#Even the Smart Ones
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wizardsaremomstoo · 1 year ago
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Peter: *Licks a Variety of Inedible Objects in the Sanctum for no Reason*
Stephen, knowing how dangerous the Sanctum air is:
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giantkillerjack · 2 years ago
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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
Plain-text version:
Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
#hlep#original#mental health#my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it#i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support#and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of#huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the#longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel#i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop
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somewhereincairparavel · 6 days ago
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a huge chunk of the pjo fandom has turned into such a superficial, judgemental and PROBLEMATIC group who defeat the purpose and point that the books were trying to make, it's so fucking atrocious. the prime example of mischaracterizing/reducing the value of characters who are already misunderstood/misjudged in canon. this fandom does this to every.single.character.ever omg
percy jackson is so relatable to many people is because he didn't have to capacity to absorb textbook knowledge but was HIGH on street smart knowledge that got him to succeed. the whole point of his character is that he had low self esteem because he was ridiculed at school by the faculty and the students for being a 'dumb' and 'useless' guy that made him think he's an inconvenience to his mom. the baggage he carried is so overlooked.
the fandom saying stuff like 'annabeth had adhd and dyslexia too but she carried percy' is so fucking disrespectful. one, she's an athena kid who's supposed to be smart that's like the whole point, and that does NOT mean percy wouldn't survive without her. he's a DIFFERENT character and he doesn't need to be a scholar to be a powerful demigod who has his own identity. stop belittling him and comparing all of their adhd/dyslexia struggles. just because annabeth is smarter does NOT mean percy has less value than her, and that whatever comes out of his mouth is just silly gibberish, which is exactly what y'all are trying to imply. no he did NOT get by with just "luck" he's smart and capable enough to actually achieve things. It isn't rocket science.
making jokes like his only purpose is to have a goofy personality and wondering how he 'pulled' annabeth is NOT cute whatsoever. just deprives him of his canon developement and fails to recognise him as an important person because he is not book smart. the level of belittlement. in a way rick also contributes to this character assassination because he added another scene of piper saying something along the lines of 'thank god annabeth is there to keep percy from going wild/doing something stupid' like no miss girl
I could go on about how the fandom infantilizes nico, brushes of hazel's flaws/traits because she's a 'smol' bean (when she literally cusses out octavian, why do y'all hate the idea of her being bold/badass when she literally is??) belittling frank's power because he's 'just an innocent goof', saying stuff like 'in my head leo is a tall guy because rick did him dirty with the height when he is so hot' that's basically implying that he loses his attractiveness because he's short and wanting to confine him into those toxic masculinity standards
slandering rachel and calling her a pick me for liking annabeth as though annabeth already had a claim over percy in BOTL when he wasn't even in a relationship and even had a small liking to rachel (belittling BOTH rachel and percy in the process, is percy not allowed to have feelings too? is he only obligated to like annabeth?), also with the fandom's clear misogyny in their treatment of nico liking percy vs rachel liking percy, go on a moral policing hunt when it comes to jason, piper and percy but goes right ahead to defend and glaze luke's behaviour to annabeth, percy and silena (also victim blaming silena because she was manipulated as a teenager by a fully grown adult who KNEW what he was doing, using her)
stubbornly not wanting to recognise jason as an important character and reducing him into a 'whiney pick me guy who wanted everything to be about himself' and that he's 'boring' not realising that his abusive environment both as a baby and as a teenager suppressed him into struggling and not being able to feel worthy to even have feelings of his own, villianizing and getting on pipers throat for calling percy unimpressive simply because she LOVED and was LOYAL to her then boyfriend?? is she not allowed to have a preference??? heck id be more concerned if she did call percy hot whilst being in a relationship wtf.
and DONT get me started on the grover belittlement and erasure please, saying that percy and grover are only annabeth's 'sidekicks' on quests, as though he wasn't capable to go on a hunt for pan all by HIMSELF not knowing he'll ever be back.
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aithusarosekiller · 7 months ago
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Starchaser where James is the snobby popular guy who could date anyone he wanted bc everyone trails after him all the time
People are expecting him to go for someone like Emmeline (most popular girl in the school) or Lily (an actual genius obviously) or maybe just mess around with as many people as possible just because he can and there would be nearly no repercussions
So when Sirius finds out that he is dating Regulus- who'd always had trouble with social cues, especially when so many people expected him to be a perfect pureblodo son, and was always a bit mean and proud when he was talking to people because he was never taught otherwise, and didn't really stick out at school because he was a bit more of a recluse than many other Slytherin purebloods and was 'very good' at school but not a Barty, Severus, or Lily level genius- he can't help but be so happy
Because despite James having so many people he could date, he fell for the one person everybody else would be disappointed about when they heard. And Sirius KNOWS it was NEVER a matter of James pulling out the name of an adoring fan from a hat. He knew he'd have had to connect to Regulus, see past the bitter cruelty of his mask, break down his walls, and earn his trust unwaveringly before he was able to ask him out
He knew that his best friend had settled for who he wanted instead of who everybody else wanted him to want, and he knew that his brother got to know what true care and understanding felt like from somebody who had so much to give
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I cannot wait for this Stan to reconnect with his Ford.
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I still haven't figured out HOW exactly they'll meet yet, but I do think that Ford would ATTACH himself to Stanley and talk his ears off forever when they eventually get comfortable :] and Stanley would listen because HOLY SHIT, THAT'S HIS BRO HE HASN'T SEEN FOR 40-ISH YEARS, HE MISSED HIS VOICE. Nonstop certified Yapper & Listener relationship <3
Stanley looks dead faced because of his ingrained poker face, but he's thouroughly enjoying it, even if sometimes he has no idea what the fuck Ford is saying. He never interrupts him though, since he knows people usually ignore or interrupt him mid-talk already. So sometimes Stan gets stuck in awkward situations where he has to leave or do stuff, but also doesn't have it in his heart to stop Ford and extract himself out of a (one-sided) conversation.
#Stanley: that motherfucker just ignored you completely- would you like me to kill him.#Stanford: Who? What are you talking about? Anyways. Have you ever seen gnomes before? Because just yesterday I-#I imagine conversations with Stanford to be very stitled and all over the place.#Since his thoughts are quite literally scattered- he can never really process them fast enough to actually verbalize them.#Or even understand them.#So he often only catch the tail ends of a thought- or cutoff half formed thoughts- or only the beginning half of an idea- memory- or opinio#And when he talks- you can really tell with the amount of tangents he goes off into and how everything he says#are completely disconnected and unrelated from one another.#I think the reason he talks so much is because it's his way of desperately trying to get himself understood by someone- including himself.#He's hoping that maybe- by verbalizing EVERYTHING in his mind all at once into some incomprehensible word vomit- that someday-#those senseless- useless words will one day magically order themselves into the right sentence for him to be finally be able to say what#he actually MEANS.#But because he's ''that crazy Town Kook Ford'' he just never really gets the chance to talk to anyone.#People in town baby him- treat him like a child.#And I mean- it must really hurt. For someone of his former intellect to have lost all ability to express himself eloquently#Not because he's any less smart- but because he just can't talk anymore. At least- not in any way that matters#I think Stanley understands him though. I think Stanley would understand his struggle to not be labeled as just stupid by others#Anyways- that was my ramble <3#my post#asks#sput chatters#stanford pines#ford pines#stanley pines#stan pines#gravity falls#gravity falls au#Town Kook Ford AU#my art
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nekrosmos · 2 months ago
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You know how speaking in a language that isn't your native one is really mentally draining ? Nikolai who has just been flying around all day, switching between several of the 8 languages he speaks, until he ends his day laying in bed, trying to listen to John talk about his op, but his brain just refuses to acknowledge anything. He mumbles an apology that might just be half in russian at this point, fingers rubbing at his temples as he's trying to fight off a migraine.
It's rare to see Nik struggle to keep up with a conversation. The man is smart, too smart, really. This worries John, who decides to order them greasy food and throw a Russian movie he knows Nik enjoys on his laptop for them to watch in bed. He can struggle to keep up with the subtitles tonight while he's busy letting his hand massage the back of Nik's head, fingers gently stroking his jet black hair while he feels his man relax in his arms.
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the-worms-in-your-bones · 3 months ago
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The thing about the time lords is yeah they’re a super powerful species, it wouldn’t be all that inaccurate to call them gods of time, but you get yourself a time lord and like 70% of the time it’s like oh this is a guy I could kick in the shins really hard and get away with it unscathed
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thesorrowoflizards · 5 months ago
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↳ You never know when the good you do may come back around.
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meru90 · 2 years ago
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hc that haitham was a lil blushy mess😣and then 🗿🗿
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soupysundae · 8 months ago
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🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍
#luo binghe#shen qingqiu#sha hualing#mobei jun#shang qinghua#bingqiu#scumbag self saving system#scum villian self saving system#svsss#svsss fanart#myart#soupysundaeart#svsssaction#i finally have the opportunity to rant about my thought process and a few of the details but hey#hi if u saw this first on insta and on twitter#but first of all#those border things are specifically zhuzhi-lang’s snakes cute tongue and all was poking out but it doesnt even matter cause theyre covered#almost all texts were handwritten#the toucan touch was a last minute addition as my friends were somewhat with me halfway through making this drawing#“haha there’s two cans on vc because he’s sharing screen of its progress” and then they send multiple toucan pics on the gc#pelt them with rocks#if you think this formating seems somewhat familiar its because i was inspired by a tgcf magazine#orginally the oval at the top right was supposed to be a portion for sqq’s “reaction” to luo binghe coming 2 years earlier#the number 24? my favorite number. no it doesn’t align with the chapter number luo binghe comes back in the novel#the repetition of “next” was accidental. i repeated next twice at first and i said might as well take it a step further and add another one#then the mourning mourning blah text was just to fill up the space#i am so incredibly smart (never)#this binghe is somewhat smaller than the insta and twit post cause i just realized he kinda bothered me so#sucks cause i spotted the error hours later the art posts and it was too late to repost again#but its ok im fine with it (im not)
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there's just... there is no reason to make yet another cop show in this day and age. copaganda is not only bullshit, it is a failure of imagination.
you want to watch brooding characters with dark pasts investigate crimes in an official capacity? just use private detectives (cops have a miserable solve rate anyway). want eccentric geniuses & their sidekicks solving mysteries? i present you with armchair detectives & neighborhood busybodies. oh, you're craving a workplace comedy-drama starring overworked protagonists doing their heartfelt best to resolve community conflicts? social worker office sitcom! bitch this is ACHIEVABLE
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maskofnova · 11 months ago
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I think its a rite of passage to make an au at least once, and ive been thinking super hard about how Sonic raised tails lately. So obviously an age swap au had to happen. Aka, the au in which they are both team turbo nerd and Tails needs a Vacation as a dire medical suggestion. (more rambling in tags)
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im-still-watching-anime · 8 months ago
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trucy: hang on polly you have a hair on you—oh, it’s long and…blonde. again.
apollo, internally: oh my god they’re all going to think i’m STRAIGHT and that i’m sleeping with a WOMAN
trucy, athena, and wright all thinking: oh that’s for sure klavier’s :/
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stars-n-kites · 3 months ago
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really an inexplicable train of thought but i feel like taako is the kind of person who in a modren era au would just decide to go to a shooting range and learn how to shoot a pistol for funsies, but would consider learning to spin the pistol all cool like they do in cowboy movies to be his first and foremost priority. like hes already bought a holster and the moment he is given a gun he immediately starts trying to twirl it. the instructor has to tell him to stop or theyll take the gun away from him. he keeps trying to lead the conversation back to it anyway because he really feels like theyre putting the cart before the horse here if hes learning how to shoot the gun before even knowing how to dramatically reholster it if he were to get in some sort of cowboy duel. hes actually really good at the shooting part but he gets kicked out of the class after his eighth guntwirling attempt in which he accidentally flicks the safety off mid twirl and shoots one of their light fixtures
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bullagit · 1 year ago
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due to personal reasons i am now firmly on team “i hope aziraphale does change heaven for the better actually (going on the assumption that his return is as straightforward as it seemed etc” 
like if the alternative is just this ohhh he’s so NAIVE and SOFT and so WRONG and he’ll have to LEARN A TOUGH LESSON etc etc nonsense then yeah 1000% go for it babe knock it out of the park
i hope choosing hope and kindness pays dividends. i hope the soft traits that made other characters continually disparage and underestimate him and his intelligence turn out to be his greatest assets bc i kinda don’t give a shit about a “toughen up it’s the only way everyone else knows better” life lesson for this character
(which like honestly a lot of the rhetoric is dismissive of the fact that persistent goodness in the face of an existence of disparagement takes great strength and that at the end of the day aziraphale has always been able to stand up in his own way)
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johnwickistheworstmovie · 2 years ago
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no you guys don’t get it; it’s so bad on tiktok. everyone on there is so insistent that foxface purposefully killed herself with the berries solely based off the two second clip in the movie (which wasn’t even identifying edible plants it was literally just matching).
like…… the whole point with foxface from the beginning was not to overestimate your competitors. when she talks about cato and foxface in the same passage she explicitly states that it’s just as dangerous to overestimate who you’re facing. in that she was thinking about how she might be overestimating cato’s intelligence, but then foxface goes and does the same with peeta. katniss constantly talked about how smart she was. she had made it to the final four solely off of taking from others just to keep herself alive. she had been doing it the entire games, but she trusted that peeta knew the berries he was grabbing. she probably didn’t even check to see what they looked like, because let’s be real. district five’s industry was ELECTRICITY. do you really think someone from the power district knows anything about edible plants? she saw the berries with the cheese and took some to fuel herself. because she assumed katniss and peeta were literally about to eat them. why on earth would she kill herself when she was three people away from winning? and if she knew they were poisonous and assumed katniss and peeta were about to eat them, she would’ve been final two. she could’ve waited for them to eat the berries, take katniss’s bow and arrows, and she would’ve had at least a fighting chance against cato. not to mention all the other districts HATE THE CAREERS. if she knew they were poisonous, decided to kill herself, and assumed katniss and peeta were going to eat them, that would’ve left cato as victor. there was no one else. she did not know they were poisonous. she overestimated peeta’s intelligence. it’s saying being stupid is dangerous for everyone.
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