#High-school years is working so I have like 3 high school diplomas

[brainclouded]

I made my sims take photos of their kids thinking it would be fun now I literally cannot even buy paintings the photos are taking over

[trashmouth-richie]

𝟹 𝙰𝙼

↳ eddie x fem!reader

↳ summary: just some sweet little smut between you and eddie before he goes to work

↳ A/n: wrote this awhile ago & I thought maybe I’d turn it into a series but nah, enjoy 😉

↳ warnings: smut 18+ only, smut with a plot. p in v, oral.

the soft whirring noises from his nose wake you before his alarm does. 

  Swing shift at the plant had Eddie’s sleep schedule completely out of whack. Some nights he’d be falling asleep at the table during supper, long curls bobbing as his head jerked forward. 

  There were days where you’d find him snoring, splayed out on his back on the thick rug on the floor of the baby’s room. Toy blocks in his hands, trying to be the dad he promised himself he would be. A dad he didn’t have. 

  And earlier tonight when he came home with grease lined under his fingernails, exhaust from the heavy machinery freckling his face, he let out a deafening yawn. 

  “Gotta be back in at 4,” he said after hugging you tight and tickling your sides. His soft lips pressed to the crown of your head. 

  You crane your neck to meet his lips and nod at him. The bags under his eyes were prominent tonight. Instead of going to bed early like you had suggested, after supper he spent the evening curled up in his recliner, rocking the baby to sleep while he read story after story. 

  This is why you loved him so much. 

  Both of you had come from broken homes, and when you wound up pregnant senior year, the odds were not in your favor. 

  But Eddie stepped up. You both finished high school early. Earning diplomas in December and he immediately started working at the plant with Wayne. Long hours for a decent paycheck. He was determined to not fail.

  When the neighbors next to Wayne’s trailer moved out after a death in the family in Texas left them millionaires, Wayne marched into the landlord’s office and put a down payment on the trailer. 

  $250 later the trailer was home. Eddie danced with you under flickering lights as he held you from behind, pressing kisses into your neck. Promising you a good life. His thick hands on your growing belly, rubbing it softly. 

  Auntie Robin and Uncle Steve helped on the weekends to clean the smoke stained walls and provide the latest gossip from Hawkins High. 

  Chrissy Cunningham? Caught blowing Mr. Higgins in his car during first period. 

  Steve had a date with Nancy Wheeler tonight. 

  Dustin took over as DM for Eddie and was doing really well. 

  You smiled through Robin’s fast paced words and when her and Steve left that night Eddie asked if you missed highschool, hanging his head in sorrow at fucking things up for you. 

  Not a chance when I have you. The promise splayed thick on your smile, sweet against his neck. 

  When the spring flowers bloomed in May, you had the baby right after Eddie’s birthday. 

  The best birthday present ever. 

  He had said with tears in his eyes, you knew he would be the best dad, he spent his lunch breaks reading books on parenting. He saved every dime from his paychecks— determined to make enough so you wouldn’t have to work. 

  He was a good man, the best dad you could ever imagine. And he deserves the world. 

  So tonight when the alarm went off at 3 o’clock, you turned it off before he could wake. Tip-toeing past the baby’s room and into the kitchen to make some coffee. 

  Scooping two heaps of the off brand coffee into the white paper filter you press the on button and watch as the brewed coffee gently tinks into the glass pot. 

  Painted toes skip over the creaks in the floor and back to your bedroom, where the man who made all of your dreams come true laid to rest, bare chested with two names inked over his heart, yours and the baby’s. 

  His arms were curled over his head and his snores were light. Untucking the sheet from its place under the mattress you crawl beneath it careful to not knee anywhere on Eddie.

  Up paled legs sat a pair of blue checkered boxers, the button undone from moving around during the night. And beneath them the delicious treat you were after, soft but still fairly large and thick, nestled with a pinked sack and a dusting of curls. 

  Trailing your nails along the waistband of the patterned blues, you work them down his hips with ease. Tired from already working 55 hours this week, Eddie doesn’t stir. 

  His cock springs out with a thud against his thigh, asleep like it’s owner, but enormous in size. 

  Dribbling a line of spit from your puckered lips you let it flow over his pink mushroom head like you were icing a cake, spreading it around with your thumb, rubbing the slit deep. A few jerks from your spit covered hand and Eddie moans in his sleep. His thick cock at full alert, veins on display for your lips to suckle. 

  You run your tongue from his sack up the shaft and around the peak. Kitten licks at first then long broad stripes. When you take his head into your mouth and swirl your tongue like you’re tasting a popsicle, Eddie finally wakes. A moaning grunt and then immediate panic. You pull the covers off your head and wipe your mouth while smiling wildly. 

  “Babe? Wh—what’s going on?” Eddie says sleepily, his hair askew and eyes still blinking from the sandman’s sleep. 

  “Shhh..” you shush, looking into his eyes and taking him whole into your throat in one swift gulp. 

  He moans and bucks his hips up into your face. 

  “Fuck,” he groans, his breathing erratic and breaking as you swallow him further, hands working double time in a twisting upward motion. Your spit running down to his balls. 

  You release him with a slow slide, gasping for breath as he holds your hair in his fists. 

  His eyes were squeezed tight and open immediately when you lick his slit, hungry for the salty seed. 

  “Bend over,” Eddie grunts, “now.” 

  Throwing the blankets off of you both and standing fast. He grabs your vibrator from the nightstand and clicks it to the on position, giving it to your waiting hand between your bent legs, your face smashed into the mattress. 

  He hikes the sleep shirt up your hips and sucks in a breath when he finds you soaked with no panties on. Glistening from the street lamp shining through the thin curtains, a feast for the taking. 

  “Jesus Christ,” he says, slapping his hands hard against the plush of your doughy ass, “my perfect fucking girl.” 

You whine when the vibration hits your clit, humming along into the mattress to soften your expecting screams. 

  Eddie’s thick head slips through your folds and you moan deep. Mirroring his own as you wiggle your hips for more.

  Burying himself inside your gummy walls you suck him in tight. A cozy wet hug around his dick.  

  “I swear to God this pussy was made for me,” he groans into the open air, pistoning his hips deeper and smacking against the fat of your ass.

  When a drop of spit hits the button and his thumb runs circles around it you squeal in pleasure. Puckering around his thumb, giving him a small kiss and begging him to go deeper. 

  He moans and mutters under his breath. Fucking into you harder. 

  The vibrator is working overtime on your swollen clit as Eddie bucks harder into you, his cock thick and hard jutting deep into your aching hole. You scream out as your legs start to shake and Eddie begins to twitch inside of you. 

  Before you can both come, he flips you over and scoots you both up on the bed. Your legs wrap around his hips and he dives into your lips. Kissing them sweet then harsh, the same way he kissed you for the very first time when you were both thirteen. 

  You were sitting on the handlebars of his bike, your bare legs wrapped around his black jean styled waist, the studs of his belt making indents in your calves. He was standing on the gravel, the bike balanced in his strong hands. Dust circling around you after he skidded to a stop around the curve of the trailer park road. Your lips teasing him for far too long that summer. 

  His hips thrust into yours and his lips moves down your neck, the sweet spot above your beauty mark acting as an ‘x’ for pirates treasure. 

  His hair tickles your skin and you hold his head in your hand and press him further into your neck. When your walls tighten and you whine out he cums hard too, filling you up full. 

  He presses sweet i love you kisses into your collarbones and licks a path up the curve of your chin. Devouring every ounce of your skin he can. 

  “Mrs. Munson,” he teases, lips grinning goofy, “I must have been a good husband to deserve such scandalous behavior at 3 AM.”

  You tickle his under arm and wiggle your way from beneath him, “Mrs. Munson?” you question, an eyebrow quirked into your disheveled hair. “Since when are we married?” 

  Eddie stretches on his back and fumbles into his drawer, wrestling the wrapper off a blue raspberry ring pop. He holds it up to you like a prized possession, “a placeholder for when the layaway is done being paid off at JCPENNEY’s.” 

  You giggle like a child and hold your out hand.Eddie threads the ring on your finger and licks the diamond shaped sucker. 

  “You keep waking me up like that we’re gonna have a whole litter of Munson’s running around, and besides,” he says, kissing up your arm and biting your shoulder, “I kinda like you,” 

  Kissing him deep you giggle. 

  “I kinda like you too.” 

[idksomethinggay]

Okay hear me out: Bruce gets lost in time/dies but 1) it’s 2+ years and 2) the whole batfam except Jason and Dick are underage.

So Dick becomes a father of five overnight. Cass is turning 18 soon. Tim and Steph are 17. Duke is 15 and Damien is 11.

Bruce comes back 3 years later. Dick has officially adopted all of them. He is particularly close with Steph, Duke and Damien. They are all took the name “Wayne-Grayson” (some still have their old last names too). Damien is 14 and is about to start an art program in high school. Duke is applying for colleges. Tim started working for WE straight out of high school. When he was 19 he took over from Dick as CEO. Steph has already finished pre-med and is applying for Med school. Cass spends most of her time travelling the world taking down trafficking rings. Since Tim handles most of the day to day at WE, Dick focuses on charity work. Him and Jason have created shelters (safe ones), job training, free education programs (to get high school diploma + scholarship for university). They have managed to pretty much end homelessness in Gotham. They have expanded the program to 30 cities across America and have spoken at a UN conference on Homelessness, explaining how to set up similar programs (and providing funding).

Bruce comes backs. He is sad he missed 3 years with his kids but could not be prouder. He doesn’t want to undermine the relationships Dick has built. He does everything he can to be in his kids life without pushing Dick out or undermining his authority. Dick hates being Batman, so Bruce is happy to take the role back. Dick becomes Nightwing but Robin is still by his side most nights. He attends all of Duke’s and Damien’s school events (introducing himself as their grandpa). When he feels ready to return to work he does so as CFO (leaving Tim in charge) but also telling him that he needs time to himself to. He makes sure Tim doesn’t feel like WE is 100% on his shoulder.

Bruce visits his parents’ grave. “I left as Batman, mentor to some, father to none. Now I’ve come home as a father of two and grandfather of 5. You should see all they have done. Steph is going to be a doctor like you dad. I wish you were here to see them. You would be proud. I hope I can be half the father Dick has become.”

Dick overhears and sobs that night. Bruce becomes a better parent/grandparent. The batfam work to make the world a better place in and out of costume.

[nemisisnemi]

Happy Birthday Nemi!

Happy birthday to the most annoying and nuke-able sona ever!

This will function as his birthday post since I'm too busy with finals to properly celebrate </3

everyone's least favorite kitchen exploding mf is getting a full body design!

yes, Nemi will finally have one of those twst oc intros :O

can you believe that it's their 3rd official redesign already? It felt like just yesterday when Nemi became my blog's "face"/brand, and now I'm already improving upon the initial design :,)

nemi rambles ab old art + some unposted Nemi art below!

This was Nemi's first appearance on tumblr and also my pfp when first starting out! It was made in reference to something with @spookyavenuestreet's Augustino/ram ram!

I also think i drew this piece over a year ago? It's really shocking on how much my art style has changed since then

Nemi's first ever design! I like how you can immediately tell it's one of my older pieces from my art style-

I'm glad it changed since there's too many sparkles and kind of difficult to tell what they're looking at

ONTO THE NEXT PIECE!

These two pieces are references to how Nemi likes to break into Diasomnia (via the window) to visit Augustino! I'm pretty sure Spooks has a corresponding piece of art to this piece lmao

Oh past Nemi, you had no fear and just fought with Diasomnia students just for funsies :D and also Malleus too apparently-

Now this one! It's a reference to how before all the lore was really "coherent" and just fun shit, they didn't get along with Sebek despite being friends with Augustino!

The hands were originally an idea from spooks! something something mythology?

It got scrapped in the end tho. Was fun for the short bit it lasted!

Ah this one!! :D This was my pfp for the longest time before I changed it to the one I have right now! (That'll change whenever I finish making my 3.0 model)

It's the Nemi you're all probably familiar with! Purple hair, a mischievous smile, and with the iconic hand positioning lmaoo

My current pfp! (for now) The hair got more blue/indigo with pinkish tips :D

There's different versions, but i never ended up using them :(

Here are the different versions! I somehow lost the initial file and couldn't be bothered to put my eye moles back in

Now some art I don't think i ever posted!!

It's a traditional piece! I messed up on the hair since I didn't have the right colors :(

It's a cute simple piece of Nemi messing with Leona nui in class! As you can see on the pieces of paper, Nemi doesn't really pay attention in class...

You can typically find them in detention if they don't have any class or a shift at the Mostro Lounge!

More traditional art! and also more Leona nui bullying (affectionate)

It's a lot harder to draw on paper after only doing digital art for a while. This piece and the one before were pieces I drew during my senior yr of high school!

I think the only piece as of all the drawings so far that weren't made during high school is my current pfp! That piece was made during the summer after I graduated (well, more like skipped my graduation and just collected my diploma after but still-)

HI3RD AU!!!!

Here are some of my HI3rd Au Nemi pieces! Anything related to that au is just angst- I still don't feel like explaining the lore in detail so I'll just rapid fire it:

-Junqiao is a herscherr

-Junqiao possessed Nemi (via gem)

-Junqiao is a homewrecker bc he slowly made Leona fall for him while possessing Nemi's body

-Nemi got forced to become a valkyrie against their will after regaining a bit of control from Junqiao

-end game plan is for Nemi to give up their body and consciousness over to Junqiao since they no longer have anything to really "fight" for as Leona loves Junqiao now instead of them :D

-all Nemi wanted was a simple life, no valkyries, no honkai, just a simple life by Leona's side (but even that is a pipe dream eh?)

More Hi3rd au pieces :D

The first piece got worked on a bit more after I posted it originally! And I dont think I ever posted anything about the other one? I might make it into a fully rendered piece if I ever get the chance and motivation!

Spirit Animal AU! on RIOFY

this is by far the happiest Nemi has ever been in any Aus I put them in

whore era with those exposed shoulders and chest opening /j

rapid fire lore:

-something something pacts n shit with Leona & Junqiao

-learns to be more open with themselves in fashion choices via the whores (Leona & Junqiao)

-destructive trio poly qpr! (Nemi, Leona & Junqiao in this au)

-eventually gets forcibly "sibling'd" after meeting Viz & Yuhua ( @twistedwonderlandshenanigans & @distant-velleity 's ocs)

And this is my most recent drawing of Nemi! (besides the 3.0 model redesign) I never posted this bc I ended up hating how the full body looks. The body pose is just really awkward and stiff; a complete 180 from how it looked in the sketch phase

Sorry none of the pieces are really in order from oldest to most recent! :( It's kinda difficult to track down which ones came first for the older pieces, but I think you can kinda tell by the hair color, hair length and most obviously; my art style

Nemi's hair has been slowly shifting from purple to a more blue tone! It's also slowly getting longer, but I think it's going to settle around the shoulders!

MOOTS' ART!!

we start off strong with spooks' art!

.....THE JAR (sobs) it was a joking comment ab shaking or putting Augustino in a jar. Then spooks decided to literally draw it. ahaha....

another spooks art! this was for ram ram's birthday! and Nemi made an (uninvited but welcome-)appearance :D

This piece is an art req that got answered! The one who drew this is the very very lovely: @amatsuchan-eiliniel !!!!

THANK YOU AGAIN AMATSUUUUUUUU YOU COOKED AND AIUGHDGHJFGGKGBFHDHF NOM NOM NOM

thank you for not forgetting Nemi's eye moles despite the fact that i forgot to add them when drawing initially hgfdhbfhg-

Now onto some silly ones from the Leona simping serv- i mean The Prince's Uprising zine server :D

These are by soru from The Prince's Uprising zine server... hi @le-monchou

its still all very funny but also terrifying just thinking about how you drew Nemi dying in a fucking glue trap lmao

AND FINALLY: RATMI.

This is by the lovely @aprityormarj

something something nemi ratatouille and this was made

yes. this is Nemi as a rat. Ratmi at your service~

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That finishes it off for Nemi's bday post!

Hopefully I remember to schedule this post for December 7th bc that's when my sona's birthday is!

Irl nemi's bday on the other hand isn't until the 26th! I'll hopefully be making a birthday piece for both Nemi and irl nemi by then!

[stellaestra]

I look into the spaces in-between in search of you (I miss you more than anything)

pairing: tim drake/mc [reader] author's note: old ideas from high school for me to write excerpts about as per usual and tim's my muse to explore these ideas on unless stated otherwise, if you see this posted on ao3, yes that is me too dw

this is unfortunately very self-indulgent hehe <3 mb babes p.s. this cld be taken as both ways? romantic? platonic? take your pick lol

word count: 1511 words

cw: um, mentions of injury? unedited // no beta read, we'll die like men here

---

It had been days since the last time Tim had slept ever since he found footage of someone that seemed eerily familiar to you, clad in a bright red jacket that was practically your signature back then. It was one of your favourite jackets after all.

He was getting a little too frantic and was rather adamant about them being you. He wanted to prove to everyone that you weren't dead but alive. 

He would delay the process of falling asleep if he had to.

“Red Robin.” He spoke into the mic.

“Access approved.” The artificial intelligence responded back.

“Where are they hiding you?” The words trailed off, his eyes were already glued to the screen. 

His icy blues scanned through the files; that includes, footage, clips and articles – each and every one of them, trying to search a certain code-name belonging to someone he once knew very well like the back of his hand and grew extremely fond of over the course of the years of knowing them.

The only footage that could have matched your physique was that single footage alone and it irked him to no end. 

He was already rather obsessed with the idea of trying to search for you and none of his family members nor friends managed to deter him away from his work.

However, there was a single tiny nagging voice in the back of his head that reminded him of the possible reality that there was no way you would come back unless some kind of miracle brought you back to life like what had happened to Jason and he never really touched that particular topic whenever asked.

Only vague answers from him. He would always end the conversation before it started.

—

Meanwhile, you weren't quite pleased with the fact that you had to drop out of your current school and had to take online classes to finish your high school education for the sake of a diploma to show you completed everything that was necessary to proceed further into higher education. 

Well, at least there was some compensation for it, the organisation you were under was paying for your education so you couldn't complain as much as you would like. Whether you like it or not, you need to be under everyone's radar for the time being because you were relatively vulnerable while you were in the middle of recovering.

It was rather unfortunate that you had obtained a very life-threatening wound months ago, it took you ages to finally feel like your body was yours and move it the way your brain intended it to. 

The phantom pain of being stabbed was another thing to deal with in the midst of doing your everyday life now. 

Your recovery period was a lot more sedentary than you would have liked too. There was always a constant itch to do workout routines that was far too intense for your weakened state at the moment.

All in all, this was something they told you to do and it was to keep prying eyes away from you until you reached full recovery before being deployed back onto the field.

Staying with your grandma was pretty nice too, it had been quite some time since your family last visited her and it was always annual visits at the end of the school year for Christmas. 

Your other issue living in a more secluded area was, of course, none other than net signal stability. It kind of helped you to be harder to be detected and traced back but it still irked you that you would need to wait longer for your files to be downloaded.

Regardless, life has been much simpler and far less hectic than your usual ones back home. It was nice to be able to breathe for once instead of being dogpiled by both your school tasks and your other responsibilities.

It wasn't easy for your uncle to convince your parents for you to move away for your recovery period after your so-called hit and run accident which was a cover-up for your actual one. 

—

It had taken several months for Tim to get the final clue needed to prove you weren't dead and he finally got it now —

“Found you.” Tim muttered under his breath, sounding almost unhinged — wide icy blue eyes zeroed in on another footage he managed to scrape through the worldwide database, fingers hovering his keyboard. 

The teen had immediately booked the next flight available to where you were now regardless of the schedules that had lined up for him. He couldn't give a flying damn about it right this second now that he finally located your whereabouts they so desperately tried to conceal your presence from everyone.

He jumped to his closet, scavenging through his mess of clothes to throw into his carry-on luggage bag for him to bring with on his impromptu trip.

The next morning, he made his way to Gotham’s airport without so much as leaving a note to mention where he would be. He doesn't want anything to risk his solid decision.

The dawning realisation fell upon him when he touched-down at your home country airport. He was finally here. He was finally able to see you now. 

His next hurdle was to track you down to your very exact location and it wasn't going to be a breeze for him – he hated to admit and they covered your tracks far too well for any mistakes to happen. 

It took him roughly a week or so to get a clue of you. 

—

Tim spotted your silhouette from miles away before he made a beeline for you. He called out your name almost desperately, causing you to turn back and face him. 

You looked as pretty as the last time he saw you. A sheepish look plastered your features as you faced him fully. 

“...Found you.” He exhaled out, he was a little out of breath from sprinting to your spot. Call him crazy or whatever. He wasn't going to lose sight of you. 

“...Uh, hi, hey, Timbo,” you chuckled, your eyes betrayed you as there was a look of guilt behind them despite you trying to play it off coolly, “took you long enough, huh?” 

He remained silent as he stared at you, soaking in your presence and trying to etch everything about you right now into his brain. His icy blue eyes were starting to intimidate you right now because you rarely ever felt so exposed in someone's presence before. 

“Heh, well, don't let it get to your head,” you joked, running your fingers through your hair, “the only reason you were able to find me was because I let myself be found.”

“Shut up, I'm very upset with you right now,” His words sounded wet, as if he was fighting back his tears even though there was a deep frown set on his lips, jaws clenched and shoulders straightened (tensed). There was nothing else that indicated that he was about to cry other than his voice that carelessly betrayed him.

He had managed to trace you back to your home country was one thing, the other part was finding you at your exact location was another gamble.

He found you at the beachside of Sipitang, a town located in one of Sabah's district divisions, taking a walk while eating chicken wings skewers you had bought in a plastic dangling in your hands.

“Why, you want a reward for finding me sooner than intended?” You teased, raising an eyebrow at him, “the only thing I have on me right now is my chicken wings if you want some?”

He doesn't know what to do with himself nor what he would like to say to you now that he has found you, safe and sound in Borneo Island. He wanted to pull you into his arms so badly but he withholded himself from doing so because you would look at him weird for even attempting such a feat. 

You've known Tim for several years now and you would like to think you knew him from the inside out enough to take notice of his little quirks and decipher them to how he would like to be perceived as.

You opened your arms wide, inviting him for the hug that the other boy was trying to force himself not to give.

It took him a few moments to finally give in, and pushed his pride away to embrace you, taking you into his arms and feeling the warmth you gave away through your body. He hid his face into the crook of your neck, inhaling your familiar scent.

“I miss you.”

“I'm very much aware,” you chuckled into his shoulders, squeezing him, “don't think I didn't notice you snooping around our database, you loser."

“I need to prove to them you aren't dead and I need to see it with my own eyes.” He admitted, wounding his arms tighter around you.

“Of course you’d do that, you stalker.” 

“I really did miss you.”

“Me too.”

[queerprayers]

I’m unemployed dropped out of school before I reached high school and am unbaptised. Does God care about someone like that

Welcome, beloved, to the blog of a high school dropout who walks dogs (but has never actually been employed anywhere), and was baptized as a baby and so did not have any choice in the matter! God cares about both of us, and has given us ways to serve Them in our own lives, as we are now.

Your employment status can obviously matter quite a bit in terms of survival, because of the world we live in, but itself has no bearing on your relationship with God. Whatever the reason you don't have a job, you have a life worthy of care, from those around you and from God. Being employed has never been a Christian focus--devoting your life to God has. Capitalism has changed so much, but please know that the ways the system (and those misled by it) shames you do not reflect the will of God. No human system can decide your worth.

Your level of education, similarly, doesn't say anything about you that God cares about. I dropped out of school for health reasons--whatever yours are, even if you don't feel they're good, whatever! High school was invented like 200 years ago, and has nothing to do with God's care for you. Education is holy--reading, talking to different kinds of people, learning about history and the natural world, thinking about God. This knowledge is in schools but it's also everywhere else. I'm not telling everyone reading this to drop out of high school, but I am saying that there are so many beautiful paths without it. I would also point out that in many places, there is support for people who left schooling early--my city, for instance, has free GED (high school equivalency diploma) programs. If that's something you want to change (of your own volition, not because God will care about you any differently), it's very possible that you can.

Baptism is the most easily changed thing on this list, if you seek it. Most churches require some discussion beforehand, maybe a class to learn about the denomination, but there aren't huge barriers (and there is no test of worthiness). If it's not in your future, for whatever reason, I can still tell you God cares about you, fully, as you are. Baptism is lots of things for lots of people--a symbol, a physical manifestation of grace, a welcoming into a Christian community, a sealing of a covenant--but it has never been the first moment of care from God. That has already passed--it was the first moment you existed. To say you need to be baptized for God to care about you is to say that God doesn't care about anyone from any other religion, or about those who die before baptism--what a sad life that would be. What a limiting belief.

I don't know you, but I have faith you treat others well. I have faith you wouldn't tell me God didn't care about me because of my job or schooling. So don't do that to yourself. I hate to break it to you, but you have no say in the matter. It doesn't matter how worthy you are, or how much you're succeeding by our current society's standards. God is love, a love which keeps no record of wrongs, a love which does not weigh with the measures of this world, a love which cannot be contained in the rituals of an institutional church, a love which does not require knowledge or action or belief to surround us. We are saved by this love, not by a diploma or paycheck or a pastor's words.

Go in peace, beloved. Glorify God with your life, not with someone else's. And anyone who tells you that there are limits on God's care is not talking about the God of the Bible--who works through the underdog, who turns any idea of worthiness on its head, who picks the younger son and the tax collector, the unwed mother and the poor father. God comes to where we are, and takes us by the hand.

<3 Johanna

[fraisefille33]

My realistic goals for 2025

Because I refuse to spend another year doing nothing because I set goals that couldn’t be achieved in only a year.

1. Start attending Sunday mass — I haven’t attended church since I was a baby because my family stopped and now that I’m not in school anymore I don’t even have holiday masses (I went to a Catholic high school).

2. Join the young adult group at my church once I turn 19 — They don’t have anything for ages 15-18 for some reason but I think it would help me make friends offline. It would also definitely get me out of bed and out of the house more often.

3. Finish my volunteer hours and officially graduate high school — I never officially got my diploma because in Ontario you’re required to do 40 hours of community service in order to graduate. I did these hours but the organization I did them with never sent me confirmation like they said they would.

4. Start taking an online German course — This one feels pretty self explanatory.

5. Start writing a book — My dream is to be an author so I want to start working towards that sooner rather than later.

6. Get back over 100lbs — I’m finally taking recovery seriously for once and going back over 100lbs has been a huge fear of mine for a long time. So, I want to at least get back to 100lbs. I know I can’t fully recover in a year but that’s one thing that would be a huge step towards it for me.

7. Start exercising daily even if it’s something small like a short workout video — Since my ED taking away basically all of my energy and strength I’ve become weaker than I was as a child. I get tired going up and down the 5 stairs in my house. Most days are spent just laying in my bed the entire day because I get tired super easily doing anything else. I really need to work on that.

8. Find a way to make money from home — My health doesn’t exactly allow me to have a job that requires too much physical effort at the moment, hence #7 but I need money so I’m probably going to start an Etsy shop or find some other way to make money from home.

9. Spend more time on things that genuinely make me happy/feel good — Talk to people I actually enjoy’s company more often, start journaling again, take the time to make sure I look and therefore feel my best before going out, keep a consistent skincare routine, give dedicated time to my hobbies.

10. Post on social media more, scroll social media less — Posting about my life and progress online has always been really good motivation for me. Knowing other people will see what I’m doing motivates me to do better at it or stick to it. Scrolling social media, however, leads to a lot of negative feelings. So, I want to try and limit the time I scroll while also posting more.

[leonardcohenofficial]

Hi Maddie! Are you willing to talk a little about your PhD journey? All I know is you write a really big paper but I imagine it involves more than that

absolutely! the requirements of a phd will definitely range depending on both your field and subject of your research, but typically involve taking courses that allow you to gain general but high level knowledge of the area on the whole, passing some type of qualifying exam that shows you’re prepared to complete your dissertation, and then writing the dissertation itself, all in a process that can take between typically three years (this seems very short but is fairly common outside of the USA) to a decade. in my program people typically graduated in five or six years; i myself took six years to finish everything up

for my program i took classes in a wide variety of areas, most of which were not directly related to what i wrote about for my dissertation, but all of which were extremely beneficial in 1) learning in areas outside of what i do, 2) helping me feel more prepared when teaching those subjects as part of my TA duties, and 3) allowing me to develop deeper critical and theoretical knowledge that helped me with writing the dissertation itself. i was also really happy that i was able to take classes outside of the theatre department (in the music and literature departments; though the lit class i took was a film class lol), which made total sense given my research is so interdisciplinary. the biggest thing i learned about my research throughout my time is that i very much live in the performance studies world (vs. theatre or drama) which is helpful framing given i write and teach about such a wide range of performance and media forms. my dissertation was much more a performance studies/musicology/american studies project than a Theatre™️ project, but i had a committee that really encouraged me to think across multiple disciplines with my work (and i also got to teach both theatre and film classes, which is pretty cool)

i also really appreciate that my program also gave us so much experience teaching! i taught every single quarter and many summers during grad school, which (while exhausting) not only gave me a ton of practice to build up my own pedagogical approach but made my CV pretty competitive as an early career scholar when applying to jobs. i don’t think i would have gotten multiple tenure-track interviews while still finishing my dissertation had i not had so much teaching experience (as instructor of record!) on there. i also am really grateful that my department also really cares about encouraging phds’ practice within and beyond the department, so i was able to dramaturg and/or direct ten shows within my department on top of a ton of outside gigs at the major LORT houses in town (which was also a really big deal)

the actual dissertation writing process sucks. it’s exhausting and thankless and even if you have a really amazing committee (like i did <3) it is extremely stressful and i do not know ANYONE who has reported a smooth and easy dissertation writing process LOL; however i had really good people on my side (friends, family, colleagues in the department and in arts and humanities in general at school, my faculty, my coworkers at the record shop, etc.) who were so supportive and my biggest champions as i was taking on this massive project. it was a lot but in all honestly even though it took so long, it was not the most difficult academic work i’ve ever had to do (that badge of dishonor goes to the horrendous process of getting my international baccalaureate diploma, which was so awful it led me to go to hippie college with no grades no tests and no majors LMFAO). i am super proud of my dissertation—if anyone wants to read it i’d be happy to send the link!—and even though there are plenty of sections i’ll rework for when i submit it to academic presses for publication, i am really pleased with the work i did and i think that it provides new and (imho) exciting scholarship about topics that i find really meaningful (many of which i’ve loved since i was a kid)

all of this to say, if people have phd, grad school, research, or otherwise related questions or want to chat, please hit me up! always happy to talk about this stuff / offer my very humble advice about any stage of the process <3

[mr-double-downer]

So since a jerkoff tonight wanted to mention “entry level positions” here’s the starting pay for grade 1’s/2’s for the waste water industry here california.

For a small fee of 99 dollars at my local community college (where I saw a flyer for this since I had gone in to take my Brit Lit final) I can take a three hour online course from 9am to 12 pm for a duration of four months. I’ll get my credentials for my grade one and will be eligible to take my grade 2 immediately. Even the minimum starting salary at 60 grand a year is very much doable to live on my own and save up to buy a house, even around here. There are five grades for operators as well as other types of positions for plant management and leadership that require a degree.

My father makes last time I checked 52 an hour as a grade two (he can’t pass his grade three because he’s not good at taking tests) along with all sorts of other benefits due to working for the city/county. He has no education higher than a high school diploma and he’s been doing this for over two decades. In fact the only reason why he learned about the job in the first place was because he knew a guy.

So what’s my point?

Opportunities like this in spite of the seeming ease of entry, are hard to come by. If I hadn’t taken a class in the building this flyer was posted in, I might not have seen it, and if my dad didn’t know a guy, he never would’ve found a breadwinner job so easily.

And sure 99 dollars isn’t much of an expenditure for me, but someone who is actually living paycheck to paycheck might have to think about it, even though it pays well because they’re always hiring operators as they build more plants. 9am to 12pm might be hard for some people to schedule around as it is kind of awkward time placement wise, and unless you have a laptop or computer (which can be another couple hundred dollar investment that some people might not have money to spend if they’re making minimum wage and living paycheck to paycheck) you’re going to have to find a public library with good internet access and hope they have computers available if at all, and honestly online classes really aren’t for everyone especially if you get distracted easy or find the lack of direct access to an instructor discouraging.

Social mobility/advancement has always been gatekept by money, because a lot of time to make money you need to spend money you might not have. This is really nothing to me money wise because I’ll be the first to admit I’m privileged in a lot of ways but a lot of people aren’t me. People don’t even talk about wastewater as industry because it’s also dirty work, the kind of work people turn their nose up to because you work with literal shit and shit water and piss and all sorts of other gross stuff.

Yet the entry level position that requires a 99 dollar enrollment fee and spending 3 hours a week for four months pays a lot better than most jobs that require a degree or trade school/apprenticeship.

So when people say entry level positions shouldn’t be livable I’m going to share this, and say “I bet you feel real stupid now huh?”

And some will say “but downer waste water is really important work our society couldn’t function without it!” yeah you’re right so would every other entry level wagie shit because I doubt most people have the means to live on their own without having to go to the grocery store every couple of weeks. Not even that but people lose their shit about not having access to caffeine, and if you have a pet especially an exotic one like a snake that requires mice whether dead or frozen how are you going to feed without some schmuck like me grabbing it for you?

now never did I say wagie shit needs to be a high paying career cause I’m a firm believer in a job being a job till the next one, but if people take me saying what amounts to “I don’t think people should have to struggle to live even a little comfortable” as some kind of… attack? then I really don’t know what to say other than go fuck yourself and develop real issues to be angry about.

[helloalycia]

the Clarks [three] // alicia clark

summary: now that Nick has finally returned from rehab, you both have to start considering what happens following graduation.

warning/s: mentions of relapsing, drugs and alcoholism.

author's note: it’s a bit late again, my bad! but here’s part 3, hope you like it 🥰

one / two / four / five / masterlist / wattpad

18 years old...

Time had flown so quickly since Nick returned home and, before I knew it, we were counting down the days until graduation. There was only a week left before we'd both be walking onstage to collect our diplomas – something we were both surprised to achieve, but nonetheless grateful.

We were laying on his roof the evening before our last week in school, staring up at the stars and chatting about anything and everything. It was one of those moments you didn't want to end because you were at peace and nothing could change that.

"Are you gonna leave if I pull out some weed?" he asked suddenly, ruining the moment.

I groaned quietly. "Nick..."

He laughed quietly, already pulling out a joint and lighting it. "It's only weed, it won't kill me."

I gave him a disapproving look. He was supposed to be clean, but he'd been using weed on and off for the past few weeks. It was better than much worse drugs out there, but it still worried me in case he got addicted again.

He breathed in before sighing with relief as he got more comfortable, moving one arm behind his head to use as a pillow.

"What do you think you're gonna do after school's finished?" I asked him once it fell quiet again.

"Dunno," he said honestly.

"Haven't you applied for any colleges?"

He snickered, as if I'd said something amusing. "Nope. Mum's been on my back about it, but I don't know if I want that right now. Why force it?"

I hummed in acknowledgement, admiring the few stars dotted in the sky. "You've been through a lot this past year. Maybe you should use this time to focus on yourself for a while."

He put his joint to his lips once more before handing it over to me. "Maybe. What about you?"

I quirked a brow, looking between me and the joint. He tried not to laugh as he waved it in the air.

"C'mon, it won't kill you," he teased.

I sighed, figuring it would be okay to let loose just this once. Accepting the joint, I took a smoke and pulled a face at the taste. I'd had weed before, but only a little, and aside from the momentary high it gave me, I wasn't a huge fan.

"I don't know either," I finally answered his question. "Not properly anyway."

He laughed as he nudged me. "Yeah you do. C'mon. Tell me."

I shrugged. "I'll be working full time at the diner, hopefully only for the year. They said they'd take me on. I'm saving to go to college."

"How wise," he joked, making me smile and roll my eyes.

I smoked some more, letting myself fall into nothing as I embraced the silence, and then Nick and I both turned to the left when we heard a noise on the roof.

"Gee, thanks for the invite." It was Alicia.

Nick groaned lightheartedly. "Go away. I'm trying to hang out with my friend and you're ruining it."

I slapped his arm playfully. "Shut up, Nick. She can join us."

"I was going to anyway," Alicia said before laying down beside me.

Nick grumbled to himself as I chuckled, then I passed her the joint. She gladly accepted, smoking it, before glancing over at me.

"So, what were you talking about?" she asked.

"What Y/N's gonna do after graduation," Nick filled her in.

She hummed, looking back to the sky. "Working, right?"

"Uh-huh," I confirmed.

"If only we could all get straight A's like you, Leashy," Nick teased.

"If you tried, you could, idiot," she retorted, making me chuckle as he scoffed.

The three of us stayed up there for a little while longer, talking nonsense, getting semi-high and preparing ourselves for the last week of school tomorrow. By the time the sky started spinning above me, I knew it was probably time to pack it in for the evening, but before I could say anything, Alicia spoke up from beside me.

"You'll still be around, right?" she asked. "Afterwards?"

It took me a few seconds longer than usual to realise she was talking about after I graduate, and I looked over at her, nodding.

"Of course," I said. "Where else would I go?"

She smiled softly, eyes dilated and half-lidded at the same time, and just like me, she was slightly out of it. It didn't help that I couldn't seem to look away from her, and I wasn't sure if the moment was abnormally long or if I was too high to make sense of it, but I couldn't stop thinking about how pretty she looked. About how much I wanted to kiss her right now. About how I was certain I'd stay by her side as long as I could because she meant so much to me, more than I'd ever let on.

When I found my thoughts drifting, I looked up at the sky again and blinked, suddenly coming out of my weed-induced daze. That was weird, thinking of Alicia like that. She was my best friend's little sister and she thought of me as family. I was being weird. Oh, God.

Massaging my head briefly, I began to sit up. This is why I wasn't a weed person, especially not whilst laying next to the girl I had major feelings for.

"You okay?" Alicia asked, and Nick nudged me with his foot, his way of checking in.

"Yeah, just tired," I half-lied, because it was kind of true. They didn't need to know the rest. "I'm gonna call it a night."

"We all should," Alicia agreed. "Early start tomorrow."

I hummed in agreement, and avoided looking at Alicia for the rest of the evening.

Graduation day finally arrived, and though my mum didn't care enough to see me collect my diploma, I still had the Clarks standing in my corner, making it worthwhile.

The last thing I expected was for Madison and Alicia to throw Nick and I a joint celebratory party at their house after the ceremony. It was one of the nicest things anyone had ever done for me – the other nice things also being from them, funnily enough – and I definitely cried. Nick appreciated it too, but he was never a fan of these sorts of things. Either way, I was grateful enough for the both us.

Madison had invited some of the neighbours and Alicia had invited some of her friends to hang out with. It was a small affair, but I didn't have anyone special to me other than them anyway, so I loved it nonetheless.

It was at this party where I finally met Alicia's boyfriend, Matt. He was nice enough when she introduced him and he seemed to treat her the way she deserved. Truthfully, there wasn't a single fault. And yet, I still didn't like him. I knew why, but that didn't matter. My feelings didn't. So, I played nice and avoided them like the plague, as one does.

After conversing with everyone, I took a breather in the corner of the garden where some food was laid out. Nick found me there, revealing that he was heading off.

"So soon?" I asked with confusion "This party is mainly for you, Nick. You can't just leave."

He waved a dismissive hand. "No one will care. Besides, you'll still be here. I'm gonna go hang out with Gloria."

Gloria was his friend from rehab, and though she seemed lovely, the two of them didn't seem to bring out the best in one another. Still, it was clear she was more than a friend to him, so I couldn't comment.

"Why don't you invite her here?" I suggested, before popping some fruit in my mouth. "Everyone seems to be bringing their partners."

He chuckled, giving me a look. "Firstly, Gloria isn't my partner. Secondly, that technically leaves you out. Where's your partner, Y/N?"

"Non existent, arsehole."

"Hopefully not for long," he said between laughter, before hugging me. "See you later."

I sighed as I watched him leave. It was his day too, and if he wanted to celebrate with Gloria, who was I to stop him? My eyes drifted from his retreating figure to the other party guests mingling in the garden, and then they settled on Alicia and Matt, lingering without meaning to. She was giggling at something he said and it left a bitter taste in my mouth.

It was stupid to still like her after all this time, especially when she had a boyfriend, but I truly couldn't help it.

"How's my new graduate doing?" Madison suddenly appeared, earning my attention.

I returned her smile and straightened up. "I'm good, Madison. Thank you again for doing all this. It's wonderful."

"You gotta stop thanking me," she said with amusement, before standing beside me with her drink and looking out at everyone. I wondered what she wanted, but before I could ask, she said, "I got you a little something."

She pulled out an envelope from behind her back and held it out to me.

"Oh, Madison, you really didn't have to. This party is more than enough," I said, attempting to decline, but she shook it for emphasis.

"Stop it, Y/N, just take it."

It didn't feel right to, but it was also rude to decline her sweet gesture, so I reluctantly accepted the envelope and opened it. My jaw immediately dropped when I pulled out a cheque for five thousand dollars, addressed to me.

"It should cover most of your time at community college, right?" she asked innocently, like she didn't know.

"Madison, I..." Five thousand dollars? That was more than I'd saved in the past three years! "I could never take this. I– What the hell?"

"It's yours now," she assured me. "A gift."

I glanced at her, seeing her kindness reflected in her eyes, the same one she offered to me ever since I moved in next door. But this was too much. I couldn't accept it.

Ignoring her, I put the cheque back in the envelope and tried to give it back to her, but she refused, hiding her hands in her pockets.

"Madison–"

"No," she said sternly. "You're like a daughter to me, Y/N. I see a lot of myself in you and I care about like I do my own kids."

I pressed my lips together, unsure how to respond. She never spoke how she felt, so this was a rarity.

"Nick, he... he's lost," she continued, smiling at me dryly. "He doesn't wanna go to college apparently. I'm hoping that'll change, but..." She clicked her tongue. "Alicia is already set. It's always been smooth sailing for her. So, that only leaves you. And I know that your mum, she... well, I don't expect her to have saved for you, and I know you've been saving for yourself, but it'll take too long and I don't want you to miss out. So, I'm giving this to you and I want you to enrol now. For this year. It's not too late."

Tears were making their way to my eyes as I looked at her. "Madison."

"Please," she said gently.

Nobody had ever cared this much for me before, nobody except her. I'd always known she considered me family, but there was playing family and there was actually being family. And nobody just handed somebody five grand unless they meant it. And Madison, especially, wouldn't do something like this unless she meant it.

My mum, my dad... they never cared. Not truly. And though Nick and Alicia would both argue that their mother had no emotions, I'd always think the opposite. This woman stood before me was the most sensitive person I knew.

Unable to answer with words, I nodded slowly before pulling her in for a hug so tight that I was certain I couldn't let go. She rubbed my back comfortingly before we both pulled away and I looked down at the envelope once more.

"I'm gonna pay you back," I promised, to which she instantly shook her head.

"No way. It's not a loan, Y/N, it's a gift."

I breathed out slowly, laughing to disguise from my embarrassment at crying with happiness. She may have gifted it to me, but I knew I'd pay her back one day anyway. For everything.

"I'm so so proud of you, sweetie," she said, resting a hand on my shoulder and making me look at her again. "You're gonna do amazing things one day and I can't wait."

More tears rolled down my cheeks and I felt an overwhelming happiness flood through me. I wasn't sure what I'd done to deserve this, but I was glad for it.

"Y/N, hon, can you go get Matt and Alicia? Dinner's ready," Madison called to me in the living room.

I glanced back at her from the couch. "Sure thing."

I would have much preferred not to, but I also knew I needed to get over myself about this whole Alicia thing, so I forced myself off the couch and headed upstairs to Alicia's room. Her door was almost closed, slightly ajar as per Madison's rule whenever Matt visited. I was about to enter, but I paused when I heard them talking in quiet voices.

"I just can't wait to leave already," Alicia was saying, which is what earned my attention because she sounded a little fed up. "Get as far away from them as I can."

"Not too far, I hope," Matt joked.

"Not too far, of course," Alicia agreed, before they both sighed in unison, and I cringed, knowing they'd probably just kissed.

I was going to stop lurking and just walk in, but I couldn't help but overhear as she continued. And I knew it was wrong to eavesdrop, but I had an instinct to just listen.

"I'm just tired," Alicia continued. "Looking after Nick, being mum's second priority, dealing with Travis..."

Travis was Madison's boyfriend, a recent part of the Clarks lives, and a better one, in my opinion, but of course Nick and Alicia didn't see it that way because their father's death was still fresh for them. Travis was a teacher at school, which is how Madison and him had met, so Alicia probably saw him more often than she wanted to.

"It's just easier to look after myself," Alicia finished. "I basically have been anyway."

"And what about Y/N?" Matt asked curiously.

"What about her?"

"You wanna get away from her too?"

I held my breath as I awaited her response, the second of silence killing me.

"Of course not," she said matter-of-factly, which had me relieved for a moment before she unfortunately continued, "but she won't leave here. And I can't hang around."

Definitely not expecting that, I frowned and stepped back instinctively, but I must have made a sound as Alicia called out loudly.

"Is someone there?"

Flushing with embarrassment, I cleared my throat and pushed the door open, poking my head in, but I couldn't for the life of me meet any of their eyes. "Madison said dinner's ready."

"Oh, okay," she answered awkwardly.

"Matt, you can stay too," I added uncomfortably.

"Actually, I should head back," he answered, "but thanks for the offer."

I nodded and turned to leave, heading back downstairs and forcing myself to ignore everything I'd just heard. It wasn't my business anyway, and I shouldn't have been eavesdropping. It had just taken me by surprise is all, as Alicia had never expressed thoughts of leaving as strongly as she had just then.

When the Clarks and I sat together eating dinner, I felt Alicia's eyes burning holes into the side of my head, but I refused to meet her gaze. I still felt odd and I couldn't stop thinking about her words. Were her family that bad that she wanted to leave so quickly after graduation? Was I?

After dinner, once I'd helped Madison clear the table, I was on my way to get my jacket when Alicia suddenly pulled me to the side, out of sight from everyone else as we were alone in the living room.

"You heard me talking to Matt, didn't you?" she blurted out in a hushed voice.

I blinked, looking down at her hand which was still gripping my arm. She let go once she realised, and I played dumb.

"No, I didn't."

She narrowed her eyes, studying me carefully as if debating whether to push it. Finally, she rolled her eyes and turned to leave, but I couldn't seem to just let it go.

"Are you really just going to leave?" I asked calmly. "Go as far away as you can?"

She sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. "You don't get it."

"Then explain," I said with confusion. "Because it sounds like you're counting down the days until you get your diploma, then you're off."

She met my eyes, giving me a look. "It's not like that. But yes, I've been applying to colleges far from here."

I frowned, a little hurt that she'd never told me any of this before and that I'd found out the way I had. "Well, at least I know you'll get in, right? You're not dumb."

Her expression softened and she tried to touch me, but I backed up. "Y/N."

"You don't know how grateful you are, do you?" I said, a little sterner than I intended, but it was the only way I knew. "Your family. They're a little dysfunctional, sure, but they care. And the way you talk about them, like they're such a burden–"

"They are!" she snapped in a low voice, surprising me. "Nick is back on drugs, and who has to be there when he's coming back down? Me! I babysit him like he's the younger brother. And mum, she's always at his beck and call, but me? She couldn't care less!"

I scrunched my eyebrows together in shock. "Alicia, that's not true–"

"It is!" she exclaimed angrily. "You wouldn't know."

Her anger was contagious and I scoffed, shaking my head. "So, what? They're all a burden because they need you? Makes me wonder what you think of me."

"That's not fair," she said in a low voice.

"Isn't it? I won't leave here. Isn't that what you said?"

She opened her mouth, eyebrows raising with disbelief. "That's because it's true! You won't! This is your chance to get out, make a life away from this one, but you stay!"

"I won't, or I can't?" I answered, glaring at her with teary eyes. "In case you've forgotten, I have fucking nobody! No money, no family, nothing! I don't even have a freakin' car! Where the hell would I go? I'm only at fucking college because your mum felt sorry for me and gave me the money! So, of course I won't just leave. I can't!"

She'd never hinted she felt this way before and it was horrifying. Had I overstayed my welcome? I was technically an adult now, but I never thought... maybe I had pushed my luck. Either way, there was a way to tell me and this wasn't it. And now I felt humiliated, burning with anger and hurt and it was so much worse because it was coming from Alicia.

"Wait...," she murmured, eyes roaming my face as her expression softened and the reality of the conversation hit her. "Just wait. Y/N, I didn't mean it like that. I shouldn't have said that."

She attempted to touch my face, but I moved away and wiped the tears from my cheeks.

"It doesn't matter," I said, tired. "Forget it. Just– forget it."

"No, just– Y/N, wait, please, I'm sorry–"

Walking past her, I grabbed my jacket and didn't bother to stay any longer or hear her out. Clearly, I wasn't wanted.

The next day, I was sat on campus eating lunch after class. It was supposed to be a well-needed moment of quiet in one of my favourite places – next to a park where some ducks always came out near the water and made for a lovely sight. I wasn't able to focus in class after everything that went on last night, so I thought a lunch alone in my favourite spot would help, but it was just my luck that I couldn't even have that.

A familiar figure began to approach the picnic bench I was sat on, not even giving me chance to open my sandwich.

"Hey," Alicia said when she stopped before the bench, looking nervous.

I sighed, dropping my sandwich. "How did you find me?"

She waved her phone in the air. "Find My iPhone."

I was seriously regretted enabling that function, but we'd all agreed to do so after we couldn't find Nick that one time when he went on a night out. Now, I just wanted to be alone.

"I want to apologise and I couldn't wait any longer," she said softly.

"Forgive and forget," I said dismissively, picking up my sandwich again. "You can go now."

"No," she said stubbornly, before taking a seat opposite me. "Y/N, I'm so fucking sorry. I never meant to say what I did. I didn't mean it like that at all. You were right. I have more than most and I took advantage of it. I guess I just wanted to start fresh."

"Yeah, without everyone," I reminded her, looking between her eyes. "Without your family. Without–"

"Not without you," she stated with an apologetic look. "Never without you."

I wanted to believe her – she'd never lied to me before, but after everything she'd said... there had to be some truth to it.

"I applied for colleges here too," she shared, resting her hand on mine on the table. "I don't know where I'm going or what I'm doing, but I'm not trying to run away. You're all my family. I love you."

I swallowed hard, looking down. "Maybe I don't get it. Not fully. But I just thought–" I paused, not even sure what I was trying to say. "I don't know."

She squeezed my hand gently, earning my attention. "The best thing that could have happened to me is us taking you in as one of our own. The last thing I wanted was to make you feel any less."

I sighed, hating how much I cared about what she thought of me. About what all of the Clarks did. But they were all I had.

"I'm so sorry," she repeated. "I never meant to upset you and I've been kicking myself since I said what I did."

I nodded slightly, resting my other hand on hers in reciprocation. "It's okay. I get it. Your situation is tough and you had to grow up a lot faster because of Nick... I've tried to help ease that burden for you, but Nick can get out of control sometimes, I know."

"I appreciate it," she said, but I wasn't looking for acknowledgement, I just wanted her to be okay.

"I'm sorry, too," I told her. "The whole making your problems seem smaller thing wasn't cool."

"Thank you," she said with a nod of acceptance.

"Wherever you choose to go to college, I'll still be here for you," I promised her. "Whether it's Timbuktu or around the corner."

She cracked a small smile, bringing a light to her eyes that I'd missed. "I know."

"Ideally not Timbuktu though," I added lightheartedly. "Flights would be a little pricey."

A quiet chuckle flew from her lips as she nodded. "Noted." Her smile reminded as she met my eyes hopefully. "I have a free period. Wanna eat lunch together?"

I returned her smile. "I'd like that."

19 years old...

Nick's MIA. Is he with you?

I read Madison's message with furrowed brows, both confused and worried for my best friend. It was the third time this month he'd gone rogue, worrying his whole family.

Attempting to call Madison, I cursed when she wouldn't pick up then dropped her a text to let her know he wasn't but that I'd update her if anything changed. Then, when I finally finished my morning classes, I gave Alicia a call as I waited for the bus.

"Y/N, what's up?" she answered straight away.

"Your mum just said Nick's missing again," I said, but before I could finish, Alicia was already speaking.

"He's been found," she assured me, though she sounded understandably pissed off. "They brought him into the hospital this morning. Idiot got hit by a car. No surprises what he was up to."

I chewed on my lower lip, worried. "Is he okay?"

I could imagine her eye roll as she said, "Considering he didn't get arrested, I'd say he was great." She paused, then her frustration left her tone as she said, "I've got class, Y/N. Can we talk later?"

"Of course," I said, feeling bad for her because this sort of thing had been happening a lot more than usual lately. "Sorry. See you later, Leashy."

"See you later."

I wanted to check on Nick, but he was in hospital overnight and when Madison offered to let me join her, Alicia and Travis to visit him in the morning, I couldn't afford to miss class. I almost did, but Madison assured me it was okay and he'd be fine, so I promised I'd visit later that afternoon. Only, when I tried to arrange it with Madison, they revealed he'd escaped the hospital without telling anyone.

Naturally, I was worried out of my mind, but Madison and Travis promised they were searching for him, so I shouldn't worry about it. Easier said than done, of course.

That same day, after class, I tried ringing Madison to see if there were any updates about Nick's whereabouts, but there was no answer.

By the time I'd stopped by to grab some lunch and headed home, I went straight for the Clarks house to check in. I was surprised to find Madison at home.

"Y/N, you're here," Madison said when she answered the door, immediately pulling me in for a hug. "I was just about to call."

Confused, I returned the hug. "Er, yeah... I just wanted to see if there was any news with Nick."

At this, she pulled me inside the house and that's when I saw the idiot himself stood in the living room. Relieved at the sight of him, but also concerned because of some bruises covering his face, I pulled him in for a hug.

"You fucking idiot," I muttered.

He hugged me tight, about to say something, but Madison spoke up instead.

"Alicia's calling... Y/N, can you just– can you watch him for a sec?"

"Sure," I said, still confused with why she was panicked. "Everything okay?"

It wasn't hard to miss the deadly stare she shot her son, who looked like he had a million and one things to say.

"What's wrong?" I asked him when I saw his ghastly expression and inability to stand still.

He simply shook his head, saying nothing, but he looked anxious. Madison left two of us alone, heading into the kitchen.

"You can be such an idiot sometimes," I scolded him once she was gone. "Using again? Getting hit by a car? Are you insane, Nick?"

He wasn't listening to a word I was saying as he took a seat on the couch, knees bouncing up and down with impatience. I rolled my eyes, knowing how this would go since he hadn't listened to me for a long time now.

"...no, Alicia, don't touch him!" Madison was saying, on a phone call but loud enough for us to hear.

She returned not long later, looking stressed out and as anxious as Nick did. Was I missing something?

"What's up? Is everything okay?" I asked her supportively. "Is Alicia okay?"

She brushed her hair from her eyes. "She's with Matt. He's sick."

"Yeah, a load of people were off sick today in class," I realised, before shrugging. "Maybe there's a bug going around."

Madison wasn't satisfied with that answer though, as she went to grab her car keys. "I'm gonna pick her up. I don't want her getting sick, too."

"I can get her her if you want," I offered, but she shook her head and glanced at Nick, who was sweating profusely.

"No. You stay with Nick. I won't be long."

Not really getting much of a choice, I nodded and watched her leave. Nick didn't reveal much, even when Madison left, but he seemed troubled by something and no amount of coaxing from me would help. He was suffering from withdrawals, just over twenty-four hours passing since he'd taken anything, and the symptoms were making themselves known.

After what felt like forever, Madison returned with an irritated Alicia in tow. Though, as soon as she saw me with Nick, her irritation disappeared.

"He's not doing too well, Madison," I told the blonde, kneeling beside a shivering Nick.

"I'm gonna get him his prescription," Madison assured me, before looking between Alicia and I. "You girls look after him. Travis will be here soon with Liza and Chris, so keep an eye out."

Alicia and I exchanged confused looks. Why was Travis bringing his ex-wife and son back here? And what was Madison so worried about, apart from Nick?

"You're gonna make me stay here and look after this idiot when Matt needs my help?" Alicia asked her mum.

"Alicia, don't argue this," Madison said knowingly. "Stay put, okay?"

She didn't wait for a response as the door slammed behind her when she left. I sighed, using a damp cloth to cool Nick's forehead. Meanwhile, Alicia threw her backpack on the floor before looking to me.

"Can you watch him? I wanna check on Matt," she said.

"I–"

"No," Nick groaned, pushing me away as he struggled to sit up. "Mum said you have to stay."

Alicia rolled her eyes. "You've got Y/N."

"Is he okay?" I asked her, noticing her worry behind her mean girl facade.

"He's sick," she said with a frown. "Didn't show for our date in the park and that's why I went to check on him. His parents are out of town, Y/N, I can't just leave him."

The last thing I wanted to do was go against Madison's request, but I truly didn't see the harm in her checking on him.

"Okay, fine," I gave in with a nod. "Go. I'll watch Nick."

She smiled appreciatively before making her way to the door, but Nick didn't seem to like this as he forced himself to stand up.

"Alicia, no!" he shouted after her, making her roll her eyes. "You can't, Alicia, it's not safe!"

"Nick, sit down!" I shouted at him when he leaned against the couch for support. "Nick– Nick!"

I screamed his name when he fell to floor suddenly, convulsing, and Alicia was by my side in an instant, helping me help him.

Alicia and I sat on the two armchairs, exhausted and nervous as we watched Nick laying on the couch, sleeping. Madison still wasn't back with his meds and, considering we'd almost watched him choke to death on his own vomit, we were pretty impatient for her return.

"You okay?" I checked in with Alicia.

Her green eyes flickered from Nick to me. "No. You?"

I sighed, shaking my head. "You thinking about Matt?"

She nodded weakly.

"I'm sure he's fine," I tried to put her at ease. "Have you tried calling him? Maybe his parents are back."

"He won't answer," she said monotonously.

I frowned, unsure what else to recommend. Thankfully, keys were rattling at the front door and in walked Madison with Nick's meds.

"I've got it," Alicia said, grabbing the bag and attempting to wake up Nick.

"Y/N, have you checked on your mum?" Madison asked randomly.

I quirked a brow. "Er, no. Am I supposed to?"

She glanced out the window uneasily. "There's a lot going on out there. Just do it, hon."

Already knowing I'd regret it, I gave my mum a ring there and then, to which she picked up after a few rings.

"Mum? It's Y/N," I said, in case she happened to be too drunk to read her caller ID. And woo-hoo, guess who was right?

"Y/N?" she asked with confusion, before exclaiming with realisation, "Y/N! What do you want?"

Unsurprised at this point, I said, "Where are you? Are you coming home?"

She laughed, though it was hard to make out because of the sound a man talking nearby, giving me the creeps. "I'll be on my way soon. Don't wait up."

I rolled my eyes. "Right. See you later."

Once I hung up, I realised Madison was still waiting to hear an update.

"She's drunk," I told her the usual. "But she's gonna be back soon."

She nodded distractedly, before saying, "When she comes home, you need to check if she's sick. And if she is, you shouldn't touch her."

"Mum," Alicia said disapprovingly, before I could even think to speak. "Not now."

I shook my head with confusion, looking back to Madison. "What?"

"This sickness, it's spreading," she said with concern. "I don't want you getting sick, too. Just promise me you'll check, okay?"

Alicia scoffed, unimpressed at her mum's ignorance.

"I promise," I told her. "Besides, she'd have to actually make it home first..."

[jackhues]

(mockingbird au!) graduation - platonic!hughes

request: for the mockingbird au maybe something where the reader graduates college and her *actual* parents aren’t there but the hughes family is 

requested by: anon : )

notes: continue sending in requests for the au! check out the request rules below! thanks for requesting <3

likes are good, reblogs are better <3

mockingbird! au request rules!

tags: @woodruff-edwards , @austinbutlerscaresme , @svechnikovvv ,  @hockeyboysarehot , @emptyflowerpots , @mysticaldonkey ,  @lam-ila ,  @babydollmarauders , @starjoyyy , @kjohnson-91  , @gavinbrindley, @hischierdevils , @jackhughesily , @panarin10 , @equallyshaw , @power2myheart , @lynnismypseudonym , @beccaiscold , @akengii , @nowandkei , @cinnamonpancakes ,  @mitchymainer ,  @lifeofpriya , @marshmallow-babe, @hughesx3 , @emsully2002  ,  @starsandhughes , @huggy-hischier73 ,  @doglady5678 , @thatoneblog , @exonct07 @hughesmedicine , @qwanelledingele , @mindless-rock , @ireadthensuetheauthors , @huggy-hischier94, @slaythehousedownboots , @diary-of-jj

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gif not mine!

“i can’t wait to go to ihop after this,” em, one of your friends muttered, playing with her graduation gown.

sleepless nights, random breakdowns, and four long years had finally led to this moment. your graduation.

you were excited to walk across the stage and receive your diploma, but you couldn’t hide the nerves you were feeling as well. school was one of the fixed points in your life, and you weren’t sure how you felt leaving it behind forever.

“your parents are taking you?” you asked em, fixing your attention on your friend. 

“yeah, it’s a tradition,” she nodded. “my parents take me and my entire family out to ihop whenever anyone graduates. max started it, but my parents continued it for the rest of us.”

you grinned at the mention of em’s family. her oldest brother, max, was a teacher and ten years older than em. her youngest sister, julie, was five years younger than em and still had one year of high school left. 

unlike you, em had a lot of siblings, and most of them were really close with each other. it was weird that you became best friends with someone who grew up with an almost entirely opposite lifestyle, but it worked out.

“are your parents coming?” em asked, the two of you walking ahead as the names of students in front of you were called.

“ellen and jim are here,” you smiled. “jack’s with them, somewhere in the crowd. i didn’t get a chance to look for them yet.”

em knew you well enough not to ask about your biological parents. after a long discussion with her, you decided not to invite them.

em nodded, “and luke and quinn? they’re coming too, or no?”

“i have no idea,” you answered honestly. “there was a skate today, and jack skipped that to be here. and last i checked, quinn was in florida for something so i don’t know if he’ll make it. but he called last night, so it’s okay.”

em grinned, the two of you taking more steps ahead. she looked over the top of your head, her eyes finding someone else in the crowd, “well, i think he did make it.”

“what?”

you turned around immediately, searching over the tops of people's heads to see a group of people waving in your direction.

ellen and jim were in their chairs, waving at you, the former blowing you a kiss while the latter gave you a thumbs up. next to them, luke, jack and quinn sat in their seats, waving and mouthing encouragement (which you couldn’t make out because you were horrible at reading lips).

jack signed ‘i love you’, a phrase you taught him years ago. you signed it back, smiling widely. 

“this is so cute,” em gushed. “but it’s almost our turn. get ready.”

you looked ahead, surprised to see it was only em left in front of you in the line. her name was called, and she squeezed your hand quickly before walking across the stage to receive her diploma. her family cheered in the background.

“y/n, y/l/n,” your name was announced.

you heard the familiar voices of the three hughes boys, cheering you on and hyping you up.

sure, your biological mom and dad weren’t here, but that’s okay. because those boys were here, ellen and jim were here, and they were supporting you. 

it’s okay that your biological parents weren’t here, because your family was here.

you shook the principal’s hand, receiving your diploma all while your family cheered you on.

[mcalhenwrites]

A lot of thoughts. Because I went job hunting instead of writing, and I'm beginning to think I'm a bigger failure than I ever realized.

I... have no degrees. No experience. Just a high school diploma. No trade school. No classes. I've worked retail previously (cashier as well as sales associate working with planograms to fill store shelves), but not even two collective years total. I volunteered a few times in high school at a daycare through a high school program, and I volunteered for two semesters at a dog rescue. I'm currently multitasking at a dog grooming salon. I answer phones, book appointments, log inventory, sell inventory, clean. And I'll be adding some baking assistant duties to that soon, tho I did help a little bit today in-between the other duties. (We make dog-safe treats in-house at one of our locations. I work at two different locations.) My other experience is related to writing, crocheting, etc. I spent most of my life focusing on writing. I am not actually good with using software like Microsoft Word or Scrivener. I just use them to write. I have to google how to do certain things with them all the time, often repeatedly, because... I just can't seem to retain the knowledge. I can figure a few things out on my own, but I suck at it. At work, I'm really bad at sometimes processing what people try to say, particularly on the phone. I'm a little... slow. I can do it, but if I were at a place that didn't have an understanding boss, I'd be pretty fucked and likely fired. (I'm nice, but oh god, people please stop giving your phone numbers and spelling of your names SO FAST. GO SLOW. I'm STUPID.) I'm easily overwhelmed even with my relatively slow-paced job, which has enough free time for me to draw and read and do a lot of things completely unrelated to my job. I'm learning as I go, and I don't think I'm TERRIBLE, but I certainly do wish I could be better at it. I don't want to work around customers outside of this particular job. I can't go back to full retail. Fuck that so much. Unless it's a cool indie bookstore or something? FYI, I like my job, I just can't survive on it, and it just doesn't pay enough for me. I also can only work about 3 days a week, I've tried 4 and it's killing me, so it's probably a good thing that my temporary 4 days was temporary. Especially when I'm going to be doing assistant baking closer to the holidays. I'm just... terrible at this life thing. How did I get so close to 40 and just fail this fucking hard? I know my parents weren't supportive of college or trade school or anything, really, and that everything I ever mentioned was thrown out. I know I have physical (and probably mental) disabilities. Everything I know - all that writing that people praise? It's self-taught. I took 5 years to complete high school, and I only managed to do it in that time because I had to go to summer school. I did well if I had a lot of help from teachers, but I couldn't do it without that. (I ended up going to an alternative high school where teachers could provide that one-on-one learning.) I think I write fantastic books. My mind is such a creative place, and I have such complex characters. I have a good grasp of writing topics like abuse. But what kind of specialty is that? I can't survive. I want to give up. I haven't yet, and I've done everything to try harder in the circumstances I'm facing, and... it's doing nothing. It's going nowhere. I'm so fucking unlovable and stupid.

[buckybarnesss]

on fire: a teen wolf novel chapters 7-9 chapters 4.6 here chapters 1-3 here

This is three chapters of everyone in Beacon Hill's Preserve where Allison loses her keys at an inconvenient time, Jackson is high key having a terrible, no good, very bad day and Derek's ass is clenched so tight he could produce diamonds.

Kate Argent is also here doing the most.

Here's another installment of Look At How They Massacred My Boy.

We open chapter once more with Allison and Scott. They are still in the preserve. Scott is smelling smoke which is making him twitchy due to the dream he had a few chapters earlier where everything was on fire. Allison is more concerned about losing cell reception. 

Allison uses Scott’s phone to call Lydia. Which reminds me of how my mother is able to get cell reception where she lives in the BFE with Verizon but I am unable to get cell reception with T-Mobile.

While Lydia and Allison are speaking Jackson sends Lydia the weakest fucking text of all time saying he’s okay but he just needed space and he’d be home soon. It’s fucking weak. Lydia is rightfully pissed.

Scott once again attempts to convince Allison that they should leave, especially now since Jackson should be headed home. Allison decides that since Lydia is covering for her that she and Scott should make out some more but thankfully reason takes over so they begin to head for her car. 

Now here’s an interesting thing that occurs. The moon affects Scott and it’s a choice I really like actually.  Allison and Scott are headed back and Scott has a moment:

“Moonlight shimmered on her face. And something changed.  Something in him. He felt it, almost like the skin on his face was too tight. His nails were pushing against his fingers.”

In the show, the moon does affect the werewolves outside of the standard full moon. Lunatic and Party Guessed are examples of how new wolves react to their first full moons, but I think the most significant example is in Lunar Eclipse where they lose their power for the duration of the eclipse and the supermoon in season 5. 

You know what this makes me think of? Avatar: The Last Airbender. Everything changed when the Fire Nation -- you know what. No. I’ll refrain. 

While Scott panics about possibly shifting in front of Allison we switch to Jackson having a minor emotional breakthrough while he’s lost in the woods but he keeps up his own dickishness to himself. Jackson please seek therapy.

Speaking of, this passage of his is when he goes on to talk about how his parents had actually placed him in therapy before the school year started. Jackson, of course, seemed to take the wrong thing from it though. Not that his parents explained it well. Like, they try but give him the explanation of it being a check up. Be honest with your kid and they won’t up believing they need to hide their own feelings from themselves while also internalizing the idea you don’t think they’re good enough.

Jackson’s also such a snob. He makes the decision to further shut out the therapist when he sees the state school diplomas calling them “low rent”. This fucker. 

Jackson continues to be lost and while he’s wandering around calling himself an idiot and all but describing the toxic af relationship he has with Lydia. If your significant other is punishing you that’s a yikes from me bro.

As he wanders he finds a little baby hawk. I’ve yet to work out the metaphor but I am sure there is one.

Chapter 8 continues with Jackson’s misadventure. Some girl that I suspect of being a werewolf shows up. Her name is Cassie. She says shit like “Oh it’s a hawk. It’s a predator.” and has a startling amount of eyeliner around her eyes. Jackson bro, please just leave. The red flags are on the play.

Ugh, we have returned to the Kate narration. I have never loathed a fictional character the way I do Kate Argent.

Kate’s just here being creepily ammo-sexual like she’s about to attend a MAGA rally and being obsessed with Derek Hale. Girl, get a fucking life.

Once Kate has checked off those boxes on her to-do list she turns her attention to antagonizing Victoria and Chris about Allison. Chris doesn’t give an inch. 

Then Kate does perhaps the bravest thing anyone ever does in the Teen Wolf universe and calls Victoria by the diminutive Vicky. Victoria should’ve poisoned Kate’s chicken is all I’m saying.

“Victoria Argent smiled coldly back at her and checked the oven. The aroma of baked chicken tantalized Kate’s senses.”

Kate then chooses violence and decides she’s going to check on Allison’s study date. God, what a bitch.

I don’t think I’ve mentioned but the entire time Scott, Allison and Jackson have been in the woods there’s been the smell of smoke hanging around. Jackson’s private eye meet up even had a campfire. This has put Scott on edge because of his dream from earlier where the forest was on fire.

Scott is having a rare moment where he’s vibing with being a werewolf. He talks about being able to smell mushrooms and damp earth, Allison’s shampoo, the smoke and the rain in clouds. 

Tehehehe. “He heaved with a sigh of relief, chased by a little thrill as she looked over her shoulder at him. In the world of high school, cars were like portable bathrooms. Except he didn’t want their first time to be in a car.”

Allison’s keys go missing because of course they do.

Scott suggests they call Stiles to come get Allison but she insists on staying and rightfully points out it’s her car so she’d be fucked if her dad found out. Scott uses his wolfie power to try to find her keys without Allison noticing.

Chapter 9 starts with Kate trying to catch Allison in a lie. Remember she decided to call to check upon her? Lydia’s doing the most here with conference calls and lying her ass off. 

Lydia out here asking the real questions “What is up with your aunt?”

We move back to Jackson’s plot. He’s still lost in the goddamn woods but now with the girl Cassie as company.

She’s clearly meant to be a distraction to Jackson to keep him from going home.

Cassie continues to act fucking weird. She tries to make a deal with Jackson about not telling anyone about him freaking out about the baby hawk they encountered if he doesn’t tell anyone about seeing her. Not sus at all. 

She then kisses him.  

Jackson is understandably high key freaked out yet tries not to show it and is weirdly nice to her about it but she still disappears. 

The private eye guy Gramm shows up near the Porsche tries and Jackson calls him out saying he’s a scam artist. Gramm pulls on a ski mask and tells Jackson to ditch his phone while holding a gun on him. Jackson really has the worst time.

We’ve moved back to the Derek and Stiles side of the story. They’ve made it to the preserve and Derek smells smoke. 

Derek also leans his head out the window to catch a better scent prompting Stiles to say:

“I told you not to do that.” Stiles grumped. Then he said, “Oh. No tongue lolling, sorry. It’s just smoke. You can build fires in the preserve.”  He made a face. “You’re not big on smoke, I get that.” “You don’t know anything about me, so shut up.” Derek said. “Kinda do,” Stiles replied, “Wish I didn’t.” he said under his breath. “Just drive.” Derek said. 

Oh just kiss already.

In addition to Derek’s weirdness about humans I think this book may have influenced Derek being a luddite. Stiles loses Scott’s signal for the map app they’ve all been using so Stiles suggests they use Derek’s phone to which Derek says this:

“I don’t have a cell phone,” Derek informed him. He hadn’t imagined needing one. The reception at his house was practically nil, and he could pretty easily find Scott when he needed him. And aside from the Alpha, Scott McCall was the one person in Beacon Hills he needed to communicate with.”

His only valid point is that he didn’t want anyone to track him with it. It’s pretty funny how close Holder actually gets to the plot points actually used in season 1 without knowing it. 

But we shall never forget Derek is not actually a luddite. He does use technology and has a cell phone.

Derek’s ass is clenched so fucking hard right now. Like, I get things are tense and he’s dealing with the smell of smoke which is triggering him a bit but he’s mean to Stiles here in a way he wasn’t in canon. This whole section is just. Ugh. 

“What if you have a cold?” Stiles asked him, and Derek realized he wasn’t trying to be sarcastic. He was genuinely curious. Derek didn’t care. Stiles could stay curious.

“Derek had had it. He grabbed Stiles by the front of the sweatshirt and slammed him against a tree trunk. Stiles grunted hard, and Derek got in his face.”

Stiles is like What is Wrong With You to which Derek continues being a dick.

“I don’t know why I just don’t kill you.”

Stiles reminds Derek he’s not his enemy and Derek thinks he’s too weak to be his enemy but also concedes that Stiles could become his enemy by saying the wrong thing to the wrong person. 

For people who seem to think Derek hates Stiles in the show I would like them to compare and contrast. 500 word essay on the differences here and in Wolf’s Bane please.

The chapter ends with them coming across Allison’s car and it’s covered in the scent of the Alpha.

[lunarubra]

This is me blabbing away and trying to make sense of this crazy moment that's my life... Kind of like a PSA, without a real structure.

(Let's start with an apology, this was supposed to be short, just a couple of lines long, asking for some forgiveness for being so absent, and it turned into a small vent about my crazy life. Synthesis has never been one of my strongest features, apparently.)

Life has been crazy lately. April, May, and June are always hectic months for a teacher, and this year looks like it's going to be even worse. Right now, I'm juggling a full teaching post, a university research, a social life with a partner, a new kitten bringing me everyday dead lizards (she is a serial killer in disguise), and being selected as an internal commissioner for the high school diploma this year. And no, the last one is not an honor; it's more like a punishment for younger professors who don't have the authority to say no to older colleagues, plus a ton of paperwork and two more months of work while everyone else is on holiday. Yuppie for me. But joking aside, I'm not complaining about my job. I'm happy to teach, and compared to a lot of other jobs out there, I feel privileged to do what I'm doing. I love my kiddos, and even though most of the time they behave like dunderheads, teaching supports my creativity and gives me so many insights into my life.

But let's get to the point of all this. I am feeling slightly guilty for not being as active here as I should be and for not having enough mental energy and time to dedicate myself to writing more. To my lovely mutuals, I'm in awe of all that you're posting right now. I apologize for not replying and commenting on your amazing content as much as I would like. I just wanted to say, it's not because I'm disappearing; I'm just really busy, and I can't wait for the moment when I'll feel more chilled and can treat myself to all your new chapters, moodboards, and all the amazing content you're creating. I know I am being a small silent weight in your tag list, so thank you for still including me <3

About "Shadow of the Sea," I have a chapter ready and one WIP of the following one. I want to post the one that's ready sometime in the next week, but after that, I'm not sure when I'll be able to write the next one. So Jiyan and Cillian are taking a small break. I'm going to continue the story; this is not a goodbye. I have many ideas and plans for those two idiots; I'm just waiting for some writing energy and time in my schedule.

And yeah, I understand if you're thinking, "Are you aware that your blog and story are read by less than 10 people and no one really gives a damn?" Yes, I am aware, and this post is mostly for me, writing it down it helps me a lot, giving some sort of clarity. However, I've had the chance to meet amazing creators since I got busy on Tumblr again a couple of months ago. People who supported me and helped me, so this is more me trying to explain why my support isn't at its 100% right now and trying to excuse myself since I feel like a horrible mutual right now.

Ah, one last thing, maybe the only thing that will pop up on my blog are some "Slow Horses" GIFs. Thanks to Alex, @cillmequick, Jackson Lamb, and River Cartwright have become my new obsession, and creating GIFs is one of the few things that calm me after a busy hectic day and make me use some of that creative energy left.

I think that's it. Please still free to write me and contact me about my fic, blog, shenanigans; I will try to reply as soon as possible. Sending you all a big hug if you arrive till the end of this long long lengthy text xD

[changingplumbob]

Not Sims - Just Reign

So I binge watched the final 5 episodes today and... I am emotionally compromised. See below for my ramblings and how I attempted to make album art a decade ago.

If you clicked keep reading I'm going to assume you don't mind reading my rambles so I'm just going to indulge myself here. I need to process and getting it out helps me process.

I first saw Reign during my final year of High School and fell completely in love. Quite aside from English History being a special interest for me at the time, Adelaide Kane and Toby Regbo were so gorgeous. Honestly the signs that I'm bisexual were right there but it just did not click.

If you're my moot you will know by now I am a massive romantic. So of course I would get invested in the Mary Francis love story. Thanks past me for routing for Francis from the start, smart choice.

The outfits took my breath away, as did the wonderful landscapes. I fell in love with everything Mary wore and tried to find a graduation dress that was as close to something like that as possible.

The music! I loved every track they put with the episodes. Shout out to that one youtube channel that was posting full versions of the songs. I have a playlist with the music from the first two seasons and have listened to it on loop so often. There was a website that would post screenshots of the episodes and I would copy paste and make my own album art. Not to do anything with, they were solely for me to see when the songs came up on my iPod.

BUT I only watched the first two seasons before I took a break. History wise I knew Francis would die before they had a child, but the end of season 2 seemed to announce his death was approaching and my romantic self could not handle it. So over the next few years I rewatched the first two seasons plenty, and continued to listen to the music. I tried to watch season 3 in my first year at university, I really did. But things were different back then and I could only find low quality episodes because legitimate streaming services were in their infancy, if they even existed.

During my post grad diploma I would take a train part of the way to my placements. It was on the train that I happened to catch someone watching Reign on their phone. Not just any part of Reign either, the recap that shows Francis dying and Mary saying goodbye to the coffin. You bet any progress I had made towards being able to watch it was reset.

Following the worst of my depression, last year I began to feel a proper interest in things I love again and I wanted to see Reign to its conclusion. So I got myself the DVDs for season 3 (I don't have netflix, plus I like having physical copies of things) and worked my way through. Since I hate spoilers I didn't want to read the blurbs included in the cover so I never knew which episode Francis would die in, I was happy he was in it for so long. The whole plot with Francis having made Mary a sword for taking back Scotland made me love them all the more.

I gifted myself season 4, the final season, for Christmas. I've been watching it in bits and pieces. I have this thing where if something is ending I try to hold off the ending for as long as possible. But today I was so under the weather that I did watch the last disc all in one go.

Side note, Rizzio. I can't believe that actually happened! But wikipedia says it did. It really sounds like something a drama show would make up.

I've always known Queen Mary was executed for supposedly trying to kill Queen Elizabeth. I wasn't sure how Reign would tackle that. I figured they would do a flash forward or do that text over screen thing. I love neat endings but my heart could survive not seeing the end of Mary. I begun the final episode, saw Toby Regbo's name in the starting line up and immediately teared up. If he was in the episode then they were certainly going to show her death. Those end scenes, they made me happy and sad all at once. I loved that Francis was there for her, and I loved the flashbacks through their life together. Damn did it make me cry though.

The main characters have had a place in my heart for a decade. So heck yeah I'm grieving the loss. I know I'll watch it again, so it's not a permanent goodbye, but it's tough to see the end of anyway.

[maxwellsuperbien]

Art school and mental health.

I think I decided to really become an artist in 2014. At the time, I was in high-school and the idea of trying to enter an art school came from seeing how little practice was in the art curriculum at a french university.

Not knowing anything better I submitted an embarrassing portfolio consisting of things I saw in the videos of people wanting to go in the

𝓒𝓪𝓵𝓲𝓯𝓸𝓻𝓷𝓲𝓪𝓷 𝓘𝓷𝓼𝓽𝓲𝓽𝓾𝓽𝓮 𝓸𝓯 𝓐𝓻𝓽𝓼

My portfolio neither had the quality to enter what I now know as an animation school and clearly wasn't focusing on concepts enough to go into the kind of school we have in France. I was motivated but my parents aren't artist, I didn't know any art student and my art professor pushed going to a university.

Instead I went into a preparation school that helped me understand what type of art school they are, what they wanted and how different from one another the teachings there can be. After that I tried 3 different schools and got 2 to accept me.

While I had nothing against the 3rd one at the time, knowing I fucked up during the entrance exam, learning how pretentious the professors were and how they treated not only my classmates but the students as well, pissed me of.

I wasn't mad they refused me because I already had the privilege of choice with the 2 schools I wanted. I was mad because despite not liking this particular classmate, they treated her condescendingly and mocked her in a very stressful situation.

She instead went to another school, less prestigious sure, but at least more adapted to what she did and wanted. I'm glad for her but that moment marked me and gave an idea of how little art school were concerned for the mental health of their students.

Nobody comes out, at least in France, of an art school intact, some people are traumatized, some left with severe burn out, some became the professor's black sheep (for good or bad reasons). I went there, excited to meet so many people, met the one person that was super manipulative, got social anxiety and never got any real friends.

Sure, I learned a lot of things about art, techniques, others and myself. However, I also learned that despite my best attempts at socializing, I felt unfulfilled, frustrated and developed a depression. I cried each birthday I had from my situation, had suicidal ideations, didn't quite understand what happened to me.

I felt like I never did enough for people and my professors made me feel like it. I got my diploma with the jury telling me I could have developed my ideas deeper and should step out of my comfort zone.

How do you step out of your comfort zone when it's the only thing making you survive and feel safer ?

You don't. You're mentally ill and you need something to cling unto while experiencing traumatic events.

I was isolated but each time I talked about it, people who told me they would make steps didn't or were too busy working on things of their own.

Trust me, I don't want to repel anyone from entering art school.

Be careful about who you meet and who's competitive mind is full of negative self-value. Inform yourself on where other students live and get near them, try to not be isolated or isolating yourself (if you can).

Your work might be amazing but if people only value you because of it, it's not right. You're a whole person, your feelings matter and friendships are VERY important to your art school experience.

I think what made me not quit, was mostly from the mindset I grew up with and the solidarity the class showed towards shitty things professors did to us. We legit scared the teachers because we would NOT shut up about how wrong and immature they could be.

I became aware of many things during these 3 years. Like my needs, gender identity, social issues... My experience was intense and honestly ? I don't recommend being me.

I don't speak for everyone there, I'm sure many got more positives than negatives but while I'm on friendly terms with my old classmates, I've never really been friends with them either.

ANYWAYS. Here's a picture of a scorpion-fly from this april :)