#went to the tag. saw at least two other gifsets that already did it.

[thesorrowoflizards]

↳ You never know when the good you do may come back around.

[novelconcepts]

(1/4)In one of your tags from the gifsets when Jamie walks into the kitchen and Dani first saw her! I just realized how oblivious until now with that narrative “how the au pair felt when she first saw the young woman” I was even oblivious with the way they look at each other. This is a romantic set up! To be honest, at first I thought they would not get along at first, and will come to parts where they’d start a fight one way or another.

(2/4)And then the part where Jamie asks Owen if he thinks Dani is pretty, the way Owen blushes I swear I thought that Owen and Dani were gonna be a couple!! Thanks goodness Owen answers he’s only got eyes for Hannah!! I mean, I started this show with a blank page without knowing if there’s any lgbtq character (I was hoping since we got Theo from HH)

(3/4)This says so much how we often, in media, being disappointed, being called too much as we read between the chemistry of any interaction of two same sex characters! And here’s in Bly, they set us up with that romantic first not-encounter encounter and we had to step back to see if this is intentional or we’re being reading too much again!

(4/4)And then nine episodes later, we got the most heart wrenching true love story of two women! Masterchef kisses!!! Thank you show! I was starting to root for Dani x Jamie interaction after their 1:1 with Jamie tries to calm Dani. What about you, what moment from the show that got you root for them?

So, here's the thing about me: I will always, always ship the ladies together in a show. And, like you said, I’m very accustomed to being let down when showrunners decide that in order for character to be queer, it has to be saying something. Like, they have an allotment of queerness they have to dole out. And to have a story coming in on the heels of a really successful show where we did have a queer character--and a really well fleshed-out one who never felt like she was gay for gay’s sake, but still, a character in the ensemble rather than The Lead--I felt like...in most other shows, that would have qualified as the “allotment”, as it were. “We already gave you Theo, what more could you ask for?”

So Dani turns up in this show and I think, “Okay, she’s a delightful Midwestern 80s girl with some real trials on her shoulders, she clearly lost someone, let’s see where this goes.” And I honestly didn’t think she was going to be anything onscreen, in terms of romantic story. I sort of assumed that if she had lost someone, the crux of her story was going to be about coping with that loss and moving on. Even when they introduced Owen, I didn’t think, “Oh, okay, here’s the romantic co-lead of the story”; they did a really excellent job of having both parties perform that car ride with platonic care. Like, we have the potential to get along really well, we’re likely going to bond, but there were no long camera shots of one watching the other, no sense that he was going to have interest in her or vice versa. They felt like instant friends. So, I thought, “Okay, cool, she could use some friends, she’s probably still going to just have this arc of coming to terms with losing this person.”

And I didn’t know who she’d lost yet, so I did think it could have been anyone. Brother. Father. Friend. I wasn't sure it would matter, I just figured that was going to be the focus.

And then Jamie walks in. And in retrospect, you’re right: this setup for romance was instant. The introduction, the narrator’s line, the way Dani looks up, the quick glance Jamie gives her before promptly pretending not to notice, all of these are textbook filmmaking tricks to Introduce The Love Interest. And Jamie, naturally, is styled like a classic lesbian in every way, so I thought, “Huh. That’s interesting. But they already gave us Theo last time, so...”

Which is deeply unfair. It’s unfair to the creative team, it’s unfair to the story, it’s unfair to me as a viewer, to have that knee-jerk assumption on my shoulders. And I like to think that Bly surprising me as it did will help me not make that I’ve been burned assumption in the future, because...we really have come a long way. But even so, on this first watch, I thought, “That’s interesting. I could ship it. But I don’t think that's the story they’re going to tell”, because I didn’t yet trust the creative team to prioritize queer relationships on the same level as straight ones. 

Things continue, and we get all the little clues that, in retrospect, are huge: Jamie thinks Dani is “too pretty” and quite frankly can’t shut up about her. Dani physically brightens when Jamie’s in the room. Jamie reassures Dani that she’s doing well, and does so with the gentlest nudge at flirtation, and Dani swivels her whole body to follow Jamie as she leaves, making sure to catch every last glimpse she can before Jamie disappears into the house. And we’re getting these clues from other characters, too, in the way the kids exchange that look when Jamie’s first introduced, in the way Owen constantly looks to Hannah with every indication that he’s not kidding in the least when he says he only has eyes for her. But I still wasn’t...sure I could trust it. 

Which is silly. Because there is nothing, not a single thing, that is subtle about this love story. The music cues, the camera work, the angling of the actresses toward one another in every scene they share. The way Pedretti makes certain Dani looks the easiest in her body and in her smile when it’s Jamie making her laugh. It’s so intentional all the way down, like the entire team was saying, “Here. This is important. This is valuable. And we absolutely refuse to let anyone watch this show and say, oh, we didn’t feel it. It came out of nowhere. Couldn’t they just have been friends?” 

Episode 3 went a long way to hammering it home, of course. Between the conversation on the couch about love and possession, where the silence between them stretches on with a sort of comfortable heat, and the way Dani looks at her--and the camera looks at her--when Jamie is asleep on the couch, and that final moment with the hand grab, I realized they were really going for this thing. And obviously by Episode 4, you’re supposed to know what’s up. The gloves are off, the story is fully tilted in this direction, and I think it was around this point that I started to realize who the narrator probably was. Originally, I think I thought she’d be a very grown up Flora; once I realized Jamie was in fact the Romantic Lead of the piece, I went, “Oh. Ohhhh. Oh shit.”

The moral of the story here is, I trust this team now. I trust them to prioritize queer love with just as much “this is normal, guys, get over it” care as straight relationships. And, frankly, it makes me re-evaluate my opinion of the sexuality tackled in Hill House. The first few times I watched that show, I thought, “God, it’s nice that they gave us Theo. She’s flawed, she’s human, she’s funny, and her being gay is non-negotiable.” Now? Now I watch it and think all of that while also thinking, “You know what? Luke could be queer. His response to Joey all the way through really reads more like a friend who wants to help, with nervous confusion in the event that she nudges too close.” And especially after that interview where Victoria Pedretti said she always assumed Nell was queer, and that her ending up with a man didn’t negate that, it just wasn’t really relevant to parse it all out onscreen, I thought, “You know what? She’s right. There is absolutely nothing stopping that from being true.” And that’s how I’ve approached all media since I was a teenager, fair, but the difference is it feels...like these shows agree. That this is why they didn’t announce the LGBT rep ahead of time. That it’s not gonna be “gay for gay’s sake”, that it’s not going to be for drama or to cause a ruckus, but that these stories say, “Hey. This is a real thing. Love looks like this, too. Here: watch this beautiful, poignant, heartbreaking story of two women who love each other more than anything in the world. Watch it, and understand that they are so normal, and that them being gay changes nothing about how they live out their story together.” And I love that. 

[puppy-phum]

2020 – a (content creator) year in review

I decided to make this into a mix of these two games I was (kinda?) tagged into so thank you for @leonzhng and @tiesanjiao ♥ I hope you don’t mind me doing it like this ^^ all the questions were just so interesting that I wanted to try!

(bc of the amount of questions, I’m placing them under a cut so that I don’t flood anyone’s dash) 

Me

(this is the 2020 year in review that hanyi tagged me to ♥ sorry am so late!)

Top 5 Movies you saw this year

wow tbh I didn’t watch many movies this year as I realized yesterday when I was thinking about this for certain reasons. Or at least I feel like I didn’t watch that many? Nothing really stuck with me it seems.

Because of this, I will only mention two: Parasite and The Old Guard. Those were both wonderful in their own ways and I’m very happy I got to watch them both ^^

Top 5 TV shows you watched this year

this one is difficult bc I watched so many (and forgot even more?) but:

The Lost Tomb Reboot (my introduction to DMBJ. this drama stole my heart and helped me through the tough autumn semester!) 

Joy of Life (it’s nuts that this happened during 2020? it feels like it was ages ago)

Kingdom (such a positive surprise and I really hope we get more of this :o I really recommend!)

Detective L (easy, nice aesthetics, amazing costumes. Bai Yu was a delight as Luo Fei)

Sand Sea (I am still baffled by how much I loved this bc I had so many doubts? am happy I did tho)

Bonus: Guardian (bc it has come to stay and the rewatch has been so emotional but so rewarding)

Top 5 songs of 2020

this is a tough one too bc I’ve heard so much new music during 2020 but I will try to put it simply:

Black Swan by BTS (I absolutely adore this song. I listened to it on repeat when it came out at the beginning of the year, I have cried for it a ton, I enjoy every stage I see for it and it’s just a masterpiece. it has also helped a bit with my writing struggles that I’ve felt creeping up on me lately)

Always by By The Coast (an amazing song that always leaves me in my feels. inspires me a lot all the time)

Love me or Leave me by DAY6 (this whole album was a masterpiece and I listened to it on loop for like. two weeks? this was my favorite song on it even if I adored the rest too, especially Zombie)

all of my life by Park Won (listened to this a lot in relation to my xicheng and the wedding I finally got to write for them ;; that’s one good thing that came out of this year tbh)

雨人 by 刘畅 (Liu Chang) (with the Reboot’s ending song, this one is my favorite on that ost. I love Liu Chang’s voice, I loved Liu Sang as a character and as I said, I loved Reboot as a drama. I get super emotional about this ost so I think it defined this year a lot for me)

Top 5 books you read in 2020  

All For The Game -trilogy (listened to these as audiobooks but that counts right?)

The Song of Achilles (as an audiobook too and really adored the reader’s voice)

The Smoke Thieves -series (I really just binge read the two first books in this series and am so excited for the next one!)

Call Down The Hawk (love love love)

Guardian novel (am not very into these novels usually but I was positively surprised this time? it was so cool to finally get the original story and compare it with the drama version)

5 positive things that happened in 2020

joined mdzsnet and met all the amazing ppl there and got to become part of this loving community and :’) I’m so thankful, it’s been a joy

learned more about editing? or started doing it regularly. I still can’t do shit but am having fun learning more all the time and I really hope that maybe the upcoming year I can switch to PS and try out giffing?

went to Halsey’s concert! it was in february so a bit before all the hassle with covid happened over here ;; it was super cool and so nice and I just. I love Halsey

fell into the DMBJ hellhole which am very much enjoying. it’s a great universe and the story is so good and the dramas have been so fun to watch and. it feels like a good continuation to The Untamed somehow haha (also brought me a new friend! you’re amazing ashen!! ♥)

started therapy and it’s been... a journey. but towards something better I think? it’s something I would’ve needed ages ago but it’s better late than never I suppose

My Creations

(this is the other part where ali was being super sweet and mentioned me ♥ thank you for being so awesome!)

1. first creation and most recent creation of 2020: wow it’s been a while since I’ve looked at this horrible creation but here ya go jkdhgk [x]. I’ve come a long way from this (and my xicheng has come a long way from this too). most recent one is this xiaoge edit that I absolutely adore [x]. 

2. one of your favorite creations from 2020: this wwx edit that was part of my agust d2 edit series [x]. I loved to give him blue instead of his typical red. 

3. a new style you tried this year and a gifset edit that uses it: this [x] wwx edit which I don’t know if I like or not but I was playing around with the font and all the effects instead of just normal screenshots + coloring. also I just adore the quote. 

4. a creation to be proud of: I could mention that xiaoge here but in addition, I will also say this wu xie edit for reboot [x]. I managed to capture my vision so well, I was surprised. for cql, this songxiao edit [x]. I loved how it turned out in the end. 

5. a creation that took forever: this wangxian edit [x]. like I’ve said several times, I lost sleep bc of it. I just kept struggling with the third pic and how to place the text there D: 

6. your creation from 2020 that received the most notes: this lwj/wangxian edit [x]. I had many ideas for this edit when I first started making it and I never managed to capture my vision in the way I first intended... the pictures I was supposed to use just never fit quite right sigh. I dunno why it was this one that gained all the notes in the end bc I personally think I have better ones too but am still thankful :’D 

7. a creation you think deserved more notes: as said, dmbj fandom on tumblr is very small so I really want to say the two already mentioned ones (wu xie and xiaoge) and then my pingxie edits [x] [x]. also these wwx edits which I personally am very happy about [x] [x]. and from my agust d2 series, this yun bros one [x].

8. a new fandom you joined and a creation you made for it: really just dmbj this year and I’ve already linked all of my creations for that :’D tho I have plans for another pingxie edit and a liu sang edit! oh and maybe I could mention guardian here with this shen wei [x]. I had so much fun while making it (also the quote just haunted me relentlessly until I gave it a moment). 

9. a creation you made that breaks your heart: this must be my easter islanders (lwj and jc) edit [x] that just. awoke many thoughts in me? I’m going to put a link to the version where you can read my ramblings underneath :’D 

10. a ‘simple’ creation that you really love: my creation for the creator (gif?) challenge that was going around! [x] it was simple and nice to do and I loved the result. also, it was nice to work with jl for a change :’) 

11. a favorite creation created by someone else: oh wow ok so this is going to be rough bc I have so many favorites ;; you can look at this post here [x] to see more! 

but to love my two taggers am going to say these [x / x] [x] [x] [x] [x] by hanyi (I always love your edits, the colors you choose, the thoughts you put into them (and your humor too!). there are so many cool things you’ve done that I just stay in awe of! I adore all of it ;; ♥) and these [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] by ali (I love all of your gifsets so much, they have such pretty colors and such good scenes, and I am thankful every day that you make all the amazing dmbj content, pls never stop ;; I should go through all of your creations properly one day! I noticed you have sand sea stuff too and let me scream?) ^^ ♥

12. your favorite content creators and blogs that you appreciate: this is going to be a huge list and I’ve already made my love heard for some but no hurt in doing it again so @i-am-just-a-kiddo @ashenwren @tiesanjiao @kholran @lzswy @englishbunnyrocks @leonzhng @aheartfullofjolllly @yibobibo @inkblue-black @cross-d-a @bloody-bee-tea @fytheuntamed @mdzsnet @lifegoesmon @creeds-eagle @underaswift-sunrise @sarawatsaraleo @lan-xichens @mylastbraincql @wangxianbunnydoodles @manhasetardis @distantsnows @ohsehuns @minmoyu @linglynz @highwarlockkareena @yiqiie @aowyn @alienwlw @wangxiians @kingbadcat @sassyassassy @tytangfei @lanzhannnn @skzmxtp @leoyunxi @yoonqiful @softjeon @rapbabenamjoon @ronan-adam @miyakuli @pavusdorian @arsuf @brolinskeep @gawincaskeyy and so many others! (sorry for all the random ppl on this list that I’ve never even talked to ^^’ just know that you make my dash a wonderful place! ♥) 

I won’t tag anyone separately here but everyone who’s already been tagged or sees this is free to do this (or link me posts if you’ve done these already!) ♥ have a nice day everyone! 

[maimishou]

Skam España Season 4 Episode 1 Clips 1-3 Thoughts

So I finally got around to watching the first three clips with subs. Thanks @skamesptranslations for providing the translations!

So far not much has happened but I think that’s okay? I don’t think we need to go all in right away.

As for Amria’s friends, I’m not sure how to feel about them quite yet. They’re clearly supportive but we didn’t get much of the two at the computer. The one Amira did talk to though, I have mixed feelings about. On the one hand she seems bitter about what went down with her old friends which is far enough if a bit concerning in relation to Amira. On the other hand, she does seem to be encouraging Amira to keep her connection with the girl squad and the boy squad so that’s good.

I think the biggest thing that happened in these first clips is the, admittedly offscreen, introduction of Yousef. I’m not familiar with the Yousef character but from what I’ve seen from scrolling through @inmyarmswrappedin‘s Skam España tag they seem to be a major character in season fours. It’s kind of implied that Amira already knows this Yousef since Dani jokes that he (Yousef) is there for Amira. That could be interesting since from my understanding in the original Skam and other remakes the Sana and Yousef characters usually don’t have an established relationship.

Now we haven’t actually met Yousef himself but just from the way Dani talks about him I get the impression that he’s a bit of a goofball and/or troublemaker which could be fun since Amira, while kind, has a more serious character than most of the girl squad with the exception of maybe Nora. I’m looking forward to seeing them interact and from a dynamic perspective alone I think they could be a good ship if my suspicions are true. Guess we’ll have to wait and see though.

EDIT: Scratch that on those last two paragraphs. Just saw a gifset and releaized that the team Dani is working with are super young or at least super young looking. I guess we haven’t met the actual Yousef character yet? Man this is confusing.

[barisifictionarchive]

Author: sarahcakes613

Preferred Name: sarah

Have any events in your personal life ever influenced the things that you've written? 

Oh 100% - I often write little moments and experiences from my life into my characters lives. It's usually the silly stuff, I try not to let my traumas influence my writing because that's depressing af and I don't like writing angst!

That being said, my only chapfic to date is a Game of Thrones story about sobriety and recovery, and the idea came to me while I was sitting in a church basement watching someone I love receive a multiyear sobriety medallion. That story pulled a lot of it's core dialogue and traits from this person in my life and was largely inspired by the pride and love I feel for addicts in recovery.

Do you have a favorite movie? 

I love visually strong storytelling, so the Lord of the Rings trilogy is up there. I also love Mel Brooks comedies, especially Blazing Saddles and Robin Hood Men in Tights.

Who is your favorite author? 

Leonard Cohen only wrote two novels in his life but they're both perfect examples of their genres. In recent years, I've become a huge fan of Cat Sebastian, her queer regency romances are absolutely charming feel-good bites of chocolate.

How did you start getting involved in fanfiction?

I've been reading it since high school, but never felt like I had a fandom story of my own to tell. In 2015, I was heavily involved in the Game of Thrones fandom on Tumblr, particularly for the ship Sansan (Sandor Clegane/Sansa Stark) and began participating in the occasional drabble/prompt challenge just for fun. In 2016, a bunch of us decided to collaborate on a supremely cracky circus AU. I'd already written a handful of things but that was when my interest in writing fic took off. And the ladies I met writing that are still some of my absolute best friends!

How did you get involved with Barisi?

It was VERY roundabout. I watched SVU on occasion back when I had cable and I do remember watching both Barba and Sonny, but nothing about them stuck out to me in terms of shipping, probably because SVU was always a pretty casual watch for me so I never looked at it with fandom goggles. I got really into Raul Esparza's voice over this past winter (I have no idea what triggered that interest, probably a random Youtube find) so occasionally in searching I would see SVU gifsets on Tumblr and was like ah yes, I remember them, but again, never really stuck in my mind.

Meanwhile, sometimes when I'm looking for a new read, I'll choose a tag at random and just scroll for something that looks interesting. This past February I somehow wound up in the tag for Konmari/Marie Kondo, and found the fic Tidying Up by Robin Hood (kjack89). I thought it was absolutely the sweetest dang thing and started adding more Barisi fic to my marked-for-later page. Then in March, I actually started going through them and in one month I read about 200 stories.

What inspires you to write? 

The Barisi fandom is easily the most inspiring group of people I've ever talked to, with all the back and forth on Twitter with ideas and music and gifsets and headcanons, it all sparks ideas! Music especially, I'll see a whole story play out in my head over the course of a four minute song. I'm also often inspired by an aesthetic image, I'll see a pretty photo and want to write an entire story based around it.

What is your favorite fic that you have written? 

Oh my god Karen you can't just ask someone what their favourite fic they've written is. There are definitely multiple answers.

The fic I'm proudest of is Gods Grant Me the Serenity, the Game of Thrones chapfic I mentioned - it's "only" 20k but it took me 3 years to write because it was sometimes so painful to explore that relationship.

I also really love a gen/non-ship fic I wrote called The Holy or the Broken, which is a series of vignettes that explores each of the Avengers and their relationship to their own Jewish faith. Because all the Avengers are Jewish. I said so, and therefore it's true. I loved exploring aspects of my faith through fic, and the response was extremely gratifying.

My favourite Barisi fic that I have written is "I'll use you as a focal point (so I don't lose sight of what I want)" because it's the first one I wrote. When I first started exploring Barisi, I found the Archive on Tumblr and had a look at the prompt page. I saw one that really spoke to me but I was reluctant to do anything with it, because I was like, do I really want to start writing for a totally new fandom that I'm only just barely in? But then I went for it, and I haven't looked back!

What is your favorite quote from a fic of yours?

Oh man, you expect me to remember what I wrote?? The cheesy answer is all of it is my favourite, because I'm actually quite proud of my writing.

This may not be my #1 favourite, but it's definitely one that stands out, from my Barisi story Perfect situations must go wrong:

"Don’t you get it, Rafi?” Sonny asks, his voice so low it’s almost a whisper. “A life bond like ours, it’s a living thing. The beginning of our story is just that, a beginning. We chose the steps that came after. How can you say none of that was real?"

What is your personal favorite fanfic? (Can be any fandom)

OOF. In Barisi, well, I did just post two whole full rec bingo cards on Twitter, so I have a LOT of faves, but A Healing Year by anni_scovill is one of my favourite fics of all time, Barisi or otherwise. Throwing it back to other fandoms, the story Kiss the Girl by Jillypups is the definitive Game of Thrones modern AU Sansan. It's also the origin of the tag you've almost definitely seen floating around, "tale as old as time, burn as slow as fuck". I'm not a big fan of kidfic but Jillypups wrote a really engaging and realistic original child character who steals the show in every scene she is in.I have a few other favourites in other fandoms, some a little spicier than others. I can rec fic all day long, to be honest! If anyone ever wants recs outside Barisi in Supernatural, Teen Wolf, Game of Thrones, or Marvel, my DMs are always open!!

Anything else you would like to add? 

I'm extraordinarily honoured to have been asked to do this. I've been a published Barisi author for just under three months and in that time I've already written 50k words over 27 stories. I have 32 stories in the Game of Thrones tag and that is after six YEARS in the fandom. When I say you all are the most inspiring and motivational bunch, oh boy do I mean it!

A question you’d like to ask another author?

When I finally finished Gods Grant Me the Serenity, I swore I'd never write another chapfic, or at least never begin posting one until the entire thing was done. How do you keep yourself motivated to keep updating ongoing fics? How far in advance do you plot/plan? Tell me all your secrets for being a successful chapfic writer!!

[tjkiahgb]

On August 13th, 2018, at 8:20 PM, TJ Kippen performed a basketball-themed apology rap for Buffy Driscoll and completed his redemption arc. In doing so, he became a full and complete hashtag good boi and fulfilled this blog’s ridiculous destiny.

This post is scheduled to go up on August 13th, 2019, at 8:20 PM. It only feels right that I retire this blog on the one year anniversary of that moment.

Okay. It’s not that dramatic. I’m not deleting my account or logging out forever or anything. I’ll be around. I’ll check in and like some posts and hang out like the kid who graduated high school but won’t leave. He keeps coming back and acting chummy with the teachers and it’s like, doesn’t he have better stuff to do?

The point is, my queue is depleted, my drafts are empty. I don’t have a shift in fandoms planned. I don’t have anything planned. It’s time for me to turn my attention to other things and stop thinking about this show and writing about it and working on this blog.

So that’s basically the tl;dr of this whole deal. I’m going to write some rambling personal stuff so if you don’t care, which most people probably won’t, then thanks for reading and thanks for all the memories. It’s been fun.

Okay, lemme ramble. And if you’ve read this blog for a while, you’ve probably heard some of this already, but whatever, this is my goodbye post.

Way back in October of 2017, I came across a post on a website for TV news that said “Disney Channel to Feature Its First Gay Main Character in Andi Mack Season 2″. I didn’t know what Andi Mack was, and I hadn’t watched Disney Channel in well over a decade. I remembered reading about the two moms on Good Luck Charlie when it happened, but I also remembered that it was, you know, mostly nothing. A lot of controversy for what was just a quick little thing. But this headline noted that it was a Main Character. And I’m reading the article and it’s talking about how he’s going to have this journey in season two and the producers had talked to GLAAD and other groups to get it right, and I’m like, wow, this is pretty cool, this really seems like they’re putting some respect into this. (I’m also thinking about how much young, closeted me would’ve killed for something like this.)

So I set my DVR to record it not knowing what to expect. Mostly thinking it was just going to be your standard Disney Channel show: cheesy and corny and bad jokes, but I’ll catch the coming out scene and it’ll be cool to see how they handle it and that’ll probably be that.

And then I’m watching the episode and I’m like, this is... not bad? In fact, more than not bad, this is way better than it has any right to be. And then I got to the coming out scene, which was so well done, and I’m just... shocked. This is like Pixar. Like, it’s for kids, but I can watch it as an adult and pick up on themes and subtleties. This is not like the shows from my childhood. Where was this show when I was growing up?

Next thing I know I’m watching the next episode. And the next one. And I’m starting to care for these characters. I can forgive a lot of issues with plot if I care about the characters and what this show did, maybe as well as any show on television, is made you care for the characters, from top to bottom.

So now I’m watching the show regularly. At some point, I went back and binged through season one on DisneyNow. I’m in, as a casual viewer at this point at least.

And then I get to 2.11, and the swing scene happens, and I watch it wordlessly, and it ends, and I feel like I’m losing my mind. I could not believe what I just saw. I thought for sure this show was just going to have a couple of coming out scenes and that would be the end of it. Had I really just watched a scene that was hinting at a gay romance?

I wanted so badly to talk about it with someone else to see if they were seeing what I was seeing, but, as you may not be surprised to learn, none of my adult friends were watching Andi Mack. So I started looking around online. And I eventually found my way here, to this site, to the tag. And people were seeing what I was seeing. And people were excited about it, and I was like, okay, cool, I might’ve found my community.

So I started lurking around here. And I would check in after 2.12 and 2.13, and I was really starting to enjoy it. Most of the stuff I watch that I care about I’ll watch with friends or family and talk about it with them, so I never really thought being a part of a fandom would be worthwhile. Plus, I’d hear about shipping wars and other nonsense like that, and I’m like, I’m not going to make an account to argue with people over fictional characters’ relationships.

But what I was finding about this community was that it was more positive than that. There were arguments, sure. You’re going to get them in any group of people. But for the most part, people just seemed happy. They were posting theories and memes and gifs and jokes and fanfics. And they were celebrating the characters and developments. I don’t know if that’s special to the Andi Mack fandom or not, but it seemed special to me.

That’s around when I started thinking about making an account, during that hiatus between 2A and 2B. But I was like, do I want to commit to this? What’s the point of my account? What do I want to say? And at some point in the hiatus, I was checking the tag, and I saw a gifset. It was by an account, since deleted and gone, but who, at the time, was very prominent in the fandom. And the gifset was all about attacking Tyrus. It was trying to take everything nice about what had happened between TJ and Cyrus and stomp on it. Tyrus was like a little baby ship at this point. People were just starting to get into it, the numbers weren’t that big. There wasn’t even really a name for the ship back then. The Tyrus tag was mostly that professional wrestler and the CJ tag was even worse. And this account had decided they were going to use their platform to try and make this small group of people in the fandom feel bad about liking their ship. I just remember thinking, why? Why be like that? It just seemed so unnecessary. And for the briefest of moments, I thought, okay, maybe I’ll make an account to be a troll and argue this stuff. And then I was like, nah, that’s just going to make the tag worse. When you see someone trying to ruin things for other people, you can give them attention and power, or you can just do your own thing.

So what I decided to do instead was to make an account that would add to the positivity I had been seeing. To just be one of the many voices doing fun stuff to drown out the bad. I could put out dumb posts to hopefully make people laugh, or eventually start writing recaps to give people something to do after watching the episode. There wasn’t really any bigger goal than that. Kill some time while celebrating the show and making the tag a more fun place, if only incrementally.

I’d like to think I did that. That I haven’t written or made too many things that have bummed people out and that most of my posts have hopefully made things better for people who wanted to hang out on here and talk about the show.

That’s all. At the end of everything, that was all. Just try to leave a net-positive wherever you go.

So that’s why I joined tumblr. Here’s why I stayed.

I am an unemployed writer. I’m an employed something else, but I would like to be an employed writer and I am currently not. And what that really means is I’m an unread writer. It means I write stuff and I try to convince people to read it and buy it, but most of the time they don’t. Most of the time, my stuff sits around waiting and hoping to be read. And when that’s the case, you can start to feel doubt.

What I didn’t realize when I started this account was that I would also be getting positivity back. I mean, I probably should have. It was the whole reason I started this, because I liked the positivity here. I guess I just didn’t expect it to be returned to me.

But it has. It has tremendously. Just writing this silly stuff that I do and putting it out there and getting feedback on it has meant so much to me. People saying something I’ve written is funny or interesting or just saying that they enjoyed it is such a confidence boost. You feel like, okay, people like my jokes or the way I think or whatever. There’s an audience for me somewhere. People who will get me. I just need to stick with it.

That’s what you all have been for me this last year and a half. More than just making this a fun place to share our love of this show, you’ve made this a place for me to feel seen.

I try not to tie too much of my self-esteem to the amount of interaction my posts get. (Seriously, don’t do that, it can be really unhealthy. I’m like, if a post flops, it flops. No biggie. Move on to the next one.) But every note I do get on something I’ve written lets me know I’ve done something right. The reblogs, the likes, the follows, the nice messages in my inbox, the comments on the posts. Any of it. All of it. It lets me know I’ve been read. It makes me feel like I’ve made a connection. And that means the world to me.

So thank you, to any and all of you who participated in this thing with me. Thank you for reading. Thank you for being a part of my experience on here. Thank you for being so cool that I wanted to join your group in the first place and thank you for being so great afterwards that I’m eternally happy I did.

It’s meant more to me than you could possibly know.

Keep the positivity.

- Jay

[confessionsofa-roleplayer]

I see you, bitch, pointedly not following me back after I followed you on one of my blogs, then sloppily combing your way through /ALL/ of my rp blogs for queueable posts and memes to reblog for almost TWO MONTHS.

It was already kind of hurtful when you ignored the answer I gave to an obviously-you-anon message asking who and what my OC was when I first followed you but I let it go, because you’re under no obligation to follow me back or interact with me in any way, shape, or form. It sucked, but that’s just how it goes! So I moved on and happily enjoyed your content as it was from afar.

But then you went on my other oc blog and started reblogging posts I had queued/reblogged there that were gifsets, fanart, or still-shots of Canon Good Leader Character. Posts that were MONTHS old. And sure as shit when I checked to see if you were following me there I couldn’t help but notice that you weren’t. Hm.

Now I’ve fucking caught you on yet another OC blog I have, liking an old and irrelevant post from an artist (whose blog is now deleted) broadcasting they were open for commissions. Unsurprisingly you weren’t following that OC either but when I decided to take a peek at your blog and see what kind of activity you had been up to, I noticed that you had some very familiar looking posts. It took me a second to recognize them but once I did I realized they were posts I had queued up for my first OC, the one you asked about then never even bothered to acknowledge (like, c'mon, at least let me know you saw my answer, man). You reblogged the posts from the original poster, but you did it within mere /HOURS/ of when my queue spat out the posts. HMMMMMMMM.

Enjoy being blocked, bitch. Now go find that content like I did by actually going through the fandom tags and fandom-centric blogs.

[lightoflothalsmoons]

Tag

Rules: Answer 21 questions and tag 21 people who you want to get to know better.

Dude, no. I have two friends so that's who I'm tagging: @wavy-arms @psycoticobsessedfannibal

Thanks for tagging me, @pinkieperil !

Nickname: I despise nicknames. Please just call me Hannah.

Zodiac: Taurus (Snake in Chinese zodiac)

Height: 5'5 or 5'6. I'm not really sure.

Last movie I saw: Venom. I love that movie! I went in expecting something dark but instead I got a wacky buddy comedy. It's delightful and I NEED THE SEQUEL

Last thing googled: Dewgong from Pokémon because I wanted to draw one for my Poké-loving friend.

Favorite musician: Hans Zimmer. His scores just always feel so immersive and beautiful. Inception, Interstellar, Angels & Demons, and the Dark Knight trilogy are my favorites.

Song stuck in my head: 'Alexander Hamilton' from Hamilton. I pretty much always have something from that musical rattling around in my brain. It's usually 'Satisfied' and if that blasted piano riff goes through my head ONE MORE TIME...

Other blogs: This is my only blog but not my first one. I had a Tumblr (that I deleted long ago) when I was 13. Pretty much all I did back then was reblog LOTR and Marvel gifsets.

Do I get asks: I've never gotten an ask. Y'all can talk to me anytime; I don't bite! :)

Following: I think I'm following sixty-some-odd blogs right now? All of them are at least partially Star Wars and a great deal of them are Thrawn-centric. (I'm not obsessed at all)

Amount of sleep: Usually about 7 1/2 hours but I have some WACKY insomnia so it varies

Lucky number: I don't have a lucky number but 8 is my favorite. I think it's elegant

What I'm wearing: Camo sweatshirt and sweatpants that my aunt gave me for Christmas

Dream job: I really don't know. I think I want to do something with genetics.

Dream trip: Already done it, several times! Driving from Arizona to Florida is always a party. 30-ish hours in the car and TONS of cool scenery.

Favorite food: Dill pickle flavored sunflower seeds. The specific brand I like you can only get in Western states, so when my grandma and I lived in Florida, we would always buy a ton of sunflower seeds whenever we went out West. Now I'm back in the West and I don't have to worry about seed shortages anymore 😂

Play any instruments: I play a little bit of piano, but I'm not very good

Languages: English, a little bit of Spanish, and I'm making a hilariously pathetic attempt to learn Dutch on Duolingo

Random fact: I've been to every US state and I've visited all the contiguous states by car (Can you tell I like to travel?) OH and I've been homeschooled since 5th grade (I'm currently a HS senior)

Describe yourself as aesthetic things: Idk??? I've always been drawn to cloudy skies over forests?? (Probably not what this is asking but I have no aesthetic *shrug*)

[claricejohns]

so i went into the Thunderblink tag to see if there were any new gifsets and i saw some posts regarding the Sonia situ and kinda agreed with them all?? this is a long post, rip (read in peace) gjvkbj.

many have said this before, but i’m bringing it up for the purpose of this post: Thunderblink itself has nothing to do with Sonia, the show already paired Clarice/John from the start. all Sonia did was temporarily amplify Clarice’s feelings. she was not a factor in the two liking each other or bonding. 

character wise (even as a guest star) Sonia had more screen time then Clarice, she’s important to HQ, Lorna’s best friend (even tho all we got was them fucking shit up, no real bonding) and they began by explicitly tying her to John and making her act petty asf towards Clarice bc of her feelings for John. they rushed at the end to show that she had more depth as a character, but she had a love-triangle-element-purpose whether y’all wanna admit it or not. (i’m not saying that was her entire purpose, but it was apart of it) every time we get Thunderblink, a Sonia situ is shoved in our faces right after. why? why tease Thunderblink then slap a Sonia complication in there? it’s not done for nothing. they wanted drama/angst and someone to kill off for shock value and decided to combine those roles. thus, Sonia was born.

Clarice could’ve left after confronting Sonia, but she didn’t. She chose to stay and talk to John. She went and sat down after blasting him for using her. She decided to leave after John told her it’s complicated bc her only reason for staying was John, and that was the last straw. that’s what we’re shown. she removed herself from the blossoming triangle. i’m bringing this up to set up my point: timing matters in a story.

John’s reaction to his kiss with Sonia (after he came back with Clarice) was the first step to him realizing that he obvsly liked Clarice and needed to tell Sonia or do something about the “complication”.

so to the viewers who aren’t in the little fictional universe of The Gifted, we’re shown Sonia ❤️ John who 😍💕 Clarice, hence a love triangle. i used the diff emojis to signify the intensity, bkbjjj.

now Sonia’s death had nothing to do with Thunderblink, yes. but the timing of it inadvertently affects Thunderblink.

the ‘WHEN’ of things matters.

showing a kiss between John and Sonia after Clarice left. they could’ve done that before. but they didn’t. purposeful.

another kiss after he comes back w/ Clarice to show his reaction/new enlightenment. 🧐

having Clarice tell Sonia John loves her before she dies. if Sonia felt any jealousy towards Clarice (which she did imo, hence her previous actions after Clarice left), that was cleared up for her.

so killing Sonia off for shock value before John could properly address and fix the “complicated-ness” = bad timing and also, bad writing. it leaves things up to interpretation and we never get to see a natural resolution to John’s predicament. we never see him tell Sonia about his feelings and the results of that. we never see him choose Clarice.

also we can’t act like her death doesn’t put a damper on things, this was someone John was in love with at some point. he’s gonna feel like a turd. forcing that Clarice/Sonia connection is gonna make her feel guilty, and i wouldn’t be surprised if John reinforced his “no love” policy.

after Clarice got back they haven’t teased the two together and to do that in the next episode is horrible timing and would make anyone who isn’t thinking about the characters’ interactions and analyzing them blame Thunderblink for Sonia’s death, so i hope they don’t bc i don’t want to see the nonsense.

and if John has a convo with Clarice about his feelings for her to clear shit up, 9/10 Sonia is going to come up in the forms of “i wasn’t in love with her anymore” or something, and like. we knew that, but now that she’s dead it’s just yikes. personally, if a conversation like that has to take place, i prefer for it to happen way into season two or something. they have enough going on anyway.

but since the writers are already trash, they might rush TB anyway which is not a good look after setting Sonia up the way they did.

i keep getting war images (like war flashbacks but this isn’t a fb ghch) of a scene with Clarice telling John she’s sorry about what happened and she knows that he loved Sonia and he chooses then to spill his guts and kisses her.

like Sonia just died, fam?? timing is everything. let’s chill, work on developing their friendship and if y’all don’t chill, at least don’t bring up Sonia when Thunderblink happens. don’t epically fuck up my otp @ the gifted writers. 

oh, and anyone reading this that agressively blames my sis Clarice or even Thunderblink for Sonia’s death, i hope you’re able to look at things differently. if not, keep those delusions away from the Thunderblink tag.

[haunting-kind-of-high]

The Angst Corner

Warnings: Mild swearing, some anxiety, hints of self-doubt, okay there’s more anxiey and a panic attack. Also Anti being a massive jerk. 

Tag list: @musicphanpie-b, @imin-loveanon, @ordinary-chaos, @sandersandthesides, @ajumbleofwords, @demonickittykat, @zadi-jyne, @serenefreakgeek, @fandons-mangoes, @leesacrakon, @gayfagg, @tree4life25, @loverofpizzaandallthingssweet

Notes: Based on this post by @turquoisemagpie.  Don’t ask me how they got there or why they are there, just… enjoy this. I based Dark and Anti on my own hcs and theories that I believe, so they might not be the same as yours sssssh. I feel like this is slightly ooc (especially Dark) but hey, who cares, it’s just a fic, right? I’m not sure I like the ending, but I couldn’t think of any way to end this haha. And lastly, a thank you to @words-to-fuel-the-imagination, @ilovemyspoopydad and @demonickittykat for helping me out (: (I’m also pretty sure there’s some others, but tbh I forgot who did what lmao sorry. Thanks anyways (: ) Enjoy this lil fic.

Read on AO3 here

Virgil didn’t know what he had done to be put in one room with the two demons. He would be put in that room whenever Thomas pushed him to the back of his mind. That had happened before, it was nothing new. What was new, however, was the fact that there were two others present in this room. Virgil didn’t understand why they were there; he’d never seen them before. They weren’t even Thomas’ sides. They were the dark personas of Marikiplier and Jacksepticeye. Why where they here and why was Virgil there with them? It wasn’t like he was a dark persona. He wasn’t a villain. Right?

Anti was toying with his knife as he eyed the anxious side. His weapon scraped across the floor and Virgil looked at his feet, trying to block out the noise. He tried his best to ignore it, but the sounds got on his nerves eventually.

“Will you just cut it out already?” Virgil snapped, looking at the glitching demon, whose lips curled into a smirk as he slowly got up. 

“Why?” Anti asked, his voice distorted by the glitches that accompanied him everywhere he went. He wrapped an arm around Virgil’s shoulder with a smile. “Does it annoy you, Virgeyboy?”

Virgil looked at the arm that was draped around his shoulders. He wanted to tell Anti to remove it, but he couldn’t seem to find the right words to convey the message. So he did the first thing that came to his mind. He hissed. Anti let out a surprised chuckle as he brought his face slightly closer to Virgil’s. 

“Feisty,” he said, “I like it.”

“Kiss my ass,” Virgil sighed as he moved his head away from the demon’s. He felt his heart speeding up.

“If you insi-”

“Anti,” Dark interrupted lazily, barely looking at the two others, “leave him be.”

“Or else?” Anti asked as he finally stepped away from Virgil and directed his attention towards Darkiplier. “Are you going to trap me in a mirror too, Darki?”

As soon as the green-haired demon had diverted his attention, Virgil slid down the wall until he was sat on the floor and took out his phone and headphones. All he wanted, was to listen to some music and scroll through Tumblr until he was needed again. He didn’t need the two demons as company. He didn’t need any more anxiety. He didn’t need any more self-doubt. Virgil turned up the music loud enough to drown out the bickering between Dark and Anti and focussed on the posts on the screen in front of him. 

“Jesus Christ, Virgil,” Anti said turning back to the side as he heard the tones of Hurricane. “Could you play your music any louder?” Virgil didn’t look up, as he couldn’t hear Anti’s words over Brendon Urie’s voice. Or because he chose to not pay any attention to the two. Anti rolled his eyes and moved over to Virgil. 

“Hey Reaper, I asked you something,” he snapped as he removed one of Virgil’s headphones. 

“What is it?” Virgil asked annoyedly as he paused his music and glared at the Irish demon. 

“Turn down the music. Some of us want to be able to think.”

“Calm down, demon-Shrek,” Virgil commented, looking down at his phone again. “If you don’t like my music, you could’ve just said that instead of whatever lame excuse that was. It’s not like I’m not used to it.”

He unpaused his music again and lowered the volume slightly. Virgil looked up for a few moments to smirk at Anti before focussing on his phone again. Dark smiled as Anti turned to him with a dumbfounded look on his face. He turned his face to Virgil again, trying to come up with a witty remark, but he saw that Virgil had already continued scrolling through Tumblr and the demon decided to let it slide. He didn’t have a comeback anyway. 

Virgil tried his best to focus on the posts on his dash and not on the thoughts in his mind, but he wanted to figure out why he was there with Darkiplier and Antisepticeye. It wasn’t like he was evil, like them. He had never killed Thomas or the other sides and he would never do anything like that. He had nothing in common with the two others in the room. Unless…

Maybe he was the villain after all. He was the one that made Thomas feel bad, after all. He tried his best to alter his ways but… what if the label would not be removed that easily? He still was anxiety, even if he tried to be easier on Thomas. He still made Thomas doubt everything and hesitate to do anything. He still wasn’t wanted. Maybe that was why they were here. 

Fuck. Virgil felt his hands starting to shake and his chest tightening. He tried to focus on the pictures he saw on his Phone. Gifsets, edits, regular pictures. As long as it could occupy his mind. He didn’t want the others to be there. He wanted to be alone, so he could let his anxiety take over and he wouldn’t have to worry about others. He wanted to be able to listen to his music and just sit there. He didn’t want to be there with Anti and Dark. They were murderers, sadists, manipulators. He didn’t want to be around them. He didn’t ask for this. 

Crap. He felt tears burning in the corners of his eyes. Why did he have to get so anxious? Why now? Virgil pulled his hood up and tried to hide his face from the two demons. He wanted to get out of there, as soon as possible. Preferably before his anxiety got too bad. He could hear the voices of the others calling out to him, but Virgil just groaned and covered his ears - his headphones, at least. 

“Just… just leave me be,” he said softly. His voice sounded so… weak. It trembled and it sounded so fragile. He hated it. 

“What’s wrong, Virgil?” Anti asked, his voice laced with - amusement? “What’s got you so panicked?” Virgil didn’t look up at Anti, he just clutched his headphones tighter, as if that would help him calm down. As if that would drown out the voice of Anti. Virgil shook his head as a response, trying to steady his breathing. He noticed he started breathing less regularly and he knew he needed to focus on keeping his breathing calm in order to keep himself calm. Relatively calm.  

“Nothing?” Anti questioned, a soft giggle following his question. “You’re so panicked about nothing? What a joke that is!” 

If only Virgil could find a way to make the demon shut up. He would do anything to stop hearing Anti’s voice. He’d turn up his music, but he was positive that Anti would have a remark on that as well. Why couldn’t he just leave him alone? Mind his own business? Was that too much to ask?

A sound left Virgil’s mouth. It sounded like a combination between a sob and a panicked breath. The anxious side covered his mouth with one of his sleeves. He just wanted to get out of there. He wanted to be away from Dark and Anti, he just wanted… to leave.

And again, he heard that chuckle of Anti, followed by Dark’s low voice. Virgil couldn’t hear what Darkiplier had said, as his music was still playing and Dark had talked to softly for Virgil to understand his words. But it didn’t matter, as Anti didn’t seem to pay attention to what he was told, as he turned to Virgil nonetheless.

Anti noticed a few tears rolled down Virgil’s cheek, no matter how much the side tried to hide this, and another chuckle left his mouth. He continued toying with his precious knife as he stepped towards Virgil, his eyes turning black for just a few moments. 

“Awww look at the little anxious baby,” he cooed, making sure it was hard enough for Virgil to hear it over his music. “Go on and cry, it seems to be the only thing you’re actually good at. The only thing you’re good for.“ 

Wouldn’t he shut up already? Could he never shut up? Virgil noticed Anti stepped closer to him again and he squeezed his eyes shut. Why couldn’t Anti just leave him alone? He’d done nothing wrong. 

“Anti,” Dark bellowed out of nowhere, making Virgil flinch back as a soft whimper left his mouth. “Leave him be.”

Virgil heard some soft protests and he heard Dark’s low voice, but after that, he heard nothing for a while. Nothing but his own music. Virgil opened his eyes ever so slightly and noticed from the corner of his eye that Anti had stepped back. Good. 

Instead, Dark had approached him and he started talking in a soft tone. Too soft for Virgil to understand it without pausing his music. Virgil lowered the volume of his music a bit to hear what Dark was saying. The demon’s low voice had a slight echo to it, but it was a welcome change from Anti’s glitching voice and appearance. Dark told Virgil to breathe, helped him calm down. And it helped, though Virgil knew to be wary. He knew Dark was a manipulative being and would take advantage of anyone if he could. But he couldn’t help but feel a bit grateful for the help Dark had offered him. He actually helped Virgil calm down, though the anxious side never lowered his guard. He just smiled at Dark as he calmed down, but didn’t talk to him more than he needed to. Not just because he felt unable to, after that panic attack, but also because he was afraid that Dark would take advantage of him if he did. Instead, Virgil just sat in the corner of that room, listening to his music until he was summoned again.

And the best thing was: Anti didn’t speak up again.  

[ravensbellamy]

#bravenaw17: the moment they became your otp

So. First things first. I’m very busy right now. Like at this point, with all these deadlines for school, I have already lost the luxury to procrastinate. But I couldn’t resist participating even just once in an appreciation week for these two angels. 

I haven’t even watched a single episode of this stressful show. (When you hear so many nasty things about it, you’re either too curious that you have to watch or you’re turned off, and for me it was the latter.) I’ve watched certain scenes but an actual episode? No. I do a lot of “watching” through the gifs. But I just really can’t not appreciate Raven and Bellamy at any time of the day, which resulted in this post nobody asked for.

The moment they became my OTP? Well, how does a pairing level up to OTP when you’re not even a fan of the universe they’re in? Let me walk you through the process. (Long post ahead.)

I once saw a gifset of the iconic looking-at-the-earth “You with me? Always” scene (and mind you, I didn’t even know what was going on in that scene, I just knew there was the popular Bellamy Blake and a woman staring at an orange whatever) tagged with something that went like, “how can anyone ship bell_rke when raven reyes exists?” I honestly forgot who Did That, and I forgot if they made that comment because they wanted Clarke and Raven together, and not Bellamy and Raven, but that was the first time I actually looked at Raven’s face and paid attention. And I saw her, for the first time, and my first thought was, I get it. And I mean I get it, as in, after seeing her face, how can I look at any other female character on that show kind of I get it. Plus the fact that she was a person of color too? God.

I started paying a little more attention afterwards, like I wasn’t actively seeking out Braven stuff, but whenever I did see them around, I really took the time to look at the content. At some point, I made up my mind that if I were to ship a pairing on the show, it would be theirs. Honestly, Raven just existing really made up my mind for me. I didn’t care if they attempted to murder each other at one point in their lives. I just knew that I’d ship them, no doubt.

My sister got into the show for Jasper and Monty, but she eventually became invested in Braven too. (Then again, she always favored the female POC characters, so it was very easy for her to pick sides.) She started showing me even more canon and fanon Braven content (some of which I honored more over the actual canon), and eventually, I found myself wondering as well: With Raven and Bellamy’s dynamic, what kind of het ship could you possibly still have room for on this show?

I started thinking about Raven and Bellamy in other universes (one must do what one must if canon is going to be ignored) and I started fan casting my other faves with Lindsey and Bob, okay. It was absolutely fun to think about Braven in another life, honestly.

In my head, I’d always assumed Bellamy and Raven were canon. I was aware they only slept together once, but I was always under the impression they were in love and it was addressed and confirmed on the show, as in, “Bellamy was in love with Raven after sleeping with her just once and has never moved on since and cares about her at his every waking moment, whereas she has feelings for him too but with all the chaos going on, they both don’t act on it other than being there for each other”. I knew they weren’t the popular ship, but I thought they were just as canon as the ones that were popular. So when I was told by someone who watched the show, “I’m pretty sure it’s a crack ship”, I was bothered. Offended? Possibly, but I also still felt like I shouldn’t have been, since I wasn’t in the fandom anyway. But a “crack ship”? I thought they were canon in love and were each other’s anchor and strength amidst the awful circumstances they were in! Or at least they were exes who still cared for each other! “Crack ship”? Why was I taking it so hard? The term didn’t make my ship any less valid, but still, it was as if it didn’t do the ship justice at all, as if “crack ship” reduced them to two people who were unlikely to even care for each other. 

Now my sister, any time at all during the week, can point out all these things about how Bellamy has acted around Raven, like, “look who didn’t hesitate to rescue her” and that barely audible “this is for Raven” line Bellamy said when he was making Murphy pay for something he did, as usual. And by now I know nothing else but Braven. I didn’t have to watch the show to ship them, I didn’t have to see their faces on a daily basis to have faith in that ship because I’d already made up my mind: it’s them. This is it. That’s my ship. What’s canon?     

[sage-nebula]

i enjoy it a lot, absolutely! not just because of the wishshipping (even though that's a big part of it), but also because i really love seeing jou in his work environment! the dialogue there is natural and it definitely feels like how my first job out of retail was, in a job that i enjoyed! the interaction between jou and the staff was great and it just felt really organic. it makes me want to know more about jous days there and i'd be down for minor ficbit series about days in the station, tbh

This all makes me very happy to hear, thank you so much!! I’ve got the biggest smile on my face right now. ♥ I’m really quite attached to my future headcanons for Jounouchi, as far as his career goes, because I honestly did put a lot of thought into it and picked something that I thought would suit him. I’m also happy that the dialogue all felt natural, particularly since Jounouchi does so much talking due to him being a radio show host, and so I remember being a bit concerned that it might feel like a bit much to people! I’m glad that it didn’t, though. Maybe I will write more about his time at the station at some point; it’s always a possibility! It’s not quite the same, but I do have a work-in-progress ficlet wherein he is broadcasting live from a games conference (one similar to E3 or the like), and he has an interview with Yuugi set up about a game that Yuugi’s company is releasing. I was going to touch it up more before posting it, but, well—here:

“Before you go in there, I have a suggestion,” Bakura said, and when Jounouchi looked back at him with his eyebrows raised, he said, “You might want to try flirting less.”

Jounouchi looked indignant, or at the very least appalled. “Flirting? What?”

“I agree,” Jounouchi’s cameraman said flatly, and Jounouchi scoffed.

“Get out of here, I don’t flirt with Yuugi,” he said, and after a half second amended, “During interviews, at least.”

“Last year you sat smiling at him in silence for nearly two whole minutes after he answered your question,” Bakura said. “The other MalleaBoundary representative had to ask you if you had any more questions to remind you to continue.”

“Well, he gave a good answer!” Jounouchi said defensively. “There’s nothing wrong with smiling at a good answer, and there’s nothing flirty about it, either.”

“I know I’m far from an expert in romance, but even I know there’s something flirtatious about smiling at someone for that long after they answer your question,” Bakura said. “My only point is that—”

“Yeah, yeah, I got it,” Jounouchi said, and he waved Bakura’s concerns off. “Look, I know what I’m doing, all right? See this press pass?” He jerked his press pass around by the lanyard. “I’m a professional. I can handle it. C’mon, Kitanabe, let’s get in there. Check you later, Bakura.”

“I’ll be here,” Bakura said with a sigh. Jounouchi’s cameraman, Kitanabe, shook his head at Bakura with a long-suffering expression as he followed Jounouchi into the room, and Bakura settled back so that he could watch the live stream on the large television set up just outside of it.

With any luck, Jounouchi would take his words to heart. With any luck, Jounouchi would remain strictly professional throughout the entire interview.

- - -

He didn’t.

The interview started off well enough, Bakura thought, aside from the way both Jounouchi and Yuugi grinned in a way that suggested they were holding back laughter as they addressed each other as “Mutou-san” and “Jounouchi-san.” Yuugi gave an overview of the game as the other MalleaBoundary representative set it up, and then gave a quick overview of the controls as a controller was passed to Jounouchi.

“Right, and then to access your reserve inventory, you’d want to click the R3 button,” Yuugi said, and he scooted closer to Jounouchi as he said it, leaning over him so that he could tap the R3 button in Jounouchi’s stead.

Short of being annoyed at having his personal space so thoroughly invaded, Jounouchi looked over at Yuugi with a smile and said brightly, “Thanks!”

Yuugi smiled back, and despite the fact that they were sitting so close their shoulders were touching, didn’t move back to his original seat. “No problem.”

Bakura resisted the urge to put his face in his hands.

They talked a bit more about the game’s features, with Jounouchi pulling items out of the reserve inventory in order to navigate the expansive world map, but—just as Bakura knew it would—the tenuous grasp they had on professionalism crumbled the minute they started talking about the ideas behind the game, rather than the game itself.

“The initial idea was to give players the ability to expand on the game world—not just in what they could do within it, but in what they could do to the world itself,” Yuugi said. “Over the years I’ve found that it’s usually a strict dichotomy: either you have games where the entire purpose is to build and create, or you have games where you can’t do that at all outside of whatever items you can craft for your character. I wanted to create a game world that’s much like an open world RPG for all intents and purposes—or even an open world action/adventure game, really—but that you can also shape and craft much like a sandbox creation game. You don’t have to in order to progress, but if you want to, say, create a new mountain range, you can unlock magic and features that let you do that. If you want to drain the ocean, you can do that. You can shape this world as you see fit, or you can leave it as is. We’re even working on implementing a feature that would allow players to shape the internal laws of the game’s universe to their liking, should they figure out how to do it. Like if, you know, they wanted to turn off gravity in certain areas so they could fly, and NPCs would too—they can do that. Because I feel that, aside from the dichotomy you often see in games, each player also has something special to them. They have a world of their own, and they have to find a way to reconcile the world they have with the world they live in. This game lets them do that, in game form. They aren’t creating everything from scratch like they would in a creation sandbox game, but they’re shaping what’s already there, just like they would in real life. I wanted to try and express that, or give them the ability to do that, with this game.”

Jounouchi had simply smiled at Yuugi throughout his explanation, and—much like last year—his smile was warm, soft, and so full of affection Bakura wasn’t sure how anyone could construe it as anything but. Unlike last year, Jounouchi seemed to catch himself once Yuugi was finished speaking, but the response he gave wasn’t (in Bakura’s opinion) any better in the professionalism department than his silence had been the previous year. “You’re amazing, you know that?”

The other game developers in the room exchanged glances, the cameraman cleared his throat, Yuugi beamed at Jounouchi and Bakura put his face in his hands.

“Uh, I mean, that concept for a game is amazing!” Jounouchi said quickly. “And your ability, Mutou-san, to come up with that concept, is amazing. That’s what I meant. Of course.”

“Of course,” Yuugi said, but when Bakura looked back at the screen, he saw that Yuugi was still beaming. “And I think you’re amazing as well, Jounouchi-san. And by that I mean your reporting is amazing. Of course.”

“Of course,” Jounouchi replied, grinning back.

Bakura sighed and closed his eyes. “Social media is going to have a field day with this one,” he muttered.

“They already are,” said a voice to Bakura’s right. Bakura looked over to see that, at some point, Mokuba had joined him, though Mokuba’s eyes were on his phone instead of the screen. Without prompting, he held the phone over so that Bakura could read Mokuba’s Shakr dash, which—as Mokuba had said—was filled with people commentating on the interview, as well as screencaps and gifsets of the same.

“How are they making gifsets this quickly?” Bakura asked.

“They’re always this fast for Yuugi’s events. Nintendo’s, too,” Mokuba said. “But since it’s Jounouchi interviewing him they’re bound to be even faster. You know how people are.”

“Yes, I do,” Bakura said. He looked back at the screen to see that they had started up the co-op part of the demonstration, and had slid into easy banter over how each of them had chosen to equip their characters, as well as what their first demonstration of co-op mode was going to be. “For what it’s worth, I did try to warn Jounouchi-kun before he went in there.”

Mokuba snorted. “That’s a lost cause, but good job trying anyway. It’s whatever, I’m sure they’re used to it by now, if they even notice.”

“If they aren’t, they’ll have to be soon, considering this isn’t the first time it’s happened.” Bakura glanced over at Mokuba’s phone screen again, and after a moment said, “Would you do me a favor and reblog that last gifset? I want to tag them in it.”

Mokuba grinned. “Can do.”

[ohkinney]

thank you thank you thank you

So I just reached my next thousand and I am.... speechless. This is CRAZY. I made this blog in 2012 and all I wanted to do was express my love for this show through my gifsets and posts. It was definitely much smaller than any other fandom I had ever been in at the time but I think that’s also what made me feel so welcome.

There were some people I ended up talking to and becoming friends with but some that I never talked to and just simply admired. A lot of these blogs are inactive now but every single one of them has made me what I am today. I figured I should show my appreciation for a majority of these people. I will DEFINITELY miss out on a few people because the list is, believe it or not, quite long despite the size of the fandom. Anyway, here I go! (this is in no particular order btw)

I’m gonna start with @kinneysexual. Oh my goodness. Where do I even begin with Cami? When I joined the fandom, I think you were probably the most popular qaf blog/giffer (well you were to me, anyway). I was SO inspired by all your wonderful and unique gifsets and I’m pretty sure I would just stare and stare at them for hours when I could. I’m not kidding, I was so so so impressed and in awe of your talent and ideas. I don’t think we ever talked privately but anytime you reblogged one of my sets or mentioned me in a post, I would just DIE of happiness because you were honestly my QUEEN hahahaha. If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t have gone on a massive giffing spree when I made this blog. Thank you.

@kinneys. What the hell would I have done without your BEAUTIFUL qaf edits? I ain’t playing, y’all. Alice would take a few screencaps from the most difficult show to colour, put them together and turn them into ART. FUCKING ART. HOW???? I JUST DON’T KNOW TO THIS DAY. THANK YOU for making the show look a million times prettier than it actually is. Your skill also inspired me to edit even though I was never and will never be as talented as you are. Thank you.

@kinneyism. You are absolutely brilliant. In a way, your gifs are DECEIVING because you look at them and you’re like “wow! this show looks nice! It seems like the type of show that wouldn’t be complete torture to colour!” Well NOPE. YOU JUST HAVE MAGIC POWERS. I’m not kidding, while you inspired me to make gifs, I also felt extremely intimidated by you and would sometimes think well, what was the point of even trying to make gifs when art like yours already existed. But I pushed myself anyway and I never ever would have without your help! Thank you. 

@bottomvich. Another amazing, talented person. You were one of my biggest inspirations in this fandom. I don’t know what else to say other than thank you for blessing us with your gifs and edits. Your edits were gorgeous enough and then you gave us A LOT gifsets and just wow. I’m glad that I found your blog and that you were one of the people I really looked up to. Thank you. (also I’m pretty sure I’ve reblogged every single one of your qaf edits)

@celebrate-the-victories. SARAH!!!!! This is super cute ok but I did a lil bit of research and I’m pretty sure this is the first post of yours that I reblogged. So basically in four years, the tags I leave on your sets are still exactly the same??? Why am I not surprised????? OKAY MOVING ON TO THE MUSHY MESSAGE. Your blog REALLY stuck out to me. I was mostly seeing these really great Brian/Justin edits and I loved them but YOU. You posted these GORGEOUS gifsets of Ted/Blake, sets of them I had never seen giffed before and coloured with such a distinct style that made my heart warm. I was so happy that I found your blog and I’m so so so damn happy that you’re one of the few I followed at the start and are still active in the fandom and still posting these unique Ted/Blake sets that make me wanna die. NEVER EVER CHANGE. You are truly wonderful. Thank you. And I lowkey always wanted to be your friend BAHAHAH but I don’t think I ever actually reached out to you. GURL LOOK AT US NOW, CALLIN EACH OTHER BY NAME IN TAGS AND POSTS. 2012 ME WOULDA BEEN SCREAMIN (2017 me is still screaming what am i talking about) 

@xchelspaige​. Chelsee! You were one of the first blogs I followed, I think. And I’ve said it before but I’ll say it again. Your gifs have always been gorgeous to me. But following you for this long, I witnessed your gifs getting better and better, prettier and prettier. The fact that you’re still making and posting your beautiful gifs l just.... This fandom is so lucky to have someone as nice and talented as you in it. Thank you. 

@queerasfcuk​. Okay, wow. I don’t know how to put this... You have made some of the BEST gifsets I have ever seen for this show. Oh my goodness. Your talent and creativity BLOWS MY MIND. All your sets have thousands of notes but you deserve millions! You were one of the blogs that both inspired me and intimidated me! I love everything about your gifs from the font you use, the way you sharpen them, their speed, the colouring, EVERYTHING. Can we all take a moment to appreciate these ICONIC gifsets though???: x x x. I appreciate all the effort you put into creating sets like those, I know I couldn’t do it. I can’t even tell you how much you really inspired me. Thank you.

 @ksica​. ONE WORD: HOW??!?! Just the other day, I was stalking my own blog (LMAO) and in one page, I reblogged a bunch of your qaf sets in a row and holy wow.... You have the most distinct colouring style on this entire site, I think? I’ll see a gorgeous and vibrant set and I’ll just know it’s yours. I don’t remember if I initially followed you for doctor who or queer as folk but damn I’m pretty sure you can colour ANYTHING. You are sosososososoososososo talented and I wish my qaf gifs were at least near your level. And you’re also just ridiculously nice??? Your entire blog is everything I aspire to be hahahahahaha. Thank you. 

@candlewinds​. JEEEEESS!!!!!!!!! I miss you SO much wow! I don’t think I followed you until I was maybe in the fandom for like two years or so??? But I remember seeing a bunch of your edits and just being completely amazed and inspired by you. You don’t wanna get me started on your gifsets PLS. You were one of the people with superpowers. The powers to make a 144p show look 720p. I CANNOT TELL YOU what your blog meant to me oh my god. I think you’re one of the first few friends I really made in this fandom and I’m so glad we really ended up talking instead of just reblogging each other’s posts and talking to each other through tags HAHAHAHA. You are, without a doubt, one of THE nicest people I have had the privilege of meeting. I remember we became friends then I went on a massive hiatus and when I came back, you were one of the first people to talk to me and you said something really sweet like “I’m so glad to see you on my dash again!!” and it made me so happy to be back. Thank you. 

@justintaylor. OKAY, LISTEN, LAURA. I LOVE YA AND I HATE YA. HERE IS WHY. I REMEMBER THE EXACT MOMENT I FIRST SAW ONE OF YOUR QAF GIFSETS. I was literally in SHOCK. I was like “wait........wait... why the hell does this look like it was giffed from a 1080p download/blu-ray dvds??? those don’t... exist for this show???” And so I stalked your blog for hours a lil bit and my jealous ass found out you had the dvds and I was FUMING ASIDHASOIDHAISHI I don’t think I had the desire to buy the box set until I saw your gifs tbh?????? I miss your qaf gifs so much though! I still think your sets are some of the prettiest in this fandom ever!! Maybe one day, I will make it to your level <3333 

@itsbriankinney. LEIRE! I wonder if you’re sick of me praising your gifs at this point HAHAHAH IDC IMMA PRAISE THEM FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. I already had the dvds when I followed you and I might as well BURN THEM ALL tbh. You don’t have the dvds and yet your gifs are better quality than mine will ever be lmao ashiahsiohasduaiasdhi and I can’t even hate you for it because you’re only the sweetest person on this planet omfg. I’m so grateful to call you one of my friends on here like I feel honestly BLESSED hahahahaha. I’ve only been talking to your for a short time but for some reason, I trust you with my life??? And I feel like you’ll always have my back and that’s such a nice feeling to have??? At first, I loved your blog for your qaf gifs but now I love you for so much more! I also realised we watch a lot of the same shows and share the same opinions and ships which is a plus! Thank you for being so kind to me. I hope you know by now that I will always be here for you!

And last but definitely not least, @xoxoemynn​. The first post of yours I saw was a response to an ask. I don’t remember which one it was but I remember being so in awe of how well you wrote. So obviously I had to stalk your blog for days and read as many of your analyses of the show/britin as I could. Yeah, I got nothing I needed to do done during those times bahahaha. TOTALLY WORTH IT THOUGH. I’m pretty sure ever since I found your blog, I desperately wanted to be your friend lmaooooo. So when you first messaged me, I was honestly fangirling, I’m not kidding. FANGIRLING. AND LOOK AT US NOW!! ACTUAL children laughing about things only CHILDREN laugh about iadhaishiashdaih and sending each other screenshots and talking like teenagers in high school and tbh I wouldn’t have it any other way. I also can’t think of anyone else I would have wanted to go through my biggest Tumblr drama with AHAHAHAHAH. You made me almost cry laughing during a time I probably should not have been laughing oh my god. I cannot imagine what I would have done without you. YOU ARE JUST SO GENUINE AND WONDERFUL AND I CAN’T BELIEVE I AM LUCKY ENOUGH TO BE ABLE TO SAY “EMY IS MY FRIEND GUYS”. Thank you so much for your generosity and for making me laugh and for being there for me and for existing. Ily <3 

Unfortunately, some of the blogs I wanted to mention have deactivated and/or changed their urls and I don’t recognise them anymore. But just know, there were a lot more people who are in this list. And I’m so so so grateful for every single one of them. Thank you for making my time in this fandom nothing but wonderful. I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!!!!!!!!! 

[miasswier]

own voices and mlm fandom

I’ve been thinking a lot about mlm fandom and what an interesting phenomenon it is, and how that translates into original LGBTQ fiction. This is long and rambly and maybe not that coherent, but I’ve been thinking about this for a while and I just need to get it out.

For a very large amount of my fandom life, I exclusively shipped slash ships. I mean, my first big fandom was Glee, and Darren Criss joining was the reason that I started the show in the first place, so I sort of fell into the Klaine ship and the adjoining fandom pretty easily. They were my first official ship, and honestly, I’m still really fond of them. They’ll hold a special place in my heart forever.

The thing is, I never really realized it at the time, but for my first few years in fandom I always found myself gravitating toward mlm ships. Klaine, Wennet, Sterek, Fervid. I used to watch hours of clips on youtube detailing the storylines of mlm couples on TV shows. There were several shows I watched exclusively because I knew there were mlm couples on there (The Carrie Diaries is one example, where I only sought it out after seeing gifsets of Wennet on my dash). It wasn’t even a conscious thing, it just happened.

What’s interesting for me, thinking in retrospect about this all, is that I identified very strongly as straight at this point in my life. Oh, sure, I was questioning, but I was in a bit of a boy crazy period, and to me that implied that I had to be straight (there was also the fact that I didn’t think I could ever see myself dating a girl; I later realized that I couldn’t see myself dating a guy either, because I just couldn’t see myself dating anybody).

I used to say some really iffy things, which again, retrospect. I was a budding little feminist, and I was just becoming a sexual being (I was… fourteen or fifteen when I joined fandom?), so I was all about normalizing girls as agents of their own sexuality. A big thing for me was this totally false stereotype that women didn’t watch porn. I remember so many conversations I’d have with male friends that would always end up the same way – “but porn isn’t aimed at women, so why would they watch it?”. I, being completely self-taught and very young and naïve, always had the same response (which I thought was oh-so-clever): “gay porn. Porn aimed at women is gay porn.”

YIKES. But as I’ve been thinking a lot about the issues I’ve only seen within mlm fandom since somewhat distancing myself from it, this is actually a really common thought for a lot of straight women. Because the thing is, a really strange thing has happened with mlm fandom, and it’s not something that I think anybody could have ever predicted.

Somehow, mlm fandom has become about women. To the point where it’s almost exclusively about women. I mean, think about it. I don’t know any major mlm fandom that isn’t at least 90% female. Even when I think about the Klaine fandom, I think I can think of… four? Maybe five? Klaine fans that aren’t female. And it’s one of those things where because so much of mlm fandom is female it begins to just be thought of as this female thing. I mean, geez, how many conversations have I had with people in fandom where I discuss whether Kurt or Blaine is the top in their relationship. All of those conversations happen amongst females. And honestly, most of the women in mlm fandom are straight.

It’s gotten to the point where mlm fans are almost excluded from mlm fandom spaces. I recently saw a post (which is what sort of formed the connection between several thoughts that I’d had floating around for a while) where a mlm fan was requesting that mlm authors specifically tag the fic they write with “mlm author” so that they could find stories written about mlm by mlm. I went on this person’s blog and they’d made a post that it was gaining traction, and thus far there were about 21 fics on AO3 tagged “mlm author”.

Let’s think about that. Twenty-one fics. That’s it. I know it’s a new tag and all, but jeez. Twenty-one fics. Out of how many fucking mlm stories out there? Like, holy shit. That is an infinitesimal number. It’s actually really embarrassing.

And it’s not mlm authors fault. How could it be? I mean, I remember reading one Klaine fic forever ago, and it really challenged the way I saw Kurt and Blaine. They weren’t written the way I, or most other authors wrote them. They were a lot more nuanced, a lot more complex, and the author explored issues within their gender and sexuality that I had never seen explored in fanfic before. And like, I remember reading that story and genuinely feeling like it wasn’t for me. I wasn’t the target audience for this story, because the target audience for it were mlm’s. It made me feel uncomfortable, and so I stopped reading it.

(A small side-note here, I did try and pick this particular fic back up a few months ago, but stopped once again because the author included several references to Kurt’s situation as a white gay male being worse off than Mercedes situation as a black female. The way it was written didn’t feel like “Kurt feels this way but he is uninformed”; it was more “Kurt is gay and Mercedes is straight and therefore she doesn’t understand oppression at all”, and it really felt like that was how the author felt. It was especially iffy since the story was set in like, the 1960’s.)

The point is, mlm fandom content has become this thing that is created by women for women. A lot of it comes from straight women, too.

The biggest issue with this is that it becomes inaccessible to actual mlm individuals. It’s been made so clear throughout years and years and years that mlm fandom isn’t for mlm. How fucked up is that? And like, I’m sure that anybody who may see this who is deep in mlm fandom would instantly protest. No it’s not!!!!!!!!! I am so accepting!!!!!!!! I am an Ally!!!!!!!!!! But really, think about it. In all your time in fandom, how many mlm people have you actually interacted with? And of those people, how many have you had positive interactions with? Because holy shit, I remember one mlm fan who got into so many fucking fights with straight fans, where the straight fans would shut him the fuck down. He criticized how they portrayed a mlm couple and they wouldn’t have it. They told him he knew nothing and blocked him. Let me repeat that: straight women told a mlm fan that they knew more about mlm relationships than he did. Like, what the literal fuck!!!

And like, here’s the thing. I actually know of quite a few wlw who are very deep in mlm fandom. In fact, a lot of the Klaine blogs I still follow are run by wlw because a lot of the ones run by straight women just make me too damn uncomfortable (I know I still follow a few, though). Most of these wlw do present more nuanced views of mlm relationships, in the way that only fellow queer people really can, but, I mean, at the end of the day we’re still wlw. We’re not mlm.

(Another side-note is how interesting I’ve found it to see all these wlw Klaine fans go from mlm fandom to mlm fandom. They’re just as deeply stuck in mlm fandom as women are, which absolutely blows my mind. I think there’s maybe two wlw run Klaine blogs that I follow that seem to have any interest at all in femslash. It’s honestly the weirdest phenomena.)

What’s interesting to me about all of this is how it plays into the writing of original fiction, which I know feels like I’m swerving a bit, but bare with me.

So, if you’ve been following me long enough, you’ll know that I’ve had some very serious issues with a publishing company called Interlude Press. I haven’t spoken about them a lot lately because the last time I made a post it garnered the attention of someone who informed me that the IP family had recently suffered a death, and this person believed that I was trying to “hit them while they’re down”. That wasn’t the case at all, as I am very removed from IP and don’t follow any of their authors, or people who buy their books (I think there may be a few that I still follow, but like with the straight female mlm fans, they’re rare). Still, I wanted to be respectful, so I backed off.

Why am I bringing up Interlude Press? Because they’ve come back into my radar recently in a totally different way than before.

See, over the past year or so I’ve started following several LGBTQ book blogs. I think I follow four or five. Recently, some of IP’s books have started to make appearances on these blogs.

Here’s the interesting thing about it: it’s only the books written by their wlw authors about wlw characters that make it onto these blogs.

My biggest issue with IP was that they called themselves an LGBTQ publisher, but only published books about cis gay mlm. I think it was a good year into their publishing career before they even published a book that featured a cis bi mlm protagonist. Like, it was really, really obvious that they were not an LGBTQ publisher; they were a cis mlm publisher.

The thing about that is that almost every single author they brought on board? Female.

I’m serious. That publishing company is filled to the brim with female authors. Yeah, some are wlw, but a lot of them aren’t. So, here you have an LGBTQ publishing company that only publishes novels about mlm couples, but all their writers are female. Do you see why I had issues with them?

In a way, though, they came by it honestly. IP started because the people who run it wanted to publish some of their favourite Klaine fanfictions as original novels. We’ve already established that mlm fandom is this woman-run operation that gets to the point where it almost excludes mlm fans. Is it really that surprising that all of their authors were female, and all of them wanted to write about mlm’s?

But now, here they are. They’ve finally started publishing wlw stories written by their wlw authors. And guess what? Those are the stories that are making it only LGBTQ book blogs. Those are the stories people are hearing about. I recently saw a post on one LGBTQ book blog about a talk some authors are doing, and several of IP authors were on there. The one the blog singled out? C.B. Lee, a wlw whose wlw story is the one that has put her back on my radar (she is also the one who wrote the first bisexual mlm character for IP).

What I’m getting at throughout all of this is – Own Voices. Although there are quite a few mlm original stories that are written by women, the one’s that I’ve found I enjoy the most, the ones that actually make me feel connected to the characters, are the ones I’ve read written by mlm authors. It’s the same with wlw original stories. Because here’s the thing -- mlm authors are always going to understand what being a mlm individual is like WAY more than female authors (even wlw ones) will.

Fandom is a strange place, a place where mlm content is produced and consumed almost entirely by women. But original content? That’s a different ball game. And sure, there are a lot of women who exclusively read and write mlm stories, but often those stories aren’t the ones that make splashes within the LGBTQ community. At least not as far as I’ve seen.

This is honestly such an incoherent mess, and I don’t know if I’m even trying to make a point with all this, but I just had to get it all written down.

One final note before I go to take a nap. For the past several years I’ve found myself drifting further and further into femslash fandom, to the point where I barely ship any mlm couples anymore (I think Klaine may be the only one atm). It’s been tough, since there’s a lot less content than there is for mlm couples; even the popular wlw couples get way less content (I know I bitch and whine about holtzbert a lot, but even they have an abysmally low amount of fic considering they’re the biggest ship in the GB fandom – especially when you compare them to popular mlm ships like Sterek or Johnlock or Destiel). But honestly? I feel so at home here. Almost every person I’ve met through femslash fandom is also a wlw. Do you know how wonderful it is to exist in a fandom where you’re writing about characters like you, and reading stories written by people who are also like those characters? You would not believe the difference it makes reading wlw fics written by wlw, as opposed to mlm fics written by wlw or straight women.

Own Voices, man. They’re important as fuck.

[kkukkung]

Im crying in the school bathroom rn I seriously love wonho so much I'm in pain why is he my ideal guy in every way he's so amazing and handsome and sweet but whO CARES BEVause he don't kno me haha am I right

big mood all the time im always in pain bc he rly................ doesn’t KNOW i would let him shave off my eyebrows if he wanted 2

tardy replies as usual under the cut!

(sorted from oldest to newest)

I wouldn't even care if wonho was a high maintenance boyf tbh I'd just sit and comb his hair all day and tell him he's pretty

hdjkfh this was so long ago but i think i was mostly kidding abt him being a high maintenance bf... like he would do so much giving? but i guess the only thing he’d need is constant reassurance that his s/o loves him imo jfdhgjk... i also think he’d b someone who either doesn’t settle down ever or does it very late in his life!

annie 🌹literary queen ❤️ literally crowned with a laurel wreath! not be drum attic but this midsummer nights monsta au is so!!!! give me sistar as the four star crossed lovers then drag me to h*ll and give me this doctor faustus au i'm itching for with kihyun as faustus and k.will as mephistopheles bc i love to watch my faves s*ffer but don't let me rip until i get my much ado about nothing au with the entire cast of starship ent and a lil cameo from giriboy!

(in refence to this monsta x as shakespearean archetypes ask!) fjdshgkjs shh i lov u... why is k will as mephistopheles so Accurate esp no.mercy k will lmao. um u should write all of these? in fact if... if anyone has mx literary aus.... hmu...... i’ll n*t

another thing about that incident is that it seems like the fan doesn't think Changkyun and Jooheon undersood them?? (an extension i guess they assumed they don't understand english very well) and that's pretty problematic. it seems to me that when they didn't respond the fan assumed they didn't understand and kept repeating it, as a joke. but they literally did That to the two with the most proficient english in the group... it's rly a mess all around. it's disrespectful through and through

(in relation to that gross “d*ddy” incident from a while ago) ik i feel like some intl fans think korea is a land completely culturally and linguistically alienated/divorced from the rest of the world or something and while cultural relativism is real to some extent... the idea that koreans are completely unaware of ~outside~ things is deeply racist. like mostly white ppl think that diasphoric poc are completely Different from them? when my mum went to the states 15 years ago some ppl literally asked her if there were newspapers in china lol...

i just randomly thought of monsta x as sesame street characters mostly bc i wanna see kihyun and wonho duke it out as bert and ernie (kihyun w/ the waste paper bin on his head and wonho asking 'where's the waste paper bin' and kihyun saying 'ask me that again and look into my eyes') and also minhyuk being elmo tbh...

JKGHKJDF PLEASe!!!! when will something like this b photoshopped... minhyuk as elmo is... spot on... i remember once elmo appeared on a now-discontinued late night talk show program i used to watch when i was in primary school and he was like “elmo likes wasabi, that’s why elmo has no eyebrows” and idk why ive never been able to forget this????? very lmh. also this made me think of a monsta x muppets au n minhyuk is the pic of ass-gape kermit.... next post of mine will b monsta x as kermit reaction pics

Hyungkyun is such an under appreciated ship. Like, they just get each other so well? Why do people overlook it. ㅠ.ㅠ Do you have a moment that made you ship them? How would you describe their dynamic?

it’s bc they’re intp x intj they don’t rly... Understand each other with minimal effort/real communication lmao it’s very efficient. both quiet lil darlings who aren’t emotionally That Open but enjoy their own little space together sometimes?? their dynamic is like... they’re weird in different ways but they’re v chill together. u can tell hyungwon is super fond of changkyun like he has this Expression when ck does anything at all.... i think these two rly love each other’s personalities bc they’re both kind/gentle/peaceful types and their overall ?? vibe is just highly compatible... they’re absolute darlings... v soft together... i can’t think of a favourite moment but i rly rly love their birthday messages for each other last year like changkyun’s message for hyungwon was like “ur rly cool bruh ur rly such a great person” and hyungwon’s message for changkyun was rly... just him obviously doting on him n finding him cute jksfdhg i lov them a lot :(

soyou: i know how to make hair pretty :))) knetz: dirty fckn iljin why can't she be out there being being PRODUCTIVE in society by having babies and learning how to be a good wife for her future husband ://// smh how dare she be successful now when i'm stuck doing what society wants me to do but also anonymously attacking ppl i don't personally know on the internet bc THATS respectable the irony of ugly knetz is so transparent

The whole thing about Knetz and wonho's "scandalous" past reminded me of something. As a PSA to those people who are so insistent and pushy that idols aren't allowed to have sex/date/be anything but straight: Fuck all of you. You do not own these people, and if you really cared about them you'd be happy if they were happy. Like tbh, if anyone that famous and busy could also balance out a relationship at the same time, I'd be so happy for them. It really bugs me how all idols are supposed (1/2)(2/2) have this squeaky clean innocent image where they have to look and act a certain way and have these stupid fucking dating bans because once they don't meet up to that image their success suffers. Idols already give up so much privacy, and the last thing they need is millions of people scrutinizing every little thing they do. I don't even know where I started this rant from, but basically, GIVE IDOLS PRIVACY AND DONT JUDGE THEM FOR THEIR PASTS OR FOR BEING IN RELATIONSHIPS OR WHATEVER

yeth ty for highlighting the gross obsession w purity and productivity (like the first anon said -- a very confucian sort of ideal)... i don’t rly have anything else to add here i think. also i would fight for soyou i fact i would fight lmh who said she was his ideal type in no.mercy era... she’s rly one of my faves and the way she was slandered for the hairdressing thing was one of the most ridiculous things knets ever did lmao honestly yuk

u a kihyun stan now👀👀👀

im a @fhiz​ stan it’s the same thing tbh

ahh so i saw your tags on that jh gifset! as one of the few jh stans (or maybe there are way more than i think there are lol) i rly love his "reversal charm." he has a lot of what i lack as a person: a strong presence and a lot of confidence! i respect him so much as a person alth i rag on him a lot LMAO. sorry if this is a bit long winded but i just rly wanted to put this out there ;;

this is rly cute i lov hearing ppl talk abt their faves lovingly it rly... Heals Me. i think it’s strange how underappreciated jooheon is in this fandom especially bc he’s usually the one who catches ur eye first bc he’s so hyped by starship as being a one-in-a-million talented rapper u know? and he rly shines in mvs and no.mercy but............. y does he have the least fansites jkfhdg ?? you’re v right abt the reversal charm thing but i feel like sometimes it’s very overdone like... on lots of shows he’s asked to do aegyo when rly he should be asked to... idk... rap or dance or something?? i actually think jooheon is the most serious member of monsta x sometimes bc he seems to have a sense that he’s.. the pillar of mx if that makes sense? and that’s why he’s always pushing himself and working tirelessly like he feels very Responsible for this group, more than anyone else. idk if that makes sense!!! i love him and i want him to... unwind a bit bc sometimes he looks so stressed and tired but he still feels the need to pretend to be energetic like my heart rly hurts for him :/ this got so emo im sry i do rly love to hear that u respect him sm i love jooheon stans :(

i can see what u mean about jooheon being 1 of the most masculine. (iirc u also talked abt kihyun being that in a post a while ago) like with his face and his physique he really is striking; his body=like that slim,upside-down Y that you'd learn to draw men w/ in Anatomy 101 , but i think.. ,--not that u asked, but,, i think the jury's still out on if he's comfortable w his masculinity with the way he acts feminine lyk misogynistic comedians Can sound like dead ringers for women,? idk & i take +

(not sure if there was a 2nd part to this? there’s nothing else in my inbox so i’m sry if there was and tumblr ate it) yeth i think i meant that his demeanor is the most ~~masculine~~ whereas i think kihyun is still the most... idk... mature-masculine?? if tht makes sense, and i definitely agree w u on that second point! i didn’t think of that at the time but now that i... do... think abt it... ur right and also the way he comes back from it by putting on the >swag demeanor again in an attempt to polarise it is definitely a bit 👀👀👀 he probably doesn’t want to risk his Manly Rapper Image for real u kno? that said it’s ingrained in kpop that behaving cute --> “girly” entails that sort of “comedic” high-pitched voice + compact body language etc.... like i’m not condoning that ofc but i definitely think it’s broader than this particular case! :/ hm

maybe i'd be doing better in school if i could major in kihyunology ;~; i stan him but i def think we still don't know much about him even after all this time after debut. especially when i look at him compared to wonho who wears his heart on his sleeve (bless him i love wonho sm, gotta protect this bun at all costs!!)...but ya it just makes me wanna learn more about him like who is the real kihyun??

i want to write a kihyun meta when i have time... i feel like i Get him a bit more these days but it’s also very hard to put into words bc u kno when u kinda sorta mb get some1 but it’s a feeling rather than anything conveniently expressable gkjdhfjk.... idk if anyone wants to send in some Kihyun Thoughts + Meta feel free! :>> i don’t think he’s actually... as complex as we sometimes make him out to be lol like his behaviour is actually kind of predictable? more on his later

wait is the february comeback actually true? ugh i'm so conflicted cuz on one hand i'm excited if there's really gonna be a full length album, but i also think they need more rest but then there's the matter of getting their first win and idk i'm super psyched but i'm also worried that the boys are being overworked

i still feel like they had a comeback like yesterday lol like looking at their schedules stresses me out bc they do so much..... im glad wonho got to go to his mum’s cafe recently tho! all we can do is have faith in them rn and when it’s time... stream, buy things if ur able to, spread the news and the hype etc. i am definitely Worried abt some things like the competition they’re up against but.... gotta have faith u kno... and i feel like all active idols are kind of... permanently worked very hard but i think currently only jooheon and shownu are a bit Overloaded. also has the date been confirmed yet... it’s february already...

[pjihoon]

Hi~~ I'm really sorry to bother you! But I saw your gifs in my dash and they're so pretty! I don't even stan wanna one but I just went through your gif tag for so long cause they're so nice 😍 Would you ever share your sharpen / action / topaz or coloring settings or tips? 😊

ahh omg anon thank you so much for your kind words! you’re so sweet

i think i’ll just share generic tips! From each stage of the giffing process. i still have so much i can improve with in giffing, so i’m sorry if i give you super wrong advice ahhh but i hope this helps a little?it got super long so it’s under the read more!!

Downloading Videos

make sure it’s the highest quality video you can get. 1080p is your friend. ok honestly, when i’ve giffed, i havent really noticed a difference in quality between 2k/4k and 1080p? maybe im doing it wrong but honestly the only thing ive noticed is that 2k/4k just slows down my computer drastically and takes up way too much space on a computer that already has like zero space to begin with. so i tend to stick with 1080p. 

Also! if you can get 60fps, thats also nice bc it helps your gifs look smoother.

yaknow how i said 1080p is your friend? well ts files are your best friends/family. if you can torrent them or download the, your gifs will look super pretty. i highly recommend this for live performance gifs. you can find ts files for a lot of shows, but again, since my computer has

kpop24hrs and kpopexciting are two places i go for those live perf ts files! kpop24hrs tends to have more i feel (it’s where i go when i want to gif my rookie groups that dont have too much attention on them)

you can also find torrents on twitter, if you search the right things

Extracting Videos

ok for this, if you have a pc (so like not a mac) i HIGHLY recommend looking into avisynth. there’s this tumblr account named brandinator who i’ve heard gives really awesome tips for avisynth and made it really easy for people to get avisnyth.if youre like me and your stuck with a mac, or if you just want to stick with photoshop then you can read the rest of this

i have photoshop cs5? so my tips are generally based around that. 

for youtube videos (so basically mp4/avi format) i use photoshop’s video extraction feature. file—>import–>video frames to layersif your photoshop is like mine for whatever reason and it doesnt want to recognize mp4 files, then what i do is changed the .mp4 extension to a .avi extension (and its super easy to do on mac….i dont have a pc so idk how different that is) the quality doesnt really change either with that simple changing of the ending it sorta just tricks photoshop i guess lol idunno

when youre on the ‘video frames to layers’ window, make sure you don’t hit the ‘limit to every _____ frames’ bc that makes it lose the smoothness quality of gifs. maybe back when the gif limit was like 1mb that would have been important, but we live in a world of luxury now. so for smoother looking gifs, make sure that box is unchecked. other ppl (pc users i think) tend to use other video extraction softwares. i cant remember the name, but all i remember is that for macs, that software cant extract frames so its useless for us. i think it was kmplayer? not sure. like you can download kmplayer on mac but it doesnt have the same features rip.for ts files, i use vlc player (since ps can’t open it) and sit there and capture each and every frame lol. 

Actually Giffing

here’s where things get a bit interpretive

(im assuming you know how to make a gif since you’ve asked for specific things like sharpening and stuff)

for coloring, 

ive found that not changing the lighting too much of the video youre giffing leads to higher quality stuff…but i also hate not changing the lighting too much which is why a lot of my gifs turn out grainy hahah (my coloring is really centered around how to make the person in the gifs look the most ‘natural’? so that usually involves trying to take out video filters). but yea the gifs in which i didnt change too much with coloring, tended to be my most high quality gifs. 

i don’t use other peoples psds and make my own everytime for each gif, and i only usually just adjust ‘curves’ and ‘exposure’ yea.

if there’s an ugly color background that you want to make look more white, when youre in ‘curve’s, go to each color (red green and blue) and drag the little line thing in the top right corner a little to the left. idk what is actually happening there and why it only really addresses the bg but thats a good way to try to make your bg whiter without actually whitewashing the gif. 

for sharpening

lol sharpening, my enemy. its what i struggle with the most

i use .4 at 500% for smart sharpen

and then for topaz i make sure clean color is at 0 first of all, and i mess around with ‘overall strength’ and ‘reduce blur’ until i get the quality that i wanted. i nvr go higher than .07 strength. 

but an important thing for sharpening i think is deciding when you want to crop the picture? do you crop it before or after the sharpening/topaz? i dunno honestly, but for me ive found that cropping first, and then applying sharpening settings leads to the highest quality (or maybe thats what im used to so it turns out better). 

oh yea i dont resize, i crop instead. i’m not sure if that does anything but when i was first starting i found that resizing made my gifs look more blurry…? and that cropping was nicer to my gifs? i’m not sure if that does anything though lol maybe cropping is worse who knows, but its something ive stuck with ever since ive started

save settings

i’ve recently switched over to diffusion! but sometimes that doenst work out so i use the pattern one. i play around with adaptive/selective to see which one looks better or takes up less space haha

last but not least: pray

i spend a lot of my time praying that my gif will come out good haha bc even if you think you did everything right, once you hit that ‘save for web’ button, it’ll look like the ugliest thing in the world it’s really frustrating. like even when i make a gifset from the same video using the same everything (coloring, sharpening, save settings) one gif will look like trash and the other one will be like the best thing ive ever giffed so its like?? pray