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#and how much physical therapy helps with it
daydreamerwoah · 20 hours
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Love Through It All Pt. 8
tw: mentions of cheating, mentions of divorce; hurt; angst; anger; slight drinking; rollercoaster of emotion; sadness; mentions of therapy/counseling; a jealous and possessive Ghost;
Read Part 1 for my author notes for the beginning of this story if this is your first time here.
The first week Simon was gone, you cried like a baby each night. Without him there following you around like a puppy, you couldn't help but be in your head thinking about whether you made the right decision to stay or not. Ava had answered your call every night as you bawled into the phone about how stupid you were. You loved him. You loved him so much it physically hurt.
Love. That word word was going to kill you.
In the second week, you wanted to knock yourself out with how much your emotions switched up. One moment, you were on the verge of texting Simon a long goodbye message, and the next... you were thinking about how things would be when he got back. Did he miss you? Was he being safe? God he better. You thought you'd be even more pissed off he wasn't.
The only good thing that came from the first two weeks was your counseling sessions. Instead of having just one individual session in the week, you had two since Simon was away. You opened up more about your past, getting a lot of things off your chest that you never talked about before... even your childhood.
It was something you were looking forward to the morning you got up from a sleepless dream. Your body pranced around the apartment getting dressed, your mind not even realizing you were like a giddy teenager. You felt.... happy.
Three weeks had passed, and your husband would be returning later in the day. Even if you didn't know how you'd be when you saw him, the thought that he was coming back to you had a stupid grin on your face.
It was no surprise after your session, you walked out of the room with a little bit more pep in your step. Only a few more hours or so and then you'd see Simon.
"Mrs. Riley?" an unknown voice called out to you.
You turned around, almost expecting it to be the chaplain, but were confused when a man in military uniform walked up to you. He was tall - not as tall as your husband - but tall nonetheless. His somewhat thin figure and slightly baby face made your eyebrows furrow a little, trying to figure out if you had ever met him before.
"Yes?"
His silvery eyes lit up as he cocked an eyebrow, "Damn.. didn't think you'd still answer to that," he responded, a smirk splayed across his lips.
Deep confusion rippled over your face as you stood there in the hallway. For a second, you thought he might have been thinking you were someone else, but when he made no motion to move, you opened your mouth.
"Excuse me?"
A sharp chuckle left his lips that were still smirking; mocking in a way, "Well you know... with your husband cheating on you and all."
Your eyes widened, and an uneasy feeling began to creep into your chest as you opened your mouth to say something but quickly shut it. A moment went by as his eyes darkened in a way that made you subconsciously take a step back.
"H-how do you-?"
"Know?" he hummed, tilting his head to the side a little in the way a dog would do, "Those videos weren't easy to watch, were they? Having to watch your loving husband be with another woman." He said as he took a step closer to you.
You swallowed the lump that formed in your throat before nervously licking your lips that became dry, "Who-who are you?"
It was as if he was waiting for that question to spill out of your mouth, "Jax," he stuck his hand out for you to shake, only for you to glance down at it in semi-disgust. He chuckled, dropping his hand back down to his side, "Believe me... I'm not here to cause trouble."
"Yeah?" you sarcastically asked, making him hum, "Then what the fuck do you want?"
He nonchalantly shrugged, "Payback."
"Payback? For what?" you took another step back, crossing your arms over your chest, only for him to take another step closer, invading your personal space.
"Your fucking husband thinks he's better than us," he whispered, face so close to yours you could almost feel the heat radiating off of him, "Just caused he decided to stick his dick in Pvt Williams doesn't give him the right to send her away because he fucked up. He walks around like he's above everybody... when really he's just a bloody wannabe. Isn't even man enough to show his face."
What the fuck was he talking about?
You looked at him like he'd grown two heads as he stared back at you like you were a prize he just won. Your mouth opened to say something, however you paused. Something seemed to set in as you thought about what he said earlier.
"You... sent me the videos?"
"Now y'thinking... trust me... I thought you'd see them and leave his ass the next day. I mean, I would if I were you. I'm surprised you still have that ring on," he pointed to the wedding band on your finger, "But it doesn't matter what I think yeah? You must still love him. Or you're too weak and afraid to leave."
If your eyes weren't wide before, they certainly did then. You should have known this guy was just getting under your skin to provoke a reaction and use it against your husband... but instead you let his words consume you.
"I don't know what issues you have with my husband," you said as you stepped forward, voice laced with anger, "but stay the fuck away from me." You turned around and all but ran out of the building, leaving the man standing there with that fucking smirk on his face.
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When Simon walked through the door of the apartment, a part of him was expecting that you'd be there with open arms to welcome him home. But he knew better... he'd read that note you'd given him so many times while he was gone he damn near knew it word for word. Specifically your feelings about wanting to work on the marriage.
What he wasn't expecting was a very cold and distant demeanor from you. He reluctantly was getting used to you avoiding him - which he greatly hated - but this felt different.
"You alright, sweetheart?" he asked when he found you in the kitchen, standing next to the sink. A glass of wine in your hand as you seemed spaced out in thought. He pulled his balaclava off, setting it on the counter.
Any other time, you would have been quiet. You had barely asked him anything since all this began. A lot that was talked about in therapy was focused on trying to remember the good of the past and move toward the future. The few questions you did ask were about how you wanted to move forward.
But after your talk earlier... the floodgates were opening.
"Who's Jax?" your eyes snapped up at him.
"What?"
"Jax? Do you know him?"
If his expression changed, you didn't catch it fully. The only hint that he did give was the slight narrowing of his eyes.
"What happened?" he asked, not even answering your question.
You shrugged, taking another sip of your wine, "Nothing... just told me that he sent me the videos."
"He did what?" his voice raising a little.
"Mmhmm..... You know-" a sour chuckle escaped your lips, "- this whole time, I thought that bitch sent them to me. Fuck, I thought she wanted me to see how you really enjoyed shaggin' her. But boy was I wrong..."
He stepped closer to you, reaching his hand out to touch your arm, "Sweetheart-"
"What was so fucking special about her Simon?!" you exclaimed, "Huh? How come you went to her? I'm your fucking wife! You didn't even ask me what I wanted! You like fucking rough, but what about me?! You don't think I can handle it?! Is that it?! Am I ugly to you?! What did I do to you, Simon??"
It was as if the seal had broken. Question after question spilled from your mouth, not letting him get a word in as you kept going. All he could do was stand there and watch as all of the pent-up anger you held back bubbled up to the surface. He told himself he wanted to know what you were really thinking, and he was finally getting it.
"Sometimes I don't even feel like you want me! Like I'm not yours-" you continued, only for him to stop you.
"Y're mine," he said, desperation laced in his voice, closing the gap between you two.
"Am I? You sure? Because all I keep seeing is you with her! In my fucking dreams! When I look at you! All the time!-" You threw your arms up in the air, "- Am I really yours?!"
"Yes," he answered with no hesitation.
You scoffed and rolled your eyes. You couldn't stand to be in the house for now. You needed to get out for a bit. He tried to catch your wrist as you walked past, but you yanked it away as you marched straight to the ensuite bathroom, slamming the door behind you.
Pulling out your phone, you sent a text to Ava asking if she would go out with you. You didn't say where, but she agreed anyway, saying she'd get dressed. After several agonizing minutes had passed, you heard the front door open and shut - not so softly - as Simon left.
Fuck.
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When Johnny walked into the pub where Simon asked him to meet him, he wasn't surprised to find his lieutenant sitting at the bar having a glass of his usual bourbon. But he was surprised to see that two empty glasses were already in front of him and he was working on his third one.
"L.T.," he said as he sat down, making Simon glance up from his drink, "You good mate?"
The man hummed in response, raising his balaclava up over his nose to take another sip of his bourbon. Johnny ordered himself a Scotch before eyeing his friend. Something had happened... that he was certain of. And if he guessed, it had something to do with you.
When the bartender placed his glass in front of him and walked away to tend to other patrons, Simon finally spoke, "That fuckin' private talked to Y/n,"
Johnny's face morphed into confusion, "What private?"
"Jax."
"What?" Simon didn't have to respond. His silence was all the confirmation that was needed. "What happened?"
He shrugged, "Said he sent her the videos. But I don't know what else. She didn't tell me."
"I thought you talked to him," Johnny remembered the conversation they had when Simon claimed he wanted to kill the guy.
A grunt left his lips, "Fucker went on leave before I had the chance to catch him."
Johnny hummed, thinking about the sticky situation, "What'd she say after that?"
The lieutenant took another sip of his drink, "Said she feels like she's not mine. Asked about Williams."
He briefly rubbed the back of his neck before carefully saying his next words, "Ghost, you can't blame her for how she feels."
"I know that, Johnny."
He sighed, "You have to give her time. She's hurt. She loves you, but she's hurt."
Simon pinched the bridge of his nose as a sigh left his own lips before pulling the balaclava down over his face again. His phone vibrated on the bar top, and he grabbed it, seeing a message displayed on the screen.
Y/n: Gone out. Be home later
Out???
Simon: Where are you going?
As the seconds ticked, he felt his stomach twist in an uncomfortable knot.
Y/n: Don't worry about it
That twist went from uncomfortable to almost painful. Johnny, who had been leaning over to get a better view of the messages, tried to calm his friend down.
"L.T.," he said, but Simon didn't hear him. His eyes were glued to the screen on his phone.
Simon: Sweetheart please don't do this
Y/n: See you when I get home Simon
His hand clenched around the phone tightly as he felt his pulse quicken. His breathing was muffled by the balaclava, but underneath, his nose flared, and his jaw tensed so much he could have chipped a tooth.
He rose up from his seat so harshly the stool made a loud scrape noise across the floor. But he didn't care, he was pulling cash out of his pocket to pay the bartender for his drinks and grabbing his keys.
"Ghost," Johnny tried getting his attention once more, only to be ignored.
Simon's boots stomped across the room as he left the pub... his Sergeant trailing right behind him, calling his name out again.
Think I threw a curve ball in here without realizing until I was proofreading lol! Don't you hate when you think of the next part of the story you're writing but something else pops in your head and you're like "yes let me add it" lol! I have no idea of adding Jax to this story was a good idea so let me know lol!
Feedback always welcomed :)
Taglist: @kalypsoox @fruitymoonbeams-blogz @kylies-love-letter @xrosegoldwolfx @linaaaaa654@jessicab1991 @darkravenqueen98 @yazyazali @thychuvaluswife @5starbullshittery @azazel-nyx @firefoxkairan @devonsworld @theclassicvinyldragon
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Jason with his time in the league of assassins
Talia walks into the small modest room where Jason is livening in while he gets back on his feet, having a bunch of brain functions recovered takes a while to get used to. he's been doing physical therapy and occupational therapy for the last couple months, his dexterity isn't exactly back yet.
Talia: Jason? what are you doing?
Jason: well there's this thing I always wanted to try called stop motion animation, and well you got some lego's for Dami but he's a bit too small for them so.. I took them and have been animating. I was bored in-between everything, you don't have any good books I haven't already read.
Talia: well that is an acceptable pass time, what are you making?
Jason: oh it's a weird comedy spoof for kids about batman and the joker being nemesis's, I wanted to make it for Dami since well he doesn't know much about him or the other ones and he's only 3 and well it doesn't seem like much but the time I'm done he'll be 5 and be able to enjoy it. i don't know talia I'm bored and want to make something for him.
Talia: very well, if you so wish. I can get some people in to help you make it if you wish.
Jason: really?
Talia: yes, I can. it does sound like a nice gift.
Jason: oh thank you!
Many months of therapy complete, he starts to retrain and regain all the fighting skills he lost and learn some new ones. in the meanwhile, Jason and 3 other people have been making a complete feature film for Damian who's just turned 4, they were about halfway done and it was looking good.
Talia: so how's it coming along?
Jason: it's been hard and hurts like a bitch, but I'm getting better at flips!
Talia: no. not that, I mean the movie?
Jason: oh it's halfway done! me and the one man and 2 women are doing great we reshot the opening, and we are more than 68% done! so it will be ready by Dami's birthday.
Talia: he will enjoy it I believe.
Jason: of course he would, it's his first ever kids movie!
Talia: why yes it is!
many many many more months pass and it becomes Dami's 5th birthday and Jason and his crew had wrapped up, the voice acting was done mostly by himself, and the crew but he asked some of the league for other voices. eventually after scoring and mixing they met the deadline. they set up the league theatre and put the movie on.
lego batman: [voice over] Black. All important movies start with a black screen... And music... Edgy, scary music that would make a parent or studio executive nervous... And logos... Really long and dramatic logos... Warner Bros. Why not "Warner Brothers"? I don't know... Hmm... Not sure what LOA does, but that logo is macho. I dig it... Okay. Get yourself ready for some... reading. "If you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and make a change. Hooo." No. I said that. Batman is very wise. I also have huge pecs and a nine-pack. Yeah, I've got an extra ab. Now, let's start the movie.
Dami: momma? what's the movie about?
talia: your father
lego Alfred Pennyworth: Were you looking at the old family pictures again?
lego Batman: At the what? The old family... Oh, yes! I see what you mean. Look at that! The old gang. Yeah. No, I wasn't.
lego Alfred Pennyworth: I see. Sir, if you don't mind my saying, I'm a little concerned. I've seen you go through similar phases in 2001 and 2006 and 2008 and 2005 and 1997 and 1995 and 1992 and 1989 and that weird one in 1999. Do you want to talk about how you're feeling right now?
lego Batman: I don't talks about feelings, Alfred. I don't have any, I've never seen one. I'm a night-stalking, crime-fighting vigilante, and a heavy metal rapping machine. I don't feel anything emotionally, except for rage. 24/7, 365, at a million percent. And if you think that there's something behind that, then you're crazy. Good night, Alfred.
lego Alfred Pennyworth: Sir, it's morning..
Talia: *laughs*
Dami: *chuckles*
Jason: *smiles with accomplishment*
lego Batman: [Batman's song] Who never skips leg day?
Chorus: Batman!
lego Batman: Who always pays their taxes?
lego Batman, Chorus: Not Batman!
Talia: *wails with laughter*
Dami: what are taxes?
Jason: you'll know when you get older don't worry about it
The lego Joker: Are you seriously saying there is nothing, nothing special about our relationship?
lego Batman: Whoa. Let me tell you something, J-bird. Batman doesn't do 'ships.
The lego Joker: [Confused] What?
lego Batman: As in "relationships." There is no "us." Batman and Joker are not a thing. I don't need you. I don't need anyone. You mean nothing to me. No one does.
Talia: that is your father's arch-nemesis the joker
Dami: oh okay
Jason: please kill him for me
dami: okay Jason, i will avagange, e-venge, avenge your honour!
Jason: you have no idea what that means to me buddy *wipes away a tear*
Lego Robin: My name's Richard Grayson, but all the kids at the orphanage call me Dick.
Lego Batman: Well, children can be cruel.
Jason: when I first heard dick's name I unironically thought everyone was just calling him a dickhead so much that the name dick stuck, but nope turns out it's short for Richard. he even changed his name to dick, I personally would never. but he pulls it off flawlessly. *chuckles*
talia: I did not know mr Grayson preferred to be called Dick.
Dami: who's dick then?
Jason: oh he's your older brother.
Lego Robin: What? [Sees Batcave]
Lego Robin: It's the Batcave! Ohmygosh ohmygosh ohmygosh ohmygosh ohmygooo-! [Bumps into Batman]
Lego Robin: Batman, woah!
Lego Batman: You're darn right, woah!
Lego Robin: Wait, does Batman live in Bruce Wayne's basement?
Lego Batman: No, Bruce Wayne lives in Batman's attic.
Talia: *DIES OF LAUGHTER* oh Jason this is amazing.
Jason: I wish to impress!
Lego Robin: Hey, I was thinking. If I'm gonna be a superhero, and go on awesome superhero missions like this one, can we use code names? Mine can be Robin.
Lego Batman: I'm sorry, say that again?
Lego Robin: Robin.
Lego Batman: As in the small, Midwestern frail bird?
Lego Robin: Yeah, and I already have a catch phrase. Tweet, tweet, on the street.
Lego Batman: Hard pass.
Lego Robin: And a song. [singing]
Lego Robin: Fly, Robin, fly.
Lego Batman: Harder pass.
dami: *laughs so hard he coughs*
talia: habbibi careful, don't laugh so hard you will hurt yourself
Jason: honestly yeah you can hurt yourself badly.
LegoRobin: Wow! Look, it's the Bat-Sub!
Lego Batman: Wait, don't touch that!
Lego Robin: Over there! It's the Bat-Space Shuttle!
Lego Batman: Please keep your hands off that.
Lego Robin: Look, it's the Bat-Zeppelin!
Lego Batman: Don't touch that, either!
Lego Robin: It's the Bat-Train!
Lego Batman: No!
Lego Robin: It's the Bat-Kayak!
Lego Batman: No!
Lego Robin: It's the Bat-Dune Buggy!
Lego Batman: No!
Lego Robin: It's the Bat... Shark Repellent?
Lego Batman: [pause] Uh, actually, you can touch that. It's completely useless.
Talia: shark repelent is actually a quite useful invention why is bruce beloved not recognising it's full potential?
Jason: keep watching
Dami: does father have all those things?
Jason: sure does!
Lego Batman: We are gonna steal the Phantom Zone projector from Superman.
Lego Robin: [frowns] Steal?
Lego Batman: Yeah. We have to right a wrong. And sometimes, in order to right a wrong, you have to do a wrong-right. Gandhi said that.
Lego Robin: Are we sure Gandhi said that?
Lego Batman: I'm paraphrasing.
Talia: *laughs*
Dami: *laughs so hard he starts coughing AGAIN*
Jason: ghandi so said that btw.
lego Jim Gordon: [sees Robin for the first time] Who is that?
lego Robin: Hi, police man!
lego Jim Gordon: Is that your son?
Lego Robin: Yes, I am!
Lego Batman: [laughs nervously] Is that my son? No, that's just weird.
Lego Jim Gordon: It's weirder if it's not your son.
Jason: this interaction is based off an actual interaction between jimmy and Dick.
[batman and robin arrive at the fortress of solitude]
lego Batman: Hey, kid!
lego Robin: Yes, sir?
lego Batman: You're super nimble, right?
lego Robin: I sure am!
lego Batman: And small?
lego Robin: Very.
lego Batman: And quiet?
lego Robin: [whispering] When I desire to be.
lego Batman: And 110% expendable?
lego Robin: I don't know what that means, but okay!
Jason: bruce really did not know how to deal with a 11 year old child hellbent on murdering a mob boss, so he kept bringing him along on incredibly dangerous missions, it was always fine in the end but this sort of situation happened once.
Talia: really?
Jason: the expendable part was from a wayne tech family event, and they crushed it. but dick had to sacrifice himself to help bruce win, it was so funny. I was there.
Lego Batman: White. All important movies end with a white screen.
Talia, jason, the other 70 league of assassin members and Damien break out into applause for the movie.
Jason: THANK YOU ALL, but special thanks to Gerald, and lily and Rin!!!! I WOULD HAVE NEVNER FINISHED IT WITHOUT YOU THANK YOUUUUUUU
the audience bursts into a large uproar of applause.
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flickering-nightfall · 2 months
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How long do you think they would last if a pink lizard walked in here? 10 seconds? 20, maybe,
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fandomfairyuniverse · 2 months
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I’m glad methas found an effective pain medication to help him get through physical therapy aka insane sexual tension with the physical therapist
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shima-draws · 1 year
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My doctor: Hey yeah that's not normal I don't think it's an issue with your hip
Me: Oh?
My doctor: It's an issue with your spine
Me: OH
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g0thsoojin · 2 months
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#i know theyre just stupid entitled and arrogant assholes#who think they know me and anything abt my life but#i still get so angry bc ppl constantly judge me for everything#which is why i developed avpd in the first place lmao#but how can they say that im not even trying#i do. i exercise i journal i meditate. i beg for therapy (its almost been a year and still nothing lol)#i try. but avpd esp untreated avpd is actually a disability#ppl dont understand but avpd makes u passive and unable to do anything#even if my fav artist releases an album i procrastinate listening to it for weeks sometimes#ppl dont get avpd at all#i am a prisoner in my own mind and there is NOTHING i can do#i am in severe mental agony and pain bc of it#im scared bc im useless and worthless and cant take care of myself#but my mom's leaving me and im terrified of ending up homeless bc im not a survivor#im a loser pos nothing who is incapable of doing anything by myself#plus like yeah... my mom cant do any of this anymore and is close to breaking down#so im scared she'll just move and let me become homeless bc she feels so desperate and suffocated (not just by me)#i HAVE to get my shit together#i HAVE to do my assignments and pass my classes#and apply for university and student housing#and i HAVE to do this this year#it is so so so soon and im freaking out#im 25 and dont know how to be an adult#but im gonna be forced into that soon or i'll be homeless so im terrified#god... i hate everyone and i hate society bc in this world#you are all on your own#there is NO compassion or empathy or help#you gotta make it on your own otherwise you will die#and making it on your own with any kind of mental or physical disability or disorder or illness is so so so much harder#and ppl dont see or acknowledge that they just beat u down for not being 'strong'
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what-even-is-sleep · 2 months
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Craziest advertising flaw I’ve seen in my life is: it’s impossible to look up “spider catcher” or even “spider catcher for arachnophobes” without EVERY. SINGLE. PRODUCT. having a blown up picture of a spider in it.
#absolutely fucked imo#even articles that line up a few of the products either: 1) blatantly have pictures of spiders in the article#or 2) don’t give any warnings that links will go to pictures with giant spdrs in them#😭😭😭😭#I’ve seen maybe 1 spdr-catcher advertisement that doesn’t have a giant realistic spdr in it#mypost#it’s a relatively niche problem (ik ppl are scared of spdrs on the reg. but I’m talking abt my phobia which comes with like. visual and#physical hallucinations + bone chilling fear + bodily reactions I can’t control lol)#but JESUSSSS IF I LOOK UP ‘spdr catchers for arachnophobes’ THERE SHOULD AT LEAST BE SOME ARTICLES AND PRODUCTS THAT DONT FEATURE FKCN SPDR#PICTURES!!!!!! 🤬🤬🤬🤬#have asked ppl in my life to help me look it up b4 but they just don’t look that hard 😭#found one years ago that kindof works (is like a mini-vacuum. the nozzle is long but the handle is too close to the holding chamber imo.)#but 1) I had to re-tape the holding chamber bc wjdhiwhsiwujduwhw [traumatic redacted experience that is easily guessable]#and 2) it’s fckn old now and is not working well anymore. which is a liability bc ong I still have this phobia and no matter how pissed I#am abt it. and no matter how much ‘exposure therapy’ I have.#I still can’t sleep in my room/go to the bathroom if there’s been a big one in there 👍 ESP if they never got caught#freaking myself out writing abt this 👍🙂‍↕️😔#bc I’m freaked out bc there was one in my room last night and it’s still missing so idk maybe I’m sleeping on the couch again tonight sheug#¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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blackbackedjackal · 1 year
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I'm usually a very quiet viewer of your blog but I'm so sorry to hear about Lobo :( I've always loved hearing about him from you and he seems like the sweetest boy in the whole world, I'm sending my best wishes that the time he has left is wonderful for the both of you, and that his passing will be gentle.
I originally followed you for taxidermy and I've gotten so much more than that from your blog, beautiful visual art, and little tidbits of other things you love, and most relevant here a glimpse into your life with a wonderful dog, I truly wish I could send more than well wishes and condolences in this hard time, but regretfully this is all I can send.
;-; 💖
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ctommy · 1 month
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my brother started watching house around the time i started having worsening leg pain and now whenever my pain is bad im like fuuuuuck im just like house … wilson i need vicodin….
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very busy babysitting a duo of kittens (only two months old) the last few days but i shall be drawing when i return home (this includes requests)
and also if anyone wants to see the babies send an ask and i can post them in response hehe i have taken SO many photos
#yew branch#also i just missed a step on the stairs going down and ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow#i am now trapped on the couch until my back stops exploding at least a bit#upside tho is that the kittens are playing together on the couch#sometimes right on my lap!! theyre so so so so cute#i adore them#BUT YEAH i shall be drawing when i return home provided my back allows me to sit upright by that time#bc it sure isnt rn GDJSGJS#im sad ill have to go home tho.. these kittens are some of the cutest beasts alive#life is worth living because every day kittens are playing and having fun#i miiiiiiight be able to indirectly take one#one of my best friends might possibly be able/willing to take one and keep her with her own cat for me#until i move out of my parents house mid next year#so i might get to have... kitten that ive watched grow up from newborns...#the story behind these kittens is that one of my other best friends took in a stray and she turned out to be pregnant#and had these two!!#im also watching the three adult cats in this house but theyre not nearly as much of a handful#as can be imagined this friend is very tired of having 5 cats in the house regardless of how small two of them are GDJSVSN#which is very very understandable#i dont think i would want five cats unless i had a fairly large house. if i had a large house and plenty of free time most of each day#to give them play time and tons of affection#as well as the physical ability to keep up with them all#then id gladly have five cats#who knows maybe someday ill have a nice big house and plenty of spare time and my ddd will be under control#but that doesnt seem likely#aside from ddd being managed! because i have a pain relieving steroid injection tomorrow and then ill be starting physical therapy!!#im excited and i have a lot of hope for at least the physical therapy to help#PLUS THEY HAVE A POOL FOR PHYSICAL THERAPY!!!!!!! AND I LOVE SWIMMING ESPECIALLY AS A GENTLE WORKOUT#and low impact things are very important for my body specifically i cant do high impact exercise or itll hurt me#plus i just love being in water i swear i was meant to be an aquatic elf from dnd
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toastsnaffler · 2 months
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was gonna say smth else but this turned into a vent sorry everyone just ignore. typical weekend post on this blog u know how it is here we go👍
#wild ik so many ppl getting married meanwhile im over here struggling to convince myself my friends even care abt me or want me around#pathetic to admit but i cant even fantasise abt someone loving me bc im too insecure n emotionally unstable#my mind just shoots the idea down like whoa. unrealistic. ur incapable of expressing or receiving affection in any way that matters#no matter how badly u want to... and even if someone did well u wouldnt believe them most of the time#gotta get out of the fucking labyrinth first i couldnt inflict this shit on anyone i cared abt#but it makes me so desperately sad sometimes i dont know how im ever going to get out of this ive been trying for years and years#and im a little better at it snd i dont feel like this all of the time i know it just comes around and itll pass again#but im tired of being in so much emotional pain so frequently. and shouldering it so alone. theres such a disconnect between myself and#others and i dont know how to bridge that i don't know how to stop feeling so isolated and unwanted !!!!!! im trying so hard#it doesnt even bother me w relative strangers in my life like i dont get insecure at all around them i like meeting new ppl#bc theres like. no expectations i guess. like ik they dont care abt me personally and idk them well enough to do that either#and its fun but it doesnt satisfy needs that i have like i need to feel close + connected to ppl i need to care abt them + feel cared for#but as soon as i do start to care abt ppl it gets all tangled and i end up getting rly badly hurt over and over. thru no fault but my own#bc im constantly alienating myself and bc i struggle so much w shit like physical affection which is frustratingly rly critical for me!!!!#it wouldnt fucking matter if i didnt like or want affection ik some ppl are fine without i wish it worked like that for me#but nope instead i have to be constantly messed up over my complete fucking inability to express myself in any form#and ik it makes everyone around me so uncomfortable so it just becomes self reinforcing and eventually they drift and leave me behind#and i just do that over and over and over and every time ill tell myself ill do better ill try harder and itll get easier and someone will#and it happens again and right now im at the stage where the abandonment fear is starting to kick in which is awful n paralysing#and usually a precursor to actually being abandoned ehich is always my own fault bc i start behaving so erratically out of fear or defense#its self fulfilling and im trying. im trying so hard not to let it overwhelm me again and not to start acting out and freaking ppl out#and im coping with it okay i think but just hurts me a lot its all internal my rejection sensitivity is gradually ticking up and up#and argh!!!!!!!!! and some days im okay and some days its like this and i dont know what todo when its like this im so tired and in pain#its not even that bad today tbf. once im done typing this to get it out ill be able to do smth else and distract mysrlf for a bit#and then calling friends later too so exposure therapy innit. but itll be fun and i love them but i will probably also feel very bad after#or even possibly during but thats okay ill still manage fine im not going to let it interfere i dont want it controlling my fucking life#i am going to have a nice time and be okay despite it all. even if i do have to fucking battle this every day forever#and even if it stops me living my life to the extent i want and feeling as ok as i want i just have to come to terms with and be ok w it#and im not going to be!!! a fucking asshole abt it!!! i dont want to hurt anyone else thats the most important thing no matter how i feel#thr rest is all secondary and ik i cant help a few little bumps here and there but trying hardest to keep it separate its not negotiable
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lovsome · 7 months
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i need to get through the next 5 days !!!! then i will be okay !!! (no i wont)
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nexus-nebulae · 11 months
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I'm gonna fucking cry i finally got a doctor who will listen to me and actually understands my problems and explained things to me better than any other specialist I've seen and she gave me a list of ways to make laying down more comfortable and i can finally lay on my side again
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muffinrag · 8 months
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slowly realizing how extremely fucking unfortunate it will be if i have a labral tear
those uh, apparently don't heal. the body doesn't fix those.
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shima-draws · 1 year
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I just gotta make it til tomorrow. I just gotta,, make it til. Til tomorrow. Tomorrow…
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yuukei-yikes · 1 year
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haruka watches takane eat like a dog begging because he knows she will leave at least half its food. sorry i wrote a longer post in the tags.
#but im also attached to the idea after getting her body back takane indulges in food a lot more#i think generally she's just so glad to have it back she stops taking it for granted and is like oh my god EATING#but it goes both ways same with sensory issues#takane is extremely touch/eating/sleeping averse#but suddenly gets this rush and is like i need to binge eat and hold hands NOOOOOOW#<- haruka's match made in heaven moments but he's smart enough to see takane's like overindulging and is like Ok. let's take a break💗#takane gets so overwhelmed both negatively and positively like#omg im real!?!?!? AUGGHH to OMG IM REAL YIPPEEEEE!!!!!!#also working on not taking cover as ene bc at first she did and accidently drove itself craz#so shes like trying to work through it WITHOUT having to resort getting out of her body bc no problems are gonna get solved that way#haruka helping her through it all AUUUHCGGH#i have this very particular hc cuddling its basically therapy ok. because its all touchy and it helps her.#as much as it sometimes pains her so it can be both negative and positive#haruka is like :3 but if takane is squirming all uncomfortable he's like do we HAVE to do this youre NOT enjoying it at all and she's like#EUGH DONT TALK I CAN FEEL YOU BREATHING AGAINST ME ITS DISGUSTING#and haruka's like man when you scheduled to cuddle 1 hour a day i wasnt imagining this💔💔💔#BUT WHATEVER HE WANTS TO HELP SO HE HELPS💗 he just doesnt want her to be all uncomfortable but takane understands she needs it#BECAUSE SHE CAN ALSO LOVE IT IT ALL DEPENDS ON HOW SHE'S DOING THAT PARTICULAR DAY#and as time goes on its more and more that she enjoys it and tells haruka he can now touch her without having to ask first:3#i think at first its exclusively takane who begins any sort of physical contact not bc haruka is shy#but bc he doesnt wanna put her in a weird situation if she doesn't wanna be touched he probably only dares to like hold her hand. ñ#which is her sleeve. bc she covers their hands. lol#BUT TAKANE RLY COMES THRU i think they rly talk abt all this and she rly comes to him like hi. u can touch me without asking if u want.#and haruka's like ?? U MEAN I CAN KISS U WITHOUT ASKING??? AND TAKANES LIKE YEAH!!!and haruka's like OH MY GOD!!!!!!!#hey. sorry for being insane. i have very particular headcanons that i need to share i NEED YOU TO UNDERSTAND ME#did anyone read all these damn tags#god idk why i dont write this as the post itself but then i cant go and copy the tags. what a nightmare#kagevinnie#headcanons
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