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stuckybarton · 3 years ago

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The Promise I Make

Summary: You had made a promise to your husband that whatever happens you will always come back to him. But when you get compromised during a mission, he makes sure that you keep said promise--whatever the cost. Characters: Husband!Druig x Eternal/Avengers!Reader. Natasha Romanoff. Tony Stark. Ajak. Mention of the Avengers. Warning: Canon Divergent. Endgame Spoilers. Eternal Spoilers. Slight Angst. Mention of Injury. Hints of Manipulation. Guilt Tripping(?). Betrayal. Words: 4,268

MASTERLIST || PART TWO || PART THREE

From the first day of the month of November until the last day of the month of February of the following year you had religiously found yourself away from the Compound, an agreement that no mission or extracurricular activities was to be made during those four months. No amount of danger or impending doom could bring you back to help them during those four months. You were under the radar, without anyone knowing your whereabouts nor were they aware of who you were spending those long months with.

In the eyes of the people you called a team, it was a weird condition, somewhat selfish choice for you to make. But you knew better, knowing that being part of said team saving the world on a day-to-day basis and being away from your own family was more selfish—especially for your husband of few good centuries living in this earth. It was selfish for you to make a choice with your husband and leaving him behind when you bit more than you choice chew, disobeying the one thing your family had told you not to do. You interfered.

You were an Eternal, who was sent to Earth to eradicated the Deviants—in your mission, you were ordered never to interfere with their wars nor their advancements, but you couldn’t stop yourself. It was always in your heart to interfere even knowing openly the consequence that could come to you one day. It tore your family apart centuries ago, choosing to stay with your husband as they had stopped the both of you from interfering with the impending but senseless wars. It broke your heart having to leave them behind, to see Sprite and Sersi beg you to stay, to not follow your husband with his choice. The pain of having to let Ajak free each and every single one of you into the world—the catalyst of the impending change in the only thing you had known as your family.

But the life you had created with your husband wasn’t perfect, it was far from it. The home you had created for yourself was far from the advancement with the rest of the world. Generations upon generations you had seen the people in the small commune stay stagnant, content with the life that they already have in the moment. Of just the two of you in this community, watching the people grow, reproduce, and pass before the cycle once again repeats.

But it was never for you. Your husband has known as much and had come to terms that you would want to explore the world and all of its advancement along the way. So he had allowed you to go, to explore the world for as long as you had promised him to you would come back, which you did. Decades of such a set up and the two of you found your middle ground.

You had never broken your promise, always and forever kept your promise of coming back to him. Whatever it takes.

It was in your exploration that you’ve met Earth’s Mightiest Heroes, created an identity away from what you were created to be. A human with extraordinary skills. Someone that had helped them in whatever capacity they would need from you. You had created a family in them, away from what you had lost in the past.

It was the perfect set up and your husband had accepted it, for as long as you do come back to him, nothing else truly matter to him.

It was a setup you never thought would become a constant to you, instead of the explorations you’ve done in the past. Four months out of the year away from the team and the eight was fully dedicated to any missions they would throw at you, your team believing it was the only time out of the year that you could be with your family. The holidays were religiously for them (notwithstanding the fact that neither you nor your husband really celebrate anything), no amount of bribing or teasing from the team could convince you to break your four month breaks. It was a promise you were not willing to break even if the world was crumbling.

But then a mission happens, you were Superhuman, but you were not truly invincible. In the act of saving Natasha Romanoff, you found yourself falling thousands of feet down the cliff. Everything somehow moved in slow motion, Nat tried reaching for your hand but she was just a second too late and your back and head were met with the jagged rock-filled ground.

The impact shook you, and the sounds of their scream could never compare to the sudden numbness in your mind. The voices in the back of your head, every voice fearing for your well-being and the promise you had with your husband finally being broken.

What if you couldn’t come back to him in your state? The last thing you would ever want is to scare him or to worry him.

“Druig.”

It was a silent plea for him as the pain now resonated through your entire body, what you didn’t realize was even in the distance you shared with your husband, he heard you.

“How’s she doing?” Tony has inquired, shaken still after seeing your lifeless body down the cliff. Nat was sitting beside the bed you laid, uncertain if the spy had left you throughout.

“Still hasn’t woken up since what happened.” Nat’s voice portrayed the same expression she showed—worry and guilt.

It’s been three days since the mission, three long grueling days since your operation, three long and painful days since you had sacrificed yourself for Nat who had been the most doubtful of your arrival in the team. How it took years for you to soften her up in your presence, of how you simply wanted a family in them. Every single member of the team had also learn this part of you, and the worry that had now come as it was the second day of November and you were still unconscious.

In the silence of the medical ward, the prominent beeping had irked the two members and the gravity of what had happened to you meant. The things that now changed since the incident. It scared them, how you could so easily give your life away if the chance ever presents itself to you. To the family you’ve made here.

“Have you tried contacting any of her family?” Tony inquired again, unsettled by the number of bandages in your body. Dr. Cho had done her best to keep you stable for the most part—only time could tell when you would wake up and begin the healing process.

Nat shook her head. How could she even begin making necessary contact when you never disclosed anything about your life away from the compound. No mother, no father, no husband or wife, no children. Your record was clean for them to start making the necessary contact.

Silence was the only thing Nat could give. Her hand now coming to hold onto your own, even in your sleeping state, held onto her hand tighter—your little way of reassurance. The constant protector—the reassurance, the peace in the constant chaos of what the team could be if not mandated. Even as the questioned they were yet to find any answers to, it was a problem for another day. Even after all the years of knowing you, there were still things they were yet to know.

“I should have been the one that’s falling—not her.”

“You can’t continually blame yourself for this. She wouldn’t want you to.”

“Tony—”

Before Nat could continue on with her own protest, FRIDAY’s disembodied voice took the both of them by surprise.

“Boss, we have a couple of people waiting in reception looking for Y/N.”

Tony and Nat had shared a look now.

“Who?” Tony inquired his AI, opening up a hologram of the two individuals.

“Y/N’s husband and mother.”

“I should throw you off a cliff.” Druig was known to be quiet and somewhat broody as you would often tease him to be—but this time, seeing your unconscious body, he was being resentful.

“Druig.” Ajak was the only one keeping him at bay. Keeping him from doing something he knew you wouldn’t approve of. It was a good thing he had sought Ajak before making his way here in New York, he knew perfectly well it would be a much messier scene if she wasn’t here.

Sitting on the chair besides the bed you laid in, his hand held onto your own cold ones.

“Once she’s regained consciousness, we can have our doctors have another look at her before she can finally leave the medical bay.” The man Druig had learned to be Tony Stark had explained, but his attention was solely focused on the woman that was responsible for your predicament.

“I know you’re upset…” The woman began.

“Upset?!” His voice rose and he tensed at how even in your unconscious state, calmed him down as your hand tightened around his own. “What I am feeling is past being upset. I am angry at what my wife has to do for you humans.”

“No one wanted this to happen, you need to calm down, Buddy.”

“My wife wanted this to happen, to constantly risk her life for you, for the people that know nothing but pain and destruction. Of war and death. She wants to change the world but it is beyond saving more so when the world needs to depend on people like you. Centuries have passed but it is always the same and the only way that she would ever stop if she is dead.”

“Druig, please.” Ajak had now held onto Druig’s free hand. “This is not what Y/N would want you to say.”

Druig bit his lips, but it was the truth that he will never have the heart to have you face. His love for you outweighs the constant worry and fear he has for your safety.

“Just help her.” Druig pulled away from Ajak’s hold, his free hand coming to cup your cheeks. His mind was filled with the memories the two of you shared in your home.

Druig focused his attention on you. Ajak had now started using her powers to help in your healing process. A smile lingering on his face as the warmth was slowly returning to your palms. The power slowly surging back against your fingertips and the familiar color returned back to your features.

Before long, you were slowly swimming back into consciousness and the smile of relief finally rested on Druig’s lips as soon as your eyes had opened and it was his eyes that you first see as you woke up.

“Druig?”

It was adorable to see the confusion in your eyes, the familiar crinkle of your nose as you try your best to comprehend everything that was going on in the moment.

“I came all the way to New York, worried sick when you didn’t come home like you promised…” He trailed off, but the fear of the possibility of you seriously getting hurt overcame him. “Don’t ever make me so worried like that again, My Persephone.”

The smile on your face at the nickname brought the worries to rest for now. How fitting it was for the situation you both shared. A portion of your time was with him, in your own little underworld, and the rest was here, as far away from him as possible. You were the Persephone to his Hades, and it was the most beautiful tragedy known to man. He had taken you away, to his own kingdom away from the only family you had ever known, only to have you leave for a fraction of the year for the sake of your own happiness.

“We’ve been together for centuries, My Love.” You teased, hands finally having the strength to let go of his own. Gently, Druig savored the way that your hands hand now found their way to his cheeks. It was the littlest of touch that meant the most to him, even to this very moment. “I thought by now you’d get sick of me.” You continued rubbing circles against his cheek bones.

“Never.” He pulled back, lips twitching as he fought for the smile to not grow any bigger on his face. He still had a reputation to uphold. “When it comes to you, a century is not enough. As long as I can have you, I cherish it.”

“Even if I break my promise?” You inquired.

“Even when you break my heart over and over when you leave.” He whispered finally leaning down to kiss your forehead and eventually your lips—it was a gentle kiss, the first in months now.

He miss this, missed the feeling of your soft lips against his own dry and chapped ones. How with just a small fraction of a moment, he was finally brought back to life again. This was the power you held over him and you and only you could possibly have over him.

At the sound of throat clearing, he finally pulled away and the small gasp that escape that lingered on your lips made Druig well aware that you had not noticed the two familiar individual aside from Ajak that was also in the room.

“I would have said get a room, but you’re already in one.” Tony Stark has spoken, the gears in his head were turning—that much Druig could see through his mind. It was whole different thing when it comes to the woman besides him. It was chaos of the truth and the pieces finally coming together.

“Thank you for caring for our Y/N.” Ajak had finally intervened knowing neither you nor Druig had any plan of breaking the silence.

“Who really are you, Y/N?” And there it was, against the lips of the woman that had been the sole reason for what his wife was in the bed, in the brink of death only moments ago.

“It’s no one’s business but our own.” Druig’s terse response was almost a given when it comes to him, no one was immune to it except you. It was always like this with him and with new people—especially when said people are the reason for you being in this predicament to begin with. “Stay out of our business, Widow.”

“Druig.” You called hoping to stop anything from happening between the two. It still amazed you how your husband could be an imposing figure without even using his powers, only the coldness of his blue eyes could make anyone fold, even one of the deadliest assassins known to man.

“Just stating facts, My Persephone.” He finally turns his back at Nat, conflicted with how your husband was acting. “I placed my trust on this people to keep you safe but here you are laying on a hospital bed. Now they have the audacity to act suspicious over you of the thing in your life they know nothing about.”

You closed your eyes, so there was a reason why he was here. More than to take you back home, he was trying to make a point.

“Druig, please. Not here.”

“Then where? When you’re out there saving the lives of Humans that will one day turn their back on you if they don’t get what they want?”

“I think it’s time we settle this.” It was Ajak’s voice of authority that finally cut Druig from his upcoming tirade. “It is only fitting for you to do, Y/N.”

Turning your focus on Ajak, the look of reassurance was all you needed to see before every worry finally melted away from you. Away from your mind and all you could do was nod and hold onto Druig a little bit tighter, hoping that this would not ruin anything that you had built with the Avengers.

Full patched up thanks to Ajak, every single member of the Avengers had made their way to the meeting room, with you, Druig, and Ajak following closely behind. It was then that everyone noticed how you practically glued yourself to your husband—an individual no one would have ever thought you would have in your secretive life.

“It’s been so long since I’ve last seen you both, Thor Odinson and Loki Odinson.” Ajak greeted offhandedly upon seeing the two Asgardians also in attendance much to their shock and confusion at the sight of her.

Sitting beside your husband, you had watched Ajak begin to tell the team about their mission all those centuries ago. Of who you three were. Eternals. Of the sole reason you had been placed in this planet and how your purpose since it’s completion was to create a life for yourselves without interfering with the world.

It was a weird sight to see, the confusion in their faces before realization and shock came to replace it. Of course, they were made aware of your lack of help for Thanos’ action in the past, they were made aware of what you and your family had to do to stop the emergence from happening after what they had to do to recover what they had lost in the snap.

It was no longer a surprise for you when a few of the team you had made for yourself looked at you differently now. How some had stood up from their chair in the meeting room and walked away. It was to no one’s surprise that the trust they once again for you was no longer there.

“Let’s go home.” You begged now, stopping Ajak from further explaining your history with the rest of the Eternals.

It was when even Steve, the man you had been the closest with in the team had stood without another word and left that you realize that this was the final nail to the coffin and you cannot see yourself being part of the team anymore. There was no more trust and you’ve come to peace with that.

“Y/N—”

“Enough!” Druig spat turning his attention to Ajak now. “I am taking my wife home.” Druid stood with his hand held up for you to take.

You turned your gaze back to the people that remained still. Nat, Tony, Thor, Loki, Sam to name a few. There was hurt in their eyes that met your own. It would take a while for you to even look at them again like this, maybe never even, and you want to go home and think of what you could do for now if this was what you truly want for your life.

Coming to hold your husband’s hand, with the familiar spark at your connection you teleported the both of you back to your home. Deep in the heart of the Amazon Forest. There was a consequence you know perfectly well you needed to face when you come back but it was better than allowing the confrontation to come so early in everyone finally knowing the truth.

In the comfort of your shared bed, you took a deep breath before finding yourself sobbing against his chest as everything you had worked so hard for as part of the Avengers has now come crumbling away.

“I had to do it—Y/N.” Druig whispered, arms coming to wrap around your healing body. “I am yours, my Persephone. And I will do everything I can to keep you safe—even from the very people you always choose to protect.”

“I know.” You whispered, voice breaking in the process. “That’s what makes it more painful.”

In the silence of your bedroom, your focus had been on your surroundings.

The sound of crickets from the outside, the light platter of the rain against the roof of your home, the gentle and even line of breath of your husband that wasn’t asleep just as much as you weren’t. But in your shared silence, what stood out the most was your hearts, always beating in sync whenever you were together. One body, split into two, as your family had often spoke. He was your peace as you were his chaos. One cannot truly function without the other.

Craning your neck to look at him, he was look right back at you as you were still splayed naked on top of him. His gaze solely focused on you, hands resting against your naked waist, and his thumbs drawing circles against your skin.

This was the very thing that you missed the most out of him, of being home in his arms. It was this silence, the peace of not having to worry about the world for once. The only concern you had was your husband, nothing more and nothing less. It was this, the bliss of being in his arms, the warmth and constant comfort only he could give you.

“It shouldn’t be like this, not anymore at least.” He spoke in the hours of silence you had both shared.

“I can’t leave them like this.” You whispered. “I can’t disappoint them more than I’ve already did.”

“What about me?”

You closed your eyes, realizing that there would come a day that Druig would become selfish but what made it different now when you could simply stay back home longer was this time, you couldn’t. Not with the responsibility that now rested on your shoulders. Of the constant hope they had for you even with the doubt that came with your life, of your history, and of the things you still had no way of controlling.

“Please my love, anything else.”

“A child.”

At the words, you looked at him, the fear of what he was asking you. You wanted a child for so long, but Druig wanted his peace—a child would ruin that. The unspoken words of hesitation on his end, the one reason you really couldn’t stay here for long. It was the loneliness, the choices of having to stay with Druig alone in the heart of the Amazon, instead of being with your family.

A child that was all you ever wanted, to compensate the family that you have lost with the choice you had made with Druig. But he couldn’t give it to you, so he asked for something else, you chose to explore the world instead. Now he was using it against you.

“Don’t do this to me, My Love.”

“I want to keep you safe, at whatever expense I might need to endure. If a child is what you truly want, let’s have one. Arishem had given us the blessing if we wanted one.”

Bated breath, it was all you could have ever hoped for yourself and for Druig and now, as much as it was finally in your grasp it scared you to make it into a reality.

“What of your peace?”

“Centuries, and still you never understood where I get my peace, My Persephone.” He chuckled hands resting to cup your cheeks. “It is you. My peace in this Earth is you. Away from harms’ way and in my arms alone.”

“We can’t have this if I’m the only one that wants this. You can’t use the child to make me stay.”

“I always wanted this.” His hands now coming to rest onto the smalls of your back. “When I am alone, I see the people here, children of their own running around, it makes me think of you. Of how beautiful it would to see you caring and loving our own child soon. To see him have your eyes, beautiful just like his mother.”

“Him?” You smiled, amused that he would want his first-born to be a boy.

“Another one to help me in protecting you.”

“I will get hurt, we are Eternals, but can still get hurt. You have seen me bleed just as much as I saw you do so. But it is what makes as closer to being humans.”

As he closes his eyes, the deep breath you know very well where it would lead to.

“But we are not humans.”

“I know. I’ve made peace with such fact.”

“Why didn’t you tell them about us, about what you truly are?” He inquired. “Of our mission? Of the things we could have stopped but was ordered not to?”

You closed your eyes, of course you knew first hand. The snap had done so much damage to not only you and Druig but for each and every single member of the team. Of the things they had lost and of the life that shifted for everyone else. You could have helped in stopping the Mad Titan, but chose not to because you knew the repercussion it would have for not only you but for Druig if the time were to come.

You knew and turned a blind eye on it, for the greater good. Choosing to let them find a way all on their own instead of giving them the right answer. You could not interfere as much as you had already broken so much rules as it was.

“I did not have the heart to tell them.”

“Stay here with me instead. Let’s make everything we had always dream of into a reality.”

Opening your eyes, you come to stare right back into Druig’s own eyes. The pleading in his eyes that you knew you could never say no to—even for this moment.

“Okay.” You relent, lips coming to meet his own. “I promise.”

#druig x reader #druig imagine #druig angst #eternals imagine #marvel angst #druig x female reader #druig fluff #druig oneshot #druig one-shot #druig oneshots #druig one-shots #druig imagines

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artzee-bee · 3 years ago

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Not going anywhere | Lucifer Morningstar x reader

Fandom: Lucifer

Request:” Hi i have request for you ,Lucifer and the reader have a big fight they are married, and this fight it's lucifer fault The reader leaves home and Lucifer decides to give her space After a few days, he goes to the reader and realizes that she has been missing for a few days,When the person behind all this claims that the reader is dead and gives them a her body . Everyone thinks that the reader is dead and Lucifer He gets depressed and thinks it's all his fault , and after a few days, the thieves release the singer and the reader goes to Lucifer.Lucifer first thinks it is an imagination and then apologizes to the reader Thank you so much”

Genre: Angst with happy ending

Warnings: kidnapping, death

~~~

Your intention had never been to start a fight. All you wanted an explanation (preferably one that also made sense) and an apology, but apparently that was too much to ask, because as soon as you voiced your opinion, Lucifer went up in flames

“Don’t start this again!”

“I dislike it just as much as you do but what I hate more is being cancelled on, AGAIN, through a text message no less!”

“It was an emergency!”

“It’s always an emergency Lucifer! It’s starting to sound a lot like work means more to you than I do!” “The detective needs me, damn it!” your husband yelled

“And she has you! Every day of every week! All I ask for is one date night and for the past month you’ve done nothing but avoid committing to one or backing out at the last second! I’m tired of being your second choice Lucifer! I’m your wife and you are my husband, I love you to the ends of the world, I just wish you'd say no to Decker from time to time...”

“I’m saving people’s lives Y/N. So if you’re not on your deathbed, other people are and they need me now!” as he said this, Lucifer walked right past you and into your bedroom, seemingly ignorant to the painful words he’d just said. You looked around the living room, vision blurry with tears, your chest heavy with anger and disgust. You rushed towards the elevator.

“When you find time in your busy schedule and feel like being my spouse again, let me know!” the elevator door closed before Lucifer could say anything

~~~

When Lucifer woke up the next morning to a cold and empty bed, he didn’t think much of it.Truthfully, he was still kind of pissed at the attitude you had given him a day before, so he got dressed as usual and went to the precinct, assuming you’ll be home by nightfall.

Except when he got home that night, he stopped by Lux first, which ended up like it always does: with him sucked into an endless cycle of booze and dancing, that lasted until well into the night. When he did enter the penthouse eventually, he found it empty. Exactly the way he had left it in the morning. Even the tie he had left on the floor, after deciding last minute that it didn’t go with his suit, was untouched. Now this was curious, but still, Lucifer felt like you must be playing hard to get. He sent you one text message, before going to bed

“Call me when you can!”

The day after that, he figured his part was done! By reaching out first, he had already made a big compromise, so now it was your turn! To reach out, come home! But that didn’t happen that day, or the day after that.

Three days after the text message,Lucifer was getting worried. He was looking at his phone every other minute. Always making sure he hadn’t accidently put it on silent or missed any texts. He sent more messages, telling you he was sorry and that he wanted you to come home. That he would listen and spend more time with you, promising luxurious dates and weekend trips, if only you forgave him. You didn’t even open the messages.

“Lucifer are you listening?” Decker was insanely annoyed at her partner’s lack of concentration

“Sorry detective. I’ve...I’ve got a lot on my mind”

“Well, better get it out of the way now, so that we can move on to our case!” she said, cleaning out her desk quickly, before resting back into her chair “Talk to me!”

“It’s Y/N. I’m worried about her!”

“Why?” “We...had a fight a couple days ago and she left. She hasn’t come back since”

“Have you heard from her at all?”

“No…” Lucifer said, embarrassed at his own lack of care for you. He should have called you earlier, reached out more! He should have tried harder!

“How long had she been missing for?”

“4...maybe 5 days…”

“Lucifer, are you sane? And you’re only telling me now?!” Chloe jumped from her seat, turning on her computer

“I thought she needed space! I thought she was avoiding me intentionally cause she was angry! I didn’t know…” Lucifer choked back a sob, not wanting to break down in tears in the middle of the precinct

“Lucifer!” Chloe caught hold of his hand “I’m gonna find her! I promise you!” A few days later, she did. Well, more like Y/n came to her, in the shape of a pretty little gift box left on Decker's doorstep.

“A lil too late on your case detective” read the note attached to it.

Inside were Y/N’s clothes, all of them stained with dark, dried blood. Y/N was declared dead that day and the case was closed. At her funeral, only her closests friends were present. Lucifer wanted it to be as intimate as possible.

That day was also the first time anyone had seen Lucifer, since the news. His eyes were bloodshot and the dark circles under his eyes almost matched the black suit he was wearing. Throughout the ceremony he kept twisting his wedding band, a habit he’d picked up on since you went missing. He chose not to do a speech, but once the crowd disappeared, and he was left face to face with your grave, he pulled out a little piece of paper from his pocket and sat down on the grass.

“In hell, everyone feared me. There, I was nothing but another server of the universe, ruling over an empire I never really wanted, because I never had a choice. So eventually I left, thinking anywhere will be better than what I had, and I came to earth.

I ran into you about 2 weeks later, before I really even knew how to behave myself. Before I knew anything about who I really was besides ‘the devil’. I longed to know, grow and discovers different sides of me, where I could be something new, and you gave it to me. You made me who I never thought I could possibly be. You made me a lover. I never thought of myself as capable to love anyone, in any degree, but your light shone everywhere you went and your kindness touched me and everyone around you. It became impossible to not get infatuated with your person. I allowed you to see and feel around every dark corner of my soul and being and every time I thought it was the end. Everytime I would take in your touch as if it was the last, I would prepare myself for abandonment, but it never came. Through everything you stood by my side and when I felt my darkest, you gave me a fistful of your light and that was enough to keep me going. You married a broken man and called him perfect, despite everyone telling you how much of a foul you were. Even then, you shooed them away. Even then you chose me. I wasn’t worthy of your love or your trust and our last night together proved it.

You’re not here anymore to hear my apologies and I’ll never forgive myself for it. You’ve gone now somewhere I can not follow, but I know you are well taken care of there. I hope, someway, somehow, you’ll hear these words: I am sorry. I loved you with my entire soul. Not listening to you was the biggest mistake of my life and I’ll never forgive myself. I choose however, to remember you as you were, because I know that’s what you’d want. I’ll remember you and your laugh.I’ll remember our date nights and shopping sprees. Nights in Lux or on the penthouse balcony. I’ll remember all the meals you prepared for me and the flirtatious remarks you used to make, because you thought they were so silly. I’ll remember the little frown on your face whenever you worked on an important project for work and I’ll remember every evening walk around the block you’d make me accompany you on. I know I always complained about them, but they were always fun. Everything I ever did with you was always fun.

I loved you. I still do. You are my everything Y/N. Thank you for devoting yourself to me in all the ways that you did. I’ll forever live on in my heart.“

~~~

It had been months since your disappearance. After all this time, you finally managed to escape your kidnappers and report them to the New York police station, since that’s where you had been held hostage for so long. As soon as the paperwork was done and you were sure that the people who ruined you were getting the punishment they deserved, you jumped on a train and headed straight back home. Straight to Lucifer.

Lux looked exactly the same as you had left it. You were washed over by a wave of comfort that almost brought you to tears. Home. You never thought you’d get to step in here again. Overwhelmed, you took a seat on one of the couches, allowing your head to rest back on it, as you took in every detail of your surroundings: the feel of the leather on your fingertips, the cool breeze of the air conditioning, the warm lights. Everything was still here.

“Y/N?” you jumped at the sound

“Hi love…” your voice broke as you said those words. Words you never thought you would be able to mutter again. The sight of your husband, messy as he was, made you weak in the knees. He was standing at the top of the staircase, dressed in nothing but his robe, tied carelessly around his waist. He had probably just woken up. You wanted to say something again, but before you could, he laughed

“Nope” he said simply, before making his way down the stairs and to the bar “I’m not doing this. Not today, not ever!” Lucifer filled his glass to the top with bourbon, before turning around and trying to leave back to where he came from

“Lucifer, it's me!”

“Sure you are, except you’re not real! Nice of dad, taking my ability to stay endlessly sober, getting me drunk, forcing visions of my dead wife onto me to teach me another lesson about managing my emotions. Real clever, except this is too much! So I’m going to enter that elevator and I expect to never have to see you again, hum? Right, well, au revoir now!” he continued on his way, but before he could get far, you were clutching on the silk tie of his robe. Lucifer felt the tug around his waist and turned around slowly to look at you, this time a little more unsure. As if he was trying to figure you out

“Lucifer, I’m Y/N. I escaped”

“Escaped? But that’s impossible, she died! I saw it-”

“What you saw was a bloody shirt!” he looked up to meet your gaze, tears already forming “They lied to you Lucifer”

Finally, it seemed like he had connected all of the pieces of the puzzle. The glass of alcohol fell to the ground and your husband wrapped you in a big hug for the first time in months. He nuzzled his head in your hair and took in your scent, your figure, your warmth. Hell, you were even more perfect that he remembered! Silent tears fell down both of your cheeks as you collapsed to the ground, still holding onto each other for dear life

“I’m so sorry” Lucifer sobbed in your hair “I’m so so sorry”

“It wasn’t your fault Luci”

“If I hadn’t been a jerk you wouldn’t have left! If I would have simply listened to you, they wouldn’t have gotten to you! You would’ve stayed here, where you belong! You would have stayed with me but instead I was too busy with my stupid job and the stupid cases and I’m sorry! I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry” he continued crying on your shoulder as you rubbed small circles on his back

“I’m here now my love” you whispered, kissing his cheek “And I’m not going anywhere”

#lucifer #lucifer netflix #lucifer morningstar x reader #lucifer morningstar imagine #lucifer morningstar angst #lucifer morningstar

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angryschnauzer · 4 years ago

Text

The Dark Wolf

Summary: The Dark Wolf hadn't picked an Omega yet, it had been three months since the Spring Equinox and still the omegas that had been selected hadn't been successful. With your heat approaching you could only however think of the gentle Alpha that would visit you at work, distracting you from your impending heat... and you selection as the Omega for the Dark Wolf.

Pairing: Adopted Stark Omega Daughter Reader x Alpha Bucky Barnes

Warnings: NSFW, 18+, ABOAlpha/Omega, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Werewolf, Mating Rituals, Ritual Sex, Heat Cycles, rut cycles, Full Moon, Witchcraft, Unprotected Sex, Mating, Breeding, Knotting

I do not run a tag list but please follow @angryschnauzerwrites and put that blog onto notifications to get alerts whenever i post new stories. Oneshots will be posted on Tumblr and AO3, Multichapter stories will be AO3 exclusives. Masterlist is now AO3, link HERE.

The Dark Wolf

It was springtime yet a keen wind swirled at your ankles as you quickly made your way home. It was late in the day and the sun was already dipping below the horizon, the thick forest that surrounded the village making the days shorter with their tall canopy. A group of girls around the same age as you ran past, laughing and joking as they made their way towards the tavern, unaware of you as you carried the heavy basket from the market. The stalls had been packing away by the time you got there, your job at the bakery keeping you busy most of the day.

As the girls passed by, their scent was thick on the air; cloying and sickly as the synthetic heat pheromones they had added to their perfume to make them more attractive to any Alpha’s at the tavern assaulted your senses, making you quietly sneeze. Their voices were high pitched and clawed at your ears as they squealed and laughed;

“Maybe that dress will be enough to convince the Dark Wolf to take you tonight!”

“Ooh do you think? He hasn’t chosen a mate yet this season, do you think he’ll do it soon?”

“It’s coming close to summer, usually he’s chosen by now”

“Who do you think the Dark Wolf is?”

“I don’t know, but the full moon is in two days’ time, and if you want to get chosen, you’ll need to bring your heat on pretty soon”

“I just need a big dumb Alpha that’s about to Rut to trigger my heat!”

“Well keep an eye out for the red paint on your door, you know that’s how the Dark Wolf chooses his Omega”

They all laughed as they went, and you could smell arousal in the air, little did you realise it was your own.

The wind blew their scent away as quickly as it had brought it, and pushing against the gusts you pulled your cardigan tighter around your body. You had always dreamed of an Alpha to take care of you, to help bring his pups into the world, have a whole pack of little ones. Shaking your head you tried to rid yourself of the thoughts that wanted to enter your mind of the Alpha you pined for, knowing if you got distracted it would only make you feel worse.

Finally the tall eaves of your father’s house came into view, giving you a sense of relief as you made your way up the pathway and into the house, closing the old black door behind you.

Your Adopted father was in the kitchen, preparing dinner for the two of you, his arms still covered in soot from where he’d been working all day at his forge, if there was one thing Tony Stark knew how to do, it was fix anything made of metal. Dropping the vegetables he was peeling he wrapped his arm around your shoulders and pressed a kiss to your forehead;

“Hey Sweetie, are you doing ok? Get everything you need?”

“Yeah, thanks Dad” you replied awkwardly.

Tony had raised you alone, doing his best to raise a girl - and now a young woman in her early 20’s - and had done his best to help you with the more feminine side of things. He had never suppressed your urge to learn your mothers art of witchcraft, helping you where he could, and when it came to the time when you had started to feel the Omega Heat, he had encouraged you to deal with it however you had felt right.

Setting the heavy basket of herbs and produce onto the table, you set about resting the fresh herbs into little vases with water to keep them fresh, and opening the package of freshly roasted coffee beans to let them cool enough to store them in jars;

“I’ll make an elixir tomorrow, the bakery had me run ragged today… I’m not feeling great”

“If you’re sure Honey. Why don’t you go take a bath and I’ll have dinner ready in an hour”

“Thanks Dad”

The next morning you woke and felt the first pang of pain in your stomach, telling you that your heat was closer than you thought. You had slept fitfully, dreams marred by a large wolf; the Werewolf that haunted the village and wanted to claim a mate. You’d felt fear but also something else, something you couldn’t place, and in the dream when the wolf had been close enough to touch you had seen a familiarity in his eyes before suddenly you were awake.

Drenched in sweat you knew you needed to get your elixir made unless you wanted to try and cope with a heat without an Alpha to knot you, so you dressed quickly in the previous days clothes and quietly made your way downstairs, moving around the kitchen as you set the large pot of water onto the stove to boil before starting to add the herbs you bought the day before. Stirring the aromatic mixture you suddenly stopped;

“Rosemary!” you muttered quietly to yourself, before stepping out of the front door and crossing the garden barefoot, the dewy grass cool on the soles of your feet. Plucking a handful of sprigs you raised them to your face and inhaled their fresh scent, smiling as it hit your senses as you turned, and that’s when you saw it. The red paint.

“NO!” you screamed, frozen to the spot.

Seconds later your father appeared at the doorway, looking around wildly before seeing you and rushing to your side;

“What? What is it?”

You pointed, your hand shaking and he followed your gaze before sharply inhaling; there it was, a wide and vivid swipe of red paint on your black front door;

“Daddy… please… get a rag. It still looks wet”

“Honey… ok honey…”

His reassurance was interrupted by a quiet cough at your garden gate, causing you both to turn and that’s when you saw him;

“Constable Rogers…”

“Tony… you know its Steve, not Constable”

“Steve… really? The pack chose my Little Girl?”

Steve set a large hand on Tony’s shoulder;

“It’s the choice. She won’t be harmed. But you know it’s the ritual and it's the law” Steve paused, and you could see the conflict on his face as he spoke; “She’s not a little girl anymore Tony, she’s a beautiful woman”

Tony stood partially in front of you, trying to protect you;

“I get that Steve… but it should be her choice. This seems so… so… barbaric…”

“Maybe so, but I’m not here to argue with you… you know my job…”

Tony nodded. He knew the laws. He’d done his best to bend them or influence them as much as possible, but the rules of the Werewolf that lived in the woods called for a mate once a year, his chosen Omega would spend the first full moon after the spring equinox with him, and if she was suitable she would bear his child and become his wife… and yet no-one knew the face of the man who was this wolf, just that it was one that walked among them. And for the last three months the chosen women had been returned to the town at the end of the three nights of full moon. Each said the same of their time away; it was not to be spoken of; they were unsuitable.

The Constable - Steve - held out his hand for you and you paused, still grasping your fathers’ hand before he spoke to you;

“It’s your choice. I will fight it for you if you don’t want to go”

“It’s ok Dad. I haven’t been able to make the suppressant elixir in time, there isn’t any other way to deal with this Heat that is coming”

Tony nodded before he glanced at your feet;

“At least let me get you some shoes. Barefoot in the forest is not as enjoyable as barefoot on a soft lawn”

Standing on the cold stone slab in the clearing you watched as Steve tied the rope around your wrist to the solitary tree that stood in the centre;

“Why are you doing this?” you asked.

He froze. It was the first thing you’d said since you’d left your father’s house. He had almost forgotten you had a voice you had been so quiet. He cleared his throat;

“You know it’s the way. And as the village constable have to uphold what it written”

“Is this not… not archaic? To leave me out here to be taken against my will?”

Steve stood straight and looked at you, his hand softly cupping your face;

“It’s not like that. When the Dark Wolf appears, you will know if it’s right. He will know. He will approach you and if your scent pulls you from his Lycanthropy, he’ll know you are the right Omega”

“What if… what if it doesn’t trigger his Rut? What if I’m not the right Omega?”

“Then he will try again tomorrow night”

“And leave me here to suffer my Heat? Alone?”

Steve took a deep breath, looking away and unable to meet your gaze;

“You will not be alone”

He had finished tying the ropes and had tested them to make sure they were secure before stepping away, and with a sigh he turned and quickly made his way out of the clearing and into the dense forest. You had seen him flinch each time you’d screamed out his name, your throat finally becoming hoarse and you let out a pitiful sob as you fell to your knees. Curling up against the side of the old oak tree, you tried to clear your mind, your fingers drawing patterns in the soil, trying to remember some of the old magic you knew. The full moon was setting in the sky above you as morning broke, the sequence of the phases seemingly out of sorts.

Suddenly you felt a pain in your stomach, you knew exactly what it was; your Heat was fast approaching. The sweat started to bead across your chest, your breathing getting heavier, as the first spasm shot through you something suddenly moved in the thick brush at the side of the clearing. Your eyes darted in that direction but saw nothing but ferns and undergrowth. As another wave of Heat pains started to build, movement out of the corner of your eye distracted you from your impending heat. This time whatever it was stood still, yet all you could see was a glowing pair of eyes in the darkness of the surrounding forest.

Forgetting about your Heat and your incantations you were trying to draw in the earth, you instead focused your attention upon the rope that tied you to the tree. When Steve had said you would not be alone, was this what he meant? Your scared fingers worked on the knot in the rope, trying to loosen it.

A quiet growl echoed from the darkness and as the panic set in you felt a rush of power surge through you, grasping the rope that tied you with both hands you pulled it harshly and it snapped at the tree.

You did not wait, you were running, running as fast as your feet could take you. Blindly rushing through the dense forest, you could hear creatures chasing after you, the growls and gnashing of teeth. The surge of energy your heat was giving you powered you on, deeper into the forest, further from home. A shrill howl sent a chill down your spine, but you continued your sprint. The sounds of the creatures behind you were getting closer, ahead the forest floor rose steeply, the sharp incline slowing you as your feet slid on the dry pine needles that had fallen from the tall spruce trees that towered above you.

You slipped, your smooth and simple slippers giving no traction and your fingers dug into the forest floor. You fell to your knees and squeezed your eyes shut, doing what little you could do to prepare yourself for whatever happened next. But… but the growling stopped, the forest fell silent. Opening one eye then both you slowly turned, letting out a cry as you saw the pack of wolves surrounding you, but none were looking to you, their attention fell upon the rocky outcrop above you.

Turning you looked up and gasped, he was there; the Dark Wolf.

With a loud snarl he jumped from the rocky outcrop and over you, landing gracefully at your feet as he growled loudly at the baying pack that surrounded you. Circling around he trod silently, the hairs on his spine standing on end as he bared his teeth at the pack as they kept trying to approach, before standing beside you. He seemingly paused before pointing his snout to the sky and let out a powerful howl.

You watched, dumbfounded as each wolf sat. It was clear that the Dark wolf was in charge; that he was the Alpha of the pack. He turned, his icy blue gaze directed at you before he reached his head down and took the rope in his mouth that was still tied to your wrist. He tugged it gently and you pushed yourself to your feet, the smooth soles of your shoes slipping on the loose pine needles that covered the dirt, and he rested the side of his body against your thigh, steadying you. Resting your hand on the coarse fur to steady yourself as he led you down the slope, you found yourself surprised by how soft his fur was, almost as if it was spun silk.

The pack parted like a tide, letting the Dark Wolf lead you into the darkness of the forest by the rope between its jaws. You could hear the pack following, keeping its distance, yet somehow you weren’t afraid; you felt safe with the Dark Wolf.

Through the dense trees a solitary cabin came into view, its windows black as if abandoned, yet deep red geraniums had been carefully planted around the doorway. The soft forest floor made way for sandstone paving, and you let Dark Wolf lead you to the entrance.

Arriving at the porch he sat beside you and whined like a dog would, looking from you to the door and back again.

“Oh, right… no opposable thumbs in your paws”

If wolves could roll their eyes it would have, and as you reached forwards for the door handle you tested it, the door swinging open on its creaky hinges. Looking to Dark Wolf you smiled;

“Whoever lives here needs to do some maintenance”

The wolf let out a snort before standing, gently leading you by the rope that still hung from your wrist. He paused in the hallway before pushing his behind against the door to close it, leading you into the cabin through dark hallways, finally coming to a single room, surrounded on three sides by floor to ceiling windows that looked out to the forest. Pulling you onto the bed he sat on his haunches before you tumbled onto the soft mattress.

Only then did you realise how tired you were, exhausted from not only the chase through the forest, but also the drama of the morning on top of a poor night’s sleep. As if on cue you felt the cramp in your stomach; remind you that your heat was starting, and without thinking you curled up onto the bed, clutching at your stomach in the foetal position. Screwing your eyes shut you couldn’t help the whimper that escaped your lips, the surge of heat flowing through you. And yet… suddenly you felt a cold nose press against your neck, before a heavy snout rested on you. It calmed you. Curling your fingers into Dark Wolf’s fur, you screwed your eyes shut, the waves of heat tiring you, until you blacked out and a deep sleep took hold.

You could feel your mind pulling you from your deep sleep and you snuggled into the soft pillows a little further. You felt movement against you and your hands sought out the soft fur that was pressed to your chest, curling it between your fingers. There was something calming about the beast that lay beside you, even with your eyes closed you could hear its breathing was steady and strong;

“You’ve helped, you know?”

At the sound of your quiet voice it shifted slightly, and although you hadn’t yet opened your eyes you could sense it was looking at you as you continued;

“For whatever this is, you calmed me. I was so scared, not just of the pack, but of what would happen. I had been waiting… hoping… you see at the bakery there is one man that visits, I had been hoping he would ask to court me, but he always seems so shy…”

The wolf’s breathing caught before you heard a voice;

“I think it’s time you opened your eyes Omega”

No. It couldn’t be… your eyes were squeezed shut but you wanted to look… yet you didn’t… you knew that voice, you’d heard it the day before when the soft and quiet Alpha you’d always pined for had visited the bakery the and had ordered the last of the cinnamon buns you had coveted so much, the ones you always ordered right before your heat arrived, that were your comfort food.

“Omega…”

“James?”

“Open your eyes”

Meekly you did as he asked, and he was there; in front of you. Your fingers were curled around his long dark hair and his face was inches from your own, his pale blue eyes staring straight into your soul. After what seemed like an eternity you finally found your voice;

“You’re the Dark Wolf?”

He nodded;

“For the last few months, yes”

Frowning at his response, you didn’t understand what he meant.

“It is a different member of the pack each year… For the last three months whenever an Omega was brought to the clearing, they weren’t a match…”

“A match? But, surely it’s just the nature of an Alpha and an Omega?”

“Not for Werewolves. The right Omega will pull a werewolf out of its cycle. It’s why I’m here, like this, now…”

You thought over what he’d said, your eyes going wide in the realisation of what it meant; that you were meant to be his;

“Is this why you never said anything? At the bakery? Or when I would see you in the market? You were saving me for this barbaric ritual?”

James’s face dropped, the hope seemingly leaving his body at your words;

“I… I… I would be made to choose. If it’s your ‘year’ as the Dark Wolf, if you choose a mate before you have taken part in the ritual, that mate is rejected… I didn’t want that to happen to you…” he looked up at you through watery eyes; “When Steve told me that another Omega had been selected this month, I hoped so much it would be you…this is my final month, my final chance...”

His words trailed off and you didn’t want to think what would have happened to him if he hadn’t of picked a mate this month. Cupping his cheek with your hand you gently stroked your thumb over his stubbled skin before closing the distance between the two of you and your lips met.

The kiss was soft at first, but as you both became bolder and Bucky’s arms wrapped around your body to pull you flush with his, you found yourself relenting to his charms.

You were mid kiss when you felt the first pang of cramp in your stomach, this time you whimpered loudly, James pulling away and started to strip you of your clothing;

“C’mon Omega… let me help you…”

“James, it hurts… its hurts so much…”

“I know, let me at your skin and I can take the hurt away. And please, call me Bucky… the pack leader calls me James when I’m in trouble…”

You let him move you, quickly unbuttoning your dress before pulling your underwear off, finally untying the rope that was still around your wrist, and he moved back so he could take in your naked beauty… and yet you felt ashamed, embarrassed, trying to cover yourself with your hands until he gently caught your hands in his own large grasp;

“Omega, what is it?”

“I have never…”

“You’ve never been with an Alpha?”

You shook your head, and Bucky leaned forwards and pressed his forehead to yours;

“Oh, my sweet Omega, I am here to help you, we can do as much or as little as you want or need”

He settled you against the soft pillows and rested his head against your chest, listening to your heartbeat as you wound your fingers through his long hair. Finally, he felt your pulse slow and he started to press kisses down your torso until he reached your soaked core. Running his fingers through the copious slick that coated your folds, he hummed his appreciation at the sweet scent that filled his senses, before leaning forwards and pressing a kiss to your swollen clit;

“You smell so good Omega, can feel you trembling, let me taste you, make you cum with my tongue”

“Bucky…” you whined, and you felt more than heard him chuckle as you wanted him to stop talking and start doing… something, anything.

He got the hint and with one long lick he covered your entire pussy, tasting you, groaning at your sweetness. Hooking your legs over his wide shoulders he gripping onto your thighs, burying his head between your legs as his long tongue delved deep within you, fucking you with the strong muscle and you could feel the heat pains ebbing away and being replaced by those of pleasure. His fingers found your clit and he strummed against the sensitive nub, making you scramble for something to grip onto. With your legs shaking and your fingers curled through his soft dark hair you were coming hard, and he relished every drop, drinking your slick as it gushed from your core until you were spent.

When your legs went limp and your hand fell to the sheets he slowly pulled away, pushing himself up to sit as he used the back of his hand to wipe the shining slick from his chin. Reaching the other hand he pressed his warm palm to your stomach tenderly;

“How do you feel now Omega?”

“Good… oh my god, so good…”

“Wait here, I’m going to go get you some water”

You lay there on his soft bed, eyes closed and listening to nothing but your heartbeat until you finally heard him approaching, pushing yourself up to sit only to let out a squeak of surprise;

“You’re naked!”

He stopped in the doorway and looked down as if it was a surprise to him too;

“Yes? So are you?”

“But… you’re naked!”

You couldn’t draw your eyes away from his body, your gaze raking up and down as you tried to take in every chiselled plain and curve. From his wide shoulders and muscled arms, down his torso and stomach where his abdominal muscles tapered down in a deep v to his crotch. The thick thatch of dark hair that surrounded the thick and heavy length that swung between his legs, to the powerful thighs that looked bigger than you could ever have imagined;

“Omega…” he gently laughed; “I literally woke up from being a wolf half an hour ago… I haven’t left your side…”

He closed the distance between you, sitting on the side of the bed before handing you a glass of water and a plate. The scent of the treat the plate contained drew your attention, and you instantly recognised what it was;

“The cinnamon buns from the bakery! I always have these as my heat starts!”

He smiled and as you ate you couldn’t help it, but your eyes continually strayed to his crotch, watching as his thick length would twitch and slightly swell the longer you looked at it. When you had finished eating, he silently took the plate from you before handing you the glass of water which you gratefully took, downing it quickly before handing it back;

“Thank you”

Setting the glass and plate onto the floor Bucky turned back to you;

“How are you feeling now?”

“Sleepy still, hot… yet cold…” you looked away shyly; “It makes me want to curl up but have you here with me…”

“That we can do… scoot over, unless you want me to climb over you…”

Laughing you moved to the centre of the bed watching in the pale light that still came in the large windows that surrounded the bedroom as the sun set having slept through most of the day. Bucky grabbed the oversized quilt as he shuffled in beside you, pulling it over your naked bodies as he curled his arm over your stomach and pulled you flush with his chest. Turning until you were the little spoon to his big.

It felt natural to be there in Bucky’s arms, to have his breath on your neck and his hands on your stomach. You could feel your body getting hotter and whimpered, you knew the heat hadn’t been sated, that you needed more, and your Alpha picked up on the change in your scent immediately. His lips found you bonding mark and he pressed kisses to the skin, soothing your body as he rubbed at the spot with his nose, his lips brushing against your shoulder as he felt you push your ass back against him. His dick was growing harder for every second he held you in his arms, and with you rubbing against him he couldn’t help but to rut against the soft globes of your ass, your voice startling him for a moment;

“Bucky… Alpha... I need you…”

Bucky knew what you needed, and before he had even moved a muscle you were turning, getting to your knees;

“Omega… are you presenting for me?”

Looking over your shoulder you nodded;

“Please Alpha… I need you… need your knot…”

Bucky positioned himself at your soaked core, the feel of your hot slick against his dick almost overwhelming, and as he breached your entrance, he let out a low growl as he sank into your swollen channel. Moving his hips fluidly he coated his heavy girth in your slick, and with each thrust he knew he was in heaven. This was it; he was never going to find an omega better than you; you were the one he wanted to spend the rest of his days with;

“Fuck, Omega… you feel so good…”

“Bucky… Please… make me yours”

His hands gripped your hips as he fucked you, stretching you out so beautifully that he feared he would cum far too soon, but as you rocked back with each of his thrusts he regained control. Putting more power into each push, his powerful thighs became coated in your slick as it spilled out of you around his dick, filling the room with your combined scent.

You were crying out his name, begging, pleading for him to let you cum;

“Please Alpha…”

“Omega, you want me to cum? Want me to fill you with my seed, let you grow full with my Pups?”

“Alpha! Please, I want your Pups, want your knot…”

With a final flurry of thrusts he sent you over the edge, your body squeezing him so tight it triggered his own orgasm as he filled your fertile body with his potent seed.

As his orgasm ebbed away, he bent over and wrapped his arms around your torso, pressing kisses to your back as you trembled beneath him. When you finally spoke your voice was hoarse;

“That… that was amazing…”

“That’s nothing Omega…” Bucky muttered, shifting slightly and your eyes went wide when you felt he was still hard inside you.

“Alpha? How…? You haven’t knotted yet?”

He chuckled lightly;

“An Alpha can only grow a knot once he is spent… I got a good two or three more goes before that happens… and trust me; you’ll know it when I do my sweet Omega”

“Oh…” he moved within you, setting off aftershocks of your orgasm; “OH!”

Bucky moved you, somehow twisting and sliding you onto your side before pulling one of your legs up flush with his chest, all with his hard length still snug inside you. Pressing kisses down your calf he started to rock his hips back and forth, the added lubrication of his own cum adding to the sensations.

It was starting to get dark now, and without any light in the room the only illumination was the rising full moon, casting its pale glow over the pair of you as you rutted together like wild animals. As Bucky threw his head back the moonlight caught every muscle, his skin gleaming with beads of sweat that looked like a thousand jewels.

Looking down you watched as this meaty girth split you open and you welcomed him into your fertile womb. With one strong arm gripping your leg, the other hand found your centre, rubbing this thumb against your clit as he teased another orgasm out of you, fucking you through it and chasing his own release. With each new thrust his attention was drawn to your chest and you found yourself being bent in two as he pushed your leg ever higher until he shifted it to the side and was able to take your breasts in his hands as he continued to fuck you;

“These titties, they’ll look so beautiful when full of milk for our pups…” he reached forward and took one peaked nipple between his teeth, sending shockwaves through your body. The pleasure was building in the pit of your stomach again, and as you shut your eyes and let the sensations take over, your imagination gave you a glimpse of the future, of a future with Bucky.

The summer breeze blew warm air against your bare legs, the lace trim of your light summer dress brushing against your skin. Smoothing your hands over your swollen belly, your pup kicked inside you and you smiled. Looking out over the garden you saw your husband, your Alpha, your Bucky playing with your two-year-old twins, smiling as you heard their squeals of laughter as he chased them around the soft grass…

As you came back to reality you felt the sudden rush of pleasure that told you your orgasm was imminent, you were completely surrounded by Bucky and you felt yourself surrendering to the pleasure he was giving you as you came again, this time with a low groan he filled you with another heavy load of his fertile seed.

You held each other for the longest time, Bucky resting his face against your neck and you doing the same to him, rubbing your nose over his scent gland and picking up on the slight change in his scent. Before it was as simple as dew on soft pine, but now there was a warmer tone, cinnamon and coffee. Running your hands through his hair you spoke softly;

“Bucky?”

“Mmmm”

“Bucky, your scent…”

He pushed himself up on his strong arms, looking down at you and that’s when you realised what was happening;

“Omega…” his pupils were blown wide, pools of dark arousal as he took in your naked form beneath him; “You’ve triggered my Rut…”

Your bodies were still joined, and as he ducked his head down to kiss you, you could feel him still hard within your aching body, a body that was desperate for more, for his knot. Clouds moved across the night sky and momentarily blocked out the moonlight, and that’s when you saw it; movement outside the windows. With a gasp you pulled away from Bucky, your eyes wide as you searched the shadows, trembling as you saw eyes, glinting in what little light there was.

Bucky pressed his lips to your bonding mark, surrounding you, protecting you;

“It’s the pack… they’re here to watch”

“They what?”

“It’s part of the ritual, the pack needs to see me knot you… only then will they allow you to be mine, and for me to be yours…”

His lips were driving you crazy, and as much as you wanted to fight it, you were also excited by the prospect of being watched as you were claimed;

“Let’s do it Bucky… make me yours…”

Above you Bucky was shaking with need, his rut starting to take hold and he looked almost feral with need. Pulling out he quickly moved you into position on your knees, and you found yourself parting your legs and arching your back to present for him. Looking down at your soaked core, your slick pouring down your thighs whilst mixed with his cum, he let out a growl and thrust forward, filling you completely.

He held himself deep within your welcoming body for the longest moment, before with a surprisingly gentle grip took hold of your shoulders and pulled you upright, your back flush to his chest as his lips brushed against your ear;

“Show them, show them that I am yours and you are mine”

Bucky held you, his arms encircling your torso as he held your breasts in his large hands, all whilst thrusting up into you with powerful grind of his hips. This time felt different; you felt fuller, and that’s when you realised what it was; his knot was starting to grow, to inflate. Even though you were practically melting, from your heat and from the energy being expended by your lovemaking, you shivered. The realisation that it was happening; you were about to be knotted, claimed. Bucky picked up on your nerves, the slighted change in your scent;

“Omega, you’re doing so well, I could never have wished for a better mate…”

As he spoke his teeth brushed over your bonding mark and you felt yourself rocking down harder with each of his thrusts until you felt it, his knot just slightly caught then slipped out again, causing you to whine like an animal denied its favourite treat;

“Nearly there Omega, near-ly th-ere…”

Each syllable was punctuated by a thrust, your body trembling, on the precipice again with your orgasm, until you heard his words;

“It’s time Omega…”

“Claim me Bucky, make me yours”

With one final thrust you felt his knot notch inside and this time stick just as your orgasm crashed through your body. The added tightness of your body gripped his made Bucky let out a howl, roaring up at the sky as he bared his teeth, and with a rumble in his chest he brought his teeth down to your neck and claimed you.

You felt the skin break, his teeth digging into your bonding mark and the warm trickle of your blood down your neck and chest. The moment seemed to be frozen in time, noise filling your ears before you opened your eyes and saw the pack outside; all wolves, all howling simultaneously as they celebrated the pack leader having claimed his Omega.

Pulling his teeth away from your skin Bucky gently licked over the wound, helping it to heal, all whilst your bodies were still joined. You felt weak, exhaustion taking over, and with careful movement so not to jar his knot within you, Bucky moved your pliable body until you were lying on your side, Bucky’s strong arms wrapped around you. The forest fell quiet and you heard the gentle sound of paws retreating into the distance, and the last thought that went through your mind as the pack retreated was that you were complete.

For three days and nights you spent it in Bucky’s arms. After that first night the drapes were pulled across all the windows, Bucky laughed that the pack had their show, now it was time for a private performance. And oh boy did he perform; your body was tired and aching but in the most beautiful way, you had a glow to you that both of you already knew was the first sign that Bucky’s seed had taken, and already you in your mind could feel the pups within you start to grow. Bucky gently laughed when you’d told him;

“Surely it’s too early Omega?”

“I just know Bucky…”

You’d been in the huge tub at the time, your bodies joined yet again, warm water lapping at his knot as you let the scented water wash over your bodies for some interesting lovemaking, straddling him as he lay back against the side, you took his hands and rested them on your stomach;

“Do you feel it? Can you sense it?”

Bucky paused for a moment before his eyes went wide;

“There’s something… I can feel this heat, this power coming from you…” he laughed happily and pulled you to him, wrapping his arms around your body and burying his face in your neck, inhaling your scent as he sobbed tears of joy.

Walking up the path to your father’s house you gripped Bucky’s hand tight, nervous about what you were going to say. As you approached the porch the door opened and you saw him, standing at the doorway as he watched you. For a moment his face was neutral as he took in the two of you, and then he sensed it and you could see his eyes starting to water. Rushing to you Tony wrapped his arms around you, hugging you tight before finally stepping back;

“Will you look at that, my baby is gonna have her own baby…”

“Dad! How do you know?!”

“Honey, a father knows. Plus, I can pick it up on your scent” Finally he turned to Bucky and extended his hand; “It’s good to finally meet you…”

“Thank you, Sir. Its James, but everyone calls me Bucky”

“Please Bucky, call me Tony”

“Well Tony, I guess I’d better ask for your permission to marry your daughter?”

Laughing Tony let go of your shoulders;

“I thought that was a given… seeing a you’ve already knocked her up?”

The two men laughed and you rolled your eyes, letting your father lead you into the kitchen. Over pancakes and bacon, you worked out your future, your dark wolf beside you the whole way.

#alpha bucky barnes #alpha bucky x omega reader #werewolf bucky barnes #abo dynamics #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes fanfiction

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catxsnow · 4 years ago

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SAME SIDE R.H.

Summary: Based on the song same side by Jessie Reyes. In which Roy Harper thinks he’s knows what’s best for you after a lifetime together

Warning: Drug abuse, withdrawals, mentions of blood, angst

A/N: I love writing for Roy PLEASE when requests open again send some for him.

Word Count: 4.1k

How come I can't leave ya? Talk to myself at night, wonderin' why I feel like I am tied down to someone Who's makin' me cry more than makin' me smile

Roy Harper had been apart of your life for as long as you could remember. He was there when you picked up your first bow. When you had your first night out along side him and Oliver. When you had your first victory and your first defeat. There was no one you would rather have by your side than Roy.

When he was Speedy and you were his partner, there seemed to be nothing that the two of you couldn't accomplish together. Oliver might not have loved either of you going off on your own, but side by side he couldn't have a worry in the world. He trusted the two of you to keep each other safe, and for the longest time, you did.

No matter what situation you got yourself into, Roy was always the one to give you a hand. There was never a time that you doubted his ability to save you. He saved you from broken arrows, but he never seemed to be able to save you through broken hearts. He couldn't save you from himself.

Growing up, it was impossible not to fall in love with your best friend. Roy had a charm to him that was impossible to ignore. A classic tale of friends to lovers. You became inseparable on and off the field. Late nights taking bad guys down and even later nights stuck between the sheets of your bed.

Roy was a lover - and for the longest time he was a damn good one too. He was selfless to strangers, and to you he would do anything to make you happy. With him it seemed like forever wasn't long enough. Forever was your always with him, until it wasn't. Until Roy wasn't your always.

He couldn't save you from the times that he fell into a dark hole. He couldn't save you when his life became too preoccupied with drugs and alcohol. Most importantly, you couldn't save him from himself either. No matter how hard you tried, Roy always fell back to those roots.

No matter how many nights you were left yelling and crying over him coming home do you so high he could barely walk, you couldn't leave him. Roy had been part of your life for as long as you had known, leaving him seemed harder than anything you ever had to do. You couldn't, not when he needed you. Not when you still loved him.

Night after night he came back to you crying at how you had lost him. Roy no longer thrived to save the innocents. He didn't care what happened to himself, and not in the selfless kind of way that you once admired. The Roy that you had fallen in love with was gone, and you weren't sure if you were ever going to get him back.

It broke you to see him fill you with broken promises of trying to fix himself. Pleads and cries that he would always need you more than he needed those stupid drugs. No matter how many promises he made, he never could fix himself. He never wanted to fix himself. It was easier to feel nothing that the pain of memories of the life you lived together.

The life that you had to bare just as badly as he did.

Just make it through the night Lyin' to myself, sayin' I'll be fine I don't want you, I hate you, I think But I don't wanna be alone either

"I'm tired of this Roy! I can't keep going on like this!"

He promised he'd quit for good this time. After years of ups and downs you knew not to believe his promises. For some damned reason you did this time, only to be disappointed again. It was weeks that he was clean. Even if it was hard, you started seeing tiny glimpses of the Roy you once knew.

You spent every moment with him as he tried to better himself. Early mornings of finding him heaving over the toilet. Mid-day shakes that wouldn't go away no matter how hard he focused on them to stop. Night after night of his tossing and turning, unable to sleep or stay still. Every step of the way, you were there.

Roy seemed to bet getting better. He fell asleep at night holding onto you without the hours of endless insomnia. The shaking in his hands and legs had improved so much that he could hold his bow again. He was good, he was getting there. Most importantly you were proud of him and happy to have him back.

Until you noticed that the reason he was getting better, was because he wasn't getting better at all. Roy had been in a good mood - one that had got him dragging you to your bathroom and filling the tub with water. He had been having a lot of baths lately - the hot water helping with his tensed muscles and clouded mind.

Sitting in the bath with him filled you with a happiness in your chest that you hadn't felt in years. As simple as that moment was, it meant everything to you. But Roy's everything stemmed from the piece of packaging you found forgotten behind the toilet. Packaging for needles.

His faced drained of everything as you reached for it. The happy smile on your face fell to a cold look. Roy didn't have time to explain himself before you were out of the bath and reaching for your towel. He was only strides behind you as you marched to your room. Fury ran through you. He lied.

Roy wasn't getting better, he was falling right back to his old routine after weeks - months - of torture. No matter what, you told him that you would be there right by his side as long as he stayed honest with you. Instead, he lied to your face - for god knows how long too.

"(Y/N)-" Roy tried. The towel was tightly wrapped around his waist, pathetically watching as you reached for clothes to throw on. "Please, just..."

"Just what, Roy?" You snapped. The hoodie you pulled over your head belonged to him and you couldn't have even been bothered to notice. He did. "I asked you to be straight with me this time! No lies, no deceit, just the truth. With everything that we've been through together I thought you would understand. I know this is hard bu-"

"But you don't know!" Roy suddenly blew up. It was a cycle that you were constantly thrown into. Someone lies, someone gets mad, everyone gets frustrated. Years of heartbreak with him but refusing to leave each others sides. It always seemed easier to stay, and now... now you weren't so sure. "You're not the one who has to go through all this shit! You're not the one who's so fucking dependent on this.. this toxin!"

"You did it to yourself! You did it because you hated the person you were becoming and you couldn't fucking accept my help!" You countered. The words hurt you as soon as they left your lips. Blaming Roy was never something you did because you knew how guilty he felt for getting to the place that he was in. "Fuck, Roy... You know I didn't mean it like that."

You reached for his hands, sighing as he flinched away from you. Your arms dropped back to your sides, head tilted to the ground and ashamed too look up at him. All your years together, you never accused him of putting himself in this place - truth was, he knew you were right. It only hurt him more.

"I didn't want to lie to you," He whispered. It physically hurt him to lie to your face. You deserved the truth, and he just couldn't bare to see your disappointment again. He had seen that look too many times. "I'm tired of putting you in this position. You deserve better than me. You've always deserved better than me."

"Don't say that," your gaze turned to the shake in his hand. Roy clenched his fist trying to get it to stop but with no avail. You threaded your arms around him, tucking your head into his still wet chest. He was thinner than he was when you first left Oliver to become your own team. "You've always been the one."

You're such an asshole, but I see a prince And I'm a good girl, but you see a bitch I wanna make love, you wanna burn a bridge

Roy knew better. He knew that you deserved a life outside of his. He wanted that for you. Happiness everyday, not having to worry about him or even the life of a vigilante. If anyone in this world deserve freedom from the weights dragging them down, it was you.

So, as he tried to better himself - for what felt like the hundredth time - he tried to make it easier on. Unfortunately, he did it in the only way that he knew how. Roy pushed you away, just like he pushed Oliver and the Titans away too. You never thought he would stoop low enough to get rid of you.

Late nights out on his own - sometimes as Arsenal, sometimes as Roy. When you woke up in the morning he was already gone. You never saw him during the day and unless you woke in the middle of the night, you didn't see him in the evenings either. Roy was pushing you far away from.

His disappearance led to more fights. Fights that he edged on for the sole reason that it seemed easier to let you go if you hated him. The only flaw in his plan was that no matter how hard he tried, you couldn't hate him. If you did, you would have left him years ago.

Instead, he had to leave you. Roy was gone one morning. His bow and arrows packed up, the few possessions he cared about. The chain that you had given him that he couldn't bare to wear unless he was clean. You woke up to a cold bed and a broken heart.

You knew this was coming. Roy had been hinting at it for days without having to say anything at all. Sometimes he forgot how well you knew him. Sometimes he choose to forget to make it easier on himself. Leaving you was the hardest thing that he had ever done, but in the long run he knew it to be worth it.

It was the first time in weeks that Roy had gone to bed the same time as you. He wore only his boxers to bed, arms tucked behind his head and staring up at the ceiling. Weeks of not talking to one another. Weeks of missing him, missing his touch. Roy hadn't been the same since that night you caught him lying.

Maybe that night, maybe he was ready to go back to himself and try again. Maybe he was ready. You rolled over in your bed, cuddling into his side and embracing the little amount of warmth he had. Roy didn't tense up at your touch, but he didn't make a move to accept your embrace either.

Feather-light touches dragging along his chest, over his scars and flaws. He didn't seem to mind you doing it, so you continued. You leaned into him more, kissing the places you once trailed your fingers again. Legs pulling over to straddle either side of him. You left a line of kisses up his chest, his neck until finally reaching his lips.

Before you could even brush yours against them, Roy gripped your hips. You expected him to urge the movement of them. Instead, he guided you off of him, going back to his original laying space. He couldn't look you in the eye - why did you expect him to be able to kiss you as well?

That was the night you knew

Leaving you was impossible for him. You were all he ever knew for his whole life. Leaving you meant losing a part of himself.

"Roy you can't keep coming home like this." Barely able to stay awake, blood dripping from what seemed like every inch of skin that was visible. Bruises littered his face and you were sure his torso was the same as well. There had been several nights where he had come back to you like this.

He sat silently as you stitched him up. Silent as he had been all week. Avoiding your calls and texts of wondering when he was going to come home. Roy hung his head low, unable to speak, or to look at you. Whatever was running through his head, you would never get to know.

As soon as the last stitch was done you stood up from your chair. Roy remained where he was. You stood in front of him, placing your finger under his chin to get him to finally look up at you. Tears brimmed his eyes and you knew it wasn't from the pain of the stitches or the wounds.

You kissed his forehead, lingering against his skin for what felt like the first time in months. To your surprise, Roy wrapped his arms around you, pulling you close. His head nuzzled into your torso and he suddenly couldn't bare the thought of letting you go. Your arms wrapped around his shoulders.

"Go shower baby," you instructed. Roy's arms dropped to his sides and he nodded at your request. You waited in bed for him that night. Through the sound of him standing in the shower for nearly an hour. Hearing him shuffle around - but never making his way to your bed. To you.

So I wish I was a bad guy So we could just be fightin' on the same side

Patrol had become a lot more dangerous. No one to watch you back, no one to save you if you were to fail. It pained you at the thought of going back to Oliver to ask for his help. That bridge had been long burned when you left with Roy. Now that Roy had left you... it felt natural to go back to your mentor.

As badly as you wanted to, Oliver wouldn't want to see you. He made that clear last time you saw him. Maybe he deserved to know you and Roy split ways - maybe he just didn't care at all.

It took a while getting used to being out there without Roy by your side. It seemed to get easier as time passed until stumbling upon his broken arrows every once in a while. Broken arrows, tried up blood, torn pieces of his suit. He was getting himself into more trouble than ever before and he didn't have you to pick him back up.

Years and years you were always fighting on the same side, not it felt as if he had pitted you against one another. Fighting to stay alive and stay apart. It was eating him alive having to do both.

Some days you wondered if it would be easier to be just like him. Endure the same struggles just so he wouldn't have to alone - or deal with the pain that you had because of his. Maybe if you were the same, he'd still be with you. Maybe you could have worked together to be better versions of yourself.

Maybe you would have dragged each other farther down the endless pit that never could be crawled out of.

Roy didn't have your hand to reach for anymore, he was in that pit all by himself.

You said all your goodbyes You said that you would be out my life If I could just let you go, let you be on your own But, love, I need ya

Roy Harper had been in your life for so long that you didn't know how to live without him. Years of relying on him with everything and through everything. He was always there to help you, no matter what. You were there for him - it was the basis of your relationship. No one left to fend for themselves.

So, why did he leave? Why did he feel the need to abandon you when he needed you the most. Always. Always you stayed by him - why did he think you wouldn't want to do that now? He was the one who pushed himself away, he was the one that decided he didn't need you anymore.

Roy had done a damn good job of making you hate him - or at least making you think you did. He burned his bridge with you long before he left. Maybe to him it seemed easier. Or maybe he was just a damn fool who thought you were better off without him. Roy was a cinderblock on your ankle in the middle of the ocean.

But he wasn't. He was far from that. Roy was your life craft. He was the one that kept you afloat and safe from the unknown depths of the water. He kept you sane, even if he drove you insane with his actions. The world that you lived together, the horrors you saw - he was the only one to understand.

Without him you had no one. What was left to fight for when your home was empty. He didn't need you anymore, but that didn't mean that you didn't need him. It was a time of bottom of liquor bottles and reckless behavior. No longer caring if you had gotten an extra hit or cut on you.

Roy watched over you. He always kept an eye out to make sure you were alright - and as time went on he only saw you get worse and worse. It pained him to see you like this, so broken and so lost of hope. Watching you made him realize just how much he had put you through.

The line of whether or not he would be helping or hindering you by coming back began to fade. He wasn't clean, he wasn't back to the man that you fell in love with. But watching you continue down this path? He couldn't bare the thought of having you fall to the same level that he was in.

"Roy..."

He couldn't let you fail like he did. No matter what he put you through, all the shit he had done to you before leaving - he knew you hated him for it. Roy didn't care how much you hated him, he couldn't let you do this to yourself. Even if it meant that you would hate him for good for coming back - he didn't care.

Roy loved you too much to see you suffering like this. Which was why he stood at your front door, months after leaving it for the last time. You both looked awful - bags under the eyes, an evident loss of muscle, ratted hair. Being away had harmed you both, something that you had known that would happen.

"You can't do this to yourself," he spoke as if you hadn't been months apart. As if he still had the right to tell you how you should take care of yourself - as if he ever had that right. He looked at the stash of bottles littering your table, counter, even scattered on the floor. "You're going down a path that you're not going to get back from."

"Fuck you," you tried to slam the door. He stopped it with the palm of his hand, pushing himself into the place he called home with you for years. "You're the last person that's allowed to come here to tell me how to live my life! Of all people-"

"Of all people I'm the one that you should listen to the most," Roy cut you off. "Of all people, you should know exactly what it means to follow this path."

"You left Roy," You turned away from him. It was harder than you ever expected to see him again. Nights of craving for him to be back with you, yearning for his touch. None of it seemed to matter now that he was really here. You were just reminded of the pain he induced to you. "You left me."

He did. And fuck was it hard. Not having you be there to remind him what life was worth living for tore him to pieces. He knew that his journey ahead of him was going to be a hard one alone, but if it meant not making you suffer anymore... it had to be worth it. He never expected you to fall like this.

You were always the strong one. Always the one to be there whenever he needed for whatever fucked reason. Maybe he was too preoccupied in his own struggles that he never noticed yours. Truth was, it was easy to ignore them when you could focus on him instead.

"I thought..." He tried to say that it would be easier. Obviously, it wasn't for either of you. "I know you deserve better than me. You weren't going to make that choice, so I did."

"You had no right to make that choice!" You spun around to face him. Hot, angry tears strolled down your cheeks. "You pushed me away and never told me why! How... how was I supposed to live with myself not knowing why the person that's been at my side through everything just picked up and left me."

"I'm sorry," Roy dropped his head. You knew his guilty look. Caving into himself, making him look smaller than he already was. Refusing to meet your eyes but so desperately needing to. Hands in his pockets because otherwise he doesn't know what to do with them. Lips in a thin line.

This was by far the worst look you had seen him give. His knees threatened to buckle beneath him. You could see the shaking in his limbs but that easily could have been from the withdrawals he was forcing himself through. It was hard before, but it was near impossible without you at his side.

"I told myself I wasn't coming back, not until I was clean for good."

"And are you?" Obviously, he wasn't. You could see that he wasn't good yet.

"I'm trying," Roy's voice cracked. He looked up at you beneath the brim of his ball cap. Tears spilled down his cheeks and he was clearly biting the inside of his cheek to stop himself from sobbing. "You always tried so hard with me and I could never prove myself to you. I hoped... I hoped that if I could do it by myself that maybe you'd be proud of me for once."

He watched you cross the room to stand in front of him. Your hands reaching up to cup his cheeks and wipe away the tears. It was easy to understand the reasoning behind why he left, you just wished that he wasn't stupid enough to believe that it was true. Stupid enough to think that after a lifetime together that you could be pushed away in only a few weeks.

"I've always been proud of you, Roy," You whispered. "I've always been here for you. You didn't have to leave, or push me away, to try and better yourself to make me proud. I didn't want you to."

Roy couldn't take the separation any longer. He flung into your arms, nuzzling into the cook of your neck. The faint smell of liquor rolled off your skin, but underneath he felt back at home with you. You were his home, not this half-ass apartment or under any roof. It was you.

"I'm sorry," He repeated. You felt him relax as you wrapped your arms around him. Suddenly, all that anger that you had at him for leaving, it washed away. Roy needed you, and you would be there for him whether he wanted you to be or not. "Please..." He tried to get the words out but his voice got caught in his throat.

He was home in your arms, just as you had wanted it to be. Roy quickly realized his mistake of leaving you. Months of working back up to gain your trust again, of doing his best to finally quit for you. He was going to be the best version of himself being back with you because that was what you deserved.

It didn't matter what version you had - all you needed was him.

"I'm here, my love, I'm here."

I'm sorry, made this world in my head I'm sorry I don't wanna quit this yet I'm sorry, I swear that I tried my best I'm sorry, can you be sorry instead?

#roy harper #roy harper imagine #roy harper one shot #roy harper x reader #arsenal #arsenal imagine #arsenal one shot #dc one shot #dc imagine #dc #roy harper fanfic #speedy #red hood and the outlaws

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mrsmarymorstan · 4 years ago

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Don't why the fans especially the manga readers are hyping about tooru breaking the curse when she didn't even do shit. she just went on that silly adventure and be an annoying crybaby whenever she learns something new about the curse. it was actually akito who broke the curse so i can't understand what you are all hyping tohru on.

Ah yes, I to remember the days when I’d be deliberately antagonistic just for fun and beat on female characters for showing emotions and caring about people. Or indeed, resent characters for having entirely realistic reactions to the cosmic horror and terror that surrounds them. Then I turned 16 and HER WE ARE ten years later and I get to see it from a whole new perspective! What fun.

In your misguided attempt to cause drama by shitting on people having a good time by being excited about upcoming character moments, much like Dr Flemming’s unwashed petri dish, you have hit upon something that benefits further discussion and interest.

That point being, was it TOHRU who broke the curse, or was it Akito?

The answer, I believe, is both. SPOILERS FOR ANIME ONLIES TONY YOU ARE WARNED DO NOT @ ME AGAIN IF YOU MESS UP.

When Tohru sets out to break the curse and stop the love of her life from being locked up in a cold dark room for the rest of his existence, she finds out that the curse is firstly, a bond of blood sworn by the spririts of the past and not something that can be physically manifested, and secondly, that the curse has already begun to break RE: Kureno.

Now, there’s a LOT of theories about why Kureno’s curse broke and if it truly was some random event or if there was a trigger. I think it’s a combination of the two. It’s noted by the maids and by (I think) Shigure that this is the first time in a long time that the entire Juunishi are present. There is also a sizeable age gap betwee Hiro and Kureno, that would about match up between Hiro being an infant when Kureno’s curse broke. Ergo, I propose that his curse broke soon after their first New Year’s together as a complete banquet with no spaces missing. Save that of the cat, of course, but more on him later.

Kureno is the rooster, and I believe that in legend the Rooster was seen as the closest to God because he could deliver messages between heaven and earth. Therefore it makes sense that the first to leave God alone, is God’s messenger. “We have had our final Banquet, it’s time to end the cycle.”

Of course Akito/God does not have a positive reaction to this, and the loss of one Juunishi inspires a great sense of loneliness and fear within Akito similar to that which lead to the creation of the bond in the first place. We do not see God being willing to make any attempt to work on achieving the Cat’s wish of finally being able to form friendships beyond the Zodiac and forming bonds with the humans he was so afraid of before.

And THAT is the crux of the matter. Tohru came into the Sohma’s lives and began to break the curse simply by forming close bonds with them all, and letting them into her life and react to the world around them. Hana and Uo are both friends with Kyo and Yuki, actively choosing to spend time together. We also see that in Kyo attending the same school as Yuki, it opens up that same school to Haru and Momiji where they too can form bonds outside of the Sohma influence. It’s a school THEY chose, not the single sex one Akito picked out. Equally this means we have to give some credit to Yuki for making the brave choice of defying his parents and Akito’s wishes by attending a mixed school, and Shigure (who continues to be the mastermind here) for goading Akito into allowing Kyo to also attend that school and not simply pay off the private school he was MEANT to attend and have them let him back in.

It’s also no real surprise that the two other Juunishi whose curses break before the final scene are Momiji and Hiro. Hiro is shown to be forming bonds outside of the Zodiac too. Not only has he matured enough that he is able to understand things from Tohru’s perspective now and has a relatively positive relationship with her, he ALSO becomes a Big Brother with a little sister he adores. Again, it shouldn’t come as a surprise that his curse breaks whilst he is in the same room as her. The Sheep has formed a meaningful relationship outside of the Zodaic, so it is time for the Sheep Spirit to return to its original realm. We then have Momiji, who is absolutely desperately in love with Tohru and is also equally desperate to be allowed to have a relationship with his OWN sister. Momiji’s curse breaks only after he has gone through puberty though and reaches adulthood. It’s when he starts to truly understand the path that is laid before him, and where he stands in it. He WANTS a relationship with Tohru, but he can also recognise that she is in love with Kyo and that makes it all the more painful. He knows that as he ages he is only going to be made to feel more distant from his sister, and that hurts too. HOWEVER, Momiji doesn’t ever stop LONGING for meaningful relationships and a world beyond the life of the Zodiac. He recognises that he does not have anything really tying him to the Sohma anymore, and so his curse breaks. The rabbit spirit has no need to be part of the banquet, and so heads home.

Now, as you can see, whilst Tohru is a key trigger in the breaking of the curse, she’s still not the one to actively do it, right?

Well, wrong. Sort of.

Take note that when we’re told the ACTUAL story of the Original Banquet , we find that the Cat was the first friend God ever made, and was also the first to die. It was the death of the cat that triggered God into creating the eternal bond that would always bring them together, and it was the cat’s terror and dismay at being forced into such a bond that caused them to disown him. The cat has, all along, simply wanted God to make friends. The first who had the curse take effect upon them, was the one who rejectd it the most and as such was then shunned forever more. The cat wanted God to make bonds outside of the Zodiac, and in turn the cat was forever banned form making those bonds. Even though we’ve been show the Cat was granted some realtionships in the form of Kazuma’s Grandmother; it is a relationship made out of pitty rather than love and understanding.

Tohru though? Torhu is the God Damned (excuse the pun) Year of the Cat Fanclub PRESIDENT. Nobody loves and respects the OG Cat Spirit in the way she does. She emphasied with the Cat’s plight in the legend her mother told her, feeling sorry for them being tricked like that and being forced to miss out on being part of the legend. She wanted the cat to join the group! She cradled the cat’s body in much the same way God in his final moments, as instead this time Tohru brings him back into the light and forms a stronger and longer lasting relationship with the cat spirit through love and empathy.

And later on, in that same mountainside, it is TOHRU who is the one who reaches out her hand to god and asks to become friends. It is the act of God forming friends with mortal humans that triggers Akito/God to finally release everyone from their curse. That’s why it happens when it does, when Akito knows that Tohru is safely out of hospital, that she has still welcomed Akito into her life... and that if Akito is going to take those terrifying steps into forming relationships that can end in rejection, she’s going to have to do it on her own two feet.

THAT is how Tohru breaks the curse. THAT is what is important here and what is so FUCKING HARD ROCK about Tohru Honda. We see her willing to stand up to GOD in order to break the curse, but she stands before God as an EQUAL. Tohru WILL break the curse. She WILL fight for her soulmate. She WILL make you be friends with her and address your deep seated issues of self hate and abandonment (not that she has those issues herself ahahahha no I’m just your average happy go lucky teenager with two dead parents who lives in a tent I’M FINE)

Of course, it turns out that everything Shigure and Kazuma told her about breaking the curse was true: That she didn’t have to do anything other than to continue to be herself. HOWEVER, in order to BE herself she needed to try and have a “silly adventure” where she tested her metal and learnt to speak up for herself. Why are we excited? Because we’re going to see Tohru finally find the confidence to speak out against others without harm! We see her get into a fight with Rin about it. We see her refusing to back down against Kagura. We see her standing on her own two feet and saying “No. No I don’t want that. I REFUSE to give in and to leave well alone!”

All before, Tohru has been so scared to speak up for herself because of her debilitating abandonment issues (and please let’s not make fun of people’s mental health issues, okay? I haven’t been having a weekly therapy session for nearly two years now just because for the fun of it) but now she’s got to the point where she feels comfortable and secure enough to show an uglier side to herself that people might reject. She is able to be mean, and shout, and fucking break into someone’s house in order to get what she wants! How can a TRUE fruits basket fan NOT be excitd for that level of character development?

And to end it, please, for the LOVE OF GOD it is 2020. I am 26 years old. I have been on tumblr since 2011. Do not send me hate about female fictional characters and expect me to roll over. My username is “Mrs Mary Morstan”. Mary. Morstan. The most hated female character in all of BBC Sherlock. Do not even try to fucking test me, you Petri Dish.

#Fruits Basket #Furuba #Furuba Manga Spoilers #Tohru Honda #Akito Sohma #The Curse #The Juunishi #Anonymous #greatest hits

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bowieandqueen11 · 4 years ago

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I’m What’s Wrong / Jonas Kahnwald Imagine

Request: I was wondering if i could request a jonas kahnwald imagine ☺ maybe fluff and angst. Where jonas and the reader have like a thing and are falling for each other in the middle of all the conflicts, and jonas tells her that if he fixes everything he's going not going to exist anymore... and its all angsty and sad but fluffy and they kiss and its all romantic but angst 😂🙈

Thank you for this request @sh4desofsadness, I’m so so excited for season 3 and to start getting out of my Dark requests! <3

I’m also tagging @tink-crash because you’ve always been so kind to me and I’m sorry I haven’t written for Dark in so long!

Warning, some strong language!

Comments are much appreciated!

As a child having the displeasure of growing up in Winden, you could only remember waking up in the middle of the night breathless, searching for the sun. For a light.

The darkness had always worried you. Enveloping, suffocating, filled with beasts and monsters banging against the phantom line between the bright and the dark you could never tell if were real or not. But after the last few weeks, you knew they were more real than most things in your life, whether you wanted them to be or not.

Standing in the middle of the Kahnwald’s kitchen, you pray to every God you can think of for letting Hannah Kahnwald be out at the moment. Mainly, because you couldn’t bear the stifling silence between the two of you in this house since Jonas disappeared a couple of days ago. Secondly, because the black gun hanging from your fingertips, you’re pretty sure, belongs to her.

Backing away, you nearly cry as you drop the gun onto the table, afraid for a moment, as it spun towards you, that you had accidentally triggered it. However, for the moment, the only pain you feel is your back pressing into the dirt encrusted, tea stained counter, and the thumping of your heart against the back of your throat. Fumbling your fingers behind you until you come into contact with one of the Jonas’ chipped mugs, you cling onto the edge of the counter, staring at the mess in front of you. Wondering how in hell you ended up here, with your boyfriend missing, Mikkel disappearing, some strange man wandering around that you just couldn’t - wouldn’t - believe could be your Jonas. None of the pieces would smash themselves into place in your head.

So instead, you just stand there in shock, staring at the kitchen table that stands silently in the middle of the wooden floor. This kitchen table has seen every emotion, from the sweet silent happiness of family times when you used to come over for dinner: one of the rare times Michael would make an appearance and sometimes even cook, to the rage of lies and secrets that bursts out in these hardest times. The splinters of wood from beneath peaks through, shards tearing at the surface trying to break free. In this dark room, only the ticking of the wall clock had a relaxed feeling, as if it was waiting for its ticks to finally run out.

From where you stood, you hadn’t noticed a weathered figure place his key in the door and come back into his home. Under the relentless Winden heat that he had spent years oppressed under, the boy’s raincoat had come to weigh more than his creaking skeleton. The only words that passed his withered lips, as he stepped into the hallway and caught sight of you, was a cry. A desperate, distraught sound that broke your heart in two before you had even spotted him.

‘J-Jonas is that you? Can it be? H-how- you look so different-’

Jonas turned his head slowly to glance at his reflection in the murky kitchen window: all he could tell from what his bleary eyes managed to see was that his normally flat hair was more like a bird’s nest - long and shaggy and stuck up, running down his cheeks to meet his scar and tickle across the dirt flecks on his cheeks. He didn’t remember this happening. It was so hard to remember anything.

Before you could even collect yourself, you’ve run forward and grabbed the lapels of his coat: the coat that was so blue and tarnished, like a midwinter night an hour before pitch dark, before the dying of the light. Yet even under your chilled fingertips the fabric was far from soft. The look in his eyes as you glanced up at him, clinging onto him like a desperate child and him reaching up to grab onto you twice as fervently, was one of total loss. Jonas Kahnwald had never felt so alone, so incapable of doing even the smallest tasks. And this was only the beginning, the beginning of the pain, the suffering and the endless cycle of events that he had unwittingly set into motion that would lead to your doom.

He would be damned if he wasn’t going to stop it.

‘Y/n- I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to do anymore. How to fix this - my mistake - what I did to my father, what I’ll do to you-’

‘Hey, who did this?’

Your fingers danced over a narrow pillow of milky white bandage just below his strict jaw, the pad of your thumb smoothed over the rope burn wrought into his neck. You fought the nervous swirls that braided in your stomach, trying to speculate about something alternate, but you couldn't undo the images that were embedded in your troubled mind.

‘Who did this to you?’, you whisper, but he only grabs onto your hand and pulls it down until its resting against his stomach.

‘That’s not important, Y/n. I need to tell you now, right now, that I’m sorry.’

‘What on Earth for Jonas? You’re not Adam, not yet, and though I don’t really understand what’s going on, we’re going to fix this.’

‘That’s what I’m sorry for, Y/n. In order to fix all this - all this shit that I’ve caused - I need to die. I need to not exist anymore Y/n-’

‘But that’s not- that’s not true! That’s not possible! I’ve already bumped into an older version of you-’

‘And he needs to go as well Y/n! He’s just as much a part of the problem! That’s the point! I’m the problem, I never should have existed in the first place!’

His words, his words are harsh but god, his eyes are so different in moments like these, more soft than you knew eyes could be.

‘I’m not leaving you to do this alone Jonas. This isn’t your fate, I know it isn’t.’

‘I- I can’t.’

His jaw quivers as he sighs out deeply, trying so hard to bite back the tears that well up in the creases of his eyes. He doesn’t do anything for a moment, just biting his tongue, until he shuts his eyes and leans his forehead down until it gently rests against the tip of your own.

‘I’ve tried so hard to save you. So hard Y/n. I’ve tried everything I can think of, but you’re only okay once I’m gone. I need you safe, that’s the only important thing to me-’

‘Older you said something like that as well, before he rushed off to god knows where. This time, this ‘cycle’, just let me actually help.’

He looks at you, daring to look with his tear stained cheeks before time freezes. He rushes forward, almost without thinking, and kisses you. For a moment there’s no apocalypse, no time machine, no death, no suffering. Just the feel of his lips desperately pressing against your own, a small gasp leaving them as you reach up and grab onto the fringes of his hair, the two of you never wanting to let go.

Eventually, however, you do have to pull away, your pulse racing as you choose instead to rest your chin against his. You can still feel his tears tumble against the coolness of your skin, a small lock of his hair tumbling down in front of your face, resting just in front of your cheek. With one swift slide of your thumb, it was brushed out of the way. He reached down again, your fingers locking together similar to puzzle pieces, and you gave the boy you loved the only comfort you could think of giving in that moment. Pressing a chaste kiss to the side of his neck, you let go and allow your arms to open up, nearly falling over as his head crashes into the side of your neck and his hands make balled fists into the back of your shirt.

Yes, you could say for certainty that you were very glad Hannah Kahnwald wasn’t home. Because the empty sobs that echoed through the house belonged to the two of you, and the two of you only.

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shutupandshipit · 4 years ago

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Sharpen Your Blades - Ch.10

Summary: “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

The thinning of Aizawa’s patience was evident in the twitching of his brow. “If you stop asking questions, maybe I could finish explaining.

”With a huff and roll of his eyes, Katsuki glanced away from their coach.

“City Hall and the SC want us to give them more variety. We are a team solely made up of single skaters. Every year, we dominate the rankings for single skate while Shinketsu dominates the pairs, so this year both cities are being required to split their skaters evenly between singles and pairs with at least one pair coming from out top five.” There was a collective intake of breath, but no one commented, choosing instead to remain silent. “Unfortunately, for us, it’s a lot easier to switch from pairs to singles. With our male to female ratio, alpha/beta/omega ratio, and those of you actually experienced with pair skating, we’re at a disadvantage. So, I’ve decided to choose your partners for you.”

…..

Or where Katsuki and Izuku are forced to be partners so they can continue to compete, but the blood in the water may be thicker than anyone realized.

Pairing: Bakudeku

Rating: T

Chapter: 10/20

Previously <- Chapter 9: Refills

Chapter 11: Solo -> Next

Chapter 10: Alpha Wanted

Katsuki skidded to a stop, chest heaving as he leaned against the wall. Ever since he’d broken off his partnership with Izuku, he’d been pushing himself to the very edge of his abilities and sometimes further. When no one was around, when he was completely alone on the ice, he would sometimes go until he was forcing himself not to puke as his body heaved. Sometimes he did puke, and he would spend thirty minutes cleaning up the mess before trudging home.

He knew he wasn’t taking the end of their partnership well, but that didn’t mean he was going to stop running himself into the ground.

Lifting his head, his eyes met Izuku’s across the ice.

Izuku was huddled in the middle of the bleachers, his new partner seated at his side and the rest of the alphas on the team that were in their age group surrounding him. They chattered on and on, looking to Izuku for approval, but even when he just smiled nervously at them, they continued on as if he’d given an actual answer.

Anger seethed in Katsuki's chest. He hated it, hated seeing him surrounded by alphas all grinning and preening like a flock of ugly peacocks. Hated the uncomfortable smile that Izuku always wore nowadays. Hated glancing over to check on him and already finding Izuku’s eyes on him.

Most of all, he hated the way the other alphas had treated Izuku like he was a prize to be won as soon as they were no longer a pair anymore. Hated the way they treated him like he was suddenly fair game.

Katsuki shouldn’t have been surprised. He’d known they’d just been waiting for the right moment, waiting for him to fuck up, waiting for him to let Izuku just the barest inch out of his reach. As soon as they’d presented, Izuku had become coveted among the alphas. The rare male omega. Somehow, it made him ten times more desirable to the others on the team. As if his secondary gender erased everything they’d never liked about him.

When Katsuki had been his partner, the others hadn’t dared to make the attempt to court him. They’d rightly assumed that he’d had fully intended to court Izuku, but he’d been planning on beginning their courtship once they were at least in high school. Just his presence and scent on Izuku had marked him as off limits, and that had been enough to begin with.

Katsuki scowled, watching Izuku’s cheeks grow red and his green eyes drop, and then as he startled back away from a touch to his knee. Stubbornly, he turned and ignored the quick glance back up at him. He wasn’t Izuku’s partner, wasn’t going to be his mate, wasn’t anything to him anymore.

…..

Katsuki groaned out his frustration, dragging his hands down his face as Izuku hit the ice for the tenth time that night. Even during team practice, Izuku hadn’t been able to land a single jump. The concentration on his face was severe, but something was clearly taking up all of the space in that curly head of his. “What the fuck is going on, Deku? You haven’t flubbed this many jumps since we were fucking five. What gives?” Katsuki asked, gliding over to Izuku and jerking him back to his feet.

Izuku’s jaw worked back and forth, brow furrowed and eyes downcast. “I’ve just… got something on my mind. I don’t want to talk about it.” His tone was low and dark, and he pushed away towards the wall as he rubbed at his backside. Sliding on his guards, he stepped off the ice.

If Katsuki hadn’t been so taken aback by the warning note in Izuku’s voice, it wouldn’t have taken him so long to realize his partner was pulling off his skates. “What are you doing? We’ve still got another hour before the janitors kick us out. We’re not done yet.”

Izuku didn’t lift his head as he pulled his shower bag from his duffle, something he only ever brought when he had somewhere else to be after practice. The tops of his ears were blush red and his voice was soft and cautious when he glanced up to say, “I, uh, have to get ready…”

“For?” Katsuki prompted irately.

“A date.”

Katsuki’s heart stuttered to a stop in his chest. His alpha whined pitifully, and he just barely managed to keep the sound in. “Whatever,” he muttered instead, grabbing his phone and headphones from the wall before pushing back out to center ice. He stood there pretending to scroll through his music until he heard the double doors slam closed.

Turning back to the benches, Katsuki slipped on his guards and headed for his bag. Inside, he’d nestled the softest faux fur lined blanket that one of his student’s mothers had gifted him. ‘You young alphas never think of nesting materials for that special someone in your life,’ she’d told him as she’d pushed it into his arms. She’d been right, of course, but only because Katsuki had thought it was too early to be thinking about nesting. Nesting materials implied Katsuki wanted to share Izuku’s heat with him, and while that was certainly the case, he didn’t want to push too hard. Izuku didn’t even know that Katsuki was trying to court him yet.

Still, he’d been grateful and even considered offering the gift face to face, but now…

‘Gift to omega. Maybe… Maybe…’ Even his alpha was at a loss with the situation. Still, they both came to the same agreement. ‘Give omega gift. Cannot hurt. Alpha is only one courting omega. Give gift. Maybe make things better.’

Lifting the tissue paper covered blanket from his bag, he nestled it beneath all of Izuku’s other things and just hoped the omega would be tot out of it to notice it right away.

He sat down heavily on the bench between their bags, and stripped off his skates. Once he’d cleaned them, and given Izuku’s the same treatment, he shouldered his bag and left.

…..

“Deku?” Uraraka’s voice was sleepy and confused when she answered his call.

Pulling his phone away from his ear, he checked the time. 23:48 stared accusingly up at him, and he took a page from Katsuki’s book to quietly curse under his breath. “I’m sorry, Chako, I didn’t realize how late it was. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” Even to his own ears, his voice didn’t sound right, and he could hear when the red flag shot up for her as she started to rustle around on the other end.

She yawned. “No, no, it’s fine. I wasn’t really sleeping at all. What’s up?” she lied, all chipper brightness. After a moment, she added, “How was the date?”

He didn’t answer right away, and when he did, it sounded like a flat lie. His voice broke as he said, “It was fine.”

“Deku?”

The tears were on his cheeks in an instant, cutting hot tracks across his cold skin.

The date hadn’t been fine. Well, from an outside perspective, he was sure it appeared as if things had gone swimmingly. The alpha had been perfectly civil and attentive, asking him questions about himself and more in depth questions about the topics he was interested in. He asked all the right questions too and some funny ones that made Izuku snort. What was he looking for in an alpha? How quickly was he expecting the relationship to progress? Did he want pups one day? Did he prefer cats or dogs or ferrets? What were his goals in life? What was his favorite flavor of ice cream? What was his favorite flower? Did he expect them to share their cycles together right away? If he had pups one day, what did he want to name them?

At first, he’d enjoyed his time with the man. Enjoyed looking at him. Enjoyed listening to him. Enjoyed, for the most part, scenting him on the air. Everything had been going just fine, but with each question Izuku had answered, the sick twist of betrayal had grown in his belly. With each question he answered that made the alpha’s scent sour with either disappointment or irritation, Izuku had felt the uneasy anxious energy nestled right beside his omega squirm restlessly.

There had been a moment when he realized he had no longer been answering as honestly as before, when he was tailoring his answers to specifically please the alpha. There had been a desperation in his body that told him he needed to secure this alpha for his heat. If he didn’t, then his next heat would be the most agonizing he’d ever had. That terrified him, but also made him angry.

Then the man had said, “I’ll be honest here, if this ever progressed to the point that we had pups, I would want you to stop competing so we could focus on our family. You seem to really enjoy skating-” He didn’t just ‘enjoy’ figure skating, he loved it. It was his life blood. If that was taken from him… “-but once you had a pup, that would all change. I just know it. And you wouldn’t want to risk getting hurt again. Your hips and legs need to be strong to carry, you know.”

That had solidified his resolve to end things before they even got started. No amount of fear was worth giving up the thing he loved most.

Izuku had smiled pleasantly even as that oh so familiar black tar had filled his chest and drowned his omega. “I appreciate your honesty.” Standing, he’d held out a hand even as confusion and anger began to morph that alpha’s handsome face. Even as his instincts told him to do something to make that look go away. Even as his omega urged him to fix things before it was too late.

Despite that, relief had flooded his body. Clutching his gloves in his hand, he hadn’t been able to stop from thinking of the alpha who’d taken so much care to get the size perfect and wishing he knew who they were. Wishing they were Katsuki. Then his omega had reminded him of the nesting blanket he’d found at the bottom of his bag, and knew that the date had been the worst idea his friends could have come up with.

“So, I’ll be honest as well. This isn’t going to work out. I accepted our offer because I need an alpha to spend my next heat with. This is what my friends and doctors suggested, but I’ll never be able to give you what you want if that’s me being a stay at home omega.”

The alpha had stared at his hand. The anger smoothed away as he glanced down to the hand holding the gloves. “I think there’s something else too. You don’t have to take a roundabout way to say you have someone else in mind.” After a long moment, he’d stood and shaken Izuku’s hand. “They’re a lucky alpha, whoever they are. Thanks for the conversation. It was nice. Friends?”

On the way home, he’d closed the accounts Uraraka and the other omegas had set up for him and deleted the dating and heat aid apps they’d downloaded to his device.

He relayed the whole story to Uraraka in gruesome detail, but he wasn’t sure how much was understandable through his sobbing.

Several hiccuping sobs later, Uraraka sighed. “Take a shower, Deku. I’m going to get some things, and then I’m coming over. No arguments. See you in thirty, okay?” Her voice was gentle, soft, and Izuku caved.

Hanging up, he focused on her suggestion and thanked the world she was his best friend. He was far more thankful for her suggestion when he caught the scent of the alpha still on his close, cedar and cinnamon. Not a bad scent by any means, but he still ripped his clothes off and stuffed them at the bottom of the washing machine.

He couldn’t tell if the scent had stuck to his skin or hair, but he hated the mere thought. He scrubbed until his scalp tingled and his skin was pink. The water ran cold over his head. When he got out, he dressed in his baggiest comfort clothes. An oversized sweater that had mistakenly been left in his locker at the rink several years prior and his high school gym sweats. Both had holes along seams and fraying cuffs, but they were warm and large. When he wore them, he felt loved and safe.

Pulling the nesting blanket from his bed where he’d spread it out to air out, he huddled beneath it on the couch with his face pressed into a corner of the cushions.

Uraraka’s arrival was signaled by the turning of her spare key in the lock. Still, he didn’t move, and only knew she’d seen him when she sighed heavily. For several long minutes, she shuffled around the kitchen. Drawers were opened and closed. Glasses clacked against each other. Silverware tinkled against the counter tops. All sounds found their way to the coffee table eventually, and then the couch by Izuku’s head dipped with her weight.

“This is a really nice nesting blanket. Where did you get it?” she asked quietly, fingers curling in the few locks of hair that stuck out from beneath the edge of the blanket.

Izuku allowed his head to be lifted into her lap, and pressed forward into the soft yet firm warmth of her stomach. “Was left in my bag. Don’t know who it's from.”

Uraraka stayed quiet, pushing back the blanket to run her fingers through his hair. Eventually, she said, “It smells like Bakugou.”

He stiffened. “Don’t.”

Her hand paused. “Don’t what?”

Izuku pulled away from her, huddling against the opposite side of the couch. “Don’t say stuff like that,” he whispered tiredly and leaned his cheek against the arm of the couch, “You know how I feel about him. Don’t give me false hope like that. It’s not worth the heartache at the end of it all.”

“I don’t know how false it is.” Turning to face him completely, Izuku could see just how fierce her expression was out of the corner of his eye. “This is the second thing that’s turned up in your bag smelling like him. He’s given you three things before this, that headband, his gloves and his hat. Is it really that far out of the realm of possibility?”

“Yes, Chako, it is!” Izuku snapped, voice wobbly with tears, “Kaccahn would never want someone as useless as me. Someone who dragged us down and then got hurt. He deserved better than me. I’m just lucky he’s willing to skate with me again.”

Uraraka’s face twisted as if there were more she wanted to say. In the end, she just asked, “Isn’t he the reason the date didn’t go well?” Izuku’s eyes flickered to her, and he was crying all over again. “Oh sweetie, come here.” She opened her arms, and he crawled into them, allowing himself to be held tight.

#my hero academia #mha #bakudeku #dekubaku #decchan #bakugou katsuki #midoriya izuku #a/b/o dynamics #omegaverse #alpha!katsuki #omega!izuku #figure skater au #no quirks au #my writing #sharpen your blades

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hydra-collector · 4 years ago

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love & death & kisses

AO3

Pairings: Anxceit, platonic Analogical

Characters: Virgil Sanders, Janus Sanders, Logan Sanders, Roman Sanders (mentioned), Remus Sanders (mentioned)

TW: suicide attempts, self-harm, cursing, panic attacks, v v v slightly implied sexual content, food

Words: 4,153

Summary: Virgil meets someone.

Note: Human AU, I’m bad at naming, bad at summaries, Janus is ooc, i swear this is one of my better fics

Rain seeped into Virgil’s clothes, making him even colder than he already was. He’d forgotten his umbrella at work, so he’d have to get it tomorrow. Funny how things work that way. You put things off to the side for a rainy day, but when you need them they’re not there.

A tall, slim man stood beside him. He would usually avoid other people at the train station as much as he could, but he didn’t care at this point. He was cold, tired, in a depressive episode, and frankly too out of it to care.

The other man didn’t have an umbrella either, but seemed much less bothered by it. He checked his phone occasionally, but only typed something once or twice, aside from a seemingly frustrating venture on Google Maps from what Virgil could see. He was more on edge by whatever he was seeing on his phone than the weather.

“Excuse me, do you know where the nearest hotel is?”

The first thing he noticed was that the man was absolutely beautiful.

The second was his scar.

A wide scar, seemingly a burn mark, covered the entirety of the left side of his face. It traveled down his neck and past his shirt where Virgil couldn’t see it. His left hand had it as well, a pair of gloves stuffed in his pocket. His eyes were also heterochromatic, one much paler than the dark brown of the other.

Virgil didn’t want to talk to anyone, especially after the earlier events of the day, but he tried his best. He subtly hugged his side to provide pressure comfort.

“I think there’s one a couple blocks from Edwards Station. I don’t remember if it’s south or north. I can check.”

Virgil pulled out his own phone and found that it was half a mile north. Logan had sent him a text asking him why he was so late. He didn’t want to explain that he had to spend an hour on a bench in the pouring rain, trying to calm down from a panic attack. The stranger confirmed and checked his phone again, sighing when he didn’t find what he wanted.

Virgil could see his screen slightly. He’d been talking to a contact named April, both of them using a lot of cursewords angrily at each other. It looked like a pretty bad breakup. He figured he’d been kicked out.

The train arrived a few minutes after that. Virgil was never going to be comfortable with the thought of a big, heavy object rocketing in his general direction, but he wasn’t attempting suicide or anything at the moment. He learned to deal with it.

“Sorry, Logan, I’m here now.”

Logan had been Virgil’s roommate for almost three years now. He’d been his best friend even longer. He was the one there for him when he needed it most.

“What happened?”

Logan was making dinner for the two of them, which Virgil was disappointed to find out. The rule was they could make each other meals, but whoever made it got to choose what it was, and Virgil has never known Logan to make anything junkier than chili. Virgil had got him to eat macaroni and cheese a few times, so he counted that as a win.

“I… had a pretty bad panic attack.”

“Is there anything I can do to help now?”

“I think I’ll be okay. You don’t give bad hugs, though.”

Logan smiled slightly and hugged his friend firmly. He’d looked up the best ways to comfort people physically and figured out what was best for Virgil.

“Thanks, L. What’s for dinner?”

“I’m afraid you’re going to have to make it yourself.”

“Hey, you have plenty! You’re using two pans!”

“You hate fish, Virgil.”

“That’s fish? Ew.”

“What did you think it was?”

Virgil shrugged.

“Go get dry clothes.”

Virgil changed into another, softer hoodie and sweatpants. He figured he’d get something to eat later. He could go a couple hours scrolling on Tumblr or something before he’d be really hungry.

When he turned his phone on, it was still open to the hotel directions.

I hope that guy’s alright.

He’d seen him a few times before, he realized. The unmistakable bleached hair against the man’s dark clothing he recognized had never been put to a face, but he’d been at the train station a few times before. Virgil vaguely wondered if he got off work at the same time as he did and it was a coincidence seeing him today since his whole thing with April, or whoever.

You don’t know what happened, shut up.

Virgil squeezed his arm with his fingernails, hoping to make his self-hate go away.

Today was exhausting.

He didn’t want to go to work the next day.

He’d had another bad day. His boss complained about the quality of his work again. It seemed he was fucking everything up lately. He’d gotten Roman angry at him for an insult accidentally personal, and Logan angry at him because he’d started cutting again. Who could blame him, though? It was just so much easier to cope by hurting than actually trying to help himself. At least he was still showering.

At least it wasn’t raining.

It felt like it, though. There was weight on his shoulders and chest, and he needed to cry. He wished he could afford a therapist. Then again, did he even deserve help?

Stop.

His inner voice was right. He should stop being so self-deprecating, it was annoying, he’d always been an attention seek-

Stop.

Virgil exhaled, rubbing his forehead and sitting down on the bench instead of standing for the train.

“Didn’t get to thank you. For the directions.”

“Hm?”

It was the man again. This was the first time he’d seen him in the few days since then.

“I needed a place to stay, thanks for telling me where it was. I tried looking it up, then texting my girlfriend to ask her if… I ran out of data, I wouldn’t have been able to get there if you didn’t tell me.”

“Oh. You’re welcome. Glad you found the hotel.”

He half-wished he didn’t have to talk to anyone right now, but something drew him towards this man.

And then he initiated a conversation. For once in his life.

“You just get off work?”

“Yeah. I work at the zoo. Reptile house.”

“Wow. I just have a boring tech job. I’m assuming you like reptiles, which one’s your favorite?”

“It’s basic, but I’ve always liked snakes. I have three.”

“I could never handle snakes. I know they probably won’t hurt me, but I’m anxious about everything.”

Am I oversharing? Should I be talking about my anxiety? Is that weird?

“I have a deathly fear of spiders, so that’s valid.”

Virgil would have said something else, but the train came, and it was difficult to talk onboard. It was weird how easy it was to talk to this person, even though he’d just met him.

They’d got to talking about snakes.

Big breeds, small breeds, the most dangerous, the least dangerous kinds of snakes. Virgil swore he was being converted to like reptiles by this man. He talked about them with so much excitement, more than he showed any other time. Mostly he was calm and collected, a bit like Logan.

“I never got your name.”

“Oh, it’s Janus.”

Like, Janice?

“As in the Roman god, not like suburban mom.”

“Ah. Virgil.”

Neither of them smiled often, so whenever someone who knew them saw the smile, it always made them a bit happier as well. It was already happening with them, even a week or two into knowing each other.

“What kind of snakes do you have?”

“I’ve got a green tree python, a corn snake, and a ball python. Diana, Mercury, Liber.”

“All Roman names, huh?”

“Yeah, I’m a bit of a nerd.”

“It’s fitting.”

It was so easy to talk to him. More so than any other stranger. Usually he’d get anxious and all his energy would be expended (he usually had a mental breakdown if it was a lot of people). Something about him, the way he talks, moves, looks at Virgil. He’s like a reptile.

Don’t get a crush on him. He’s probably straight.

Maybe he isn’t, though. He could be bi or pan or something.

The train interrupted their conversation, but Virgil kept glancing over at Janus throughout. He was looking down at his phone, he must’ve gotten more service. Virgil got off after him, but it gave him time to consider Janus before he got home.

“Logan, I’m getting a crush on a straight guy and I just found out his name today.”

“You’re odd, Virgil.”

“He’s hot. And he likes snakes.”

“You hate snakes. Wouldn’t someone with an interest in spiders be more akin to you?”

“...He’s scared of spiders.”

“Virgil…”

And he did get a crush on Janus.

They talked every day they saw each other, finally remembering they could exchange numbers. They spent months getting to know each other with pretty limited interactions, as neither of them texted or called much anyway. It wasn’t exactly a good thing, though, because he either spent his time at work thinking about Janus, panicking because his boss was mad at him because he wasn’t doing his work (because he was thinking about Janus), or completely depressed because he was angry at her for giving him a panic attack. And the cycle would continue.

It turned out April was his girlfriend, and they’d been in an unhappy relationship for a year or so. He was glad she’d broke it off, but was left without a house for a while. He’d managed to share an apartment with his friend Remus and that was going okay. Virgil didn’t tell him about his depression, but was open enough about his anxiety. Luckily for Virgil, he mentioned an ex-boyfriend.

He was not straight. Maybe he had a chance.

Are you kidding? He’s not gonna want to date you, worthless bitch. You can’t make him deal with your mental health, and he probably hates you anyway.

Their interactions were mostly limited to the train station, but that only meant Virgil appreciated them even more.

Still, he wished he could be happy.

The only times he was were, well, when he was talking to Janus and when Logan gave him hugs. Talking to Logan was enjoyable, but he kept reminding himself about everything going on, everything wrong with himself, how he kept fucking up, and cutting and wanting to kill himself. With Janus, he forgot. It was so easy to smile and laugh at sarcastic jokes and the cute things he did, like blush when he laughed and stick out his tongue unintentionally.

Time flew by when they were together. There wasn’t enough time before the train came to talk nearly as long as Virgil would have liked. Still, every interaction was worth it. His love for Janus grew the more he talked about what he does, and he actually seemed interested in Virgil’s job, even though he swore it must be the most boring on the planet.

“I think you’ve conquered my fear of snakes, Janus.”

“What’s this? I’ve shown my little ball of anxiety the ways of the snake with my own love for him and reptiles.”

My little ball of anxiety? And did he just say he loved me?

Was he thinking about this too much?

One corner of his mouth was raised in a smile and Virgil couldn’t help but blush, however much he wanted to ignore it. Janus chuckled slightly and picked up the conversation again, mentioning how Diana had gotten out and managed to get herself on the couch. Virgil proceeded as well, debating whether it meant anything or not.

Virgil felt sick.

He felt all things horrible. Depressed, anxious, angry, hopeless, and worthless.

Over and over it repeated.

“I’m afraid someone as unstable as you isn’t fit to work here.”

Unstable.

Unhealthy.

Worthless.

Useless.

What was he going to do? He wouldn’t have money to keep living with Logan, he had to go through the stress of finding another job, people would judge him, he wouldn’t even be able to eat.

There was nothing he could do.

He trembled as he made his way to the train station. He was going to have a panic attack. Hell, maybe he was already having a panic attack. He wanted to cry but he wouldn’t cry. He had to go home and explain to Logan and he’d just have to live until-

No you don’t.

Of course he didn’t.

He was going to the train station, goddamnit.

He rubbed his hands on his face, static buzzing in his ears as tears almost came. This was going to be okay. It was all going to be okay. Finally.

He went up a different set of stairs, avoiding Janus. As he walked, the static slowly faded and was replaced with silence. Chosen silence, that is. He could hear the cars and the wind and the rain that had just begun to fall.

Fitting.

The train was early today, thank God. Its rumbling was familiar from the distance.

He took his last few steps to the edge of the platform, ignoring the tiny bit of anxiety that came with jumping down. He vaguely heard his name called over and over by the deep voice he knew well by now. He ignored it as well, starting with a slow walk, letting the raindrops soak into his hoodie. The walk sped up, and the rain got heavier, blurring out the train’s lights in a pretty way. He forced the muffled sound of his name out again, but it was getting louder.

There’s nothing you can do.

The walk got faster and turned into a run. He needed to catch the train before it slowed down.

Funny. Catching the train.

His ears pounded with the silence. So many things to distract him, things he loved. The awful sound of rain, knowing you’re going to get wet, but reveling in it anyway. The patter of feet on ground, now wood and gravel. And his voice, his beautiful voice.

The screech from the train stopped all other sounds, even splitting the silence in the bubble he created. It was warm, he hoped it was blood, so warm, so wonderfully warm.

Janus had never hugged Virgil.

He’d assumed he wasn’t one for being touchy-feely. He was tall and handsome, like the stereotypical distant, sexy man. But he wasn’t distant. He was there when Virgil needed him, even if he didn’t always know it. He put a hand on his shoulder or took Virgil’s hands in his to calm him down. He wished he’d gotten to know what kind of embrace he would have. Was it soft? Was it firm like Logan’s? Was it too tight? Was it always awkward like some people’s?

More than that, he wanted to know how his kisses were.

He imagined them soft, then passionate. Like something Virgil had always needed, the sweet feeling of pure love. He imagined he was the type to give solemn forehead kisses when a moment was serious, and short nose ones when the moments were playful. He imagined he’d kiss wherever he could on someone’s face, on his cheeks and chin, nose, lips, neck. They’d all be perfect for the occasion. There was a difference between a peck on someone’s cheek and smushing his lips against someone’s face. A slow kiss to the jaw was different from a badly-aimed one. Every subtle difference in position would say something new.

“I love you.”

“Shut up.”

“I need you right now.”

“You need me.”

He wished he’d learned every message. He wished he’d kissed Janus before today. He wished he’d at least told him and got rejected like he knew he would. He wished he could have everything. A hug and a kiss saying ‘it’s going to be okay. Nothing’s gonna happen to you. It’s-’

“-going to be okay.”

The sound of the rain hit the stones sharply, akin to the feeling on his back. Voices shouting, his voice, and a new sound.

His heart.

Virgil let himself sink into the rhythm and the feeling of warmth that encompassed him. Something was soft through the damp fabric, moving slightly every now and then. It was the pressure of something, a body-

-Janus.

He opened his eyes to see the blurry outline of blond hair covering Janus’s face. He raised his arm slowly to push it away, just then noticing the arms wrapped tightly around him, using the most of their surface area.

Janus’s eyes were beautiful and sad, was he- crying? Virgil couldn’t tell if it was the rain or tears until he sobbed, hugging Virgil even tighter, burying his face in his shoulder and muttering words Virgil couldn’t hear.

Virgil realized he was crying too. Of course he was crying, he was… alive.

He was alive.

“I’m sorry, Virgil. Please, please know I’m here for you.”

Virgil said nothing, still mute from shock. So many things happened just then, and now he was being hugged. And it was perfect, despite the rain.

“I could’ve- should’ve died.”

“No, Virgil, you shouldn’t have. You couldn’t have, I’d never let you.”

Did he really care?

“I need to- I need to tell you something.”

This could go horribly wrong.

I don’t care anymore. I’ve made the most impulsive decision of my life today, might as well make another.

Virgil took his hand to push Janus’s chin up, thumb tracing the scar closer to his lips.

“Can I-”

“Can I kiss you, Jan?”

He let his head drop towards Virgil’s, lips so close now. He would have smiled his snake smile if he could have felt an ounce of a smile.

Virgil pressed his parted lips to Janus’s, hand resting on the back of his neck. He pulled his fingers through his wet hair, feeling its softness even now.

It was everything he had imagined.

At first it was soft and tender, but Janus deepened it, hand wriggling out from under Virgil to hold his face. The raindrops drowned out that moment from the outside world. Janus’s heart quickened, as did Virgil’s, but they both relaxed into it. The scar was rough against Virgil’s face sometimes, but it only made him want him more. All either of them could hear were the raindrops contrasting with their hearts.

Virgil wanted to kiss him longer, hold this forever. When they did break, Janus laid his burned cheek against Virgil’s.

“Do you need to go home?”

He thought of Logan and how upset he was when Virgil cut, how hard he tried and how bad he felt for him. And how bad Virgil felt for hurting him.

“Can we go to your place? It’s... closer.”

“Oh- I suppose we could. I doubt Remus will be there.”

They avoided the people trying to help Virgil, weaving through the few scattered onlookers, Janus’s arm resting around Virgil’s waist. Virgil was scared he would have a panic attack again and tried to focus on Janus.

He called a cab as he wasn’t about to take the train after that, and sat in the backseat with Virgil, not letting him go for a second. It was expensive and Virgil tried to get Janus to let him pay, but he didn’t have much of an argument. Janus half-carried Virgil up the stairs and into his apartment.

It was clean, which Virgil guessed was Janus’s doing given what he’d said about Remus, and fairly dark. It wasn’t the kind of dark that made you feel uneasy, but rather as in lighted only with soft ambient light. He didn’t get a good look at their living room before Janus pulled him into his bedroom. It was painted a pretty yellow and lit with a color changing lamp, which Janus turned to purple.

He sat Virgil down on the bed, who was still rather dazed from the day. Janus rummaged through his clothing drawers until he found a shirt smaller than the others and an old-looking pair of sweatpants.

“Here, you can change into this.”

Janus grabbed some clothes for himself and left the room for a moment, allowing him privacy. Virgil removed his soaked hoodie and Evanescence t-shirt, putting on the soft purple one Janus had found. It had short sleeves, but he didn’t have anything to lose at this point. He put on the sweatpants, soft and warm and opened the door for Janus. He was changed into a big hoodie that Virgil would kill to wear.

“Are you comfortable?”

“Yeah, I- I think so. Sorry about the, the cuts.”

“It’s okay, Virgil. If you want me to get you something with long sleeves-”

“I think I’ll just end up stealing your hoodie at some point. Otherwise… it’s fine.”

“Okay.”

Virgil sat down on the bed again, craving the soft blankets. Janus took his spot beside him, wrapping one arm around his shoulders.

“Thanks, Jan. It- I’m, I’m alive because of you. I don’t know how I could repay that.”

“Tell me when this happens, and I’d die happy.”

Virgil smiled, leaning against Janus. He pushed himself against the wall, pulling Virgil along with him. He heaved the thick blanket around him and Virgil, but mostly Virgil. He snuggled into the weight and comfort, still sitting against Janus as if he were the only thing keeping him balanced.

“What happened today?”

“I got… fired. ‘Cause I’m too depressed to work. I don’t know what I’m gonna do.”

“I can help you find a job, V. It doesn’t have to be the end.”

“Sometimes it just… feels that way. Like you’re never going to get out of this pit of loneliness and you’re sure everyone hates you, and you’re so scared something will go wrong all the time even though you don’t really care.”

“I don’t hate you. And I know you can end this the healthy way. Shall we start with some ice cream?”

“Ice cream’s not exactly healthy, Janus.”

“Ssshh.”

He left for a moment and returned with two tubs of chocolate ice cream and a spoon for each of them.

“No bowls? And two whole tubs?”

“Mhm. It’s better that way. And you could have both of them if you asked.”

“Nah, you deserve some ice cream too. I probably hurt you a lot by doing that.”

“Mm-mm, Virgil. You’re hurting, not me. Self-care rule number one: you’re better than everyone for a while, put your feelings first.”

“I’m not.”

“Pretend. Now, what would you like to do?”

Virgil considered the question for a moment. It might be nice to listen to music, or to distract himself with a game or movie, but he didn’t really want that.

“Honestly?”

“Yes.”

“I… want to kiss you.”

Janus turned pink for a moment, before smiling his smile with one corner of his mouth.

Before he could say anything that he wanted to, Virgil kissed that smile. He wondered what it would be like to do so many times, so he wasn’t going to miss his opportunity. He put his ice cream down to hold Janus’s face with cold fingers, savoring the feeling of the little half-smile turning surprised and then into a giddy smile that began to kiss back. Virgil grinned when it ended, looking back into Janus’s eyes.

“So you’re going to surprise kiss me now?”

“Yep-”

Janus, just as quickly as Virgil had, kissed him quick on the nose, eliciting a blush from Virgil this time.

“Unfair, Janus.”

“Nah.”

“I’m gonna pout and eat my ice cream now.”

“Is there anything else we can do while eating ice cream?”

“I suppose we could watch a movie.”

“Lion King?”

“...Lion King? I mean, yeah, sure, okay!”

He smiled as Janus put the movie on, his familiar excitement seeping through. Virgil managed to wrestle the soft hoodie from him, revealing that one, he had no shirt, and two, that Virgil would cuddle Janus’s burn marks and he appreciated that. As Virgil fell asleep next to him, he pressed his lips to his forehead, who was just awake enough to feel.

And one by one, the messages were unlocked to him. Once, after a dance, came the desperate, passionate kiss that told him “I need to kiss you.” One Disney marathon he came to feel the peppered kisses on his cheeks that said “You’re adorable.” After a weekend trip alone he got the long cheek kiss that said ‘I missed you.’ When he finally got a job, he was given the messy kiss, cheeks held tight that said “I’m so proud of you.” One tired night he blushed at the kisses on his jaw and neck that said “You’re hot and I’m bored.”

And again and again and again, the tender forehead kisses that said “I’m here for you. I love you.”

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ericsonclan · 3 years ago

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A Halfling Jig

Summary: After a successful quest, the group settles in for a night of food and merriment.

Word Count: 1911

Read on A03:

The tavern was warm and bright as the group piled inside. Upon entering, the halflings’ eyes lit up. They were excited for food. Louis, Violet and Omar scurried over to place the orders while the others looked round for a table. They settled for a large one in the corner. While a booth would be cozier, it was better to choose seating where they could pull up as many chairs as possible and accommodate larger beings like Marlon. High stools were grabbed from over by the bar for the halflings while the harpies settled on perching atop the backs of others’ chairs. Eventually they had all found their places except for Rosie who had to wait outside. Though the tavern was race-inclusive, wargs were still not allowed indoors.

Marlon looked toward the door worriedly, his tusks sticking out even further as his mouth turned down in a frown. “I don’t like leaving Rosie outside alone. Maybe I should go out there with her…”

“And miss all the fun?” Louis exclaimed. “We should be celebrating! We just got paid! And we’re all alive!”

“That’s certainly a miracle,” Aasim muttered, straightening his robes in annoyance. “If I never see another owlbear for as long as I live, I’ll take that as a blessing,”

“Willy wishes we’d captured one,” Willy commented, his thin, pale arms draped haphazardly over the table. “Rosie could have had a friend,”

Prisha shook her head. “They were beyond domestication. Besides, there was quite the bounty on them. The villagers of Heldenfeld can rest safely now and we can eat well,”

“Speaking of eating…” Omar looked in excitement toward the full trays that were being brought their way.

“Here’s the first few rounds,” the barmaid said, setting the trays before them. “Extra cheese just as requested. The ale will be along shortly,”

They thanked her and began to dig in, some like Prisha and Aasim taking their designated portions while many of them simply grasped whatever pieces caught their eye and stuffed the food into their eager mouths. Their conversations continued, loud and jovial as food and drink were passed around.

Sophie noticed Marlon was still looking unhappy despite the good food. Brushing her feathers against his side, she drew his attention. “Hey, you wanna grab a plate and get out of here? We can go sit with Rosie if you want,”

Marlon’s face lit up at the offer. “Really? Ok, let’s go!” The two of them grabbed as much food as they could carry, ignoring the protests of their friends, and ran out the door. Though the food they took and their company were missed, the group appreciated the extra space Marlon’s absence left.

Mitch moved over to sit next to Brody, tossing his legs up on the table and leaning back, his arms behind his head. “So, Brody, didya think I looked awesome today or what?”

Brody paused in her conversation with Ruby, turning from the dwarf to give Mitch an unimpressed smirk. “What, when you tried to lasso that one owlbear and nearly got trampled? I think Willy showed more prowess in today’s quest than you. He actually rode one of them,” They both looked over at the goblin who was busy picking his nose as he talked to Tenn perched behind him.

Mitch scoffed. “Well, you obviously missed it! There was one point where I was standing right on top of one of those fuckers. You tell her, Minnie!”

Minnie looked up from preening one of her wings. “What?”

“Tell her about how cool I looked riding that owlbear!”

“Oh, that! Mitch is right. He did look pretty cool… until his pants started falling down. That’s what you get for using your belt as part of your lasso,”

All three girls were laughing at Mitch to his great embarrassment and annoyance. He downed his drink, mumbled something about getting more ale, and headed over to the bar.

Meanwhile, Louis was impressing A.J. with his ability to balance spoons on his face. Each time he added another, the child clapped in glee, asking him if he could fit even more. Clementine watched on with a smile. She was glad to see A.J. fitting into the group so well. The halflings seemed to have adopted him as one of their own even though at less than ten years old he already was beginning to tower over them. It was good to see him entertained and laughing, enjoying childish things rather than scavenging for food on the street.

Clementine still couldn’t believe this chaotic bunch had stuck together this many months. Every day they found themselves falling into another adventure and every night they camped together underneath the stars. She was afraid to think of it as such, but at times their motley group almost felt like a family. She hoped their good fortune would last.

Meanwhile, Prisha had found herself admiring the halfling Violet from across the top of her mug of ale. Over these last few weeks, she’d found herself noticing her striking features more and more: her sharp jawline, large upper lip, strong nose. Prisha hadn’t come across too many halflings in her years of roaming, but if Omar, Louis and Clementine were good indicators of common halfling features, then Violet was the anomaly. While their faces were soft, rounded and pleasant, hers was sculpted with keen edges. She certainly was a fascinating being.

Violet seemed to notice Prisha’s gaze. She looked up at her, silently pushing forward her plate of food. Had she thought she wanted part of her meal?

Too embarrassed to admit she’d been staring, Prisha took a piece of her bread, dipping it in her ale before quietly chewing on it, her observations less conspicuous now.

Her eyes drifted over to Aasim now, who was regaling Ruby with some of the theories historians had posited behind the origins of owlbears. The dwarf seemed to be listening with some interest, nodding along to his narrative and asking questions from time to time. Aasim’s head was turned away from Prisha, but she could just imagine the dopey grin on the high elf’s face. He truly was smitten. Now if only he could admit that fact to himself.

---

As the night drifted on and the drinks kept coming, the group found themselves pleasantly inebriated. Clementine and Minnie offered to put the younger members to bed, hauling A.J. and Tenn off of their seats despite their protests. No one was quite sure how old Willy was but he decided to join the early bedtime crew as well, scurrying up the stairs behind them to the rooms they had reserved. This left the rest of the group ready to have as much fun as they wanted till the wee hours of the morning.

Marlon and Sophie had returned after settling Rosie down in the stables for the night. Somehow Mitch got the idea into his head that a drinking contest between him and Marlon was a good idea though the half orc outweighed him by at least ten stone. With reckless abandon, the two embarked on their drinking contest, most of the others watching from the sidelines and cheering them on. Marlon was sure to be the winner but Mitch remained stubbornly oblivious to this fact, guzzling down pints of ale as fast as he could manage. He was determined to last as long as possible.

The halflings, while not participating in a drinking competition, were able to tuck their ale away at an impressive rate. Once the fervor of Mitch and Marlon’s competition had died down and both contestants laid back in a drunken stupor, the Meadowvale halflings decided it was their turn to lead the party. Stepping up onto the table, the three of them began dancing together, linking arms and twisting and turning round and round the table. As they danced their jig, they sang a tune together, a traditional reel about warm homes, tasty food and plentiful ale. Louis sang the loudest but Omar and Violet seemed to be enjoying the song and dance just as much, their faces shining from the ale and the exercise.

Prisha clapped along to the beat of their song, getting caught up in the excitement of it all. The halflings’ feet stomped upon the table, the emptied plates clanking and rattling underneath them. Seeing their appreciative audience, Louis motioned for the others to join in the dance as well. Mitch and Marlon were down for the count and Brody too shy despite the halflings’ pleas. The halflings looked round the table, wondering if they could convince anyone to learn their jig. Violet’s eyes caught Prisha’s. Perhaps on impulse in the excitement of the moment she reached her hand out in invitation before her eyes fell in embarrassment.

Prisha wasn’t sure what possessed her in that moment, whether the mirth of the moment or the way the ale and dancing had deepened the blush upon Violet’s cheeks, but she found herself taking the halfling’s proffered hand and joining her atop the table. The group broke out in raucous applause upon seeing the usually stoic wood elf letting loose. The halflings were elated, all three jumping round her and exclaiming how wonderful it was of her to join. They immediately began teaching her the steps to the jib, dancing and singing and believing in her ability to immediately follow along.

It was harder than Prisha had expected. Her feet were so much larger than theirs and seemed to misstep with each new move, knocking plates onto the ground to everyone’s amusement despite the innkeeper’s complaints. The halflings didn’t give up on her though and neither did Prisha. After a couple rounds of the song she had found the rhythm and was singing along to the tune, matching the halflings’ steps with her own. The others applauded as they watched the playful number once more, cheering the dancers on.

Now that there were four dancers there came a point in the song where the halflings split into pairs. Louis and Omar danced round and round each other, linking and unlinking arms in an endless cycle. Prisha and Violet found themselves paired together. Joining hands, they began to dance, circling each other again and again. Prisha couldn’t help but laugh, the joy of the dance bubbling out of her. Her braid spun with her, whirling out as she turned.

Though half her height, Violet continued to lead Prisha, her hands gently guiding her each step of the way as they crossed the length of the table. The introverted halfling seemed just as happy as Prisha to be dancing together. The smile never left her face as they danced, hearts pounding and voices loud as the jig went on and on.

When all four finally tired, the two girls turned to each other one final time. Not knowing what else to do, Prisha curtseyed, her head dipping low in thanks for the dance. Violet awkwardly returned the gesture.

Stepping down from the table, the dancers settled back on their chairs, calling for one last round of drinks to end the night on. The conversation turned to their next adventure: where to go and what they would fight. The truth was they’d take whatever quest fell into their hands but they could dream of whatever they wanted. The tavern lights remained bright and warm as they sat together, full bellies and hazy minds leaving each of them cozy and satisfied.

#twdg #fantasy hijinks au #fanfic #twdg marlie #twdg prisha #twdg violet #twdg privet #twdg moody

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ka-za-ri · 4 years ago

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Heaven’s Mugwort

Needed to clear my head from writing too much smut. Have some pining/angst as I do some experimenting with writing style and cry over Li Bai’s poetry. Unedited, unbeta’d and stream of consciousness. Slightly AU, but not really.

Pairing: Simeon x Reader Genre: Fluff/Angst Wordcount: 1,000 ish Summary: Simeon had loved you a thousand times. Each time, your love ended in tragedy. He was willing to love you a thousand times more in hopes to find that one happy ending.

He had already loved you a thousand times; and he would be willing to love you a thousand times over in hopes of finding that one happy ending.

The first time he fell in love with you, you were the goddess of the moon. You shone so brightly even in the dark of night. Simeon wanted to approach you, walk beside you as you tended to hanging moonbeams on leaves before putting the owls to sleep just before the sun rose. Your gown made of gossamer and spider silk floated behind you as you flitted from one fairy circle to the next. You were so engrossed in your work, he didn’t realize the skies brightening, beckoning the sun past the horizon.

Just when he was about to approach and ask for your name, he retreated for the Morningstar appeared and you skipped across fields of morning dew to greet him. He watched you kiss the favored one and take the Morningstar’s hand, your eyes shining brightly and your cheeks flushed with love for an angel not himself. In that moment, he knew he was cursed to forever love you bitterly until he found the end of immortality.

He shouldn’t have been so delighted when the Morningstar was cast aside. He shouldn’t have been happy when he knew you were doomed to a cycle of rebirth, never to remember your lover again. He shouldn’t have been happy knowing he would find you in every life, hoping that the ending would be different than the one in the realm of angels.

When you still held your title, the halls of the celestial realm seemed filled with flowers. Now that your beauty was gone, everything was empty. No one slept on the moon, the embroidered clouds you used as a quilt drifted across the sky, lonely and seeking their owner. Decades passed without sleep and what will he had to stay away from you crumbled and he sought you on the mortal coil of purgatory.

Even if the years had passed, he still remembered the scent of evening dew and moonbeams. He could still hear your soft laughter as you chided woodland creatures to sleep well. No matter how many times you were reborn, you would be the same. Your scent, your eyes, your laugh, he had remembered it all. When the time was ripe; the Autumn moon shining brightly and the air was crisp, he found you reborn as a maiden in Chang’an.

In your new life, you knew nothing of angels and of demons. Your memories of singing night swifts to sleep were erased and you only knew the toil of being a human. Simeon took pity on your soul, protecting you from pain and disguised himself as a youthful lad to befriend you. No matter how tired you were, your eyes were still as bright as the full moon; and he was reminded of how much he loved you. He had a moment, a drop of time in his immortal life, where he could pretend he had an eternity with you.

Alas, human lives were fragile. Before he knew it, your human body had aged and withered in his arms. A life in the human realm was but a blink in his eye. He had so much to show you, so much love to give, but you never gave him the time to show you how much he adored you. As the sparrows cried in mourning for your loss, he held onto a lock of your hair, soft as your heavenly gown made of spider silk and gossamer. Simeon carried the atrocious curse of love in his heart as he once again waited for your rebirth, determined to fix what the heavens broke.

Over and over, he had his heart broken with every life you were given. Sometimes he was too late and you had already found a lover before he found you. Other times, what time he was able to spend with you only ended in tragedy as you were slain by disease or violence. He remembered each one of your lives; adding them to the ever growing bitterness of his heart.

His sorrow guided the brushes of poets through the centuries. He became the romance of Bai Chiyi and the myths of Li Bai. His eyes saw the past and the present as an everlasting song to you. So, he immortalized the dream of home and love in calligraphy and poem for you and others to read for eternity.

He saw you live five hundred and twenty times. He cherished and mourned each life as if it was his own. He wrote songs in your name, hoping you would hear it in a next life and remember the adoration he had for you. Each chord was heavy with his feelings; telling a sorrowful tale of his life with you but doomed to be without you. He had seen you die five hundred and twenty times, and he was willing to witness it another one thousand, three hundred fourteen times in hopes that you would at last have one life and one death in tandem with him.

So many years had passed, even the Morningstar himself forgot about you. So engrossed with the material world after his fall, he took on a new name; called himself Lucifer and stood beside the demon lord as his right hand man. He hoped that you would never meet again; yet the heavens were cruel and wrapped you into the web of demons and immortals once again.

A thousand lifetimes, a thousand realities, a thousand chances to be with you; yet the fates had decided for your paths to converge in the most unfortunate of circumstances. What the demons wished for, he did not know. All he is allowed is the chance to watch you once again fall for the Morningstar.

At least in this life, you could be friends.

You awoke in his lap, rubbing your eyes and sighing. A dream filled with tragedy plagued your vision and he ran his hand gently through your hair. “Bad dream?” He asked.

“No… but I had a long dream… it felt like it lasted hundreds of lifetimes.” You replied. You couldn’t figure out where you had felt Simeon’s warmth before meeting him. He brought a peace in the chaos of the dorms; as if he knew you from long ago. But that was impossible, you would have remembered meeting an angel before. The dream only ever manifested whenever you were near him. You wondered if he knew about the recurring nature of them.

“Dinner is ready, you should make your way to the dining hall” Lucifer’s voice came from the doorway before you could ask Simeon anything. Excited about the prospect of food after a long day of studying for exams, you were more than happy to follow him to dine with the others.

Simeon stayed behind, pondering his reality and his fate. Staring at the truth before him, he knew you would choose Lucifer before you chose him. Destiny wouldn’t change, even after a thousand years of trying.

I am overwhelmed by love in emptiness and resentment condition

I only rescind all these years that go on without end.

#Obey Me!#Obey Me! Simeon #Obey me fanfiction #Simeon x Reader #I'm so sorry #My writing

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beautifulterriblequeen · 4 years ago

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A little epiphany about the moon arcanum

(submitted by @lily-lilou)

Hello ! I just realised something about the moon arcanum and I wonder what you would think about it:

Remember the other day, when you asked “how do you kill death?” and I answered “death is an emptiness of life, darkness is an emptiness of light”?

And remember in S1ep1 when Rayla said “moon reflect sun, as death reflect life.”, Implied: sun is life, moon is death?

Well, something bothered me with this last point. Because, if the moon was only death-related, Moonshadow elves would just be “empty” since they are all death and shadow/darkness. No light, no life. It doesn’t make sense. (I mean, we’ve seen in the novel that, indeed, some of them are really dark, as dark as a dark mage like Viren, it seems, but not all of them.)

While looking at Callum’s spellsbook, I saw that the moon arcanum is indeed death-related. But it’s also dual.

And suddenly, I had my little epiphany:

The moon has no light in herself, what she reflects is the light of the sun. And the light of the sun is “life”. So indeed, without it, the moon is “empty”.

But that’s my point, she does reflect it, and so: when the moon shines in the night, does she bring life? no. Does she bring death? neither. What does the moon do, then?

She reflects light when shadows and darkness are surrounding you, she makes them receded, she allows you to see in the dark.

Seeing light in darkness, isn’t this the definition of “hope” itself?

So now, my little theory about the duality of the moon being “death-hope”, it’s really neat (’>_>), but what about the show, what could prove my idea?

Well: the world is about to be engulfed in an all-out war, darkness and death are on almost every hearts, on the verge to destroy everything. And the moon, with her Moonshadow assassins, reflects “death”. But if my theory is right, shouldn’t she also reflect “life”, shouldn’t she bring “hope”?

And here goes Rayla, bright little light in the dark, sparing her enemies for the greater good, ready to sacrifice her life for a chance for peace. She’s the reason her little team’s adventure was possible to begin with, after all.

I mean, seriously, if the moon is dual, if one aspect of it is “death” and the other is “hope”, wouldn’t this explain “different” Moonshadow elves like Rayla, Lain and Ethari?

Just like a lot of sunfire elves are more connected to the destructive aspect of their arcanum and have a “heat mode”, and a few other are connected the more comforting and healing aspect of it with “light mode”. Why wouldn’t Moonshadow elves be like that too? With a lot of them related to the destructive aspect of the Moon (death), and a few others more connected to that other facet of it: hope.

As for Lain and Ethari, why do I think they’re more “hope-related” than death?

We haven’t seen a lot of them yet (and I’m waiting for S4 to see more of Ethari). However, the few elements we have is already not bad:

Lain literally saw “hope” in the egg’s survival. As for Ethari, even if he wronged Rayla in his grief, he did broke the spell and help her. Without him, they would have never made it in time to the Storm Spire, Rayla wouldn’t have been here to stop Viren, who would have probably killed Zubeia.

So sorry, it’s a little longer than I thought, but I hope you’ll be interested. (if not, sorry for waisting your time - and sorry if my english isn’t… arf, sorry if it’s torture, I have no one to check on it)

good night :)

-----------------

Hey, thank you for this! I love seeing other people’s ideas! I’ve spent plenty of time pondering Moonshadow culture and philosophy because its duality is so fascinating. But the way you’ve put it gives it a beautiful new spin: hope in the dark. And I do agree with you, because I can think of several times when Moonshadow elves acted as that hope when things got dark--and not just Lain and Ethari, either.

You said that the moon acts like a kind of mirror, reflecting the light (and life) of the sun even in the darkest places. Like she’s encouraging everyone to hold on, because the day is coming back again. In such darkness, even the smallest bits of light make a big difference. And I think that’s exactly what we get from the Moonshadow elves.

Tiadrin and Lain left their daughter behind because duty was so important to them. That’s noble, but also sad. Yet Tiadrin valued life so highly that she tricked Viren into sparing the egg, just on the odd chance that someone could rescue it later somehow. I bet she was betting on Runaan right then. Saving the egg was her light in the dark, and so was hope that her good friend might rescue it when she couldn’t. And he did try once he saw it, but neither of them could’ve predicted that Rayla would find it before they did.

Ethari did ghost his daughter while he was suffocating in his own grief. He couldn’t stand up to the whole village in that moment. That was a very dark time, for him and for who he might’ve turned into. But then Rayla came home, innocent of the crime spoken against her, and Ethari knew he’d been wrong. He broke through his own darkness and became the hope that she needed.

Lujanne straight-up told Callum that humans can’t do magic, while sitting in the seat of her own power. That was all she knew, even as an experienced mage, and though she was kind, she definitely had her people’s misinformation and prejudices against humans and dark magic. And yet, when Claudia and Soren came, and Rayla asked for her help to escape safely back toward Xadia, Lujanne used that special exclusive magic, and her own personal Moon Phoenix to help test the intentions of Claudia and Soren, and it helped them stay safe.

Even Runaan has some very bright spots in his dark story. He saved Rayla’s life once he realized he’d endangered it. That cost him dearly, but he paid it willingly. And despite all of his broody loner tendencies, he lets his extended family drag him out on his own birthday. He does special things for Rayla on her birthday. He definitely does something special for Ethari on his, too. He’s a stabby dark angel of death, and probably the darkest Moonshadow elf we’ll ever meet, But he knows what love is, and it makes him break the rules, just like Ethari did. He let Rayla live when the conventions of his profession demanded otherwise. We never got to see what kind of trouble that might’ve gotten him into. But I bet it wouldn’t have been a hit back home.

And don’t get me started on Rayla. She’s very grumpy and rule-oriented much of the time, but her soft heart can’t resist doing what’s right if it clashes with what’s expected. She learned that from all her parents, and she can’t help being their daughter at every turn, acting as she’s seen them all act, following the rules right up until her heart tells her otherwise.

See the pattern? All of these elves live in a society that’s strict and ordered with very clear rules. But they’re still people, still individuals with hearts and minds. And they keep finding little ways to be soft despite their hard world. They are the night, and the night is very black and white. But they all live for the light of the moon, and for its hope, its love, and its promise.

Moonshadow elves have a rough job. They guard the dark and the dead and all things scary and creepy. They are what’s in the dark. That fits well with why they’re not supposed to be afraid: they’re supposed to be the scary ones.

In a way, I see Moonshadow elves as the recycling of Xadia. Part of a bigger cycle, like day and night, part of an endless cycle that will never stop.

They deal with death and spirits. Usually people don’t like to think about those things. They’re unnerving. Just like we humans don’t really like to think about our garbage bins. But when you recycle, you take old gross dead things and you turn them into something new and useful again.

When we trim shrubbery, it’s so that the plant can grow more healthy. When we separate our glass and metal and cardboard, it’s so we don’t pollute the planet and kill life unnecessarily. When something dies in the forest, the itty bitty creatures come out and take care of it, reusing all those nutrients, passing them on and turning them back into life and health. Even mushrooms and molds are recycling. You may not like their job. It may seem icky to you. But imagine a world where everything that died or was discarded just. Sat there. Stinking forever. Would that be better? No, it wouldn’t, eew.

The recycling that happens in the natural processes of the world is mostly invisible to us. It happens on a very small scale, or underground, or in the dark. But it happens. It’s happening right now, all around us. Invisible, if you will. And from that slightly distasteful, invisible, endless process, we will get fresh leaves on our trees, new flowers, new generations of helpful insects and animals, and a lot fewer gross smells on the breeze. You’re welcome!

The moon is the hope in the dark. But that hope is borne out by the individual choices of the elves we know and love. When they choose to be soft, to be heroic, to be selfless or sacrificing, they’re acknowledging that they are part of a bigger whole, an entire ecosystem of elves and dragons and even humans, and they act for a cause bigger than themselves. No one has a better sense of their place in the bigger scheme of things than Moonshadows, I think.

I’m eager to see what Rayla’s arc will be like from here, because it’s looking more and more likely that she’ll literally arc away from her Moonshadow upbringing instead of cycling back to it. She is the hope in the dark of her people. Will she save them, will she step away from them, will anyone come with her? Will it go smoothly does ghosting count as smooth, or will there be trouble?

All good thoughts, @lily-lilou, all good thoughts. Thank you for sharing your ideas!

#asks #moonshadow elves #moonshadow philosophy #tdp analysis #tdp #rayla #ethari #runaan #lain #tiadrin #lujanne #callum #submission

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jenn-coffin · 4 years ago

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Dear her

I remember my moment of clarity like it was yesterday. Which is interesting because I don’t remember much detail from that period of my life. The constant violence, anger and unpredictability put me into a state of fight or flight 24/7, and I have learned that when you live in trauma your mind forgets details in order to protect itself. My mind was protecting me long before I saw the danger I was in. But I remember my moment of clarity. I lived in this adorable little cottage in the old part of town. It was the place to be. We were surrounded by historic remodeled homes, and our little 1920’s cottage was tiny, mended and fixed up just enough to be liveable. I loved that home. It was what I always dreamed of living in when newly married and starting a family. I remember I was standing in the bathroom and I had just thrown up, which is how I started most mornings. At that point I was waking up with uncontrollable anxiety and fear. I couldn’t get out of bed without feeling nauseous. It had become my new routine, start the coffee pot, throw up, get ready for work. But this day was different, I was standing in the bathroom, not wanting to walk into the kitchen, not ready to put on a fake smile and my “everything is ok” look for my husband, I was staring at the scars all over the bathroom walls, partly from the age of the house and some from my husband's fists. I looked in the mirror and I finally saw the darkness I was feeling in my heart through my eyes. I felt as close to dead as one can while still being alive. I didn’t know what to do then, but I did know I was not living, I was barely surviving, and my body was disintegrating from the torture of abuse. I am not religious, It's kind of cheesy, maybe cliche, but in that moment I was reminded of the serenity prayer:“God, please grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”I finally saw that I could not control my husband's abuse, but I could control how I reacted, and it was getting time to leave.Shortly after that morning, my husband’s violence escalated to hitting me in public. It was still another two months before I filed for divorce. I share all of this because when I was asked to write this letter I realized I am writing to her. That woman staring at me in the mirror of that broken bathroom, in my dream home. I pray I never forget that darkness. It keeps me connected to where I came from, what I have overcome, and what others suffering in the silence of domestic violence need to hear.Dear Her,There is no other way to say this except, this situation you are in, being in love with a sick person, sucks. No matter how you look at it, living in this abuse is scary and it's sad. You have zero control of his continued choice to hurt you. I know he tells you differently, that he can’t control himself. He says it's because he has anger issues, and his anger is because of his childhood, or because he can’t keep a job, or because of alcohol, or because he is stressed about money, or because of his parents divorce, or because of his strained relationship with his sister, or because you don’t understand how to make him happy, or because of the way you said something. The list goes on and evolves depending on which excuse is closest to grab after the beating. The fact is, his abuse is a choice. His anger is a choice. He is able to control it when he is around other people. Just not you. This shows that he does have a choice and he chooses to hurt you. He hurts you because in his twisted sick mind, your tears and your fear and your pleading for him to stop because you love him makes him feel loved. It's weird, I know, with time you will start to understand this about abusive people. For now, you just need to know that his abuse is a choice that he makes every time he does it, and every time he doesn’t get help.Domestic violence, is hard to escape for many reasons, but the hardest to overcome is the genuine love you have for them. You have evaluated your love for him time and time again to make sure you are willing to stick around through hell until the love of your life can return and treat you like they did at the beginning. It's true, you do love him, and honestly, you won't ever stop loving him. You sincerely meant and believed your vows. When you said in sickness and health, you meant it, but unfortunately his sickness is actually hurting and killing you. He broke both of your vows when he started hurting you with the verbal, emotional, psychological and physical abuse. You cannot break something that is already broken, and he broke your vows for the both of you.Please know that you did not cause the abuse. There is nothing you could have done to keep him from doing the things he did. There is very little you could have done to have kept from falling in love with an abusive person. Domestic violence does not happen to an individual because of their characteristics, family background, mental health, race, sexual orientation, financial status, or an unconscious search for a certain type of partner. It can happen to anyone who has the misfortune of becoming involved with a person who wants power and control. You did not “let” abuse happen to you, you did not “allow it,” you did not get swept up into the cycle of abuse because of something wrong or lacking in you. You got swept up because that is how powerful the cycle of abuse is. Repeat this to yourself daily, write it on a sticky note, dedicate time, energy and emotion for this truth to sink in. It will help you forgive yourself, and you have to forgive yourself in order to live again.When you first get out, your life is instantly going to expand. Don’t get me wrong, you will grieve, but you will begin to feel the freedom of not living in fear. Enjoy this time, play with family and friends, let yourself dream about what your life in freedom will look like. This moment is called the pink cloud, and unfortunately it is temporary. Fear will creep back in through nightmares and potential stalking and harassing behaviors of your abuser. Enjoy the joy and dream the dreams you make during this time because it will be your fuel to continue healing and further separate from your abuser through the dark times in recovery.Connect with other survivors. You are part of an unfortunate club of badass, strong as hell, resilient, strategic, empowered, survivors. Survivors of abuse have some of the most powerful skill sets. We can manage high stress situations, juggle emotional turmoil, while managing our day to day responsibilities, care for others, and put on a smile while we do it. Through recovery and working with other survivors I have found that the soft skills I learned to survive abuse now are my greatest assets. But we need one another to recover and we need recovery to ensure these skills of ours are used for our health and benefit, and not for our detriment. As another survivor and author, Leslie Morgan Steiner says, “abuse thrives in silence.” When you feel the pangs of abuse creep in, and have thoughts of loneliness, despair, regret, self hate, disappointment, or worthlessness, talk to another survivor. Sitting in those feelings, mulling over them, trying to sort them out on your own, trying to understand what happened to you, what you did wrong, alone, is sitting in silence and continuing the isolation your abuser put you in. The shame of abuse is not yours to carry. Refuse to hold shame for something, someone else chose to do to you. To recover we have to step out of that silence and shame, we have to step out of our shell and talk about our experience. Only other survivors of abuse understand where we are, what we are feeling, and can offer solutions to get out of the holes our abusive partners put us in. This is why it is vital to find and connect to other survivors. We have all been there, we get it, and in fact, talking to new survivors helps us in our continued recovery as well. You can connect with other survivors by getting involved with a shelter or non-profit in your area. If by chance you are unable to connect to a local organization, which can be quite hard, you can find communities of survivors on Facebook and Instagram.No matter how hard you tried to not let their words of abuse sink in to how you see or believe yourself to be, more likely than not, they did. That's ok, with time the voices in your head will be yours again. It is not an easy or fast process, but it is possible. You need to practice everyday, identifying their voice and then replacing it with yours. It takes time but it is doable. Working with a therapist and other survivors will help you see when this is happening and help you change it.Recovery is hard. Sometimes it feels harder than it was to live in the abuse. In these moments you may think about going back. Don’t forget, you survived the abuse, you can survive recovery. You are going to miss them and hate that you miss someone that hurt you like they did. You will have nightmares, flashbacks, and sometimes feel paralyzed in fear. You will have a hard time focusing at work because you are hyper vigilant, a side effect of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Your other relationships may be difficult because of behaviors you learned in the abuse. Even if you don’t understand it, or think you need it, find a therapist that understands domestic violence and talk to other survivors. Talking to someone with a shared experience gets us out of the dark parts of recovery and empowers us to keep moving forward. Recovery is one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time, and relearning how to meet our individual needs one need at a time. Reach out and ask for help when you don’t think you will make it through a day. We have all been there. Again, you survived the abuse, you can survive the recovery.Give yourself grace...As survivors of domestic abuse, giving ourselves grace is 100% necessary and unbelievably hard to do. I believe learning self grace is difficult for most people, but the difference for survivors of abuse is that doing it, giving ourselves grace, can literally feel unsafe in our minds and bodies. We have been conditioned to believe that giving ourselves a pass, or grace, is putting our guard down. We have learned that if we take responsibility, assume blame and make our self disappointment known, we can sometimes reduce or curb moments of violence with our abuser. Once we are free from abuse, victim blaming culture tells us we should be disappointed in ourselves for getting into and allowing abuse in our relationship. Looking back on my journey I see that there are two roads of recovery that run parallel to one another. One road is bereavement and it is lined with never ending regret, self hatred, and living in our trauma. The other road is self grace and lined with self forgiveness, love, appreciation and understanding our trauma. Unlike most parts of recovery, we have complete control over which road we take. Here is the deal, to step from bereavement to grace, we have to understand and accept that while living in abuse, we were doing the best we could with the information we had at the time of assault. The information we lacked or lack is that we were in the cycle of abuse, and that there is no fixing or stopping abusive behavior, there is only leaving and separating from it. Again, domestic violence does not happen to an individual because of their characteristics, family background, mental health, race, sexual orientation, financial status, or an unconscious search for a certain type of partner. It can happen to anyone who has the misfortune of becoming involved with a person who wants power and control.It takes work, but things do get better, that I promise you.Check out more blog posts at jenncoffin.com

#domesticviolence #domesticabuse #domesticviolencesurvivor #domesticviolenceawareness #ptsd #recovery

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ghost1643 · 4 years ago

Text

The disastrous like of a Aromantic psychic

Saiki has never felt romantic attraction ever. Sure, it might seem odd to normal people but, this was Saiki, and Saiki wasn't like normal people. Oh no he was a very power psychic. One who almost always knew when anything happened. Mainly resulting in him knowing he was an anime character. Thus why he knew it was a fan fiction he was currently in.

Yet, even in this fanfic he was 'forced', (as he would word it), to help people and avoid getting attention.

He sighed listening to Nendo go on and on about this girl he saw in the hall with his other classmate, Shun Kēido. Both of which had refused to leave him alone for years now and considered themselves his friends. He usually could put up with them, but not today.

Not after this morning.

Saiki had Nendo fall down the stairs onto of him which hurt and was hard to tell was coming since his mind was told small to be read. Then Shin had spilt his drink all over him this morning. From there things just spiralled. Everyone he hung out with had either done something that could physically hurt him, done something to annoy him or damaged his property.

Yet, he would have ignored it. He would have ignored it all if it wasn't for what was just about to happen.

He was tuning his friends out, just as Teruhashi's thought came into his mind speaking over the rest. He quickly picked up his books just in time to save them as she slammed her hands down on the table but, he had been to distracted by the two males blabbering on to save his desert.

His beloved rice pudding dropped to the floor spilling all over.

Teruhashi jumped back apologizing and cleaning the mess. Then she threw it out like it was nothing. Then she proceeded to try and get him to talk to her. It was like nothing happene.

....and that was the moment Saiki broke. Years of putting up with these people. Years of putting with their stupid thoughts. Years of saving them from themselves and convincing himself that their fates would affect him. Risking possible damage to himself for these people. Heck, even saving a few of them from death and this was how he was relayed.

By losing the one thing that mattered most to him.

He felt the colour leave his face as his mind snapped. He just looked up at Teruhashi who was jus smiling, trying to flirt with him. After all it had been three years of talking to his body without him replying.

"I'm just saying we could totally hang out sometime. I mean all three of us can go to Karoke athis Friday-"

"IM DONE!" Saiki snapped standing up. He didn't seem to notice everyone staring at him. He didn't notice the tears in his eyes. He worked so hard and for what? The one thing he loved the most was being ignored.

"Wha-"

And then he did it before she could say another word. He came out in front of the whole school.

"I can't take the flirting anymore! I've tried to give you every hing I could! I'm aromatic okay?! I don't wanna date anyone! I-I can't do it anymore!" He snapped at god knows who anymore before racing off down the hall. He didn't hear anyone rushing after him.

So he rushed to the bathroom and opening a window in there. Once he opened it, he teleported back him seeming to forget all about his school shoes.

Once he got home he sighed taking off his school clothes. Then slowly he headed upstairs to rest in his room. When he laid back in his bed, he found himself smiling.

He had done it! He had finally freed himself of the chaos!! He had finally freed himself of those dumb asses!

No more teruhashi trying to go out with him! No more moments of Shin pretending he was an anime character! No more moments of Nendo being the dumbest creature alive! No more of Chio trying to flirt with him! No more Moments of Kashi trying to get him to work out so often! No more moments of Reita's stupidness!

How did he know he would be freed from these people? Well to put it simply Japan just wasn't as accepting of a place as people thought. If anything being part of the LGBTQ+, was a social death sentence in any situation. If it wasn't then..well people would start avoiding them.

So it was the perfect way to fix his problems! No more dealing with peoples problems! No more fixing things! From now on it was all about him and his little bubble.

Yet, if that was try then why did he feel so...upset?

He didn't know why but, his chest ached a bit as he buried himself under his sheets. He had no idea why though. It's not like he would miss his so called 'friends'. Instead he was now free from them. Yet, he felt so....so odd.

~time skip~

Two days later and Saiki was in bed every moment of that weekend that he could.He came home on Thursday night after coming out and hid in his room. And that's what he did for the rets of the weekend so far.

He missed school on Friday which had never happened before. Yet, he just felt more numb than usual. He didn't know why though. He didn't even feel good enough to eat rice pudding which definitely wasn't good.

This continued for all the next morning. Heck he even spent time in bed the entire afternoon. Maybe it was because he used so much of his powers Thursday. Like enough to make him feel so crappy. Yet, he knew that wasn't true.

As much as he hated to admit it, he realized he missed his classmates. Their interactions at least gave him something new to expect. They have him something to do other than study. Now he had nothing to do.

Nothing but miss them and eat rice pudding.

The power of rice pudding had motivated him to visit his favourite cafe. The one that served the best rife cakes. It was what he did every Saturday night, usually with one of his classmates as of recently, but today he was all alone. And that would be the way it would stay.

Saiki guessed he shouldn't be so emotional anymore. After all this was what he choose. If he didn't want to be alone, well then he shouldn't have come out. He sighed thinking to himself that it didn't matter anyways. He was graduating in six months. He would have been all alone again in a collage on the other side of town anyways.

He just sighed standing outside the cafe door. His thoughts filled his mind somehow being louder than all the other voices he heard around him. In fact he seemed to just tune out all of reality. Thus resulting in the conclusion he refused to admit.

His classmates were his friends. They had spent years getting to know each other while doing their little cycle of madness. Thus also getting closer together. In fact dare he even imply, sometimes his friends made him happy. He even dared to say he liked hanging out with them at times.

Yet, he had thrown that away over his own selfishness. And now he had nothing and no one. No one except his beloved desert food.

Just as he came to this conclusion h had his hand on the door. His mind seemed to calm down with it's own thoughts at this point as he slowly opened the door. He should have waited thought. Why? Cause the second he opened the door he caught the single thought that should have clued him to turn away.

"I hope I picked the right hiding spot."

The second he heard that thought, he had opened the door. The lights were out playing feeling so nervous. He assumed someone was there to attack him as he walked in. So he began getting ready to defend himself. If only he could focus his mind on relaxing. Maybe then he could hear more thoughts, but now his mind was thinking of his own worries.

However he took a step in the building the lights came back on. As they did his classmates jumped up screaming surprised as confetti and balloons were thrown over the room. He jumped a foot in the air as everyone smiled to him.

Every corner of the cafe was decorated with the A romantic flag colours. Heck there was even a flag over a table. Yet, what he focused more on was his mains group of friends. He moan friends were inches away from him smiling, as if they were seeing him for the first time in years.

"Wh-" he was cut off by Nēndo rushed over hugging him. His eye got bigger as his other friends held him close as well. He blushed before feeling the entire class hugging him which seemed to calm him down to hear all their thoughts. As he did he almost cried.

They were all about him. They were all thinking about him.

"How on earth am I gonna tell Saiki I'm sorry I've been forcing my feelings on him? I mean any way I word it makes it sound like it's all about me but, he's been there for me through so much. How am I gonna avoid hurting him." It was the only time he heard Teruhashi think about anyone other than herself.

"Saiki I'm so sorry I haven't reached out to you for so long. I hope you still wanna be friends even though I haven't been helping you as much as I can be." Reita thought smiling. Being the only one who knew he could do read minds, well, his words seemed more comforting than others.

"I can't believe I push everyone to drive for a happy life when I made Saiki feel bad enough that he ran away. I promise from now on Saiki I'm gonna give you as much as I can." Kineshi Hairo, always thought about how to motivate others. It was normal. Yet, it some how made the world to Saiki.

"You supported me through so much man! How am I gonna support you?!" Shun Kaidō always was full of thoughts about how he must be like a hero. Why on earth would he be thinking about anything else?

"Oh my. What can I do for you?! I mean you already payed for me to go on a school trip and help support my part time job here every week by visiting here. I mean I already got you some pudding for free today but, I suppose I could also offer you some time to just hang out when I get a free moment." Chisato Mera, has so many jobs but, this was her favourite. It was true Saiki came here for rice cakes every week, but something about her thought made him what to come every day.

"Oh gosh I'm gonna cry. I missed Saiki so much. I thought he just gave up. What would I do without a friend like him....No! No Chiyo! This isn't about you. Don't you dare start crying. Instead just focus on how Saiki and how to make him happy." Chiyo Yumehara, usually thought about how to woo men. Somehow this made him more happy than anything anyone else could say to him.

And that would have been it. He was being overwhelmed by his friends thoughts followed by other classmates thoughts about how much he had helped him and how they wanted to repay him. It was enough to touch his heart as he was lead to a table to sit down.

As he was, Nēndo explained it was a coming out party. One where they celebrated how brave Saiki has been for coming out. It was so odd to say the least, but it made him smile. It just made Saiki be overwhelmed by his emotions. So much so that he didn't lie when he was asked about why he didn't go to school.

"Well I figured you guys wouldn't wanna be stuck hanging around a someone like me." He admitted before finally eating his pudding. Just as he did he looked up to see guilty faces and hear guilty thoughts. Ones he was bound to hear again and had heard before.

That is Exocet for the one he heard at the end.

The only thought he ever heard from Nēndo.

"I made him feel like that?...why on earth would I abandon a best buddy like him? I mean what on earth would I do if he never existed."

Something about the guilty look and thought of gratitude finally broke him. Saiki was in tears. Like actual tears as he looked back down, eating a bit of his food. As soon as he did he felt his best friend Nēndo hug him again.

"It's okay. I'm always gonna be here for you." Nēndo smiled.

Without a second thought Saiki hugged him back.

The two just smiled clinging onto each other for support before everyone else slowly joined in. Each hugging and giving their support aloud for him. Each word just made him feel even more better.

Maybe standing out wasn't so bad.

If it meant he had friends like this and could be who he was, then he didn't mind standing out for once.

(The end)

#reblogs welcome #saiki k #anime #saiki kusuo no ψ nan #saiki kusuo #aromantic

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dadolorian · 4 years ago

Text

Just like me- Part one

A/N: this is the first time i have ever shared a fic to tumblr. Credits: Thank you @oloreaa for being my Beta reader/editor !

Title: Just Like me Fandom: Prospect (2018) Ship: Ezra/Reader Warning: Talk of injuries/amputation. Ezra and reader get to know each other. Reader is an amputee. No use of Y/N. Word count: 3K +

MASTER LIST Request status AO3 Link Next part. - coming soon

Prospecting was a dangerous job sometimes.

You were proof enough for that.

Some would ask why bother with the risk, but they can not understand.

The thrill and joy of finding and securing your payload, the rush you got for a job well done, the chance to drift about to new and wondrous places, was more than worth the risk in your eyes.

And the pay, well, when you had a good job, the pay more than made up for the dangers of prospecting.

You could almost guarantee that after each run your account would be filled up with more points than what you started with. And once you paid off the rental of your pod and supplies, more often than not you made a decent enough profit if things didn’t go tits up.

It was fair to say you were a decent enough prospector, maybe not the most experienced,but you had a decent enough excuse for that. Until a few months ago you were in recovery, having injured yourself on the last run of jobs you had been on before your current drop onto the Green.

Arguably, you could have retired after your injury. Caused a big enough fuss to get some serious compensation, but that would have meant giving up chasing the rush.

At heart, you were a wanderer, a floater, and you couldn’t settle just yet.

Of course, after the accident you couldn’t just swing back to it. You needed to recover, and medical bills were expensive, not to mention you couldn’t let your employers get away with their gross negligence that caused the accident to begin with, so you had come to an agreement.

It worked out for both of you, you get to keep your lifestyle and be financially secure at the same time, and they didn’t have to go through a public court battle.

Your last, and most recent swing had been average, ending with a gig on the Green, you had just caught the ride back home.

Your routine getting back aboard was always the same, even after such a longtime. Say goodbye to your (temporary) partner, sell your Aurelac, drop your belongings in your bunk and take a shower.

Thanks to your hush contract, you had the luxury of a second class bunk this time around, not having to rely on sleeping in your drop ship. It was bigger, private, had its own bathroom and all free of charge for you. Some perks for not choosing to sue.

A new, and rather annoying addition to your routine now would be to check into the medical bay, the only reason your doctors had allowed you back to work was that you agreed to regular check-ups when you weren’t on a gig.

So, a few days later, having waited for after the rush of people docking to catch the last swing to die down, you made your way to the medical wing for a drop in appointment.

Even though the waiting room was empty, you were forced to wait.

You sat down at an observational window, passing the time by watching the stars as the ship flew by them.

Lost in the view for an unknown amount of time, the sound of the door caught your attention, that familiar hiss of them opening and shutting.

You turned to make eye contact with the other patient… another amputee, just like yourself. You took note of his face, a small scar on the left cheek, the prominent nose, a streak of blonde in his otherwise dark and slightly scruffy hair, square jaw, and short facial hair. He was certainly handsome, even with his slightly disheveled appearance.

His right arm was gone, you noted, just below the shoulder. His stump was well bandaged, you didn’t feel guilt about staring at his injury, you were one in the same after all, but he seemed to mind.

He tried to subtly turn himself away from your inspection so his left side was facing you more, a little self-conscious over his injury, it would seem.

You gave him a warm smile, trying to ease his embarrassment a little by pulling up your right pant leg to show him your prosthetic.

A silent way of telling him you were one in the same.

It seemed to have worked, for he visibly relaxed a little, returning your smile as he found a place to sit close by after checking in.

He hesitated, looking like he wanted to ask you something. He was lost in his thoughts for a short while before you decided to speak first.

“Recent amputation?” You asked, giving him another smile.

“Yeah, happened less than a cycle before catching the swing back,” he said

You nodded to yourself “Looks pretty fresh. You don’t look quite comfortable with it yet either”

“No, indeed I am not.” He sighed “May i ask... if I were to inquire about your own heretofore displayed impairment, would you have any issue in disclosing what had caused your own injury to me?” He asked , eyes roaming over your face, small crooked smile tugging at his lips

Did he swallow a fucking thesaurus? You thought to yourself, leaning back in your window seat. “I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours first.” Tilting your head, you looked him in the eyes.

“I asked first,” he pointed out.

“Yeah, you did. Seems rude to ask my story without offering yours first,” you said, the smile that was on your face letting him know you weren’t actually bothered.

“Very well,” he said, sitting back into his chair, getting comfortable by throwing his one arm over the back of it. “I was shot by a little bird. Scared kid who was completely justified in her actions, so I do not find myself with much blame towards her." Something like regret flitted over his face, but it was quickly gone as he launched himself into the story." I had originally been the cause of her predicament becoming much direr than it currently was, so she fired upon me in what she believed to be defense despite my lack of intentions to harm her."

He then gestured to his shoulder, and gave a half shrug as his brows drew together." Sad truth is it became inflamed , dust had entered my wound and I was not able to treat it accordingly. Before I knew it, infection set in and I eventually had to make the onerous decision to amputate it before it spread to the rest of my body.” Smile wry, he made a gesture at you like 'What can you do?', the corner of his expressive eyes crinkling slightly.

“You did it yourself?” You winced.

“Naw, Little lady who shot me became quite the welcomed, albeit reluctant, ally. Managed to do it all herself, cool as a cucumber." He huffed to himself, amused, before continuing: "Wish I could say the same for myself, I was wracked with nerves during the whole procedure.” He looked at you, a self-deprecating tone in his voice that was offset by the hawk-sharp look in his eyes.

“Ah, well at least you’re not bullshitting your bravery,” you huffed, before backtracking to what he said, eyes becoming wide as saucers. “So, you were conscious?” You asked in shock.

“Regrettably so. We did not have the luxury of professional medical facilities such as this.” He gestured around.

“I’ve heard some nasty amputation stories over my time recovering, and it’s always the ones where they are conscious that bother me the most,” you explained, feeling ever so slightly queasy at the thought.

“And…what about yourself?” He asked.

“Unfortunately for you I am not allowed to tell my whole story." You smiled at him, holding up your hands. "An unnamed private business was responsible for an accident in which I can’t disclose legally. Had to sign a lot of papers,” you sighed at that, unable to keep your annoyance out of your voice, before continuing. ”What I can tell you was I was in an accident involving machinery. I broke everything below my waist, most of it was healed, but my right leg was the worst. Completely crushed. When I was pulled out, the limb had undergone some extreme tissue damage." You paused for half a second, mind wandering. "They tried to save it, but there was nothing that could be done,” you explained with a slightly dismissive shrug. His brow was furrowed, looking at the prosthetic slightly exposed at the ankle in thought. “You seem to handle it quite well” He said eventually. You took a closer look at him. Bags under his eyes, avoiding prolonged eye contact with you, lethargic body language. It was recent for him, you concluded, he was still traumatized. Not that you blamed him. “A lot of people say that, ” you said, wanting to give him some hope and comfort, his eyes seemed so sad, you couldn’t help it. You wanted to be the support you had needed yourself when you were in his position. “It’s gotten easier, but I can’t lie and say I’m not still affected by it anymore. There are days where I continue to struggle. But each day gets easier. They will get easier for you too.” You looked him straight in the eyes, face serious. You needed him to understand that you were not simply saying things, that it was something that you had experienced yourself. He gave you a skeptical look, silently challenging that notion. “I know, I know,” you sighed, looking down to the floor before meeting his gaze again. “It’s hard to believe right now, but it’s true. You’ll struggle, but that means you’ll learn and adapt. You’ll get there.” Giving him a big smile, you hoped that some of your words will stick. .

“If I can be honest, I’ve already gotten sick of hearing those words of encouragement from my doctor. It seems so hollow and disingenuous when he says it, like a fallacy. It feels infantilizing to have him repeat his mantra over, and over again, and frankly, I struggle to believe it." He scoffed slightly, before quieting. Looking at you, head slightly tilted, he continued. "But coming from you, someone who has been in my own shoes, so to speak, I feel inclined to believe there is some truth behind those words, even if I do find myself skeptical about them,” he said, brows drawn together, eyes roaming across your face. . You shrugged lightly. “It usually helps, knowing someone who’s gone through the same thing. A friend.” “And is that what you are offering me? A friendship?” He asked, an amused smile gracing his lips and a curious look in his tired eyes.

You shrugged again “I think that depends on you. But, at the very least, I can be an understanding ear, and I'm willing to listen. If you’re interested that is.”

He cocked his head slightly at you, a small smile playing around his lips, “I…” he began, choosing his words “ I appreciate the offer. It would be nice to have someone who will listen to my long-winded nammerings without judgment or pity.”

“No pity… just…sympathy, compassion,” you offered.

“I think, then, I would like that very much. So long as you promise not to grow weary of my contemplation's”

You gave him an amused huff. “I think with the way you talk, it would be very hard to be bored.”

“Very well, annoyed then.” He smiled and you laughed at his small joke.

You were content to sit there and chat to him more about anything and everything, but unfortunately for the two of you your conversation was interrupted by the receptionist calling your name. “That you?” He asked. “Yup” You sighed standing up reluctantly. ”It was nice to meet you…?” “-Ezra,” he supplied. “Ezra,” you repeated, testing it out. It suited him. “I hope I can see you around then, I mean it, having someone who understands how to help would really benefit you.” “I know, thank you. I’ll have to take you up on it soon.” He smiled, giving you a small wave as you left the waiting room for your check up.

It surprised you to find him waiting outside the medical wing for you when you finished with your appointment. He was leaning back against the wall trying to look nonchalant. “How the fuck did you get out before me?” You asked with a smile, pleasantly surprised. He had a small smile of relief on his face,“I only went for a bandage change,” he said, waving his stump a little to show. “I hope you are not too put off by my waiting here. I fear i may come across as overzealous.” “It’s fine, don’t worry about it” You smiled, shaking your head in indication you didn't think that way of him. “Sorry you had to wait so long. If I had known you were waiting I might have tried to hurry things along.” “It’s not a problem," Ezra insisted "I didn’t really have plans to do anything, and I was hoping for a better chance to talk to you." He gave a boyish smile, and you could not help but being charmed a bit. "Perhaps in the mess hall, if you would be so inclined to join me?” You nodded in understanding and agreement. “Fair enough, I suppose. How’s it healing then?” You asked, motioning to his stump. “As well as it can be. My doctor is worried about my exposure to further infection so it's being heavily monitored. Daily changes at the moment.” “That gets boring fast,” you said, motioning for him to follow you as you made your way to the mess hall. “I am very much in agreement with you there, I must say," He said "I have only been on board for a few days and I am already finding myself bored and frustrated with the routine,” Ezra sighed slightly, annoyance in his voice. “Just wait until you get a prosthetic. Then you’ll be in there for ages,” you snickered before you realized something. ”Are you wanting a prosthetic?” You asked. “I don’t think I would be able to even consider choosing not to invest in one." Brows furrowed, he looked at you. "I can not even fathom how i would be able to continue on in my career without the use of my arm.” “Quite the investment, if you want one good enough to act as a full replacement. I would have to imagine they would cost more than a prosthetic leg.” “That's what the doc said. I am a little overwhelmed with decisions because he keeps showing me all these different options that I cannot quite distinguish from each other." Frustration was written all across his face and in his voice. "I had not realized it would be so complicated.” He sighed, sounding a little dejected. “I’d be more than willing to offer my help in that then,” you offered, “It's best to figure out your needs and work backwards from there.”

“You are surely a godsent from the heavens themselves,” he chuckled, you ignored the way his compliment and laugh made your stomach flip. “I am simply wise counsel,” you joked, making him chuckle more. “Either way, your offers of help in all kind of regards is much appreciated. I do not feel quite so daunted towards my own recovery now." Ezra smiled at you brightly, and you smiled back. "I thank you for your kindness, a rarity i fear in this line of work sometimes.” “Not wrong there,” you sighed knowingly as the two of you entered the mess hall. It was quiet, given the time of day, a little too early for those wanting their lunch that wasn’t from a ration or nutrient pack. You preferred it like this anyway.

The food wasn’t amazing, neither of you were first class citizens but it was damn better than the food you were all able to store on your pods and ships. A hot meal of any kind was sought after on these kinds of trips, even if it was just hot mush.

You filled up your tray alongside Ezra, watching him curiously as he easily filled his tray as he pushed it along, the hard part would be maneuvering to a table. You weren't going to offer him any physical help, not yet at least. Giving him the space to learn and adapt would do him better than to dote on him. You remembered how frustrating it was, but you also remember how equally frustrating it was to be physically dependent on others.

You would not offer him help with physical things unless he asked.

Regardless, he managed it, balancing his tray on one arm as the two of you made your way over to an empty table. You pulled your chair out and he kicked his out before you both sat down.

“I think I like coming here earlier,” he said, looking around. “Less people means less well meaning individuals offer to help me out,” he said, tucking into whatever food he had piled on his tray. “I hope that doesn’t make me sound ungrateful. I appreciate help but I do not want to be treated like someone completely invalid, the idea of not being able to take care of myself physically is a wretched notion.” “No, I get ya,” you said, understanding. “You need to do things for yourself. You value your independence, and when people dote on you like that, you feel pitied, your independence feels invalidated. You start to resent the ‘help’ because of it.” “A perfect way to describe the mix of feelings I have found myself with over these past few days,” he agreed, looking at you, chewing on his food “Just wait until you get your prosthetic” You smiled “You’ll be able to hide it well under a long sleeve and no one would be able to tell” “Well if you are any indication to go by, i am more than willing to believe that," He said "If i had not known you were missing a part of yourself beforehand, i would not have been able to tell just from watching you walk. It's impossible to notice at a glance” He complimented, smiling, eyes dropping slightly wistfully. “Thank you, I was fueled purely by spite in my recovery” You said, your smile growing. He laughed “Why, I am truly inclined to believe you." He grinned at you, smile sharp and endearing all the same time. "I shall take that to heart in my own recovery and take inspiration from you.”

There the two of you sat in the mess hall with him what felt like hours. You found him so easy to talk to and could not help but be entertained by the way he spoke and whatever story he told you. You had found yourself hanging onto his every word, and when you spoke he made you feel like the center of the universe. Your conversations drifted between your shared physical disabilities as well as more personal topics, to get to know each other a little better. You spoke about the places you had visited, the difficult jobs, and your shared love of books. You couldn’t remember the last time you had such a pleasant conversation with another prospector. Most of your interactions were your temporary partners or hostile ‘competition’, there was never any opportunity to share in such deep conversations.

When the two of you reluctantly parted ways, you made sure to let him know where to find you in the second class quarters should he feel inclined to want to speak to you again.

He assured you very much that he was definitely interested in seeing you again. You felt like a teenage girl at that and as you said your goodbyes, hiding a bashful smile as he promised he would come find you again soon.

#my fic #JLM #prospect #prospect 2018 #ezra #ezra from prospect #ezra x reader #ezra x you #ezra x ofc #ofc

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