#Foster care experience

[laniidae-passerine]

Danver’s specific brand of racism is so intrenched in love it’s fascinating. Her daughter is precious to her and her daughter is Indigenous and in this town, an Indigenous woman is not viewed as a precious thing. They are abused and raped and murdered and therefore, being white is the ‘better’ choice. She is actively whitewashing her daughter, not only because she’s afraid of what she doesn’t understand and because of typical coloniser mentality, but because she doesn’t want to lose her. Danvers can’t distance Indigenous identity from white violence and it’s killing what she loves.

[aroaceleovaldez]

okay i have like a billion aus where Nico gets wings for Reasons (because why not. they'd 100% fit his aesthetic) but anyways i am once again thinking about Nico getting wings somehow and Jason teaching him how to fly thank you for coming to my ted talk

[bookwyrminspiration]

war child // moonlark

kotlc art taglist:

@bronte-deserves-better@imaramennoodle@thisbluewind@theofficialkai517@ruewen-and-rising@thesandsofdawn@crumpledwitchfeet@ascendant-queen@axels-corner@loverofallthingssmart@silveny-dreams@girlofmanyfandoms@enbies-and-felonies@impostertamsong@sofia-not-sophie @alabestrine @keefes-hairgel @fanartofthelostcities@three-bunnies-in-a-trenchcoat@a-lonely-tatertot @cosmogyral-cleo @meg-doodles @dragonwinnie-kotlc@anaccidentwaitingtohappen@maglorslostsilmaril@even-if-in-another-time@crazedfangirl14@callas-pancake-tree@katniss-elizabeth-chase@wolfstar-being-ridikkulus@thefoxysnake@florida-preposterously@fandomsareforlife@deulalune@just-a-honey-badger

[yellowocaballero]

i dont know if this something you put a lot of thought into but it seems like you might and im curious so, what are some of your favorite themes to write about/the themes that interest you in writing or media?

Oh wow, good question. I put both a lot of thought and very little into the themes of my work. I always sit down and decide what I'm saying, and the meaning of the story, but some things always emerge in the writing. I usually discover what a story is actually about as I'm writing it. It's usually only after I finish the work that I realize what themes I had put in there, which seems like it should be bad. I think this means that a lot of my themes come through subconsciously. They're typically just...things I think about a lot.

I think the one thing I keep on coming back to is *tumblr voice* the mortifying ordeal of being known. That entire article, including the image of walking down a hundred stories of hell before reaching heaven, reconfigured my brain. It's just so damn hard to exist in a world with other people in it. There's an inevitability to hurting each other, but the love's worth it. Playing The World Ends With You at a vulnerable age primed me for obsession with this. That one quote from The Little Prince, ya know.

Generational trauma, cycles of trauma and abuse, and the long-term impact of trauma comes up a lot for me too. How being fucked up makes you fuck up others, the long-term consequences of being fucked up, the coping mechanisms we develop as a result. The ugly side of trauma and mental illness, the way we lash out and hurt people. I talk about escapism a lot, and the impact that has on you and the people around you long-term. This is usually exemplified through amnesia plotlines. This is a deep cut, but the Warchild series by Karin Lowachee had the best take on this I've read in a book.

Non-traditional love. I end up writing a lot of sibling dynamics, but I like creating unnamable and undefinable relationships. A lot of things I write just become very aro and asexual narratives. Love that saves. Love that isn't enough, but it still matters. The other side of love, which is grief.

I could go on. Forgiving yourself. Struggling to determine how to be a good person. How your identity & the intersections of your identity affect who you are. Power and power dynamics. A LOT of man vs self stories, like a lot a lot (I'm not overly interested by villains). The experience of being mentally ill and navigating the world as a mentally ill and/or disabled person. The differences between navigating the world as a man or a woman. I write a lot, so a lot of stuff tends to come up, lol. Roleswaps - fucking, somehow, for some reason, WHY, WHY DO I WRITE SO MUCH OF THEM -

Thanks for the ask, I had to do some self-reflection to answer it! I never really realize I'm writing about these things until I am, again. They're just all part of my framework of how I understand the world. Everybody has those, but when you're a writer it's easier to pull them out and microscope them.

[loving-jack-kelly]

a concept: jack who everyone assumes based on his general demeanor to be the very essence of "he a little confused but he got the spirit" until something finally pushes him to the breaking point and he's revealing a lot of deeply introspective and profound about his personal philosophies and the way he thinks life should go but before they can react he's back to being like also I think all peanut butter should be safe for dogs. what's up with that.

[featherymainffins]

I think it's a hatecrime against me that there aren't any slugs as big as the giant African snail. Why do the snails get to have all the fun I just want a giant slime noodle.

[ricketycr1cks]

I could write chapters about how much the gang finds a dumpster baby says about Macs childhood

[marsixm]

neuroses ruining yr life is a real missing the forest for the trees type beat but man im trying to see

[marcelwasp]

A little something different but I think I wanna talk about this

I don't normally talk about my experiences in Foster care as alot of the stuff I either don't feel comfortable talking about or physical cannot remember enough details to talk about but this is a bit of an exception

So when I was younger I was hyper obsessed with pokemon (I still am but that's not important right now) and I was about 8 or 9, in I think my second Foster home and wasnt diagnosed with autism at the time

But yes I was really into pokemon and would watch a ton of the anime and play the one game I had, white 2 any time I was allowed the ds because they were one of those "only 1 hour of video games a day" type foster carers

But one day my Foster carers stopped me from watching playing or buying anything pokemon related for like 2 years and continuously compared my pokemon hyper obsession to things like drug addiction

Which when I look back on it is fucking insane

How do you genuinely compare a pre teen child's hyper obsession to an addiction of any kind I was literally 9

[ex-foster]

I am lurking in some foster parent groups on Facebook and I came across this post where a foster parent was concerned that a teenager in her home has a cellphone and is telling "strangers" where she lives. The foster parent is spooked and is asking for validation and most of the comments are validating the concerned foster parent and making comments along the lines of "this is why I don't foster teens", "this is why I confiscate phones", etc.

And I'm just wondering if foster parents ever take a moment to actually empathize with foster kids and step into their shoes and at least TRY to see things from their perspective?

I remember being in foster care and getting screamed at by my foster mother when I was in a new placement because I immediately tried to contact my best friend to tell her what had happened. My previous foster home got shut down due to sexual abuse and then I was suddenly moved to a new place on the other side of the city - in a completely different school district. My life once again turned upside down and I needed my best friend desperately to ground me.

Foster parents are so threatened by the relationships we form and we are honestly treated as if we are criminals. It is so isolating what the system does to us.

[razzek]

Man. My dudes. I used to think I knew what sleep problems were, what with having two sleep disorders and all, but jeebus. I miss those days. I'm so sleep deprived even I can see the shadows under my eyes in the mirror. Fell asleep for maybe an hour earlier, after hours of nodding off but not quite sleeping, only to startle awake into a panic attack for no reason except that hot flashes fuck with your brain. Did you know you can have depression nightmares? I didn't, but oh my god I would like to switch back to the pants shitting terror ones please.

Anyway I'm really fucking tired. Think I'm going to see about meeting with the sleep specialist again to see if there's anything to be done about all this. I don't think I'll survive four or five years like this if the past month of increasingly bad sleep is an ongoing trend.

[and-stir-the-stars]

ok this is probably a really weird ask to get but there's a tiktok i watch that i thought might give you either ideas or just feels for some of your evan-recovering-from-trauma writing?? their url is @/fosterparenting on tiktok, and the content is meant to be tips for foster parents but it's all so trauma informed and it made me think of your freddy from mbmw 😭

This seems like an awesome account! I'm sure it can give me tons of inspiration for how to write Freddy, maybe even for other aus like trying to write characters from Saffron Pawn too. Even if not, I've been thinking about eventually being a foster parent some day, so this account seems like an awesome way to see what I'd be getting into if I ever pursued that. Thanks, anon!

[gas-stxtion]

//i can't really seem to stop thinking about what i said earlier about how in many ways the abuse jack faced from his father almost feels cartoonish in how it's described. just... over the top amounts of violence to throw at a small child (or anyone, really).

and part of that relates to the intent behind tftgs as a series--it's a horror comedy that uses a lot of dark, kinda mean-spirited humor, especially when it comes to jack. he's the universe's punching bag and part of the series' comedy comes from that, which extends to the abuse he faced as a child.

we the readers don't know a ton about his childhood, especially outside of anecdotes given by jack himself. which, again, is by design--his childhood isn't really relevant for the most part, and as a character he just doesn't like to talk about it. but this does mean that all we know about jack's father is basically:

he's a white nationalist affiliated with the kkk

he was horrifically abusive to jack and frequently beat him, hospitalizing him on a semi-regular basis while also repeatedly denying him medical care.

by the time jack was first placed in foster care, his dad was no longer in his life

not a lot to go off of there, so yes i am in fact expanding on this and jumping to conclusions. because by design i don't think jack's few anecdotes about his father tell the whole story of the situation--why would they? and yeah the over-the-top nature of these stories is part of the dark humor, but i want to examine this all more closely. get out a fucking microscope and actually examine jack's childhood, especially his dad.

(also obligatory disclaimer: i don't at all think the author of tftgs is trying to say child abuse is funny with this. i doubt this needed to be explained but the point isn't, "hey, it's funny that a child was abused." the joke is meant to be, "this is so over-the-top that it's funny in a very distinctly uncomfortable way." if that makes sense.)

[trashlie]

I think a LOT about how the idea of being a parent terrifies me - how easy it would be to mess up someone's life because I have my own unresolved issues - but something I DO love is that role of being an older sister figure to people. Like, if I could drive (lmao) I'd totally be into big brothers and big sisters. When I was 25 I ended up in this chat group for a kpop concert lmao and the group ended up being mostly 15 year old girls lmao and it was the first time I was really aware of my age and how to be a good non creepy adult person in a teen-centric space. To this day I'm still friends with several of them (it's been like 9 years?! They are nearly the age I was when I met them OH MY GOD)

I love them a lot and watching them navigate adulthood and overcome their struggles and become these young women I'm so proud of 🥺 They still message me to talk about their struggles, their mental health, they cheered me on when I got my ADHD diagnosis and we talk about fear of medication and trialing them and idk idk it brings me a lot of joy I guess?

I love that kind of mentorship role, I love the role of older sister who has been there done that and has experience to share. I was (plsyfully) mom to one of them until she patched up her relationship with her real mom 🥺 Like idk parenthood scares me and I know it's not for me, but I get it. I understand what it means to people, and I'm glad I've been able to experience that sense of nurturing. I think that's the appeal of big brothers big sisters type programs? There's so many ways to be family to someone that don't involve birthing. Adoption and fostering for those who DO love that aspect of parenthood. But also just being able to be a trusted figure in someone's life, to help them navigate things that are overwhelming or scary.

I grew up in fandom spaces full of adults and until i was one myself, I never really comprehended what it meant or the kind of responsibility an adult has to someone sharing a space. I don't mean that we all must be responsible for children in our spaces (there's whole discourses on this and the lack of child friendly internet spaces) but rather, idk. In a world where you can't trust if people are creeps, I'm really glad I got to forge cool bonds with cool kids who grew up to be even cooler adults. I'm so proud of them, dammit

[one-abuse-survivor]

Hi, hope y'all are well. I was wondering if growing up in an environment that matches most of the BITE model points (link to chart) ? Even if it was (possibly) accidental on the adults/guardians' side? I was adopted and the foster/adoptive family had a system in place that meets a lot of the criterias, including removal of previous identities, high levels of control, being raised with a custom/not known religious beliefs, dehumanization, etc etc. Plus it's foster care so the typical stuff like near death experiences and stuff happened lol

idk if it would count because like, if you're used to something it's just your normal. It's normal, so it can't be traumatic, right?

Hi, nonnie. I think the end of your first question is missing, but I'm gonna assume from the rest of your ask that you're asking if it can be traumatic to grow up in an environment that matches most of the BITE-model points, which characterise cults. And the answer is absolutely, yes.

A cult can be a powerful organisation with thousands of victims, or it can be a household. If you find yourself in any situation that meets a good proportion of the BITE-model points, you are a cult victim and therefore a victim of abuse, and you're very likely to develop trauma from it. Of course if you grow up knowing only a certain kind of treatment it's going to feel completely normal to you, but if that treatment is mistreatment of any kind (abuse, neglect, or indoctrination, among others) it's still going to traumatise you, no matter how normal and okay you interpret that treatment to be growing up.

Abuse isn't just abuse when it deviates from your normal. You could be abused/neglected/indoctrinated from the very day you're born by everyone around you and it still wouldn't mean that you'd grow up knowing how to handle and process it all healthily. You'd assume that's what's normal because you wouldn't know anything different, but it would still hurt and traumatise you deeply—maybe in many more ways than you'd realise.

And even if your abusers didn't meant to hurt or indoctrinate you, they still did. They could've had the best intentions, and that still wouldn't negate the fact that they traumatised you. Intent isn't a necessary condition for abuse.

I'm really sorry you went through this, nonnie. I hope this all becomes a bit easier to believe with time.

Sending all my support your way ❤️