#First of all she ISN'T A PROBLEM
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Had a shitty confrontation/disagreement with a guy who wouldn't leash his dogs earlier today, and now that I'm lying in bed trying to fall asleep, my brain is supplying me with all the things I could have said to him and raising my blood pressure
#He and his dogs were blocking the trail#(And it's illegal to have dogs off leash here)#So my mom politely asked him to leash his dogs#And he ignored her and then was all like “mind your business!”#And I had to point out to him that he was blocking the trail and we needed to get by#So then he finally moved and pulled his dogs off to the side and made them sit#And then as we passed my leash-reactive dog rumbled at his dogs#And he points at my dog and says “that's the problem right there!”#First of all she ISN'T A PROBLEM#She just has different needs and doesn't feel safe confined on a leash when other dogs aren't (cause she can't protect herself)#Second of all DO YOU THINK THAT MIGHT BE WHY WE ASKED YOU TO LEASH YOUR FUCKING DOGS?!#So that yours can't run up to mine and accidentally start a fight that mine will finish?!#That's why mine is on a leash asshole!#And when people politely ask you to leash your dogs! You should!#Or at least move them away without complaint!#Anyway he was just so nasty about it that it's still raising my blood pressure#Especially how rude he was to my mom when she was so unsure and polite about asking him#dogs#rant#personal
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Maybe it's just me and I just don't understand the arc. Or maybe this arc will get some grand conclusion I'm really starting to doubt. But like I'm sick and tired of Tashigi being used as Zoro's misogyny proxy. Like the "a woman swordsman could never beat a man" belief and trauma made sense for both Kuina and Tashigi and was a very valid fear way back in the East Blue when they were still fighting relatively normal people and had no scope of how big the world is
but at this point where there are literally 20 feet tall dudes and people can blow up a whole city with just Haki the only reason Tashigi is still weak is because she is being written that way. Which is really hard to understand because it seems now more than ever One Piece has been getting more and more strong female characters so I don't know why every time Tashigi is on screen with Zoro we have to rehash this. It's even worse cause all she does in the scene is prove Zoro right by getting in a fight that she can't handle and needing saving. It's such a confusing message and honestly doesn't really apply or come up anywhere but with Tashigi and Zoro (outside of that one time where Zoro yells at enel for blasting Robin because she's a woman which was weird because Robin's been in a lot of fights before but seemed there just so enel could point out just how ruthless it is.)
Hell with the exception of the G5 all being in love with her. She is treated like a regular character and not just "the woman"
It honestly feels like both Tashigi and Smoker got lost in the narrative and Oda just doesn't know where to put their arcs. It feels like she was being written to help Zoro overcome whatever mental block Kuina's death instilled in him about facing female opponents with his sword. But she is just sooooo far behind him it renders the point moot and strengthens his convictions (it's weird that he will literally crush a woman's face rather than use his sword and is the only reason I won't say he doesn't fight women he does he just seems to have a mental block about cutting them down especially if they fight with anything blade like) but also we've only ever seen him face female character he knows can't challenge him it would have been interesting to see what he'd do in a fight against someone like big mom, tsuru or smoothie doubt that will happen though. But here's to hoping for Tashigi to have an actual arc.
#I'm just tired of this woman in fantasy situations still needing to be physically weaker than men#not to actually explore misogny but just because#like one dude tried to argue that Maki is inherently weaker than toji because she's a woman#like what? we are talking about a world where a dude literally has infinity at his disposable biology doesn't matter#stop infecting it with your misogny#or maybe she has this huge final role Oda is the god of bringing back random characters and leveling them up after all#like we are talking about a world where there's a dude literally made of fire I do not want to hear about the biological reality#this isn't reality#youre female characters arent strong because they aren't written to be strong and that's a you problem#I like tashigi 95% of the time she's a great character. But can women just be “weak” without it being because they are women?#can we just do that#been having so much fun in the mishanks/cross guild section of the fandom#I genuinely forgot how much the portrayal of women in one piece irritated me and was a big reason I stopped keeping up in the first place#here's my rant I guess#op#one piece#ranting#mini rant#roronoa zoro#tashigi#feminism#one piece women#I do like that it's a least alot better now with inclusion of more female characters#I do acknowledge that most of this manga was written in the early 2000s but come on Punk Hazard was literally not that long ago#one piece thoughts#women
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Can Monster Prom let Miranda be something other than a political caricature for five minutes
#monster prom#miranda vanderbilt#she has spoken#I feel like the frustrating thing about Miranda is that her character concept is really creative and has a lot of potential#Like “cutesy bubbly princess being a bigoted maniac that is used to critique classism and monarchinism” is a great idea!#Problem is in the first game at least#that's all there was to her#Now this would be fine if Miri wasn't anything more a funny strawman#but she isn't#instead the player somehow has to get emotionally attached to the genocidal would be tyrant#and like I'm not saying that the devs should've scrubbed Miranda of all her flaws#the tagline of this game is literally “be your worst self” after all#I just think it would be neat if we got more events of her showing different sides of herself would be neat#and the game could STILL show how evil Miranda is even when she's showing her redeeming qualities#for example: why not an event with Miranda ordering her guards to shield her friends#while trying to brutally murder the birds that happen to be flying that day#or have her executing one of her classmates for insulting her sisters#also no Miranda's ending in the second term DLC does not flesh her out better#I do like Miranda's characterization in monster road trip but having her decide to be a better person out of nowhere was disappointing
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I wish I had any way of knowing whether people have gotten Weirder™ about my name in recent years or if this has been happening behind the scenes the entire time
I've been going by Jay since I was 11. At the time nobody objected to or questioned this, at least not to me; I found out many years later that Jay is supposedly a "boy's name," but nobody ever said 'you can't use that as a nickname, it's a boy's name' and it went completely uncontested by anyone when I switched. Lots of kids announced some manner of name change at the start of a new school year in middle school; it was all normal and fine. My mom and, you know, grandmas and other relatives kept calling me Jessica, which was also fine! I didn't make a big family announcement or correct any relatives on this, I just wanted to differentiate myself from the half dozen other Jessicas in school.
For twenty years!! This has gone on being perfectly normal! My Real Name™ is an increasingly obscure bit of trivia I get to spring on friends who didn't realize I had one, which is always funny (my brother in law didn't believe me and demanded to see my driver's license). My mom and grandmas have largely still called me Jess, and that's also fine! It's nice, even! There's a particular intimacy there of having a name only my mother uses-- but, crucially, I have never asked her not to, or said that I don't like it. And as FAR AS I KNOW, this has all been true and fine for TWENTY YEARS.
My own feelings about it have never changed, and feel, to me, very straightforward: if I tell you that my name is Jay, and you decide that no it isn't, that is a problem. That's the rule. That's literally it. I had a high school teacher who asked on the syllabus for us to write down if we went by something other than our full name, who was nonetheless UNIQUE among all of my teachers from 6th grade onward in always and only ever calling me Jess, even though I signed all my work Jay, all the other teachers called me Jay, he literally asked whether anyone wanted to be called something else and I answered Jay, and I had him for two semesters. I met a work friend of Justin's once who asked upon introduction whether Jay was short for something, and when I told him it was short for Jessica he took it upon himself to call me Jess instead. This isn't me having a problem with any particular iteration of my name, this is just asshole behavior! I told you what my name was and you said 'no it isn't'. The problem here does not seem complex to me?
But within the last [hand wiggle] handful of years I feel like it keeps getting weirder? Apparently my dad and grandma argued about it at my wedding rehearsal-- she, dramatically, insisting 'I don't care, her name is Jessica, I'm going to call her that ;n;' and my dad angrily defensive that no it isn't, I go by Jay, that should be respected. And I'm sitting here listening to my dad relay this in utter bewilderment like. Well dad I love the energy but I have never been bothered at all if grandma calls me Jessica. I have never even once asked her not to or complained to anyone that she does. But also this is the grandma who HAS called me Jay more often than not?? My mom's mom never picked it up, but I was astonished to hear my dad's mom was acting like this was some New Dramatic Change that she Hated and not a thing she's literally already been doing for, again, twenty entire years. Why are you suddenly making it weird! Last weekend Justin's stepmom mentioned seeing my mom at the hospital where mom works, and how she said something like 'yes I'm Jessica's mom-- wait, no, Jay, she hates it when I do that' and I just?? I literally don't, the only problem now is that people who know me won't know who the fuck you're talking about
all of this and I'm just. I am literally just sitting here. why are we inventing problems out of this two decades later. what is going on
#I went by jess on purpose once in a college art class because there was a guy actually named jay#and I was like 'fuck this is why I dropped jessica in the first place' lmao#one time I put 'jay' on the preferred name line on medical intake paperwork and then when the doc was like 'jay?' I was like OH I hate that#oh no doctors Must Only use my paperwork name it turns out lmao#Justin's work friend calling me jess was so ??? you're not my MOM????#harvest moon awl has a 'what should I call you now that we're married' mechanic for I assume Darling or whatever#but one time I had my video game husband call me jess#justin also in real life has Jess Privilages but he doesn't want them because HE has only ever known me as jay#IT'S CONTEXTUAL. IT'S NOT THE NAME IT'S THE CONTEXT. IT'S THE RESPECT OR LACK THEREOF BEHIND WHAT NAME YOU USE#both my parents suddenly overcorrecting is weird but ultimately fine because the intention is clearly good#my grandma suddenly acting like it's a problem sets my teeth on edge. hey. this was never a problem before. what do YOU think this is about.#uhhh not to get. into it but. my dad is also almost definitely projecting baggage onto the situation that's got nothing to do with me#dad at christmas: it's just disrespectful! if someone tells you their name or their pronouns you don't get to decide they're wrong!!#me: I completely agree. not actually relevant to whether mom specifically calls me jess because that is in fact allowed but. I mean.#me: if you hypothetically told YOUR mom you go by something else now she SHOULD just use that instead. you're not wrong. hypothetically.#AAAANYWAY not to tangent on THAT too much#for ME having a nickname was so normal and it's only very abruptly been made weird by others and I'm baffled and annoyed about it#my mom's stepsister I see every handful of years: hi jess-- oh wait your mom said you go by jay now?#me: I've gone by jay since 2001 what is going ON--#I don't think it even occurred to me to wonder about Gender when it was mr hughes 'jess'ing me in high school but in retrospect I wonder#THE THING IS JAY ISN'T A MAN'S NAME TO ME. I MADE IT UP I DIDN'T KNOW IT HAD A GENDER. IT'S A GIRL'S NAME TO ME BECAUSE IT'S MY NAME!!#DON'T BE FUCKING WEIRD!!!#hhhuuaagh#I've talked about all this before but it came up again TWICE at christmas in ways that made me go STOP BEING WEIRD lmao#so it's on my mind again#about me
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At some point you're gonna come home to your little apartment tired from work, but you'll end up laying down next to the most important girl in the world to you. Your cat is going to come in, make a little huff, and plant her back up against one of your beloved's legs.
And then you'll remember just how much you wanted this. How much you dreamed of it, and how you had imagined so many small things that ended up happening, like the cat cozying up to you. There will be other small things that will catch your senses - Someone moving into a neighboring apartment, cars racing down a nearby street, the familiar smell of your lover - that you hadn't considered in your dream. All of this is a bit new to you since maybe you were unable to leave your family earlier, but the sense of a world and community out there, mixed with having your whole world in your arms, is exactly what you had dreamt about for so long.
Over a decade and a half of you thinking that a situation like this would be impossible, that you'd be stuck in a body you loathed, and either alone or unwanted. So many years stuck in survival mode, so many people who pushed you down or away, but you had a dream you'd get to feel so loved and adored. You read about others surviving for so long, and you read about them getting to this dream you had.
You're just so happy you got there too.
#Luna came up to Maxine and flopped down like she does for me at night and it just hit me so hard#Maxine is fast asleep and I just hear a little kitty sigh as I see her cuddle up to the first person that isn't me#and it reminded me just how much I cried and cried either praying or pleading or wishing I'd have a situation#Where its me and my wife and precious little cat are all cuddled up on a bed#and I just broke#Life can be so lovely sometimes#Its finally my turn to feel like I can say 'You'll get there some day'#This feels cheesey but I already wrote it so what the hell I guess#I love this beautiful girl next to me and I think I'm learning to feel alive again#;;w;;#Like there are so many problems happening in my life rn but this??? At least I have this.
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#ryuuji suguro#blue exorcist#ao no exorcist#ryuji suguro#suguro ryuuji#suguro ryuji#bon suguro#manga ryuuji#chapter 58#shimane illuminati arc#flashback ryuuji#i have so many problems with the way tatsuma handled everything#that simple sentence was meant to help ryuuji let go of the weight but it didn't fix any of the problems and just escalated them#and i love tatsuma but he needs to apologize to his son for all the harm he did#and koneko probably doesn't realize how much that hurt and how much he made ryuuji doubt himself#and man i love the way that moment plays against the encouraging moment konekomaru remembers#because it shows how much ryuuji *is* a good leader when he isn't striving and killing himself for his own excellence#and renzou abandoning them (abandoning *him) just living rent free in his head in a damning loop#and the first real interaction we see him have with izumo where she laughed at him just like all the other people had#someone give him a happy memory to hold onto#not all the doubt and heart ache and *guilt*
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"We need more imperfect female characters!" Y'all can't even talk about Nami without describing her as "mean" despite the fact that the entire crux of her first character arc is her caring about her village so much she tolerates torture and misery for years just for a chance to save it, and after that becomes one of the most kind and selfless characters in the entire main cast.
#every time I see someone call Nami a “mean lesbian” before implying she would never give a shit#about her friend's problems or wellbeing I lose ten years off my lifespan#even as a joke it's just blatant mischaracterization#regardless of her hypothetic sexuality she's legit so empathetic and she cares so much all the time#she gives up money constantly to help people#she can be a nice lesbian you know#not all lesbians are mean#idk I know it's a joke mostly but Nami means a lot to me as a character#so I hate to see people call her mean when SHE ISN'T SHE'S SO NICE ALL THE TIME#she's usually the FIRST one in the crew to stand up to injustice#she puts so much energy into caring about people and protecting them#she's incredibly selfless#to the point that it's a flaw#she's only mean sometimes as a defense mechanism bcs she's traumatized#and she heals and stops being like that#one piece#nami one piece
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the vampire diaries 8.16 // louise gluck, crossroads
“and damon, like the voiceover tell us, he was worried he would never see stefan again. it was just elena assuring him that there would be peace. that we’ve dealt with this other side of darkness for several seasons, but there’s also light out there and there’s peace, and damon will find it. if you search for it, you will find it. and we wanted to get that last moment to see that [...] damon found it too, and it looked just like his brother.” — kevin williamson
#defan#the vampire diaries#web weave#not really satisfied with this one but eh#i don't envy gifmakers who've giffed the tunnel scene btw bc the lighting. my god. a travesty#anyway. beating this dead horse of an ep to death to eke out every last drop of defan it has to offer#the contrast between damon's expression when reuniting with elena vs stefan kills meeeee#he's doing THE most for stefan but for elena... go girl give us nothing dot jpeg fjskfjdj#also in typical spn brainrot fashion while listening to damon's anguished declaration of love toward stefan in the tunnel or whatever#i kept comparing it to dean's 7 minutes of incest ahh speech in the finale and. my god lol#like i'm aware pitting damon i-stole-my-little-brother's-gf-and-let-him-drown-while-locked-in-a-safe-for-three-months salvatore#against dean i-sold-my-soul-for-my-little-brother-and-i-will-do-it-again-without-hesitation winchester#is unfair to damon but damon's speech is SO bland and half-assed in and of itself#and it absolutely PALES in comparison to dean's speech it's actually pathetic lmfao#i couldn't stop thinking abt dean confessing that he stood outside sam's dorm for hours before barging in#bc he was scared sam would tell him to get lost#and it made me think that the writers could've made damon's speech that much more personal and impactful#by maybe throwing in a line like “i didn't come back to mystic falls all those years ago /just/ for katherine”#it would've recontextualized their reunion in the first ep and given the hello brother moment so much more depth#give us something authentic! something the audience isn't privy to!#something only damon would know and keep buried in the deepest darkest corner of his black heart!#like!!! i'm sorry but damon's dying (not really) declaration of love toward stefan reads so generic lol#maybe it's a me problem idk i just think the speech could've been. well. better#(obviously i blame plec she gave kevin a whole lotta nothing to work with)#like once you sit down and start dissecting damon's words they don't feel /that/ weighted. if that makes any sense#ok so maybe i just wanted him to say he didn't come back to mystic falls just for kat ! sue me#ANYWAY. someone please for the love of god write me a post finale canon compliant defan fic#a defan-in-the-afterlife fic if you will#or a damon-being-miserable-after-stefan's-death-and-being-really-shit-at-coping fic. that works too#wowee these tags are a mess
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do you ever feel casually suicidal? like you're not depressed or anything you're doing fine but also it feels like a convenient option
#if you can't make connections with people or be seen by anyone then like. at least you can feel like you're helping a better cause#to like charities and gfms and anyone else#but you have to tone that down bc you're slowly losing money bc you still can't get a job#and bc you don't have a job it means you're just stuck in the house all day. which gives Way Too Much opportunity to Think about everything#and also so like. i still share a room with my sister but it was fine bc she'd stay at her bf's a few nights a week#but he's got a job that's a bit further away and basically she can't go round his as much. so now it's maybe like once a week#the room is getting messier so it gives me less energy to do anything#you can get really into an unhealthy weight loss obsession bc at least it feels like you're getting towards something#but idek is set weight theory real? bc once i get down to a certain point it suddenly resets#like honestly counting calories and donating money to every gfm i saw and writing a film script was what kept me going#but first one isn't working and second i need some sort of income and third is finished and i have no way of actually creating it#and then there's the whole lack of stable hyperfixation and ability to find new music i enjoy#and realistically what would fix me is having a good job that i enjoy and somewhere to live on my own#but until i get a job that's currently impossible. and even then it probably won't feel like enough#my entire life is lived on my phone i need more physical objects but i don't have enough space#bc i share a room with my sister. it's like all my problems are connected#and i have enough optimism that i still think it'll get better in the next few weeks. maybe i'll be able to get a job and that'll#get everything going again#but at the same time i could easily just die#I've graduated from uni. I've seen the who live 3 times. I've crashed my car twice. I've watched 30 years of corrie. I've met various dogs#what else is there to do with my life honestly#(<- joking)#but yeah like. in summer 2021 i almost got suicidal (it was just letting the occasional thought linger in my mind etc)#but that was bc i was so depressed#but now it feels like i could just kill myself. but more just out of convenience#idek. i'm not gonna kill myself. bc i have a job interview on tuesday. and just in general i won't#but there is this casual feeling of like. well i might as well. i can't describe it#ramble#suicide tw#weight loss mention
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i'm so fucking stressed out
#dude my dog had acl repair surgery in march#she's healed fine with that but developed stomach issues#so she's been back and forth to the vet with that#and now when i was at work she just randomly started walking weird as fuck. she kicks her leg that was operated on backwards as she walks#and sometimes looses balance in both legs#and then when i pick her up she acts like it hurts her spine or something#i'm gonna wake up in 4 hours to call the vet and see if they can see us today and pray that this isn't something that she'll need surgery#for again#i also am supposed to work tomorrow and then friday we have a rehearsal dinner and then saturday the wedding which is two hours away.#vets closed on sunday so if she can't get seen tomorrow it'll be a whole new fiasco trying to get her helped somewhere else#this dog is my lifeline like it#ruins me#seeing her like this#genuinely if i didn't have her i wouldnt be here#it's so hard to watch her not even be able to walk#but it's so fuckinf weird bc my mom said she was just laying in her bedroom and she came back out doing it? there's nothing she could've#gotten into it just makes no fuckinf sense#like it's possible either her kneecap or her acl implant thing popped out of place but#she stiffens her entire body when i pick her up#and she acts like she's losing balance#it's so fucking weird#i'm also terrified that i'm about to get told she has some kind of onset of neurological problems and she'll have to get put down#or something along those lines#it's just too much rn#pls keep my doggy in ur thoughts#we just spent 3k on her surgery in march if she has to get operated on again first of all the recovery process all over again sounds like#a nightmare#but just the cost alone#i'm gonna FUCKING KILL MYSELF
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toying with the idea of making yancey's friends not real. would that be too evil
#personal#hear me out. the diner is a mimic and it's toying with the entire town and making people oblivious and just. stuck in time metaphorically#it's known to make people hallucinate it's known to show things that aren't there. it can fuck with technology#yancey has. problems. he's sick with grief and pain and regret and sorrow from his past moving into a strange new town#and there's all these people there in the diner and they all remind him of some part of his life#stevie quite literally reminds him of his ex but stuck in the state before anything happened. stevie is a constant reminder of like#what could have been had they not crossed the line of getting together#his relationship with daphne (friendship mostly but he has a little crush on her at some point) is like#the romanticized version of the life he had in mind for him and his ex. yeah he gets a little bit insane with it but he loves very deeply#freddy is what he wished for his older brother to be like. their friendship is what he wishes he and his brother would be like#rafiq is basically yancey's ideal partner. yukiko reminds him of his younger sister#hell even teddy is connected to him because he and teddy are basically the same person. dealing with a situation very poorly#but teddy WOULD be real since he is part of CALAMITY so his connection to yancey if anything is like. on purpose#he is SUPPOSED to mirror yancey because that will make yancey realize things about himself#that only leaves morrigan as the only other real person in all of this. because she is the only one not connected to the diner#(freddy isn't either but since he's first introduced on the radio as radio host he is sort of connected to the town)#(in like a way the diner could influence that too. you know what i'm saying)#and morrigan's whole deal is that she's so so stuck in the past. trying to get back what is no more. and daphne is her sister#so daphne could even be a manifestation of yancey's and morrigan's shared grief#for yancey the romanticized relationship with his ex. for morrigan her sister who died in the wildfires#are you seeing my vision. the diner is defeated and it's just yancey morrigan and teddy. it's always been#no one else has been real the whole time. they've only interacted with one another or yancey. never with teddy or morrigan#(with exception of daphne who would have interacted with morrigan bc of shared manifestation)#and yancey acts like the others have never existed. because they haven't. and now that he's no longer#under the influence of the diner. he doesn't remember. haha#idk if i wanna go with this because some of them aren't as solidified as concepts as others but man. MANNNNN
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finally found a place to read With the Light online and i'm thrilled; if you haven't read this manga i do Legitimately recommend it
#N posts stuff#like don't get it wrong it Is Not a series about being autistic it Is a series about raising an autistic kid#but also don't be put off by that because it's legitimately a series that I feel Loves autistic people with its whole being#it's kind of a teaching manga so it showcases a lot of different opinions/characters/conflicts/etc. but the Framing is very consistent#in that the manga is Extremely of the opinion that autistic people are People who deserve to be Valued and Accepted As They Are#the onus for change is never put on autistic individuals the framing is basically Universal in the 'the World needs to change#to be more accepting' -- it's a very Social Model depiction of autism that ALSO never veers too far into the#'autism isn't even Really a disability' fallacy; it's very much a 'A lot of autistic people will need constant support in a variety of ways#throughout their lives but that isn't the roadblock preventing them from having their own lives; ableism in society is the roadblock'#the first two chapters are the hardest to get through bc they take place before Sachiko has any real understanding of autism and#so she's isolated and stressed out and the ignorance makes it difficult for her to care for Hikaru properly (there's also a lot of#other characters Blaming her for what's going on which goes unchallenged at this point though that changes later); but after she#understands what autism is she's Firmly in Hikaru's corner for the rest of the series - you can skip right to ch 3 without a problem#if you're not interested in reading about that initial conflict#there's still a Lot of conflict ofc but by then the chapters have some of my favorite moments so i don't want to advocate skipping#them; like Hikaru's daycare teacher explaining how Hikaru's difficulty speaking is the same as other kids' troubles with#things like jump-roping/etc.; and then a mother who has An Issue with Hikaru's presence in her daughter's class realizing the#depth of the problematic opinion bc Her mother (who had a stroke) faces similar ableism from her peers#i'm cutting this post off b4 the tags get Too long but if you're curious but still hesitant man. send me an ask and i will Happily#write an insanely long essay about how much i love this series; i have all the books i'm not excited about the online availability#for Me i'm excited bc i've been wanting to rec this manga for like almost a full decade and i can finally give you a link instead of#saying 'well. you can find used copies sometimes' lol
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okay the jokes about bi women with jakey ass boyfriends were funny but I'm gonna need everybody to stop before people start getting too comfortable and start getting really biphobic with it
#like the first couple times were funny but like. I do not like the direction this is going. my bestie has straight up got hate comments#for being a bi girl with a bf like people are saying she has it so easy is basically straight etc like😭#not that biphobia (against bi women specifically) didn't exist before this joke blew up recently but some people think it's a lil Too#funny to call bi women with boyfriends basically straight#as if they're like. what? lying about being bi? faking it for attention like what do you think. they're not actually bi bc they're dating#a man. idk just don't like direction this is going#as a person with the opposite problem (people I'm insisting I'm a lesbian) I kinda get it like it obvs doesn't feel great to have people#doubt your sexuality. especially in the context of them making fun of you#ALL THIS BEING SAID this isn't abt my mutuals and friends who I know are normal and not biphobic AND this is not about not making fun#of jakey boyfriends. obviously i think they should all kill themselves.#carmen.txt
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i am going to scream (wip rambling in the tags)
#(not subjecting this to my wip thread [hi j k l if you see this somehow] [how did i not notice your names line up in the alphabet]#because im really just waffling at this point)#it has been three(?) months and i still cannot decide if this thing is ending happily or unhappily#because it is just. so unrealistic to save LIGHT FUCKING YAGAMI from herself#i feel like this is one of those things where i have to just keep writing the plot and ill figure out the ending along the way#BUT I DON'T WANT TO. i want to know where i'm going first so i can signpost!#god#really i just need to figure out misa and soichiro and the actual plot#but like. okay. so#what actually changes for light's internal state is#1) she has a secret to keep that doesnt fit with the charming young man image but is harmless (at least relative to the murder)#2) she and L are both in on the secret#3) it is a point of commonality she has with L that isn't about ruthlessness intelligence or murder#4) it upends her entire sense of self perception#and are these points enough to save her. i dont know. i dont know#i think at the very least it makes yotsuba slightly more bearable#in the direction of L&light anyway. her relationship with her father is probably going to be worse#and of course theres still misa#who is ALSO getting her entire sense of self perception upended#i still dont know how she's going to react to pretty much anything#i have an instinctive feeling for her first reaction but it's such desperate denial that it is going to break sometime#not that she broke for five entire years of miserably happy comphet relationship in canon#but i feel like this might be more jarring than that#aaaand if so how does that change her part in yotsuba arc because she was the one who got higuchi caught and did that for light#my god why am i doing this to myself. i could have been happy i could have written a high school au.#but anyway back to light HOW AM I GOING TO GIVE HER A HAPPY ENDING WHEN SHE'S *LIGHT* AND L'S *L* AND#like the problem is it would be SO easy to give her a sad ending. so easy that i honestly dont want to. i want her to be happy it's just#the logistics#i genuinely think theres a chance i could do it theres just so many VARIABLES im going to start BITING#edit: jesus they deleted all the tags after this one. is this the thirtieth tag. it IS wow
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i do think, aside from mercury bias, if bg had been in all season she would have been all wnba, first or at least second. i think people undervalue her because of the rebounding but she is 1000% the worst officiated player in the league, on both sides of the court. so the fact that she's been able to have the performance that she had is incredible, and that she didn't get the acknowledgment really just underscores how much people take what she does for granted.
#i saw something interesting that kim milky basically has her players specialize and so they come out of college less well rounded#exhibit a angel's shooting vs rebounding#and i didn't watch bg in college so maybe i'm totally wrong on this but maybe rebounding just wasn't he job#and then i saw on reddit or something that maybe because she is so poorly officiated she'd get called for too many fouls on rebounding#for it to be worth it#and while i understand the value of rebounding really i do the mercy's problem wasn't that they weren't trying#well sometimes it was but it was that their whole system wasn't designed for it#if you have 4 players on the perimeter to space and shoot 3#you're going to hope they go in and run the floor instead#teams that rebound well dedicate bodies and time to rebounding#and i believe that it was a conscious choice the merc made to not do that#and if you look at old merc games they struggled with rebounding then too#i actually will have more to say about this in the future but the mercury's style of play has lived and died with dt's style for 20 years#the mercury have the most 100 point games of any franchise#and they are responsible for most of the 200 point total scores across the league#ie their fast break and bad defense lol#and while it's not entirely true - she is not responsible for every result they've ever had - i don't think you get westhead's style of pla#to work without her talent and the penny cappie dt trio in 2006#or at least it isn't successful and maybe doesn't change the pace of play in the league the way it did#it's also interesting that if the lottery draw goes differently in 2006 and merc have the first pick do they get seimone or do they stick#cappie? i think they stick with cappie bc they needed a true pg and from what i've seen seimone is a 2/3#and i don't think dt becomes the player the league knows without having a true pg [vs her playing point]#the thing is dt can play point better than most people but i think she plays better when she has someone else there to help#and her talking about oh i should've won mvp in 2006 [when i dropped 40] [lisa leslie won that year]#and in 2014 [best team ever] [maya moore won that year]#you look at the stats and there is for sure an argument to be made there#but it all comes back to post players#and i know wikipedia says maya is a power forward but she seems like more of a 3 sometimes? i haven't watched her enough#but i don't think dt can win mvp in 2009 without that team specifically#which means [and this is my theory of life] that everything happens the way it has to happen for you to end up where you are today
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oh yeah. the reason why i decided to reread tbhk (and thus it was able to hit me like a truck this time around) was actually not bc of mitsukou going canon but actually bc i maybe accidentally started a tbhk book club w my kids at work and wanted to check the contents of it justttt in case before i put the books in their hands
#tl;dr i have this one 4th grade boy who's a total weeb and knows that i'm the only one in this town who's more into japanese media than him#so he pesters me abt it every time he sees me. and the thing abt this kid is that he gets bored easily and if he does he turns into a#complete menace. now a couple weeks ago. he shows up at the program w one piece volume one and spends the entire time he's there peacefully#reading and not causing any problems on purpose. my coworker owen (the one who climbed onto the roof) and i were shocked and in awe of how#peaceful he was being and came to the conclusion that he NEEDS to have a manga volume in his hands at all times. few minutes later.#he finishes reading and isn't bored yet so he decides to go talk to me abt manga. specifically he starts pestering me abt what shonen i've#read despite the fact that i am a shoujo reader and told him that. but he knows i've read kuroshitsuji bc he previously asked me abt what#the worst anime i've ever watched is and i will never not take an excuse to drag the adaptation. and he figures that if i've read kuro i've#probably read more. and so i mention tbhk and he asks more abt it bc of the name involving toilets and him being a 4th grade boy so i give#brief overview and he wants to read it. and i come up with a scheme to make him peaceful AND to give him something to talk to me abt which#isn't 'i know you've read more shonen manga' 'let me gacha on your phone' or 'i saw an ad for rent a gf. thought it was lame. and now want#you to tell me how it sucks bc i assume you know everything abt every animanga ever' (<does unfortunately know too much abt rent a gf bc i'#a bit of a nosy bastard and watched the mother's basement video). so i offered to bring it in bc i own physicals of the whole series and of#as previously mentioned. gave it a quick reread in advance just in case. and got hit by it. hard. i love you tbhk almost as much as i love#when ppl get into things through me. honestly i think getting to live vicariously through him might be one of the main reasons it got me#this time around and not as much the first time (still loved it the first time though). flash forward a little while. one of the 3rd grade#girls is like. really into reading. and also macabre things. like ghosts. and she has two books from the school library. and has had the#same two books from the school library for over a week. she reads quickly and finished them both in under a day and is now bored out of her#mind rereading them. she asks to read the books i've been letting the other kid read. now there are two of them#romeo.txt
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