#But thats the biggest thing i can think of that i WANT that i dont have....
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btw one of the things i want to do when i really rap up atbb for real is spontaneously get the energy at will to do actual updated fullbodies of the main 4 since now i actually have the ability to draw them the way they look in my head & have the skills to put some more variety in their shapes. basically i wanna
#warning big character design rambling in these tags but like. were u expecting any less#if ur wondering what changed-#first of all everybody has bigger hands bc i'm actively deciding to commit to that decision because i like it :3#next russ is a bit taller . i'll probably change some other things like making his armor look more solid & making him look more frail#-without it but i dont wanna pick up my tablet rn so thats all i feel like editing with my mouse lmao#edge has the biggest changes mostly in just being Wider. i want to make him Look stronger yknow#currently its just one of those annoying “skinny anime girl actually has 2d spraypainted abs and can lift a truck” tropes that i Hate#its a lil too many triangles when he should really be more like a triangle-flavored square. yknow#that being said the weirdly feminine hips were not intentional but only time will tell if they make it into the actual final design or not#i will not be making his pauldrons wider than they were originally. those things are already wacking everything around him they're fine#fluff's change is just being a bit skinnier so he looks more pathetic and sad. probably gonna try to make him look a bit younger too#but age is hard to represent with skeletons from The Land Of Sharp Features#i might also change up his pants/shoes more idk. Baggy Everything makes a very difficult silhouette and the boots are just boring tbhh#they're the bi flag but i dont think a single person has ever noticed lmao#and stretch's biggest change is that he's going to Have A Fullbody Reference That Isn't From 2019#probably make his hoodie longer/looser so i can make the transition to the leggings less awkward & show off his tank under it a bit more#the leggings & sneakers get to stay tho i think. the red wraps the design up well & the chicken legs are funny to me :>#and karma isn't here but he'll probably also get an update to be more square as well. and NOT SKINNYYYYYY#i gotta cram some more emotional repression & inferiority complex hints into his outfit so his post-void look contrasts more its IMPORTANT#AND ALSO NEVER USE UNDERTALE SPRITES AS A REFERENCE FOR ARMOR EVER EVER EVER AGAIN#that being said im really excited to one day finally sit down and draw his post-void design i think i'll have fun with that one#theres a reason my sf bros dont really fit their “roles” in the au yet like undyne & alphys do. hehehe#basically to sum up all these tags: becoming more skilled at art is a curse because you KNOW you can do things better now
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ash’s sinnoh team is so good (mostly) and im fond of the core six and then you look closer and you remember that only half of them were treated all that well
#it only gets worse when you count ambipom.#staraptor is sorta just there to me tbh. doesnt help that it stayed in its middle stage most of the time which i dislike#but thats a personal thing. besides that it was ok. buizel was treated pretty fine too#but i stand by that gliscor was done dirty. i dont get why people go ‘’oh it got training and became a badass!! thats GREAT writing!!’’#when she immediately gets thrashed in the league anyways (even if she powers through and gives an awesome fight for that goddamn drapion)#its still not a great way to reintroduce her and its one of the parts of ash v paul i dont actually like all that much#like cmon infernape gets the biggest win in that fight#can he at least give this one to gliscor. please. or have torterra do it he is fucking begging for mercy#but anyways ig thats forgivable bc of drapion. back to my og point tho i dont get that as a defense#because how is it better writing for gliscor to get that treatment offscreen when we couldve had a really cathartic training arc instead#because she had a pretty inconsistent win/loss rate that couldve been addressed further#especially because the lake acuity/sinnoh league team parallel was so important. it just muddies the equation up to bench her#i think it gets forgiven because of the league and because ambipom was treated MUCH worse#like damn at least gliscor got to come back at all. at least her departure was related to what she wanted#but that doesnt change the fact that it just makes the league feel more clunky and awkward than it should#idk. why do people think a pokemon getting shipped off for offscreen training is good writing. i genuinely dont understand it#its always felt lazy and cheap to me. why is this pokemon we havent seen strong? uh. it trained offscreen? idiot?#tbf i think charizard and heracross also sorta suffer from this. heracross especially#he shipped that thing off so early in johto why am i supposed to believe its this super powerful battler#i mean. besides that its a heracross. but still. heracross v scizor is awesome but it doesnt necessarily explain its later feats#(ik heracross was sent to oaks lab not sent to training but still)#echoed voice
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Where else am I gonna rant if not to a group of random strangers that barely know me, right? So ofc I'm gonna rant here cuz these people have no idea who tf I am.
....turns out I have no words to explain how I'm feeling right now so I offer this emoji instead: 😔
#so i went to this 18th birthday aka debut of my friend and tbh its the first debut ive ever been to and i was rly looking forward to it#plan was to enjoy with my friends and all and i was also planning to get some ideas for my own debut whoch is two weeks after hers#tbh my debut is the bday that ive been looking forward to for basically my whole life cuz the other important ages i did absolutely nothing#for my first bday i was literally in the hospital so nothing there. in my seventh bday i cant even remember what happened. we went swimming?#so the 18th is what i always dreamt of. ive already told my moms this a couple hundred times and ive already thought out how i want it to go#then at the party i observed everything and i realized a lot of things. firstly that shit is expensive. while we used to have the money#no we dont and thats all just in the past now. second thing which i find the most disturbing is the amount of people#the debutante invites the special people in their life and while yes i do have those i dont think they can even reach the proper number#and also i rly cant see myself in that position yknow? being the center of atteaction with people telling you nice stuff abt how they like u#so thats made me quite sad that the bday ive always wanted is never gonna be mine. my biggest TOTGA...#at this point i just wanna spend my whole 18th wallowing in self pity and sadness. while i know my friends love me i dont rly think they#love me to the point of throwing me a lil party of our own like we did earlier this year to ine of our friends. im the spare friend i guess#and plus when i got home my paretns arent even talking to me or looking my way if not scolding me or getting mad at me#well IM SORRY i also didnt want to get stuck in the fckin road for A WHOLE HOUR while waiting for a ride home#and IM SORRY that im just wearing jeans to a debut. this is my frist fucking time going to a debut so how tf would i know???#plus a lot of people were just wearing casual so wtf 😒#all in all im sad and i want to go die
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🕷️☕️
#im broken#im someone who is meant to be alone and be unliked and unlovable and unwanted#thats my place in the world. im foolish for hoping for more#it just hurts sm that it feels like everyone else has or have had someone#i've never had someone who has chosen me over everyone else#im surrounded by ppl who have been chosen above everyone else#and like i read a romance book abt two ppl in their late 30s who are virgins and meet eo#but both of them have kissed & made out w ppl before.... i havent even done that#like am i gonna be 30 and have my 1st kiss???? be fr who would wanna have sex w someone in their 30s who has no experience#they'd have to teach me and like ppl in their 30s are getting ready to settle down#i cant imagine anyone wanting to kiss me just bc im me either like everyone gets tired of me after a while......#i cant imagine anyone not tiring of me and choosing to be w me#when there'll always be someone else. someone better. hotter. sexier. funnier. smarter#im like actually fkn dumb for thinking that someone could want to be w ME above everyone else#spend their time with me when there are 1m things better than me#there will always be someone else everyone would choose above me#also im broken bc my heart is stupidly loyal. im like a penguin... but normal ppl dont work that way#i cant imagine anyone thinking im special enough to love and want me the way i feel love#so i've always known im meant to be alone#but its so hard watching everyone around me have a partner while i have to be lonely and ache to be that important and loved#im always gonna exist as a lonely island never being 1st priority or the favorite or more special than everyone else#and its making my heart so sad. why am i not worthy of dating or loving or choosing or bein no 1??#and being so unwanted and never chosen or special is making me so dejected and lifeless#friendships arent as big to me anymore bc sure i'll hang out or talk to my friends#but then they go home to their partner. the person that are no 1 in their lives#i can have friends but it only makes me sadder bc it reminds me that theyve all been chosen and i have not#i have cry myself to sleep everyday while they have the joy of bring chosen and important and held#i just dont care anymore... i'll only ever exist as a tiny side roll in ppl's lives#i'll never be a main part or the biggest part to anyone....#i'll always have to be completely alone in everything and watch while ppl around me get to have the comfort of partnership
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mmm. havent looked into it very far but i think we gotta cool it with the jokes about rfks brain worm. like i get your impulses there but it is ableist and im not joking about that.
his flaws that would make him a terrible president/person, are rooted somewhere besides the worm. the worm is incidental.
#toy txt post#ive only seen a couple so far but uh. this + that post going around about how many ppl are comfortable using brain damaged as an insult..#im not free of sin here ive talked about brainworms as a metaphor for bigotry or whatever and i do think the metaphor kinda holds up ?#just not. literally. when i say like fox news brain worms i mean like that worm tongue guy whispering evilness into the kings ear#in lotr or whatever. i dont think a literal actual worm is the root cause of bigotry. bigotry is not the result of a pathogen#its not a fucking yeerk. christ. those arent real#parasites cw#parasites tw#for context ive seen a couple news article headline screenshots floating around saying rfk jr has a brainworm in reference to finding a#tapeworm in his brain? which is. a thing that can happen. theres like 2 different lifecycle stages of tapeworm its possible to get#and the one everyone knows about: in your gut stealing nutrients from you. is one version.#that you get via eating meat infected with worm cysts/larval worms? and the other kind. is uh. the larval worms#you get via eating the eggs. and then they uh. infect your meat. including your brain. i dont fully remember their full life cycle in#detail but like thats like the number one biggest evidence that the Victorian fad diet of eating a tapeworm egg was like. a scam thing#you wouldve wanted to eat the baby worm for the desired effect of not getting nutrients anymore for weightloss. (dont do this)#anyway. point is he sucks bc He Sucks not bc of a parasitic infection
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have discovered a new enemy while doing research for the honours essay. why are you pretending to understand psychology and BLATANTLY misinterpreting actual terms and concepts in order to tear down a movie aimed at teenage girls, my good bitch. i'm going to start biting
#you got the WRONG BITCH bc you just hit on two of my biggest interests (zombie movies and psychology) at once#FIRST of all. you dont have the credentials to be talking abt this and it shows bc why dont you know what psychotic means!!#simple shit!! you want to pretend you know psychology dont fuck up psychopathology psychopathy and psychosis! all different things!#you can BARELY conceive of narcissism. a one off joke about how a character recognizes his flaws and wishes he was respected more#is NOT proof to label someone as a fucking narcissist oh my god. id actually argue the complete opposite#you are accusing A Zombie of being abusive based on (checks notes) being scary looking eating brains and /protecting a girl/#bc uhhhhhhh smth smth dark triad smth smth twi/ight#last time i checked thats literally just fucking normal ass zombie shit + him being NICE!!#its not male gaze 'ocular aggression' bestie he cant blink. hes dead.#talking about how the zombie is unrepentantly creepy when he Literally worries about coming off as creepy In The Movie out loud#SECONDLY to circle back why are you so stressed about twilight. thats not even the subject of the chapter#(there are good critiques of those movies but this is not that)#your book came out in 2015 why were you still shitting your pants and crying that girls were having fun 3yrs ago at the EARLIEST#reaching so fucking hard to 'um ackshewally [thing that teenage girls like] bad' im shocked you didnt throw your fuckin back out#your arguments are nonsensical your positions reveal an alarming level of sexism and you should be ashamed#levi.txt#believe it or not im having fun rn. im funny complaining not angry complaining#w@rm b0dies isnt a Good movie but i will go to bat for it actually. let teenage girls have fun garbage#god knows adult men have enough of their own to choose from ESP in this genre#and its a movie that has a lot of interesting shit someone could analyze!! im focusing on it as a representation of changing feminism#but id love to see a reading of its portrayal of zombiehood as disability + its cure narrative#or critiquing how it writes its female characters bc admittedly theyre bad ngl#or on how survival is represented in comparison to films like zomb!e/and (which i also love) where you 'earn' survival with competence!#genuinely there is even smth to be said for the problematic nature of the brain eating element. id be intrigued by that paper#i dont think its much worse than the play the movie is based on? but its not nothing#it Is ultimately a little bit fucked up and i dont think the movie explores it enough#but noooooo we gotta talk about how the zombie is a narcissistic abuser bc of the brain eating. ok
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honestly number one tip for everything like blogging or making friends or whatever is just make other people feel genuinely valued and seen
#i have had a lot of people sort of ask me about this on tumblr over the years and thats the biggest thing i notice#people are usually starved for attention hahaha everybody here wants the same thing#dont do it manipulatively or whatever but honestly you want to be around the people who make you feel good and interesting and welcome#so ask them about their interests compliment them on their talents tag them in things invite them to groups#they'll probably like you if you like them first#it's something i have had to reteach myself recently in my depression struggles as well#i am making myself seek out people and trying to show them i value them and speak their love languages to them#instead of just waiting for them to come to me#because relationships are two way streets and most of them have struggles of a similar nature and social anxieties and whatnot as well#it's definitely been one of the best things for improving my mental health#to stop thinking of it as what can i get from other people and instead think of it as what can i do to show them i care#you can get just as many good feelings from making someone else's day as you can from somebody making yours#p
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Pointing screaming and crying out of desperation everytime hollow knight/pure vessel is acknowledged in fangamer merchandise despite being the character the game is named after and the one I want merch of the most
#im suffering im in hell#ive seen ppl say they wont bc its a 'spoiler' but as u can see they arent even afraid of putting the radiance on shit#they made a plushie of broken vessel i think thats like. pretty spoilery too also none of this shit makes sense out of context also#the hollow knight isnt exactly kept a secret its like. the first thing u see when u start the game also is revealed in the city of tears#i alsso dont understand bc so many people want a plushie of it and fans of the game fucking love thk#u cant keep making merch of hornet and ghost and excluding thk its fucked up#cries and rolls around and thrashes#theres literally merch that has pk and the radiance on it which r like the biggest spoiler characters i dont think they care abt that
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omg that moment when u realize that your two closest (only?) friends dont think of you as nearly as close and youre only one of their 20+ friends and they. are each one of your 2 friends😀
#AUG HF. and like its mostly my fault bc i do not cultivate friendships. i hate texting so much. i like being alone. i dont talk about#my feelings to people and i dont start conversations about other peoples feelings. i dont ask to hang out with people. i#am not good at being a friend. but idk. i just kinda assumed bc we knew eachother for so long we were. all besties but theyre just friendly#people and i just went to school with them#and the thing is. like i know i could put in the work but i dont. want to. i want friends but not enough to put the effort in. so i kinda#have been relying on these two As My Friends bc im not going to be making new ones any time soon. maybe ever. idk. i thought we were close#shout out to my boyfriend he is also my friend. i know its bad to have ur only friend be your bf but um. its so easy#bc i can just put all my time and energy into him. and he loves me and i love him. so. um its easy. free social life. the one guy#idk i dont. like know any reason wed break up hes the best (my biggest fear is that itll be me but if i start thinking that ill. implode).#id feel stupid though saying this if we do break up. whatever thats for future me to deal with. im happy now!!!!!#ill deal with having 0 people in my life later if it ever comes to that#simons spouting#vent :(
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the phantom hourglass manga is the one i care about the most out of all of the loz manga and therefore the one i am most willing to rip apart because of its relation to the game, its own problems, and the potential that was lost or thrown away for any reason at all
making this separate than the list of things i liked about the phantom hourglass manga
im not going to be too organized about this; ill go by topic and in each topic go in chronological order through the manga and everything else will probably be all over the place
im not even going to touch the story yet and just go after the art off the bat because i really believe that this manga has the weakest art of all of them. i dont know if its due to some kind of time crunch or a lack of care but its really… im not expecting any of these books to have killer art, but in ph it just feels like there was less effort with inconsistencies in some designs and either very low detail or just absent backgrounds. this feels like a mean-spirited critique since i understand that manga is difficult to create and requires a lot of effort but its just visually… worse than the loz manga that came before or after it.
some specific grievances i have with the art are things like inconsistent designs of some characters (linebeck is hard to draw and i get that but hes just… never totally consistent) and some items like weapons (the shape of bellumbeck’s sword changes during the fight for some reason) and stuff is… left out. the fire temple has basically no layout since link’s just in some flavor of void for the entire blaaz fight. one of the panels with linebeck’s ship shows it from the behind at an angle where you should see the deck but its just not there
his ship is also missing its chimney on the cover art
this is also more of an opinion thing but the way astrid looks almost nothing like her game counterpart is just… it’s a nickpick based on opinion but that is Not The Same Character.
you can absolutely tell a fantastic story with lacking art, but the reason why im criticizing this manga’s art is because its the tenth in a series of manga who, up until this point, has had consistently good art, and then it drops off with weak backgrounds and character inconsistencies.
plus, i really care about how this story is visually portrayed.
the pacing, even with half of the story cut, is also a bit of a problem. as far as i'm aware, this is the only loz manga to have significant chunks of the story cut out, and while it admittedly works well with only half of the story, it fucks with the pacing a bit. specifically, it screws over linebeck's arc, which i'll talk about more in a different section, but it also kind of glosses over the phantom sword and (obviously) loses some possible time for further character exploration and whatever. the cut from the ghost ship right to jolene right to the final boss is, while handled well, kind of abrupt.
obviously, cutting half of the damn story will make what's kept feel a little too fast, but even some of the stuff more original to the manga is paced weirdly or is just... eh.
there's a bit after neri is found where linebeck decides to stop working with link and basically ditches him and this whole thing lasts one to two goddamn pages before everything is patched up and good and... why even include it if you turn the page and oh problem fucking solved. it's even a little out of character for linebeck at that point since a few pages before he's seen getting the sands of time for link and it's... it make sense but it's a really extreme character choice and while it serves its purpose (introducing the idea of linebeck not valuing other people very much and realizing that) it's still extremely brief.
the added stuff with linebeck being a past member of the ghost ship, while fine and interesting at first glance is also a strange choice that doesn't work all that well? it works for characterization and all of that but it makes for a weird situation with linebeck's character motivation where he's a coward and after the ghost ship for the treasure on it, but if he was present on the ghost ship literally as it was fucking gutted then he would know exactly what the danger of the ship is and want to avoid it no matter what. in the game his motivation for going after the ghost ship works because he doesn't know for certain whats on that ship and has never been on it. plus, aside from character backstory and whatever, it doesnt serve much of a purpose. linebeck even makes some comments about the ship's interior and the like but it all amounts to nothing because link never actually goes into the ship anyways. it's just a weird backstory to give linebeck.
the shuffling around (and cutting of one of) the three final bosses is also weird. it makes sense for the story order the manga goes with, but it actually lowers the stakes for the bellumbeck fight (in the game literally everything is on the line but in the manga its just linebeck and they absolutely use that to their advantage but still) and mixing the ghost ship fight and bellum fights make the final encounter really brief and kind of anticlimactic in some way. it's difficult to express, but the order of the final bosses in the game makes bellum a more interesting villain and melds with linebeck's arc in a much more interesting way. it feels like there was a specific reason for that given order and for the manga to just toss that aside means it loses something.
also reserving pretty much an entire chapter for jolene is A Choice to make. there's nothing wrong with using an adaptation to flesh out a character but here you don't learn anything new about jolene she just kind of makes very little sense in her motivations when you give her more screen time but dont change her from wanting to kill linebeck for fucking off but also still liking him maybe. good for you if you like jolene since she got more time here but they did pretty much nothing interesting with her
this is something i figured out while writing this, but the manga actually does Fuck All with the actual hourglass. you could've cut the fucking thing out and it wouldn't have effected the story too much. link never goes into the temple every again and the phantom sword is just. made on request with link having no interaction with it before using it to kill bellum. the only time the phantom hourglass is actually plot relevant aside from link first getting it and then using it to gather sand is when bellum tells link to bring it to the temple and then it's used exactly once to stop time and then it's used as proof that everything happened. oshus says link needs to use it and the sand to break the curse over the temple of the ocean king and then that never actually happens the sand and the hourglass is just used once to stop time once and otherwise it might as well not be in the story it's so weird. it's also implied that oshus needs the sand to restore tetra after he returns to his own true form but they dont say anything about that after he initially mentions it so who cares. oshus also tells link that zuaz will teach him how to defeat bellum. link never meets zuaz and still beats bellum anyways.
it feels like they cut the latter half of the story but forgot that the fucking majority of linebeck's entire goddamn character arc happens in that part of the story. sure, most of the cutscenes and whatever happens in the first part and linebeck does develop a bit in the first part but he doesn't really start to change until after the ghost ship, when you get his letter and his dialogue starts to change slightly to suggest that he's starting to like link more and care about something other than the possibility of treasure. the manga cutting out the latter half of the story but still making linebeck's arc end in similar places makes his arc feel really fast and even abrupt in the manga. he goes from being fully motivated to get treasure and still kind of selfish to caring a lot for link and deciding not to wish for treasure and the time was just NOT put in to make that a smooth transition.
honestly linebeck overall got fucked in the manga more than any other character. his arc was shafted, his characterization is strange and even kind of changed from the game, he's never drawn consistently and doesn't even look great since he seems to be stuck between two styles when he's drawn, he's more shallow and generally a less interesting character, and while most of that is probably a product of having one book to cover ph, it's still a problem.
like with all of the loz manga, the extremely limited amount of space and time the story is given absolutely fucks it over so you really are stuck with telling nothing more than an abridged and seriously inferior version of the story. i dont care how good the original stuff is if it barely qualifies as a good adaptation. the story wasn't told all of the way and none of the game's strengths are kept or expanded upon. you lose the majority of the best character's arc and depth. half of the story was cut. the title item is barely used. it feels like they didn't really care about adapting phantom hourglass and just hashed out a trimmed-down version of the story to fit into 188 pages and while there was some effort put in with a bit of a unique take on linebeck but it just falls flat when everything around it feels like it wasn't given a second thought.
i'm not suggesting that the author's didn't fucking care, i don't know what the process was with this, but it just... it doesnt feel like they actually wanted to earnestly create a good adaptation of this game. i have an altered perspective on all of this because this game is my special interest and something i deeply care about and inspect the little details of and it kinda just sucks that phantom hourglass never got a good adaptation because... this game has some serious potential for a really good extended adaptation.
Unlike the other Zelda games that the other manga cover, the structure of the journey in Phantom Hourglass has an insane amount of space for fleshing out of character, exploration of new concepts or character relationships, or just.. whatever you want. Providing you cover the original story, of course. Off the bat, there's a nebulous amount of travel time between islands, which can be used by authors for character moments and interactions and just little moments that can be used to further themes or concepts. You can use the implied time overseas between islands to have some interactions between Link and Linebeck. Show the three fairies hanging out with each other. Show the whole crew becoming closer to each other as time drags on.
Linebeck's existence and function within Phantom Hourglass alone is so fucking unique and amazingly good for an extended adaptation. In most other Zelda games, the companions are pretty much glued to Link's side and follows him through dungeons, or they're characters locked in a specific place, more or less divorced from Link's quest, but Linebeck is an integral part of the plot, present for every part of it as it advances, and yet he's out doing fuck-all while Link is in dungeons. He's a great excuse for authors to add detail to islands, write new characterization for background characters, or even just give Linebeck his own b-plot running concurrently with the game's normal plot. He's important to the plot and yet doesn't touch the gameplay; he's free to do whatever you want while Link does dungeon stuff. One possible idea I've mentioned before is the idea of, while Link is in the temple of the Ocean King, is to create and explore a possible relationship between Oshus and Linebeck. Scenes of them talking can be used to flesh out Oshus as a character and to add some extra depth to Linebeck and make his arc more interesting to follow.
There is... SO MUCH you can do with Phantom Hourglass if you care enough to do it, and I'm just so frustrated that we got this solid 4/10 of a manga.
#salty talks#bitching about the loz manga#hi if you think i'm wrong or made a mistake in this i implore you to fucking yell at me for it#i care about this game so fucking much that i would love to know if i fucked this up in any way#anyways uhhhh yeah. oof. it sucks.#i dont like jolene at all and have tags blacklisted to reflect that and will not touch stuff w/ her so thats why i dont read this much#jolene wanting to kill linebeck but still being implied to be attached to him makes me slightly uncomfortable ngl#probably one of the biggest reasons why i dislike her so much she gives me really bad vibes and is annoying#anyways. yall out here talking about how this manga has good dadbeck moments are fucking lying#maybe i cant see it because i have a good relationship with my dad but at best he's just. idk he gives a shit abt link at the most#i hate manga astrid i hate her so muhc. like. look at astrid in the game. what the fuck were the manga artists smoking#game astrid looks nothing like manga astrid and i like game astrid better.#this is incoherent bc im tired and i dont know how to write things like this and im so fucking tired#if you want clarification about any of this like you want me to talk about something specific?#send an ask or bring it up in a reblog or smth ill gladly discuss this book and why i kinda want to feed it to my dog#i just. game linebeck has queer vibes. game linebeck can be read as autistic#manga linebeck is neither. milquetoast ass fuckin wet cardboard take on a character#i dont even hate him he just fucking sucks compared to game linebeck#like. i hold game bellumbeck in such high regard bc everything about is is wonderful its a beautiful climax#every little thing about it is great i love the stakes i love the implications you can make about linebeck about bellum#the music the atmosphere the events leading up to it its place compared to other final bosses#manga bellumbeck is cool but its not what it could be#i didnt add any more photo evidence for art grievances bc theres a lot. bellumbeck's design changes between chapters#can you tell when making this post is no longer fueled by tired hate. can you#i thought about painting a target on my back and tagging this as phantom hourglass but thats a bad idea lol
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(ripping my hair out by the handful) Sol Is Not Trapped In The Time Loop Sol Is There Because They Choose To Be
#life on earth i am begging you please get life on earth#teenexo stuff#this is my biggest adn pettiest pet peeve but every time a fic is tagged fix it abt either#a) sol leaving the time loop or#b) dys not [redacted]#i start ripping out my hair. please. please. please#the irony is besk lives au actually does hit point b eventually however. however#i dont think its a fix it for him to do it or not do it i think its just a choice he can choose to make#i really do honestly and genuinely believe its fine and morally neutral and not a bad thing#i dont think relationships need to last forever to be deep and meaningful and i think dys staying for sol for so long is already like#a sign of his love and how much he cares for them. like. i think its fine. i genuinely do think its fine that he goes#idk theres a quote from this book i really like thats smth like uhhh#your lover doesnt belong to you they are choosing to lend themself to you every day#and i think abt that w/rt dys/sol a lot its just good u kno#dys stays for sol because he loves them. he leaves because he wants to do that too#and i think the act of him staying bc he loves them is really nice! having the time together they have is nice!#idk i also dont think sol would be able to be like....... With dys long term if they didnt understand/acknowledge this at least a little?#basically. i think there are circumstances where dys wouldn't do it but i dont think those are fix-its lol#ANYWAYS clambers back off my soap box#this wasnt even what i came here to complain about#ok back to packing byeeeeeee#i was a teenage exocolonist spoilers ?#probably somewhere in there im guessing
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I'm very much a, "fuck yeah and fuck you, I don't need validation! I'm me, cunts!" kinda fella, but sometimes I could use support.
#today i fucked up by reactivating my fb account which i haven't done in 2 yrs just to check on some folks id been sending good thought to#place is depressing everyone is miserable and everything feels fake and my mind is like#LOL this is why we left bitch byeeee#so i deactivated again went to work and idc what anyone says there are folks like me that can and do feel the energy and emotions coming of#people and it can fucking suck especially when so many are disregulated so i got a sensory overload and boss was nice enough to let me take#a bunch of breaks today and even scream in her office cause She Gets It (TM)#the weather is rainy and cold i'm getting so many fibro flares idk how i'm moving anymore#ive missed so many days of work already and it's not even fully winter yet i still have my job and im thankful i have an understanding team#but that doesnt pay the bills im still trying to find a way to pay for that doctor appointment coming up#graduate courses began for college and i think i'm gonna be okay but damn did they throw too much info all at once at me and that made#my adhd brain go WELL SHIT#ive been feeling incredibly lonely and not wanted in so many spaces that im struggling to even communicate with the few that i know do#love me for me and nothing else im trying so so so hard to keep being there for people and to keep loving#people that need it cause i don't ever want another human being to ever feel as miserable and unwanted as i have felt#but im also tired because i feel like thats all anyone ever sees me as just this being that can take their woes away and make them feel#amazing and i love that i can do that and listen to so many traumatic stories and help folks process that trauma my boss and many throughou#life have told me i have a gift for healing people and a vibe to me thats different than most and it feels good being around me but today i#just felt like people keep taking and taking and taking and i dont expect anything back thats not who i am id rather give than receive#but damn it i just wish someone could just give me the biggest hug in the world dont even have to say a thing just hold me and be present#and hold space for me to just feel weightless id cherish that more than anything in the world right now#on a positive note...#my dinosaur vo stuff got traction im getting a new cosplay put together i havent done that in 4 years i got to pet a wild deer i made#a coworker laugh so hard his juice went out his nose and my boss peed a little#im slowly taming another wild flock of turkeys and i got a bag of my favorite takis the guacamole flavor#i got a lot to be thankful for and i acknowledge it#but damn it im tired#thank you for coming to my Ted Talk rant and rave#if you made it this far: you're an incredible human being and i love you#please go treat yo self to something nice and know i love you for you
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Uh, I got asked to 'rank' my life/how I feel about it and I... Am suprised I gave it an 7/10 without much thought. I'm one who usually rank anything like that 4/10 at best
#miranda talking shit#The biggest thing i dont have that i want is love/a partner... Other than that... Im actually pretty ... Glad?#But thats the biggest thing i can think of that i WANT that i dont have....#Otherwise im like actually... Lifes pretty... Dare i say it....good?#Its crazy tbh like i obviously cant say how much is my medication working and whats actually me but...#Overall like everything around me feels lighter. Less life ending. More manageable. Small things don't ruin an entire week for me#Its been a few months now but im still shocked by it.my mind have never been this ..#Okay? Or well actually good. Ive had medication that made me 'okay' bc they made me numb.#Thid one is like.... Oh.... Im feeling happiness a bit more. I can see things from an more positive perspective bc of that?#Its kinda sad to say that ive never felt this way before but yes. Ive not been this stable... Good/happy#Not like everything is perfect and all is a beautiful dream but... Yeah. I actually feel im not lying when someone ask how im doing#And i say im good or okay. And its such an.... Wild thing. Miranda at 15 who tried sucide never thought this was something i could feel#I mean ive tried ...8+ antidepressants since i was 16 but i thought the best they'd be able to do is make me numb#But here i am? Feeling? Still being emotional ? Still being me... But lighter
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I love my mom but sometimes, for lack of a better way to put it, she acts like an entitled boomer. It's already a peeve of mine when people bitch about kids and what they're bitching about is kids doing completely normal, expected shit for kids to do but my mom takes it a step further and implies my nieces doing normal kid idiocy is like a personal failing and ok. Look, my youngest niece is rammy as hell this kid is a bowling ball and she's here to win, but she's seven. I expect seven year olds to be Like That and be empty head no thoughts until they break something, that's normal. No sense in getting pissed off at a seven year old for acting exactly the way you'd expect them to, but the thing that extra pisses me off is that instead of just making peace with this and teaching any of my nieces where they went wrong and how to fix it my mom just kind of expects literal children to be able to just get some verbal feedback and figure it out?? Like come on now, I have 2 siblings surely she should know zero kids are equipped to get not very useful feedback and figure out how to apply it to everything??
My oldest niece gets it the worst and every time my mom says shit about personal responsibility I want to roll my eyes so hard they pack their bags and go on a vacation to Hawaii because my niece is 12 (almost 13)- if she's not taking 'personal responsibility' then someone didn't teach her how to or at least not in a way that stuck and worked for her. It's actually the adults personal responsibility to teach a child how to develop emotional maturity, not for a kid to be grated about all the damn time like any 12 year old is equiped to be The Most Emotionally Mature Ever. Problem being my mom is NOT good at taking feedback on parenting so if I say anything I gotta wrap it up nice and sweet and make sure it comes off almost more like offering advice rather than criticism, which irritates me because "if your so pissed off about this behavior why don't you do something about it and NO not the only thing you've been trying for years and complaining doesn't work because fucking obviously why do I have to explain this to someone who surely knows far more about parenting than I would" is a lot easier than my methods that aren't working any better than my mom's.
#winters ramblings#the biggest problem is that when i HAVE pointed this out she points ME out. half the time i never even needed to be tokd what for#my susters did dumb sbit and i decided not to do that same dumb shit but like you cant take a particularly smart kid#and decide ALL kids are like that. neither of my sisters were like that especially my middle sister#so like why the hell am i being used as an example here lmao im not relevant in this case#my nieces are not weirdly smart emotionally like i was and id also like to point out HALF MY PARENTS WERE DYING#for nearly all of my childhood that i can remember. im pretty sure THATS what made me Like That. i just had am awareness most kids dont#because most kids arent as unlucky as i was to go through something so harrowing. my sisters also had shit but not like that#their shit i think made it hard for them to do relationship stuff whereas mine made me a snart kid and an extremely distrustful adult#still if youre mad a kid is acting A Fool its the ADULTS job to make sure that kid is bding taught ahat they need to know#in a way THEY understand and put to use. not repeating how YOU understand shit over and over again#my mom is great dont get me wrong but sometimes she does shit and i want to roll my eyes because its so stupid#kids do not naturally posess every adult skill in the book and actually will probably take their WHOLE livesto develop#so instead of being mad a seven year old rams shit around give that kid 80 billion reminders every time theyre rammy#not to do that. drop in an example where they brine so.#something they liked because nothing convinces kids to behave like being reminded that they actually like their stuff#and even then a million more things will break. thata how kids work#if i busted some shit being rammy then that would be that abd id clean it up. kids deserve the same courtesy
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#beeep#sui ment#how do u want to be alove#how do u stop feeling like failing at dying was ur biggest mistake#its become pretty clear that im a coward and my I Can Escape This way idea is actually untrue#but i still like? want to#every time i see a post thats like heres how to want to be alive it lists a bunch of things i cant fucking do#eat good food ! go outside ! form human connection !!!#the last one is the most possible and yet. i am not the boss of other people. i cant say You. Connect.#and i hurt so much all the time and im unsure if the doctors like???? care?????#like maybe remission is i hurt all the time and can only have boiled chicken and plain crackers but its Fine because my organs arent#getting Holes#maybe its that#which is better than hurting all the time etc etc With holes but.#i dont want that to be my future#i dont want it to be my present#sleeping didnt fix me i just woke up still brainbad and now im also in more pain than before sleeping#unlcear why#i think the poblem with my mental health is that its actually not illogical to be miserable when everything hurts and you csnt do Shit#and the only people u see outside of the house are Doctors#i haye knowing that death is logically the right choice for me and that im too much a weenie#because then i have guilt on top of it!!! like !!! argh#anyway.#time to eeblog one million posts nobody cares about so they get used to scrolling past my url real fast#. the you connect is not about any one person btw. n especially not (redacted for privacy) the timing might seem bad -_-
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the survey stops counting age at 45 and most of the responses are from tumblr. theres people above 40 who use this site but this survey was not advertised specifically to people who still fall into the 30-45 age range, or older, as far as I can tell. the survey op states the survey will skew to a younger demographic (link).
genuinely cant find any posts from their blog compiling what % of people found the survey through what site/source.
to reiterate biknuckles' point its incredibly shitty to state "the groups who don’t prefer it’s use as an umbrella term are straight people, exclusionists, transmeds, truscums, sex-negative people, and sex work critical people"
when there are still people in other groups who do not prefer its use and their numbers are not included in this paragraph, painting everyone who doesn't prefer it as a bigot.
I'm also not finding posts on if they compiled the answers to "Regarding the term "queer" specifically, do you consider it to be an acceptable umbrella term?", in which the answers were "yes", "yes but only for people who specifically identify as queer, not for the community as a whole", "no", and "null". only posts regarding "x amount found the term as an acceptable umbrella term".
Friendly reminder that LGBTQ+, Queer, and LGBT+ are the preferred terms for the community (x).
Friendly reminder that Queer is approved by 72.9% of the people, and the groups who don’t prefer it’s use as an umbrella term are straight people, exclusionists, transmeds, truscums, sex-negative people, and sex work critical people (x).
Friendly reminder that aros and aces are excluded only 9.2% / 8.1% of the time respectively while being included 78.9% / 81.2% of the time (x)
Friendly reminder that exclusionists are in the minority and aro/ace people are included in the LGBTQ+ community by the people within the community.
#sorry to reblog this like 2 yr old reply but its SO disingenuous to say ''this study represents the lgbt community'' or anything along those#lines when most of the responses are from tumblr and the conductor of the survey is making statements like the ones linked.#like people can say 'I dont like the q slur because it upsets me but I support other people who use it' and theyre still called terfs#and exclusionists (a term that is incredibly vague unless whats being excluded is specified) and radfems or whatever.#also obligatory disclaimer: I dont want to be called the q slur but I support people who identify with it. I dont have issues with that.#plus I think the second paragraph's link was from when the survey had 2k responses so its not even the 4.5k of now.#I think one of the biggest things is that often I see people who state 'its not a slur anymore' or 'its not used as a slur anymore' when#thats just. untrue. it was used in my hometown and to this day. Im a young person who is in their 20s but my age makes people disregard my#opinion as 'one of the baby gays poisoned by TERF rhetoric'. it sucks man.#also Ill be honest this tumblr blog sucks ass to find any information on the survey in a coherent way. I struggled to find information#I wanted and gave up eventually because it was too disordered. this is a personal opinion but the lack of a coherent way to find info sucks
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