#Clark is so done

[heyyallitssatan]

Clark: if he’s your son then why does he hate you

Bruce: oh, well, you know how it is when you disagree about things

Bruce: obviously I have strict no killing policy with my robins, but after he came back from the dead Jason was just after revenge

Bruce: it took a long time, and a lot of hard talks, between just us and the rest of the family, but he eventually started coming around

Bruce: he still kills the occasional drug Lord or human trafficker, but not nearly as many as he used to, it’s real progress and we’re all just so proud of him

Bruce: guns were another hit button issue between us, but after I talked to Alfred and he explained how he respected my refusal to use guns but that meant I had to respect his use of them, I started to understand a lot better

Bruce: I’m still against them of course, and I don’t encourage anyone to use them, but I understand better why Jason does, and we still argue about it some, but I think we’re getting a lot closer to reaching and amicable agreement

Bruce: honestly, his hatred of me I a lot more performative than it used to be, so I think we’re headed in the right direction

Clark:… Bruce, when you say things like “oh well, you know how it is” you’re supposed to say something other people can relate to

clark: i met this boy last night that seemed to really hate you

bruce: that could be anyone, what did he look like?

clark: tall, white, dark hair, really big-

bruce: ah, that’d be jason. my son

[forbescaroline]

235 FAVORITE SHIPS OF ALL TIME (ranked by my followers) 01. bellamy blake and clarke griffin - the 100

[megalithical]

clark: look, i know you think my judgement's clouded because i like bruce a little bit-

diana, holding clark’s notepad: you doodled your wedding invitation.

clark: no, that's our joint tombstone.

diana: my mistake.

[blaqcats-fics]

unfortunately, i usually don't keep track of birthdays specifically in fandoms. so, imagine my shock when i found out that i share a birthday with bruce wayne (feb 19) — based on silverage and modern-age Batman. it is also a shock that i also just found out this man is a pisces. so in honor of both of our birthdays, here’s just a fun little skit!!

It starts with a podcast.

Tim’s the one who’s listening to it, earbuds in, looking for background noise while he codes. He barely registers the conversation until he hears the words:

“You know who gives me serious Pisces energy? Batman.”

Tim blinks. Rewinds. Listens again.

“I mean, think about it. Secretive? Brooding? Carries the weight of the world on his shoulders but refuses to talk about his feelings? Classic water sign behavior. Probably cries in the Batmobile.”

Tim immediately forwards the clip to the family group chat.

Steph is the first to react.

Steph: HOLY SHIT WAIT IS BRUCE A PISCES??

Damian: Don’t be ridiculous.

Steph: NO. THIS MAKES SENSE.

Steph: Moody. Overdramatic. Keeps adopting kids for no reason other than his feelings?? Classic Pisces.

Dick: If Bruce is a Pisces, that would explain SO MUCH.

Damian: This is stupid. He doesn’t even believe in astrology.

Steph: Because he’s a Pisces and doesn’t want to be perceived.

Dick: Wait when is his birthday again??

Tim double-checks. Then he stares at the date.

Tim: …Feburary 19th.

Silence.

Then:

Steph: OH MY GOD.

Dick: OH MY GOD.

Damian: This means nothing.

Jason: No. No. It means EVERYTHING.

—

When Jason jumps on board, things escalate.

Because Jason starts compiling evidence.

“Think about it,” he tells Dick later that night. “He’s moody as hell. He broods. He internalizes everything. He loves tragedy. I bet you anything he listens to sad music while doing patrol.”

Dick, who has personally witnessed Bruce listen to Chopin while looking out over Gotham like he’s in a Victorian novel, has no counterargument.

—

Alfred’s reaction is the worst.

“Master Bruce is, indeed, a Pisces,” he says when asked. “It explains quite a bit, I’ve always thought.”

Bruce is right there.

He looks up from his paperwork, eyes narrowed. “It doesn’t explain anything.”

“Of course, sir.” Alfred’s voice is as dry as the Batcave itself. “It is mere coincidence that you have the emotional repression of a particularly stubborn fish.”

—

Now that they know, they start noticing everything.

“He’s so sentimental,” Steph says, watching Bruce silently look at the Bat-Signal with his arms crossed. “Like. Deeply sentimental. I bet he has an old love letter tucked away somewhere that he rereads when he’s feeling tragic.”

Jason hums. “He does keep Selina’s notes.”

Tim gasps.

“Oh my god,” Dick whispers. “He’s the most Pisces to ever Pisces.”

—

The final straw is when Cass catches Bruce watching a French noir film in the dark with a glass of scotch.

She takes a picture.

It’s sent to the group chat immediately.

Cass: Look at this. Look at him.

Tim: That is the most Pisces shit I’ve ever seen.

Jason: He’s mourning a past life rn.

Steph: He’s thinking about his tragic love affairs. Probably wishing he could save them.

Dick: He’s gonna write poetry about it later.

Damian: All of you need to be stopped.

—

Eventually, Bruce notices.

Because of course he does.

“What,” he says, standing in the middle of the Batcave, staring at them like they’ve personally betrayed him, “is happening?”

Nobody speaks.

Then Damian, who has had enough, scowls and says, “They have been discussing your astrological sign.”

Bruce blinks.

“They are also keeping a list of your most Pisces-like behaviors.”

Jason immediately hurls a smoke bomb to escape.

It doesn’t end there.

—

A week later, Clark drops by.

“I heard you were a Pisces,” he says, grinning.

Bruce throws a batarang at him.

[fiyaharts]

bruce and clark missed each other :) audio from the basement yard podcast

[batfam-stuff-posts-0]

Clark: Man, they look like a real handful. How do you deal with them?

Bruce, watching Jason screaming, Damian trying to set a sleeping Tim on fire, and Dick choking on air: I don't know either.

[bruciemilf]

Headcanon that, every year on their birthday, Kryptonians get new superpowers.

Clark doesn’t really keep track; That’s Bruce’s job, for the most part. This year? Mediumship.

me·​di·​um·​ship

/the capacity, function, or profession of a spiritualistic medium/

“Communication with spirits,” Bruce has this habit of nicking his thumb with his teeth, pretty, hazel eyes glossy with thought. Clark doesn’t need supervision to see how beautiful he is when his mind’s at work. “Fascinating.”

“Yep,”

Clark watches Thomas Wayne’s ghost give him the glare of the century behind his son’s back.

The skin of his jawline is entirely ripped off, peeled by Joe Chill’s gun, like the news article said. Sincerely, the Wayne glare scares Clark more.

“Fascinating.”

[randomthing13]

I posted again. This is how I imagine some of the League members reacting to John and Billy's relationship. I have more stuff on the way to, so don't worry.

[haveihitanerve]

A professor at Gotham Academy using the times Bruce Wayne goes on long business trips or vacations and times when Batman gets grievously injured as an example of correlation not causation. 

Dick Grayson having to leave the room to go to the nurse because he was laughing coughing so hard. 

Tim Drake walking past the classroom and tripping on air, eating shit on the linoleum floor. 

Stephanie Brown and Barbara Gordon, watching a live stream from the security cameras, snorting cereal and tea respectively from their noses.

Damian Wayne, crouched beneath the professors table, contemplating the consequences of stabbing him in the leg.

Cassandra Cain, the one who made the presentation, laughing in the vents.

Superman, in a meeting with Batman, eyes bulging out of his head as he tries to control his laugh. 

Batman, squinting suspiciously at Clark, and he knows he just knows his kids are behind it. 

Jason Todd, the professor. Grinning

[riff-raaf]

“For a moment I had an idea of what it would be like if instead of two people in the World there were thousands.”

[stinkypeanutbutter]

He eepy . .

But seriously , he’s a heavy napper

someone help her

pls

[thatoneluckybee]

ASHLYN IS LEARNING ASL!!

Ashlyn (and maybe the others) are LEARNING ASL this is NOT A DRILL THEY ARE LEARNING ASL!!!! THEY'LL BE ABLE TO TALK TO BEN EASIER!!!!!!!

[violent138]

Diana, looking into the camera as Bruce and Clark have yet another couples' argument in front of the entire JLA.

[p1nkshield]

I will never stop posting Batman and Superman co-parenting Robin. Dick Grayson was Superman’s first born son and you can’t convince me otherwise.

Robin!Dick: *sneaking back into the batcave*

Batman: *turns on light like a sitcom mother* Superman?

Superman: Batman?

Batman: Someone needs to be put in air jail for going on patrol without my permission and nearly killing several people.

Superman: I see…

Robin!Dick: No…No, please!!! You don’t understand! I’m innocent I swear! Uncle Clark I’m so so innocent! Honest!

Superman: You were on camera.

Robin!Dick: It was photoshopped!

Batman: It was a video.

Robin!Dick: ummmmhmmmm yes I see that now….

Batman and Superman: 🤨

Robin!Dick: his kneecap was like that when I got there?

Superman: Okay so we’re lying too? That’s not gonna get you very far mister. You know where lying gets you?

Robin!Dick: Air Jail… 😑

Batman and Superman: Air jail.

Change biting to fighting and this picture is pretty accurate.

[pup-pee]

I RAN OUIT OF TIME PLS,,happy day 2 tho!!!!

Day 2: Superman / Cadmus @90skonweek

also i doodle sketches during work so im posting them as well bc fun

[shoot-i-messed-up]

Was always worried about the angst of unrequited love, had never realized the sheer amount of comedic potential that it has.

Imagine one-sided Superbat where Clark is fully aware that Bruce has a crush on him but is being his repressed self about it, and Clark is just like, “I’m not gonna touch that :) you’re going to figure that out for yourself, buddy, and in the meantime, I’m just going to have a good time and be best friends with you as you inevitably pull yourself together enough to either fall out of love or to confess :) and I’ll just let you down gently because I care about you :)” but he absolutely 100% is using it to his advantage in the meantime. His puppy dog eyes had never been so effective before. He’s gotten out of Monitor Duty three times in the past month.