#How do I even get like a regular job
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ARGH maybe i should really have gone to engineering school or stuck with math i do like numbers and shit i also don't care. i loved robotics i was good at cpp and great at calc i could have stuck it out.
#I need this job to hire me or tell me I didn't get it so I can re evaluate my entire life#How do I even get like a regular job#My skills already feel so pigeonholed!!!#I do love history though it's just like... Who gives a shit#And why r so many random history jobs part time 20hrs a week. Like hello#I don't even like interp that much. I love research and especially enjoy content development#I like writing for work. I like variety in what I do#Idk
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We all know the semi-canonical ‘all the Robins know to hide/duck inside of Batman’s cape, even as adults’ thing.
We also know that Danny ‘is LITERALLY a ghost’ Fenton sucks at remembering his own intangibility while ALSO forgetting to look ahead of him.
All I’m saying is, Danny Fenton (or Phantom, if you’d really like) would absolutely SLAM into Batman on accident while running on roof tops and Bruce ‘Brooding Instinct’ Wayne doesn’t even think twice about letting the kid hide and scanning around for danger before there’s a record scratch of ‘wait who tf is this?’ kicks in.
#dp x dc#dpxdc#dc x dp#dcxdp#danny phantom crossover#listen I’m just SAYING#my initial thought is Fenton bc dark hair and how most of the robins have had dark hair#Danny isn’t even necessarily running from danger. he just got into parkour and forgot how to stop his momentum#I mean you CAN have him running from something. give this an ACTUAL plot#but honestly I just think it’d be a fun little setup#Danny peaks out and. in panic. goes#hi we’re the council of the dead. we’ve been trying to contact you and yours about your extended warranty#*extended life warranty or what have you#Danny hasn’t even gotten death vibes from anyone yet so now he has to wing it#yeah hi… uh. Batman sir. if that’s your preferred moniker?#right so we’re basically the ghost irs and you owe death taxes?#yeah you know the saying. death and taxes. guarantees of life. haha.#which in this case means you owe money bc you aren’t dead yet. probably. idk I uh. JUST got the job .#anyways ohhhh hi yep you’re. red hood. yeah so. mm. yeah we definitely need to get you to the ghostly dmv#it’s the same as a regular dmv but people have actually been bored to death in there#(meanwhile Batman is like WAIT IS THIS SMALL CHILD DEAD?!)#(SURE WHATEVER IM RICH HOW DO I FIND A GHOST ACCOUNTANT AND MORE IMPORTANTLY DO YOU RESPECT GHOST ADOPTIONS?)
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If someone reads your fic and doesn’t even give a kudos, you should be able to ban them from ever reading it again lmao
#like??#im good okay#i know im good#and im one of the only writers active on the fandom#there are a mere handful of us#i just don’t understand why you wouldn’t leave kudos#like comments I get I guess#you’re shy or you don’t know what to say or you don’t have time#but you can’t even give me a kudos?#like it’s maddening#how broken this fandom is#I’ve never experienced anything like it before#what do I have to do for you to tell me I did a good job 😭😭#obviously this is not about my regulars kudos and comments and keep my spirits up#fandom is symbiotic!!!#fandom tag#ao3#fanfic#Rox talks#this is obviously about the asj fandom
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woag. vibeo game?
(very rough still)
(but now theres more colours)
#game dev#my art#murderhouse makeover#fuck it whatever im probably never gonna do the legal shit for this#slim chance i even make it to uploading on itch lmao#turns out game dev takes a REALLY long time when you dont know what you're doing#also i should not have waited this long to make the actual win state. how the hell am i gonna quantify decorating a house#since filming this video ive made the main menu buttons nicer and fixed the storage system#one of these days i'll actually put effort into the video#but also. i dunno#ive been telling myself id have enough to do a demo for the last two years now. im so tired and i keep not finishing shit#between making this and my full time job and also making regular ass drawings to put on this blog i kinda wanna throw the towel in#stop reading here if you dont wanna see my sad ass thought process#im not the kinda guy that gets Big Successes. like even if i finish and polish this fully it'll sell MAYBE a hundred copies#its kinda hard to keep going on this with that weighing on me yknow. like ive wasted months of work on this#this has been my free time for the past two years#i dont know#I DONT KNOW
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working retail is making me remember how much i hate stupid customers btw
#so i work in a tiny nonprofit thrift store. right.#its one room w concrete floors and very compact shelving because there is just No Room for anything.#and our office/employee backroom/breakroom is a little corner with wood+canvas dividers separating it from the rest of the store#with LOTS of signs saying employees only nothing is for sale here etc etc etc#and there was a customer today who went through the divider to ''shop'' in the ''other section of the store''#and we didnt even KNOW someone was back there until she brought up one of my coworker's purses to ask how much it was </3#im so baffled. there are so many signs saying its employees only.#not to mention that the office is full of notes and paperwork and my boss's computer and filing cabinets and the fridge and microwave#its CLEARLY an office/break room. even if you ignore all the signs. and YET.#there's also people who will literally just steal. anything and everything#which like. i will always support shoplifting from walmart or another big retail company. in fact i encourage it.#but a tiny locally owned NONPROFIT thrift store that supports local arts ???? HELLO ????????????????#gah. i should be allowed to throttle one customer per day. i should get paid to do so#most of them are so so sweet. we have regulars who are in almost every day and they are the NICEST people ever#but its just those few who are absolutely the worst most selfish stupid people to ever live#woes from work#winter speaks#all complaining aside i do enjoy my job quite a bit more than i thought i would#i like my coworkers and i feel like im actually connecting with most of them#and i love my supervisor. i have so much respect for her she's an amazing person#you win some you lose some i guess. cool job i actually like but with stupid fucking customers who make me want to MURDER
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you will live to see sandwiches cost $20
#biting and killing#remember the 5 dollar footlong.....now i pay $15 dollars for HALF A SUB#i dont go to subway bc they dont have a gf option but the sub place with gluten free near me says the upcharge is only a dollar#and a 'regular' sub is literally half the sub and it's FIFTEEN DOLLARS#it's OVER 20 if you want the entire sub#i'm turning into the joker#20+ dollars sandwich.......#we gotta start killing these people#i make $100 a day at my new job and i dont reliably work wvery day or even most days in a week#i'm making $300 this week even w my side hustle photography im doing today#would love to get a sub for lunch after since my client os like two hours away but i CAN'T#i can't justify spending a quarter of my entire wages from yesterday on my lunch#how am i supposed to live laugh love in these conditions
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It's getting easier to be an adult, and I'm glad for it, considering we're 20 at this point. We still see ourself sometimes as an unprepared kid but there's other times where we're able to actually see ourself as a responsible, capable adult. It feels weird to look back at who we were and what we did as a teenager, even though we're only 20, and to see just how different we were
#We've been dating our partner since our mid-teens and every so often we think about how our relationship has grown#as we've both grown up. How we try to help each other navigate family and work and just adulthood in general#And a lot of our friends right now we've also known since our mid teens and again we kind of#grew up together. We've been thinking about how in the server we spend the most time in it's a regular thing now#for people to be helping each other out with stuff like job applications or moving house#We have difficulties actually going back and looking at things we've said even a few years ago. We start to#dissociate and we can get really mentally out of it. That's DID for you I guess. But we do what we can#because we think it's important to reflect so we can grow. I'm kind of rambling at this point hahaha#Rambling
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dw about it
i've gotten to a point where i can't really tell if i'm okay or not. maybe there is no Default state of being, but it's gotten to the point where i can't tell if i'm Actually Okay and the clouds and fuckery of my brain is telling me that i'm not or if I'm Not Okay and i'm just pretending that i am.
#or maybe it's both#one thing is for sure i haven't seen my friends or been able to talk freely for a period of more than four hours for the past#two months.#bluebird.txt#or maybe i just need to fucking sleep#i need to learn how to fucking drive#like fuck this shit at this point#and get a regular job#i won't be able to live alone for Multiple Years but fucking god#getting into the drivers seat immediately makes me cry#but i'll get over it because being trapped in this house and zero transportation all independence#and horrible terrible at asking for things because everything scares me and quite frankly#i do not feel comfortable around my parents far too often even if it's not really their fault#it kinda is but they don't know so i can't blame them bc it's not intentional#i just. i need to be able to leave. even if i come back i need to not be here i need to live with people who i can actually be myself aroun#i am an introvert but i am also a social creature and need those people who i can scream incoherently at#i need. to be a real person. i need to be real me. i need to be free to see those people more regularly than thrice a fucking year.#okay. done now. gonna go eat. fuck.#i don't know. maybe it's the 11pm but this is not sustainable i think#or maybe it's the 11 pm
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finally watching the hidden inventory episodes solidified the fact that i love toji and i will unfortunately never be a stsg lover
#now i’m so excited to finish bc yuuuuujiiiiiiiiiiiii my babyyyyyyyyyyyy#i mean it’s gonna be rough but i’ll watch it for him and him alone#the last ep definitely gave me more empathy for geto but it’s just… sigh. i can see why people love him#but to me he’s the kind of person i’d never be able to fully trust. he holds too much back. the theatrics replaced earnestness.#and even when he was earnest there was a clear sense of self-importance and superiority#the stsg relationship is tragic but also it emphasizes how self-absorbed gojo was#i’m not saying he was a bad guy but he saw signs and didn’t dig any deeper. ofc geto could’ve said something and didn’t but#that’s often the case for people in crisis.#and it’s a systemic issue esp. in the jujutsu world#there’s a distinct lack of empathy#sorcerers protect common people because they’re superior and regular people are inferior#but there’s also a pervasive sense of hopelessness bc you know that everyone around you will likely die a gruesome and premature death#so it makes sense why geto defected and why gojo acted the way he did#what do you do when you’re stuck in a tragic system?#they’re both sides of the coin#anyway. sorry for my nonsensical ramblings.#i know people have already said stuff along these lines it’s just inchresting to watch it all animated.#ALSO i think it’s so weird that toji gets clowned for being ‘obsessed’ and having ‘beef’ with teens like#a. he was doing his job and knew he would have to take gojo and geto out to accomplish it#and b. his issue is with what they represent—jujutsu society as a whole. the haves and have nots.#his goal was to uproot the jujutsu world. and while he didn’t accomplish the goal in his lifetime he certainly rocked the boat#and incited future events
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it's kind of like amazing what being properly medicated and like leaving ur house and doing things with other people and like being a part of ur community can do for ur mental health.....
#the wretched gremlin strikes again#like i went on the group outing for the mental health centre club house yesterday and i had group therapy today#and i go to events at the cinema and like the guys at the cinema know me by name#and the people at the pharmacy know me and always ask how i'm doing when i'm in there even when i'm not getting my prescriptions#and like i used to have pretty bad social anxiety and i've noticed since i was put on the zoloft my social anxiety is basically like gone#and like i talk to my neighbours and stuff when i'm out with my dad and the dog#it's kind of wild just how much better i'm doing now compared to like last year#also like i'm being given access to like resources#like the mental health centre club house can help me access housing support and like job support and other supports#like learning how to cook and other programs like the social things and the exercise program and music therapy and mindfulness programs!!#and like i actually have a case manager and psychiatrist#and i have regular appointments and i go to group therapy now too!!!#lots of people are like living in a small town sucks so bad#and like yeah there isn't too much to do here but i'm actually doing a lot better in a smaller town than i did in the city#in the city like i was not given any kind of resources or support because there's so many people who also need it#and there's only so many resources available and often times i'm not considered someone who should get resources#because there were people who were worse off than me and considered people who needed it more than i did#idk it's just nice that i'm actually getting help instead of falling through the cracks like i normally would#and it's nice to be doing better
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my family don't be annoying about my weight challenge (impossible)
#vent#fatphobia#it's just. aughhhh#i'd rather be fat and enjoy the food i love instead of be thin and miserable#i just mentioned how my double chin feels funny (like is swollen) and never really noticed its feel#and my dad took that as an opportunity to be like “well its because you eat and don't exercise” like. ok#yeah i'm out of shape but thats because i've been too depressed to work out or even get out of the house#i've only recently improved because i got a job by sheer luck#i'm pretty sure i'm not going to shed 90 pounds by working out either#you want me to starve myself? huh? is that what you want mother fucker??#i wouldn't mind eating healthy either. i do love vegetables and fruits#its just that no one in this household knows how to prepare them properly INCLUDING ME#I CAN'T EVEN COOK WHAT I LIKE BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS STUPID HOUSE WOULD EAT IT SINCE THEIR DIETS SUCK ASS BUTT AUGH#my dad has the audacity to drink nothing but soda and say this shit to me#my grandma's also been bitching about my health. thats how i found out she's been withholding all my health information from me for years#fuck my cringe ass fail family for real#sorry. back to your regular posting i just needed to get this out somewhere
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Current mood <3
#I love himmm💘💘💘#my pretty man I just want to cradle his face in my hands and kiss him dizzy😭#not to brag but I just really like how he turned out in that drawing😭 I hope I can get him to look as handsome when I draw him again#which might unfortunately not be too soon because I really need to sit my ass down and work on my thesis💀#I think I really need to commission art of Heinz in my semi-realistic design at some point🥺#I wanna see how other ppl draw him (and he doesn't get a lot of fanart anyway regardless of artstyle or design)#tho if things go well I might actually get a part-time job in the next months so I'll have regular income to buy pretty art of him hehe💕#I get pocket money but I just tend to feel bad about spending too much instead of saving it#even though my parents tell me I should sometimes just treat myself if I really want something lol as long as I'm doing it responsibly#but I'm not sure if buying drawings of some hot cartoon dude would fall under responsible lol#f/o: 🚂#2nd dimension doofenshmirtz#f/o appreciation#f/o gush#self ship#self ship gush#selnia talks
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my albino kribensis died tonight :( I'm still looking into it, I'll put like test details and stuff in the tags, I'm so at a loss....i found him probably minutes within death because i check on them so often. was going around saying goodnight to tanks before lights out and found him. super super bummed. it was barely more than a week but i really liked him...
#yeah I'm extremely sad#i think i have an ok understanding of pet death cuz of my job. like I'm able to focus at least and not get discouraged like-#-ok I'm extremely sad but let's get out the test kit and remember these things just happen#but this particular fish was so cool :( he was already personable#always came out to see me#that's how i knew something was wrong. he didn't come out so i looked behind stuff and found him covered in snails#i found him so quickly the snails hadn't even made a dent he's PERFECTLY intact. like weirdly intact. looked all over-#-and not a scratch.#the female seems freaked out too#analytical time: i tested and there was an ammonia spike. there's no way it would've spiked that fast from his dead body#could've been leftover food but i did a regular 25% water change yesterday and the food hasn't been in there long#it's out of nowhere i really don't know what happened or if i did something wrong#not trying to beat myself up at all just if i DID do something wrong i want to know so i don't do it again#animal death#m2a#uggghhhhh......#just sad#Jose said something nice. i was saying how it's such a bummer that i only had him a week yet fell so in love during that short time#and he said well there you go he gave you a very happy week#lol it's exactly something i would say to a client..... like thanks honey
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yeah no im not going to lie to you gewls. the psychic damage of having to apply for the full-time version of my internship a year ago was kinda unbearable but like it made sense that i had to do that. but the psychic damage of having to apply for the literal EXACT same job that i am CURRENTLY IN just at a regular status with better benefits… is quite simply unspeakable. make it make sense.
#purrs#i feel horrible for complaining abt it bc again… im potentially getting fast tracked to regular status and a raise and that is an extremely#generous big deal. but how the fuck am i supposed to do any of this. like you mean i have to do a peasant dance ON THE PODIUM after winning#the dance competition ⁉️⁉️⁉️ like how do i even write this cover letter or ask for references or anything. i get why they have to do a searc#so it’s equitable and fair and whatever but this position was MADE for me and im already in it like… it’s fucking embarrassing for everyone#involved. why are we going through all of this why are you making me a dog in a thundervest AGAINNNNNN. attacka you attacka you attacka you.#delete later#like i feel so much despair agout it but it’s also so upsetting it’s funny. of course i have to apply for my own job not once but TWICE.#hell watch it be three times too once i finish killing myself getting a masters degree i don’t even want 😍😍😍😍😍😍 it’s all rainbows and#sunshine until they decide i have to walk across the coals one more time just for kicks huh. and you wonder why im on the verge of a nervous#breakdown literally constantly and am extremely distrustful and paranoid about anything having to do with my positioning in this work LOOOOL#like actually wha happened last year was i walked across the coals and then as soon as i made it safely to the other side a volcano erupted#and we all drowned in lava but i survived and now it’s like oh you have to walk across the coals again 😇 LIKE STFU DID YOU NOT SEE WHAT HELL#IJUST OVERCAME. IS THAT NOT ENOUGH FOR YOU PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!! but it isn’t of course and i get it but also like WHAT the fuck. this sux 😍
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.......you know, I don't know why I ever assumed that Noel WASN'T on the spectrum....
#very focused on the job#really bad at social cues but automatically defensive#does well enough when something's explained to her but doesn't pick up on relationship cues#like having a desk thrown at her by a toxic girlfriend#how do I still not have her in this game???#I know I'm not gonna pull her Halloween skin either#because I"ve missed her Christmas and her Regular with EVERY SINGLE ATTEMPT#I've almost got Ninny maxed#but do I get Noel? noooooooo#I got Bruno and Macy#TWO Brunos even#and two Ninnies#but I don't get to have my neurodivergent daughter :(#burn the witch#noel niihashi#ninny spangcole
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Lol out of curiosity I looked up my old job on Indeed and yes they ARE urgently hiring for the position and if I didn't get treated like dog shit for expecting a stress free work environment with reasonable expectations and not wildly cunty management who seemed to be under the impression they were doing THE most important job at THE most important store ever maybe I wouldn't have just not shown up one day 🤷🏻♀️ asshole thing to do to my poor coworkers but I didn't even have the energy to quit right after spending a month and a half feeling deeply surveilled at every aspect of my job lest I get another frivolous writeup no one else got for doing their jobs worse than me so fine. You want me gone enough to threaten my livelihood and SHRUG when I point out I have rent to pay, fine, but I wouldn't put up with that behavior from anyone in my life generally and I LIKE those people so my JOB pulling bullshit? Oh hell no, if I wouldn't take it from people I CHOOSE to be around on purpose I ain't taking shit from a fucking JOB. I refuse to be in a work environment that's unaware it's a GROCERY STORE, not a 5 star establishment frequented exclusively by world leaders or some shit. Like Sam, my job is cooking food at a fucking sobeys and you're acting as if I'm disarming bombs it's so important get reasonable priorities and standards for employees and then apply them equally to managers and not EXCLUSIVELY minimum wage staff 🙄
Which is funny because my new job everyone seems surprised with how fast I've caught on to stuff down to a coworker yesterday telling me he thought I worked in a shoppers prior to the pharmacy I'm in because Im catching on so quick. This isn't unusual for me either, some time in the last five or so years I've found every workplace I'm at I end up being heavily relied on because I'm good at my job, so fucking sucks to suck for sobeys because it took me some week or so to be consistently praised for being better at the job than the guy I replaced only for them to throw that out because they think management should be able to do whatever the fuck they want while they shove minimum wage staff under a fucking microscope to ensure they're doing their shit right and even that isn't consistent. They punished me exclusively because I did not lay down to be treated as a door mat and dished the treatment I got handed. If you treat me like shit I WILL treat you the way you treat me, no worse, and sometimes a little better because I don't lose my moral standards in that treatment either. Just because I'm being an ass doesn't mean I'm willing to do whatever the fuck, just enough to ensure that the person who's decided I'm their new plaything knows that'll be going both ways so fuck off. I've never had a job so willing to keep on shit management they had at LEAST a dozen meetings with regarding performance and I was the one who got punished for being frustrated about that. But I will take a new significantly less stressful job 🙌🏻
#winters ramblings#anyway theyre “urgently hiring” and if they listened when the fuck i told them i was so stressed i was clenching my fists#so hard in my sleep my hands would be DEAD STIFF and locked in place in the morning and required me to carefully massage them#and exercise the muscles and even then my hands still hurt. i told them ive been throwing up from stress AND i told them i was job hunting#because this was all bullshit. they KNEW where i was at and they should have listened but they didnt so fine#fuck me around 17 ways to sunday teo can play at that game and i didnt come here to be involved in a game at all#but force me onto that fucking biard then dont get mad when i flip it and walk away#im a grown assed adult i have no patience for workplaces that don't understand youre not a fucking slave#and the workplace isnt something Extremely Important And Special its a cucking GROCERY STORE and i wasnt even workinh#one if the jobs that DOES absolutely make a grocery store necessary i made fucking hot food everyone treated as Top Notch Shit#when ut was frozen boxed chicken strips and ut us INSULTING to me to teach me HOW to cook fucking BOXED FOOD#and NO i did bot take that “”“too personally”“' while they were trying to ”improve“ store standards#its fucking BOXED CHICKEN STRIPS guys why the fuck are we treating it like ROCKET SCIENCE??!?#i dont actually think its unreasonable to be angry your manager cannot even trust you to make food from a fucking BOX#without a chef coming in and treating you like some kind of idiot whohas never made a food in my LIFE despite#me cooking a lot more complicated shit at home on a regular basis. give me a fucking BREAK acting as if#it was StOrE sTaNdArD changes or whatever do YOU nit understand boxed food isnt HARD to make or do you need that explained#to you?? like i take shit too personally no YOU have unreasonable standards for EXCLUSIVELY your lowest wage staff#and im NOT bring held to a higher working standard than MANAGEMENT
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