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mrskyler · 8 months ago

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hello!! i was wondering if i could request a platonic Jinwoo x m! reader fic (⁠.⁠ ⁠❛⁠ ⁠ᴗ⁠ ⁠❛⁠.⁠)

y/n info: he'd very introverted and antisocial, making Jinwoo his only friend. he doesn't show much emotion, but not in a menacing way.. more like.. a doll? if that makes sense. he also lives in a very empty n ominous mansion-ish building. he doesn't talk much at all, but loves listening to Jinwoo talk. the first time he saw the shadows he was kinda spooked, but sees them as friends :3

so basically.. antisocial goth y/n :3

he may or may not have watched period dramas with Beru when Jinwoo wasn't there

✮⋆˙ The boy in the window next door.˙⋆✮

「 Sung Jin-Woo x Antisocial!Goth! Male Reader ( Platonic ) 」

Versão Português

「 English is not my first language so I'm sorry for any writing mistakes ‹𝟹 」

⌗ a/n : SORRY FOR THE DELAY ANON! I don't have time to write because school is literally killing me 💀💀 But I hope you like it anyway! ‹𝟹

୭🧷✧˚. ᵎᵎ 🎀

Whenever Jinwoo finds himself remembering his childhood, the first thing that comes to mind is a huge mansion that was close to his house.

The reason for this was perhaps because she was completely different from anything he had ever seen.

Its color was as dark as a starless night, causing its figure to be rooted in the back of his mind like vines.

At the entrance, it had a large black gate with sharp spikes at the top; a vast and beautiful garden with long bushes of red roses, and in the center, there was a fountain – being the statue of an angel holding a vase. As said before, the mansion was completely black, along with its windows – which seemed to have a wine-like tone.

Jinwoo remembers that when his mother took him to school, they always passed in front of the mansion's big gate. Thus, causing Jinwoo's eyes to be immediately drawn towards her, and most of the time, he would see a figure in one of the windows on the 2nd floor, but the moment he blinked, It disappeared.

A few years later he discovered that people lived in that mansion.

The (l/n) family.

On a specific day, Mr. and Mrs. (l/n) had a big party, inviting everyone from the neighborhood. Jinwoo parents didn't want to seem rude, so they accepted the invitation.

Jinwoo will never admit it, but back then, he was afraid of the couple. Since the (l/n) only wore black clothes, and had this cold and indifferent aura.

But the moment the couple saw his family standing at the door of the mansion, they greeted them with a big smile on their faces – shined so much that could be compared to the sun itself – and a cheerful and kind personality.

Jinwoo remembers that Mr. (l/n) couldn't stop shaking his father's hand in an excited way.

–

Jinwoo's mother has him sitting on a soft red couch, while she goes to get him some appetizers to eat.

Seeing his mother disappear among the other guests, Jinwoo turns around, only to find himself face to face with a child sitting on the couch facing his.

Jinwoo is startled, giving a noticeable jump. He puts his hand on his heart, feeling it beating quickly, but Jinwoo swears it was about to come out of his mouth. This definitely took 5 years off his life.

After a while, Jinwoo calms down a little. 'Who is this boy? He wasn't here before...' he breaks out in a cold sweat, looking at the mysterious boy suspiciously.

Meanwhile, the boy was just there, looking at Jinwoo with those big, dilated eyes – like a wild animal staring at its prey, motionless as a statue.

Jinwoo wonders if this boy is a living person or just a weird, extremely detailed doll, as he doesn't even appear to be breathing and his face doesn't seem to express any specific emotion.

Unconsciously, the two began to have a competition of who blinks first. Jinwoo was afraid that if he blinked or looked away for a second, the boy would disappear or appear next to him on the couch.

Jinwoo was startled when his mother appeared holding a plate with some appetizers – placing it on the small table between the two boys.

Then, his mother started talking to the mysterious boy.

She turned around with a smile, "Jinwoo this is (m/n), son of Mrs. and Mr. (l/n), say hello to him."

–

After that day, the (l/n) family always called Jinwoo's family to have dinner together or just spend the weekend at the mansion playing golf – yes, they had a golf area in the back of the mansion.

This ended up resulting in the two families becoming great friends, along with Jinwoo and (m/n).

As time passed, Jinwoo realized that it wasn't that (m/n) didn't have emotions or feelings, he just didn't know how to express himself, ending up looking like a lifeless doll.

Like the day they met.

Jinwoo was surprised when (m/n) said that on the day of the party, he was very excited to talk to Jinwoo, but didn't know how to start.

So (m/n) just stood there...

staring at him.

Years later, when they were both adults, (m/n)'s parents moved to another city and left the mansion in (m/n)'s hands.

(m/n) didn't awaken as a hunter, so he started making dolls of all kinds. And he even made a lot of money selling them.

He had difficulty talking to other people, so the only friend he had in all these years was Sung Jin-Woo. And even when Jinwoo had his 2nd awakening, (m/n) thought it was really cool and remained his longtime friend.

But one thing was certain, Jinwoo always left Beru in (m/n)'s shadow.

The problem was...

(m/n) didn't know that.

–

(m/n) was almost finishing one of the dolls from an order.

The last thing he needed to do was choose which of the two dresses looked best on the doll.

'The blue or the red?' (m/n) asked himself mentally.

"blue " replied a voice from beyond.

(m/n) jumped, causing him to hit his knee on the table. As he cringed in pain, he could hear, deep in his mind, a desperate voice repeatedly apologizing and saying something like:

"My majesty will kill me!! ".

After that day, Jinwoo introduced Beru to (m/n).

(M/n) found it strange and uncomfortable at first. For the simple fact that when he was working, someone was there with him, watching what he was doing in complete silence.

So this was how Jinwoo felt when they were both kids and he just sat there and watched him play?

He was never much of a talker, but he loved listening to Jinwoo talk to him.

But after a while, the two started talking to each other, and every now and then, (m/n) asks the shadow in the shape of an ant, which of the dresses would look prettier on the doll.

Just like the day they met.

They definitely watched period dramas together at Jinwoo's house. And when Jinwoo arrived from a portal, (m/n) was asleep on Beru's shoulder.

୭🧷✧˚. ᵎᵎ 🎀

#male reader #open request #solo leveling x male reader #solo leveling #sung jin woo x male reader #sung jin woo #sung jinwoo #sung jinwoo x male reader #imagine #platonic

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snarky-art · 11 months ago

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Thriving vs Survivng, am I right, lads?

Bloom and Stella eventually get married, Daphne and the woman with her, Nadia, an oc I made and have mentioned a few times, get married with Daphne to be next in line as Queen of Domino, and Aisha and Musa get married one day, but are currently in this pic going through some Shit that’s putting a huge damper on that.

More info on everyone and political drama stuff below the cut!

Bloom and Stella are thriving.

Polyamory is super duper normalized in a decent amount of places, and is considered a norm on Solaria. Stella is eventually married both to Brandon and Bloom. Both of Bloom’s sets of parents love Stella and are incredibly happy for her. After much talk and deliberation between Daphne, Bloom, Marion, and Oritel to see how Bloom and Daphne are feeling after Daphne is healed up and in a good place and has processed shit, it’s decided Daphne will continue as heir and shall be next in line for rulership. Bloom meanwhile shall continue her role as guardian fairy, Holder of The Flame, and eventually upon her marriage to Stella will be Queen Consort of Solaria. She has a lot more flexibility this way too to go where she feels most comfortable, between Earth and other areas in The Magical Realm. Oritel and Marion don’t want Bloom or Daphne to feel trapped or be stifled with immense pressure if they can help it, and Bloom is still most comfortable on Earth, so having the option to go back and forth is important and something Marion and Oritel want her to not feel cut off from it, a mistake they made early on when they first got brought back from their stasis.

Formal picture of Nadia finally! An oc from Earth I made who’s Daphne’s gf and eventual wife. I thought it would be nice for Daphne to not worry about contextualizing her grief and trauma with someone who already had preconceived notions of her from myths and legends over the last 1000+ years.

Nadia: so you’re Bloom’s sister! That’s so cool! Do you have magic too?

Daphne, who at this point while not the holder of the flame anymore is still an incredibly powerful fire elemental who retains her nymphix and could hand bloom’s ass to her and call upon The Dragon at will whenever she wants: uh, yeah, some I guess.

Bloom: glad to see being a useless lesbian is a universal trait instead of just earth specific

Daphne: exCUSE ME-

Royal balls be like “The Incarnation of God Itself, heir to The Great Pillar of all of Magic Domino, The Dragon Reborn, Supreme Nymph of Magix, Princess Daphne, and Nadia, Barista on Tuesday, Thursday, and Weekends, of the planet Earth”

Like, oh boy, THEE DAPHNE, and Nadia from Starbucks.

Also don’t worry it’s not actually a Starbucks. It’s a small local cafe and bakery spot that Bloom really likes. Daphne went with her once, saw Nadia, and went 👀. Daphne doesn’t even like coffee also she just goes there for Nadia and was too anxious to ask about any other drinks so she just gets what Bloom got, would makes Bloom, who is not at all rich on Earth, pay for it, and then didn’t actually drink it.

Also, Nadia is definitely wearing heels here.

She’s only around 5’9 or ~175cm, while as I’ve mentioned before, Daphne is 6’7 or ~200cm.

She like to wear different heels and go “ok NOW how close am I to being taller than you” or sometimes go “ok, I think I beat you this time” when she tries on a new pair

She’s never close obviously and they both know that because hehe funny joke, but Daphne will still go “oh, you just might’ve this time.”

Musa and Aisha meanwhile are Struggling. Not only is Musa someone who is already insanely anti-monarch in her governmental views, even one that operates more as a democracy, the government she’s working with can’t stand her.

I’ve mentioned in these posts how marriage works on Andros, and Musa is Not It. She’s not even a Land Androsian, which would’ve been considered a bit of a scandal because of how their government structure is set up. No it’s much worse, for oh no, she’s not an Androsian at all! Truly horrific (I say this sarcastically, but that’s genuinely what the nobles and a chunk of the population feel).

Musa is doing what she can to appease Androsian court.

Gold is a big fucking no no on Andros, but she doesn’t want to give that up since it’s a really important part of her culture.

Aisha is standing with her on that, but it doesn’t make it easier to deal with the assholes in court.

She’s even muted her reds to lean more towards purples and blues.

Muting the reds was a huge olive branch of sorts and she’s pissed about it and doesn’t like doing it (but she did it, and it wasn’t even appreciated, but WHATEVER), but she refuses to get rid of the golds (good for her).

Aisha has gold nail polish here also. She’s doing what she can, and eventually is just gonna say fuck it and start wearing straight up gold with her silvers and tell Musa to get back in the bright red or so help me-

Stella let’s Aisha borrow her stash specifically when she first start and immediately commissions some custom ones done for Aisha’s measurements.

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khaire-traveler · 4 months ago

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🐍 Subtle Harmonia Worship 🫒

Practice healthy conflict resolution skills; learn about what healthy conflict resolution looks like

Make peace with others; apologize to people you've wronged

Make peace with yourself; learn to forgive yourself for your past mistakes, this will take some time

Be gentle with yourself, especially when you're struggling emotionally or physically

Get a candle that reminds you of her (no altar needed)

Wear jewelry that reminds you of her

Keep a picture of her in your wallet

Practice having more empathy towards others; put yourself in their shoes, try to see from their perspective

Practice making compromises with others; we can't always have everything our way, but neither can others, and that's ok; we can try to find ways around that

Have a snake or dragon stuffed animal; have a stuffed animal of any animal you associate with peace, harmony, or balance

Have imagery of intertwined snakes, necklaces, or wine (pools); (UPG here, there's not much info on symbols) have imagery doves, olive branches, clear still water, harmony, peace, or tranquility

Taking time to ground yourself, especially if you notice that you're not feeling mentally well; focus on your breathing, notice small things in your environment, remind yourself that you are ok, etc.

Sit outside for a bit and just allow yourself to exist in your environment; listen to the bird singing, the wind through the trees - that sort of thing

Work on not engaging in gossip or drama (venting is different from gossip; please continue to seek help and support when you need it 💚)

Keep a journal about good things that happen throughout your day; try to write in it daily with just random things that made you smile or caught your attention in a positive sense

Watch videos about humans helping other humans or animals; actively seek out positive news about the world

Watch a wholesome comfort movie

Engage in random acts of kindness; complimenting others, holding the door for someone, helping someone carry something, etc.

Volunteer for any cause that strives to help others in tough situations

Donate to or support organizations that fight for human wellness/rights or animal wellness/right, or homeless and animal shelters

Cook a meal with olive oil

Cook a warm meal for someone in need; cook a meal for your loved ones

Make yourself a warm, relaxing drink to start or end the day

Instead of killing bugs, take them outside; use no-kill traps; treat your fellow creatures with mercy

Feed neighborhood cats, dogs, or birds; be kind to strays

Spend time with your loved ones

Practice walking away from heated arguments instead of engaging (inform the other person that you'd like to talk when you're both in a clearer mental space); practice taking space from intense situations when you need it

Learn more about emotional regulation; try to find healthy vents for anger and upset (this takes a lot of practice, and that's ok)

When you find that you feel happy, notice that feeling and try to sit with it for a bit; take time recognize how you feel in your body when you're happy; allow yourself to enjoy the feeling

I may add more later on, but we'll see! For the time being, this is my list of discreet ways to worship Harmonia. I hope it helps someone! Harmonia definitely deserves more attention than she gets. Take care, y'all! 💚

Link to Subtle Worship Master list

#helpol #hellenic polytheism #hellenic pagan #harmonia deity #harmonia worship #harmonia #deity worship #paganblr

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katyspersonal · 1 month ago

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Hi there, I hope you don’t mind the random question but in your mind which fanbase would you say is worse, Elden Ring or Bloodborne in terms of annoying fans. I used to think Bloodborne fans could be bad but holy shit ER fans are something else when it comes to lore discussions. As someone who is pretty active in lore talk with both games do you find one side to be more exhausting to deal with than the other? Obviously feel free not to answer this if you think it might start drama

Honestly? I can't hate Bloodborne fandom enough.

Bloodborne was my first Fromsoft game and one keeping me hostage in terms of fixation for over three years, like I said! And yes, it has incredibly bad, toxic people in it - Maria fans who kept slandering Gehrman despite all the info against their takes, honestly believed there is anything problematic with Gehrmaria, had mental breakdown if anyone dared to see Maria as bi or straight despite her not having canon sexuality, believed that the whole story is either about man bad woman good OR was incredibly misogynist, no between. Close minded, toxic people who would deliberately bait anger and pain with placing their hate in the tags and then play victims when those hurt fans snapped back. Oh, I hate them, and revealing that Gehrman's "creepiness" and "misogyny" was completely and fully translation mistake, as well as pointing out how comes why nothing is wrong with how Doll is dressed with facts, is forever my most valid contribution to the fandom. More so than my ugly childlike fanart or convoluted theories could ever be. But, not THIS is why Bloodborne fandom is worse in my opinion.

Elden Ring fandom introduced not one but SEVERAL annoying and exhausting topics to deal with! I "affectionately" titled especially rabid Malenia and Miquella fans 'Twin Cultists' because this is exactly what their behavior is and have always been! Funny enough, a person who got mad at me for this one was someone who got alienated on Discord server for Miquella fans because owners started to insist that only their headcanons are valid AND admitted to me on feeling unsafe for not shipping Finlenia. I am dead serious! Malenia fans are strikingly similar to Maria pseudofeminist fans in toxicity, Miquella fans are like if you removed all likeable traits of Leda and replaced them with even MORE of undying vitriol for anyone who dares to interpret him as anything but perfect pure radiant sunshine. Mohg triggered a pretty awful discourse between those who insisted he was rapist molester whatever and if you interpret it differently you are insensitive and media-illiterate victimblamer and people who defended him "becoming the very thing they sworn to destroy" as well as also exhibiting cult-like thought control in their circles (they know who they are -_-).

But the DLC has changed things a bit, right? Some Twin Cultists are still spilling vitriol, except now they also claim that writers are bad, not only fans that disagree with them! Still, blessed, deserved vindication finally arrived! But what about others, whose situation never changed? Vitriol towards Godrick is ABSURD. You know how common fandoms L is that they judge and hate female character for something, but when male character did the exact same thing it is humored or justified? Godrick is this, minus the gender difference, yet everyone who points out his actual characteristics and the hypocrisy of his haters gets ridiculed. You thought that his fans would flock together to support each others? No, turns out that pocket are loosers who think people who don't headcanon him as trans are childish and ridiculous and loathe cishet Elden Ring fans in general. Fia and D are caught in the weird discourse loop where one is always simplified and idealized and another is demonized to Hell and beyond, when they both are strongly caught in religious brainwashing of sorts but also are sympathetic in their own right. Ranni's fans and haters both do not know the term of Machiavellian (aka "Ends justify the means" philosophy). She is the worst most evil character in the setting over what crimes she committed in order to protect the world from the problem of potentially anyone being able to grab the laws of nature itself and shape them according to their bigotries and preferences, OR she is a perfect innocent fighter against oppression and people who dislike her Just Hate Women TM. And of course we cannot forget the one above them all! The radiant, omnipresent, eternal!...

Marika truly brings out the worst of discussions! She has been before SOTE, but you YEARN for pre-SOTE times if you hate OR love her! Not because things changed, but because now discussion can't be avoided. She is THE Elden Ring character who is only ever demonized and idealized. Before SOTE, she was only ever just a tyrant who loves genocide OR simply a puppet of Greater Will (or rather Two Fingers claiming to speak for it as it turned out) who never meant to do that shit and finally heroically rebelled. After SOTE... hahaha, oh boy... we started to deal with the issue of excusing genocide. Her fans will claim into essays and more essays why Hornsent are all fundamentally dangerous race and Marika is merely trying to rid the world of filth that ruins it by sending Messmer. However, demonization didn't quite go away either, and her haters are so angry at writers humanizing her a bit more that they say WRITERS are pro-fascist!

So, why? I've described such horrid discourse, when Bloodborne fandom sounds like it simply has a few bad apples in comparison! What can be worse than Elden Ring fandom, after a description like this? Yeah, you see... Elden Ring fandom is thorn by awful arguments and discourse, it is hostile and dangerous for your mental health if you are invested into fandom beyond just "consuming content" and advertising your art for sale. Yet, it lives. It lives in the same sense as a land torn by earthquakes lives. It lives in the same sense a volcano that won't stop smoking lives. It lives in the same sense sea lives during the storm. But it LIVES.

Bloodborne fandom is a fucking Caelid.

If you question whether I'd be scared of "drama", I assume you are new here and don't know my epic lore. I am not afraid of anything because society made itself clear on what I am for it. In the most condenced way possible, one OF those toxic Maria fans didn't like me thinking for myself too much so they went out of their way to slander me for various -ists and -phobias. Their ableist friend that doesn't take racism seriously joined in. I was a victim of stalking, harassment, slander, witch-hunting and cult-like shunning for over a year, and so was every kind fool who treated me like a human - friend or mutual. I can NOT speak of Bloodborne fandom experience from personal standpoint because obviously it is not an objective experience (though someone who also got unfairly slandered by Maria fans too contacted me, so I question whether it IS a trend..?). Still, it isn't about me or my friends, we are an oddity. Bloodborne fandom for me was just a bunch of gullible, weak sheep who are okay with witch-hunt because letting just a few people get harassed is not worth souring their fandom experience. And I do not wish to turn back or even try to mend anything. I caught my stalker and exposed their crimes, I made everyone who believed they were innocent feel stupid and ashamed, it was all I wanted. I don't wish to "befriend" the fandom afterwards.

YEAH YEAH "THINGS ONCE BROKEN" WHATEVER

But I was still posting and drawing and playing and talking and writing, right? I was still present. So, I was at least observing what was going on. And what truly soured Bloodborne fandom was actually happening afterwards, what was not involving me or any friend or enemy I knew. The worst thing happened, worse for fandom than any amount of discourse. I call it "centralization", for lack of better term.

Bloodborne is a niche fandom, yet it had a sudden zoomers burst. And that led to dynamics of "fandom leaders", and stupid fucking Discord community that are akin to elite club in which if you are not invited you might as well not exist. It ALL became about stupid "web of mutuals" nonsense. It ALL became about some cool kids deciding what will be the ship or the take of the week/month, and soon you'd see NOTHING but this thing posted. Always through the exact same lense, too. Only to then be forgotten, because it was just a trend. Rom x Caryll comes to mind as a FAD of similar vibe. Micolaurence too.

I just hate this. The fandom stopped LIVING. I saw genuinely absurd things happen! Like someone drawing Mariadeline, one of the most popular ships in the fandom, yet they get completely ignored because they've failed to grab a beer at the bar with "leaders" of this ship who "hold" the distribution of that approval and love. Even worse; over a year ago, a very talented, fun, energetic and creative fan of Mensis Trio and Byrgenwerth squad showed up! They were SPAMMING art and writing, and all of that was good! So good that..... all of that barely got over 20 notes, maybe 30. Why? Because, again, you can't just post about blorbos and expect to be liked and approached. You have to get on the "good side" of "holders" of love for characters like Micolash, Laurence and Rom, or else they'll just side-eye you! But imagine this with literally everything else. I have been watching it happen all the time, to people that were not even targets for cult-like shunning by Alfred, Eugene or Anna for associating with me. You keep to yourself, you are shy, you are not on Discord with them, your headcanons are a bit different? Too bad, you may rot, because it is not about you! People look up to a few popular artists with shallow takes and so much creative liberties they might as well make OCs to know whether this or that person should be liked and reblogged, instead of JUST liking and reblogging them!

THIS is why Bloodborne fandom is Caelid. Not for toxicity, but because it is rotten. It used to be far less "organized" when I joined in. There were no trends to define fandomry for next few weeks decided on a party where ignored creators were not invited to. There was not hegemony of certain ships, designs and headcanons. There was no "web of mutuals" and pressure to either assert yourself by the good side or vanish. Everyone were doing their things and coexisting, nobody could determine who flourishes and who rots, diversity of headcanons and interpretations were celebrated. Oh, what's a matter? You really dislike that popular artist who infantilizes Marika and stripes her out of any agency over her actions? Well, so do like 500000 other people! Every popular take is ALSO popular to hate on in Elden Ring fandom! But if you dislike a popular take in Bloodborne then sucks to be you, because diversity of interpretations, opinions, preferences and takes just doesn't exist in it. Not anymore. Unless you "asserted" your novel idea to the "court" on some stupid Discord server and was "approved", of course.

Look. Elden Ring discourse annoys me to no end. I always get my headcanons and interpretations "corrected" in the worst condescending fashion. My friend posted a very well made lore post and got harped on because his take contradicted someone's idol's headcanons (with that idol approving of that harping) and I am still mad. I don't want to post my GEQ takes to be reminded that "aktualy" she is Melina. I dislike seeing claims of Miquella's nonexistent character assassination or Radahn hated just because some sexist Redditors were using him as a mascot. Nonetheless, deep down, I am THANKFUL. Because even really annoying debates end up being entertaining. Because people here TALK about things, REVISIT things, ARGUE about things, CARE about things, HAVE OPINIONS on things. They will annoy you in the comments or reblogs, but they SPEAK to you. No take is so popular that it defines all art and fanfics because every popular take is also popular to hate on. Things are disorganized. No fandom leaders, no elite club ignored blog wasn't invited to, no "web of mutuals" that should get sucked into a vacuum cleaner and never be seen again. Elden Ring fandom is a battlefield, but also free market minus the money.

To be honest, Bloodborne fandom was done for me when based people started to vanish. Fishbowlcarnage deactivated everywhere, Cuddlefish mysteriously disappeared and I worry whether they are even alive to this day, user Molluscock got bullied away... It felt like a bad omen, it happened before my drama, and I've never seen users like this before. Except I have been, but they all are now ignored because of this stupid high school dynamic taking over. Had Elden Ring hyperfixation not happened, I'd probably just end up blocking many Bloodborne accounts and never care for trying to make connections again, just post art and vanish to draw the next one. I did end up blocking some Bloodborne mutuals, after all. After it hit me, what was bothering me so much. Appreciate Elden Ring fandom and it's earthquakes, because shaking earth can't be bigger evil than stagnation. Bloodborne fandom no longer breathes, they are champions of not feeding the sparkles that were meant to become fire hoping they die down, and I hate every looser that benefits from that "system". In Elden Ring, ALL things flourish, whether graceful or malign.

#elden ring #bloodborne #fandomry rambles #disco horse #I had a lot to get off my chest and I stand by it #thank you for letting me speak I guess...

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yaeggravate · 1 year ago

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Never-Ending Performance 🤝 Endless Solo of Solitude

"All the World's a Stage" is a quest in Kaeya's Hangout Event 🤝 Character Demo - "Furina: All the World's a Stage"

Quest Info: Drama is both the generalized form and essence of reality. 🤝 Furina: Opera walks the line between truth and fiction.

Kaeya: Everyone, you and I included, is both an actor and a member of the audience. 🤝 Furina: Therein lies the rub: Are you and I the audience, or characters on the stage? Nobody can know for sure.

Zosimos: That would be most appreciated, Kaeya. I had a feeling about you, actually. You seem to know a thing or two about character acting. Tell me, have you acted before? 🤝 Reporter: Lady Furina, might I ask how you were able to attain such great mastery acting as an Archon, though no one has ever seen you practice?

The Prophecy™: "The future must atone for bygone mistakes, as the bond familiar falters and breaks— of the same blood, elders and the youth… Such is the cycle of the world, in truth." 🤝 The Prophecy™: "The people will all be dissolved into the waters, and only the Hydro Archon will remain, weeping on her throne. Only then will the sins of the people of Fontaine be washed away."

#yeah...#them also being the only characters with non-standard visions...#.txt #furina: hey can i copy your homework #kaeya: just change it a little so it doesn't look obvious #lore bytes

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 8 months ago

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WIBTA for trying to get my disabled coworker fired?

I know it sounds bad which is exactly why I’m asking. Please give it a read-through before voting though.

I (18M) work a food service job. One of my coworkers, L (20sF), is deaf, which can make working with her harder than other coworkers. I don’t mind this, and have taught myself some ASL to communicate with her when phones aren’t available.

However, in my half a year of working here, I’ve noticed that she has bad habits compared to every other coworker I have. For example, L comes in late nearly every day. I wouldn’t mind it if it was only by a few minutes, but she regularly comes in over 20 minutes late, and on occasion, being over 40 minutes late. Being the only other person who works mornings in my position, this makes my job harder because I have no clue when I’ll have someone to help me. It’s especially bad during morning rushes, in which I have to do almost everything by myself.

She regularly lies in order to get off as well. At one point, she told everyone in the store she was sick. We let her go for the day, but 30 minutes after she left, she posted about going to a party on her Facebook account. There are other incidents, but this is one of the clearer ones.

There have also been incidents in which she messes up food. Bad. At one point, she poisoned a customer by putting something they were allergic to in their order. It wasn’t even a thing that normally came on the food, so I couldn’t chalk it up to a really unfortunate mistake.

When L does prep work, her stuff usually turns out super poorly as well. With the dough she makes, it’s always so thin that someone has to go back and add flour to it. With the in house sweet cream we make, it’s always unmixed at the bottom. And just a few days ago, the chicken salad she made turned out fucking pink. A coworker got sick giving it the benefit of the doubt and trying some.

L’s also, frankly, really unpleasant to be around. She’s incredibly bossy, which is rich for how lazy she can be. If you’re around her when there’s nothing going on, you’ll hearing about all of her personal drama. Complete with private messages between her and her boyfriend of the week, messages with her doctor with way to much detail about her sex life, and at one point, photos of a dead dog she had run over that morning. All completely unprompted.

She’s also been hitting on me and another coworker recently. I have repeatedly stated I have no interest in romance in general, and the other coworker is taken.

L continues to do these things, despite everyone telling her otherwise. Even when the manager or boss get onto her, she’ll only change for a bit and then go back to her old habits.

The reason I’m asking if I’d be the asshole is because I know it’s hard to get a job while disabled in this country. And L’s been at this job for 3 years somehow. I know that doesn’t excuse a lot of things, but I still have trouble knowing that someone could be going without money they need.

There’s so much more I could get into here, but I already fear that this is too much.

So TLDR: I’m considering pushing for my deaf coworker to get fired because she regularly shows up really late, endangers customers, and makes everyone uncomfortable.

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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yukidragon · 2 months ago

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Sunny Day Jack - SunnyTime Crew Headcanons

I accidentally went on a bit of a ramble about the relationship of Jacktor and Jean over on twitter, and I realized that I haven't mentioned here just how drastically my thoughts have evolved about Jean Laurent since the last couple times I talked about him. So let's talk about my current headcanons for Jean and the other stars of the SunnyTime Crew, specifically their relationships with Joseph and Mary in Sunshine in Hell.

@channydraws @earthgirlaesthetic @sai-of-the-7-stars @cheriihoney @illary-kore @okamiliqueur @kurokrisps

For the longest time, the popular theories in the fandom have been that Jean is secretly Ian's father and that due to jealousy he might have had something to do with [Redacted]'s death, it not outright murdered him. I thought that the former was a neat idea and would add a lot of potential drama, both for Ian and for Joseph when these truths of the past were brought about in the present. I wasn't opposed to the latter theory, but I didn't really feel it had much weight behind it, and I didn't feel like going that route for my telling of the story.

Then three big things happened that totally changed my thoughts about Jean. First, I learned that Rory Rainberry is canonically gay. While the character and the actor aren't necessarily the same person - as Sunny Day Jack from CloudyTown is different from runaway Joseph Cullman, for example - a big part of the game surrounds how the character and the actor are tangled up and blended together. As such, it feels only right to me that the actor for Rory is also gay like the character he plays.

This, of course, means that unless Ian's mom was Jean's beard, or a fling he had while experimenting with his sexuality, it's unlikely they were in a relationship. It's not impossible, of course, since we know so little about Jean at this point. Heck, for all all we know he sold sperm to a sperm bank for extra cash on the sly.

The second thing I learned were several little tidbits of info from the new afterlife story in the latest build of the demo. I won't discuss any details about it here, as it's a closed beta for only members of a certain tier of the patreon and kickstarter backers, but I got a new sense of the vibes during that era in time.

The third big thing that happened is the sunberry renaissance over on twitter, spearheaded by the delightful Chosee. Sunberry, for those not yet in the know, is the ship name for Sunny Day Jack and Rory Rainberry. I'd say it's thanks to Chosee that Rory and Jean are enjoying a new surge of popularity, as well as a fresh perspective on the characters.

These three things - along with thinking more about this era of the story thanks to expanding Mary and Joseph's headcanons - inspired me to totally change what I wanted to do with Jean in Sunshine in Hell.

Naturally, before we begin I want to emphasize that these are my personal headcanons and telling of the story, and as such don't necessarily reflect the canon of the game. (Heck, for all I know, the initial fan theories are the correct after all!) Game theories can wait for another post.

A Good Impression

As we can tell from the interview with Dan, Sunny Day Jack was the most popular character on the SunnyTime Crew Show. While none of the cast members were immune to jealousy, it never got to the point of in-fighting, let alone murder. Each member of the crew had plenty of fans to adore each of them, even if Jack was the most popular character by far.

Joseph was highly nervous when first meeting his fellow cast members at the start and tried his best to make a good impression. He refused to make the same mistakes he did in the past that made so many people dislike him, and he totally reinvented himself. He had a brand new identity, a brand new name, and a brand new friendly attitude. No one ever had to know what type of person he used to be... not even the one person there who knows his name isn't really James Haberdae.

It's a fresh start for Joseph. He's been given a second chance to start over with the love of his life by his side. He wants to do things right this time. He wants to be happy with Mary and help make both their dreams come true. He wants get along with people, actually make friends for once instead of enemies... and most of all he doesn't want to let down the kids the way he was put down all the time when he was a child.

Joseph - or rather "James" - is rather well liked by his coworkers. He's helpful and friendly, eager to learn more how to to best do his job and help his costars. Despite his worries and past experiences, he winds up charming many people working at the studio.

The years Joseph spent on the street taught him how to please others in order to survive. Now he can actually use what he learned to build an actual life for himself, rather than drifting along barely scraping by. He swallows his temper when slighted and goes out of his way to be helpful at the studio, even if it means he winds up taking more work upon himself.

Fortunately Mary is there to keep Joseph from tipping too far the other direction and giving too much of himself to everyone else. She's got some bad people-pleasing habits as well, but because she's especially concerned for her starlight's wellbeing, she does her best to make sure he's taking care of his own needs too. Naturally, he does the same for her in return.

Of course, it's pretty well known that Joseph and Mary are together. It's kept on the down low, as the studio doesn't want any gossip anywhere within a mile of the SunnyTime Crew Show or its characters, but those who work on the show are aware of their relationship.

Most find the pair cute, but at least one person is a bit...

Well, I don't want to talk about a certain person here since that might be spoilers for the new afterlife story, so I'll say that at least Joseph's costars thought the pair were cute together.

In a way, the people at the studio are the first real friends Joseph has ever made besides his sunshine. They don't know his past or even his real name like Mary does, but that's for the better. He can reinvent himself, make a new future while keeping the only good thing about his past.

Finally Joseph isn't alone anymore.

Jean

Jean Laurent is an old hat when it comes to showbusiness. He was a child star who was put in front of a camera before he even had a concept of what a camera was. He's been in everything from sitcoms to soap operas to commercials, and he even had minor roles in a couple films.

Funny thing is that the SunnyTime Crew Show isn't Jean's first time being part of a wildly popular TV show that reached a national audience. As a child, he was part of a wholesome family sitcom. His precocious personality, as well as a memorable catch phrase captured hearts all across America. The show is one of those old classics that is still vaguely a part of pop culture even in the present day.

As an adult, Jean distanced himself from being boxed into that specific character or being viewed as a child. He wanted to be taken more seriously as a mature, grown up actor, but he's rather pigeonholed by the perception of him as a child even many years and roles later. The SunnyTime Crew Show wasn't his first pick of roles, and he mostly auditioned as a favor for someone, but the other acting gigs he wanted more fell through.

Any gig is better than none, especially when you want to get better roles one day. Playing the part of a clown baker for little kids might not be what he wanted, but it's fine for now. Sure the studio works them hard, but what studio doesn't? All things considered, it's not as bad as other places, especially since he's not the poor schmuck stuck center stage.

Yeah, Jean does feel the occasional jealous twinge when Sunny Day Jack gets more attention and love than Rory Rainberry, but overall he's perfectly happy being somewhat overlooked. Being the star that gets all the attention isn't all it's cracked up to be, especially when people still see him as the annoying character he's trying to distance himself from. He twitches whenever someone says the name of that old show or the character he used to play.

And if anyone even jokes about prodding him to say that old catch phrase, he's throwing hands. He is never saying those words ever again. Never. Again.

Well... unless he gets paid ridiculously well. Despite spending so many years as a popular child star, his nest egg is less than ideal because his parents were the ones holding the purse strings. Those bastards wasted his hard earned money on drugs, hookers, expensive cars, and all sorts of useless shit. Once he became an adult, he amputated that dead weight as soon as he could. His family still tries to hit him up for cash occasionally, but they've well and truly burned any bridges they had to him.

Yes, Jean has a lot of experience with the world of showbusiness, both its highs and lows. He's practically seen it all.

That's why Jean could see Joseph was in way, way over his head. He knows all too well that fresh meat like Joseph - especially when they're so soft and tender - is going to get eaten alive. He's seen it many, many times before.

Jean didn't intend to get close to his fellow costars, or anyone working at the studio really. This was just a stopover role, something to pad his resume and bank account until he landed a part someplace better. You never know who in this cutthroat business is genuine and who is looking for an opportunity to stab you in the back while wearing a smile on their face.

Damn it if Joseph didn't get past Jean's defenses in spite of himself.

Jean was certain that Joseph was a bright star that's going to burn out quickly, just a newbie that got ridiculously lucky. He had every reason not to get too close, but over time he and Joseph bonded. At first he pegged "James" as a boy scout, a sweet and naïve golden retriever of a man who was practically born for the role of Sunny Day Jack.

Over time things changed bit by bit. Joseph was so earnest that Jean wound up feeling sorry for the guy and threw out a bit of advice here and there. Just to make things easier for himself of course. Joseph was always so grateful, so eager to learn, it made Jean feel awkward for how harshly he'd come across.

The actors all smoked, so the four would often wind up hanging out while taking their cigarette breaks. While Jean didn't tend to start conversation, the others were more open to talking. Venting about the bosses was a sure way to get Jean to join in, and he wasn't immune to laughing along to a funny story or ribbing a costar for something embarrassing that happened.

Joseph never pushed himself too hard on Jean when trying to make friends. He saw a bit of his old self in Jean in the way he used to push people away with a prickly exterior, ready with some cutting snark and raise his defenses at a moment's notice. He was friendly, but never encroached on Jean's personal space unless invited. That consideration played a big part in Jean eventually warming up to him.

Over time, friendship grew between the four, much to Jean's chagrin. Sure he had the occasional spat with Cloudy-Belle Sue's actress, but he respected her. Knackadan Drizzle's actor was a riot and a great wingman at the local hot spots when Jean was looking for a handsome gent to take home for the night.

With things being not quite so progressive in the 1980's like they were today, Jean had to keep his homosexuality on the down low. While the studio overlooked quite a few "questionable" things people did when working there, it was only overlooked if the news never caught wind of anything. This was why Jean had adopted the motto of "don't shit where you eat," so he made it a policy never to date his coworkers.

Of course, a little subtle flirting never hurt anyone when the cameras were off. When he was in a good mood of course. Jean didn't often let people know when he was in a good mood, but after he made friends with his costars, he would occasionally flirt with the two good looking men who shared the stage with him. It was all in good fun.

Really, Jean would've been very tempted to break his rule of not dating coworkers for Joseph. Those handsome looks were a big part of Jack's popularity for good reason. If Joseph wasn't already in a happily committed relationship, he would've most likely asked the other man to come to his place or a hotel for the night.

Nothing would've come of it beyond a night of sex even if Joseph was single though. It would've been just a fling since Jean doesn't plan on staying at the SunnyTime Crew Show longer than he has to, but it would've been fun.

Jean isn't one to break into a closed relationship though, not unless it's a toxic one that's better off ending. He's no saint even if he does have morals. Joseph and Mary's relationship is certainly anything but toxic. The pair are just so sickeningly sweet together that he can't help but feel a little jealous of what they have. He's not ready for that sort of relationship with anyone yet, but maybe someday he'll find a guy that looks at him the way Joseph looks at Mary.

Jean doesn't quite bond with Mary the same way he does with Joseph, but he does grow fond of her as well, and a big part of it is because he and Joseph become friends. He doesn't tend to interact with the writing staff very much directly, just reading the scripts he's given and listening to the director's instructions, but with how Mary and Joseph are joined at the hip, he winds up spending more time with her by association.

Mary is almost as new to showbusiness as Joseph. In a way, she's a good match for him in how soft she is. Jean suspects their relationship is a big part of why they're both so soft, as the pair dote on and spoil each other so much. They don't talk about how they met, but they act like they've always known one another, so he suspects they're childhood sweethearts. They probably had a charmed life together, never really knowing how bad life can truly be...

Yeah, Jean doesn't really know the pair as well as he thinks he does even after spending a few years getting to know them.

Jean gets close enough to joke around with Joseph and even lightly tease Mary a bit. All it takes is a bit of innuendo about what the pair do behind closed doors to make Mary blush hard. Naturally, Jean uses their nicknames for each other as a way to tease both of them. Jean even gets close enough with Joseph for insult humor between friends, though he never gets quite that casual with Mary.

Rather than being jealous of Jack's popularity, Jean takes advantage of it to tease Joseph. "Poor bastard," he remarked sometimes whenever "Jack" would get dragged off for yet another extra photo shoot, interview, or autograph signing that he could simply waltz away from.

Jean does legitimately feel bad for Joseph being overworked, and advises the guy not to jump at their beck and call so much, but Joseph always smiles and insists that he can handle it.

Joseph is too desperate to keep his job. Jean can see that. All the advice in the world isn't going to deter Joseph from clinging to the part of Sunny Day Jack with everything he has. Poor guy is just going to have to learn the hard way just how harsh the entertainment industry is.

Jean just hopes that there'll be something left of the good guy he's grown to care for by the time showbusiness has had its way with "James."

Jean never saw the incident of '84 coming, not in a million years.

In the aftermath, Jean moved on to another role, as he always intended to do, but it was tainted by the incident. He did visit Mary in the hospital once, but it felt more like he was coming to her wake than encouraging her to get better. She didn't even seem to know anyone was even there anymore.

Jean didn't visit a second time. He didn't want to think about the incident or what happened to either of the pair. He distanced himself from all the people who worked on the show.

With how hard the studio came down with the NDA, Jean knew better. He tried to forget he ever knew any of them at all. It was better to cut all those relationships off.

He never should've gotten close in the first place.

The show never happened. Jean was never a clown. There's a gap in his resume filled with hush money. Being paid for his silence helped ease his nerves a bit. This was just a part of the business, he told himself. He saw so much shit over the years... this was just more of the same.

That's why even in the present day, Jean is still acting. From child star to silver fox, he's a well known actor with a wide range of roles. He has connections in various places in the industry, even with the modern day LambsWork Productions.

Most days, Jean forgets all about the SunnyTime Crew Show and all the people he got to know there. He forgets the faces, names, and funny stories. He forgets everything.

But sometimes... he remembers the incident in spite of himself. He remembers the children screaming and the smell of gunpowder.

Sometimes Jean feels guilty for burying the memory of his friend James... but he knows better. He always knew better than every one of them.

On that note, let's switch over to another one of the costars of the fateful SunnyTime Crew Show.

Knackadan Drizzle

Much like Rory, Knackadan is also canonically gay. Also like Rory, I decided it would be fitting if his actor shares the same sexuality. However, while we know the actor for Rory goes by the name of Jean, we don't actually know the name of his actor yet.

Well... outside of the closed beta, at least. I'm not giving out spoilers here, so let's just stick with a fun little nickname for the purposes of this post. I'm going to go with Knacktor, a portmanteau of "Knackadan" and "actor" much in the same way Jacktor became wildly used for Joseph.

Likewise, I'm going to be calling Cloudy-Belle Sue's actor Suetor. I know Cloudytor and Belltor could work too, but I like the potential pun possibilities with Suetor. I just need to figure out a good joke involving her and a suitor...

Anyway, Knacktor, being the oldest member of the main cast and more mature than the rest of the crew has a more fatherly air to him. He's friendly and fairly outspoken. He's had many years under his belt as a model and taking in acting roles. He hasn't landed a starring role before, but he's got a good resume and a decent amount of experience.

Knacktor is the first person to befriend Joseph, warming up to him right away. He often times goes out of his way to help the poor guy out, as "James" is always in way over his head. He's the first to offer tips and give the new star a heads up when trouble is brewing. He's more than happy to suggest catching a drink together after work, maybe even a double date with his boyfriend.

Although I don't have the character fully fleshed out in my head yet, I like to imagine Knacktor as having a long-term boyfriend during this era. He might have to keep it on the down low, especially since not everyone is going to be nice about his sexuality during this time period, but with those he can trust he's more than happy to show off his lovely partner.

In a way, Knacktor envies his costars in the romance department. Suetor is engaged and even invited him and his partner to her wedding. Knacktor can see Joseph and Mary are no doubt headed for marriage as well. It's something he and his partner can't do legally... at least not for a few more decades.

Until then, matching tattoos with hidden meanings would have to take the place of wedding rings.

In a lot of ways, Knacktor is the "uncle" or "big brother" of the group, watching out for his fellow costars as well as other friends he made while at the studio. Unlike Jean, he was more than willing to make friends and get along with everyone he could.

Knacktor's opinion on Joseph and Mary was that they were "good kids," and he liked to use the fact that he was older than them as a reason to playfully tease his younger coworkers. They were friends, and he got to know them pretty well.

The relationship Knacktor and Suetor have is more of a sibling bond type vibe. They have a history and are fond of teasing one another. They knew each other from a previous show they had parts in, which were also aimed at young children. It was more of a local show, but it gave them a good sense of how these things go.

Knacktor was in it for the long haul. Despite the flaws at the studio, he saw the potential in the SunnyTime Crew Show because there were so many people working there who were passionate about it. Joseph especially fueled this energy and encouraged others, which he was more than happy to help along.

What happened during the incident and the "facts" that came to light were something Knacktor never would've expected. Even today, he still doesn't know the truth about "James" or Joseph or whoever... Everything was buried... along with his unlucky costar.

Nothing was the same after the incident. Knacktor was there when it happened. He was standing right beside Joseph when the bullet blew the man's brains out.

He still has nightmares about what he saw that day... and sometimes... he has nightmares that Joseph is still dying, still trapped somewhere...

Knacktor tries to forget, if only for his own sanity... but guilt makes that impossible. He and Joseph were close. They had been good friends. Joseph opened up to him at times, and he did the same. He caught glimpses of the man behind that smiling mask, but never enough to see someone who could drive a person to murder.

Knacktor knows he'll never know the truth. He can't dig into it. He can't afford to, not when the studio threatened legal action against those who wanted answers, who wanted to talk about it.

He can never be really sure if he ever really knew "James" at all.

Trauma and guilt born from loyalty to a friend was made it impossible for Knacktor to forget. He visited Mary after the incident. She was a sweet woman. It was awful to see the way Joseph's death destroyed her. It pained him when he heard of her passing not long after.

At the same time, it was almost a mercy. Mary no longer had to live with the nightmares like Knacktor and the others did...

Knacktor couldn't keep acting after that. He refused to work with LambsWork Productions again or even return to the old studio... but it wasn't enough. Going into any studio caused him to suffer from panic attacks, even if it wasn't the one where the incident took place. All it took was some lights and a camera and he was reliving it again, watching a friend fall... his blood and viscera spraying all over him...

He could never forget that feeling no matter how many times he scrubbed at his skin.

It was impossible for Knacktor to continue his acting career. He retired quietly. The hush money from the studio allowed him some breathing room while he changed jobs. He couldn't work with children, not after that. He couldn't work anything that reminded him of the SunnyTime Crew Show. He got a nice, quiet desk job where he still works to this day, readying for his retirement.

While Knacktor doesn't hide that he was an actor in the past, he never breathed a word about why he quit. He'll change the topic or simply say he got tired of it, hiding his trauma behind a smile.

Some things are best left buried in the past, no matter how much the guilt haunts him.

Cloudy-Belle Sue

Of all the cast members, Suetor had the most experience working in young children's programming. She bounced around from local show to local show until landing on the SunnyTime Crew Show. It was the first time she was on a show broadcast nationwide. It was an incredible experience, one that she still treasures despite how it ended.

Suetor befriended Joseph easily, along with Mary. The two were just so sweet, and she was really rooting for them to make it. It broke her heart with the way their love story ended. They were invited to her wedding, which was set to take place only a month or so later...

Only a few of her coworkers came to Suetor's wedding, one of them Knackator. Jean rescinded his RSVP after the incident and ghosted all of them.

The empty chairs at the reception were painful for her to look at.

Despite the incident, Suetor continued to work in children's entertainment. Because she had been getting in makeup at the time, she didn't get a front row seat like Knacktor had. She didn't suffer the same level of trauma. The screaming of the children reached her dressing room, but it sounded odd to her at the time. She was distant enough not to notice the panic and fear in their voices until she heard the sound of gunshots.

Suetor left her dressing room only after it was deemed safe enough to do so after the police arrived. She didn't see any bodies, just the blood stains on the floor. Knacktor was off getting cleaned up. She took it upon herself to try and help calm the crying children who had been traumatized by the incident.

Of the three costars, Suetor was spared the worst of the incident. Knacktor was right next to Joseph when it happened. Rory had been backstage, but still had a clear view of Joseph's murder and the way Mary ran to the body, screaming...

Suetor did visit Mary in the hospital more than once. She tried to support Mary, but her words could never reach. They had become friends even before Joseph came back into Mary's life. She had hoped she could do something for her grieving friend... but she didn't know what she could offer.

There was nothing she could do for Mary, just like nothing she could do for Joseph. The studio wouldn't allow them to pay for a funeral for either of them. The cast couldn't even have a memorial. They were all scattered to the winds, left adrift and threatened into silence.

Suetor still has the vase Mary gave her for her birthday. Sometimes, she puts flowers in it that she thinks Mary or Joseph would have liked.

What happened to those two was a tragedy, one that should never have happened.

Suetor never got a clear picture about what happened during the incident. Jean refused to say anything and Knacktor was too traumatized to talk about it. Anyone else was too scared of legal threats to tell her the whole story.

All Suetor could do was move on. She continued to work in children's entertainment, sometimes in front of the camera, sometimes behind it. She tried to do right for the children, both in honor of her lost friends and so that no other child would have to suffer such a traumatic scene again.

Suetor had children of her own. They're all grown up and moved out of the house by the present day. By all respects she's had a nice life. The incident of '84 at times feels more like a nightmare than anything else, but she can keep it out of her mind for the most part. She is able to remember "James" and Mary fondly as she knew them and not so much for how they died.

Of everyone, Suetor suffered the least from the incident, but it still haunts her.

Everyone who worked on the SunnyTime Crew Show are haunted by the ghost of the incident of '84, even if they're not free to talk about it publicly.

Joseph tried so hard to do right by the children. Suetor saw that every day with how gentle he was with them, how wholeheartedly he embraced the role of Sunny Day Jack. She might have been the more experienced one of the two in this regard, but he had this natural charm with children. He was the most beloved cast member not by luck, but because he shone more brightly than any of them.

What happened to him wasn't right. Suetor heard only a few solid details, something about a lunatic with a grudge... but why would anyone hate such a sweet, sincere guy like James to the point of murder? It never made sense to her. A part of her was never satisfied never getting answers, but she had to accept it... if only because digging put her and everything she cared for at risk.

Sometimes over the years Suetor couldn't help digging, just a little. Not enough to risk NDAs. Not enough to risk her family. Sometimes she runs into people who were there, who knew Joseph, who were in the audience... sometimes they say things.

The children especially had a lot to say even years later... but children can be the most unreliable of narrators, and accounts can differ wildly, especially as the years distort the truth.

A bad person said Sunny Day Jack was actually a bad man. Then that bad person killed him. The things the bad person said to Joseph... Suetor could never be sure what exactly they were. Time also has a way of blurring the truth until things start sounding more like an urban legend.

It's an unsolved mystery, one Suetor can only accept will never be solved... at least not until a young woman who reminds her of the friend she made 40 years ago comes to her door to ask questions about a show that was lost...

I think I'll leave things on that note. As you might tell, the cast of the SunnyTime Crew Show is still very much a work in progress. Although they're not fully fleshed out yet, talking about them like this helps me develop them more. I think I've got a better idea of who I want them to be in Sunshine in Hell thanks to this post. I have a feeling I'll ramble on about them more again in the future to develop them further. I hope you enjoyed this exercise in character building!

#Sunny Day Jack #Something's Wrong With Sunny Day Jack #SunnyDayJack #sdj #swwsdj #Headcanon Ramblings

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pakhnokh · 2 years ago

Text

Wei Wuxian not knowing about the Lan Forehead Ribbon in "House of Gentians"

What LWJ says in this part is the HoG-verse assumption regarding WWX not knowing the meaning of the forehead ribbon. The idea/opinion is mine, it's how I see it based on my reading, so it might not be true! But this is the setting for HoG nonetheless.

Please take into consideration that this is me explaining the technical behind the scenes of my thought process to make these pages. I base my work on the novel and what is written there only. This is not me trying to explain the novel, but only what I, as a creator of an AU, thought that I can use for it to work.

So please, read till the end and if you have your own insights to share, do it!

So what is the explanation for Wei Wuxian not knowing the meaning of the ribbon and finding it out in canon? We have 2 versions.

Novel version (also Manhua and audio drama): WWX doesn’t know the meaning of the forehead ribbon, and the cause is unknown. He learns about it from the Lan juniors in his second life.

Donghua version: The source of information about the ribbon is the Lan rule book, and WWX copied that part wrong. Only in his second life, when he flipped through LWJ’s notes, he found the mistake and the correct meaning written by LWJ.

I believe donghua had its own reasons to bend the plot this way (especially since censorship laws would forbid presenting the meaning of the ribbon so straightforwardly fearing the possibility of hinting on wangxian relationship, so showing it as one second shot of a notebook with tons of text was a good choice on their part to both deal with the censorship and still maintain the main idea).

HoG-verse follows the novel, therefore it does not assume that WWX knew, or could know the meaning of the ribbon from the Lan rules. We don’t even know if it’s IN the Lan rules. According to the novel, WWX had to copy about four fifths of the entire Lan rule book, see here:

And we do know that WWX remembered quite a lot of the rules, as he says to Jin Ling in the temple:

(In fact WWX is shown as someone with good memory, especially of things he read. He excels in his class in CR showing that he knows a lot of stuff compared to his classmates, he remembered phrases he read once from Wen Mao’s book,and he remembers the Lan rules he copied many times).

I also don’t think he has “selective memory” cause the only times WWX was shown as forgetting something (as far as I recall) is the times he was feverish (Tulu Xuanwu cave, forgetting the song the LWJ played to him) and devastated/not caring about what’s going on around him (after the massacre on Nightless City, after his Shijie died, didn’t remember LWJ saving him and confessing to him).

In both cases, he eventually remembers. He remembers by himself the song LWJ played in the end of the novel, and about the events of Nightless City, when LXC tells him about what happened, he admits that his memory is clouded:

Meaning he eventually recalls the things he forgot. This is opposed to his reaction when he finds out about the Lan ribbon from the Lan juniors. It’s really something he hears for the first time. If WWX really copied this from the rule book and forgot, he should’ve remembered it at this point, but he’s too surprised, excited and embarrassed.

PLUS, if WWX had copied the meaning of the forehead ribbon from the Lan rule book, I don’t think he would forget it. He always thought the Lans to be strict, boring and uptight, so such a “juicy” piece of information would by no means go unnoticed by him. He’d use this info to tease the hell out of young LWJ hahaha…notice how he is surprised that the Lans could have a romantic side:

ANYWAYS this is just to show that the donghua version isn’t exactly possible in novel-verse.

In fact, in the novel, WWX does know only one meaning of the forehead ribbon, or maybe its purpose:

Maybe THIS was what he read in the Lan Rule book, but it’s still not as in the donghua, where he eventually came to know that the ribbon is supposed to be given to one’s fated other. If this knowledge about the ribbon being a tool for self-regulation was what he learned from the Lan book, then he is still left in the dark because he suspects there is another meaning to the ribbon and he just doesn’t know it:

According to these parts, it doesn’t seem that WWX knew and forgot, but that he really didn’t know the whole story behind the ribbon. Again, his reaction is very strong:

Again, this is different from him realizing that his memory was clouded after the events of Nightless City. This is REALLY something he NEVER knew. Anyways back to the conversation with the juniors, where WWX finds the truth, LSZ tells that:

Apparently this meaning of the ribbon is something that was passed down the generations. We don’t know if it was passed down by script or orally, or both, but it is something that has turned into a custom for the Lans.

And since it is a major custom in such a major sect such as theirs, I believe that it was known among other sects too.

There’s the opinion that this meaning of the forehead ribbon was known to Lans only, but I personally don’t think so, because the Lans themselves had no problem of telling about it to outsiders.

Recall the text I added before where JL says to WWX that he learned its meaning:

And also, LSZ and LJY have no problem revealing it to WWX, who they still think is Mo Xuanyu at this point.

Also, in his first life, back on Phoenix Mountain, it seems that LXC was willing to tell WWX the meaning:

(ok this is personally my head canon but I think that LWJ stopped LXC from revealing the meaning of the ribbon because he kinda lowkey wanted WWX to continue touching/asking to touch it, and was afraid that by learning what the ribbon means, WWX would feel ashamed and stop. I mean, if I was LWJ and my crush would constantly touch or ask to touch the object that is supposed to be given to my fated other I’D DEVELOP HOPES AND THINK WHAT IF THIS IS FATE??? And eventually I’d want it to become true. :’) )

Anyways back to the matter at hand, the Lans seem to have no problem telling others what’s the meaning of the ribbon is. I also don’t think that taking one’s ribbon off has an immediate sexual association. IT CAN HAVE, AND IT IS, but it’s not the main idea of it, in my opinion. It’s an object that’s supposed to be given only to the other’s beloved no matter in which situation. Meaning, that the moment they are together, or wed, the moment they know they love each other, then it gives the fated person the validity to touch the ribbon. If it had a solely sexual association then I guess this scene wouldn’t happen:

LWJ enters a wine shop without his forehead ribbon, and WWX plays with it. You can say that this is them acting SUPERRRR shamelessly, but I really believe there’s nothing so scandalizing about it. LWJ feels comfortable giving him the ribbon because they are finally together. WWX accepted his feelings, and therefore, LWJ can take it off and give it to him, and (correct me if I’m wrong) nowhere is it mentioned that it’s something that’s supposed to be done only at the couple’s private chambers.

(That’s also why I felt confident enough to have LWJ remove his ribbon and tie it on WWX in front of everyone at the inn, even though it DID have a strong meaning of letting go of self regulation, but in my eyes this was possible also because WWX is his beloved one, even though his feelings aren’t returned yet.)

ANYWAYS it seems that the Lans have no problem telling about the meaning to outsiders, because (in my eyes) there’s really nothing TOO sensitive about the fact that the meaning of the ribbon is that you can give it only to your loved one. I don’t think it’s THAT grave to be kept a secret from the world. On the contrary, in a world such as theirs, which is built on honor and respect to customs and traditions, I guess it’s important for others to know about such a custom, if only so that they’d know not to touch the ribbon accidentally or on purpose, to avoid offending the Lan member. (I don’t know if it’s true but in my eyes the Lans make this ceremony of giving their ribbon to their loved one on their wedding hehehe so yeah, I do imagine that if outsiders attended a Lan wedding, they’d see this custom happening).

And as I believe happened in all periods of our real world, that there were books and records written about history, cultures and traditions of peoples, the same exists in MDZS verse. I believe that there would exist books and records about the history and customs of different sects, and I think that it's not impossible that the meaning of the Lan forehead ribbon is also mentioned briefly somewhere in a book about the Lan Clan/Sect, or elsewhere.

And this finally brings me to this page of HoG that LWJ asks Wei Wuxian this question. WWX wants to know the meaning of the ribbon for the first time, after so many times of touching or wanting to touch it.

I think that younger LWJ didn’t even KNOW that WWX doesn’t know the meaning of the ribbon. Hell, in his eyes it could have been just another malicious prank done by this shameless boy who has no respect. Maybe only later did LWJ realize that WWX really didn’t know the meaning.

Hearing WWX’s question finally being asked, LWJ isn’t ready to answer him yet. He gave him the ribbon, yes, but it was something he did as a statement to his Shishu and others. As I mentioned before, he didn’t give WWX his ribbon during their wedding, nor after it. Because he knows that WWX doesn’t return his feelings and that this marriage isn’t really out of love.

That’s why he isn’t willing to answer his question right away. Instead, he just teases WWX by answering with a question of his own. And since WWX brought their past, with how he touched his ribbon and was rejected, LWJ also brings his perspective on the past - like, how could you do all that, and not even know what’s the meaning of what you do?

LWJ was a student with WWX in cloud recesses and heard how he answered all questions correctly and fast. WWX was outstanding compared to his classmates, showing that he did some reading. LOL as I was making this there was this picture of WWX’s room running on twitter, and I really loved that private library/study corner he had there with tons of books.

It was clear that WWX did read about the cultivation world, including random sects’ history, traditions etc. This is where I’m sure that such a book would exist about the Lan Sect too.

And LWJ asks him if he didn’t read anything about the Lans as he was reading about all other sects. What’s the answer to that? In HoG-verse, I guess WWX missed this information somehow. He really didn’t know the meaning of the ribbon from any source, and he still doesn’t know.

BUT HE’S GONNA FIND OUT I PROMISE HEHEHE SO….there you have it! This is HoG’s version of dealing with the forehead ribbon matter, where WWX stayed alive and dared raise the question before HGJ himself.

ANOTHER IMPORTANT NOTE

I need to clarify one more thing, guys. This isn't me stating an idea about the novel, this is me sharing my thought process in order to make my AU work. Let me explain:

Even if the info about the Lan ribbon is written in the rule book, I couldn't be sure about that because it isn't specified in a clear manner. The only certain source for that is the donghua, which, as I'm sure you can understand, I can't use since it made many changes to the original story. I couldn't be sure if the info about the ribbon in the Lan rule book is a canon possibility or a donghua way of dealing with the plot. So, I DO NOT OPPOSE the idea that the info is in the Lan rule book! But I just needed clear evidence to work with.

LWJ was not about to answer WWX's question in that instant. He wanted to ask him back - just how come he didn't know?

So imagine me having to think about the text (and believe me I put a lot of thinking hahaha), I couldn't make LWJ say "Didn't you copy it in the rules? How could you miss it?" because again, I couldn't be 100% sure it WAS in fact canon that it's written in the rules.

So I made the decision to make him require about WWX's studious character which does 2 things:

based on my assumption that some knowledge about the Lan ribbon was available to the public because it seems to me that the Lans themselves are surprised that WWX doesn't know. imagine that this is like others know not to offer alcohol to the Lans so to not offend them. I'm sure that some basic knowledge about the ribbon was available to the public too, again, from courtesy reasons.

LWJ asking WWX this is my way of making it show that his character DID notice and DOES acknowledge WWX's intelligence. their studying in Gusu days was a chaos of LWJ avoiding WWX or giving him the cold shoulder. >This< LWJ however takes that unfortunate past experience and by this slight sarcastic reply shows WWX that he in fact noticed and appreciated WWX's smart and studious character.

So once again I stress out the fact that this is me creating this idea (which can be untrue!) out of technical reasons to make not only the AU in general work, but also THIS SPECIFIC moment of LWJ answering WWX without telling him the meaning.

#house of gentians #mo dao zu shi #wei wuxian #lan wangji #wangxian #mdzs #grandmaster of demonic cultivation #Lan Sect #Lan Forehead ribbon #LONG POST

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snakeunderyourboot · 4 months ago

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Therapy for Miraculous Team fic idea

cool idea for miraculous fic set during season 2-3 (get away all this shit from seasons 4-5)

Okay, so one day Mayor of Paris announced that as thanks to the Miraculous team for all they did for Paris, they can get free mental health care. Like a free therapist. Talk about perks being superheroes

Anyway, Ladybug of course says that its dangerous and they can't really talk to said therapist because people can figure out their identities. Chat Noir agrees, but in the end they both start using said therapist.

It starts with something more trivial like high school stress or tips for how to deal with anxiety, small things like that. But as time goes and therapist being an actually nice person who never tries to guess who they are under the mask and just wants to help them, both Ladybug and Chat Noir loosen up a little. They now talk about other stuff, more personal to them (still hiding their identities)

Even temporal heroes sometimes use therapist services. Rena Rouge asks how can she be passionate about her hobbies without it hurtung her friends, Carapace asks tips how to help his friend who is in a difficult family situation, Queen Bee (she is the last to visit therapist but even she caves) asks how can she change herself so that she stops losing people. It's all very nice and well, and the team grows so much closer than they were before

Only the thing is, the therapist is actually a double agent working for Hawkmoth.

Maybe they had some personal vendetta against the Miraculous team, maybe they just didn't trust them, maybe some other reason - just the idea that said therapist was not all that great.

Until they started listening to the heroes and suddenly hit with the realization that they are just kids. Ladybug can restore Paris in a matter of seconds, but she is extremely anxious about school and has a poor life-work balance. Chat Noir can destroy everything just by touching it, but he also spends so long pretending to be a perfect version of himself that he has no idea who he truly is. Rena Rouge can make a perfect illusion with a few notes, but she also feels like she constantly misses everything and she hurts more people than actually helps them. Carapace can shield a bullet, but also worries about his friends and not being enough for them. Queen Bee is able to freeze a person, but also is so deep in her own familly problems that she is also comepltly lost what she is as a person.

Suddenly therapist realizes that people who were protecting Paris for so many years - are just kids. Kids who should worry about their grades and school drama and not fight a magical terrorist every day.

Maybe then therapist starts selling false info to the Hawkmoth. Maybe they now trying to figure out the Hawkmoth identity. Maybe then Therapist becomes probably the only stable adult figure in superheroes lifes they can go for. Maybe they start learning more stuff about miraculouses. And maybe they suddenly met with a choice to step away and probably let those kids make so many mistakes or step in and help them in every possible way.

Just the idea of some random parisian therapist looking at miraculous team and deciding that that is enough and help them.

Edit: of course we can take more hilarious approach because imagine you start listening to all the stuff those kids are up to. Someone was in a doomed alternative version of their world, someone tried to cataclysmed themselves and all that while dealing with school. I pity that therapist

#miraculous ladybug #chat noir #miraculous au #queen bee #rena rouge #ladybug #carapace #nino lahiffe #marinette dupain cheng #adrien agreste #chloe bourgeois #alya cesaire #sometimes your found family is you your team of superheroes and your therapist #was this inspired by The Blight Sessions? A little

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kirbybecomesastarwarrior · 1 month ago

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NO GOOD DEED GOES UNPUNISHED!

I know I've been hush-hush about who killed Sir Uther; now I'm ready for the grand reveal... it was Sir Nonsurat~

Like I said before, Nonsurat holds the title of betrayer (similar to his counterpart, Lancelot ) but for an entirely different reason. A.K.A the murder/assassinations of Sir Uther. But wait, shouldn't that be a good thing... kill the evil tyrant, and everything should be alright again... right? Wrongo~

Sir Nonsurat truly did not plan to kill Uther it was merely an act of impulse...in a moment of panic, an accident really (but very much deserved)... but Nonsurat still committed a crime, and there was one witness that he did not take an account of... SOL CLEAVER!

Sol Cleaver did not have a problem with the act of killing it was how it was done... When Nonsurat killed him... it was not via duel but when Uther was having a fit of insanity... which was an act that Sol Cleaver did not like (it wasn't in a glorious battle)... not only that, but he used his (Sol Cleaver) and he did not take pride in his kill... and after tried to get rid of them (Sol Cleaver). Basically pissed off the weapon three times...

Sol Cleaver: NO, YOU DON'T YOU'RE USING ME, MF! (and curses him to only using him as a weapon, having his hands drip blood any time he uses something other than them (Sol Cleaver).

*there are a few more things I'm going to reveal a little later, but not right now...*

So basically, in fear, Nonsurant is hiding the murder weapon by hiding it in the axe he uses... while it may look like an axe on the outside, on the inside, it's Sol Cleaver...

Keep reading for some lore/spoiler-ish content.

Sir Nonsurat is very much the (if you are familiar with Epic the Musical Epic Eurylochus to Sir Arthur's Odyessusy) or (Hamilton) Aaron Burr to Sir Arthur's Hamilton)...

He makes mistakes that are well-meaning and seem like the right decisions at the time... (killing Sir Uther), leading to consequences he never foresaw would happen...

This reveals a critical flaw in Nonsurat's thinking: "Don't solve problems, eliminate them!" (Ironically, a philosophy taught to him by Sir Uther) This is also exhibited when trying to "expose Arthur's partnership with Merly(a.k.a Celestine). Which follows the same thought process of "getting rid of Arthur should solve the problem..."

There's no Guinevere affair like in the (OG Arthurian lore) & (sorry guys, I didn't know how to fit her in the sorry... complicated & needless mellow drama...)

So, instead, I made it "the exposing of Arthur's connection with Merlyn..." leading to Celestine framing herself to save Arthur but also leading to her demise (info in her bio) to replace that event... so either Nonsurat's screwing up Arthur's love life (LMAO... I'm so sorry Merthur/Celarthur there had to be a tragedy)

Okay back Nonsurat~

Also, it shows a pattern... the nature of these actions, he does not commit these acts upfront but rather in the shadows... anonymously... which I also wanted to show in how he endorsed Arthur for leader behind Morgans's back rather than telling why or giving her notice. - We understand why he did this (because she was on her way to becoming another Sir Uther. ) But still didn't have the heart to tell her upfront...

However, it is this act that brings forth the demise of Sir Arthur. (I know spoilers, but low-key, I've been lining death flags for that man since last December...) Morgan takes advantage of these actions... which leads to One Uncomfortable Family Reunion... (once I finish it, merely I just laid the groundwork for this...

Nonsurat is such an underutilized character in the fandom and is mostly characterized as the "strong & silent type," which I don't mind at all, but... we have so many different flavors of the other three (Sir Falspar, Sir Dragato, Sir Arthur...)

Also, the fandom never took advantage of the fact that he was supposed to represent Lancelot—you know, the one who betrayed Arthur in (the og Arthurian lore.) Which is why I really wanted to bring out the KBASW lore.

I suppose this is also a call to action to give Nonsurat some more rep & love out here. We need more variety, Nonsurat is an incredible canvas of a character.

The only other who has a unique take and uses Arthurian lore, amazingly for Nonsurat, is @galapathy, Another person who does such an incredible spin on the character @mercyillustrator.

Shoutout to you guys. I love you & please follow them!

And If anyone knows of another cool new interpretation (on Sir Nonsurat.), let me know! And that concludes the mystery of who killed Sir Uther & what happened to Sol Cleaver.

Stay tuned, hope you all have a wonderful day~

#kbasw #sir nonsurat #sir uther #gsa #hoshi no kaabii #kirby right back at ya #kirby anime #galaxy soldier army #sir arthur #sir arthur kirby #krbay #dame morgan #lady celestine #kirby oc

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neon-vocalist · 1 year ago

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things i used to do that hurt my headmates: a non-all-inclusive list, vecause i think it is important to acknowledge when we as hosts do things wrong, but also that mistakes are a part of learning you’re plural and everyone makes them.

1. joke that i didn’t want them there / give them a poor reception. my immediate reaction to “hi, i’m here” used to be “no the fuck you’re not.” they’d say “hi!” and i’d say “no.” especially if they were fictives. they’d give me their name, and i’d go “ohhhh, nooooo, i refuse to believe it,” and it was funny to me and to my friends, but it ended up severely impacting the way they felt around me.

2. see them for their jobs. for a long time, my headmates were more like co workers. i would say things to them that kind of just boiled them down to what they did, from “why are you here? we don’t need protecting” to “i don’t get why so-and-so split, they don’t do anything for me.” now i make an effort to see them for who they are, not what they do for me.

3. lock up our persecutors. i know many systems who’ve done this and many systems who say they will if they need to. i have been in spaces where people advertise “alter jail” and things like that, or give tips on how to create one. while our version of isolating our persecutor was putting him in a tupperware container and not a jail cell, it’s still imprisonment and i don’t think i need to explain why this one is harmful.

4. shit talk them behind their backs. i guess i still kind of do this. i panic and i take the side of whoever’s gossiping about them, and i usually end up saying things about them i would never actually believe. i need to get better at standing up for them.

5. give everyone info on them and their dirty laundry. i used to use my headmates as conversation points. “oh we split someone new btw, they’re x and y and do z,” or “oh, did i tell you about the drama with a and b?” when really the drama is none of my or my friend’s business, and they end up feeling betrayed that i’d tell someone about them like that.

6. act like i was The Valid One. i acted like i got to make the decisions, like everyone revolves around me, and that it was truly MY system— i would order them around, make them do shit i didn’t want to do, and hold myself higher than them. it was me and my alters, and i always got priority.

7. force them to speak. i would make them introduce themselves to everyone we talked to and put introductions in our journal and private server. it didn’t matter if they didn’t want to be known, to me it was essential that all our friends had all the information. even at the expense of my headmates’ comfort.

i don’t do this stuff anymore, and i know it’s fucked up. there’s also things i’ve seen other hosts do that are harmful, and i do my best to call them on it (gently, of course). but i think it’s important to acknowledge that we fuck up and we’ve moved on instead of pretending it never happened and we were always perfect.

#system host #osddid #actually did #actually plural #system things #plurality

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catboybiologist · 9 months ago

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Transition journal and documentation: Jan and Feb of 2024

Measurements for January are up, and February will be soon to follow! Tagging @whalesharkcat and @trans4hire here. If you want to be tagged when I post these, let me know! The advice for injections is in the journal below.

Some quick notes to clarify things:

I'm consolidating qualitative observations into my journal. Oftentimes these haven't been easy to cleanly classify into different categories of observation, so I'm not really gonna bother.

As I'm sure you've realized, the timing of these observations isn't consistent. I have a private document with exact date stamps for everything, and these are mostly right at the end of the month. But my levels checks don't match up to this cleanly, so I group them with the closest set of other measurements. Sometimes I don't have one that cleanly fits.

I can't trust myself to measure height anymore, to be blunt. I want to ask the doctor every time but chicken out about it easily.

But anyways.

And now, as a journal, a brief summary of my thoughts on the past two months:

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

*deep breathing*

fuuuuuuuucccckkkkkkkkkk

Okay. So. I'm not gonna list off everything that's happened since the year started. So many independent things started happening, one after the other, that I had to start formatting it as a bulleted list to tell people I know irl what's been going on. Each one has been a crisis on its own- massive emotional events, health problems, health problems in people close to me, transphobic drama with former "friends", academic&research problems, and a resulting mental health spiral. And all of this leading up to my qualifying exams at the end of February, for which I barely scraped by and passed.

But. With all of this. There's silver linings.

The biggest one is that the start of this year has been a stress test of my overall emotional state since starting HRT. I'm not gonna lie- if all of this had happened a year ago, I don't think I would be here now. I either would have completely snapped and done something I regret, or... yeah. But as it stands? I cried. A lot. I isolated a bit. I had mood swings and anxiety and anger and excitement and relief and highs and lows beyond my wildest dreams. It was intense. It was not pretty. But it was cathartic, and healthy. Before this, I would've processed all of this as a generic, stressful, anxiety-ridden malaise, that would've weighed down on me until a breaking point. As it stands, however, I made it. Not in a neat way, not even really in an emotionally stable way, but I made it. And there is no fucking way that would be true pre-HRT. I think I can genuinely say at this point that estrogen has been life saving for me.

In the middle of all this, I switched to injections, right at the start of February. A mistake? Maybe, but I'm too fed up with delaying my progress because "the time isn't right", so I stubbornly refused to delay that change any further. It's a goal I worked out with my provider ahead of time and I stuck to it. So how's that been?

It's been an incredible and WILD experience. I'm on estradiol valerate. For those that don't know, estradiol is conjugated with another compound, which is then cleaved over time in your body to release it. For injections, that results in a peak irculating levels about 1-3 days afer injections. Some people feel it more than others- and holy shit, do I feel it. This has given rise to "the Sundays", because on Sundays, I'm going fucking nuts. My senses are heightened, and I start craving and reacting to physical touch in intense ways. It's not always sexual- while arousal comes easier to me the closer I am to peak, mostly I just become a cuddleslut. It is WILD. I'm also more emotional and cry more easily. Some cis female friends I have confirmed that it mirrors the feelings they get at a certain point in their monthly cycle, so essentially the fluctuating levels are giving me the sensory and emotional effects of a period every week.

The flip side of this is that I feel like shit on Thursdays, like I missed a sublingual dose when I was on that. After the first two weeks, I started taking 2mg sublingual on Wednesday night and Thursday mornings to avoid this, which helped a lot. My provider specifically said this was a good idea, so if you're dealing with that yourself, consider trying it out. I might move to a 5-day injection interval instead, but we'll see.

I've only had one problem with injections so far, which I'm dealing with right now- on my fifth self injection ever, I had unsteady hands and hesitation before stabbing myself, causing a not-great needle stick. Currently, I have a nasty looking injection bruise. Not painful, and healing pretty well, but not fantastic to look at. Self injecting has been intimidating and scary, moreso than I thought it would be. But the actual physical pain is much, MUCH less than I thought it would be, its just that the lizard brain refuses to stab yourself.

If you're thinking of switching to injections, here's a bit of my advice:

keep as many oral/sublingual pills on hand as you can anyways. These will be helpful if you feel your injections aren't carrying you emotionally for the entire interval, or if you don't have an environment where you can inject regularly

If you have a provider, they should provide a nurse tutorial and consultation for you to inject properly. If they don't, try to insist on one. They'll give better advice than I can.

think less, do more. Ideally, the actual moment of the stab should be painless. Be quick and steady about it. The fluid entering feels like pressure and slight burning, but nothing more than that.

vary your injection sites. A doctor or nurse should explain this to you, but this reduces risk of doing what I did and bruising yourself.

be extremely sterile about things. All of the wiping down and sterile technique you'll hear? Don't fuck around with it. Infection is no joke, and absolutely can happen.

Purchase spare needles and syringes from a pharmacist or online. Several reasons for this- one, if you make a mistake and a needle is no longer sterile, you don't want to hesitate about throwing it away. And two... well, let's make a second point about this.

If you want to stock up on estradiol for the future (if you're worried about future access to HRT), this can be easier with injections- but you have to be careful, and you'll need extra needles (for the love of fuck, do not reuse needles). Vials will always have excess medication, because it allows standard volumes to fill and distribute, and it also ensures that needle draws will always be able to be fully submerged. Do NOT try to run your vial out. You WILL run into sterility and contamination issues. That said, vial expiration dates are typically measured from time of first puncture. This will vary, but for me, I was told that the vials are good for 4 weeks after the first puncture. This is overcautious, but not egregiously so. My recommendation would be to use each vial for 1-2 extra punctures, and open the next vial a bit later. Still get prescription refills as frequently as you can. That way, you can stock up on unpucntured vials in case anything happens to your supply. THIS SAID- if you notice ANYTHING wrong with the vial- if the seal isn't containing the fluid properly, if bits of the seal are falling into the medication, if you can see a noticable hole in the seal, DO NOT USE THAT VIAL. Look me in the fucking eye. Do. Fucking. NOT. get sepsis. Do not fuck around with this. The flexibility to be cautious about your vials is a great reason to stock up on a bit extra in the first place.

To anyone in the US, if you're comfortable with doing this to stock up, I would highly, HIGHLY recommend starting this now. Slowly start using your vials for 1-2 punctures extra, stock up unbroken vials. Just in case something bad happens after the elections.

Typically, your medication will come with two sizes of needles- a draw needle (puncture the seal and draw medication into the syringe) and an injection needle. You might want to consider going *slightly* smaller on one or both of those needles. Estradiol is dissolved in a viscous oil as medication, and can be difficult to draw and dispense as a result. But, if you're patient, a smaller gauge might help. For the draw needle, it can help do less damage to the seal and preserve it a bit longer. For the injection needle, if you have a bit more sensitive skin, it might be comforting. Don't deviate too much, though, ESPECIALLY without a medical professional involved.

Remember that I'm not a medical professional, please consult one whenever possible.

I'm still on spiro for now, and I'm continuing it until my next levels check comes back clean. I don't want to erase months of progress getting my levels up by dropping it too early.

Measurement-wise, there hasn't been much change. But I'm starting to realize that the measurements aren't really telling the full story. My breasts look so much larger and, for lack of a better word, breast-like than they did even a couple months ago, but that hasn't been coming through in the measurements very well. I think what's happening is that my fat around my sides is shrinking at the same time my breasts are growing. This is reflected a bit in terms of underbust and waist measurements, but it still seems more dramatic than those are letting on.

Face wise, I think I'm really seeing some changes now. It's hard to put into words, but I'm starting to look more and more androgynous or femme by default, especially if I shave. I'm estatic, honestly, and I hope the trend continues. My chin and nose continue to be problems, but as the structure of the face around them changes, that's becoming less and less true.

I've been getting laser, but so far it's done pretty much nothing. There's lag time, and some of my health issues meant that I had to delay a session and get both sessions at a much lower power than I would've like. I was really hoping to have visible hair removal by June or so, but it looks like that's not happening. That kinda stings, and is a huge blow to my ability to pass by the one-year mark, which has been my target.

I think my boymoding has been holding, for the most part, although its been harder. Even with my sports bras, small bumps are visible under a t shirt, and the face changes won't be unnoticable forever. I've def been more loudly bisexual, and I think most people just write it off as me being fruity. Cis people can also be pretty oblivious, especially when changes are gradual. That being said, I've been coming out slowly to people, giving my usual speech of "I'm still presenting as a man for now, but just so you know this is what's going on", which removes a lot of the pressure and anxiety from boymoding. Still, I haven't told everyone (notably, labmates and family), and my timeline of social transition between June and August seems to be holding steady.

So uh, yeah. If you're curious about anything specifically, I'm an open book, although I may move it to DMs if it gets too personal. Hope that my progress updates are helpful to at least someone!

#trans #transitioning #transgender #trans journal #trans progress #trans documentation #transfemme #trans HRT #trans woman

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