#FF jokes

[sunflowerinthemoonlight]

It's-a me, Mario

Sorry to all the fics marked for later. I promise I'll get to you. Perhaps sometime after I've read this massive collection of other fics for the third time.

[foldingfittedsheets]

When I worked at the jewelry store there was very little room to move around each other behind the cases. We managed alright but it made us pretty casual with our personal space.

At the time when I first started I was still getting used to that. One day I was shadowing someone who’d been there longer than me, a sweet young lad who I immediately clicked with. We were helping some ladies with a jewelry cleaning and I ended up on the wrong side of him to follow to our next destination, the ultrasonic cleaner.

He double backed around me behind the case and accidentally brushed my butt with the back of his hand. It was immediately clear from context that it was a complete accident.

His eyes widened in brief terror that he’d crossed a boundary. Neither of us reacted in front of the customers but we popped away a moment later into the cleaning room where they couldn’t hear us.

He grabbed my arms and stared into my eyes with panic writ large across his face. “How long do I have?!” he demanded.

“What? No- it’s fine.” I thought he meant how long until I, like, murdered him.

“No, I’m infected now, how long until it sets in?!?”

I stared at him in bafflement but started to sense a note of repressed laughter in his tone.

“I touched your butt! That’s how the gay spreads! How long until it sets in?!”

I burst out laughing and we both collapsed into absurdity. Every time I thought about it for the next week I broke down laughing, he caught me so off guard with one of the funniest gay jokes I’d ever heard.

It was several weeks afterward that he admitted to recently coming to terms with being bisexual and I tsked, “Didn’t make a full recovery from touching my butt, I see.”

[hyacinthsdiamonds]

Fuck anyone who makes jokes about a crash that literally sent a driver to hospital.

Max's crash at Silverstone is the third most severe crash we've had in F1 in the past five years (most severe being Grosjean's in Bahrain 2020, followed by Zhou's in Silverstone 2022).

Additionally, the fact he was sent to the hospital at all is significant as Silverstone has its own medical facility on the grounds. It says everything that even as a precautionary measure, Max (+ Alex & Zhou the following year) was sent to the nearest hospital instead.

Do not for a single second take a driver walking away from a severe crash for granted. Sometimes, the miracles don't happen. Sometimes, a driver doesn't walk away unscathed. You do not want to be watching when the worst-case scenario becomes a real possibility, or worse; a reality.

If the like from Lando's dad is real... I have nothing else to say, from the bottom of my heart; FUCK YOU!

[littleliterarylesbian]

it is 4am and all I can think about is dark obsessive jegulus rn.

just hear me out, the cloak and the map? perfect stalking material. Maybe it starts off innocent, James just wanting to check up on Regulus for some reason or James wanting to know more about his best friend's little brother but it spirals out of control quickly. One moment he's watching Regulus' name move on the map, the next he's under the cloak and trying his hardest not to be detected. He's sneaking into the Slytherin dorms, he's trying to figure out how close Regulus' friends actually are to him.

and I feel like I don't have to explain at all for Regulus, I feel his family name and legacy speaks up plenty. Regulus is smart, Regulus is cunning. He caught on quite quickly that he was getting trailed around. Maybe not knowing who at first, but he at least can tell when footsteps not matching his own sound off around him. He mentions wanting one thing, within the week it's his, he mentions doing something but just being too busy, suddenly at least half of his plans are cancelled. He mentions wanting someone gone and suddenly they're just simply buried six feet under. He eats up the power he's given. Then he finds out it's James Potter behind it all and suddenly it just got 10x better.

blah blah blah they're sick freaks and they fall in love and are crazy about each other. Carved their names into each other's skin and EVERYTHING. I just want freak4freak jegulus.

[1driedpersimmon]

Gee Saffron why do you get to have THREE dads?

[800db-cloud]

averaging twenty billion cakehole twins doodles every day

[tayasigerson]

Olympics Time

[anunfortunatekinlist]

marauders fans: we separated the art from the artist, this fandom is completely separate from the source material;

also them, will degrade any writer who doesn't write a coffee shop au, or university au, or jegulus in the only acceptable grumpyboyxsunshineboy trope, bullying artists for drawing sirius with body hair, bullying writers for not writing your exact headcanons, not allowing for people to grow their own opinions (aka. making ATYD the "intro-fic"), and not supporting artists and writers who are not the fandoms "it-person" for the week.

Bro at this point give it back to that ugly terf.

[beecampbell]

i really don't think people making ha ha funny jokes about hbomberguy video means they completely didnt get the point of the video at all. i think you people just like to be mad.

[rei-is-hiding]

[fireladybuckley]

I can’t believe a boyfriend made a silly sex joke to lighten the mood after both partners had a moment of vulnerability. The audacity. The horror. The normalcy! Unbelievable. How dare a conversation about feelings turn to levity. How dare a couple have a light chat about trauma-related things over dinner that doesn’t turn into an incredibly deep heart to heart instead of a joke and moving on. Unbelievable. I’m never watching this show again! 👎🏻

[foldingfittedsheets]

I was a pretty sickly kid. I'm a pretty sickly adult too I guess. But one of the issues I had was constant ear infections. I almost went deaf because I just had near continuous swelling and inflammation going on. I had tubes in my ears twice because they fell out the first time.

If you're unfamiliar that's where they put a tiny gauge in your inner ear to help force it open. It's meant to stop water getting trapped back there. I had to put wax in my ears before contact with pools, baths, showers, anything, for years, to prevent water from slinking through that narrow channel and festering long enough to spawn bacteria.

It was miserable. To this day my inner ear is blighted with so much scar tissue that every single ear exam the doctor goes, "Woah." You never want to hear a doctor say woah. It's never good.

Eventually my constant rounds of antibiotics and misery was pinned on my tonsils. A doctor declared there was just too much ick hiding out in there and they had to go. I was about five or six at the time. Having surgery as a little kid is already pretty scary but I was determined to be brave. I'd already had vacuum suction tools used on my inner ear weekly a practice so painful it's banned now. I was also promised a coveted troll dinosaur for good behavior.

So I walked tremulously into the hospital to have an organ removed. By all accounts I comported myself admirably. Afterward I was coming out of anesthesia quite slowly. The nurse was carrying me back to my parents when I rasped a whispery, "Knock knock," at her.

She paused and looked down at me, "What?"

A little stronger I repeated, "Knock knock."

She was shocked her tiny patient was trying to tell a joke while higher than a kite but dutifully said, "Who's there?"

"Adam," I said in a wavery little voice.

She leaned closer to hear me, "Adam who?"

I bellowed through my raw throat, still freshly bleeding from surgery, "Adam my way, I'm gettin' outta here!"

The nurse had to stop she was laughing so hard and she was in hysterics when she delivered me back to me parents, repeating the whole episode to them, turning their anxiety into delight that their doped up child was a comedy genius.

No one knew where I'd learned the joke, but it was a staple story throughout my childhood.

[chloesimaginationthings]

Stone ocean hats

[natabuggie]

yall really ate up my last alastor meme so maybe u guys will like this one too

[kazumahashimoto]

tuesti again no problem

[muchmossymess]

Why is everyone here so obsessed with sex and romance why can't you appreciate the comedic genius of "rivals who fight about parenting to rile the other up to begrudging coparents who bicker like a divorced couple to actually maybe tolerating the other and the insults are now less spiteful and biting to hells first qpr (queerplatonic rivalry) to hells first qpr (queerplatonic relationship)"