#Even if it Don't get It yet | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lazylittledragon · 18 days ago

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y'know every time i feel guilty about bothering someone by singing along when i'm listening to music, i just remember that i have to tolerate my dirtbag brother screaming at his ps5 for hours every day so listening to muffled off-key fall out boy is probably preferable

#ramble #it's not loud btw it's just like. singing along in the car volume #not to get on my soapbox but there's a literal dent in his wall from his controller. and we're in the uk you CANNOT punch through walls #idk about anyone else but i've NEVER yelled at a video game?? like i'm absolute dogshit at 80% of them #and i've never had a PHYSICAL reaction beyond maybe 'ughh' then turning it off #if you're getting that angry maybe you just need to play different games because you're clearly not having fun #also added bonus that i didn't realise until adulthood. as a former daughter #cis son privileges are CRAZY #i don't even swear in front of my parents and my dude is just screaming actual slurs next door with NO consequences #like you wouldn't do that in public why is it ok to do it here #i think i've said fuck in front of my mum ONCE and i literally couldn't look at her the entire day #this is a box i am not ready to unpack yet akdhdh #is this just a my family thing or is this common

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giantkillerjack · 1 year ago

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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

Plain-text version:

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

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vaguesnail · 3 months ago

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some sketches from this week!

#critical role #critical role fanart #fearne calloway #laudna #essek thelyss #cr3 #trying to get comfortable posting quicker/messier sketches even though i see so many things i want to fix lmao #also i don't know how to draw essek yet i'm sorry but i really liked that moment

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bacchuschucklefuck · 4 months ago

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class swap design masterpost for convenience (from top to bottom: bard!riz, cleric!gorgug, sorcerer!kristen, barbarian!fig, artificer!adaine, and rogue!fabian)

#dimension 20 #fantasy high #fhfy #fhsy #fhjy #riz gukgak #gorgug thistlespring #kristen applebees #figueroth faeth #adaine abernant #fabian seacaster #my class swap stuff! oh yeah I think I got a tag for that I'll call that #fh class quangle #gna slowly go back and get that tag on relevant posts too. for organization's sake #even tho I didnt really intend this blog to be that kinda blog lmao. we were all just gonna be out here dealin with that at our own pace #anyways uh! they! u know all the lore for the designs already I put em in tags. but otherwise this also collects like the #color keys kind of for these. mostly the things that change between designs #doing this did make me realise half of these are a Lot more consistent in color keys than the other half lol #like kristen's palette stays pretty much the same. and fabian's. the hit's mostly in the construction #a lot of this is overall like an exercise in remembering what high schoolers would actually wear and how to work in Costume pieces #on this point at least I straight up have No relevant recollection lmao all the basic education establishments I went to have uniforms #and outside of school I was. well kind of a shorts and tee guy. so #on that topic I feel like fabian's is the furthest stretch lmao. like if a guy in high school wears the same bright yellow raincoat #to school every day that's like. people would Not like that guy. fabian really is saved by being cute and a rogue #he will still have stans when he's deep in his fishing arc in junior year he's the manic pixie dream bf #anyways uh. things to do! stuff to get done. sleep first tho. have a good night lads #I have not caught new nsbu yet! seems I mostly catch them like two to three days late nowadays.#so please uhh. don't reply on my posts with nsbu spoilers? we are all excited and having fun but that's rude #ok thank u. signing off for the day have a good night #!!

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floccinaucinihilipilificationa · 1 year ago

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#selfie bee #good evening friends!! how are you doing! C:#I'm very very sleepy I got a new ikea office chair and I build it all myself #I think it went okay! I don't think I pulled the back screw tight enough and now the back is a bit loose #I can probably fix it but I can also ignore it for the next 18 years #thats how long the old chair held up!! in germany it could now drink vodka and drive a car!!#not at the same time that is illegal! not at the same time!! (❁´▽`❁)*✲ﾟ*#but the day is not over yet my uncle asked me for a big art quest and I do not want to disappoint #he wants a muppet tattoo and asked me to draw it #my uncle has started to get tattoos a few months ago #as far as I know he has now gotten 3 note clefs 3 stars a flower and multiple birds #he also started getting piercings but so far I managed not to know exactly where #I think tattoos are super cool (´｡･v･｡｀) I wish I had a good idea for a tattoo but the last time I was very sure about getting a tattoo #it was heath ledgers face as the joker #at that point I was 12 and would not see the actual movie for two more years #a muppet tattoo is a way better idea!! he asked for the count van count! that is also one of my top 3 muppets ₍՞◌′ᵕ‵ू◌₎♡#I always thought I knew a lot about muppet lore but since I started looking up muppet pictures I think there are still a lot of secrets #can the muppets from the Sesame Street actually leave the Sesame Street?#I think Kermit is both on the Muppet Show and on Sesame Street but he is also like the boss muppet #he might have special abilities #I hope you're having a good day friends!! C:#I think I'll post a Sherlock comic later this week #miss you!! ♥♥♥

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chipthekeeper · 3 months ago

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“I was really surprised to be speaking about this big fantasy series and about a character who on both a personal and political level is somewhat at odds with the gender they were born in. That was something, as a nonbinary person, that resonates strongly....I think she’s always living in counterpoint to what her life might look like were she male.”

-Emma D'Arcy, from House of the Dragon: Inside the Creation of a Targaryen Dynasty

#rhaenyra targaryen #house of the dragon #hotdedit #rhaenyratargaryenedit #emma d'arcy #milly alcock #hotd #gender conflicted rhaenyra is so important to me #i got this book last night and immediately became obsessed witht his quote #don't even get me started on olivia repeatedly using they/them for rhaenyra i'll cry about it #anyway so glad for my newfound powers so i could make this #even if it looks just okay #because this show is a bitch to brighten and color #and i'm not great at that yet anyway #my posts #my gifs

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corpsentry · 5 months ago

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pick your battles

#my art #my stuff #art #comic #original art #pride 2024 #pride month #trans allegory..... or not even allegory. just trans .... ^_^#i technically cannot come out yet but i don't think the people who i need to not see this stalk my tumblr #i know they stalk everything else like my twitter and my instagram but this might be safe #so fuck it we yap. this is a comic about picking your battles #this is a comic about how for almost a year now everyone at home in singapore has been crying about my sore throat #my terrible fucked up voice. my you know. etc #i came out as not cis and using they/them pronouns in 2015 when i was 14 #but no one ever used my pronouns. none of my classmates or friends even up until i left for college in 2020 #from 2020 onwards every year i wrote an angry vulnreable essay about how much it hurts that they dont remember #and people would dm me apologizing on their hands and knees and commending my bravery #and then forget about it all over again. id ont mean 'they misgender me and then catch it and apologize and correct themselves'#i mean they dont even get that far #and so you might ask yourself: why have you kept them around all this time?#and i would have to explain that by pure bad luck i grew up in the most conservative close minded community #that all of my ex classmates that stayed in singapore are cishet and upper middle class and chinese singaporean #that i Am the trans person. that they were able to ignore me for a decade partially because there was no one else #so this is a comic about how there is dignity and grace in staying in the closet sometimes #about how not everyone deserves to see you at your happiest. about how some people can go fuck themselves #you know your truth and THATS THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS!!! YEAH!!! i love you

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countess-of-edessa · 7 months ago

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the world is so fucked up and i can't help but think the damage is irreparable when i see people talking about how unusual and prudish it is to wait six to ten dates before having sex with someone. ten dates??? roughly like twenty five hours of interaction????? ten old timer burgers and mango iced teas from chilis equals sex?????? the possibility of pregnancy, STDs, emotional devastation, lifelong consequences, not to mention just straight up the possibility of getting murdered, with a STRANGER you have hung out with for maybe like two months???? and that's a LONG TIME???? and if you feel weird about that and don't want to do that that makes you NOT HETEROSEXUAL????? THATS AN ORIENTATION???? BECAUSE ITS SO OUTSIDE OF THE NORM OF HUMAN BEHAVIOR ????? i hate all of you i hate you i hate you i hate you every day i hate and I hate and I hate you

#i genuinely genuinely don't understand how everybody who tries to date hasn't killed themselves yet #I'm not saying they should I'm just saying I don't get how they're able to continue on #i see women on social media talking about how they had to cry for a day because they slept with a man they'd been seeing for a while and #then he never called again #no joke not trying to be dramatic I would just kill myself??? i do not understand how people can keep going after something like that #i mean I would never be in that situation because everything about it is bad but like. still #I hate to kind of agree with the 'women over 25 are too bitter for love' twitter man even in a very roundabout way #but i think men AND women participating in modern dating culture have to in some way become so hardened and kill some part of themself #just to survive??? that sounds so melodramatic but like. I can't understand how else people could continue to function as human beings #when they interact with each other in the way modern dating culture dictates

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chiricat · 8 months ago

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ryomina demons are winning

#does anyone here like them idk. theyre funny #putting off finishing p3re to draw these so i don't have to be sad just yet #cat’s art #ryomina #ryoji mochizuki #makoto yuki #minato arisato #p3 #persona 3 #p3re #p3 reload #sorry for traditional sketch stuff... idk i just feel like i do better on paper even tho its literally the same style #like i can just get the lines better on paper. i think my brush is probably too thick digitally if i'm having this problem lol #makoto makes me so emo u guys have no idea. i didn't quite get this guy in the beginning but now...#full force understanding of a character. hes. he :( (incoherent sobbing)#tag ramble again SORRY I UEBRO4Y39NRMFMT #oh yeah the period thing going around is so funny. PERSONA 3 PERIOD SIMULATOR

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teaboot · 19 days ago

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One of the most bizarre feelings imo is finding out about a prejudice you didn't know existed

Like. I only recently found out that there's areas IN MY OWN COUNTRY where discrimination against Italian people is a genuine problem

Like

I definitely know WHY I always assumed Racism was a prejudice more dependant on differences in skin colour but holy shit damn yeah okay so there's also ultraviolet racism too huh, we're all just drinking the shitty bitch water then

#I don't know why I'm surprised #And I fear I don't have the education yet to fully grasp this #But in my specific area colorism is the biggest visible aspect of our racist culture #So like #None of this stupid shit makes sense but now it makes EXTRA no sense #Like they ain't even scared cause you look different #But yeah dam n it does drive home that all this crap is politically driven huh #Like as much as fuckers pretending it's science to back up racist rhetoric about why a race is better or worse #It totally does prove that these biases are absolutely arbitrary with no grounds in reality #No heritage is fundamentally DIFFERENT when you get down to it #People is people #Why didn't we talk about this in social studies back in school it's a fascinating angle #It would really have driven it home to a room full of white kids too #We would have been blown away

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plasmalunare · 2 months ago

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these comments were under a post made by someone to remember their little sister passing away at a young age.

and just... what. the hell. what is wrong with antis.

I can't describe the feeling of disgust I got from reading the second comment. How can you even think this is an okay thing to say about someone you don't know?

#how are we the bad guys again?#i needed to get this out of my system #some people really just don't care about what they say and how it affects other people #and I'm not even the original commenter #yet just reading it made my skin crawl #proship #proship safe space #antis dni #proshippers please interact #anti harassment

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benevolenterrancy · 28 days ago

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("Always. Continuously. With increasing apprehension, and decreasing hope. I will love you if I never see you again, and I will love you if I see you every Tuesday. I will love you as a corpse loves the beak of the vulture. I will love you no matter what happens to you, and no matter how I discover what happens to you, and no matter what happens to me as I discover this." -- paraphrased from The Beatrice Letters, Lemony Snicket)