#How we feeling out here tonight?
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WE HAVEN'T BEEN MORE BACK SINCE WE ALL THOUGHT FOUR WAS GONNA BE IN SIDE ORDER
#splatoon#agent 4#frye justice#team frye#frye splatoon#frye#frye onaga#splatoon agent 4#How we feeling out here tonight?#splatoon 3#splat3#splatfest#team bucket list#Spotify
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izzy getting adopted by them is EVERYTHING to me. fuck you youre part of our found family now, whether you like it or not. we have claimed you.
bonus: the way jim defends him here. theyre So mad:
#i didn't include it but the way they slide immediately into talking about how the revenge was GOOD#its like theyre implying. izzy was a part of that good for them#idk idk. feeling my izzy hands should not have to change to be loved agenda in this chillis tonight#it is very clear here that izzy is still izzy. he hasn't fundamentally changed. hes still a dick. hes still himself.#but. his actions are reframed. hes looking out for the crew#hes a dick. but he protects us. hes a dick but he teaches us what we need to know. hes a dick but that doesn't mean we don't love him#screaming crying rolling on the floor#i need him to be loved so bad!!!! i need them to stick up for him!!!! i need izzy to be treated Right!!!!!!!#nyxtalks#ofmd#ofmd s2 spoilers#jim jimenez#izzy hands#israel hands
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smth smth about 'the thing that the character did that you thought was rly rly funny in the moment is actually linked to a terrible trauma that lies within said character.' or wahtever.
#jrwi show#jrwi fanart#jrwi riptide#gillion tidestrider#made this within a short span of wahtever bc i gotta go up to the mountains for my stupid gay job tonight n im trying#nnot to frrRREAAAK THE FUCK OUUTTTTTTi dont wanna work but. get that bread we fuckin shall i guess#ONWARDS TO THE FISH TORMENT!! sometimes flowers feel pain when you trim them before their blossoming. atleast i imagine so#i used to draw gillion with loooong hair tied into a big ol braid. and then it was confirmed that he had short hair when he was little.#AT FIRST I WAS SAD. but then i realized the duality of. when they were little. gill had short hair. edyn had long hair.#AND NOW THEYRE OLDER. and gillion has long hair. and edyn has short hair#both mirroring eachother. looking up to eachother. subconsciously or not. they most certainly care. and most certainly miss eachother.#GILLION ALWAYS LOVED HOW LONG HAIR LOOKs. atleast i imagine so. he hasnt cut it since he left the undersea. sure he wanted to go back home#but even at the very start. he knew he was free in some way now. free to grow out his hair. an adventure would await him before he returns.#he knew it would be a while. so he cant let this go. he cant let this sought-after hair-length get cut away from him again#not yet. not yet. i like to think he loved music too. I SAW SOMETHING INTERESTING A BIT AGO#i see alot of ppl commenting on my baby gill comics like;'i wouldFIGHT this teacher i wanna KILL EM i want them DESTROYED#all very good and nice sentiments! i LOVE the energy here! and it would be nice. to have that catharsis#but the story of young tidestrider is not a story of catharsis. it is a story of agony and being so so small and so special and also so dum#and sucking so bad. and just being a kid and doing the things that a little kid does and so many tired tired people reacting badly to it#youre supposed to be the hero that will save us. our world hangs in the balance and you are the one who tips the scales.#YOU are supposed to SAVE US!! you NEED to SAVE US! CAN YOU PLEASE STOP SQUIRMING IN YOUR STUPID CHAIR!!#you'd think that young tidestrider ought to prevail. and be tucked someplace all safe and sound.#elders gone missing and rotting in a jail. their cultists nowhere around. but theres no happy endings. not here not now.#this tale is all sorrows n woes. you may dream that justice n peace win the day. but thats not how this story goes#BIG ideas for this lil baby gillion series. if anything i make ever gets disproven im killing myself in a well as to poison a water supply
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Clarence💥💥💥💥
#appreciate that clsrence has a design now but my ass is NOT drawing danny phan/tom fanart thank you. i will keep the green eyes though#anyways clarence enjoyers how are we feeling tonight⁉️⁉️ (i am speaking to an empty room)#also unfortunately i did the thing where i didn’t want to look at this anymore so i threw it out here. tragic!#if i were stronger i would’ve made a matching piece with mal but mal is just not fun to draw. probably a skill issue on my part though#Clarence jrwi#jrwi clarence#clarence albert#<- dumb fucking name i kinda want him#mart
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Simon: *being treated with anything less than optimal love, happiness, care, kindness, adoration, protection*
Me: 🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪
@anonfromtheflight: 🪓🪓🪓🪓🪓🪓🪓🪓🪓
#🔪🫱🏼🫲🏽🪓#simon eriksson#simon eriksson defense squad#strife? unhappiness?#helllll nahhhhhhh!!#sick of this shit lol#can the POC kid rest for once#and can the interracial couple be happy for more then five minutes damn#imma need true payoff in S3 bc i’m still annoyed even after that sexy ass speech wille did in s2#(even though that altered my brain chemistry in the best way and i wouldn’t even be here without it but i digress.)#i don’t want simon to forgive his sister unless she does something crazy to get back in his good graces#‘i’m sorry simon 🥺’ still makes me SO MAD like fuck outta here with that bullshit apology#only confessing cause she didn’t want her bed buddy to get his brains blown out#and we all know how i feel about september#jail is too good for him#hope he rots#we’re serving surgeon AND lizzie borden tonight fam!!!!!!!!!!#young royals
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Stampede aka another episode of luffy turning haters into dick riders just with his kind and big heart
#i might understand all the robin law fanfare... its been 26 minutes of stampede......#frobin reigns supreme imo still.....#VICEADMIRAL MOMONGA TOCAME LA PORONGA??? HELLO#THE LOG POSE TO LAUGH TALE???? and hancock arrived ❤️❤️#usopp saving luffh omg.....#blonde buggy..... why are we doing this to out beautiful women...#fujitora is on his own frequency... here you go a meteorite.. whatever happens to all of you and our troops happens goodbye#mihawk intervened bc zoro couldn't do it omg.... nami keep watch he is going to end it all tonight jesus#also persona following mihaw for a second movie ajdjaks.... i love them together honestly#brosalino is the kuma guy's uncle????? nepotism......#calling this guy the heir of the demon.... taking blame off ace akdjsksn.... you know whats funny in movies garp is very like thoughtful and#comprehensive of others peoples issues and then you get to how he raised luffy and like.... wouldn't that have been good there....#and with ace too lmao.... i mean he didnt have abandonment issues but just wait and see to a 10yo asking if he is worthy of living idk...#i get the meaning of it and what he meant but we all know ace didnt get that at the time until luffy got there#usopp.... see how when oda writes the movies it feels different.... first steong world with namo and now stampede with usopp...#the relationship moments really hit.. i was gonna comment about zoro and the cursed sword but that was just focusing on him#well this one wasnt written by oda but supervised i will take it....#hina taking the kids aldjakskal...... smoker and hina best straight ship behind frobin imo..... baby 5 x sai number 3 spot#sabo....... actually thank you bc smoker thinks he can take anybody#hancock and buggy AJSJAKAKLQQ omg usopp dont cry....... luffy will KILL that guy for making usopp feel like that lmao YEAAAH!!!!!#law smoker sabo the luffy lover squad..... each in their own way lmao#hancock its been so long how are you <3 omg law what are you doing here <3 my brother sabo hello.#crocodile made the plan of course.... luffy lover member too#usopps bullets omg....#sanji and zoro against lucci omg..... YEAAAHHHH#wait a second straw hat crew costume by uniqlo design team??? THE DRIP!!!#luffy seeing ace beside luffy with the fire goodbye.... he is EVERYWHERE#talking tag#watching one piece#watching one piece movies
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the downside to being a sitcom neighbour sort of person is that when rough things happen and emotionally fuck u up a lil bit, it also sounds completely made up
#bert's dead dad tag#found out today the way my dad told mom he wanted a divorce?#he wrote her a letter and left it on the dining room table for her to find on the morning of her fortieth birthday#who the fuck does that dead father#like that is the sort of thing i would entirely make up if i needed everyone at the table to fuckin hate an npc#and at least one person would go 'you're laying it on a little bit heavy'#i know he did work to become a better person as he got older#which is good because BOY howdy was that man a piece of shit in the early 90s#and we are having Complicated feelings about it tonight and also for the last nine months#something something when i was writing his eulogy i came across an old article discussing something he did in the 90s#YDIP (your dad is problematic)#like yeah this is the sort of thing that would have been vaguely acceptable in the cultural context#but like. still objectively bad. potentially ruining several lives sort of bad.#learned this and then wrote the rest of his eulogy about how he was a great guy and how i'm lucky to have been his son#(which was rough enough on its own because i've never said 'i'm [dad's name]'s son' as many times as i did that trip home)#but like what else do you do? i sent off a message looking for more information#and that information if it comes is just gonna sit with me i guess#sure as hell not telling my sister and this whole thing i've been getting through without really having anyone here for me to talk to#(hence the big fuckoff tag rant. your problem now losers who like clicking the read more button)#so even if i get all the answers i want about this one thing it's not gonna do any good except putting an end to one question#but part of having a dead dad who's been out of the business of forming new memories since you came out is having more questions#answering this one's just gonna add even more questions to the pile#but. got fuckall else to do
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Just saw this comment on a story posted a month ago.
*cries in Eddie Munson Solo Series no one wanted to read, interact with or request for*
No shade to the person that commented this on their own fic if you recognize it. It's not their fault. I'm not mad at them. More crying in the tags.
#and no I didn't tag the solo series like I normally would because it's not about THAT. It's not about trying to get people to read it#It was just really ouchie to see the same concept I wrote 2 years ago get triple the notes in ONE MONTH.#and double the notes of my solo series masterlist in general in one month vs 2 years of my stories sitting there rotting#Then I see people saying they need more solo Eddie and I'm just here like my dudes I begged for requests. BEGGED. But bc I wasn't#/have never been a popular writer people don't want it from ME. It's like omg we want THIS but not like that. Not from you.#Can't help but let it get you down when nothing has changed in 2 years. It's not like I worked my way up and have the interaction now#that every other blog I used to commiserate with back in the day is getting currently. Fandom isn't a competition but it's not fair either#and I really struggle with that a lot of the time#Also yes I will concede I should be happy with the notes on the solo series because they are the highest of all the work on my page but#they're still nothing compared to what some people have just hours after posting a new story.#I saw someone complaining the other day that there are less new stories in the fandom than ever 1. That's simply not true. 2. Even if it wa#can you blame writers for giving up when readers are checking the same popular blogs over again or reading the same 5 tropes the same#2 pairings over and over. The same series? Over and over. Ignoring everything else and then complaining that their faves don't post enough?#That the popular writer with the incredible series (that rightfully deserves interaction) hasn't posted a new dad!eddie or rockstar!eddie#drabble in ages meanwhile there are writes out there pouring their souls into dad!eddie and no one reads it. There is so much rockstar Eddi#smut out there that it could sustain a brand new reader for an entire year before they needed a new fic#Idk man. I'm just feeling so defeated. I write for fun now. But there was a point in time where I desperately tried to build a platform by#offering requests and writing a lot of things I would not otherwise write to try and gain traction on my page and every time I see another#food fucking fic get hundreds of notes I get so sad that I wrote that stupid Melon fic because I had people in my life that told me#they would be excited to read it and for what? One of them still talks to me. The others moved on so fast. Most didn't even reblog it.#Some of them have since written their own food fucking fics that got triple the notes of my OG. Again. No shade to them. I don't own the#concept. It's just disheartening and fucking sad above all else. How hard I tried to get people to LIKE me and my stories. 😂#Just sad hours in general tonight my guys. Going to go and pour the bad feelings into Aftermath and then maybe make a bad life choice and#pour all my savings into an ipad#YES I KNOW first world problems. I know. That's why I try not to talk about it bc it seems so petty considering the state of the world#But you can't help what gets you down#EMMs Journal#EMM's Journal
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trying to convince myself that the progress im making on this comic still counts even if its just. writing stuff. WERE GETTING SOMEHWERE!!! EVEN IF NO ONE CAN SEE IT. IT STILL COUNTS IT STILL COUNTS IT STILL COUNTS!!!!
#i have two text documents for this#one where i specifically list out panels and the dialogue/composition for each panel as im drawing it#and onew where i explain the plot to myself like im 5#then i have a thumbnail canvas and then for the pages themselves eahc one gets thier own canvas#and im ripping my hair out as i realize i have to make tests comics for this all bc i DONT KNOW HOW I WANNA COLOR THISSSSSSS#I FEEL LIKE EVERY STEP I TAKE IM WALKING BACKWARDS bc i know im over thinking it#but the longer i take the worse it gets bc what if everyone's waited so long for this and its just SHIT#but also.... we know it's gonna be shit this is literally just for fun. who cares?!!?!#anyway#hopefully when im done cleaning a little bit i will get back to creating with a clear mind#bc holy hsit how long have i been sititng here working on all this shit tonight????? on top of the random shit??#im having so much fun even with how much ive put on my plate. i love having sth to take my mind off everything.#this stupid sheep keeps me sane and i love them so much
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man i love the people im surrounded with. how did this happen. youre all so lovely😭
#istg tumblr is the BEST place to find people#all my current online friends who im close asf with are people i found on here#my girl my besties hell even some of my mutuals i dont talk to bruh#almost all of em were found on here#who knew life would turn like this bro. who knew#its grateful hours rn stfu idc#like yall. i cannot put into words how much you mean to me#im finally getting out of a mental rut thats lasted me a few months (school related) (school just ended)#and the fact YALL STAYED BY ME???#its small nd yall r gonna be like dub miguel. friends do that#but i aint never had that#like the past three years around this same time i have lost people important to me and lost core support systems over and over and over#and it feels nice that im better enough/healed enough#and surrounded by people who truly care for me#that thats not the case anymore. its so liberating and god does it make me want to cry tears of gratefulness that this is my life now#i am loved in so many ways that i cannot even recount right now.#sorry maternity classes gang (group chat) im gonna lovedump later on you tonight probably#man. mann.#this is my life#like#/pos#thats so lovely man.#wanna namedrop yall so bad bc people deserve to know you all and deserve to know how beautiful and loving you are#but ik i shouldnt for privacy😭#ily all tho#even if we aint talk much ur presence is always appreciated by me#sorry sorry ill shut up now😭#indigo speaks#yapping
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the burnout is real lads . . . . .
#which is to say that i came home and just stared at the wall for roughly 2 hours instead of completing my documents#it was at least validating to get to talk to one of my coworkers today#and hear that they're just as burnt out as i am#and usually have to sit in the parking lot for 4 to 5 minutes before they come in because they just don't want to be here that badly#and it feels hard to admit because this is typically thought of as a passion driven profession#and it's like#neither of us have lost the passion for it???#it's not that we hate our jobs#it's just that we both feel like. we're putting in increasingly more effort week by week but we're just.#no longer getting results.#i mentioned how i feel like my faith in my ability to do this kind of work has just plummeted to zero#not at all helped by my mentor constantly pushing me to go faster and faster but then getting mad when my presentations go poorly#because i went faster or reduced the amount of material or cut the Q and A section down 10 minutes#i just feel . . . . . tired . . . . . . . . . . .#i still need to write three planning documents for tonight#one of which needs to be Really Good because my direct supervisor will be looking at it#but my god#i just want to sleep for three days straight and then stare at a wall for another three#i'm so close to the end though . . . . .#just another 15 of these documents (including the three from tonight) and that about covers my internship#of course then there's also the seminar work and the group project and all the fancy official employment documents#and. the portfolio project (a man screams in agony)#but god . . . . . . . .#so close . . . . . . . .#so close . . . . . .#once i'm free from the portfolio it's back to zola work and THEN . . . . . . . . . .#i can finally have a substantial mental health break for the first time since last may ;;; _____ ;;;
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#oh i am a bit tired tonight folks. had a nice time yesterday trawling through old pens forums and linking back some posts to here#(all with links because like - it's nice to share where you've found fun stuff right?) no point gatekeeping at all - we don't own content#and then the same old people once again somehow by chance post the exact same five or six photos 5 minutes after#and yeah. great minds think alike right? you were probably trawling a not touched since 2015 forum too at the same time. it's possible#and out of the hundreds of photos on there you decided to make the exact selection i did. it's possible right?#and truthfully i don't really care because i'm posting this stuff because my blog is MY personal archive and it's stuff I want to catalogue#but when you have blocked as many blogs and sideblogs as you can and people are still finding you and send you shitty anons for just...#daring to use the player tags? cataloging stuff by literally tagging the player's name? ughhhhh it's exhausting how can i block you when yo#are the tumblr equivalent of hydra regrowing a new fake sideblog pretending to be a different person every week.#sorry i know this ranting into the abyss is pointless but i have a few more posts scheduled for tonight and i know i'll wake up tomorrow#and miraculously the same ones will be posted on the same people's blogs 5 minutes after me and it's just so childish#but yeah. we all know who they are and i'm just a little tired of it and hearing the stories of people being harassed in their inboxes/dms#anyway anyway anyway. i think i shall just take a break from posting stuff because feeling a little disheartened! and uncomfortable#because i feel watched. please stop using other blogs to find me. please stop talking about me in your tags. touch some grass my friends
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my mom told me to go up to my room and listen to my records
#i just talked to her for awhile abt my stresses abt not caring abt exams this year. and how i feel like i havent been#studing as mnuchc as i need to#and we dugured out a plan#and so#tonight im not supposed to do anythig#and she said i should go listen to my rec ords#and i asked if i could blog too#and she said only if it was abt her (as a joke)#and so here i am delueverings on m promise#monologue
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had quite the night drive earlier this evening.
#just me rambling again#web weaving#(?)#uh. one of my friends who is out of town for college was visiting and i got to see him and our friends and the only core member of that#group of people missing was my ex girlfriend who you may also know of as my wonderful wife#who has I assume been very busy with their own life things but has also barely and very sparsely had any hint of communication with any of#us within the past few months which I've been realizing very recently sort of hurts my feelings because we used to be so close and#they had been saying that they would be constantly making sure we still were in each other's lives. but then very quickly have#seemingly dropped off the face of the earth#anyways. I was driving aforementioned friend who is in town back home (family home not college obv) and when i was finally going back#towards my house afterwards my Google maps finally lead me to an area that i was more familiar with driving and i got to an#intersection and it was telling me to take a right to go home but i knew that i knew the way perfectly from that intersection to my#ex girlfriend / best friend / wifes familys house from all of the times I've gone that direction through the past years and so#i turned off my directions and i took a left towards their house#not super sure why but my brain and body just knew it was something i needed to do and so i went and drove down their street and cried#a lot the whole time and then drove myself home from their house once again following a super familiar path#and idk im still feeling very emotional about it. the fact that halloween by noah kahan was the first song to play on Spotify#after i made that left turn im sure didnt help (knowing that i miss them so much and am going to be leaving this area myself#soon enough here and there's been an open offer for a while now that they are welcome to follow and live with me once they get their degree#(and also um. halloween is next week lol)#idk i just havent felt the full force of how badly i miss having them in my life until tonight. when i was around this person i could feel#our souls singing in harmony. i genuinely cannot describe the feelings of our relationship in words i feel like only vaguely abstract art#could communicate the connection that was forged between us and the level of understanding and knowing#something not dissimilar to looking into the sun directly or trying to describe a vivid color to someone who is completely blind#something about the way the entire universe breathes in unison and everything around us are all pieces of the same stars#sigh#i miss my wife tails i miss her a lot /ref
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GODS FUCKING DAMNIT WHY DID MY PARENTS DECIDE THAT A HOUSE LESS THAN 100 FEET AWAY FROM A HIGHWAY WAS A GOOD FUCKING IDEA
#I HAVE A FUCKING MIGRANE AND THE SEMITRUCKS AND MOTORCYCLES AND ASSHOLE BLARING BASE MUSIC SOUND LIKE THEYRE INCHES AWAY FROM MY EARS#IF THE NEIGHBORS START FAILING TO FIX THEIR DAMN BOAT OR BLARING MUSIC AGAIN I WILL TELL MY DAD TO GO SCREAM AT THEM#NORMALLY IM NICE BUT RIGHT NOW MY BRAIN IS TRYING TO KILL ME I DONT HAVE ENERGY FOR THIS BULLSHIT#but for now the neighbors are behaving it’s just the fucking highway I can’t move#FUCK a train better not go by tonight#we also live less than 100 feet from a major railway :)#I don’t know why my parents thought this house was the one to buy but I CANT FUCKING CHANGE THAT NOW CAN I#can’t wait to move out I swear to fuck#this is why I shouldn’t have chronic pain I become murderous when I’m hurting#silently screaming shaking with murderous intent at every little thing that bothers me#reaching for the nearest sharp object#but guess who has chronic pain from scoliosis and collapsed foot arches and neck problems that cause headaches and migraines?#THIS motherfucker right here; THATS who!#maybe I should stop ranting in the tags now and eat my chicken sandwich before the meds wear off#ooohh I should as my mom if it’s a good idea to take my loopy drugs#idk if they’re okay to mix with Tylenol or not#OH MY FUCKING GODS A TRAIN JUSF WENT BY#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#IM GOING TO FUCKING KILL SOMEONE#PROBABLY THE REALATOR WHO SAID THAT THESE TRACKS ARENT OPERATIONAL#anyway as I was saying I dunno if hydroxdezine (probably misspelled that) is okay to mix with Tylenol#but it’s great for when I don’t want to be conscious and rn that’s how I feel#imma stop now#randum thots
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I really need to stop reading my therapist's session notes given the psychic whiplash I experience half the time I read them, especially since im like 99% sure I shouldn't be able to see them in the first place, but like.... im so curious. I want to knowwwww
#at this point idk how to tell my therapist I can see them without going mask off and exposing myself for reading them like a fucking novel#like as soon as they are posted I am THERE its like buddy. chill tf out. you were there in the session. you know what happened.#you dont need a fucking play by play. but apparently I do#it helps me process stuff seeing the little extra tidbits of shit that gets dropped but also sometimes feels like a smack in the face.#It's mostly been validating and feeds my curiosity and better sense of self understanding though#also tonight I was like homie. girlie. buddy. we had our session last week why you only getting to the notes today? you doing ok?#I also feel bad cause the therapy is like. workin but also making my symptoms worse cause im in a bad place cause I dont wanna process shit#and therapy maakes me process shit. so like. that makes my brain both worse and better woooooo#we out here#googoogajoob
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