#For legal reasons this may or may not be 1/8 of a joke

[biggestqiblifan]

I'm sorry,

YOU COULDN'T AIM A LITTLE MORE TO THE RIGHT?!

They fucking missed, goddamit.

[la-pheacienne]

Alright I'm choosing violence yet again because that's what we do in this house.

You guys are seriously creepy about adultery. Like. Seriously. It's not even a joke. In the beginning I thought this bizarre attitude was limited to fandom discourse but I don't think that's the case anymore. I think you guys will eventually need to come to terms with the fact that :

1) Adultery is not criminal behavior, at least in the Western world, since... quite a while actually.

2) Married people can and do fall in love with other people and even occasionally fuck them and this is a very real part of human experience that you need to eventually face.

3) Women who cheat on their husbands are not actually whores.

4) Being "the other woman" (funny phrase) does not automatically give you the seal of ultimate shame, depravity and ruined vagina unlike what your grandma may have told you.

5) Nobody is actually going to give you a golden cookie if you're a faithful god-fearing woman in your own marriage.

6) The fidelity of a man is not and should not be a reward for being a "good"/"correct" woman and having a faithful husband is not the Ultimate Badge of a Woman's Worth and Value unlike popular belief.

7) Likewise, having a man cheat on you does not make you Unworthy, Pathetic and Forever Ruined, it just means they wanted to fuck someone else. A man is not and should not be responsible for your value or worth, not even your husband.

8) From the list of all the harmful things a man can inflict on a woman, cheating is actually the least harmful. It is somehow rebranded as the most harmful, for obvious reasons patriarchy, which leads us to the centuries old pervasive mentality of "he's x, y and z (enter abusive, controlling, boring, horrible in bed) but AT LEAST he LOVES ME he's fAiThFuL and has eyes onLY for ME isn't that rOMaNTIC??". No, it is not. A man can cheat on you after years of being a supportive partner, giving you the best sex of your life, being a great parent for your kids, in short, after years of making your life better in all the ways that matter. A man can be blindly faithful to you and also be a horrible lover and a boring, controlling or abusive partner. Fidelity is socially treated as the number 1 undisputed proof of a man's love for a woman and number 1 undisputed proof of his value as a partner and it absolutely should not be so. This is actually a dangerous mentality and you learned it from me today.

9) Marriage vows are not engraved on our skin, they are not the unbreakable vows of harry potter where if you break them you lose your life, they are not the 10th commandments, they are not the vows of the night's watch. Marriage vows are nothing more than an legal agreement between two people and the state, and agreements are sometimes breached. People's genitals are not automatically covered with sealed concrete when they sign the paper, as much as it would like it to be so. People may agree on fidelity for life but they do preserve their bodily and sexual autonomy and free will even after marriage and sometimes they do prioritize that over their agreement because humans are just like that. I get that this very simple fact sucks, I do. But life sometimes sucks, relationships are unpredictable, people change their minds and can't/don't always want to resist on their desires or needs, and things don't always go as planned because as a general rule, you can't control other people's choices. Only your own.

10) Cheating is a morally reprehensible act, but that doesn't necessarily mean that people who cheat are inherently the epitomy of moral depravity or that their faithful partner is the saint in the relationship. Maybe they are, maybe they're not. Maybe they are both problematic, maybe the cheater is the victim, maybe the faithful partner is actually the problem. It fucking depends. In the year of our lord 2024 you need to perhaps acknowledge that this obsession with fidelity in marriage as the Absolute Hallmark of a healthy relationship and the Ultimate Seal of moral purity is actually a by-product of harmful strict patriarchal/religious values, real life is less black and white and the world is not split between faithful partners with a halo over their head and filthy cheating partners that should be lynched. This is bordering on biological essentialism and let's just say that's not the vibe.

11) A big part of the disgust "cheaters" inspire to a certain category of people is simply thinly concealed sex-averse puritanism, rebranded as ethics. Not all of us fall for that.

12) Feeling hurt, betrayed, traumatized, furious or disgusted after being cheated on is a totally valid reaction. Feeling outraged or disgusted on behalf of other people being cheated on isn't a valid reaction. The scarlet letter was published almost two centuries ago. You are still wayy too comfortable talking about other people's sex lives and passing judgment on account of what they are doing with their own genitals. Likewise, you do not have a say on the cheatee's choice to stay in the marriage. Some people do stay in marriages where they have been cheated on, and no, they are not necessarily weak people with no backbone and/or victims and/or financially dependent on their partner and they don't necessarily need saving. A marriage is an agreement between two (2) people and they are free to agree on whatever the fuck they want. You don't know everything that's going on between them.

The sooner you accept the above facts the easier human relationships will be for you, and as a minor but useful side-effect, navigating certain fandom spaces may become less tedious for you and me both. it's a win-win situation.

[maspers]

Ranking the Miracucast by how much Adrien: The Fragrance they own

Marinette: Do you even have to ask? She has gallons. 10/10

Alya: She has more than the average girl her age, but that's mostly because it was on sale and she felt like supporting Adrien in a way that was pretty easy. 5/10

Adrien: Yes. 10/10

Nino: Has gotten at least 1 bottle as a joke. Adrien was not amused. 1/10

Chloe: She has a significantly large amount of Adrien, and she says that she wears it all the time, but her collection isn't decreasing as much as she says it is. Sus. 8/10

Sabrina: Unlike Chloe, Sabrina actually likes this perfume. Main reason Chloe's collection is decreasing is because Sabrina uses it. 8/10 by proxy

Mylene: Had some, but then she learned about some of the stuff that Gabriel puts in his perfumes. Then she set all her bottles on fire. At once. In the classroom. They had to have a fire drill. Maybe it wasn't her smartest idea. But she was tired. 3/10

Ivan: Everyone assumed he was the one who set the fire, and he is doing nothing to dissuade them of that notion. 2/10

Rose: This girl knows her perfume. She sorts it alphabetically. She may or may not make her own, by performing unethical experiments on the perfumes she already owns. The Adrien is no exception, she has more types of it than legally exist on the market. 6/10

Juleka: Actually wears it quite a bit, since A) She kinda likes the smell, B) It's cheap, and C) Adrien uses it as proof that he is in fact endorsing her as a model. The only thing holding her career back is her self-confidence. You can do it Juleka! We believe in you! 7/10

Kim: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. 9/10

Max: Absolutely not. 0/10

Alix: She actually has a pretty sizable collection of the stuff in the Burrow. But none of it seems to be stuff that's currently on the market, it's all weird future versions of the stuff with odd scents, unreleased prototypes that put you at risk of setting it on fire if you use it, or bottles from alternate timelines that somehow survived whatever apocalypse was going on there. It's complicated. But since they're all weird versions of it, she has a nice excuse to not use it. Ever. Alix/10

Nathaniel: Bought a whole bunch and used it to create an art piece for Adrien's birthday. Adrien was extremely amused and gave the artwork a special spot in the corner of his room. It still smells like the fragrance (and bottles) used to make it, which is very good for disguising the scent of Plagg's camembert. 4/10

Lila: Is contractually forced to wear the stuff due to legal shenanigans. She hates it. She hates it so much. But if any of the Agreste Household realize that she isn't wearing it then things will get more ComplicatedTM for her so she just has to deal. 9/10

Luka: Borrows Juleka's sometimes. If it works, it works! The twins already share a lot of stuff anyway, she doesn't mind. Sometimes it leads to Luka getting weird looks from other people, but Luka has never really been one to care about that. 5/10

Kagami: Like Lila, she's basically contractually obligated to wear it. unlike Lila, she doesn't own a single bottle of the stuff. Neither Gabriel nor Tomoe care about it enough to force her, so she will take what she can get. 0/10

Marc: He adamantly refuses to disclose how much of the stuff he has, if any. It's probably one of the best-kept secrets in the entire school. I have no clue either, so I'm just going to give him the average score and you all can try and come up with your own guess. 5/10

Ondine: Kim once bought her some perfume in bulk as a gift (oh, THAT's why his own score was so high, I get it now) but unfortunately perfume is not really practical for a girl who spends a significant amount of her time swimming and showering. She appreciated the gift, though, and wears it when she feels like being fancy! 3/10

Aurore: She's an Adrien fangirl. 'Nuff said. 8/10

Felix: He hates this stuff with a burning passion. Everyone sees him and goes "hey aren't you that guy on the perfume ads?" and he despises it. He actively goes out of his way to tear down posters and deface advertisements, even going to such great lengths as to create sentimonsters with the explicit purpose of reducing sales of Adrien. Felix will do everything in his power to decrease the amount of this stuff in the world. -5/10

Zoe: She arrived after the craze was over and has no context for anything. So she also borrows from Chloe's stash on occasion, but she doesn't really much care for the smell. 4/10

[homestuckreplay]

Webcomics at Day 100 #6: 1/0

Pages read: 8/27/2000 - 5/26/2003; 1,003 pages; all of it

Reason for selection: This is the first webcomic I was ever personally into, although I didn’t read it until long after it finished. It’s an extended philosophical discussion between the author and their characters, with no fourth wall and total awareness of the medium.

Original run: Updated daily for exactly 1,000 strips (plus three April Fools guest strips), then stopped forever. Author Mason Williams continues to make other, unrelated webcomics.

Content warnings: Lots, and I can’t guarantee I caught them all. These may not reflect the author’s views today, as I haven’t yet read his more recent works, but might affect how enjoyable 1/0 is for present-day readers.

One rape joke

Occasional use of slurs

Frequent misogyny, gender essentialism, and objectification of women

Antisemitic character tropes

Occasional racist and Islamophobic jokes

Occasional homophobic jokes

Lesbian character who ends up in a heterosexual relationship

Heavy focus on Christian theology and morality

Overall thoughts:

1/0 is a comic about the entire lifespan of a universe on the smallest scale imaginable. The universe is created on page one, and destroyed on page 1,000. It is composed of a single landmass – the corpse of a bear – in and endless, empty horizon. A total of twelve characters live here at some point, explore the meaning of life and death, and eventually, leave. These characters are one human man, one rib, one eyeball, three molecules, one atom, one earthworm, one strawman, two golems and a running gag. Almost as soon as the laws of the universe have been established, its end is foretold. The characters know it is coming, are aware of the comic, and have 1,000 strips to live the best life they can.

In concept, I think it’s really, really beautiful. In its execution, I have more mixed feelings.

The concept of the Fourth Wall is used throughout 1/0 as a metaphor for atheism. Early in the comic, the characters request a fourth wall, which is installed for a week (a ‘4’ in the corner of the panel signifies this). It ends up being a failure. Later, a character (Marcus) is so upset at the death of his son – perhaps caused by the author – that he loses faith in him and gains a personal fourth wall (indicated by a tiny ‘4’ in each eye). Some characters accept his different views while others try to convert him, but he is constantly positioned as the fool for not seeing the greater truth of the author, readers, panels and strip.

Of course, in 1/0, the author can be conclusively proven, and talked to directly like a friend or mentor (his speech bubbles are the rectangular text blocks, and all characters can hear them). The metaphor is imperfect. Taken in a vacuum, it’s reasonable for the comic to criticize Marcus’ objectively wrong interpretation. Taken as a piece of media written in a Christian-dominant society where alternative religious views are actively and legally discriminated against, it’s uncomfortable, no matter Williams’ intentions. And while Williams, on his personal website, claims to respect other viewpoints (including atheism), he also says that ‘the goals behind atheistic morality will always have an air of arbitrariness that religious moralities transcend’ (2002), a statement I don't agree with that's very telling about the ideology he brings to the story.

The 1/0 characters invent basic concepts of modern Western society, such as ‘personal property’ (the only possession in the strip is one hat), 'workers' strikes' (against the author!), ‘units of measurement’, ‘the justice system’, ‘supply and demand economics’, ‘copyright law’, and even – accidentally – ‘top surgery’. (Even though it’s unintentional, the trans representation is not bad for 2001 – the author’s ‘no girls in the strip til I get a girl’ that precedes it is far more questionable).

But the characters also have a working, yet incomplete knowledge of Earth via the author. They know what Portland and the CN Tower are, and one character can even recite poetry, but they’re more familiar with the surface trappings of Earth than with its complexities. What they know is sometimes inconsistent and is generally dictated by the logic of ‘what makes an interesting strip?’

1/0 also establishes other fictional universes – early on, the characters portal into the universe of different webcomics, and later, they organize an ‘impressions’ contest where they pretend to be other authors' characters. The laws governing other webcomics, and their differences to 1/0’s laws, are discussed. In this way, Williams has an excuse to organically link to other comics he’s reading, promoting those authors’ works and acknowledging his influences, which is pretty delightful in an early internet way.

I think the overall question 1/0 is asking is, ‘what if God was a benevolent kindergarten teacher?’ The author – whose in-strip character and online persona is known as Tailsteak – spends much of his time patiently explaining basic moral lessons to the characters, who have just come into existence, and don’t have a pre-existing society or ethics system to work within. At times the author scolds characters for their views – one character, Junior, is designated ‘the evil one’, expresses problematic opinions, and feuds with the other characters and author.

In the moment, he’s told that he’s wrong, but he ultimately doesn't face serious consequences. In the end, the characters leave the comic for the human world, and the author gives Junior arguably the easiest life of everyone – a football scholarship to a college where he’ll be in a position of privilege and won’t have to worry about money. This is the last in a series of apologies from the author for forcing the character into the evil archetype early on, but Junior has never really stopped being an asshole. His ending gives him a chance to be evil all over again, only this time with free will. In this way the comic legitimizes human social dynamics, where physically strong and emotionally immature white men are offered forgiveness and unearned success while others are not.

I'm focusing on the negatives, but I overall like this comic a lot. It's filled with moments that are emotionally satisfying, contemplative, unexpected, and funny. Reading this in the present day as a marginalized and non-Christian person leaves me really intrigued by most of what it's doing, and wishing its ideas were explored without the accompanying prejudices. There's other works that do that, of course, but I haven't yet found one with the charming simplicity of this one - and even if I find it, I won't be able to go back in time and make it important to my younger self the way this was.

Relevance to Homestuck: [ooc - contains spoilers for Act 5]

1/0 is a creation myth. It explores what it takes to make a universe – can anyone simply say ‘once upon a time, there was a universe in which everyone was happy, the end’ and create one, over and over? If so, does what happens in that universe mean anything, if there’s no nuance or complexity to its existence?

Although 1/0's world is on a tiny scale and Homestuck deals with the entirety of reality, they’re asking the same metaphysical questions about stories and existence. Do characters have feelings and experiences outside of what is seen by an audience? Can a character be ‘duplicated’ from one universe into another, and if so, do they know about the other versions of themself? What does it mean to have free will or your own personality when you're a character in a story? What happens if an all powerful figure who isn’t the original creator tries to take control of the comic?

1/0 just barely experiments with art style and medium, dipping its toe into the ocean Homestuck would leap into.. Williams admits he ‘[wasn’t] as adventurous with 1/0 as [he] could have been’, a choice that was partly intentional - but there are moments when he invites guest contributors, draws in somebody else’s style, or turns the comic into an RPG and rolls for a character’s action. In a stylistic parallel, each 1/0 character types in a unique font that represents their personality, giving their speech a sort of ‘quirk’.

Finally, both Homestuck and 1/0 could be read as a metaphor for the birth and growth of the internet, for spending your adolescence online and then leaving to enter the ‘real world’. In 2002 Williams said the following about spending his time online, which may or may not intentionally parallel his characters’ experiences in the comic, but feels poetic either way.

‘I get to be here as this new world cools from its primeval fires. I get to watch and, in some small way, participate in the infancy of a radical new society. Life is changing, and I get to be here in the middle of it.’

Continue reading? I reread the whole comic in two evenings. Despite my problems with it, I will probably return to it in another decade for a third read.

[silvertws]

Oh... you thought my hyperfixation was over didn't you ... WELL THINK AGAIN! >:D

Currently updated list of different Steve sagas I have watched or I'm currently watching:

1) LOTB (Legend of the Balancers) (first one I've come across, where it all started, thanks for the hyperfixation :D)

2) RR (Ruined Reality) (I'm not saying I have favourites but...)

3) Steve Saga (The one by EarthlyCrown)

4) Bedrock Rising

5) OQP (Ore Quest Prime)

6) Crimson Life Origins, (if anything happens to the triplets I'll throw hands, for legal reasons, this is a joke)

7) Fragmented Realities (AH-! I FINALLY FOUND IT AGAIN >:D),

8) A Dark Soul (ok maybe I slightly do have favourites)

9) Rainbow Quest, (sobs aggressively in Orange Rainbow Steve)

10) Steve Legends, (still sobbing over Seer and Colle? Yes.)

11) Twisted Rainbow, (I'm literally obsessed with Sabre's insane arc)

12) Before We Fell

13) Elemental Quest

14) Elemental Quest Air

15-16) Elemental Quest Commander (I put them as 15-16 because I watched both Air and Ocean povs)

17) The Dark Steve Saga (honestly??? Slay. I would too sell my soul to be the mc lol)

18) The First Saviour (I can totally see nothing will go wrong here, what?? Noooo definitely not going to have a traumatized mc)

19) Shattered Origins

20) Fragments

21) Alex Era (*sighs* I have given into the Darkside and went back to watching it)

22) Tale of the Spirit Walker (it was funky, I like funky)

23) Lost transfiguration (the mc naiveness is hurting me, also he's definitely being played by Plague, COME ON. IT'S LITERALLY PLAGUE.)

24) Steve World

24) Astral Origins

25) Elemental Rising. (You guys are evil)

Series that I'm unsure if I'll finish for...reasons

Steve Saga (yes, Sabre's one this time)

Purple Legends

Series that I want to watch:

Elemental Quest (oh yes, all of them, leave me be) and literally whatever else I can find >:3 your recommendations, hand them over.

Update: I watched them >:3

This should probably be my wake up call that I may be slightly obsessed over the funky Minecraft men, but whatever.

It's fine.

The Steve-verse is full of limitless possibilities.

I hate the fact that I have an idea for a storyline that I'm never going to make.

Pain.

Why do I do this to myself you may ask?

i.dont.know.

I just do.

If only I had the motivation to make some funky animations or animatics about the silly goofy traumatized Minecraft men.

Hand your motivation over. Now.

Oh... and another thing... I've watched... many, many Minecraft roleplays in my life... so.many. and let's not talk about the animated series??? Like hello?????? Some of them are just ✨ the urge to make fanart is strong.

But studying for two upcoming tests is stronger TwT

Back to make my brain explode I go.

[an-atlas-or-other]

So I may or may not have started another list of notes for the first season or RWBY. It’s a habit okay-

Full disclosure I only started writing at like episode 7 or 8 so my notes aren’t comprehensive, nor do they address anything in particular. They’re just thoughts I felt the need to write down. That being said;

The moon is fucking oblong. Aside from having parts missing, that is (unless that’s supposed to be reflections and the moons not full. But it’s still oblong???)

Since all the teams’ names start with the leaders name, if Weiss were to lead the team I think a cool name would be WYBR (said wihb-er)

Some of the sound design is… not great. Most of the effects are too loud or too highly pitched. The music is good though!

How does evil dude talk normally with that massive cigar in his mouth?

AHAHA WEISS’ SCAR DOESNT MATCH UP WHEN SHE CLOSES HER EYE

Jean is really annoying. I know he’s stupid for comedic purposes but it happens too much, and his voice is also irritating. So is Ruby’s but at least she’s not dumb so I can excuse it more

Some of the scenes are kind of weird. Case one: episode 9 scene 1. There’s more but that’s the one I’m at right now. Some other scenes have that same sort of… feel? I don’t know how to explain it

Ahaha I’m wondering if that cup of coffee is just part of Ozpins character model. I don’t think I’ve seen him without it yet

When they say “our planet” it admits that they’re advanced enough that they know the concept but how do the kingdoms work. How are there only four? We don’t have a world map, and the one they showed us looked about the scale of your standard European map. Do they just claim a bunch of territory? But not do much with it? And against who, the grimm? They’re not going to respect national boundaries-

Are they implying Mr Peter is a pedophile? Also where did the cage come from. Why is the beast only now being rowdy-

Is Ozpin fucking omnipotent? Why is he everywhere, doesn’t he have anything better to do?

When did they change. Why did they change. There’s a uniform for a reason? Don’t you wear it during all school hours?

AHAHA JAUNDICE HAHAHA

Why do the teachers here drink so much

Fort Castle? That’s uncreative

Wow do they have noticeable stage posture

Jean is a little less annoying now

“You need to be wider and lower to the ground” what, does she want him to squat?

Isn’t it a liiiitle weird for the only even moderately dark person in the show to be the stowaway monkey guy

How did they know Penny is from out of town. She has no accent, and Vale seems to be racially homogeneous, so how do they know?

The jokes can be pretty funny sometimes (case one: “she does like tuna a lot”)

All the streets look exactly the same. No city is that perfectly planned

I really wish penny’s stockings (?) were pants. They’re really odd

I am loving that cane gun. I wish my cane had a gun (for legal reasons that is a joke)

Why is Weiss suddenly nice to Blake again. Did all her character development happen offscreen? Why?

[gracie-has-a-sticker]

tips for wonyoungism

Who is wonyoung?⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚

 Following Well many would question, who exactly is wonyoung? This question may come from many non-kpop fans and even new kpop fans! Wonyoung as of 2024 is part of a group called IVE under starship ent She is also a ex-member of Iz*one, just to clear the air she did not leave the group due to any personal problems but the group as a whole disband!

Wonyoung has had the kpop fans and the internet on a chokehold because of

1; her absolutely insane beauty

2; charismatic personality

3; talented performance

4; a fashion, brand and, skincare icon

5; always determined attitude

6; a unbothered queen

7; most recently, the legal battle

8; THE IT GIRL OF 4TH GEN

In summary, Jang Won Young's charisma, fashion sense, and resilience has contributed to her viral status in South Korea's entertainment scene✧˚ ༘ ⋆｡˚ and in this book, we will be going in dept to talk about her her viral wonyoungism mindset!

reminders about wonyoungism⋆｡‧˚ʚɞ˚‧｡⋆

I just want to let you know that before we jump into this whole wonyoungism mindset, I just wanna let you know you are beautiful the way you are!!! no need to change how you look or anything about you, wonyoungism is suppose to help you to grow as a individual, please don't degrade yourself lol. If you feel like wonyoungism isn't for you, don't mold yourself to be something your not!! Remember YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL THE WAY YOU ARE!!!!

Mindset𓍢ִ໋✧˚ ༘ ⋆｡˚♡

 Wonyoung has a stern mindset, she always has a white swan mindset What is a white swan mindset? White swan~ You always focus on the good not the bad, a white swan mindset is being able to focus on the good and learn from your past failures :( You always have a smile on your face, knowing you will see results, you never put yourself down when someone talks bad about you! Wonyoung never puts herself down because she knows her value, she knows how much she is worth!!! People talk bad about you okay so what???? their is a reason they are behind you!!! Wonyoung also has a idgaf mindset, like queen wonyoung said "your you, im me" Wonyoung doesn't care about haters because she knows that at the end of the day, what did you benefit out of listening to the haters, nothing! you don't get a glow up instead you get glow down, when you listen to haters you end uplowering your value and lowering your worth! why? because you listen to people talk about you, instead of focusing on yourself, it is so important to just block out the haters, Wonyoung got so much hate at such a young age, she dealt with grown adults hating on her but what did she do? she ignored them, when you start doing that people will start to realize, you have a idgaf mindset, people will start to realize how stupid they look taking about you, when you honestly don't give a fuck (sorry for cussing lol) so the whole entire thing summed up, focus on yourself, get your work done and if anyone hates don't worry because when they realize that you don't care at the end of the day and they will be and look embarrassed.

Hobbies⋅⋆⁺𐚁♡ও⁺⋆⋅

Hobbies are really important because when you have so much extra time on your hands, you just might be a victim of scrolling endlessly on tiktok, instagram, twitter and, youtube. Wonyoung has hobbies such as modeling, she plays the piano, flute and violin and she learned English and Japanese. . . . Yes, I and many have fallen into that constant cycle of being lazy and just laying on the couch, hair messy, clothes dirty with a can of coke-a-cola and a bag of chips, eating myself away. Yes when in the moment it feels nice and being to take a break from reality, but question yourself after the lazy moment "why did I do that?" "what do I benefit from that besides watching 200 reels and binge watching 2 seasons of the k-drama series called happiness *i love that show lol*" but in all seriousness people will joke around and say "My hobby is eating" or "binge watching is my hobby" but lets be honest we all know that's not a hobby. Having hobbies can benefit you in so many ways. Hobbies help you with your emotional or mental health, hobbies can also help you interact/socialize with others, you can find new friends because you guys share a new hobby. Hobbies can be so fun and help you learn more things you didn't know before. . . . Hobby Idea list <3

*Painting

*Crafting

*Journaling

*Crocheting

*Sewing

*Photography

*Writing music

*Pottery

*Learn a new language (i am currently involved in this hobby and I love it lol)

*Find out new music

*Travel (only if your allowed to;)

*Blogging

*Join a club (jazz, art, photography or clubs you would enjoy!)

*Reading .

More physical hobbies

*Dancing

*Pilates

*Running

*Boxing

*Swimming

*Cycling

*Ice Skating

*Weight Lifting

the end love you stay safe my lovely oomfs<3

[iviarellereads]

Gideon the Ninth, Bonus Content, Naming Systems

(Curious what I'm doing here? Read this post! For detail on The Locked Tomb coverage and the index, read this one! Like what you see? Send me a Ko-Fi.)

The final Gideon the Ninth paperback bonus content: "A Little Explanation of Naming Systems".

First, the official explanation that your last name in the Nine Houses is not a family name, it's an arithmonym.(1) The first name is sometimes used to indicate family connection: the "hark" in "Harrowhark" is intentionally shared with her father, "Priamhark", and is a tribute to an ancestor of the Tombkeeper line. Thus, names like "Jeannemary" and "Coronabeth" derive from "heirloom name particles." Different Houses assign names in different ways.

Many Houses are also fond of referential diminutives (Mortus to Ortus).

Siblings, even twins, do not generally share last names, though sometimes they share parts of them. The Tridentarii being an exception, their shared name may indicate something about their parents' hopes for their children.(2) There are exceptions, such as the three Asht brothers who were definitively not triplets.

Names do not change with marriage. Non-necromancers pick which of the couple's houses to settle and affiliate themselves and their future children with. Necromancers do not marry outside their Houses, so stay affiliated with their native one. There are some additional rules imposed by certain Houses, such as, if a child is born with a Sixth parent, that child is automatically and irrevocably of the Sixth,(3) "which can prove a legal nightmare".

Here we switch to a note that not all names are included in the pronunciation guide that follows, "due to their appearance in the Bible or elsewhere (the Second, the Fifth, Isaac, Silas)."(4) Also, Muir says she's included some meta-notes to explain some of the jokes and references in her names, but adds:

You don't have to read these. Put your thumb over them if you like.

Harrowhark Nonagesimus: Harrow to rhyme with arrow. Noh-nah-GUESS-i-mus, with the last i like "bitter", and mus just this side of "moose". Harrow is named explicitly for the harrowing of Hell, and hark is an ominous word "that always precedes an awful time, in the old sense of "awe.""

Gideon Nav: nav like navigator. There are many reasons behind Gideon's name. The prophet "who really messed up the Midianites" is one. "Gideon is a prophetic name: someone named their own demise in her."

Ortus Nigenad: "ORT-us. To rhyme with tortoise, unless you pronounce tortoise "tor toys," in which case it doesn't." NIGH-ga-nad, with the hard G. Ortus is in reference to his father Mortus, but "Ortus by itself is the Latin for "rising." Is this hilarious or sad?"

Pelleamena Novenarius: Pelly-AM-enna, not ah-MAY-nah. Noh-ven-ARE-ee-us, with the same "oose" sound as Harrow's. Named for Peleus, the father of Achilles.(5)

Priamhark Noniusvianus: PRY-am-hark, three distinct syllables, with the h audible. NOH-nee-us-vee-AHN-us. "You should have the trick of the "us" sound by now. If you don't, it's fine, nobody cares, it's a random name in a novel about bonermancy."(6) Priam is a character from the Iliad, "famously a dad in a city about to go splat."

Aiglamene: Eye-GLAM-en-ay. From the French "aigle", the eagle.

Crux: rhymes with "sucks", means "cross" which has several layers of humour attached.(7)

Aisamorta: EYE-sa-mor-tah. "Aisa" is a Greek word related to destiny.

Lachrimorta: LACK-ri-mor-tah. From Latin "lacrima" (tears, the kind that well and drop from the eyes).

Glaurica: GLAU-ri-kah. Ri from "ridicule", not "reed".

Judith Deuteros: DEW-ter-oss. The Biblical Judith beheaded the general Holofernes,(8) in the deuterocanonical(9) Book of Judith. Also, the "Book of Deuteronomy is a very didactic(10) text."

Marta Dyas: DIE-ass, and Muir apologizes for not having a better way to explain. Marta, like martial, of war. "The Second House names are serious business."

Ianthe Tridentarius: Ee-AHN-thay, Try-den-TAR-ee-us.

Coronabeth Tridentarius: Cor-OWN-a-beth. Corona like a halo.

The twins were originally to be named Cainabeth and Abella, which Muir says was so unsubtle she "might as well have just gone with "Goodtwin" and "Badtwin." And it's not even accurate! It should be Badtwin, and Lessbadtwin."

Naberius Tern: Na-BEER-ee-us, this time "us" as in "fuss". TURN, like wishing he would turn and walk out the door. "Naberius is one of the demon princes of Hell. Will this mean anything significant later on?? (No.)"

Jeannemary Chatur: JOHN-mair-ee, with a soft, French "j" but definitely Mary, not Marie. Cha-TOUR, not chatter, "though that'd be appropriate." Jeannemary is "a Biblical car crash"(11), but Jeanne is specifically a reference to Jeanne D'Arc.(12)

Isaac Tettares: Tett-AR-ez, not "tett-aries". Isaac foreshadows Jesus's death in the Bible, by bringing the wood for his own sacrifice up a mountain. Here, Isaac foreshadows Gideon's death, by doing the brave thing. "I might as well have called Jeannemary and Isaac "Don'tgetattached" and "Deadsoon.""

Palamedes Sextus: Pal-AM-a-dees, and Muir had a comparison but removed it.(13) SEX-tus with the "us" as in "bus". Was briefly named Diomedes, "Athena's favourite goodboy in the Iliad," but that would've taken away Gideon's "stupidest joke in the book."(14)

Camilla Hect: last name to rhyme with "wrecked". Camilla's name was chosen to complement Palamedes's, as the necromancer and cavalier pairs who love each other often share a syllable or sound. In their case, "am", and in the case of Abigail and Magnus, the "g".

Dulcinea Septimus: Dul-sin-AY-a, not dul-sinn-eya. SEPT-i-mus, Sept like September, and the moose returns.

Note: "Dulcinea" is the famously illusory persona assigned to the prostitute Aldonza in Don Quixote: a case of a woman you want to exist, but who really doesn't. In this essay I will"(15)

Protesilaus Ebdoma: Prot-eh-sil-OW-us, prot not prote. EBB-do-mah, ebb like the tide and doma like domain. Protesilaus was the first to die at Troy, and is the first to die because of the Lyctor trials. ""Johnny Quickdeath" would've also been a good pick."

Silas Octakiseron: Ock-ta-KISS-er-on, rather than keys-er-on.

Colum Asht: COL-um like "column", "asht" like "ash" with an extra sound on the end. Colum refers to Columba(16). The Asht brothers have the names of sacrificial animals: Colum ("dove" in Irish), Ram (like the sheep), and Capris (goat). Muir feels bad for meta-misusing the Asht bros so much that she couldn't even manage to make a reference to how "Capris" shares a name with a style of trouser.(17)

Incidental names and terms:

Matthias Nonius: Mah-TYE-us, with a hard T. NOH-knee-us. "As in, no knees for us." Absolutely a Redwall reference.

Cytherea: KITH-er-AY-a, a reference to Aphrodite.

Lyctor: LICK-tor. "In order to facilitate "Lyctor? I hardly touched her," stand up routines in the Nine Houses. Lyctor related to "lych" and to Lictor, Roman emperors' bodyguards.

Canaan House: KAY-nan.

Secundarius Bell: Se-cun-DAR-ee-us.

Drearburh: DREAR-burr. Drear like dreary, burh as a variant of burgh.(18)

=====

(1) From the Greek root "arithmos" (number) and "nym" (name). (2) My guess is, it was a way to force them to be perceived closer, to more effectively hide Corona's lack of aptitude for necromancy. (3) If they generally assign childbearing pairs in-house because of a shallow gene pool, it makes sense they'd formally instate such a rule to bring in as much depth as possible. (4) It would've been easy to say "names missing are probably pronounced the way you think they are" but I love "the Bible or elsewhere". (5) Any thoughts on what this means for Harrow's arc? (6) I think bonermancy is something quite different but I am deeply amused nevertheless. (7) In case anyone's curious, I count: --Cross as in angry, which Crux often is --Cross as in a dishonest contest or match, which is more what Harrow did than Crux, but I think bears mentioning --Cross as in to confront someone antagonistically, like he did to Gideon early on --Cross as in to betray, as in placing the bomb on the shuttle (8) This has been the subject of a great number of pieces of incredible art. Search "Judith and Holofernes" for more. I assume you don't need a gore warning if you've made it this far in the read. (9) Deuterocanonical - belonging to the second canon, or in plainer words, a group of Biblical books which some of the Christian denominations (mainly Catholic and Orthodox types) accept to be part of the Old Testament, but the Protestant denominations call apocrypha (to oversimplify: not real enough). (10) Didactic - intended to teach or educate, particularly with regard to morals. (11) You've got Jeanne as the feminine French form of "John", Mary is both the virgin mother and Mary Magdalene, one of Jesus's disciples and the first witness to his resurrection, occasionally said to have been Jesus's lover. Sometimes called a prostitute, but this seems to stem from a very odd interpretation by Pope Gregory I in 591 CE. (12) You might know her as Joan of Arc. (13) I still say "calamities" is pretty close, but a "deez nuts" joke wouldn't have gone astray here imo. (14) I think you mean BEST joke in the book, but that's opinion for you. (15) Yes it cuts off there, that's the joke. (16) An Irish missionary who spread Christianity in Scotland. (17) Pronounced very differently, but legit. (18) "burh" being much more likely to be pronounced corectly by Americans, is my guess, in addition to Muir enjoying using antiquated variants and synonyms.

[potteresque-ire]

The Big Politics Meta

0. Introduction; content notes and warning 1. The Boring Overview: 3rd Time is the Charm? 2. The Political Legacy of 2/27: A Hypothesis >> 3. Case Report of a Traffic Robbery, Committed October, 2020 4. Two Stories about a State-approved, Top Traffic Star 5. Afterthought: The Big Environment

(Below the Cut — 3. Case Report of a Traffic Robbery, Committed October, 2020)

Professor 沈 逸 Shen Yi deserves an introduction.

He is a professor of internal relations and Director of the Centre of Cyberspace Governance at Fudan University, one of the most prestigious universities in China. Known as an expert on “the United States problem”, Prof S also holds the honour of being denied entry into the U.S. by the Trump administration in 2018, for suspicion of espionage. He is an influencer of the nationalistic persuasion, not only for netizens but also, supposedly, for President Xi. Rumour has it that Prof S is a 內参, i.e. he collections information and writes analyses for the President to read. 

Prof S’s personality is also worth an introduction, and there is no better example than what happened in May, 2021, when India had a surge of COVID deaths. 長安網, the Weibo account of the Central Political and Legal Affairs Commission (which oversees all legal enforcement authorities in China including the police force), posted the following on its blog:

The text of this 2021/05/01 Weibo post by 長安網 said “China lighting a fire vs India lighting a fire”. The left photo showed the launching of the Chinese rocket LM-8; the right photo showed a mass cremation of COVID deaths in India. The tag was # INDIA’S NEW COVID CASE COUNT EXCEEDS 400,000.  (Source)  

It caused an outcry among a significant fraction of netizens, who thought the post went too far. No matter how much border conflict there was between China and India, they opined, deaths from causes like COVID shouldn’t be used for jokes, for propaganda. The post was deleted after it caught attention internationally, and it sparked a “debate” between Prof S, and the  editor of the State Tabloid Global Times then, 胡 錫進 Hu Xijin. The reason why the word debate was in quotation marks was because Prof S and Hu didn’t actually disagree on a critical point — India deserved the deaths, the suffering. The difference in opinion between them was whether the government should spell out that sentiment, and made it known to the world.

Hu believed the answer was no. Official blogs representing the state should exercise restraint, he believed, 高舉人道主義大旗，表達對印度的同情，將中國社會牢牢置於道義的高地上 “raise the flag of humanitarianism up high, show sympathy to India and put the Chinese society on the moral high ground (in the eyes of the international community).” To put it simply, Hu believed the government should pretend to care for show. 

And here’s the even more ... enlightening opinion from Prof S:

“These photos are pretty good. Don’t get me wrong, humanitarianism, ‘community with a shared destiny’ (Pie note: a phrase from President Xi that means humankind shares the same future) are all needed. At the same time, (showing) temper against the kind of coquettish cheap goods like India is also needed. As to all the saint mother whores, if you want to get sentimental, please go to India to burn some wood.” 

A tiny lesson on Chinese slangs: cheap goods 賤貨 is a derogatory term customarily used to degrade women, meaning roughly the same as “bitch”. Saint mother whore 聖母婊 is an equally derogatory term used to insult people who have expressed a more humanitarian world view, mocking them as being so overflowing with love that they don’t indiscriminate to whom they show affection, much like prostitutes. Prof S used the former slang to describe India, and the latter, the sympathising, outraged netizens.

I hope this paints a picture of how Prof S exudes charm (or just … exudes). For all his shiny titles and oration skills, however, Prof S is as well known among Chinese netizens for being something else.

Prof S is a famous Gg Anti.

To understand why that is, we turn back the clock another seven months, to October, 2020. There was an incident involving Gg’s birthday celebration that year, one that, if c-turtles have to refer to it, they call it 川美事件 The Incident of the Sichuan Fine Arts Institute. i-Turtles who have been around longer probably remember that incident as well. Essentially, KaiXiaoZao — you know, the rice box meal Gg endorses? — planned to have to a drone exhibition near the school to celebrate Gg’s birthday. However, it had to cancel the event at the last minute due to COVID and crowd control concerns. Gg fans were already in attendance, and they stayed for a short while, enjoyed a bit of fun. 

But the gathering, the celebration was soon re-painted by antis as Gg fans disturbing the peace of the school and also, them defiling the space. In truth, Gg fans were in a public shopping area outside the premise of the school proper, and the graffiti of Gg’s name shown as evidence of the defiling was not only an hour’s distance away, but on a graffiti wall that welcomed anyone to write and draw on it. 

Antis and fans fought, and given this was a few short months after 2 27, the inaccurate retelling of the event spread. 

Luckily, a local Chongqing TV station stood up for their Chongqing son, investigated and cleared the name of Gg fans, and by extension, Gg. Weibo censored 28 accounts for spreading misinformation, silenced them for fifteen days. People’s Daily and several other state media reblogged the TV investigation, as well as the doled-out punishment online. In three weeks, the police would confirm that no illegal activities had occurred that evening.

That was the start and end of The Incident of the Sichuan Fine Arts Institute. But there was actually a side story, a subplot …

Enter Prof S. The day after the TV station and Weibo cleared the name of Gg’s fans, he commented on the post by Weibo that had announced the censoring, opined that Gg’s fandom needed to be 有效治理 effectively governed, or managed — joining the sentiment of Gg antis that Weibo had only stood by Gg’s side because Gg gave it money. (Which is, by the way, a garden-variety accusation in c-ent fandoms; almost every fan war in c-ent involved accusing stars of bribing or paying something, be it a platform, “Capital”, YXHs, water army etc)

(c-fans confrontations are often verbally violent, but rarely verbally innovative). 

Then, he happened upon the following tweet on Twitter with a photo of Gg’s birthday gathering, and posted it on his Weibo with a comment:

“Interesting. Activities of fans of a certain star has been interpreted by foreign media as an illegal, Tibetan Independence activity. 😜 What’s going on?” 

Please read the English text of the tweet as well. SCAFI stands for Sichuan Fine Arts Institute, the location of the birthday gathering.

Giving a tweet like this one any political weight defies common sense. If any form of assembly for the alleged cause had broken out within mainland China, every international news media would have been on it, not only a Twitter account that, by the way, had “gamer” in its profile that could be verified with mere minutes of scrolling. The tweet itself was buzz words galore, as if inserting more politically-sensitive words would boost its credibility, when the effect was exactly the opposite.

For one, the evidence it presented to support the claim that the gathering was for Tibetan Independence was … SCAFI being “not far from Tibet”. Even if we discount the obvious leap of logic, the distance between Chongqing and Lhasa, the capital of Tibet, is slightly longer than … from Berlin, Germany to Istanbul, Turkey.

Just saying. (Source: Google)

Umbrella revolution was even further, geographically and culturally: it was the name of the protest in Hong Kong in 2014. 

This tweet might have been able to trick someone whose understandings of English and politics were both very limited — but an international relations professor like Prof S? Unless he was a fluke all the way, the chance of him truly believing in this tweet was infinitesimal.

Still, he posted it, and added more misinformation by calling the account “foreign media”. 

The response Prof S evoked was predictable. Gg’s fans came to him, some tried to explain and others, in a manner customary of their fandom culture, scolded and insulted Prof S as if he had been just another fandom anti. Meanwhile, Prof S provoked Gg’s fans further, reminded his readers that “cyberspace governance” was his speciality (one of his official positions in Fudan University), and “performing risk assessment” for the kind of activities that could “possibly lead to Color Revolution” — with “the kind of activities” referring to Gg’s birthday gathering — was the focus of his academic research (Source):

In China, this is an awful thing to say about anyone without proof.

“Color Revolution”, which referred to the series of pro-democracy, street-level uprisings in the former Soviet bloc in the early 2000s, is a term heavily used in the Chinese political rhetoric. The rhetoric, which is shared by countries like Russia and Vietnam, is that Western countries — in particular, the United States — orchestrate these popular movements in attempts to overthrow the local governments. Hence, the propaganda surrounding the Hong Kong protests, for example, has involved the CIA secretly handing out money to millions of Hong Kongers to march; and the protests themselves have been referred to as Color Revolutions by the state media. President Xi himself is a frequent user of the term, and is thought to be obsessed with it.

An accusation of starting a Colour Revolution is, therefore, very serious. It’s the equivalent to saying whoever is starting the revolution is colluding with foreign powers, and attempting subversion. Overthrowing the Chinese government.

The defence from Gg fans necessarily escalated. Some, being young, angry and worried and unfamiliar with the numerous political red lines in their country, said things that were, frankly, … much better left unsaid. Melon eaters gathered. “Prof S vs Gg fans” was on the verge of 出圈 Exiting the Circle — became a topic of popular interest, instead of fandom-limited interest. The question by Prof S, 你是什麼 粉? “What fan are you?” — the question he eventually asked everyone who challenged him, whether they were fans, or passerbys concerned with such a serious allegation having being thrown at young fans, made it onto the hot search. Some Gg fans realised by then that this Prof S was no ordinary anti, that he was a well-known political influencer and asked fellow fans to immediately stop their defence, but it was too late. 

Gg anti’s from 2 27 flocked to Prof S’s social media spaces to be his followers, excited that they had gained someone so important on their side. While this was all happening, Chongqing police formally cleared Gg fans from any wrongdoings during the birthday gathering on October 21st. Five days later, on October 26th, Prof S made a faux-pas in the eyes of the fraction of antis who had joined 2 27 as protest to the fic reporting. He pointed to the same fic associated with 2 27, tagged CCTV, Chongqing cyberpolice and claimed that that was the characterisation (referring to M/M CPs) that made Gg famous.

To put it differently: Prof S reported. 

This is of note, because it raised a question — had Prof S been even truly familiar with 2 27 before, and along that, the supposed ”dangers” of Gg’s fandom that he was claiming required “effective governance”? Joining the reporting of the fic in October 2020 —  wasn’t that a little ... late?

In all cases, this reporting post was, of course, incendiary to both the fans and antis. They came to his blog again, another big argument was about to begin, and …

Prof S deleted everything related to Gg in his blog. In fact, he went so far as to make his blog private for a week. He was tired of it, he explained, and the deletion was his own decision (ie, he wasn’t censored by Weibo). The graphic he used tor the explanation post included the phrase 說正事專用 — a popular phrase meaning “for serious business”, implying that talking about Gg and his fandom wasn’t serious enough to worth his time and effort anymore:

And this marked the end of the side story of the Incident of the Sichuan Fine Arts Institute, the 2020 birthday gathering.

Gg fans, per their custom of not talking about politics, never mention it again. The antis, meanwhile, continue to follow Prof S as their spiritual leader, joining the ranks of nationalistic “Little Pinks” that were originally his audience. After the mass cancellation of celebrities via the Clear & Bright Campaign in summer 2021, they went to him, dismayed that the only “casualty” associated with Gg was the temporary silencing of one of Gg’s Big Fans. In the ensuing conversations between Prof S and the antis, Prof S pointed out that as far as he could tell, GG didn’t have any background — ie., Gg didn’t have any connections in the upper echelons of the government, and/or the business moguls. And the issue at hand — the continued survival of Gg and his fandom — was the consequence of “(Gg’s) monopoly on the platforms”, “tens of millions of PR money”, “a MCN (multichannel network) ecosystem that has remained unregulated��� (MCNs in China, more often associated with net influencers and their e-commerce live-streaming, are also involved in short video production — including short videos that spread rumours and false content), “a fandom with basic, self-organisational ability”, “active Big Fan(s) (whose existence and activities are) based on profits”,”a purely symbolised star image” (ie, Gg being viewed as a symbol, an image, instead of a real person), and “a completely new, inexperienced management”:

The thing is, there is truth in what Prof S said, in that the listed elements: PR, MCN, the heavy profits associated with fandom and everything associated with stardom, really, have been widely considered as important building blocks of the c-ent we know today, and the causes of much of its woes. C-fans are aware of that. Most of us overseas fans, too, have heard of YXHs and water armies, for example, which is part of PR, and the havoc they can raise. While PR has, indeed, been used for (excessive) hyping and initiating fan wars, however, it has also become increasily necessary because of the existence of antis — ie, of people precisely like Prof S and his audience. Stars are also far from the only people who hire and pay for PR. Investors and production companies who have hired the stars for to-be-aired projects have equal, if not greater concerns about the stars’ reputation, and in the power balance between them and the stars who have yet to get famous or have just got famous (like Gg in early 2020), they have a clear upper hand — hence, they are more likely to be controlling the PR message than the stars themselves. 

In all cases, the involvement of these elements is by no means restricted to a star or two, or the top traffic stars. 

So, why make Gg’s fandom the target? Here was Prof S’s response:

(Underlined in red) “Gg fans are the most archetypical of the complete loss-of-control of fan economy. It is also the most difficult to put to order, and so, the effects of bringing it to order will have the most significance as a benchmark.” 

Prof S wanted to make an example of Gg and his fandom, and he wasn’t shy to say it. 

Not that this statement really mattered, but here are some questions I have about it, from a simple logical standpoint: If Gg’s top traffic status was purely the outcome of a fan economy run amok, surely there has got to be an assembly line of top traffic stars by now, hasn’t it? And a galaxy full of them taking over Gg’s place? After all, according to this theory, all it takes for the next Gg is happen is to invest a lot of money. Gg has no background — Prof S said so himself. Gg’s rise to stardom also happened after 2018, after Fan Bing Bing’s tax evasion case and the draining of c-ent capital resulting from the government’s aggressive, retrospect tax collection; Gg’s income has therefore been far less compared to stars of equivalent popularity from several years ago. 2 27 also happened a mere six months after Gg’s rise, i.e. Gg had yet to accumulate significant wealth then. This means, especially in 2020, Gg was far from being the most affluent by c-ent’s standards. There are certainly people, and companies, with much more to spend on star making, and top traffic maintenance. Why haven’t they built the next top traffic star?

More importantly, if the elements listed above, the PR and MCN etc, are truly the ingredients of top traffic-dom and the evils associated with it, then why not put these elements to order first? Why did Prof S, an expert on cyberspace governance, choose to target their consequence, a fandom, instead?

A piece of news from March, 2022, published by 新華網 Xinhuanet, may offer a glimpse to the reason why. Xinhuanet is the online arm of 新華通訊社 Xinhua News Agency, the official state news agency and China’s highest-ranking state media organ, and is traditionally responsible for much of the country’s propaganda. In the news, Xinhuanet announced its collaboration with a media company, Hai Xi Chuan Mei 海西傳媒, which would focus on the website’s 內容資源強化、品牌價值提升、渠道流量拓展, content fortification, brand value enhancement, and channel traffic expansion.

What is brand value enhancement but PR? As it turned out, too, even a website with Xinhua in its name needed, and wanted, traffic. Who had it sought expertise from for this important collaboration then? Who was the very lucky one chosen by Xinhua to polish its image?

Here’s the description of Hai Xi Chuan Mei (Source):

海西傳媒 … 是一家集經紀、演出、製作、合作、投資運營於一體的綜合性文化傳媒公司。公司成立至今，形成了以藝人經紀為主體，綜藝製作為新骨幹的產業鏈，同時與業內影視製作、發行集團聯手打造經紀聯盟平台。

Hai Xi Chuan Mei is a comprehensive cultural media company integrating management, performance, production, investment and operation. Since its founding, it has formed an industry value chain that has star management as its focus and variety show production, its backbone. At the same time, it has formed a management alliance with film and TV production and distribution (business) groups.

Yes, Xinhua had sought expertise from c-ent, and from a star management company, no less. This Baidu (Chinese Wiki) page about Hai Xi includes a list of the stars managed by Hai Xi; look carefully at the photos at the bottom of the page, and one may find a familiar face or two. 

Xinhua, at the very least, didn’t appear to even mind sharing the same image polisher with traffic stars.

Prof S’s statement rings a little differently with this piece of info, doesn’t it? The government may not actually mind a loss-of-control of fan economy, if the benefactor, the idol built by the fan economy is itself. Companies like Hai Xi are pretty much the embodiment of the elements Prof S have listed; rather than "effectively governing” them, however, the government is working with them, learning the ropes of image and traffic boosting from them. As such, there is little indication that the government actually intends for these elements to be “put to order” — instead, with 去流量化 “removal of traffic” from c-ent since last year, the intention is far more likely to be for these elements to work for the government instead. 

For reasons that would be clear in a bit, Prof S was likely aware of this — not about the Xinhua - Hai Xi collaboration that had yet to be publicised, but the thirst of those who spoke for the government for image, and for traffic. Hence, his shifting the target to the consequence of these elements, the c-ent fandom, which the government had already been clear in its intention to “put to order”, to weaken.

Between possibly offending the government, and definitely offending someone without background, Prof S knew the smart thing to do.

As to pinpointing Gg’s fandom as the archetype that should be put to order — 10 days after this conversation, Gg would be performing as the Asian Games Ambassador. 

Gg singing at the Asian Games Countdown Concert, 2020/09/10. At the shot of the audience in attendance (bottom photo), netizens commented that they were already nervous at the sight of it. The high-back chairs, the white covers, the placards, the suited, stiff postures were all visual clues that the seated officials were Very Important People. (Source)

Contrary to Prof S’s statement, there has been little indication that the government has anything personal against Gg, or that it plans to persecute him specifically in any way. The antis did get an idea right: if the government wanted to cancel Gg, it could have done so easily in the summer of 2021. After all, the list of crimes for 趙 薇 Zhao Wei, whose name was removed from her filmography at the time, traced all the way back to an incident that had happened 20 years ago, in 2001, when Zhao had worn a skirt printed with the Japanese military flag.

Time is never an issue when the Chinese government has its mind set on handing out a punishment.

So, why did Prof S said what he did? I’m not him (thankfully), and so, I shall not speak for him. All I can say is this — what he said was music to the anti’s ears. It kept them in Prof S’s fandom for another day.

Yeah, fandom.

端 傳媒 Initium media, a Chinese-language news site based in Singapore, is a relatively rare find in the Sinosphere in that its political leaning has been difficult to pin down, having been alternatively accused as pro- and anti-CCP. Equally rare is the attention it has given to 2 27: it reported on the incident not only while it was happening, but also, a year later. In its 2 27 anniversary review — the only one I know of from overseas (uncensored) websites, and written following journalistic standards — the reporter traced the incident’s evolution from its earliest, politically-charged focus on censorship and freedom of creative expression, to, finally, a fight between pro- vs anti-Gg fans that had little significance outside fandom, and the attitudes that had led to this change. 

This is a news site with an understanding of Chinese fandom culture.

The same media, two months after 2 27’s anniversary and shortly after the Rocket-and-Cremation post, published a scathing analysis on Prof S, and the roster of nationalistic political influencers similar to him (there are a lot). What was scathing wasn’t any particular word choice, but rather, the angle it chose to portray Prof S and his rise to fame — as a traffic star. This is a long article, and I’m only translating a few relevant parts:

而觀察者網內部，沈逸是流量大咖之一。在觀察者網的bilibili頻道，他關於美國政治史的付費課程（價值108元）「白宮裏的主角們」，在本文寫作時，已獲���愈1100萬累計播放量，完全付費部分的單集播放量超過35萬；而他個人帳號的微博粉絲則達到119萬。 沈逸的明星效應，固然是因為他具有其他觀察者網主播所不具有的學者身份 ... 

And inside Guancha Net (Pie note: one of the most prominent nationalistic news sites in China right now), Prof S is one of the traffic stars. In Guancha Net’s Bilibili channel, his paid course on American politics (priced at RMB 108), “The Main Characters in the White House”, has already achieved a view count of 11 million at the time of this article’s writing, with 0.35 million being the episodes that are paid only, and his Weibo follower count has reached 1.19 million. Prof S’s celebrity effect has been contributed by his identity as a scholar, which isn’t shared by other vloggers on Guancha Net …

... 至於美國國內的政治結構、權力機構、選舉等方面，沈逸很少涉及，分析也淺嘗輒止，無非是「旋轉門」等入門理論，加上「政客短期利益vs國家長期戰略」之類的陳詞濫調，最後還都要回到「遏制中國」、「顏色革命」的落腳點上。可以說，沈逸在美國政治領域的專業素養，並不顯著強於他在觀察者網的非學者同行。

… As to the domestic political structure of the United States, its corridors of power and elections etc, Prof S rarely mentions them, and his analyses of them are also very shadow, nothing more than the basic theories such as the “revolving door”, plus cliché concepts such as “short-term gains for the politicians vs long-term strategy for the country” that, inevitably, conclude with “containment of China” and “Color Revolution”. One can say, Prof S’s professional knowledge in American politics is not evidently better than his non-scholarly colleagues on Guancha Net.

在2020年，沈逸「下場」與肖戰粉進行對罵，就獲得了巨大的關注度。無論他是否有意為之，參與流行文化中的脣槍舌劍，對於社交媒體時代的「網紅」而言，都是必不可少的。而同時，「學者」稱號卻是一個光彩照人的「人設」，讓他能夠區別於其他流量型主播，並給��己的欄目披上「理性客觀」的外皮，從而產生持久的吸引力。與娛樂明星不同，明星學者所需要的出位不是緋聞或者組CP賣腐，而是通過不斷極端化的民族主義、煽動性的排外主張、對國際局勢危言聳聽，把新老觀眾吸引到自己的節目中來。

可以說，沈逸既是「流量型學者」的代表，也是「學者型明星」中的佼佼者。其首要身份是流量明星，而學者只是明星的人設。

In 2020, Prof S “entered the game” and held a scolding match with Gg fans, and attracted an immense amount of attention for that. Whether he did so deliberately or not, to participate in the verbal sparring associated with popular culture is a necessity for an online influencer in the social media age. At the same time, “scholar” is a shining “characterisation” that distinguishes him from other traffic star vloggers, and it covers his programmes with a “logical and objective” skin that renders them attractive. Unlike entertainment stars, star scholars achieve the required provocation not via romantic rumours or M/M CPs, but via increasingly extreme nationalism, inflammatory xenophobic theories, and alarmist perspectives on international politics, to attract audiences old and new to his programmes.

One can say, Prof S is representative of the “Traffic Scholar”, and an outstanding “scholarly-style star”. His first identity is a traffic star, and scholar is only his star characterization.

(May I say … Ouch? 😂😂😂)

The take-home messages from this article are:

- Prof S is a traffic star, and precisely the kind of traffic star the government wants to remove from c-ent: all traffic, but with questionable actual skills.

- Prof S not only called Gg’s birthday gathering a Color Revolution, he called many other things a Color Revolution. 

- Prof S seeks attention to attract new fans and traffic for himself and Guancha Net, where he rose to his (political) traffic stardom; he has done so by 1) engaging in popular culture, in particular, provoking Gg fans and antis in 2020, and 2) making incendiary political statements.

My reason for including in this meta this story, this “conflict” between Prof S and Gg’s fandom, is because I see it as another case of traffic robbery. By evoking Gg’s name and catching the attention of his fans and antis, Prof S profited, and the nationalistic news site that hosted him, that was so beloved by the “Little Pink”s who tended to support President Xi’s ideology, also profited. The antis, to show their support for Prof S, had purchased Prof S’s online courses, much like fans in c-ent buy their favourite stars’ endorsements. I mentioned before, that Prof S was likely aware of the thirst of those who speak for the government for image, and for traffic — he was likely aware because he was one of them.

And Prof S the political traffic star returned the love of his supportive fans by keeping the fantasies of his supportive fans alive — among these fantasies, the fantasy of Gg’s downfall. Hence, the statement about Gg’s fandom being the archetype; hence, the promise of putting it to order.

This is so ridiculous, isn’t it? But this is the thing we cannot forget — as much as Prof S is  … Prof S — he * is * influential, he is still a professor (which comes with a halo of respect in Chinese societies), and he still may have President Xi’s ear. This case of traffic robbery, also, once again shows how little control the star and his fans have in these situations. If the articles from Procuratorate Daily controlled the timing of 2 27, then, Prof S controlled the timing of this story — he started it when he decided to post about the birthday gathering, he ended it when he deleted everything because he got tired of it. One may argue that Gg’s fans, at least, set the scene for 2 27; the same thing can’t even be said about what happened here. The fans didn’t do anything, until they found themselves and their idol being smeared by potentially serious political allegations, and reacted.

I hope this story lends a little more weight to the hypothesis that, in the post 2 27 government-fans relations, stars and their fans are becoming the passive, reactive parties. While people like Prof S aren’t strictly the government, they are also not not-government — nationalistic political influencers, whether they are prominent media sites like Global Times or Guancha Net, or individuals like Prof S, or gangs like the anonymous Little Pinks everywhere online, they wouldn’t have achieved the prominence they have in the Xi era without implicit government approval. And there’s no way to tell when these people may wish to “borrow” a little traffic for their own use, especially in politically sensitive times such as now. 

And when such borrowing happens, it is difficult for any star and their team to stop their fans from reacting — Chinese fandoms are incredibly reactive, that’s the culture and no one can change it overnight, or singlehandedly. If politics is involved, the hands of the star and their team are even more tied — they can’t say aloud, please don’t touch this subject matter, or please stay away from this person — because to do so means they know what is sensitive, or where a political red line is, and often, that creates another issue on its own (I talked about the Paradox of Li Jiaqi here).

One may notice too, I’d like to add, how cavalier, how ... careless Prof S was through the entire story. His choices of emojis, for example; his exiting the scene because he got bored, because this wasn’t serious business for him — when he could be destroying the serious business, the career, of someone else. For him, those he had robbed the traffic from was collateral damage, he didn’t care.

Note that he used the fan cheer emoji when talking about India. Why the demeaning slangs? Because they were attention-catching, traffic boosting. He wasn’t above using even COVID deaths for his own gains. 

People without empathy are especially tricky, if not dangerous, to deal with. If some of you are wondering: why are people like him in such prominent positions of influence? The only answer I can think of is ... dictators love sycophants.

And this is why, with traffic robbers like Prof S around, like Prof S who had political influence and his own fandom and his shiny “scholar” image, and with Gg’s birthday having already had a history of being “controversial” before, I can understand why October 5th, 2022 was a quiet day in our fandom. This case of traffic robbery lasted approximately 3 weeks, and the 7th Plenary Session was starting on the 9th this year. It would be cutting a little too close.

There will be more birthdays to come.

[helly-watermelonsmellinfellon]

So my sister has been talking about a pain in her side for the past week. She only started talking about it recently but apparently has been dealing with it for a month. She just didn't say anything.

It's gotten so bad that she can't take it anymore. Nothing stops the pain. Not crouching, or pushing on it. No pain meds we have are able to even alleviate it a bit. It's just gotten worse.

Too far back to be the appendix, to high up to be the ovaries. It's the kidney area.

She was rushed to the hospital hours ago. 5 hours later and she's only just been see to by a nurse who wanted all the information she had about what's going on, including the fact that she hasn't been able to urinate for 2 days and when she tries it hurts too much and nothing happens.

And said nurse proceeded to go, "Well I don't know what to do if you can't give us a urine sample."

ISTFG my already incredibly low faith in medical professionals gets lower and lower with every passing day. They won't give her anything for the pain despite knowing her list of allergies. They won't do anything else. Apparently they just 'don't know what to do'.

She in such agony that she's terrified all the other people in the waiting room, many of whom have demanded for her to be seen before them.

Bethy doesn't like the hospital. Or doctors. She'll avoid them as much as possible. This isn't a joke. It's not some 14 year old wanting attention. When she's curled up on the ground, bawling, there's something fucking wrong.

Her friend had to go with her because mom has no mode of transportation. Why, you may ask?

We have 2 cars. 1 is allowed to be on the road and the other isn't. 2 days ago, step-bro and his wife took #1 because they were supposed to go to the store. The store 20 minutes away. They've gone across state lines without permission to bum money off step-bro's grandmother and his wife's parents. They never asked to do any of this with the vehicle in my mom's name. Step-dad had to use #2 despite it not being legal right now. He's not here either.

Mom has no way of being there for Bethy other than calling repeatedly to find out information.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Also, the reason Idiot #1 and Idiot #2 are bumming money off of people who have legit cut them from their lives due to them literally overspending on said peoples' credit cards without permission, is because they have no jobs, don't want to have jobs, and don't want to pay their portion of the rent.

They were living here, not on the lease, for 8 months, and barely helped out. The owner just found out a couple weeks ago and raised the rent $300 because of it. She's an old bitch who isn't following Delaware's housing laws and has done nothing but be an asshole. Still, she has a right to raise the rent when people she didn't want here, are here. They're throwing fits about it despite it being their own actions landing them here. They could have moved out any time.

So far they've pulled the:

living-on-her-parents-money-when-they-met-without-permission,

to being-kicked-out-cuz-the-parents-didn't-want-stepBro(a stranger)-living-with-their-daughter,

to moving-back-in-with-dad-cuz-they're-so-unfair,

to-moving-to-their-own-apartment-cuz-jobs-aren't-fun,

to moving-back-in-with-dad-but-us-being-there-against-the-lease-got-dad's-family-evicted,

so now-we-live-in-stepMom's-Uncle's-house-with-them-and-hate-how-they-made-us-get-jobs-again,

to moving-in-with-grammy-cuz-unfun-dad-made-us-get-jobs-again-and-grammy-is-disabled-and-needs-constant-care-so-we-don't-need-jobs-with-her,

to grammy's-sister-found-us-out-and-kicked-us-out-cuz-we-maxed-out-grammy's-credit-cards-so-we-moved-in-with-aunt-Karen-using-some-sob-story-about-how-unfair-grammy-and-her-sister-are,

to aunt-karen-kicked-us-out-because-we-broke-her-things-didn't-work-and assaulted-her-hubby-so-we-moved-back-in-with-dad,

to we're-gonna-try-to-get-pity-from-her-parents-since-we-have-a-baby-now-all-cuz-dad-wanted-us-to-work-to-pay-our-portion-of-the-bills-and-we-don't-like-that.

I am lazy and don't work. I've never pretended to be anything but myself. This means I never stole my mom or dad's car. Never stole my terminally ill grandmother's credit cards and then lied about what I used them for. Never hopped from house to house for the past 7 years, bumming off people all over not wanting to get a job. I've never pretended to be disabled to get benefits from the government. I've never lied on official documents to get more money from the government. I've never been dishonest about who I am.

The list goes on. It's bad. I'm so pissed off right now.

Mom is actually crying and feels like a horrible mother because the actions of other people made it so she can't be there for Bethy.

[fa-by]

Hello babies and dear Anons 👋🏼🤗 I'm back with a new ‘Q&A’ post. Sorry, it took me longer than usual. I'll explain to you at the end of the post. For now, enjoy 🙃

I've already talked about it here, dear Anon, https://fa-by.tumblr.com/post/648194553804881920/%C9%9F (first question) and then here https://fa-by.tumblr.com/post/648194746313031680/%C9%9F (fifth question).

And who said I think Camila is a lesbian, dear? 😏 Maybe you mistaken me for some other blog? Because, I've never said that, dear. I've never been asked about it 🤷🏻‍♀️

You must be new to my blog if you're asking me this question, dear Anon. Welcome 🤗 and my answer is no, dear. Neither of them has ever cheated on the other. They're both way too loyal for that shit.

No, dear Anon. And always keep in mind that this is just my opinion and that therefore I could be wrong.

Hello to you too, dear Anon 👋🏼😄 First of all, thank you 🥺🥰 Thank you very much for your words, dear, you're super nice and I really appreciated it very much 🤗

As for stuck, we didn't fight or anything like that. I guess we just drifted apart 🤷🏻‍♀‍ even before she entered the Marvel world, but I can't tell you why she never liked and re-blogged my posts, dear 🤷🏻‍♀️

Let's call it my flaw if you want, but I don't like any posts myself (not even my girlfriend's), but that doesn't mean I don't like many posts I see. It's just the way I am 😅 I leave comments every now and then though 😅 And neither does it mean I wouldn't like to interact with you guys if you ever want to contact me or tag me or get me involved in something. It may not seem like it maybe because I don't re-blog and put likes around, but trust me, it's not like that.

Going back to stuck, I really can't tell you why. I mean, I'm not her so I can't answer you. Maybe you should ask her directly, dear. @stuckinapatriarchalbullshitland​

I hope you have a very nice day too, dear Anon. Thank you so much again, and please, be sure to take care of yourself too 😘

Hello to you, dear Anon 👋🏼😄 and don't thank me, dear 🙈 It's really a pleasure for me to interact with you guys and help you in any way I can 😊

So. Yeah, I think what you think, dear. Mila was definitely the one to make the first move, but as far as putting aside pride and the decision to give it another try, it was something they both did because they each had their own reasons. Remember, dear, there are two people in a couple.

Hey dear sneaky little one 👋🏼😄 I'm good. How are you? It's a pleasure, dear, you don't have to thank me for that 😊

I'm not sharing them with you guys yet just because they're personal observations that not everyone can agree on and, as you may have noticed, I like to tell you guys what I think with real facts that I can prove. In this case, it would be like in this picture:

I hope that with this example you understand better what I mean, dear sneaky little one. Come back any time you want and take care of yourself too 🤗😘

Hey dear Anon, why are you so down? 😟 Don't be 🤗 I know it's hard to think positively about them, but think about everything we've endured so far. Think about how strong we are. Whatever's thrown at us, it won't change our minds because we know the truth. Now, come on, dear, smile 😁 Enjoy the small wins instead of having them ruined for you by the possible eventuality of them doing something. And remember, we're in this together 💪🏼

I swear to you that when I saw it, I was like 📢🔊 Your loving takes me higher 🎵 You set my heart on fire🎵 When you touch my body got me singing like Mariah!!!! 🎵🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Hello to you, dear Anon 👋🏼😄

1) No, dear, you can't force something on someone who agreed to do things like this in the first place. I'll explain better. PRs are accepted by those directly involved, who then sign a contract. It's a commitment they're bound to respect from the moment they have accepted and signed the contract. If they don't respect it, they then have to pay the consequences (if you’re interested, I wrote a post about how PR relationships work here: https://fa-by.tumblr.com/post/648193061847023616/pr-stunt-relationships-%C9%9F). I'll give you a silly example. Think of it as when one day you didn't want to go to school but you had to go anyway. It's pretty much the same dynamic because even if you didn't want to go that day, or several days, you knew you had to and you did. I hope it went well as an example 😆

2) Yes, but which of the two teams, well, that depends, dear. It depends on who's reaching whom and where. It depends on whether they're traveling together or not. And it depends on the purpose of that particular stunt, like if is some particular event or not.

3) No, dear, absolutely not, don't worry 🤣 Everyone has their own room. The rooms are very likely to be close together though, or at least on the same floor, that's for sure.

4) Yes, when possible, of course. The more people see the couple doing everything together, the more believable they seem.

Don't thank me, dear, it's really a pleasure 😊 Have a good day too ❤️

Not necessarily, dear Anon. Mila started work on her third album during the pandemic in her studio, so no one had to pay for her. Besides, when a contract expires and there's a re-sign, it doesn’t necessarily mean that an announcement will be made about it since the record label is still the same. Announcements are made if there's some kind of important addition, such as for example happened with 5H when they had to re-sign as a quartet for legal reasons with Syco/Epic, and it was only announced because of the addition of a contract with Sony Music as the sponsor for their last album.

Having said that: 1) Since her movie has been postponed again, I would say in 2022. 2) I really hope not because they would be really stupid to do it again. Plus, I don't think the PR will last until the released of her album. 3) I have to admit you made me giggle here, but no, dear 😂 don't worry. Producers, composers, songwriters, etc., work with a lot of different artists who have different styles. Mila’s nothing like Chimp, and she can’t do anything boring. It isn't in her blood. No pun intended at all there 😏🤣

Hi to you, dear Anon 👋🏼😄 and you got it right, buddy! We think the same way!

They had gotten to a really bad point in their relationship. A point where they were no longer themselves, either in the couple or individually. For me, what happens in the Havana music video is what happened in reality as well. It was obviously told in an artistic and funny way there. Like the scene of Juan literally ‘coming out of the closet for her’ because he thought it was the best thing for their relationship. In that scene, he gets down on his knees to ask her to marry him, but in reality, at least for me, it represents December. It represents the ‘begging’ in a disguised and artistic soap opera way. It represents Lauren's last attempt to make things work between them. Which is related to the “You love me”, “I do love you. But I love me more” scene in which Camila leaves everything behind. And if you think about it, we can also find this connection somewhere else: 🎶 “Nobody talks about walking away when there's still love” 🎶. Always Love by Laur. Luckily, at the end of the video, she really is ‘took back to her Havana’ as it also happened in reality.

It's all connected, dear. There's a connection and an explanation for everything they do artistically. Just pay attention and you'll be able to connect the dots like you did in this case too. Give me a virtual high-five! 🖐🏼 And have a good day too, dear Anon ❤️

Hello to you, dear Anon 👋🏼😄 Thank you very much, dear, and don't worry, I've been never asked that. So. Before answering your questions, let's take a look at the facts, okay? Especially for the baby Camren shippers.

Leilani is Dinah's aunt by marriage. She has always interacted with fans and we saw her in several videos even with Dinah herself, but the first time she showed herself to us as problematic was on July 18, 2016. Leilani tweeted an attack on Taylor Swift and apologized the next day by saying of having been hacked:

Yeah, suuure, because hackers around the world were waiting for nothing but hacking her 🙄 But let's move on. September 8, 2016, was the day Laur cried several times during the concert in Phoenix, Arizona. The next day, on the 9th, before the concert in Irvine, California, Laur tweeted to thank the concerned fans, and Leilani replied to the tweet by exposing L because of the ‘her’:

On December 21st, 2016, she did a live where she talked about Camren after fans asked her about it: https://va.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_qvandqF63c1ykfr3q.mp4  (I also put the sub in the video myself)

On January 8, 2017, she posted two Snapchat stories in which she spoke again about Camren with one of her nieces: https://va.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_qval74yFz61ykfr3q.mp4 

On January 29, 2017, both Camila and Lauren blocked her on social media:

She continued to strike by attacking Camila months later. On July 13, 2017, the same day the 5H interview with Billboard came out, Leilani attacked her by basically calling her a whore. Tweet to which C replied with suspense dots and a Rihanna GIF:

On December 5, 2017, Camila posted the album cover and title by saying that the pre-order would've been possible from the 7th. Because of the album cover picture, Leilani attacked with the first tweet on December 5th, and continued on the 6th:

Then nothing else problematic.

Yes, of course she knew about Camren. All the people close to them know about Camren. Leilani has always been a person who likes attention. She has always liked to show off and be noisy and messy in doing so. It didn't matter how ridiculous she was or that her actions fell upon her niece. The fact that she seemed to be joking and that she was always so evasive and confusing on the subject, is because she herself knew she was going to pay the consequences. She could never have said “yes, they're real” and stick to it. Also because the one who would've paid the most consequences would've been Dinah. You know, being her aunt, it was like her responsibility. And I think D really paid the consequences for something she didn't do. At least, before the sharks took the reins and told her what to do (Leilani through Dinah). It’s happened to a lot of people close to them to get involved over the years. It has been noticed a lot more from 2015 onwards, but especially in 2017 to increase the story of the fake feud between the girls.

So basically, yeah, she was problematic and loud and messy and all of that, but for the most part, she was just following the script.

Hi to you, dear Anon 👋🏼😄 welcome and thank you very much 🙃 My answer to your question is yes, they've been for a long time by then. You'll find more details on all of that dynamic below in the next ask, dear.

Kinda? 🤣 Okay, let me explain, dear Anon. There was no cheating if this is what you thought with my first answer. But let's go in order. I'll shed some light on the story with Luis once and for all.

Luis Santos' first appearance for us was on January 13, 2013 when Laur posted this picture on IG:

One year later exactly, on January 13, 2014, L posted this picture:

Then we have the one on February 24th (when the girls arrived in Miami because they had three dates in Florida for The Neon Lights Tour) and those of February 25th, 2014 after the concert (posted the day after):

We have the one of April 13, 2014:

The prom ones of May 17, 2014, which were the last pictures with Luis that Laur posted:

And lastly, we have Laur’s birthday one posted by Luis:

The latter lets us understand that their story officially began on January 27, 2014. We don't know when it ended exactly (let's suppose at the beginning of July) because we only had confirmation of it in August thanks to the explanation that Clara gave for that fake scandal:

Now. This is the official story. The one we should’ve bought. But let me show you the behind the scenes. This is Melanie Mueller, Luis's ex:

Luis was in a relationship with Melanie from early August (unfortunately, Luis and Melanie's profiles are all private, but not Melanie's old Twitter) until, according to the narrative, late November 2013:

And this is where the juicy stuff begins. Luis stated that he and Mel were no longer together:

The date coincidentally matches the beginning of his relationship with Lauren on January 27, 2014, right? Right. So how do you explain the fact that Luis and Mel were on a romantic date exactly 13 days after he said they weren't together anymore?

As you can see from the date, it was February, and weren't Lauren and Luis already together since January 27th? 😏 The funny thing is that they kept interacting and taking pictures together:

And then there's the best part. The Camren shippers went wild that year in replacing Luis's face with Camila's twice. The first one with the prom picture 🤣:

And the second one with April picture. Sorry, I really tried but I couldn't find the original manip. But don't worry, I have two better things 😏:

Ohh, I think we know, Mel 😎

And how can we forget one of the many things that remained in the fandom's history and which coincidentally happened just in February a week before the picture of Luis and Melanie's romantic date:

Now that I've given you proofs, it's theory time. We know about the friendship with benefits, the Like Friends Do situation that Camren had, and we know that Lauren was in denial. Luis was a shield. Her shield, especially for the public. It wasn't a PR created by the labels, but by Lauren herself. Laur and Luis were friends, and I mean, they still have been for years. Laur simply asked him for a favor and he accepted. Laur stayed in Miami throughout the Christmas period until the first week of January 2014 before flying to L.A. with the girls. It was then, in that time spent at home that she asked him, and despite knowing the risks, despite knowing he would face fans' hatred, and despite having a girlfriend, Luis agreed to be the fake boyfriend just to help his friend in need. I don't think she told him the real reason behind it right away, but she definitely told him once she and Mila finally got together. Laur came out to her family in early 2015, but it doen't mean she didn't to her friends before. Especially once she and Mila became official in April 2014.

So, dear Anon, yes, in a way, Lauren was with Camila and Luis, but in reality, she was never with Luis.

Hi to you, dear Anon 👋🏼😄 Thank you very much, dear, and that's okay. I don't mind helping when and if I can. It's not a problem at all for me 😊

So, as far as Lolo's situation is concerned, I honestly think Columbia has very little to do with her situation. I mean, Columbia is the biggest record label under Sony Music and has always had a lot of successful artists. From the great names that have made history to the most recent but still famous ones: Michael Jackson, Freddie Mercury, Aretha Franklin, Frank Sinatra, David Bowie, Bob Dylan, Celine Dion, Paul McCartney, Mariah Carey, Beyoncé, Jay Z, Adele, Alicia Keys, Ricky Martin, Pharrell Williams, Robbie Williams, Katy Perry, Shakira, Snoop Dogg, 50 Cent, Diplo, OneRepublic (Ryan Tedder), Miley Cyrus, Harry Styles, Zain Malik, Little Mix, Calvin Harris, BTS, Lil Nas X, Meghan Trainor, etc., etc., etc. Believe me, there are really, but really many names that I haven't put in this list.

The purpose of a record label is to make money. To do that, the label finds an artist. The label decides if it's worthwhile for them to sign the artist by investing and advancing the money on them, and if the label believes they can make money with their music, then they don't think twice before signing them. So they invest in the artist, develop them, promote them through the artist's team, and distributes their music in exchange for a percentage of the revenues. If things go smoothly and well, there's a gain, but if things go wrong, the label loses money. [If you want to know more about how the music world works and what the girls had to go through, I wrote a post about it here: https://fa-by.tumblr.com/post/648192055443619840/how-the-music-world-works]

Now, what did I mean by that? As I said before, Columbia is the number one, the biggest and most important umbrella music label under Sony Music Entertainment. So why on earth would a label as big as Columbia Records have signed Lauren and invested in her, but then thwart her and lose a lot of the money they invested themselves? It wouldn't make any sense because it would be like self sabotaging themselves! And what did I say is the purpose of a record label? To make money. Don't be fooled by anyone about it, dear.

I could have understood if this had been an isolated case; if Laur had been the only one among the girls (LAND) who hadn't released an album. But it's not like that. Something, and I'm 100% convinced it's something from their old contracts, has held all four of them up until now. We'll see, dear Anon. Sooner or later, the truth will come out because it always does. Even if it takes years.

Don't apologize, dear, really 😊 Hope things are great with you too and please, take care of yourself too 🤗

Hey to you, dear Anon 👋🏼😄

Nada is a song that is part of Tainy's EP called Neon16 Tape: The Kids That Grew Up on Reggaeton, and it's about how two people in an unofficial relationship want completely different things. The guy doesn't want anything serious unlike the girl.

Now. I understand why you're confused, dear. After reading the lyrics and thinking about Camren, you've surely wondered “Where the fuck is Camila in all of this? But does it have something to do with her, or not?”. Well the answer is no. You see, dear, we're used to hearing a lot more Mila's songs than Laur's. When Mila writes, she writes for herself. She writes from her point of view and according to her experiences. Same thing Laur does. But Mila, unlike Laur, can't write a song for other people. She can't detach herself from them when she's writing them. Take as examples all those songs she gave away after finishing them, like Anyone or Ain't Easy. When you listen to them, you can clearly hear Camila all over it even if the song is being sung by someone else, like in these two examples, Justin Bieber and Elijah Woods. But with Laur? Nah, because Lauren can completely detach herself from them.

Take More Than That as an example. Laur didn't write More Than That for herself; she just ‘decided’ to keep it (because it was okay for the narrative she had going on at the time). If she had really given it to someone else and then you had listened to it and knew she was the one who had written it, you would've thought “Really?” with a wtf expression as the first thing. Right? Because you recognize Laur in the song only because you know she's behind it. Am I wrong? And don't get me wrong, dear, this is not by all means a bad thing at all. I'm not saying this as an insult or anything. Quite the opposite actually. I think it's absolutely amazing. Think about it. It's basically the work of songwriters and ghostwriters who only work behind the scenes for other artists. Gosh, they're both so fucking talented 😍

Anyway. What was I getting at with this? To the fact that the same thing happened here with Nada. Nada was written by four songwriters and we have two different points of view to represent the couple in the story. The one of the girls, Laur and Cris Chil (she also worked and wrote with her for Lento), and the one of the boys, C. Tangana and Tainy (like Cris, he wrote with her and produced Lento). Now. I can't tell you who the real protagonist behind the story of the song is because none of them said it, but it's definitely not Lauren. Laur just went with the flow.

Before starting, I would like to also publicly thank my girl @romanticentropy​ for helping me with the translation (her first language is Spanish), so thank you again, my love 🥰 And I'm not talking about the literal translation. I'm talking about the real meaning behind it since the meaning of many sentences or words can change even based on a simple comma. Therefore, here below you'll find the real translation along with notes placed in parentheses with various explanations. I don't know if you speak Spanish, dear Anon, but we did this for all those people here who don't speak it so that everyone can understand the true meaning of the song.

That said, let's get started.

Verse 1:

“Como te arrimes sí te voy a dar

If you dare come close, I’ll give you [implied: my dick]

Me he puesto guapo pa' verte pasar (Yeah)

I got myself all dressed up to watch you go by (Yeah)

No me pregunte', no quiero pensar

Don't ask me, I don't want to think

No tengo tiempo, no me pue'o casar

I don't have time, I can't get married

Pero, puedo quererte de nuevo

But, I can love you again

Dejar todo el resto pa' luego

[implied because the two sentences go together: And] leave everything else for later

Quedarme pa' ti, que más quieres de mí

To stay for you, what else do you want from me

No odies al jugador odia al juego

Don't hate the player, hate the game

Yo no me he inventado na' (Qué va)

I didn't make anything up (Not at all / Of course not) [‘Qué va’ is an expression, particularly from Spain, that means something like ‘How could you have thought that? Of course not’ said in a casual tone. So, ‘not at all’ is a possible interpretation because he's reassuring he really didn't make anything up]

Sobrevivo en la ciudad (¿Qué?)

I survive in the city (What?)

Me la busco pa' ganar, cien monedas pa' gastar

I'm looking to earn, a hundred dollars to spend [In this sentence, the comma is very important because in ‘me la busco pa' ganar’ read alone, it means that he's finding his ways to earn a living or a better life. When you add ‘cien monedas pa' gastar’, it extends to ‘he's finding his way to earn $100 to spend’, but the comma is important because it keeps alive the idea that he's not only working for the 100 dollars, but also for a better life (possibly a rich kind of life, but that's not necessarily implied)]

Una cama pa' dormir, y un yate pa' vacilar

A bed to sleep in, and a yacht to show off on”

What do we understand from this? That he's actually the one who doesn't want to have a serious relationship because his goal for the moment is to earn and live a good life, not to settle down and get married.

Pre-Chorus:

“Tú ya sabías to' lo que había

You already knew what to expect / You already knew what the situation was

No me hagas cambiar, vida mía

Don't make me change, my darling [He sings ‘vida mía’, which means ‘my life’. Calling someone ‘my life’ is not used in English because it makes no sense in the definition of the language itself. So, in this case, it's translated and used as a loving nickname. As you could call someone ‘my love’, ‘my heart’, ‘my baby’, or ‘my darling’]

Yo te doy hasta que se haga de día

I'll give you until it's daylight

Yo te doy hasta que se haga de día

I'll give you until it's daylight [‘Darle a alguien’, ‘to give to someone’ in Spanish has a sexual connotation. It means you're going to have sex with that person. It’s especially used from a male point of view; particularly this last line, he means he'd have sex with her all night until it's day again]”

He basically tells her: “You knew I'm an asshole. Don't try to change me because it's useless. The only thing I can give you is whole nights of sex”.

Chorus:

Sigue' dándome na', dándome nada

You keep giving me nothing, giving me nothing

Can't keep up with your vibe

'Cause you're up and you're down, 'round and you're 'round, babe

I can not read your mind

Conté lo' día' pa' volverte a ver

I counted the days to see you again

Y tú ni sabe' qué quiere' hacer

And you don't even know what you want to do

Cuando me vaya no voy a volver

When I leave I won’t come back

Sigue' dándome na', dándome nada

You keep giving me nothing, giving me nothing”

This is an ultimatum. “If you keep giving me nothing for much longer, I'll leave you without looking back”.

Verse 2:

“Yo no estoy para regalarte

I'm not here to please you [The literal translation of that is ‘I'm not here to give you’. The incomplete sentence opens an ambiguity where you don't know if she’s saying ‘I'm not here to give you anything’, or ‘I'm not here to give you things’, or ‘I'm not here to fulfill your wishes’, or ‘I'm not here to please you’, or things like that that make you understand that if he's not ready to pay attention to her right now and give her the love she needs, and he's clearly not because he's ‘giving her nothing’, she's not just going to wait there by begging for some love or collecting the crumbs that he leaves behind. She's saying “give me the love and the attention I need or I'll go away on my own”. So overall, ‘I'm not here to please you’ is a decent interpretation]

Ni tampoco para esperarte

Nor to wait for you

Ese dinero no te va a cuidar

That money won’t take care of you

No te pido matrimonio, yo sólo tu arte

I'm not asking you to marry me, just your love [That's the real meaning behind the sentence despite the literal translation being this: I'm not asking you to marry me, just your art]

Cuando no estoy ahí

When I'm not there

Sé que preguntas por mí

I know you ask about me

Sé por qué eres así

I know why you're like this

I know you're afraid of falling in too deep

We can pretend like we’ve only done this for the fun of it

Pero no te sorprendas si te enteras que así como tú hay mil

But don't be surprised to find out there are a thousand just like you around”

Basically: “I'm not asking you to marry me, just to have a real relationship. An exclusive relationship. We can continue to pretend that we just had fun, but I know there's something deeper. I know you're afraid of falling in love with me, but if you keep wanting this kind of relationship, then I'm gonna go find someone who wants the same things as me; also because there are a lot of guys out there and I'm starting to get tired of waiting”.

And that's all, dear Anon. Now that you know the real translation *thanks once again, mi amor 💖* , can you see anything that has to do with Mila? Because I don't. In fact, if I really have to find an association with Camren, the only thing that comes to my mind is that Lauren could have written some parts of her verse from Camila's point of view when they were still just fuckbuddies. You know? Since it was Laur who was initially in denial and was afraid, and not Camila. She was the one who was afraid of the idea of even liking Mila, let alone falling in too deep. But it's not like that. There's nothing of Camila here. There's no Camren here. For me, this song is the story of one of the three (Cris Chil, or C. Tangana, or Tainy) and Laur only contributed to it with her talent.

Of course I can, dear Anon 😉

So. Camila created In the Dark the day after going to the Grammys' after-party (February 12, 2017) with which she went with Ashlee as her date of hers. Mila said she got the idea for the song because of the encounter she had at that party with this unnamed famous guy. Yeah, sure, Jan. We know very well that this is not the case. Just as we know very well that that was the same night in which Tyren had their first public appearance as a fake couple. If you're interested, I've already explained all this also with proofs in my previous post: https://fa-by.tumblr.com/post/653296412485894144/romanticentropy-fa-by-hiiii-babies-and-dear (last question in my All These Years' interpretation).

If you don't mind, dear Anon, I'll start with the verses because they're the only parts of the song where Mila isn't addressing Lauren directly. In the verses, Camila just observes her by describing their surroundings.

Verse 1:

“Blank stares, faithless

Vampires at the same places

Shadows, traces”

Okay, let's talk about those types of parties for a moment. I bet that when you think about it, you picture a lot of celebrities having fun and dancing, glam, alcohol, drugs, music, and all those kinds of things, right? Well, that's just as true as it isn't. You see, there aren't just celebrities at those parties. There are one or more of they team members, there are A&R representatives of various labels, CEOs, publicists, producers, marketing representatives, radio and television presenters, reporters, designers, advertisers, etc., etc., etc. Those parties are the epicenter of business-talk. Very often, this is where ideas for collaborations, for PRs, for endorsements and sponsorships, for movie and TV appearances, etc., etc., happen. For those celebrities who have to be there for business reasons and not for actually having fun, those parties are pretty boring.

With those sentences, Mila describes all the people around her during that party. Those people who aren't having fun because they're surrounded by what she calls vampires. Before they marketed them by making them sparkle in the sun because of the crystals on their skin, or before they made them wear a gemstone in daylight rings, bracelets, and amulets to make them walk in the sun, you know? Before they become basically trendy, vampires were always the villains. But don't get me wrong with that. I saw the Twilight saga and I love love love The Vampire Diaries, but the fact remains that before all of that franchise, vampires have always been used in horror and scary genres because they're evil. Also because if you think about it, what do vampires do? They suck blood by basically feeding on the life force of creatures by draining them to survive and not decompose since they're undead. They need to take a life to keep living theirs, so yeah, they are the bad guys.

So Mila here describes both the bored people, the ones with blank stares who in those cases are the shadows of their true selves because they're pretending to be who they aren't, and those people of power as bloodsuckers, life-suckers: vampires. And I don't blame her at all because that's what they do. Vampires, or puppet masters, or parasites, or as you guys know I like to call them: sharks.

“I know that you feel me”

Now. Now, now, now, now, now, now. What does this sentence make us understand? Picture you're in a place full of people. Picture pretending that you're having fun because you can't show how much you actually want to be somewhere else. Picture smiling and forcibly laughing at the bullshit someone's saying. It's all about image. Now picture seeing someone you know amidst that sea of people. You and this person are far from each other, and at the moment, you both are busy talking to other people. Even though you turned around to keep having this oh so great conversation with those people, you can feel the person you know. You can feel their presence despite being on opposite sides. You can totally feel that they're still looking at you, and you have confirmation of that the moment you turn towards them again.

Apply all of this on Camren now. We know how they've always attracted each other. We know how they've always searched and checked each other when they were on opposite sides of a room. We know how they've always felt each other. So it's not that hard for me to picture how it went in this case. I understand what Mila means when she says she knows Laur could feel her despite the place and all the people around them. Because it's always been that way between them, and we've actually seen them do it many times.

Verse 2:

“Plus one, guest list

But you don't even know what her name is

Secrets, endless

I know that you feel me”

This is a repetition similar to the first verse. Mila here continues to describe the people around her and those around Laur. People who are there because they're on a list thanks to someone they don't even really know. People who in those events become totally fake because they all have secrets to hide, including the two of them. People who pretend to be friends with each other just for a matter of image without even knowing their real names, their real selves. People who are so used to wearing a mask that they've by now become that mask. And among all the sea of these people, Mila knows that Laur can feel her. Evidently as much as she can feel Laur.

Refrain:

“You’re runnin', runnin', runnin', runnin' (oh)

Making the rounds with all your fake friends”

As I said before, many celebrities wear a mask, this facade for protection. They do it to show themselves as unproblematic and to show themselves almost as perfect in the eyes of others. If you think about it, it's the same thing we see in many celebrities and even in Camren when they have to promote something. Neither of the two of them has problems showing themselves to us in a vulnerable, authentic way, without make-up ‘al natural’. But as soon as they have to promote something, bam! Dresses, nails done, make-up, and hair. It's quite normal on the one hand. I understand that. But the problem, as Mila herself said, is when this fake persona takes over your authentic self.

In this part, Mila explains how she was observing Lauren's behavior. This facade that she was wearing because they were in that kind of environment with those kinds of people and those fake friends (yes, including Tabloid). This mirage that allowed her to run and hide her true self from everyone, even from Camila herself.

“Runnin', runnin' away from it (away)”

Especially in this part, and despite having seen her fake act many times before, Mila lets us understand how Lauren was 'running' and suppressing/hiding her authentic self in front of everyone. [I remember that period. Lauren didn't act like Lauren for a while]

You can strip down without showing skin, now”

Okay, this? This sentence right here, it's magic. It's pure art. “It's okay to show the realistic side of yourself without exposing yourself and also having to show your secrets or what you want to keep to yourself. There's no need to act like a completely different person from who you are”. Camila leaves me more and more speechless with her way of writing and expressing such true and profound concepts.

Pre-Chorus:

“I can see you're scared of your emotions

I can see you're hoping, you're not hopeless

So why can't you show me?

Why can't you show me?

I can see you're looking for distractions

I can see you're tired of the acting

So why can't you show me?”

The pre-chorus explains itself quite well. Mila's saying “I know you. I see what you're doing. I see your fear. I see the way you want a way out. I see how tired you are of this farce. So why are you faking it? Why are you faking it in front of me? Why are you faking it with me? Show me the real Lauren. Not this industry puppet. Show me the Lauren I know”.

Chorus:

“Who are you in the dark? (I, I)

Show me the scary parts (I, I)

Who are you when it's 3AM and you're all alone

And L.A. doesn't feel like home? (I, I, I)

Who are you in the dark?”

Who are you in the dark? = Who are you when no one's watching. Who are you when no one can judge you. Who are you when you're alone and you can really lower that protective barrier you create around you. Show me that. Show me all of you.

Camila mentions 3AM because, as we well know thanks to their other songs, it was the nighttime hours when they were able to spend more time together freely. She also mentions L.A. to make a comparison with Miami since Los Angeles is the second city they spend the most time in due to their careers.

If in the pre-chorus Mila really asks her to show her her true self, here in the chorus she instead asks her a rhetorical question accompanied by the explanations themselves like the specific examples 3AM and L.A. to make/show her point even more. Basically the same explanation as the pre-chorus: “Who are you, because I know, I know you, so why don't you show me?”. And I really love this connection between pre-chorus and chorus.

Bridge:

“Darling, come on and let me in

Darling, all of the strangers are gone, they're gone

I said, darling, come on and let me see”

The difference between the pre-chorus & chorus and this, is the more affectionate way she addresses her. She's asking her in a cute way also thanks to the use of that classic old-school pet name, to open up and show herself. She's telling her that it's okay now that they're alone. And most importantly, she's reassuring her with this:

“Darling, I promise that I won't run”

After hurting each other, after the omissions and the secrets, after the fights, after the non-communication, after that toxicity, in short, after everything they'd been through in those years and the way things had ended between them almost two months prior, this is really serious. She's promising her that she'll stay. That's the first step, or at least what we know was the first step thanks to this song, towards a healthy relationship and towards a real positive change in their relationship.

And by the way, wooohh, this whole transition is amazing!

Outro:

“Ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah

Who are you in the dark?

Ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah

Who are you in the dark?

Ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah

Who are you in the dark?

Ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah

Who are you in the dark?”

And that's all, dear Anon. I hope you liked my interpretation 🙃

P.S. When Sinu said “Number nine is my shit!” during that live, I felt that. Mama Sinu was right. Even after all this time, this song is still the shit 😎

🤸🏻‍♀‍🤸🏻‍♀‍🤸🏻‍♀‍

Aaand I'm done 👩🏻‍💻 I hope I was helpful in this case too 😄 Thank you all for your asks and as usual, know that I'm available for those who have questions, so feel free to ask 😊

Before I go, I wanted to apologize for this huge delay. In addition to my job, it was due to the fact that I'm in the middle of a relocation. For about two months for 21 years, I always go to a place by the sea for the summer. I'll be there from today and I'll be back in September. Unfortunately there isn't much connection there, but there's a single wi-fi. I don't know if I'll continue to answer the asks all together with a post or individually. I'll see how to organize myself once I'm there. I apologize in advance if I'll take longer than usual to reply, but at least you know that it's because there's not much connection there (and you have to keep in mind that I’ll continue working normally because I’m not on holiday yet). Everything will be back to normal in September.

That being said, always remember to be kind, to others and to yourselves. Be a good example. Be patient. Be safe and take care of yourselves. Don't let our ship sink. Keep shipping them, but please respectfully 🙏🏼 Sending you virtual love and hugs 🤗🤗🤗 I love you, babies. Always with love, F ❤️

[jupitermelichios]

On a more possitive note, I’ve started watching Sword Art Online. It’s one of the worst things I’ve ever seen (and the last film I saw in cinemas was Cats to give you context for the scale i’m working on here) and I kind of adore it in much the same way I love garbage like Smallville or Twilight. It’s so stupid on so many levels. You could challenge someone to write the worst anime, and it would almost certainly be better than SAO. It’s almost hypnotic how terrible it is.

No one should watch this terrible terrible show so I therefore don’t feel at all bad that I’m about the spoil absolutely everything, but honestly if you do also hate-watch this please come talk to me about how terrible it is. I don’t know anyone else who watches it.

Highlights of Season 1 include:

everyone is trapped in an MMO, and if you die in the MMO you die IRL. but if you were a beta-tester you’re probably fine because they just let them keep all their levels and items from the testing, so they’re all massively OP and everyone just accepts this as a normal and non-game-breaking thing

it’s a fantasy MMO but there’s no races, no magic system, no weapons except swords and maces, and not even an option to dual wield - literally all you can do in this fucking game is stand in front of an enemy and mash the attack button. I’m pretty sure they’re trapped there because the devs realised no one would play this post launch-day otherwise because it’s boring as shit

when the villain traps everyone he also just changs all their avatars to look like they do IRL for absolutely no reason, like actually none, he doesn’t even say he thinks it would be funny, he just does it and no one questions it and it is literally never mentioned again because this is the worst TV show ever animated.

in the second episode the main character deliberately witholds information about how to defeat a boss, indirectly causing multiple deaths. there is absolutely no reason for him to withhold it, he was just being a jerk because he doesn’t like people

in the third episode they reset his entire personality and he’s now a selfless hero pretending to be a lower level than he really is so people will find him more relateable and be his friend because all he wants is to help people. this is not a consequence of episode 2, they just decided they didnt like the character as he’d previously been written.

he makes some new friends who are all objectively terrible people who have decided for no season that the twelve year old who doesn’t really know how to play and keeps having anxiety attacks about the very real possibility of death has to be the guild tank. the MC is high enough level to be functionally immortal in like half the levels, but doesn’t tell anyone this he just lets them go on bullying this child

none of his friends survive that episode, in the game or IRL. which is also a christmas epsiode. a child dies in battle because she’s a terrible tank and then a man commits suicide out of guilt, so then the main character murders santa to try and bring them back from the actual dead but it doesn’t work because again, this is a video game and they are dead IRL, so then he walks off into the snow alone. Christmas!

we meet the best character in the entire show in episode 4, Rosalia, who has gone evil and started just straight murdering people because she’s sick of being an attractive adult woman who can’t get a date because she’s surrounded by lolicons who are only interested in the preteen characters (not a joke, that comes up, the show is firmly on the side of the lolicons)

in the same episode we get an extended bra and panty sequence staring an actual fucking child, like canonically this character is maybe 13 at best. this is one of only 2 occaisions when they feel the need to undress a character and it’s the fucking 12 year old, it’s so gross it reads like a parody of itself

literally every single named female character aged over 8 who talks to the MC falls in love with him after like 5 minutes (and in season 2 this includes his actual sister). he shows absolutely no interest in any of them (including his sister, thank god) until...

the main character gets engaged to a girl he only knows from an MMO after a virtual single date (he doesn’t actually win her in a PVP match but only because he looses the match, he 100% canonically tries to win her in a match, which she is apparently fine with). he then doesn’t bother to ask for her real name until the final episode, he just calls her by her screen name

(that’s okay though becuase it turns out that this moron of a love interest used her real name, on a local server, in a game where your character looks like you do IRL, because apparently getting doxxed is her hobby)

they then get in-game married off screen. there’s not even like a still of a wedding photo. nothing. the main character proposes and then the show immediately jumps to the honeymoon, it’s fucking bizarre.

they find a creepy child dressed all in white with no memory alone in the woods a week into their honeymoon who starts calling them mommy and daddy literally seconds after they first meet her, and they don’t suspect anything suss is going on and adopt her

for hilarity bear in mind the main character may only be 15 at this point (he says he’s only just turned 16 in the last epsiode, but his actual birthday is never mentioned), and his virtual wifu is 16, but no one ever questions the marriage or the adoption, even though ‘hey marriage in a video game is as important and meaningful as marriage in real life’ is an actual conversation people have multiple times. also they think the child they adopt is an actual IRL 8 year old who thinks these randos she met in an MMO are her mum and dad and everyone just goes with that like it’s a totally normal thing

a character called ‘Thinker’ agrees to meet an enemy faction leader for peace talks. the “peace talks” take place in a high level dungeon and he is told to come alone with no weapons and no fast travel. he does this. no one ever comments that his name is ironic, and in fact they seem to think that being betrayed and trapped in a dungeon with a boss is a totally unexpected turn of events Thinker could never have planned for

they take their new baby into the dungeon to rescue thinker, because they went to the jean grey school of baby rearing, and she imediately reveals that she’s actually a magical maggufin with infinite power, murders the grim reaper, and then dies. In literally the second episode she’s in

after she dies the MC hacks the admin account of the game, converts her corpse into an in game item, and saves to the local storage on his console, with the intention of bringing her back to life as a robot once they’re saved from the game. I’m not joking, that’s an actual thing that happens.

the fact that the main character can just access the main admin account and make massive game-breaking changes isn’t used again in that game and he never thinks to try and use it to force log people out or give himself infinite life so he can just rush the game and free everyone. nope, convert a corpse into an item and then never think about it again.

there’s an entire episode where all they do is go fishing. its the only filler episode in the season, and it immediately follows the death of a small child. it’s the most tone-deaf beach episode in writing history

it turns out this game, this game where they didn’t bother coding in any difference races, weapons, or any kind of magic system, was intended to have fully sentient AI therapists, because why the fuck not at this point honestly

oh also the game has PVP and you can trick the game into thinking a sleeping player is in PVP with you in order to actually murder a real person without it flagging in-game as a murder making the crime impossible for the real life legal system to investigate even though you just murdered a person. and they expect us to believe this game had actual beta testers. at least cyberpunk wasn’t played on microwaves you connected straight to your brain (also not a joke, the VR consoles canonically work by sending microwave radiation into your brain, no wonder VR never caught on)

the set up for the show is that they have to reach level 100 of a dungeon in order to win. At level 75, the writers got bored and the show just ends.

it turns out the power of love allows you to just break the fucking game and the main villain literally has a line about how ‘love allows you to remove debuffs, huh, we didn’t think to plan for that’ because again, there’s no metaphors in this show, everything is 100% literal including the fact that falling in love with another player means you’re immune to the paralysis status effect

power of love also allows you to very briefly become a poltergeist after being killed, but only for like 2 seconds. again not a joke or a metaphor, main character is killed but then gets to hang around as a ghost for a little bit to enable him to defeat the boss. he also doesn’t die in real life despite that being the entire fucking premise of the show, again because power of love.

the bad guy literally has no plan, he’s just doing shit for the sake of having something to do. His actions directly cause the deaths of more than 4,000 people, and it’s not even in aid of anything. they ask him why he trapped 10,000 people in an MMO and allowed them to slowly die, and he’s just like ‘huh, i forgot i did that, random’ and then just fucking peaces out

the fact that he committed one of the largest mass killings outside of war never really comes up again, as far as we know he doesn’t even go to jail. i think the show actually kind of thinks he’s a good guy, which is a fucking WILD moral stance to take on the deaths of 4000 completely innocent people for absolutely no reason

If this sounds hilari-bad but you don’t want to invest the time to watch a show which is objectively garbage, it has an abridged series which is famously better than the show it’s parodying (i’m dead serious, people have character arcs, the getting married after one date thing is properly addressed, the mc has to deal with PTSD because of all his friends dying in epsidode 3, they don’t immediately follow the death of a child with an extended fishing montage, the villain has an actual plan). It’s mostly actually pretty good, but this is the internet and it’s an abridged series, so while there are a lot fewer yikes moments than most it still has enough that I’m not comfortable recommending it without the caveat. that said I still enjoyed it a lot, although possibly not at much as pointing and laughing at the garbage that is the actual show.

[delusion-of-negation]

top 10 (ish) ridiculous or annoying FAQs:

(click at your own discretion)

1) "kids today rely on others to do everything"

ah yes, damn those participation trophies! if it wasn't for them my hands wouldn't be fucked, and I wouldn't need people to write for me. but seriously, stop reading boomer comics, and go outside to meet some actual young people.

2) "sus that a non-american says mom"

yeah, because it's clearly the superior version, and I'm not too patriotic to concede a defeat.

3) "sweaty, the victims of abuse by catholics are real people, stop appropriating their pain just because you want to hate catholics; plus teachers abuse people just as often anyway"

so firstly, I don't hate anybody. and secondly, regarding the fact that victims really do exist, [insert "of course I know him, he's me" meme here]; although I don't often talk much about the abuse I went through or what my religious beliefs are. but, more importantly, statements like "survivors are people" can be phrased like "some people are survivors", and when you're unable to act according to the latter (like when you don't even consider that somebody might be one) then you display a failure to recognise the former - you're projecting; a survivor can't be appropriating their own pain, but you can be appropriating it to silence one. and thirdly, teachers do abuse - the problem isn't and has never been purely religion, rather that abuse is often done by somebody in a position of trust, power, and familiarity; and that the lack of a global minimum enables totally legal abuse on top of the illegal stuff. people with access and respect have more opportunity to abuse than those without, and that goes for teachers too. but, once again, you can be appropriating the pain of survivors to deflect and silence people. please remember this before you say that shit.

4) "get help/therapy"

way ahead of you - years ahead of you. but it's not magic - people who say this often act as if you'll start behaving differently overnight. not only are some things simply beyond the ability of talking therapy to completely rectify, it also takes time and has to be selective. you've got to pick your priorities, and that's definitely not whatever ship or joke you're mad at me about today. therapy is a slow, arduous process that can't guarantee results - it isn't "anti-recovery" to recognise that, it's honesty. while I've been in therapy for a long time, it is not necessarily going to change whatever you don't like about me - whether that's because it can't, because my focus now is on more important or urgent things, or because I don't want to change that.

5a) "tell your family you ship incest, see how that goes; normal people find it disgusting"

actually, some know, and they're fine with it. in fact, one prefers sibling pairings in fiction to all other dynamics because, to paraphrase, "it's a deeper level of messed up co-dependence". so unfortunately for you, my remaining family (by which I mean those not dead or cut out of my life after abuse and so forth) actually are able to distinguish between fiction and reality. plus, my reasoning for caring if they find it gross or not pertains only to recommending books and such - their opinions do not dictate my tastes.

5b) "don't sexualise/appropriate incestuous abuse" and "I bet you enjoyed being raped" and other attempts to upset me over 5a

firstly, as I've already said here, survivors can't be appropriating ourselves. in addition, you're not owed people's history or trauma - it's not okay to require people's personal information, or else you'll send anon hate and accusations of appropriation. secondly, I'm not sexualising our abuse (not just because I write horror, and so a lot of my writing is intended to be creepy, not sexy); these stories aren't about us, they're not us at all. entire dynamics/people (fictional or otherwise) aren't all going to be applicable to us or identical to us, just because they have something in common with us; they're not us and they're not accountable to us. thirdly, the fact that people send this stuff (attempting to trigger people's trauma over ships) is so much more worrying to me than somebody making our communal imaginary friends kiss. you're trying to hurt people. and finally, to the "I bet you enjoyed it" crowd (if you're at all serious): do you think you'd enjoy being in a real zombie apocalypse, alone, afraid, and really at risk of being eaten alive? a fictional scenario does not feel remotely the same as a real one. this isn't rocket science - things that look like you aren't you; fiction isn't reality; don't send anon hate. (edit: comparable "just leave me alone, I'm not hurting anyone" sentiments for yandere stuff, and anything else you decide I'm naughty for.)

6) "you'll be sent off to do manual labour once your communist revolution happens"

while I don't know why people think that I'm a communist, a dictatorial regime probably isn't going to want me to do manual labour. they're more likely to just shoot me; I'm useless and a liability. call me crazy, but something tells me that "ah yes, we shall give ze deranged cripple ze power tools" isn't the communist position.

7a) "they/them can't be singular pronouns"

yes they can, and they're used as such in both shakespeare and the bible. but you don't have to say this - I'm also okay with he/him, so you could've just used those and chilled out. also, do I look like somebody who views the rules of grammar as fully immutable and imperative?

7b) "enbies/aros/pan/etc aren't valid"

do you really think that you're going to change any hearts or minds by putting that in my ask box or under my funny maymays? chill out, it's not worth the effort - you could be planning a party (in minecraft) and having fun instead. it isn't worth my time to rant at everybody who's saying something isn't valid, updating how I'm explaining it as my opinions grow and general discourse around it evolves; I'm just who I am, somebody else is who they are - why bicker in presumptuous ways about if that's enough? it ultimately is valid, in my opinion, but that isn't an invitation to keep demanding that I debate. (edit: old posts of mine probably don't phrase things incredibly, on this or anything... I tried.)

8) "what are your politics?"

my politics are informed first and foremost by the knowledge that I'm not cut out to be some kind of leader - I don't want to be the guy who tells everyone else what to do, I just offer what seem to me like valid criticisms of how we are doing things now, and general pointers on the values and ethics that I would prefer to move towards. things like individual freedom, taking the most pacifist route where possible, trying not to give excessive power to small groups of people (governments or corporations), helping those in need even when they're not palatable, and letting me suck loads of dicks. but please refrain from decreeing me something - there's not enough information in what I said, so you'll just be filling in the blanks with assumptions. (edit: workplace democracy seems cool to me; benefits are good; fair fines and taxes; and the "sperm makes you loopy" saga: 1, 2, 3, and 4.)

9) "you're a narcissist"

no, I don't meet the diagnostic criteria. joking on the internet that you're hot doesn't make a person a narcissist. the fact that I've chosen to keep my actual self-esteem issues to myself is not proof that they don't exist - you're just not entitled to that information about me. but it's also not narcissism to really like how you look. (edit: don't throw labels around carelessly too.)

10a) "kin list?"

the fabric of the universe, a zombie, dionysus, maned wolf/arctic fox hybrid, a comedian, big gay, big rock, ambiguously partial insincerity. (edit: kin list may or may not be incomplete.)

10b) "kin isn't valid/that's just being insane"

haven't we established that I'm deranged, and that sending stuff like this on anon is simply a waste of your precious time? besides, I do not care if it's invalid or insane - it's fun, I'm happy. (edit: see 7b for my opinion on sending me yet another ask with "that's invalid" in it; I'm not in the mood to discuss the nature of validity.)

bonus: "it gets better" and "trigger list?"

as I've said before, things just don't always get better for everyone - sometimes things can't be cured or even treated, sometimes they kill you; in some cases it could get better if not for a blockade or lack of time. the world is messy. it needs to be more normalised to reassure or comfort people without relying on saying that their issue will get better or be cured. it does suck to be this ill, but it also sucks to be made out to be a lazy pessimist, just because I have the audacity to not play along. and as for the trigger list, I don't like providing people with an easily accessed list of ways to hurt my feelings or harm me - upsetting me is supposed to be challenging, and thus rewarding. if you want a cheat sheet then you're out of luck, I'm afraid.

bonus #2: "FAQ stands for frequently asked questions, it doesn't need that s at the end!"

yeah, I know, I just enjoy chaos and disarray.

bonus #3 (edit): "what are your disabilities and how exactly are they incurable and/or deadly?"

again, I don't tell the internet everything about me, especially when it poses a risk, especially not as an easily accessible list for you to refer back to whenever you feel inclined to hurt my feelings. that is understandably a sore subject. (edit: that includes physical health issues btw.)

bonus #4 (edit): "so we shouldn't be critical?"

if it wasn't clear from my answer about politics or my post in general, you can have opinions about things, and you can voice that. it's just not realistic to exist at extremes: to think that you alone should dictate what exists in fiction, or to think that people shouldn't be expressing disdain or criticism of any calibur. say how you feel about things, that's fine, but it's also fine if people find that they don't value your input. plus we're all flawed, we can all be hypocritical from time to time, we all get bitchy, and we all make mistakes, or even knowingly fuck things up. that's important to keep in mind, whether we're talking about the one being criticised or the one doing the criticising - poor choices of words, imperfect tone, or contradictory ideas are inevitably going to happen occasionally.

congrats on reaching the end! if you have, at any point, said one of these to me, you owe a hug to your nearest loved one (once it's safe).

edit: might add more links/bonus points in the future when I think of things, but it's late now. (sorry for links where prior notes in the thread have my old url, that may get a tad confusing; also, not all links are my blog or my op, since it is to illustrate points/vibes, not to self-promo.)

[hetalia-has-a-secretary]

Time for ✨Rules & Regulations✨ (UPDATED: 11/26/2021)

💅🏼🌻: Keep an eye out for these icons in future asks/Throughout the masterlists!

🔓MAJOR UPDAATE 2/23/2022: I will now only be accepting 5 Charas max per request! AND I will be updating the Masterlists every Friday. So I will not be posting on Fridays. Thank you! Like or reblog this post to let me know how many of you have seen this! 🔓

Rules in General!

DNI if you're under 18! This is a blog that contains sexual content, cussing, and stuff your parents probably don't want you seeing, and I'm sure you don't want to get caught reading! (let alone the legal aspects...) Minors please just keep yourself safe, okay?

No Proshippers, Racists, etc (The common sense stuff that usually hurts someone!)

I may seem a bit aggressive but I promise you I am 100% here for fun! And I can't wait to talk with you all!

If I EVER get any information wrong about a race or culture, please inform me! I love learning about this kind of stuff as well! So I'm all ears! (Hetalia was the only reason I had a high History grade lmao)

ASK BOX RULES:

You are allowed to ask for NSFW things! (All NSFW will be labeled with a #HandsyPandsy)

Head cannons- I can write just about anything! Please keep the max of characters to a minimum of 5! And the Scenarios per request to 1.

One Shots- Longish One Shots! They will be created specifically for whom ever asked them. Even if you're an Anon!

The Ask Box- I'm literally open to anything but Match ups. Feel free to ask for things like "Artist!Reader" etc, etc. I now do Country!Readers but they will be vague because races exist and I try to be as inclusive as possible.

Master Lists: WIP

-List For the Characters

2020-2021-Main 8

2020-2021- Side Characters

2022 List- Main 8

2022 List Side Characters

-List for AU's, Oneshots, and much more!

2020-2021

Other Junk:

Don't hesitate to resend an ask after a week or so of sending it! And don't be scared of asking just about anything, If it's something I don't feel comfortable with I will (Anonymously) Let you know!

Feel free to ask anything about me as a writer as well! I can understand it's a hard time for us all, so I hope I can make most of you smile at some point!

THE DAD JOKES- Made this on the FLY but I LOVE A GOOD OL JOKE! Send in a terrible dad pun, or pick up line and one or more of the G8 will respond! (Or if you want someone specific)

The sky is the limit, but keep in mind I do work full time and my brain is not always nice to me.

Not sure if what you're about to ask me is gonna make me uncomfortable? Send it anyway, I'm pretty chill about it because this is the internet.

Oh and please, do not ask for anything Non-con.

And last but not least! If there's a specific trigger warning I missed, pleas, please, PLEASE, let me know!

Under this cut is a baby ramble of what other things I will be doing with this blog, because I do not expect a lot of interactions because apparently the fanbase has gotten... vicious... It's what I get for living under a rock...

If you couldn't tell, I have a thing for Russia <3 (surprised? Da?) But I do write more on the fluffy side. I guess in a way I've done that whole "I don't like X,Y, or Z about Cannon so it is mine to change!" thing. In other ways I view my works as an almost AU (which is really weird because history~). And I have the word 'Secretary' in my name because I have an unwritten fanfic of.. okay it's a self insert because HA! Childhood Trauma, am I right? But Yeah, the Russian Teddy Bear is my comfort character- also he had me at the accent (Russian is ironically my favorite accent just cause it is). But Don't let that stop you. I'm not gonna get all Qoutev "Oh! He'S MiNe! RaWr XD" on you, promise! But yeah- I'll be posting on here for... god knows how long. I don't really know. IT literally depends on my Hyperfixation quota. But trust me, it does not die out quickly -_- no matter how much I wish it did sometimes. I'll also sometimes post more NSFW things for my own amusement, but I'll try very hard to keep things organized... So I'll apologize now If need be! But that's it! Feel free to ask whatever, about whatever. (Immediately gets Shakira stuck in my head). Oh! I'll probably have small fits of RolePlay-esque posts. It'll be fun... fun... ehhh- Now that you've read most of this Pinned Tweet! Have a Hug! Or a cookie if you do not want! (^J^)

P.S It's too much fun to make Russia emotes, like it's not the fact it's Russia, it's just really cute... big ol' smoochable nose... JUST SAYING!

[goulets]

Heartland

Chapter: 1/8 Pairing: Jason Todd/Dick Grayson Additional Characters: Colin Wilkes, Damian Wayne, Bruce Wayne, Tim Drake, Alfred Pennyworth Rating: T (for now) Case Fic/Kid Fic a03 link

Jason looks down at the baby, at watery brown eyes and tiny hands, fingers stretching out without knowing what they're reaching for. She yawns and makes a sucking noise, turning her head into his chest.

Damn it.

“We'll do shifts,” he says to Dick, making his tone as businesslike as possible. “I still have shit to do; I can't sit around playing house with you all day.”

Dick doesn't smile, but Jason can see that he wants to. “That sounds reasonable.”

“This is temporary. Just until we find the fuckers that want to take her out.”

“Sure it is.” Dick's all doe-eyed now, watching the baby settle down to sleep. “Welcome home, Jaybird.”

(colin)

It's a quarter past five and the first streams of daylight are curling over the horizon when Colin finally makes it back to the orphanage. He's down to his normal size, brass knuckles heavy in his pockets and slowing his already exhausted steps. It'll be at least three hours before the younger kids wake up; time enough to get one REM cycle in before he's got all those mouths to feed. Damian taught him about monitoring his REM cycles, how it's sometimes better to get three hours than four, how to stay sharp even when he's running on no sleep at all.

Even better, Dick once told him he's welcome at the manor anytime he needs to rest undisturbed, or a hot meal, or a 'flying lesson', whatever that means. Damian had thrown a batarang at his head when he'd suggested it, so Colin assumes it's some kind of inside joke. Regardless, he hasn't been back at the manor to take Dick up on his offer. Batman's back – the real Batman – and Colin would be the worst kind of liar if he said he wasn't a little bit terrified to face him, considering the circumstances of their first meeting.

A motion in the alley next to the orphanage catches his eye, and he stills. Vagrants don't usually start coming around until the soup kitchen opens, and all the thugs he's used to dealing with tend to wait until the kids are up to start messing with them. That's why Colin likes the walk back from patrol, despite his tiredness, despite the chill that rolls off the ever-present fog. The city's glow is muted at this hour, its inhabitants either just starting to stir or just turning in. He's alone with the smog and the molten aura of the streetlights, and there's a quiet about it all that makes even the bloodstains on his knuckles feel pure, purposeful.

That said, he really does need to invest in some gloves.

The figure in the alley is still moving, clumsy and hurried, and all at once Colin realizes what it is they're fumbling with. There's a sort of house-shaped capsule outside St. Aden's, a narrow chute with a small door that doesn't have a lock, and a weathered sign on the front that depicts the outline of an infant. It's a Safe Surrender site, a place where people can legally abandon their newborns, and someone is using it for the first time since Colin's been at the orphanage.

He creeps closer, keeping to the shadows.

The figure spends about five more seconds fumbling with something on the ground, then wrenches open the door to the capsule and deposits something inside. Colin's stomach twists; the blue light above the capsule illuminates, and he can hear a faint alarm going off in the nuns' office. He wonders if they'll even know what it's for. The figure startles at the light, hastily grabs what looks like an empty bag off the ground, and bolts.

Colin wants to follow, but finds himself unable to walk past the capsule without checking it, and once he sees what's inside, he knows there's no chance of him giving chase. The baby is sleeping, definitely not a newborn, but not more than a few months old. Its tiny body is wrapped in a dirty blanket, wisps of black hair sticking out from an unprotected head. Colin supposes he wouldn't have needed to pursue whoever dropped it off; for all intents and purposes, they might think they're doing the right thing. St. Aden's won't turn the baby away, and it's a better option than leaving it in a gutter or a dumpster, which, in Gotham, is not a thing unheard of.

The baby stirs as a stiff breeze swirls through the alley, making Colin shiver. The nuns will be dressed and out in five minutes, give or take. They'll at least put a hat on the baby, Colin thinks. He doesn't know much about babies, but he knows they need hats. The orphanage has baby hats, and diapers, and blankets, albeit thin ones, most with holes. They might even have a spare teddy bear for when the baby has nightmares. No one comforts you when you have nightmares at St. Aden's. The nuns aren't big on hugs, even the babies they hold as little as possible.

Colin may not know a lot about babies, but he knows what happens when you don't hold them. The kids at the orphanage who've been there since infancy are a testament to that. Colin shivers again, thinking of vacant eyes and hunched shoulders. Pale skin and raw voices. Underdeveloped, broken bodies, floating in the river.

The light in the nuns' office comes on. Less than a minute now. Before he can fully process what he's doing or why he's doing it, Colin scoops the baby out of the capsule and cradles it carefully in his arms, walking briskly out of the alley the way that he came. The fog feels damper; it clings to him like it means to shield him from view. As an afterthought, Colin takes off his own hat and uses it to cover the baby's head.

***

“What is so urgent,” Damian snarls, swinging into the garage and making Colin jump and almost topple over, “that it couldn't wait at six in the fucking morning?”

Moving past his initial alarm, Colin feels relief wash over him at seeing his friend. Damian is decked out in his Robin costume and, all things considered, no grumpier than usual. “I'm so glad you're here,” he says in a rush. “I think – I think I screwed up, and I don't know what to do. Um.”

He decides not to draw it out, and instead steps aside, gesturing to the side compartment of his motorcycle. The baby is still sound asleep; he's wrapped his jacket around it as well. He won't die from the cold, but he worries that the baby might.

“What the – ” Damian blinks at the sleeping infant, then points to Colin without looking away. “Explain.”

Colin does. “And I thought if I called you, you might know what to...because you and Batman have handled this kind of stuff, right? You know who to, um.” He pauses, and realizes that he doesn't actually know why his first instinct was to call Damian, aside from the fact that he really has no one else to call. He wraps his arms around himself and lets out a short breath. “What do we do?”

“There's no 'we',” Damian says automatically, just like Colin knew he would. “You can't take care of a baby. You're ten. You have to put it back.”

Colin doesn't move. He knows Damian is probably right. “I just,” he starts to say, searching for the words. He's so tired he can barely think straight. “I guess I wanted it to have a chance. You know? Kids at the orphanage...kids like me, we don't get a lot of choices. Everyone ends up being a bad guy or a victim.” He swallows. “We don't need any more of either in this town.”

Damian scowls and rubs at his mask absently. “You're not either one of those things.”

Colin look at his fist and squeezes it, concentrating. Within a minute, his forearm is as big around as his leg. “No, I'm not,” he says. Damian has gone very still. Colin closes his eyes and feels his way back to his normal size, flexing his hand once it's shrunk back down. “Not anymore.”

“I – ” Damian cuts himself off, clenching his jaw. “Fine. We'll take it back to the manor. We have to go now, before they realize I'm gone.”

Colin bites back a grin and scoops the baby up, cradling its head carefully against his chest. The baby's face isn't cold anymore, which gives him an unexpected surge of elation, and he practically skips to Damian's side, earning a severely reproachful look from his friend.

“How did you get here?”

“I swiped Father's keys,” Damian says dryly, holding them out and pressing a button. Brilliant headlights illuminate the alley outside the garage, and Colin's jaw drops as a sleek, two-door Batmobile pulls up in front of them.

“How did – ”

“Remote autopilot. It drives itself.”

“Whoa.”

Damian rolls his eyes and presses another button, making the roof retract halfway. He swings in over the door and says, “Don't scratch the interior.”

Colin slides in beside him, awestruck. He's in the freaking Batmobile. If everything under the sun goes wrong with this sort-of kidnapping, even if he winds up in jail, it'll be so worth it.

***

(jason)

Jason's not having a particularly good day.

Scratch that, it's nine in the morning, and Jason's already not having a particularly good day.

“Where did you say you heard this?” Bruce asks, frowning at his computer screen. Translation: which parts of this are you lying about, Jason?

“Oh, you know,” Jason says, not caring to keep the sarcasm out of his voice. “Me and some of my League buddies were doing tapas over at Ocho, and you know how they get when the wine starts pouring.” Bruce glares at him, and he glares right back. “All I know is Shiva's overseas for the foreseeable future. Just thought I'd share, since I heard you were looking. But whatever you want her for, I'm telling you, she probably didn't do it. This time.”

Bruce stares at him, cold and still as a statue. Jason wants to hit himself. Idiot move, coming here. Not like the Great Bat Detective needs his legwork anyhow.

He squares his shoulders and says, “Hey, take it or leave it. Which, speaking of, I'm gonna go ahead and leave now.”

Bruce's silence follows him out, and Jason practices the tried-and-true strategy of stirring up old resentments to mask the hurt. Not like he'd expected old Batsy to fall all over himself with excitement on account of a visit from his fallen son, but there's a cold reception, and there's the patented Bruce Wayne Freeze-Out. If Jason had imagined their shared history of returning from the dead would bring them closer together, he'd been sorely mistaken.

“Will you be joining us for breakfast, Master Jason?” Alfred asks, wiping his hands on a dish towel as Jason attempts to hustle past the kitchen. Habit has him pausing, because you just don't blow off Alfred, and that small hesitation is all it takes for the smells wafting out of the kitchen to hit him head-on. And oh, do they hit him. Pancakes, eggs, bacon – turkey bacon, Jason's favorite, of course Alfred remembers that stupid little detail. He probably also remembers that Jason is pathologically incapable of refusing food. Bastard.

“I'm not really – ” he starts to say hungry, but his stomach picks that exact moment to let loose a traitorous growl that echoes down the hallway and probably wakes up any still-asleep inhabitants of the manor.

Alfred, to his everlasting credit, doesn't even flinch. Jason heaves a sigh. “Yeah, all right. Just a bite, I guess.”

“I'll set a place for you.” Like the old man hasn't already.

Jason tugs off his gloves and makes his way to the sink to wash up. No telling what's living under his nails these days, but it's probably better not to ingest it.

“This is really good, Alfie,” he says through a thick bite of pancake. “Damn. I hope the new kid knows how good he's got it.”

“I'm afraid I haven't met anyone quite as enthusiastic about my cooking as you, Master Jason. Except, on occasion – Master Richard!”

“Hey, Alfie! Man it smells good, what's the occasion?” A shirtless, pajama-pants clad Dick Grayson bounds into the kitchen, more golden retriever than man, and stops on one foot with his face six inches above the bacon pan, breathing in. “Hey, is that turkey bacon?” He whirls around. “Jason!”

“Um.” Jason goes very stiff in his seat, teeth locked together around a forkful of eggs. Chew, swallow. He hadn't know Dick was here; hadn't figured any of the bat clan would even be awake at this charming daylight hour, except Bruce, who Jason's convinced deprogrammed the biological need to sleep out of his system years ago. “Hey.”

Dick looks pleased to see him, but confused. He's still on one foot. Jason represses the childish urge to throw something at him; knock him over like a big stupid bowling pin. “What are you doing here?”

“Just came by to drop off some intel,” he shrugs, fidgeting with his napkin. “You know how it is. Spend enough time cracking skulls, more than brain tissue leaks out.”

When Dick doesn't react beyond placing both feet on the ground and pursing his lips disapprovingly, Jason puts on his best shit-eating grin. Ah, ruining family meals. Just like old times.

“Thanks for the grub, Alfie,” he calls, swinging his legs over the side of his chair. “Think I've overstayed my welcome now, so I'm just be on my way.” He deliberates for a moment before snatching the last piece of turkey bacon off his plate, then walks briskly out of the kitchen and towards the front door.

“Jason – wait up a second.” Dick's voice behind him, close behind him, practically a whisper. Jason turns and takes a deliberate step backward, putting space between them. He's fairly sure he can take Dick hand-to-hand, but he wants to be as close to the exit as possible when he does.

“What?” he demands, more roughly than he needs to. He shifts his hip to feel the handle of his knife pressing into it; the exact shape he'll mold his palm to if he needs to draw it.

Dick crosses his arms and stares him down steadily. It's a mistake to make eye contact with him, because Dick's stare isn't like Bruce's, shrewd and penetrating, it's not a gaze that takes any effort to hold. Quite the contrary – Jason's always had trouble breaking eye contact with Dick. Bruce's stare goes through him, turns him inside out, but Dick's grips him, surrounds him, takes the full measure of him without pulling everything ugly to the surface. It's unnerving. He'd rather face Bruce any day.

“You don't have to leave just because I walked into the room.”

He shouldn't be able to project so much earnestness in nothing but faded Superman sleep pants, Jason thinks. It defies human nature.

“It was more of a sashay,” he smirks, still not blinking. “And it's not on your account, don't worry. I just have shit to do.”

“You should come by more often,” Dick presses.

It's all Jason can do not to throw his head back and laugh. “Right,” he says, narrowing his eyes. “That's gonna happen over Bruce's dead body.”

There's a flash of pain on Dick's face, and Jason thinks his phrasing was probably ill-advised. Too soon and all. Oh well.

“That's not true,” Dick shakes his head, shaggy hair falling in front of his eyes. Jason feels a bizarre and fleeting urge to brush it away, makes it an immediate priority to repress desires like that as far down as they can possibly go. “Look, I know it hasn't always been easy – ”

Jason scoffs. “Oh, sure.”

“ – but if you'd just give him some time, I know he wants you back, Jason. You're family. And I think you know it too, or you wouldn't even be here.”

Defiant rage stirs in Jason's stomach, but this isn't the time or the place for that kind of reaction. He settles instead on indifference. “That's an old tune, Dickie. Might be time to learn some new ones.”

Dick's expression softens. Damnit. This is why he can't stand around talking to Dick, making fucking chitchat and this perverse, endless eye contact. They observe each other in circles, it's nearly impossible to hide, and Dick doesn't hide anything, which means Jason's at an automatic disadvantage. Every goddamn time.

It's pointless to bare his teeth in a grin and offer a sardonic wave, but Jason does it anyways. “It's been real, Boy Wonder. I'll catch you la – ”

“Shh.” Dick puts up a finger, frowning. He looks up the stairs. “Do you hear that?”

If this is another strategy to try and stall him, Jason's gonna start throwing punches. “Hear what?” he demands. He's about to tell Dick to go fuck himself – which, he probably can, fucking acrobat – no, bad visual, stop thinking about Dick naked, Jesus fucking Christ – when he hears it too.

It sounds like – “Is that a baby?” He looks sideways at Dick. “Bruce have a second love child already?”

Dick says, “I'll see you later, Jason,” and starts climbing the stairs.

Well, obviously Jason can't leave now.

They follow the cries down one of the many upstairs hallways, which, from the portraits and weaponry lining the walls, Jason figures must lead to Damian's room. Dick pauses outside a closed door, pressing his ear to it, and, curiosity getting the better of him, Jason follows suit.

“You have to get it to shut up! The whole mansion's probably heard it by now!”

“I'm trying!” an unfamiliar voice hisses, and there's the sound of a hiccup from a third unfamiliar voice. Presumably something babylike. “Do you think it's hungry?”

“How the hell should I know? This was your moronic idea, Colin, don't you know anything about babies?”

“Maybe we should google it.”

“I'm going to kill you. Actually, when Father finds out we kidnapped a fucking baby, he'll kill us both. I can't believe I let you talk me into this mess.”

The crying starts again. Dick looks at Jason and mouths, one, two, three, before pushing the door open and revealing their presence.

It's quite a scene. Damian's in half his costume, mask, boots, and cape discarded on the floor, and he's grinding his teeth at another boy, a redhead kid in a dirty checkered sweatshirt who looks to be around his age. The redhead kid looks horrified to see them standing there, first going furiously red, then white as a sheet. But the thing that really grabs Jason's attention is the baby – yep, a flesh-and-blood human infant – cradled awkwardly in the redhead kid's arms, screaming its tiny head off.

Dick looks between them, his eyes enormous. “Damian? Colin? What is this?”

It's a question, not an accusation. Jason has to hand it to him; Bruce would've had them sizzling on the grill the second the word 'kidnapped' reached his ears.

Colin says, “It's not what it looks like!”

Dick glances sideways at Jason. “Okay, but. I'll be honest, I'm not even sure what it looks like.”

Jason shrugs. “You kids abduct any babies lately?”

“We didn't abduct it,” Damian snarls. “Colin found it. Abandoned. It was my mistake to bring it here.”

The baby cries louder. It's a miracle Alfred hasn't come running yet.

“Someone dropped it at St. Aden's,” Colin says quickly, between bouts of screaming. “I just – I couldn't just leave it there, you don't know what it's like, growing up that way.” He clutches the baby to him fiercely, bitterness etched all over his face. “You might as well hand him over to the gangs right now, because that's where he'll end up.”

Dick looks horribly conflicted. Jason laughs out loud.

“So, what was your plan?” he asks incredulously. “Two ten year olds, teaming up to raise a baby? Which one of you's the mom?”

Dick's arm blocks Damian's sharp kick to Jason's face. “Thank you, Jason, that was helpful,” he says. “But, uh, what was the plan, exactly?”

Everyone looks to Colin, who shrinks visibly under their combined gaze. “I don't know,” he says in a small voice, nearly indecipherable beneath the baby's cries. “I hadn't really thought that far ahead. I just – I thought Batman could save him.”

It takes everything in Jason's face-saving book not to respond to that, but he barely manages to keep his mouth shut. Dick shoots him a look of gratitude, and he rolls his eyes. Obviously there are more pressing issues at hand than his lingering manpain; Jason's not that self-involved.

“Okay,” Dick says, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Here's how we solve this. He – she? – we'll figure it out, whatever, is probably hungry. And wet. Did you two change its diaper?”

Damian and Colin look at each other and shrug helplessly. “Right.” Dick points one hand behind him. “I'm going to go to the kitchen; I know Alfred keeps formula in there somewhere. And we should have diapers in one of the emergency supply closets. I'll get that stuff. Jason, take the baby for a minute, would you? Colin looks like he's about to drop.”

Jason backs against the wall, saying, “Oh no, I don't – that's not a – ” but then the screaming bundle is being precariously extended towards him, and instinct has him reaching out to take it.

“Jesus,” he mutters, feeling the fragile weight of the baby in his arms. Can't be much more than ten pounds. He has handguns with more substance than this thing. “Where're you keeping those lungs, little guy?”

Silence falls over the room, and it takes Jason a minute to realize that he didn't spontaneously go deaf, the baby stopped crying. Its tiny eyes – brown, dark and wet – are blinking up at him like he's the most interesting thing in the world.

Oh, no.

This is a disaster.

He doesn't hear Dick's intake of breath so much as he feels it, which might be because he's holding his breath too, because the baby is looking at him, and damnit, this is the last fucking thing he needs in his life. “Go,” he says to Dick, inserting as much venom into his voice as possible, wrenching his eyes away from the baby's. “It's probably just going into shock or something.”

The baby farts.

“Okay, or that.”

Dick bites his lip hard, and ten different emotions of various intensities flash through Jason's gut. Then he's gone, cartwheeling down the staircase, knowing him.

Colin says, “Wow, it really likes you.”

Damian smirks. “I guess we know who the mom is.”

“Don't think because I've got a ten pound handicap I won't kick your ass, kid,” Jason snaps. It's an empty threat, and they all know it. For now anyways. Once the baby situation's dealt with, all bets are off.

Dick's back within five minutes, armed to the teeth with things more frightening to Jason than any weapon he can imagine. Diapers, wipes, blankets, bottles, even a tiny blue hat that looks handmade. Jason's heart thuds unevenly in his chest, recognizing Alfred's handiwork in the stitching; indisputable evidence that Bruce Wayne, Batman, was once a baby just like this one. It'd be hilarious, if he could push a laugh past the lump in his throat.

“Here.” Dick hands him a diaper. It has Mickey Mouse on it.

Jason shakes his head. “Nuh-uh. I didn't sign up for this shit. And I mean that in the literal sense; I did not put 'clean up baby shit' in my day planner today.” He thrusts the diaper back at Dick.

“Fine,” Dick snaps, holding his arms out expectantly. “Give me the baby. Damian, shake up this formula, will you?”

Damian snatches the bottle out of his hand and shakes it with the aggression of a paint mixer. Well, hey, at least he's dedicated.

The baby starts to fuss as it's transferred from Jason's arms to Dick's, and the lump in Jason's throat gets bigger. “Hey, hey,” Dick croons, settling the baby down on the rug and starting to unwrap its blanket. “You're okay, little guy. We got you – oh, I'm sorry,” he grins, glancing up at Jason. “Little girl, I'm guessing.”

Jason peers over his shoulder and sees that under the blanket, the baby is wearing tiny pink pajamas with little white and green flowers. Like the blanket, the pajamas are dirty. He wonders when the baby last had a bath.

Not your problem. He needs to get the hell out of here.

“Ooh, someone's got a full diaper,” Dick goes on. Jason wants to kick him in the back of the head. “Let's fix that, huh? Oh, yeah. We'll get someone on that right away.”

Jason jumps backward when Dick extends the dirty diaper to him, and Dick rolls his eyes. “It's just pee. Get over yourself, honestly.”

“Fuck you,” Jason growls. “I'm not part of this.”

Colin walks over with dogged footsteps and takes the diaper from Dick, folding it over until it's a tight little pocket that fits in the palm of his hand. He turns to Damian. “Where's the garbage?”

Damian jerks his head in the direction of the bathroom, and Dick glares at Jason as he refastens the baby's pajamas.

The baby's fussing turns into loud wails again, and Dick picks her – no, it, can't think of it as a person, damnit – up, rocking his arms gently. The baby cries, rubs its face on Dick's chest, and then turns its head and look directly at Jason.

“Aw, Jay. Looks like she's got a crush.”

“Please.” Jason rolls his eyes and tries to ignore the vise that's squeezing in his chest. He really, really needs to leave. Like, yesterday.

But then Dick starts feeding the baby, and Jason finds himself utterly rooted to the spot.

It figures that parenting is something that would come naturally to Dick. It seems like most things come naturally to him, particularly the things that terrify normal people, like leaping off tall buildings, running into the line of fire, taking on twenty armed goons with nothing but his stupid fucking escrima sticks. Dick cradles the baby with arms that've put hundreds of criminals on their asses, arms that are scarred all over, just like Jason's. He gazes down at the baby as it eats, murmuring praise, shifting slowly from foot to foot, and that damn thing won't stop looking at Jason, even while it's sucking enthusiastically at the bottle.

Footfalls behind him; a distinct step he'd know anywhere. “I took the liberty of digging up some clothes for our young guest,” Alfred says, as though nothing is out of the ordinary. “They're a bit dated, but I believe they should still be suitable.”

“Can we all get out of my room now?” Damian asks. “I'd like to change, and I'd prefer to do it without the entire household watching.”

Alfred nods. “Certainly, Master Damian. Master Richard, perhaps it would be prudent to bring this matter to Master Bruce at this time.”

“Yeah, okay,” Dick says, heavily, shooting another look at Jason. Why does he keep doing that? “Let's just get her fed and changed really quick.”

“Of course.”

As soon as they're downstairs, the baby spits out the nipple and screws up its face like it's going to start howling again. Jason doesn't know what it is, some kind of long-buried impulse, a skill set he never thought he'd had to begin with, but he's stepping forward with his arms outstretched, palms open and flat, like he could do a damn thing to keep the baby quiet.

Dick pegs him with a curious look, and Jason freezes. “You wanna hold her?”

“What? No,” Jason says, shoving his arms down to his sides. “I just – I thought you were gonna drop it. Her.”

Dick doesn't say anything, and Jason feels a flush creeping up his neck. “You know what, it seems like you guys have this all handled. I'm just gonna...go.”

He turns, and the baby starts crying again.

Jesus Christ in a goddamn handbasket, this is bad.

“If you wouldn't mind,” Dick says, carefully, “We could use the help. Until we figure out what to do.”

“He can help,” Jason protests, pointing at Colin.

“I actually, um,” Colin looks vaguely terrified, glancing guiltily between them. “I have to go, my kids – there's kids at the orphanage, I have to be there. For them.”

Jason doesn't think about the time he spent on the streets, doesn't relive those fun childhood memories for any reason, but they're a scar on his psyche, forever etched in, and he can't exactly make them go away, either. He remembers the kids from the orphanages, how little and lost they were, better cared for but more unloved than any of the other street kids. He remembers standing up for them as much as he remembers knocking them over and stealing from them. No kids are worse equipped to protect themselves. Colin looks like he weighs eighty pounds soaking wet, but Jason reasons that he wouldn't be friends with Damian if he couldn't take a hit.

Colin probably takes a lot of hits on behalf of his kids. The thought turns Jason's stomach, and he knows he can't ask him to stay.

Dick frowns and starts to say, “I'm sure – ”

“Go,” Jason says quickly, giving Colin a short nod. “It's fine, whatever. My shit can wait a few hours.”

Everyone stares at him. The baby is still crying.

“Oh, for fuck's sake. Fine, give me the damn kid.” He sets his jaw and takes the baby from Dick, expressly avoiding Dick's eyes, or any part of his face, for that matter. The baby fusses for a minute, then seems to catch sight of Jason's face again, and settles down at once.

Shit, shit, shit.

***

“You're doing this completely wrong,” Jason tells the baby as they make their way down to the Batcave. “I'm sure as hell not taking you home with me, I'll tell you that much. No offense.”

The baby coughs, and Jason finds himself holding it a little tighter. It's all very unnerving, the way he's already used to the shape of its small form in his arms, the way its head fits snugly into the soft spot of flesh between his shoulder and his breastbone. Alfred threw out the ratty blanket it was wrapped in and gave them a new one, along with a pink cotton onesie with a stiff lace collar. Purchased forty odd years ago by Martha Wayne, on the off-chance that she was having a baby girl. A little piece of trivia that Jason is going to any lengths necessary not to think about.

“It fits with the intel I got last week,” Tim is saying, “Qurac is a big job; she wouldn't be doing it alone.”

“No,” Bruce agrees, hunched over in front of his massive screen. “Perhaps the League of Assassins isn't behind this at all.”

“So either someone's setting it up to look like they...” Tim trails off, catching sight of Jason, or more accurately, the wiggling bundle in his arms. “Is that a baby?”

Jason looks down and gasps. “Holy shit, how did that get there?”

Dick rolls his eyes. Tim says, “Wait, it's not – ”

“It's not mine, Replacement. Don't give yourself a stroke deducing over there.”

Bruce turns in his chair to face them, frowning deeply. His eyes take in Dick, Jason, and the baby. “Where's Damian?”

Dick steps forward. “He went with Alfred to take Colin ho – back to St. Aden's.”

“Ah.” Bruce nods. “So that's where he went this morning.” His gaze lands on the baby. “I take it the infant came from the orphanage as well.”

“She's really sweet, Bruce.” Dick adopts a pleading voice. “Colin thought he was doing the right thing.”

“Colin can look after her when she's returned to St. Aden's,” Bruce says firmly. “The Mansion is no place for a baby.” He stands and walks over to Jason. “May I?”

It takes Jason a moment to realize that Bruce is asking his permission to hold the baby. He doesn't know what's more surprising, the fact that Bruce is asking at all, or the fact that he wants to refuse, to take the baby and run as far away as possible, to an alternate universe where parents don't abandon their kids or sell them out, where they don't let psychopaths murder them, where they'd rather burn the world down than let any harm come to another child on their watch.

He thinks that Bruce can probably see his struggle painted on his face as he waits for his answer. And he is waiting, because the question wasn't a formality, it's a real uncertainty, and Bruce is asking Jason whether or not he trusts him to take this small life and protect it, even if it's just for a few moments.

Jason's reflexive answer is a harsh and unforgiving fuck no, but that's not the end of it. There's something deeper inside him, something that's been climbing toward the surface for a while now, no matter how hard he tries to bury it, that tells another story. A lot of other stories.

Rather than sift through them, he bites his tongue and hands the baby over. He tells himself he won't look at Bruce to see his reaction, but how often do you get to see Batman with a baby?

Jason will die again a hundred times before he ever admits it, but the vision of Bruce, half-suited up, broad and unyielding and Batman, folding his arms into a cradling position for the baby, is actually pretty fucking charming. He wouldn't've guessed that Bruce had a lot of experience with small children, but he doesn't look uncomfortable. The baby whines and stirs, little hands feebly reaching up to clutch at the bat symbol on his chest, and Jason thinks he actually sees Bruce's mouth quirk in a smile.

“I'm just going to scan her handprint,” he says, addressing Jason.

Jason shrugs. “Whatever.”

The whining stops as soon as he takes the baby over to the enormous computer screen, and Jason hopes that all the lights and flashing images don't fry the baby's brain. There are shots of crime scenes, bodies with blood spilled onto the street, rotating in the corner of the screen, and Jason hopes the baby's subconscious doesn't file those images away for night terrors down the road. Although, if it's going back to the orphanage, it'll see the real thing soon enough.

There's an uplifting thought.

“Danielle Leigh Torres,” Bruce says after a moment. “Born the sixteenth of January. Parents Linda Torres – deceased, and Mitchell Howard, also deceased.”

“Wait a minute.” Tim's gone still with his hand hovering over the keyboard. “Mitch Howard – that's Big Mouth Howard's real name.”

Big Mouth Howard. Jason's heard the name – some lowlife, maybe a bookie? He doesn't know why it'd be significant to any of them, but the way Tim and Bruce are looking at each other suggests that there's something fairly major he's missing. Jason glances at Dick, and is relieved to see that he looks just as out of the loop.

“You two wanna clue us in?” Jason demands, stepping closer to the screen. “Who the fuck is Big Mouth Howard?”

Bruce continues scowling unfathomably at the screen, and Tim lets out a long exhale. “There's been a lot of activity in the East End this past week,” he says. “You guys have probably noticed.”

“Yeah, bunch of dealers got capped,” Jason confirms, still not understanding why this should matter so much to Batman. “Turf wars. Big fucking deal.”

Tim shakes his head. “Not just dealers. Cy Reynolds was Intergang, they bought out the Dragons’ territory a few months ago and have been pulling in major product from Venezuela. His whole family was taken out, all his lieutenants, all their families.” He pulls up a mug shot of a sneering, overweight man with some serious dental issues. “Big Mouth was one of them.”

“So, you're thinking professional hits.”

“Reynolds had a lot of enemies. Guy dipped his pen in way too many wells. We thought Intergang might've taken him out themselves, because he was something of a liability, but why take out the lieutenants?”

“And the families,” Dick adds, frowning. “Someone wanted to send a message.”

“Exactly. He's gotten on the wrong side of the al Ghuls more than once, and this is their style,” Tim continues, pulling up more detailed shots of the bodies. “That one's Linda Torres. She wasn't even married to Big Mouth, but they still got her.”

“League's got bigger fish to fry,” Jason says dismissively. “They wouldn't bother.”

“Yeah, well, you would know,” Tim replies, raising an eyebrow. “Anyways, we're thinking it's a move against Intergang now, not just Reynolds. I have a couple hunches, but we need to examine the bodies more closely to know for sure.”

“Bruce,” Dick says, “if they're really sending a message, they're gonna be looking for Danielle.”

Tim opens his mouth and shuts it. No one speaks, and, as if on cue, the bundle in Bruce's arms starts wailing again.

Something is squeezing Jason's lungs, making it hard for him to breathe normally. Danielle. The baby has a name, it's a goddamn person and it's – she's – been in this world for three fucking months and she's already got a price on her head. God almighty, what a piece of shit world they live in.

Jason grinds his teeth. “No way she goes back to that orphanage.”

Everyone turns to look at him. He ignores them and steps forward, extending his arms towards Bruce, who slides Danielle over to him without protest.

“Jason – ”

“Forget it, Bruce. I don't know what paragraph of your moral code stipulates that you have to throw a fucking baby to the wolves instead of, oh, I don't know, protect her, but you can shove it up your ass. I'll fucking take her if it's that goddamn important to you. And if anyone comes for her, they die.”

“ – I was going to say, I think she should stay here. For the time being.”

Jason pauses. “Oh.”

“Provided, of course, that someone will be able to look after her. Other than Alfred.”

“I'll stay,” Dick volunteers. Of course he does. Fucking boy scout. “Jason?”

Jason looks down at Danielle, at watery brown eyes and tiny hands, fingers stretching out without knowing what they're reaching for. She yawns and makes a sucking noise, turning her head into his chest.

Damn it.

“We'll do shifts,” he says to Dick, making his tone as businesslike as possible. “I still have shit to do; I can't sit around playing house with you all day.”

Dick doesn't smile, but Jason can see that he wants to. “That sounds reasonable.”

“This is temporary. Just until we find the fuckers that want to take her out.”

“Sure it is.” Dick's all doe-eyed now, watching Danielle settle down to sleep. Idiot. “Welcome home, Jaybird.”

***

[accidental-spice]

Iron Fist re-read part three.

Spoilers ahead. Seriously, don't read this if you haven't read Iron Fist. Don't be like me. Be better. Okay, joking. But there are a lot of spoilers.

1. 'Castin and Donos sat in the second row of seats, bent over a long weapon- Donos's laser sniper rifle. "We did not know you had brought that," Runt said. Donos snorted. "I take it to parties, dining engagements and the refresher." ' It's delightful that Donos has a sense of humor now, and a good one, too. At least I THINK he's joking.

2. 'On the sensor board, Hawk-bat Seven, Ton Phanan's signal, faded to black.' *dies inside* Seriously, the first time I read this.... I knew it was coming. BUT STILL.

3. Wedge says retreat. Face doesn't spend time arguing. He just goes after Phanan.

4. 'Face paused, sensing some of Phanan's innate perversity at work.' ALLSTON, NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO MAKE ME LAUGH I'M SUFFERING.

5. Face: *gets hit in the head with a rock* Face: Found him.

6. "Face?" "Yes?" "Thanks for coming back for me." "If you got captured, I'd have to fill out forms." "Reasonable." I love this friendship.

7. "Starting over means more time. More time for Zsinj to bombard more colonies, to destroy more ships. Another day may mean some bright young doctor gets it the way I did and ends up what I am." "What you are is pretty good." Phanan shook his head. "Not as good as some kid with a superior intellect whose only aim is to make people better. I'd rather he be out there than me." These two are killing me. Also, I knew you had a heart in there somewhere, Ton Phanan.

8. "I was just imagining was a sad galaxy this would be without my superior intellect and general state of wonderfulness."

9. "Don't be so fatalistic. You're just punishing yourself." Phanan managed a hoarse chuckle. "You would know. That's your specialty, isn't it?" "What do you mean?" "I do what I do because I very badly want to hurt the people who hurt me. You do what you do so you can punish a little boy who once made some holodramas for the Empire." This is it. The ONE reason I'm okay with this. Phanan sees that Face is needlessly tormenting himself. And Face.... Well, he just needs the push.

10. "It's up there again."

11. 'Phanan's chest did not rise or fall. But his organic eye was still open, directed upward, and his expression-- for once lacking pain, lacking the shields of sarcasm or manufactured self-appreciation-- was that of a child wondering at the glittering beauty of the stars.'

12. 'Face's vision blurred as his own eyes filled with the first tears he'd shed since he was a boy.'

13. Well, now I'm dead inside. Everything HURTS.

14. Okay, guys. Face is the person Phanan wanted notified upon the event of his death. And Face is the beneficiary of his will. I can't decide what's more painful-- the fact that Ton Phanan had no one to an extent that he leaves everything to his wingmate that he's know for a few months, max, or the fact that he cared about Face, and thought of him as that good a friend. Just- he left him everything. That's who he chose.

15. Phanan's letter- kills me. I am now legally dead.

I don't really know what else to say about this. Just, Phanan was and is one of my favorite SW Legends character. And I very much appreciate Allston making his death meaningful.