#FILMED ALL OF THIS IN MY CITY. WHAT.
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It's always interesting to hear about people's weird/unexpected "alternate life paths". Like, something that you could have done with your life, a job you almost took, a school you almost went to, etc - that was still actually realistic enough that it could have happened, but NOW it seems to not suit your current personality.
Like for example, I currently hate advertising (how manipulative it is, brands trying to be 'relatable', social media amplifying it to an obnoxious extreme, etc.) so much that even seeing a little ad before a youtube video is grating to even witness, but there was a point in time where I was genuinely seriously considering going into marketing/making commercials as a career lol. Or like, I have a relative who was very inclined to be a pastor when they were younger, even though today they're a super strong atheist, etc. etc.
#BECAUSE I knew I really liked filming and editing things and doing set design and costume design (from having done little bits of that#here and there in media classes and my own stuff - i used to be a lot more into making videos than I am now). BUT I was always thinking#that a movie is WAAY to big and long. even a short film. So I was trying to think of ways I could still like#have the fun of scouting locations to film and dressing up actors and etc. etc. without it having to be a Huge Million Dollar Production#on tv show or movie level. SO then I was thinking about like... just doing commercials. Or music videos. Like shorter things where I still#get the fun of the filming and everything but it's less of an intensive long term project.#So there is an alternate version of me (I suppose if i somehow did not end up having physical and mental health issues#as badly somehow.. or like.. randomly came into wealth and was able to pay my way through a nice college despite missing#days constantly being out because I'm sick or something lol) that works in some corporate advertising office coming up with commercials#and directing or filming them or doing the sets for them or something in that general vicinity.#I also was considering being a corporate psychologist. or whatever its called.. oh from google:#''Industrial and organizational (I/O) psychologists study and assess individual group and organization dynamics in the workplace''#I don't think I even knew what the job entailed. I was at the time just thinking like.. the type of person that comes into a business offic#and gives everyone personality assessments or does MBTI or big-5 testing crap for whatever reason that some businesses get that#done for people. Really i just wanted to be in a Corporate Big Office setting yet still do psychology. Because I used to be really fixated#on living in a big city. Like the ideas of everything being walkable. picking up a coffee in the morning. walking to my job in a Big#Skyscraper Building. people watching in a huge hotel lobby for lunch. flying frequently (I love airplanes and airports aesthetically).#living in an apartment with a giant window overlooking the city. etc. etc. BUT that was before i had really BEEN to a city. Then I actually#hung around a city a few times and went places and I was like... AUGh... The Sensory Overwhelm.. cars people lights loudness noise scary#everything happening all at once. etc. etc. (though even when I wanted to live in a city i NEVER strove for the Night Life. when i say I#enjoy city imagery I mean like... in the day time. Many people who like cities talk about The Night Life and post pictures of cities all#lit up at night and clubs and dancing and restaurants. none of that EVER appealed to me. perhaps a sign I am not a real city person. Like#I am NOT standing in a crowded bar full of loud people in the middle of the night lol.. get AWAY from me!!) but I do adore the#architecture of like bright white clean sterile modern spaces like huge airport lobbies or malls or etc. I think thats what reminded me of#city and what I liked about the idea of that life. Like I always LOVED the layout of schools and hospitals and trainstations and public#transport in general. Though even then I knew enough that I would not be a good architect/city planner. so I guess my adoration for those#spaces was merely to be channeled into LIVING there. but then I realized I didn't even really want to do that that much. I mean I still#definitely aim to live NEAR a city. like the little areas outside of it. I would never live in a rural place 4 hours from anything. I liter#ally just COULDNT since I need close access to hospitals sometimes lol. But I used to want to live in the CENTER of citites like high rise#condo. and now I'm like.... eh....... perhaps a smaller quieter walkable space nearby lol.. ANYWAY.. alternate me in my Business Suit eheh
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With all the Missing Numbers Doodles popping up today, I finally found it in me to actually doodle and not care about how it looked. Anyways—
Here is Aster’s Halloween Costume! I didn’t color it, but Aster is Little Red Riding Hood and Del is the Werewolf. He’s not trick-or-treating, by the way—he’s just handing out king-sized chocolate bars to everyone he passes while walking around!
It’s not much- Just a goofy little thing to celebrate the holiday. Happy Halloween, everyone!
(Psst-! Hey, @100nebulas ! Starry! I know it’s not a lot, but I promised! Here’s your small dose of Aster content :])
#Yippee!! I did a thing!#FINALLY-#A part of me is wondering if I should ramble about the Sanctuary AU a little bit…#Screw it why not?-#SO-! In Sanctuary all of the major holidays exist and are celebrated (Ex: Thanksgiving Christmas Fourth of July Halloween etc etc)#However because my AU is essentially set up to be one massive town/city/community#EVERYBODY celebrates things together in the form of what I can only call gigantic festivals#The denizens of Sanctuary (Yes the town is called Sanctuary too- I’m not good at naming things but it was what I wanted the place to be)#go ALLLL out on holidays- especially Christmas where they decorate the city centre like something straight out of a Disney Christmas film#Other holidays don’t slack though- There are games and vendor stalls and fresh food being made and just all around a community-#coming together to make something special and beautiful. Friends. Found Family. Coworkers. Neighbors. Everybody cares about everybody—#The people who live in Sanctuary didn’t always have the best lives#So most go out of their way to ensure that the newcomers really feel that sense of hope and belonging that Sanctuary was built to provide.#Hence why Aster doesn’t do tricks on Halloween—he just goes around giving out the best candy he can find to everyone he sees!#Even on spooky holidays everyone deserves to smile—that’s what he thinks. He especially likes to give out candy to people he’s never seen-#before (which is rare mind you-) so that he can make sure that they know someone cares about them.#Thats all for now though- maybe I’ll write more another time haha#Hopefully my rambling isn’t too nonsensical-
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I discovered one of the most beautiful shirts to ever exist- i feel in awe and inlove- and I need to find a place that'll print this onto a good shirt with an even better desgin- i mustn't lose this gorgous piece, this holy grail, please, please look at-
The 1980s print of Bright Ligjts, Big City starring Michael J Fox and Kiefer Sutherland- printed onto a black tshirt...
#i need this it would solve all of my problems and make me THE coolest person ever#'Oh what films that?' the cocaine induced toxic yaoi film with a ferret duh~#PLEASE PLEASE I NEED THIS TSHIRT SO FUCKING BADBLY PLEASE!! (weeping) PLEASE#bright lights big city#blbc#michael j fox#kiefer sutherland#i fuckin need this tshirt so bad guys yall dont understand-
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The Aftermath (1982)
"What happens when you die?"
"I don't know, son. No one does."
"It's sad to die."
"No. Death isn't sad. We all have to die. What's sad is having to go on without someone you love. Just as we have to go on now."
#the aftermath#1982#video nasty#horror imagery#steve barkett#stanley livingston#post apocalyptic film#horror film#american cinema#lynne margulies#sid haig#christopher barkett#alfie martin#forrest j. ackerman#jim danforth#linda stiegler#laura anne barkett#larry latham#carole scott#nelson ackerman#john w. morgan#incredibly dumb passion project from writer‚ director and star Barkett; he spent years getting this made‚ burning through investors and#deals whilst trying to maintain the integrity of his vision (his silly‚ silly vision). to be clear‚ this is a lot of fun to watch but not#all of that fun is intentional; the back third of this movie contains a shootout so absurdly long‚ so gratuitously violent (and with a#preposterous location change from the desert to some ruined city skyscraper tops) that it beggars belief. likewise Barkett's self insertion#as the Ultimate Action Man Hero who by the end of the film comes to resemble more of a post apocalyptic christlike figure of spiritual#salvation. it's a dumb film is what I'm saying‚ but Sid Haig is there and it all looks unreasonably good and the matte paintings are weirdl#excellent (and the fx are solid too‚ model spaceships aside). ridiculous stuff but made with clear love and self belief#in such a way that it can only end up being endearing. a pleasant surprise in my deep dive into the more obscure nasties#it's been a rough ride recently but a few more brain numbing entries like this and I'll be back on board
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wes anderson's asteroid city and especially the balcony scene fundamentally changed me in ways i cannot explain
#wes anderson#asteroid city#films & tv#my version#felt all my understanding of human life and arts and storytelling just vaporize then turn into something else#to what i still dont know i just know it changed#this is easily becoming my fav wes movie#film log
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Personal
Hi.
How did you get over your quarter life crisis?
Because I’m trying not to fall into the vast unyielding void. And I’m failing hilariously.
#TAG RANT. CAN IGNORE. YOON JUST NEEDS TO GET HER THOUGHTS OUT.#filler tag to push the rest of the rant down past the cut off point.#i literally don’t know what I’m going to do with my life and I can’t decide anything.#do I stay in flowers#do I leave flowers#do I try and get into film again#do I move to Europe#or delay that and go back to school for the one thing that’s always brought me pure happiness#or do I move out of my city#but in all of this I have to consider my partner and what he wants#but I don’t know what to do. i don’t know what the right thing for me is and I can’t afford a therapist so I ramble on the internet in hopes#of a shiny beacon of something rings into my head and figures everyhting out for me#like. I��ll be 25 in April. a ways off. but I’m 25 and I haven’t done anything. i don’t know what I’m supposed to do?? i had a life plan that#was derailed so hilariously hard by COVID that cannot be mended. and this is the first time I haven’t had a plan or a solid goal and so now#I’m floating in the middle of the pacific wondering which direction to turn in hopes of finding land#i have nothing to work towards and I miss who I was. i want to be that again. i wanna be her again. but it’s so difficult to do that.#anyway. rant over. needed to get that out. thanks for reading if you did.#this actually made me feel a lot better hope moly.
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oct. '24
#george.png#that first pic is so gorgeous im so pleased with the pics of the great outdoors#i will say the pics i took in the city all came out bad and grey but i think part of it has to do with the film as well#we shall see i just brought in some b&w film to be developed yday and i have a higher qual colour in my camera rn#i do want to mostly take city pics tho so i'm gonna try to find what works best for that
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Things are just so bleak man.
#vent#just me rambling#SO many fucking things#first off and maybe the least bad of all#that one studio that contacted me for a feature film turned me down ultimately#i WANT so dearly to work on features. it's what i want to do. but nobody will give me a chance#because they all want experience on features to work on features. well how do you guys think this works#i'm so tired of it and discouraged#but ultimately that's the least of the issues because#my usual studio is going under. they been struggling financially for years and the CEO did a special meeting to say it#they're lowering activity (one friday every two weeks is off to try and save money) and have 6 months to get back on their feet#which is nothing. they can't find producers willing to dump money in the studio in 6 months esp with ENOUGH to pull it out of the gutter#if they're not better off in 6 months the CEO said ''then ill get back to you with terrible news'' and didn't detail but we know. we know#it's basically said and done in my mind. my main studio as big as it was is crashing down. and idk what ill do.#i bought a flat in this city due to this studio being there- without it this place has no more work to offer me. empty city#job security doesn't exist anymore#and we all know why. producers are much more squeamish about investing in animation because ai is here#why would you give money to allow hundreds of workers to live and pour passion in projects when you can pay a pathetic percentage of that#with midjourney or whatever the shit and get an easy cheap show. rack in more money for smaller an investment#and tumblr is going down that route too. can't get a fucking break anywhere#i'm heartbroken and grieving the world we lost#in a bunch of years looking at art while 100% knowing a person made it with intent will be a memory#being able to not even think about it is already out of our hands#ai 'art' will be everywhere and it will become a new normal. and i'm just.. man.#the world feels so empty already
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oh girls we are Fucked.
#found a new part of my horrible little city of bones paperback to pick at#for those who don’t know. the cover of this book is this weird thin film and i started picking at it years ago to great destruction#it looks terrible. and i naturally taped off all the sections i peeled off and the edges i could till pick at#and yet. she persisted. i’m a picker what can i say#cover jace has lost a nipple </3
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i'm not saying this to make any sort of point but as someone who works in canadian theatre, the wga strike is going to have an interesting effect on live entertainment too, like i know multiple people who have lost their jobs or will lose their jobs soon because so much american television is produced here and obviously the iatse union is standing with the wga which it should and i also know that when film crew are out of work like this they often turn to theatre because it's a different local of the same union (and a lot of them started in theatre) and they wind up pushing permits out of work because film crew are usually members which means they get first dibs on all calls even if they don't have much live entertainment experience and even though attitudes in theatre and film are VERY different. And i really really hope the wga gets everything they want, they deserve that and more, but i also hope it happens quickly before young iatse permits get priced out of this city and we get into into another situation like the one right after the pandemic
#when the pandemic hit and live entertainment pretty much died for a few years#most established theatre iatse guys moved into film so when theatre started up again there was this huge crisis#and iatse was so desperate for permits they were literally advertising for them on facebook and weren't requiring advocates or anything#which is a massive fucking deal and also how i got my permit#but it also means theres a ton of experienced film iatse members who aren't averse to jumping ship to a familiar field#and all those new permits who found their opening in that crisis are now in danger of being out of work#in the most expensive city in the country#and as someone who works at a theatre that's labelled a learning theatre by the union (we get all the green permits)#it's going to be very interesting to see what happens next#fortunately we don't pay as well as many of the other venues in the city#but we're more likely to offer steady work#so film guys who want cash will take the jobs at the high paying venues doing dailies and weeklies#and the ones who just want to keep busy will wind up here#i have two very good friends who work for the film union#one decided to take a vacation during the strike (good for her) and the other was let go from star trek and intends to go back to theatre#but knowing the attitude of the well established members and people who got used to film there are going to be Problems#so depending on how long the strike lasts this could actually have some serious ramifications for a lot of people outside of the wga#again i'm not trying to make any sort of point here just getting my thoughts in order in the wake of all these tumblr posts about the strik
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I found a Youtube channel of some local, uhm, blue light enthusiasts? Basically people SUPER into everything EMS and stuff and super into the vehicles lol.
Anyway, not sure how I feel about videos taken RIGHT outside my work filming the yard entrance with just. Documenting which Great Amazing Cars come out and why (like, sometimes with history of the individual car?).
I don't think it's anyone who works here or at least not on a regular basis, because usually people are like "the ambulance fan people are back and I'm uneasy ;_;" when they station outside lol.
Like. Good hobby? Love this shit? Love cars, too, love big cars, love ambulances? But somehow it's scary to get filmed and not talked to, because people are... fans of your work. (We have literally no entrance requirements lmao come join us it's what I did lmao.)
Was glad to see they pixilate our faces tho because every time they happen to film my car I make this O_O deer in the headlight "I'm autistic and I don't like my picture taken" face gdjrzjfz.
Like, I really don't wanna shit on their hobby, but I think I'd be more at ease to be filmed at like. The hospital. Where all our cars inevitably congregate anyway. Than actually being filmed driving the car out of the garage and onto the street at our home station. Where we just. Exist.
Oh, I think I get it, you know?
"Outside", like at a hospital, we are actively in Work Mode and whatever, document the Work and the Vehicles as long as you're not being a nuisance.
But when we're just leaving the station, we're only Getting Into Work Mode and also it's our place to just. Exist. Chill. Not in Work Mode. (It's something like a home tbh.)
Anyway, much rambling.
I don't wanna shit on their hobby, I just don't personally feel at ease with people filming us at the entrance of our home lol. Wait at the hospitals, maybe. Dunno. It's uncomfortable to me, personally. Not forbidding anyone anything and also maybe I just don't Get it. (The cars are amazing ok big reason I choose the job. They're so good.)
Ramble ramble.
#the hopeless part of me watched the videos to maybe make out my colleague#i miss him so much we all do#a piece is missing#we'll forever be one man down#i might look into mourning patches for my work jacket tbh#so much What Could Have Been#the other dark part of me is asking if we 'deserve' to mourn when we don't mourn every patient.#which is so silly bc the patients get mourned by THEIR loved ones and also often us a little bit but with distance#sigh#anyway i don't like getting filmed while at the station we're just chilling there we are people ok#it'd weird to have a camera pointed at our yard#outside in the city it's different#for me the yard entrance thing is just. weird and invasive and i don't like it.#can't make rules for other people tho i just. think it's weird. lol#maybe I'm being a grinch#ems stuff
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-randomly sees a screenshot of jamie and lily from the city of bones movie, where they seem to embody jace and clary, and am once again sad that we didn't get a city of ashes movie-
#like. to be clear. i KNOW that the city of bones movie has flaws--and i can tell you what they all are--but for me at least the positives#outweigh the negatives#and one of those things is that the cast really was perfect imo (and a lot of other people's opinions too)#though that's not to insult the shadowhunters cast at all of course. i think they're great and did the best with what they were give#i. personally. just don't really like shadowhunters because of how much they changed from the books#and even outside of that--if i ignored book to show comparisons--at least with the first season (the only one i watched) a lot of the#choices they were making with their own rules they were making didn't make a lot of sense. though i hear it gets better if season one so#maybe i should give it another chance sometime...#but back to city of ashes... i feel like. if city of bones had done well. city of ashes could have been better than city of bones and even#more book accurate (since that was some fans' issues with the first film) since the studio would have realized there was an audience there#and to take it more seriously. we've seen that kind of thing before. like with how the twilight movies actually became more book accurate#after the first film was a success#though that's not the world we live in of course. -sighs- oh well#maybe someday we'll get a really good and accurate tmi adaptation#i'm also looking forward to/cautiously optimistic about the the infernal devices show. PLEASE don't mess it up. PLEASE#that's my--and many--fans' favorite of the shadow world series. and it could/should be SO good. PLEASE!
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pictures from my day off today.//.
#uploads#imjustsittinghere#living in a city is so cool so many pretty things can happen on a walk#also LOVE when i can do like 5 things in one little trip#took the streetcar from my house to the other end of king street to get film for my new camera#walked from there to the fabric store to pickup a few things and then back west down queen#passed by this cool mirror store where the stool matched my bag from the fabric shop#grabbed new pens from the cool paper and writing store i like then stopped at the coffee window across from the park for a latte#talked to the barista about film and cameras for a bit got my latte and drank it at the park#had a nice little time and walked home <3#like i LOVE living in a walkable city so much its truly insane i do not get why everywhere is not like this and i would die without it#anyway wishing u all a nice little day im gonna nap before my overnight shift and then stream some armored core to my friend so he can see#what its like hehe <3
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The desire to drop out of college and never go back is so fucking strong… but I can’t quit something without feeling bad about it for a decade later so I really don’t know what to do
#shh shut the fuck up ollie#sorry my brain is just fuzzy and fucked up rn#I have a break coming up soon but like I have three research papers due by the end of the semester and I really just don’t wanna do this#it’s like the impending feeling of dread and doom yk#and like I know I should go back to therapy bc I’ve been feeling like this since idk August I think?? maybe April of last year??#I genuinely think I’ve felt like this since high school consistently and that fucking sucks#because I love that I’m going to college where I am and I got friends but like I’m only here for the fucking film program not all the extra#so I just have to suck it up and get it over with but like I just wanna edit silly little movies not discuss Alexander the Great or#the concept of garbage in society or fucking Scottish imperialism#like I went to college for film not everything else and I just can’t get myself to give a shit anymore#and I’m just sitting in this spiral of shit where I can’t claw myself out of no matter how much I try I’m just in this bottomless pit#and I can’t escape it and my mom just keeps giving me an attitude for not being this cheerful bitch but I just don’t have the energy anymore#and I keep leaving school early because I have such a long break on Tuesday and Thursday so what’s the point but I can’t do that#because I have to pass and to pass I have to go#but I just always feel like shit it’s like an underlying feeling and every time I try and talk to my parents about it#it’s like stfu what do you have to be sad about you’re going to college getting to experience going into the city everyday but I just can’t#I can’t pull myself out of it and talking about it with my parents just feels weird but I can’t talk to anyone else either so I’m just#sitting here waiting for SOMETHING but I have no clue what that something is ykk
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How many weeks into a job would it be appropriate to start wearing my wataei itabag to the office?
#i can already see myself from a stranger's perspective#taking the train between my city and the capital every day going to my creative industry job in the pretty house by the river#maybe going to premiers of films the company worked on (i stalked my supervisors on linkedin)#i always struggle with stepping more and more into becoming an adult. i feel like i havent grown since i was 18#but i have. and then i regressed. but now im going to start going forward again#right?#i want to believe it will all work out well so badly#im afraid to talk about it too much in case i jinx it#but im really...from an outsiders view in im really happy. i dont know how ill feel until i actually start though#i am scared what if they just felt bad rejecting me. which isnt what you should think when you get a job#but it just seems too good to be true
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I think the most fascinating thing about the US being a shit place to live is the fact that from all the indicators it shouldn't be. Like yes, there are far worse places to live for many people. But the US is the world's largest economy. Its hegemonic media and celebrities dominate the global culture. Its business exploits the labour and resources of billions of people and its military is the most dominant on the planet. By all rights it should be a pretty good place to live and instead it's just...bad.
#sorry to all my American friends but your nation's contradictions are mind boggling#Like... LA. is the centre of the global film and television industry and it's almost completely unremarkable#not even interesting just a flat city that goes on and on#like when I think of New York i can conceive of the city's geography#its different areas and how they relate to each other#but LA is just... Venice Beach Walk of fame Hollywood Sign Griffith Park Observatory and the ugly concrete river#and i have no idea where they are in relation to each other or what it's like to live there
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