#If I was still in an Institute mood (I am - deeply) there was also the fact that Xigbar got a Pokeball at one point
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Animal collection as a hobby, a perfect fit! (Patreon)
#Doodles#SCII#Damned#Pokemon#ZEX#DAX#And a Machamp and Zoroark(?) even I'm not sure lol#It's difficult to pick Pokemon for ZEX because are there any he /wouldn't/ like? Hard to think of any honestly#Mostly just carried-over thoughts from my own Pokemon stuff haha#Friend Balls look like VUX!!! Green with the red inlays (and also orange)!!!#A VUX is shaped like a friend you heard it here first#Now that I think of it why Haven't I made a ZEX friend shape.....Huh#There is already that one doodle of ZEX with a Pokeball also giving it a ''?'' haha I just couldn't help myself <3#And a Portal Cube! ZEX gets all the video game swag#If I was still in an Institute mood (I am - deeply) there was also the fact that Xigbar got a Pokeball at one point#Never saw him use it :0 Wonder what that was all about! Sounds cool :)#Clearly still in an Institute mood considering the final lol#Small silly scribbly based on that one comic haha āŖ#What's there to talk about O> They're beautiful and that's that#What Pokemon teams would they have! How could ZEX possibly pick just 6 haha#He has a whole menagerie for a Reason#He Would end up with widely-agreed upon ugly 'mon wouldn't he...........Conkeldurr.......#Machamp is so obvious haha that's just a man! With four strong arms to hold you <3#DAX does not approve of your shenanigans ZEX#When does he ever haha#What would his team be like I wonder hehe āŖ Something loyal and serious hmm#A Stoutland immediately comes to mind for some reason haha#What would most VUX consider cute! An ever-question for me haha
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EPISODE 7 LIGHT NOVEL Chapter 6-2 English Translation
The carriage swayed as it rattled along the road. Given the muddy conditions, the three riding within would be hard-pressed to call it a comfortable trip. A cheerful excursion, this was most certainly not.
āThe director who asked you to come only recently rose to the position. Heās a former student of mine,ā Clemens said.
āStudent?ā Owl repeated.
āIndeed. I took up a teaching position at that facility once upon a time, though only for a short while. It serves as a teaching hospital of sorts, training medical students while also providing care for patients.ā
At this point, Clemens could say anything about his past and Owl wouldnāt even be fazed. Sure, he was a teacher somewhere for a while, why not? The information came in infrequent dribs and drabs, though, that Owl would allow himself some snark. ā... So you taught them, what, polite bedside manner?ā
āRude.ā Clemensā gaze flicked away, though. āBut, well, perhaps that was the case, after a fashion. There was a time where I was deeply interested in the human spirit, and how fluctuations of the mind and soul affected the physical corpus. I wrote a paper on the subject, purporting it as a psychosomatic affliction. For the most part, people thought the whole idea was ludicrous, but the former director of the institute took an interest and asked me to give some lectures on the topic.ā
Owl hummed. ā... Psychoanalysis, huh. Itās still an unorthodox practice, but Iāll admit, itās sound and it gets results. I bet you use it on all those women you pick up as well.ā
āI am begging you to stop saying it like that. All of those women are hurt by something or another, and I provide a balm for their souls, no more, no less, understand?ā
āSure, but what you say and how you say it are two very different things.ā
āHmm? You know, youāre rather combative today. Whatās got you in such a foul mood?ā
āAre you seriously...?ā Owlās face grew taut, mouth pressed into a thin, irritated line. He spat, āMaybe because thereās no one I can act all friendly with, since no one is telling me the essential information I need to know, did you ever think of that?!ā He twisted away to glare out the window.
The wheels THUNKED outside, sending the whole car rocking. The route really was just awful; this old country road out in the sticks clearly needed some upkeep. Theyād spent about twelve hours on the train before arriving in the countryside with wheat fields as far as the eye could see. They would occasionally pass a farmer or two brandishing a hoe or a rake, but otherwise the path was pretty well devoid of people. Far off in the distance, beyond a patch of woods nestled at the base of a sheer cliff, stood the small hill that was their destination. More specifically, their destination was the massive building surrounded by high walls that stood atop the hill. Owlās eyes locked on the building, still tiny on the horizon. So thatās the place, huh....
A soft body leaned into Owlās shoulder and a voice sighed, āIt kind of looks like a medieval castle, huh? No place to go shopping, though. Suuuch a shame.ā
āGet off, Elnora, youāre heavy.ā
āRude! Iām as light as a fairy!ā
The third person in the carriage was not his partner Nick, but rather Elnora. Owl shoved her off. ā... Why are you even here? Donāt you have a job?ā
Elnora pouted. āOh, please, Iām here for you!ā
āFor me?ā
Elnora leaned back against Owl with a wink, the perfect image of innocence. āYes! Because you said, āI have a bad feeling about bringing Black Rose Disease patients with me on this case,ā so you left Nick and Ellie to hold down the fort, and I thought, well, youāll absolutely need someone else to be your assistant ā an assistant more capable than Nick, as cute as Ellie, and willing and able to heal both body and soul. No matter how you slice it, Iām the only girl up for the job, donāt you think?ā
Owl blinked. āHeal...?ā He knew nuns could offer forgiveness, but healing? That sounded completely antithetical to Elnoraās entire being.
Elnora tilted her head to glare at Clemens and continued, āBesides, I canāt let that man out of my sight! Ignore me, will he? Hmph!ā Then, as if to prove Owlās point, she slammed the tips of her high heels directly into the priestās shin.
āOW!ā Clemens crumpled forward, clutching his leg. He raised his head to meet her eyes. āI wasnāt ignoring you, really,ā he offered weakly.
āI donāt want to hear your excuses,ā she sniffed. āIām just going to keep a close eye on you until you come back to the Gefinesse Church.ā
āI never said I was never coming back, did I? I would never leave your side.ā
āOh, I know, but all this wandering around youāre doing is starting to bother me. I want you to hurry up and come back so those perverted old men will stop leering at the nuns and the other women who come to pray!ā Elnora stomped the floor, seething. āTheyāre so happy youāre gone, you know. Theyāre plotting to usurp you!ā
This had most likely been building for a while, and now sheād reached her limit. Clemensā absence had apparently caused some major ripples.
āSome of the believers are even saying you threw me away! Do I look like the sort of woman whoād let herself be thrown away by a guy like you?! Who do they think I am?! Itās downright degrading!ā That, however, seemed to be the biggest straw. Elnora had worked herself up into an incandescent rage now, drumming her feet against the floor, but she reined herself in after a moment. āPlus... thereās something about this that bothers me,ā she admitted, glancing out the window toward the building in the distance.
āWhat it is?ā asked Owl.
āOh, you want to know? Are you interested in me, Owl?ā Elnora leaned against his shoulder again, but instead of actually answering, she deflected. āWell, if you get me the newest Stamison bag, I donāt mind telling you whatever you want to know.ā
āDidnāt you just buy a new bag, though?ā Clemens interjected.
āI didnāt buy it, a guy who came for confession bought it for me.ā
āYou didnāt make him buy it for you?ā
āOh, please. I donāt want anything. It just mightāve come up in conversation, is all.ā
āIām pretty sure all you talk about is what you want.ā
āWell, then, what should I talk about? I donāt want to hear about some guy repenting because he had dessert, thatās boring. If two people are having a chat, itās always more interesting if itās the woman talking.ā
To the average layperson, Clemens and Elnora were bickering the same as always. Owl, whoād been dealing with them for quite a bit longer than the average layperson, could tell that they bickered like this on purpose, so other people couldnāt get a word in edgewise. Anyone who tried to push their own agenda would find themselves left in the dust and the conversation steered in another direction before they could blink. It was clear that these two shared many secrets.
Now, everyone had secrets, obviously. Plenty of people in Owlās orbit, in particular, had complex circumstances they werenāt willing to talk about. But Clemens and Elnora seemed to have a particularly complicated past with each other. So when Owl interrupted them, all he said was, āIf you donāt want to say anything, fine, just donāt lie to Ellie.ā
That shut them up quick. ā... I wouldnāt,ā Elnora mumbled awkwardly. āNot to Ellie.ā
āBecause you donāt want her to hate you,ā agreed Owl, then turned away.
Elnora gazed out the window. āLooks like rain,ā she murmured.
The carriage trundled on toward the building on the hill in silence after that.
Dark clouds brewed on the horizon.
Something golden flashed amid the storm clouds. A moment later, the air rumbled with the distant roar of thunder.
ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā
The medical facility run by the Gefinesse Faith looked like an old castle or the like from their carriage, but as they got closer it looked more like a proper institution, albeit one surrounded on all sides by heavily fortified walls.
Only one road led in and out of the facility, forcing the carriage to take a winding road up the hill. Partway up, though, they spotted a steep stone staircase and decided to hop out there and climb the rest of the way on foot. Up until that point theyād hardly seen anyone on the road leading in, but as they headed up the stairs more and more people appeared, and all of them were heading up to the building as well. Young, old, man, woman, it seemed people from all walks of life were present ā the only thing seemingly tying them together was how unwell they all looked.
āThatās a lot of people,ā Owl commented.
āThat article in the newspaper helped spread the word. Now more and more people are flocking to the institute, apparently,ā explained Clemens.
ā... I would assume climbing the stairs would be an ordeal for a sick person, but....ā Owlās eyes flicked to the side. The slope off to the side of the steps was fairly gentle, but it was currently occupied by processing workers dragging luggage carriers back down the hill.
Elnora eyed them as well. āI wonder if theyād let us ride those,ā she muttered.
āThose people are carrying property that belonged to deceased patients,ā explained Clemens. āI wouldnāt recommend riding their carts.ā
Elnora shut her mouth.
After about ten minutes of climbing, a massive, almost castle-like stone gate loomed in front of them, complete with a portcullis. The yawning mouth appeared to be swallowing people whole. Elnora tilted her head up. Her eyes caught on something etched into the stone above. āThat crest....ā
āWhat crest?ā Owl also looked up and spotted it. For a second, it almost reminded him of the symbol heād seen in the church on Teos Island, but on closer inspection the design was different.
āIs that a wild rose?ā wondered Elnora. āMost hospitals have that rod thing as their symbol, but I guess this place is different.ā
āLooks like it.ā
āAnd those people over there have the same rose pattern on their clothes. Do you think theyāre with the facility?ā Elnora pointed below the gate, where people gathered around what looked like an intake hut for people entering the grounds ā an inspection point, most likely. All the men there were indeed wearing matching rose-inscribed uniforms and were conducting thorough inspections of every single visitor.
āAhh, those are security guards,ā answered Clemens. āAll members of staff here wear the same uniform. Itās important for medical personnel to look clean, after all.ā
āSo thatās why we look like this.ā Elnora gently tugged at her sleeve.
All three of them had foregone their usual attire and instead wore outfits identical to the staff here. Clemens had made them both change in the carriage.
āDonāt want us to stand out as outsiders, huh?ā
āExactly.ā
Owl shook out his fluttery sleeves a bit with a nod. Elnora, however, crossed her arms with the most blatant pout she could muster. āUgh, this isnāt style at all,ā she grumbled, tugging at the buttons around her neck. āItās not even the right size, I canāt stand how hard itās squeezing my chest.ā
āI didnāt exactly have a choice, given that the plan didnāt include you coming with us in the first place,ā Clemens chided, gently plucking her hand away from her neck. āI had to alter a dress that looked close enough to the womenās uniform in a hurry, so please just bear with it.ā He strode off, completely ignoring the line of people waiting to get inside. āThis way,ā he called.
The people at the head of the procession signed what looked to be like a medical chart with so many sections to fill out that completing one would clearly take a while. That said, though, there really wasnāt a reason for the hospital to deny anyone admission, so every visitor passed through the gate without issue.
Clemens headed for the intake hut near the gate and pulled what looked to be like some sort of entry permit out of his pocket. The guard there offered Clemens a polite bow and urged him along. Owl and Elnora followed after him, but right when they reached the gate itself another uniformed man popped up and asked, āMr. Clemens, sir, who might these children be? I donāt believe I recognize them.ā
āAhh, Iām just looking after these two for a time,ā Clemens replied smoothly. āOne is an orphan, and the other has been passed around from relative to relative due to disease. The director kindly offered them a place here when I brought it up with him.ā He turned to the others and surreptitiously winked. āRossignol, Anatra, introduce yourselves. These are the people who will be looking after you.ā
The two caught on quickly and twisted their faces to look as pitiful as possible. ā... Thank you... for taking us in,ā mumbled Owl.
āWhat a dependable-looking doctor!ā gushed Elnora.
Their eyes glittered with spirit, their hands clasped in front of them as if in prayer in the most obvious unnatural performance ever, yet the guard just blinked at them and then scratched his head with an embarrassed smile. āAh, no, Iām just a guard, not a doctor, haha. Do I really look that impressive...? Well, letās see, you have a permit from the director himself, so I donāt see an issue. Please, go right on in.ā
The smiling guard pointed to the gate. The smiling trio nodded and headed right through ā
āAhh, but would you allow me to perform a health screening, just to be safe? Are either of you ill at present?ā
ā until the guard remembered what his actual job was and called out to them again. Owl clicked his tongue, thankfully too quiet to be heard.
āYes, I suppose a wellness check would be necessary.ā Clemens immediately grabbed Owl by the arm and herded him over to the hut. āRossignol, go ahead and show him.ā
āShow him what?ā
āThe marks on your neck.ā
āHah?ā What was Clemens talking about? Owl twisted to ask, but before he could Clemensā fingers lunged forward and deftly undid the button on his neck. āHey --!ā
Elnora gently pressed up against his back before he could say anything more. āCome on, you know you have to show him,ā she purred.
Clemens popped the collar and spread it wide, baring Owlās nape to the world. The guard peered closely at his collarbones for a bit, then nodded. āThere does indeed appear to be a mark there, though itāll require further tests to determine if itās from the Black Rose Disease.ā
Clemens nodded as well. āHm, yes, please do. But I will say, the boyās a bit delicate, so I would prefer if the director handled the tests, given that heās a good friend of mine. Iāve already given him the boyās chart, besides. Could you call him up for me? If you mention I brought the kids Iām sure heāll kow itās us.ā
āUnderstood. Iāll let the director know right away. Iāll go ahead and register your names, so please feel free to wait in the plaza. It was, er... Rossignol and... Anatra, yes?ā
āThatās correct, yes. Thank you, really, youāre a lifesaver.ā Clemens beamed as he ushered the others along while the guard headed off to the reception area.
As Owl followed after the priest, he pressed a finger to his clavicle and demanded, āWhat is this?ā His finger came back black, dyed by some sort of ink.
āI wouldnāt rub at that too hard if I were you, itāll stain your collar and makeup doesnāt come out of clothes too well nowadays,ā Clemens cautioned.
āDid you draw this? When?!ā
āWhen you were dozing off in the train. I used Elnoraās makeup kit.ā
āWhy do you keep doing these things to me while Iām asleep?!ā Owlās voice started to rise... but then he paused, glanced around, and dropped his voice even lower, mindful of all the ears and eyes around. As he wrestled his collar button back into place, he hissed, āIf you needed to do something like this you shouldāve told me beforehand!ā
āAh, well, I expected you would find it rather indecent and get angry at me. Apologies.ā
āAnd why āRossignolā? The disguises werenāt enough, we needed fake names, too? Is there some reason you donāt want them knowing Iām a detective?ā
āMore or less. Weād rather this case be kept as private as possible.ā
If looks could kill, Owl would be standing over Clemensā dead body. āThis is the first Iām hearing of this!ā he whisper-screeched.
Luckily, looks couldnāt kill, so Clemens just kept walking into the grounds, supremely unconcerned. āA detective really ought to have one or two fake identities anyway.ā
Elnora, however, had her own grievances to voice. āOkay, but why āAnatraā for me? You know that means āduck,ā do I look like a lousy honking bird like that to you? Whereād you leave your naming sense?ā
āAlas, it was just the first thing that came to mind.ā
āSo youāve been thinking Iām a duck for a while now, is that what youāre saying? You just had that ready and raring to go?ā Elnora slapped Clemensā back as hard as she could, though the priest didnāt even flinch.
āYeah, and Iām Rossignol,ā grumbled Owl.
āOkay, but that oneās actually good, though, Rossignol means ānightingale,āā Elnora shot back. āItās a cute little songbird, thatās adorable.ā
āIāve never sang a song before in my life.ā
āThat makes sense, since youāre a bad singer, too.ā
Owlās expression pinched tighter and tighter as the conversation went on, as if someone kept sticking a lemon in his mouth. āWhat do you mean, ātooā? Get off my back. Not like itās a problem if I do or donāt.ā
āThatās not true,ā Clemens said. āYouāre the master key.ā
āThe master key?ā
āYes.ā Clemens glanced back over his shoulder.
It took Owl a few seconds to get it. ā... Antoine Rossignol, huh,ā he muttered.
āIndeed. He was a cryptographer of rare and exceeding talent, a master key that could pry open any lock, much like how you can solve any mystery that comes your way.ā
Owl had no response for that.
āIāll be looking forward to your performance.ā Clemens turned back around and kept walking.
The trio eventually came upon another sturdy gate of interwoven bars. By the looks of things, this place had to have been an important fort during wartime. The priest flashed his entry permit to the guards on either side as he approached and passed without issue.
The second gate opened out onto a plaza bracketed by stone buildings, almost like a little makeshift city. Plenty of people were walking around all over the place inside, but the only healthy-looking ones were the ones in uniform ā the doctors ā while the rest were patients. About half of the uniformed people seemed to be students, by the looks of them.
Elnora took in the sights. āIt looks like a German castle in here.ā
Owl glanced at her, brows furrowed. āWhy German?ā
Elnora gestured around. āThe plaza, the tall towers, the fountain... and those steep rooftops, they look a lot like a German castle I saw way back when. I was wondering why I was getting so much dĆ©jĆ vu, you remember it too, right, Clemens?ā
Clemens nodded. āAhh, that place, hm. Now that brings me back. But itās only been a few decades since the third-generation head finished building that one. This place has far more history behind it. The fountain is massive, and....ā He pointed up to the tower. āYou see how refined that bergfried is? The top floor there serves as a viewing platform.ā
āOoh, impressive. And that statue on top there... is that Apollo, maybe? It sticks out like a sore thumb compared to everything else.ā
āIndeed. There are other statues of Apollo all over the place in here.ā
While the two chattered on, lost in their own little world, Owl peered up at the bergfried. The statue decorating the top of the tower was a tall one, depicting Apollo with his bow drawn. Something flashed. He squinted. A part of the statue was glittering in the light. He stared up at it for several seconds, then glanced around and murmured, āWell, thatās not good.ā
Elnora shot him a confused look. āWhatās not good?ā
Owl hummed and turned away. āNothing....ā
Clemens, apparently, didnāt hear their little exchange. āThat fountain looks just like the ones in Germany as well,ā he commented, pointing to the center of the plaza. āOf course, itād be more obvious if this one werenāt dry, but still.ā
Elnora nodded along as Clemens expounded on how the construction matched that of a well-known architect and how it might be their student or some such. I didnāt know those two have been to Germany before, Owl thought. He didnāt dare say that to them, though, lest that cause them to clam up. Each word out of their mouths oozed years of history and personal information. So Owl kept his mouth shut and listened closely even as he scanned the area again. All of the buildings around were tall, topped by Sitoggian pointed archways. It wasnāt an architectural style one saw often in the countryside ā the local terrain likely had a hand in keeping them from crumbling away. He had to imagine there used to be a prosperous city here, ages and ages ago....
His eyes caught on one building ahead. That wasnāt Sitoggian. āWhatās that?ā he murmured to himself.
Sharp-eared Clemens heard him. āThat would be a research lab,ā he explained.
āThatās weird, though.ā Owl pointed at the offending structure. āThatās Naebokkian architecture.ā
āIt is.ā
Owl gestured more empathically at the oblong building, specifically its low roof and drawn-on arches on its gable walls. āWhy is that the only Naebokkian building?ā
āBecause those were added to the existing building after it was originally built,ā replied Clemens easily.
āThose are add-ons? Then why wouldnāt they make them look like the other buildings, then? Itās weird how it doesnāt match at all, itās glaringly different.ā
āYouāre not wrong, but this isnāt the only odd building out. Thereās another one further into the grounds thatās Exenanorian.ā
āWhy, though? Theyāre all so mismatched.ā
āAgain, youāre not wrong.ā Clemens considered for a moment, then continued, āThe institute may look like one big facility, but in truth, itās actually split into three factions.ā
Owl blinked. āFactions?ā
āIndeed. It used to just be the one Lapertes faction, but it fractured, and now the three sides are all trying to strengthen their positions and remodel their buildings into different styles,ā Clemens explained. āThey may appear like a united front on the surface, but theyāre anything but. The whole facility has become a maze ā this place used to be a fairly simple fort, but now itās got three small cities mixed together inside like a marble pattern.ā
ā... I see. So the architectural styles changed because of the fighting between the factions. That sounds like a pain to deal with.ā Under his breath, Owl added, āIāll get lost in here the second I go off-course....ā
Clemens snickered. āYouāre always getting lost, though,ā he pointed out. āYour horrific sense of direction is your special power that keeps you out of trouble.ā
āShut up.ā Owl kicked the priest in the shin, right where Elnora nailed him earlier.
āOw!ā Clemens shook his poor abused leg around. āGoodness me, Iām going to run out of leg at this rate.ā He turned and started walking toward the center of the plaza. āI suppose I have no choice ā letās see if I can offer you something to fix that poor mood of yours....ā
āSuch as?ā Owl trailed after him.
āOh, donāt worry, youāll love it.ā Clemens led them to the dried-up fountain and pointed to a black stone monument erected past it āYou can read the Greek alphabet, right, Owl?ā
āThe Greek alphabet? I did study it, technically, but I wouldnāt say Iām any good at it. I can manage simple vocabulary, at least.ā
āI see. Then Iāll do the translating.ā
Elnora stepped up to the monument and peered at the drawing etched into the stone. āIs this meant to be the sun?ā she wondered aloud. The polished surface did indeed have a large circle with lines radiating off of it like the sunās rays. The Greek characters in question were carved on top of it.
Owl stared at the monument for a moment, then asked Clemens, āIs this... supposed to be the thing you said Iād love?ā Because to him, it sure looked like a regular old art piece.
āWell, you do, donāt you? I thought you loved codes like this.ā
āCodes ā this is a code?ā
āOh, yes. This slab of rock has been here for a very long time, but no one has been able to figure out what the message on it is supposed to mean. The knowledge was lost as the generations passed and the institute changed hands. It makes no sense even when translated.ā
ā... And you want me to solve it? This is probably just a poem or something, isnāt it?ā
āI wouldnāt know. But we have some time to kill before the director gets here, so we might as well, no?ā Clemensās finger traced the letters as he intoned:
āSo spoke Ptolemy:
The truth may only be found in Apolloās golden crown where the stars align
Magicians, reveal your strength through the star charts and trace your path.ā
ā... Ptolemy.ā Owl rubbed his chin. āThat was the Greek astronomer who proposed a theory on the movements of celestial bodies, if I remember right.ā
āYou do. Heās quite the famous wise man.ā
āSo the stuff thatās written inside the sun here has to do with star charts?ā
āPossibly. Let me see, these words here mean....ā
āNo, wait a minute.ā
āHm?ā
Owlās eyes roved around the plaza. His gaze flicked to the dried-up fountain, then to the oddly numerous stone benches surrounding it, around twenty or thirty in total. ā... Thatās it.ā
āOwl?ā
āGive me a second.ā
He jogged off toward the closest bench, paused for a second to inspect it, found nothing, then jogged off again. The benches were small ā most of them could only seat one or two people at a time, though they came in a wide range of colors. There seemed to be no rhyme or reason to how they were scattered around the fountain, instead sitting in a chaotic jumble of stone.
āHey, Owl? Whatāre you doing?ā called Elnora.
Owl didnāt answer until heād checked every single bench and jogged back to the other two. āJust as I thought,ā he declared.
āHm?ā Clemens cocked his head.
āI found some strange letters carved into some of the stones.ā
A smile flashed across Clemensā face. āImpressive. I didnāt think youād find those before I could mention them.ā
āWe were talking about astronomy, and there was a drawing of a sun with that weird message, right near an obviously suspicious fountain,ā Owl pointed out nonchalantly. Of course Iād go look.ā
āSo you think the fountain is suspicious.ā
āNo, most of the benches and the fountain arenāt.ā
āThey arenāt?ā
Owl whipped his notebook out, scribbled something down, and flipped it around to show Clemens.
āWhat is this?ā The priest peered at the notebook.
āAerial view of the fountain and the layout of the benches. Most of them are dummies.ā
āDummies ā ah, fakes? Truly? What makes you say that?ā
āWeāre up on a hill and there are no canals or waterways around. It would cost a lot of money to keep a fountain running in a place like that, not to mention a sizable pump and a windmill to keep it all moving. Even in Paris, it supposedly costs more to keep the fountains going in the palace gardens than the palaces themselves. So the fountain here, then, is obviously a decoration, not a working fountain, and therefore has some other purpose. The real meaning here is in the benches ā though only six of them had important letters carved into them. Four others had other intriguing carvings on them, but they werenāt written in Greek so we can ignore those.ā
āSix, hm....ā Clemens scanned the notebook more closely. Six of the benches on the little map had marks next to them. āWhat do these mean?ā
āTheyāre the locations of the benches with the inscribed letters, two each on the seats. Clockwise from the monument, they go ļæ½ļæ½ĪÆ, ĪĻ, ĪĻ, ĻĪµ, ĪĻ, and ĪĻ.ā
āThose are certainly Greek letters, but what are they?ā
āWe know this all has to do with astronomy, so itās simple ā theyāre the first two letters of the planets Jupiter, Venus, Mars, the moon, Mercury, and Saturn, in that order. The benches represent celestial bodies.ā Owl marked down the symbols of the various planets in turn, then turned and did the same to the stone monument itself. āAll the pieces are in place. So, Clemens, read whatās written inside the sun from top to bottom.ā
āUnderstood.ā Clemensā finger once again traced the text. āLetās see... there are seven lines of text. Starting from the top....ā
Owl copied everything down as Clemens said it. The seven lines went thusly:
Half the sun pulls the silver bow
āŖA messenger of the gods travels to and fro across all realms
āŖA goddess accompanied by the Charites
āŖA great flame shines down upon us
āŖChariots sing of victory in war
Thunder booms within the child shunned by his father
The wheel of fate turns within the god of time
When he was done, Owl tapped his pen against the page silently. Clemens peeked at what heād written and blinked. āWhat are those circles?ā he queried. āThose werenāt part of the lines.ā
āThose are just marks to indicate which lines are the truth.ā
āThe truth?ā
āFrom the first message. āSo spoke Ptolemy, the truth may only be found in Apolloās golden crown where the stars align.āā
āI donāt follow. What does it mean?ā
Owl rolled his eyes. āI donāt know, maybe try using your brain?ā he snarked. āYou were a teacher here, werenāt you?ā
Clemensās lips twitched in a smile. It would seem my little plan paid off just as I thought. Plopping him in front of a good code is doing wonders for his mood. He did as instructed, scanning Owlās notes once more. āNames of planets inscribed on the benches...ā he murmured. āPerhaps theyāre listed in Ptolemyās proposed order? That would be the simplest solution.ā
āYouāre on the right track, but that would make the order the moon, Mercury, Venus, the sun, Mars, Jupiter, and Saturn. It would be too difficult to put all of those in a single line,ā pointed out Owl.
āThen the ātruth found in Apolloās golden crownā must be a clue... what does it mean?ā
āApollo is a sun god, so the āgolden crownā is the ring of fire around the sun.ā Owl tapped the rays of light encircling the sun on the monument. āI marked the four lines that were actually inside the golden crown with a circle in my notes, since those would be the truth. The other three are just there to misdirect.ā
āI see. Youāre right, these four are etched on top of the sun.ā
āAnd one of those lines is āa messenger of the gods travels to and fro across all realms.āā
āA āmessenger of the gods,ā above the sunās rays....ā Clemensā eyes lit up. āAhh, that must be Hermes! Yes, if I recall, one of his symbols was the planet Mercury.ā
Owl tapped the symbol for Mercury on his notes. āRight, because in Greek mythology many of the gods were tied to specific celestial bodies. You can probably figure out the rest, right?ā
Clemens gestured for him to continue.
āThe next one is āa goddess accompanied by the Charites.ā Otherwise known as the Graces, the Charites are three goddesses of beauty and grace who serve as attendants of the goddess Aphrodite.ā
āVenus,ā confirmed Clemens.
āNext, āa great flame shines down upon us.ā Obviously the sun. Apollo. Next. āChariotsā and āwarā indicate Ares, the god of war, associated with Mars.ā As Clemens watched, Owl drew a line connecting the four planets. āMercury, Venus, the sun, and Mars. Connect these four in the Ptolemaic order, and thereās one spot where the line intersects.ā Owl tapped the spot in question.
āFascinating,ā Clemens breathed, peering down at the crossed line. āNow where in the world is this... I suppose weāll just have to walk over in person and find out. It would be easier if we had a rope, but ah, well, there are plenty of landmarks around.ā
Owl followed Clemensā directions, first moving to stand by the Mercury bench before walking in a straight line to the Venus bench. That straight line included a portion of the fountain and some benches, but Owl ignored them entirely, stepping over the seats and walking through the dried basin like none of it existed. He did the same from the Venus bench to the stone monument that represented the sun, then again from the monument toward the Mars bench....
ā... Didnāt I step on this bench before?ā
Owl paused with his leg hovering over one of the benches in his path that heād crossed over moving from Mercury to Venus. Clemens drew closer. āThis must be where the path overlaps, then.ā
āApparently.ā
Owl tilted his head, inspecting the bench thoroughly. The polished surface of this bench was completely unmarred, no carvings or anything on either the seat or the sides. It was, by all accounts, a completely normal stone bench ā a seat, really, since it could only fit one person.
āIt looks like normal rock... but...?ā Owlās eyes narrowed. Or rather, eye singular, the one that wore his monocle. ā... There are traces of alchemy here,ā he reported, bending down to get a better look. Some staff members nearby shot him odd looks, but he paid them no mind. He ran his hands over the stone surface multiple times. āBologna stone?ā he muttered to himself.
āBolonga stone?ā Clemens echoed. āYou mean the magic glowing stone?ā
āYeah. Itās been pretty cleverly buried in regular granite here. It glows in the dark. Clemens, tug your hood up and hold it so no light gets in.ā Meanwhile, Owl pulled his own hood off and draped it over his head while he bent down over the stone, forming a curtain that blocked the light so he could inspect the stone in darkness.
Elnora, who had been standing off to the side for a while watching the proceedings, finally piped up with arched bows. ā... You know you guys just look like weirdos, right?ā How else was someone supposed to think of a young man hanging over a piece of rock with a hood curtain on his head?
āYes, but heās been a weirdo the whole time,ā Clemens replied amiably, still with his hood drawn tight and valiantly bearing the weight of all the staring directed his way.
āOh, donāt you worry, youāre plenty weird yourself,ā Elnora assured him with a lukewarm smile that wiped the smile from Clemensā face.
Owl, supremely unbothered, did something or other under his hood for a while, then nodded and pulled it off his head. āI see.ā
āDid you figure something out?ā asked Clemens.
Owl waved his finger in a circle. āThe stone is a map of the plaza.ā
āA map?ā
āYeah. You wouldnāt be able to see it unless itās dark, but the phosphorescent stone embedded in the seat is a perfect match for the placements of the benches.
āTruly?ā Clemens peered at the seat again, but he couldnāt see the difference. Bolonga stone didnāt glow in bright places.
Owl went on, āSo, since itās a map, that got me thinking about the second part of that first message you read, the āmagicians, reveal your strength through the star charts and trace your path.āā
āāTrace your path,ā meaning the path you just walked around the plaza, yes?ā
āRight. And then thereās the āreveal your strengthā bit. If we can substitute alchemist for magician... in theory, a lock like this usually responds to magic, so.ā Owl muttered to himself as he opened his right hand, revealing a golden light building around his pointer finger. Shimmering heat began to waft around the light. He pressed his fingertip to the stone. āTrace the light....ā Then he blinked and glanced up at Clemens. āBy the way, whatās supposed to happen when we solve the mystery of the monument?ā Tracing the path like this was the last step. Surely Clemens knew.
Clemens, however, shook his head and shrugged. āWho knows?ā
āYou donāt?ā
āI donāt. Didnāt I say before that every time the directorās chair changed hands more and more information about the monument was lost? No one knows a thing about it. The current directorās even said that there arenāt any records of where it came from or when it got here and considers it an unsolvable mystery. The current leading theory is that the founder left it here.ā
āThey just thought it might be a regular old poem or something, huh. But thereās a non-zero chance this is a self-destruct mechanism?ā
āMaybe? Though would someone really go to all the trouble of making it self-destruct?ā
The two stared silently at each other. Owl thought for a moment, staring at the stone that might explode on him....
āWell, whatever.ā
Then with a shrug and a nod, he traced the path he walked earlier onto the stone without hesitation, pouring his energy into the rock.
āYouāre really doing it?!ā Clemens yelped.
āYeah, of course I am. Iām curious. And I canāt stand leaving an experiment unfinished.ā
āEven thought it might explode?ā
āWeāll cross that bridge if we come to it.ā Owl glanced back over to Clemens for a moment, perfectly straight-faced. āBut either way itās not my fault, youāre the one who showed it to me.ā
āYeah, thatās on you, Clemens,ā Elnora agreed.
Clemens winced. āI may have been a bit hasty āā
PLUNK!!
Just then, something made a noise near the fountain, almost like a plug being pulled out.
āHuh?ā Owlās head shot up, startled. He whirled around. ā... Whatās that?ā he wondered aloud. A small hole had opened up near the center of the fountain where before there had just been a smooth expanse of stone. That was most likely the source of the noise.
Clemens peered at it. ā... Is this... a drain line?ā
āA what now?ā
āYouāve never heard of it? Theyāre holes drilled into fountains that lead underground to prevent rainwater from accumulating. Theyāre used when you need to clean a fountain as well, of course.ā
āI know that much!ā Owl snapped. His eyes darted to the monument, then the plaza, then back to the new little opening at his feet.... āIs this really it? It just opened up a hole?!ā
āLooks like it.ā
Owlās mind boggled. āBut, such a complex mechanism... it just, opens the drain line?ā
āLooks like it.ā repeated Clemens.
āIt wasnāt a self-destruct button?ā
āDid you want it to be?ā Clemens patted his shoulder, as if to calm him down.
Owl tore into him for a while after that, punctuating his rant with a final kick to the shin.
āOW!ā
original written by Nagaya Kawaji here
#kotonoha project#this might be my favorite chapter Ever#owl is in top form this whole episode it's great#a lot of incidental information here is true and factual#except the architectural styles I made those spellings up
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Women Making It - Photo Essay
This series of images was created in late 2017 at the Glasgow Womenās Library (GWL) in Glasgow, Scotland. GWL is the only museum in the UK dedicated entirely to the lives of women. At the time of this shoot I was studying a BA in Photography at Edinburgh Napier University. All of the work I had been producing that year was deeply feminist and asked a lot of questions about societal norms and the needs of women. I connected with GWL to see if I could learn more about their history and what they offer. And request to make a photo series. They had womenās-only art classes called āWomen Making Itā which still run at present! See this link: https://womenslibrary.org.uk/event/women-making-it-13/2023-08-11/
All the events and classes that they run are made with the intent of being a safe space for women, both in the local community and visiting. The women who attended āWomen Making Itā were a range of ages coming from different backgrounds. What most of these women had in common was having experienced patriarchal oppression, either at some point in their lives or still ongoing. Some through domestic abuse and others through societal pressure or witnessing the oppression of those close to them. You can see in these images, the women were preparing costumes and props and rehearsing for a play. As well as taking a look in the GWL archives for some inspiration. In this play they would act out true stories of abuse experienced by women in the local community. As a form of community catharsis and solidarity. Many of these women came from traditional Islamic backgrounds and had felt the institutional wrath of shame controlling them. Arranged marriages were common as well as unwanted pregnancies. Domestic abuse and particular cultural narratives and expectations placed on these women. The play explored the emotional wounds of these events as well as touching on coping through substance abuse and experiencing suicidal thoughts.
A few months before beginning this project I had recently got out of a domestic abuse situation with an ex-partner, who I was living with. All the courage it took me to take back life for myself lead me to use my photography, to passionately advocate for other women who have had a similar struggles. I realised that most women in my family had also been extremely oppressed by patriarchy, most to the point of Stockholm syndrome.
Some of the words I heard growing up that shaped my reality, that became my thought patterns that justified me living with domestic abuse:
āThe amount of pain that I can bare shows that I am a good person. How I can control myself and put the needs of others first is proof that Iām a good person, a good partner, a good woman.ā
āHow much I can take is evidence that Iām a strong personā
āWhen heās in a good mood heās great, when heās in a bad mood heās terribleā As a certified EFT(Emotional Freedom Techniques) Practitioner, I have an active role in supporting people who have survived trauma. If you feel the call to reach out to me for support please do, you are absolutely so welcome.
All my love,
Claire
#ClaireFarrell#PhotoEssay#photojournalism#photography#Glasgow Women's Library#GWL#Scotland#Emotional Freedom Techniques#Feminism#Feminist art#Feminist Photography#Womens rights
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āGah!āfuck!āI amāā Tweek snapped his mouth shut, suddenly remembering that the last thing he wanted was to admit to being a tweaker, as it could be held against him. Ā People could look at him and tell what he was, and there was no chance of him convincing a jury that he wasnāt, but for peace of mind, he told himself it helped not to say it.
He wanted to resent Kenny for calling him ācrazyāāonly he was allowed to consistently refer to himself as such, and everyone else was beholden to his moodsābut then Kenny jabbed his nails into Tweekās pale skin. Ā Tweek had done that for years to stave off panic attacks, the biting sting often shocking some more rationality into him.
He had also been here a number of times for various minor offensesāit was inevitable if you were a homeless psychoābut that didnāt mean it got much easier. Ā His father threatened him with an institution for years, correcting undesirable behavior with the reminder that he might get taken away and locked up in āthat placeā with all the deranged, screaming people. Ā In hindsight, his parents never would have sent him to live in a hospital full-time, but it was too late; the fear of confinement had already been deeply instilled in him. Ā Prison cell or mental hospital, it didnāt matter.
āI donāt wanna make an ins-sāinsanity defense,ā he breathed. Ā āThey stillāeghālock you up for that, too.ā Ā Instinctively, Tweek told himself he would rather take his chances in prison than in the hospital, just because he had already experienced a small glimpse of the latter and had no desire to get a more thorough one. Ā But almost as soon as it cropped up, the thought dissipated as the horrors of spending life in prison occurred to him.
His grip on the bars loosened a little, held in place more from Kennyās efforts than his own at this point. Ā āHow longāve we been here?ā he murmured, looking out into the room beyond. Ā He could see the thin gray profile of a wall clock, angled carefully and mockingly away from the prisoners. Ā If he listened closely, he was convinced he could hear the chatter and laughter of officers, undoubtedly giggling about the two bums theyād picked up.
āItās not going to be fine.ā Ā He tensed back up, and his sighs turned into sharp hisses. Ā āI feel like weāve been here f-forever.ā Ā He pulled his head back to beat it against the bars again but bumped into Kennyās nose instead. Ā āIāveānhāgotta get outtaā¦ outta hereā¦ā
@howdyneighborr
Kenny shifted his flat ass on the unforgiving bench, trying to find the familiar groove that would relieve the pressure in his hips without hurting his back at the same time. Heād been thrown in this exact cell a handful of times for various reasons, but that didnāt mean he ever got accustomed to the dig of bone on wood. He leaned coolly against the sterile, white-painted bricks that made three of the four walls around them, content to watch Tweek pace. That is, until he started bashing his brains out against the metal grate that completed their pen. The sprawling man rolled his eyes and pushed up from his seat. He couldnāt settle into his sweet spot anyway.
Then, the taller blonde strode across the minimal berth of their shared space. His longer fingers encircled Tweekās wrists and he pressed his forehead to the back of the shorter manās head, effectively forcing limited mobility and stopping him from cracking the front of his noggin open like an egg about to hit a hot skillet. āDude, you have got to chill out,ā he whispered. āYou arenāt doing us any favors by walking back and forth like aā¦ tweaker.ā Kennyās lips curled away from his teeth in a gibing smirk, though the tension in his expression was not directed at Tweek. āI know youāre crazy, but nowās not the time to lay the groundwork for an insanity plea.ā He squeezed and dug his nails into the otherās papery skin, hoping the slightly uncomfortable sensation would divert his attention. āItās just possession. Weāll be fine.ā
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So I was originally gonna send this to your sub account but decided not to. But anyway so the question is what do you think the Daniel characters would be in the a/b/o universe.
Oooo I have lots of thoughts on this!
Zemo:
I've read lots of omega Zemo stuff, and frankly, I love it. But honestly, I see him as likely a beta. He can go either way ya know, bottom or top. He wouldn't experience heats or ruts but loves to either keep an omega with him at all times, or be completely owned by an alpha, or even just have another beta partner. I like to think his wife would have been a beta as well.
Laszlo:
Omega. Omega omega omega. I know I am like religiously write sub-Laszlo stuff, in fact, I have only ever written sub-Laszlo though I do have plans for a dom Laszlo one-shot to write, but I do see him as such a sub. So that's why I go for omega. He is certainly a fiery omega though. The whole, I don't need an alpha type (until he gets his heat and then he has to lock himself away in his room so he doesn't jump on John) and with the reputation and position of power, he has most when here of him just assume he is an Alpha. So what a surprise most people get when they smell the sweet scent of him. In that time omega's would still be looked down upon so he does a lot of activism as well and protects young omegas who have recently had their first heat in his institute.
Andrea:
I mean is this even needed to be said? Definitely an omega. You just take one look at him and it screams omega. He would be the extremely needy type, even when he wasn't in heat. As soon as he picks up on your scent he is all over you, begging you to be inside of him. When he is in heat it's even worse. You are essentially are not allowed to leave the bed because as soon as you do he is crying out saying he needs you again to help him with his heat.
Niki:
While I do love sub!Niki, I think we can all agree dom Niki is what most people lean-to. He's very arrogant and a dick which is like alpha traits 101. He needs his omega with him at all times and he hates it if other drivers, aka James, tries to flirt with them, He would be constantly marking you and scenting you as a reminder to everyone else that you belong to him.
Ernst:
With those anger issues? Definitely an alpha. Most people on the ship are alpha's and so tensions run high and he gets into fights a lot with the others and if you go into heat. Oh boy. He is very possessive over you and won't let you be near any of the other alpha's till it is over because he doesn't want to risk anything. He has stamina though and will be kind to you through your heat, helping you all the time in any way he can.
Alex Kerner:
Like with Andrea, he is an omega. A needy one but unlike Andrea, he might be more withheld and considerate for what you want to do as well. Though he wants to be on you and with you whenever he can and during his heat he doesn't want you going too far. He would beg to be marked by you though. He feels like the guy who falls deeply in love at first sight and knows straight away he wants to be your mate for life.
Sebastian:
He's a beta! As I say he is a wild card and without smelling him, you can't tell from how he acts if he is an alpha or a omega and that's because he is a mix and can be in either position making him a beta. Though he does like leaning on more of a bottom side he is happy too and enjoys also being with an omega and railing them senseless.
David:
Omega. I was debating about him being a beta but thinking about it, he is hopeless and needs someone to look after him and make all his decisions and that is just omega hands down. He needs an Alpha to come in and look after him so he doesn't have to make any hard decisions, just being there to satisfy his alpha.
Tony:
Omega! Though like power omega? He is well known, he has power and reputation but it is clear to everyone he is an omega. Still, he doesn't let that get to him. He shows that he is as capable as an Alpha. Still, when he goes into heat he does become so needy for you. He is already a loving partner but in heat, it is turned up to the max. He is covering you with lots of kisses and hugging you so that you will help him through his heat. He craves you so much and loves you so dearly.
Alex Garel:
Another beta! He's so soft with all those jumpers and cardigans he wears but my god he can turn up the intensity of it. I think he would date other beta's so he gets a mix of being a top and a bottom as he doesn't like to constantly stick to just one thing. His mood can change a lot and so does what he wants to do. But if he does end up with an alpha or omega partner he is also very loving to them.
#zemo headcanons#laszlo kreizler headcanons#andrea marowski headcanons#niki lauda headcanons#ernst schmidt headcanons#alex kerner headcanons#sebastian zollner headcanons#david kern headcanons#tony balerdi headcanons#alex garel headcanons#daniel bruhl#daniel brĆ¼hl
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Arkham Files: The Top
Hugo Strange: From the patient files of Dr. Hugo Strange, director of Arkham Asylum. Patient: Roscoe Dillon, also known as the Top. Patient suffers from Bipolar Disorder, type one, and is on the autism spectrum. Session One. Good day, Mr. Dillon.Ā
The Top: I am not autistic, Doctor Hugo Strange.
Hugo Strange: Mr. Dillon, the psychologist at Iron Heights has tested you for the condition multiple times, and the results are always consistent with your being on the autism spectrum. Whatās more, the psychological tests we gave to you upon your arrival to Arkham Asylum also suggest that you are, indeed, autistic.Ā
The Top: I do not care what that quack at Iron Heights says, Doctor Hugo Strange. I am not intellectually subnormal.Ā
Hugo Strange: Mr. Dillon, being on the autism spectrum has nothing to do with your level of intelligence. It simply means that you have difficulty in understanding social cues.Ā
The Top: In my experience, it is the world that has trouble understanding me, not the other way around. I do not understand why everyone believes that I am odd because I enjoy educating them about tops. Tops are fascinating; certainly much more so than sports or beer or whatever else it is that so-called ānormalā people enjoy.Ā
Hugo Strange: Tops?Ā
The Top: Yes, tops. You know, Doctor Hugo Strange, the basic principles involved in the spinning of a top are also those used in gyroscopes, guided missile systems, and the gyro stabilizers in ocean liners. Tops are amazing!Ā
Hugo Strange: Tops?Ā
The Top: Yes, Doctor Hugo Strange. Tops!Ā
Hugo Strange: Tops? As in, the childrenās toy?Ā
The Top: Is there something wrong with your hearing, Doctor Hugo Strange?Ā
Hugo Strange: Do you mean to tell me that, in calling yourself the Top, you are not making a claim as to your superiority, but rather making a reference to a toy?Ā
The Top: Actually, Doctor Hugo Strange, I am doing both. I am both a living top and at the top of my profession. My costume has stripes on it so that I may better emulate a top when I spin.Ā
Hugo Strange: Your costume is intended to make you look like a giant top?Ā
The Top: It is, Doctor Hugo Strange. Why?Ā
Hugo Strange: Well, that certainly explains its...unusual appearance.Ā
The Top: (Offended) My costume is no more unusual than that of the Trickster or the Mirror Master, Doctor Hugo Strange.Ā
Hugo Strange: I didnāt say that it was, Mr. Dillon.Ā
The Top: Good. (Pause) Now, Doctor Hugo Strange, would you care to explain why I was transported to an institution a thousand miles away from my base of operations upon my most recent arrest?Ā
Hugo Strange: I wish I knew myself, Mr. Dillon. The workings of the judicial system as it regards the costumed population never cease to bewilder me. However, I must say that I am glad to have you here, Mr. Dillon. You are clearly mentally ill, and Iron Heights clearly has made no progress in treating your condition.Ā
The Top: I am not mentally ill, Doctor Hugo Strange!Ā
Hugo Strange: Mr. Dillon, mental illness is not a sign of a moral or intellectual deficit. It simply means that your brain has become diseased, just as any other part of your body might.Ā
The Top: Nevertheless, I maintain that I am not mentally ill, Doctor Hugo Strange.Ā
Doctor Strange: According to your record, when you first became the Top, you threatened to blow up half the world with a, quote, āatomic grenadeāĀ if all the governments of the world did not acknowledge you as the ruler of the world within ten hours. You did this while under the belief that you would somehow be safe on the other side of the planet should the bomb go off. Mr. Dillon, can you spot the flaw in this plan? You are obviously an intelligent man.Ā
The Top: Of course I can, Doctor Hugo Strange. If half the planet was blown up, the entire planet would have been devastated. Even if I was on the other side of the planet from the epicenter of the explosion, I likely still would have been killed.
Hugo Strange: (Shocked) Wait...you actually built an atomic grenade with the power to blow up half the world?Ā
The Top: Of course. I am a genius, Doctor Hugo Strange.Ā
Hugo Strange: You built an atomic grenade that could spin around like a top and possessed the capacity to blow up half the world?Ā
The Top: You have a dreadful habit of repeating yourself, Doctor Hugo Strange. But yes, I did.Ā
Hugo Strange: Then all those other tops your record claims you invented actually worked as well? And you actually made a giant top-shaped satellite that you launched into orbit?Ā
The Top: I am supposed to have a mood disorder, not a psychotic disorder, Dr. Hugo Strange.Ā
Hugo Strange: Well, yes, but severe bouts of mania and depression are known to sometimes bring on psychotic symptoms. I had thought that your claims of having successfully invented such an improbable array of top-shaped weapons were the result of delusions brought on by one of your mood episodes.Ā
The Top: No. The quack at Iron Heights says that I was having a manic episode during my attempt to become ruler of the Earth, and that that is why I did not realize the flaws in my plan. They allege that I was having āmood-congruent delusions of grandeur and invulnerabilityā, but at no point did they accuse me of outright hallucinating. Surely that is in the report, Doctor Hugo Strange.Ā
Hugo Strange: (Annoyed, but not with the Top) While I do not fully agree with your assertions that the psychologist at Iron Heights is a quack, Mr. Dillon, I must admit that they are distinctly lacking in some key areas-such as specifying which of your behaviors and claims were the results of a mood episode and which were not. Knowing that you have had at least five manic episodes and at least three depressive episodes is worthwhile knowledge, but without adequate context, how do they expect me to know what behaviors are a sign that you are no longer in a healthy state of mind?Ā
The Top: Three depressive episodes, Doctor Hugo Strange? As far as I am aware, the quack has only had me hospitalized for depression twice.Ā
Hugo Strange: That is because the first listed depressive episode was an attempted suicide at the age of 17, which would have been before you ever went to prison.Ā
The Top: Oh. Yes, that did...that did happen, Doctor Hugo Strange. It was how I learned that taking a dozen different types of pills is not the most efficient way in which to kill oneself.Ā
Hugo Strange: (Alarmed, but making an effort to remain calm) You arenāt planning to make another attempt, are you? The Top: No, no. I have far too much to live for-and besides, my fianceĆ© would never forgive me if I killed myself, Doctor Hugo Strange.Ā
Hugo Strange: Your fianceƩ?
The Top: Yes. Her name is Lisa Snart, although you, Doctor Hugo Strange, are likely more familiar with her nom de guerre: the Golden Glider.Ā
Hugo Strange: So, another one of the Rogues?Ā
The Top: Yes. I met her while posing as an ice skating coach, and we have been deeply in love ever since, Doctor Hugo Strange.Ā
Hugo Strange: I see. How long have the two of you been romantically linked?Ā
The Top: About seven years now, Doctor Hugo Strange.Ā
Hugo Strange: In other words, the relationship began shortly after your second attempted suicide?Ā
The Top: I admit I was in a rather dark place at that point in my life, Doctor Hugo Strange. My beloved was responsible for helping to pull me out of it.Ā
Hugo Strange: (Concerned) And what would happen if she died, or broke off your relationship?Ā
The Top: That will not happen, Doctor Hugo Strange.Ā
Hugo Strange: But if it did?Ā
The Top: (Agitated) Iā¦ I donāt know. She...sheās the only person who ever really loved me, Doctor Hugo Strange. The only one.Ā
Hugo Strange: Iām concerned that you seem to be placing your mental stability and overall self-esteem so heavily on one relationship, Mr. Dillon. That cannot be healthy, for either one of you. (Pause) I know you donāt believe yourself to be mentally ill, but for Lisaās sake, if nothing else, I really do think that it is urgent that we continue these sessions.Ā
The Top: I would never do anything to hurt Lisa, Doctor Hugo Strange. Never!Ā
Hugo Strange: In an earlier manic episode, you threatened to blow up half the world. That would have included your beloved Lisa, would it not?Ā
The Top: I had not yet met Lisa when I came up with that scheme. If I had known her, I never would have endangered her in such a way, Doctor Hugo Strange.
Hugo Strange: Maybe so, but that incident serves to prove that your judgement is compromised when you are in the midst of a manic episode. While I believe that you would never intentionally hurt Lisa, should you have another manic episode, you might cause harm to her without realizing it.Ā
The Top: I...I suppose you may have a point, Doctor Hugo Strange. I will take your suggestion into consideration. I certainly do not wish to accidentally harm Lisa.Ā
Hugo Strange: Iām glad to hear that, Mr. Dillon. (Pause) You are a metahuman, correct?Ā
The Top: Do you think I am wearing this collar because it is fashionable, Doctor Hugo Strange?Ā
Hugo Strange: A metahuman power dampener. Well, I suppose that answers that question. What powers do you possess, Mr. Dillon?Ā
The Top: I have the ability to spin at superhuman speeds, I am telekinetic, and I have a limited degree of telepathy, Doctor Hugo Strange. I cannot read or outright control minds, but I can induce vertigo and push people into doing things that they otherwise might not be inclined to do.Ā
Hugo Strange: I see. So, Mr. Dillon, what prompted you to put on a costume, call yourself the Top, and use your intellect and your not inconsiderable array of powers to commit crimes?Ā
The Top: My father always told me that I needed to be a success; get on top of the world. I had to prove that I wasnāt the failure that everyone thought I was...and I did. No one laughs at Roscoe Dillon anymore, Doctor Hugo Strange.
Hugo Strange: Yes, yes...but why do it in a silly costume and with gimmicked tops?Ā
The Top: I thought we already went over this. Itās because I like tops. They are fascinating. (Pause) Do you want to hear about my collection, Doctor Hugo Strange? Thereās so much you could learn from it.Ā
Hugo Strange: Perhaps some other time, Mr. Dillon. (Pause) And the Flash had nothing to do with your decision to put on the costume?Ā
The Top: The Flash? You insult me, Doctor Hugo Strange. Why would I ever be inspired to do anything by someone like him?Ā
Hugo Strange: Isnāt he your enemy?Ā
The Top: Only because he constantly stands in the way of my achieving greatness. If he left me alone, I would not fight himā¦.but as it is, heās made things rather personal.Ā
Hugo Strange: So the reason you have continued to commit crimes is in order to get revenge on the Flash?Ā
The Top: Really, Doctor Hugo Strange, you must get your hearing problems checked out. I do not commit crimes to get revenge on the Flash. I commit crimes to make myself wealthy and to get revenge on the world. It rejected me; branded me as a freak. I simply rejected it in turn.Ā
Hugo Strange: And has your life of crime made you happy, Mr. Dillon?Ā
The Top: Not yet...but I am afraid, Doctor Hugo Strange, that it does not matter whether being a criminal makes me happy or not. Itās the only life that will ever accept someone like me. I learned that lesson long ago.Ā
Hugo Strange: I stand by my initial assessment of you, Mr. Dillon. You need help. I just hope you will permit me to provide it.Ā
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Welcome to the Nightmare Game II - CH43
**This is an edited machine translation. For more information, please [click here]**
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Chapter 43: Star Death Reality Show (XXVI)
Just like watching a poor lamb trapped in a hunter's snare, wailing would not arouse the compassion of a seasoned hunter. On the contrary, the hunter would only be excited about the delicious food dying.
Looking at Qi Leren who had been struck by lightning, Su He said faintly, "I know many ways to avoid contracts, but itās not easy to do. Most of the methods are one-off skills or items, or there is an extremely long cooldown time. Even if you don't have oneā¦ Itās best to be careful."
Qi Leren gawked at Su He, as if he had been drained of all his strength. He didn't say a word for a long time, and his lowered head did not show anger. Only his eyelashes were shaking, as if he was almost unable to bear such a failure, and he was crying.
This long silence was not ridiculous, but sad.
It was like watching a gambler at the end of his rope, piling up all the chips on the gambling table and then losing everything.
Everything that followed seemed to be a mechanical repetition. Qi Leren once again signed his name on the parchment with no facial expression, and the signed letters were distorted by his shaking. At the moment when he put down his pen, his spine seemed to be knocked out section by section, slumping on his chair and silently watching the sunrise.
A rising sun that would never rise.
"Can I leave now?" Qi Leren asked softly, looking deeply tired.
"Anytime, but I suggest you stay a little longer or even get some sleep. Anyway, I have adjusted the time flow rate in this area for you, so you wonāt be delayed too long." Su He, like a considerate friend who fully thought of him, gave him friendly advice.
But Qi Leren didn't want to stay any longer. He was willing to face the monster in the institute, and didn't want to face Su He. So he stood up, and the chair rudely dragged a harsh sound across the ground.
"I'm leaving," Qi Leren said stubbornly, his tone carrying the anger of being deceived.
"If you insist, go ahead." Su He wasnāt reluctant, anyway. His purpose had been achieved.
The Witch of Lust looked at Qi Leren curiously, because his attitude was disrespectful. As a native devil accustomed to the hierarchical atmosphere of the underworld, she didn't quite understand the relationships between human beings. Sometimes a worm could say "no" to an elephant, which was really interesting in her eyes.
To be fair, Su He was not a strict leader. If the object of comparison was the Devil of Power who had a strong desire to control, then he was an easygoing boss. If you wanted to compare him with the Devil of Slaughter, then he was a perfect bossāat least he wouldn't go crazy and dare to kill anyone, leaving him in his current state of lying half-dead under lava. The Devil of Fraud was quite tolerant of his subordinates, sometimes even almost deliberately indulgent towards them. He seldom pointed out your mistakes, but every time you made a mistake, he would remember it, but he would not show it. This attitude made people feel that he didn't care about them. This slightly malicious indulgence contributed to the weakness and self-deception in human nature, and he watched and waited with great interest until you finally crossed the boundaries he set for you...
Then you would find that you had lost everything. Even if you knelt at his feet and kissed the tips of his shoes and begged him to give you another chance, he wouldn't look at you again.
This extreme gentleness and extreme coldness combined to form a contradictory and complicated person. The witches favored him and feared him. Even the Witch of Lust, who was famous for her debauchery, was much more disciplined in front of him. At least when she appeared in front of Su He, she would pick clothes from her closet that didnāt show her off. When Su He told her to dress properly to entertain guests, she would always find a dress that wrapped her from head to foot. However, in order to express her dissatisfaction, she didn't mind expressing her protest in a small way by means of excessive obedience. Her boss didn't care about this level of protest.
He was really unpredictable sometimes.
She had thought that trying to deceive the Devil of Fraud would make people lose his favor and even irritate him, but Su He's reaction was just the opposite. It seemed that he had added ten points in his heart to this audacious human being.
The Witch of Lust yawned a little and watched the poor man hesitate by the chair. She looked at Su He's face and asked politely, "Shall I take you out, baby?"
"Thank you," Qi Leren, who was worried about how to leave, said quickly.
Su Heās left hand on the armrest of the chair supported his cheek. He asked without warning, "Who gave you the necklace around your neck?"
Qi Leren's cold sweat came back again. In these past few minutes in the field, he had experienced great ups and downs, and his nerves were over-stressed. He had become a frightened bird. He was just glad that he had successfully crossed the border, and he was ready to keep this state and leave quickly. Who knew that Su He would come out with something else?
Fortunately, Su He hadn't found it.
He hadn't found that when he signed his name for the first time, he hadn't used any skill cards at all.
No, he hadn't.
He had made a wonderful deductionāhe had successfully deceived Su He once, using an item of unknown origin as the laptop. So this time, under almost the same precondition, would Su He still fall for it? Would he believe that he had honestly signed the contract and was ready to fulfill it? He was not an obedient man in Su Heās eyes.
The best way to dispel Su He's doubts was to make him feel that he had seen through him, expose him personally, watch him suffer, despair, and collapse, and then watch him give in.
So he had had a bold plan, and he had decided to take a gamble. Then he had succeeded.
He was so ecstatic that he had to lower his head to hide his inner secret and fanatical joy and let that passion explode as fireworks in his heart.
However, he also had to consider that this decision would bring him great risks in the futureāwhen he was really raised to a half-field, how should he explain it to Su He?
This concern slightly diluted the excited mood, and even the last resort was shattered by Su Heās sudden question, which made Qi Leren tremble with fear.
"This aura... Itās the Prophetās?" Su He asked, raising his eyebrows.
Qi Leren did not say yes, nor did he say no. He asked, "Do you know the Prophet?"ćć
As if they could never talk well, Su He also threw out a rhetorical question: "Don't you think that the Village of Dawn is too similar to the Village of Dusk?"
Qi Leren was stupefied. So, it turned out that this field was not a "field that imitates the scenery of the Village of Dawn" as Su He had once said, but was the real Village of Dawn.
But if the Village of Dawn was a field, then the Village of Dusk...
Qi Leren suddenly understood. The Prophet who slept beneath the Courthouse and spent most of his time in the cold ice pool, it turned out that he had been silently supporting the Village of Dawn that sheltered mankind. As a player, he did not know how to escape the sanctions of time. He had even spent more than 20 years completing compulsory tasks, and had survived to this day.
"A naive idealist inherited Maria's will, created a box of time with the belief of protecting, and fixed the newly established refuge under dusk forever. His original force was 'time'. Originally, he was the one most likely to evade mission sanctions, if he had not lost to the box." Su He's expression was full of compassion and tenderness.
The Prophetās original force? Qi Leren seemed to understand. He knew that some of the higher demons had original forces, such as jealousy, lust, despair... They were getting stronger and stronger while approaching the original force. At the level of the three Devil Kings, they had almost merged with the original force.
But did the Prophet, a field-level human being, also have his own original force?
His force, was it time?
Qi Leren's heart was full of curiosity and doubt, but Su He had no intention to solve his doubts: "Go, don't challenge your limits with your life, youāll never know what kind of miracle you will create. Although 99.9% of people end up dead through this process, I sincerely hope that you are the exception, because I have some expectations for you.
"Qi Leren, today's adventure is only the first step. I am waiting for the day when you complete the transformation," Su He said.
The beautiful Village of Dawn began to become blurred, and even Su He's voice gradually drifted away, as if separated by a dream.
When Qi Leren came to his senses, he still stood in the corridor on the lowest level of the institute, and only a few seconds had passed.
It was the fourth day of the game... No, the zero hour had passed, and it was the fifth day. He didn't know if the armyās ship could arrive. He had reason to suspect that it wouldn't come too quickly. After all, the rescue was always late after all the problems were solved.
Su He said that he had released the octopus in the underground glacier, which was definitely more difficult than the ones he had encountered before. He needed to upgrade his equipment, such as finding a rocket launcher like what Mark had used against him.
This was in the instituteās armoury, but Qi Leren hadnāt taken it since he hadnāt expected to use it. He decided to double back and look for it. In addition, we should find a NPC that was still alive, and take them to the instrument that could detect whether they had become a host, and he hoped to meet Dr. Lu and Du Yue along the way...
Qi Leren returned to the stairs and began to go up. When he passed the power room, he went in again, restarted the power supply, and restored power to the whole underground research institute.
With the light, he was feeling much better. Qi Leren finally recovered from the frightening meeting just now, stopped thinking about Su He, and absorbed himself in preparing for the next challenge. According to game logic, there must be a restock of supplies before the war. Unfortunately, the copy world did not necessarily come according to game logic, so he had to rely on himself. He didn't want to rush unprepared into that horrible boss battle.
Suddenly there was a noise in the corner of the power distribution room. Qi Leren suddenly looked towards it and raised the gun in his hand, shouting, "Who?"
"...It's me." He Yi stood up. His condition looked worse than before. He was emaciated and almost withered. "Mark came in, I met him!"
Qi Leren was taken aback and realized that what he said was in reference to when Qi Leren had wanted to leave the institute through the laser corridor before, but He Yi, who had made an agreement with him to cut off the power supply, did not cut off the power in timeābecause at that time, Mark had moved the debris in Annie's basement and had entered the institute to attack He Yi.
"Iāve taken care of him, and Annie, Xue Jiahui, and Francis; all four of them were parasitized," Qi Leren said calmly.
He Yi looked at him in astonishment: "How did you do it?"
If it weren't for the enemy at present, Qi Leren would still use the rhetoric of "an apostle of God" to fool him. Unfortunately, now that his Prophet's Heart skill was cooling down, he didn't need to continue acting. He simply said: "It's a long story. Let's talk about it when we have time. Right now weāre in danger..."
"I know." He Yi leaned wearily against the wall and smiled bitterly. "Itās come out."
"What?" Qi Leren became nervous.
"That monster..." He Yi looked desperately at the ceiling above his head, as if he were an outlaw being chased by troops behind the cliff ahead, and murmured in a low voice, "We can't escape."
"Do you... Do you know something?" Qi Leren finally asked the question that lingered in his mind.
For a long time, He Yi's attitude had been a bit strange. Qi Leren hadn't thought much at first, but with the discovery of the plot, he had to face up to this problemāHe Yi, he was an insider.
"Why is there an amphioctopus here? Why did I happen to find a basement when I was kidnapped by Mark? Why am I able to blow up the access to the research institute accurately but I am safe and sound? Why can this instituteās power supply, which has been off for many years, still be used? Why do I know where there are weapons and how to use the equipment? Have you thought about these questions?" He Yi asked, one question after another.
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Editorās Notes:Ā To clarify, theĀ āforcesā mentioned in this chapter are along the line of forces of nature but on a more human scale, ie. theĀ āforcesā the witches and demons have as their titles. A closer translation would have been to useĀ āpowerā, but I wanted to make sure it was distinct sinceĀ āpowerā is already used in several other contexts in this novel.
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A surprise baby - part 2
After spending the night with Augustus Pounceby and being humiliated when he proposes to someone else, Eugenia Lightwood finds herself pregnant outside of wedlock. She doesnāt want to lose her child, but doesnāt know how to keep her situation hidden anymore, nor does she have any intention of marrying Augustus, or any man at that. Instead, sheās fallen in love with Kamala Joshi.
CW: Pregnancy
AO3
Part 1
Taglist: @foxglove-airmid @justanormaldemon @styxdrawings @ipromiseiwillwrite @alastair-esfandiyar-carstairs1
āI hope you donāt like Charles too much,ā Kamala said. āAs Alastair and I are having our weekly Charles Fairchild is an ass meeting and youāve been invited to join.ā
Eugenia would have considered Charles a friend once, but that was a long time ago. Sheād thought once, that he was a more mature and sensible than his younger brother and had hoped he could talk some sense into the Merry Thieves. They certainly didnāt listen to her, and were the most reckless fools sheād ever encountered in her life.
But that was before Charles had abandoned Kamala in such a terrible way though. Who left their fiancƩe when they were sick? Kamala, it turned out, was glad to have dodged that bullet in the end. Eugenia guessed she felt the same way about Augustus now. She knew Kamala preferred women, and Eugenia began to suspect that she might not have a preference at all, and was in love with Kamala now.
It had been a few weeks since telling her parents and Thomas about her pregnancy. It had been decided Eugenia would have to travel for some time, but she wasnāt yet sure where and with who. With everything going on, Thomas preferred to stay in London with his friends.
āWould it be possible to add Augustus Pounceby?ā Eugenia asked. āI mean, make it a weekly Charles Fairchild and Augustus Pounceby are both an ass meeting.ā
āAugustus Pounceby Ćs an ass,ā Alastair agreed. āHe and I went to school together. He was the worst.ā
Eugenia knew that at some point during his school years, Alastair had been awful as well. But since befriending him recently, heād explained some of it and Eugenia could sympathize. The image of schoolboy Thomas trailing behind him was hilarious, especially now that she knew Thomas was deeply in love with Alastair. But it was also because Thomas had always noticed something was not right with Alastair, that he was hurting. Her little brother had always been awfully sensitive to other peopleās moods, Eugenia couldnāt keep a thing from him. From Thomasā stories, Alastair had grown and changed a lot since their school days, and Eugenia was glad for it because now she had two amazing friends she could hate on Augustus with.
She didnāt think anyone had ever treated Augustus badly, he simply believed he was better than everyone else and therefore deserved more. Even when Eugenia had been close to him, heād always acted very entitled.
āHe is awful,ā Kamala agreed. āAnd racist. I agree we can hate on Augustus as well as Charles here. Who wants to share their feelings first?ā
The afternoon was fun, and Eugenia felt welcomed into the group. Alastair and Kamala had been friends for a little longer, although that had taken a lot of effort on Kamalaās part. The problem was, a man and a woman spending time together was suspicious, and therefore there always had to be a third party present. At first that had been Grace, but she mostly seemed bored, and now her engagement with Charles was broken and Grace was goneā¦ somewhere. Kamala was still looking into the whole thing as she had not given up on Grace, but Eugenia had no clue what had happened. Kamala and Alastair were glad to have Eugeniaās company, because even if the Bridgestocks did not approve of Alastair, at least they could be sure no one was ruining their daughter.
Alastair at some point decided to make fun of Charlesā posh accent, and Eugenia had to admit his imitation was on point.
āI am thinking of traveling to India,ā Kamala said. āMy parentsā¦ I know they love me, but they took me away from everything I know and pretend I was born here. I remember so little from India, I barely speak the language anymore. But I had a past there. And Iāve been trying to replicate the food my mom used to cook for me, but I never quite got it right.ā
Eugenia had no idea what it was like, to be so disconnected from her culture and her homeland. Alastair knew a bit better. He still had his mother, but he hadnāt been in Persia for a long time and was estranged from his family. Eugenia suspected it was part of why Kamala and Alastair were so taken with each other, they both knew what it was like to live in England as someone who wasnāt white and who was disconnected from their homeland.
āIāll help you if you want to make another attempt at replicating your motherās cooking,ā Alastair offered.
In the end when it was nearing dinner time, the three of them did go into the kitchen. Alastair apparently had learnt how to cook from their cook, Risa and mostly knew how to cook Persian food. Kamala knew a little about cooking, but mostly tried to go by smells she remembered from her childhood and vegetables she remembered had been in there.
Eugenia decided it was best for everyone involved if she sat back and watched. Tommy was the cook in the family. And her mother, of course, who had been a servant once. Eugenia, on the other hand, had been forbidden from entering the kitchen at home, and only helped with cutting up the vegetables here and there. Even she couldnāt mess that up, and if she ended up cutting herself, healing runes could be applied.
Bridget, the instituteās cook, was not too happy about them using the kitchen as a pastime, and released some very unsavory Irish curse words about the mess they were sure to make. Eugenia recognized the words, her mother was Irish too and sheād learnt the language, even if she had always struggled with learning languages. She responded in Irish, explaining what they were doing here as best as she could. For good measure she promised she would clean up.
āI didnāt realize you spoke Irish,ā Kamala said.
āIām not great at languages, but I learnt Irish and Spanish from a young age,ā Eugenia said. āMy mother is Irish and my father loves speaking Spanish at home. Tommy is better at languages though, he also speaks Welsh and Persian.ā
Alastair stared at her, his eyes wide. āThomas speaks Persian?ā
āHeās been studying Persian with Lucie,ā Eugenia said. āLucie wanted to learn because she thought she should be able to speak her parabataiās mother tongue. Thomas helped her because heās so good with languages.ā
Eugenia suspected his feelings for Alastair also played a role in his determination to learn the language. It was sweet, to learn someoneās language for them.
āCharles never cared much about my language,ā Alastair said. āNor what I said when I spoke it. I understand not everyone could learn, itās not easy for an English speaker. But Thomas, he really speaks it?ā
Eugenia imagined that had to be hurtful. She would love to learn Kamalaās language for her, even if she would never get any good at it. Still, it was the effort that counted, right? At least she hoped so.
āHe does read Persian poetry, so I imagine he grasps it. Donāt pin me down on it though, I donāt know how good he is. But he excels at languages and has been studying for several years now. He also helped James with learning for Cordelia. I was under the impression he speaks it quite well, doesnāt he?ā
Alastair snorted. āI think he understand enough, but honestly his accent is embarrassing.ā
Soon enough, the kitchen began to smell delicious. Kamala admitted what sheād made wasnāt quite what she remembered from home, but it was a better attempt than the last. Eugenia had had all sorts of cravings lately, not to mention a sensitivity to smells. She could barely stomach meat anymore, but she craved sweets at the most opportune moments.
Kamala and Alastair had made a vegetable dish with some rice and lots of spices, and the smell had to be the most amazing thing sheād smelt in a while. English food tended to be rather bland, favoring the flavor of meat and gravy which Eugenia currently couldnāt stomach. This was much better, and once they could eat, she made sure everything was finished even if Kamala and Alastair had cooked way too much for three.
āDo they not feed you at home?ā Alastair asked when she finished her third plate. āIs it because Thomas eats everything? He must have gotten so ridiculously tall somehow.ā
Eugenia snorted. Thomas was like a bottomless pit when it came to food, she suspected he was always hungry.
āThis is very good food,ā Eugenia said. āAnd I was very hungry.ā She contemplated what to say next for moment. Telling people about a pregnancy was a huge risk, but Alastair and Kamala were her friends. Apart from her parents and Thomas, they were the people she trusted more than anything. āIām also eating for two people.ā
Alright, at the moment she was eating for three people, but she blamed that on pregnancy cravings.
Alastair stared at her in confusion, Kamala in shock, her hand over her mouth.
āYouāre having a baby?ā Kamala whispered.
āYou canāt tell anyone,ā Eugenia said. āMy parents and Tommy know, and now you, but beyond that no one can know. Weāre still figuring out what to do. But as my closest friends, I thought you should know too. I donāt think Iād be able to hide it for much longer anyway.ā
āYou could come to India with me,ā Kamala said. āI can hardly travel as a woman alone, and Alastair cannot leave his mother while she is about to give birth. We could return when you are about to give birth, make sure no one sees you until the baby is born, and the pretend we found the baby and donāt know whose it is except that theyāre shadowhunters.ā
Eugenia had to admit that plan was sound. She didnāt know anyone in India, no one who could spread the word sheād gotten pregnant out of wedlock. She could pretend she had a husband somewhere, but was traveling with her dear friend Kamala who wanted to reconnect with her home country.
āWill your parents approve?ā Eugenia asked.
Kamala waved with her hand. āOh, probably not. They do not approve of people calling me Kamala rather than Ariadne, or me spending time with Alastair, who they think is very improper company.ā
Alastair shrugged. āThey arenāt wrong.ā
āBut Iām done seeking their approval,ā Kamala added. āIām thinking of moving out. When I agreed to marry Charles, I had no one to fall back on, no support, only the very conditional love of my parents. But now thatās changed. Living as a woman alone would be unproper. But if you were to join me, dear Eugeniaā¦. No one would question a thing.ā
Would Kamala feel for her, as Eugenia did for her? She knew Kamala had recently broken things off with Anna, perhaps it was too soon. Eugenia loved her cousin, of course, but found it hard to accept that she treated her lovers as Augustus had treated Eugenia.
āWould you help me care for the baby?ā Eugenia asked.
She knew reputation wise it was probably best to let someone adopt her child, but she didnāt want to. Eugenia did want to be a mother, and she didnāt want to wait around for another man who was only going to treat her badly.
āOf course!ā Kamala exclaimed. āIāve always wanted to be a mother, but after Charles I thought it wouldnāt happen. And Iāve had plenty of practice with little Alexander, I know how to take care of a child. And of course, Alastair will have plenty of experience soon enough.ā
āIāll help you wherever I can,ā Alastair said. āAnd after several months of shopping for baby things with Cordelia, I know the best stores. Do you have any ideas for baby names?ā
Eugenia had to admit she hadnāt thought about that yet. āIf itās a girl, her middle name will be Barbara,ā she said. āBeyond that, I have no clue. But we have at least four more months to figure it out.ā
Alastair looked amused. āThat is sweet. I am sorry about your sister.ā
āShe would have loved the baby, Iām sure of it,ā Eugenia said.
āCordelia and I have been arguing about baby names ever since she found out mĆ¢mĆ¢n was expecting.ā
āWhat did you come up with?ā Eugenia asked.
āRostam if itās a boy. Shadi if itās a girl. We both agreed the baby should have a Persian name, and with Father gone he wonāt be able to object.ā
āThose are both lovely names,ā Kamala said.
āIām sorry about your father,ā Eugenia added. She didnāt think sheād offered him condolences yet. The funeral was days away now.
āDonāt be,ā Alastair said. āHe wasā¦ not a good father.ā
She remembered Eliasā outburst at Cordeliaās wedding, how Alastair and James had dragged him off. Uncle Will and uncle Gabriel had attempted to distract people, but how much did that do, when everyone still left Sona and Alastair with him? She regretted not befriending Alastair sooner. She hadnāt known him all that well, honestly, not until heād come to the sanctuary that day when Thomas had been arrested and she found out heād been keeping her brother safe in secret.
āWould you like to come take tea with me this week?ā Eugenia asked. āBoth of you.ā
Alastair hesitated. āWith your parents? And your brother?ā
Eugenia waved her hand impatiently. āOh theyāll adore you. And they already know about those rumors, theyāre not upset about stupid things you did when you were fifteen.ā
Alastair didnāt say anything, and Eugenia wondered if he believed her. āIām serious. My parents are very kind and forgiving. And theyāre grateful you kept Tommy safe.ā
āIām not sure it would be good for me to be around Thomas,ā Alastair said.
āBecause you still have feelings for him?ā Kamala asked.
āUnfortunately, yes,ā Alastair said. āIt is my curse, apparently, to always want what I canāt have.ā
Eugenia rolled her eyes. āAlways so dramatic, Alastair. Just ask my brother to go out for dinner with you. Tommy is old enough to choose for himself what he wants.ā
#Eugenia Lightwood#Kamala Joshi#Ariadne Bridgestock#Alastair Carstairs#Joshwood#fanfiction#the last hours#tlh
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The new Shadowhunter Academy (Fan Fic) - Chapter 1
In the mood for a bit of Shadowhunter Academy drama so there goes chap 1 of my new fic (it's part of my "To never being parted series" though it can be read as a standalone story).
Ao3 link here.
*****
This is how I die, Ash thought. He was surprised by how indifferent he was to the news. He had always imagined he would have more fighting in him.
If he were honest, it was not such a bad place to die. Green grass had started to grow again in the lands of Faerie, where there had only been wasteland and death before. Maybe it was for the best. Maybe Ash was exactly what he had been named after. Ash, the symbol of rebirth, his blood fertilizing the land and giving way to lush vegetation and the chirping of birds. Through his blurred vision, he could see Jace lying a few feet away, unconscious. He held on to the steady rise of his chest that told him he was still alive. But barely.
Ash coughed up blood in the already drenched soil. He tried to lift himself up, but the muscles in his arms were failing him and the slightest move equalled to excruciating pain. He felt as if all the bones in his body had been crushed into small pieces that were piercing through his organs.
He thought about the girl he had met in the weapons room, the girl in the drawing. Drusilla Blackthorn. There had been loneliness in her blue-green eyes, yet there had also been a fierce will to live despite everything. A hope beyond despair. You and I are the same, he told her in his mind. We witness the worst horrors, suffer the most intense grief, but keep our chins up and stand ready to fight to live another day. We do not give up.
Ash craned his neck sluggishly to get a better look at his opponent.
The new King of both Seelie and Unseelie Courts, a Herondale no less, who looked more like a Californian surfer boy with his tousled blond hair and unforgiving bright blue eyes, was standing before him, hands curled into fists against his hips, his white wings tipped with gold rustling behind him. He was glorious, an angel of death, and Ash idly wondered how someone so beautiful could be so cruel.
āStand. Now. There is no fun in striking someone lying on the ground,ā the King said, his blue eyes rolling in a very unkingly manner. Even his voice was not that of a monster. It was a nice, clear voice, that sounded like it belonged to a sweet boy. Ash knew, though, that he was anything but. He needed to distract him, to play for time.
āAll these faeries that you have massacred,ā Ash managed to utter through the blood in his throat. He flinched at the pain that the mere act of talking caused him. āAnd you call yourself their rulerā¦ I donāt understand. Why thisā¦ bloodbath? What did they do to you?ā
āWhat did they do to me? What did they do to me?ā If the Kingās face bore any expression at all, it would be pure hatred and contempt. āHow about what did they do to my mother? And her parents, and their parents before that? Did they really think I would never find out, stay in the dark forever? Remain a blind and helpless mundane my whole life? I see them every single night in my dreams, you knowā¦ I am haunted by the cries and howls of my ancestors. Always running, always hiding, never allowed to rest, never allowed to live. No more. I crushed the faeries who stood in my way as if they were cockroaches under my shoe. If there was still such a thing as Shadowhunters, I would have them suffer the same fate, if not worse, for they have betrayed my bloodline just as much.ā
As the Herondale King talked, Ash slowly moved his hand to clutch the folded paper inside the left pocket of his jacket. The psychopathic witch that had grown so fond of him ā Annabel, the mere thought of her still sent shivers down his spine ā had at least taught him one useful thing. How to get out of this hell hole.
He held on tight to the drawing in his bloody fingers. If he focused enough on creating an interdimensional Portal to herā¦ Surely, he would go back to where he came from himself. The drawing had probably been made with material found in Thule, but the artistā¦ the artist was from the other world. Maybe it could work. It was a long shot, but it was the only chance he and Jace had.
My blood, willingly given. He had lost enough blood as it was, but it had certainly not been willingly given. Trying to grab his sword, which was lying a few feet away, would draw too much attention. A deep paper cut could work. Thatās how potent his blood was. He brought the paper to the palm of his hand and sliced through the skin, murmuring the incantation.
As the Portal started shimmering before him, Ash heaved a sigh of relief, causing a sting in his lungs. That was the first step. Now, how the hell would he find the strength to haul himself and Jace through it, without being stopped by the Faerie King?
āWow, you will have to teach me how to do that,ā the Herondale King said, showing for the first time a flicker of emotion. āI mean, I probably have enough power for that ā Arenāt you like a cheap knockoff of me?ā
Ash was spared to give an answer as the King whipped around at the sound of swords being drawn out behind him. The Riders of Mannan. There were only five of them left.
āYou again?ā The King rolled his eyes. āEver thought of a retirement plan? Arenāt you like, thousands of years old?ā
One of the Riders shrieked. āYou killed two of our brothers. It has become personal. We will never acknowledge you as our new King. So that leaves us with only one option.ā
āYep, got it. You pick option B. Getting your decrepit asses kicked by me, myself and I.ā
The Faerie King advanced with a casual stride on the five Riders, drawing two longswords that he immediately started twirling as if they were cheerleadersā batons.
This was Ashās chance.
He crawled to Jace, grabbing their two swords - Heosphorus and Phaesphorus - on his way. Pulling on a strength he didnāt know he still had, he finally managed to stand, ignoring the ache in his limbs ā he had known torture and pain had become a familiar companion ā and hauled Jaceās body up and they both stepped through the Portal, with only two swords and a folded bloodstained paper as their interdimensional tripās luggage. He let himself be transported in between worlds, drained and already fainting from the strained effort.
When he came to, he was lying on a sand beach, the sun barely peeking out from the horizon, casting a reddish glow on the sea. He inhaled deeply the clean and salty air, like a treat to his lungs, so pure compared to the one in Thule. He turned his head to find Jaceās limp body a few feet away. If only he had been taught how to draw the Angelās Runes his uncle had told him about. The ones that could heal the wounds and ease the pain.
He heard voices and started to drag Jaceās battered body behind a nearby rock, breathing heavily as he did. The fresh air and the sound of the soft push-pull of the ocean made him feel better already.
He peered around to see three figures approaching.
He instantly recognized the girl. Drusilla. She looked a little bit older than he remembered but she had the same thick and luscious dark brown hair and freckled milky skin. She was wearing her pyjamas, black fabric with a pattern of white skulls. She was laughing carelessly, throwing her head back, and it made Ash smile, his zygomatic muscles almost aching as they awakened from their deep slumber. They hadnāt been put to such use in a while. She was holding the hand of a younger boy with rumpled hair of the exact same colour. Their eyes shared the same singular summer-blue shade. Probably her little brother. He seemed to be around ten years old, but Ash wasnāt very good at guessing age.
The third person was a very tall boy, with hair as black as a crowās feathers, walking along the waterās edge. Ash couldnāt see his face because he was looking away, toward the sea. There was something fragile, almost poetic, in the graceful curve of his neck and the delicate line of his jaw. Something hypnotising about the careful yet purposeful way he moved his long limbs. Ash almost felt disappointed he could not see the face of the person they belonged to.
āTavvy!ā Drusilla cried out as the younger boy released her hand to run to the edge of a tide pool.
He picked something in the water and held it up in triumph.
āStarfish,ā he yelled, hopping up and down excitedly. āI have found a starfish!ā
Tavvy ran, though not in the direction of his sister, but of the older dark-haired boy.
The tall boy held out his hand and the younger one put the starfish gingerly into the otherās palm.
āPisaster ochraceus, also known as the purple or ochre sea star,ā the mysterious boy said, after a single, swift glance at the starfish. He had a deep, raspy voice.
āItās beautiful! Please! Please! Can I dry it and keep it in my bedroom at the Institute? I could have it framed, and maybe even painted by Jules!ā
āItās a keystone species that controls mussel populations. It was nearly wiped out by the sea star wasting syndrome. In other wordsā¦ Waste of a perfectly good starfish,ā the voice of the graceful boy caught at his last words and he trailed off, his head still turned toward the sea, almost as if he was no longer talking to Tavvy. He lifted his free hand absently to grasp a shiny object - a silver pendant? - resting on his chest.
The three Shadowhunters snapped their heads in the opposite direction from where Ash was hiding, when a fourth person called. A blond-haired girl ā probably a Shadowhunter as well, though she had pointy ears - was coming down the beach wearing slippers, an apron tied around her slender body.
āBreakfast is ready! I have managed not to burn the whole stack of pancakes this time.ā
Ash heard his stomach growl. How long had it been since he had last eaten? Probably days. But much sharper than the pain caused by hunger or even by the battle wounds, he felt longingā¦ Longing for a normal life, in a normal happy family. What would he not give for carefree strolls on the beach in the dawn, surrounded by loved ones, followed by something as simple as a breakfast of ā even burnt he didnāt mind ā pancakes?
The landscape swirled and changed into the dark, dirty and moisty walls of a cell. He was so thirsty, so hungry, and so cold. Two Unseelie guards were staring at him through the bars, with a smirk on their narrow faces.
āWe are here to bring you to your bedroom. Yes, you will get a bedroom. How fancy is that? The King just wanted to make sure you knew it was in your best interest to fully cooperate. From now on, and for as long as you behave, you will benefit from the most luxurious accommodation befitting to your royal lineage.ā Ash ā the younger, clueless version of him ā found he did not care for a fancy room. He had known the most decadent living conditions and the worst. Knowing the full spectrum, he had realized nothing really mattered but a place to call home. Mom, where are you when I need you the most?
The door rattled and one of the guards came in.
āYou have a pretty face, skinny boy,ā he said, as he opened Ashās bloody shackles. āWhen we will have cleaned you up, maybe you and I could have a little fun.ā
Ash spat on the rude intruder.
The faerie was about to slap him when the other guard grabbed his wrist.
āCarefulā¦ He is the Seelie Queenās son. You canāt take liberties with him as you can with other regular prisoners.ā
āHe may be of royal blood, but his father Sebastian Morgenstern died leaving us alone to bear the consequences of his mad plans, to suffer the Cold Peace. The traitor is the reason why the Fair Folk are treated as if they are less than nothing.ā
A wave of pure hatred ā that he had not felt at the time, having never met his father ā woke Ash up from his dreams, his whole body drenched in sweat. He almost sighed in relief as he realized he was in his wide bedroom, in the house in the hollow hill.
There was a pain in his stomach, different from the one caused by hunger. He immediately ran to his bathroom and retched above the sink. There had been no time to run to the toilet. He opened the tap and splashed water over his face. As he stared at himself in the mirror, he noticed there were dark circles under his eyes and that his features, although smooth and ageless as all faeriesā were, bore the permanent mark of having seen too much horror, suffered too much pain, loneliness, and sorrow before he had even reached adulthood. He swiftly schooled them into the mask he wore in public. He had become good at that.
****
āRiders of Mannan, tremble!ā Mina cried out as she burst into the kitchen and started running around the table on her little legs, brandishing her Cortana baby-sized wooden replica. Her dark hair was now long enough that she could wear them in two tiny braids. It was Kitās job, and Mina loved to barge into his room at ungodly hours with a hairbrush to jump up and down on his bed until he had performed his daily task. So much for privacy.
āOh no, here comes Emma Carstairs!ā Kit raised an empty pan from the stove to use it as a shield. āQuick, run! Or she will end us all!ā
āNooooo, Kit-Katā Mina paused to strike a dramatic pose and rolled her eyes. āYou are not a Rider.ā
āNo? What am I today?ā He asked, putting down the pan.
āMy fiancĆ©Ć©Ć©Ć©!ā
āOoooh.ā Kit drew himself to his full height, putting on a very serious donāt-mess-with-mine-and-I-wonāt-mess-with-you face and brushed his hand through his hair in a mock nervous gesture. āBeware Riders, I will strike you with my wits, if not my crossbow.ā
āNo. Not Julian. I have changed my mind. I want to marry Tiberius Blackthorn!ā She said and shook both her hands in front of her the way she always did when she was very excited about something.
āOh. Oh. Well donāt tell Julian that, I am not sure he will appreciate the swap.ā
āDo Tiberius! Do Tiberius!ā Mina exclaimed, hopping up and down. Kit knelt in front of her and rested his hands on her shoulders to calm her down. āDo him, please!ā Mina whined.
āSure, Min. I will imitate Tiberius but please stop shouting that,ā Kit said, feeling heat rush up his entire face.
āYeaaay! Do him!ā
āSHHHHhhh,ā Kit said, putting a finger on her pouty lips. āUnderstood, Min-Min. I will play Tyās part.ā
Their parents were in the room next door and though both knew that he and Ty were a thing now, Kit had obviously not gone into detail as to the physical part of their relationship. He expected that they would simply guess and leave it at that.
He had a vivid memory of the time he had been cornered to sit through the āsex talk.ā Tessa and Jem had made some Earl Grey tea and scones for the occasion and had taken the opportunity during one of Minaās naps, to go through the whole process of explaining to Kit that it was the most natural thing in the world and that he shouldnāt feel uncomfortable raising any questions he had on the subject. Kit had dutifully listened, his head bent and his ears red, slouched in the middle of the couch, fingers knotting and unknotting where they rested on his lap. As the awkward conversation had gone on and on, he had disappeared little by little into the plump cushions, wishing he could vanish entirely inside the furniture.
Jem had been the old-fashioned gentleman, talking about āmutual respectā and āthe shared responsibility of contraception and adequate protectionā, but had been clearly as red faced as Kit, while Tessa had been the modern mom, freely and animatedly speaking about āexploring oneās sexualityā and āignoring peer pressure and imaginary standardsā.
When Jem had started listing all the STDs he had encountered in his life as a Silent Brother, Kit had secretly hoped there was poison in the tea. Dropping dead in the middle of the living room would have made for an adequate diversion. Fortunately, Tessa had silenced Jem with a glare.
In the back of his mind, Kit had wondered if Ty had gone through the same ordeal. He had imagined scary-overprotective Julian discussing sexual intercourse and condoms and had suddenly been profoundly relieved that ā where Kit was concerned ā the task had befallen to Tessa and Jem.
Kit had to admit, they employed the same thoroughness and dedication in everything they taught him. With Jem, Kit had learnt how to fight, how to heal wounds, how to waltz and ā though that part still required a lot of training to get over his bad habits ā how to behave like a gentleman. Tessa had taught Kit how to drive, how to cook and how to uncover and harness his First Heir powers. Both his parents had given him history lessons and they were the reason why he now knew how to speak five languages. He had read more books since he had joined their home than throughout the rest of his previous life. While Johnny Rook had taught Kit how to pick locks and steal pockets, Tessa and Jem had taught him trust and boundless generosity.
Truth be told, they were the best parents he could ever have dreamt of. He had the best family he could ever dream of, he thought, watching Minaās big dark eyes widening as her gaze caught the plate of homemade chocolate cookies.
āOooh you baked cookies! Can I have one Kit-Kat? Pleeeeeease?ā Thank God for her short attention span.
āYou already had a croissant this morning, Mina. You can have a cookie tomorrow. Remember, us Shadowhunters must eat healthily.ā
Mina raised her eyebrow at him, in a way that reminded him of his boyfriend. Kit slipped a cookie in her tiny fingers.
āOne. And remember how generous I was when I am sent away to sugar-addicts rehab and I beg you for one last shot of candy for the road.ā
Mina nodded. He loved the way she always acted as if she understood his ramblings.
āKit?ā Tessa called as she entered the kitchen, waving her phone. āItās Jace. He tells me youāve been dodging his calls.ā
āI am not here,ā Kit mouthed.
āHe told me you would say that. So, he wants you to know he still has this picture of you from last Christmas and he will not hesitate to send it to a certain dark-haired Centurion if you donāt take the call.ā
Kit shot out his hand, palm up, and Tessa handed over her phone.
āThis is blackmail.ā Kit tucked the phone between his ear and shoulder as he swept the plate of cookies away from sight.
āNever said I was above blackmail. Just make sure itāll work if you are ever to use it.ā
āIs it another one of your cardinal rules and guidelines to being a proper Herondale? I am pretty sure half of them are made up.ā
āTheyāre not.ā
āThey are,ā Tessa mouthed, grimacing, as she whisked Mina away from the kitchen.
āSo, hereās the thing. I usually act as a guest lecturer at the Academy, you know, for basic stuff. Learning how to jump and fall properly, balance in swordfight, choice of weaponā¦ I was scheduled for next week, but Clary decided to plan her art gallery opening at the same time. So, I was looking for the best person to fill my shoes and of course immediately thoughtā¦ who else than Kit?ā
āLiar. I know you asked Emma first. Whatās her excuse?ā
āShe sprained her ankle during training two days ago.ā
āShe posted a video of herself dancing in a nightclub with Cristina and Mark. That was yesterday.ā
āThis girl sure knows how to put on a brave face.ā
āShe was doing backflips in front of a cheering crowd.ā
āLike I said, brave face. So, youāre in?ā
āDo I really have a choice?ā
āNot really, but I thought it would be nicer if I asked.ā
āWhatever.ā Kit grumbled.
āGreat. You wonāt regret it. I will even buy you dinner in Manhattan while youāre in New York. Fancy restaurant with amazing desserts.ā
āAre you trying to seduce me, Jace Herondale?ā
āJust lie down and let me do the rest.ā
āWHAT?ā
āSorry, not talking to you. Iām in the middle of a training session. Weāre stretching. Have you trained this morning?ā
āItās 2 PM here, Jace. Iām on my break. I already trained for six hours, starting at the crack of dawn.ā
āYou put us all to shame.ā
āSo, I guess Iāll leave you to it.ā
āI was not finished.ā
āRaziel, what else is there?ā
āThe Scholomance is sending a Centurion to represent them and provide a two-days training course for the Academyās senior students who wish to apply to join them after they graduate.ā
āOh,ā Kit said, with a familiar flutter around his stomach. āDo youā¦ā He swallowed. āDo they already know who they will send?ā
āProbably that Joshi guy. But itās not set in stone. Jia Penhallow told me they have been trying to convince their best Centurion to go for months now, but he keeps saying no.ā
āOh, so he gets to say no.ā
āI told her Herondales canāt resist a challenge...ā
āYou didnāt.ā
āā¦ and that I had a secret weapon to convince him to go this time.ā
āYou mean me.ā
āUse your body!ā
āWHAT?ā
āNot talking to you, sorry. Beatriz, use your whole bodyās strength, not just the muscles in your arms!ā
āThank the Angel.ā
āWhat was I saying?ā
āYou were using me to try to convince Tiberius Blackthorn ā who absolutely loathes talking in public, by the way ā to give a two-days training course at the Academy for Scholomance applicants. Jace, I donāt know how I feel about this. I donāt want him to feel obligated in any way, just becauseā¦ā
āā¦ just because you let him play with your sword?ā Jace offered.
āGod, Jace. I am going to pretend you never said that.ā
āMake us proud.ā
āI hate you.ā
āLove you, too. Gotta go. Catch up later.ā
āJace,ā Kit groaned in frustration, but Jace had already hung up.
Tagging @gabtapia <3
#the dark artifices#the wicked powers#kit and ty#kit herondale x ty blackthorn#kit herongraystairs#kit herondale#ty blackthorn#tiberius blackthorn#jace herondale#jem carstairs#tessa gray#mina carstairs#tsc fan fiction#cassandraclare#the shadowhunters chronicles icons#the shadowhunter chronicles
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**grammatical errors ahead, sorry guys**
plot: you and Kuroo are married, but your husband turns cold over you, because of an incident a year ago. Will he once again love you back???
Contā¦
Part 14
*Hinaās POV*
Weeks have been pretty tiring but I felt whole.
Tetsu and I are back to what we used to. Kenma also commented that we are like a newlywed and I couldn't even agree more.
My husband has been in his best mood as ever. Heās the sweetest. He always made sure that Iām okay and happy.
On the other hand, I know he still blames himself that our marriage almost fell apart. I always convinced him that we are finally together and itās all because of him.
Heās like a baby when his mood starts to dwell with the past, and I didnāt stop telling him that itās all fine now. Tetsu sometimes cries a little, and hugs me tight every night.
As for Mayuri, Iām so shocked learning the truth about her. Sheās a stalker who keeps on following Kuroo way back in college, she changed a lot and even her name and itās too late for Tetsu to discover that. Good thing Kenma helps us about Mayuri and sheās now under observation of a mental institute.
āYou know, if you only tell us about what is happening, we could have helped you. I didnāt know you'd cry like a baby, Kuroo.ā Yaku said, as we all are having a little chit chat together with some Nekoma team members at our living room.
āThatās really my mistake, I shouldnāt really hide it.ā Tetsu said as he put his hand on my shoulder and I felt him bringing close to him.Ā
āWell good thing is, you two are finally together, thatās good.ā Kai pointed out the important details.
āAnd I will never ever let that happen. I will never hurt my wife from now on.ā My husband said.
āI remember how you talked and flirted with Alisa at the party way back, I really wanted to punch you, you know that?ā Yaku is a little bit pissed at Kuroo now.
Ā āHey, Iām not flirting with Alisa. Sheās asking me about some stuff regarding Levās. But i canāt help her so end of discussion.ā
āHey, what is that, Kuroo-san?ā Lev peak on the side door while eating.
āJust asked your sister, Lev,ā Kuroo said, exasperated.
āBut do you really mean to say that Hinaās cooking is really bad? You praised Alisaās dish, remember?ā Kenma suddenly says as he keep on playing on his phone.
āOHHH! Right! Kuroo did that!!!ā Yaku is so happy knowing he can roast Tetsu more.
I felt Tetsu stiffened and I knew they got him. So I decided to join teasing him.
āSeriously, Tetsu I know you donāt like my cooking but you donāt have to rub it to my face.ā I acted like Iām hurt by his words.
And I also got him through my acting skills.
āCome on guys, stop it. I donāt want to sleep outside our room tonight.ā He complained.
And we all laughed.
āWait, what is that smell?ā I said, itās like rotting meat or wet garbage. It made my stomach churn and I wanted to throw up.
āUgh, itās really stinky.ā I cover my nose and mouth with my hand and I really donāt like the smell/
āAre you talking about this?ā Lev said and showed to me the durian fruit.
Ugh. so stinky!
āOh please, Lev put that away. I hate the smell.ā I said and even hid on Tetsu.
āItās delicious though, but sure.ā Lev walks about with the fruit on his hand.
āYou don't like that fruit? But you can eat them before, right?ā Tetsu said to me.
āWell, maybe not always.ā I faintly smiled at him.
***
That afternoon, I found Kenma alone on the balcony of the house.
āHey, Kenma,ā
āHina,āĀ
He weakly greets me.
āHow are you?āĀ he said as he tuck his phone.
āVery much fine, Iām happy.ā I said as I looked at the sky.
āThat- thatās good. Hmm.āĀ
Kenma didnāt talk after he said that.
āAnything bothering you, Kenma?āĀ
He suddenly looked at me in my eyes and smiled.
āIām just glad youāre happy. And I know I can finally move on.ā
That took me seconds to register what he said to me.
āMove on? From what? Kenma?ā I asked him.
āHinari, I donāt know if I should tell you this, but I have to, or else you wonāt reject me formally. Iām sorry.ā
He held my right hand and looked me straight into my eyes.
āIāve been in love with you since high school.ā
With only that sentence, my mind traveled back in time remembering Kenma in high school. But all I can think about him is how I treated him as a younger brother and a very good friend.
So all this time, the woman he always tells us about, is me? Now that I think about it, it all makes sense because he said itās a one sided love before. Because all those times Kenma always listened to me whenever I said I like Tetsurou.Ā
So all these times I only burden him and I hurt him?
Why didn't I realize this? Why am I so dense?
I canāt help but cry, my tears fall remembering those times I can only ask for Kenmaās help about my situation regarding Tetsu.
I ended up hurting him even more.
Why didn't I realize it?Ā
āNow, now stop crying, Hina.ā Kenma smiled at me.
āDonāt blame yourself. Itās my choice not to confess to you before. You like Kuroo long enough than me realising I like you. So itās fair. Itās just me who didnāt move on and continue loving you, resulting in me being hurt. Now I love you both, you and Kuro. That will never change.āĀ
His smile is very assuring, heās happy now.
āNow, Iām waiting for your answer. My formal rejection.ā KenmaĀ said as he put away his hand from me.
I inhaled deeply, and was ready to answer him.
āIām so sorry, Kenma. I love Tetsu.ā I said so directly, it might be the thing he wants to hear.
He once again smiles, āThank you, Hina.āĀ
And then we both laugh.Ā
āThat was a good rejection after so many years.ā He said.
āIām just curious why you didnāt tell me?ā I insisted.
āWell because that idiot likes you too.ā He rolled his eyes because Tetsu is now standing behind me.
āYeah, and that idiot marries you. So howās the confession?Ā Did you reject him?ā Tetsu is like asking for a world war 3 with Kenma?
āActually, Hina said to give her a few years so that she can divorce you.ā Kenma said in his serious tone.
āWHAT?!ā my husband suddenly jolted back. And I can only laughs at Kenmaās joke.
***
I wake up with a really bad headache, I canāt really stand and my stomach is still not fine.
I canāt sleep well these past few days.
I mostly stay in bed for days because I feel tired and feverish.
āWhat is it, love? Canāt sleep more? Itās only 6am.ā Tetsu said while touching my face and he pushed away some hair from my face.
āYouāre a bit feverish, want me to bring you some medicine?ā He continued.
After he said that, I suddenly felt nauseous. And I guess I might throw up.
I hurriedly ran towards our bathroom and shut the door.Ā
I tried to vomit on the sink but nothing came out. And it adds to my dizzy feeling.
A mild knock followed, āLove, can I come in?
I wipe away some of my tears and also wash my mouth. And I open the door.
āAre you okay?ā Tetsu said with a worried tone.
āMaybe I got a fever, I really donāt feel good. Can you bring me some medicine, then Iāll go back and sleep more.ā I said tirely.
āWait, love. When did you have your period?ā He said.
āHuh?ā Why ask me my period when Iām already-!
I cut what Iām thinking and looked shocked at Tetsu.
We both looked back at our hopeful eyes.
āCould it be that youāre pregnant, Hina?ā Tetsurou said, hoping that itās true.
***
A/N: See you on the last part next week ;) Thank you so much for your support guys.Ā
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Taglist:
@dekuspetā @mkkhaikyuuā @captain-eagle-artā @rozesarered @kurooloves @elianetsantana @saamsstuff @seijohsangel
#kuroo testuro#kuroo x oc#kuroo x original character#kuroo tetsuro fanfiction#kuroo fanfiction#kuroo imagine#kuroo haikyuu#kuroo angst#haikyuu!!#haikyuu fanfiction#angst#x oc
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Regarding this cat that is perhaps not a cat at all. Definitely not MY cat.
ARCHIVIST
Statement of Orla McDonald, regarding a cat that is perhaps not a cat at all. Original statement given July 3, 2012. Audio recording by Jonathan Sims, Head Archivist of the Magnus Institute, London.
Statement begins.
ARCHIVIST (STATEMENT)
It started after Bella died. Or I suppose, after I thought Bella died. Bella was ā is? ā my cat, or at least I think she is, or was. I got her as a kitten and sheās now seven years old, if sheās actually still alive at all, which Iām pretty sure she must be as I saw her just this morning, when I was on my way here. Bella is a beautiful cat, long-haired, that grey colour they call blue and that I never understood until I looked at Bella when the light was just right and I could see she did look kind of blue after all. She has eyes to match, too ā big and sea-blue, like you could dive right in ā and sheās more photogenic than I am. Temperament wise, sheās a very chill cat. She likes to relax in the sun, stretch out over the sofa, basically just laze around as the lady of the manor. Altogether a very typical cat, right? Nothing remarkable at all.
Well, all apart from one thing. Every so often, perhaps once every few months, Bella just goes wild. Itās not like, you know, her time or anything, because she was fixed as a young cat because God knows I canāt be doing with kittens. Apparently itās normal for cats to have times of the day where they just go crazy for some reason, running around and making a mess and yowling, but she doesnāt do that. It isnāt every day, or even a once a week thing. And it doesnāt last for a brief period of time, like what all the things Iāve read have said. Sheās fine for months, chilling out and sleeping on the sofa, and then one day sheāll just wake up and itās like a wild animal has moved into my house. She doesnāt go outside as a rule, because I worry too much about her, and usually sheās fine with that. But when she enters this state she will absolutely get out of the house no matter what. As soon as I open the door to go to work or to put the rubbish out, Bella will shoot out through even the tiniest gap and off she goes. Thereās nothing I can do about it at all. Once ā and only once ā I tried to stop her, and she clawed up my arm so badly I still have scars. It was the first and only time sheād ever scratched me, and I was stunned. It got the message across, though. Iām not happy about it, but I have no choice but to let her out. I worry about her, but itās not like I can stop her, and also I donāt particularly want her in the house when sheās in that mood? It sounds neglectful, I know, but she really does just rip the place apart.
Thereās a lot of danger when it comes to cats outside, and I live right by a main road, and yeah. I wonāt go into detail, but the inevitable happened. I wasnāt too shocked? I mean, I think deep down, I always knew. Thatās what happens, right? Obviously I was devastated, and finding her wasā¦ well, I didnāt find her, I should say I found out, because she had a collar and the driverā¦ God, I feel so sorry for her too, you know? She was so good about it, she could have just driven off because thatās what most people do when someone hits a pet on that road ā my neighbours just let their cats run wild and Iāve called the RSPCA so many times but anyway, thatās not the point. The driver was only a young girl, maybe eighteen or nineteen, couldnāt have been driving long. She brought Bella up to my door, wrapped tight in a blanket like she was sleeping. Thank God there wasnāt any visible injuries. We even talked for a little bit; I tried to reassure her that I didnāt blame her, that it wasnāt her fault, but I donāt think she believed me. How could she? I still think about her even now, wishing that I could somehow explain that Bella was still alive, butā¦ Iām not even sure thatās whatās going on, but if it makes her feel better, right? I donāt know. I brought Bella into the house and I just sat with her for a while, talking to her. Calling her a little idiot, asking what got into her. Telling her I loved her. You know. That kind of thing. I held her in my arms and rocked her like she was a little baby, and after some time ā Iām not sure how long, maybe half an hour? ā I became aware that she was moving. She was moving around in the blanket like she was trying to get out, and in my shock I let go and the blanket fell into my lap and out she jumped. She even gave me an indignant little meow as she did so, like Iād been deliberately keeping her in there. She sat, washed a paw, and then trotted into the kitchen where I kept some food laid out for her. I just sat there in shock.
I mean, cats have nine lives, right? Thatās what they always say. Iām not sure what Bella got up to on her other trips outside, but as far as I knew, sheād never lost a life before. Sheās always been a healthy cat, no scares, no accidents until that one. I get that itās just a saying, but something in me wondered if there was more to it then. I was sure she was dead. She might not have been, because admittedly I didnāt check for a pulse or breathing or anything, and the accident had just happened so she wasnāt cool or stiff. The only proof I have is the weight there was to her when I took her from the young driverās arms. Itās called a dead weight for a reason; it wasnāt the sleepy heaviness she had when I would try and get her to budge over at night, or how she would go deliberately limp when I lifted her away from something she wasnāt allowed to eat. This was a different kind of weight, and while Iāve been fortunate enough to have never handled any kind of dead body before then, I just instinctively knew what that weight was; what it meant. It was so heavy ā literally the absence of all life. She was dead, and then she wasnāt, and of course I was glad for it but I was naturally very uneasy.
After a couple of days I brought her to the vet. I couldnāt stop thinking about it, couldnāt stop analysing her for signs she might be acting differently, or I suppose for proof that I hadnāt somehow imagined it. I explained what had happened to the vet, but I suppose I chickened out of saying that she was absolutely dead ā I donāt think the vet would have believed me. Or at least she would have explained away how I must have been mistaken, and I know I wasnāt mistaken but I also know I would have probably been so eager to believe her that I would have convinced myself I was, and I donāt know. I just said she seemed dead, and then she was fine. They put Bella through a bunch of tests and scans and sure enough everything showed up just fine; their best guess was that she hadnāt been struck at all, but had maybe just had the life frightened out of her and passed out or something, like how a person can get a shock and faint. I suppose thatās not impossible? Something about the vetās choice of words struck me, though. Frightened the life out of her. It really did seem like that was what had happened ā like whatever made Bella Bella had beenā¦ taken. Or vanished. Like the fear had replaced it entirely.
Thatās not to say Bella was a frightened cat after that. She acts much the same, if Iām honest. Sheās still pretty chill, sheās still always lazing around not doing much of anything, but thereās something just off about her. Thereās a look in her eyes that I canāt quite explain. Have you ever seen an animal and youāre kind of like oh my God, it looks like a little old man or old woman or something? Thereās just something about the face that looks so human, or they pull an expression and you just know what they mean? It was kind of like that with Bellaās eyes ā they looked human. Sometimes she looked at me with an understanding that was beyondā¦ beyond what a cat should be able to conceptualise. I know, I know, we donāt actually understand as much about animal intelligence as weād like, and we donāt know just how much about their environment they do or do not understand, but Iām telling you it was different with her. She had never acted like that before and Iād never seen her look like that before. Itās so strange. I considered maybe some kind of brain damage affecting her personality, but the vets found absolutely no injuries at all. I even took her back to ask about it, just saying that she was acting out of character, but they could find nothing wrong with her that time either. Scans came back fine. She was her usual self with the vet. I felt ā I feel ā like Iām going insane.
As if all this wasnāt bad enough, Iāve started noticing someā¦ really odd things. A couple of weeks ago I woke up in the middle of the night, just wide awake like something had deliberately woken me. I couldnāt remember hearing anything, but I just knew that something, some noise, had woken me. I sleep deeply, too, so it would have to be some noise ā I mean, Iāve actually slept through a fire alarm once, itās that bad. Whatever happened had to be some kind of I donāt even know, explosion or something, or it had to have happened very close to where I was sleeping. I sat up and turned on my light, and my bedroom door was fully closed. I never fully close it because Bella likes to come in and out, but it was completely closed and when I went over to look, there was a crack in the wood running from the top and bottom of the panel where the handle was attached. It looked like it had been slammed shut with extreme force, and I suppose thatās what woke me. I was confused, obviously, and I didnāt even consider the implications until I heard footsteps on the stairs. Thankfully they were running away from me, but I heard them as clear as anything ā thud thud thud on the stairs, like a fully grown man in heavy boots. I was absolutely petrified. I had these horrible thoughts of some creep sneaking around in my room while I was asleep, but nothing was moved and there were no prints on the carpet and the room didnāt feel like anyone had been in there. It didnāt seem asā¦ well, as simple as that, so I found the courage to ease the door open and peer out. The house was still and silent, and as I crept towards the top of the stairs I knew that I was definitely alone in the house ā there was no other presence. I finally looked around the corner and down the stairs and the only thing I could see was Bellaās vague outline, sitting at the bottom of the stairs and looking right at me, her eyes glinting in the dim light.
I donāt know why she frightened me so much then. I think it was because of the glow of the streetlight outside, coming in through the frosted glass of the front door. I suppose the effect of the glass could have caused it, but for a moment her shadowā¦ didnāt match. It was elongated, jagged, like her joints were all harsh angles. Like a bare tree in winter, all knots and wild angles, sharp and rough. Whatever fur she had didnāt show up in the shadow ā she looked short-haired or even hairless, and her jaw was longer and more canine. I took a half-step back and from that angle her shadow looked normal again, and she meowed at me and trotted quite normally into the living room and out of sight, but I didnāt miss the way she looked at me. I got the distinct impression that she knew I had seen.
It sounds ridiculous, I know. Even writing this, I feel stupid. I do think maybe I should go and speak to someone, because now Iām laying it out I do wonder if I might have just suffered a horrible shock thinking Bella was dead, and then Iāve just created this strange story around the whole thing. Maybe she was fine. Maybe she did just faint. Maybe itās all in my head. I have no idea, but something about it just doesnāt seem that simple at all. I keep going back to that old saying, that cats have nine lives. Perhaps Iām thinking too deeply into it, but I have to wonder if those lives are all the same one. I mean, does it just refer to close calls? That they get lucky and get more tries? Or do they get nine separate lives? If they do, where do they get the extras from? Is it still theirs, or does it come fromā¦ somewhere else?
I donāt know if Bella is still a cat, but even if she is, I donāt think sheās stillā¦ my cat. Or maybe she is? I donāt know. Iām still glad sheās here, butā¦ well. I sleep with my door closed now. With the chair against it. And thatās not really normal, is it?
ARCHIVIST
Statement ends.
This is certainly one of those statements that makes me wonder why Iām here. An unnerving story, yes, but I do wonder if this isnāt an exercise in creative writing or perhaps as Ms McDonald said: some kind of post-traumatic episode following the shock of believing her pet to have met an unpleasant end. If it is, I imagine that the shock will eventually wear off and Ms McDonald will stop believing that her pet cat has been possessed by some kind of entity, or whatever she believes is going on. There isnāt much to investigate in regards to this, either ā the nature of the incident makes it very difficult to ascertain facts, and checking with the veterinary clinics in the area of the address Ms McDonald provided was a waste of time. They either donāt remember any such cases, or they are not inclined to discuss patient information.
As for Ms McDonald herself, she has since moved away from the property and left no forwarding address. The house is, as reported, situated on a main road and the residents there suffer all the frequent calamities from having oneās front garden directly attach to a road with a 60 mile an hour speed limit ā collisions with pets and cars emerging from driveways, and occasional car-house collisions. A few neighbours remembered Ms McDonald and reported that she was a pleasant and completely unremarkable young woman, causing no trouble and certainly never acting like she might be suffering from any kind of mental distress. A few neighbours also recalled Bella, having seen her stalking through their back gardens or, more frequently, sitting in Ms McDonaldās living room window. Nobody reported anything strange about the cat at all; certainly not elongated shadows. It was impossible to track down the driver of the vehicle said to have struck Bella with the information provided with this statement, and with that any potential leads were exhausted ā though I confess to not being entirely sure where they might have led to even if we had found them.
Not exactly debunked, but certainly not worth filing away as open. Iām considering creating a new designation for statements containing material perhaps better discussed with a therapist.
End recording.
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love is not over
song: love is not over (full length edition)
first experience: what do we qualify as the first experience? the release in HYYH pt. 1 or the full length release on young forever? with almost a year in between the releases timing does bring about different memories for me.Ā
the 2015 release of HYYH pt. 1 found me a few weeks after a rather terrifying trip to the emergency room with a diagnosis that would forever change my life - the way i live physically and emotionally. this album was the first album i experienced as ARMY. i found BTS through I NEED U, and quickly devoured the HYYH pt. 1 album in may. love is not over was a track that immediately stuck with me. i remember laying in the grass of my university quad, outside my dorm building, soaking in the sun - putting it on and smelling the spring air. it was tremendously comforting for me. i didnāt immediately look for a lyric translation, i didnāt feel like i needed it. i felt every emotion through the song without even knowing itās true intended meaning. hindsight - i wish i had looked up those lyrics.Ā
as for the full edition release in 2016, i was actually working in macau at time time as a researcher. iād been there for about two weeks when young forever dropped. i have the funniest story about me running through the streets of hong kong, completely lost, in mad pursuit of the physical copy of the album. that is for another day though. (also plenty of fun stories of attending the HYYH epilogue concert in macau - iāll include my horrible video of love is not over from the concert as well). i was so happy to see an extended version of love is not over on the album - i never could have imagined or anticipated it... it was such a delight. having the extended version was almost like what getting young forever was to bookending the saga of HYYH pt. 1 and HYYH pt. 2. i associate this song heavily with my experiences falling in love with macau, falling in love with myself in a way i hadnāt before, and falling head over heels with the world. a very difference first experience considering the low place i was in with the original release.Ā
it is important to note that the extended version of the song adds in the rap verses for all of rapline, and offers us a very different conclusion than the original release (which was a source for debate among 2015 army for itās place in the larger HYYH saga and the interesting *jibberish* at the ending of the song, more on this in the lyrics section).Ā
feelings: lyrically, love is not over is a breakup song. itās that kind of song where the singer is begging their significant other not to leave, not to say goodbye. itās the kind of song you listen to after you get dumped. youāre devastated, the other person seemed perfect... whatever comes next for you, you canāt imagine that person not being a part of it. love becomes nothing but pain in that moment. you lament it. you beg for love to fade and fall away.Ā but... in some ways itās not. to me, in my view the song is also about oneās relationship with themselves. or at least i see it that way. the song isnāt so much about this one specific girl -- itās about love in general -- itās about how theyāre upset at the fact that love is always pain for them, itās goodbye after goodbye, thereās no stability, thereās nothing but pain. iāll make this point in the lyrics section more clear.
itās this very point that makes the song resonate with me. at this point in my life, and even now, goodbyes terrify me. i carry the baggage of years of goodbyes, those that were intentional and those that happened for reasons outside of my control. theyāre damaging. they make you start to see love as pain. why let others in? why love? whatās the point if itās all going to end abruptly. youāre left with grief, broken dreams, despair. iāve been through even more at this point in my life than i had when i first heard love is not over. i should be hardened by the pain iāve felt over the years. yet - i am not. not completely. i havenāt let bitterness taint me completely.Ā
strangely, when i listen to love is not over, i canāt help but feel in love - the beat - something about the pure R&B sound of it, itās the perfect build and smoothness, it sounds like what love would sound like (if in fact emotions could become sound waves). the beat is calming and smooth, never loud, never melancholy. the song makes me feel, once again, comforted - like even though iām hardened, even though love is pain, even though it has the capacity to hurt, itās not over - and itās still an emotion that i long to feel and express to those who inevitably come into my life. the song makes think about how iāll always have the capacity to love and accept love. even if thereās moments i go through where i want to scream that love is dead - i know itās not, i know that iāll always love again.Ā
personal connection: i probably relate to this song in a way that very few others do. maybe iām interpreting it differently, or perhaps itās because for me, the song doesnāt map neatly onto a life experience for me - yet i still love it dearly and itās brought me immense comfort. itās not a song i cry to with the thoughts of a past relationship in mind. itās more about my internal discoveries and my relationship with how i love, express love to others, and how i experience and process rejection and change in my life.Ā
for me, listening to love is not over brings me to a point where iāve realize that despite being a hopeless romantic iām a complete cynic. iāve taken all the personality tests, i know my star sign... among all of that i can tell you i am deeply idealistic and i live inside my head where i build fantasy worlds and scenarios, where i romance everything. i fall in love with the world around me one-hundred times a day. iām deeply in love with my friends that i hold dearly close to me. yet, and probably because of these visions of grandeur, iām often let down. i expect the fantastic, and when things fall short iām hurt. to make matters worse iām a deep devotee to the church of self-loathing. i know itās all my fault that i put so much love and care into everything around me, everyone around me, so when things fail, when inevitably the goodbye comes, i place the blame squarely on my shoulders.Ā
at the point that the extended version of this song came out i was in the process of falling in love with the very world around me. i was out of the US, experiencing something so new and foreign for me. a place that i quickly took in. a place that changed me, made me so much better. healed me to a point where i could leave a toxic relationship - without fearing that goodbye - the goodbye i feared far more was leaving macau, heading back to the states to start my masters degree. i wasnāt in macau for a long time but that experience, i fell in love so many times. not with people per say, but with feelings, with my surroundings, with a slower way of life. when it came time to say goodbye, it was like breaking up with a new life for me. i felt pain. i almost wished i hadnāt experienced a life where i was so happy - only to go back to a world where i had to confront the reality that was my life. the tatters iād left back in atlanta.
when i came back home things werenāt as iād left them. i was returning to do my masterās degree at the same institution where i received my four year undergraduate degree. nobody was there that had previously been. i felt abandoned, i felt alone, the love i had in my heart both for a foreign place that was now out of reach, but also for the friends that my university had previously held, hurt. it was pain. i longed and yearned for those places, times, and people yet again. so much so that i hurt myself in the process. i spent nights alone with my wine bottles and emotions. it took a while to get out of the place i was in, but i did in fact love again - love wasnāt over. i learned to fall in love with new people, fall in love with the old in a new way, fall in love with my dreams. for me, love is not over is almost like the story of learning to love yourself, learning to love how you love. and not just in a romantic way, but how you love more generally. if the song were meant to only speak to intense romantic relationships why would namjoonās verse allude to the shallowness of the relationship at the heart of the song? for me -- iām still learning how to get back up when love becomes pain, how to recover from putting love into the world and not always receving it back. love is not over. itās a process. itās always with me, even if itās not always returned. even if itās not always right. itās there.Ā
song breakdown
musically: i would like to make the assertion that the full length edition of love is not over is one of bangtanās best songs. every memberās performance shines through, itās a perfect dramatic ballad song but the rap verses perfectly complement the perfection of the vocal line portions of the song.Ā
the slow and soft start with the piano - it fits the mood of the lyrics perfectly. the way in which the harmonies work together to highlight the emotions of the song. stunning. the introduction of the drum beat at the chorus and the R&B undertrack that runs from the chorus through the rap verses is soothing ~ it picks up the mood completely, infusing the song with hope. the playful beats throughout hoseokās verse which go in time withĀ āstopā andĀ ādotā itās complete genius. the melodic backing track that picks up with yoongiās verse is unexpected but completely complements his increased rap pace. the return to the slow for the bridge as we get the upper-ranges of vocal line... itās hard to put into words how *perfectly* produced this song is. and -- produced by jungkook. i believe this is his first producing credit, and what a song for it to be. itās genius in every way. in the outro: version of the song jin is also credited in production and songwriting. it seems that this duo are R&B geniuses along with slow rabbit.
the smooth pick up of the beat - itās classic R&B at its very very very BEST. the asian style is not something to be skipped as well. thereās clear elements that are echoed throughout the entire HYYH series. the song feels old school, nostalgic for some kind of 90s R&B but with the new twist to it. it fits the mood completely, wishing and longing for something that is now in the past. the song builds around the choruses and in the rap verses, expertly moving the emotions of the song along. much like the song is kind of about the ups and downs of love, the loss and the hope, the ugly and the beauty, the music matches this with itās changes in tempo and sound. but itās not overwhelming at all. love is not over is smooth - incredibly so - and it is the kind of song you can put on when youāre down, when youāre up... something about that makes it a complete masterpiece and a never skip.
vocally: i donāt have too much to say here other than love is not over is an OT7 song that showcases the talents of both rap and vocal line beautifully and equally. the balance in the song is one of my very favorite aspects of it. itās not heavy on either side - we get the raps and we get the beautiful crooning - itās a masterpiece in songwriting and production. itās a masterpiece in performance. jungkookās beautiful higher range is showcased in the opening of the piece and leads off the chorus and is felt throughout with adlibs. taehyungās velvet lower register often follows jungkook in a beautiful contrast - offering us a soulful sultry sound. then jimin and jin take over and moves the song into the chrous with their beautiful high-registesr.Ā jimin builds the prechorus with power, which then is sung line by line and beautifully with all four voices complementing one another. vocal line harmonizes with one another throughout the song - offering plenty of stunning ad libs as well.Ā
rapline brings emotion and pain to the song with slower tempo raps in the second verse, started by namjoon and concluded by hoseok. namjoonās gentle rap voice delivers a sense of understanding and comfort. meanwhile hoseok follows him up with a soulful rap, playing with the beat and building into a pleading tone at the end of his verse. the final rap verse is then taken by yoongi - he starts off slow and building to a more quick rap pace, adding in more emotion and bleeding in to jungkookās crisp delivery of a modified bridge/final chrous. both jimin and jungkook provide several heavenly high notes throughout and the piece is ended with the solemn repetition of love is not over. itās stunning, the vocals for all members truly shine in love is not over - there is no dominance, and the song makes for the perfect showcase of the groupās total talent.Ā
lyrically: jungkook is listed as the primary songwriter for love is not over, but he was assisted by jin, pdogg, slow rabbit, and rapline contributed their own raps. i think itās important to note because jungkook was only 18 at the time of the full length release, and even younger likely when he wrote the song. impressive.Ā
now - onto pulling this masterpiece apart completey.Ā
the slow and beautiful start to love is not over is grounded in a feeling of time passing, time flowing, as one sits through aĀ ālong nightā that they canāt seem to escape. offering us both a headspace weāve all been familiar with - sitting alone in your room late at night pondering life - and a feeling of something quite dark, the long night that going through a hard time can feel like. the lyrics then move to askĀ āwhy are you getting farther away? / so far that i canāt reach you?ā these lines are clearly calling out to someone that was at one point very close with the speaker - a lover, perhaps a close friend, an emotion, a past identity... the options can be endless. itās like as in the previous line, time is fading away, everything is going dark, and so is the relationship at the heart of the song. the song then asksĀ ācanāt you see me in your eyes anymore?ā the line almost begging, what has changed, why am i no longer someone you consider, no longer someone youād like to have in your space? in your view? itās crushing. the speaker can sense the relationship and the other pulling away, their once held affections and desire melting away to darkness - to a lack of presence.Ā
the song then moves into the chorus - almost a chantlike chorus which brings more emphasis and importance to the words. the lines begin:Ā ālove is so painful / goodbyes are even more painful.ā beautifully outlining that opening oneself up to love, that vulnerability, it hurts - and when loves walks away from you, when the goodbye comes inevitably itās even more crushing than the initial feelings of fear, anxiety, the nakedness that comes along with falling into love.Ā āi canāt go on if youāre not here / love me, love me / come back to my armsā the speaker begs, pleads, feels completely powerless losing something so precious. when juxtaposed with the title of the song - love is not over - you begin to wonder, perhaps these words are just that? theyāre words. thereās ultimately a piece of understanding that love is worth the pain and struggle, there is a hopefulness to this song, but we canāt find it in the chours.
the piece then moves into namjoonās rap - lyrically powerful and delivered with nothing but raw emotion. he starts off telling an intimate storyĀ āyou said goodbye to me / every night before i went to bedā emphasizing the closeness of the subject to him --Ā āi hated that even more than dying / it feels like this night is the end of you and me.ā he laments those goodbyes, heād rather have stayed in those beautiful moments, full of love, full of promise. instead things have gone dark and theyāre ending now - the longest night has begun, with a simpleĀ āgoodbye.ā despite having emphasizing the closeness of the subject to him, namjoon then calls into question thatĀ āi donāt know you, you didnāt know meā perhaps he says this as an explanation, if theyād truly known one another then theyād have worked things out. made it all okay again. thereād have been no goodbye. itās the realization that perhaps heād been in love with someone heād create in his head all along. he then moves along to sayĀ āyouāre like hello and goodbye / at my beginning and my end / thereā emphasizing that things with the subject had been up and down, all over the place, bliss and pain. this goes back to the statement about love being pain, itās something the speaker wants desperately, yet itās causing them pain? thus emphasizing the volatility and absolute confusion that happens to our emotions when theyāre tangled up within another.
hoseokās verse follows with its own beat and style. he emphasizes the separation in the first two linesĀ āeverything stopped like our red light / stopā andĀ ānothing more to say, it ends with my tears / dot.ā clearly he is drawing a line here, thereās no need for any more interaction between the two. itās over. which in many ways contrasts with the begging nature of the choruses. which leans me to be inclined to think that this song is more about being in love with the emotion of love, a yearning for the emotion and feeling of love rather than a specific person that didnāt even know you. hoseok continuesĀ āiām not okay i repeat this denial / recite, if you can recite my mindā asking the subject to recognize his emotions, his feelings towards concluding their relationship.Ā āyou are my endless love and my girlā the verse finishes out. bringing us back to the true story at hand, but not taking us away from the idea of wanting love for the overall feeling of love rather than for a specific person.Ā
the chorus repeats once again, then we are brought to yoongiās verse. the emotion builds both in the sound of the song but also lyrically. hope is infused throughout this verse following strongly after more sad toned lyrics previously. he starts offĀ āi always smile at you / even the love is a tragedy for me.ā this line makes me think that the speaker recognizes that even if things are falling apart, there was something beautiful about being able to feel at all. thatās a major theme throughout the HYYH series. feeling, experiencing, not necessarily for the sake of others, but for the sake of exercising your youth, for growing, strengthening and building yourself. this part of life is the perfect time for it.Ā āi always cry after itās over / farewell even though itās a comedy for you.ā yoongi recognizes that the other party doesnāt carry the same emotions as him, itās completely the oppostie for them.Ā āyes nothing is everlasting / i live without you even i feel like dyingā while not exactly hopeful, this line does contrast with the other lines about not being able to go on - yoongi specifically uses the wordĀ āliveā he goes on, life goes on, he will continue to experience and it is at this point in the song where the first utterance of the song title is made.Ā āover, over, love is not overā emphasizing that even if this is over, love lives on. it might be pain, it might be an unpleasant emotion, but it continues. finally yoongi ends his verse with a pleadĀ āplease take me out of this endless mazeā signifying that he finds the interactions with this particular type of love, or person, or moment in his life confusing and disorienting. but the thing is, mazes have exits - thereās a change heāll find his way out and onto whatever is next.Ā
the chrous repeats one more time before the song in concluded with the beautiful chants ofĀ ālove is not over, over, overā flipping the way in which yoongi uttered the line - ending with the word over. offering hope to the listener. the chant urging the speaker to believe their own words. there is a change, love is not over. it will happen again and again - āover and overā as the lyrics provide through the repetition of the lyrics. itās understated but itās a powerful message of hope, cycles, and avoidance of a true end.Ā
performance: you can easily find live performances of love is not over, most notably from the EPILOGUE in JAPAN concert. i also attended the HYYH EPILOGUE concert, but in macau back in 2016. i was really fortunate to experience love is not over performed live. iāve uploaded the video here for you all the enjoy. please donāt mind any screaming you hear, i was clearly beside myself. i remember the emotions i felt hearing the song live - the vocals were pristine, the emotion in each voice was on display, the stripped down live band backing was beautiful. everything about the performance screamed emotion.
all seven bangtan members were seated on stools, dressed in black jeans and white blouses. behind the members a beautiful HYYH logo was lit up with the signature chain-link fence print. the beautiful understated nature of the performance amongst a sea of high-energy performances including baepsae, save me, I NEED U, and fire... the contrast was enough to make every ARMY at the show completely transfixed. did i cry? maybe. did i cry with a strange girl iād met off of twitter only hours earlier? ...okay iāll be honest - i really did. the song is powerful just as a track on an album, but experiencing it live, or even just watching the performance on youtube -- itās powerful. the talents of these men are on full display, both rap and vocal line are able to highlight their abilities beautifully.Ā
tl;dr:Ā love is not over is beautiful. itās an earlier bangtan song, and itās earned its place as a complete classic R&B bop. the sounds of each memberās voice, the lyrics, theyāre melodic and soothing. the song is about heartbreak, but the interpretations in the context of the greater HYYH saga make it hopeful. love is something we often associate with youth. falling in love with others, ourselves, and our world - it can be painful... especially when weāre young and we realize that things arenāt always as we percieve them to be. but itās all a part of learning. we will love again, and love isnāt over. itās a cycle.Ā
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Obelisk
Thatās the only quirky title I could come up to make this a little bit more interesting.
Iām reviewing my favorite book again. More like making another post about it. Because I seem like the type of person to not shut up about something she truly, truly, deeply love. Though, I wonāt really making a review. Because I am in no state to make one of those. I donāt know I just Iām not that qualified to that yet. Though I read millions of books, I still wonāt. I re-read my lastĀ āreviewā and it just make me cringe because I canāt understand what Iām saying and thereās a bunch of errors on my sentence. Not that this whole post wonāt containing grammar errors, but still. Also, the cringing intensifies when I saw that Jennifer Niven (the author of this book) liked my bizarrely wrong blog entry. Ms. Niven, if by any chance, reading this again, I love your work and Iām sorry for a lot of grammatical errors. Ms. Niven, your work changed my life and help me get through a rough time. Sounds clichĆ© but its the truth.Ā
To repeat what I typed, I wonāt make a review. Yet, Iāll post a very private diary log which where I somehow discuss my opinions about this book. So here it is.Ā
Trigger warning: Suicide topics, cutting and mental issues might come up on the next following paragraph. And itās really graphic. Because it is a personal log on my digital diary. Beware.Ā
May 17, 2019: Theodoreās death, Avengers: End game and GoT discussion.
I never had a proper review of this book. Because lets be real here. Its me and probably wonāt matter. Last time or more like last last year, I made a book recommendation/favourites about this book. And I emphasize on that blog post that itās not a book review. NOT A BOOK REVIEW. At all.
Because:
I am scared of the internet scrutinizing my opinions and views about this book.
Itās about mental health or part of it. So it is really a sensitive topic and I even havenāt figured myself out. So Iām not really sure if Ā Iām the right person you want to have an opinion regarding with this topic. One thing about me is that you donāt go asking me questions on how you figured your life or how you deal with depression because, oh boy oh boy youāre in a wrong place honey.
Last night I searched Theodore Finch on twitter. Yes, twitter. Because that is where you get the real opinions. Real tea. As well as the stupid ones. And I read one thread or whatever you call it, some sort of a conversation or replies from one girl to another. (I just assumed youāre girl and Iām sorry if youāre not. I am really sorry for misgendering you.) The other girl said that sheās kind of annoyed how everyone around Theodore doesnāt get the signs when itās literally on their faces. When you come to think of it. Its true. All the signs of Theodoreās disease was there. Bluntly on their faces. Itās kind of fascinating how itās not noticed by his family and friends or even Violet. But again right now thinking about it, maybe because it happened when this world just slowly noticing or paying attention about mental health. Hold a second, let me search when it was published. Yeah, I'm right its 2015. A year of coming of age for the late Baby Boomers are introduced to depression and when people, mostly teenagers are committing suicide. I would be very harsh on my words because it was just me talking to myself anyways. So yeah, that's also the year where I'm cutting myself and wanted to kill myself. So no wonder Finchās family have no idea about his mishaps and adventures. So about that discussion, it was already solved. That year was just the year where naĆÆve people are introduced to mental health and issues. Anyways, back to that conversation. The other girl defended the book/author. That the author, Jenifer Niven, was just portraying real life happenings. That these things happens in real life. People really die because of mental health issues. By the way, Finch mental diagnosis wasnāt really mentioned on the book directly. As far as I can remember. Thatās why I'm re-reading it again now. But so far zero mentioned of diagnosis or bipolarity(Is that even a word? idc.). Just the mention of him wanting to kill himself, the erotic changes in his moods, lack of appetite and being insomniac. He doesnāt sleep one night or he sleeps then have very bad nightmares after that. Itās pretty obvious but again, letās refer to the points given above. Oh, oh! Then thereās one time he repainted his bedroom from blood red to blue. If thatās not alarming enough then idk anymore. But yes, 2015. The coming of age and the year where we birthed more stupid late boomers. But, yes. Wild book. A very wild and very BRILLIANT book. Itās the stupid characters or the people in Finchās life that suck. Which is why I kind of sided to the girl who said that that the author doesnāt really write the characters well. Letās call her Girl A. And the other girl who defend Niven, Girl B. Iām pretty sure youāre both girls but just in case, Iām gonna apologize again if I'mĀ misgendering you. Or if you donāt wanna be called a girl. I canāt say or disclose that Girl B was wrong because he clearly have a point too. It happens in real life. People die from depression and I might be one soon.
Just wanna say that Itās a good discourse. Arguments like that are my favorites where both sides are not wrong nor right either, makes you really think. A read. Both the book and that twitter discourse. If you happened to read it, good. But if not sorry I canāt link it for you.Ā
So for my opinion (oh no, here we go) I agree on both of them , as if its not yet obvious. I guess if it was written in the present days the author couldāve change the characters and made Finch alive. Or checked-in in a mental institution or heāll be given a medical assistance he really needs. Because the only medical attention he was given was thru his Guidance councilor, Embryo. Which is a good thing, but also I think Finchās situation needs more professional attention. No offence to all guidance councilors out there. I know you guys try your best. But you know, Niven can make Finch visit a psychiatrist in a clinic/mental institution right? Like violet. I know Finchās financial state is bad but.. idk thereās something can be done here. But again it was during that time where people are shouting āDepression isnāt realā, stupid people posting tweets and Facebook status on how āSuicide is for the weekā; they watch 13 reasons why and decided to skip the whole point of the show and just assumed that āyeah depression is for the weaklingsā. It only shows how ignorant people are. Theyāre the kind of people who standby when you get punch on the face or laugh when people spreads rumors and lies about you. Basically, bystanders. Iām sorry Iām a little snappy. If you havenāt noticed. I donāt know Iām just mad today.
I think the book still holds it. And justify the ending. Though part of me really hate it too. But it kind of made me realized about a lot of things, not just about me but also about how I should interact with other human beings. I hate the ending because it breaks my heart but I guess it was necessary?? Or not. Any how,Ā It was a good ending. Maybe its just me because Iām a masochist. But I can not think of any other impactful and realistic way on ending it. (Rereading this again and I just need to clear things up. That IM NOT A MURDERER OR A KILLER. I DONT NORMALIZE SUICIDE,Ā but from a standing point the ending is justified. Its sad but its, again, realistic.) But still, breaks my heart, Theodore is a precious boy. Who deserves nothing but love. And I hope his story was more known by the people so jackasses would know how to treat their family and friends better.Ā
[This part was cut because I talked about Avengers and GoT ending; Which is very relevant to this topic]
Love,
Ara xx
So yeah, thatās some of my diary entry. Re-reading it makes me realized how funny I am. Jesus I should read more of these. Who knows, I might post it here. If itās not that personal. Iāll end this here now. I hope wherever you are youāre having a good day.
Ttyl, Ara!
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ķė¦¬ģ¤~ ėģģ£¼ģøģ ć
ć
ź²½ģ¹ė ķź²½ģ ģ°Øģ“ģ ģ ėģģ? I watched a video (Catch The Wave - ź²½ģ¹ vs. ķź²½) on YouTube which explains the difference but I am still very confused. The video didn't really help me to answer my question at all. (Yess I learnt the word ķź²½ from Taehyung's song ofc)
ģė
ķģøģ~ ė¦ģ ėėµ ģ£ģ”ķź³ ć
ć
ģµėķ ģ ėŖ
ķ ģ¤ėŖ
ķ“ė³“ėė” ķ ź²ģ~ I never really thought deeply about the difference between these two words but Iāll try my best!
First of all, these two words contain the same hanja ęÆ ź²½, which means sun/sunshine and that is already confusing sometimes. Iāll translate what the hanja dictionary says about these words:
- ź²½ģ¹ āthe beautiful side of natureā (ģģ°ģ ģė¦ė¤ģ“ ėŖØģµ)
- ķź²½Ā āwhat you would call what is in the middle of a situation, circumstance or moodā (ģ“ė¤ ģķ©ģ“ė ķķøģ“ė ė¶ģźø°Ā ź°ģ“ė°ģ ģė ģ“ė ź³³ģ ėŖØģµ)
The Naver źµģ“ģ¬ģ lists them as synonyms, the same as the źµģ“ėģ¬ģ from the National Institute of Korean Language. It is probably a very instinctive difference, that Korean native speakers donāt have to think about.Ā
The video meant for Korean learners defines the difference like this:
-Ā ź²½ģ¹ - what you see from somewhere, usually vast, it can be a landscape or cityscape
-Ā ķź²½ - what you would call your surroundings
To me this definition is too, kinda confusing. So Iāll try to sum it up:
-Ā ź²½ģ¹Ā is what you can see with your own eyes, not in a painting. It is used in the phrase āź²½ģ¹ź° ģ¢ė¤ā a lot.
-Ā ķź²½Ā can be used in the phrase above as well, but would probably not be the first choice for native speakers. One notable difference is that ķź²½ can be short for ķź²½ķ ālandscape paintingā. You would also use it to call what you see in a photograph - as in the case of Taehyungās song.
I hope this helped clear your confusion at least a littleš -Taeri
#korean vocab#word of the day#answered#anonė#this one is really late I'm so sorry#I couldn't access wifi to watch the video for the longest time hehe
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A Thomas Lightwood Bisexual Story (Part 2 and final) takes place after Chain of Gold so will have spoilers!!
-That is quite the story. Though i must admit,i would never expect such a thing from you,Tom.-Matthew said,with a grin on his face.
Thomas really wanted to hide his face in a hole somewhere,he knew that at least one of his friends would make fun of him because of the way they found him at the Devil Tavern.
And of course,it had to be Matthew,which wasn't that surprising,since he was the Libertine of The Merry Thieves. James and Christopher were too shocked to tease him about anything.
-Not sure if i will ever even sit on that bed again. Perhaps it would be better if Christopher burned those sheets.-Said James.
-Indeed! I have always wanted to set fire in that bed. It annoyed me,though i can't recall the reason why.-Said Christopher.
Thomas rolled his eyes.
-Do as you please. It's not like something like this will ever happen again. I was a little drunk yesterday as well,surely we can blame this on the alcohol.-Said Thomas.
-If you say so. Perhaps we could just ask the Italian girl if we see her. It is very likely that she will appear at the Institute eventually.-Said Matthew.
-Then i should really make myself scarce.-Thomas said.
-Why worry? I was under the impression that she told you herself that it would mean nothing,and that it wouldn't be like you ruined her.-James asked.
-It would still be very awkward. I am such an awful pill! I was out of my mind completely! My mother would be ashamed of what i did! And Eugenia...-Thomas was saying,but Matthew stopped him.
-There is absolutely no need to fret over this,Thomas. Let it be then. This girl is probably smart enough to ignore you completely.-Said Matthew.
-That seems unlikely. We are having a gathering at the Institute today,to celebrate the destruction of the Mandikhor.-James said.
Thomas shook his head.
-Bloody hell! You have to be kidding me!-Said Thomas.
-I understand you frustration,dearest cousin. I was also hoping i could spend the afternoon in the lab,until my father literally told me he would lock me in the lab for an entire month if i didn't show up at the Institute today.-Said Christopher.
-Apparently,Uncle Gabriel maybe worried that you are lacking social skills. Perhaps he wishes to introduce you to beautiful ladies?-Said Matthew,smiling.
-Haven't i met every beautiful lady in the Enclave by now?-Christopher asked.
-Cease the conversation! Do you not see that our Tom here is deeply scared of seeing the italian girl again?-Said James,laughing.
Thomas tried to laugh as well,that is what he should be doing. But he simply couldn't,he was way too embarassed.
He did not wanted to see Giovanna again.
"Later"
The Merry Thieves were finally at the Institute,which was indeed,full of people. Seemed like the celebration was being taken seriously.
Thomas was feeling uneasy,knowing that Giovanna could literally pop up out of nowhere to haunt him. He could have avoided all of that,if he had listened to reason.
It seemed pointless to think about that now. It was probably better if he focused on acting as normally as he could.
-Is everything okay,Tommy? You look rather pale.-Said a voice Thomas knew very well.
Gideon. His father. Thomas could not help but wonder how Gideon would react if he revealed his doings of the last night.
-I am fine. Just wasn't really in the mood for a party now.-Said Thomas,without looking to Gideon's eyes.
Gideon shrugged.
-Just try to have fun. Your friends seem to be enjoying themselves.-Said Gideon,pointing to the rest of the Merry Thieves.
Thomas approached them,and Matthew pulled him close.
-Have you seen our ragazza already? You must be quite scared,eh?-Asked Matthew,laughing.
-How does he get drunk this quickly?-Asked Thomas.
-It must be his hidden talents,though i'm not really sure how that helps him. Thomas,i already told you,stop worrying about the girl. Your parents will notice your uneasiness.-Said James.
-If it were that easy. Where is Christopher? I thought Uncle Gabriel forced him to come?-Said Thomas.
-Oh he is here! You can see him there,probably explaining about the antidote to my stupid brother and Grace Blackthorn.-Said Matthew.
Thomas looked at them,near the door. Christopher speaked quite quickly about everything. Charles was probably pretending to be interested,since he wanted to become Consul and had to listen to people and their blabbering. Grace was likely dying of boredom.
-She looks stunning in that ivory dress.-James said.
Matthew slapped James' hand.
-You are engaged,Mr.Herondale. Have that in mind before you go drool all over the floor Grace steps on.-Said Matthew.
James seemed to have cursed in a whisper,which wasn't surprising for Thomas. Only their little group of friends knew that James and Cordelia's marriage was a sham.
But Thomas wasn't feeling patient to deal with those things today. He just wished the party would be over quickly so that he could leave the Institute without the risk of seeing Giovanna again.
One could only hope,and that was exactly what Thomas was going to do.
"Hours Later"
-Are you looking for anyone in specific,Tom? Or have you forgotten how the Institute's ballroom looked like?-Anna asked,she sat beside him,looking stunning as always.
-I'm actually trying to avoid someone that may or may not show up.-Said Thomas.
-That seems to be very dull. This whole celebration is actually turning to be quite a bore. Good thing my parents won't mind if i leave to go to the Hell Ruelle today.-Said Anna,smiling.
-Is that so? It doesn't surprise me that you prefer that scandalous place over a simple ball.-Said Thomas.
-Oh i assure you,the Hell Ruelle is more than just scandalous. You should come with me sometime. You will have the time of your life.-Said Anna.
Thomas didn't quite knew if Anna was being serious or not. She probably found him way too dull to enjoy a place like the Hell Ruelle. But he wouldn't have to worry about seeing Giovanna again if he left the party.
Thomas didn't knew if Gideon or Sophie would mind,but he wasn't worried either. The Hell Ruelle did seem to be quite scandalous. But after what he did,why not give it a shot?
-Anna,before you leave,please try to find me. I want to go to the Hell Ruelle along with you.-Said Thomas.
Anna's eyes widened with surprise. It has been ages since Thomas last saw Anna surprised with anything.
-Are you absolutely sure? You do know that the Ruelle has a reputation,do you not?-Asked Anna.
Thomas nodded.
-I do,and that is why i wish to go with you.-He said.
Anna simply smiled.
-Follow me then!-She said.
"At the Hell Ruelle"
-This is the Ruelle,Thomas! Be sure of this,you will never find a place like the Ruelle!-Said Anna.
Thomas could barely analyze the place,it was just so full of people,and every single one of them were downworlders. The blue fire of the warlocks gave the place a unique atmosphere.
He recognized some of the famous downworlders,like Magnus Bane and his cat eyes,Malcolm Fade and Hypatia Vex,that was smiling and talking to Anna.
Thomas wasn't expecting Anna to keep him company,it was obvious that she was there to entertain herself more than anything. Perhaps he should just do the same.
Thomas went to the bar table,where a Ifrit with four arms and jade colored skin was serving drinks. His expression changed slightly to one of distaste. Probably because Thomas was a Shadowhunter.
-Nephilim. Do you wish to drink something?-He asked,his voice was so husky.
Thomas took a few seconds to answer. He felt so out of place there,he needed something to make him feel more...at home.
-I want something strong. I wish to get drunk as quickly as possible.-Thomas said.
Weirdly,the Ifrit smiled,his teeth were as yellow as his eyes.
-That can be taken care of.-He said.
The Ifrit filled a glass with champagne,and then threw some pink colored powder in it.
-Drink it,Nephilim,and you will not remember a single thing when you wake up tomorrow.-The Ifrit said.
Thomas only nodded,and drank all the champagne,until the glass was completely empty.
He immediately felt quite dizzy,as if everything around him was spinning.
He walked to where the downworlders were dancing. It was quite a different dance,their bodies where so close,that was something Thomas would never see in the balls of the Shadowhunters.
-Yes! Shadowhunters are so dull! We are a great bore!-Thomas said,he felt like he was screaming,but the sound of the music was probably louder than his voice.
He bumped into someone,and nearly fell to the ground. Whatever it was the Ifrit gave him,it was definitely working.
Thomas looked at the boy whose he had just bumped. It was definitely a warlock,his skin had a very bright blue tone,almost white. His hair was pale as the moon,his eyes were star-shapped,just like the ones of Hypatia Vex,and were as green as the forest.
The boy was really handsome,in that magic and supernatural way only warlocks could be. He smiled to Thomas.
-An angel in the Hell Ruelle? Are you not lost,angel boy?-He asked.
Thomas shook his head.
-I want to be here! I'm not as dull as everyone thinks! And i'm not just kind!-Thomas said.
He barely had control of his words,but something inside him felt like he would have a huge headache tomorrow.
-You surely are not dull! As a matter of fact,you seem to be the more interesting here!-He said.
Thomas got closer to him,almost without realizing. The warlock was quite handsome. And he did seemed interesting as well.
It was almost like Thomas felt an attraction to him. Which wasn't that surprising for Thomas. He knew at least that much about himself.
Though he did not know what to do know.
-You are interesting too! Do you have a name,mate!?-Thomas asked.
The warlock boy laughed.
-Would you remember it tomorrow if i tell you?-He asked,smiling.
-I cannot promise you that!-Thomas said.
And all of a sudden,his mouth was on Thomas',and they were kissing quite fiercely. His mouth tasted like a combination of wine and blue ruin.
It was a bittersweet sensation,almost addictive. Thomas felt like he could use some more of that.
His skin started to feel hot,as if the entire place began to burn. He unbuttoned his shirt,but the warlock boy stopped him.
-If you wish to go further,angel boy,them it will have to be in a more private place.-He said.
Thomas shrugged,almost taking his shirt off.
-I don't give a bloody hell!-Thomas shouted,the warlock laughed and grabbed him by his tie,taking him in to one of the inner chambers.
This one had a sapphire color,full of blue diamonds and other blue gems,like lapis lazuli,aquamarine and indicolite.
He threw Thomas on the bed,and began to take his clothes off. Thomas kicked off his shoes and took off his socks,his shirt was open.
He wasn't thinking straight,deep down he knew that. His mind was rather foggy. But what he was doing now,it didn't felt wrong.
The warlock was nearly nude,he crashed on Thomas as he layed on the bed. His light blue chest pressed against Thomas' skin,they were burning.
They kissed violently,Thomas' hands running down the back of the boy whose name he didn't even knew.
But it didn't matter,he wouldn't remember it anyways. Thomas removed his shirt and tossed it on the floor,he left the bed and managed to somehow lock the door.
And then he was back to the bed,and the night went on.
"The Next Day"
Thomas woke up in a place completely unknown too him. The only thing he realized at first was that it was all too blue.
The second thing he noticed was that he wasn't wearing any clothes. But there were no bed sheets covering him this time.
"Again? Must be a record or something." He thought.
And the third,and most surprising,was the blue warlock,nude as well,beside on the bed,still asleep.
Thomas quickly got up,looking at everything around him. He didn't exactly remembered what he had been up to. He couldn't remember the boy's name,and his head was exploding.
His clothes were in very unusual places around the blue room,much to his dismay.
-Did this really happened? Have i really done this? Oh Raziel! If my father could see me right now.-Thomas said,he was pretty sure the sleeping warlock was unable to hear him.
Thomas smiled,and then started to laugh a little bit. He was feeling many things,but regret was not one of them.
Perhaps it was just silly to think about Alastair. Thomas did not need him for anything. Anna was right about the Hell Ruelle after all.
He didn't knew if he would ever return,but he did knew himself a lot better right now.
And he was happy with that.
#cassandra clare#chain of gold#james herondale#the last hours#thomas lightwood#alastair carstairs#matthew fairchild#christopher lightwood#the merry thieves#original character
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Reviewing time for MAG161 /o/
- Iā¦ really wasnāt expecting to begin the season with the quiet heartbreak of āwhat was lost, and what could have beenā with tapes explicitly used as time capsules. I really appreciate how this episode wasā¦ cruelly poetic? in the way it was shaped through oppositions: Jon and Martin, inside and outside, an observation of past moments and plans for the future.
I was wondering a bit, too, if concretely, we would still remain connected to the Institute somehow (given that circumstances have changed and that Jon&Martin are currently far from it), and yes: most of the episode was recorded moments which happened there, in the Archives, and were deeply grounded in the place (Jonās unprofessional professional setting, Gertrude trying to make a move against the very essence of the building) soā¦ there is still a deep connection. Everything happened there, had its roots there.
- Big big sense of āAouchā with the awful irony in their casual exchanges and banter:
(MAG161) ELIAS: And make a wish. ARCHIVIST: If I wish for you all to go away, do you think itāll work? TIM: Heās so grumpy today, isnāt he Martin? MARTIN: Uhā Oh, well, uhā TIM: [CONSPIRATORY] Do you think itās his looming sense of mortality? [ā¦] So, what did you wish for? [STATIC] ARCHIVIST: I canāt tell you. ELIAS: He wished for a little bit of peace and quiet. [ā¦] TIM: Now, alright, alright; fine! Look: Iām turning it off. Any last words for your future selves? ARCHIVIST: Yes. āFire Tim!ā TIM: [LAUGHS] [CLICK.]
ā¦ Given that a) Jon lost them and was very conscious of it:
(MAG159) PETER: ā¦ Where are your friends, Archivist? [FOOTSTEPS] ARCHIVIST: Tim and Sasha are dead. [FOOTSTEPS] PETER: [DISTORTED] Yes. [FOOTSTEPS] ARCHIVIST: Daisy and Basira areā¦ probably dead. [FOOTSTEPS] PETER: [DISTORTED] Because ā of ā you. [FOOTSTEPS] ARCHIVIST: Georgie and Melanie have left me. [FOOTSTEPS] PETER: [DISTORTED] And? [FOOTSTEPS] ARCHIVIST: Martinās gone. [FOOTSTEPS] PETER: [DISTORTED] Youāre alone, Archivist. The last one standing. I did warn you, I did want you to leave butā¦ perhaps it would be better if you stayed a while. After all, you canāt hurt anyone in here.
And b) Tim and Jon used to be getting along so well that āFire Tim!ā was understood as a joke, whileā¦ the prospect (and impossibility) of quitting due to supernatural binding would become very real and contribute in their official falling-out:
(MAG065) TIM: Iā Iā I canāt do this anymore! ARCHIVIST: Then quit! If you hate it so much, leave your post in the Archives. Permanently. TIM: Youāre firing me? ARCHIVIST: ā¦ Iām offering you a chance to quit. No notice period, Iāll even make sure you get the rest of the monthās paycheque. [PAUSE] Just say the words. [STATIC RISES] TIM: I want to. ARCHIVIST: So do it. TIM: Iā¦ ā¦ canāt. ARCHIVIST: [SOFTLY] Why notā¦? TIM: Iā¦ Iā¦ IāI canāt! I donāt knowā¦ Why canāt I quit?! ARCHIVIST: IāI donāt know. But I donāt think I can fire you either. TIM: What? ARCHIVIST: Itās this place.
(Yeah, no wonder Martin pointed out that Jon didnāt look super fine listening to the tapes again and again and again, when theyāre concentrated Guilt juice.)
- It wasā¦ the first time everā¦ that we heard the original team all together in the same roomā¦
(Plus Elias, technically: so, all the original main characters from season 1.)
It was a gigantic surprise because I had mused about the possibility of hearing a tape from the past, but without Sasha ā I would have never expected her VA to come back? And it was so powerful to hear the four of them together, bantering and joking and beingā¦ at their natural, since apart from Tim, they didnāt know they were being recorded? And itās not really putting a new light on Jonās relationship with his assistants: weād had glimpses implying that he was in good terms with them, aside from Martin (he trusted Tim to not have pranked him with MAG011ās statement, Sasha had double-checked some of Martinās research, Sasha could waltz in and discuss with Jon about the pronunciation of ācalliopeā during a statement, Tim could point out mistakes to Jon and convey a need for him to calm down when Jon was getting too tense and aggressive, and Jon would listen and relent), but to be shown this way was such a precious gift?
(- Itās not the first time Jon was hearing āagainā the voice of real!Sasha, since he had listened to her tapes at the end of MAG078 when he found them backā¦ but still, this was even more precious here, because they were at their natural. It was a memory of Sasha! The real Sasha!)
- When did this scene happen? Some bits of the dialogue seemed to imply it was at the beginning of Jonās tenure, some others make me think it could be towards the end of season 1:
(MAG161) ARCHIVIST: Mm! Iām sure. I notice you didnāt jump out at Martin when he had a birthday. TIM: No, heās way too jumpy as it is! MARTIN: Whaā?! TIM: We were worried he might damage himself! [ā¦] ARCHIVIST: Well, thank you anyway. This is allā¦ very touching. TIM: We just wanted to do something to lighten the mood, you know? ARCHIVIST: Yes, Iāmā¦ [INHALE] aware itās been a rough start. [EXHALE] SASHA: Thatās not what this was about; we just thought you could use a chance to unwind. [ā¦] ELIAS: He wished for a little bit of peace and quiet. ARCHIVIST: Was it that obvious? ELIAS: Oh, I wouldnāt worry, Jon. Itās an Archive: quiet is very much the course du jour.
āRough startā and Elias promising quiet sounds like early Archives daysā¦ except what Elias says is a blatant lie anyway (he was very aware that the Archives were regularly attacked in Gertrudeās days, as he pointed out in MAG160), and Martin being jumpy could precisely match with Prentiss looming over the Archives:
(MAG033) TIM: Itās getting bad. I mean, Martin keeps showing me his tongue and asking if it ālooks infestedā.
Biggest thing that makes me lean towards this being set near the end of season 1 is Timās teasing about fire in the Archives, which is almost verbatim how Jon had defensively snapped to him about it:
(MAG036) TIM: Er, what is it? ARCHIVIST: A lighter. An old Zippo. TIM: You smoke? ARCHIVIST: No. And I donāt allow ignition sources in my archive!
(MAG161) ARCHIVIST: Iā¦ Rightā TIM: Yay! ARCHIVIST: āyes, thank you, I do hope youāre not planning to light those candlesā¦! TIM: ā¦ Oh, goodness! [SHAKES A BOX OF MATCHES] A source of ignition? In the Archives? ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] SASHA: [CHUCKLES] TIM: Uh oh! ARCHIVIST: Tim.
It wouldnāt make much sense for Jon to snap about the concept of āignition sources in my Archiveā if it had already happened anyway during his birthday? So Iām leaning towards Timās quip being a direct reference to MAG036, ergo putting the scene between that episode and MAG038 (the worms attacking), so in mid/end of July 2016? (It would also fit with the idea that they had gone for ice cream for Martin recently.) But yeah, many interpretations could work very well depending on the details you favour, or how you choose to interpret them.
(After MAG036 would also meanā¦ that this scene would be taking place shortly after Jon got The Webās lighter.)
- Iām EMBARRASSED at Martin being an anxious mess, teased here and there and not really managing to assert himselfā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦
(MAG161) ARCHIVIST: Mm! Iām sure. I notice you didnāt jump out at Martin when he had a birthday. TIM: No, heās way too jumpy as it is! MARTIN: Whaā?! TIM: We were worried he might damage himself! MARTIN: Hey! Wellā¦ I preferred going out for ice cream anyway. [ā¦] TIM: Howā¦ did youā ā¦ Martin, that was a secret! MARTIN: I didnāt say anything! [ā¦] TIM: Heās so grumpy today, isnāt he Martin? MARTIN: Uhā Oh, well, uhā TIM: [CONSPIRATORY] Do you think itās his looming sense of mortality? MARTIN: Uhā [STUTTERING] I, I donāt thā [ā¦] SASHA: Martin? [GLASS POURED] MARTIN: Oh, uh! [NERVOUS CHUCKLE] I mean, I donātā¦ normallyā¦ drink wine, you know, taātannins are a proven headache trigger, and soā¦ SASHA: Martin. [GLASS POURED] MARTIN: Oh, uāuh, yeah, sure, maybe, just aā¦ a drop, ehā¦ [RUSTLING OF CLOTHES] ARCHIVIST: You know that thereās a lot of tannin inā¦ tea as well? MARTIN: What? [ā¦] TIM: [CHUCKLING] What, are you afraid weāre going to get sued over the āHappy Birthdayā song? MARTIN: Oh! Oh, well I am now!
He barely talked during the scene, and it was mostly āOh, Martinā¦ā bits of sentencesā¦ Not super good re:Sasha&Tim insisting for him to drink when he was trying to dodge it, though ;; (What was Martin aiming for, and what did they know about it? Was Martin genuinely worried about headaches, was he trying to avoid alcohol and hiding himself behind the tannin excuse (if so, really not good guys!), or was Martin trying to hide that he wasnāt used to wine, most likely because of his poor upbringingā¦?)
It really highlighted the difference with present!Martin whoā¦ just flat-out refuses, or points out when Jon is going too far. Heās less anxious about speaking his mind, now, not trying to go with the flow even when heās uneasy with it (and itās SAD that TIM&SASHA COULDNāT SEE HIM AS HE IS NOW!!).
- ā¦ The fact that Tim brought wine in the Archives made the end of season 1 even funnier:
(MAG039) SASHA: Iām still not sure why you have this. Drinking in the archives? MARTIN: What? No, no, itās for worms. ARCHIVIST: What? MARTIN: For pulling the worms out of people. Like now. SASHA: You, erā¦ what? MARTIN: I used to carry around a knife, but I started thinking that, well, cutting into someone laterally wasnāt really the most efficient way to get them out, and besides which, they seem to be quite slow burrowing in a straight line so, given their size, thāthe corkscrew just seemed to be the better option.
Sasha suggesting that Martin could have been Drinking In The Archives, leading to Jon getting offendedā¦ while they had a frigginā birthday party there, complete with Sasha insisting that Martin should drink with them.
- DO YOU THINK THAT MARTINāS PRECIOUS CORKSCREWā¦ WAS ACTUALLY TIMāSā¦ FROM THAT TIMEā¦
(MAG161) TIM: Well, after the party at least. Wine, anyone? ARCHIVIST: Tim, itās [CORK POPPING] eleven in the morning. TIM: Pfft! Yeah, at your birthday party! [GLASS POURED] ARCHIVIST: I really donāt think itās appropriateā ELIAS: Iāll allow it. In factā¦ Iāll join you.
Heavy sob at the fact that back then, Tim had instigated the drinking inside, and Elias had allowed itā¦ while it became a āEff You Elias/Beholding/Institute/All the things happening to usā tradition to go out for drinks in the middle of the day, in season 3 and 4, without Tim because he was too depressed (and then researching on the Circus):
(MAG098) MELANIE: Right. Fair. Listen, you really look like you could use a drink. Hum, me and Basira were just about to pop out. Soā¦ do you want to join us? MARTIN: Itās like one in the afternoon. MELANIE: Are you afraid of getting fired? MARTIN: ā¦ Huh. Iāll get my coat.
(MAG106) BASIRA: Hey, are you ready for that drink? [ā¦] You know, speaking of ānot coolā, didnāt Martin say he was coming today? [ā¦] Well, I should probably go check in with Martin. Yāknow, see if heās in for drinks. MELANIE: So you can double-check your gossip? BASIRA: I donāt gossip! I have the mind of an investigator.
(MAG108) MARTIN: Noā¦ no, itās just [Melanieās] workās beenā¦ look, sheās always been quite, you know, conscientious, but then recently, everythingāsā¦ BASIRA: Okay, look. I donāt know what the situation is, she wonāt tell me, but sheās not doing well. We were meant to go for a drink last week, butā¦ I think it has something to do Elias.
(MAG136) DAISY: Now Iām making the choiceā¦ to get some drinks in. Coming? ARCHIVIST: I dāā¦ Iā¦ [SIGH] ā¦ yeah? Okay. DAISY: Melanieās out, but Iāll go get Basira. ARCHIVIST: Is sheā¦ Wāwill she want to join us? DAISY: If she doesnāt, Iāll rip her throat out. ARCHIVIST: Uhā¦ DAISY: Itās a joke, Jon. ARCHIVIST: ā¦ oh. Hahahā¦! Yesā¦ Uh, IāIāll get my coat.
(MAG150) MELANIE: If you need me, Iāll be trying to get Daisy drunk. ARCHIVIST: [STATIC] Good luck. It only ever happened once in 2006, she drank aā ā¦ Sorry. Didnāt mean to.
Your legacy, Timā¦
- Iām so glad about Sashaās talents as a hacker being put at the front again!! It was implied in season 1 (since she was handling police records, and Jon had noted that her ~computer problems~ prevented them from accessing those in season 2, unless Tim was stepping out with a more, uh, flirty approach), but confirmation AND demonstration that she was using her talents against Jon too!
(MAG161) ELIAS: So. How old is the birthday boy? ARCHIVIST: Uhā¦ thirty-eight. SASHA: [TUTTING] Liar. TIM: [CHUCKLES] ARCHIVIST: How would you know? TIM: What, does someone need to change their password again! ARCHIVIST: Iā¦ what? TIM: [LAUGHS] ARCHIVIST: Sasha, have you been going through my computerā SASHA: Definitely not! No idea what heās talking about. TIM: āCourse not! SASHA & TIM: [LAUGHS] [ā¦] ARCHIVIST: Hang on ā have you been recording this? [RUSTLING OF CLOTHES] TIM: Oh, yeah! Iā¦ just thought it might be nice, you know, something to look back on when weāre all old and sick of each otherā¦! SASHA: You probably should have told us, Tim. TIM: [CHUCKLING] What, are you afraid weāre going to get sued over the āHappy Birthdayā song? MARTIN: Oh! Oh, well I am now! SASHA: Itāsā¦ just a bit of a privacy thing. ARCHIVIST: Oh! Hypocrite.
She used to crack Jonās computer! And he knows it! (That āagainā!!! :D) The bantering between āLiarā and āHypocriteā!! Jon&Sasha were friends!! I love how she liked him and how we can see thatā¦ Jon wasnāt exactly their boss ā he was mostly a friend that they loved to tease!
(And gods, Sasha pointing out to Tim that his use of the tape recorder wasnāt great privacy-wiseā¦ while he would throw the same argument at Jon in season 3:
(MAG114) ARCHIVIST: I listened to all the tapes. I, I had no idea how much of aā¦ a mess I left this place in, IāIāIām sorry. TIM: Bit of an invasion of privacy. ARCHIVIST: I assume thatās a joke? TIM: [BITTER LAUGH] Isnāt it just?
Sashaā¦ ;_;)
I love how she was Timās partner in crimes, too!! He had mentioned that he used to get along with Sasha the most:
(MAG114) TIM: You know how long that thing pretended to be Sasha? ARCHIVIST: Oh godā¦ TIM: And I had no idea? I knew Sasha for years, weā¦ I donāt know Martin as well as I knew her; I barely know what Melanie and Basira look like, or that weird murder-cop.
And yessss, they had the unruly children vibes to them here!
- Re: Tim, I canāt handle how strongly it was shown that he used to treasure Jon? He handled every aspect of the party! He even recorded them all as a memory for their older years:
(MAG161) MARTIN & SASHA & TIM: SURPRISE! [PARTY WHISTLE BLOWING] ARCHIVIST: JESUS! TIM: Happy birthday, boss! [ā¦] ELIAS: Anyway. Uh, did somebody mention cake? TIM: Uh, yeah. You did. ELIAS: Yes, I did, didnāt I? [SILENCE] TIM: [SIGH] Alright, alright, well. I guess the catās out of the bag now anyway ā lookā¦ just give me a second. [SHUFFLING] [CUTTLERY CLICKING] TIM: Happy birthā ELIAS & MARTIN & SASHA & TIM: āday toāā¦ [ā¦] TIM: ā¦ Oh, goodness! [SHAKES A BOX OF MATCHES] A source of ignition? In the Archives? [ā¦] Oh? Woops! [A MATCH IS LIT] Sorry; my hand slipped. And again. [CRACKLE OF A BIRTHDAY CANDLE WICK] And again. Andā¦ a couple more times, here ā Iām so clumsy today; that is a lot of fire! [ā¦] Wine, anyone? ARCHIVIST: Tim, itās [CORK POPPING] eleven in the morning. TIM: Pfft! Yeah, at your birthday party! [ā¦] ARCHIVIST: Hang on ā have you been recording this? [RUSTLING OF CLOTHES] TIM: Oh, yeah! Iā¦ just thought it might be nice, you know, something to look back on when weāre all old and sick of each otherā¦!
He was planning for their friendship to last on the long run!
We had had hints and glimpses that Tim&Jon used to get along very well since they had a good awareness of each otherās limits, and we know that Tim had come to work at the Archives at Jonās request:
(MAG033) ARCHIVIST: No. I donāt have time. I still have a mountain of haphazard statements to get through, not to mention that I need to keep this wretched tape recorder on hand ā just in case I encounter one of the files too stubborn to work on anything else, and when I do, I have to actuallyā TIM (BACKGROUND): Oh, woahā ARCHIVIST: āread the damn thing, which isā¦ TIM (BACKGROUND): āwoahā¦ woah! ARCHIVIST: ā¦ Fine. Itāsā¦ fine. I justā¦ havenāt been sleeping much these last few months, what with all thisā¦ wormā¦ business.
(MAG065) TIM: No. No, you listen for once. I was fine in research, happy. Then you asked me to be transferred here, and suddenly itās all monsters and killers and secret passages, oh my! And the worst thing? The actual worst thing is that no one here has my back. With any of it! Elias doesnāt care; Martin just wants a tea party; and Sashaā¦ god, and you! Youāre treating me like Iām somehow to blame for it all, like I didnāt suffer the worst right alongside you! ARCHIVIST: Well, excuse me if my experiences of thā TIM: Your experiences? Fuck you! I got eaten by worms because of you! ARCHIVIST: Well, what do you want? You want sympathy? TIM: You know what, yeah! A little bit of basic sympathy would have been nice! ARCHIVIST: Jane Prentiss was not my fault, I did not bring her to the Archives! TIM: Oh, but you went off the deep end afterwards, didnāt you? Everything went to hell, and when you actually needed to be in charge, you just hid down here and played with your tape recorder. ARCHIVIST: Well, what would you have me do?! TIM: Anything! Anything that wasnāt turning into a paranoid lunatic would have been fine. Anything that showed you could actually do your job!
ā¦ Which makes Jonās behaviour towards him in season 2 even more heart-breaking and Timās bitterness so understandable. Tim had tried to keep up a light atmosphere after Prentissās attack (asking Jon if he had trouble with the police, being supportive in his own way when he assumed that Jon was beginning a relationship with Basira). From Timās point of view, it wasnāt just that his ābossā was suspecting him of being responsible of Gertrudeās murder and of trying to murder him too: it was a friend thinking Tim was wishing him harm, and turning his back on him on every front. Thatā¦ might be a harsh reminder for Jon to listen to, in present time.
(- Down to the little detail of Tim playfully calling him ābossā, whenā¦ it would turn sour and bitter by the end of season 3:
(MAG161) TIM: Happy birthday, Boss!
(MAG050) TIM: Okay, so, seriously, I donāt get why she keeps coming back round here outside of the investigation. ARCHIVIST: Sheās, uhā¦ Iāmā¦ Iām helping her with some of the investigation. Off the record. TIM: Oh. OooOOH. Say no more. ARCHIVIST: Tim, whā what are youā¦ TIM: Donāt worry! Iām cool! Good work, Boss~
(MAG114) ARCHIVIST: Hello Tim. TIM: Oh godā¦ ARCHIVIST: Come in, please. TIM: [SIGH, THEN FAUX POLITE] Good to see you, Boss. Howāve you been? ARCHIVIST: Iām not going to lie to you, Tim. Itās been a difficult few months. TIM: [DEADPAN] Good. [ā¦] [SNIDELY] So, whatās the plan, Boss?
(MAG116) ARCHIVIST: Do I need to be worried about you? TIM: You reading my mind again, boss? ARCHIVIST: Watching your face!
(MAG119) ARCHIVIST: Tim!! [STATIC] What do you see? TIM: I see my asshole boss! Wā waitā¦ waitā¦
ā¦ At the end of everything, under compulsion, Timās honest perception of Jon was āmy asshole bossāā¦ and not a friend, anymore.)
- Additional AOUCH of Tim using a tape recorder to capture a fond, funny scene with people he treasuredā¦
(MAG161) ARCHIVIST: Hang on ā have you been recording this? [RUSTLING OF CLOTHES] TIM: Oh, yeah! Iā¦ just thought it might be nice, you know, something to look back on when weāre all old and sick of each otherā¦!
ā¦ while Tim was the one who would grow to hate the tape recorders the most:
(MAG098) MARTIN: Have you seen [Jon] sinceā¦? TIM: [GRUNT] Kind of. We tried to talk, but he, he reached for thatā Ah, he, he wanted to turn on his recorder. I freaked out a bit, and I said some stuff: if he wanted to talk, no tapes, I just, I just hate that thing.
- GODS about Jon accepting to unwind just to tense up again at Eliasās arrival, trying to be Professional and impressive by aging himself up:
(MAG161) SASHA: Thatās not what this was about; we just thought you could use a chance to unwind. ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] I suppose itā¦ couldnāt hurt. [KNOCKāKNOCK] ELIAS: Knock-knock? [ā¦] Nothing escapes my notice, and I like to keep an eye out for this sort of thing. TIM: Well, itāsā¦ good to see you. ARCHIVIST: Yes. Yeāyes! [CHAIR SCRAPES] Uhā¦ Come in. ELIAS: So. How old is the birthday boy? ARCHIVIST: Uhā¦ thirty-eight. SASHA: [TUTTING] Liar. [ā¦] SASHA & TIM: [LAUGHS] ARCHIVIST: Thatās really not appropriate. [SIGH] [ā¦] TIM: Wine, anyone? ARCHIVIST: Tim, itās [CORK POPPING] eleven in the morning. TIM: Pfft! Yeah, at your birthday party! [GLASS POURED] ARCHIVIST: I really donāt think itās appropriateā ELIAS: Iāll allow it. In factā¦ Iāll join you. [GLASS POURED] ARCHIVIST: Oh! Oā¦ kay, humā¦ Aāalāalright then.
(So Jon, who āwas 8 in 1995 or 1996ā, aged himself up by around ten years, and was actually turning 28 or 29, uh. Jon Being A Retro Thing confirmed, down to liking rum-raisin, rip Martin ālikes things with low-fi charmā Blackwood.)
(Additional thing about Jon infodumping about emulsifiers to Martin: emulsifiers are used to mix together two elements of different natureā¦ likeā¦ themā¦)
- A bit intrigued by Jon not remembering going out for ice cream for Martinās birthday:
(MAG161) ARCHIVIST: Mm! Iām sure. I notice you didnāt jump out at Martin when he had a birthday. TIM: No, heās way too jumpy as it is! MARTIN: Whaā?! TIM: We were worried he might damage himself! MARTIN: Hey! Wellā¦ I preferred going out for ice cream anyway. ARCHIVIST: You went for ice creamā¦? SASHA: Yes, you were thereā¦! MARTIN: You had rum-and-raisin and taught us all about emulsifiers. ARCHIVIST: ā¦ Oh. ā¦ Right, yes, IāI remember. TIM: Liar.
(Martin remembers it all, and thatās incredibly gay of him.)
Is it that Jon hadnāt picked up on the fact that they were actually celebrating Martinās birthday back then? Or is it that Jon has a tendency to forget unpleasant memories ā heā¦ didnāt do much social and liked his quiet, that part wasnāt a front, and he had, for example, forgotten his childhood bullyās name, tooā¦ Or is it a genuinely strange memory loss and is there something more sinister behind it?
- They credited Ben as āJonah Magnusā, and yet we had never heard him at this level ofā¦ comedic villain? Almost like a parody? He was punning SO HARD and sounded like an impulsive idiot, it was a delight:
(MAG161) ELIAS: Knock-knock? TIM: Double-Boss! SASHA: Elias? ELIAS: Iām not too late for cake, am I? ARCHIVIST: Thereās a cakeā¦? TIM: Howā¦ did youā ā¦ Martin, that was a secret! MARTIN: I didnāt say anything! ELIAS: He didnāt have to. Nothing escapes my notice, and I like to keep an eye out for this sort of thing. [ā¦] Anyway. Uh, did somebody mention cake? TIM: Uh, yeah. You did. ELIAS: Yes, I did, didnāt I? [SILENCE] TIM: [SIGH] Alright, alright, well. I guess the catās out of the bag now anyway ā lookā¦ just give me a second. [ā¦] So, what did you wish for? [STATIC] ARCHIVIST: I canāt tell you. ELIAS: He wished for a little bit of peace and quiet. [ā¦] TIM: Happy birthā ELIAS & MARTIN & SASHA & TIM: āday toāā¦ ARCHIVIST: Oh, okayā¦ ELIAS & MARTIN & SASHA & TIM: āyouā¦ ARCHIVIST: Mmāmm. ELIAS & MARTIN & SASHA & TIM: Happy birthday to youā¦ ARCHIVIST: Right! ELIAS & MARTIN & SASHA & TIM: Happy birthā ARCHIVIST: Yesā¦! ELIAS & MARTIN & SASHA & TIM: āday, dearā MARTIN & SASHA & TIM: āJo~onā¦ ELIAS: āA~rchivistā¦ ELIAS & MARTIN & SASHA & TIM: Happy birthday to you! [ā¦] TIM: Wine, anyone? ARCHIVIST: Tim, itās [CORK POPPING] eleven in the morning. TIM: Pfft! Yeah, at your birthday party! [GLASS POURED] ARCHIVIST: I really donāt think itās appropriateā ELIAS: Iāll allow it. In factā¦ Iāll join you.
1Ā°) Elias invited himself for cake and wine, but mostly cake. That INSISTANCE about the cake was pure gold, Melanie should have poisoned one of those instead of his coffee and the idiot would probably have fallen for it.
2Ā°) The gratuitous use of his powers just to Be Smug about ~understanding~ what Jon was wishing for, ELIAS WHY.
3Ā°) The Eye puns, youāre cancelled and forbidden sir (āI like to keep an eye outā).
4Ā°) I just canāt fucking believe the not even sneaky āArchivistā during the birthday song, the question is mostly HOW they didnāt pick up on Elias being a supernatural agent before the end of season 2 if he was at his shittiest like that all the time.
(Timās āDouble-Boss!ā gets a free pass because yeah, two bosses in the same room, and he had mentioned the āgetting two spooky bossesā thing in season 3ā¦ But dang right about Elias being ādoubleā by himself because Jonah-Elias.)
- Iām not 100% sure of that moment but:
(MAG161) TIM: ā¦ Oh, goodness! [SHAKES A BOX OF MATCHES] A source of ignition? In the Archives? ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] SASHA: [CHUCKLES] TIM: Uh oh! ARCHIVIST: Tim. ELIAS?: [SIGH] TIM: Oh? Woops! [A MATCH IS LIT] Sorry; my hand slipped. ELIAS?: [HISS] TIM: And again. [CRACKLE OF A BIRTHDAY CANDLE WICK] And again. Andā¦ a couple more times, here ā Iām so clumsy today; that is a lot of fire!
I think it was Elias hissing, and not Jon groaning.
Which, you know.
Tim, using fire in the Archives and teasing about it.
Someone was having bad flashbacks of Gertrude pouring petrol all over.
- Second tape, āwhat could have beenā: both because it opened a shift in perspective (what if Sasha had been chosen as Head Archivist instead?), and the prospect of a smoother transition from Gertrude to the next Archivist, a version of events in which they would have been warned plenty:
(MAG160, Jonah Magnus) āOf course, I had to bide my time, get a measure of you before I began to push; learn how you worked. So I decided I would wait until something came for you, and see how you reacted. Attacks upon the Archives were not uncommon during Gertrudeās tenure, and while she was always preparedā¦ I made sure you would not be.ā
(MAG161) GERTRUDE: ā¦ Right. If youāre listening to this, then it is likely thatā¦ [INHALE] No; letās not beat around the bush. If youāre listening to this, it means Iām dead. And you have been chosen to be my replacement, as Head Archivist.
And at the same time, would Jon have believed any of it? If Gertrude had mentioned The Web, probably; butā¦ given that Gertrude was shown collaborating with Leitner afterwards (although the recording of their exchange was an accident), it could also have backfired spectacularly instead. Would Jon have believed an old woman in cahoots with Jurgen Leitner to be trustworthy, when a book from his library had wrecked Jon in his childhood?
- The concept of Sasha as a potential next Archivist was a gigantic surprise, and yet! And yet! It fits! It makes sense!
* One of her passions was literally watching people, heyo little Beholding:
(MAG026) SASHA: It was the day before yesterday when I first saw it. When Iām heading down the stairs in the morning, I sometime like to spend a few seconds looking out of the window at the people on the street below. Iāll move my head so that I see them through the warped glass, and theyāll distort like a funhouse mirror. Itās a bit daft, but I have a pretty dreary commute down to Victoria, so I take my fun where I can get it. Well, on that morning I paused before the window, and noticed one of the warped figures below wasā¦ off, slightly.
* SOB over the fact thatā¦ Sasha was the first to point out that they should quit, and that she didnāt really want to:
(MAG026) SASHA: I should really quit, you know. We, we all should. I donāt think this a normal job. I, I donāt think this is a safe job. ARCHIVIST: Youāre probably right. Do you want to quit? SASHA: No. Iām justā¦ Iām just too damned curious, I suppose. You? ARCHIVIST: No. Whateverās going on, Iā¦ need to know. Get some rest.
Martin confessed that he had thought about it in MAG039, Tim tried in MAG065ā¦ but she had been the first, and Gertrude was precisely inviting her successor to try! ;_;
* BIG BIG SOB becauseā¦ she was the first one to point out that Elias was quite the dodgy sort:
(MAG039) SASHA: ā¦ Did I ever tell you I first joined the Institute as a practical researcher? I had to analyse and investigate all the stuff in here. Take notes after sleeping in the rusted chair, write in the memory book, all that sort of thing. I transferred after three months. Wouldāve quit, but couldnāt afford to back then. Never understood why they keep this stuff secret. I mean, weāve, weāve enough here to send any sceptic packing, but itās just locked away. Iā¦ I asked Elias about it once, but he just muttered something about funding and mission statements. Heās good at changing the subject, isnāt he?
* Martin was mostly a victim of Prentiss; Sasha took risks by accepting Michaelās offer (to protect the others), actively and knowingly pursued danger, leading her to discover their most reliable weapon against Prentissās worms: the fire extinguishers. Technically, she got in contact with two entities (Spiral+Corruption) in one go? She could have gotten marked so fast? In fact, she concentrated most aspects you could expect from a typical protagonist: she was curious, bold, followed Michael, annihilated Timothy Hodgeās swarm of worms, was the first one of the team to get physically hurt (a worm had gone through her shoulder); she took care of removing Jonās worms in MAG039, barged out to save Tim, went to Elias for helpā¦
(MAG039) MARTIN: Andā¦ there we go. Recording again. Did you get it? [PAINED CRY FROM ARCHIVIST AS SASHA EXTRACTS WORM WITH A SQUELCH] SASHA: There. And I just want to point out that I didnāt make this much of a fuss. ARCHIVIST: [BREATHING HEAVILY, AGGRIEVED TONE] I think your removal was substantially cleaner. [ā¦] ARCHIVIST: [MUTTERING] Thereās nothing we can do. SASHA: Ah, screw this. ARCHIVIST: What, Sasha, NO! [DOOR OPENS] SASHA: Tim, look out! [ā¦] MARTIN: Ah, yeah. Sure. So, um, Sasha tackled Tim and there was kind of a struggle, but she made it out of the Archives. That, that was about two minutes ago and sheās gone to get help. Pāprobably. I mean, she, she couldnātā¦ she wouldnāt just run soā¦
While you could remove Jon from the season 1 climax and barely anything would have changed, since he simply watched and recorded and followed others. Which, at the same time, made Jon good as an Archivist/record(er) of Fears, butā¦
* (Aouch that Sasha, who was meant to be Gertrudeās replacement, was the first one to meet Michaelā¦)
- At the same time: how come Gertrude was expecting Sasha to become her replacement?
(MAG161) GERTRUDE: ā¦ Right. If youāre listening to this, then it is likely thatā¦ [INHALE] No; letās not beat around the bush. If youāre listening to this, it means Iām dead. And you have been chosen to be my replacement, as Head Archivist. Hopefully, this means you, Sasha ā but if someone else is hearing this and Elias has made a different choice, for some reason, then these words are still very much intended for you. [ā¦] If it is you Iām talking to, Sasha, hopefully your background in Artefact Storage will lend a certain degree ofā¦ credence to my words. But others may have to take it on trust. All I can do is assure you I am deadly serious.
* SNORT that Gertrude stole a page from Gerryās book (badum) with the ādead(ly) seriousā.
* ā¦ With the reminder that Sasha had worked in Artefact Storage: is that a Requirement for Jonah in a way, a place where he usually picks up people from? Elias Bouchard had begun working in Artefact Storage in 1991, and he ended up as his next hostā¦
* I can see multiple possibilities: Gertrude saw a bit of her younger self in Sasha (MAG145: āI was very new to it all, of course. I mean, I was, what? Canāt have been older thanā¦ twenty-five. Would you believe that you were the first proper ritual attempt Iād encountered? Eh! I really thought you were unique, special, an infernal cult raising their demon Messiah to bring about hell on Earthā¦! Eh, you can imagine all the heroic fantasies that that played into. So: I began researching what I thought was a counter-ritual of sorts. Like I said, mm, I was young. NaĆÆve.ā), and assumed that Elias would go with continuity and pick someone like her; Gertrude was perceiving Sasha as the most competent of the staff, and assumed she would be the best candidate (totally missing that Elias was searching for someone who wouldnāt be ready); Elias purposefully gave misleading signals to let Gertrude assume that he was taking an interest in Sasha as Archivist potential; orā¦ Elias was genuinely planning to pick Sasha, and had a change of heart.
* If it was that last point: itās ~very strange~ that in the end, Elias wouldnāt pick Sasha, who was supposed to become the next Head Archivist, and picked, instead, Jon, who was Web-touched. ~Very strange~. Was the new Head Archivist truly Eliasās choice, or The Webās, huhā¦
- Damnit, no name for James Wrightās predecessor even though it could have been the occasion:
(MAG161) GERTRUDE: ā¦ Oh, yes. On the subject of Elias: trust nothing he says. He was originally known as Jonah Magnus, the founder of this Institute, and I have known him also as James Wright, the previous Head of the Institute.
āJames Wrightā became head in 1973 according to MAG049, and Gertrude had been working at the Institute for around fifty years, so she must have known Jonahās previous iteration as well. Unless Jonah genuinely lived as a filing clerk for a few years while in control of James Wright? (MAG029: āElias was working as a filing clerk at the time [1972]ā) Iā¦ have trouble picturing him agreeing to let go of his seat and allowing someone else to run the place, even for a few years.
- New Cool Name for The Eye!
(MAG161) GERTRUDE: You ā unfortunately ā have unwittingly made the decision to become one of those incarnations, for the Institute serves a being known variously as āThe Eyeā, āIt-Knows-Youā, āThe Beholdingā, āThe Ceaseless Watcherā.
(No wonder they didnāt get along well with The Stranger, since its cool name was āI-Do-Not-Know-Youā according to MAG087 and MAG101.)
- ā¦ Amongst the things Gertrude didnāt share, itās interesting to compare what she told āSashaā and what she told Elias a few minutes later (?), in their exchange from MAG158ās tape:
* Nothing about the Panopticon hidden in the tunnels and Jonahās body being down there, even though she had understood all about it:
(MAG158) ELIAS: What exactly were you hoping to achieve here? Why not come at me directly instead of burning everything first? GERTRUDE: I was rather hoping the fire would occupy you while I did just that. ELIAS: I seeā¦! How long have you known? GERTRUDE: About your body? Not long after you took your new host and we had that littleā¦ chat. Wasnāt exactly a huge leap to the Panopticon after that. The hard part was figuring out how to actually reach it. Took me the better part of a decade. ELIAS: So you burn the place down, use it as cover to reach my body, and then we die together.
It would have taken her successor so long to understand that the Panopticon was still standing, and hidden down there, even if the MAG161 tape had reached themā¦
* Gertrude didnāt share that there is one way to escape the Institute/Eliasās clutch: gouging your eyes out. At this point, she had known for years:
(MAG161) GERTRUDE: You will also be unable to relinquish the position, or quit the Institute, finding you are supernaturally compelled to remain. In factā¦ it occurs to me that attempting to do so is probably the quickest and easiest way to establish the truth of what I am telling you ā so I suggest you do so at the earliest possible opportunity.
(MAG158) GERTRUDE: I wasnāt actually planning on dying. ELIAS: And how exactly were you planning on achieving that while youāre still bound to theā¦ ha. Oh, I see. Very clever. [CHUCKLE] I thought Eric was the only one to figure that little morsel out. GERTRUDE: Knowledge has a way of surviving. You, of all people, should know that.
ā¦ and yet didnāt tell Sasha/her successor in her official testament tape. Gertrudeā¦
* No breakdown of the entities Ć la Gerry, which could have been a useful tool at first: Gertrude didnāt mention leaving notes to explain them, or evenā¦ Gerryās page in America, which could have done the trick.
* Gertrudeā¦ wasnāt straightforward about her suspicion that the rituals were doomed to fail:
(MAG161) GERTRUDE: Theseā¦ beings, theseā¦ gods of fear, their followers believe that they haveā¦ rituals. Grand projects, which, if successful, would allow them to enter our world, reshaping it inā¦ [EXHALE] unthinkable ways; moulding it into a dimension where terror is as natural asā¦ gravity. Youā¦ are now one such ritual. I do not know the exact details of it, but be wary of whatever Elias asks you to do. [ā¦] You are entering a new world, a place Iāve lived for most of my life. A placeā¦ [SIGH] A place that will often demand a high price from you. Pay it without hesitation, because one way or another, the world is now on your shoulders. [SIGH] I wish I had more time to explain it to you; but time is short, and hopefully my actions tonight will ensure this tape never needs to see the light of day. But if you are hearing it, thenā¦ good luck. Do what you have to do.
ātheir followers believeā does imply that itās not a clear-cut objective truthā¦ but she was still warning Sasha of the danger she would pose as a potential ritual, and setting her up to stop rituals, instead of telling her to not fret too much about them. Bit of pride on Gertrudeās part, since she had dedicated most of her life to stop them and didnāt want to admit that the prices āsheā had paid were senseless sacrifices in the endā¦? (It was sad re: her regrets, but alsoā¦ āVery Gertrudeā: Jan and Michael Shelley, for example, had paid most of the āhigh priceā she mentioned.) It kind of feels like Gertrude was really trying to preserve her legacy a bit, even though she knew, at this point, that she had been wrongā¦
- Not sure if it will be relevant, but Gertrude was convinced that Jonah used eyes to spy on people:
(MAG054) ARCHIVIST: Oh. Andā¦ I looked through a handful of books on her shelf. They were very well taken care of ā with the exception thatā¦ any time a personās face was featured on the cover, their eyes had been cut out, and very carefully removed.
(MAG113) ARCHIVIST: Found anything yet? MARTIN: Erā¦ erā¦ Bunch ofā¦ eyeless paintings? MELANIE: [JOVIALLY] Snap! Eyeless dolls.
(MAG154) ERIC: You were almost there, you know, with your theory that James could watch us through any eye, even an illustration. So what did you do? How did you sever that link? GERTRUDE: ā¦ Myā¦ God!
(MAG161) GERTRUDE: He was originally known as Jonah Magnus, the founder of this Institute, and I have known him also as James Wright, the previous Head of the Institute. He has certainā¦ abilities of clairvoyance, which allow him to perceive out of any eye ā real, or symbolic ā so be wary.
And thatās not exactly how Jonah himself described his powers?
(MAG160, Jonah Magnus) āBut it left me a gift: for sat in that watchtower, I could seeā¦ everything I turned my mind to.ā
So I donāt know if it was a bit of pride from Jonah (not pointing out that there is One Weakness in his power: if no eye around, his powers are shit), or Gertrude operating off an assumption that wasnāt exactly the truth.
- Really curious as to how Gertrude came to the conclusion that an Archivist was a potential āritualā by itself:
(MAG161) GERTRUDE: There are now things that will actively be trying to kill you, due to your new role as Archivist; andā¦ Elias has plans for you that are little better. [ā¦] You ā unfortunately ā have unwittingly made the decision to become one of those incarnations [ā¦]. But, thereā¦ is another part of being the Archivist. Theseā¦ beings, theseā¦ gods of fear, their followers believe that they haveā¦ rituals. Grand projects, which, if successful, would allow them to enter our world, reshaping it inā¦ [EXHALE] unthinkable ways; moulding it into a dimension where terror is as natural asā¦ gravity. Youā¦ are now one such ritual. I do not know the exact details of it, but be wary of whatever Elias asks you to do.
Was it because of her experience with Agnes, since Agnes was precisely conceived as an āincarnationā and the central piece of The Desolationās ritual? Was it a deduction coming from Eliasās behaviour towards her (if he wasnāt trying to get rid of Gertrude so far, then it meant that her function was necessary outside of her consent or the path she had chosen)? Or did she manage to do historical research in old Archives like Jonah had doneā¦?
- Still unclear whether or not Gertrude had a back-up plan for The Dark (as Elias suspected in MAG160) or a guess as to how to undo a ritual if she had been wrong and it were to succeed:
(MAG161) GERTRUDE: If my guess is right, the Churchās ritual should be collapsing at any time now, soā¦ immediately. LEITNER: And if youāre wrong? GERTRUDE: Then a bit of gas will be the least of our worries.
Weāll see if there is something on that front, I guess.
- AHAHA that we got a confirmation that THIS is what Gertrude had been doing!
(MAG001) ARCHIVIST: Combine that with the fact that most of the Institute prefers the ivory tower of pure academia to the complicated work of dealing with statements or recent experiences and you have the recipe for an impeccably organised library and an absolute mess of an archive. This isnāt necessarily a problem ā modern filing and indexing systems are a real wonder, and all it would need is a half-decent archivist to keep it in order. Gertrude Robinson was apparently not that archivist. From where I am sitting, I can see thousands of files. Many spread loosely around the place, others crushed into unmarked boxes. A few have dates on them or helpful labels such as 86-91 G/H. Not only that, but most of these appear to be handwritten or produced on a typewriter with no accompanying digital or audio versions of any sort. [ā¦] It is going to take me a long, long time to organise this mess.
(MAG161) GERTRUDE: Iāve managed to keep the Archives in a state of chaos for decades, as I believe his plan would benefit from their organisation. But I leave that to your judgement. Certainly, the longer he is ignorant of how much you knowā¦ the better.
So the disorganisation was absolutely on purpose, as suspected, which makes Jonās hissing about Gertrude in season 1 all the funnierā¦ and at the same time: it doesnāt feel like the mess put a dent in Eliasās plans at all in the end ā since he didnāt really need an organised Archives for his plans, but a marked and powerful Archivist/Archive? (And Beholding, in itself, has nothing to do with understanding: āYou who watch and know and understand noneā.)
What it might have done, though, is (letās hope!) make Elias twitchy on a very human and personal level, since we knew that he had habits and regularity:
(MAG098) MELANIE: Uh, Martin, have you seen Elias? MARTIN: Oh, uhā¦ No, but Tuesday lunch he normally meets with the Library staff, I think.
(MAG103) ARCHIVIST: [ā¦] and itās Wednesday afternoon, when he does his scheduling. So Iāmā¦ hoping heās distracted. ā¦ He, uhā¦ He loves scheduling. DAISY: ā¦ Rrrright.
So I hope the state of the Archives still made him deeply uncomfortable.
- It was the first time that Gertrude and Leitner were heard interacting together on the same tape! (ā¦ Unknowing aside; though that time, it was their corpses, notā¦ really them.)
- Unclear if Leitner knew about āEliasā being Jonah Magnus, in the end! He knew why Gertrude had been recording, but did he hear the content? If he knew about Jonah, he really really should have told Jon when he explained that Elias was a Beholding agent in MAG080ā¦ (But since when does Jurgen Leitner make sensible decisions.)
- The first time was full of dark irony, but oooooh, Leitnerā¦
(MAG161) LEITNER: Then you recording all that was meaningless anyway. Besides, Iām not afraid of him. GERTRUDE: Bravado? [CHUCKLES] Really? LEITNER: Hmāmmā¦ Itās not bravadoā¦ GERTRUDE: [SHARPLY] Weāre wasting time. Do you still have the Ruskin book? LEITNER: I do. Though I donāt relish the thought of using it. Makes it rather hard to breathe, like your chestā GERTRUDE: You knowā LEITNER: āis beingā¦ GERTRUDE: āthe gas main, little way out in the tunnel? LEITNER: I do. GERTRUDE: I need you to move it. LEITNER: I, humā¦ Thatāsā¦ I mean, thatās not just earth, thereās pipework and all sorts ofā
As Melanie would say: āFamous last wordsā (itās ~not bravado~ when he said he wasnāt afraid of Elias, and Leitner complaining about pipework of all thingsā¦).
I love that he was complaining about the use of The Seven Lamps of Architecture, when Gertrude was currently trying to neutralise Elias and prevent his plans ā he was using it quite easily in season 2, soā¦ wasnāt that bad? And yet, he found ways to complain about it. Leitner, please.
- Amongst the new information casually thrown at us:
(MAG161) LEITNER: Right. ā¦ Did you mean to leave the tape running? GERTRUDE: Oh, good grief! Forty years Iāve been using them, and I swear, Iāll neā [CLICK.]
Gertrude had been using them for 40 years at this point. The oldest recording we heard from her was from 1996 (MAG077), about the Not!Them, and she had noted that cassettes seemed to be spared by its effects ā so I had assumed that she may have begun to record because of this, for 20 years? But apparently, no, she had started much earlier than that.
* Back to Jonās first questions about her tapes: why are there so few, then, if she had been recording for so long? Why did she record certain statements and not others? (Was it mostly the statements about rituals or related?)
* So, āforty yearsā means that she began recording around 1975 => she didnāt begin to record as soon as she became Archivist, since on the same day she said that in front of Leitner, she had been in the position for roughly fifty years (Elias in MAG158: āI suppose we both got a little complacent. Fifty years is a long time! āEnd of an eraā.ā). It matches with the history of actual tape recorders, though they had begun to be more popular towards the end of the 60sā¦ but curiously, āforty years agoā in 2015 also meansā¦ that Gertrude began to use a tape recorder around the time Hill Top Road burned (1974) and The Web tricked her into binding herself to Agnes. Mm-mmmmmmmmmmā¦
- Anyway, GERTRUDE X AGNES RIGHTS.
(MAG161) GERTRUDE: Paper burns well. [GURGLING LIQUID] Petrol burnsā¦ better. LEITNER: Aha! I always forget about your pyromaniac streak. GERTRUDE: Mm. Remind me to tell you about Agnes, sometimeā¦!
Gertrude sounded almost fond (or at least playful) when mentioning her? It really seems to confirm that Gertrude&Agnes getting tied by the The Webās ritual affected both: Agnes loved observing people, fire became Gertrudeās main weapon; The Lightless Flame avoided hurting Gertrude afterwards, and Gertrude extended her protection to Jack Barnabas. I wonder if weāll get more about Agnes&Gertrude and/or if they had been in contactā¦
(Also, āremind me to tell you about x sometimeā is some death flag, Gertrudeā¦)
- OKAY, TAPE RECORDERS TIME (and insert here the usual āone day, Iāll finish&post that draft from 2018 about themā).
* Iām a bit surprised that there was no double-click at the beginning nor at the end of the first tape: itās usually either a succession of tapes (the usual when Jon listens to Gertrudeās: it clicks off, then his own recording clicks on for him to give commentaries, so double-click after the first tape for the click-off / click-on), either a recording inside of a current recording (rarer: for example, Jon listening to the real Sashaās tapes near the end of season 2, or to Daisyās statement before going inside the Coffin). No double-click for the assistants tape, although the delimitations were clearer with Gertrude&Leitnerās as framed inside of Jon&Martinās scene in the cabin:
(MAG161) [CLICKā] [RUSTLING OF CLOTHES] MARTIN: Careful! [ā¦] TIM: Now, alright, alright; fine! Look: Iām turning it off. Any last words for your future selves? ARCHIVIST: Yes. āFire Tim!ā TIM: [LAUGHS] [CLICK.] [APOCALYPSE SOUNDSCAPING] ARCHIVIST: [SLOW BREATHING] [ā¦] MARTIN: You, uhā¦ listening to the tapes again? [RUSTLING OF CLOTHES] How many times is that, now? [WOODEN CREAKING SOUND] ARCHIVIST: They were sent to me, Martin. [ā¦] Justā¦ [A TAPE IS LOADED] Listen. [CLICKā] [RUSTLING OF CLOTHES] GERTRUDE: ā¦ Right. [ā¦] Oh, good grief! Forty years Iāve been using them, and I swear, Iāll neā [CLICK.] [APOCALYPSE SOUNDSCAPING] ARCHIVIST: Can you imagineā¦? If weād had thisā¦ [ā¦] No itās not. [CLICK.]
Which means that it was prrrobably the same thing as with the beginning of MAG157 (which begins with Jon listening to Martin&Peterās exchange from the previous episode): the tape recorder āobservingā Jon listening clicked on for itself after the one playing the assistantsā tape, when it had already been running for a bit. Which means that there was actually more assistants content on that tape than what we heard! Weāve been robbed! Screw you, MAG161ās Visiting Tape Recorder, you could have clicked on sooner!!
* Big usual questions of āwho is listening through the tape recorders and/or what is the thing pushing them to click on and offā! Interestingly, both of the tapes Jon was listening to made it clear that a person had chosen to start recordingā¦
(MAG161) ARCHIVIST: Hang on ā have you been recording this? TIM: Oh, yeah! Iā¦ just thought it might be nice, you know, something to look back on when weāre all old and sick of each otherā¦! SASHA: You probably should have told us, Tim. TIM: [CHUCKLING] What, are you afraid weāre going to get sued over the āHappy Birthdayā song? MARTIN: Oh! Oh, well I am now! SASHA: Itāsā¦ just a bit of a privacy thing. ARCHIVIST: Oh! Hypocrite. TIM: Now, alright, alright; fine! Look: Iām turning it off. Any last words for your future selves?
(MAG161) GERTRUDE: ā¦ Right. If youāre listening to this, then it is likely thatā¦ [INHALE] No; letās not beat around the bush. If youāre listening to this, it means Iām dead. [ā¦] LEITNER: Right. ā¦ Did you mean to leave the tape running? GERTRUDE: Oh, good grief! Forty years Iāve been using them, and I swear, Iāll neā [CLICK.]
ā¦ Only to highlight, both in the trailer and in the first episode of the season, that the tape recorders manifesting or āchoosingā to record Jon were doing that on their own, without him being actively responsible for it:
(Season 5 trailer) ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] ā¦ What? What do you want? ā¦ The world isā¦! Itās over. Youāve won. What can you possibly still need to hear?
(MAG161) MARTIN: Hey ā when, when did you start recording? [WOODEN CREAKING SOUND] ARCHIVIST: Iā¦ didnāt. MARTIN: [TENSE EXHALE] ARCHIVIST: I only brought one, and Iāve been using it to play the tapes. MARTIN: Oh. [INHALE] Thatās not a great sign. ARCHIVIST: Noā¦ No itās not. [CLICK.]
So: theyāre still a Mystery, but weāre probably getting an answer about them soon-ish (at least by the end of the season) if there is such an insistence on it.
* My Big suspect is still The Web, though Iām less sure after season 4 (too many things seem to point in The Webās direction, so is that a red herringā¦?).
ā¦ Towards the beginning of season 4, I had joked a bit that, what if it was Gertrude or Sasha?, and Iām considering it a bit more nowadays, especially with the insistence on Sasha to start the season with: Sasha as Jonās assistant (complete with the reminder that her forte was with computers; āBinaryā explained quite clearly that tape recorders are digital, too, and had a whole story about someone stuck in an artefact not made to contain and process a human psyche), and Sasha as a potential Archivist in a what-could-have-been scenario (so, Sasha as a Beholding candidate). Leitner had also pointed out that he didnāt know what happens to the Not!Themās victims, and that one should assume them to be dead:
(MAG080) ARCHIVIST: And Sashaā¦ The real one? LEITNER: Was that her name? Iām afraid sheās gone. Whatever it does to those it takes, they donāt come back. Sheās dead. Do you need a moment?
ā¦ which wasnāt a definite and absolute āthe Not!Them kills its victims and thatās itā. Soā¦ Sasha as a floating conscience recovering more and more autonomy when the Not!Them got temporarily sealed in the tunnels? Tape recorders began to manifest autonomy in season 3, though MAG080 was a weird case already (two were running until Eliasās entrance), and the first highlighted case of a tape recorder refusing to stay offā¦ was to listen to Tim in MAG082 as he was interviewed by Daisy (so in potential danger), then to Tim&Martin at the end of the episodeā¦ and once again to Tim at the beginning of MAG090 (when he had come back from Malaysia and was paid a visit by Elias). Martin was mostly recording on his own accord, Jon sounded in control of his recordings at this point tooā¦ MAG161 made it casually clear that Tim&Sasha were getting along extremely well, which Tim had already acknowledged (MAG114: āI knew Sasha for years, weā¦ I donāt know Martin as well as I knew herā), and we saw Sasha getting very protective of him when she hurried out to save him in MAG039ā¦ It would make sense that the Supernatural Tape Recorders would favour him of all people, at first, if she was behind themā¦ (But then, it would break my heart into little pieces, given Timās distaste of the tape recorders, him spitting that he did āhate that thingā and hiding himself in the second half of season 3 partially in order to avoid them T___T)
Potential counterpoint, though, for both Gertrude and Sasha: the recording of Gertrudeās death(? MAG087 still doesnāt make sense if she was killed-killed back then!!) in MAG158 began while Gertrude was already pouring petrol all over the Archives, implying that she hadnāt been the one clicking it on ā so it might have been startedā¦ another way, and could be our first chronological example of an āautonomousā tape recorder.
* āWho is listening in through the tape recorders?ā is not fundamentally the same as āWho is using them to provide information to characters in-universe?ā; so āwho sent MAG161ās tapes back in MAG160?ā is another question, a bit more concrete, especially since Jon and Martin mused about it:
(MAG160) ARCHIVIST: Thereāsā¦ tapes in here, as well. Dā¦ did she say anything about tapes? MARTIN: Sheā¦ didnāt mention it? Butā¦ IāI didnāt check it until after the call. ARCHIVIST: Mm.
(MAG161) MARTIN: You, uhā¦ listening to the tapes again? [RUSTLING OF CLOTHES] How many times is that, now? [WOODEN CREAKING SOUND] ARCHIVIST: They were sent to me, Martin. [RUSTLING OF CLOTHES] Thereās got to be some reasonā¦ MARTIN: [SIGH] Gloating, Jon. [CREAKING SOUND] Elias won, and there were some tapes heād kept for himself, and he wanted to gloat. So, he sent them!
Gertrudeās tape is interesting, because Elias canāt have heard the content of it in any way before the end of season 2, since we hear Leitner on it and, more compromisingly, the mention that heās been navigating the tunnels. Elias kept insisting that Leitner had been a surprise to him:
(MAG080) ELIAS: Well. This is a surprise. [ā¦] Iāve wondered for so long who it could be down there. Who was helping her. I honestly never would have guessed. LEITNER: How did you know I was here? ELIAS: I didnāt. Youāre very well hidden. But Jon is not, and he failed to take the same precautions Iām sure you took for granted with Gertrude. I knew he was talking to someone. And it turns out to be Jurgen Leitner himself. [SOFT CHUCKLING] What an honour.
(MAG092) ELIAS: So. For the avoidance of any doubt. I killed Gertrude Robinson because she intended to destroy the Archives. And I killed Jurgen Leitner because he wasā¦ an unnecessary complication. Likely to tell Jon too much, too early.
(MAG102) ELIAS: I have been trying to give you the information you need. ARCHIVIST: Sure, when youāre not bashing its head in with a pipe. ELIAS: Leitner wasā¦ I will admit I possiblyā¦ overreacted to his sudden re-emergence.
(MAG160, Jonah Magnus) āJurgen Leitner was a surprise, of course, and I was forced toā¦ improvise. I had no idea how much Gertrude would have told him, and he could very easily have derailed everything if you learned too much too fast. Iā¦ justified it to myself, saying I was going to have to send you out into the world anyway if you were to encounter more of the Powers, but I canāt honestly pretend it wasnāt aā¦ rather rash move.ā
(MAG161) GERTRUDE: Jurgen! [RUSTLING OF CLOTHES] I told you to stay in the tunnels. [CHAIR SCRAPES] LEITNER: Your message also told me it was urgent. GERTRUDE: If Elias is watching right nowā¦! LEITNER: Then you recording all that was meaningless anyway. [ā¦] GERTRUDE: You know the gas main, little way out in the tunnel? LEITNER: I do. GERTRUDE: I need you to move it.
Which means that Elias hadnāt listened to this tape in particular before the end of season 2. Where did Gertrude store/hide it and what happened to it afterwards? There is a possibility that it was just dumped in with Gertrudeās other tapes (Iā¦ donāt think that Elias had listened to them all anyway?) and it was passed from hand to hand since the end of season 1ā¦ to finally get back into Eliasās after Leitnerās murder:
(MAG040) MARTIN: When I finally found a door, I thought it might actually get out, but insteadā¦ It was a small room. Square. There was dust on everything. Cardboard boxes were piled around. They were full of old cassette tapes.
(MAG043) BASIRA: Iāve got a shot corpse, three boxes of cassettes, and Daisy, whoās the CID now, whichā¦ I suppose means itās technically her problem, butā¦ sheās now the only detective whoās already sectioned, so sheās always way too busy. As far as I know, neither of us have even had a chance to actually start listening to the tapes. [ā¦] ARCHIVIST: I have convinced Basira to give me access to the tapes. It wonāt be many, or often, as they are currently police evidence and thus hard to subtly remove, and she canāt necessarily guarantee the ones I get will be the most pertinent to the case, but it is still a significant victory.
(MAG075) BASIRA: Here. [BOX HITTING A TABLE] ARCHIVIST: Are those the tapes? BASIRA: As many of them as I could get. [ā¦] Well theyāre sure as hell not going to solve Gertrudeās murder, so you might as well have them. Beforeā¦ I donāt know, maybe I still had enough police in me not to just steal from Evidence, but nowā¦
(MAG116) ELIAS: During theā¦ ādifficultiesāā¦ ARCHIVIST: [AGGRAVATED SIGH] ELIAS: ā¦ with your initial absence, Jon, I took Gertrudeās tapes into my safekeeping. ARCHIVIST: Yes, I thought as much.
(MAG137) ARCHIVIST: [LONG SIGH] So. Funny story. Turns out when Daisy broke the lock to get into Eliasās old office, well, she did a good enough job that itās notā¦ obviously broken. So it hasnāt been replaced yet. So I had a look around. [SIGH] Māmostly as I remember, butā¦ Thereās a box of tapes and statements in the corner. Obviously those Elias either didnāt feel he could trust me with yet, or maybe just the ones he was checking himself.
(MAG154) ARCHIVIST: Iāve found aā [SIGH] I went back to Eliā er, Peterās office. To that box of tapes; started rifling through. And I started to try and pay attention to the ones Iā¦ wasnāt drawn to. The tapes I instinctively wanted to discard.
So Gertrude&Leitnerās tape could technically have been amongst those ā Elias probably wouldnāt have left Ericās so easily accessible if heād known about the content (āHow to cut ties with Beholding and escape the Institute for dummiesā), so he probably hadnāt listened to all of them by the time of his arrest in MAG120ā¦ so he could technically be the sender here, there is nothing in the canon invalidating that he couldnāt have had access to this tape given what we know of the journey of Gertrudeās boxes of tapes.
Regarding the assistants tape, Tim was explicitly the one recording the scene. So either Tim had forgotten about itā¦ either someone/thing stole it by the time of season 2, since it contains a recording of the original Sasha, and existed when the Not!Them wasnāt yet identified as such. It was a private tape, it doesnāt contain sensitive information about the Institute unlike Gertrudeās ā what happened to it, for it to be now sent to Jon? Same thing, Elias technically could have grabbed a hold of itā¦ but itās a silly scene, it doesnāt contain super sensitive information, and I feel like he would have gloated about it in his previous statement in a āI left you a little souvenir of the past!ā way?
* So. The sender could be Elias, but I donāt think that itās him, mostly because of what they have in common and what they seem to be saying: Sasha and mostlyā¦ fire. Fire in the Archives, the concept of setting the Archives on fire.
(MAG161) ARCHIVIST: āYes, thank you, I do hope youāre not planning to light those candlesā¦! TIM: ā¦ Oh, goodness! [SHAKES A BOX OF MATCHES] A source of ignition? In the Archives? ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] SASHA: [CHUCKLES] TIM: Uh oh! [ā¦] Oh? Woops! [A MATCH IS LIT] Sorry; my hand slipped. ELIAS?: [HISS] TIM: And again. [CRACKLE OF A BIRTHDAY CANDLE WICK] And again. Andā¦ a couple more times, here ā Iām so clumsy today; that is a lot of fire! ARCHIVIST: Iām really not comfortable withā SASHA: So blow them out, then. ARCHIVIST: Oh. [FIRE CRACKLING] ā¦ Right, yeahā
(MAG161) LEITNER: Rightā¦ What are you going to do? GERTRUDE: Paper burns well. [GURGLING LIQUID] Petrol burnsā¦ better. LEITNER: Aha! I always forget about your pyromaniac streak. GERTRUDE: Mm. Remind me to tell you about Agnes, sometimeā¦!
ā¦ And also something very new with Gertrude: it seems thatā¦ she wasnāt only planning to set the Archives on fire as a distraction while she was going after Jonahās real body in the Panopticon, as she had told Elias when he caught her pouring petrol:
(MAG158) GERTRUDE: Shame, really; I used to be able to torch a building in half the time. [SIGH] Age catches us all. ā¦ Well. Almost all of us, Elias. ELIAS: You were the one soā¦ insistent on staying human. [ā¦] What exactly were you hoping to achieve here? Why not come at me directly instead of burning everything first? GERTRUDE: I was rather hoping the fire would occupy you while I did just that. ELIAS: I seeā¦! How long have you known? GERTRUDE: About your body? Not long after you took your new host and we had that littleā¦ chat. Wasnāt exactly a huge leap to the Panopticon after that. The hard part was figuring out how to actually reach it. Took me the better part of a decade. ELIAS: So you burn the place down, use it as cover to reach my body, and then we die together. [CHUCKLE] Howā¦ poetic. Doesnāt seem like your style at all.
(MAG161) GERTRUDE: [SHARPLY] Weāre wasting time. Do you still have the Ruskin book? LEITNER: I do. Though I donāt relish the thought of using it. Makes it rather hard to breathe, like your chestā GERTRUDE: You knowā LEITNER: āis beingā¦ GERTRUDE: āthe gas main, little way out in the tunnel? LEITNER: I do. GERTRUDE: I need you to move it. LEITNER: I, humā¦ Thatāsā¦ I mean, thatās not just earth, thereās pipework and all sorts ofā GERTRUDE: Find a way. I need it to be directly under the Institute, orā¦ at least, closer. LEITNER: Iām more likely to rupture it and fill the place with gas. GERTRUDE: Hm! That would also be acceptable.
SHE WAS PLANNING TO EXPLODE THE BUILDING AND THE TUNNELS?! Thatās what the gas would have done when in contact with the fire! So did she bullshit to Elias about knowing where the Panopticon was, to hide her actual plot? She had already blown up a suspected Archive with a gas main:
(MAG053) GERTRUDE: Itās taken a long time to track down someone still living who found the Serapeum of Alexandria. Itās not a full confirmation of my theory about ancient iterations of the Archive, but Iām certainly feeling validated for pursuing it. [ā¦] Regardless, I have further follow-up of my own to do. My biggest concern right now is whatever creature Mr Heller encountered down there. It wasā¦ 56 years ago. But if itās still alive, I should be careful. What was it? A guardian of some sort or perhapsā¦ perhaps it too wasā¦ once an Archivist. [ā¦] ARCHIVIST: Iāve found a news article from March 1998, six months after this statement was taken. It reports an explosion in Alexandria, which destroyed several buildings in the vicinity of Pompeyās Pillar, and killed 17 people. Official investigation determined it to be a gas mains explosion, butā¦ I wonder. Gertrude Robinson is not who I thought she was.
Andā¦ we know that Leitner moved the gas main, and that itās still waiting under the Instituteā¦
(MAG068) ARCHIVIST: Supplemental. Iām in the tunnels. I was exploring and I got lost. I havenāt gone down any of the stairs and Iā I think Iām still under the Institute. There were a couple of spiders, so I changed routes and found, I think itās a gas main. Must be for the whole building. But thereās someone coming and Iā I donāt know who else would be down here, exceptā¦ I mean, whateverās down here.
ā¦ because Jon was redirected towards it by frigginā spiders, in the episode preceding the one about Annabelle Caneās emergence as an avatar.
Complete with Eliasās Knock-knock (MAG081: āThen, on page five, the words āKNOCK KNOCKā appear next to the door in the same style as the words of the title. Mr. Spiderās arms are suddenly straight and still by his side. The text comes again: āWHO IS IT, MR. SPIDER?āā), Elias insisting so much about the cake (MAG081: āāITāS MR. BLUEBOTTLEā, the text reads, āAND HEāS BROUGHT YOU A CAKEā.ā), Tim joking about āa source of ignition? In the Archives?ā which was Jonās exact recrimination when he unpacked and discovered the Web lighter (MAG036: āAnd I donāt allow ignition sources in my archive!ā), it really feels to me like itās The Web that sent the tapes? There are so many little connections and narrative irony, it sounds like something a āStory-Spinnerā would sendā¦?
If itās indeed The Web: Iā¦ am not banking on the tapes being a guideline to explain how to get rid of Jonah. It could still be gloating: look, we made you aware of the gas main under the Archives; look, we had sent you the Web lighter; you had all the cards in your hands and yet you didnāt grab your chance when you had it, and itās your own fault that Jonah was still around when he tricked you into reading his incantation. It could still be that kind of message.
(+ Big problem in the Archives about using the gas mainā¦ is the New Fire Suppression System (MAG039, Elias: āOn Jonās insistence I recently changed the Archiveās fire suppression system to use carbon dioxide. Should have done it years ago, reallyāā). IIRC, CO2 is precisely good to counter leaking gas fire?)
- Weāre getting a few indications about the current state of the world:
(Season 5 trailer) MARTIN: Uh, oāokay, eh. [PAUSE] How are you feeling today? ARCHIVIST: [LONG INHALE] Defineā¦ ātodayā. [CREAKING SOUND] MARTIN: āHow are you feeling in generalā, then? ARCHIVIST: ā¦ Unchanged. [PAUSE] I donāt know if itāll ever change againā¦! [ā¦] MARTIN: OH! Woahā¦! Ohā¦ Whaā¦ [HIGH-PITCHED] What, but Iā, IāI made that, ifā Iā¦ Whā¦ I thought it wasā ARCHIVIST: Iām sorry, Martin. MARTIN: [PANTS] ARCHIVIST: [WITH AN EDGE] Things donāt work like that anymoreā¦! MARTIN: Like what?! ARCHIVIST: Like normal. This is no longer a world where you can trustā¦! MARTIN: What, tātea?! ARCHIVIST: ā¦ Comfort.
(MAG161) MARTIN: You should get some sleep. [CREAKING SOUND] ARCHIVIST: Iā¦ [SIGH] canāt. IāIāI canāt, IāI donāt think I do anymoreā¦ āSleepā. [EXHALE] How longās it been, now? MARTIN: I donāt know. Itās not like there are days to count anymore. All the clocks have stopped, andā¦ [DISTANT HOWL] ARCHIVIST: Well, I havenāt yet. I getā¦ tired, but it doesnāt feel the same. [WOODEN CREAKING SOUND] Probably for the best. Sleep doesnāt lookā¦ pleasant. MARTIN: Nnno, itāsā¦ itās not. ARCHIVIST: I couldnāt wake you. [ā¦] Iām justā¦ Iām mourning a world I killedā¦! MARTIN: I knowā¦ ARCHIVIST: And weāre all trapped in its rotting corpseā¦! [ā¦] MARTIN: [DRY HUFF] What about food? ARCHIVIST: What about it? Whenās the last time you thought to eat, oāor even felt hungry? MARTIN: [FAINT] Whatā¦? Whaā¦ Uhā¦ I donāt know. ARCHIVIST: No. Whatever is sustaining us now doesnāt need us to eat. MARTIN: Thatā¦ that canāt be possibleā ARCHIVIST: Itās a new world, Martin, the natural laws are whatever they want them to be. And I suspect they donāt much care to keep humanity fed and watered.
* So time and necessities have been affected ā I was wondering if the āeternity of tormentā promised by Elias meant that everyone would be kept in a state of not-being-able-to-die, it might be the caseā¦? (Which adds another concern if (if.) they managed to undo that apocalypse: would time catch up to everyone, suddenly, thus annihilating everyone in one-goā¦?)
* The most characteristic element of Eliasās office, sound-wise, was the clock/metronome in the background. If we were to go back in that office at some point, would it have stopped like all the others? Or not?
* This episode showed Jon listening to the recordings of fixed points (his own birthday, a representation of time passing as a personal experience; Gertrude&Leitner the day they tried to neutralise Elias, resulting in Gertrudeās death and, ultimately, in Jon rising as the next Head Archivist) at a moment during which ātimeā is not experienced anymore as a stable and sure thing (they canāt track days anymore, the clocks have stopped)ā¦ and yet, time is indeed still going, still there as a continuum? There is a past, there is future, there is a āright nowā, down to the case number (āCase ########ā1ā): no date, yes, but if youāre counting 1, 2, 3, etc., then there is still a logic, still a progression. The main difference, right now, seems to be that time is less tangible, less grounded? More subjective, but without the regularity of the world going around them? I wonder if time will get further twisted, or will remainā¦ a constant āundeterminedā.
- Iām squinting a bit at the fact that Jon insists that this apocalypse seems to resist any change (and mentioning the day before the invocation as āthe day before the Changeā), and pushing to preserve their current status quo:
(Season 5 trailer) MARTIN: āHow are you feeling in generalā, then? ARCHIVIST: ā¦ Unchanged. [PAUSE] I donāt know if itāll ever change againā¦! [MIRTHLESS CHUCKLE]
(MAG161) MARTIN: I know. But we canāt stay in this cabin foreverā¦! [DISTANT HOWL] ARCHIVIST: Why not? It, itās quiet here, anāand I have youā¦! [ā¦] MARTIN: Well, that as may be, we canāt just stay here forever. ARCHIVIST: What could possibly be out there that you want to see?
ā¦ when the one thing that had been characterised by āchangeā, last season, was Adelardās definition of The Extinction:
(MAG134, Adelard Dekker) āThis is a fear of extinction. Of change. It used to be part of The End, perhaps, when The End of humanity was to be the end of all things; but now, the fear is not of a rapture or a revelation; it is of catastrophic change. A change in our world that will wipe out what it means to be āusā, and leave something else in its place. [ā¦] The Extinction. The Terrible Change. The-Future-Without-Us.ā
So, humā¦ Given that Martin still thought in MAG158 that The Extinction as an aspect of Fear might legitimately be on the rise, I wonder if heāll try to dig further in that area, and cause something worse in the process (although that doesnāt bode great at all for humanity: Simon had warned that, anyway, the world would just keep going, that āends of the worldā and cataclysms had happened and would happen again).
- I wonder if the dreams, and specifically Martinās, will become a Big Slap In The Face by the end of the season (making us go back to the mention from this ep and going āOH NO, THE FORESHADOWING/HINT D:ā)ā¦
(MAG161) ARCHIVIST: Well, I havenāt yet. I getā¦ tired, but it doesnāt feel the same. [WOODEN CREAKING SOUND] Probably for the best. Sleep doesnāt lookā¦ pleasant. MARTIN: Nnno, itāsā¦ itās not. ARCHIVIST: I couldnāt wake you. [WOODEN CREAKING SOUND] MARTIN: Iām sorry. [ā¦] Well, just as well I donāt remember my dreams. ARCHIVIST: I do. MARTIN: Uhā What? ARCHIVIST: Theyā¦ I see most of the suffering around here. When itās quiet, it justā¦ itās likeā¦ I can see it, like Iām watching all of it. MARTIN: You havenāt been opening the curtains? ARCHIVIST: No, I donāt need to. āItā can see us here, andā¦ [WOODEN CREAKING SOUND] And I can see out as well. MARTIN: Oākay, weāll just file that underā¦ ominous, for now.
Is it the same for everyone (no comfort found in sleep, sleep being as unpleasant as awareness)? In Martinās case, does it mean that he has lost Beholdingās protection as a member of the Institute (since he was going to The Lonely), or does it mean that, anyway, the rules have changed and Jon will see peopleās dreams indiscriminately, including Basiraās? What about Melanieās, since she cut ties with Beholding? ā¦ Do Jon and Martin have the same definition of an unpleasant dreamā¦? (=> is it the āMartin dreams about Jane Prentissā kind of unpleasant, or the āMartin dreams about being back into The Lonely and feeling fine there, and itās the waking up part which is unpleasantā kind?).
- It seems like Elias was kiiiiind of (absolutely) right about the concept that Jon would be perfectly tailored for this worldā¦ as Archivist:
(Season 5 trailer) MARTIN: Are you stillā¦ [SIGH] āfeeling itā? Seeing everything? ARCHIVIST: Yes, I, Iām trying not to, butā¦ all of the fear, thāthe anguish, iāit justā¦ [INHALE] It keeps coming at me in waves, rolling over me, filling my head with suchā¦ awful sights. MARTIN: ā¦ Iām sorry. That soundsā¦ [SMALL EXHALE] That sounds horrible. ARCHIVIST: ā¦ I wish it was, Martin. I really wish it was. ā¦ But it feelsā¦ right. [MIRTHLESS HUFF]
(MAG161) ARCHIVIST: Theyā¦ I see most of the suffering around here. When itās quiet, it justā¦ itās likeā¦ I can see it, like Iām watching all of it. MARTIN: You havenāt been opening the curtains? ARCHIVIST: No, I donāt need to. āItā can see us here, andā¦ [WOODEN CREAKING SOUND] And I can see out as well. [ā¦] ā¦ Besidesā¦ Gā¦ [SHAKY EXHALE] Griefā¦ is healthy. Iāif nothing else, it pushes away the other feelings that thatā¦ thing wants me to experience. [ā¦] Itās soā¦ Itās so loud, out there? The agony, theāthe terror, I can see it all so much more clearlyā¦!
;; For āthe other feelings that that thing wants me to experienceā: Jon got a bit more aware of the influences that were pushed on him during season 4 (leading him to discover Ericās tape), Iām really impressed that he managed to establish what he didnāt want to embrace and what he considered as himself and his own feelings, his own ethics? Despite his jab at Martin for not falling into despair ālike me [Jon]ā, it doesnāt feel like Jon has utterly given up, since heās still refusing to embrace the Beholding part of himself ā if he had absolutely given up, whether or not he were enjoying the apocalypse wouldnāt really matter, right? Yet, heās still fighting on that front, still hasnāt decided to stop feeling guilty like Helen did.
Regarding his relationship to The Eye, it sounds like an extension of what used to be his dreamscape, where he couldnāt escape The Eye anywhere, hated it, and yet was completed by it:
(MAG120) ELIAS: It opens, and he walks slowly down the steps into the earth; but even as it closes above him, the great shadow still Sees him. There is nowhere in this universe that it would not blot out the sky. [ā¦] But the Archivist is not afraid. His only fear is that even here, at the centre of the world, barrelling towards a flightless, infinite tomb, still, he will be watched. Still, he will watch. [ā¦] So he watches her, trying in his single-minded focus to ignore the attention of that impossible thing that covers the sky and fixes its gaze on him with such force it would choke him ā were he breathing. [ā¦] And at last, the Archivist looks up. At last, he looks into The Eye that sees all, and knows all, and clutches at the secret terrors of your heart. The Ceaseless Watcher of all that is, and all that was; the voracious, infinite hunger that tears at his soul, invoking him to discover, to observe, to experience all and everything and forever. It stares into him, and it stares out of him, and he is falling into the devouring eternity of its pupil. He wants to cry out in horror, but he cannot. He. is. whole.
(Down to the āit stares into him, and it stares out of himā symbiotic relationship since Jon explained that his awareness of the suffering is linked to what āitā can see.)
Itās heart-breaking that Jonās resistance towards embracing his monsterhoodā¦ came with a form of self-harm (rummaging in the past), yet grounding him away from his instinct to enjoy the chaos. Glad and sad that Jon&Martin had that tiny argument about what counts as āhealthyā in the current circumstances ā itās not the time, not the circumstances anymore indeedā¦ and yet, it has always and never been the time before, anyway. Iām curious about how Jon directly qualified his listening to the tapes as a form of processing his āgriefā, since there has been that theory of TMA organised as the five stages of grief floating around, it worked very well for the first four seasonsā¦ and the last phase would then end with āacceptanceā. Heās not there right now, but that could be the inner journey in season 5ā¦
- Weāve yet to see if Elias was right and will be spared, but at least, Jon is indeed in a position of power in the new setting:
(MAG161) MARTIN: Uh, yes. Still: better than outside. [CREAKING SOUND] [EVIL MOO / BĆĆ IN THE DISTANCE] MARTIN: It sounds bad. ARCHIVIST: [MIRTHLESS LAUGHTER] It isā¦! [SILENCE] MARTIN: ā¦ Are we still safe? ARCHIVIST: Yāyes, itā¦ it doesnāt want to harm me. MARTIN: And me? ARCHIVIST: I wonāt let it. [ā¦] ā¦ I just wish it didnāt feel like whateverās out there was waiting, too. MARTIN: Yeahā¦ [SILENCE]
(I canāt decide if itās a moo or a bĆ¢Ć¢, and I canāt decide which I would love more: evil cow because there is no comfort anymore, or evil bĆ¢Ć¢ because of Jonathan āBĆ¢Ć¢Ć¢ā Sims from MAG125. The cry is really faint but heard multiple times through their exchanges!)
So: at least on Jonās front, heās not targeted by things out there, and sounds confident that he would be able/powerful enough to keep them away from Martin.
ā¦ I wonder how aware Jon currently is of the risk of losing Martin, and how much it weighs in his protests against the idea of leaving the safehouse. On the one hand, he might not be able to protect Martin efficiently if they were to travel outside (andā¦ as Peter had pointed out to him in MAG159, Martin is āthe lastā); on the other hand, heading towards more populated areas means receiving more suffering from many more people, so the prospect of leaving indeed sounds like a lose-lose for Jon on both fronts. Still: as soon as they leave the cabin, what will begin in retrospect is probablyā¦ the story of how they will lose each other in some way or another. (Unless they die together.)
- Regarding Jon&Martin, I love the togetherness, the fact that Jon agrees to show his vulnerable sides and to explain himself! Martin is not enduring things anymore, snaps and protests, and the contrast between his s1!self (unable to assert himself and getting walked over by everyone, not in a mean way but stillā¦ very casually) is so blatant!
(MAG161) MARTIN: It justā¦ It hurts me to see you wallowing, like this. ARCHIVIST: [SHARPLY] Well, some of us werenāt able to cut ourselves off from the world before it ended. [WOODEN CREAKING SOUND] MARTIN: Thatās not fair. [SILENCE] ARCHIVIST: [SOFTER] No, itās not, Iām, Iām sorry, I justā¦ [RUSTLING OF CLOTHES] [INHALE, EXHALE] It hurts. MARTIN: I know. [ā¦] ARCHIVIST: No, itāsā [SIGH] I love you, I justā¦ I need more time. [SILENCE] MARTIN: Itās alright. [RUSTLING OF CLOTHES] [CREAKING SOUND]
* ā¦ I wonder if Martinās absence of reaction following Jonās āI love youā means that he was already used to it, or if he didnāt react becauseā¦ he doesnāt have many emotions left, himself, after his Lonely-fication.
* Jonās accusation seemed very targeted, and ;; Martin had explained that Jon was the only person left for him, in MAG158, Iā¦ think it might still be genuinely the case? And that Martin is able to think about a solution or a path precisely because other peopleās suffering doesnāt matter much for him and he doesnāt empathetically feel for them? Martin still has a moral compass (like in MAG158, when he pointed out that he did care if people were to die following Eliasās death), butā¦ Iām not sure heās doing it āfor peopleā.
* There was a brusque turnaround from Martin pointing out that the safehouse was ābetter than outsideā before Gertrudeās tape, to Martin pushing Jon to leave in search for a solution with him: did Martin suggest they could go on that journey because Jon looked sad, and that Martin is mostlyā¦ trying to fix this problem? (Jon looks sad because of the end of the world, therefore they must find a way to revert the world to its original state, and Jon wonāt be sad anymore.)
* Iām a bit worried over the push-pull relationship between Jon&Martin right now, especially with Martinās past involvement with The Lonelyā¦ Jon shuts him down quite a lot, and although Martin snaps and Jon relents and apologises, Martin is still put in the position of being his caretaker at the moment (going to check on Jon, reminding him that his guilt is misplaced, etc.): itā¦ is a bit uncomfortable given Martinās pedigree (trying to take care of his mother and being constantly rejected). Jon was quick to apologise and tried to ease it, but Iām a bit worried on that front.
* It doesnāt seem like Martin had realised that his biological rules have changed when it comes to sleeping or eating; is it a Martin-thing (due to his having a supernatural connection with The Lonely and/or with Jon), or is it the same for all of humanity now?
* Big scare that Martin could be (unknowingly?) feeding from Jon ā what could be Lonelier than someone obsessively listening to tapes from a past that has been lost and canāt be reached anymore? When Martin said āIt hurts me to see you wallowingā, was it genuine, or an attempt at self-convincing that heās not thriving on it (and feeding from it)ā¦?
- In the series of contrast between Jon and Martin: āwaitingā.
(MAG161) ARCHIVIST: No, itāsā [SIGH] I love you, I justā¦ I need more time. [SILENCE] MARTIN: Itās alright. [RUSTLING OF CLOTHES] [CREAKING SOUND] ARCHIVIST: [SOFT EXHALE] MARTIN: Itās alright, Iām good at waiting.
And itās a skill that Martin indeed learned to perfect, forced by circumstances: from being besieged by Prentiss to convincing Tim to wait for the Jon-intervention, to waiting for the opportunity to trap Elias, to the months spent playing Peter like a Cheap Whistle:
(MAG022) MARTIN: This went on for thirteen days. Every time I thought it might be safe to try and leave Iād hear that knocking at my door come back. Luckily there was no problem with my water supply, so I had plenty to drink. Iām just glad none of them thought to come up through the pipes. I eat a lot ofā¦ ready meals, cans, that kind of thing, soā¦ I had food, although after the first few days I had to start rationing. If I ever see another can of peachesā¦ [SHUDDERS] Butā¦ IāI think the worst part was the boredom.
(MAG117) MARTIN: These last couple of years, Iāve always beenā¦ running, always hiding, caught in someone elseās trap, butā¦ but now itās my trap. And, well. I think it will work. I know, I know itās not exactly intricate, butā¦ it felt good, weaving my own little web.
(MAG158) MARTIN: And thenā¦ [SHAKILY] Jon came back, andā¦ and suddenly, I had a reason: I had to keep your attention on me. Make you feel in control, so you didnāt take it out on him. [ā¦] So Iā¦ played along, waited to see what your endgame was. And here we are.
(ThisIsHowWebMartinCanStillWinTM, since Breekon had described The Web as āknows too much to truly be a Stranger, but hides its knowing well enough to endureā.)
ā¦ Meanwhile, Jon used to hate waiting and staying inactive:
(MAG031) ARCHIVIST: Hunted. ā¦ Yesā¦ I think Iām starting to know the feeling. [ā¦] Itāsā¦ been two months nowā¦ since Martin returnedā¦ and we. Became. the ones. beingā¦ hunted. Are we being hunted? ā¦ Martinās still living here, and Iām leaving less and less. The worms keep turning up, we kill them, but there are more each week. ā¦ What is she waiting forā¦?
(MAG115) ARCHIVIST: Maybe itās not that. Maybe itās just thisā¦ stillness, the anticipation. Iā We know whatās happening, we know what we have to do about it, we even have something approaching a plan for once. And while itās a welcome change not to be desperately praying for a deus ex machina, I donāt really know how to handle the waiting. [ā¦] So I suppose Iām safe. But everything just feels likeā¦ killing time, running down the clock. I donāt think I like it. God, do Iā do I miss being chased? Thatās depressing. No, itāsā¦ I just miss feeling like Iām moving, like Iā
(MAG130) ARCHIVIST: ā¦ Itās been two weeks since I heard from Basira. Iām not waiting any longer. Iām getting Daisy back.
(MAG137) ARCHIVIST: What the hell is The Watcherās Crown? So far the only mention of it Iāve had is from Gerry, and he didnāt seem to know much about what it actually meant. [PAUSE] And heās gone now. But if it is the grand ritual of Beholding, then Iā ā¦ I meanā¦ I need to know about it. Rightā¦? I feel like Iām on a deadline, like Iām running out of time somehow ā and I donāt even know where to go! What to look for, oāorā¦ [EXHALE] Just casting around blindly for more clues to justā¦ drop into my lap. Everyone else isā¦ running towards something, or running away, and Iā¦ [SIGH] I donāt know what Iām doing. [PAUSE] [SIGH] Iām just tired. Think I might go lie down for a while. Get a cup of tea [HUFF]
(MAG139) ARCHIVIST: ā¦ [SIGH] Iām just worried about Martin. ā¦ Christā¦ Every other Avatar gets to have their feelingsā¦ burned right out of them, but me? Iāveā¦ just got to sit in mine. ā¦ I know he said he had everything under control. I needā¦ to trust him; whatever heās doing with Peter, heāsā¦ he knows what heās doing. Probably. I justā ā¦ [DEEP INHALE] [VERY FAST] I need him to be okay. I just do. ā¦ If Iā¦ Knewā¦ what his plan was; if I knew what Peter was doing; if I justā [WHISPERING] ā¦ Can Iā¦?
And used to jump into action in order to find a solution at every turn. So seeing him asking for more time, and suggesting that they could stay in the safehouse āforeverāā¦ Ooft. Someone has been burned one too many time after MAG160.
- We donāt know the exact amount of tapes that Jon received, but he implied there were more than what weāve heard:
(MAG161) ARCHIVIST: Have you heard the Gertrude one? MARTIN: What? ARCHIVIST: The Gertrude tape. [A TAPE IS LOADED] Thereāre aāa few of them, but this is my favourite.
* So, multiple ones, possibly multiple ones with Gertrude specifically? Given that we heard Gertrude&Leitner together for the first time, I wonder if weāll hear a Gertrude&Gerry one at some point, or a Gertrude&Adelard, or a Gertrude&Agnes (depending if she was sincere when she told Arthur that she had never met herā¦ though, epistolary conversation through letters and/or tapes could work!), or Gertrude&Emma-the-third-assistant, or Gertrude&Elias just after Jonah had body-hopped, or even beforeā¦
* Anyway, BOLD CHOICE to begin with Jonās āfavouriteā because it means that if we listen to the other tapes in the next few episodesā¦ weāll know theyāre not Jonās favourite.
- Really, I really, really appreciate how the episode brought up sharp contrasts in multiple aspects, but mostly expressed by the opposition between Jon&Martin: staying indoors and listening to the past and to what-could-have-been, going out and searching for a solution that might not even exist to fix the future. Itās an interesting case where the episode title, āDwellingā, refers to two different thingsā¦ that are after all one and the same: the house Jon doesnāt want to leave, and the memories of the past that he keeps listening to as a way to push back what the new world is trying to force on him. The same bubble, both physical and metaphorical.
Weāre kicking off with a status quo, so what will be able to break it? Jon getting enough ātimeā to accept to leave and begin searching on his own, without any push? One of the monsters trying to attack Martin? Basira and/or Melanie&Georgie finding them? The Not!Them, Julia&Trevor or monster!Daisy? New tapes or statements left for them to invite them somewhere? (Elias barging in with Regrets because heās not as immune as he hoped would make me laugh a lot, but I think he would rather choke on his own eyes than admit that he was wrong in any way. ^^)
Ā Title for next episode seems veryā¦ down to earthā¦ and absolutely not ominousā¦ absolutely notā¦ Aside from the obvious, what could be the second meaningā¦? Something about what happened to the village? ā¦ Title could work in a way for Salesa (or Peter?!) content, though not banking on it.
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