#Cat Urine Wrap

[bro-atz]

do you remember?

in which: you are completely and utterly drunk and san just happens to be there to rescue you

pair: san/afab!reader

word count: 5k

content: smut, drunken kissing, drunk sex, completely consensual!

apply for the permanent taglist here!

You don’t have a drinking problem. You’ve never had a drinking problem. You drink when you have problems, but you don’t have problems that often.

The night you met San for the first time, you had a shit-ton of problems. You got to your favorite bar, sat on one of the stools, and immediately ordered five shots of tequila and your favorite mixed drink. After you downed the five shots, you sighed loudly and hung your head down.

“You alright there?”

San put his hand on your shoulder, and you immediately swatted it away.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” you grumbled back.

You didn’t intend to be rude, but the truth was that you really didn’t want to interact with anyone other than the bartender, and that was only because you needed the bartender to get you more drinks. You paid attention to the drink in front of you and watched the ice clink as it melted in the cup. Staring at the ice for too long brought the horrible events of the day back to your mind, and you felt tears spring to your eyes.

“Fuck,” you whispered before chugging your drink. “Another!”

Another drink magically appeared in front of you. You brought the cup to your lips but stopped as you felt a pair of eyes locked on you. You turned to see the man who put his hand on your shoulder staring at you intently.

“What do you want?” You asked with a sigh, this time your words coming out a lot less rude.

“To talk.”

“Why?”

“Well, you look like you could use a friend.”

“Look, uh,” you turned to face him, and you finally made eye contact with him. You felt your face get hot as you spent a second observing his beauty.

“San,” he said, assuming that you wanted to know what his name was.

“Right. Look, San. I don’t want to talk about what’s got me acting like this, but if you really want to help, then just distract me, alright?”

“How would you like me to distract you?”

“I don’t know, but just don’t ask me if I’m okay.”

San was silent for a moment. You turned back to your drink— you knew that he wouldn’t have been of any help. You took a sip of your drink, unaware that San was going to say something.

“Did you know that cat urine glows under a black light?”

Immediately, you spat out your drink and started coughing. He held a napkin out to you, which you grabbed quickly. You wiped your mouth before glaring at him. San, meanwhile, had started laughing.

“What the hell?! Why would you say that?!”

“You said to distract you. Was that distracting enough?”

You stared at San in disbelief, only to burst out into laughter. He was right— you weren’t thinking about what pissed you off anymore. With a grin, you held your drink up, San tapping his cup against yours.

The five shots you took earlier in the night hit you fairly quickly after he revealed that fun fact to you. The only thing you could really do was laugh as he narrated story after story, but you didn’t process a single one of those stories. You were too far gone.

At some point, you checked your watch and saw that it was pretty late. Without even saying a word to San, you paid the bartender in cash, and you stumbled out of the bar. San followed shortly after.

“Hey, wait,” San grabbed your arm before you could get near the curb to hail a cab. “You’re going to leave without saying goodbye?”

“Oh, shoot, sorry,” you slurred. “Goodbye, Mr. San.”

You saluted and turned on your heel, only for you to trip over your two damn feet. San caught you in time before you could plant your face into the concrete, his firm arm wrapping around you. Thanks to his arm around your waist, you felt a fire dance inside you.

“Are you sure you can get home safe?” San asked, his voice low as he whispered to you.

You couldn’t respond. His hold on you was melting your brain faster than the alcohol did.

“What is it?”

“Come here,” you said as you tugged on his collar.

The last thing you remember was kissing him. His lips were incredibly soft and thick. You didn’t expect him to kiss back because the kiss was pretty nonconsensual, but when he did, you felt your legs buckle. The last thing you remember was kissing him and that his kisses were amazing.

When you woke up the next morning, you woke up with a blinding headache. You sat up and held your head as you took in your unfamiliar surroundings. You didn’t remember how you got to where you were or where the hell you even were. You let out a soft groan as you closed your eyes— the sunlight was way too bright for your hangover.

“Oh, you’re up? Good. I was beginning to worry that you were dead.”

You opened your eyes slightly to see a familiar figure standing in the doorway— San. Your eyes immediately widened upon realizing your situation. You looked down and saw that underneath the duvet wrapped neatly around your chest, you were completely naked. You weren’t even wearing your underwear.

A red blush covered your entire face. You couldn’t believe that you were naked, that a hot man was in front of you, that you were naked in front of this hot man, and that you were in front of this man in his apartment and naked.

“I, uh,” you croaked out, your voice still recovering from all the booze from the night prior.

“Don’t worry about what happened. We all go through it. I’m just glad you’re okay,” San said in a soft voice, somewhat easing your headache.

You stared at him as he walked to the windows and drew the blinds, making it a lot easier to keep your eyes open in the bright, now dimmer, room. He sat on the bed, and you couldn’t help but hold the duvet higher to cover more of your chest.

“Could you, uh, tell me what happened last night?”

“Well, you were pretty far gone, and you nearly stumbled into traffic, so I grabbed you before you could get hit by a car, and then you kind of passed out. I brought you to my place because I didn’t know where you lived.”

“You could’ve checked my ID?” You pointed out.

“Yes, but I didn’t want to risk having the wrong address.”

You nodded slowly. What he said made sense, but the fact that you were stark naked still made you extremely concerned about the events from the evening before.

“Well, I’m sorry about last night… And thank you for making sure I was safe. I appreciate it.”

San smiled at you, and you felt your heart skip several beats. There was a little moment of silence between the two of you. You were staring into his eyes and wondering how on Earth a man this beautiful was allowed to exist. As you pondered his beauty, the realization that you were naked hit you once more.

“Where are my clothes?” You asked timidly.

“Oh, I washed them last night. They should be good to wear now,” San responded rather casually.

“Washed them?”

“You threw up on them last night.”

Embarrassment hit you like a runaway train. You buried your face in the duvet and sunk into the bed as you cried, “God, I am so mortified…”

“It wasn’t that bad! You made it to the bathroom, but you just got some on you. I didn’t think you’d want to sleep in slightly soiled clothes,” he tried to reassure you, but you were still extremely embarrassed.

“You couldn’t have given me any clothes to sleep in…?”

“I, uh,” he looked away from you sheepishly. “I have yet to do my laundry… I didn’t have anything clean for you to sleep in. I just wrapped the duvet around you before carrying you to my room.”

Despite the embarrassment completely consuming your soul, you were amazed by the unreal being before you. You could feel yourself start to fall for him just a little, but the fact that you didn’t really know him and that the situation was just that traumatizing subdued any of the feelings that you started developing.

After thanking him profusely, San left the room and returned with your now clean and neatly folded clothes. He left you to get changed. You felt your entire body flush upon realizing that when San washed your clothes, he also washed your underwear, which meant he also folded your underwear. You were lucky that you wore a sexy little black lace number. Then, you wondered if you willingly took your clothes off or if he took them off for you. You shook your head— you didn’t want to think about any of that and turn yourself on so early in the morning.

You sat near the front door to his apartment and put your shoes on as he stood behind you. You turned to look up at the gorgeous man as you asked a question that suddenly popped into your head. “Oh, wait. Before I go, did we… Uh… Do anything last night?”

“No,” San responded almost immediately, his face turning bright red.

“Your face says otherwise.”

“Okay, well… You kissed me, but that’s it. I would never dream of making a move on someone who could barely hold a coherent conversation.”

“Good. Good…” you said quietly as you nodded. Without a second to lose, you stood up and said, “Alright, well, thanks again. Bye,” before briskly walking through the door.

Upon leaving his apartment complex, you crouched on the ground and hid your face in your knees. You got more and more embarrassed with each passing second.

“I’m never drinking again,” you lied to yourself, hoping that if you said it out loud then it would become the truth.

Your statement to yourself lasted one week. Seven days after waking up in San’s apartment, you were drinking again. At least this time you weren’t drinking an insane amount in such little time. You were nursing a cocktail when you saw a familiar figure enter the bar. You couldn’t quite place him, but as soon as you saw his face, you choked on your drink. It was San.

“Oh, hey!” San said the moment he laid eyes on you.

“Hey,” you replied, your voice scratchy after barely recovering from the alcohol burning your throat.

“Mind if I sit here?”

San pointed at the seat next to you. You didn’t know whether to shake your head or nod to confirm that it was okay for him to sit right next to you, so you gestured awkwardly to the stool. With a slight chuckle, San took his seat. The bartender slid his beer in front of him, and the two of you sat in silence as you sipped your drinks.

“Are you doing better now?” San was the first to break the silence.

“Somewhat…”

“I guess that’s good to hear?”

The two of you laughed a little before returning to your drinks. You couldn’t help but feel awkward around him because of how you acted the last time, which was also the first time, you met him. You shifted anxiously in your seat, and you couldn’t help but sweat when you felt San’s eyes on you.

“Did you know that wombats’ poop is cube-shaped?” San asked you.

“What the fuck?!” You were completely taken aback.

Your reaction to his fun fact made him laugh loudly and authentically, and you couldn’t help but notice how cute he was when he laughed. You noticed the deep dimples on his face and the way his eyes turned into crescents as his shoulders bobbed up and down with each laugh. You wanted to laugh with him, but you were so drawn into his beauty that the only thing you could do was stare at him with an unhinged jaw.

“What?” San asked with a hint of a laugh after noticing you staring at him, his voice still cheery.

“Huh?”

“Why are you staring at me like that? Is something wrong?”

You scrambled to regain your composure upon his commentary. You shook your head vehemently as you stuttered, “No, everything is fine.”

“Is it?”

Before you could even respond, you felt his hand on your knee. His fingers rubbed your knee lightly, sending tingles through your limbs and butterflies to your stomach.

“Are you sure?” San asked.

You didn’t— no, you couldn’t— respond. His hand went up from your knee to your thigh, and his hand cupped your thigh, the tips of his fingers pressing firmly into your skin. You couldn’t help but squeeze your legs together, hoping that your effort would keep him from turning you on any further. Your efforts failed when he leaned in closer to you and whispered, “How much have you had to drink tonight?”

“One drink before you came, and then this one.”

“So you’re not drunk.”

“Not in the slightest.”

Leaning back, San moved his hand away from you, leaving you longing for his hot touch once again. You had to bite your lower lip to hold back whatever horny noise that nearly came out of your mouth, causing San to smirk slightly.

“So you won’t need my help tonight?”

“No, I’ll definitely need you tonight.”

San kept his hands off you until you both got back to his place. Just as you put one foot through the threshold, San pulled you into his arms. He pressed his nose into the nook of your neck and inhaled deeply, his arms hugging you tighter to him. You closed your eyes and felt your body tingle. You only opened your eyes again when he pulled away from you slightly. You locked eyes with him. His gaze was so intense that your heart skipped a couple beats. 

Due to the state you were in the last time you were with him, San seemed a little hesitant. It was as if he was silently asking you for permission. Without uttering a word, you pushed yourself closer to him and brushed your lips against his. That was all he needed for him to pin you against the wall and for his lips to encompass yours. He sucked on your lower lip, pulling you deeper into his lust and desire.

“God, I can’t take it anymore,” you whispered to him.

“Good.”

San cupped the bottom of your thigh and brought it up, willing you to wrap your legs around him. You did so, and he carried you to his bedroom. You held his face in your hands as your lips continued to lock and your tongues continued to dance. When he pinned you on his bed, you heard him groan in your ear, sending shivers down your spine. His fingers pushed your shirt up and tiptoed along your skin, tickling your ribs. Within seconds, your shirt was lying on the ground. His lips pressed along your neck and trailed downwards. His fingers pushed the waistband of your pants down slowly, but you were getting impatient. You pushed yourself up, interrupting his trail of kisses. You quickly removed the rest of your clothes and sat completely naked before him. You watched as he bit his lower lip while his face turned red.

“What’s wrong? You’ve already seen me naked before, right?” You asked teasingly.

“Yes, and I had the same reaction then. You’re fucking gorgeous, you know that?”

Now it was your turn for your face to flush. You felt your face getting hotter as San leaned in towards you, his nose brushing against yours.

“Can I tell you something?” San asked you, his voice hushed.

“What is it?”

“When I carried you to my bed that night, I kept thinking about how I wanted to run my fingers up your calf…”

As he said that, he trailed his fingers from your ankle all the way up to your knee.

“Yeah?” You whispered back.

“And I wanted to grab your thighs…”

He grabbed your thighs. His gaze, although seemingly impossible, got more intense. You saw flames dancing in his eyes.

“And...?”

“And spread your legs apart,” San said as he spread your legs quickly. His lips were near your ear, making his words so much more sensual.

You couldn’t even ask him to continue verbalizing his fantasies because he moved his face down, his lips trailing kisses along your thighs towards your entrance. You gasped as you felt his tongue run up and down. Your hands grabbed his hair and pushed his head further into you. Just as one of his fingers slipped inside you, you felt your whole body convulse, and you came right on his face. It was only after the high of your orgasm subdued did you realize what you did.

“Oh my God, San… I’m so sorry,” you said as you tried to wipe his face with your fingers.

San sat away from you and dried his face with his shirt before taking it off and throwing it somewhere in the room.

“I guess we should do an even exchange then, huh?”

With that, San knelt on the bed and unbuckled his pants. He unzipped his fly, revealing what you could only describe as killer. Your mouth started salivating just upon seeing his dick. You took his dick into your hand and pumped a couple times before placing your lips delicately on the tip. You heard him groan as you took him in further into your mouth. His fingers trembled as he ran them through your hair and held your hair back. His hand started guiding you, making you go faster and pushing his dick all the way to the back of your throat.

“Fuck… Just like that,” you heard him say breathily.

Suddenly, he pulled away entirely. He stroked his dick a couple times and came all over your face. Payback. You licked whatever remained on your lips and watched him intently. His face got redder upon seeing you giggle and biting your lower lip suggestively. He grabbed some tissues from his nightstand and cleaned up your face quickly before grabbing a condom from the drawer. He kicked off his pants and rolled the condom on quickly, but he wasn’t going fast enough for you— you were thirsting for him bad.

“Hurry,” you whined as he pinned you down on the bed, his fingers lacing with yours.

“Easy there, gorgeous. I’m not going anywhere,” San responded with a smirk.

He licked your neck and left the sweetest kiss. Your curled your toes and held back your moans as he jumped to your breast. He let go of one of your hands to massage your breast while his lips were on your other breast, his teeth tugging your nipple upwards. The second he let go of your nipple, you felt his rubbing against you before slowly entering. 

“Fuck!” You gasped and clung to his arms, your nails digging into him the further he went.

You were not expecting him to be so goddamn big, nor were you expecting him to completely fill you up. You flung your head back and moaned as he completely entered you with a powerful thrust. Your eyes were tearing up the second he inserted the tip of his dick into you, but he only saw the tears after he was completely inside. He caressed your cheek and asked, “Are you okay?”

You let out a breathy moan instead of the “yes” you intended to answer with. A tear slipped out of your eye and down your temple. San lowered his head to yours and licked the tear away before kissing you gently. Your body relaxed ever so slightly before San moved, his dick sliding out of you. You bit your lower lip upon feeling the sensation, and when he thrusted into you again, you gasped— he felt incredible.

“I’ll stop if you need me to,” he said.

“N-no, keep going,” you breathed out. “I need more of you.”

With a nod, San leaned down and kissed you, your lower lip getting trapped. He tugged up slightly on your lip and thrusted at a steady pace, both sensations driving you insane. San went from his hands to his elbows, his thrusts getting faster. You wrapped your arms around his back, and every time he slammed into you just a little too hard, you dug your nails into his skin.

San pushed himself up and held the bottom of your thighs. He pushed your thighs towards you and sped up completely. You could hear the bed springs working overtime as he nearly obliviated you.

“San! Oh God!” You cried as you felt yourself nearing your climax again.

San let out a loud groan as his waist slapped yours one last time, and you felt him tremble inside you. He pulled out with a now filled condom, and while he pulled out, you came as well.

Disappointment pricked at your skin briefly when you saw San get off the bed and take the condom off. You sighed, thinking that San was done for the night, but you were sorely mistaken. He threw the used condom away and immediately replaced it with a brand new one. Your eyes went wide as he got back on the bed and kneeled in front of you. Wordlessly, he grabbed you by your waist and turned you over.

When San grabbed your ass, you felt yourself get turned on all over again. He leaned his body weight onto you and pushed your chest down into the bed. His lips were near your ear, and you could hear him breathing slowly but heavily. You felt his length rub between your ass cheeks, a feeling that you never thought you needed to know coming over you and flushing your body with heat. You suppressed your moans to the best of your ability— you didn’t want him to know how much you wanted him inside you.

“Why are you making me wait like this?” You complained.

“I’m trying to calm myself down…” he admitted honestly. “I want us to be able to last a bit.”

While his answer was valid, it still left you with an insane amount of impatience. You reached behind yourself and held his dick in your hands. You positioned him at your entrance, and before he could do a single thing, you pushed your own ass towards him.

“I can’t fucking wait anymore, San. Just ruin me. Destroy me and my pussy.”

Profanities spilled out of his mouth as he pushed grabbed your hair with one of his hands and pulled your head back, his other hand guiding your waist towards and away from him.

“Goddammit, the way your pussy swallows my dick is fucking mind-blowing,” he grunted out through grit teeth.

You couldn’t even respond. All you could do was moan, and your moans got louder as the sound of his waist hitting your ass got louder as well. When San started leaving dark hickeys on your back, you felt like you couldn’t even hold yourself up anymore. Your breaths were getting louder and more sensual with each passing second. Whatever remaining sanity you had completely disappeared the second you felt his hand on your breast, his fingers pinching and tugging your nipple.

San completely pulled out of you, and you came yet again. You whimpered as you slowly started melting in the bed, only to feel San’s hands on your waist again.

“Turn around for me, gorgeous,” San’s breath tickled your ear as he moved you so that you were facing him.

He leaned against the headboard and guided you to sit on his waist right above his dick. You felt his finger trace a light line up your spine. You arched your back to the point where you pressed your chest against San’s. Your faces were mere centimeters away from each other. Your eyes darted back and forth as you looked into his. You watched him open his mouth slightly and run his tongue over his lower lip as he stared at you.

“What is it?” You asked him, suddenly self-conscious about the way your face looked.

“You’re so fucking beautiful…” One of his hands caressed your face as the other one supported the small of your back. “From head to toe, you’re pretty… So pretty…”

San didn’t give you enough time to react to his comment— his lips claimed yours. His fingernails grazed your neck lightly as his thumb rubbed your ear. You moaned, completely unaware that your ear was such an erogenous zone. You felt San smirk in between the intense kisses, and in that same breath, you felt his waist impatiently squirming, his hot dick pressing in between your ass cheeks. He whispered your name when his hands was holding onto your ass cheeks and pulling them upwards, and you felt your heart lurch as he let out tiny grunts.

You pushed yourself up and adjusted yourself as well as his dick comfortably. He let out a shuddering gasp as you sat down slowly, unintentionally tightening when he was inside you.

“Oh, fuck,” San hissed through gritted teeth, his hold on your waist tighter as soon as you sat down all the way.

You, too, let out a moan. You felt like he was about to pierce through you due to his size, but you also felt so good. Your moans wavered as you began to move up and down, your hands pressed against his chest to keep yourself stable. You were moving a little too slowly for him, though. You yelped as he thrust upwards, the slap of his waist against your ass echoing in the room. Your hand slipped slightly on his slick chest, and your finger pressed against his nipple. San gasped loudly and trembled while you continued to move. His hands held your waist and pushed you into him with a final thrust. He hugged you to his chest, and you could hear him breathing heavily.

“Did you just cum?” You asked him.

San responded with a nod, and you connected the dots immediately. You got off of him and kneeled next to him. He tied up the condom and threw it away, but before he could replace it, you pinned him to the bed.

“What are you doing?” San asked with a laugh.

You decided not to answer him with words; rather, you answered by pressing your lips against his and stroking his dick. You wanted to test your theory out, so while the two of you were kissing intensely and loudly, you continued stroking his dick with one hand while you rested your other hand on his chest. You started to trail your kisses down his neck and over his collarbone. San sharply inhaled as you brought your lips and fingers to his nipples. You barely managed to suck and press his nipples before you felt his dick tremble and cum cover your hand.

“Why…” San breathed out after catching his breath. “Why did you…?”

“I wanted to know just exactly how sensitive your nipples are. They’re really sensitive, by the way.”

You shot him a small smile and bit your lower lip. San pushed himself up and wrapped his arms around you as his voice got considerably lower and said, “Let’s find your sensitive areas, then, shall we?”

San reached to his night stand and opened yet another condom. Your limbs tingled with excitement as he pinned you aggressively on the bed and explored your body throughout the night.

You woke up the next morning to see San’s face right across from yours and to feel his arms wrapped around you. All of the memories from the night before flooded your brain the second you saw his face, and you felt your entire body heat up. You were also hyperaware of the fact that the two of you were still very naked, but at least you were under the bedsheets.

He hugged you into his chest a little tighter as you shifted slightly, and he rubbed his nose slightly against your ear, his exhale tickling your neck. His eyes fluttered open, and upon seeing your face, a smile blossomed on his face. You stared at his facial features and wondered what his parents looked like if he looked this rakishly good.

“Hey,” he whispered and brushed your hair out of your face.

“Good morning…” you whispered back.

“Good morning.”

You remained in his arms for a solid half a minute before asking, “Could I get up?”

“That depends.”

“Depends on what?”

“Depends on whether or not you can take accountability for what you’ve done.”

“What have I done?”

San didn’t need to utter a word. He pressed his waist against you, and you could feel every inch of his throbbing dick. You felt yourself get turned on almost immediately, and you felt your face turn red as he looked at you with raw hunger.

“So, will you take accountability?”

Now you didn’t need to utter a word. You hugged him back and kissed him passionately. He pulled you on top of him and continued to kiss you like there was no tomorrow, confirming your plans for the rest of that morning, afternoon, and evening.

About a week later, you were sitting in the bar right by the bartender. The bartender set your regular drink in front of you. Just as you wrapped your fingers around the glass, you felt a tap on your shoulder. You turned to see that it was San.

“Hey.”

“Hey…”

“I haven’t heard from you since that night,” he said as he took a seat next to you.

You couldn’t respond. The memories of him giving it to you good flooded your brain, and all the proper words from your mental dictionary completely disappeared. You could only think about his piercing gaze as he fucked you hard. Your face flushed bright red upon remembering.

“Do you remember…?”

“How could I forget?”

[hiskillingjar]

that law hypnosis hc was hot, I’d kill for an xReader of that

HEM HEM...WHIMPER...

this is a massive kink for me so i'm being vulnerable and spilling it to you guys. i'm weird. you're weird. that's why you're here.

1500+ words, it/its for dehumanisation, contains piss n brain-break

"I'm home. Where are you?"

It was nice to have a pet to come home to.

Or, at least, that was the exceptionally dark joke Lawrence told themselves every night when their apartment door was closed (locked, sealed and practically sound-proof) and their clueless pet slowly shuffled over to their feet, whimpering a greeting through thick layers of duct tape, its restrained limbs creaking as it moved.

It wasn't as excitable as a dog or as independent as a cat, but Lawrence could handle that. 

They could handle it.

Lawrence smiled placidly (the best they could manage), shaking off their work jacket and sliding off their shoes as the poor thing keened back on its knees, relieving its bound arms and waiting for a ‘hello’ petting from its master mistress owner.

"Hey there," They murmured, considering it almost fondly for a moment before tilting their head to the side, the sharp scent of ammonia hitting their flaring nostrils over the normal smell of damp and plant matter. "Hmph...did you have an accident while I was at work, silly thing?"

Their pet let out a weak moan as a positive reply, hesitantly spreading its legs to reveal the sodden (yet somehow still clinging) duct tape that normally sealed up their crotch, just as it bound wrists to shoulders, ankles to thighs, and masked off any potential face their pet might have had before all of this.

It didn’t need a face, just as it didn’t need eyes to see, ears to hear, or limbs to run, anymore.

It just needed to please them.

Lawrence wrinkled their nose with a slight grimace as they stepped around the hopeless pet to look for the puddle of urine in their apartment, leaving their pet to wallow in its mess for a moment.

They almost pitied the poor thing for a second, feeling some kind of empathy they were generally unfamiliar with. It probably didn’t feel good to wet oneself, after all, but the thought didn't last that long, replaced with still indifference once they found the mess in the corner of the room.

"You should do a better job looking for the right spot,” Lawrence complained, ripping open the packaging of a new puppy pad and laying it over the mess. “I do take the time of laying new pads out for you every day…" They swished it over the floorboards with the bottom of their foot. “You could stand to use them.”

Their pet moaned softly, almost apologetically, doing its best to crawl towards the sound of their voice, elbows and knees trembling as it held itself up the best it could. Despite its effort, Lawrence could only find the energy to scoff at the pathetic display, looking down at its trembling form with a mixture of cold pity and disappointment.

"Naughty..." Lawrence chided again with a dull look in their dead eyes, cleaning up the last of the mess before looking back to their pet.  "I suppose I'll need to replace your tape, too...dumb, little thing."

"Hmpff?" It let out a quiet groan in recognition, shifting its thighs apart to reveal its cunt, as it had been told to do before.

“Not good enough,” They then replied curtly, raising their foot to their pet’s shoulder and giving it a mean shove backwards, its bound limbs and blind eyes unable to stop itself from falling back with a pained grunt and a useless flail of limbs, sticking straight up and displaying their uselessness.

Duct tape in hand, Lawrence then settled down on their knees between its legs, taking a wrapped thigh and pinning it to the ground, keeping it still.

“Keep still. Stop struggling.”

When it was bound like this (as it had been for the last week or so without any modicum of relief or intention of release or respite anytime soon), it was easy for Lawrence to pretend that its limbs hadn’t been contorted into uncomfortable bondage, but had, instead, been cut off and removed completely, rendering it more toy than human, and making it all the needier and dependent on their mercy just to survive. 

This was a good replacement for that desire, though. Or, at the very least, it sated their desire until it had been broken in completely.

“No more accidents,” Lawrence chided softly (their voice soft and sickeningly maternal) as they peeled away the sodden duct tape from their pet’s soaking cunt, their nose wrinkling again at the acidic smell. It hadn’t been drinking enough water, they noted, and they should probably address that soon. “If I have to come home to any more messes, I’ll have to start punishing you.”

"Hmmf," It groaned weakly with a hesitant nod (it still had enough of a brain to agree or disagree, it seemed), trembling with pain as the stickiest part of the tape was painfully torn away, revealing red and sore skin and irritation bumps.

Its mound had only been shaved a few days ago (as they had done previously to the hair on its head, before they had bound them like this), but the hair was already starting to grow in, dark and stubbly. 

Next time the tape was removed, so it could use the bathroom or engage in play, they'd have to clean them up again, Lawrence thought, rubbing a thumb over the prickly skin.

"Hmmph..."

Its bound thighs trembled and its hips jerked when Lawrence squeezed the outer folds of its cunt together with one hand and sealed them up with strip after strip of duct tape. The drag, flourish and twist off of plastic tape had been long practised, after years of sealing packages and boxes at the warehouse.

They were glad they were putting that particular skill to use.

“Almost done. Feels good, doesn’t it?”

They knew that it had been an odd choice to render the (former) pretty, young girl, with a good body to match an oblivious personality, to a mostly neutered pet, as opposed to the live-in, brain-broken sex doll that any man might have given his left arm to own, but… 

If anything, the act of sealing up its orifices, rendering each hole as a blank slate rather than a potential toy to be used and fucked, aroused them more than anything else they could have done to their pet.

They had always had peculiar tastes though.

They hummed in appreciation (and arousal) as they lay down a few more layers of tape, before running a finger over the taut material (the thick plastic masking off anything recognisable, anything pitiable or deserving of empathy, anything close to human) and relishing in the shot of pure pleasure it gave them.

"There we go...now you're pretty again.” They murmured with a slight smile, sighing as they felt their cock stir. “Smooth and perfect."

Their pet's trembling relented, if only for a moment, at the praise, each bound limb spreading on the floorboards, as if framing a masterpiece, an autopsy, a coroner report.

Dead. Wrapped in plastic. Not yet, though.

Nobody was perfect.

Something about the sight sent a thrill down Lawrence’s spine, though, their breath catching in their chest as their dead eyes darkened slightly with a hint of desire.

"You know how lucky you are that it's me doing this to you?” They murmured, dragging trembling hands over the creases and folds and layers-upon-layers-upon-layers of tape that made up their bondage. “If it was someone else, they'd take advantage of you...use all the holes that I've sealed up like you were some kind of…sex toy, or something.” They let out a low ‘tsk’, pressing a palm to their bound-up cunt. “You wouldn't like that, would you?"

Their pet's hips jerked upwards slightly, bound feet curling to try and arch its body towards pleasure.

Lawrence couldn’t help but titter at the sight, the grim smile of a corpse spreading on their face.

"No, I'm not going to do that to you," They gently pushed their pet's hips back down with a firm hand, eyes boring into it as it wiggled helplessly back against the ground. "I like you more like this…docile and sweet and useless for anything but something pretty to look at."

It let out a needy little whine and a frustrated huff through its nose, which was hooked and pulled up uncomfortably high to prevent suffocation.

That was the one mercy that they’d give it. It wasn’t to die by anyone else’s hand but theirs.

"Nobody else is ever going to be as kind to you as I am..." They murmured, bringing up a hand to run over its face. “You know that, don't you? And you know that if anyone else ever gets their hands on you, they'd do things to you that I'd never do, isn't that right?"

They let out a resounding hum, almost like a laugh (but not quite, never quite there), before leaning down and pressing a gentle kiss to its taped-off mouth.

“Nobody loves you…and nobody ever will, again. Not like I do.”

[zombie-boygrrl]

There is nothing like being triggered into your dog related childhood trauma, feeling like you're back in that rusted cage, and then four days into that flashback, you see a cat get hit by a car.

The cat flops towards you on its side, looking as if it's playing.

If it wasn't in the road, no one would be any wiser.

Except me; Except you.

I saw your eyes; glossy, pupils wide.

You landed on the pavement, outstreching a paw as I ran towards you.

You twitched, your tail curled, your back arched.

There was no blood.

You didn't let out a sound.

You just looked at me.

And suddenly, I was you.

Led on that pavement, statically pleading for help.

Your eyes were glossy as you died.

And here I still am, led on my side.

And all I know, is I have been were you have been.

But you were a cat, and I, a dog.

I tried to save you.

For almost twenty minutes, I tried to save you.

I didn't leave your side, not until you were wrapped up in that pinkish red towel, and driven away from that pavement.

You urinated two minutes before you were taken away. I knew that that was it.

Is this it for me too?

[kishavo]

plagued by memories tonight so I’m going to spit them up and hopefully that brings me relief.

I was an EMT for about 5 years and I think these things are tattooed on my bones. trigger warning under the cut for…upsetting healthcare-related experiences? and the f-slur

I remember bringing a wheelchair-bound elderly man up to his shoebox apartment in the inner city, 12 floors up a derelict building in a tiny, shaky elevator, and being hit with the stink of smoke as soon as I opened the door - cigarette butts stubbed out on every surface, ashtrays overflowing, carpet that started out as brown matted down to black. I offered to help him into bed but he refused. he took off his vietnam veteran baseball cap and picked up a stale pack of cigarettes and told me to go

I remember the man who had been attacked by his neighbors’ dogs, two Rottweilers. his legs were mangled; huge scoops of flesh just gone. he was kind. he asked me how my day was going.

I remember the dead woman in the ER who I was told to bag up and bring down to the morgue. she looked familiar. I remember putting a tag on her thumb but I don’t remember her name. I remember making small talk with the ER tech who was helping me on the elevator ride down to the basement. that sounds like the start of a joke, doesn’t it? a girl, a man, and a dead body get in an elevator. if you think of a punchline let me know

I remember the frequent-flyer patient with a chronic mystery skin infection that caused his legs to leak so much fluid that we had to wrap them in plastic bags or else the gurney would get flooded and it would soak into his pants and spill over the edge onto the floor of the ambulance. the first time I got his call I thought we’d been sent to a haunted house. it was an old victorian in downtown, made of rotting wood and peeling paint. The knob in the front door had been ripped out so I bent down and looked through. There was no answer when I knocked so I yelled ‘hello’ through the hole until eventually someone came down the stairs and silently let us in. Our patient’s apartment was one room, it was dark, it smelled, the bed was as dirty as the floor, beer cans and cigarettes everywhere. There was a tiny, square, box TV playing static. There were spoiled diapers kicked under his desk. He lived alone and apparently had no family. I and every EMT who had ever been sent there reported the situation to social services but nothing was ever done.

there was the woman coming down from a meth binge who kept asking me if I was going to eat her brains. we dropped her off at a psych facility and a few days later I was back with another patient. I saw her again, sober now. when she saw me she averted her eyes and retreated into her room

there was another woman in the middle of a severe psychotic episode who, within 5 minutes of meeting me, looked me dead in the eye and said, “You’re a fat fucking faggot and I want you to die.” She had pissed on all her personal belongings and the back of the ambulance stank so bad of stale human urine that I had to kick the fan on and spray air freshener into my face mask. She spent most of the call insulting and trying to spit on me and my partner. My partner snapped at her but I just ate it. Later, when we were outside cleaning the gurney and waiting for the next call, a stray cat slipped out from behind a nearby dumpster and curled around my boots. he booped my knuckles and mewled when I pet him and the night was good again

I remember being in and out of psych facilities so often and feeling like a fucking imposter because I was burning out, depressed out of my mind and regularly experiencing suicidal ideation. I wondered when I would call 911 and end up there myself. I wondered if it would be my coworkers who would pick me up. the thought of it scared me enough that I never made the call, even when I should have. I started getting high instead

I remember the middle-aged woman having a panic attack. that was at my on-location job, at my city’s arena, where all the concerts and games were held. it was a slow night and too many of us responded. this woman was hyperventilating, the bass from the concert was everywhere, and a crowd of strangers was closing in on her. I got there first, so by default it became my call, which always made me nervous. I sat her down, I kneeled in front of her, she grabbed my hands reflexively and I let her grip on. I coached her breathing. I waved my coworkers back to give her space. I convinced her that everyone there just wanted to help her and that there was nothing to be embarrassed about. it worked. I was soothing, and sure, and strong. it worked.

when it was over she held my shoulder and thanked me. patients don’t usually thank us. when it was over I went to the bathroom and cried. I handled it so well because I had been talking my mom down from her panic attacks for years.

I talked about that call in group therapy the week after. I thought I was going to be proud, that it would be a positive share, but I cried again.

when people ask about what it's like being an EMT, I don’t think they want to hear any of this, they only want the cool stories. they want to hear about the lights and the sirens and to thank you for your service but please, please, don’t. There’s a quote by Anaïs Nin: “I was always ashamed to take. So I gave. It was not a virtue. It was a disguise.”

[clownwrites]

Home drinkin.

Johnny/Kenshi blurb

alcohol mention/Fluff/No warning

Kenshi didn't drink often, even before his blindness, he couldn't spare the luxury of that kind of vulnerability.

 The sounds of Cage's living room light up his memory, a cacophony of morphing faces he'd come to familiarize his hearing to. 

Barakka spoke carefully to the cat that made his acquaintance in one end of the room, a conversation had in the kitchen on the far side between farmers and the like casual company. Lui Kang sat beside Kenshi with a drink for himself "you've taken in quite a home" he smiled toward the star, who sat opposite of them both in a recliner, carelessly flipping through tv channels.

"Not my favorite by far, but yeah" Johnny agreed "easier to keep up with. Ken likes it." he noted, pointing towards the swordsman with his remote

Kenshi smiled at this "yeah, I don't end up tripping into your arcade room trying to take a piss now"

Lui snickered before sipping at the crude plastic red cup he was given, as many other fighters that had filled the room. Johnny described the clothing between all of them "like attending a Galactic Renaissance ball" So the image of Lui sitting beside him, sipping on a solo cup in luxury silk caused Kenshi to share in the humor. 

The chatter through the night had become sort of a blur for Kenshi, not that he went unacknowledged, just that he had little to offer as everyone's speech began to slur into comfortable giggles and tripped up dances to the "weird earth music" Johnny had put on. 

The cacophony of chatter and music began to slowly trickle out the door, "thank yous" and laughs sparkling behind Kenshi's eye wrap as he joined in their goodbyes. Few of them stayed behind to clean the mess, but even those few followed suit.

There was this dense emptiness as the night ended, not of sadness. Just suddenness of silence, except for Johnny, who's hands clattered amongst the dishes. 

"Don't you have a dishwasher?" Kenshi asked, leaned against the island

"Yeah" Johnny shrugged and admitted "but the house got too quiet." 

 Kenshi hears Johnny stop, turning off the faucet to wipe his hands dry on his jeans. 

"Noticed you didn't drink or nothin during the party-" he started, sliding a heavy bottle of presumably liquor across the countertop.

 "I wanted to offer you some but I didn't wanna make you feel singled out for not drinkin." 

Kenshi smiled appreciatively "I never drank much before and I'm not sure how well I'd fair when I can't see." He wiped his face and sighed "I also didn't wanna find out and look like a Jackass in front of everyone" he admitted  "I can't imagine I've got a strong liver."

Johnny snorted "Oh come on" he stepped away to grab two shot glasses, Kenshi heard a distinct crystal clink against the marble underneath him. "Okay this, my friend-" Johnny boasted, popping open the same bottle of liquor that slid in front of them, as he poured two shots, "-this is where I peer pressure you." 

Kenshi laughed as he heard the smile in Johnny's voice "this stuff will give you a smooth buzz, I won't make you down anymore than this if you at least let me see you buzzed" 

The swordsman sighed, resting his head to 'stare' in Johnny's direction "okay" he agreed "and if I get anymore of this, make sure I don't slam into a wall"  Johnny carefully puts the shot glass into Kenshi's hand, and holds his own glass, clinking them ceremoniously as he winked "I'll even aim for you at the urinal bud" 

-

Kenshi found himself stumbling beside Johnny, 4 shots of whatever it was, sloshed his senses and painted a warm smile across his face. He never bothered to ask at the first glass, Kenshi trusted Johnny implicitly, even when the sour taste sizzled behind his ear drum. 

Kenshi needed to keep his arm around the star, to pull him in as much as he could to support his way through the house, both having wrapped an arm around each other's waist and walking as if sharing a hip. They'd spent hours walking around the house, the blind man only listening to Johnny's almost poetic way in describing the home around them, from the painting in the halls, to the details of his new curtains.

 "did I tell you about my new curtains?" Johnny giggles "here man, touch these fuckin curtains they’er so cool" 

By the window, they both stood as Johnny pulled and shoved the length of fabric In Front of Kenshi and waited for his free hand to find it. And Kenshi did, expelling terrible disgust at the texture, silk and embroidery which snagged against the calluses on his hands "oh gross it's sticking to me" And regardless of how terrible they may have felt, the star never lost his enthusiasm in detailing the floral designs into Kenshi's ear like a frat boy reiterating Oscar wilde. At some point he'd leaned forward from Johnny's rambling to touch the window just beyond it. 

Cold glass under his fingertips when he asked "is it night time?" 

"Yeah" Johnny smiled 

"Describe the stars to me"

Johnny looked past the curtains and scrunched his nose, there were no stars above New York, the skyline was in a constant state of dusk, polluted by the lights of the city, tho they stood so far above it. "Uhm okay." Johnny clicked, sighing, he thought to lie to Kenshi this one time. The sincerity in the swordsman's voice placed a warmth in his chest. 

"They're like holes poked through iridescent tulle layered onto silk…" he started, looking towards Kenshi, "they sparkle as if daylight is shining through them, like each layer of blue and purple is shifting between itself. It bleeds into a gold skyline of city lights."

Kenshi snorts "You make it sound like a romance novel" 

Though his jab doesn't prevent him from indulging the experience; by laying his head against the celebrity's shoulder "I was half expecting you to describe yourself, actually, when I asked."

Johnny smiled "I could've " he admitted "but that would've been too easy. You deserve to hear about something really worth looking at again."

The swordsman shook his head, slipping his arm upwards and resting it on Johnny's back he digressed "I think I'd be okay looking at you forever if it meant I could see without my sword again." Johnny lays his head against Kenshi's, whos voice laments loss of his sight and curses the stillness of his memory.  "Don't wanna have a pity party" Kenshi seethes "sometimes it just dawns on me."

"Could be the alcohol talking too." Johnny assured "stuffs good at weighing you down." There's a promise on his mind, something he's always intended but could never quite put to words

"Best I can do is make sure my words make the memory of sight disappointing enough that you'll never care to see again." 

And followed the moment Johnny could feel an assuaged smile against his shoulder. 

"Thank you, Johnny."

[chaotic-iguana]

bruh.

what. what the fuck.

writing started off as an exploration; a hobby that i was just trying out. something new, to pass the time. but i feel like it has now evolved into an extension of my art. over time, my stories starting having more and more elements of the poetry-inspired commentary i like to have in the forefront of my paintings, or very simply the imagery i used to include in my poems themselves.

but that isn’t even the best part.

i’ve been writing for around a month, and i absolutely adore literally every single mutual i have on here. @breakfastatjoels, @mandoisapunk, @josephquinnswhore, @bastardmandennis, @nostalxgic, @pedrosaidsheispunk, @theywhowriteandknowthings @millerscoffee

you’re all such inspirations im so glad to know u all thank u all for existing i gen would not have kept writing/still be on this site without yall and i promise im wrapping up i just think its a little fucked that im…gaining traction? how? and the crazy thing?? that list of ppl tagged up there are like just the ones i could remember off the top of my head!! there’s so many more! @imherefordeanandbones, was my first follower and the first on my taglist, and one of the first people to make me think my writing was actually not that bad for a beginner!!

anyways while i literally question everything and melt in gratitude, i hope you all have great days. thank you very much. let’s hope we see many more!!

enough sappy shit.

as a celebration, im gonna write fics, blurbs or hcs (saw/nsfw) based on the following prompts:

this is from @havenoffandoms 800 follower celebration! just send me your character pairing and prompt. list below the cut

“I’m in love with you. Please, don’t leave me.”

“Shut up and kiss me.”

“It’s really not that complicated.”

“You’re in love with them, aren’t you?”

“We could get arrested for this.”

“I thought you were dead.” 

“You’re never going to let that go, are you?”

“Love is overrated.”

“If you think I’m going to talk to you while you’re dressed like that, you’re wrong!”

“Do you ever actually use your cellphone?”

“You don’t need to protect me.”

“You fainted… right into my waiting arms. You know, if you wanted my attention you didn’t have to go to such extremes.”

“You have to make a choice.”

“You have to remember.”

“You heard me. Take. It. Off.”

“You know, it’s okay to cry.”

“You lied to me!”

“You make me feel like I’m not good enough.”

“You need to wake up cause I can’t do this without you.”

“You’ll be the death of me.”

“The only thing hotter than seeing your orgasm is seeing your smile.”

“Where do you think you’re going dressed like that? Your body is for my eyes only.”

“From the minute I met them, there was no choice. They’re smart. They’re strong. They resent their parents enough to go for a person like me. Also they’re crazy hot.”

“What do you mean, I’m not scary? I literally nearly scared the life out of a man?” “You literally scared a little saliva and a little urine out of him.”

“When someone your age dies, you instinctively want to hear it was of something that could never happen to you. Well, it’s the same with divorce.”

“I get to stay home and plan the death of Dora the Explorer. Fill her backpack with bricks and throw her into the Candy Cane River.”

“You don’t ‘take a run’ at a person. You woo them. You make them feel special.” “Hey honey, look at this. It’s a picture of my butt.”

“I don’t like you.” “I’ll get over it.”

“You’re one of the most beautiful person I know, and you don’t even know it.” “No, I know it.”

“Why do you always have to throw wet blankets on my dreams?” “I do not.” “Yes you do. And you know what I end up with? Wet dreams.”

“So you’re gonna throw me under the bus?” “Oh, I’m gonna throw you so hard I might even win a stuffed animal.”

“Who wouldn’t be angry if you ate all the cereal and faked your death for three years?”

“Quick, catch the cat it stole my coin pouch!”

“I feel like I was just hit by a car… wait, I did? And it was YOUR car?”

“I can’t believe I’m sitting in a dungeon with you of all people.”

“So why do I have to punch that guy?”

“I may have accidentally sort of adopted five goats.”

“I hope you know that my name is actually _____”

“Please stop petting the prisoners.”

“Please put me down, it’s just a sprained ankle.”

“So what if I broke my arm, I’m still doing it.”

“Why exactly do you need chloroform at 2am?”

“I’m like 75% sure this won’t explode in our faces.”

“You know how my people are, we would destroy ourselves just for spite.”

“Wait, is that what you were trying to do? I’m sorry, I would’ve taken you much more seriously if I knew.”

“Let’s not blow the extortion charge out of proportion. My boss was just a sore loser.”

“Of all things, you would have thought that the rain was innocuous enough. Turns out, nothing is innocuous in this Gods forsaken place!”

“It’s illegal to make unauthorized species. But it’s also illegal to kill endangered species. Thankfully, I only did one of each.”

“The secret ingredient isn’t human flesh, that’s all I can say.”

“Where’s the king?” “He’s being chased by a wyvern. It’s an old tradition, you see.”

“If I serenade for you, will you strip for me?”

“This is new.”

“Make me.”

“Shh. Stop fussing. I’m just braiding your hair.”

“If you steal the blankets, I’m going to put my cold feet on you.”

“Don’t be stubborn. Try it.”

“You are very endearing when you are half-asleep.”

“I heard you talking in your sleep.”

“The thought of losing you scares me.”

“Don’t smile at me like that. You know it drives me crazy.”

thank you. love you all.

[iloveanimalsmorethanhumans]

The Cat and the Murderer

(mentions of death, revenge, hints of violence)

The cat sat on the edge of the hole. An open wound in the earth too deep for the cat's paws to dig.

She sat with her tail curled demurely around her paws, gazing down into the space. It smelled of fresh clean earth and recent death.

She twitched her nose delicately, scenting the stirring current of air swirling around her, ruffling her fur ever so slightly.

She sat and she waited. The human would return. The one who had spent the last two hours cursing and throwing dirt from the hole, smelling of sour sweat and anger.

She had waited to find the human. Searching, sniffing them out. Deep into back alleys and far off fields. Patient and determined.

She remembered the first time she sat near a hole like this one. She had watched it being crafted. The human grunting and sweating, stopping to rub their lower back, glowering at the wrapped up bundle tossed aside.

"serves you right" the human grumbled. hitting the bundle with the shovel and going back to digging.

The cat watched the bundle being dragged and rolled into the hole, hitting the bottom with a thunk. Her nose twitching as the familiar scent of her protector, now smelling wrong, of fresh blood and urine and death. Wrapped carelessly and dumped into the hole. She had sat beside the hole when the human walked away to get something. Sat and watched and waited, then fleeing as she sensed the return.

Now here she was again. A new hole. This one empty, for now. She felt the ground vibrate and she made herself flat, digging claws into the earth, flattening her tail and her body, chin nestled in cool earth. Blending into the dark night and dark earth, her mottled fur a foil to human eyes, blending with the leaves and tossed up soil. She stopped breathing, and she waited.

The human came over the rise, carrying this new bundle huffing and sweating and muttering curses.

They didn't see the cat. The bundle was tossed aside as they prepared to dig a little more, and that's when they stepped on her. She came alive in a fury of flying fur and slashing claws, running up the nearest leg and across a broad shoulder, kicking and clawing at a joweled face, watery eyes, sinking her sharp little teeth into a fleshy cheek.

The human cried out in pain and confusion, flailing at their eyes and face. The cat was a blur, screeching her rage and sadness and loss. She leapt away as the human lost balance, and fell sidelong into the empty grave, hitting the ground with a satisfying thud that shook the earth.

The screams of cat and human attracted attention from other humans, far off but curious.

One by one a small group gathered, staring dumbfounded at the bundle, and the grave. From inside the hole there came a rattle, a dying breath.

Nearby, concealed by foliage, the cat groomed. Carefully chewing at her claws to remove blood and mud, stretching out her toes to clean between them, settling her ruffled fur and rapidly beating heart.

Her work is done.

-ADL

@flashfictionfridayofficial

[callsignbaphomet]

Still got Loke on the brain so here's a random list of faqs of my good boy. Oracle version.

He's left-handed.

Jelani was the first one to call him Lo and Loki. It was when he was first starting to talk and Loke was a bit difficult to pronounce. At first it was kind of a "low-ee" sound that progressed to Loki and then to Loke but the nicknames stuck ever since.

He's genderqueer and uses he/him and they/them. Either is fine with him.

He's queer. He used to use gay but felt it a bit restrictive and not right for him plus his mom uses queer so he went with queer. Men and male presenting are what he's attracted to.

The woman that birthed him tried to drown him when he was a week old. She took him to a river near the village and submerged him but luckily someone had stopped her. She ran away as they desperately tried to get him to start breathing again. He was fine.

Speaking of that woman, as of 2023 she is still alive and has on numerous occasions tried to approach him. She spoke to Sanaa once and asked if she could talk to him but Sanaa said that was Loke's decision. He wants absolutely NOTHING to do with her. Unfortunately he was told she tried to drown him and that caused a ton of drama and a bit of a trauma.

He bled to death once. He was run through with a bastard sword (I'd explain more but it's spoiler for something I'm currently writing).

His favorite animals are birds, foxes, and dogs.

He's afraid of cats. When he was little he used to feed some birds that hung around the village and one day he saw a cat kill and eat one of the birds.

He had a fiancé when he was 39 years old. He was killed during a raid. What no one except for Sanaa knew was that the fiancé was pregnant (trans) when he died. Obviously it was Loke's. That's a secret his mom's gonna take to her grave.

He has hemophilia, asthma, is far sighted, has seasonal allergies and is V E R Y allergic to tree nuts. Like one bite will either land him in the ER or the morgue.

Because of said hemophilia he will get random bruises anywhere in the body, his mouth will sometimes bleed, may cough blood, might bleed into his joints (apparently that's super painful), and yes, has had blood in his urine. All of these are really rare though.

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaates using glasses so mostly sticks to using contacts.

I associate him with foxes (sable) and shiba inus.

The element I associate him with is lightning/thunder.

He's a Nordic berserker.

Speaking of, normally berserkers cannot use magic especially while in berserker mode. The only exception to that rule are the Nyota berserkers which are called arcanist berserkers. Sanaa is one of those specific berserkers. Ever since he was like 5 he wanted to learn to use magic like Sanaa does because he wanted to be just like his mom. Sanaa wasn't sure he would be able to learn what she was trying to teach him but she indulged him nonetheless.

It took years but Loke actually managed to learn how to pull off one of the Nyota's signature moves. Enchanting an arrow and firing it directly into the sky and exploding into hundreds or thousands of shards falling into the battlefield. He was also taught how to summon an element which in his case was lightning. He can have lightning wrapped around himself or a weapon. So far he's the only non-arcanist berserker to ever achieve this.

The man is stubborn as fuck all.

His chosen weapons as a berserker are a two headed axe and a bow and arrows (he chose a bow because his mom uses a bow).

During the early 2000s he and his mom enrolled in the same university to study medicine. They both graduated top of their class and did their residency at the same hospital. However, Sanaa got her license and is currently a doctor back home in Norway. Loke finished everything but went back to Oracle. He has that to fall back on whenever he chooses to retire from Oracle. He puts his medical knowledge to good use in the area of operations (the ao) and out of it tho.

Has adult separation anxiety. Technically speaking so does Jelani (only Angelus knows this but the rest suspect Jelani has it too). Neither can be separated for long periods of time. They start panicking when separated from each other for long periods of time.

His body count (like actual body count, not how many men he's had sex with) is disturbingly high. Disturbingly. High. He's very overprotective of the people he loves and will not hesitate to put two bullets into someone's skull and keep going as if nothing happened.

His favorite fruit is the mango. He really loves mangoes.

Favorite food is pizza.

Knows 13 languages: old Norse, Kiswahili, Xhosa, English, Lule Sámi, Norwegian, German, Icelandic, Faroese, Spanish, Setswana, Somali and Manyika. Basically the same languages Jelani knows.

Has a nicotine addiction and smokes. Not as much as he used to but he does.

Normally when berserkers are in berserker mode their irises tend to have a glow. However, Loke's sclera and irises turn red and no, it ain't normal. [No explanation due to spoilers].

He can sing and I do mean sing really good. He and Abigail often sing together by themselves. Abby loves to sing in front of others but Loke's shy about it. Everyone tells him he has a lovely voice though and he shouldn't feel shy about it.

If you wanna get technical about it Sanaa is his stepmother and Jelani is his half brother but he only ever refers to Sanaa as his mom and Jelani as his brother. He leaves out the step and the half. One of the worst ways you could possibly insult him is by calling Sanaa his stepmom and Jelani his half brother. Do that and you're instantly on his shit list forever, unless it wasn't intentional, just make sure you never do it again. Do it again and the ass kicking that follows will make your ancestors bleed.

He's a highly trained counter-sniper. He's also pretty good with a sniper. Trevor trained him. As it stands he's the second best sniper in all of Oracle.

He's extremely effective with any weapon he gets his hands on, he's also very accurate. If he missed it's because he wanted to.

He's ridiculously fast at drawing and firing weapons.

He's basically a human (no, he's not human, you know what I mean) lie detector. He can accurately tell when someone is lying.

He also makes an excellent double agent.

He's the only one who can tell when Jelani is lying.

According to tradition he was the next in line to be jarl. The position usually falls on the oldest child of the jarl's. However, he isn't one for such matters so he gave his position to Jelani who was, in his honest opinion, better suited for the role as he's proven to be a natural leader.

He is a very, very, very heavy sleeper. You literally have to shake him awake. Also it takes him like mere seconds to fall asleep.

He has 10 alarms on his phone cuz he sure as fuck ain't gonna hear the first 5.

He's super lazy.

He is the first and only non-Nyota to be a Warden.

He's 22 years older than Jelani.

He's the same age as his aunt Fae (Sanaa's sister).

When Jelani was born Loke basically turned into a third parent. It wasn't forced, he loved taking care of and looking after his baby brother. It was practically love at first sight.

He loves both of his parents but he's very attached to his mom.

Has three false right bottom molars. Hammer to the face.

Has two pet pigeons (Anga & Mvua) and a German Shepherd (Lyn).

Hates reading. Please don't make him read, it makes his brain cry.

Hates exercising. Has to be dragged to do it.

His ID number is 00-2144.

His favorite season is fall.

Likes the beach but the beach does not like him. He doesn't tan, he burns.

He kinda stopped physically aging. Sanaa noticed this long ago but isn't sure of what's going on so she's kept it to herself just in case.

After a certain event [can't say due to spoilers] Loke can't actually really die. He might die for a few minutes to an hour depending on the severity of the injury but he'll always come back. The only way he'll permanently die is if Jelani dies. [Again, not explaining bc of spoilers]. He'll scar like normal berserkers do though or lose limbs if not careful. No one is aware of this, not even him or Jelani.

During the "God Virus" story when Jelani loses total control because of the virus Loke sort of lost control. Sort of. [Spoilers. Can't explain yet]

He belongs to Uthorim.

Wants to have kids someday.

Is a hugger. He loves to hug. Unless the person isn't comfortable with it. Is also a cuddler when sleeping.

As a sort of "easter egg" all of Loke's au versions have all au versions of Iain try to kill him or manage to injure him in some way.

Is actually really good with kids. He often babysits for others as well as driving down to New York to babysit for his aunt Fae. Yes, it's a 10 hour drive. No, he doesn't give a fuck.

Sleeps with a shirt on. Just a shirt.

Like his brother he's into metal.

[windowsandfeelings]

dair & 12 on the kiss prompts??

Dair & ...in grief

They get the call on a Thursday to come pick up the box. They go together.

It’s just plain brown corrugated cardboard with a paw-print inked on the side and a label reading “Hadley Waldorf-Humphrey.” The receptionist sets it down on the counter in front of them, and Blair stares at it while Dan signs all the paperwork. Somehow, the box seems both too big and too small for its contents, and she can’t bring herself to reach out and pick it up.

“I’m so sorry for your loss,” the receptionist says. It sounds to Blair like she’s on the other side of a glass wall.

“Thank you,” Dan says. He slides the box into a New Yorker tote and takes Blair’s hand. “Let’s go.” His voice is low, his head bent to the side, his mouth close to her ear, and she lets him lead her out of the small veterinary clinic, onto a steaming Upper East Side sidewalk.

They cut west down 66th. The streets are quiet, most of the neighborhood off in the Hamptons for the holiday weekend. They slide into the park near the zoo, where it’s five degrees cooler in the shade, the tiniest bit of relief from the oppression of late summer, and it’s an easy walk to the duck pond. The tote bag bangs against Dan’s hip, but he doesn’t complain. He keeps a tight grip on her hand, squeezing it every few minutes.

They find a secluded spot on the edge of the pond, between a couple of trees and largely out of sight, and for a moment they just stand there, hand in hand, looking out over the water. Then Dan reaches into the tote bag and pulls out the box.

The box that isn’t Hadley, not really.

Blair can still feel the soft brush of Hadley against her ankles, the scratch of Hadley’s tongue on the back of her hand. She was a small cat, made more of fur and personality than anything else; prone to dramatically flinging herself at the floor, the furniture, Dan’s lap. Fond of napping in the bathroom sink, burying herself in pillows, hissing at unwelcome guests. They’d acquired her in the first month of their marriage, on a whim one Saturday afternoon. She was already a lady, grown as big as she’d ever get. Had already lived a life before they brought her into theirs.

They’d carried her home in a cardboard box that day, too.

Dan lets go of her hand to tear at the corner of the box, where it’s glued shut. There’s a plastic bag inside, but there’s some loose dust—what’s left of her delicate bones, her plush fur, her pink nose—that clings to his fingers, and some more that drifts away in a breeze. Blair can feel hot tears climbing her throat, pushing their way to the surface, but she swallows them down. “We should say something,” she says. “First.”

Dan nods. “What do you want to say?” he asks.

Well, she hasn’t thought about it, how to sum up Hadley into words. “I—” she starts, but whatever else she wants to stay is stuck somewhere below the tears. She shakes her head.

“Remember the time we had Serena over?” Dan asks. He’s just holding the box, now, out in front of him, one corner of the flap peeled up. “It was like a week after we got her, and we were spending all of our time chasing her around the apartment trying to stop her from peeing on the furniture, and you forgot you’d invited Serena to dinner and she showed up and found us on our knees scrubbing the carpet in my office.”

Blair nods. At the time it felt like such a low moment for her, cleaning up cat urine.

“Or when Hadley fell completely in love with Nate and tried to surgically attach herself to him so he couldn’t leave without her?”

Blair had to buy Nate a new sweater after that, to replace the one Hadley shredded.

“And then when she realized Jenny actually did get to go home with Nate and never forgave her?”

A laugh makes it through the tears, bubbling up out of Blair’s mouth. She can still picture it: Hadley hissing at Jenny in the foyer and Jenny hissing right back.

“She was a good cat,” Blair says. It comes out with a single sharp sob.

Dan steps closer to her, wrapping one arm around her shoulders, and she presses her face into his neck. Her tears pool where her mouth meets the cotton of his crew-neck tee. He kisses her, featherlight, at her hairline. Once. Twice. “She was such a good cat,” he says into her hair.

She pulls herself together one breath at a time, until she can step away from him, stand on her own. She slides one finger under each eye, flicking away the tears that have gathered in her lashes. Dan waits for, her, not-Hadley still clutched in one hand.

“I’m ready now,” she says. She’s not, not really, but she’ll pretend.

With one hard yank, Dan gets the edge of the box off, enough to get to the plastic bag inside. They crouch down together at the edge of the water.

“Goodbye, Hadley,” she says, as the ashes pour out into the duck pond. Some of them saturate, and sink, and some float away from them, a little gray bubble drifting off into Central Park.

“Bye, Had,” Dan echoes.

Blair swallows, and takes his hand, and together they watch her go.

[butternuggets-blog]

FOR WANT OF A NAIL

@baldwin-montclair @adowobsessed @sylverdeclermont @nicki-mac-me @thereadersmuse @kynthiamoon @wheresthesunshinesblog @adowbaldwin @beautifulsoulsublime @lady-lazarus-declermont @adarafaelbarba-blog @dogblessyoutascha

Part Fourty-Five

Summary:  Baldwin Montclair had a string of ex girlfriends, a single child, and a  lifetime longer than most people could dream of to make all kinds of  mistakes. His family knew one which kept coming out of the woodwork to  irritate him every other century

Also on AO3

It took the time between steps for Martin's world to change again.

He had been out for an evening stroll through Chalon and had gone down to the river to hunt. No fishermen had chanced the moonless night to throw a line, so Martin had decided to try his luck elsewhere.

He took a step and raised his foot to take another.

A piercing wail rose from beneath the bridge.

A baby.

Another cry rose up.

Martin vaulted over the bridge and landed, cat-like, in the mud. The tiny bundle at his feet was wriggling; slow movements, but not sluggish, and definately distressed.

Martin sniffed. Faeces, tears, urine and mud. Poor babe.

The damp had soaked partway through the blankets; Martin wiped the excess away and rocked the child, peering down into a tiny pink face scrunched up and screaming. The only thing that had saved it was that the rain-swollen river had gone down a few metres, exposing the riverbank.

Martin ran a finger along the baby's face and winced.

'Too cold..far too cold. We shall have you before a fire soon, young one.'

The baby whined and gurgled, opening a pair of beautiful blue eyes.

'...Hello.' Martin breathed.

The child gave him a truly impressive glare, kicked furiously and screamed.

Martin felt the world fall away.

________________________________________________________________

Sister Isabella nearly jumped out of her skin when a volley of knocks hammered on the door beside the infirmary.

'Peace! Peace!' she admonished, rushing to unlock it. 'You will break it down-'

Screams deafened her. The young man, handsomely dressed and covered in mud, was cradling a tiny baby wrapped in his cloak and a bundle of wet blankets.

'She needs feeding,' the man pleaded, clearly desperately out of his depth.

'Give her to me!' Sister Isabella took the baby from him and rang her hand bell. Sister Rosaline, sleeping in a cot in the hospital on the other side of the corridor, jerked awake and came running.

'Feed the babe! I will fetch her clean swaddling.' Isabella passed the child to a nodding Rosaline who adjusted her gown and cradled the baby against her chest, who quieted immediately.

The young man disappeared into the courtyard and came back carrying a full bucket of water. He disappeared and returned again, and before long there was a hot bath steaming away in the corner, which Isabella had forced the young man to sit in while he cradled the baby and she poured water over her shivering form.

Once she had stopped shivering, and she was clean of river mud, Rosaline fetched a cradle from a store room and they lay the little girl down to rest. She fell asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow, snuffling once and twitching, before falling still.

'What is her name?'

'Yvette.'

The man looked startled. He took a moment, swallowed, and looked down at the sleeping child.

'Her..' the man paused, staring.

Isabella and Rosaline shared a knowing look.

'My daughter is called Yvette.'

Author's Notes

BABIES NEED BREAST MILK OR FORMULA!! Goat milk can cause dehydration, malnutrition from lack of protein, kidney and organ damage and an allergic reaction. Cow milk can cause intestional bleeding in infants under twelve months old.

In cultures such as England in the High Middle Ages, babies were often swaddled, theoretically to help their arms and legs grow straight. Swaddling involved wrapping the infant in linen strips with his legs together and his arms close to his body. (ThoughtCo)

A woman can only act as a wet nurse if she is lactating (producing milk). It was once believed that a wet nurse must have recently undergone childbirth in order to lactate. This is not necessarily the case, as regular breast stimulation can elicit lactation via a neural reflex of prolactin production and secretion. (Wikipedia)

[hislittleraincloud]

Sigh.

I had to explain why Afterburn hasn't been finished yet, so I'll repeat part of how I responded to this really awesome (I mean that...I love all my fans 😭) fan, but here with harsher lang because I have hate for this fucking bitch who hasn't even given me a "Thank you" for anything and has just fucking ghosted me after she got out the last time:

1. The Junkie Neighbor and The Cat. Her fucking going in and out of rehab fucked up my creative process because I had to take care of the cat and her apartment every night for long stretches at a time. I've posted pics of kitty, and will post the last one I think I'll ever take with him (😭😭😭😭😭 I raised him from a kitten) under the cut. This bitch was supposed to be my friend, but she has fucking...problems with herself and her personality disorder. I have zero idea why she hasn't responded and I don't even know where the fuck she is. So if she's reading (I think she knows of this blog), the YOU'RE FUCKING WELCOME, BITCH. And what you're doing right now is fucked up.

2. My 17yo dog is on his last legs. I've written how he's had seizures, but I haven't written how his barking after a seizure can get me a noise complaint from my shitty building manager, so that shit makes me anxious. I hand feed him, I help him get water the same way Peter Griffin helped Old Brian in that cutaway:

I wrap my boy's pills in gummies, not PB and beef 💀

LOL Except I don't have to push his tongue into the water like that. And I have to do it every...day...when he's awake. This is a disruption in my creative process too, because I REALLY wanted to pass out around 4PM today to be able to map and write all night but couldn't because he just would not settle. Dogs with dementia are like people with dementia, but less propensity towards violence when you try to help them (at least my old dogs are...they're small dogs and don't have any teeth left).

I didn't even mention my own health problems, in my explanation about how Afterburn's creation got messed. I've got Stage 4 CKD (kidney disease) and only 1 working kidney (lost the other to cancer in 2016). My kidney issues began when I was in France in 1986 and they failed on me because I ended up having HSP (and the strange nature of HSP and the possibility of certain vaccinations bringing on HSP in a few people has left me practically defenseless against COVID). Another HSP flare up would literally kill me (because there would likely be kidney involvement, and since I only have one left...the first time was Hell on Earth, I was pissing and shitting blood — stool is black when that happens...and my urine was bright red — and my parents thought I was gonna die), but I've been masking since January 2020 and have no intention of unmasking.

Having one kidney leaves me utterly exhausted to do any simple thing, so most of my energy goes to taking care of my boy/my girls. I'm on BP meds, PTSD meds, and pain meds (for chronic pain; I suffered through childhood arthritis that just ended up continuing into my adulthood), and when the Big Pharma pain meds don't work, I use cannabis. I don't really talk about or complain about it as explicitly as I am now bc it's tiring to explain over and over again why I'm a useless sack of 💩. I worked a "normal job" until I couldn't anymore; I am physically disabled.

Besides my seniors, the one other bright spot in my life is the baby. I have an Ask that wants more pics of her (I got it shortly after I posted her "Lookit me, I'm Jenna Ortega 🤓🤓🤓" glasses pic LOL), and I was going to do a whole post on her but I'll just slip a pic or two under the cut with the others.

I'll stop yapping and do that. Dogs under the cut.

This is my life now:

And before anyone gets on me about "HE NEEDS WET FOOD!", he gets wet food, but he likes his dry food. I try to spray it with water for a bit of moisture, but if I spray it too much, he won't eat it.

The orange on his face is pasta sauce (he likes licking cans...and he gets what he wants).🫠 It's sometimes hard to clean. He is always wearing pajamas (he has 6 different ones) and his elephant hoodie (he's got 3 of the same, so I can switch them out). Weird story but...one time several years ago I got him a simple elephant costume (the hood had the trunk, the body was thin jersey material but it also had 4 plush legs and a tail 🤣) and he LOVED it so much that he basically wore it out. He would get sad when it wasn't on him and excited when I would hold it up after it dried/after washing. He's fkn weird, okay? So I looked online to see if I could find another one but instead found the elephant hoodie. It doesn't have legs or a tail, but it has the trunk and it's soft and he likes it as well. Having him clothed really helps when I need to hoist him up onto the couch or help him drink. He doesn't have loose skin and even if he did, I wouldn't want to grab onto skin. It's my job to make him as comfortable as possible, not to hurt him.

Now this little (17yo as well) old lady here:

I inherited her from a nasty (racist) old bat who died right before the pandemic. Bat had CKD as well, but she went into kidney failure at some point after she wouldn't listen to me about fixing her diet (she had uncontrolled diabetes too...her blood sugar was over 400 at one point when I was visiting her at her physical rehab with the dog 😨).

She is blind, but even before she went blind, she was freaky about being handled when she didn't used to be. She can't walk outside because she gets disoriented, so she uses the pee pad set up I have for the seniors. I do love her like my own, as she is my own now (my last screenplay actually features a dog just like her). She was part of the same dog group as my boy in the rescue that I worked at...my other boy from the same rescue passed in 2021 and devastated me. His passing led me to find this little baby here:

She only wears jammies when it's cold in here.

I had never gotten a puppy before, but I was in a really dark place when my other boy died. I was seriously contemplating taking myself out too (God knows I have enough drugs here to do so). But I channeled my grief into cleaning up this place and finding another pomchi/chion (we were never sure what he was, but I think he might've been part Papillon because of his ears/fur/tail)...and I found one, albeit chocolate instead of white. I've had her since she was 8 weeks and a day, and thank the gods that she's the sweetest and pretty low maintenance. I raised her on Harry Potter 1 and 2 and Victoria Stilwell videos, and she somehow picked up what good behavior is vs. bad behavior from the Stilwell videos 😶. She used to howl at Harry Potter during the Neville scenes and the Quidditch matches (and the Mandrakes scene). I didn't want to raise her on Potter, but I chose it because it was kid's thing and as soon as I put it on her eyes were glued to the TV. She also likes Stranger Things and is okay with Wednesday. She's spoiled af, so she's got toys from all of those (she ate off the legs of her fave Harry Potter plush, adores her Eleven squeaky toy, and loves her Enid plush...yes, the Kid Robot one that came in a set with Wednesday and Bianca, the latter of which I kept for myself because it's fkn Bianca).

Anyway. That's what's up with me. I have no one here to help me anymore, so it's just me and the dogs. If I fkn die, no one will find my body for days unless one of the dogs starts barking, and the baby doesn't normally bark (she wheeks like a guinea pig). I will likely ask one of the ficwives if they would be willing to at least know my notes for Afterburn in case something does happen to me. They know the general trajectory of the story for Afterburn 2, so they already know what happens with Wenovan, but they don't know the details of the whole (the Goodmen, Joseph Crackstone & Goody, OG Nightshades (Morticia, Gomez, Larissa, Chancellor, Vincent, Mina (the Twins' mother), Francoise, Osamu (Yoko's father), the Petropoluses, and Grandmama Addams (the oldest living "local" Nightshade)) story. I've yet to decide on a few other Elder Nightshades, but I've got ideas. The Nightshades and Wednesday's power as one are a BIG focus of Afterburn 2, so maybe now you get my irritance at the fkn show deleting 2/3 of them.

My boy's sleeping now so I guess I ought to sleep too, otherwise he'll wake up when I'm about to sleep and THAT fucks me up even more.

ETA: Forgot the pic of the cat.

My buddy, Prince (the name he was given when he was born, so ✨I✨ kept it, but his weirdo mom named him "Tennessee Tuxedo"). Wow, Tennessee... I just now realized that.... To me he will always be Prince Ovaltine of Meowcatsia, a cat who adored playing tag with me. 💔💔💔💔💔

[bubbelpop2]

FOR DISABLED PET OWNERS WHO CAN'T CARE FOR THEIR CAT AND SPEND TOO MUCH MONEY DOING SO

please reblog this if you care about the "if you can't care for your pet you shouldn't own one" ableist saying

okay so here's what you're gonna do. your cat potties in whatever place is the most convenient. If you can't clean the litterbox regularly, and the cat can't easily cover up it's stuff, it's going to potty in whatever place is most convenient or removed from its regular potty space.

The goal here is to make cat care as accessible and cheap as possible.

So. You need a nice, wide-open potty space for what I'm doing to tell you to do. so pitch your old litter box, and the litter. Dispose of the litter someplace it won't bother people, either in the trash, or dump it in a discreet location far away from foot traffic, because the clay is just going to sit there and smell like cat urine forever.

If you can't handle physical work, hunt for a potty box that is WIDE AND NOT TOO SHALLOW. You want the cat to be able to step into it easily and you dont want it to be able to scoop the [whatever you're using that isnt litter. Could be grass, hay, dried brown leaves, or soft and chunky wood pellets]

Okay, so. If you can handle physical work, Buy a big tupperware tub of some sort. One of those big plastic tubs. A cheap one. Then, use a lighter or a fire of some sort (be careful) and melt and poke holes around the bottom of it. Like this:

Here is the top of the box. 1/4th of the top of the box.

Here is the half of the box. 2/4ths of the box.

Here is the bottom part of the box. This is 3/4ths of the box.

If you need to, draw a line or score a mark around the 3/4th part of the box. DO NOT puncture the very bottom of the box. You want to puncture the 3/4th mark.

Okay, so, once you have that done, you wanna take a lighter and melt around the line (or the imaginary line) that you made on the 3/4ths bottom portion of the box. Then, you wanna use scissors or a knife and poke holes alllll around the line. All around the line. Because that'll make it way easier for the cat to get in and out. Then use your common sense and the lighter and the sharp object to remove the excess plastic.

OR alternatively, if you can't find a BIG, WIDE tub, and you can't imagine yourself doing that whole wrap-around thing with said tub, then using the same method, cut a WIDE and easily accessible door for the cat into one of the SHORT sides of the box. Not the long side. The short side. Because you want to minimize spillage.

Okay, now that the door is done, or the sides of the wide box is done, you're going to use duct tape to cover the sharp edges. Or you're going to melt and bend the plastic until it's not sharp anymore.

Then, after the box is complete, fill it with whatever you're using. (dried brown leaves directly from your yard or dead grass directly from your yard works the very best, but you can buy wood pellets in a big bag from any store that does landscaping, probably. You could also buy hay that's meant to be rabbit food)

Okay now you're going to introduce your cat to your new box. Take a scoop of shit (yes you heard me correctly) and put it in the box, along with a big clump of litter and cat piss, and then lure your cat into the box with treats, or gently place them in the box and keep them there for a couple seconds. This works best if you catch them IN THE ACT of pottying in the old box or in someplace they're not supposed to.

Okay, now, take the old litterbox, and dump it in that discreet location we talked about. Just because it's easier. OR, if you have the energy, dump it entirely into a garbage bag and throw the whole thing away. Don't bother with cleaning it. You'll never need to scoop again. Or try a bunch of different litters that don't work. Or fix or maintain an automatic litterbox. Or support an industry that packages clay for fifty fucking dollars.

Anyways, when you need to clean it, just dump it outside. It won't smell. And you won't need to scoop. And it'll be lightweight.

[catspinach]

Update on my guy!!!!

Hedwig has been doing very well! I wrapped some felt around his cone and I'm doing everything in my power to make sure he is as comfortable as possible while he recovers <33 His scars are healing very well and he has had no problems using the bathroom! He had PU surgery last Wednesday (May 3, 2023), which shortens his urethra to prevent blockage and crystal formation in his urine. It's interesting to look at his scars. You can clearly see how they completely moved his urethral opening closer to his anus, similar to a female cat.

In total, his surgery and week-long stay at the vet came to around $9,000.

I will do anything for my little boy, but man, that's a lot of cash! If anyone is able to spare a little something, it would be incredibly appreciated:)

Ko-Fi

PayPal

Venmo

[mercurialmilk]

Grief is an emotion I wouldnt wish on my worst enemy.

I gotta get this out for the sake of my soul. It's a really long read.

back in June of 2020, my sister and I found a cat while out for a walk. She was really friendly but looked in really bad shape. She had horrible matted fur all down her back, she was so thin you could feel her entire spine, scratches and old injuries. But she was so curious and bright eyed!

We thought she might be a lost cat so we took her in, sent info to shelters and our block watch captain (oh, the suburbs) and took her to the vet.

They shaved her from the neck down because they couldnt do an exam the mats were so bad.

She was suffering from malnutrition, had several broken bones that healed wrong, beginnings of kidney problems, was partially deaf and had several superficial scratches and bad teeth.

A few days later we found her owners. They said their kids gave them 2 kittens years ago and they just live outdoors mostly. I was really shocked, at that time we lived in the suburbs next to a ravine filled with wildlife. Coyotes were seen almost every night.

They said that her brother died a little while ago from a coyote.

I was completely furious but tried to keep cool. I asked if they would be open to us keeping her? They asked why on earth we wanted a 19 year old cat (19 years old!!)

They warned me she had behavioural problems and peed all over their house and the woman (it was a couple) said that she "hated petting her because she was so boney"

Yikes.

We agreed that I could keep her as long as they didnt have to pay the vet bills.

(turns out the man of the couple was a bit more attached to the cats or maybe he felt guilty because a few weeks later he showed up with an envelope with half the cost of vet bills for me)

This cat was supposed to be my sisters. I've never been much of a cat person because growing up our mother would foster cats and the minute you got attached to one it was gone to a new home.

Unfortunately, due to some circumstances, my sister had to go to the hospital for a long time and I became the caretaker for this little girl.

First, I didnt want to let her into my bedroom. Then she wasnt allowed in my actual bed. Then she wasnt allowed to spend the night. All of these rules didnt last long at all.

We found the perfect equilibrium. She loved to sleep on my lap (she's incredibly small and perpetually cold) during the day (I work from home) and at night she would snuggle into the crook of my left arm (always the left) and snore peacefully into my ear.

I moved a few months after getting her. In the summer, she goes out to the patio and sleeps on the warm stones. She has a little harness and a really long leash so that she doesnt wander far. My desk is right by the door so I can sit and watch her. And untangle her when she gets wrapped around the patio furniture.

She never had a single "behavioural problem" like the couple said. She always went to the litterbox perfectly, even on long car trips when visiting my parents.

She doesnt like other cats (I think she is anxious about being bullied) but she likes dogs.

She is now completely deaf, which is great because I dont disturb her sleep with vacuuming or my work.

I completely fell in love. And honestly, she saved my life. She became my perfect companion. I put her on a raw meat diet, her fur grew back beautifully and she feels and looks a lot better!

Thing is, being 19 when I got her, I knew what that meant. I knew the end would come a lot sooner than I'd like so I truly treasure every single moment with her.

Yesterday I got the results of her blood and urine tests. Her kidneys are officially in stage 3 out of 4, meaning that the end is coming.

It could be a few weeks or months but there's no stopping this.

I've never lost a person before but my dog passed away after a prolonged illness in 2018 and it was easily the hardest thing that I've ever been through.

My only regret with my dog was that I was so desperate to keep her alive that I held on too tightly. It's never an easy decision because you dont know if it's the right time.

This time my only goal will be to give her the best possible end. Once she shows me that she's ready to go, I will listen. I already know I'm going to do it at home. I have researched the company that does it.

It probably wont happen for a while. She's still happy, eating ok, sleeping a lot but that's because she's a lil grandma. Right now, her diet is well in line with kidney heath.

I'm still waiting on test results to give me a better picture of how far into stage 3 she is. But the writing is on the wall and I'm full into grief.

Is it better or worse to know it's going to happen soon? Does it matter?

I passed all the stages of grief a long time ago (if you believe in that). I've been at 'acceptance' for a while now. But it really doesnt make it any easier.

I feel so weak and so powerless. I know this will pass and I will survive. I've survived before. I just needed to get this out.

Here's Kida. Although I never call her by her name. She's either Little Girl, Baby or Beloved.

When we first found her:

Vs today:

[jijisgaaay]

The cat saga

Tonight was so surreal. My friend has a cat who got a UTI and then we took him to this sketchy vet who works out of his house and he said he had to flush out a bladder stone and to pick him up the next day, and then she went the next day and he had done a “sex change surgery” because the bladder stone was too big. And then a few days later he still wasn’t good so she took him back and he did surgery on his bladder to remove multiple stones, this is in this man’s basement. And then my friend had a vacation planned and her cat still wasn’t doing good so my other friend who is very good with animal care took him in while I’m cat sitting her other cat. And then over the last few days and tonight she was texting me updates about how he has urine burns because he’s leaking everywhere cause he has bad bladder control and he has these huge abscesses. And then tonight she looked up cat anatomy and realized that even with the sex change surgery where he was leaking from was not where it was supposed to be so she took him to an emergency vet. And then at 2am she called me and was like he’s in incredible pain his bladder is outside of his body and his abdomen is filled with urine and that’s why he’s leaking and they either have to do a $5,000 surgery that isn’t going to guarantee a good quality of life anyways or put him down. And the friend who actually owns this cat is on a cruise and has limited wifi and also it’s the middle of the night, so she had to make the decision to put him down. So I drove to her and sat with her and said goodbye to him and he was wrapped up in a blanket on her lap and I just comforted her while he was put to sleep, this cat that she’s been babying for the past several days and who she’s been invested in for weeks, and it was so heartbreaking. And we went and got some Dennys and now it’s 7am and that whole situation feels fake, if you told me it was a dream I would believe you. That was so draining and confusing. And now I’m just loving on my cat a lot.

Anyways that was my day, how is yours?

[crashedsea]

The lucky ones fight brief battles

With valor, and wine, and feasting

And we unlucky get none of these

No

We get the same battle and

Each time it takes more of

Our bodies, our honor, our hearts

And since we are learning creatures we

Learn to run and to hide and to bite

Things that respectable warriors do not do

I am not a respectable warrior in face of the

Sight of the same battle my mother saw the

One that she counteracted to my harm

I grew up in a white room in ribbon handcuffs

My mother grew up in piles and rot and pills

I am not a respectable warrior in the kingdom of

A grieving queen afflicted with the same rot

That drove my mother from her homeland into

The arms of my foolish father who could not

Treat her worsening caught ailment with any of

His work with spirits so he turned to ale and so

Now I turn away too

In addition to the running and biting and

Lack of sportsmanship

Pitiful.

I once had to take refuge for several months in

My mothers kingdom of exile and watch her

Become a child again while we sat in cat urine

Old newspaper and last sundays dishes

My mother spit her rot into my eye once trying

To assert dominance over a crumbling kingdom

She was hiding it behind her dead tooth

Behind the mask of perfection that wouldn’t

Wrap all the way around her entire life

And coincidentally this is the eye that sees best

Now in my otherwise failing vision

Coincidentally this is the eye the aching chose

To brew behind when I remembered

The warriors I left behind to face

Another queen succumbed to rot

The same battle the same injury I can feel

The ghost pain I can feel the glass press into

My knees as I kneel in the grove

And wonder if to be Atlas is to be sorry

Or a sign of another battle lost

The wounds call to be reopened like

The inner voice of parasite mold begs to spore

In the recycling piles and under my still ill body

And I am Echo, crying silent misery

As if I didn’t invite the seagulls shoreside

To nourish on my ugly gore

Maybe I’m Narcissus

Not in body but in spirit

I miss the sight of Icarus up high in the tree

Smiling in his proximity to the sun

And the dangerous heartbeat hum of

Bittersweet stimulants

Little did he know he was the warmth

And like the sun I can see him smiling still

When I close my eyes

The feather burns when I think about him

Always

One day I will stop crawling through the shards

Like cathedral cobblestones to repent to saints

That I don’t believe in and instead ask the sun

Or Icarus to absolve me

july 15th 3am