hydra-collector
i only listen to the mountain goats
20K posts
call me gray, xe/vae/they visit my carrd for extra info
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hydra-collector · 1 day ago
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last night i accidentally smoked a huge bowl of the weed i use FOR sleeping, didn’t realize it was that strain and made this image of Barf while fighting to keep my head up.
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hydra-collector · 2 days ago
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Next up on the Stardew comic agenda - Nell shares the crisis with someone who really shouldn't be giving dating advice.
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Comic Masterlist
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hydra-collector · 2 days ago
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hydra-collector · 2 days ago
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In a truck stop bathroom washing my hands today and 2 boys, looked about 5 and 9, came in with their little sister who looked maybe 2. The following whispered conversation made my entire day
"We have to wait, there's a lady in here!"
"That's not a lady, he has a mustache! We can be in here!"
"Some ladies have mustaches! And she has boobs!"
"Well some guys have boobs! Like Uncle Jake!"
"Uncle Jake is fat!"
At this point I could not contain a chuckle and both whirled around with identical looks of panic on their faces. I smiled and said "it's alright for you guys to be in here so your sister has help, don't worry. And I'm both! That's why I have boobs and a mustache. Some folks are just built that way"
(In unison) "Ooooooh!"
(older boy) "So do you use Sir or Ma'am or both?"
"Both, but I prefer Sir"
"Cool! Well thanks Sir! We have to help our sister now!"
This was in a small town country truck stop and both boys had "Murica" type stuff on and neither of them had any issue at all with these concepts. Their mom approached me while I was in line about 10 minutes later and apologized for them bothering me in the bathroom (they had told her about the interaction) and she and I had a lovely little chat too. I got to introduce her to the term "intersex" and her reply was "I think I've heard of that before! I didn't know that was the word for it. Amazing how many different ways God can make people!"
Sometimes the world is good. More often than you might think, if you give it a chance. It's not all bad loves <3
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hydra-collector · 2 days ago
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oh my god it’s laika day everyone drop what you’re doing… we honour a little dog who was sent up into space 65 years ago today. she was found as a three year old stray mongrel wandering the streets of moscow. her ability to endure hardy conditions got her chosen as the candidate for a journey she was never meant to survive. she passed away seven hours after liftoff. I hope she died dreaming of chasing rabbits up in the stars I love u laika forever and ever
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hydra-collector · 2 days ago
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Read enough stories featuring characters who very notably wear glasses, and you start to notice certain trends in romantic scenes.
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hydra-collector · 2 days ago
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Found this lurking in a doc of random writing prompts from months back. If anyone remembers the exhausting discourse about whether or not bg3 characters would peel oranges, I apparently snapped, wrote all this for some reason, but then only ever posted the Minthara one and totally forgot all the others:
They would all peel the stupid orange you donkeys, if the point of this exercise is to complain about your non-favs being assholes that's stupid, use your brains and broad character interpretation to extrapolate HOW they peel the orange-
Like this!!!
Gale would peel the orange bc you asked and he's considerate like that, but like he's reading at the moment and doesn't want to fully be pulled away from that to do something you can obviously do yourself so he's curious why are you asking, is this some kind of gambit? a test? he's good at those, he'll pass, he'll be the best orange peeler. Gale casts mage hand, shows off an advanced level of dexterity not only in peeling the orange without direct tactile aid, but he also conjures a plate, nicely arranges the individual slices, adds a napkin and asks if you want something to drink with your snack. He is at once gracious and condescending, but everyone wins, you get a treat and he gets to show off and doesn't even get juice on his hands or the book he's reading.
Wyll won't even question it. If you walk up to him when he's doing absolutely anything at all and ask him to peek an orange, he will immediately remind you that he's a better person than you and that you should peel an orange for him---he will not do this directly, he will do it by a) being Wyllyam Ravenguard, and b) by looking pleased to see you and your orange and saying, "oh, we have oranges?" as he's already peeling said orange and licks a little juice off his thumb "that's quite nice---sweetest orange I ever had came from the grove of a family friend, same day I learned to play lance-board. We're so ready to be delighted by everything when we're young, aren't we?" And he's looking at you all sad and pensive, and you say "hold on" and leave to get another orange and now both of you are peeling and eating oranges and you've lost track of who's orange is whose, but you're laughing and chatting and it doesn't matter, you just had a nice talk with Wyll and somehow earned 20 points of approval for asking him for a favor.
Astarion would peel an orange for you because it's not hard and he's actually not nearly as much of a salty asshole as people think, it's just that he mirrors energy, so if Tav is going to sass him, he'll sass Tav back. I know it's tempting to choose the bitchy dialogue response when speaking to him, but there's also the consequences of your actions. So, you approach Astarion and ask him to peel an orange. You do it without being a bitch to him, presumably, because we all know how to put on our "asking a favor" voice, and he responds in kind. He sighs, says nothing, takes the fruit, pulls a dagger from seeming nowhere, and expertly quarters the orange, peeling each section of skin as far off as he can into the bushes. He offers you the knife to lick clean, promises he's like 90% sure it's free from the blood of his last kill. He takes a bite of one of the quarters and gives you the rest of the fruit to eat. You ask him if vampires eat normal food, he rolls his eyes and says "no" with a smirk. You spend the rest of your life wondering if he was being sarcastic or not.
Halsin initially doesn't have much of a reaction to your request beyond taking a split second to process, then he takes the orange and begins to peel it. He's deliberate, slow. Taking it in small pieces and you're sure you've seen him do this before and it didn't take so long, what's he doing? After about fifteen seconds of solid silence and too small flecks of orange skin piling up at his feet, he says, "I assume there's something more you wanted to ask me?" but you literally just came over here to ask help for this orange, didn't you? Oops, you've accidentally overshared some deep dark secret, but you know what, that's not a problem, you can generally trust Halsin with those for reasons that may or may not be related to content taken out of early access. He nods along, and you can tell he's fully focused on what you're saying now, because, acting unconsciously, he's much better at peeling the orange. He handles it gently, brushing off the dregs of the soft white interior of the skin, so that you end up with a perfect skinned but still totally intact orange, not a drop of juice escaped. He hands it to you while giving you some admittedly not very helpful advice, but you find you do actually feel better anyway to have unburdened yourself a little---and hey, now you have an orange to eat.
Minsc is probably not a good person to ask, but you did ask, and he was enthusiastic about taking on the task. He keeps getting distracted though, he's talking to you and to Boo the whole time, about what, I don't know and it doesn't matter. He's demonstrating more energy than you will have, ever again. He keeps accidentally breaking through the final soft layer of skin and squirting juice everywhere. Parts of the orange are getting mangled, but he's oblivious to it and having a great time, and you know what, so are you. Was this the best way to get your orange? Absolutely not. Was it the most entertaining? YMMV, but it was certainly unique to Minsc.
Shadowheart takes the orange from you and it almost seems as though a moment passes and she's still processing your question. "Could you peel this for me?" that's what you said. She blinks, looks at the orange, then looks back at you, demeanor changing, darkening, just a touch. She's not annoyed, not really, but she's suspicious. Is this a game? She likes games, but she likes to play them her way. "You didn't bring this over here for me? You just want me to peel it? Shall I also feed it to you a slice at a time and stroke your hair and fan the heat from the back of your neck?" she's being facetious, but also yes, yes you would like her to do all that. "No, it's ok," you manage to say, hating yourself. "I just need some help." She is at once relieved and a touch disappointed that this wasn't some game. You can tell she's thinking deeply about something as she wordlessly completes the task, somehow managing to remove the peel in one long spiraled strip without using a knife, just her hands. You want to ask what it is, but she inexplicably seems a little down. You tell her you only want half and then stay with her while the two of you eat the orange together.
Karlach is maybe the best person to peel the orange, but she doesn't know it. She's alarmed you asked. "You know I'm going to cook that thing, right?" She warns you, and you respond, "Yes. It will be delicious. Please scorch it." She thinks that's wild, but says she trusts you to know what you're about. Like Shadowheart, she also uses her nails, but it's much easier to see how efficient she is at spiraling the orange out of its slowly cooking skin, and the whole time she's excitedly reminiscing about some of the best meals she's had at her favorite places in Baldur's Gate. She's sad there's only one orange, and does in fact suggest that you peel some more, this time though, she wants you to do it too. "I'll cook them a little, and when the peel starts to get black, I give it to you to finish off, yeah?" But then she ends up doing all the work, having way too much fun with it, and also finding that yes, a slightly broiled orange is absolutely delicious. "We've got to do something with all of these---what about cake? Or wine! Do we have anything it could ferment inside of?!"
Lae'zel asks a lot of question first, "why?"/"Is this some sort of custom?"/"Am I meant to eat this as well?" and you try to answer rapidly "Hungry"/"Not really"/"You can have some if you like" her final question is "why are you asking me to do this? Is that really the best way to apply my particular skill set?" and the best response to this is to just say, "Please." She's annoyed, but she agrees and peels the orange, somehow without looking at it, and instead glaring at you the entire time. She hands you the freshly peeled fruit and demands, "go and eat." You'd better do as she asks, but definitely take a moment to look back as she tastes a bit of the juice on her fingers, looks furious with herself. Delicious, isn't it Lae'zel?
Minthara takes the orange and inexplicably rips the peel off in one fluid motion. You ask how she did that and she responds with a pitying glance that slides into a glare of disgust. "I imagine a surface dweller that cannot engage in simple hunting and gathering of the tame flora and fauna of topside could not hope to last long in the merciless wilds of the underdark. Do you ever dwell on that? On what fate would do with you, should your conveniences ever fail you? I think it would torment me day and night, to know so assuredly of my own weaknesses." You don't say anything to that, because what could you say? You look at the peeled orange in your hand, juice pooling in your palm and then back up at Minthara. "Do you want some?" and she answers "No" before you're even finished talking, but if you pass an insight check, you know she's lying. You go back to your own tent to eat the orange. It is poisoned.
Jahiera manages to peel the orange without pausing in whatever else she's doing, she also doesn't look up or hardly respond at all besides "here you go, cub," she's so practiced, you immediately recognize that she's done this 10000x. It is in her nature to peel oranges. She does it without thinking and often without remembering if there's something more important on her mind. She hasn't even considered not peeling an orange in centuries. There's always someone who needs an orange peeled, and she's perfect at it. You should leave her to what she was doing and eat your orange on the way back to your tent. An hour later, tell her "thank you for peeling my orange" she will say "you're welcome," but you can tell she has no idea what you're talking about.
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hydra-collector · 3 days ago
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hiii i need gravity falls fic recs if anyone has them. angst. billford but not the 'hes reformed now so its not toxic' kind of stuff. fiddleauthor misery. or nice post-show stuff. ford and stan focused is great. literally anything that's sad and toxic. or just something you really like and want to share anyway. im not used to being in fandoms this big its so hard to search for good stuff
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hydra-collector · 3 days ago
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🍫 and Kevin from Welcome to Nightvale for your Halloween event?
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⚠️☀️
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hydra-collector · 5 days ago
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i love the like. universal idea that if you beat a guy up you get his girlfriend. obviously this is bc of misogyny but its so funny to me bc like. idk i dont exactly have my finger on the pulse of heterosexual women but i would think that a random fighting your boyfriend would not be like. appealing. i would think that you would probably be like hey man what the fuck
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hydra-collector · 5 days ago
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THE MOUNTAIN GOATS- THE ANSWER TO YOUR QUESTIONS
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hydra-collector · 5 days ago
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getting you getting you getting yu getting you getting yuo getting you getting u
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hydra-collector · 5 days ago
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hey have u met my butch nun
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hydra-collector · 5 days ago
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hydra-collector · 5 days ago
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hydra-collector · 5 days ago
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thanks
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hydra-collector · 5 days ago
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they r performing. some sort of levitation ritual
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