idksomethinggay

[idksomethinggay]

Definitely happened

Batfam but it’s things said at my school (pt. 1)

Tim- And the murderer murdered her sister.

Steph- Hm… That’s not very nice.

Babs- No I can fall down the stairs all on my own.

Dick- It’s fine, nobody drowned.

Tim- Oof, hetero life is grim.

Duke- He didn’t have stitches that time, he just broke his skull.

Dick- I can’t do that I’ll suffocate!

Jason- You don’t breathe underwater.

Steph- Yes I can! I’m Aquaman!

Bruce- The bellybutton of human existence.

Duke- It smells like puberty in here.

Cas- What if I wear a latex mask of myself.

Steph- But you losers, scalywags, brute, caitiff, raspcallions, varlets, and wrongdoers mad wit boring

Tim- Support the lgbtq community.

Steph- We are the lgbtq community.

Babs- I thought talking about a cult would be a lot more interesting, but at least next year you can look forward to when I talk about meth.

Damian- I cut my finger nails this morning, that was exciting.

Jason- I am a great corpse.

Duke- The photosynthesis is not photosynthesising.

Bruce- Guess I shouldn’t look up my recipes on “cookwithbooze.com”

Dick- If I show up to Thanksgiving and some mother fucker asks if I want “pee-can pie” I’m leaving! I don’t want your can of pee baked into a pie! Don’t even try “puh-caun” with me cause that just sounds like a sneeze. It should really be “peck-an” so it sounds like it’s spelled.

Dick- I’m the reason Edna Mode retired.

Damian- You can get pi if you ask nicely.

Dick- Crumple your paper.

Damian- *crumples paper*

Dick- Now try to make it flat. It’s not perfect. That’s what happens when you bully, they’ll never be the same.

Damian- I know.

[idksomethinggay]

I need more of this!!! I need the batfam pretending to have beef with themselves

Reporter: in much more cheerful news, Gotham’s own favourite billionaire Bruce Wayne has organised a parade, all around celebrating Gotham’s various vigilantes- with a twist

Cuts to a live broadcast

Bruce, smiling into the microphone: you heard that right, darling, today we’re celebrating every known vigilante that operates in Gotham, no matter how big or small- with one exception. his bright face darkens, the scowl looks more disgruntled than angry The Batman. What, does that loser think he’s too good for old me? I’ve been saved by all the Gotham vigilantes his face brightens again- such sweethearts I tell you, we’re all very lucky to have ‘em- but Batman? A no-show. I specifically issued a very public request for him to save me the next time I get kidnapped and what does he do? That’s right! He ignores me! I’ve even been saved by superman, all the way from metropolis. So take that you flying furry, you’re banned from my appreciation parade. This is very devastating for you, I’m sure.

reporter, behind the camera: but what about all the crime he’s stopped? Batman has helped put a lot of criminals away, Gotham wouldn’t exist without him

Bruce, with a pitying expression on his face: darling he’s never stopped a crime in his life, it’s all the others! He just takes all the credit for it. Well not here, mister, oh no, here at Wayne enterprises we value giving credit where credit is due! I will personally ensure that who brings Batman memorabilia into the parade today will be banned from all Wayne owned ice cream parlours for a year! It’s a harsh sentence, I know, but it must be enforced.

Reporter, trying not to laugh: all right, Mr. Wayne, that’s all. Back to you, Jane

cuts back to the reporter

Reporter: it seems that not everybody agrees with Mr. Wayne’s decision, least of all his own adopted son- it seems that Tim Drake has organised his own Batman parade- cuts to Tim decked head to toe in Batman merch, down to an ill-fitting cowl that makes his head look like an egg -right next to Mr. Wayne’s anti Batman one! Things are getting heated in Gotham’s streets today folks, right along with the rising temperatures as we move our way to an early spring…

[idksomethinggay]

There is a debate between people of Gotham and Blüdhaven. Both claim Nightwing is THEIR hero and will fight anyone who says otherwise.

A sign war starts between restaurants in both cities. Gotham tried to put up a Nightwing statue and it was stolen and set up in Blüdhaven within a day. When new people move to Blüdhaven, they get asked where Nightwing is from and if they don’t answer correctly they are shunned.

The Justice league sponsors a bunch of shelters across the country. When one is opened in Blüdhaven Nightwing is at the opening in costume. The people of Blüdhaven take this as proof he belongs to their city. When he is also at the Gotham opening the Gothamites think they have won. Someone is live streaming under the name “SuckitBlüdWingisOurs”.

A News reporter ask Nightwing where he is from Gotham or Blüdhaven. Nightwing responds “Neither. I’m an immigrant. Came to Gotham when I was a kid. Stayed here for a few years then moved to Blüdhaven. Both are my home.”

Somehow both places take this as proof they were right. It is the twitter fight of the day.

“He left as soon as he could 😂”

“Its okay Wing, we adopted you, you never have to go back to THAT place again”

“Nightwing might play hero in Blüdhaven, but his home will always be here”

“You can take the boy out of Gotham but you can’t take the Gotham out of the boy.”

#AdoptNightwing is the number one tag of the day.

Even other cities get in on it.

Iris West Tweet “Central City would like to put our hat into the ring. Nightwing, please let us adopt you. We will treat you so much better”

Lois from the daily planet replies “Can we co-parent”

Oliver Queen adds “Starling would love to have him for holidays”

Eventually it gets so big that Bruce holds a press conference holding up adoption papers asking Nightwing to meet him to make it official.

[idksomethinggay]

Tim: So Duke, you officially been at the manor a year, how are you liking it?

Duke: I’m finally settling in. I’m no longer worried Bruce is going to send me away.

Jason: I get that. I thought I was just some charity case. I was terrified that I would mess up and end up back on the streets. I stole a bunch of expensive looking things and kept them in a go bag. I was prepared.

Damien: I too feared being sent away. My grandfather would have been disappointed. I was prepared to fight to the death to prove my place in the family.

Dick: I was sleeping with a knife in my sock in case he sent me back juvie.

Cass: (signing) I feared disappointing him. I felt like I needed to earn my place here.

Steph: He couldn’t get rid of me if he tried. I am like glitter.

Tim: Same. I think he tried to kick me out like 6 times. I just laughed and walked past him.

Duke: Are we just going to ignore Dick’s knife comment?

[idksomethinggay]

Batfam duos and what crimes I think they would commit:

Jason and Tim: Cooperate espionage.

Steph and Damien: “Rescuing” animals from the zoo (the enclosures are way too small and they lack proper enrichment).

Alfred and Cass: Breaking and entering (to add something other than cereal to Dick and Jason’s fridge).

Dick and Jason: Murder.

Duke and Steph: Explosives. (Filled with glitter. Tim knows what he did).

Damien and Selena: Stealing cats from abusive owners.

Cass and Steph: Breaking and entering. (What the waffle house didn’t open for another hour and they were hungry).

Jason and Damien: Arson.

[idksomethinggay]

Jason was still on edge from his encounter with Bruce. Bruce took the identity reveal as well as expected. The window of the safe house was open. Jason pulls out his gun, scanning the apartment for the intruder. Everything is the same…except the tv has a PlayStation attached. There is a pizza box on the counter. The dishes were washed and drying. The toilet flushes followed by a door opening. Jason aims his gun.

Dick: Oh great your home.

Jason (sigh): Get out before I shoot.

Dick: Do you want to shower before gaming?

Jason (lowing his gun): What are you doing here?

Dick (walked past Jason): I washed your one tower and the rest of your clothes. I left some sweats for you in the bathroom. We should go shopping tomorrow, you need at least two towels.

Jason: Wait you did laundry?

Dick (flopping on the couch): I know how to wash clothes thank you. I’m an adult.

Jason: that wasn’t what surprised me.

Dick (pointing to the pizza box he just walked passed): Can you pass me a slice?

Jason (passing him the box): Did Bruce send you?

Dick (month full of pizza): Nah. He is still at the manor brooding. At least last time Tim updated me.

Jason: You aren’t here to convince to stop killing? You aren’t here to “take me in”.

Dick (while eating another slice): Take you in for what? Trying to kill the joker? That would be pretty hypocritical of me. I beat him to death. Bruce brought him back. And for the other people, I trust your judgment, if you say they deserved it, then they did.

Jason: You aren’t mad? You don’t think I’m a monster or a criminal that needs to be stopped?

Dick (getting up from the couch and walking up to Jason): You are my brother. I would love you no matter what.

Jason (tearing up): You mean it?

Dick: Of course. Now go shower because you stink. We are going to play Mario and eat so much junk food. Then tomorrow I’ll help you set up your apartment properly. I’m thinking a target run with Bruce’s credit card.

Jason: Get the game on. I’ll be back in 15. You are going to have to tell me about this new brother of ours.

[idksomethinggay]

an incomplete list of times a bat has yelled for superman’s help

- six years after they met, batman called for superman’s help for the first time, when he realized he couldn’t save a child from a fire

- dick grayson, age 8, called for superman to save batman from a death trap

- dick grayson, age 9, called superman to open a jam jar (strawberry)

- alfred, age lots, called superman to save batman from a death trap

- dick grayson, age 11, called superman to open a jam jar (grape)

- bruce wayne called superman to comfort dick grayson, who had just been fired as robin

- ace the bathound barked for superman to save batman from a death trap

- bruce wayne called superman to ask why, precisely, dick grayson was now superhero-ing under a kryptonian name

- jason todd called superman to save batman from a death trap

- batman called superman to save jason todd from a death trap. superman was in a different solar system.  he didn’t hear his name.

- barbara gordon called superman to help subdue supergirl, who was mind-controlled at the time

- dick grayson, age 19, called superman to open a jam jar (raspberry)

- tim drake called superman to save batman from a death trap

- stephanie brown called superman to see if she could

- tim drake called superman to tell superboy to take his earbuds out

- batman called superman because the batplane had just exploded at 17,000 feet, and he can’t fly, at all

- jason todd called superman to save batman from a death trap that he had himself set up

- dick grayson, age 24, called superman to open a jam jar (fig)

- dick grayson called superman to ask him why he hadn’t saved his father

- damian wayne called superman to save batman (dick grayson) from a death trap

- cassandra cain called superman so he could interpret her signs for a particularly skeevy alleyway ruffian.  he refused to interpret some of the signs.

- batman called superman to tell him to get lois some damn flowers already so she would stop texting him

- a failsafe device made by barbara gordon and tim drake automatically called superman to save batman from a death trap

- duke thomas called superman because he was dared to and he didn’t think it would work (it did)

- dick grayson, age 26, called superman to open a jam jar (apricot)

- damian wayne called superman to tell superboy (jon kent) to take his earbuds out

- selina kyle called superman to save a kitten from a tree

- dick grayson, age 28, called superman to save batman from a jam jar (giant, acid-filled)

[idksomethinggay]

There is one unbreakable rule in the batfam, you do not use the door of Dick’s apartment.

Dick has never known peace since getting his own place.

He wakes up to Steph and Damien making waffles twice a week.

Tim has to come and borrow a cup of coffee every time Alfred cuts him off (sure there may have been hundred of coffee shops closer but he likes the company).

Jason breaks in anytime he needs a patch up. He always claims he can do it himself but let Dick help him anyway.

Duke brings a bag and just crashes on the couch anytime the manor is getting to crazy.

Alfred comes by anytime one of the others tips him off to the lack of food in Dick’s fridge.

Cass just silently sits at his table eater her breakfast. That’s her way of saying she wants company.

Bruce even came by one night. Bruce had heard the flu was going around in Bludhaven and wanted to check up on him. He was wearing the full bat suit holding a container of Alfred’s soup.

[idksomethinggay]

So, when the Batkids get hurt, like, seriously hurt, they logically know that they best place they could go is the batcave. Fully stocked infirmary, the most updated medical technology possible, and Alfred to give them tea and sew up all of the wounds that they can't quite reach.

However, if any of them are even mildly beefing with Bruce, which they almost always are, they'll be damned if they're gonna face The Disappointed Bat Glare (tm) while also bleeding out, much less the speech that will inevitably follow.

This leads to either

A. The batkids sneaking into each others apartments and safehouses to get help, aka

Tim: -humming to himself as he flicks on the lights of the common room at Titans Tower-

Dick: -slumped on the couch dripping blood from two stab wounds- Hey, Timmy. Could you get your med kit?

Tim: -brief high pitched scream- FUCK!!! -long silence- Yeah, sure.

Dick: Great. Also, Bart heard me calling for you in the dark, and he thought I was a ghost of some sort. I think he ran to Mexico to get away, so you might want to track him down.

B. The batkids attempting to sneak into the batcave and patch themselves up without Bruce realizing they were ever there, aka

Jason: -sneaking through the medical bay in the dark, trying to silently open drawers when the lights suddenly come on-

Alfred: -standing by the light switch- Master Jason, may I inquire as to what you're doing here?

Jason: -actively gushing blood from his side- ....Nothing.

Alfred: Do you require stitches?

Jason: ....No.

Alfred: -actively pulling out the supplies to stitch up his wound- If you say so, Master Jason.

[idksomethinggay]

Screw Dick being remorseful when he kills the joker. Give me Dick Grayson who wished he had done it sooner. Give me Dick Grayson that, after Batman revived joker, went to Arkham and finished the job. Give me a Dick Grayson who shot the joker, ran every test to make sure he was the real joker (not a clone or shapeshifter), and burns the body so he can never come back.

Dick sleeps well at night knowing the joker will never hurt anyone again.

[idksomethinggay]

Stephanie is not Bruce’s kid.

Sure he became one of her legal guardians, but that was just so she wouldn’t end up in foster care if her mother was in rehab or something.

She has a room at the manor but Bruce never felt like a parent. He was a trusted adult she could turn to, like an uncle or a teacher.

She felt apart of the family by not a member. Like a friend who comes over they can just walk in uninvited and rad the fridge. The same way Barbra was a member of the family.

When Bruce was lost in time, and everyone thought he was dead, Steph felt lost. Sure he wasn’t her dad, but he was a rock she could relie on. A home base she could come back to. That why it meant so much when Dick asked her to move to the penthouse with him, Damian and Alfred.

For the first time she really felt apart of the family. Hell it was the first time she felt apart of ANY family.

Dick became someone to go to when she was scared or sad. He would ruffle her hair. He would ask about school and actually listen. He even taught her how to shave. On patrol he would tell her how well she was doing. When she messed up, he told her everything is going to be okay. He would teach her how to be better, without punishing her for her mistakes.

Alfred taught her how to cook (well cook something other than waffles). He taught her how to budget and grocery shop. Each week they try new recipes. Her current favourite is green curry.

Damian became her partner in crime. Whenever they patrolled together they would play games, or “training exercises” as Damian insisted they were. They played tag across the roof tops of Gotham . They saw how many stickers you could put on Dick’s back before he noticed. At home they would see how many of Alfred’s cookies they could steal.

They would insult each other. Short and blond jokes seemed to be their favourite to exchange. Jason came on patrol with them once and made the mistake of joining in. Weeks later and Jason is still finding glitter in his apartment. Dick could not be prouder of their make shift bomb. Jason texted the batfam group chat warning everyone not to mess with them when they are together.

Damian helps Steph with her art and Steph helps Damian figure out social cues.

Even after Bruce came back their bond never went away. Sure they would spend a few nights a week at the manor, but most days were spent at the penthouse.

Stephanie is not Bruce’ kid, but she is his granddaughter. And for that, Steph is glad.

[idksomethinggay]

I think that instead of being super apprehensive about Jason and him dating Roy, Oliver should take one look at him and then one look at Bruce and go oh, I'm about to be so annoying.

Oliver starts being so nice to Jason. So nice. Inviting him to family dinners. Giving him both his hero communications and personal phone number and telling him to call whenever he needs something. He gives him new tech and keeps updating his weapons and armor. He helps with missions and clean up and says nothing if Jason is a little rough, apart from patting him on the back and saying good job. He starts keeping his picture inside his wallet and has other pictures of Jason, Roy and Lian framed in the house and tells everyone about him. He starts calling him son-in-law first and then just son and then calls him a Harper and eventually a Queen.

At first it was just to annoy Bruce, but after the first time he tells Jason that he did a good job and Jason starts to tear up a little, Oliver goes oh no, oh I'm actually doing this now. This my boy now. I don't care if he and Roy break up or something, this is my boy now.

Bruce still thinks he's just doing it for the sole purpose of pissing him off, though, and he is so fucking mad. The Justice League meetings have turned into a Cold War zone.

Bruce starts to being so nice to Jason as well, forcing himself to ignore some of the more outrageous things Jason does, and Jason is so, so fucking confused.

[idksomethinggay]

I think Dick could pull off something like this

Dick takes Cass and Step dress shopping before a gala. Cass notices Dick looking longingly at this one navy dress.

The next day Dick wakes to find the dress hanging in his closet.

Dicks nervous, buts puts it on. He puts on his dress shoes and walks out of his room. Bruce stares at him for a minute.

Bruce: I think you need to change…

Dick (panicking): Oh yeah I can totally change, I’ll wear something more appropriate.

Bruce (steps forward and puts a hand on Dick’s shoulder): I think you need to change the shoes. The black dress shoes don’t match the dress. Sorry chum I didn’t mean to scare you. Clothes have no gender. I would never love you any less no matter how you dress.

Dick: You mean it?

Bruce: Yes. Now come one I have a pair of flats and heels that would go prefect with that dress. And you can wear one of my mother’s necklaces.

[idksomethinggay]

Hear me out. Secret magic user Jason Todd, except it's a secret to him too. Like, Nature Witch potential.

When he was little, out on the streets, people died from the elements, left and right. In Gotham, it always rained. It was hard to light a fire when the things you were trying to light were wet. So during the colder months, the homeless population tended to go down— hypothermia's a bitch.

But Jason somehow always managed to light a fire. He gathered newspapers, even if they were wet, rolled them up and made a little campfire, just like other homeless people. Except they took care to gather the dry ones, and Jason just... Didn't care. While others struggled to get it to light, he always got it on the first try.

And see, he should probably notice something's odd there, but this started when he was little and lacked the common sense that, you know, wet things shouldn't light up. It had started when his apartment didn't have heating and it was cold, so he made a makeshift campfire in the sink so he could extinguish the flame later, and somehow his parents didn't bother to question it. And then, well, if it had worked before, it should work now, right? He never realized that it wasn't exactly normal.

And he didn't realize that rain should put it out. Sure, he tried to do it on a covered spot because he didn't particularly enjoy being soaked, but he didn't realize that fire doesn't enjoy being soaked, either, and when he is unable to find a cover, he seeks warmth from his fire. Under the rain, no matter how heavy.

And it's not like he's using gasoline or oil. Nothing special. He's just using newspaper and a cool lighter he found that should've run out ages ago. He's been using the same lighter for years (it did run out— it never lights up for anyone else, but he attributes it to the pressure he's mastered. Not that he lends it much). He jokes that his trusty lighter is picky and loyal. He loves his cool-as-fuck dragon lighter as much as it loves him. It's red, black and gold and he loves it. He keeps it in an inside pocket of his jacket, right above his heart, and on cold nights it seems to heat up wonderfully.

Sometimes when it's snowing, he finds he's not all that bothered by it. Then again, he has no point of reference. Maybe that's how everyone feels? Or maybe he has a damn good jacket, plus his lighter is warm.

He also finds snowballs are too easy to form. He doesn't even need to form them, really, he grabs a fistful and when he throws it, instead of, you know, a fistful of snow, it's a perfectly round snowball. Also, if he intends it as a weapon (say, to escape the police or a criminal), it seems to do far more damage than friendly throws. He attributes it to the strength of the throw (it's not)

This little shit can walk through a storm, or a blizzard, or strong-ass winds from a hurricane, and he's fine. He can walk easily through weather where even Batman stays in for.

There's an apple tree in a park, it's very tall and very hard/impossible to climb. The lower apples may be collected if you have a ladder, but the upper ones are usually just bird food until they fall, hardly ever in one piece. And yet, if Jason is hungry and passes under it, any apple the tree has to offer falls near him, enough to be caught, perfectly ripe and whole.

There's a raven that always steals his lettuce. If he gets a sandwich, the raven comes down and bothers him until he gives her the lettuce. If he gets a salad, she comes down and settles with him and steals the lettuce from his fork, but lets him eat anything else in it. It works, because lettuce makes him itchy (is it supposed to be spicy?) and while he can eat small quantities, he prefers to give them to Lettuce (not very original, but it works) unless he's really starving.

Lettuce wakes him up at dawn every day. No matter where he hides away for the night, she finds him in the morning, and comes and goes throughout the day. They each do their own thing, but she sticks relatively close, and if he's in danger, she protects him. With patience and a lot of boredom, and lots of time together, Jason and Lettuce have developed a call between them, a birdcall they both can mimic and respond to. And if Jason is in danger, he'll call for Lettuce loudly, and it takes no time before she flies in, attacking whoever is threatening him. This is of course more effective during the day, because Ravens are diurnal. However, if she happens to be sleeping close enough to hear him at night, she'll wake up and call back, and Jason will repeat the call and she'll find him. She has blinded many people, including but not limited to cops (it's always creepy afterwards, watching her eat the eyes of his attackers, but he's grown numb to it)

Lettuce is his best friend, his partner in crime. She helps him steal, be it food, money or objects. It's mutually beneficial, see. He couldn't be more unafraid of bugs and rodents. He calls her over and they're being eaten the next moment. And he shares a lot of space with bugs and rodents. It's only at night that he needs to worry about them, once Lettuce goes to sleep. It's much easier to take care of yourself only at night than it is 24/7. Besides, while Lettuce wakes him up early, she lets him take a nap later on if he needs it, while she keeps guard. They're family.

When he got adopted, he worried he'd miss his feathered friend, being unable to spend as much time together. He underestimated her.

He woke up at dawn, habit unbroken, but went right back to sleep, feeling the absence of his loyal friend. And a few hours later, he was woken up again by a pounding on his window and angry croaking. He looked over to find his big-as-fuck bird repeatedly slamming against the window, talons first so she wouldn't get hurt. He rushed to open the window for her immediately, a grin on his face.

"Lettie!" he greeted happily. She greeted him angrily, instead, pecking his shoulder, however careful, and tugging on his hair. She'd been so worried when she couldn't find him! "I know, I know, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to dissappear on you, girl. But hey, I'm safe, promise!"

Now, listen, Ravens can reach a length of up to 66 cm (26 inches) and have a wingspan of more than 1.3 metres (4 feet). These are big birds, ok? So imagine Alfred's surprise when he saw Jason walking down the hallway, all good there, but with a massive raven flying above him.

Naturally, he assumed that the bird got in, at first. He was amazed by the sheer size of the bird, not having seen one so big from this distance. And then the raven descended towards Jason, talons out, and he was about to tell the boy to duck, because he though the bird was about to attack his head, and then the bird just landed on his shoulder.

"Ow! Bitch, mind your talons, they do hurt, you know?" he complained playfully, and the bird croaked back. Even to Alfred's ears it sounded amused. She clicked her beak, Jason clicked his teeth, and they seemed to argue playfully like that, as Alfred watched from behind them, unnoticed. Evidently, the bird won the argument, because Jason looked away and huffed "Ass", and she let out what sounded very much like a laugh.

"No, I hate you. So much" Jason scoffed, a blatant lie, his lips twitching into a smile. She cawed, fondly, like saying "no, you don't", and tugged gently on a strand of Jason's hair.

"No, I really do. Bossy bitch" he said, his voice lacking any bite. He leaned in, resting his head against her body carefully. She started preening his hair lovingly, almost motherly, and he let his eyes flutter closed as she pulled him closer with a wing. "Fine, maybe I love you. Just a little bit. Big dumb bird."

When he walked into the dining room, Bruce and Dick stared at him. Or rather, at her, perched on his shoulder, preening his hair and leaving it a mess, a wing around the back of his head. She paused, analyzing them too, but took note of Jason's relaxed demeanor around them. Not a threat, then.

"Jason... That's a big crow." Dick breathed out.

"A raven. Same family, different birds." Jason corrected, and the bird croaked, agreeing.

"Raven or crow, both are wild birds, Jason. That's not a parrot you can keep as a pet." Bruce intervened, eying the bird wearily "it's a predatory bird, that can and will turn on you in the blink of an eye if it wants. It's a dangerous bird. Not to mention it's illegal to keep them as pets"

"Well, good thing she is not a pet, then. She's a friend that chooses to stay by my side because she loves me and it's a beneficial agreement. And I'm aware of her potential. I've watched her eat human eyes—"

"You've what?"

"—but to be fair, they deserved it. She won't hurt you unless you hurt me."

"Hold on, circle back to that about eating human eyes"

"If you see people without eyes near Park Row, or blind former cops, that's us. They tried to attack me, she attacked them. I gave them plenty of warning, mind you."

"Wait, didn't Officer Johnson lose his eyes recently, Bruce? Commissioner Gordon was losing his mind because Johnson took lots of shifts."

"Johnson, Johnson..." Jason ran the most recent officers through his mind, trying to see if he remembered a name, but he didn't exactly stop to chat.

"Blond hair, 5'9, short beard, nasty scar on his—"

"—Right arm! Yes, I remember that one. He beat up another kid and then chased me, I told him to get lost and even decked him, but he wouldn't stop. Nearly crushed my wrist, that bitch. Then Lette flew in and—" Lettuce snapped her beak and puffed her feathers proudly "Yeah, that was us, but I did give him plenty of chances."

That did not make Bruce feel better about having this bird in his house, near his boys. There had been plenty of cops though the years that lost their eyes, it was driving Gordon mad. True, none of them were good cops, but still.

However, he could recognize as he watched his newest son and the bird communicate with various sounds, working as one, with evident years of teamwork, that sending the bird away to a sanctuary was not an option, and nothing short of the death of either of them would separate them, so he compromised. The bird would stay, as long as she proved healthy and didn't attack anyone.

Now on another note, Jason proved undefeatable in a snow fight

Somehow, no matter how good their aim was, or how hard they threw it, the snowballs either missed him, falling a few feet short of reaching him, or they hit him very softly. He never made any noise, like the snow didn't crush under his feet, and he always stayed on top instead of his feet sinking into it. And his snowballs always hit damn hard and accurate— unless he was only intending to get your attention, in which case it barely brushed you.

Patrolling on snowy days also proved easy. Bruce and Dick were in no way noisy, but the snow did slow them down and crushed under their feet, and they left footprints that left them easy to follow.

Jason didn't.

He somehow walked on top of the snow without leaving prints. The snow didn't crush, didn't make any noise at all, and he didn't slip on it either. It was as easy, maybe more so, for him to patrol on heavy snow than normal nights. Same with storms. Batman and Nightwing had to be careful to not slip when it was raining, and extra mindful of their movements so the splashing didn't give them away, while Jason could run or jump without making a sound or slipping even once.

"Practice" he said, "I've lived in the streets, I grew used to it, I guess."

He was a strange Robin.

The first time he met Poison Ivy, she had been particularly aggressive. And then she caught sight of the new Bird. And she stopped. She'd had the upper hand, Batman unconscious and trapped, Nightwing in Blüdhaven. She could've won. And Jason knew that, but he'd be dammed if he went down without a fight.

"Who are you?" she whispered, awe in her voice.

"I'm Robin." he answered simply, standing with a confidence he didn't feel.

"I see that. It's not what I meant. Who are you?"

"What, you think I'll give you my identity so easily? No way!"

"I didn't mean that, either. Who are you?"

"Listen, lady, I don't know what you want. Are you hard of hearing? Do you need me to use ASL? I mean, sure, if you want. I ain't ableist." Jason shrugged and actually started signing his words "I'm gonna need you to let Batman go."

"I am not hard of hearing, but I appreciate the inclusion anyway." Ivy smiled, and carefully laid Batman on the ground, much to Jason's surprise.

"Huh. That was easy."

"Listen, kid. If you ever need a mentor..."

"I'm with the Bat."

"Not what I meant. I can help you in ways he can't."

"I'll pass."

"Very well. The offer is on the table, if you ever change your mind, you can find me. Tomorrow or in twenty years, I don't care. I can guide you. I can help you."

And surprisingly, she handed herself in, giving the new Robin a smile. He kept her words a secret, confused. Weird woman, he thought.

And then, a few months later, he found his mother wasn't who he thought. And he looked for his mother. And he found her and was sold out by her. Bruce searched for him desperately, with Lettuce on his shoulder ("A promise", he'd said as he instructed Lettuce to stay with Bruce, "so you know I'll come back to you. So you know you're my family, even if I still have a mother. I'll be back, Dad"). But Joker had him.

But see, magic tends to wake up when the user is in danger.

So as Joker beat the boy, as fear beat in his heart, so did his magic. Barely conscious, beaten, bruised, but alive, the little Bird was underestimated.

"I'll say hi to your daddy for you." Joker said, planting the bomb.

And Jason realized he wouldn't be coming home. He realized Lettuce would never wake him up at dawn again. He realized Dick would never hug him again. He realized Bruce would never ruffle his hair again. He realized he'd never play with them in the snow again. He realized he'd break his promise.

And he screamed.

The warehouse went up in flames before Joker could leave. Far before the bomb went off. All-consuming flames that rose around him like the depths of hell, but caressed him like the touch of a loving mother, like Sheila never would. He heard the screams of Joker, just like his before. The flames enveloped Jason's broken body and pain overwhelmed him as his most broken bones snapped into place. He sobbed.

And then came the water. As his tear hit the flames, red turned into blue in a flood that put the fire out. Jason saw his blood seep into the water, red dissolving into the clear liquid. His wounds, the most severe at least, closing into scars. Jason saw the body of Joker floating on the water, charred and barely recognizable.

And then he saw hers. Sheila's body, still restrained, at the bottom of the water, skin melted by the fire. And she may have sold him off to Joker, he may never be able to forgive her, but still, he sinked to her, praying for her to be alive.

But Magic protects Her loved ones, and Magic doesn't forgive all that easy. She deemed Sheila unworthy of her favor. She was the reason Her Child was in such a situation, and as such, she earned Her wrath.

Jason reached for his mother, but as he touched her, the water evaporated. He carried her body out of the warehouse, no pulse to be found. He stared, a third parent dead. But was she really ever a mother? He reached down and closed her eyes. And vines sprouted from the ground, covering her body like a coffin. Jason knew this was her burial. His fingers traced over her covered body as he said his goodbyes, and then watched as she sinked down, down, down, into the earth, disappearing six feet under.

Jason looked down at himself, still wounded but not nearly as much. He took off his gloves as he felt his right hand burn, and he watched as the mark of a vine engraved itself into his skin, spiraling from his palm, the back of his hand, his wrist, all the way to his elbow. The mark shone green for a second before it settled with an bright silver color.

He heard a familiar caw and panicked. Because Lettuce meant Bruce, and Bruce meant Batman, and Batman didn't like metas in Gotham. And apparently he was a meta, right? Just like Poison Ivy.

He put his glove back on and searched his utility belt for a bandage, which he wrapped around his forearm, hiding his mark.

And then he called to Lettuce. And he heard her respond, louder, happy, worried, hopeful. He called again, and soon she was flying to him, Bruce running right behind her.

Bruce didn't understand what had happened, what happened to the warehouse, to Joker. To his son. But he didn't care. He was there, he was safe.

He checked his son for injuries, and he was quite hurt, but not as much as he could've been. Broken bones, bleeding wounds. Bruised, broken, scared. But safe.

And Jason let him assume that was as badly as he was hurt, let him believe Joker didn't beat him to death's doorstep. Because if he told him, he'd have to tell him how he healed.

The rest of his injuries healed normally at home, but Jason didn't let them see his right arm.

Dick, Bruce and Jason assumed maybe Joker had marked him. It wasn't uncommon to mark victims in some way. They wanted to help, but if they pressed about it, Jason would run out for an hour or two. So they let him. Jason always wore long sleeves and gloves, or a bandage on his arm, even when he slept. It became part of his style, just like the white stripe on his hair from where his head was split open.

But see, once awakened, his magic refused to lie dormant again. It buzzed and ached for release. And it seeped out of him with his every breath.

And it terrified him.

He lived with the world's greatest detectives. They were bound to notice the flames flaring when he walked into the room, be it candles or the fireplace. They were bound to notice the wind picking up unnaturally indoors. They were bound to notice his glass of water moving with unnatural waves.

So he ran out when he felt the call more active and let it explode. The plants deep into the Wayne Estate wildest part had never been greener. Plants that shouldn't bloom in there were growing. It was as easy as breathing, letting it flow. The problem was controlling it.

Jason felt like a baby learning to use the restroom. Doing it was instinctual, natural. A reflex. But holding it in was a challenge. The thing is, there were no diapers for magic. And he couldn't let anyone find out.

This is part one, I'll come back another day with how Tim comes into the picture, because duh, Jason didn't die

[idksomethinggay]

Why was he peeling a lemon? What did he need to wait for a certain time?

We had to do Kinetic typography in class today. I chose a very important audio clip

[idksomethinggay]

Jason is not jealous. He does not see Dick with Damian and feel jealous. There is no part of Jason that misses his time as Robin. No part of him that misses being Dick only sibling.

Tim is not jealous. He is not jealous that this boy has taken up Dick’s time and his place as Robin. He does not miss being the youngest in the family.

Bruce is not jealous. He is not jealous that his oldest has a relationship with his son that he will never have. He doesn’t see the way Damian defaults to Dick’s judgement. When they talk in shorthand and code that Bruce doesn’t understand. When Damian wakes from a nightmare, Bruce does not feel jealous that it is Dick he comes to.

Damian got hurt during patrol. Dick brushed past everyone, picked him up and hurried to the cave. Dick sat at his bed side all night holding his hands.

That was the night Jason and Tim realized that Damian wasn’t Dick brother, but son.

That was the night Bruce realized he had a grandson.

[idksomethinggay]

Aww kitty

batman