#I AM SAFE I AM NOT GOING TO DO ANYTHING
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no one take this the wrong way i'm just saying like. sometimes i really get edgeworth's whole faking his death and fleeing to europe for a year thing. like what if i just left the country for a while with no notice. thinking about it.
#chatter#to be clear i do usually read the faking his death part as like#pretty extreme suicidal thoughts and getting real close to action#I AM SAFE I AM NOT GOING TO DO ANYTHING#just like. what if i left hte country. what if i quit my job and left the country. you know?
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okay but I can't stop thinking about Eddie's face like we see Buck looking so sad & devastated but what about Eddie's face will they give us a shot of his face while they're hugging will we see him looking in the rear view mirror like I just Buck is killing me yeah but if I see Eddie's face breaking for just a moment before pulling back to smile at Buck like what then what then how am I supposed to be okay about them someone sedate me the episode isn't even here yet and I am already losing my mind
#like imagine him doing that thing where he's trying not to cry smiling being strong#but there's little moment little cracks#and then he's in the car#driving further away from buck#and his face falls and we get that one single tear like when he was in buck's hospital room#he's doing it for christopher#but fuck if it doesn't hurt him#he's leaving the life he built#the one he made for himself#the family he chose#the best friend he's ever had#who is possibly (definitely) in love with#to go back to the place where he never felt safe or wanted or loved really#just so he can be present in christopher's life#christopher who he loves more than anything in the entire world#who may or may not be happy to see him still???#my heart hurts#i am here for the buddie angst potential#but fuck i need eddie & chris to talk like a real sit down all cards on the table emotionally vulnerable talk#anyway these tags went on a journey#buddie#eddie diaz#evan buckley#911#911 spoilers#911 speculation#911 s8b#911 s8 speculation#911 s8 spoilers#sorta
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#not to be a broken lil man on main#but I was on the phone with my dad for 30 minutes just now (that's a lot for a phone call with him) and like.... damn. yeah. i do have one#parent who's not horrible huh#we talked a lot about my plans for the future...... which I only now told him bcs scary and bcs........ I never ever during my 25 years of#being alive got the impression from my parents that something like this would be an acceptable career choice or something they'd support#and I mean. my [redacted] of a mother is the best example for how. not alright it is with her that I'm doing something that's not very...#traditional for this family#but anyways. my dad was absolutely fucking lovely#to the point that I get getting teary eyed and felt my throat closing up cause. huh. i guess in his own way he does love me and believe in#he asked me to send him a link or a pdf of my first conference report because he wants to keep it somewhere 😭😭😭😭😭😭#I'm....... ouch. ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch#you know the ghosting I am really good at with tumblr chats (sorry guys. ilu. I just suck at communication)???? i'm also extremely good at#that with whatsapp chats and just. not calling my irl loved ones#so idk. hearing him say he understands and just wanted to make sure I wasn't upset with him and like. wanted to know if I was doing okay.#damn. okay. damn#idk#this was such a good talk and he was so suppertive and non-judgemental and I actually told him about my birthday and how my mother's call#upset me and he was like. yeah. same. and like... he's basically gone no contact with her as well as it turns out#idk. I really should give him more credit and like... I feel like there's so much shifting and change and development happening while I'm n#not there and sometimes it's hard to remember that he actually /could/ understand some things. just cause I've always been so used to not#sharing anything about myself because it wasn't safe when I was younger and... idk........ lots of emotions going on rn#so glad we talked though. so glad#simon.out.#if you read all this.... idk man.... sorry for oversharing but thanks for caring ig <3
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Unscheduled System Comic #1
Fronting woes
#orange rabbitthing; oliver‚ he/it#pink catthing; chipsat‚ anything except they/them#<- also actually a satellite#interaction tags go before conversation tags:#plural#endo safe#cdd inclus#plural meme#osddid#adaptive system#okay now here's the silly tags.#ever since i formed i've been trying to get chipsat to steal front back. she's the only one enthusiastic enough about these things-#-to run a few servers we own. yeah? and then we have a reservation for someplace to watch the game next sunday#i am autism^2. i do not want to be fronting in a loud public place. chipsat is not helping [silly]#plural art#plural artist#pro endo#endogenic safe#<- forgot a few rent lowering tags
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Very cool and not heartbreaking at all for the PJO show to emphasize that Percy is an outsider not only because he's new to the whole demigod thing, but also because he doesn't know the rules of being a traumatized kid with all the daddy/mommy issues possible
#Percy all the time: wait I treated them with kindness and didn't do anything bad#why am I not being treated kindly in return#absolutely everyone else: why on earth would you be entitled to basic human decency?#(and for the kids it's 1000% down to trauma and how they've been raised#so many of the foster kiddos I work with do the same thing#they either have to be so good and perfect (Clarisse and annabeth) that they can't be ignored which works until the parent moves#the goalpost and they're left in the dust with a perfect report card that doesn't get them a second glance#or they have to be so bad that their parents have to intervene (Luke) because#and say it with me folks#bad attention is the same as good attention if it's the only kind you ever get!!#watching this and revisiting TLT specifically has been crazy because they're kids who have been removed from home at their core#that's what our main cast of demigods are#all the year-round kids are removed from home and Percy's ability to go back home and love it just as much as he loves camp is something#that separates him throughout the series#he has a safe place to land during the TLO summer and he's using it and no one else seems to have that#Percy has a stupidly hard life but he has a home base to go to and most of those kids can't even comprehend that as an option#Percy's home is his greatest strength and it'll also forever be something that sets him apart from his peers#I just have thoughts on pjo and foster kids guys#silence emily#percy jackson#pjo tv#I'm arguing this isn't even a spoiler because it's been a running theme. fight me
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Ignore if you don’t want to read about me being stupid once again
#pls dont read if you cant handle venting and whining#once again i am here to say that i am the loneliest person alive and i feel like i can’t grasp the basic consept of friendship and do it lol#like idk how to be friends#i feel like i will forever be sad and lonely#and i know everyone will say you can talk to me and i know that but i’ve just been by myself for so long that i don’t remember how to have#actual conversations with people i feel like i am disconnected from reality#i feel like i am an extremely unlikeable person and that’s why i was all alone in highschool and idk i am oversharing on the internet again#because it’s the only place i kind of feel safe doing it#pls take care of yourselves first before comfoting me or anything im sorry i sound very pathetic#how do i start living again#how does one live anyway#im just in my head all the time#this was supposed to be hot girl summer but it’s once again summertime sadness#im so stupid!!!#im so anxious and depressed that i dont know what to do with myself#im so sorry for oversharing i have a therapist dont worry im kind of taking care of myself#but the eternal loneliness just wont let me go#idk how to be a person anymore#i’m just sad#thinking of going to a church and pretend to be a believer so i could have a community again lol
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i keep feeling more ok with driving and then set back by a New Situation and/or my dad freaking me out
#talkys#i keep getting nervous bc like#ok does anyone else have 0 mirror coordination#like for example i struggle to put on those cosplay elf ears bc i have to look in the mirror to do it but trying to do#something while looking at the mirror scrambles my brain. i am very bad at doing ANYTHING in reverse#i wanted to go to the store by myself but im glad my dad went bc i wld not have been able to navigate#out of a tight spot in reverse w.o his help. bc i cant think in reverse it confuses me every time#this + the fact that driving requires so many split second decisions to stay safe on the road. idk man#i keep getting hopeful but im not sure if ill ever be able to do it. i think im going to die in a car accident.
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STOP dropping trans people's deadnames into the world like they belong there! Do not tell me about your "friend Karla who used to be Carl," just fucking tell me you have a friend named Karla who is trans! That's all you need to say! Her old name is dead! That name is no more! It has ceased to be! It's expired and gone to meet its maker! It's a stiff! Bereft of life, it rests in peace! So let it rest!
#trans stuff#yes i KNOW there are individual exceptions and I am not upset about those#i am upset because this has happened multiple times now with absolutely ZERO relevance#like do you think this is a fun piece of trivia??? it isn't!!!#it doesn't help me understand who they are! it doesn't help me visualize what they look like!#it just tells me you're a safe person to be around but you DON'T get it and are never going to see me as anything other than Used To Be Gir#i try to point this out gently when i hear it but i am getting so fucking tired argh argh argh argh argh#reblog this actually#if you have space on your blog for it#this KEEPS HAPPENING
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UHH REMINDER ALSO SINCE I HAVE BEEN SHARING A LOT MORE NEGATIVE THINGS LATELY that amid literally everything that's been going on, there are still things that you can do to retain control in your life in at least some areas!! not everyone can actively protest right now, not everyone has the means and that is OKAY! do what you can when you can!!
this post is a wall of text of me rambling about things you can do Right Now in your community or to keep yourself happy and motivated and going. it's a long one so it's going under read more. I also talk a lot more in the tags
i also use terms like Current Events a lot so I also apologize for the vagueness in some places!! I do not know if this will get flagged if I get more specific and my account has tried to go down twice now
#1: BONDING WITH YOUR COMMUNITY (WITH PERSONAL SAFETY IN MIND)
getting involved in your local community is a big big big thing I've seen talked about lately and I agree with that entirely!! the #1 best thing I feel like anyone can do right now is either volunteering at local support groups or getting involved in local activism
if you have a local community you can connect with for whatever reason then that's absolutely a good idea for both practical and emotional reasons. it can be for anything really, actually. reach out to friends, reach out to family, keep talking to people if you have the energy! it really does make a difference!
^ related to the above, if you can involve yourself in volunteer work, or mutual aid, or just helping others out in some other way, then absolutely do that! you can start with asking around, or searching up aid or other groups that may need extra help in your area, and go from there!!
I see a lot of people have been saying for months to organize and then absolutely no one ever explains how to organize, and if you don't plan on starting something up Yourself that is how you get involved. you find like minded people and you lend your hands. I just looked up "volunteers needed/mutual aid [insert town here]" and went off of that
and there are a lot of different places people might need assistance for. one example being food banks, pantries, are basically always accepting new donations -- if you have produce, not all of them will accept it due to safety regulations, but a local community garden might! libraries also will exchange more than books, and protecting libraries by showing involvement and interest in them is important now more than ever
local businesses, emergency aid if you have the certification, environmental work and disaster cleanup, assisted living areas, shelters, a lot of other specific areas I can't name right now. if you are physically able to seek out support and give back in turn (and if you aren't able to do one or both of these that's also okay!!) i highly highly recommend it. mutual aid especially goes both ways. do not be afraid to reach out for help, that is what they're there for
speaking of libraries!
#2: KEEP INFORMED
this can refer to a lot of different things, but on a federal and local level it is never ever ever a bad thing to keep up to date with what's going on. anyone trying to do bad things on a government level is relying on you not noticing or staying uninformed in the invent that you do notice. keep track of what's going on in your area and plan accordingly!!
keeping up with the news (and fact checking, always, because journalism isn't always ethically practiced), finding where your local city hall or equivalent is and staying up to date on local legislation, has always been important for safety and especially is right now. know how to determine a reliable source from an unreliable one, and know how to pick apart the difference between fact and misconstrued ideas spoken as fact. I'll probably make a post on that too at some point and link it here when I'm done
it is overwhelming to hear just how much is getting worse so quickly, but it's crucial that you don't allow yourself to become unaware, because that makes you easier to lie to. you do not have to work yourself to burnout or to a breakdown, please take breaks whenever you need to and put your own health first!!
but don't do yourself the disservice of not knowing what's happening around you. I want everyone to be as safe as they can, and to be safe you have to be informed
#3: FIND SOMETHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO (AND ALSO KEEP CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE EVEN IF IT'S IN SMALL WAYS)
staying up to date on current events has been overwhelming for me, but it also has helped me to maintain a sense of control in my life. and there are a lot of other ways to do that, too, and also give you sources of happiness and things to still look forward to! I'm listing what works for me but I'm sure there's infinitely more ways to pull that off
taking up or getting back into hobbies or interests is a very effective way to keep joy in your life, and this goes double if you're sort of stuck in your house like I am most days. you should get to do things that make you happy!! you deserve to still have things to look forward to!!!
I've also been personally using my interests to try to learn how to do more practical things that might help me and the people I live with; I'm a gardener so I've been working on trying to grow food, starting with sweet peppers. don't know if I'll end up needing that one day (or if my neighbors might, but as the economy completely fucks itself it could get very useful very fast), but having the knowledge and the means helps me feel more in control of what happens in my personal life, and it really has made me feel better and have a source of hope
I really hope that everyone who sees this is doing as well as they're able right now. saying all of this because I don't want to contribute to any ideas of complete hopelessness, if that makes sense. there are things worth getting up in the morning for and every one of you matters and you deserve to be happy. and I love you /p
even if you aren't utilizing your hobbies in that way (again, PERFECTLY fine, do what you need to forever), something like that might be useful for you, too! you can learn new skills or read up on all those things you already wanted to look into but kept putting off, you can carve out a little space in your world for Joy and for Whimsy if you don't have one already! it's good for you!! it's incredible in fact!!
#important#i don't usually write the srs posts myself since others are FAR better with their words than i am. it's the autism I know it is#but I haven't seen a lot of posts (or really any at all. to be honest) about what can be done about everything very rapidly going to hell#and when you see all of this constant awful news back to back and no way or means to protect yourself it's very very easy to feel doomed#and hopeless. and all those other things. and that's not good either. it's unfair to you#it's more productive and i feel like more helathy for your psyche if you use the updates we keep getting of Bad thing after Bad thing --#-- to prepare. to plan in advance and do what you have to do to be safe. your top priority right now should be protecting yourself#physically and emotionally! whatever that looks like for you#on top of branching out with my gardening I've also been slowly getting back into weightlifting (being disabled i Have to take it slowly)#and I've been researching first aid. i hope to take a class if I'm ever able#that's what works for me. your situation migjt be completely different. do what works for you right now#and remember you have support! you have people who are there for you! check in on your friends and let them check in on you!!#if anyone needs me for anything at all my dms and ask box are open. literally anything i dont care if we've never spoken before#protect yourself in any way you can and do not lose hope. there is so much worth living for even if i hate that we have to wait for it#you are IMPORTANT you are VALUED you are LOVED#you CAN make it. i know you can#you deserve! to be! okay!
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I am fighting for my life to be mentally stable and it’s not working
#personal*#jess talks#trigger warning cus I’m feeling really low and might vent#but genuinely I want to give up#I don’t want to exist#I feel like a burden and a scrounger#I realised yesterday that everything I have is because of someone else#I haven’t earnt anything for myself or done anything with my life#I complain that I can’t support myself#yet I make no effort to fix that#im scared of my insecurity to do anything#I’m scared I’m not good enough#I’m scared to exist in my own home#it doesn’t feel like my home#I haven’t felt ‘at home’ since before uni#I’ve moved house 6 times in the past 7 years#I never feel secure or safe#and I feel responsible#I wish I could just go get a good paying job and support myself and my family#all I want is my independence back like I had at uni#but even at uni I was living off of a loan I’ll never be able to pay off#my whole existence is a waste#I’m contemplating giving up on my art and business because it’s getting me no where#I might as well give up entirely#I can’t see any positive resolutions in sight and I feel so helpless#but all I’m doing is feeling sorry for myself#my parents are sm worse off than I am currently yet I’m the one having panic attacks and terrified to leave my room??#I’m gonna be 26 still living with my parents achieving nothing for myself#with no relationship experience and not an inclining of self respect#grow up Jess
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Yippie small self care steps!!
As for you all, please be sure to regularly use chapstick and apply lotion when and if you can!
Winter is rough on the skin, and these products can help keep it closer to tip-top shape!
#Nikola posting#the clowns are rambling instead of dancing#random posts#tma fictive#take care of yourself !#me the one without human skin. yes. I'm obviously the most suited to making sure we physically care for our body. that makes plenty sense.#i actually am rather fond of physical self care. physical wellness.#i just hope Timothy stops being so paranoid. just because i did what i did when i did it doesn't mean I'm going to again.#that'd be repetitive. and that would be counterproductive to us. and it's my job to take care of us so that would go against what i do#put a smile on that face cause I'm trying to keep us healthy Tim I'm not going to do anything bad to yku ??#ANYWHO stay safe and take care everyone :)#take care of yourself. because we love you and want you well !
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I cannot express the anger I experience being unable to do anything about anything while Christians salivate over the idea of the Israel-Hamas conflict being a sign of the Rapture
#anyways Free Palestine#Hamas attacked innocent people#The Israeli government is terrorizing innocent civilians that just want the right to live#Jewish people deserve to have land where they are safe to go to if there is another rise in antisemitic attacks in their current home#Palestinians deserve to have their homeland respected and safe for them to live on#All of these statements can be true at the same time#and I say all of this from the safe comfort of the US#I am not the one that you should listen to about the situation.#I am not the one who you should trust to give correct information about what is going on because I get the same information you do#We should be listening to Palestinians and the Israeli civilians affected#And unfortunately the news in the US is based on Christians who want nothing more than to escalate this#They do not want to recognize Palestinians unless it brings about a world war that triggers the Rapture#And I am enraged by it#I know people currently living in Israel#I know students from Palestine#And I am infuriated by christians treating them like pawns in their little Jesus War#These are people. These are fucking people#They are friends and family and lovers and so much more#I genuinely cannot express just how frustrated I am by my inability to do anything as I sit in safety#If you get nothing else from this post please listen to Palestinians and the war crimes they've experienced for decades now#If you get nothing else please listen to Israeli civilians begging for their government to stop escalating this conflict#Please listen to Jewish people and Muslims when they say shit like this increases violence against them around the world#Anyways I'm at the doctor and someone had CNN on and I'm tired#antisemitism tw#islamophobia tw#israel-hamas war tw#rapture tw
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The boy is mine (Jade's edition)
Eddie Munson x Reader
Summary: Eddie has a plan for a romantic night, but things go awry (2k words)
Contents: Anxiety, Eddie is self deprecating, hurt/comfort (kinda), no gendered terms for reader except mention that their hand is smaller then Eddie's and reader is called beautiful, a literal fire (please look up fire safety), fluff
A/N: So I saw this the first day it was posted and I thought it was a fun idea and saved the prompt by @carolmunson. I've been writing this for a bit,, but like I have had such bad mental fog and generalized pain recently I have been having a hard time focusing...I think I kind of misinterpreted the rules a bit...so here is sad lump of a contribution. Call me Stitch the way I am telling myself "it may be little and broken but still good".
18+ only
The night had started well, at least Eddie thought it had. He promised you a romantic night in. He even prepped for it.
Eddie rented sappy love movies, getting advice by Harrington and Buckley surprisingly. Harrington stated flowers were the way to go, but then started arguing with Buckley. While entertaining, Eddie learned more about the languages of romance from Buckley then he did about romantic gifts. But he wrote down to get flowers.
So he watched the movies. And Eddie was high paid a lot of attention and basically learned to make a grand speech. Big pour out your heart moment. Which, he felt he always talked your ear off, so he could totally do.
Eddie then read those magazines all the cheerleaders gossiped and giggled over. He didn't learn much except some tips for the best kiss. Cup the person's cheek and lean in slowly. Build the suspense. Eddie could do that.
Give you flowers. Make a speech. Cup your cheek as he kisses you. Eddie had this in the bag! Each point written in his little notebook.
And then the reality of you coming to his trailer hit him when you called to confirm the date was still on that morning. He hung up the phone after flirting a bit and looked around his house. Nerves flooded his system as he looked at it with the perspective of an outsider. He didn't want it to look bad. And it was, well, it wasn't bad but definitely could be cleaner.
So Eddie had vacuumed and dusted the entire trailer. Tossed empty pizza boxes in the trash. Sprayed some cologne around the trailer to cover the scent of weed, then cursed himself for using the expensive cologne when there was a bottle of air freshener in the bathroom.
Had picked up his clothes scattered across his room and shoved them all, clean and dirty, into the closet. Had made sure his bed had more then one pillow, grabbing spare throw pillows and tossing them towards the headboard. Even if he didn't think there was a chance you would enter his bedroom tonight, he wanted to be prepared.
Eddie had even started dinner before you arrived. An easy roast that Wayne had made hundreds of times. Thrown meat, potatoes, onions, and carrots into the pot, seasoned it and thrown it all in the oven.
It was newer, this thing between you, and he wanted to get it all right. You'd been friends for years, just recently evolved into dating. It was easy to hold your hand and throw an arm around your shoulder before, stealing those small intimate moments and pretending it meant something more. But now it does mean more. Truly, it always had, but neither of you had said anything. Because like usual, Eddie was the coward and ran.
He spent what felt like minutes (it had been hours) looking back at the notes, the plan. He had even sketched some pictures of you and him as he studied. Gave himself some sweet new tattoos and piercings and muscles while you had hearts around your head. By the time he stopped rereading the same points over and over again, he realized you would be there within the hour.
And he already failed the first point, flowers. It had completely spaced him what with the studying, but he had other things he had been wanting to give you so he figured he could wing it. He rehearsed everything in his mind, having various conversations with you. He would take your coat, be charming as ever, and you would fall for him even more then you already had.
But the plan immediately left his mind when you had arrived. Eddie could feel his face flush as his eyes trailed up and down your figure. All the rushing thoughts in his head suddenly stopped. All he could think was Damn, how'd I get so lucky?
"You're beautiful." Eddie mumbled in awe as you had shrugged off your coat. And then you smiled and Eddie realized he had messed up the plan. He thought he had went through every variable but he hadn't. It wasn't you that was going to fall more in love with him tonight, but Eddie was going to fall more in love with you.
Eddie twirled a piece of hair around his finger, unable to meet your eyes. His heart was beating wildly in his chest and his palms were begin to sweat. He couldn't help but shift from foot to foot. "Oh I uh....got you something," Eddie smiled and turned to leave before hesitating and motioning to the couch," You can uh sit...or stand, standing is good too! I'll be right back."
Eddie cursed himself the whole time he walked away because of how stupid he was. He could stage elaborate campaigns but couldn't seem to form a single sentence in your presence. Eddie grabbed the gift off his dresser and inhaled slowly, mentally yelling at himself to be cool for once in his life.
And faltered in his steps.
Because you were sat on the couch. Not just on the edge of the cushion like those who he dealt to who couldn't wait to get out of his presence. No, you were fully relaxed into the cushion. You looked comfortable. You looked like you belonged.
And Eddie couldn't squash the butterflies that took flight in his stomach. And he sat on the cushion next to you, fighting the urge to wrap you in his arms and hold you close.
"I got you this," Eddie declared as he handed you a rock. A small, smooth stone that fit in the palm of your hand. Your mouth parted but no words came out. Eddie bit his lip as you slowly turned the stone over in your hands, staring at it.
"I saw it and I thought, well, I thought of you and it matches your eyes and-" Eddie huffed out a laugh and shook his head," Sorry, it's stupid just give it back."
Eddie moved to grab it out of your hand but you slapped at his arm and clenched the stone in your hand. "No, it's mine!" You held your hand to your chest and glared at him. "It's stupid," Eddie looked down. "It is not." "It is!"
"Are you serious? If you don't stop we're gonna have a problem. This is the most thoughtful thing anyone has ever done for me." You beamed at him. Joy and adoration written clearly across your face. Eddie slowly grinned back as you dared to open your palm and look at the stone again. "My precious," you wiggled your eyebrows at him, making him bark out a laugh as he relaxed.
"Let's save a ring for a later date." He joked, even as his mind raced. You quoted Lord of the Rings! You were sitting on his couch holding a rock he thought was the same shade as your eyes and you liked it!! He was done for. Completely head over heels fallen for you. Said he would never marry yet here he was planning his vows and everything.
"Seriously, Eddie, this is so sweet." Your hand grasped his. Your hand was smaller then his, fitting perfectly. Fingers interlocked hesitantly and then more surely. Eddie's eyes fell to your lips. Your tongue darted out slightly and wet them. And he started to lean in.
The air was thick, and not just with the tension, the anticipation. Your lips were milliseconds to coming in contact with his when Eddie's nose twitched as he caught a familiar scent. Your lips landed on Eddie's cheek as he turned so quickly to face the kitchen he gave himself whiplash.
Thick smoke started to waft out of the room. "Oh fuck!" He jumped up as the smoke detector finally started doing its job and screeched out an annoying beep. Eddie ran into the kitchen with you hot on his heels.
Eddie opened the oven door, smoke billowing out," SHITshitshit-" Eddie cursed as he slammed the door shut, coughing slightly. Your hand reached past him to shut off the oven before darting over to the window and throwing it open.
Eddie's eyes darted to the sink below the window. Stop, drop, and roll- wait no that was if you were on fire. But water beats fire in almost every scenario, right? Except oil, shit did he add oil? No, he didn't add anything except the food and the seasoning so it should all be good right?
"Stand back!" Eddie yells over the screeching alarm. Grabbing the pot holders, he throws the oven door open. Smoke billows past him as he makes a mad dash for the pot, grasping the handles and throwing it in the sink. He throws the faucet on, water pouring over the burnt food and pot.
Steam billows up with smoke, mingling in the air before flowing out the window. A hissing sound from the cool water hitting the hot pot fills the air. You fan the flames towards the open window. "Oh fuck." You cough as your eyes fill with tears from the smoke. Eddie winces as flurried apologies fall from his lips.
The pot, not on fire at least, starts to lessen up on producing smoke. Eddie deems it safe to leave and grabs your hand, dragging you outside. His hands on your shoulders guide you to sit on the steps as you continue to intermittently cough. Eddie rushes back into the kitchen, double checking that the oven was off, and quickly grabs a mug holding it under the still running faucet.
Eddie rushes back outside to you, almost missing the step and face planting. And wouldn't that have been the icing on the cake. Would that make Eddie or the embarrassment of faceplanting be the vanilla frosting? Who even created that saying? Cake was good and this was not good. Eddie shook his head of these thoughts as he sank down on the step next to you.
Eddie hands you the mug of water. You drink it in big gulps, a small dribble of water falling out of the side of your mouth towards your chin. Eddie wipes it away with his thumb as he apologizes," I am so sorry, I don't even know what happened."
"Is this Garfield?" You peer at the mug, as if Eddie almost didn't kill you. "Uh yeah, was in a rush, sorry I didn't grab like a nicer cup. I just ran out...to you..." "Don't apologize, I like Garfield," you mumble taking another drink of the water.
"Are you okay?" Eddie asks, hands running up and down your shoulders, eyes checking you over. "Think I hacked up a lung from all the smoke...," you rub your sternum," Man, my lungs do not like smoke...and you like that?" Eddie let out a nervous laugh," Yeah no sorry, only when its weed. Never really inhaled a straight fire before."
You look up into Eddie's eyes that are full of concern. "Well, I'd recommend like not doing that. But I'm okay, it startled me more then anything," You give a soft smile. "You sure?" "Positive." You knock his shoulder with yours.
Eddie's eyes search your figure, ensuring you aren't lying to him. You ignore him, opting to set the mug down on the ground. Fingers brushing against a dandelion, yellow and bright. You pluck it from the ground and twirl it between your fingers.
You're okay. You're holding a dandelion and you're okay. You aren't acting like you hate him. You aren't making excuses and leaving. You aren't leaving like everyone else-
Eddie's shoulders relax as the tension leaves his body. You're okay. Your relationship is okay. He didn't ruin everything. You're smiling at a fucking dandelion while his heart feels like it has run a marathon.
You're oblivious to his plight as you lean over and tuck the dandelion behind his ear," Maybe don't smoke that. Looks pretty on you." "Not that kind of weed." "Yeah dumb joke sorry."
A slow exhale escapes him as he shakes his head,"No it's good I'm just," Eddie waves his hand in front of him," like what the fuck just happened? I am never cooking again. I'll just take you to Enzo's. I fucked up. Sorry for ruining the date."
Your hand cupped his cheek as you ducked down to meet his eyes," Hey, no. You didn't ruin the date." Eddie rolls his eyes slightly," Almost killing you? Yeah, pretty sure i ruined it." You bump your knee against Eddie's, "it's not ruined and you didn't almost kill me. Small food fire, happens to everyone. I lit popcorn on fire once. Besides, if you did happen to kill me, at least I would have died happy and in love. And you'd be stuck with me cause ghost me is absolutely haunting you."
Eddie can't help but laugh slightly," Oh? You think you'd be a ghost and not get another chance at life? Be reincarnated or whatever?" "Well, even if I was reincarnated, I'd find you again."
Eddie scoffs, "C'mon, don't say that.. That's not even true, you'd totally be able to move on. You wouldn't need little old me." You grab his face and peer into his eyes," Eddie Munson, I will always need you. In this life and whatever happens after. You and me? We're it. Maybe it should be too soon to say, but I feel it in my bones. You're it for me Eddie. Together now, forever, and when everything ceases to exist we'll be in nothing together. I will always be with you because I will always love you."
You lean in and Eddie thinks his heart stops. Your hand holding his cheek in place, thumb lightly brushing back and forth. His eyes flutter shut as your lips finally touch his. It was soft and sweet, lips slowly parting and melding together in a dance that sent shivers down Eddie's spine. He sighed into the kiss as you leaned closer into each other. Your hands threading through his hair, his wrapping around your waist. Lips moving in tandem, tongues darting out tentatively.
You only part when you both are gasping for air. Soft smiles and longing glances shared as the sun sets. "I love you too." Eddie traces your cheekbone with his finger. "You better." You joke. Your combined giggles fill the air as you continue to steal kisses from each other.
The night may not have been the most romantic. Or gone to plan, like, at all. But it was one Eddie already knew that when he thought about he would be able to feel his heart swell with love. And as he kissed you Eddie thought, yeah you were it for him.
#Was gonna change my user from Jade but I have nothing that feel more like me (was going to be Jade for literal years and now it doesn't fit)#Maybe thats just the mental fog making everything not normal for me tho#Have yall burned anything before?? I remember so many times my family has...or maybe they just can't cook#Cheese fell off a pizza once and caught fire on the bottom of the oven...microwaveable popcorn when someone hit 5 minutes instead of 2#None of them were fire fires but small things burning with lots of smoke#Be safe yall please learn fire safety and what to do or not do with kitchen fires#Anyways I love you all and I am going to go read everyone else's submissions okay byeeeeee#eddie munson x reader#eddie x you#eddie munson fluff#Eddie Munson x y/n#eddie munson/you#eddie munson/reader#Jade is Talking#Also yes you did everything Eddie planned to do...so it did happen according to plan just not Eddie doing it#ALSO ALSO I have found a rock in every shade okay green grey blue brown white black etc#So it is possible to find a rock in every shade okay pls dont be like green is not a rock IT IS or maybe I'm colorblind#I'm not I've passed colorblind studies (for work) many times
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FREE MY HUSBAND FREE HIM
#HE DIDN'T DESERVE THIS#HE DIDN'T DESERVE ANYTHING THAT HAPPENED TO HIM#was he too good??? too kind???? too loving and loyal and honorable??#i am forever haunted by the way he has accepted his fate here#he's ready to die and there's nothing they can do to hurt him now#he just wants to be with his family#he doesn't even think he'll get to accomplish his revenge goal anymore and he doesn't care#he just wants to go HOME and see his FAMILY#MAXIMUS I WOULD BURN THE WHOLE WORLD IF IT MEANT YOU WOULDN'T SUFFER#bruh the emotion is so overwhelming i can't even thirst right now#you'd think maximus mostly shirtless strung up so i can see all his muscles and do whatever i please would be exciting BUT NO#HE'S SUFFERING#all i can think about is i wish i could unchain him and lay him down and take care of every bruise they gave him#JUST#LET ME LOVE HIM AND TAKE CARE OF HIM AND KEEP HIM SAFE#ahhh would that i could demonstrate all the love that overflows from my heart to his#precious perfect beloved wonderful heartbreaking man of my heart#gladiator#maximus#maximus decimus meridius#gladiator 2000#russell crowe
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"We can get through this by working together, reach out to your friends, community is all we have, a social network will be your security in the world, now is the time to lean on others!"
I do agree, and it's scientifically sound (pretty sure there is data about how people with better social networks live longer and etc) but also....augh..... what about the severe social issues, difficulty to leave the house, physical issues which lead to like zero socialization energy a majority of the time, etc. etc. Social support can be a replacement for structural support, but.. I guess I just wish it didn't have to be. Community is extremely difficult to build, even moreso if you're someone who has issues with social cues or group conversations or even just being around others in the first place. And blah, nuance, of course I'm just complaining or maybe being too negative or maybe misunderstanding, but, I hardly have the energy to brush my hair once every 2 months.. how am I supposed to maintain a wide social network and be active in a Community and Join Groups lol... sometimes it kind of feels like "er.. well if thats my only option then...... ruh roh". It's overwhelming
#Kind of like some post I saw a long time ago talking about how even the meanest shittiest most difficult to get along with#elderly people or whaever still deserve to have some sort of systems in place to support them so they're not just relying on the#grace of relatives or etc. who may not be able to deal with them. Not saying that I'm like mean and cruel or anything#but the fact of the matter is in most social situations either I am compromising or the other person is. Not in like an ~`ouuu im so weirdd#nobody willever understand my quirky swagg hee heee~' way but like a.. Just factually the things that make me happy and comfortable#are often incompatible with people. The way I communicate and process things is different from the way other people do and that#is always a barrier. I cannot have ''easy''' interactions. Even with 'understanding' people there is nearly always a significant#amount of effort. You can't walk into a group of people and then be like ''okay you guys all have to wear#masks and you also cant play music too loud and also we should communicate turns of speaking very clearly so group conversations#arent too stressful. and also i need this and that and we have to do this and that and '' etc. etc. You CAN. And some people will#go along with that. but they will ALWAYS secretly resent you for it. You will be the one person they're relieved to not have to be around.#theyre glad when you dont show up since they can go back to doing things however they want and not masking and all these boring#annoying things. OR you can say none of that and just deal with the loud music and the talking and the unmasked people. but then#YOU'RE compromising. and no matter how nice they are it's exhausting to be around and youre just further alienated#while in the presence of people and uncofmrtoabel the whole time.#Which I'm not saying the only form of community is a group setting specificially but just giving that as an example lol#I just wish there were a better option than ''well learn to socialize normally or just suffer then'' . Which I know is not what people are#saying. I guess I just always feel a bit scared when 'community is the answer'. Since its not like 'oh im just socially anxious and need to#get out of my shell~!' or something thats really that remedy-able. It's like.. my mostly unchangeable physical health issues combined#with the mostly unchangable literal way that my brain processes sensory informationand other things means that interacting with#others in a normal and easy way is incredibly difficult and often exhausting especially to maintain in any longform fashion. So then#when it's like ''the answer to staying safe is to maintain longform social connections!! :3 just reach out!!'' then.. ermm... O_O#also I'm not even one of the cutesy shy emotional hermits that's nervous. I'm the Bad Stereotype emotionless robotic cold seeming#looms in the corner of the room type of thing so people have less pity on you in that way. -_- ANYWAY gghj#I need like.. a designated social representative or something.. When I did work in that bookshop forever ago they gave me a#person who basically was just with me to help communicate with others on my behalf and supervise me and stuff. I need that.. Some#more extraverted person I can latch onto and they can maintain the Social Support Network for me and I can just be their +1 to all#of the Social Things and community. I have helpful skills I can contribute to other people and stuff it's just like.. I cant socialize lol#I cook food or something for you.. then you keep me in contact with Community.. a deal. (but then what about when I'm too sick to#contribute? as is often the case. there's not much place for people like me in communities sometimes i fear.. sigh.) ***
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riding a wave of depression to the end of the worst year of my life and realizing that there’s not really anyone i feel safe confiding in… cool, cool, very cool…
#i don’t really have anything to say anyway…#i just feel bad. because things have been bad#it’s pretty simple#i’ve given far more of myself than i think ever existed in the first place and i feel hollow and broken#and all i want is a job offer on the other side of the country so i can run away to a safe place and heal myself#but i’m not getting that until January at the earliest and February or March more likely…#so until then i just have to keep applying for more and going through the motions of life#i am truly BANKING on my ‘winter break’ to make me feel better#bc i feel sooooooo bad rn#i don’t wanna do anything or talk to anybody#but i have to do bird counts all weekend#so no rest for me until Monday#and on Monday i have to help my friend with shit and hang out#and i don’t WANT to hang out#i don’t want to see anyone - i can’t do this anymore#John Darnielle really knew what he was doing when he titled a song ‘No I Can’t.’ with the comma and period included#cuz like. exactly!#NO!!!!!!! I CAN’T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#(and yet i keep going on like everything is fine)#(haha)#i’m not dying don’t worry#i will be fine once i can TRULY rest#this has just been the worst year of my life and i am grappling with that#and the vast unknowns of the future
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