#and like i actually have a case manager and psychiatrist

[clowngremlin]

it's kind of like amazing what being properly medicated and like leaving ur house and doing things with other people and like being a part of ur community can do for ur mental health.....

[kitkat-of-doom]

.

[nvuy]

The Halloween stranger au has me in an actual chokehold PLS—

you didn’t ask but i have so much more for hsr.

tw for typical halloween slasher fics talk — murder, blood, gore, obsession, stalking, yandere themes, overall horror themes & subjects.

sunday & robin in a wrong turn (2021) / mandy (2018) / midsommar (2019) spin off: where, surprise surprise, your car breaks down and you get picked up by a sweet girl who introduces you to her small private town off the highway. she expresses that her town is due to have a religious celebration over the weekend, and it’s going to be a bit to get your car repaired in town.

you’re introduced to the family head who is oddly pleased to meet you, and says you’re just perfect for the celebration. somehow, along the way, as repressed and closed in robin is, she turns her affections for you—the most normal person she’s met—into this strange twisted romance. you’ve somehow seduced her, and sunday finds out.

as revenge, sunday brings you in for questioning. he’s disgusted that someone like you—who he now labels as some sort of antichrist—can trudge into this town, sully and ruin his sister’s innocence. somehow, however, you manage to seduce him, though not on purpose. you plead your case and promise to leave and never come back, but as you’re being held captive, sunday finds himself falling victim to whatever curse you’ve inlaid upon him.

doctor ratio in gothika (2003): where you work as a psychiatrist and struggle to help your patients. your coworker, doctor ratio, has continuously held down his advances and interests towards you, despite the chemistry. you then wake up confused as a patient in the hospital you used to work at, and doctor ratio does everything in his power to believe you and help you out.

and despite how much you plead and beg to be set free, he can’t do anything that would result in you hurting him, someone else, or even worse, yourself.

acheron and black swan in scream (1996): two girls crash into your house, chase you around with knives, killed all of your friends and anyone that tried to make any advances on you in the past. two repressed homosexuals running after ANOTHER repressed homosexual (you)? banger.

and yes, you do shove a grand piano down the stairs. and yes, black swan gets smacked right in the face with it. all the better when you’re dragged by your hair into the bedroom and she has a nice bruise on her face, and acheron is extremely pissed off.

jing yuan or argenti in the candyman (1992): the ghost in the mirror that only comes out once someone has uttered its name three times becomes infatuated with a detective trying to investigate the mysterious disappearances and murders over the infamous ghost story.

both argenti and jing yuan fit the personality of sinister, yet gentle and beautiful, where the candyman in the original 1992 slasher worked more to seduce his victims that outright murder them.

blade in a the boy (2016) / halloween (1978) spin off: where you find another resident living in your house after investigating a series of strange knocks. you end up communicating with the supposed ghost that haunts your home.

and it is only when you fall victim to an unfortunate home invasion that the apparent ‘ghost in the walls’ is a real man that’s been living in your attic for years, and has been watching your every move.

he’s also developed an unhealthy obsession with you—and, boy, has it been a while since you’ve seen certain articles of clothing.

[suckerforcate]

making my first emily request, not read much of it yet bc i'm worried about spoilers and i'm only on season 4 (tbf have fucking blasted through it so far, watching multiple eps a day).

emily/reader, reader is hotch's little sister who isn't part of the bau but works with them occasionally. hotch Does Not Know about her and em. unclear if he even knows she's gay. any other details of it are up to you bestie, i trust you 💚

Segreto Piccolo

Pairing: Emily Prentiss x fem!Reader

Word Count: 1336

Warning: I think none?

Summary: Emily and you had been dating for a few months and now you're brother had found out (set around season 3 or 4)

A/n: OK, so this is the first time I've ever written for Em. I hope it's okay? Hope it's not too ooc. Would be delighted by a comment or repost!!! <3

■----------------------------------------■

“Come on, babe. He won’t rip your head off.” You nearly whined and gave Emily the best puppy eyes you could manage. You’d been dating her for a few months now, it was all still very fresh, but you really liked her. A lot.

Your brother, Aaron Hotchner, was the Unit Chief of the BAU and sometimes brought you in for cases. You worked as a children’s psychiatrist and had turned out to be very helpful on cases involving children. In any form, as victims, as witnesses and as UnSubs. On one of those cases, you had met Emily Prentiss. Truth be told, she had caught your eye immediately, but it had taken you three more cases to actually ask her out. She was amazing, not to mention absolutely gorgeous. She was smart and quick-witted, an amazing Profiler, adorable with kids and really funny. And after you had started dating you had learned that she loved with all she had. And it was wonderful.

Except for one thing. She was afraid of telling your brother. Emily hadn’t been on the team for long, and now she hooked up with his baby sister? He’d kill her. Or at least that’s what she assumed. She didn’t know Aaron like you did. He could be stoic and serious at work, but he was a sweetheart and a wonderful brother. He loved you and all he wanted was you to be happy. He might need some time adjusting, but he could never be mad for long.

“He’ll kill me, Tesoro. He’s only just warmed up to me.” She grumbled and you knew that was true. Her start on the team had been a bit bumpy. The whole situation was ridiculous. The two of you were cramped in about the smallest room in the whole building. A little storage room. You could feel some sort of utensils press into your spine, and you saw a box of pencils just over Emily’s shoulder. All in all, ridiculous to talk about something like this, at work, while hiding.

“No, he will not, Emily.” You pressed on, your hand still on her hip. Truthfully it didn’t really have anywhere else to go in this cramped space. “It might shock him a bit, but he’ll come around. Please, Em. You know how important Aaron is to me. I want him to know.” You explained what you had explained at least five times before and again gave her puppy dog eyes she rarely could refuse.

You could see her melt under your gaze and just as she wanted to answer the door to the small room opened, and you were faced with your brother’s usual serious expression. His expression didn’t change much, but you could see a subtle twitch of his eyes. His eyes wandered from you to Emily and back to you again. “Office. Both, now.” And he was gone. Emily groaned and closed her eyes.

“It’ll be fine, Em.” You tried to reassure her. You knew he’d probably be more disappointed than anything, cause you hadn’t told him. He didn’t even know you liked women. Emily let her head fall against your shoulder. “We had a nice few months, dolcezza. But I think I’m walking into my own death now.” She really had a hang for drama. Playfully you slapped her shoulder and chuckled.

“Don’t be ridiculous. Come on, babe.” You said and took her hand to lead her into your brother's office. No point in hiding it now. Besides, you had the suspicion that Penelope had known right from the start and that meant that at least Derek knew as well. And JJ was perceptive, Spencer on the other hand not so much for a Profiler. But what does it matter?

You led Emily through the bullpen and up the few steps right to Aaron’s office door. It was open, and your brother was already looking at you. No need to knock, you thought. You simply stepped inside, Emily practically needing to be dragged in there behind you. You motioned her to close the door and very reluctantly she let go of your hand to do so.

Aaron got up and rounded his desk, standing in front of you, his hands in his pockets. His features softened visibly. The way they did at work only if you were around. Or if Jack came to visit. “Why didn’t you tell me you like women?” He asked, and you saw a hint of surprise on Emily’s face in the corner of your eye. She didn’t know that he didn’t know. But contrary to what she probably believed now it hadn’t been because you were scared to come out or anything. You simply shrugged.

“I thought I’d tell you if I’ll ever get a girlfriend and then I kind of never did.” You said and looked at him a bit sheepishly. “But now I do.” You said and smiled proudly, which warmed Emily’s heart immediately and calmed her immensely. Aaron even cracked a very small smile. Then he looked at Emily at the small vanished. You grabbed Em’s hand and squeezed it reassuringly.

“You’ve been here little more than a year and start dating my sister, Prentiss?” He said and studied Emily. You could say he was profiling her. Emily opened her mouth, no doubt to defend herself. But Aaron gave her not a second. “Remember, I’m your superior. Hurt her, and you’ll fly off this team faster than you can blink.” You had to hide a small giggle. Aaron rarely played protective brother. It was a bit funny to see almost all colour fade from Emily’s face. She interrogated Serial Killers, but your brother was too much.

“Alright, Aaron. Enough of that.” You said and drew his attention back to you. He softened a bit again and pulled you into a rare hug. No words. Just a hug. And that was enough. Then he rounded his desk and sat down again.

“You're invited for dinner on Saturday.” He said right before you were out of his office. It nearly looked comedic, the way everything in Emily’s face fell as soon as she heard him. You quickly closed the office door behind you and grabbed her hands.

Emily wasn’t the relationship type. She hadn’t had a lot of them, and they had never been very long. Or at least that’s what she had told you. She was always afraid of somehow fucking it up. You squeezed her hands until she was looking at you.

“It’ll be fine. He didn’t rip your head off now, he won’t on Saturday. And Jack will love you, which is basically the way to Aaron’s heart.” It did little to calm the brunette. She swallowed hard and nodded slowly.

“What do I wear? How do I act? Do I buy him something? Wine? I’ve never done this before, dolcezza.” She rambled, and it would have been cute if she hadn’t looked so worked up.

“You’ll wear something nice. Which you always do. I promise Aaron will just be wearing a T-shirt. You act like yourself which is the way I love you. And wine is a good idea but absolutely not necessary.” You assured her, answering one question after another. You had been so concerned about calming her that you hadn’t really thought about the exact words you had used.

“Love?” She asked a bit perplexed. Maybe it was a bit early but with Emily? How could you not love her. You grinned a bit stupidly. “Of course, you idiot.” She cracked a smile at that, and you were very thankful for that. You’d walk through hell to see that smile.

“Ti amo anch'io, tesoro.” She whispered against your lips, having leaned in. The kiss was a bit sloppy, cause you were both smiling like lovesick idiots. Which you kind of were.

“Oh my god, this is adorable!” A very excited voice called through the bullpen, unmistakably Penelope’s. Emily and you broke apart, laughing softly. You stood incredibly close to each other, hands still intertwined. Both your head turned, and you weren’t surprised to see the whole team stare at you. Most of them just smiled knowingly. Spencer looked like he had missed about twenty chapters, which her kind of had. His head turned from us to JJ next him.

“Wha-?” Everyone just laughed fondly. Everything was fine.

[fountainpenchess]

I think terms and identities like aromantic, aplatonic and loveless are good ways to depathologize ways of being that are actually non harmful to anyone, such as, in this case, not feeling a certain way that is socially expected. sure, it can be a trauma response, just as it can be neurodiversity or just their personality, but making people feel faulty and mentally ill is not going to improve their lives and definitely ignores their autonomy to determine how they feel and want to live.

maybe accept that aromantic, aplatonic and loveless people just feel in a different way or simply don't feel certain emotions. a better society should accept that not everyone is going to feel a certain way and focus on actually helping anyone (again, including those who don't feel or do it in different ways) to have access to all the resources they need to live, manage uncomfortable emotions if they have them and connect with others if they want to.

and if an aromantic, aplatonic and/or loveless person wants to connect with others, then they have the right to do it in ways that are comfortable for them and that actually makes them fill fulfilled and happy. it's okay if they don't change or "heal", as it is often expressed by psychiatrists, psychologists and society in general if their aromanticism, aplatonism and lovelessness is related to trauma or neurodiversity. the "healing" and pathologizing framing imposes not only interpretations of live experiences (damaging/healing), it also imposes an only way to be well (that is healed instead of sick, and this healing comes always in the ways that are deemed acceptable by sanism and ableism). aromantic, aplatonic and loveless could just stay the way they are because there's nothing wrong with them. there's no "fixing" to do, they are not broken. they can be happy without the relationships or feelings that demanded by society (romance, platonic feelings, love) because their own view of happiness doesn't include them.

there's no reason to impose others to be or live a certain way, as in this case where we are talking about how a group of people feel and prefer to connect or not connect to others which is something deeply personal, besides (social) control, which it's inherently oppressive. we should work towards a society that doesn't take away autonomy nor impose certain ways to feel and connect. we should work towards a society that doesn't classify people as sick or bad to coerce them to change if they don't feel the way they are expected to.

and, of course, this is often done so that they can be "useful" for capitalism and it's social reproduction, which only benefits those who are in dominant positions as they can exploit others.

amatonormativity, platonormativity, sanism and ableism are deeply connected, as their oppression often comes at the hands of the psychiatry system and it manifests in pathologization through diagnoses, stigma and forced treatment.

[creativepromptsforwriting]

Hi, I love your blog it is SO helpful! <3 I am writing a fanfiction with original characters and I am struggling so badly trying to figure out what jobs these people would have (as extremely wealthy people) My brain always goes to like business man in the city, and that is SO broad and I can't think of what these jobs could be. Is there a chance you could make a list of jobs of any type really if it isn't too much? Thank you! :D

Hi and thank you, I'm happy it's helpful for you!

I actually have a list in my queue for the weekend that is a Workplace AU list. So places where people can work in AU stories. But I could also think about doing a whole job list. Since that AU list in coming up, I'm just going to leave a few suggestions for your specific case here for you:

High-paying jobs in the city:

Business + IT sector:

chief executive officer

chief marketing officer

chief information officer

project manager

sales manager

corporate counsel

software engineer

web developer

engineering manager

IT systems manager

data scientist

cloud engineer

analytics manager

Judicial branch:

judge

attorney

lawyer

corporate lawyer

Financial sector:

investment banker

broker

financial planning and analysis manager

Medical sector:

cardiologist

neurologist

psychiatrist

surgeon

dentist

orthodontist

anesthesiologists

clinical pharmacist

clinical director

- Jana

[itmeansiris]

The Solar System Legacy Challenge: Emotions Gen 1 pt.93

CW: Crude Language, Mentions Death, Surgery Complications

Kason went to find the family and deliver the news. The abrasive hospital lights added to his already haunted expression. First, Mercury was still in surgery. She suffered from a head contusion, two broken ribs, and a broken arm. The fractured ribs turned into a bigger issue, puncturing her right lung, and causing it to collapse. The surgeon was forced to perform a pleurodesis. During the procedure, her heart stopped.

The surgeon managed to revive her, before mending the tear in her lung, now they were working to stop some internal bleeding, made worse during the resuscitation process. Subsequent to that information he told them about Paris's plan.

Though they were relieved to hear M was alive, they were equally devastated to hear how serious her injuries were and she wasn't out of the woods yet. That sadness was channeled into outrage towards Paris, their anger twofold due to her fictional rendition of events.

The triplets were still held in the Pediatrics unit with Spirit when Kason delivered the double-edged sword.

Earlier, Dr. Brawner; the triplet's pediatrician, confirmed that Venus sprained her wrist. After an examination and a brief conversation, Dr. Brawner bandaged Venus's wrist before informing Spirit and Peyton that she intended to keep all the kids longer. She wanted to monitor Venus's range of motion but also sent in a child psychiatrist to observe the triplet's behavior, specifically Venus.

As the adults waited for another update on Mercury, Beckett excused himself to locate Spirit and check on the triplets. The remaining party discussed ways to clear Kason's name in the event the police started to believe that Paris's tall tales held any merit.

Winter: M came to see us when you were on that business trip. She definitely showed me and Peyton your text about that bitches disgusting behavior.

Kiersten: I have plenty of videos and pictures from Rufus, showing Paris basically sexually harassing the entire office.

Winter: Let's not forget all the information that Takara gathered during M's lawsuit against the paparazzi.

Peyton: I still have all the text you sent me from the first week you started training her. They’re pretty specific and there is no way we fabricated them they're time and date-stamped.

Kason ignored them, once again overwhelmed by what he believed were his own shortcomings.

Kason: I'll take care of it, this is my fault I deserve whatever happens. If I’d pushed Greg harder to do something or called the police, M wouldn't be...None of you should have to deal with this. I failed, just like Detective Jerk-off said.

Peyton: Will you give it a rest! This is her fault and her fault alone! Unless you want to tell us that you tried to have M and the kids killed for money? Because if that's the case then, yes, you're on your fucking own! Otherwise, shut the hell up and let us help you!

Kason: Don't you ever say that shit to me again!

Winter: Peyton, calm down.

Peyton: No! I'm sick of his fucking pity party. Could he have done more, yes, but we all could have done more! We all knew! But, your family needs you now and all you can do is cry about how it's all your fault. Wah, wah, wah. Your kids are handling this better than you are and according to you they actually got to see what happened. Grow up, dude!

Winter: Peyton!

Kiersten: Guys...

Kason: Fuck you, Peyton.

Peyton: Thats my nieces, my nephew, and my best friend!

Winter: And those are his wife and kids!

Peyton: Then he needs to pull himself together! This is exactly what Paris wants. She hopes you'll fold and won’t be able to fight her allegations. Then all her little stories will start to look true, as you hide away waiting for someone to come looking for answers. Don't isolate yourself! When Dad died you did the same thing. You wouldn't let me be there for you then, but let us be here for you now!

Kiersten: I'm not sure what happened with your dad, but he's right Kason. This isn't your fault. Not this nor the fire. I'm sorry, I know I haven't been...I haven't... I shouldn’t have...I'm so sorry, but you must know, that none of us blame you for Paris's actions. So, please don't destroy yourself over this. It's not what M or Rufus would want for you.

Kason looked around at the group. Their faces mirrored his tumultuous emotions. Terror and indignation were at the forefront, but their eyes lacked the dejection he was sure shone from his own. Instead, their eyes held compassion, and patience, and just below that was a hint of caution.

Kason: [sigh] I'm sorry, I just.. I can't believe this is happening. But Peyt- you guys are right. I need to stop sulking and get it together and I do need your help.

Peyton: Ahhh! Like music to my ears. Say it again!

Winter: Really Peyton?

She bit back an involuntary smile.

Kiersten: How does he jump from angry mob to comedian like that?

She asked, bent over in a fit of giggles. Kason shook his head, but he had a small grin on his face.

Kason: Good grief. Is he really my brother?

Peyton's comment had provided some momentary relief from the otherwise tense situation. The group resumed the discussion more cohesively.

They broke down Paris's story into key components. First, Kason and Paris being "Official". They compiled a list of events that could dispute that claim. Next, they moved on to her claims that Kason wanted a divorce. Kiersten mentioned the article in Simblr Magazine about their "alleged divorce". Kason countered, pulling up M’s simstagram response to the magazine with the photos from their Spooky Day party.

Winter: The guest and the paparazzi can attest to the validity and authenticity of their relationship from that night alone. They were all over each other.

Kason: The guest sure, but the paparazzi are out for blood. After they lost the lawsuit for slander they've been following M around constantly. I don't think it's a coincidence they showed up at the supermarket and hospital so fast. No way they found out so quickly unless someone was already following us.

Winter: Or Paris tipped them off. She did give those pictures of you and Madison to them, I wouldn’t put it past her to want an audience for her little….performance.

Winter wrinkled her nose in disgust.

Peyton: I want to believe there isn't a sim alive who would have known this was going to happen, and didn't try and stop it, even if they are paparazzi looking for a story.

Kason: I wouldn't be so sure.

Peyton pushed the conversation along.

Peyton: let’s leave that miserable scenario right where it is. What about the reports you made at work and the fire? Those reports have to be on file and your boss fired her because he thinks she was the cause of the fire. That has to be useful for something.

Kason: He actually agreed to release her because she attacked a new IT team member in the break room. The fire started while I was wrapping up the conversation about terminating her.

Winter: Have you spoken to him? What are his thoughts on the fire?

Kason: I have. He’s almost as convinced as I am that she started the fire, but he won’t do anything until we have that camera footage. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t want more bad blood between himself and Mr.Amyot, which is why he isn’t handling this more aggressively.

Kiersten’s soft voice cut in.

Kiersten: Can we just wait for M and the kids, please? I-I can’t talk about this anymore.

The silence that followed her plea was deafening. Just three days earlier her husband had been in that exact fire. Today, he was two floors above them, recovering in one of Brindelton General's many hospital beds.

Kason: Sure Kiersten. Sorry.

Peyton and Winter took that as their queue to end the conversation. Kason and Kiersten took a seat on the bench, while Peyton and Winter took up a position a short distance away, comforting each other quietly. Kiersten shivered from the fridge hospital air, she stared at the floor with sad eyes.

Kiersten: Stop apologizing. It's just…hard talking about people you care about being hurt, and for what; because of one person's jealousy? We shouldn't need to have this conversation. It’s just all wrong.

Kason: Believe me, I know what you're feeling. Rufus has quickly become one of my best friends. I hate that I couldn't do more for him.

Kiersten: When I said people I care about, that includes you. I know I haven't behaved like a good friend lately and it would be easy to blame it on hormones, but that wouldn’t be unfair. I was upset, confused, and scared and took it out on you. I'm sorry, you didn't deserve that. You are Rufus's best friend. You and M have become very dear to me and the kids. I would never want to lose that kind of friendship.

Kason: Now look who’s apologizing too much? Honestly, I'm just glad you don't hate me. It's one burden lifted, a heavy one mind you. We'll get through this together Kiersten. I promise Paris won’t win and we won’t let her take anything more from us.

Kiersten reached over and placed her hand over Kason's, she looked over at him and smiled.

Kiersten: I trust you.

The moment was interrupted when they heard Mercurys' name being called.

Doctor: Family of Mercury Gratz?

Everyone scrambled forward, tripping over themselves and each other to reach the approaching gentlemen. The doctor stumbled back in surprise, smiling warmly at the concerned faces that stared back at him.

Doctor: I'm pleased to share, that Mercury did very well. They are getting her cleaned up and moved into a private recovery room. I do want to inform you, that we are keeping her in a medically induced coma to reduce the risk of her rebreaking her ribs or tearing the repaired lung. She is suffering from a concussion but her brain activity is normal. The surgeon was able to relieve the slight pressure from the blow to her head. We anticipate she'll make a full recovery.

Their relief was audible as they released the breath they'd been simultaneously holding, while smiles broke out across their faces.

Kason: Thank you, doctor.

Winter: Will we be able to see her tonight?

Doctor: Yes. As soon as she is set up in her recovery room, you may visit with her.

Winter's wings flapped involuntarily giving away her excitement. The Doctor smiled at the small gesture.

Doctor: I can see you’re all eager. Let me see what I can do to expedite the process. Excuse me.

The moment he was gone Kason broke down into a sob. Peyton, Winter, and Kiersten surrounded him. Their own eyes filled with unshed tears.

Peyton: She's going to be okay. They're all going to be okay.

Winter: It's okay Kason. Your okay.

Kiersten:

Through his sobs only a single letter was coherent, He repeated it again and again.

Kason: M….M

No one said another word. They stood silently, surrounding him as he cried, trying to shed some of the guilt, fear, and sorrow he’d managed to build up in the past 5 hours. When his sobs quieted to mere sniffles and shoulder shakes, Kiersten handed him a handkerchief. He excused himself to find a men’s room and get cleaned up.

20 minutes later the doctor returned, and his news was only second best to him announcing Mercury had survived.

Doctor: Room 265. She is all yours family.

As the doctor excused himself, the group looked at each other, their excitement peeled away to expose the nerves. Aside from Kason, none of them knew what to expect. For a while no one spoke, so Kason took charge.

Kason: I’m going to check in with the kids and let Spirit and Beckett know M’s out of surgery and what room. Who wanted to see her first or do you all want to go together?

Kiersten took a step back, shaking her head.

Kiersten: I’m sorry, I’m not ready to see her like this yet. I should get home to the boys.

Kason: I understand. Do you want company? I have to take the triplets home at some point.

She declined again.

Kiersten: Thank you, but I just need some time alone. Besides, you should be here.

Kason: Thank you for being here Kiersten. It means a lot to M and it means a lot to me. I’ll call you a cab. Text us when you’re home.

Kason called Kiersten a ride and walked her down to ensure she was okay. Once she was gone he went to find Spirit and the kids. Meanwhile, Winter and Peyton decided to visit with M separately. Winter entered, quickly realizing she couldn't handle being in the room alone, and called for Peyton who was waiting in the hall. He joined her, shocked by the sight of M, but he did his best to hide his discomfort for Winter’s sake. She and Winter were like sisters but Peyton and M had quickly become bestfriends early in her tenancy in San Myshuno. When they couldn't bear to see her like that any longer they exited in a hurry and Spirit somberly took their place.

She quietly took out a copy of "Court of the Slumbering Fae" as she gazed at her daughter. She took a seat on the blue loveseat and began reading. When she finished the first chapter, she earmarked the page and closed the book placing it on the sofa.

Spirit: I will be back soon little planet.

She whispered as she headed for the door. She stole one last glance before stepping out into the hall. Kason was there, helping the triplets put on their outerwear.

Kason: Put your earmuffs on Dite, it's cold out.

Spirit: Everything okay out here?

Kason walked over leaving the kids to finish dressing and talking amongst themselves. Kason sighed, exhausted from the day.

Kason: They want to see her, but I think they should wait till tomorrow. It's late and they've been through so much. They need to eat, bathe, and get some rest. I can bring them back in the morning to see her.

Spirit: That makes sense, but I will take them home. You need to be here with M. Have you seen Beckett?

Kason: He left right after they discharged the triplets. He said he would come back and see M tomorrow.

Spirit nodded in understanding.

Spirit: Shooting star incoming.

She tried to warn him, but before Kason could turn he heard Ishtar's voice

Ishtar: Dad, are we going to see Mommy tonight?

Kason looked at Spirit for help but she just smiled and raised her eyebrows.

Kason: Not tonight buddy. Nana is going to take you guys home so you can have a nice hot meal, a warm bath, and sleep in your bed.

Ishtar: Okay, but you have to stay here with Mommy so she's not all alone.

Kason kissed Ishtar's cheek.

Kason: Of course I will. I won't leave her side for a minute. Not even to potty.

Ishtar laughed, as Kason called the girls over to tell them they were going home. Spirit waited patiently as he said his goodbyes. Kason did his best to seem in high spirits. It seemed to work for Ishtar and Aphrodite who joined in Kasons antics, but Venus remained docile. He gave the girls hugs before the car arrived. Just before Spirit left she stopped to hug Kason.

Spirit: You did well Hilang Bulan. Jorden would be proud of you. Our solar system is still whole. Do us all a favor and try and get a little rest tonight.

Kason smiled at the high praise. He hadn't heard that name since M was pregnant with Zohreh. He hugged her a little tighter, moved by her words.

Kason: Thank you Spirit. I will.

He walked them out, then returned to M's room alone.

Kason: Hello gorgeous. Even after all that you are still the most beautiful woman I've ever seen.

He removed his coat and set it down on the chair. He picked up the book Spirit had left behind. He sat in the chair nearest M and opened the marked page.

Kason: Let's see where you left off.

He began reading from chapter two. He read until he felt the book slipping from his hands. Instead of pulling out the fancy Murphy bed, Kason curled up on the sofa and watched M until he fell asleep.

Previous Next

Beginning

[alexaloraetheris]

I juat remembered the day, about two months ago, when I went to renew my perscription and ended up derailed by some kind of divine influence that really, really wanted my help. 😂

So I have an appointment at 9. First thing I do is sleep in because my alarm simply did not ring. First time that happened. I cursed out the damn phone and ordered a taxi, which I had specifically hoping to avoid because of the traffic congestion.

My driver is a woman a bit older than me, and she's in a good mood so we chat. She told me she was thinking of moving to [city on the coast] because taxi drivers are paid better there, and I tell her I have family there, we comment on what it's like to drive in a city essentially built into three hills and a cliff. She mentiones she has scoliosis, and it sometimes impacts her ability to sit in a car for long periods of time. I had scoliosis as well, but I had managed to fix it with exercises almost completely so I recommended my physical therapist, and assured her it's not too late, because some of the people in my therapy group were even older than her. When she let me off she thanked me for the help.

Feeling good that, even if I had to pay out the nose for the ride, I got there in time and even managed to do a good deed. I rush in, tell the reception guy I'm here to see my doctor and settle in to wait.

Two hours later, I see people being called in but not my name. I ask why, and doctor looks at me blankly and says I'm not in the system. I have to tell the reception I've arrived so I show up on his schedule.

I'm mentally cursing out the entire hospital, but I wasn't raised by wolves. I thank the doctor, politely tell the different receptionist that the last guy probably didn't hear me when I told him my appointment, got added in and went back to wait.

Ten minutes later, a visibly nervous girl with freshly printed papers sits in the waiting room. I'm in a bit of a mood, but I'm also a firm believer in helping if I can. I paste on a smile and ask 'First time?' and she admits she just got sent here for a potential ADHD diagnosis and she had no idea what to do. Having been there and knowing exactly how hard it was to do it on your own, I gave her the number of the psychologist who made my diagnosis, assured her that the psychiatrist she was here to see is the same one I have and that he's a good guy, explained what ADHD actually was and how the meds work. She was neraly crying with relief by the time I was done, and I promised she could send me questions if she needs to.

I finally, finally go in for my appointment in a slightly better mood, only for my psychiatrist to tell me Concerta is no longer imported, I have to go on some other meds and for that I need my family doctor to sign off on a regular perscription instead of getting an Rx perscription from him.

This is the worst case scenario, because I do NOT want my mother, who thinks ADHD was invented by quack American psychologists to sell expensive meds to parents with unruly children, to know I have ADHD. So I mentally curse out the entire healthcare system, go to the family doctor and explain the situation, that my mother absolutely CANNOT know about my diagnosis. Even though the doctor was not aware of my diagnosis so far, she listens attentively, and we make sure that my mom can't check the insurance we're both under to see what meds I'm on or that if she checks my name in the pharmacy directory she can't see me either.

I thought I handled that situation rather well but I must have looked more worried than I thought, because the doctor admitted her high-school age granddaughter had been asking questions about psychologists and antidepressants and she had so far been dismissive. But if she really needs help, she might do the same thing I did and seek help on her own, and my doctor realized she ought to either change her attitude fast or be left in the dark while her granddaughter is struggling. So I told her which psychologist I went to when I was also a depressed high schooler and how it helped and what I would have wanted my family to keep in mind. She thanks me and hands me a new perscription and sends me on my way.

So by now I am starting to notice a pattern.

Now, I'm actually an atheist, and I have 'Culturally Catholic' as a flaw and a laundry list of Stuff(TM) I have had to unlearn, but sometimes I really wonder if Someone Up There looked at me that day and thought:

"Hmm, looks like I have three problems I can solve with one well-positioned dumbass. Time to ruin her day for the good of the world!"

I mean. Happy to help but I really hope ruining my day won't be necessary next time.

[power-chords]

In other news, back in therapy for the first time in a long time and actually having a positive (!) experience with it, probably because I was referred to the Ferrari of shrinks, a Columbia psychiatrist from Italy who specializes in psychodynamic therapy and psychopharmacology, is at the cutting edge of her field, and has a neuroscience background to boot. She is NOT cheap but my folks are helping me out, and both they and I agree that in some cases the sports car is warranted. During circumstances of extreme general life stress, for example. I've got a lead foot so I'm running a few years ahead of schedule on the Mille Miglia of midlife crises. (It's fine, I'm doing fine, and am pleasantly surprised by my own resilience at weathering storms.)

Like any good psychiatrist these days she attaches no particular weight to DSM labels, but for insurance billing purposes I'm essentially Diet Bipolar (Bipolar NOS?), which I guess is the default for someone who has had a grand total of two documentable manic episodes almost 20 years apart. Some handbook! But I'm not bothered. I've been titrating onto Lamictal which thankfully everyone seems confident I will not have to remain on indefinitely, and so far the chemical onboarding process has been unprecedentedly decent. The shrink I consulted with previously tried one dose of Latuda on me and I went from "actually managing and stable without additional medication" to "borderline suicidal" in the span of about six hours. (Even at my most mentally ill I have not formulated even the briefest and most abstract thought of suicide, not for decades!) But every "mood stabilizer" I've ever been on, for whatever reason, turns me instantly restless and agitated while at the same time dull and sedated, which in combination with akathisia (The Side Effect from Hell) would have PROBABLY ANYONE considering a stroll off the Tappan Zee. Fortunately Dr. Ferrari nixed that immediately, with a look of vindicating horror.

[seeingteacupsindragons]

So I’ve been thinking a lot about mental health and mental illness lately (thanks, new psychiatrist) as I process a new diagnosis and what it means and reframing my image of myself, so I want to talk about some stuff.

So if you know all this already, just. Bear with me, okay, I’m processing a lot right now.

A lot of people on here get annoyed at advice to, like, go for a walk or do yoga or see sunlight or clean things up or meditate or whatever. And I get it, because I also get annoyed at people thinking that will solve my problems. I have had a boss try to get me to do a damn meditation app as if that would solve the work impact my mental illness was having, and it infuriated me.

But, that’s not because it doesn’t solve a problem. It just doesn’t solve the problem I have.

Meditation apps and all that other stuff are basically the mental health equivalent of eating a salad and jogging once a week. Someone who doesn’t do those things, even if they’re not otherwise sick, are not going to be very healthy and are going to feel kind of gross. It’s baseline health care.

But eating a salad isn’t going to cut it if you have a broken leg. You actually need medical care.

(Please go to a doctor if you have a broken leg. Thank you)

Now, if you get the mental health equivalent of a cold—something stressful is going on at work or with your friends, or a lot of small emergencies are popping up at once—you can probably still get by without a doctor. Increase the vegetables, get some soup, rest and sleep a lot. Do some extra mindfulness exercises, take a new yoga class, get a little TLC, clean your room. It will help you feel a lot better, and then the “illness/blip” will pass and you’ll be back to baseline in relatively short order, without needing to see a doctor.

But what if you have mental health bronchitis, or a broken leg? I would compare these to maybe some post-partum mental health issues, or grieving a death of someone, or a divorce, or something like that. You may actually need to see a doctor, get some care, see a therapist and get counseling, maybe briefly stop by on some antidepressants or anti-anxiety meds to help you recover. And then you’ll probably be mostly okay, with maybe some lingering issues and a good strong memory of that time you were Not Okay.

But you weren’t going to get okay without something a lot more than vegetables and cardio.

And then there’s the Chronic Mental Health issues, like many mood disorders or personality disorders, or PTSD/CPTSD, panic disorders, phobias…the lingering things that need serious help and you are very likely in fact to never full recover from, or even partially in some cases. These are where you get type one diabetes or Celiac’s or an amputation, or multiple sclerosis, or any of that. Stuff where you desperately need regular, often daily, medical care and management to stay healthy and functional.

And these ones are going to change your life even with medical care. A diabetic might need a medical device attached to them at all times, they are likely to need to check their blood sugar regularly, they’ll need to think about what they eat and how it will effect them, they’ll need to carry glucose tabs. They might have a medical ID bracelet! And sometimes mistakes might still happen and things go very badly. An amputee might have a prosthetic or might not, but either way it won’t do everything a biological appendage will, and they’ll have to adjust their lives to how to move and pick things up or whatever in a very different way to someone who has that body part. And someone with Celiac’s is just not going to be able to eat gluten. Not matter what medicine they take. It’s not going to happen.

And that’s the thing: even when you’re getting regular medical care and treatment, and you have a plan worked out and you’re used to it, if you have a mood disorder or PTSD or schizophrenia or something…you may very well never quite have a life that looks like someone who only needs yoga and meditation classes. You may always need other accommodations and lifestyle adjustments to function and manage.

But that doesn’t mean you can’t be happy. It means things are going to be so different for you that the people who manage with salad and a treadmill are just not going to be able to offer any useful advice to you. Your needs are way too different.

And then there’s getting into a car crash or catching meningitis. Sometimes, shit is just going to happen to people, and they are going to need to be hospitalized and watched very carefully for a while. I would probably categorize a lot of mental breakdowns, like the kinds that are at the onset of many mood or panic disorders, some levels of psychosis, sometimes the death of someone very dear to you—in fact, many of the things that might be broken legs to some might turn out here. Maybe someone else broken their leg with a nice clean fracture, but yours was a complicated shatter of a joint that started healing wrong and also got infected.

And the hospitalization isn’t going to be the end of your care, either. You’ll stay in the hospital until they can get you stable, until you don’t need medical professionals a button press away, until you can be assumed to recover the rest of the way on your own.

But, for people who know people who have come home from the hospital after a surgery or serious illness…it’s far from the end of the road, or even return to a new baseline. You’re going to need a lot of help and rest and recovery even after hospital discharge. Someone will probably have to watch you, might need to help you take your meds, might need to bring you food and drinks, or cook, or do chores.

And people who care should, maybe, understand, and send, “Get well soon,” and “Thinking of you” and flowers, and organize meal trains and otherwise show up for someone who is seriously ill.

Of course, a lot of that would be weird in the Chronic Illness space. But there, I think the understand would be, “Yeah, you know your friend can’t have gluten,” and “Why would you suggest they go for a hike with you when they’re in a wheelchair, you dick?” and “I made you low-sugar treats! I worked super hard on the recipe!” so people around you know that you have different needs and you care enough to accommodate them and make sure they are still cared for…differently.

I don’t think I’m going to edit this before posting.

But I’m thinking about it a lot, and I think I’m going from a place where I though I had a broken leg to realizing the leg was never actually going to heal without a limp, to realizing, in fact, that the leg didn’t break the way I thought it did and I need some physical therapy and a new doctor to get it working and see what happens then.

Maybe this was helpful to someone besides me. But it felt good to get it all into words!

[lassify]

Is Twilight a good therapist?

[Spoilers for SxF Ch.77 if you haven't already read it!!]

I am a huge fan of seeing representation of what it's like to be in the therapy room, but there are always soooo many things that the media get wrong, and I really wanted to draw attention to Twilight's portrayal as a therapist. (This is coming from the POV of someone who works in a clinical setting in the UK/Scotland).

Before I get stuck in, I also want to make it clear that Psychiatrists and Psychologists are VERY different, and in this scene Twilight is very much acting as a Psychologist.

("What's the difference?" you may ask.

WELL:

It's easy. A Psychiatrist is trained as a medical doctor, specialising in mental disorders largely from a biology perspective, and they are qualified to prescribe drugs and medication.

A Psychologist on the other hand delivers talking therapies, and is trained to see mental health from multiple perspectives. Basically, exactly what we see Twilight doing in this scene!)

So, we have a spy who has received next to zero medical training and, as far as I can tell, has whizzed through textbooks in his spare time - no placements, no clinical training, no assessments or exams, no clinical supervisor to assist in reflection or case management.

So, how does he do?

Normalising responses to traumatic events ✅

Mr Austin has done the brave thing and turned up looking for help, and Twilight/Dr Forger responds by putting his problems into context, and normalising the experience for him. We love to see it. This is SO important to trauma-informed working.

2. Providing reassurance and expectations for recovery ✅

I love this even more because what Twilight is saying is true. Only 10% of people who experience a potentially traumatic event actually develop PTSD symptoms, and of those, 70% will recover within the year. Twilight is reiterating the message that acute trauma is absolutely recoverable.

3. Teaching and demonstrating coping skills ✅

It's not enough for clinicians to simply tell their patients about coping skills, it is essential to demonstrate them too. Bringing the practice of coping skills into the therapy room is so important for helping the patient to build their skills, and to build the therapeutic alliance as well.

Here, Twilight is teaching a simple breathing technique, but I would also commend him for teaching other coping skills: grounding, distraction, progressive muscle relaxation, visualisation, and more - although all/most of these rely on breath control as a foundation.

4. Encouraging guided self-help and making medical reccommendations ✅✅

Just trying a breathing exercise once does not make recovery easy. Twilight knows it's important to encourage patients to do this in their own time.

And, finally, we see him acting as a psychiatrist, and reccommending medication. (Although, let's temporarily ignore that as a spy he has NO TRAINING in psychopharmaceuticals).

5. Breaching confidentiality ❌ Confrontational approach ❌

Oh, Twilight... You have fucked up. Big time. This is the biggest fuck up of the entire session.

It's his SECOND session with this patient, and not only does he take a confrontational approach (putting Mr Austin on the defensive, definitely not conducive to a good therapeutic relationship), but he has BREACHED CONFIDENTIALITY. Depending on severity this is A FIREABLE OFFENCE (even in the UK!).

6. Positioning oneself as the 'expert' ❌ Telling the patient to confront their abuser❌ Not taking into account patient's readiness for change ❌

Oh HELL no. Absolutely not. Confronting fear is a delicate and lengthy process requiring many steps, and always checking in with the patient at every step of the way. It cannot go too fast.

The therapeutic relationship is an alliance, and it's important to empower the patient to make their own choices in therapy, especially if it's something that is a source of fear.

Not only that, but telling anyone to confront their abuser is straight up the worst advice ever. It's not safe.

6.5 Providing rationale and reassurance✅

Okay, I'll concede on this point. Twilight's rationale is sound: in the 'Cycle of Anxiety', Avoidance is a key factor in maintaining one's fear of something, and it is a core criterion in PTSD. Learning how to face a fear is really important to PTSD recovery.

And it's good that Twilight attempts to reassure Mr Austin's concerns.

7. Giving unsolicited relationship advice ❌

This is NOT your role, Twilight. You are outside the bounds of your job description. It's an admirable effort to connect with the patient, but, alas, not appropriate at this time.

8. Not taking risk into account ❌❌❌

This is a BIG one. It is not normal for a person to be so afraid of their spouse to be showing all the typical symptoms of a fight-or-flight fear response (sweating, shaking, racing thoughts, muscle tension, pupil dilation, etc.), and Twilight is missing some pretty obvious cues to indicate that Mr Austin is in a clearly unsafe situation.

HE IS LITERALLY TELLING YOU TO YOUR FACE!!

AND if its bad enough that Mr Austin can't even speak, that means his fear is bad enough to completely shut off his pre-frontal cortex (the centre of executive function, rational thought and decision making), which means that his fear is THAT bad. Add this up with the insomnia, chronic fatigue, frequent dissociation, irritability and mood swings, and suddenly it is bad enough to be considered a trauma response - and Twilight still doesn't question the source of this trauma.

Also, Twilight, you can afford to put the judgement aside. Please.

9. Facilitating an unsafe exercise ❌ Risking psychological safety ❌

Here Twilight is attempting a basic exercise inspired by exposure therapy (which Twilight is NOT trained in because he is a spy). While it is a therapy that has a decent evidence base, you don't to therapy to a patient, you do it with them, i.e. it's a process that needs to have a clear goal with informed consent.

In this instance, Twilight didn't prepare Mr Austin for the exercise, and he ended up in an actual flashback with very high levels of emotional distress. Unsafe.

And, again, psychiatrists do not typically deliver talk therapy - that is the job of psychologists.

Conclusion

Why did I make this thread?

I'm really happy that Endo put in the effort to illustrate a really interesting therapy session, bringing psychology and trauma into the forefront. These are sensitive topics and I applaud Endo for giving a really complex topic airtime, and doing the research into what a proper therapy session looks like - because, for all my criticisms here, it is a pretty decent represention of what therapy can look like. [Especially the good bits!]

I also think this scene/chapter alone does a great job of reducing the stigma of seeking help for mental illness. It's great to see in mainstream media, especially something as popular as Spy x Family, since Japan does have a high suicide rate and intense stigma for those suffering from mental illness.

However, I still felt the criticisms of Twilight's therapy session were important to voice.

We cannot forget that he is not a trained clinician. He is there to gather information on his patients and their families and connect him to the upper classes, which explains his confrontational approach and disregard to psychological safety.

As much as Twilight has truly absorbed the psychiatry textbooks and committed their content to memory, the effects of the lack of training is obvious, showing up as major errors in his clinical practice - some of which could get him fired in today's system.

TL;DR Twilight is a GREAT spy. But a therapist? Not your calling, my friend.

[actuallyadhd]

hi…i recently discovered that there is a very high chance i have ADHD. after doing lots of research, i brought this up to my therapist, who also has ADHD. she had me do a screening, told me she’d noticed the signs awhile back & believes i have it; however, she is not authorized to give an actual diagnosis. later, i talked to my doctor about it to see if it would be worth seeking one & what my options were. she told me that to get a diagnosis i’d have to see a psychiatrist, which would take at least a year because of wait times. but she asked if, for the time being, i’d like to be prescribed a 7-day supply of 15 mg adderall to see if it helped. ive done an okay job managing symptoms throughout my life, but some of them have really taken a toll on me, especially emotional dysregulation, so i thought it was worth a shot.

but im on day 3 of the pills and i don’t feel any different. ive looked all over reddit & see people saying that it kicks in instantly, but i haven’t felt that at all.

is this normal? should i be concerned that’s something’s not working right? could this be a sign that i dont have ADHD? and in that case am i harming myself by taking this medication?

sorry to dump this here. im just extremely new to this & i dont know what i should be expecting.

Sent August 5, 2024

Okay, first of all, a medication trial is not a reliable diagnostic strategy. Different meds work for different people, and it can take time to find the right dose. So don't worry about that.

Not feeling any different isn't a sign that the medication isn't working. It's possible that things are different but you aren't noticing because the changes are subtle. It's also possible that the dose is wrong and you need a higher one or even a lower one. Or you need a different medication. In particular, if your biggest issue is emotional dysregulation, guanfacine (brand name Intuniv) can be very helpful for that.

I think it's worth getting on the wait list for the full assessment, but also talk to your doctor about trying something else in the meantime.

Followers, what are your experiences with medication just after diagnosis? Can you offer any advice here?

-J

[onlyancunin]

Therapy is so frustratingly expensive.

I have a few thoughts at the end of the year/beginning of another. Not necessarily about what happened per se, more about the general way of going about things.

I'm so lucky to have/had people in my life who were generous enough to support me financially. I think about it a lot. About the guilt that comes with not having money to support yourself properly, and manage your mental health properly. Which in my case means having a therapist, psychiatrist & meds. All for which I pay. I could go for the public health care, but I find the system severely unfit for mental health. I tried a couple years ago and literally made things worse fir myself. All the inevitable flaws of this system are hitting hard the mental health patients and honestly I can't be dealing with emotional stress while trying to get help for my mental health. One of the things about therapy is you need to trust and follow your therapists guidance, constantly wondering "is this how it's supposed to be" goes against the process. I on the other hand got paired with therapist who was Catholic, homophobic and who straight out didn't like me I felt like. I could change her, yes, but at the time I simply thought there was something wrong with *me* to even think that. After all I'm the one *fucked up* wasn't I?

All this to say I need to remind myself I do what I can and that it's enough. And that world is kind to me now. Hopefully it will stay that way. I take breaks in therapy when finances are worse and pick it up when I can afford it again. Which isn't ideal, but depleting my finances over therapy is an even worse idea. And I care about the ability to actually pick a doctor and have the flexibility that comes with paid therapist. I find my psyche too fragile when open to work to be taking chances again.

I wanted to put this down - for myself and others possibly struggling with the financial aspect of life, especially coming from an abusive, poor family. It's hard to work when you can't make yourself wake up from bed, when your emotional control is just not there and you feel torn apart in all the directions.

It's exhausting, pricey, and seems to keep me in the loop of living a better life everyday, but still being unable to buy Christmas gifts I'd like to for example.

My current therapist tells me to prioritize myself and introduce "plan minimum" for other areas of life if needed. And December is a especially difficult month for me. Starting tomorrow I'll have to wake up early and pick up the "slack", catch up on the work I was sometimes too paralyzed by trauma and depression to work. I pulled it off with whatever I could do and some work management, trying to reasonably pick my challenges and stay kind to myself whenever I failed. And I failed a lot.

I feel emotionally exhausted to the point of tears. But at the same time I feel fueled by the rage I have for my parents who "did this to me". And hopeful, because each December it gets just a little bit better. So things are working.

Thank you for reading. I hope somebody found something in my little rambles, reassurance, if nothing else. I know my position might be difficult to relate to, as I know people in US "have it worse" as the saying goes. I can't solve this for them, no matter where how much I want to. Somebody else's experience doesn't invalidated my own, just as my experience doesn't invalidate someone in "better" position.

Happy new year everyone. And lots of strength, whatever it is you're fighting with.

[lapdogchase]

thinking about therapy again bc i knowww i need to be in it. but i think one of my inarguable needs in a therapist is that they see me as an equal? i guess is the best way to put it. and thats not really something you can Ask it's more of a vibes based thing. but like. i hate playing stupid with doctors psychiatrists therapists etc i want to be like This is what im experiencing These are the resources ive looked into This is what i think is going on. where do we go from here. and like i know a fair amount about psychology and i dont want to have to pretend i dont. or for them to assume i dont. and like id look into peer support and stuff but i feel like thats more short term and less intensive than id need to unpack my childhood stuff. Oh i completely forgot to post and also finish typing this. anyway idk like what are even the chances of finding a provider in my area, who takes my insurance and is willing to work with me abt the copay, whose main modality isnt cbt, whos experienced in cptsd/dissociative disorders, and also who i click with as a person. idk. it feels completely hopeless lol and i know its not but like. maybe im fine rn like maybe i dont even need therapy really (least fine guy youve ever met voice)

but the other problem is i also need like, a social worker who isnt school-related and extremely overworked (god bless her tho omg) bc i need a lot of help getting like, case management and applying for disability etc. and just normal therapy isnt gonna help me when i also need those things. but i feel like most long term therapists arent also social workers and vice versa

and i dont even know what modality would be helpful for me. i know dbt WAS when i was younger, but now i know like. the basics, ive learned the coping skills etc. so idk if it would still be helpful? and i know like, somatic focused therapy or whatever would probably be helpful, because actually understanding what my body was doing and why and how that effects my mental health has been really helpful in the past. but also i feel like a lot of somatic therapists are... whats a nice way to say this. like a lot of the ppl ive seen either on like psychologytoday etc or on instagram reels are. the type of guy to buy dreamcatchers on shein and use cherrypicked parts of other cultures without understanding their cultural context. and, like, try to cure my dissociative disorder with reiki or something. Sorry im thinking abt the therapist i had in early 2020 now

idk i just dont really know what to look into even. bc ive heard good stuff from a friend abt emdr but im skeptical of emdr like, casually. like i havent tried it and i dont know a huge amount about it, but on the surface it kinda sounds like bullshit- yeah just look between these lights and think about stuff and thatll fix you. but i also understand how repetitive movement can be calming (#autism) and it makes sense that being exposed to those memories and also in a safe place would be helpful? and i like that u dont have to talk abt the traumas in depth out loud. but i also feel like thats more for single-event traumas or at least trauma that u like, remember

and i feel like being able to talk out loud abt stuff would help me. like having another person to bounce my thoughts off of whos not like. a friend. and is able to deal w that kind of thing. and is also paid to do so. And can also help me like. recognize when im being insane. but also Wont assume im being insane and that all my thoughts are fucking cognitive distortions

idk its just exhausting trying to figure out What i even want from therapy other than to Feel Better and stop losing entire months of my life sometimes and to be able to like. make phone calls and talk to people and not feel evil and insane all the time. and to be able to live away from my parents and have a life, whether that involves Employment or not. one of my short-term goals in therapy w a long term therapist would explicitly be to decide my long term goals and how i'll know i met them. bc i think talking abt the therapeutic relationship w my therapist up front is something that would benefit me. due to the avoidance.

idk. wgat everrrr.

[everyepisodeofallymcbeal]

S1 E5 - 100 Tears Away

It was only a matter of time before Ally's shenanigans got someone killed. Now, she's a woman on the run from the law, taking the plates off her Honda and driving due west, who knows where she--

Oh, that other woman is alive. And being taken away in a a stretcher?! For an Ambulance?! God bless Medicare, I guess.

And then Ally sassing the cop?? Girl, you know that anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law! Or in this case -- in a hearing of the board of bar overseers for the Commonwealth of Massachusetts.

Also, Renee is Deputy DA? And has a roommate? Boston rent is too damn high!

And the COPS wouldn't charge Ally with shoplifting. The LITERAL BOSTON PD would not get involved in this dispute. And the grocery store would not press charges for Ally's pussy cream. I'm not trying to sound too Blue Lives Matter right now, but I'm sure the police have better things to do. In a show where usually Ally is the villain, this episode really flips the script to make Ally the target of others' cruel, absurd behavior. You're certainly keeping me on my toes, Ally! She still does manage to ruin Georgia and Billy's sleep schedule.

When Ally tries to make fun of (?) the judge by saying "He likes hookers and clean teeth." Its like... who doesn't like those things? Oh Ally likes virgins and gingivitis? Go off, I guess...

Good for Elaine for getting seed funding for the face bra! Why is no one supporting her in her venture? Although she may have a hard time getting a patent, seeing that Elaine has already made several public disclosures of her face bra. The fact that NONE of the attorneys at Cage & Fish warned her of this is upsetting.

SMOKING INDOORS! Smoking indoors alert! Always throws me for a loop to see that in media that's not obviously from like, the 70s or earlier. Then when Elaine takes a puff of the cigar and says "they lend intrigue to my character," that is straight up a Jenna Maroney-ism.

The central crux of this episode is about the "mental fitness" of lawyers. Here I am laughing my taught little ass off. If you have ever met a lawyer, you know that's irrelevant and mental wellness is actually a HINDRANCE to the effective pursuance of a legal career.

The secondary crux (a term a just made up! (and don't worry, the public disclosure rule for patents doesn't apply in the same way for trademarks)) of the episode is Ally's shame around her pussy cream. I'm not going to tell a woman how she should or should not feel about her body. But I will affirm my right to do one of these behind her back😒.

A quote from this episode, presented without context:

"Sometimes I'm tempted to become a street person, cut off from society. But then I wouldn't get to wear my outfits."

I can't tell if this show hates woman or is a feminist slay.

Ally's monologue in the hearing -- yeah you can tell Calista comes from a stage acting background.

Then in Billy's office, Ally breaks down. She goes on a meandering monologue about being so starved for intimacy, she fantasizes about fucking a stranger on the street, and she bought her spermicidal jelly to indulge this fantasy. She's worried about being seen as crazy. Ally, you're not crazy! A psychiatrist would have so many more distinct, well-evidenced words to describe you but crazy is not one of them. Sending love and light.

In the end, thanks to impassioned monologues from Whipper and Billy, the bar does not suspend Ally's license. Obviously the show needs her to be able to practice law, but idk maybe she should try therapy?

Ally calls her parents in the final few minutes of the episode. We honestly don't know much about Ally's life unless it's vis-a-vis Billy. Ally is so boy-crazy, even her biography fails the Bechdel test. I hope we get to see her parents soon! Wow, I have so little going for me that my hopes and dreams right now include "seeing the parents of a fictional TV character." Sad!

And Renee NEEDS to fuck those twins.

[leafened]

learned that the issue i have where i "go insane" and feel like my body and brain is on fire and can't sleep/ dissociate/become agoraphobic/ feel like I'm being tortured to the point that I have to boil my skin off in a bath or apply ice everywhere and scream/hit/claw myself/drive all night and sleep in my car to get a sliver of relief is because of something called Akathesia that is known to be triggered by tons of antipsychotics and bipolar meds as well as certain antibiotics and steroids.

the symptoms vary and the syndrome is notoriously hard to describe in words, but the one common description patients give is that they feel like they're being mentally and physically tortured. After Cipro last year I was so desperate I ended up soaking my feet in Epsom salts for 8 hours a day (magnesium definitely helps tamp down symptoms), and when I last had prednisone I by all definitions went totally insane the entire course and a while after the course was over. I dealt with this for years straight in high school, probably bc of antibiotics (varying intensity but often completely unbearable, i ended up suicidal and homicidal (typical for the syndrome)) and the most fucked up part is that I've been keeping bipolar meds on the table in case the mania comes back, but an estimated 20% of people end up with Akathesia from bipolar meds, and some never come back from it even after quitting meds. Antipsychotics are even worse, studies show 40-60% of patients on antipsychotics met the diagnostic criteria. and the symptoms just look like insane person shit, so basically zero chance your psychiatrist will work with you to quit them, they'll just up your dose or switch to a med that does the same thing. withdrawal actually makes the symptoms worse, so even if you do manage to quit, you'll probably end up with a prescription again

overall I had maybe 3 years since puberty where I primarily got only nighttime symptoms and only 1 year of no symptoms at all. looking back the Cipro+Prednisone I took 3 years ago for chronic ear infections probably triggered this resurgence, and I had to take Cipro AGAIN 2 months ago for a UTI (amplifying the episode frequency once more). I'm going to keep having those types of risk exposure my whole life and I already spend a good 1/5 of my time actively in an episode. I don't want to add to that

Bonus being I only discovered this bc I've been frequenting antipsych and anti therapy forums. Doctors do not care about people and want the mentally ill and other "problem patients" to die

I also wonder how many people w "slam your head into the wall" style autism are dealing with this. one of the most common presentations is a need for continual movement. I read a South African study a while back showing that therapeutic doses of magnesium+potassium (important to have both bc one uses up the other or smth in periods of stress, don't feel like looking it up rn) significantly reduced repetitive stress behaviors in autistic kids. But magnesium and potassium aren't profitable so why would the industry recommend them.