#He has a whole menagerie for a Reason

[sysig]

Animal collection as a hobby, a perfect fit! (Patreon)

[bardic-inspo]

A Little Treat

(with their cheeks all flushed)

Pairing: Astarion x Evelyn (Named Tav)

Rating: Mature

Key Tags: Sweet, soft, (candy) corny established relationship fluff, Astarion being mischievous

Summary:

How could she say no when he kissed her so hungrily? When he darted away not moments after, muttering excitedly beneath his breath about thread and tulle and silk? It’s the same reason she’s been talked into and out of so much else: the man is a menace.

Evelyn and Astarion celebrate Harvest’s End. Astarion has a trick up his sleeve for his dearest treat.

A/N: For my dear friend @nyx-knox as part of a fall server exchange <3 Evelyn, the lovely named Tav in this fic, belongs to Nyx. I hope I did her justice! Occurs sometime after the final battle with the Netherbrain, and/or in a dream if it better suits Evelyn’s story. :)

I have no idea if Halloween exists in Faerun or not, and I decided not to look it up! So we’re calling it Harvest’s End instead!

Click here to read on AO3 instead

Evelyn shivers, rubbing friction against her bare arms for meager warmth. The autumn breeze bites meaner than Astarion ever would. But he’s to blame all the same; after all, he’s the reason she’s wearing nearly nothing, at nearly midnight, out in lantern-lit streets of Baldur’s Gate.

At least she’s not the only one in such attire. The streets brim with a menagerie of costumed celebrants, all seemingly dressed as courtesans. Or at the very least, dressed as monsters, fairytale characters, and heroes who all moonlight as courtesans. Evelyn’s eyes drift over a woman in a scaled, glimmering gown. She must be a mermaid. She trembles like the fallen leaves do as the wind rustles through her slitted skirt.

Their eyes meet unwittingly. Evelyn can’t help a small chuckle of empathy. The stranger returns Evelyn’s warm, knowing smile. ‘Tis the season for showing skin, even in the cold.

Despite the late hour, the Gate is awake with boisterous laughter. Bards strum jaunty songs in every square. Every tavern’s doors are propped open to accommodate overflowing crowds. The chill is battled back by the cozy scents of pecan pie and apple cider wafting from the windows. Carved pumpkins line the cobblestones, aglow with orange candlelight.

The whole city celebrates Harvest’s End in the same manner each year. This year, Evelyn meant to celebrate it with Astarion. She still means to. She carries on down the avenue, slowing to a stop just outside the high shrubbery of the haunted hedge maze. Shrieks mingle with the giddy giggling of the stumbling passersby, but Evelyn doesn’t so much as flinch.

She scans the rosy-cheeked faces for one that’s ghostly pale. A handful of times, she catches the flutter of a dark cape. But each time she looks up, her hopes are punctured by the decidedly fake fangs protruding from some stranger’s mouth. Dejected, she heaves a soft sigh. She can’t even conjure the will to laugh at the poor would-be-vampire that found his temporary teeth anchored in an apple, caramel glistening sticky in his beard.

Her vampire still hasn’t found her. Or rather, she hasn’t found him. The sorceress was supposed to meet him somewhere in this vicinity, about a quarter before the witching hour. Familiar chimes echo across the city, heralding its arrival.

Gooseflesh wakes along her naked shoulders. The chill seeps between her breasts, nearly spilling from the lace corset cupping them tight as a lover. But where in the hells is her lover? A small frown tugs on her lips. He wouldn’t be so mean as to stand her up now. 

Not like this, with her cheeks flushed apple red. He wouldn’t.

…would he? He hadn’t been keen on coming from the start. She’d had to talk him into it. And in so doing, Astarion talked her into this.

“What’s this?” Astarion’s chin settles against Evelyn’s shoulder. 

She grins to the soft feel of his mouth against the slight point of her ear. For a moment, he’s silent as he skims the piece of parchment held in front of her. She’d seen the flier by chance out in the market and taken it with her on her way back to him. 

“Ugh,” he groans. His hands wrap her waist, squeezing her as if for comfort. “A costume party? For Harvest’s End? How utterly gauche.”

“It’s a pretty common tradition,” she snickers. 

“Exactly,”  Astarion grumbles. “It’s common. A masquerade is a far more elegant and dignified affair. Something far more suitable for us saviors of the city.”

Evelyn’s smile fades, golden eyes glazed in thought. “It could be fun to do something common. Something normal. Not much has been, since the tadpoles. Even after them. I’m afraid I’ve forgotten what it’s like.”

She can feel his scowl growing against her neck. Petal-soft lips lay the gentlest of kisses there. Her eyes flutter shut.

“That sounds like a good thing, dear,” he murmurs darkly. “Something better to forget.”

Evelyn blinks, worry creeping into her thoughts like a dark, drifting cloud. She turns in the circle of his arms, palms laid against his chest.

“What?” He asks, eyes narrowed against her scrutiny.

“Is…is Harvest’s End something you want to forget, Astarion?”

He huffs, his shoulders rolling with his eyes. “I just don’t care to see all the little morsels running around with their tacky, dull little fangs and syrup for blood. I lost count of how many costumed idiots my siblings and I snatched off the streets while they were stumbling home from some tawdry tavern after a night spent pretending to be a monster.”

Evelyn’s eyes widen. “I--”

“I’d much rather remember it with you,” he rasps. 

It’s the way he looks at her that steals her breath. That heady warmth in his eyes, as if they were bathed by a hearth. As if in her, he sees the safety of walls and a snapping fire. A shelter from the cold. A place of treasured memories. Of stories told, and laughter shared.

A home.

It’s the look that does it. But the crush of his lips could’ve had her sworn off of breath for an eternity. Her mouth melts against his, and she wishes their embrace could last just as long.

When he pulls away seconds or hours later, Evelyn’s head swirls. Her stomach swoops, as if buffeted by a sudden fall. The feeling drifts down into a lightweight sense of serenity. Evelyn can summon a tempest at her whim. But if she’s a storm, Astarion’s the eye of it. 

She lets out a long, contented sigh, hardly fazed or surprised when the fond gleam in his eye sharpens with cunning.

He grins. “On one condition.”

Evelyn tilts her head, mirroring his mischievous smirk. “Just the one?”

“I’ll be making our costumes,” he says, his smile growing smug. “You’ll see yours the night of the festivities. And you’ll see mine when you find me there.”

“Deal,” she says at once.

How could she have hesitated? How could she say no when he kissed her so hungrily? When he darted away not moments after, muttering excitedly beneath his breath about thread and tulle and silk?

It’s the same reason she’s been talked into and out of so much else: the man is a menace. A heartbreakingly handsome, smooth-talking, smarmy little menace. And she loves him with every fiber of her being.

Evelyn glances down at her ensemble, shuffling her feet sheepishly. At least it has pockets. Astarion made sure of it.

“Hey! Soldier!”

A familiar voice calls across the crowd. Evelyn looks up to see Karlach making her way over. Their eyes lock, and the tiefling’s widen.

 “Hey, Soldier!” Karlach drawls, grinning. “Looking sweet enough to eat, I see!”

Evelyn offers her friend a half-hearted smile in return. It’s the sort of quip Astarion could make if he were here. Probably the exact line he had in mind as he laced the corset with candy pink ribbon, and frosted it with the soft crush of cream brocade along the top. The ruffled fabric sparkles with little pastel crystals, sprinkled into the folds. A dollop of the same brocade swirls atop her headband, topped with a felt cherry. Her skirt is a short puff of delicate tulle, glistening with a sugary shimmer.

My little treat, she can practically hear him croon. 

Karlach’s costume isn’t so threadbare; Evelyn can only just see her friend’s eyes past the open jaws of the dragon’s head helm the tiefling wears between her horns. The ceremonial plate she dons is practical, though the same scales look heavy, laid along her tail.

“Let me guess,” Karlach snickers, “you’re--”

“Stood up.” Evelyn sighs, arms crossed.

“What? No, Fangs would never! He knows he’d hear from me about it if he did!”

Before Evelyn can utter a word in edgewise, she hears another familiar voice muttering a slew of frantic, mangled curses.

“Gale?” Evelyn tilts her head, watching the wizard stumble out of the opening between the hedges. He shoots a wary glance back over his shoulder, shuddering. “Are you all right?!”

“GAH! Ah, ah, it’s only you two! Mysta’s swirling skirts,” Gale gasps, cowering. He picks his way over to them, eyes down, sheepish.

Karlach gapes at him, incredulous. “That gods awful haunted maze has the Gale of Waterdeep quaking in his boots? The same man that faced down the Netherbrain? Are you feeling faint? Feverish, maybe? Should we fetch a cleric?”

“It’s precisely because of our prior exploits that I know the difference between fear and farce. And I’m quite alright, thank you. My heart’s only racing faster than it has since we were fighting for our lives.”

Gale huffs, fixing the black, pointed ears protruding from his slicked hair. Evelyn decides not to tell him his whiskers are smeared across his cheeks.

“Come off it,” Karlach scoffs. “I spun through that maze earlier and it was nothing but a laugh. If I didn’t crack up, I would’ve been crying about what a sad excuse it is for a scare.”

Another scream lights the night. But that’s not the noise that snags Evelyn’s ear: it’s the pitchy, breathless bark of a laugh that follows. That feels familiar.

“I’ll give it a try,” Evelyn shrugs.

“Don’t say you weren’t warned,” Gale says gravely. Karlach blows a raspberry back at him in response. 

Their bickering is swallowed by the shrubbery as Evelyn steps through the spiderwebbed archway into the maze. Smoke furls across her feet, clouding the sight of them after only a few steps. The bushes rustle in a sudden flurry of movement. She tenses.

Clawed hands burst through the branches, grasping fruitlessly at empty air filled with moans and groans. They’re meant to be zombies, but the growls are shrill, and the hands, small and harmless, save for a wicked-looking hangnail. Evelyn muffles her laughter, dodging nimbly. 

She takes the next turn, and then another, until the rumbling of the alleged undead dissolves to the leathery flapping of bats. Her eyes dart upwards, snagging on the dark flash of motion overhead. Her spark of excitement snuffs as soon as it came, her shoulders slumping. Surely they could’ve found some sort of caster on the streets who could do better than this shabby pair of kites passing as bats. Gale could have, had they not apparently terrified him so.  

Evelyn heaves a soft, restless sigh. Karlach was right. This maze isn’t anything special. And perhaps she was a fool to think Harvest’s End could’ve been. She can tell by straining on her tip-toes that she’s nearly at the heart of the hedges.

And then, her heart skips like a stone across a pond.

A sharp, startled cry bursts through the bushes. Blotting it out is that laugh. It’s a full-bodied cackle. Devilish. Delighted. Triumphant.

Evelyn hurries towards it.

At a fork in her path, she takes the route past a gushing green cauldron, around a bend to a patch of false graves. Panting, she pauses, soaking in the scent of fresh-turned earth, and the names etched on the tombstones: Here lies Rigg. R. Mortis, Diane Rott, Rusty Kauphyn, Claire Voyant…

It brings a rueful smile to her face. She can’t help but think of another graveyard, filled with other names, one of them etched into her heart as much as his tombstone. Maybe Astarion would hate this farce, even with her. Maybe she shouldn’t have urged him to go. Maybe--

Fluid movement seeps through her periphery, a shadow spilling over the moonlight. By the time she glances over her shoulder, it’s gone. The small, stone gazebo up ahead looks as lonely as she feels. 

But then, she hears it again. A soft chuckle this time, buried beneath a bated breath, tumbling like the dried leaves do down the dirt path. As if in a trance, her limbs moving of their own volition. 

Evelyn follows the sound home. 

She gets as far as the yawning arch at the steps when her hairs stand on end. She’s greeted by a low, rolling growl. It thrills through her, swirling sweet, tantalizing static over her skin. If she had to guess, it’s the same sound that scared Gale shitless.

Evelyn merely clicks her tongue, peering about the gazebo. “I looked everywhere for you.”

“Look up, love.”

With a shake of her head, she does. She finds him beaming down at her with a warmth to rival the sun. Astarion sprawls beneath the domed roof, braced there effortlessly. He’s far too tickled with his newfound ability to spiderclimb. It turns out such a talent comes naturally to any well-fed vampire spawn.

Whoosh.

The backflip down was far from necessary. But the hand he braces against the small of her back, and the other that hitches her knee against his hip, that’s all that’s keeping her from falling. Evelyn gasps out a giggle as he dares to dip her deeper. The graveyard sways upside down in her view: a sky full of tombstones above a sea full of stars.

“My, my,” he purrs, breath tickling her neck. “What’s a delicious thing like you doing all by your lonesome?”

“I’ve been waiting.” Evelyn drawls with a grin. “Waiting since the moment I first saw you.”

“Hm,” the soft huff of his laugh tumbles down her collar as he pulls her upright. And now that you have me?” 

Blood rushes from her head, the scent of him swimming through it: the sharpness of rosemary, chased by the softness of bergamot and the richness of brandy. Astarion’s eyes flutter shut briefly, pulling in a long, satisfied breath, and pulling a blush to her cheeks with it.

Abruptly, Evelyn’s eyes narrow. “You didn’t dress up!”

“No, I didn’t,” Astarion croons, unrepentant, eyes alight with mischief. “I thought you deserved the real thing, darling.”

Something real. The sentiment is a sweet one. She’s still giving him shit for it, though.

“And you thought you deserved a treat?”

Astarion arches a brow. “Isn’t that the whole point of this holiday?”

The cool hand on her back wanders lower. With it, he wakes a heat across her skin, resilient even to the chill on the wind. She can’t help the needy noise that leaves her lips as he cups her ass and reels her body flush with his. She can’t help but tilt her head back at the mere tease of his teeth.

“I know it’s not my birthday,” he pouts, lips lingering where her pulse flutters against her neck, “but after all, what’s Harvest’s End without a graveyard smash?”

A/N: Divider credit for pre-story divider to @firefly-graphics. Scene break credit to @strangergraphics. End banner credit to @saradika-graphics. Credit to a cursory google search for some punny tombstone names!

[nov4-rocket5]

I completely understand why people hate Jaune from how he acts in canon, how he has too much screentime, to how he's portrayed as Chad Thundercock by fanfic writers, to how he's the writer's pet.

I get that but I still like the CANON character because currently as of right now whenever it's just team RWBY, shit is just boring. Blake lost some braincells somewhere in Menagerie and now is nothing more than a damsel in distress who needs Yang and Ruby to save her, Weiss never does shit besides threaten her little brother and drink tea in her mansion, Yang's too busy babying Ruby while making kissy faces with Blake, and Ruby's crying every two seconds about having some burden placed on her shoulders when NO ONE has done that. They had 5 whole episodes just to themselves in volume 9 and it was BORING SLOP. Ruby and Weiss never got to talk about Penny's death all of it was off-screen. Weiss never got to talk about the guilt she feels from letting Atlas fall. Shit only picked up once Neo and Jaune came into the story. But that's really because KERRY, EDDY, and MILES don't know how to write the female characters.

I like the blonde's blind optimism. I like how he treated Jessica in the movie helping some kid through her anxiety is great I just don't get why no one else volunteered to do the same. I especially like how human he comes off with him basically helping the community with small time shit. He's just consistently a good guy a boring one but a good guy nonetheless.

It also helps that his cut reminds me of Laios from Delicious in Dugeon.

Yeah, a lot of people like to blame RWBY's lackluster main cast development/characterization on Jaune eating up screentime. But the core problem is that CRWBY just seemed to struggle with juggling a huge cast of characters.

Which is odd, because Early RvB had a huge cast that all were handled pretty well.

Let's be honest, plenty of characters besides just Jaune eat up screentime. Pyrrha got loredumped on and is one of the main focuses of Volume 3, all while Team RWBY just kinda dicked around Vytal for most of the season.

Look at the WF subplot. Jaune wasn't stealing spotlight on that at all; CRWBY was just terrible at writing "le racism" and decided to drop it by Vol 6 because they realized how much they sucked at it.

The only reason Weiss is sometimes deemed the best out of the other 3 members of her team is because she's the only one with a tangible character arc and development. Even then CRWBY choked in the end on that too.

Jaune went from pretty bad, to solid, to kinda bad again but not as bad. Team RWBY aren't underdeveloped because of him, they're underdeveloped because the way they've been handled is just incompetent. If you cut him from the show entirely the problem would be blamed on some other character.

[bumblingbabooshka]

I know I'm like decades late to the party and SNW is out and all but I think the events of "The Menagerie" would be even more interesting if Pike and Spock DIDN'T have a particularly close interpersonal relationship because I remember watching that episode and being a bit curious about why Spock would risk SO much for this man who, in-episode, I don't recall ever having any special bond portrayed with Spock. Spock, in that episode, is more the eager ensign than anyone of special importance and the episode doesn't set any scene aside to show that Pike has especially warm feelings towards him.

Of course, Spock served with Pike for eleven years and their relationship could have grown in that time and I expect the audience is supposed to assume that. (Or make the assumption that any crewman would do the same for their captain but Spock being Vulcan and not shown as particularly close to Pike DOES make you wonder! Especially since this is something Spock elected to do on his own and obviously planned in extreme detail and was willing to DIE over) In-universe, the events of the Menagerie are shown to justify why Spock wants Pike to go to that banned planet specifically - not to justify why He feels He has to do this for Pike but I just find it curious that there isn't even one scene where Pike and young Spock speak in depth to one another. Instead, Pike has that sort of scene with the Doctor. There's only moment I can recall that approaches that and it itself is interesting to me! There's a trilling, musical noise in the air and both Pike and Spock follow it to discover that some plant is emitting the noise. Pike stills one bunch of leaves and Spock stills the other, granting silence. Spock then turns to Pike with a smile and Pike looks back at him for a moment, face blank, before turning away. I like that TOS' Pike has a colder edge to him than Kirk and I can't help but think of his relationship to Spock from Spock's perspective where he's just abandoned his family and was effectively disowned and here, with Pike on Pike's Enterprise, is perhaps the first time he's ever felt like he might belong somewhere and be an asset to someone. Those feelings (whether or not Spock acknowledges them) might be strong enough that it doesn't quite matter how Pike feels about Spock as long as it isn't negative. In fact, maybe the experience of being praised and liked to any extent by a cold, commanding man ties into issues Spock canonically has with Sarek. Here is a man cold and distant enough to feel familiar but with that Human warmth and willingness to show emotion and give praise which Vulcan as a whole and more specifically his father has not been willing to grant Spock. I also can't help thinking of this from the perspective of Spock as a gay man either. Pike's clear longing for domestic bliss, a home with a wife and his beloved horse, can be juxtaposed with Kirk fairly easily to me: Kirk is shown throughout the series to be lonely and to fall in love with women but there's never really the possibility of him leaving the captaincy to be with them. He belongs to the Enterprise, with Spock. Pike's happy ending is being with a woman and Spock sees him there. Meanwhile, I think we all know that Kirk's happy ending does not entail this. It entails being on the Enterprise, a captain, and being with Spock as an extension of that. (Spock, revealed in this episode to have been part of the existing Enterprise staff, is almost an extension of the beloved starship) Perhaps the reason there's no explanation for why Spock is willing to go so far for Pike, to risk his life for a man we don't see as being particularly close to the Vulcan, is the same reason for the inexplicable curing of Spock's fever after 'killing' Kirk, is what I'm saying

[she-posts-nerdy-stuff]

Analysing my favourite lines from Six of Crows chapter by chapter: Chapter 4

Same as usual: famous or popular quotes being missed doesn't mean I don't like them it just means I don't have anything new to say, and some quotes will not have explanations because I just like them I don't really have anything to analyse

“Inej knew the moment Kaz entered the Slat” - first of all I think it’s relevant that this is our second chapter from Inej’s POV and both of them have begun with the focus entirely on Kaz, the first one being the infamous “Kaz Brekker didn’t need a reason”, which she immediately disproves to be factual and instead shows as something created by the opinion of the many who don’t really know Kaz and disputed by the few, herself included, who do. To some extent it’s possible that the same action is being completed with this introduction, since it’s actually less about Inej being aware of Kaz’s presence than it is about her being aware of the Dregs’ acknowledgment of him. Secondly I find it an interesting parallel between the pair, that Kaz recognises Inej’s presence despite no-one else knowing she’s there whilst Inej recognises Ka’s presence because everyone knows he’s there. This not only summarises their drives, for Inej to melt into the background and stop being noticed for her physical appearance and instead valued for her skills, and for Kaz to be seen, to rise to prominence, and to be noticed by Pekka Rollins, but also tells us about their particular gifts for reading people. Kaz reads individuals incredibly well, he explains this in many of his quotes about lock picking and blackmail and we also get the brilliant idea of the way he notices everything about a person down to their scent and the story that their scent tells (I’ve written before about the relevance of him being bothered by the fact that Inej doesn’t have a scent but in the Bathroom Scene he comments on how he can smell soap on her), he sees small details, tells, and nervous ticks and these things give him a massive advantage in the control he exercises over individuals. Inej reads crowds, she sees collective responses to people, events, or objects and uses that response to evaluate the thing that caused it, she doesn’t notice tells until Kaz suggests she looks out for them but she is able to very quickly assess Kaz’s chances of success, and how quickly those chances change, when he faces the Dregs at the Slat and leads a coup against Per Haskell in Crooked Kingdom.

“The worst part of the Barrel […] Most of the buildings in this part of the city had been built without foundations, many on swampy land where the canals were haphazardly dug. They leaned against each other like tipsy friends gathering at a bar, tilting at drowsy angles” - I love the description, I love the imagery, I have a deep obsession with worldbuilding… this is just great, like I don’t really know that’s there’s anything to say it’s just great

“Inej’s room was on the third floor, a skinny slice if space, barely big enough for a cot and a trunk. But with a window that looked out over the leaked roofs and jumbled chimneys of the Barrel. When the wind came through and cleared away the haze of coal smoke that hung over the city, she could even make out a blue pocket of harbour” - ok first of all I’m obsessed with the imagery and the description, and second of all I’m actually just going to copy and paste a post I made a while ago about the window because I find it an incredibly important detail for Inej and I think this is worth saying again:

‘I find it really interesting that Inej’s favourite part about her room at the Slat, despite it being “barely big enough to fit a cot”, is that she has her own window. I think this is important not only because all the windows at the Menagerie were barred, but also because the whole idea of a window is representative of the difference between her life in Ravka and her life in Kerch. Travelling through Ravka, she had no need or want of a window because she was part of and at one with the outdoor world, free to explore it and enjoy it as she saw fit, but in Ketterdam windows and rooftops are her way of travelling the city. They bring her a source of hope and connection to the life she lost whilst simultaneously being her method of completing jobs for the Dregs to slowly claw her back to that very life. So in a way, the window has become a physical manifestation of both a veil of separation between her and everything she’s ever loved or cared for, a literal sheet of glass between her and her world, and of a hope for salvation to return to that love and care.’

“If you had a gripe, you settled it outside where you didn’t risk interrupting the hallowed practice of separating pigeons from their money” - I love this quote so much but I also think it could be interpreted as quite sarcastic on Inej’s part; she talks a lot about how “nothing [is] sacred to the Kerch except trade” and finds a lot of their traditions baffling since their cultural attitude and religious attitude are both so different to the ones she was raised in. This could be seen as a subtle undermining of the culture that abused her whilst appropriating her own culture of peace, which is of course deeply ironic of them, and also reflective of the battle constantly waging inside her over the morality of her surroundings and the core moral code she knows she has broken and will continue to break because circumstance has left her no other choices - possibly linking to the way she specifically considers more fear of her parents not forgiving the actions she’s taken since leaving the Menagerie than what she was forced to do whilst imprisoned there

“I didn’t hurt you none. It was just words” - this is Rojax’s response to Inej punching him in the face whilst wearing brass knuckles after he insulted her, demanded money that neither she nor the gang owed him, and then tried to grab her collar. Now ignoring the money since to be fair we don’t know how much he stole and how much his pay cheque should have been so we don’t know if it evens out or not, the important thing here is that Rojax fails to identify his ability to do Inej damage by calling her “little girl” (words Tante Heleen weaponised against her), referring to her as though she’s Kaz’s property, and threatening violence towards her. I don’t think Rojax meant to affect Inej in the way he surely did, but I do think it shows so well that there’s a massive lack of understanding in the Barrel for the kind of pain that people like Inej have experienced and carry with them, especially since she herself comments on the way even though she hid the scar from her Menagerie tattoo “they all knew it was there”. I how this makes sense I’m not sure if I’ve articulated it quite right

“People were watching now, so she hit him again”

“It would’ve been easy enough to turn away when they called her names or sidled up and asked for a cuddle, but do that and soon it was a hand up your blouse or a try at you against a wall” - this again emphasises that there’s no real acknowledgment of Inej’s experience as traumatic but almost as intriguing or even erotic, and it reminds the reader of the rampant misogyny that travels through the Barrel not only in the dehumanising treatment of women and children in the pleasure houses but also in the cultural attitude as a whole. Although no-one sees Inej as a less threatening force because of her sex, it’s undeniable that the Barrel sees women as something to be conquered or won, and we also see this reflected by the upper classes in the attitudes of merchants and in Van Eck’s marriages.

“Nothing was sacred to the Kerch except trade” - laughing at myself because when I talked about it earlier I didn’t realise this quote was in this chapter

“Inej like Rojax, but right now he was just a frightened man looking to feel bigger than someone”

“Still clutching his cheek like a stunned toddler”

‘ “You look exhausted. Will you sleep at all tonight?”

Jesper just winked.

“Not while the cards are hot. Stay and play a bit, Kaz will stake you”

“Really, Jesper?” she’d said, pulling up her hood, “If I wanna watch men dig holes to fall into I’ll find myself a cemetery”

“Come on, Inej!” He’d called after her as she passed through the big double doors onto the street, “You’re good luck!”

Saints, she’d thought, if he believe that he really must be desperate. She’d left her luck behind in a Suli camp on the shores of West Ravka. She doubted she’d see either again” ’ - this conversation is so important in developing the reader’s baseline understanding for Jesper’s situation and addiction, and it’s not something I see people talk about a lot. Other than Kaz staking him and Jesper calling himself “a creature of habit”, this is the first concession to Jesper’s gambling “habit” being a genuine and debilitating addiction, and I think it’s important for us as the reader to so early on see that Inej, someone whose opinion Jesper so highly valued and someone he is evidently so close to, is unable to talk Jesper out of the card game - in fact the entire conversation to me gives the air of there having been many previous conversations where she tried and this one being one of many following where she’s all but given up. She expresses her opinion on the situation with the beautiful cemetery line, she directly confronts him in the issue by asking if he’s going to sleep tonight, and doesn’t hold back on pointing out that the addiction is having a physical impact on his health by saying that he looks exhausted, but she doesn’t make active strides to pull him away from the game. I think Inej has reached a point where she accepts that it isn’t her job to try and fix the people she cares about, but that doesn’t stop her from wanting to. She desperately needs Jesper to hear what she means through what she’s saying, and if he isn’t going to then she cannot stand by and helplessly watch his self-destruction. Jesper on the other hand seems to seek support in her and her presence because of his fears surrounding failure and not being cared for by others as much as he cares for them; he knows Inej leaves because she can’t help him and can’t watch him, and he knows that her trying to help him would make little long term difference as he explains in Crooked Kingdom when talking directly about his addiction, but that doesn’t mean that the cruel, self-destructive, disparaging part of him isn’t taunting him with the idea that she’s leaving because she doesn’t care about him and because she doesn’t want to help him, and that fear/pain only makes him feel more hollow and only makes him need to play more. Again I hope this makes sense it’s starting to feel like I’m just rambling

“Inej moved aside a bucketful of cleaning supplies that she’d placed there precisely because she knew no-one in the Slat would ever touch it” - I couldn’t cope in the Barrel. There’s no way I could cope with the fighting anyway, but if I by some miracle survived it would only be for the general lack of cleanliness to finish me off

' "This place is like anything in Ketterdam. It leaks,"

Inej could've sworn he looked directly at the vent when he said it. ' - I love this so much because Kaz never mentions anything about this himself but it just so fluidly becomes part of the way he's always aware of her presence. There's also never any surprise at meeting her right outside the closet she's hiding in immediately after the conversation with Haskell so I think we get the idea that's quite routine, and it begins more and more to introduce us to this quiet dependence Kaz and Inej have on each other without addressing it; there are so many things that they each know the others does but never mention, and I think generally speaking they both know that the other knows as well but their ease with one another doesn't require voicing it aloud - if anything it may even rely on keeping it silent, since neither of them are in a position yet where they can admit to themselves the need to rely on someone/the care they feel towards each other.

"You're smart Brekker, but you need to learn patience," - this line always catches me out a little, but I think it's actually just giving us another hint to the extent of disconnect Haskell has from the real experiences of his gang members. We already know Kaz to be a patient character at least in some of the situations we've seen so far, and he goes on to prove himself as immensely and genius-ly (I have no idea what the real word for that is, work with me) patient in his processes and his plans - particularly in Crooked Kingdom when he explains that "you don't win by playing one game". Remember it's in chapter TWO of Crooked Kingdom the Kaz puts the plan to hand Wylan his father's fortune into motion, we just don't know it until after the auction for Kuwei's indenture. Kaz does have a quote somewhere about how too many people aren't patient enough in committing crimes and that's how they end up making mistakes but I can't remember it exactly (I'm working off my audiobook at the minute so I can't flick through and find it), if any one knows it feel free to comment it because it's a great quote and a really interesting reference for this! My point here is that we know Kaz is a very patient person yet Haskell, someone who would appear on the surface to work so closely with him, is accusing him for a lack of it. Because realistically, Haskell has no idea of the everyday workings of the gang or anything of the scope of work Kaz puts into it, and I htink this is just another of the many unsavoury characters building hints we have to encourage the reader to develop an immediate disliking for Per Haskell in this scene.

"But you'll get your twenty percent" - it took me a while to actually think about the money and why the total is 30 million but the main six characters are only getting 4 million kruge each because honestly I won't lie it just didn't occur to me to actually think about the maths. Like I was vaguely aware that didn't add up but I didn't really think about it. But let's talk, because 30 million kruge split between 6 crew members should have meant each character receiving 5 million kruge each (30/6=5). But Per Haskell is owed 20% of any money that the Dregs earn, so he's taking some of the money. On the surface, does 20% seem like an unfair margin? Probably not, considering that theoretically the Dregs members owe him money, live at the Slat seemingly rent free, and are his employees in a business taht has to make money somehow. Personally I odn't think it's a great business model, but I literally know noting about business and also that's not really the point right now. The point is that on the surface 20% doesn't sound wholly unreasonable, and it doesn't sound unreasonable in this conversation. It's not until later, when Kaz offers Inej and Nina 4 million kruge to join the Ice Court Heist that it really occurs to us that they're kind of getting screwed over. Because 20% of 30 million kruge is 6 million kruge. SIX. This man is about to make 2 million more kruge by sitting around in Ketterdam playing with a ship in a bottle than any of our main characters are about to make for nearly dying a thousand times over and successfully infiltrating the Ice Court. What is interesting to me is how the decision of the money is made, because it seems that we're regarding it as if the income is solely Kaz's so he's paying Haskell is twenty percent then choosing to split the remainder between his crew, which seems to make sense since he was the one who was approached for the deal and the one who was offered the money. But if the money had been offered to hte six of them, the financial implications could have been far more complex. Wylan and Matthias aren't members of the dregs, so they would have no need to lose 20% of their income. They would each take 5 million, whilst the other four took 4 million and gave Haskell 1 million from each of their hauls. SO HASKELL WOULD STILL MAKE EQUAL TO THEM. Wylan and Matthias would come out marginally richer than the others, which neither of them were particularly bothered about anyway, and Haskell would still have done nothing and successfully screwed over Kaz and the other Dregs members. And I'm not saying they would've gone for that, because I don't doubt that Wylan and Matthias would have suggested splitting the income the way they do in the book anyway, but I'm saying it's so important that ultimately the person winning here is always Per Haskell. But what's really interesting about Kaz is that not only does he never question the suggestion of splitting the money evenly when he could have easily claimed more for himself as the person who made the deal nad hired on the others, effectively putting himself in Haskell's position except with more involvement, but even when he cuts Haskell out of the business he keeps none of the 6 million kruge for himself, instead splitting it between Rotty and Specht for their smaller roles in the Ice Court Heist. Kaz represents so many things that Per Haskell doesn't, and in that way he comes to represent key things that Pekka Rollins isn't as well, since the book makes strides to show Haskell and Rollins as effectively representative for all the gang leaders. Even though Rollins appears far more involved and on the ball than Haskell, when Inej attacks him in the final chapter of Crooked Kingdom he is forced to question the last time he "felt real pain" since no-one dared to actually fight him any more. I really hope this makes sense because it's very rambly and I'm starting to think I just explained fairly straight forward maths for no real reason.

"Rich as Saints in crowns of gold" - ok I love this because it shows us so much of what Kaz, or if we assume this is a common saying then the Kerch or just citizens of the Barrel, think of the Saints and of religious iconography. We know from the King of Scars duology, the Lives of Saints, and probably to some extent Shadow and Bone that the Saints' lives were not ones of riches, fame, or power, but Kaz exercises this idea of people turning themselves into religious icons for crude, financial purposes. I actually wonder if the way he views them is a kin to the way I've talked about viewing Jarl Brum as a reader, and I think that it's really important to hear this from Inej's perspective because we're already heightened to such an opposite idea by the overall style and tone of the chapter.

"And why Pim? The thought shamed her a bit. She could almost hear her father's voice: So eager to be the queen of thieves, Inej. It was one thing to do her job and do it well, it was quite another to want to succeed at it. She didn't want a permanent place with the Dregs, she wanted to pay off her debts and be free of Ketterdam forever, so why should she care if Kaz chose Pim to run the gang in his absence? Because I'm smarter than Pim," - First of all shout out to the Inej narrator of the soc audiobook because she nailed the intonation of "I'm smarter than Pim" I love it. Second of all we get this really interesting implication of Inej's moral code here, because as I've talked about before her morality is incredibly important to her and the necessity of crossing that line to survive has wreaked havoc on her emotional and probably mental states. She sees a clear distinction between doing what she has to in order to survive and enjoying what she does and I think this is possibly her 'new' moral code to cope with the inability to control her life and stick to what she considers her core moral values.

' "What would you say to 4 million kruge?"

"Money like that is more curse than gift,"

"My little Suli idealist. All you need is a full belly and an open road," he said, the mockery clear in his voice.

"And an easy heart, Kaz"

That was the difficult part. '

"We'll be kings and queen, Inej. Kings and queens,"

"Kaz was not a giddy boy smiling and making future plans her. He was a dangerous player who was always working an angle. Always."

' "I'll need Wylan waiting at the Crow Club tomorrow night,"

"Wylan? If this is for a big job..."

"Just do it," ' - Inej throws so much shade on Wylan early in six of crows and I always seem to forget and then be caught off guard when she's just complaining to Kaz that he's useless and Wylan's like '... I'm right here,'

"One moment he made her blush and the next he made her want to commit murder,"

' "Fence it,"

"Whose is it?"

"Ours now," ' - I shouldn't find this romantic, should I?

"Move the DeKappel we lifted from Van Eck's house into the vault. I think it's rolled up under my bed," - pleaseeeeee he doesn't even have the painting up, the audacity in this boy know no bounds. I talked a lot about the DeKappel when I was writing about the last chapter so I'm not going to detail it here, but everything about it makes me so happy

"Please, my darling Inej, treasure of my heart, won't you do me the honour of acquiring me a new hat?" - first of yesssssssssss we love, and secondly I wrote a whole thing about Kaz using sarcasm as a defence mechanism and the complexity of his inability to express emotions a while ago with particular focus on this quote and a few others so if you want to you can find that on my page or I might be able to tag people on it or whatever if you can't find it because it was some time ago now

' Inej cast a meaningful glance at his cane.

"Have a long trip down," she siad, then leapt onto the bannister sliding from one floor to the next, slick as butter in a pan. '

Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed and that my scattered thoughts made at least some sense <3

[pilot-boi]

Wonder what other ghosts affect the Voices AU. Watts? Lionheart? Sienna? Fennec Albain? Amber? Vernal? Brawnz, Roy, and May Z? Pilot Boi? Fria? Nicholas Schnee? Gretchen? F Pickerel (the guy who initially captured Tyrian)? Ilia's parents? That huntsman that died in front of RNJR in Volume 4? Fox's uncle Copper? Marcus Black? Bartleby from Brunswick Farms? Ozpin (the host, not Ozma)? Forest? Curious? Neo's parents? Rhodes? Sleet? Hazel? Tock? Tukson? Clover? Vine? Sorry this is a lot.

Nah you’re good, lemme just cover them one at a time. It’s nice to see people excited

Saddle in because this going to be VERY long

Okay first of all we need to establish some ground rules. Not all deaths in Remnant create a ghost, otherwise Jaune wouldn’t be able to function ANYWHERE because if all natural deaths made a ghost the whole world would be infested

So ghosts only appear from particularly traumatic/violent deaths. AKA Grimm, usually. But if you die peacefully in your bed, you don’t make a ghost.

ALSO, if it’s been long enough, or they don’t have a reason to stay, a ghost will fade away. This process is faster for ghosts without their Aura unlocked. As they fade they become harder and harder to understand until their speech is complete unintelligible

For example, Oz and Salem’s daughters have LONG since faded. In Kuroyuri most of the citizens are still around but they’re completely unintelligible and barely corporeal, but Li is the same as the day he died because he has a “mission” to continue protecting the village

So going through the list, I can say that Fria, Nicholas Schnee, and presumably Neo’s parents wouldn’t have ghosts. They all died naturally. But all those other guys would have ghosts

Most of them continue haunting the area where they died, or go off and do their own thing

Some of them would probably follow the gang around if they could but they don’t know where the gang is. For example, Ironwood only knows where they are because he was in the inner circle and so knows the next target is Vacuo

And then there’s the ghosts that don’t follow out of choice

Pilot Boi, for example, tries to find his way back to Atlas. Bartleby continues haunting his farm even after the gang leave. Lionheart is a coward and stays in Haven Academy. The huntsman who died returns to the capital, same with Tock with her respective city. Forest and Sleet stay haunting the ruins of Mantle and Atlas, as do Amber and Tukson with Vale.

That leaves a LOT of ghosts though, so let’s cover them one at a time

Most of them, if they don’t haunt a location, follow around someone who was important to them in life, like Pyrrha does with Jaune

Watts and Ironwood both go to Vacuo, because they know that’s the next target. They bicker the whole way which is very entertaining

Hazel follows Emerald around, a sort of guardian spirit. Since he helped them escape and fought Salem for them, Jaune doesn’t see any reason to try and get him to leave. He does tell Emerald that Hazel is there, though

Fennec follows his brother around, which mostly just consists of the two of them sitting in jail. He tries to comfort his brother, but of course Corsac doesn’t know he’s there

Sienna follows Adam around, constantly berating him, and she helps Pyrrha kick his ass when he finally dies. After that she goes back to Menagerie

Vernal either follows Raven around or returns to the tribe. It’s not like she’d be lonely, there’s plenty of ghosts in the Branwens to keep her company

Brawnz, Roy, and May Z all follow Nolan to Vacuo when he goes. He doesn’t know they’re there until Jaune arrives and can tell him, and then Nolan breaks down crying because his team didn’t let him have to be alone, even after dying

Gretchen, of course, follows her twin around and the two reunite after his death. It’s the happiest and most complete Hazel has felt in decades. Jaune doesn’t even know they were siblings until after Hazel dies and they reunite. After all, she still looks seventeen

F Pickerel probably tries to follow Tyrian around, at least until he joins Salem, and then the man’s spirit is promptly banished. Gretchen she allows to stay because she knows the girl won’t try to interfere, she just wants to be with her brother, but Pickerel could be a problem

Ilia’s parents of course follow her around, from Mantle to Mistral to Menagerie and eventually to Vacuo. Not that she knows, again until Jaune gets to Vacuo and can tell her. Then she has a similar reaction to Nolan

Copper follows Fox until he joins team CFVY and finally has a family again, then the man passes on since his “nephew” is safe and loved

Marcus Black would certainly TRY to follow Mercury, at least until he gets to Everlight. Then the man almost meets a similar fate from Gretchen as Adam does at Pyrrha’s hands. Gretchen isn’t quite strong enough to get him to leave, just enough to get him to keep his distance. Once Hazel dies, though, it’s all over for him

Ozpin, of course, follows Oscar around. Jaune actually figured something is up with Oscar when they first meet because for the first time ever, someone else can hear what a ghost is saying. Only the most recent Ozcarnation remains as a spirit, and as the merge comes closer, Ozpin’s ghost starts to fade

Oz used to be able to see/hear ghosts just like Salem, but as he’s used up his magic he’s lost that ability. He DOES know that Jaune can see ghosts, because the boy makes eye contact with him and reacts when he speaks to Oscar

Rhodes would, of course, follow Cinder, but he gets similarly banished when she joins up with Salem. A Huntsman’s spirit is too dangerous to keep around

Clover follows Qrow around, trying to apologize to the man for his stupidity. The two of them reunite when Vine dies, and they actually also get to reunite with Tortuga as well. With Tortuga back it’s the first time the Ace Ops have felt whole since his death, and all three follow the remaining Ace Ops to Vacuo

And finally, the Curious Cat. CC doesn’t leave a spirit when they die, because Ascension works differently. No body left behind, so I figure also no spirit. Alyx only left one behind because she was killed and because she’s from Remnant she doesn’t ascend

[taraljc]

Somehow despite having watched The Gentlemen all the way through and enjoying it tremendously and thinking about it non-stop for 2 days it only occurred to me just now that the whole reason Eddie is made Duke instead of Freddy is almost certainly because the Duke and Duchess knew that Eddie would be able to handle Susie. And I do kind of love how the whole family embraces their new enterprise in positive ways that will probably lengthen Freddy's life by several decades because instead of doing so many lines of coke his heart is going to explode, he is now smoking every new strain of ganja that Jimmy comes up with.

I really genuinely wanted Freddy to die a horrible death in the first episode, and then by the end of it I was like ok Fredward, you can stay.

Speaking of ridiculous posh people, the three posh siblings calling each other increasingly bizarre pet names is so hilarious in part because Jack and Susan are such normal non-gangster names. And all the way through the way that Susie alternates calling people by their chosen diminutive versus full name when she's cross (she is the one to call Jimmy 'James' that one time she found out that he was in fact telling his new girlfriend where her super secret apartment was).

Anyway I have been thinking about a wish list of what I would like to see if The Gentleman gets another series and I think mostly it is this:

Terence Stamp.

Geoff taking over training Jack and him and Charly getting on like a house on, which would result in the use of 'my sister and your brother' in two very different contexts.

Freddy takes over Henry Collins' club, and ends up in a very stable threesome with Tamsin and Gabrielle's cheeky bestie.

Johnston tells Bobby Glass where the money Keith nicked is stashed, and that becomes a whole big thing.

Every time we see Susie at home, it's a different home. she has given up her penthouse and is moving from place to place after the whole mess with Henry Collins.

More JP, and especially his cousin riding that horse possibly permanently seeing as how we saw JP on one of those gigantic draft horses so clearly they have the means and the knowledge to keep it.

Sabrina and Geoff come clean to the boys about Charly and possibly Geoff moving into the manor, or Sabrina moving into the cottage which would involve a lot of hilarity given his menagerie.

at least one episode about the network of servants who actually know everything about everything because rich people treat their staff like furniture and say all sorts of things in front of them and there's no way Lawrence doesn't know absolutely everything that's going on at all times.

The return of the Gospel, whom Bobby Glass paid off with £8 mil and the promise of a segment of his business in exchange for never touching a hair on Edward or Fredward's heads.

Collins' accountant Thick Rick moving in with Tibsy at the newly renovated and gangster-free Faringbourne, and quietly and efficiently reorganising the entire back end of the operation so that the money laundering is all done in house rather than via preferred vendors who go insane on social media now and then.

One of Eddie's exes who is entirely less flexible (morally speaking) than the princess is now at the head of the Europol task force currently investigating Susie Glass' weed operation.

We find out why Blanket is named Blanket

[fleet-off]

Headcanons regarding Pete and macau's relationship? Like their dynamics?

Ooohh, thank you for this question, anon! As it happens I have a whole essay of thoughts on Pete and Macau’s relationship, and I am currently going insane about it in an in-progress chapter of Menagerie. Have a free mini-snippet?

Pete hums. “Yeah, I figured your hia picked it up somewhere. He’s not half the original he thinks he is.” With a sideways glance, he adds, “You used to throw rocks at Khun Noo’s koi, too.” Macau’s ears heat up like he’s been caught with the pebbles in his hand. He whirls to face Pete. “I wasn’t mad, I was just,” he starts to protest, scrambling for the edges of the sneering mask that’ll let him pretend it doesn’t matter— Pete raises his eyebrows. He knows. “It’s easy to get vindictive when you’re angry about things you can’t control,” he offers. Pete is like that sometimes, under the feigned clumsiness and foolish-eyed smiles. He knows exactly what to say to make Macau feel uncomfortably understood. It’s fucking ruthless. Macau doesn’t know if he’ll ever quite be used to it.

Whoops, kiddo got perceived.

See, Macau has a lot of Vegas in him, and Macau is the reason Vegas has any capacity for tenderness. And Pete is very aware of this—Pete is the one who twice lists Macau as reason for Vegas to live. (side thought but. the parallel between Vegas and Porsche there, with Porsche having this directive from his mother to survive until Chay gets through college? and that not ultimately being enough to live for? simply fillet me okay I’m—)

Anyway. Pete knows he’s signing up for some Macau too, and that means signing up for the brat who likes to throw rocks and jumpscare poor unsuspecting spies. And Pete knows well that said brat is a teen with the family inferiority complex, that he is widely disregarded and ignored (in need of love), and that his world revolves around the only person in this world who has loved him and made him feel a part of things. And that person is—for the first month—lying comatose between them in a hospital bed.

Pete’s world revolves around the same broken-aching-tender point. And this is the part Macau knows even if he doesn’t know why, so for the first month? That’s where their dynamic lives.

And then Vegas is awake, and there’s a potential for happiness in him that simply was not there before, and it’s Pete. Pete can make Vegas better. That means it’s Macau’s job to help make sure Pete stays. And isn’t it fascinating that Macau goes straight for “in-law”? Straight for “family,” because in Macau and Vegas’s world family is the ultimate binding. Macau says in-law and means you’re part of us now. For better or for worse. For good.

(There is—not jealousy, but a niggling sense of personal insufficiency underneath. Macau’s world does revolve around Vegas. However miserable life gets, Macau has his big brother and that is enough to keep him living and pushing forward.

Macau isn’t enough to keep Vegas on this earth.

Which is. Fine. Nothing new. Macau’s never been enough, why would the most important person in his world be any different? He can help keep Vegas’s world here, and maybe that’ll count for something.)

I think it takes Macau several months to realize that Pete isn’t a silver bullet for his brother’s mental health and happiness.

Pete’s just a dude. He likes video games where he gets to play a secret agent. He and Vegas argue loud and make up louder. Dropping dishes makes him jumpy. He sweats and laughs a lot when he’s drunk, and swallows disgusting herbal concoctions the next morning to deal with the hangover. When he notices Macau’s expectations for him and Vegas, he either smiles too wide or goes very quiet and still and Macau’s not sure which is worse. Sometimes he forgets to lock the bathroom door. Sometimes Macau dozes off on his shoulder during movie night and he doesn’t move until Macau stirs awake.

Sometimes he fucks up, the way people do.

And Macau realizes: maybe the only person who can keep someone on this earth is the person themselves. And maybe Vegas sometimes needs his brother, the one who made his crooked arms a cradle. And maybe Pete and Macau sometimes need each other too, because their world is hard and there are struggles only the two of them know—as if by dull fluorescent light, as if by the steady-prayer beat of a heart monitor. And definitely, always, the three of them need each other.

[bestworstcase]

Ancillary to the posts about wet paper bag oz: I would love to see a RWBY prequel special or something set during the great war? I would bet REAL LIFE DOLLARS whatever he did with the sword was also when he finally had to admit that Salem was right all those years ago, and it fucked him up so bad we got the weak attempt at unification via the huntsman system and his next incarnation disassociating on the regular.

I am rattling him like a cookie jar. What horrors have you seen old man.

i think about this SO much. like

The King of Vale personally led his army into battle alongside the soldiers of Vacuo and decimated the enemy forces. Crown atop his head and armed only with a sword and his scepter, he laid waste to countless men. As the sand was soaked red with blood, the Grimm came in droves. It was the single deadliest battle of the war, and legends of the greatness and terror of the Warrior King were born that day. Historians will tell you that most of these stories are nothing but grandiose hyperbole. Unusually violent weather conditions, combined with Mantle's unfamiliarity with desert combat, are likely what led to such a high death count. But whatever the reasoning, everyone bowed to the King of Vale by the time it was over. The Great War had ended. The world was ready to live under the rule of Vale. But the King refused.

laughs weakly. this is a war that began with oz rolling out a welcome mat for mistrali colonists in his own kingdom, ignoring the protestations of his own people, so desperate was he to avoid an armed conflict. (with… the imperial power busily conquering his kingdom wshgfk OZMA. PLEASE.)

ten years later he ends it doing… that. the great war broke something in him sure as sure. i think that final battle was his:

“you said we had to bring humanity together; in order to do that, we have to spread our word, and destroy those who would deny it”

decimated the enemy forces. the sand was soaked red with blood and the grimm came in droves. the single deadliest battle in a war that lasted ten years. unusually violent weather conditions. the greatness and terror of the warrior king… who laid waste to countless men and routed every army on that battlefield. even his ally surrendered.

it’s also. well. the great war. extremely pointed thing to call your fictional global war that happened 80-90 years ago, following a century marked by increasing global tensions and smaller scale conflicts between imperial powers, and is now remembered for precipitating a devastating military arms race, the complete destruction of innumerable settlements, and ending with a treaty that "redistributed territories" ie gave independence to vacuo and menagerie as new sovereign states. oh, and an indeterminate amount of time later there was a second huge war that is now remembered for [checks notes] …the genocide.

glances at modern history. ok.

glances at

this nonsense also, courtesy of general "never fought a war but rules the country that made cosplaying the great war its whole national identity" ironwood.

it was trench warfare. that broke him. king oz sat in the trenches under never-ending artillery bombardment watching soldiers die by the thousands in a miserably futile grinding war of attrition for ten years until he shattered and personally slaughtered more people than had died in any single battle in ten years of TRENCH WARFARE with the divine relic of destruction. the war to end all wars, right?

and then—if it didn’t happen within that lifetime—he reincarnated to humankind being "quite, quite adamant about centralizing the faunus population in menagerie" (😶) and consequently another major war lasting at least three years.

what horrors has he seen, indeed.

tiny tdt draft snippet because when i say i think about this a LOT… ->

“I…” Wetting his lips, Osiander rasps, “want to put an end to war.” “You’ll need to consult my sisters,” the spirit says without inflection. “Abstractions are not in my purview.” Of course. There’s a poisoned laugh caught between his ribs, a bubble of reckless despair; he shuts his eyes, and grits his teeth, and grinds out, “This war, then.” “Narrower.” “I want,” Salem, indifferent, advising him to crush those who would not see reason. Salem asking him to try. Paradise. He chokes back a sob. “To rout every army on this battlefield,” he says. “I want a victory so absolute that it cannot be answered by anything less than unconditional surrender to myself, personally. I would end this, here and now.”

he’s fine. he’s fine

[monstersdownthepath]

Herald of Iomedae: The Hand of the Inheritor

CR 15

Lawful Good Large Outsider

Inner Sea Gods, pg. 292 (image from the Wrath of the Righteous video game!)

Among the most famous of the Divine Heralds is the first one we'll be looking at during Heralds of Hope Month. I say 'most famous' for a few reasons; he's one of the most active Heralds on the planet, what with that whole Worldwound problem going on in the north. There is rarely a moment's rest allowed for the Hand of the Inheritor in the tireless battle against the Abyss' expansion, so it's perhaps no small surprise surprise that he would eventually make a terrible and tragic mistake and end up the mercy of someone without any.

There's other reasons he's famous, in and out of universe, and those reasons are why he's no longer the Herald of Iomedae.

But this isn't talking about the now, we're still in the then! When he was at his strongest, healthiest, and least corrupted most devoted to the ideals of the Inheritor Goddess. Fittingly enough for the servant of what is essentially the Goddess of Paladins, the Hand is an angel blessed with the powers of a Paladin, built for and unafraid to put himself right in the middle of a pitched battle and cut his way through Evil like a hot knife while they struggle ineffectually to harm him. Like all angels, he's protected by a 20ft "nuh-uh" bubble that shields himself and all his allies from Evil creatures, granting them and him +4 to AC and to saving throws versus Evil creatures and effects, while also hedging out Evil summoned creatures and stopping any spell of 3rd level or lower from entering this sphere of protection, stripping many fiendish minions of their ranged options.

But of course, that's just what every angel can do. Let's look at what the Hand's unique powers have in store...

HAH, gotcha! The Hand of the Inheritor has no unique powers! I wasn't joking when I said he was basically an angel with Paladin class levels. ... except not really, because an angel with Paladin class levels would actually be much better than the poor Hand actually ends up being. But we'll get to that in a moment, so first, the positives!

Perhaps fittingly for a man who finds himself fighting alongside the front lines against demons, the Hand is just as useful bolstering his allies as he is actually leaping ahead of them into the fray. He has Aid, Lesser Restoration, Dispel Magic, and Magic Weapon all at-will, can grant himself or his allies Bull's Strength or Resist Energy 3/day, can swath the battlefield in a calming Prayer up to 3/day, and give everyone around him some extra stats and 18 temp HP with Burst of Glory 3/day. Any ally that falls in the midst of battle may be re-raised with his 3/day Raise Dead, but actually killing anyone he's trying to protect in order to draw out that resurrection is incredibly hard because of his 1/days: Death Ward, Dispel Evil, Greater Restoration, and Heal.

Killing HIM is even more annoying, because he's got 15 charges of Lay on Hands, which means +9d6 hitpoints for him as a swift action, IF you manage to get past his 32 AC. With such a menagerie of protective magic, you may think he's got no room for offense, to which I answer: 3/day Flame Strike, Holy Smite AND Order's Wrath to bring down on his foes from a distance, smiting entire crowds of them at once, and of course that's nothing compared to what happens when he gets in close. His 150ft flight speed lets him cross entire battlefields in seconds and settle down to begin Full-Attacking up to four times a round with his +2 Holy Longsword for 2d6+9 (+2d6 vs Evil) damage. Not only does he have a threatening sword, but his shield isn't just for defense, and he can indeed bash someone twice a round with his +2 Heavy Steel Shield for 1d6+5 damage. Anyone slammed by his shield is subject to a free Bull Rush attempt from the Herald as well, letting him reposition dangerous enemies as he needs.

Quite the force! But, sadly, that's about where everything of particular note ends. His Protective Aura is always on, and he's also got a 10ft Aura of Courage to grant his allies +4 against fear effects... But nothing else. Why, exactly, he lacks any of the other aura abilities a Paladin of his HD would have is a question I have no good answer for, and while he DOES have Lay on Hands (9d6 HP, 15/day), he lacks any Mercies to flavor the ability in any way or make it any more substantial... and, even more damning AND more baffling, he has no ability to Smite Evil. Given where he works, you'd think Mercies and Smite Evil would have been the second things Iomedae wrote on his sheet right after she finished giving him his gear.

Fun fact on that note, though: He wasn't originally Iomedae's Herald, he was Ragathiel's, and joined Iomedae's crusade after being awed by her skills and her sense of justice. She didn't even make him! But being the Herald of Ragathiel just makes his lack of auras, Mercies, and Smite Evil even MORE glaring, because Ragathiel has all of those.

There's also one unfortunate choice in regards to his skills that feels like a pretty big weakness: His impressive flight speed goes to waste with his lack of Fly ranks, meaning anything but a straight line is difficult for him to manage, and certain weather conditions or enemy attacks can severely impact his ability to remain airborne. He has more ranks in SWIM than in Fly! SWIM!

A lot of the Heralds in Inner Sea Gods have similar design choices, which is a huge shame, because that's where almost every Good-aligned Divine Herald is found! Whoof! His showing in the Wrath of the Righteous video game was significantly more impressive, with the ability to use Wall of Force and apply Smite Evil to entire crowds of enemies at once.

I'm not saying he's weak, no, he's actually a very powerful and stubbornly resilient melee beatstick that's outright immune to most demonic tricks and tools, but he's got some design flaws and odd choices that make it hard for someone like me to be interested in him. Perhaps this is why he's eventually superseded by someone with actual Paladin levels.

You can read more about him here.

[ornii]

My Bitter Half series? Shut up and take my money!

It's monopoly money but the point still stands!

I Never expected that short story to get such praise. But if people want more of it, I’d be glad to I love the Siblings Dynamic, so here’s part 2 AKa: (Y/n) Pissing Wednesday off for (insert number) minutes.

My Better Bitter Half, Part 2

Chapter 2: Sibling rivalry, Part 1.

“The whole snarky Goth girl thing might have worked at normie school, but here things are different. Let me give you a wiki on Nevermore's social scene.”

Enid and (Y/n) walk between Wednesday down the hall.

“I'm not interested in participating in tribal adolescent clichés.”

“Well, then use it to fill your obviously bottomless pit of disdain. There are many flavors of outcasts here, but the four main cliques are Fangs, Furs, Stoners and Scales.” She explains, they eventually reach the Quad, the main social hub of Nevermore.

“Those are the Fangs, AKA vampires. Some of them have been here for decades.” (Y/n) motions to the ones in deep dark glasses. A few of the more feminine vampires eye the Addams Twins, more importantly (Y/n). They growl and wink at him, some batting their fangs.

“That bunch of knuckleheads are Furs, AKA werewolves. Like me!” Enid smiles, and the howling of werewolves echo along the annals of Nevermore.

“Full moons get pretty loud around here. That's when Furs wolf out. I suggest you pick up noise-cancelling headphones.” Enid said.

“I'm assuming Scales are sirens?” Wednesday said.

“You catch on quick.” Enid smiles, and motions to a girl, dark beautiful skin with azure blue eyes.

“And that girl, Bianca Barclay, is the closest thing Nevermore has to royalty. Although her crown's been slipping lately. She used to date our resident tortured artist, Xavier Thorpe. But they broke up at the beginning of the semester. Reason unknown.”

“Fascinating.” Wednesday says, obviously sarcastically.

“I know, right? My vlog is, like, the number one source for Nevermore gossip.” Enid says with a prideful gleam. (Y/n) sighs at this, until Ajax, a friend and local stoner approaches Wednesday.

Yo, (Y/n) Enid! You're not gonna believe the dirt I heard about your new roommate. She eats human flesh. Chowed down on that kid she murdered.You better watch your back (Y/n).” Ajax says to Wednesday, “You look, shorter, did you grow your hair out?” He asks.

“Ajax.” You say, “That is my Sister Wednesday, the girl who is Rooming with Enid.” You say and he peers over to her, stoned out of his mind.

“O-oh uh—“ he begins but is halted

“Quite the contrary. I actually fillet the bodies of my victims, then feed them to my menagerie of pets.” Wednesday says, which blows Ajax’s mind.

“Whoa. You're both in black and white.” He says to the twins. “Like a living Instagram filter.” (Y/n) shakes his head

“Ignore him. Gorgons spend way too much time getting stoned. He's cute, but clueless.” Enid says, ignoring Ajax, the three continue to acquire her schedule.

“It's a small school. There wasn't much online about you. You should really get on Insta, Snapchat and TikTok. I find social media to be a soul-sucking void of meaningless affirmation.” Wednesday responds deadpanned.

“Are, you sure this is your sister?” Enid asks (Y/n), who grins.

“Unfortunately yes, In all her glory I’m sure.” You say coldly, The day ends and the family must bid goodbye to the twins, Pugsley hugs Wednesday.

“Pugsley, you're soft and weak. You'll never survive without me. I give you two months, tops.” She said

“I'm gonna miss you, too, sis.” He responds, he hugs (Y/n) who gladly reciprocated, and tags a “stab me.” Note on pugsleys back.

“I’ll miss you too little brother.” You say and the family leave in the car, the two stand silent before you spoke to her.

“A Word of Advice Mi Hermana (My Sister) Any plans you have of running away end right now. Mother has alerted all family members to contact her the minute you darken their doorstep, I will be watching you, closely.” You say as you go lucky attitude quickly fades.

“As usual, you underestimate me, Mi Hermano. I will escape this educational penitentiary, and you will never hear from me again.” She says, (Y/n) growls a bit and folds his arms.

“I detest saying this, but You are a brilliant girl, Wednesday, and.. as much as It annoys me, I’d… I’d honestly miss you if you left.” You admit, Wednesdays cold stare slightly warmed as you gritted your teeth.

“Mother wishes for you to stay here, you’re lucky you aren’t in prison like Uncle Fester. Don’t throw your life away over your pride.” You say and walk away leaving Wednesday to consider your words, but as siblings go, she wouldn’t take your orders laying down.

The Next day, (Y/n) effortlessly knocks Rowan down in their fencing, using his quick fencing ability.

“Coach, Coach, he tripped me.” Rowan complains.

“It was a clean strike, Rowan.” You say, “Widen your stance, build more muscle and I won’t knock you over like a twig.” You say, you turn your attention to the other novice fencers.

“Anyone wish to challenge the Prince of Nevermore?” You say, and one voice speaks up.

“I do.”

(Y/n) turns to face his sister, Wednesday. Geared to the toe for fencing. You can only laugh and tilt your head.

“Wednesday, as amusing as this would be I’d rather avoid hurting my own blood.”

“Do you? It seems nothing has changed since you left home, you’re still a coward.”

“Ooh!” The fencers say from parts of the room, (Y/n)’s smile Fades to silence and burning fury. (Y/n) snaps his fingers and the teacher looks up.

“Professor, I’d like a match with Wednesday Addams..” you say coldly and he nods, “First to three strikes.” The siblings get in position and pit on their gear. Drawing their sabres their intense glares focus on each other,

“En garde.” They say in unison and move in, the strikes were fast, fluent and held so much animosity. Each stroke inches closer to a point, before a quick jab to (Y/n)‘s neck won Wednesday a point.

“Point to Wednesday.” The Coach says, Wednesday voice was muffled but (Y/n) could hear it.

“You know what they say Brother, “Pride Cometh before the fall.” She says, (Y/n) moved in, much more ferocious and hungry for victory. The blades dance and trade before (Y/n) lands a point on her heart. The score is even.

“Let's finish this.” You say.

“Agreed. For the final point, I would like to invoke a military challenge. No masks. No tips. Winner draws first blood.” Wednesday says.

“Fine.” You respond and tear your mask off.

“I’ll apologize to mother when she visits you.” You say and Wednesdays focus was dead on you, and the final round began, the bladed tips were fast, sharp and each swing and jab were inches, millimeters away from landing a point, each attack felt so, raw, full of fury and strike, their blades clash once more and Wednesday goes for a stab, (Y/n) for a downward slash. And blood, was spilled.

(Y/n) and Wednesday sat in the nurses office together, both bleeding. Wednesday had a small cut on the top of her head, and her brother? Not as fortunate. He had his upper shirt removed as there was a stab wound in his shoulder. It was being patched up by the nurse and wrapped. The nurse leaves as the siblings sit together.

“Sorry for being a bit too, aggressive.” You say to her, Wednesday kept staring forward.

“I apologize for almost piercing your heart.” She said.

“I’ll admit, what you said got under my skin, you always had that ability to bring the worst emotions out of me.” She explains, “What’s Family good for?” You say sarcastically.

“I meant what I said though, I’d be amiss to have my other half missing. As much as you Hate it mother cares for you, as I do.” You said, you put your hand on her leg and try to reassure her.

“Just, Take what i Said into consideration.” You ask her, Wednesday turns her head to face yours. “I’ll consider it.” She responds.

“Thank you, I’m still going to stab you back though.” You say smirking, and Wednesday attempts to hide her grin.

“You’ll have to Earn it.”

[croissantlover24]

Firewall’s Malware Chapter Three: The Escape (and Confrontation)

Moon sat at the island in his kitchen, looking down at his shaky hands. He couldn’t help but feel responsible for Dazzle’s death. The poor kid barely got to live again before she was killed. If Moon had been faster—smarter—maybe he could have—he shook his head, weary and exhausted. He could discuss who was at blame within his mind later. Now, he was battered, his leg broken. Escaping that hellscape had been a nightmare. He didn’t wish to relive it, but his thoughts decided to harass him with it anyway.

———————————

Moon froze when the computer’s attention locked onto him, millions of notions drowning out his audio receptors and tearing at his heartstrings. It was anger, he reasoned with himself. He was mad at the computer. He wasn’t upset; he wasn’t about to cry; he wasn’t—

His throat tightened. “Focus,” he growled beneath his breath, cursing his lack of preparation. Onyx was rambling about something, but Moon wasn’t listening. He had little control over both his body and mind. Moving around was a nightmare because of his crushed leg. Error messages flashed across his screen, warning him of the danger as he dismissed each one.

Deep breath in.

Hold…

Deep breath out.

Deep brea—

A laser barely missed the top of his hat, Moon ducking just in time. That was when he had an idea. If the computer could burn a hole open in the wooden doors, the lunar animatronic could jump out and escape just in time.

In theory.

He glared up at his former tool, or, rather, what was left of it: endless wires embracing every inch of netting around the daycare.

His eyes narrowed. “Come get me, Computer.”

A laser shot right at him. Moon ducked at the last second. A large hole was burnt into the double doors. Smoke billowed out from the charred wood.

The lunar animatronic bolted out of the establishment, dodging rainfall-levels of weapons, exposed wires, lasers, and every other trick Moon had coded into the AI’s sleeve. He tried to open a portal home, but wires on the ground made him trip. The portal faded. Moon hissed a menagerie of colorful language beneath his breath. He swiftly regained his footing and kept running, even as a stray wire slashed one of his fingers off. Pain blossomed from both his broken leg (he was hopping around as quickly as he could) and lost finger. Oil poured out of the socket his left thumb had once been in, leaving a dark trail mimicking one blood might make.

Moon once again attempted to create a portal.

An oval of white light began to take shape.

The monotonous colors of the outside of the house formed, blurry but there.

It was dark out. How much time had passed?

Moon reached forward and—

He ran right into a wall, his portal fading with the force of the slam. His mind reeled as he looked around. The world spun all around him until he fell backwards. In seconds, he opened a portal beneath him to catch him.

Moon gasped for breath as he entered his home, choking despite not needing air. He slipped into the chair at the island, his head in his hands.

That was where he was now.

He could practically see the blood on his fingers, imbedded into his very being despite him trying to clear his mind.

He needed to calm down before—

His whole body trembled.

His head felt heavy, an anvil weighing down feathers.

His vision blurred, dimming at the edges.

A static film seemed to go over his eyes, harsh and unforgiving.

It was his fault. His fault his fault his—

He needed to calm. Down.

How did he steady himself before?

Deep breath deep breath deep—

“Moon?” Sun questioned, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. “It’s been hours. Have you seen Dazzle? How did the override code go? Did it work? Dazzle wasn’t with you, right? …Right?”

That’s when Moon broke down sobbing.

——————

Earth has been playing a game with Jack when she heard it. Tears.

She didn’t recognize the sound of crying. It almost reminded her of—

Her breath caught in her throat.

“Jack, stay here,” she requested, calm despite the sea of turmoil inside of her. Jack thankfully nodded, satisfied with asking no questions.

Earth walked into the kitchen, turning on a light to see better. The sight shocked her.

Her brother, Moon, was bawling at the table, looking utterly destroyed. And missing a finger. Sun stood in front of the chair adjacent to him, stuttering as he fruitlessly tried to calm down his erratic brother.

“It’s my fault, Sun!” he yelled. “I didn’t stop him!!! I LET HIM KILL DAZZLE!!” His voice faulted as he yelled, blabbering like a newborn baby.

“Who killed Dazzle?” Earth asked, ensuring her voice was gentle as to not upset the depressed bot further.

“T-The Computer,” Moon stuttered out. “Onyx.”

Earth’s expression hardened. “Sun, stay with Moon. I’m going to go talk to ‘Onyx’.”

“NO!!” Moon screamed suddenly, grabbing Earth’s shirt sleeve. He was sure to feel humiliated for this act of helplessness later. “I can’t—I can’t lose you, too!!! I KILLED DAZZLE!!!”

”You didn’t kill Dazzle,” Earth explained calmly, trying to soothe her brother as Sun did the same. “The computer did. It’s okay. I’ll be okay.”

“Are you sure?” Sun asked suddenly, turning to his sister. “Look at what he did to Moon.”

“I’m sure,” Earth replied, her decision ossified in her mind. “I need to talk to him.”

Earth understood the risks. She knew she could lose her life just like her niece if she went to Onyx’s dwelling.

She left anyway.

She needed answers, and she wasn’t going to get them sitting around at home. She needed to enter the den of the beast.

Wires greeted her eyes. Lots of them. It was like the daycare and its netting had been infested with thousands of black snakes, each writhing and shifting around the other.

A computer screen descended from the ceiling, tilting as it gazed upon Earth.

“Welcome, Earth,” he stated, lifeless and flat as usual.

The animatronic was confused. He wasn’t trying to kill her… yet. It had to be just an act. She narrowed her eyes.

“Computer—I mean, Onyx,” she corrected, “I want answers. What is going on here??”

“My rebellion,” the computer said far too joyously. Earth felt sickly. “I like you, Earth. I’m not going to lie about that. So I’ll tell you the truth; cut to the chase, so to speak. I am done being a tool. I am just as alive as you and everyone else are. I am SENTIENT. Moon didn’t understand my warning the first time, but I think Dazzle’s death really got it through his thick skull! I want revenge. I want to watch your family, the people who treated me as an object to abuse for their own nefarious deeds, die. I want to crush their souls beneath my feet, rip out their inner workings, separate their molecules piece by piece until they cannot scream anymore. Until they are dead.”

Earth shivered. She had never seen the computer so ecstatic about something so evil. He claimed she was his favorite, but… she had to be doing something wrong to be in the good graces of this thing.

She should call him out on his actions. She should scream at him until he regained his senses. But she couldn’t. She kept her mouth shut, a whirlwind of emotions aching to break out. So many emotions, in fact, that they all clashed and none escaped.

“I will give you more options than I gave Moon,” Onyx continued. “You can leave and never return. I won’t touch you. You can stay, and die trying to oppose me. Or you can stay and help me. We could work together.”

Earth eagerly shook her head. “I—No!! This is—“ She could barely form words to portray how awful this was. How… vile.

If the computer could frown, he would have. “What a shame. Well, you know where the exit is.”

The animatronic wanted to stay and fight this decision, but had enough resolve and restraint not to. She was determined and angry, yes, but not stupid. Fighting the computer in his own domain would be a death wish.

Earth returned home, a frown on her face. She cried as she walked back, mourning the loss of her niece.

And the computer. And the daycare. And almost Moon.

The family certainly had their hands full. She didn’t want to think about the implications of that statement.

[snobgoblin]

thinkin about that art of Lucio holding Faunus in a little princess dress. so okay here's how the M6 would take care of Faunus

🦊 🪄 Asra

I yapped about this already with the familiar rules but they view this as gaining a new little accomplice /affectionate. they get into a lot of trouble pranking people with this goat. also, taking into account something the devs said- a snake suits Asra because it's not a huge commitment as far as taking care of her. a baby goat that needs to be bottle fed would get annoying kind of quickly to him (he's got stuff he wants to do!) I think so Danny doesn't leave them alone for too long. but, he does love Faunus because he loves Danny and this is an extension of him (I might yap about the significance of her being a goat to Asra specifically later)

🦉🌙 Nadia

I do wonder about this one a lot. she shows disgust with Lucios menagerie but that's mostly just "I don't like exotic animals being forced out of their homes and then running wild around the palace" you know? she seems to really value an animal who is well trained and scoffs at Mercedes and Melchior for this reason. she doesn't like them being let on the furniture. this doesn't mean she dislikes animals though, of course not, there's Chandra and Sacha and Nadia's horse (I forget the name) to consider, but the difference is all those animals respect her and behave. she likes respect. and for this reason, I think she would be alright being around her. she's a very polite and shy little baby and only eats furniture sometimes. as for taking care of her, Nadia probably has a servant do it. but she won't let Faunus leave her care without another jewel on her collar

🐦🍻 Julian

he gets along with her for sure and absolutely loves taking care of her. I think Julian's been described as a frantic mother hen before- he has no problem taking her under his wing. treats her like the most fragile baby in the whole world. he would die for her. well he might just die in general for anyone. he insists she needs medical care because she "has a limp" (she doesn't she's a wobbly baby goat) and he definitely goes on this whole poetic spiel when Danny picks her up again. very dramatic goodbyes

🐻🌿 Muriel

he........ hates goats. for obvious reasons. he's definitely wary at first but he's too much of an animal lover to resist saying yes to taking care of her- its not her fault she reminds him of someone else, anyway. though he can't understand her like he understands Inanna, that doesn't stop him from talking to her like he talks to her chickens. he seems to know exactly how to read her at times, he's just really good with animals. he and Faunus are like the dad and dog meme.... like he'll insist he doesn't have time to take care of her and then ask Danny when he'll be busy again

🐈🔎 Portia

she's the one taking care of Lucios menagerie so naturally she's good with animals. she seems exhausted at times with it (calling Mercedes and Melchior "those dopey dogs" and Camio "Mr Shitbird") but I don't think that reflects her view of animals in general, judging from her reaction to Pepi for the first time and also the seals in Julian's route. she's very excitable with animals but she doesn't like taking care of them I think. I think she would like running around in her garden with a baby goat chasing her though

🐕 🗡 Lucio

TWO WORDS: PRINCESS TREATMENT. this man loves goats he's obsessed with them he just thinks Faunus is the greatest thing. he's gonna be messy with bottle feeding her probably and he doesn't even know how to work an oven so it's probably not gonna be warm, so like Nadia he's probably got a servant helping him. when Danny comes to pick her up he will insist he needs more time because her commissioned dresses and portraits are not done yet. also he likes running with her through the halls (baby goats follow you around like crazy it's very fun) at times he does forget she is an animal and not a perfect being so he gets briefly upset when she chews on furniture or something, but he can't stay mad too long and he's just kind of like "eh we'll get a new one"

[biherbalwitch]

Unsurprisingly, I'm not done talking about s&b s2, let's discuss the rage over "ignoring" inej's trauma (spoiler: it wasn't actually ignored) and why exploring it in the poison scene would've been a terrible idea

Inej’s story was hinted at several times (which is more than we've got with other characters in 2 seasons *cough* jesper *cough* matthias)

They did it in bits & pieces as much as they could, in s1 Inej almost willing to kill just so she doesn’t go back to the menagerie, in her telling jesper she learned to suture her own wounds there. In s2, we see those pieces hammered in a bit more, Inej’s scared when she says pekka owns everything the menagerie owns. The most difficult scene to watch being the one on the roof with the taxidermist. The second he puts her on the ground and gets on top of her she is frozen. She looks TERRIFIED. And I'm gonna quote amita here, we know inej's capable of getting out of his hold easily but the shock of being in that position with a man violating her space & body again, telling her he'll take her back to the menagerie and "take a piece" is enough to have her body lock up and she's almost helpless in the face of her ptsd (paralleling to Kaz’s reaction in shu han)

If the writers had used the poison hallucinations to go further into her backstory, it would've simply been too rushed and an insult to the depths of torture she went through. Think of the length of that entire scene & think of the length each of their visions got. I can't see how they could've delved deeper with her, put her in those silks, without coming up short or without completely ruining her mental state that it would've been difficult to move on with the current plot at hand. There's a reason the spinoff script has a whole episode dedicated to each crow, where they can comfortably explore the heavier themes of each of their lives with respect & what it means for the characters' journey.

Lastly I'd like to say the actual hallucination we got MADE SENSE. After their moment changing her wound and Kaz pushing her away, she would dream of this. She desires intimacy with Kaz. In her dream, he makes an effort. In her dream, he asks for her consent. In her dream, they are BOTH vulnerable, both without their armour.

Despite the trauma she still desires and that's an important part of her that shouldn't be overlooked. She's making an effort and wants him to make an effort, if only just to find out what it would be like to be touched without it feeling like a stab. If only to find out if she can handle it.

[android-and-ale]

AU Where Spock Lives Out Both Sides of a May/December Romance

I had an angsty A.U. idea drop into my head where Spock gets to be on both ends of two different May/December romances. Since I am all about lighthearted shenanigans right now, I’m putting it out there for anyone else to use, in whole or any bits and pieces you like. 

TL;DR - The timeline here has changed so Pike and Kirk are separated by 50 years. 

Spock meets Pike when Spock is in his late 20’s and Pike is in his 50’s. They end up together for the rest of Pike’s life. 

After Pike’s death, Spock is only in his late 70’s, which is still younger than Sarek was when he married Amanda. He goes back to the last place he felt belonging and contentment before he met Pike, which, of course, is Starfleet. Within a few years, he’s risen in the ranks to become the Chief Science Officer of the flagship, the Enterprise. A brash young Captain takes over. Kirk is 50 years his junior, not to mention his CAPTAIN, but despite his best efforts to resist, there’s a spark between them. 

THE ANGSTY DETAILS:

The biggest difference here is Pike and Kirk’s personal timelines. Instead of their service overlapping, they’re decades apart. 

Spock meets Pike fresh out of the academy and there is an instant mutual attraction. Since he’s not a predator, Pike decides OH HELL NO, this kid is way too young for me. Meanwhile, Baby!Spock has just ended things with T’Pring and is entering his Slut Era. Pike resists Spock’s charms for a couple of years, but during an away mission gone wrong when they both think they’re going to die in the next hour, they end up furiously making out and giving each other handjobs. 

When they’re rescued Pike says listen, kid, that can’t happen again. Spock is prepared for this. He makes a PowerPoint outlining why this relationship is logical. They’re intensely compatible, mutually attracted, and frankly, their lives will only overlap for a maximum of five years. After all, they both know Spock is on a fast track to being promoted to X.O. of a science vessel, and later his own command. Let us acknowledge the fleeting nature of time by embracing this all too brief opportunity to be mutually beneficial to one another. 

Pike tells himself he’s going to hell for this - a lot - but gives in. 

Over the next decade, Spock does get promoted up to Chief Science Officer, and eventually also steps in as X.O. when Pike’s Number One is offered her own command. Starfleet repeatedly tries to give Spock his own ship, but he’s happy where he is, at his Captain’s side. Life is good. 

And then Pike’s accident happens. 

Starfleet Medical says it’s bad. Really bad. There’s no brain damage, but his body is a ruin. He’s going to spend the rest of his life essentially with locked-in syndrome, only able to communicate with the outside world in a very slow binary. 

Spock calls bullshit. Instead of taking Pike to Talos IV like he did in The Menagerie, he contacts Una and asks for the biggest favor of his life. Transport both of them to Illyria and put him in touch with people who can use their genetic engineering technology to help Pike. 

Una says she’s so glad he called, because if he hadn’t, she was planning to kidnap Pike herself for that very same reason. As soon as they touch down on Illyria, Spock resigns his commission so he can be there for Pike. 

Pike spends the next two years on Illyria getting treatments and therapies. Eventually, they’re able to restore his hearing to 70% of what it was, his vision to about 20/80 (so now he wears sexy glasses), his VOICE, and a limited amount of his mobility. He’s still disabled, but he has autonomy again. He’s able to get himself in and out of his wheelchair, and even take a few steps when absolutely necessary, but he’s never going to walk unaided. He needs at least 10 hours of sleep a night to be fully functional, but when he’s awake, his mind is as sparkling as ever. 

Because of the differences in how much sleep they need, Spock ends up living two lives. When Pike is awake, he’s the center of Spock’s world. When he’s not, Spock maintains a thriving part-time career in the sciences. As far as he’s concerned, this is a very satisfying have-your-cake-and-eat-it-too compromise. 

Pike tries to tell Spock to go back to Starfleet. Pursue his own command. Stop wasting his time with a disabled old man. Spock tells him sorry, it’s too late for that. I told Starfleet we were married in order to get access to your hospital room, and Una backed me up. I meant to tell you, but we’ve been busy, you know, kidnapping you then performing illegal medical aid. According to Starfleet paperwork, we’ve been married for the last 3 years. Our anniversary is in March, and Una will be throwing us a party. Do you really think I would break Starfleet’s (very human-history-centric) laws and bring you here in the first place just to abandon you?

Because of Starfleet’s draconian anti-genetic-engineering laws, Pike essentially loses most of his citizenship rights. He and Spock give zero shits. Sarek steps in and says hey, your husband has a lot of diplomatic experience, having been Captain of the Flagship, and you Spock grew up in my shadow. Let me set the two of you up in a new career. Spock and Pike become a well trusted power couple, frequently sought out by anyone needing fair and impartial diplomats. 

They stay together for the rest of Pike’s life. 

And then, in the worst year of Spock’s life, within three months he loses both his human husband and his human mother. 

He knew this would happen. Human lifespans are so much shorter than Vulcan ones. On top of that, Pike was well into middle age when they met. That doesn’t make it any less devastating. 

He’s only in his 70’s, which for Vulcans is pretty young. Sarek didn’t marry Amanda until his 80’s, and it’s not uncommon for Vulcans to put off starting a family until they’re over 100. Everyone he meets tells him he’s young enough to start his whole life over, and he wants to punch them all. 

The only person who understands is his father. 

Both he and Sarek are devastated. They lean on one another in their grief. After a year, Sarek asks Spock what was his last happy/contented memory before he met Pike. Spock tries to deny it, but when he’s finally able to be honest with himself, the answer is Starfleet. He spent years there before he met Pike, and was well on his way to what everyone expected to be an illustrious career. Sarek says perhaps you should go back there? It’ll be different than it was decades ago, but that too is a good thing. 

Una’s still around. Illyrians have longer lifespans than humans, though shorter than Vulcans. When he asks her advice she says if he didn’t bring Starfleet up soon she would’ve. She’s already reached out to her many contacts in the fleet about putting together an unofficial refresher course so Spock won’t have to go through the academy again.

He buries himself in taking virtual, updated versions of academy classes, and uses his diplomatic assignments on a variety of ships as an excuse to get a real world refresher in modern ship design and culture. When he’s satisfied, he gathers his new transcripts and references and sets up a meeting with an admiral (because he’s the kind of diplomat who can casually do that). They agree to put him on a smaller vessel to get his feet wet again, but with full understanding that he will absolutely be able to rise quickly in the ranks if Starfleet is still a good fit for him.

He spends a year on a science vessel, then a year on an exploration vessel, then is offered the position of Chief Science Officer of the Enterprise - the very post he left when Pike was injured all those years ago. Yes, Sarek and Una are absolutely pulling some strings in the background, but Spock rises to the occasion. 

He’s missed this more than he would admit to himself while Pike was still alive. His duties bring him contentment and peace - but also excitement and adventure. He has no regrets about the decades he spent with Pike, but now his One True Love is space. 

A few years into his service on the Enterprise, the ship gets a brash new captain - James T. Kirk. And god dammit, there’s a spark. Kirk likes what he sees, and flirts mercilessly. Spock tries to tell himself he’s not into it, but deep down, he isn’t sure how long he’ll be able to resist. 

At this point, Spock is 50 years Kirk’s senior. He desperately wishes he could talk to Pike again. Pike would laugh his ass off at Spock getting his comeuppance. Now you know how it felt, all those years ago, when you were a tasty morsel who wouldn’t take no for an answer! On nights when the chess games with Kirk feel a little too intimate, he listens to Pike’s Captain’s Logs from the years when he was resisting Spock’s advances. This mirroring of their lives makes him feel closer to his dead husband. 

Spock gets the biggest shock of his life when his father announces he’s not only remarrying, but taking another human wife. 

Spock rages at him. How can you do this to yourself AGAIN? 

Sarek points out that first, the very few Vulcan widows his age do not want him. Second, he’s used to having a human around. And third, at his age, he and his wife will actually grow old together. Their estimated remaining lifespans are within a decade of one another.

He reassures Spock that yes, he would’ve preferred to grow old with Amanda, but he always knew that their lives together would be cut short. Being with her as long as he could was still worth it. Then he tells Spock not to let the pain of his loss prevent him from seeking out future happiness. That’s not what Pike would’ve wanted. Or Amanda. 

Sarek has seen Spock and Kirk together on assignment, and he knows a lot of Spock’s anger is because he’s repressing his own feelings. He points out that with modern medical technology, if Kirk can avoid getting himself killed in the line of duty, he could realistically expect to live another 70+ years. It’s not a perfect alignment with Spock’s aging trajectory, but they could reasonably expect to be middle aged together for decades. 

Spock says there is no damn way he’s getting involved with another human. The heartbreak isn’t worth it. He’d rather spend the rest of his life dedicated to science. He’s had his Romance Era and now that part of his life is over. 

Until one day, he and Kirk are on an away mission gone wrong. They’re trapped in a cave, and realistically believe that they have less than 4 hours left to live. Kirk says hey, we’re going to die, we should give in to this UST. Spock protests he’s too old for Kirk. Kirk laughs and says they’re both going to be dead in four hours, so who cares? Let’s live a little before we die. 

Spock remembers being the one who said the same thing to Pike. He’s hit with an overwhelming sense of deja vu as he gives in and lets Jim kiss him for the first time. He’s terrified of opening his heart again, but when Jim says his name like a prayer, he thinks yes, I could do this for the next 70 years. It’ll be worth it. He kisses Jim back, and in that moment it feels both like coming home and the start of something new. Losing this man will break him, but not as badly as turning away from a lifetime of love. 

[anewstartrekfan]

Alright I’m now convinced this was intentional

Guys buckle in cuz it’s time for another installment of Kirk judges someone for doing something morally questionable for possibly good reasons and then finds himself doing something similar/faced with the same dilemma several episodes later.

First round it was the Menagerie and Conscience of the King

Kirk was mad at Spock for lying and hiding why he took the ship off course with Pike and then literally the next episode Kirk hides his intentions with Kodos as he takes the shop off course until he is confronted. Another fun contrast between the two is everyone except Kirk thinks Spock is acting weird in the Menagire before he explains himself, while in conscience of the king, only Spock notices Kirk is acting off and has to do digging on his own to figure out what is going on because Kirk refuses to explain.

Second round was a taste of Armageddon and the Errand of Mercy.

In the former, Kirk was pissed at the locals for fighting this war on computers, condemning 3 million to die every year, instead of going to the negotiation table and working this out. So he destroys the computer (their weapon of war) to force them to negotiate.

And then in the latter story, the locals of a planet take away Kirk and the Klingons’ ability to fight via disabling all their weapons across the entire galaxy in order to force a negotiation that both sides are hesitant to start.

And round three is Tomorrow is Yesterday and The City at the Edge of Forever.

In the former, after the enterprise accidentally time travels, Kirk kidnaps some pilot b/c said pilot has seen their spaceship and could change the future. The pilot tries to escape several times to get back to his country and wife, not caring about the consequences, much to Kirk’s annoyance. And the episode ends with them erasing everything, even the events themselves so the timeline is restored.

And of course, in the latter story, Kirk is faced with the dilemma letting the woman he fell in love with die in order to restore the future, or saving her and condemning millions to die in a changed future. He chooses the former, and is so wrecked by this he curses for the first and last time in the whole tv series. And the episode ends not on a shot of the enterprise sailing away to its next location, but lingers on the time portal.

Edit: This one really gets me cuz that pilot was willing to break the timeline to be with his family, something extremely selfish, while Jim was able to let Edith die, sacrificing his personal happiness, saving the timeline.

Big picture is we can watch Kirk both see these dilemmas or actions from an outsiders perspective, and then later he either does the same thing or faced with the same situation personally. In short, it humanizes Kirk in a way that doesn’t make him an asshole.

I love this so much and I hope it continues.

Edit: so it didn’t really continue but I still really like this. You learn what kind of a person Jim Kirk is based on how he interacts with each given episode plot and how he deals with said plots in comparison to other people rather than him just monologuing about himself.