#Ghost of New Orleans Trailer

[punkshort]

Roommates | 10. just us two

Pairing: (ex)pornstar!joel x f!reader

Chapter Summary: You and Joel settle into your new lives together.

Chapter Warnings: language, alcohol and food consumption, massive quantities of fluff, smut (18+ MDNI), unprotected piv sex (reader is on BC), oral sex (f!receiving), spanking, pussy pronouns, multiple orgasms, some sex tape action 👀

WC: 7.1K

A/N: Okay, we've reached the end of the road for these two! I can't believe I'm wrapping up another fic, jfc. Thank you so much for sticking around and expressing so much love and excitement for this story. It means so much to me that I'm able to share this part of myself with people who are just as happy as me about these characters. This chapter wasn't really necessary, most loose ends are already tied up but they deserved to be happy, so this entire chapter is just love and fluff and smut. Shout out to @txtattoostark for listening to me yap and for the watermelon moonshine inspo. Enjoy, and thanks again ❤️

Series Masterlist

One Month Later

Joel smiled to himself as he watched you in the kitchen with his mom from his spot in the living room. The old radio next to the sink, dusty and missing two buttons, was softly playing jazz music while you both worked on dinner. It wasn't the trailer park he grew up in. The small ranch house his mother bought with the life insurance money she received after his father passed away wasn't too bad. He begged her for years to let him give her some money, to buy her a place closer to town, to pay for new appliances at the very least, but she always refused. Instead, he found himself visiting her whenever he had a few days off so he could fix the sink or the washer or cut the grass.

He didn't mind. It was a good excuse to come visit. He enjoyed catching up and spending time with her.

But now, with you? Watching the way you seamlessly moved around the kitchen, laughing with his mom and stirring things in pots while swaying your hips in those tight denim shorts... yeah, this was different. This was much better.

"Hey, brother," Tommy said from behind, startling him out of his rosy daydream. Joel stood with a smile to engulf Tommy in a hug once he kicked off his shoes.

"You look tan," he remarked, then reached for Maria and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

"New Orleans was sunny," Tommy said, holding some bottle of clear alcohol in his hand. "Brought back some moonshine. Watermelon. Mama's favorite."

"Oh, Tommy! Maria! You're back!" their mother cried from the kitchen before wiping her hands on a towel and hurrying over to the front door, her worn out blue slippers catching on the rug as she walked. "How was your honeymoon?" she asked after she squeezed them both within an inch of their lives.

"Amazing," Maria said happily. "We had such a great time. Have you ever been?"

Mrs. Miller shook her head. "Maybe James will take me one day."

"Is he here?" Tommy asked, handing his mother the liquor.

"No, he's visiting his daughter out of town this weekend. Come on, I have some snacks out."

The four of them entered the kitchen and you swiveled around with a big smile. Setting down the wooden spoon you were holding, you threw your arms around Maria's neck, then Tommy's.

"How was it?" you asked them, your eyes sparkling with excitement.

You and Maria fell into an animated conversation about some haunted ghost tour when Tommy cleared his throat and propped his hands on his hips.

The pair of you stopped talking to look at him questioningly, then realization dawned on you. You smirked and shook your head before digging into your back pocket to pull out a folded bill and slapped it into his palm.

"You were right, Tommy."

He laughed and tucked the money into his shirt pocket.

"Thought you mighta forgot."

Joel frowned and looked between the two of you curiously, but Maria seemed to know exactly what was going on because she was already chuckling to herself.

You glanced over at Joel, who was eating a cracker with cheese, and your expression softened. "Best hundred bucks I ever lost."

"The hell you givin' him a hundred bucks for?" Joel asked incredulously, but you just slipped your arms around his waist and rested your chin against his chest with a smile.

"I lost a bet," you told him.

He practically melted into a puddle under your touch. He couldn't get enough. After a year of denying yourselves or sneaking around, it felt so good to be open. He refused to ever take it for granted, so he tilted your face up and pressed a tender kiss against your lips. He felt your mouth twitch into a smile when Tommy groaned in fake disgust.

"Thought we were the newlyweds here."

You broke the kiss to shoot him a look over your shoulder.

"Try and keep up."

Joel tossed his head back and laughed, then released his hold on you so you could return to the stove. Maria washed her hands and picked up a knife to chop vegetables and Tommy reached for the bottle of moonshine their mother left on the counter.

"Let's crack into this," he said, and Joel nodded. He weaved through the kitchen to open up the cupboard where the glasses were kept, grabbing five tumblers. You were swaying again with the music and you gently knocked into him with your hips, just enough to tease him, and he sucked in a sharp breath.

"Watch yourself, baby," he warned with a wink before placing the glasses down next to Tommy so he could pour.

Joel couldn't remember a time he had seen his mother look so happy. The five of them sat around her dining room table, a table made for four but you all squeezed in, knees knocking together underneath, arms brushing against one another, and it felt perfect.

He leaned back in his chair after finishing his food, one arm draped along the back of your chair, his other hand loosely holding his glass of moonshine and he smiled. He tried to pay attention to Maria and his brother tell stories about their honeymoon, but he had a hard time looking away from you. Eventually, he stopped trying. His gaze slid down your face, admiring your smile and the way your eyes crinkled when you laughed.

He was so fucking lucky.

Tearing his eyes away to bring his glass to his lips, he caught his mother watching him across the table with a knowing smile. She winked at him before giving Tommy her attention once again and Joel felt his face warm.

Once dinner was over, he and Tommy stood to clear everyone's plates. A habit that was formed early on in their lives. Whoever didn't cook had to clean up.

After the dishes were done and the leftovers were packed away, the two brothers refilled their glasses and wandered out to the back porch where their mother, you and Maria had ended up.

Maria and Mrs. Miller were strolling around the yard, their mother pointing out plants and flowers and telling Maria some long winded story about each. The deer hate this one. Cindy up the street cut a chunk of this out of her garden for me, can you believe how big it is now? I got this from Home Depot on clearance half dead, look how good it's doing.

"Better go save her," Tommy murmured before jogging down the steps. Joel plopped himself next to you on the porch with a sigh and clinked your glasses together.

"Lucky you already got the flower tour earlier," he told you.

You bit your lip and chuckled. "She really loves her garden."

The two of you sat in silence for a few minutes. The sun was setting and you could hear the crickets coming to life all around you. Birds swooped anxiously overhead, rushing back to their nests for the night. A cool breeze floated through the air, rustling your hair and making you shiver.

"C'mere," he murmured, patting his thigh. You smirked and shook your head but put your glass down and stood to perch on his leg, wrapping your arms around his neck lovingly and giving him a chaste kiss.

He hummed in approval and licked his lips. "Taste good."

"Like watermelon?" you asked, fingers twisting around the long strands of hair on the back of his head.

He nodded. "And you."

You kissed him once again, lingering a bit longer that time so you could fully appreciate the softness of his lips between yours and breathing in deep the scent of soap still stuck to his skin.

Then voices began to grow louder behind you, indicating your alone time was coming to an end.

Tommy stumbled on the stairs leading up the porch and you turned around on Joel's lap. He wrapped his arms around your waist, keeping you right where you were, before teasing his brother.

"Better take it easy. You been out for two weeks at work, you ain't callin' in tomorrow 'cause you're hungover."

Tommy rolled his eyes and took your abandoned chair.

"Yes, boss."

"How are things at the bar, Joel?" his mother asked, sitting down with a sigh. "I'm so glad you found some work I can actually tell my girlfriends about without lying."

You stifled a giggle and glanced at Maria, who was also trying to hold back her laughter.

"Good, Mama," Joel said, ignoring her other comment. His chin came to rest over your shoulder as he spoke. "The remodel is done. Opened up the room so there's a place to dance. Easier for customers to move around. Everyone's been real excited to see the changes. Been busy."

"He's been working so hard, too," you added, twisting to your side so your fingers could lovingly rake through the hair on the back of his neck. "Some days I don't even see him."

Mrs. Miller gave you a sympathetic look but you could tell she was proud of her oldest son for venturing outside his comfort zone and applying himself.

"So you're all moved in, I take it?" Maria asked, and you nodded.

"Didn't really have much. Most of my things were still packed from when I moved out."

"She's been sprucin' up the place, too. You oughta see it," Joel said fondly. "Got pretty lookin' art on the walls, fluffy pillows and blankets for the couch. Actually got some food in the damn fridge, too."

Tommy laughed heartily. "That mean you'll stop swipin' fries and shit from the kitchen?"

"Hey, I'm payin' for those fries. I'll take 'em if I want 'em," he said with a scowl, then looked up at you, his eyes softening. "But it's nice to have dinner waitin' for me at home," he added, bringing a smile to your face.

"You were always terrible at cooking," you teased, tugging on his earlobe playfully between your fingers.

The night dragged on, the stars lit up the quiet night sky and Mrs. Miller eventually began to yawn, indicating it was time to head home.

Home.

It felt so right to think of it that way. It was where you belonged. But you knew it wasn't simply the house. You could have been living in a shack and you would still be just as happy because it was with him.

Joel gripped your thigh while he drove his truck with one hand on the steering wheel. The windows were down, the wind whipped at your face, tangling your hair when you turned your head to gaze over at him.

"See anythin' you like?" he teased when he spotted you admiring him from the corner of his eye.

You giggled and felt his fingers squeeze your bare leg.

"You know what I want?"

The corner of his mouth tugged upwards and his eyes darkened with excitement. "What's that, sweetheart?"

You seductively ran your palm up his arm, sighing at the way his muscles twitched under your fingertips.

"I would really, really love... a vegetable garden."

You laughed at the way his face fell in mock disappointment.

"I'll build you a vegetable garden," he finally said as he turned onto your street.

"Really?" you asked with a huge smile. He nodded and shot you a wink.

"'Course. Whatever you want, baby."

Joel stayed true to his word. About a week later you woke up on Saturday morning to the distant sound of a hammer beating a piece of wood in the backyard. Stretching a lazy arm out to your side, you pouted when you found Joel was missing.

Then the pieces slowly clicked together.

It was a rare weekend off for him. You had been talking about it for the past few days. He was looking forward to Tommy returning to work so he wouldn't be so short staffed and he could relax with you for two whole days. You didn't come up with any plans except laying in bed, ordering takeout and watching movies, content to just spend time together. But Joel sweetly surprised you by waking up early, something he absolutely detested, so he could build you the vegetable garden you asked for.

You lightly padded down the steps still clad in your tank top and shorts to grab a mug from the cupboard. The coffee pot sizzled with heat when you plucked it from the burner, half the liquid already gone. Once you fixed it the way you liked, you walked out onto the back deck and leaned over the railing, your mug cupped in both hands, to fully appreciate the sight before you.

Joel had his back to you as he crouched over a simple rectangular wooden frame on the ground. You could see the sweat collecting on the back of his neck and it made your mouth water. As your eyes traveled lower, you noticed the dark patches in his shirt forming at his collar and between his shoulder blades, making your thighs clench together while he worked, completely oblivious to you watching him, listening to him grunt and sigh when he lifted a new piece of wood.

You swallowed thickly before taking a sip of your coffee, your eyes never leaving his form while he stood to stretch his back. He lifted his hat from his head and wiped his brow with the back of his forearm and you sunk your teeth into your lower lip. Something was so fucking hot about him getting all sweaty and worked up, but on that particular day? When he was making you something, sacrificing his rare down time just for you? It lit a fire inside you that couldn't be tamed.

Before he noticed, you scooted back inside to fill up a glass of ice water. With your hand hovering over the door handle, you got an idea that sent a jolt of arousal right through you. Without giving yourself a chance to overthink it, you pulled down your shorts and underwear, kicking your panties off to land on the couch, and shimmied your shorts back on.

Your pulse was fucking racing with excitement when you stepped outside once again, but this time you made sure to make a little noise so Joel would hear you. When the door clicked shut, he turned around and grinned before setting down his tools and stepping into the shade.

"Thank you, darlin'," he murmured when you handed him the water.

"You're welcome," you replied, your hands clasping behind your back as you practically vibrated in place with nervous energy. His eyes flicked down your body curiously right when he was finishing up his drink.

"Sleep okay?" he asked, sensing something was off while he set the glass down on the deck.

"Mhmm," you said, a nervous grin spreading across your face. "Missed you, though."

He chuckled and wiped some sweat away from his face with the bottom of his shirt. Your mouth went dry and your eyes instantly locked onto his tanned stomach and the dark smattering of curls that led below his waistband. The sleep shorts you were wearing were thin. If they were a lighter color, you could probably see right through them if you really looked. As it turned out, they were also terrible at absorbing moisture because they were sticking uncomfortably to your inner thighs while you waited for him to notice.

"Huh?" you said when you realized he was speaking.

He shook his head and dropped his shirt back down. "I said, I'm makin' you the damn garden you wanted."

You inched forward and took his hand in yours. "Well, do you think it can wait? Because I need to show you something inside that needs your help."

Somehow, he was still not picking up what you were implying.

"Baby, I'm on a roll. I just need another hour, maybe two-"

You tugged the hand you were holding between your legs and his eyes widened when he felt the wetness waiting for him there.

"Sorry. Got tired of being subtle," you told him with a playful smirk. He whipped his head around, checking to see if any of the neighbors were out tending to their lawns or enjoying their morning coffee on their patios while his fingers hooked around the soaked material.

You saw in his face the exact moment he realized you were bare underneath your shorts. It was like his brain was buffering, desperately trying to calculate how long he allowed you to stand there practically begging to be fucked while he rambled on about a goddamn garden. The surprise in his features slowly faded into the hazy, lust filled gaze you were so familiar with, and you smiled triumphantly.

"Get your ass inside right fuckin' now before I do somethin' that'll get us both thrown in jail," he growled, something primal shifting in his face while his body flooded with arousal, his need for you dripping heavier in his veins with each steady beat of his heart.

You squeaked and covered your ass when he swat at you from behind, then you hurried past him, back into the house.

Looking back on it, to think you would have made it upstairs to your bedroom was comical. His hands grabbed your hips halfway up the carpeted steps, pulling you down as you laughed giddily and pretended to try to fight off his attack, clawing fruitlessly at the stairs while he smiled into your lower back where his mouth was alternating kisses and bites across your skin.

"You wanted attention, you got it," he mumbled before yanking your shorts down and sinking his teeth into the flesh of your ass. Not enough to really hurt, but enough to make you yelp in surprise and leave a few linear indents in your skin.

Joel usually took his time with you. He preferred it that way. He liked to watch your face as he tormented you between your legs. He liked to see what new sounds he could pull from your throat when he changed an angle.

But not that day.

No, that day he yanked your shorts all the way off, tossing them over his shoulder and down the steps before grabbing your hips with his hands, all rough and sweaty from working outside.

You braced yourself for the inevitable stretch, the welcome yet slightly painful intrusion that you yearned for, but what happened next shocked you.

Your eyes widened and you gasped when you felt his mouth descend on your pussy from behind, his tongue immediately setting an intense pace, which was a change from the way he usually ate you. But speed and passion weren't the only variation. He never, ever went down on you from behind before.

"I- J-Joel, what are... oh," you moaned, eyes fluttering closed as he lapped eagerly at your core. Instinctively, you spread your hips and sunk down further onto his mouth. Your cheek was rubbing harshly against the carpet and your lips were parted, allowing a small trail of drool to trickle down your chin. If you had any awareness left, you might have cared, but the pleasure he was building between your legs left your brain completely numb.

"Oh, fuck yes, Joel - keep going, just like that," you groaned, reaching behind you blindly to grab a fistful of his hair. "Fuck you and that fucking mouth," you gasped when his tongue flatted against your clit. He chuckled against your core but didn't stop. His hand slid up the back of your thigh and gave your cheek a firm jiggle before smacking his palm down across your ass. You jolted forward, your forehead bumping up against the next step, and cried out for more so he did it again, but on the other side.

"You like that?" he panted, pulling away from you for just a moment to catch his breath. You arched your back, giving him a generous view of the mess he left between your legs and he was afraid for the first time ever that he might come completely untouched. He inhaled sharply and pinched the bridge of his nose when he saw your cunt pulse, calling to him like a goddamn siren at sea. "Fuck, so beautiful," he growled before closing his eyes and picking up right where he left off.

His thumbs spread your lips so his tongue could tease your entrance, scooping up your arousal and rutting his hips against the stairs, eating you like he was about to go off to war.

"I'm... oh, shit, Joel!" you exclaimed, pulling at his hair roughly so he wouldn't dare try to stop when you were so close to your climax. And he could sense it. He was good at that. He knew what you needed sometimes before you even knew. So once again, he brought his palm down sharply across your ass, a little harder that time but not too much. Just enough to leave a few seconds of sting, electrifying your nerve endings and pulling you over the edge.

Two tears rolled down your cheeks when you came. The little bit of pain from his hand and the carpet digging into your cheek and knees mixed with your pleasure in such a way that it left you breathless.

Finally, once he felt your legs begin to tremble and whimpers fell from your lips, he pulled away with a deep gasp. His eyes were pinned to the way your pussy looked; all drenched with a combination of his spit and your release, and he cursed under his breath.

"She looks so fuckin' good, baby, wish you could see what I see," he murmured, mesmerized as he continued to stare without any shame. You hardly had any of your senses. Your breath was ragged and your throat was dry but still, you tilted your chin and whispered, "show me."

A wide smile stretched across his face and his eyes lit up.

"Yeah? You'd let me take a picture of this pretty pussy?" he asked, but he was already digging in his back pocket for his phone. You nodded, eyes still closed.

When both his hands left your waist, you arched your back a bit more and spread your legs, presenting yourself to him. You heard a deep groan rumble from his chest and he whispered, "fuckin' natural, baby," before you heard the shutter on his phone. One, two, three times at least you heard the familiar little click, click, then he leaned over your slumped body and slid his phone in front of your face.

"See? Look at you. Look at what I get to see," he murmured into your ear. Your eyes opened and widened as you stared at your wrecked pussy on the screen.

"Oh, wow," you breathed, not expecting at all to find it sexy, but you did. You fucking did. "Look at what you did to me," you said, craning your neck over your shoulder. His eyes flickered with heat and his mouth crashed down onto yours.

"Just wait til I split you open on my cock," he said, his voice rumbling against your back. "Have you all stuffed full with my cum. Now that's a pretty sight."

You groaned and shakily pushed yourself up.

"I'm begging you, please, Joel... do not fuck me on these stairs. My knees are killing me."

He laughed and helped you stand, legs wobbling just a little.

"Nah. I got an idea and we can't do it here."

You laid underneath the covers in bed, your lower half still bare and your tank top still on while you nervously chewed on your lower lip, watching Joel at the foot of the bed tinker with a camcorder he had buried somewhere in his closet that he swore up and down he never used with anyone else.

Never wanted to before, he had said when you eyed it suspiciously after he explained he swiped it from a set when it was used as a prop in one of his films years ago.

"Battery's dead but I'll just leave it plugged in," he said, then he flipped out the little screen tucked into the side of the device and swiveled it around so it was facing out. He set it on his end table and adjusted it until he was satisfied with the angle, then looked over his shoulder with a grin.

"You sure?" he clarified again. Your eyes flickered from him to the camera, then back again.

"Yeah," you squeaked, your voice very clearly betraying you. His gaze softened and he leaned across the bed to press a chaste kiss against your forehead.

"We don't gotta do this," he assured you. "I don't wanna make you uncomfortable."

"No," you replied, shaking your head. "I want to, I'm just nervous."

He scoffed and readjusted himself so he was lying next to you, blocking the idle camera.

"Nothin' to be nervous 'bout. It's just for me 'n you," he murmured before cupping your face and pressing his lips tenderly against yours. When his tongue swiped over your bottom lip, you sighed and looped your arms around his neck, melting into his embrace and deepening the kiss. His hand slid down from your cheek to squeeze your breast, groaning a little when he pinched your nipple through the fabric of your tank top.

His lips dragged down to your jaw, his teeth grazing your throat until he found a spot he liked and latched on while pushing the sheets from your body. The anticipation bubbled up while his hand continued to travel lower, your legs instinctively falling open for him. You finally relaxed when he successfully distracted you with his fingers through your folds and gasped as he slid two inside you with ease.

"Oh, yeah, you're ready for me," he moaned into your neck, his erection bordering on painful. He exhaled shakily when one of your hands wrapped around his length and began to gently stroke him, your palm so soft and warm that he almost forgot about the camera.

"C'mon, baby, sit up f'me," he said, pulling his hand from between your legs and leaning back so he could kick his jeans off. You scrambled to sit, your breaths coming in shallow pants as you watched him tug his shirt over his head. When he reached for the hem of your tank top, he paused and turned to tap the record button on the camcorder. Instantly, your limbs went rigid and your hands fell to your lap, covering yourself, but when he turned back to you he pinched your chin in his fingers, pulling your nervous gaze from the camera lens.

"Eyes on me," he told you, his voice low and deep, sending a shiver down your spine.

You nodded and raised your arms so he could peel off your tank top. He tossed it onto the floor and sat back on his heels to admire the way your tits sat exposed to him, his eyes darkening when your nipples hardened with arousal. He lunged forward and took one in his mouth, his hot, wet tongue lavishing your pebbled skin before switching to the other one. You tipped your head back and moaned, mouth open as you stared up blankly at the ceiling, your fingers rising to get tangled in his hair.

"You're so beautiful," he whispered, planting little kisses all over your chest and circling his arms around your ribs, tugging you closer. You wrapped your legs around his waist, trembling when his cock pressed between your bodies, his erection sliding through your wet heat and suddenly you couldn't breathe.

"I-I need you," you whimpered, weakly lifting your hips into his lap.

"I know, baby, I know," he hummed. One hand dropped to cup your ass so he could reposition his legs underneath you, then flexed his hips so the tip of his cock lined up with your opening. "Want me to fuck you just like this? Sittin' in my lap?"

You nodded, your eyelids heavy with desire as you tightened your grip around his neck. The second he pressed into you, you gasped. He watched with adoration as your eyebrows pinched together in concentration, breathing deep and slow as you relaxed and slowly took him.

"Joel," you whispered, jaw slack. "Joel, I love you."

He moaned and pulled your hips flush with his, forcing you to take the last few inches all at once. "I love you, too, baby. Christ, you're incredible. Fuckin' look at you."

Look at you. His words made you remember the camera. Your eyes flickered over to the little rectangular screen, the outline of your bodies perfectly centered, and you swallowed tightly.

"Pretend like it's the mirror," he whispered in your ear as he began to gently rock in and out, "just like the mirror at the hotel, okay?"

You nodded and sighed, your shoulders loosening and your muscles relaxing as you began to roll your hips in rhythm with his. He tightened his grip around your middle, his body engulfing you in warmth. You rested your head on his shoulder as he continued to fuck you nice and slow, stretching you out around him, reaching depths that had you reeling.

This was it. There was nothing else outside those four walls. You had everything you ever wanted right there. The way he kissed you, touched you, made love to you always left you feeling so safe. Deep down, you always knew he was the missing piece in your life, the mysterious thing you kept searching for in others and were always left disappointed. Because nobody else ever loved you and cared for you the way he did.

"I'm so lucky to have you," you told him, your tongue dragging up his neck, collecting the dried sweat with a moan. You began to bounce in his lap a little faster and he immediately matched your pace with thrusts of his own.

"I'm the one who's lucky," he said through clenched teeth. He exhaled heavily through his nose and tucked his chin to his chest so he could watch himself disappear inside your cunt. "So soft. Softest pussy. So fuckin' warm and wet, you feel so good. Goddamnit, every fuckin' time..."

You smiled to yourself as you listened to him ramble. "Maybe we're both lucky."

He chuckled and you gasped when his cock brushed up against that one spot that made you see stars. You feverishly grabbed his face with both hands and bit desperately at his lower lip, pulling it between your teeth and making him groan.

Your body was loose and pliant now, so with more confidence you quickened the roll of your hips, relishing in the way his cock felt dragging in and out of you, how your clit rubbed against the coarse hair at his base, in the noises you managed to pull from his throat each time your skin slapped together.

"Yeah, that's it, baby. Show me what you like. Oh, good girl," he groaned, hands sliding up your back to hold you as you began to lose yourself. He could see it in the look in your eyes and the way your fingers dug into his shoulders.

It was the most beautiful fucking thing.

Your body moved perfectly in tandem with his, your sharp gasps and his deep groans filling the room, the camera long forgotten by now.

"Oh, god, I'm close," you whimpered as you felt the heat that had been building begin to quickly creep up and spread through your stomach. "Oh, fuck. Oh, god... Joel, don't stop, please..." you begged, your breath coming in ragged gasps as your vision began to blur.

"I ain't stoppin'. C'mon, give it to me, lemme feel you," he growled. He snapped steadily into you now, each thrust punctuated by a grunt while his eyes locked on yours, watching with pride as you crumbled and fell apart, your walls squeezing him so beautifully as you came that it nearly pulled him right over the edge with you.

It happened fast. One second you were in his lap, your body tingling with the aftershocks of your orgasm and the next he had pulled out of you and flipped you onto your hands and knees. Only when you felt his thick cock slide back inside did you fully realize you had switched positions. And shit, taking him from that particular angle always was so much more intense, but combined with the fact that your new view included the camera in the corner of your eye made everything so much more powerful.

You could fucking see him now and you couldn't look away, completely entranced with the way his face looked as he slammed into you. His mouth hung open as he looked down at you with what could only be described as complete and utter desire. You could feel his hand running up the length of your spine but you could also see the look of worship in his eye, the way his face twisted in pleasure when he watched your ass ripple from the force of his hips, and you felt a heavy wave suddenly crash over you once again.

"Oh, fuck!" Joel groaned loudly as he watched another orgasm shoot through you. His hands grabbed at your waist to try to keep you still, but you were trembling everywhere and you couldn't hold yourself up any longer.

You fell onto your elbows, the side of your face pressing into the bed while he held up your hips, fucking into you harder now that he could tell you were spent. "I'm gonna come, baby, I'm -" he cut himself off with a desperate whine, the buildup from the past hour or so becoming too much and causing his release to intensify.

Your bodies finally stilled and he pumped you full of his spend, his groans getting caught in his throat as he pulsed inside you. He watched in a daze when his cum started to leak out even though he was still inside, and without thinking, he snatched the camera from the bedside table so he could get a close up.

"Fuckin' hell, baby," he whispered hoarsely, chest heaving and hands shaking as he held the camera at his chest, pointing it down to where you were connected. "So glad you're back on the pill. Fuckin' beautiful, all full of me like this. Shit," he muttered, swiping a finger to collect some of his release to rub it over your clit. With a whine, your body jolted forward and he chuckled before dropping his hand, knowing you were too overstimulated.

"Joel," you whispered tiredly. Your eyelids were heavy and your thighs were shaking from the effort of holding yourself up.

"I know, baby, just one more thing and then I'll clean you up," he promised. He took a deep breath and steadied the camera before slipping out of you.

He made a pained noise in the back of his throat when he watched through the lens the way your body leaked of him, your pussy all swollen and stretched out, completely fucked, messy and used.

"Jesus," he croaked, wishing he could keep filming but your body sagged forward and he stopped the recording before tossing the camera onto the other side of the bed so he could check on you.

"You alright?"

You nodded, eyes closed, lips bitten raw, hair a complete mess but you still wore a satisfied smile.

"Tired. I think I'm gonna just..." you yawned and stretched out your shaky limbs. "Just gonna close my eyes for a sec."

He grinned and stood up to go to the bathroom, plucking a couple clean washcloths from the linen closet and wetting them both under the faucet so he could clean himself up with one and take the other back to you.

"Did you eat?" he asked softly as he gently and carefully dragged the washcloth through your thighs. You shook your head, eyes still closed. "I'm gonna go make you somethin'. Gotta eat, honey," he whispered before kissing the top of your head and covering you with the sheet. But by the time he came back upstairs with a bagel and cream cheese, you were fast asleep.

So you're getting married, then?

Well, he hasn't really asked me, not in so many words.

Four, you mean?

Huh?

Well, that's how many it takes: will you marry me?

Your eyes fluttered open when you heard two familiar voices reciting an even more familiar dialogue from the television, the volume turned down so low, you could hear the neighbor's dog barking from four houses down.

Joel shifted in bed next to you as quietly as he could, unaware you had awoken. You peered up at him, hair all messy, chest still bare, and you smiled when you caught him stifling a laugh at Audrey Hepburn.

"Hey," you said, voice coming out rougher than you expected, so you cleared your throat. He immediately muted the television and turned toward you, grinning as his eyes raked up and down your sleep-addled face.

"Hey, yourself," he said softly. He pushed the hair off your face, letting his thumb linger on your cheek while he continued to examine you closely. "Feelin' okay?"

You nodded and yawned, stretching your sore legs out underneath the blankets. "You fucked me into a coma."

He laughed heartily and rubbed his palm over his chest, embarrassment flushing his bronzed skin.

"But I guess that's what I get for shacking up with a pornstar," you added with a giggle. He tossed his head back and laughed even louder at that and you couldn't resist, his happiness too infectious. You inched forward and nuzzled into his side, his arm dropping to wrap around your shoulders.

When the laughter died down, he gazed lovingly at you and, tucking a stray piece of hair behind your ear, reminded you, "ex-pornstar, but I suppose old habits die hard, huh?"

"Mm, maybe, but that's okay," you said, tracing light, invisible patterns on his stomach. "It's nothing I can't handle."

He cocked an eyebrow at you and smirked. "Careful, or I might have'ta hold you to that."

"Bring it on, superstar," you whispered before leaning up and pressing a gentle, soft kiss against his mouth. You licked your lips and hummed before looking up at him through your lashes. "Cream cheese?"

"I made you a bagel, but you fell asleep," he admitted, "but figured we could relax the rest of the day. Order in, watch movies... just like we said we would."

"I don't remember saying we would do all that naked," you teased.

"Thought that was implied, baby," he said with a frown. "You shacked up with a pornstar, what'd you expect?"

What did you expect? Did you ever imagine your life would turn out the way it did? Sitting in bed with a sheet wrapped around you, eating Chinese food and watching a Turner Classic Movies marathon with the man of your dreams? You always wished for it; before you met, after you became friends, while you were carrying on an illicit affair, and even when you weren't on speaking terms, you always, always wished for it. But did you ever really think it would come true?

You couldn't really remember, and at that point, it didn't matter. Because you didn't care how you got there, just as long as you were together, you were happy.

You did exactly what he said you would do. You stayed in bed until the sun began to set, wasting the whole day away curled into his side watching old movies and pointing out your favorite parts, exactly the way you used to.

It was around nine when Joel suggested going out for ice cream. Let's get out, stretch our legs and walk along the river, he had said after vowing to finish your vegetable garden the next day.

And on your way out, your hands fused together even while he struggled to lock the door one handed, you looked at the chairs on his porch and smiled to yourself.

"What's that for?" he asked, tapping your cheek lovingly while you walked side by side to his truck.

"Nothing, it's stupid," you told him with a shrug.

"Ain't nothin' you got to say is stupid to me."

You sighed when he let your hand go so you could round the truck and hop into the passenger seat. After you clicked your seatbelt into place, he put the keys in the ignition but waited to turn it on. Instead, he looked at you expectantly with his eyebrows raised.

"Fine," you mumbled, "I'm gonna sound fucking crazy, but... fine."

"Oh, well now this I gotta hear," he said.

You gave him a look before turning in your seat to face him. "The chairs on your porch." He nodded.

"So far, not crazy."

You rolled your eyes. "Remember when I came by to drop off the shirts for the Jack and Jill party?"

He nodded again and you could feel the self-consciousness begin to creep up.

"We weren't on great terms back then. I had just found out you bought a house. I felt like I hardly even knew you anymore. And I was so damn nervous, I didn't want to fuck things up even more than I already had, but when I saw you had two..." You paused when you saw the flicker of understanding cross his face. "I thought you maybe found someone else. I know. It's crazy, like I said."

Joel smiled and reached his hand across the seat to lace together with yours, his thumb brushing over your knuckles.

"Got the second one for you."

Your eyes snapped up to his in surprise.

"What?" you breathed.

He gave you a shrug and tilted his head bashfully. "I was just waitin' for you."

Tears welled in your eyes as you fumbled with the seatbelt, unbuckling yourself so you could stretch your body over to his seat and pull him into a deep kiss.

"I thought I lost you," you whispered against his mouth, and he chuckled.

"You didn't. I was all yours that very first night, sweetheart."

You didn't even try to deny it. He was right. It seemed so obvious now. Why didn't you see it back then? But before you began to mentally chastise yourself for being so bullheaded, you stopped. You couldn't change the past, something you've been learning to accept in therapy for months now, but what you could do was focus on your future. And while you sat next to Joel as he drove towards your favorite ice cream place in town, windows down and stars twinkling in the sky, you smiled because your future together looked pretty damn bright.

[lisanamjoon]

i was laying on my bed watching the ghost files trailer and the way i shot up into a sitting position when i saw new orleans listed as a date on the tour…. ohmygod

[thelioncourts]

would love to hear your thoughts on the trailer :) I don't know what thoughts I'm looking for, I guess just general ones, but also the thigns you're excited for and all that

I have to admit, I've only actually watched through the trailer about three times, it makes me feel genuinely insane. we're getting this piece of art this year !!!!

In all seriousness, my thoughts are all over the place (in an overall good way). I'm curious and excited and terrified and crying at all the Louis and Armand things. The part at the beginning where Daniel asks if they're going to finish each other's sentences the whole time, how they've been sitting on the couch in all the clips we've gotten so far, the 'We've been together for 77 years,' the kiss (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!), the cheek kiss (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!), the strange scene we've seen once or twice where it looks like a kiss might have happened but Louis seems to faint afterward, etc. etc. It's all so much and I have known since s1 ended that Louis and Armand's love story was going to leave me fulfilled and devastated all at once and it feels utterly confirmed in this trailer. I think they're still so in love, in so many ways, and I think it can't, won't, shouldn't work out and it makes me so sad, I can't wait to be heartbroken and destroyed watching it. I will say, though, seeing all the clips of them does make me curious about the future of Loumand. Louis leaves Lestat for Armand again at one point and I have thoughts and ideas on potentiality for that in the future of the show, depending on how long it goes on. Regarding Louis himself, I'm just -- so in awe of Jacob Anderson, as per usual. Louis is the most interesting, beautiful, enrapturing thing on the screen and everything is better when it comes back to him, always. The 'It's you and me' clip, with all the flashes of Louis and other people, all returning to Louis, just !!! it's him. He's everything. It's all so much better when it comes back to him, we're so lucky. In terms of Claudia, Delainey seems to have this grasp/concept of Claudia that has me shaking. Her Claudia is everything to me already. I know lots of people have talked about it, but Claudia's ghost being a part of some later stories feels so much more doable with Delainey and I hope, in some capacity, that comes true. The 1700s stuff scares me a little, but only because it appears we're getting a lot more of it than I was anticipating this season. I expected some, absolutely, and when we got Nicki casting confirmation I was like, "Oh, we're getting the 1700s for real," but the trailer is a lot of 1700s and it scares me for a couple of reasons, namely that -- once again -- we're not getting Lestat's POV of it so there is the toss-up of 'how did he see this play out though' that will somehow have to be addressed in later seasons. It also scares me a little because Gabrielle has to be there, right??? Did they cast Gabrielle and manage to keep it a secret???????????? That's wild. But in reality, it scares me too because I hope we're not living too far in the 1700s this season. I know it's important and I know Armand was there so it makes total sense, but I feel like we're already treading a lot of waters with 1) The life in New Orleans that can only be told by Louis 2) the life in New Orleans after the arrival of Lestat 3) the life in New Orleans once Claudia was brought into the family 4) all the time spent getting to Europe/exploring Eastern Europe (basically, anything pre-Paris) 5) early Paris 6) Paris once Louis and Claudia and the future of their being together starts to play out 7) the trial 6) San Fransisco from what Daniel will inevitably start to remember 7) San Fran from what Louis remembers 8) San Fran from Armand, who might be our most aware of that entire time 9) Dubai pre-Armand knowledge 10) Dubai now. Like, I know a lot of those are paired up (You could categorize it simply as 1) New Orleans 2) Pre-Paris 3) Paris 4) San Fran 5) Dubai) and that cuts it in half, but given all the POV bits we get, that's just not the case. Adding yet another time period in here is just. So much. (It also scares me because I think some fans have expectations of several different things in 1700s that I don't think will happen/can happen/at least definitely not this season happen and I'm readying for the 'WAIT BUT' and the bitching etc.)

The Loustat stuff will utterly ruin me this season. It's going to be gut-wrenching. The hallucinations, the possible reunion that it appears we see, the modern New Orleans skyline, the way that Louis seemingly will talk about Lestat in a way that makes Armand seem to feel not as loved (this is a speculation based solely on the "Lestat, Lestat, Lestat, Lestat, Lestat" scene, I have SO many thoughts on that and of Armand there, god, I'm nauseous with it). I need to find my post about it, but I made a post either during s1 airing or immediately after (definitely by Nov. 2022) about how I think we'll get some kind of complete Loustat confirmation of sorts this season and by s3, they will be back together and will stay together. I have lots of reasons and thoughts on that as well. Anyway, I will cry endlessly about them this season, I know it.

I LOVE the hallucinations. I mean, when we knew that was definitely happening while s2 filming was going on, I was already excited, but seeing it just !!!!!!!!!!! it's so good. I can't even put into words how excited I am about the hallucinations of Lestat. Oh my god. Louis. The theatre!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Santiago looks fucking insane, god bless Ben Daniels, and I'm excited to get to actually know some characters from the theatre. It's something that doesn't really happen at all in the movie, and it's definitely not a focus or anything in the IwtV book. But I love side characters, I think they'll fill in some space that the Azalea had in s1 and I love that.

If Justin Kirk is David, that's the one thing that is going to piss me off this season. I honestly, truly 100%, thought we might not get David and I was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo more than okay with that. I hate David so much and don't think he serves any kind of plot purpose and he remains to be a shitty replacement for Louis that never worked out and was completely insignificant by the end of the series. Now, if they don't do some of the wild shit with him and make him solely some kind of tie-in/draw to the new Talamasca show they're doing, then fine. But if they start attempting to make him a love interest, I might legit tap out, I can't stand that man. At least Marius is vital to the stories, we truly can't get Akasha or Lestat or Armand without Marius. David................oh my god, die already. San Fran SCARES ME. It's one of those things that, sure, obviously we know how it goes in the book, but they have flipped it so heavily on its head, I can't predict anything and it's exciting and horrifying. Armand being there, the seemingly-more-than-one-night interview, the interview ending by the time Louis was only halfway done with the story, the brief scene that appears to be Armand looking worried at something (maybe Daniel) while Louis is floating/levitating (!!!!!!!!?) in the back, etc. Oh my god. I think we're in the wildest ride there. Um. Louis and Claudia turning Madeline together........

Louis' men not being shitttttttttttttttttttt. Every time I do see gifs or see clips or something, and I see that quick scene of Lestat walking through the audience (Sam Reid's silhouette is insane, those broad shoulders, that profile????????????? He's so hot I'm feral about him) and Louis is on the stage, next to Claudia and Madeline, and you can see where Lestat's chair is next to Louis, but further away, on the stage.......................bitch, you're really letting them do that to Louis and walking through the crowd, telling your story??? And Armand, bitch?????? You're really letting them do that to Louis, just sitting there watching it play out, having taken Louis and Claudia and Madeline out just before???????????????? They're not SHIT, Louis deserves better, always has. I need to stop rambling, but lastly, the thing I already made a quick post about, but the fact that I do obviously recognize things from the book but none of it is quite how it seems..........I'm obsessed. This show is literally like....okay, like asking someone to summarize the book for you and they say, "The book is about a vampire named Louis de Pointe du Lac who tells his life story to a young reporter in 1970s San Fran. His story details how he became a vampire, how he fell in love with his maker, the Vampire Lestat, how they created and took in the child vampire Claudia, how Louis and Claudia killed Lestat, how they went to Paris and met a theatre group of vampires, and Louis fell in love with the leader Armand. It also details the inevitable and tragic death of Claudia at the hands of this theatre, and how that death left Louis utterly changed." And you're like "Oh okay" but the details aren't all there so they just...............filled in their own, and we get this masterpiece of a story that is the bones of the book, and made what it is by time and care. Idk. I love that we're all on an equilibrium.

OH. I'm also holding out, but not anticipating sadly, some Loustat flashbacks. I need them. I'm sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo in need of it, you have no idea.

[detectivereads]

Favorite Nancy Drew games and hopes for Mystery of the Seven Keys

Hi everyone,

Ok after the trailer for the new game I am already planning on what I am going to do. I always get teased that I beat the game as soon as I get, I must make sure I don’t do that this time.

But getting stuff together for the new release, I wanted to ask what are your favorite Nancy Drew games? Here are my Top 9 faves that I play when I feel stressed or upset.

Warnings at Waverly Academy- I love Edgar Allen Poe, and this game is so Dark Academia.

Legend of The Crystal Skull- I think this was one of the first games that started me on the Nancy Drew games I love the graveyards New Orleans and Side kick Bess.

Curse of Blackmoor Manor- Good Lord this game scares the beejebus out of me, I love this one so much.

Tomb of the Lost Queen- I love learning about history, I always feel melancholic when I play this one. (not as much as Silent Spy)

The Deadly Device- Ok this game was really cool, I love all the science stuff that we get to play in this game.

Labyrinth of Lies- Greek myths, and undercover work yes please!

The Secret of the Old Clock- this was a mash up between a few books which I love how this game came out.

The Haunted Carousel- We get a free run of a theme park, and the food and the over all mystery and some of the puzzles were fun to play.

Ghost of Thorton Hall- I love this game so much with the multiply endings, the characters, the graveyard, and the spookiness of the place.

Honorable Mentions

Danger by Designs- I remember playing this so much because I was learning French and some of the French in this game help me remember.

Creature of Kapu Cave- Summer is coming and I can’t wait to play this game.

Last train of Blue Canyon- Hardy Boys enough said I love the puzzles in this game too.

Secret of Shadow Ranch- I love listening to the voice acting in the game especially when we listen to the dairies I still tear up at a few parts.

Danger on Deception Island- I love the Whales and interactions with characters.

Hopes for the New Game

With the new game coming and seeing the trailer that highlighted some of the puzzles I am looking forward to this game very much.

I am wondering if some past characters are going to be mentioned or appear in this game like from Labyrinth of Lies: Thanos Ganas (still hoping that we get answers on him.)

Well, all I can say with what ever we get in this game, I can’t wait to tackle the mystery and spend my time with an old friend like Nancy.

I also hope we get a trailer for the next game I love to have that surprise at the end of the game or that throughout the game there are hints and easter eggs alluding to a new game.

[quokka143]

cities in the us I think skz would be from

♡ chan - seattle, washington

I will die on the hill that chan is seattle coded. he just fits the grunge aesthetic so well, and after he performed smells like teen spirit in seattle it just solidified it for me. skz music definitely has some grunge influences so I think he would have gotten his start in the underground seattle music scene.

♡ lee know - new orleans, lousiana

where the weird and the mysterious thrive, so too would lee know. his entire vibe is dark and alluring on the outside but once you look past the exterior you see someone full of resilience, strength, and endless things to discover and to me that's very new orleans. since he makes such a charismatic host I feel like he'd be hosting walking tours through the fernch quarter where he can tell some ghost stories here and there and maybe give the tourists a little scare for his own entertainment.

♡ changbin - jersey city, new jersey

if you say changbin isn't jersey coded you're lying to yourself. our loud, muscular king would fit in perfectly with the jersey gym and beach culture. I could see him going to the gym during the day and out to the clubs at night to shake his ass to his favorite songs with his friends.

♡ hyunjin - newport, rhode island

okay follow me on this one, I know this sounds a little obscure but for some reason when I think of hyunjin as someone from the usa all I can think about is him living in some new england town painting the fall colors or sitting on his porch in a seaside home painting the ocean. it seems so peaceful and I feel like that suits him.

♡ han - new york city, new york

hanji is so nyc coded to me and since the maxident trailer lives rent free in my head, here we are. like imagine him living in a little new york apartment while he chases his music producer dreams. every night on his way home he pops into the bodega down the street to grab something to eat and gives their resident cat a few pets before heading home to work on more tracks in his home studio.

♡ felix - miami, florida

I feel like our aussie beach boy just needs to be somewhere warm and sunny with a good nightlife and let's be honest, miami is the place for that. he'd probably spend his days at the local dance studio before heading down the beach for a swim to relax after.

♡ seungmin - portland, oregon

seungmin's entire vibe just screams cozy coffee shop on a rainy day. I could see him sat by a window reading a book and sipping his americano just spending the afternoon soaking up the warmth and delicious smells inside the cafe. he would probably have a favorite spot he always sits where he can gaze out the window and people watch.

♡ jeongin - los angeles, california

we already know jeongin is from busan, he's accustomed to beautiful beaches, colorful places to explore, and great food, so to me it makes sense he'd be from los angeles. I feel like he'd be working his way towards being a singer and maybe giving some vocal lessons on the side to help himself along. on the weekends he's probably exploring some new place to eat with his friends.

[fearsmagazine]

HAUNTED MANSION | Teaser Trailer & first poster

Twenty years after Eddie Murphy got chased by ghosts through the HAUNTED MANSION, Disney’s new film adaptation of the Disneyland attraction is coming this summer, and here is the first teaser trailer.

The new film, also a horror comedy features actress Rosario Dawson as Gabbie, a single mother who moves in with her son, played by Chase Dillon, to a shady cheap New Orleans mansion.

Horrifying spirits begin popping up, such as actor Jared Leto as the original ride’s Hatbox Ghost. The mother-and-son team enlists the help of a crack team to get rid of the ghosts. The team consists of a priest played by Owen Wilson, LaKeith Stanfield as a paranormal expert, a psychic is played by Tiffany Haddish, and Danny DeVito a historian. The film also includes Jamie Lee Curtis, Winona Ryder, Dan Levy, and Hasan Minhaj in various roles.

At the moment, HAUNTED MANSION is schooled to make its way into theaters July 28th, 2023.

[the-firebird69]

Kill Bill: Vol. 1 (2003) Official Trailer - Uma Thurman, Lucy Liu Action...

It's kinda came to a head Trump ruining us Tommy f for real gross shit now this we are muck ppl and from New Orleans. It's a name meaning gamblers. Shit ok huge. But that's what we are. Ok. He's a tiger uses big stuff. Is huge soon muscles of his grow. You should see the looks. Hilarious about it but serious same guy. My hand gone looks fake ok. Hahaha. Not good but I work it seems who the idiot and the other one. The canal no but ok. We use it. Heard it we are motivated move out I see. No more shit for us

Woody harrelson

We hit for real for the right reasons it's a girl ok he's bulky. Big. Held me gently for only a second I felt it gentle. Strong Guy. But ok tried with the stupid bed haha it's hard he said around sixty pounds pull true too I think so. I hv strong hands so this.

Uma Thurman

Haha is maliry skinny I'll ok true

Woody harrelson

I'm going to find his shades color them and yeh he is strong guy and others Mr big mr dark and more

I laugh these from ghost in a shell saw it. Scared excited. Mortified. Horror too in his face then calm his lady. She does it for me we are larger haha ok 5'8" she said it he's big not dainty. Different up close wow ok wow the cool part is I see it lots too much. Harsh but ok has heard it a lot.

Mac proper busy it quiets now are up not too busy will be shortly yup

Woody harrelson

Fun times. I'm taller and not for long give me three months haha Trump says hours nope we like it he's our friend. He doesn't like you you abuse think he can't stand we do he shall. The canal beats another big loss on. Your our jr don't know a few trucks ok

Patty

We use it no are sorry we try now

Trump

I'm at it now hv it surrounded

Bja in too degusing

He was now out no. So others go in he sits on it. Several more too is an ass

Thor Freya

He's lk Kingsley he said it soon to his mom earlier. When about half an inch 24

She says he's a wise ass this one but I love him mine. Laughing says ugly ducklings show Canada tried worked saw it their antics will now be famous good her up Will share Camilla will help too yes good great

Woody harrelson

It says you're getting bigger now LOL

Uma Thurman

Good God

Woody harrelson

Olympus

[talk-nerdy-to-me-thyla]

Hey everyone! I know i haven’t been too active lately, but that’s because I’ve been working on an animated short film!!!!

👻👻👻👻👻

Persephone seems to be an average delivery woman in the average city of New Orleans. But shes not just dropping off boxes, shes dropping off souls to the afterlife! Through a mix up she finds herself in hell delivering evil souls to a spooky manor, guarded by a hell hound who’s more than she seems. It was supposed to be a normal drop, but this soul seems to have other plans.

👻👻👻👻👻

We’ve worked so hard on this for the past two years, and we get the honor of presenting our programs first African American female lead!

Please check out our Facebook, Instagram, and GoFundMe. We have awesome merch available and need to reach our goal of $3,000 by April. If you can’t donate, then like our page anyway and watch the live stream premier on April 18th 2020. Thank you so much, I hope you enjoy it as much as we do.  👻  🐕

FACEBOOK

INSTAGRAM

GOFUNDME

[365days365movies]

March 13, 2021: Kwaidan (Review)

How do you review an anthology?

Either I go section by section, or I review it all in one shot. Since it’s all one director and writer, the latter seems appealing, so I probably will go with that...but maybe not for all five sections. Hmm...an idea occurs. I think I’ve got it. But, before I go into that, what did I think of Kwaidan on first recall?

Also, real talk, the above GIF is now one of my favorites, and I WILL be using it in the future.

Kwaidan is an understates masterpiece, and one of the many reasons I’m glad I’m doing this misguided film project of mine. It’s genuinely great, and also a wonderful ghost story in its own right. I don’t get scared easily, and I can’t say that this film particularly frightened me, but I can say that it was an unnerving movie in many instances. As for which segment was my favorite...oof, genuinely a tough question to answer. I love how In A Cup of Tea ends, and The Woman of the Snow is a gorgeous fever dream of a sequence. The Black Hair is EASILY my least favorite, but it’s still a good starting point. 

But as for my favorite...

And in truth, I’m not completely sure I can articulate why. It’s close between this and The Woman of the Snow. Tea was a little too short for my tastes (even though I think it had the best ending), and Hair was...well, just fine, like I intonated above. Snow has some amazing visuals, and a great story, which may have been ruined for my by Tales from the Darkside: The Movie, but still was wonderful. But Hoichi...Hoichi was magnificent.

I love Hoichi himself, the opening kabuki theater is amazing in sound and appearance, and the reappearances of the visuals is stunning throughout. All I gotta say is, I loved every single part of this one. And yeah, it’s arguably the only one with a mostly happy ending, all things considered. But I may get more into that in the Review.

Yeah, speaking of that, how are we doing this? Well, some segments will be broken up by...segment, while others won’t be. Depends, you’ll see. So, let’s get to it! Below are listed the four segments, and their recaps. Click on them to read them in full!

The Black Hair (黒髪, Kurokami)

The Woman of the Snow (雪女, Yukionna)

Hoichi the Earless (耳無し芳一の話, Miminashi Hōichi no Hanashi)

In A Cup of Tea (茶碗の中, Chawan no Naka)

Without further ado, then...

Review

Cast and Acting: 9/10

Breaking this one up! Not a single shared cast member amongst any of the shorts, so this one is broken up by necessity.

Hair (8/10): Sorry to say, but this is arguably the weakest cast in the group. Granted, it’s not that many people, but it’s still not the strongest of these stories. The lead here is Rentarō Mikuni, and he’s fine. My only problem is that it feels like he’s acting. Which, to be fair, is very kabuki theatre. You know, over-exaggerated movements and emotions, all that jazz. But, without the physical trappings of kabuki, it just feels like, well...overacting. Again, not the worst, but not the best. Michiyo Aratama and Misako Watanabe are good as well, but they’re parts aren’t hefty enough for me to properly judge. Well, actually, Aratama is quite good, real talk.

Snow (10/10):  Amazing. Keiko Kishi is absolutely enrapturing as the Yuki-onna, and Tatsuya Nakadai ain’t bad as Minokichi either, lemme say. Again, limited cast for this one, but they definitely manage to excel. Seriously, they’re great.

Hoichi (10/10): This one has some of the best, though, both in terms of the kabuki scene, and in the regular scenes. The range of performances here is interesting, considering that you have the overdramatic stylings of kabuki on when end, the gentle nature of Katsuo Nakamura’s Hoichi on the other end, and the actually entertaining comedy relief monks in the middle. Yeah, I never mentioned it, but there are comedy relief monks in this segment, and they’re funny! This one is, all-around, a really strong cast, and the best in the film for sure.

Tea (8/10): This one is strong too, don’t get me wrong. Nakamura Kan'emon is a strong lead, but he’s not...perfect. Nor is Nokobu Nakaya as the ghost of Shibuku Heinai. Even the three samurai are a bit stiff. But in truth, it doesn’t interfere with the short, even a little bit. The 8 out of 10 is how I feel about it, but I genuinely don’t have a problem with it.

Average score’s a 9/10, which feels totally accurate to me. Moving on!

Plot and Writing: 10/10

I was going to break this one up, since they all have different plots. But, first of all, they all have the same writers. And second of all, they’re all...basically perfect? Like, real talk, I love all of these fuckin’ stories, dear Lord. And it’s Japanese folklore, which is basically always great. But OK, let’s break it down. These stories were originally collected for publishing by Lafcadio Hearn, a Greek-Irish man who lived in the United States for a decade, wrote about New Orleans, then moved to Japan and married a Japanese woman, eventually becoming a citizen and spending the rest of his life there as Koizumi Yakumo. Yeah. Dude has a STORY. He collected these stories in multiple books, and these stories were adapted by Yoko Mizuki, a female screenwriter, and one of the most accomplished female Japanese screenwriters ever, with 34 screen credits under her name. And this movie was relatively late in her career, too. Neat, all around. And yeah, these stories are WELL adapted, with the last one as a standout for me. In any case, this one is basically perfect.

Directing and Cinematography: 10/10

Yeah, this one’s perfect, too. I mean, come on, the fuckin’ SHOTS in this movie are fantastic. Director was Masaki Kobayashi, and the cinematographer was Shigeru Wakatsuki, and...yeah, it’s great. I don’t even have to say anything here, just watch the trailer for the movie. If there’s any specific standouts, though, they’d be The Woman in the Snow for Cinematography, and Hoichi the Earless for Direction. Amazing, and those two are the best examples.

Production and Art Design: 9/10

Um...yeah. Of course this one’s high, not even a question. LOOK AT THIS GODDAMN MOVIE. No more needed here, it’s a 10/10, it’s gorgeous all around. Well...OK, maybe it isn’t perfect. And that all basically falls at the feet of The Black Hair. I meant it when I said that this was the weakest short. Because...yeah, it is. From the initial old-age make-up, to the weirdly plain kimonos worn by an extremely wealthy woman who should be able to afford more ornately patterned kimonos, this one was...weaker, atmospherically. Still great, mind you...but weaker. So, OK, maybe not perfect, but still good.

Music and Editing: 8/10

And the music by Toru Takemitsu is definitely memorable as well...but is the editing perfect? Eh. Not really. Sorry, Hisashi Sagara, I know you’re working with 1965 technology here, but it’s not...perfect. There was some work needed throughout each short, to be honest, but it was still all pretty solid. Music really holds up this category, though.

OK, Japanese spirits, you’ve got a 92%! Don’t haunt me.

I really want to go to Japan, by the way. Like, I’ve always been interested, and I never would’ve turned down a trip there, but I REALLY want to go to Japan one day. I’d love to visit a temple or a shrine (respectfully, of course), I’d love to experience the people and the atmosphere...I just think it’d be very cool, to be honest with you. And movies like this have only heightened that desire.

Man, I loved this one! What comes next in the pattern? Right, surrealist films written by well-known and influential directors! Cool, I’m pumped! Let’s jump right into it! What could go wrong?

March 14, 2021: The Holy Mountain (1973)

[oblivi-ace97]

Marissa’s 31 Nights of Halloween

Today’s movie: The Haunted Mansion

Ok so this movie came out when I was 6 and i remember being terrified in the theatre. I also remember all the trailers and behind the scenes stuff they showed on Disney Channel.

Is this the first movie Disney made that was based on one of their rides?

Jim Evers is really annoying (at least in the beginning of the movie). He fits the typical trope of husband who is too involved with his career, who puts personal and family things on hold for it. Like it’s his and Sara’s anniversary and he stands her up because someone was looking to buy a house.

Michael is my sister and I am Megan when it comes to spiders

I think the design of the mansion is a combination of the Disneyland mansion and the Disney World mansion. The movie takes place in Louisiana which is probably a nod to New Orleans Square in Disneyland where Haunted Mansion is located in the park.

I want a long corridor that I can creepily walk down like Ramsley.

Ok not gonna lie I had a little crush on Master Gracey when I was a kid...I think it was the accent.

We need to bring back roaming the house with a candelabra. Like that is my aesthetic.

“But you like when I bring you home expensive gifts right” Wow Jim that was a dick thing to say to your wife.

If I found a secret passageway I genuinely don’t know what I would do. Cause like on the one hand that’s so cool and I would want to know where it goes but also like that’s spooky.

Would I follow the ghost ball? I don’t know.

The maid running away to avoid talking to someone is a mood.

Ok now we’re starting to see the references to the ride with the changing paintings and the busts that follow you.

What would you do if you were in a creepy old mansion and found a painting of what looked like your mom in the attic?

Are those snickerdoodles! Now I want snickerdoodles!

MADAME LEOTA!!!!

Many ride references in the graveyard.

GRIM GRINNING GHOSTS COME OUT TO SOCIALIZE!!!!!!!!

“I just turned 10 I’m still getting used to it” Michael is such a mood.

This scene in the mausoleum freaked me the hell out as a kid.

Poor Michael.

“Look I don’t make the rules I just work here” I love you Leota

You came on a little to strong there Mr. Gracey.

I’ll give him this once she went into her room he stopped following her like he could have easily gone into her room cause you know he’s a ghost but he didn’t. A 200 year old ghost understands consent better than most men today.

Ramsley you’re such an ass.

I love the shimmery early 2000s eyeshadow that Sara is wearing in her 19th century wedding dress such a great combination.

“He’s not really kissing your mom”

“Mom Leota won’t shut up”

I love that they took the singing busts with them.

I love this movie. I give it a 9 out of 10.

[talesfrommedinastation]

I'm with @thecoffeelorian, as I might get flamed/yelled at for opinions, but guys...I'm a 30-something with a full time job in program management and a survivor of academia, mainstream publishing, and Pandemic Facebook. Y'all can't do nothing to me.

I'm also daydrinking because Work Was Terrible Today.

This rant was brought to you by the letter 'T' which stands for 'Tequila on the Rocks'. It's five o clock somewhere.

Thoughts on this trailer?

Sweet Jesus, they better make Phee cool and independent and not just Tech's jilted boo. I want the one, ONE black woman in this series to not be crying over a guy she flirted with a few times. I want her to kick ASS and take NAMES because she is a New Orleans CHURCH LADY according to Redneck Doug. Also, the fact that Phee = Tech's back makes me moan. So, the lone black woman is only important because it's proof the white guy she likes is still around? Seriously guys?

Cad Bane + Fennec + Wolffe + Ventress = man, they're bringing out everyone and I am A-OK with this. Let's go full Avengers Endgame on this monkey.

Crosshair and Omega working together would/will be awesome....because he'd view her as an adult and an equal, possibly. Not like Hunter. And if she's forced to grow up because there's no other option, that shows some awesome character growth and I'm down with it.

I'm okay with Tech coming back as a regrown soldier who is the first Thrawn style clone. I'm pretty sure he's in the trailer doing his little stomp hunched walk on Pabu. Speak of the Santorini looking devil....

I'm also okay with Pabu being attacked. It's proof that they need to stand and fight. BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT HEROES DO*.

Yeaaaah they get an attack doggie. If Doggo and Crosshair get a Ghost and Jon Snow relationship going I'll cry from fucking JOY.

Fireball has a flame thrower. Shit yeah, Nutsy, barbeque a bitch. You my boo.

Thank the fuck Christ there's no Ewoks.

Will Darth Vader show up cuz he's not here?

One of the Imperial guards has tits. Don't know if that's relevant to the plot but it is THERE.

*= James Motherfuckin' Holden would NEVER, and that's why The Expanse was so goddamned good.

"Dr Meat Muffin, why are you always comparing The Expanse to everything?"

'IT'S CALLED HAVING STANDARDS!"

ok y’all, it’s been a few days, i think we’ve had time to process and (over)analyze and collect our thoughts.

excitements/worries/overall thoughts on the bad batch season 3 trailer?

anyone is allowed to jump in. this is discussion time ! :)

[caithyra]

Well it’s better than Batuu...

But when I saw “create haunted houses” in the trailer I was kind of annoyed.

You see, the Spooky Stuff Pack and Ghost Patch advertised themselves with haunted houses in the trailer but did not have any actual haunted houses, and later we got the Haunted Lot Trait in City Living, and, well... (yes, I am aware that Paranormal haunted houses are likely to be because of the Super Mario Boos rather than regular ghosts, but it still hews waaay too close to already existing stuff, some of it premium, in TS4).

It all is so chopped up into pieces and sold separate, y’know? And resold with a slightly different appearance. Instead of patching this into the Base Game (Ghost Patch), Spooky Stuff or redoing the Haunted Lot Trait, it becomes a major part of a separate stuff pack, much like how Tiny Houses should have been in Eco Living.

I actually thought Cemetery Lots would have been better, because there is no equivalent in three other parts of TS4, and, well, two of the base-game Worlds (Willow Creek and Newcrest) have a Louisiana aesthetic, with Willow Creek being very New Orleans-like and New Orleans is kind of famous for their cemeteries with their crypts creating “Cities of the Dead”. Since a Stuff Pack does not come with a world, fitting the base worlds seems to be best in this case...

Perhaps they could also have enabled us to click on gravestones and urns and choose different types and colors so that not every sim, from Del Sol Star Simoleonaire to Homeless Pauper to Romantic Goth to Random Everysim have the same-looking grave?

Also, isn’t Ghost Guidry wearing the wrong hairstyle compared to the Portrait Guidry? Portrait has Mitchell Kalani’s hairstyle while Ghost has Simeon Silversweater/Sophia Jordan’s ponytail...

[thesophiewhit]

On Writing My First Audio-Drama Podcast

A daring solo adventure with a big love for audio-drama (Welcome to NightVale. What’s the Frequency. The Enoch Saga. Raising the Dead (Again), The Byron Chronicles. Harlem Queen and more!) and absolutely zero idea how to work a proper editing program except for iMovie.

A recipe for disaster, you say? Or is it a daring adventure? 

I decided it was a little bit of both, mixed with a chaotic storm of utter, well, chaos. But, I went with it anyway. 

And what did I learn from producing? (Producing solo. Yes, that includes but is not limited to: writing the 200 pages for a first season, recording different voices like I’m Gollum, finding copyright free music, producing an original song cover even if I’ve never sang before, editing recaps, theme songs, setting up Twitter accounts, Instagram, YouTube channels. Email addresses. Websites. Blog tours.)

And on top of that, still waiting on getting approved by podcasting hosts? (Cries in impatience).

I have a little screensaver on my phone that says: write, finish things, keep writing from fave emo author Neil Gaiman. @neil-gaiman​ (the inside home screen says something about managing anxiety and is super sweet.)

So, I listened to virtual motivator Neil Gaiman and got to writing the audio drama. 

I am an indie producer who’s really new at this, so take my word with a whole lot of NaCl grains, but here goes...

AUDIO-DRAMA PODCAST TIPS FROM SOMEONE WHO’S STILL LEARNING THE ROPES

1. It is a non-universally acknowledged fact that a podcast episode goes for 20 minutes- 1 hour. My episodes hit the 20 minute mark. 9 Episodes = approximately 180+ minutes of footage. 

2. In script speak, a single page of a script runs for approximately 2 minutes of edited dialogue (leaving room for adding SFX and music). One episode for me (20 minutes), meant writing 10 pages of a very non-formatted script. (But it worked for me. What works for me might not work for you, vice-versa)

3. Music makes a podcast sound professional. I used FreeMusicArchive for a lot of my music. When I needed to produce an OG song for my season finale, I went with “House of New Orleans” and made it sound, you know, ghostly. It’s a horror podcast, it fit my theme

3.5. SFX also make your podcast sound so good. Yes, laugh at my for iMovie editing, but the SFX are free for use (iMovie encourages this). Aside from good dialogue, sound design really helps you build your world. (Outside of music, of course). Think of it like watching a movie. That sound of someone creeping along wooden floors in a horror movie, the background noise of traffic on a busy NYC street, even knocking on a door. These elements bring your audio-drama to life. I favored SoundBible and FreeSounds.

4. Speaking of themes! Pick a genre for your audio-drama. You can mix genres too, within general reason (this is for marketing purposes, you understand. And social media loves to limit how many characters you get to type. Twitter, I’m looking atcha). Comedic drama. Horror mystery. Romantic necromancy, whatever. Just find a branding theme and stay there. This will help you build a podcasting family! For example, I have a horror/paranormal podcast family. We’re tight knit. Lots of goth clothing.

5. Reach out to other podcasting peoples. You’re family, not dueling rivals. When I was starting out (heck, I’m still a pod-baby), I asked so many questions. I tweeted out into the void with my #PodernFamily #AudioDrama hashtags and asked about marketing yourself, sound design, podcast hosting etc.

6. Speaking of which, you’re going to need a HOST before you get your Podcast released onto iTunes, Google Play etc. I used Anchor, but I know others who used SoundCloud etc etc.

7. The host might automatically publish your show onto podcast providers (iTunes/Google Play etc), or you might need to manually submit your RSS feed. You can find it from your podcast host (Anchor you access settings, I believe), but this RSS is your ticket to distributing said podcast TO THE WORLD.

8. Set up a Ko-Fi or Patreon so you can have a lil nudge into buying equipment/funding your art. (Mine is https://www.ko-fi.com/sophiefae , what’s up? *winks*)

9. Make things. You’re the number one marketer on your team. Make trailers. Make graphics. Make a kickass cover for your audio-drama so people want to click on that badass-looking icon. I find this fun, some people might find this irritating. I’m just living my best life with PhotoShop even if I have no idea what I’m doing. What’s up?) 

10. Learn how to do sound design. Okay, I’ll admit, I’ve been using iMovie up until now because I’m a coward. But a very lovely podcasting community helped me learn how to use Audacity. We’re getting there, fellow new-programs-are-scary-and-have-demons learners. We’re getting there.

Edit together bloopers/ a highlight reel/ a behind-the-scenes interview, or a little season trailer to play before your episodes so people can just dive right into your drama of the audio.

My trailer for Grimm and Glitter, by the way: (sup *winks*)

Have any other tips for budding podcasters or audio drama makers? Leave them below! 

Social media for Grimm and Glitter Podcast if anybody’s curious...

Twitter: @GrimmGlitter @Fae_Sophie (like cheeky horror movie GIFs, me too)

Instagram @FirstAmongFae (fun if you’re into goth cosplay)

YouTube: Sophie Fae (trailers and episodes)

Website if you wanna listen to an audio-drama about goth and prep girlfriends battling demons together in a small beach town: 

https://firstamongfae.wixsite.com/grimm/grimm-glitter

Meet Grimm & Glitter- two superpowered teens who fight evil in an isolated beach town. Just don't look behind the red door...

In the middle of butt-nowhere called “Calamity Beach”, 16-year old Grim and 17-year old Glitter find a hole in the abandoned amusement park just outside the town. The tunnel leads to a locked red door that not even light can get through.  Things would all be fine and dandy (no questions asked) except for the strange noises seeping out of it.

That, and ever since going down there, Grim and Glitter suddenly gain mysterious powers. Grim can’t stop hearing people’s thoughts, and Glitter can see the ghosts of the dead.  

Can these two teenagers discover the secrets lying beneath Calamity Beach? Or will time run out before the summer ends?

[allyourprettywords]

“Talking About New Orleans,” Jayne Cortez

Talking about New Orleans About deforestation & the flood of vodun paraphernalia the Congo line losing its Congo the funeral bands losing their funding the killer winds humming intertribal warfare hums into two storm-surges touching down tonguing the ground three thousand times in a circle of grief four thousand times on a levee of lips five thousand times between a fema of fangs everything fiendish, fetid, funky, swollen, overheated and splashed with blood & guts & drops of urinated gin     in syncopation with me riding through on a refrigerator covered with asphalt chips with pieces of ragtime music charts torn photo mug shots & pulverized turtle shells from Biloxi     me bumping against a million-dollar oil rig me in a ghost town floating on a river on top of a river     me with a hundred ton of crab legs         and no evacuation plan me in a battered tree barking & howling with abandoned dogs my cheeks stained with dried suicide kisses my isolation rising with a rainbow of human corpse &           fecal rat bones where is that fire chief in his big hat where are the fucking pumps the rescue boats & the famous coalition of bullhorns calling out names    hey     I want my red life jacket now & I need some sacred sandbags some fix-the-levee-powder some blood-pressure-support-juice some get-it-together-dust some lucky-rooftop-charms & some magic-helicopter-blades I'm not prepared to live on the bottom of the water like Oshun I don't have a house built on stilts I can't cross the sea like Olokun I'm not equipped to walk on water like Marie Laveau or swim away from a Titanic situation like Mr. Shine Send in those paddling engineers I'm inside of my insides & I need to distinguish between the nightmare, the mirage, the dream and the hallucination Give me statistics how many residents died while waiting how many drowned how many suffocated how many were dehydrated how many were separated how many are missing how many had babies and anyway who's in charge of this confusion this gulf coast engulfment this displacement this superdome shelter this stench of stank this demolition order this crowded convention center chaos making me crave solitary confinement

Am I on my own exhausted from fighting racist policies exhausted from fighting off sex offenders exhausted from fighting for cots for tents for trailers for a way out of this anxiety  this fear  this emptiness this avoidance  this unequal opportunity world of disappointments accumulating in my undocumented eye of no return tickets

Is this freedom  is this global warming  is this the new identity me riding on a refrigerator through contaminated debris talking to no one in particular about a storm that became a hurricane & a hurricane that got violent and started eyeballing & whistling & stretching toward a category three domination that caught me in     the numbness of my own consciousness        unprepared, unprotected and           made more vulnerable to destabilization by the corporate installation of human greed, human poverty human invention of racism & human neglect of the environment

I mean even Buddy Bolden came back to say     move to higher ground       because a hurricane will not           rearrange its creativity for you & the river will meet the ocean in         the lake of your flesh again so move to higher ground and let your jungle find its new defense let the smell of your wisdom restore the power of pure air & let your intoxicated shoreline rumble above & beyond the water-marks of disaster

I'm speaking of New Orleans of deportation of belching bulldozers   of poisonous snakes of bruised bodies   of instability and madness mechanism of indifference and process of elimination I'm talking about transformation about death re-entering life with Bonne chance, bon ton roulé, bonjour & bonne vie in New Orleans, bon

[page58-blog1]

Watch Terrence Howard & Josh Lucas in Indie Supernatural Thriller 'Ghost of New Orleans' (Trailer)

Watch Terrence Howard & Josh Lucas in Indie Supernatural Thriller ‘Ghost of New Orleans’ (Trailer)

    “I remember that night was really beautiful it was one of those Louisiana nights. And that’s the last thing I remember.” “We found victim number 4. He puts these weird masks on his victims.” Seek the truth in this world and the next. The supernatural thriller ‘Ghost of New Orleans’ as known as ‘Little Murder’ is set in post-Katrina New Orleans where a disgraced detective (Josh Lucas)…

[xhelenaxleblancx]

@millennicl cont. X.

          For Helena LeBlanc this was just another GOOD OL’ FRIDAY NIGHT -- Daddy had parked the trailer out in the boondocks that skirted the border of New Orleans. Wanted to be as FAR AWAY from civilization as possible. As to teach his daughters the way a’ the Lord without JUDGMENTAL EYES. Even the other Christians would look down on his methods -- when they involved locking his girls in closets for weeks, starving them, beating them, and the occasional nightly visit to Helena’s bed. To teach her how to be STRAIGHT. Suffice to say, after the lights went out and daddy was knocked out drunk on the floor -- slobbering all over the place like a FILTHY Saint Bernard, the redhead hoisted the window open and climbed outside. A regular occurrence. 

         Next few hours were filled with Brit (one of her whores she’d called up), booze, meth, and doing doughnuts through tall grass in her beat up ol’ Chevy. SCREAMING RECKLESSLY along to punk music. No care in the world if she wound up in a ditch somewhere -- a few times the blonde bimbo had pointed out how “spooky” it was. In which the sociopath LAUGHED IN HER PRETTY FACE. She didn’t believe in all that hocus-pocus bullshit.

          Now, here they were, parked in the middle of the crops -- Brit was passed out drunk and high. Three orgasms had wore the poor (lucky) thing out. Leaving Helena BORED. “Hey, wake up. I’m horny an’ bored.” Emaciated redhead reached across the center-console of her truck and slapped the bitch across the face. NO GOOD. She was out cold. Letting out a loud, CHILDISH sigh, she fumbled with the handle -- pushing the driver-side door open. Plunging out into lengthy grass. Bottle of vodka gripped firmly in her hand. “Yer no fuckin’ fun.” In her intoxicated state, she EASILY lost track of time. Roaming ‘round. Swatting at grass. Catching bugs. Backing swigs off booze. Thinking she heard something, only to trip over feet and LAUGH. “Brit really got in my head. Ain’t no so such thing as ghosts.”

          What she happened upon, was WEIRDER than a ghost. Some crazy person setting up Satanic markings in the field or some shit. Candles. Symbols. Doped up fucker couldn’t even tell if this was REAL or some sort of HALLUCINATION. If it was a hallucination, it was the most obnoxious one she’d ever had. Brows shot up and hands raised defensively, “Whoa, whoa, whoa, calm the fuck down, lady. I come in peace.” Helena even held out the vodka as a ‘peace-offering’. “Jus’ breathe. Count ta ten. We’ll get ya back ta the crazy house where ya belong, promise.” DRUNKEN LAUGHTER tumbled over lips and she moved closer, shaking her head at the display. Kicking one of the candles over. “If y’were try’na summon the Devil, ya succeeded. I’ll give ya three wishes but ya gotta take yer clothes off.”