#HIV Positive Life Partner

[letmemarry]

HIV Marriages for HIV Positive Brides and Grooms in India

In a society where traditions and societal norms often dictate the path of matrimony, the challenges faced by HIV-positive brides and grooms in India, especially in Hyderabad, are distinctive and demanding. This article delves into the complexities surrounding HIV-positive marriages, shedding light on the need for support, understanding, and the creation of a more inclusive environment.

Brief Overview of HIV-Positive Marriages HIV-positive marriages involve couples where one or both partners are living with HIV. Despite medical advancements, societal stigmas continue to surround these unions.

Importance of Support for HIV-Positive Brides and Grooms The emotional and psychological toll on couples navigating HIV-positive marriages emphasizes the crucial need for support networks and understanding within their communities.

Context of HIV-Positive Marriages in India, Specifically Hyderabad India, with its rich cultural tapestry, faces unique challenges concerning HIV-positive marriages, and the city of Hyderabad is no exception.

Understanding the Challenges

Stigma Surrounding HIV-Positive Individuals One of the primary obstacles faced by HIV-positive brides and grooms is the pervasive stigma attached to their condition. Addressing this stigma is vital for fostering acceptance.

Lack of Awareness and Education A significant hurdle lies in the lack of awareness and education regarding HIV transmission, prevention, and the realities of living with the virus.

Emotional and Psychological Challenges Coping with the emotional and psychological challenges is a journey often traveled in isolation. Counseling services play a pivotal role in supporting these couples.

Navigating the Wedding Preparations

Support Networks for Couples Establishing robust support networks is essential for couples preparing for an HIV-positive marriage. Friends, family, and community organizations can offer invaluable assistance.

Counseling Services Professional counseling services provide a safe space for couples to address their concerns, fears, and aspirations, ensuring they embark on their marital journey with resilience.

Positive Examples and Success Stories Highlighting positive examples and success stories of HIV-positive marriages inspires hope and resilience within the community, dispelling myths and misconceptions.

Legal Aspects of HIV Marriages

Rights and Responsibilities Understanding the legal rights and responsibilities of HIV-positive brides and grooms is crucial for navigating societal expectations and safeguarding their union.

Legal Safeguards for HIV-Positive Brides and Grooms Legal frameworks exist to protect the rights of individuals with HIV. Awareness of these safeguards is vital for ensuring fair treatment.

Navigating Societal Norms and Expectations Balancing traditional expectations with the realities of HIV-positive marriages requires open dialogue and education to foster acceptance within communities.

Wedding Rituals and Traditions

Adapting Traditions for HIV-Positive Couples Customizing wedding rituals and traditions ensures that they align with the needs and comfort levels of HIV-positive couples.

Creating a Supportive Environment Fostering a supportive environment during wedding ceremonies helps create a positive and inclusive atmosphere for the couple and their guests.

Inclusivity in Wedding Ceremonies Promoting inclusivity in wedding ceremonies not only supports the couple but also contributes to changing societal perceptions surrounding HIV-positive marriages.

Community Involvement

Raising Awareness Community involvement is crucial for raising awareness about HIV, dispelling myths, and fostering an environment of empathy and understanding.

Building a Network of Support Communities can play a vital role in building a network of support, ensuring that HIV-positive couples have the backing they need to thrive in their marriages.

Encouraging Empathy and Understanding Creating spaces that encourage empathy and understanding reduces stigma and helps the community embrace the diversity of love.

Healthcare Support

Access to Medical Facilities Ensuring access to medical facilities and healthcare services is imperative for the well-being of HIV-positive brides and grooms.

Importance of Regular Check-Ups Regular health check-ups are vital for managing HIV. Encouraging couples to prioritize their health is essential for a fulfilling marital journey.

Dispelling Myths About HIV Transmission Education plays a crucial role in dispelling myths about HIV transmission, promoting a more informed and accepting society.

Financial Considerations

Challenges in Employment Opportunities HIV-positive individuals may face challenges in employment opportunities. Addressing these challenges through advocacy and support is essential.

Financial Planning for HIV-Positive Couples Financial planning becomes crucial for HIV-positive couples, considering potential challenges in the employment sector. Government and NGO support can play a vital role.

Government and NGO Support Governments and non-governmental organizations can contribute significantly by providing financial support and creating initiatives to empower HIV-positive couples.

Social Media and Advocacy

Utilizing Social Platforms for Awareness Leveraging social media platforms is a powerful way to raise awareness, educate the public, and advocate for the rights of HIV-positive couples.

Advocacy for HIV-Positive Marriages Advocacy efforts aim to break down societal barriers, challenge stigmas, and create a more inclusive society for HIV-positive couples.

Empowering Couples Through Online Communities Online communities provide a space for couples to share experiences.

[alostwanderernotfound]

HIV and COVID

A major barrier to preventing the spread of HIV is accurate test results.

There is a high chance there are many people with HIV that have it and do not know. We do not know how long this undetected time period is (lentiviruses are often associated with long periods of time of virus activity that goes undetected- 5 to 10 years or more), but there is a chance many individuals with HIV go undiagnosed for many years. Individuals during this time before an HIV diagnosis complain of fatigue and many undiagnosed disabling symptoms during that time period. HIV is able to cause changes to immune cells that prevent HIV tests from finding the infection. Some people get negative HIV tests when they are HIV positive. This means you could be HIV negative, but still have HIV in your blood and can spread HIV to other individuals.

Getting a COVID vaccination (and sometimes other vaccinations like the flu vaccination) can help the body identify HIV hiding in the body. This allows earlier treatment and intervention. Once HIV has been identified, it also reduces the risk for all individuals in our population to be exposed to more severe infections.

Getting tested regularly for HIV used to be part of our federal public health recommendations.

This just further emphasizes why this information is so important to know and healthcare needs to start testing for more diseases in more people and do these tests more often.

People often assume their infection came from an unfaithful partner, but in reality HIV has been spreading unknowingly to many in the medical community and still in the public sphere no one is talking about it like the huge deal it is.

This potential means people could be raped as a child, never have sex again, never encounter drugs, and then be miserable & living with an active HIV infection into their early 20s and they would never know. Once they got a positive test result they would have no idea where the infection even came from.

Our entire understanding of these types of diseases has to change and the seriousness of this topic has to be addressed by the world. This was theorized as a mechanism of HIV spread due to how many people were getting diagnosed but had no identifiable cause of their HIV, but now it’s proven and right in front of us. This is disastrous.

To everyone that told the truth about how they didn’t know how they got these types of diseases & how they had no idea where they got it from then faced judgement from others and even the medical community- you aren’t crazy.

On behalf of everything these types of diseases did to destroy families, relationships, and your body, I’m going to apologize right now for all the individuals that I know won’t ever give you an apology for what they did and what they said.

I believe you. I always did.

Without you telling your truth , we never would have been able to figure this out about HIV.

HIV is spreading in “HIV negative” individuals to other individuals as some researchers theorized.

The mRNA vaccination technology developed is now the foundation for the next generation of HIV treatment and disease control. We must continue to push and advocate for improving the lives of all people with disease and we all just took a huge step forward.

You do not have to be sexually active to develop HIV. Your sexual trauma doesn’t have to define your life for the rest of your life- you are stronger than you know and braver than you feel.

Find a place to get tested for HIV here:

I still recommend getting a NAT or “viral load” test done as the first test to see if you have HIV.

I think considering what we know about HIV and in consideration of all the things we still don’t know that this is the safest option. Any other test for this condition available today has too high of a chance of producing a wrong result. I find it extremely uncomfortable we still use the other types of tests in the hospital and doctor office settings.

If you choose to order a test through an online service be aware some tests only tell you about either HIV-1 or HIV-2 and will not always provide you information related to type 1 and type 2.

For example, here:

This will provide you information related to ordering a test that looks for both types of HIV instead of just one strain of HIV.

Stay safe.

[letters-to-lgbt-kids]

My dear lgbt+ kids, 

For some people, just reading facts is less educational than actively engaging with them - so here’s a little pop quiz on HIV transmission! 

I’ll tell you some scenarios and you can try to answer if you think you could get HIV that way or not. You’ll find the correct answers under the cut! 

You go swimming with some friends. You later learn that one of them is HIV-positive. You were in the water at the same time. 

You had sex without a condom. It was with your long-term partner and it’s a closed relationship (neither of you has sex with others). You both got tested early on in the relationship, both were negative, but it has been some years since then. 

You got so drunk at a party that you don’t fully remember what happened. You believe you may have had sex with someone there but, for the life of you, you just can’t remember who it was or if you used protection. 

You had to pee really really bad while out and about, so you ended up using a public restroom that was pretty gross and dirty. 

You went on a couple dates with someone. You kissed a few times but didn’t go any further. They just contacted you and told you they tested positive for HIV. 

You live with a roommate. They had some friends over and you just realized one of them apparently used some of the body lotion you were storing in the bathroom. 

You had casual sex with someone. You used a condom but they later on told you that it slipped off during the act and that they didn’t say anything to not ruin the mood. 

One of your friends is HIV-positive. You often hug them or you snuggle while watching tv together. Sometimes you even share a drink (from the same cup). 

You used what you believed to be your own lip balm. You feel grossed out when you realize it’s not yours: your coworker accidentally put theirs in your coat pocket. 

You are in a long term relationship and are regularly sexually active without a condom. You just learned your partner cheated on you multiple times. 

Correct answers below the cut: 

1.No risk. HIV cannot survive in water and is not transmitted through casual contact.

2.No risk (if everyone is honest). If neither of you has had any other partners since the tests, and you haven’t been exposed to HIV through other means, there’s no risk. (However, if there is any uncertainty (you worry they may lie about not sleeping with anyone else etc.), it’s a good idea to get retested!) 

3. Potential risk. Unprotected sex can transmit HIV, so it’s recommended to get tested if you’re uncertain about protection use or the partner’s status.

4. No risk. HIV is not transmitted through surfaces, including toilets, regardless of cleanliness.

5. No (to extremely low) risk. HIV is not transmitted through saliva, so kissing does not pose a risk. (The only risk would be if both of you had sores or bleeding gums and blood from the HIV-positive partner gets into the bloodstream of the HIV-negative partner. This is extremely unlikely.)

6. No risk. HIV does not survive well outside the human body and is not transmitted through sharing personal care items like lotion.

7. Potential risk. If the condom slipped off, there may have been some exposure to bodily fluids, which could transmit HIV. Testing is advised. (Side note: Consent is only true consent if everyone is informed on what’s going on. In this scenario, you did not consent to having sex without a condom! Regardless of them not wanting to “ruin the mood”: That’s a form of sexual assault.) 

8. No risk. HIV is not transmitted through casual skin contact like hugging or snuggling. HIV is also not spread through saliva (drinking from the same cup). 

9. No risk. HIV cannot survive well outside the body and is not transmitted via shared lip balm.

10. Potential risk. If your partner has had other partners, there is a risk of exposure. Testing is recommended. 

How many did you get right? 

With all my love, 

Your Tumblr Dad 

[maybe-boys-do-love]

Finished Last Twilight, and I'm not adding to the ableism discourse, because most things have already been said and with a lot of beautiful nuance that I agree with. But I do want to talk about how that ending arrived because of Aof Noppharnach's consistent symbolic commentary on the experience of living with HIV in much of his work, with an approach that's unique among all queer content. Imma skip Gay OK Bangkok since its not even a metaphor there, but I'll explain my rationale for the others, and we can just appreciate the foundation Gay OK Bangkok lays for us to think about the rest of his stuff.

The motif of life-saving medical intervention comes up in all but one of the works he takes screenwriting credit on. He's Coming To Me: P'Med dies originally because of a lack of medical intervention. 1000 Stars: Tian gets a heart transplant. Moonlight Chicken: this one's more subtle, but the whole series is explicitly established in the context of reopening following the COVID pandemic, and Wen will later say to Jim, "we are survivors." It was this line upon rewatch that made me start considering how thorough this theme is. Survivors of what? The meaning is three-fold: hard lessons in love, COVID, and, for gay men of their age, the HIV epidemic. The hope of medical intervention for Day's condition takes on a secondary meaning, with this trend in mind, even if the mixed disability politics between visual impairment and being HIV positive really fails.

His comparisons are more intricate though. Pills and daily regimens are a consistent motif. Day has his daily eye-drops, Tian his pills (which are presumably immune-suppressants to help accept the transplant but I'm not going to Viki right now and watching every ep to find out so someone feel free to correct me). 'But people take medicine for lots of things,' you say. 'Just because its gay doesn't mean its an HIV metaphor!' You have a fair point! But here's where Aof gets real fun and sneaky. P'Med dies from lack of pills the same year Torfun, whose heart will save Tian's life, is born, 1997. I'm mentioned once before 1997 as important for the class-conscious Aof because of the Asian financial crisis that Thailand set off that year. However, 1997 is also important because its the year HAART, or Highly Active Anti-Retroviral Therapy was first used in Thailand (it had hit the market only one year earlier). HAART, a multi-drug regimen, boosted someone's life-expectancy with HIV up by 15 years, and its side-effects were significantly milder than previous approaches. The medical conditions of P'Med and Torfun's heart point us directly to HAART, and what it could offer.

Now we're moving out of the medical and into the experiential connections because, while Dark Blue Kiss is the only work Aof chose to take credit for screen-writing without incorporating medical references, it is by far the most dense with references to the issue of concealment. Its in the narrative as people closet identities and hide relationships, yes, but its in SO much of the visuals, too, most obviously the Pete & Kao mug hidden inside its coozie. It's easy to see the surface story about gay visibility and the closet, but there's a more specific subtext here about the associated condition that intensified the stigma of being gay and how that impacts your sense of self. Bad Buddy explores this issue less, but even in the BL Bubble, its haunted by the stigma of homophobia--it just shuffles it over onto rivalry so the audience can experience it without reproducing it.

However, the grief and shame of surviving when others haven't haunts Aof's other works much more intensely. Jim and Tian both are hung up on guilt for someone's death that they did not actually cause, continuing to pursue the goals for those that passed rather than their own. Then, there's Thun and P'Med, which is the best allegory for living and dating with HIV, bar none. It goes into the feelings of stigma and the limits of physical intimacy with partners that living with HIV caused, especially prior to Truvada's introduction in 2004. Even then, the show depicts how a HIV negative partner maintains the choice to participate in their own regimens, as Thun's desires for physical intimacy with P'Med manage their relationship and never the other way around.

This sense of required separation and gay identities that are less sex-focused also play into oft-maligned motifs in Aof's work. He's talked explicitly about people's criticisms of the limited physical intimacy in his earlier works that led to the more prominent stuff in Bad Buddy, but I hope given the above context, we can appreciate why physical intimacy is less of a priority than other kinds (and I'd add that 1000 Stars, which got the most sh*t about it, is actually one of the most erotically-charged BLs out there because of it's restraint). Then, you have the finales where characters separate for periods of time, and while I don't see this as explicitly tied to HIV experiences (Aof is literally following the book of romcom beats there, even if everyone whines about it), I can't help but appreciate a tangential connection to loving beyond time and distance that was required for those who lived with or lost loved ones to HIV.

I would've loved to see a version of Last Twilight that didn't absolutely bungle its metaphor, because it had every element to be something great (except, I'm sorry to the fans, lead actors with the necessary queer romantic chemistry). Watching the last episode, when the show seemed to finally rediscover plot and pacing, all the other pieces that had been drowned out by the disability conversation peeked their heads out, and I saw what the show wanted to be. The topics related to living with HIV of stigma, survivor's guilt, and assistive technologies: they were all right there, not just for Day but for everyone, if only they had been given the proper time to marinate to develop more complexity. It's the rare instance of a show where I'll choose to spend time imagining what could have been rather than obsessing over what was or just moving on. Even a misstep from Aof, like this, is overflowing with so many more layers than most series. The failures of Last Twilight, in relationship to his other works, even let you see how much food for thought he's providing.

[bengiyo]

Love in the Big City Eps 5 & 6: That Apartment Was Too Small

I’m late this week to write this post. Despite everything going on in the world and in my life, I have struggled with how similar episodes 5 and 6 played like Part 3 of the book. When I read over my reaction post for Part 3, I felt like I could post it with a few edits as a reaction to these two episodes. I’ve also read so many great posts about this section, so I’ll throw some quick thoughts down on some of the things that stood out in this section.

The T-aras Continue to Be a Great Change

Presenting the drama in a more linear format required baton passes between the sections that the book didn’t require, and I really loved having the T-aras as pallbearers who also took care of Yeong when he wanted to go out the night of his mom’s funeral. I love how they also feel like they’ve matured as they’ve gotten older.

Making us love the T-aras so much makes their flippancy about being around someone they know, or suspect, is positive hit like a ton of bricks in the flashback. What’s so sad about this is it puts this wall up inside of Yeong that keeps him from ever telling them about his situation with Kylie. We know the T-aras love him dearly, and I think they would have adapted quickly to take care of their friend. I couldn’t help but think about the hospital scene from Part 2 and wonder how uncertainties Yeong felt about them complicated that moment for him.

I also love that they’re the ones who got to meet and approve of Gyu-ho, and that they suggested Yeong take him on a trip to help rekindle the romance. Yeong not being completely alone has been one of my favorite changes, because few of us are ever as alone as we think we are.

Gyu-ho Feels so Alive

We see so much of Gyu-ho from Young’s perspective in the book, and I loved seeing him come alive and share space with Yeong in the drama. I loved seeing the mundanity of their relationship. I loved seeing Yeong consolidate and clean up the room to make it livable for Gyu-ho just as much as I loved seeing them struggle with their living habits. I loved seeing them fight over little things, and then seeing Gyu-ho adapt to that and cover annoyances (especially with the water bottles).

Unfortunately, Kylie ruins so much of Yeong’s ability to commit to this relationship, and I think it’s why staying in Mi Ae’s apartment might be one of my favorite choices of the drama. When we read Part 3, I kept thinking about how small Young’s apartment was, and how it didn’t seem right for the two of them to stay there. Here in the drama, we see that Yeong’s mom made sure to take care of her affairs, and I wondered at how much Yeong had stashed away from that, but also figured he wouldn’t want to stay in the home his mom had.

I think, for Yeong, Gyu-ho is just so radiant and beautiful a person that Yeong is worried he’ll infect with HIV and make “dirty.” He brings that word up a lot, and it made me so, so sad. Kylie is everywhere in their relationship. It’s in Yeong’s need to fake a blood test to get a decent job he hates. It’s in his inability to pursue work opportunities in other countries. It’s in their inability to have unprotected sex without worries. All of this culminates to make Yeong feel like he’s ruined Gyu-ho’s future for just being with him.

Conversely, it’s so frustrating to watch Gyu-ho from this perspective doing everything he can to make Yeong feel loved and valued. I felt so much for Gyu-ho when he got a solid job as a nurse and wanted them to get a bigger place together. I also felt for Gyu-ho searching for potential new partners on the apps. It sucked in the book and it sucks here when Yeong tries to shove Gyu-ho to go have sex with someone else when that’s not what Gyu-ho wants at all; he’s a romantic.

As such, they could not make this relationship work. Gyu-ho is probably the one person in the series we’ve seen Yeong trust to the most. The T-aras prickled his shame. Mi Ae outed him. Yeong Su turned out to be gross. Nam Gyu died.  I believe Yeong when he said he was writing as hard as he could to build a future where he was independently wealthy enough to take care of himself and Gyu-ho, and it was so sad to see him completely lose the love he found in the present for that.

Onto the Finale

That’s all I’ve got this week. I find myself looking forward to this section because I’m so excited to see what Habibi turns into with this version. I’ve meditated on the fallout of the Gyu-ho breakup, and I’m excited to see what the drama does with that.  

[drdemonprince]

Hello! You have opened a fascinating door into kink communities I didn't even know existed. Thanks for that. I was describing some of your steamworks adventures to my partner, who works as a Disease Intervention Specialist (aka DIS, a government healthcare worker who administers free/low-cost STD testing and then attempts to track down and notify+test the recent sexual partners of any infected individuals). (He brings some INSANE stories home from work and gets to give sex ed talks at the local Christian college using a model penis that actually ejaculates--but I digress.) He was horrified by the hypothetical situation where an infected person could have blindfolded sex with an unknown number of nameless strangers. It's hard enough trying to track down partners when the patient only knew them by their Grindr username. How do you have safe sex in these situations? Some STDs can be transmitted via skin-to-skin contact even with a condom. Do venues like steamworks enforce any rules around testing/protection/etc.?

If your partner is 'horrified' by the actual sex lives of the populations he ostensibly serves I think he needs to read more from harm reductionist thinkers and queer activists from a variety of past eras and work on processing his feelings of judgement to ensure it doesn't impact his actions in that line of work.

The books and Melancholia and Moralism, Saving Our Own Lives, and Beyond Shame: Reclaiming the Abandoned History of Radical Gay Sexuality are good places to start.

If you're having anonymous or blindfolded sex in cruising spaces, one route of managing risks is to assume that every person there could be infected with STIs you do not have and to plan accordingly. Vaccines, condoms, PreP, testing, and education are just some of the tools at one's disposal, and one should always be cognizant of the risks that one is consenting to. Steamworks has sexual health educators and testers present within their space regularly, but they don't gatekeep based on serostatus, health status, drug regimen or use of protection -- doing so wouldn't be feasible and would be problematic on multiple grounds.

I don't believe the goal of a public health initiative or a life well lived is to eliminate all risk, or to regard the presence of any infection in any human body as unacceptable, but rather to empower people to make informed decisions about the level of risk they are comfortable confronting, or that is worth the numerous benefits to them.

Personally, I was in far greater danger when I didn't have access to such spaces. Cruising spaces make negotiating sexual consent far safer than privately dating and hooking up with someone, and Steamworks are vitally important queer community spaces, and for me are well worth the trade off. No one should have any illusions about this ever being an experience that they can eliminate all risk from, rather they should anticipate it and plan for it.

I think "safe sex" is an unhelpful framework to pursue because it is so binary and can't ever be guaranteed. What does safety mean? Which types of exposures do we consider to be "unsafe"? Am I unsafe if I encounter another person who, like me, has had a cold sore before, like 80% of the population? Or someone who has a strain of HPV I am vaccinated against? What about if I have an encounter with somebody with a cold? I'm "safer" being fucked by an HIV positive person who is undetectable and wearing a condom than I am having barrier free sex with a long term partner who cheats. I can't even know I'm taking a risk in the latter case; at Steamworks, I'm assuming my risk level to be on the high end and planning accordingly.

I understand that testing and tracing are important parts of public health for our populations. It was vitally important when monkeypox broke out. Maybe Steamworks should collect member emails and alert them if there was a reported transmission on a night that they visited. Though even then, there are some negative public health implications to dozens of people panicking. But there is no means of eliminating all risk entirely or tracing all human sexual behavior and I would be myself pretty horrified if there was.

[silverjirachi]

i said it in the tags but i really need to say it out here. cecil palmer was so important to me. there are people on this website now young enough who don’t know who he is, who don’t know how important WTNV was to anyone gay and on this website in 2012, and that’s okay, but i want to put this in circulation because those of you who don’t know genuinely deserve to know.

the world we live in now is very, very different than the world we lived in even just ten years ago. It was not that long ago, I cannot emphasize this enough. Cecil Palmer was canonically gay in a well-known podcast in 2012. He openly and lovingly talked about his crush and eventual partner and it was never once treated as a joke. That was unheard of in 2012. Gay marriage was not even legalized in the United States until 2015 and it felt like we were on thin ice the entire time. We still are. But there just straight up werent any visibly gay characters in popular media who weren’t either side characters, died, or were treated as jokes. Cecil Palmer was voiced by a gay and HIV-positive man who also had a lot of say in the way he was portrayed. That is why he was so real, that is why he was so genuine.

And that meant. So much.

We still struggle to have that kind of representation today, and we saw it in 2012.

For those of you who don’t know who Cecil Palmer is, I’m not asking you to vote for him. But I am trying to tell you what he means to the people who were your age on this website in 2012, and why so many people are voting for him now. We were scared, and starved for that representation, and felt alone. To me, at least, and to many others, Cecil was hope.

In fact, Cecil was such a lovingly-made and genuine representation of gay love, specifically, that my mother, who to this day is still pretty homophobic and is deeply religious, would text me updates about cecil and carlos’ relationship. She was happy for them. My “keep it out of my face” mother was happy for cecil and carlos and was excited to hear their updates. THAT is what WTNV meant, and I still think of that moment sometimes when I need love, when I need hope, and when I am feeling alone.

And if you do want to see that kind of representation (that ran its full course!! and wasn’t cancelled or rushed prematurely!!!) then I highly recommend you do check out Welcome to Night Vale eventually. It was one of the first podcasts to ever get big, in fact arguably podcasts wouldn’t be what they are today without it, and it is such a funny and beautiful and unique little thing about daily life in the weirdest eldtrich horror town in the middle of fucking nowhere.

[nwarrior777]

Opened Ask Box (+anon option) for your HIV characters narratives requests for a day (20th-21th march of 2024)

noticed that i've never seen a character with HIV presented in media (besides That Films there it is all about tragedy around it). let's do smth about it.

for a day my ask is open specifically for your thoughts about how do you want HIV characters to be portraited in a not-sad way - some warmth romantic moments, maybe some inside jokes with friends, cute moments of life from your experience. not necessary real life things - characters in fantasy? cool, will listen about hiv in vampire world with all ears etc

How it will be: you send your request or thoughts, like "i wish it would be HIV-positive character in the show which would do things such - " or "me and my partner both hiv positive and we have that thing - " etc. I will read it and choose some things to draw as little sketches, make a screenshot and slap the text on images. Default option is anon, If you want your @ being on sketch - write about it in letter you have experience - i have art power, let's combine in art love machine

p.s. if it will not reach hiv people on this day and i will got no letters, will make it open for longer

[queerism1969]

Things you should know before having SEX

There is absolutely nothing rude or accusatory about asking a new partner about their STD history

Use both a barrier method (male or female condom) AND a hormonal method for the best bet at preventing pregnancy

When you’re considering stopping using condoms with a partner, you can ask them if you can go together to get tested first

Don’t have sex with anyone who would hesitate to slow down or stop if you want to or who would be angry or upset with you because of it

Get tested regularly, every 1–3 months

You can go on PrEP if you feel you are truly at risk of getting HIV

Look at your partner and make sure they do not have cold sores, if they do, don’t kiss/do oral with them!

Always meet in public first

Have boundaries and don’t be afraid of kicking someone out/leaving

It’s easier and cheaper to change condoms than diapers.

If you're planning on having a lot of casual sex, you must accept that you will be exposed to STIs. 

There is no such thing as safe sex - just risk reduced.

Pinch the reservoir tip of a condom as you slide it down the penis to make sure there is enough space for the semen to collect 

Oral/vaginal/anal sex all have STD risks.

Do NOT use oil-based lubricants with a condom

Abstinence-only is a terrible idea, and statistics show it: STD rates and teen pregnancy rates are higher in areas with abstinence-only sex education programs.

Some people enjoy a little acting or role-playing during sex so it helps to have a pronounced safe word that nobody will say by accident.

Don't dominate on the first physical meeting.

Don't introduce new, undiscussed elements into a scene in the heat of the moment.

Dental dams for oral sex, surgical gloves with LOTS of lubes for fingering, trim your nails, and wash your hands.

Vagina penetration isn't going to be as easy, like they show in porn

it's essential to clean off the semen before putting on another condom. 

Buy plenty of condoms

Pee after sex as it is important to prevent UTI.

Throw out everything you see in porn, it's unrealistic and most of the positions are not possible or enjoyable as they look on camera.

Have plenty of foreplay before penetration 

When you get on the pill, ask your doc how long that pill takes to be effective.

Cum will drip out of you, and you will look silly waddling to the bathroom to go pee and clean up

If you take any kind of antibiotics, it will render your birth control pills ineffective for the rest of that month. 

Never be ashamed to have cleanup supplies near your bed.

Doing kegel squeezes in the restroom really helps push most if not all the cum out.

Two people with a vulva can give each other STIs.

Let someone know where you are and when you'd be back. 

Your hookup doesn't have to be for penetrative sex

Don't drink anything you're handed that you don't see poured and doesn't leave your sight. 

Oral sex is very risky for things like gonorrhea, chlamydia, and syphilis (especially syphilis and pharyngeal gonorrhea).

Asking for Snapchat always does a good job of weeding out the fakes.

Always bring your own condoms and lube

Always let the person know that you’ll only have sex with condoms before meeting up

Obtain pepper spray just in case you’re put in a dangerous situation.

Clean your toys appropriately, and make sure it's body-safe material (if it starts to smell even after cleanings, throw it away). 

Be sure to use the correct kind of lube 

For any kind of sex, there generally shouldn't be pain. If there's pain, something is probably wrong. 

If you brush your teeth before doing oral, wait till the minty flavor is gone before going down on them

Your pubic hair is normal and healthy. Trimming is fine, shaving I recommend a lot less.

Sex is a marathon, not a sprint

Not liking sex is okay.

HIV is no longer a death sentence. With proper treatment, your viral load can be so low that transition is impossible. You'll have to manage it for the rest of your life, and your partners would have to take PREP and HIV prevention drugs.

If you decide to practice kink, be aware that consent becomes much more explicit and requires a lot of prep to properly establish. Without consent, it's just abuse.

[rainbowcafelgbtqcenter]

When was the last time YOU got tested?

Today is National Transgender HIV Testing Day (NTHTD) - it's an annual observance through the CDC and other HIV-focused health organizations to spark conversations about the need for HIV testing and prevention. Like many marginalized populations, HIV disproportionally affects transgender individuals compared to the general population and has done so since the original 1980s AIDS epidemic.

It's 2024. HIV is completely treatable and preventable - as long as you have the knowledge and the tools.

Every single person should get tested for HIV at least once in their lives, even if they're not sexually active. In Illinois, once you turn 12 years old, you can get tested for HIV and prevention tools like PrEP and PEP entirely on your own without parental permission/consent.

Sexually active individuals should be tested for HIV at least once per year, regardless of their sexual orientation or gender identity. HIV can and does affect everyone, so make it a part of your annual wellness routine and doctor's visit. There's a variety of ways to get tested for HIV - whether it's through an at-home test, at the doctor's office, or with an organization like us at Rainbow Cafe LGBTQ Center!

High-risk people, like individuals who frequently have unprotected sex or share injectable drugs/equipment, should get tested for HIV more often. The CDC recommends high-risk populations get tested every 3 to 6 months, depending on need. On the other hand, the CDC does not recommend anyone get tested more than 4 times a year unless...

You should get tested each and every time there's an emergency like you had unprotected sex, the condom broke, or you had to share drug equipment.

If you test negative, you have a couple of options to prevent getting HIV in the future. If you're someone who comes into contact with HIV somewhat regularly, like if you have engage in unprotected sex, have a partner living with HIV, or normally share injection drug equipment, you should consider PrEP - a daily pill that prevents HIV long-term. Alternatively, if you're someone who doesn't into contact with HIV very often and there's an emergency like a condom breaking, there's PEP, which prevents HIV transmission after exposure if taken quickly enough.

If you test positive, you'll be prescribed the necessary medications to ensure you will live a long, healthy life just like any of your other peers. It might seem scary since there still isn't a permanent cure for HIV, but living with HIV really means just taking your daily meds, doing some routine bloodwork with your doctor, and making sure to tell your future/current partners.

[letmemarry]

Matrimony for HIV-Positive Grooms and Brides in India

In a country where societal norms often shape the contours of relationships, the narrative around HIV marriages is undergoing a transformation. Across the vibrant landscapes of Mumbai, Delhi, Bangalore, and Kolkata, couples are not merely bound by love but are pioneers in rewriting the script of matrimony. In collaboration with letmemarry.com, these cities are witnessing a resurgence of hope, resilience, and the celebration of love that transcends the limitations imposed by HIV.

Mumbai: A Tapestry of Love and Resilience In the bustling city of dreams, Mumbai, HIV couples are weaving a tapestry of love and resilience. Letmemarry bureau, as a catalyst, plays a pivotal role in connecting souls. The city's cosmopolitan spirit embraces diversity, fostering an environment where couples facing the challenges of HIV can build a life together. From strolls along Marine Drive to the vibrant street food culture, Mumbai offers a canvas where love knows no boundaries.

Delhi: Embracing Love Amidst Traditions Delhi, the heart of the nation, is witnessing a harmonious blend of tradition and progressive values in HIV marriages. Letmemarry Bureau in Delhi is not just a platform; it's a bridge that connects hearts beyond the stigma of HIV. The city's rich history becomes a backdrop for couples as they navigate life together, overcoming societal norms and building a future steeped in understanding and mutual support.

Bangalore: Tech Hub and Hub of Love In the Silicon Valley of India, Bangalore, where innovation thrives, letmemarry.com is carving a niche for fostering meaningful connections among HIV couples. Beyond the tech corridors, couples explore the city's parks, cultural events, and eclectic cafes, forging bonds that withstand the challenges of societal misconceptions. Bangalore's progressive mindset provides a supportive ecosystem for couples in HIV marriages.

Kolkata: Artistic Expression of Love Kolkata, with its artistic soul, provides a unique backdrop for HIV couples to express their love. Letmemarry bureau in Kolkata actively engages with the artistic community, breaking down stereotypes. From the iconic Howrah Bridge to the serene boat rides on the Hooghly River, the city offers a poetic setting for couples to script their love story, free from the shackles of societal judgment.

Life Together: Triumphs and Challenges

Navigating life as an HIV couple in these cities comes with both triumphs and challenges. While the supportive ecosystem created by letmemarry.com fosters understanding and love, societal stigma remains a hurdle. The couples' resilience, mutual support, and the platform's commitment to inclusivity contribute to the triumphs over adversity.

Celebrating Everyday Moments

In the midst of societal challenges, HIV couples in these cities find joy in everyday moments. From sharing a cup of chai in Mumbai's local trains to exploring Delhi's historical landmarks hand in hand, from tech-inspired dates in Bangalore to artistic expressions of love in Kolkata's cultural festivals, every moment becomes a celebration of their unique journey together.

Summary:

Redefining Love, One City at a Time

In conclusion, the top four cities in India – Mumbai, Delhi, Bangalore, and Kolkata – are not just witnessing HIV marriages; they are witnessing a redefinition of love itself. With letmemarry.com as a guiding force, couples in these cities are navigating life together, breaking down societal barriers, and rewriting the narrative of matrimony in a way that celebrates love in its purest form.

[emma-dennehy-presents]

Celebrating Black Queer Icons:

Marsha "Pay It No Mind" Johnson

Johnson was born August 24, 1945. A drag queen and sex worker, after moving to New York City from Elizabeth, New Jersey, Johnson is probably best known for participation in Queer Liberation and AIDS activism from 1969 until her death in 1992. While often associated with transgender women, Johnson self identified as gay, a transvestite, and a queen and actively distinguished her identity from the contemporary transsexual community. As for Johnson's gender? Well, pay it no mind. Johnson's activism began in 1969 after being involved in the Stonewall Inn Riots. She is often attributed as being in the riot's vanguard, alongside Zazu Nova and Jackie Hormona. Johnson would later go on to deny this, and is quoted as saying she did not arrive until after the riots had already started. Johnson would later go on to join the Gay Liberation Front and co-found STAR (Street Transvestite Action Revolutionaries), with Silvia Rivera. STAR would open the STAR House in 1970, which acted as a home for gay and trans homeless youths. In 1973 Johnson and Rivera were both temporarily banned by a gay/lesbian committee, from participating in pride parades, because it was said queens were giving the movement "a bad name". This did not deter Johnson. Starting in 1980 Johnson began living with fellow activist, Randy Wicker, and his partner. Johnson, who was HIV positive, would later become Wicker's partner's caregiver as they became terminally ill due to AIDS. After visiting Wicker's partner in the hospital Johnson became dedicated to spending time with AIDS patients and engaged in street actions with groups like ACT UP. Johnson was a deeply religious person throughout her life. Primarily Catholic, Johnson was said to have a very direct and personal relationship with divinity. On July 6, 1992, Johnson's body was found in the Hudson River. Johnson was cremated and after a march down 7th Avenue her ashes were spread in the Hudson. While initially ruled a suicide by the NYPD, this is highly contested to this day, with good reason. In 2002 Johnson's death was reclassified as Undetermined, and efforts in 2012 and 2016 have seen moderate success in getting the case reopened and re-investigated.

In the wake of her death Marsha P Johnson has become a nigh universal icon in queer communities and seemed like a good starting point for Black History Month. Moving forward I hope to focus on people less known, at least in melanin deficient circles. In a perfect world this would be daily, but I sadly don't have the spoons for it. I will effort to post at least 2-3 of these each week and have a list sufficient enough to carry me through February, and a little beyond. I plan on doing Willmer Broadnax next and have a list going that should cover at least the month of February, and hopefully beyond. Corrections and suggestions are welcome and much desired.

[letters-to-lgbt-kids]

My dear lgbt+ kids,

Let's talk about PrEP and PEP.

PrEP is short for pre-exposure prophylaxis. It's a safe* and highly effective medicine (pills or shots) you can take to reduce your chances of getting HIV. When taken as prescribed, it reduces the risk of getting HIV from sex by about 99% and the risk of getting it from drug injection by at least 74% (Source)

PrEP may be the right choice for you if you have an ongoing risk of HIV exposure. For example, if you:

have frequently changing sexual partners, or

are a sex worker, or

do not consistently use condoms, or

have an HIV-positive partner, or

have been diagnosed with another sexually transmitted disease, or

have used multiple courses of PEP (see below), or

inject drugs and share needles, syringes, or other drug injection equipment (for example, cookers).

Even if none of these apply to you, PrEP could still be helpful for you - talk to a healthcare professional about your individual situation.

Some more important info:

Teenagers can take PrEP if they are at risk!

Before beginning PrEP, you must take a test to make sure you are currently HIV-negative.

PrEP takes some time to work (about 7 days for anal sex, about 21 days for vaginal sex or drug use).

It's not the right choice if you think you may already have been exposed to HIV - if you think you have been exposed within the last 72 hours, ask for PEP right away.

PrEP is much less effective when not taken as prescribed.

PEP is short for post-exposure prophylaxis. It's medicine for emergency situations. You can take it after possible exposure to HIV (e.g if a condom broke or after sexual assault). It's safe* and highly effective but only if taken within 72 hours of exposure - when it comes to PEP, every hour counts! Don't wait, talk right away to a health care provider, an emergency room doctor, or an urgent care provider.

PEP is not a substitute for condoms and doesn't provide ongoing protection.

*While they are safe, PrEP and PEP can have side effects (such as nausea). In almost all cases, these side effects aren’t life-threatening. They usually go away on their own or can be easily treated. Talk to a healthcare professional if you are concerned about side effects.

With all my love,

Your Tumblr Dad

[cleromancy]

still thinking about (always fucking thinking about) what i posted here, on mia's explicit on-page murder vs. jason and felipe and how it's treated both by ollie and bruce respectively, and also by their respective *narratives*.

one of the things i loved about winicks ga/ga&bc run in general was like. it was so uninterested in punishment. when someone did something harmful the emphasis was on the consequences--material and emotional--rather than issues of Right vs Wrong. it focused on who was hurt, where to go from there, how to fix it, and i found that especially 🥺 when it came to mia killing.

because the reaction is so compassionate to her. like, no one is like shaking their finger at mia like You Did A Bad Thing, it's like ollie and dinah *both* immediately are horrified by the fact that she's going to have to live with this for the rest of her life and moreover that ollie put her in that position in the first place.

i already posted these panels but. look again.

and mia and jason as characters were in conversation with each other from the instant mia started being built up to be the 2nd speedy--the same way roy and dick were always in conversation with each other (because everyone knows the REAL second robin was the first speedy). and doubly so when winick took over and tweaked her backstory so she was also homeless. (gonna make a post on the HIV development at some point and how starlin openly talked about wanting to give robin AIDS...)

but like. look

vs

*Jason* couldn't handle it so now *i* can't keep him as my partner compared to. the blame falling directly, and rightly, on ollie for putting mia in that position in the first place... *and* this is the arc preceding the one where mia actually takes the speedy mantle! she wasn't speedy yet! she killed someone on her test run! and she still becomes speedy! and she does a fucking phenomenal job as speedy! tied for first fucking place if you ask me and roys my most favoritest and specialest guy!

and like. god. they don't linger on whether or not mia was wrong to kill that man. ollie clearly thinks there was another way, but he's not going to drill that into mias head, unlike someone else we could name, *bruce.*

"consequences, robin, such as me accidentally crushing a man to death by climbing a teetering stack of cars like a moron. for some reason i am heavily implying that this is your fault."

like ... come *on.*

and yknow. a lot of this is just that starlin was a fucking hack. but what we have here is still that bruce would rather bash jason over the head with moral lessons than ever give more than a cursory consideration to how hes fucking feeling.

(which is also, btw, such a stark change from how bruce still was in the contemporaneous tec run or even the batman run directly preceding it where when bruce screws up by not telling jason willis was (probably) dead, he admits he screwed up and apologizes. like, its such a tangible, jarring shift from bruce being a flawed but loving dad into whatever the hell this is. --lets not start on wolfman here because he did a better job than starlin, not that thats a high bar. im not opposed to the bad mentor/dad bruce character development *in principle*, its about the execution.)

but yeah, like, just the way like... its about who put mia in that situation. its about how jason just wasn't good enough. its about how mia gets to keep trying to be a hero. its about how jason is benched (<- he was supposed to stay home in 425; officially benched in 426). its about how it didn't matter whether or not jason killed felipe, because jason "couldn't handle it." its about how it mattered that mia killed someone, because she shouldn't have ever been put in a situation where she felt like she had to.

the discourse about ga 69-72 is always so tedious and always so thoroughly misses the damb point. but putting aside the whole like yes yes naughty jason he shouldn't have done it or at least shouldn't have done it like he did it--namely scaring the ever-loving crap out of her--what happened was jason came to her while she was in uniform (<- NOT EVEN KNOWING ABOUT THE MURDER!! HE DIDNT EVEN KNOW!!!) and among other things that was him going, i'm like you, what happened to me could happen to you, and she said i'm nothing like you and it won't, and he said, are you sure.

but when it comes down to it if mia died and came back and set up an elaborate murderous rube goldberg machine scheme to get to ollie it wouldn't work because the first damn thing ollie would do when he saw her would be to give her a famous arrowfam hug and blubber all over her. and. i mean. come on, the jokers ass would be grass, you know it i know it, ollie would have rather caused a diplomatic incident or whatever the fuck than let the man who killed his kid live. (<- i say kid over daughter deliberately btw. genuinely don't think mia was in the market for another dad after the first one. ollies still her family, shes still his kid, thats how it is. i probably wouldn't be so inflexible about this if fandom wasnt fucking obnoxious about insisting that she *is* and *must be* his daughter, but they are so i am.)

anywayyyyyyyy speedy sweep! wahoo

[tea-ddie]

"A Kiss Before A Plunge"

I created three paintings for the Institute for Gender and Sexuality Minority Health and Well-being's ARTGaSM project. Artist statement below the cut.

"2GETHER" started in the 2010s. Lead researcher Micheal Newcomb found himself troubled by a series of papers coming out at that time relating to the spread of HIV in serious relationships. Why were people not communicating their HIV status to their partner, and how could better communication skills with serious partners be fostered in the queer community? Newcomb's research hoped that by giving queer people skills to improve relationships, HIV spread would go down. When this worked, the all2GETHER course started enrolling more people across the country. (Note: while the initial study was focused mainly on gay men, the all2GETHER coursework is now largely targeted at anyone who dates men who is not a ciswoman, including bisexual, transgender, and nonbinary people.) The all2GETHER coursework promotes better connection through communication, resources for safer sex, and ways to cope with stress. As Michael Newcomb shared with me, "Relationship intervention is about highlighting and harvesting positivity that already exists in people, rather than focusing on negativity and correcting. It's about reframing." As the three main modules of this research focus on Communication, Coping with Stress, and Healthy Sexuality, I created three paintings to represent these ideas, showing effective usage of these skills. An important philosophy of all2GETHER, as Newcomb explained to me, is this: People innately have skills to live a healthy and fulfilling life. The research and program is about helping people recognize those skills and amp them up. The goal is to help people live lives as their authentic self and make their partner(s) feel validated. These paintings share a vision into that world. It isn't a vision of a world yet to come, but one that is already here. Even on the hardest days, we in the queer community have the resources to live as our best selves. Sometimes, all we need is a bit of reframing.

[obsessivelollipoplalala]

Jim: we were totally in love.

Freddie: leaves his money, house and ashes to his ex girlfriend.

For real - what do you think the reasoning behind leaving Jim practically nothing in comparison to his ex was?

Freddie and Jim: *were in love*

Shallow ass people on the internet: but money is more important tho

Freddie left money to Jim, too

Freddie told Jim he could live in GL as long as he wanted and couldn’t have anticipated his asshole ex kicking out his partner and other loved ones right away

Jim and Freddie were also building a bungalow for themselves in Ireland, so Freddie probably thought Jim would eventually live in that house they were planning together

Jim thought he knew where Freddie wanted his ashes, too

Jim said Freddie simply made a promise to Mary before he ever met him, and Freddie didn’t break his promises

Jim was also HIV positive, and honestly, Freddie might have felt that Jim wasn’t going to be around to take care of that house all that much longer

Freddie felt guilty about Mary his whole life because she was a manipulative asshole who refused to stop inserting herself into his personal life and relationships

Measuring love in material possessions is so ugly lol