably more that eludes me. I'm still grappling with it. Idk, there's probably much more to say here but... it's upsetting emotionally to me, personally. I'm an afab woman (maybe more) so please, *please* take my input with a grain of salt. It's just that I love men. I adore them. I want to learn more about them, learn their struggles, help them if I can. I might love them even more out of spite when biphobic people scorn at it bc it's not queer enough. Here's the catch: My type specifically is femmes. As a femme woman. So ironically my longing towards men always felt more "broken" and "unachievable" then towards women. Bc for years it felt like... femme men would never want me, by the virtue of who I am. With what body I was born and feel at home in. Idk where I'm going with this at this point. I guess I too wish people would examine their biases. In this case towards feminine men. For the sake of all men, trans, cis, femme/butch... and people who love them. Emasculating men hurts everybody. Even women, such as myself. I hope I haven't at any point sounded as equating "feminine men" to "transmasc", btw! I do NOT believe transmasc are feminine! If at any point I was coming of like that by bringing both in one ask I'm sorry! Here I'll conclude. I still have much to learn thought. I still grapple with naming the issue at hand I would deeply appreciate men insight here. Have a nice day :3

I actually posted an article written by a femme bi man talking about this topic a while back!

This is very much an issue. The way I interpret the different ways biphobes react to bi men/women is that its related to how patriarchal gender roles operate. All bisexuals are targeted by the idea that they are either "really" straight or "really" gay because of binarism. Women are resource objects, so cishet men's access to them needs to be preserved; therefore, bi women must be REALLY straight. Men, on the other hand, are competitors, and queerness is one of the major ways men are seen as failing that competition; as a result, bi men must be REALLY gay because their attraction to men(/feminine presentation, if they are femme) means they could never successfully compete at manhood. (This is ofc just a general trend; sometimes people, especially queers, will insist a bi woman must be really a lesbian esp if shes butch, and cishets may insist a bi man must be really straight especially if hes masc/butch).

I identify as bisexual and as a femme man, although I'm not sure if I would consider myself attracted to women as a man (multigender sexuality is weird but fun!), but know there very much ARE femme bi men out there who would love to be in a relationship with you. I think a lot of mlw who have a preference for femininity have experienced this, queer or not, because there is so little visibility for GNC men who are attracted to women- and because there are women who are queerphobic about the idea of a woman dating a GNC man.

[pillowspace]

I really love your Celestial Sundown AU! I love Sun so much!

Sun's personality reminds me a lot of Xie Lian from Tian Guan Ci Fu (I don't know if you know this series so I'll say that Xie Lian is a God who is taking care of people and he also likes to help them and is very kind and he isn't waiting for anything in return and your CSD Sun reminds me of him a lot ^^ but if you happen to know this series then that's great <3) sorry for the rambling

Wouldn't you mind if I ask you to draw something? - it's a prompt and it can be just a doodle.. I wanted to ask you first... I'm planning on doing myself an OC/persona and I'd appreciate if you could draw CSD Sun hugging my sona (is it called like that?) You can ignore this question if you want and sorry if it makes uncomfortable and sorry if all of this is a nonsense... My English is awful

I was in the middle of something, but the second I saw "Sun's personality reminds me a lot of Xie Lian" in my emails, I ran over to Tumblr SOOO fast. TGCF is the only novel by MXTX that I haven't read, but I did watch the show and Xie Lian is an absolute delight, so I thank you for this comparison

On the topic of MXTX, Celestial Sundown actually has like at least 3 inspirations from her other work, Mo Dao Zu Shi, that I've mentioned before

Moon's melodies are inspired by Wei Wuxian's dizi. Eclipse's shackled wrists with the broken chains are inspired by Wen Ning's broken chains. The heart of a god being a bright ball of light that's typically golden is inspired by the Golden Cores

I could be talking nonsense though, you might only be familiar with TGCF. I too am rambling

Sorry, I don't do requests of people's characters D: I do wish you a wonderful day however!! I send your sona a hug from Sun in spirit