#Feeling Drained

[thegoodmorningman]

Okay but seriously flushable wipes are not flushable and they destroy water treatment equipment which wastes an incredible amount of municipal funds. Good Morning!!!

[fictionisthescape]

[majikstan]

Will I ever get the happy life, I deserve.

Will I ever find someone that would love me.

Will I really find and connect to any real friends / Mates.

Or will I be left alone forever alone?

No one wants me!

And I'm not good enough for most Australians, so where would I find anyone that would appreciate having me or appreciate knowing me. I have no one.

I wish I was not single. I lost my last girlfriend over 10 years ago.

Am I a loser, really?

I hate my life!

[asphodelpoetry]

stagnant:

on fixed point of time played before my eyes,

settled in the chair, my bones the support

time flows past my fingers and i grasp, desperate

the idea of living is foreign—

wash of rained chalk against my mind

i sit still, a stone to be weathered by eternity

[injuredsoullessfrog]

[bigfatbreak]

Birds of a Feather previous / next

[idnwtdta]

I literally feel dead in a living body

[saddevilsworld]

suic1de has been heavy on my heart lately

[frowzyfeathers]

Dude

I just want comfy snuggles

Why can't I just have comfy snuggles with someone?

Like, fuck my boyfriend for being so horny all the fucking time to where we can barely talk to each other without wanting to fuck one another.

All any guy seems to want to do is get in my pants, and it's fucking annoying.

I like loose-fitting stuff for a reason. I really don't like my body, but there's nothing I feel that I need to change. I just don't like having others judge me as a sex object more than as a person, if that makes sense.

Idk. Love, sex, and all that stuff confuses me, and I really want a snuggle buddy but I'm way too scared to even say hi to anybody atm-

[dumblr]

[hussyknee]

my disabled ass, after (1)good day: "obviously I am cured. in fact it may have all been in my head. who can say? now to rejoin society!"

me, the next day: "it has come to my attention that i may be chronically ill."

[majikstan]

Beginning of my 5th week of no work, feel like a washed out 3D Game developer.

Week 5, and still no resolve and n work, no new employer and feeling like a washed out hopeless game developer.

Its interesting too in reading up the latest Unity scandal for the last week, and glad I have moved from Unity over a year ago, although still have a version of the engine installed , just for Asset conversions mostly, never to produce or develop any demos from though, especially given what Unity have been doing the past 14 days. So many developers are now leaving that development engine, because of those proposed changes. Though they have claimed to have corrected this recently due to the bail out, but can you still trust them.

But that's beside the point, and comparing that UE5 really has the best visuals and better support.

But back on the subject, how am I really feeling? Is this really a question or a statement. Like I said I feel like one of those washed out people feeling lost. I wake up these days and don't feel I want to get up from bed, though to wake up back into this nightmare, sometimes I wish I could just escape it all, escape this nightmare and get away from all of this strain.

To be somewhere where I would not need to stress, not have to worry, To be appreciated, to be respected for being me, to be wanted, to feel more like I have more of a purpose, in this life, and not be constantly having my wrists and mind clamped down, away from freedom and have the free will of being creative. It just feels like more and more that ability to be creative, to be free, to think freely is being clamped down.

I know there is and realize that I still have also allot to do to update more of my online portfolios, but the energy and to push myself, I have not that energy and feel like my mind or this rotten cycle of depression is letting me down, I have less energy and less of a drive to much, I feel burned and finding no easy fast way to get my self back on track. I even as I write this, though I really should be in bed at this time, but I don't even want to sleep. I don't want to be alone, but to to go to bed to shut the computers off to close communications to the outside world and sleep in the dark bedroom at the back of my rented unit, with no one. This is the time I wish I had a Girlfriend with me or at least near by, but again no one here in Australia wants me, but those far way overseas.

Many thoughts have been going through my head lately in the last few weeks, thoughts on what future do I have or could I have given certain options. One being the potential move back to home down in Melbourne Victoria to stay with my sister for abit, as she said to start again. but I would feel like I failed on the last 23 years pf being up here. Another is the potential future relocation the big move to overseas, such as the Philippines, with many things that could be more ideal considering that the cost of many things, like a real owned house, could be more affordable, and possible. again another big chance. And I already know of women over there that if any of them could get to meet me, would inf act marry me to be there husband. And no one in Australia ever wants to know me other than family?

And my family don't even support that option, even though at one time until recent they were in agreement, but that now has changed, so I am now all alone again. And its all too quiet here, other than at the moment I have birds outside awake and its still dark, outside, I know dawn is soon though in about possibly 40 minutes away, so should be in bed. I just want to calm down!

And I need a job again and need a future, and need to believe in myself, more.

The one thing I don't need is this rotten depression, and the anxiety!

[vakariaan]

ultimate ships challenge - [2/10] she cleans up nicely scenes

[rainywhispersblog]

[k9punkout]

everybody's moved on but im still stuck at ivan's smile test

this sketch especially shows just how hard it was for him. look at his eyes, look at the screen next to him. just. woah.

what's especially concerning is that he had to be heavily strapped to the chair for this. we all know ivan is not an openly rebellious person, and needed little to no restraints during his time in anakt due to this. the fact that his torso and limbs are tied down like that regardless.... safe to say he was not having a good time.

worst of all is his score.

the grades received by the students are stated right after their names between underscores. Ivan got the LOWEST GRADE of the bunch, a D. barely passing.

i KNOW that hurt him as a typically straight A student, but beyond that, i think what hurt him more was the nature of the test.

image making. they're trying to work on how flattering his smile is. Ivan's been perfecting his facade ever since he was little, trying to create a semblance of normalcy so he can better form connections with the other kids.

imagine how he must've felt during that test, having practiced his smile so meticulously, only for it to be wrong.

hours pass in that seat, they strap him down so he can't squirm, they use wires and clips to force his lips apart, and all the while his grade continues to drop as a visual reminder that he will never be normal. he can't even fake normalcy.

and you can tell from the look in his eyes how draining that is

[kwillow]

stupid doodle of a stupid horse.