#But also it would bring me great joy if I was able to convince people that Crocodad was Real based on narrative evidence

[hitlikehammers]

🏀That One Time Steve Harrington Visited an Old Friend, Said Thank You 💕, Dished Some Gossip 💅, Gushed About the ♥️Love of His Life♥️, Offered Apologies, and Brought Their Favorite Flowers as a Perk 💐

☕️OR: 4/5 times Steve/Eddie talk to anyone but each other about their feelings (for each other), +1 (other time they turn around and talk to one another)

“Hey Chrissy-lis.”

The first time they’d met, he’d only just learned the word. She flitted around, so fast and wild, and he’d been able to get her to sit still long enough for someone to tie up her hair when he told her if she wanted to be a butterfly, she had to be a chrysalis first—and her in particular, because she was named just right for it.

She’d beamed at him so big. They’d been fast friends. Sports-spouses, someone called them by middle school. They’d laughed over it, but it wasn’t wrong. They grew up together, even if they rarely spoke, rarely saw each other in the off-seasons—a year off made a difference, for schedules and stuff.

And most of what they had in common was sports, anyway. And the shit that happened at home neither of them wanted to say out loud.

Steve thinks that’s what made them work. Neither made the other say it. They both just sat with it. Knew, and didn’t run.

He wishes he’d known she was hurting so bad. He knows he couldn’t have stopped what happened, no more than Eddie. No more than anyone.

Only Eddie and Rob and Wayne know that. They’re the ones who know what he does and what he feels out loud, now—at least more of it—and they stay.

But Chrissy, she’d brought her own little squad to meets, convinced Hawkins to have the most out-of-place little huddle of pompoms, every time Steve dove into the pool.

And Steve got good with his hair—and he taught himself to be great with Chrissy’s, even when she didn’t need the coaxing to keep still anymore.

“So I promised an update.”

Because he comes. He doesn’t stay long. Always brings flowers he holds on to until he leaves. He likes to think she’ll know he’s been here, if there’s any way for anyone to know anything after…

After.

“He is everything,” Steve tells her like a secret, like the little moments of the things they did trade—bits and pieces, school gossip, boys kiss girls kiss boys—between her sitting down and him spinning her scrunchie sky-high around one last time. “He is absolutely the one.”

He smiles—he’s trying not to feel like he shouldn’t smile at her headstone; she was so made of joy. She deserves more than just the flowers when he comes to visit to make sure her shines never dulled.

Or forgotten.

Which reminds him:

“I never did thank you,” which he regrets, because she should have known, but doesn’t punish himself for, because back then he didn’t believe it—or believed it, but with the wrong person, for a lesser thing entirely.

“For always telling me that I’d find that type of person,” and she always said that, whoever he was with would come to any game, any meet, any…any time they sat, him one bleacher above her to get her hair teased high before anyone else came in—she asked it the most about Nancy and he hadn’t seen it, the why.

“That I wasn’t delusional,” which he thought, for sure, once it ended with Nancy. “That I was worth it.”

That he’s starting to genuinely believe now. With Eddie. Who isn’t just the one. Who is everything.

“You were the only person who said it, for a,” Steve swallows hard; “for a really long time.”

Steve fucking hates the people who try, still, to say that some people who die were too good for this world. Chrissy was just too good.

Period.

“If I didn’t thank you enough, I’m sorry,” and he knows he didn’t. But he also knows she didn’t need him to say it to know he felt it—they communicated a lot in what they didn’t say, after all.

“I hope you know my whole heart’s in thanking you now.”

He walks closer to the stone, runs his hands over the top. Sometimes, here, he gets flashes of what could have been, so close, the man who’s his soul and then some could have ended up with a marker, here.

Now’s not one of those times. It’s happening less now.

He looks at the ring on his left hand, resting on Chrissy’s headstone. Maybe that’s why. Mostly he wanted to be closer. Mostly he wants to pretend she could feel the weight of it, the shape of it, and know how much has happened, in how it’s all turned out.

She was never the type to begrudge someone their joy even if she couldn’t find her own. He feels…he’s working on feeling less than horrible about telling her things like this.

He doesn’t actually believe there’s anything after death. Save he thinks he has to, now.

He cannot imagine an eternity that exists without Eddie.

“Thanking you with my whole heart in it, like, that’s a really big deal, now, more than it was before,” he starts to ramble a little around the ache in him, for the loss of her, for the things he has that she deserved too.

Not instead of him, he reminds himself in Eddie’s voice. That she deserves too.

It helps. Even if he says the same in reverse when Eddie comes to see her.

“Because being able to love like this, and someone to want it? To almost, like,” Steve huffs, shakes his head in the wonder he doesn’t think is ever going to die down; “welcome it with open arms?”

He looks at her name etched in the stone. Pristine.

But cold. Nothing like her. They didn’t understand her. He doesn’t pretend he did in just the role of sports-husband to his cheer-wife. But he thinks…he thinks he knew some things.

“My chest just feels fuller, bigger,” he says, tracing the letters, pressing warmth into them even for a moment, because it has to matter; it has to matter more than nothing. “Like my heart’s stretched wide all the time because it doesn’t ever have to shrink itself anymore just to sneak by without getting the shit beat out of it.”

He comes to the end of the deep-carved ‘M’. He kisses the rough top of the stone because, again. Warmth.

Even for a moment. Least she deserves.

“So my whole-hearted thanks, Miss Cunningham, means more now that it ever could have,” he whispers low, swallows against the tightness in his throat; “and it still couldn’t scratch the surface.”

He wipes at his eyes, knowing they’ll be a little wet even before he feels a single tear fall.

He’s not wrong.

“I’ll keep trying though,” he promises and then steps up again, crouches at the base.

“Let me know next time if the thanks feels bigger, like, critique my form, yeah?” he says as he props the bundle of echinacea he’s been holding, letting his cologne mix a little with their sweetness, a reminder she’s not alone when he leaves.

If there’s…any chance at all, y’know. Worth covering all bases, just in case.

“Nail that dismount in the stars, Chrissy,” he murmurs as he stands up and raps his knuckles on the stone one more time, like he always would, light against her shoulder when he’d finished, to her giggling as he tied off her hair:

“Can’t get a ponytail higher than the one you’ve got, now.”

1: Gareth // 2: Mrs. Harrington // 3: Wayne // 4: Chrissy // 5: Robin // +1: ???

💚

✨also on ao3

💫for @penny00dreadful—happiest of happy birthdays, my lovely 🖤

✨permanent tag list: OPEN (lmk if you want to be added/removed): @ajeff855 @allmyfavoritethingsinoneblog @anthrobrat @askitwithflours @awkwardgravity1 @bookworm0690 @bumblebeecuttlefishes @captain--low @depressed-freak13 @disrespectedgoatman @dragoon-ze-great @dreamercec @dreamwatch @dreamy-jeans137 @estrellami-1 @eternal-sunflowers @friendlyneighborhoodgaycousin @goodolefashionedloverboi @grtwdsmwhr @gunsknivesandplaid @hiei-harringtonmunson @hbyrde36 @imhereforthelolzdontyellatme @kimsnooks @live-laugh-love-dietrich @madigoround @mensch-anthropos-human @nerdyglassescheeseychick @notaqueenakhaleesi @ollyxar @pearynice @perseus-notjackson @pretend-theres-a-name-here

divider credit here, here, and here

[shineonyoucrazyyandere]

I would NOT go from ANY yandere's grasp if they feed me what i like, like either i'd be too absorbed in eating or i'd be too tired after eating to really want to escape 😭 i don't really care what they'd do (love u btw)

Relatable honestly, man if that’s all it takes for a Yandere to keep you around, you’ll best bet they’re going to give it their all making you food to keep you around. Here’s a little comfy ramble…

I feel like most Jojo characters would be able to cook even if it’s just following a recipe. Foo Fighters does her best flipping through countless cookbooks, and watching videos of whatever your favorite things are. That’s what people do to bond right? Have good tasting food! It’ll surely bring you both closer together.

There’s a few that aren’t great with cooking, Mista occasionally burns certain things, he’ll admit cooking isn’t exactly his skill but figures everything out something eventually . (He finds it a pain to cook cheese sauces since they can burn easily) If it’s too complicated he’s taking you out to a restaurant that specializes in it.

Okuyasu isn’t the best with cooking at the start, mixing up spices, or under/overcooking. He manages to somehow convince Tonio to teach him properly. Being a good partner means making their favorite food properly in his mind so he’s not going to slack on that if it keeps you happy.

Since we’re mentioning food here might as well mention Tonio Trussardi here. This is the best way for him to be Yandere honestly right within his territory. Using Pearl Jam or not, it fills him with joy with whatever dish or snack you like. The way your shoulders relax once you eat sends this chefs heart fluttering like never before. He’s not really worried if you happen to be fond of something more factory made/processed his approximations are almost always better than the packaged things. (It’s better this way in his book anyhow).

I also feel like Gyro would probably take advantage of your lowered guard around your favorite food. He considers himself descent at his homelands dishes and of course Johnny likes his coffee he prepares, so often he ends up insisting to cook, practically taking over it from before on your journey. (Which works for him, you don’t need to worry about talking to whoever else anyway). He can’t wipe that stupid big grin from his face as you sit to eat your favorite thing. (That’s if you even notice from how tasty it is)

Koichi is another character who would take up some form of cooking for you. Maybe he just happens to eavesdrop one afternoon after class and see what exactly you’re eating? Then he makes himself useful and buys everything, then prepares it at home. Then hey, what do you know? One day or another you both happen to bump into each other and can even sit together for lunch for a little while.

(Here’s a part 8 character I feel like is underrated)

Karera is another character I definitely see using food to her advantage with you. She’ll get your favorite meals at whatever shop for free somehow (with a bit of handiwork from her stand love love deluxe). Oh hey, she just happened to buy something you like that was sold out most places, how about you sit and eat it with her? Making lunch/dinner? Duh she’ll make it for you, as long as you’re eating what she made with her own two hands (or bought/scammed herself) she’s happy.

If that’s what makes it easy to keep you around Jotaro doesn’t really mind. He’s right on it to getting/making it for you. Holly of course inserts herself pulling out recipes, she’d know you’d love. Just a small suggestion to her son of course as she winks. He’ll be right in the kitchen with her preparing everything, or quickly walking out to get whatever’s needed. Just don’t make yourself sick from eating too fast.

[isalisewrites]

I'd just like to say that, while I much, MUCH prefer bottom Harry no matter the ship, the way you've written Terrible, But Great has me sold on literally WHATEVER you choose to do. Like,,,, I have no doubt that I'll still enjoy whatever dynamic they have bc you're literally so fucking talented.

I've always said that the right writer would be able to sell any ship to me with good writing, and I have the full belief that you absolutely can sell top harry to me (totally as a figure of speech) and if you didn't for whatever reason, I'd read it anyway.

Interacting with fandom involves adapting a certain amount of "fuck it, we ball" mentality if you want to truly enjoy it. Instead of, like, arguing with strangers over silly shit. Being open allows you to enjoy more content, is what I'm getting at.

I love your fic. I love your writing. Thank you for doing what you do! I literally gasp and squeal every time I've see you update.🩷

-ArcticArcana on Ao3

Ow, ow, ow, my heart.

Dear lord, this is exceedingly flattering. Thank you so much.

See, this is the same for me. I can be sold on just about any ship if the writer convinces me of it. I’m old and I’m hungry. I want it. Hell, I’ve read good Voldemort/Fenrir before. I’m out here hardcore shipping Voldemort/Tom with Newt Scamander all by lonesome self, doing my damndest to make it make sense. 

And it’s not like people aren’t allowed to have their preferences. I tend to enjoy bottom Draco/top Harry a little more than top Draco/bottom Harry, but I’ll read both regardless. (Also, where the fuck are our switches at??? Come on, now. We do exist, thank you.) I don’t generally care in the end. They’re both great. I just note what I enjoy a little more.

There is one ship where I note I gravitate towards a preference more often than not and that’s top Zhongli/bottom Tartaglia (Genshin Impact). But that’s because I prefer to see Tartaglia get railed, not because it’s ‘not in his character to top.’ I also love seeing Zhongli be a service top, but I’m here for both, of course. 

And EXACTLY. The reason why I will complain about the discourse or call it out as poor writing now is because I’m tired of seeing the closed mindedness. We're losing nuance in our society at an alarming rate. You’re missing out on some amazing stories if you’re filtering for bottom/top tags. It’s why I refuse to add that in any of my stories, even when we get to the sex scenes.

Obviously, these characters aren’t alive. They’re not real. However, when I write, I write as if they are real people. I do not impose very much on them.

So, when it comes to intimacy, TBG Tom and Harry will let me know. It’s their decision, not mine. In TBG, they’re also young and stupid. They don’t know anything. They don’t have the internet to tell them their options. They’re just going to experience each other in however way that is.

I will say this: I already know what happens in those intimacy scenes and it will be unlike anything you’ve ever read before. (At least unlike anything I’ve read.) These are two boys just figuring it out together. It'll be in character with the patient Harry and the asexual Tom.

Also, I really appreciate your kind words. It encourages me in a time when things have been hard in my life. I will continue to keep writing and hopefully continue to bring you all a little more joy in your lives. <3

Isa

[whisperingmidnights]

If Azriel does end up with Gwyn would you still read his book? I know some people say if Azriel does end up with then Gwyn they won’t read it, or if he ends up with Elain they also won’t read it. Regardless of who he ends up with, I’ll still read his book because I want to know more about him as a character. For example, I know Sarah was originally going to have Aelin end up with Dorian instead of Rowan (which I’m glad she didn’t because I think she’s better with buzzard), but changed it when writing Heir of Fire, and if that stayed the same (Doraelin happening) then I still would’ve read it because I like the characters and I’m interested in the story. Same with Manon, I’m both a Malide and Manorian shipper, so it doesn’t matter to me. I understand the appeal of both ships.

The ship wars are so aggressive lately. We can all like different things and still be friends and respect each other. I’m scared to share my opinions and interact with anyone, because I don’t want to be sent mean stuff that I’ve seen people get. I am a Gwynriel, but if Azriel ends up with Elain instead then I’ll still read his book. It’s honestly not that deep. I’m just here to enjoy myself. And honestly, while I do like Gwynriel, I love Gwyn as a character even more than the ship. I have the same trauma as Gwyn, and not to sound dramatic, but her character inspired me to work on self love and healing. Also, if Gwyn and Elain ended up together I would laugh and then squeal with joy, because if I’m being honest, I actually think both of them would get along and like each other. I don’t think Gwynlain will be a couple though and Sarah would not be able to do Gwynlain (or Azris) justice. They way she writes about queer characters is so off-putting for some reason, and this is my personal opinion as a queer woman.

On a more upbeat note, I love your writing, August!! It brings me so much comfort and joy. It feels like a safe place. Thank you for taking them time out of your day to write and share it with us. You’re such a blessing in this fandom, like a warm cozy blanket! Sending you much love and many hugs!💛💐

I don't really care who Azriel ends up with. I just want his story to be well written. If she can convince me they belong together, I'll support it, but I will have to be convinced...and I'm not sure even Sarah herself could do that for me. If she can lay a good foundation for me and give them a good bond, I'm all for it.

Look, I have a lot of issues with her writing. As a queer woman with SA trauma I had to work through in therapy, there's a lot she leaves to be desired when addressing both of those topics. It's obvious she doesn't take criticism or really listen to her editors, and I think that's genuinely what upsets me the most. She has advantages I could never dream of and all of the opportunities in the world, and I've been really disappointed with the quality of her writing these last few books.

I know I get down about her a lot, but it's because I know she can do better...I just don't think she wants to or feels like she has to. And that's upsetting.

But I guess that's where fandom comes in, right? There are people out here doing these potential queer relationships and characters justice in a way even the author cannot. And I think that's wonderful.

I always want you to feel comfortable with me, and I hope you do. I think your opinions are great and I love it when you come talk to me. We don't have to ship the same thing to be friends, and I'm never going to be mean to you about it. I hope no one else is, either.

Thank YOU guys for taking time out of your day to come hang out with me. I sometimes feel like I'm writing for a void. I really love days where we can all connect and have fun together. I'm still here because you're all so sweet and fun.

[loosesodamarble]

Hi! For the ask game may you please answer 2 and 5 for appearance, 6 for objects, 1 and 13 for food and drink, 17 for weather and nature, 7, 8, and 9 for community and relationships, 13 and 14 for mind body and soul, and 10 and 16 for hobbies and activities with Josele?

Wooooo! All these questions sure took me a while to address all of them, but I'm very happy to have been asked so much! I do love to gush about my girl Josele~! So thank you, Anon!

Appearance 2: What would your character wear if they were told they had to gussy up?

If Josele had to dress up for an event, she'd 100% go for a gown. Her main character color, as it were, is blue. So whatever dress she wore would be some shade of blue (though I want to note that I associate Josele with the specific shade of cobalt blue). Anyways, the dress would have off-shoulder sleeves of be completely sleeveless. I love an exposed shoulder look on Josele since she has some scars around her neck/shoulder area. The skirt would have some volume to it, probably an A-line skirt shape if I want to be specific. Embellishments would include ruffles and small crystal beading.

This is the type of dress Josele would go for if she needed to go all out.

Appearance 5: What are your character's opinion on scars?

Josele has strong opinions on scars since she has many across her whole body. She believes scars are something beautiful and to be proud of. Scars may be filled with pain (like physical pain as they heal and emotional pain from the memories of what caused them) but they are marks that someone has survived and continues to live. To her, being able to live after hardship is beautiful and scars are a way to actually see it on someone.

Objects 6: What is something your character is proud to own?

The longsword that Josele uses as her main weapon is one of her most beloved possessions. It was given to her as a gift on her 15th birthday by Nacht and Morgen. It's a symbol of her strength and a form of promise to herself that she would become a Magic Knight to protect her two dear friends.

Food and Drink 1: What flavor would your character say their personality is?

Bittersweet, like dark chocolate. Josele has known a lot of pain but also a lot of joy in her life.

And those feelings can't really be separated in her. She only felt such a powerful despair because she loved so deeply. Her happiness is as great as it is because she found it after a long period of mourning.

Food and Drink 13: How much does your character care about wasting food?

Josele didn't grow up nearly as impoverished as characters like Asta and Yuno, but she still grew up pretty poor. She was taught to use things until the very last moment and to not waste anything given to her. So for her, food waste is a betrayal of her upbringing.

However, Josele isn't the type of person to really push her way of living onto others. She'd be disappointed at seeing people waste food but not really bring it up unless it's egregious. If someone didn't eat one last leaf of lettuce from a salad, that's fine. But tossing out a full plate of food just because it's not someone's favorite food, that bothers her and would make her want to tell off the ungrateful person.

Weather and Nature 17: Is your character good with plants?

For the most part, yeah. She's not particularly stellar with plants, more an admirer than anything. But Josele is still versed enough in the care of plants to help maintain a garden at the Black Bull hideout. Charmy and Grey would probably do more of the work though and Josele helps pull weeds and put in fresh soil.

Community and Relationships 7: Who is your character most honest with?

Josele is an honest person in general. She can't tell a convincing lie because she has a very obvious tell. But that doesn't mean that she can't omit things or just not talk.So her honestly is less about outright lying and more about being willing to open up.

But the person she can't avoid being completely open and honest with is Yami. He can read her ki and has known her for many years, in particular during the time she was cursed. He was the one person Josele could go to and talk about her conflicted feelings about dating Morgen while also harboring and attraction to Nacht. Above even the Faust twins, Yami is the person who Josele can tell the most.

Community and Relationships 8: How likely is it for your character to initiate a friendship?

It's not actually that likely. Josele is friendly but she didn't have that many friends for a long time. A few of her friendships were initiated by her, namely her friendship with the Faust twins and William. But then other long-term friends she made - @lyranova's oc Discordia and later Yami - were made because the other person initiated. And all the friendships that Josele finds amongst the Black Bulls came about from just slowly acclimating to each other over time without either side really initiating.

Community and Relationships 9: Where is your character's comfort place?

A hidden glade very, very deep into the forests outside Raquey. It's secret because it's so deep into the woods and because there's a number of obstacles to get there. Surrounded by trees growing close together is a clearing where some flowers grow. Morgen, Nacht, and Josele discovered it as children. It was a date spot for Josele and Morgen. It's even the place where Morgen is buried (in my canon).

While there is sadness in the fact that it's Morgen's resting place, Josele feels safe and comfortable in that glade, more than anywhere else.

Mind, Body, and Soul 13: How does your character relax?

Tea/coffee with snacks is her go-to method of relaxing when with company. Gordon and Grey are excellent tea time buddies. They're quiet and thoughtful. With one or both of them, Josele can have a very easy conversation that causes her no stress.

If Josele's on her own, she'll probably do something like go for a jog, practice her fighting technique, or touch up her weapons. Doing something active as a means of unwinding might not make sense on the surface, but being engaged in an activity without straining herself is how she can relax without ending up restless from pent up energy.

Mind, Body, and Soul 14: Is there a secret thing your character longs to hear?

Something secret Josele longs to hear...

If anything, she probably wishes she could hear Morgen say that he forgives her for letting him die.

Now, Josele's belief that she failed to save Morgen's life is a false one. Nacht accused her of failing to heal Morgen and letting him die in a moment of panic and grief. And in truth, Morgen was already dead so there was nothing Josele could've done. However, Josele did genuinely believe she was partly to blame for Morgen's death for a time before Nacht made it clear there was no fault on her. But still, a fragment of that guilt persists. And the only person who can really take it away from her is Morgen.

If she could hear him forgive her, the burden of guilt (however false) would be lifted from her.

Hobbies and Activities 10: Is there a skill your character doesn’t know they’re bad at?

(sobs) I never considered this before so I had to sit on it for a bit. And I've come to the conclusion that Josele would likely suck ass at household cleaning.

Josele is great at making and mending clothes, but washing them? Nah, she always misses a stain or two. Washing windows? Get ready to see the most foggy, streak covered windows in your life. She's probably so bad at cleaning in other people's eyes because her standards are on the low side. Her quality is serviceable for a place like the Black Bull hideout where the state of the building isn't pristine to begin with. Let's just say that Nacht does his fair share of homemaking once he and Josele are married.

Hobbies and Activities 16: What’s an activity that reminds your character of someone else?

Dancing always makes Josele think of Morgen because they loved to dance together. There was one time when she went out dancing with Finral, she called him by Morgen's name. Her memories always associating Morgen with dancing, and her being a little carried away, caused her to speak without thinking. It was kinda awkward for Finral and Josele both but they were able to brush it off pretty easily.

[ichtios]

20.10.2023

guys I made very hard decision and closed almost all of my market transaction except one. It means loosing tons of money and it is hard to accept it, but it was taking my life away from me, as I was always stressing about it and loosing eating and sleeping. I left one transaction that is suppose to go up next week when google, meta, and something else will publish quarter earning reports. Also it is so low now that it shouldn’t go much lower, rather only up. I left it so I can restore some more money and give it back to my mom. I borrowed lots of money from her in hope of rescuing my funds (I had enough of my own money but it wasn’t immediately available because it is on some funds etc). But I just don’t want to fight anymore. I want to live normally. I talked about it on therapy yeasterday and I felt convinced.

i was never interested in investing in the market. This company called me hundred times and I finally broke, you know, ok I will see how it works, just leave me alone. I had money that I received after my dad died. It was so much that after I bought some stuff for home, I had no need for the rest of them so I thought it might be not so bad idea to invest it. You know, my intentions were good, I like to help people, I thought when I have more money I will be able to do more good. Sounds reasonable. BOY WAS I WRONG. Of course at the beginning everything went great. Then, first mistakes, and problems, also bad advice from that company advisor, and I was spiraling down for almost a year. The truth is that I was mostly deceived and manipulated by this investment company. I can’t really blame myself for all of it. I experienced so much stress and trauma during that year because of it that it is unbelievable. I want it to be over whatever it costs me.

i’m planning to close that last transaction next week when it reaches the level that I hope for. It is realistic goal. I think so. I hope it is a good decision. I was neglecting everything. I want to stop staring at charts and numbers all the time and get back to real work. Thank God all that I do as my job, are good things that bring joy and are helping people. I’m so glad for it now. If I worked in a company that is casually making people loose their money I wouldn’t be able to look myself in the eyes. I really appreciate my work now even if it doesn’t bring me huge wealth. I realize now how much more important is what you do than what you have on your account.

It’s ok, I still have enough money that in case, lets say, I need to replace my car, I will be able to do it. I also earn a good money and I’m self employed. I don’t have to worry that I don’t have a money for living. It is more of a psychological effect. I need to process it. It is not easy. But I think it will be easier to get over that loss than live in constant stress and tension night and day. Writing about it here is a part of processing for me. i will update next week when it is - lets really root for it - finally over. Also it would be nice if Euro go up a little bit, as it is very low now - I would also get some more money when changing to Polish Zloty.

[fareehaandspaniards]

I can't be silent any longer, too many people have different interpretations, and I also really want to share my vision of Edgar. Also if suddenly someone wants to talk about this awesome guy - I am very often online (at least for now). Feel my HUGE love for Choir Boy through these headcanons pls...

So, headcanons for the best boy:

- Edgar is an orphan (this is almost a canon, since Choir, as I remember, came from an orphanage?), as a boy he was forced to panhandle on the streets of Yharnam, until a kind member of the church took him and sheltered him in Choir (I even think it could be Ludwig, but I'm not sure how much they coincide in timelines, it's just that they seem to me as related characters. I can imagine young Edgar trying to repay Ludwig for kindness, but he did not accept anything from him and only said, that a knight couldn't do otherwise)

- He sings beautifully, I mean, he is able to hit very high notes and sounds really like an angel

-He grew up on the dogmas of the Healing Church and was always a little bit.... naive? (in other words - gullible) It firmly got on in his head that the Church means only good. He is not a fanatic, but all his life he was sincerely grateful for the chance given to him then, in childhood.

- Edgar is sociable and open-hearted, he always surrounded himself with kind, bright people

-At the same time, tho he was a devoted to the Church, there was always a spark of doubt in him about their actions, and despite the contempt for the School of Mensis, somewhere in the depths of his soul he knew that they were on the path of progress, albeit a very terrible one

-Edgar always strove for tidiness and preciseness, while often showing interest in strange things. If he lived in our time, he would be well-dressed, organized and seemingly absolutely “normal” (by social standards), but exclusively fond of esotericism, dark and scary things, historical research in the most unusual areas and etc

- Edgar hates masks, both literally and figuratively, although ironically he lived with them all his life, first in the garb of Choir, hiding his face and soul, and then in the disguise of a spy

- As @katyspersonal pointed out, he does not use A Call Beyond, although almost all members of the Church do. It seems to me that he simply does not want to - there is a prohibition in his head, sown by himself as a child - the Great Ones are sacred, impregnable, something that Above him, they cannot be used, let alone defiled. No matter how much he disagrees with this thought as an adult. It's kind of his gestalt I suppose?

- Micolash's ideas, which he learned during his mission, pissed him off, defeated, destroyed, made him cry, interested and inspired him - and all at the same time

- And Micolash himself - from Edgar's view - he is a heretic and a bastard. At least he convinced himself of that. Edgar knows - if he will allow himself to feel sympathy for Micolash, he would betray everything and stand by his side, starting his own blasphemous research

- To keep some sanity Edgar drinks tea. He is a tea person to the core, and while Micolash treacherously sips 1 cup of coffee a day instead of a full meal, Edgar is busy with conducting an entire tea ceremony - it brings him joy even in his state of affairs

-He never leaves without looking at his reflection and making sure he looks great, kind of a bloodborne dandy xd However, this habit began to bother him annoyingly when he got stuck in the Nightmare - it was disgusting to look in the broken mirrors, especially since once Micolash jumped out of one, laughing at Edgar who was grimacing in front of the mirror lol

- Edgar is very gifted physically (his in-game stats are something) - despite his thin build, he has very strong arms and is able to carry heavy things (a grown up man with an iron cage on his head is already heavy enough)

- He hates Micolash and sadly realizes that in another time and place they could be friends (maybe even best friends)

-And ofKOS he is also a true scholar! Edgar was sincerely fascinated by the secrets of Pthumeru, even participated in one of the last expeditions to their tombs as a translator from the ancient language (thanks, @karnaca78, for his linguistic abilities in my headcanon xd)

- Edgar is a very warm-hearted and nice person, kind, capable of empathy, but when talking, he can laugh all of a sudden - from internal thoughts, often awkward and strange. It looks cute, but it's actually really weird (tho still cute)

- He is one of the few who sincerely, out loud laughs at Micolash's jokes (once even to tears, and this made him doubt his own adequacy lol), perhaps because he is actually the same as him

Hope you enjoyed all of these and I didn't create any misunderstanding with my PeRfEcT (no) english language xd Love for Edgar churls and swirls Unending

[thebakeologylab]

Chapter 3: They see me rollin'

Hello and welcome back to the Bakeology Lab! This week we are here to talk about all things Christmas!! Before I make it super obvious, Christmas is my favorite holiday. I love spending quality time with my family and during Christmas time we do just that. We decorate the Christmas tree, cook, bake and listen to Christmas music. Everything about it just brings me so much joy and gives me a feeling of nostalgia. Although I love everything about Christmas, the best and most anticipated part in my family is the exchanging of Christmas gifts. One of my love languages are gift giving so it only makes sense for me to get a gift for every single one of my friends and family. Every year, we have a tradition where all of my aunts, uncles and cousins come over to exchange gifts. It's the only time of year where everyone is together at the same place at the same time. It just warms my heart when all of my family members are together enjoying each other's company. Although the gifts I receive on Christmas are great and it may be expensive, the thing that I am most grateful for on that day is my family. A lot of people are not able to spend that special day with their loved ones which makes me sad but also super grateful that I have the luxury of doing so. Another thing my family loves to do is eat. So every Christmas, without fail, my aunt bakes bread, ham and various cakes and desserts. My favorite Christmas dessert of them all has to be cinnamon rolls. If I had to associate Christmas with a smell, it would definitely be cinnamon. When you make cinnamon rolls your entire house smells like Christmas and who doesn't want that? So, with that being said, after a lot of convincing, I have permission to share with you my aunt's cinnamon roll recipe this week!!! It's soft, sweet and I hope you love them as much as I do :)

Cinnamon roll recipe (10 rolls)

Ingredients

3 cups flour

2 eggs

3 tbsp sugar

1/2 tsp salt

2 1/2 tsp yeast

1/2 cup warm milk

3 1/2 tbsp butter

2 1/2 tbsp water

Filling

1/2 cup brown sugar

2 tsp cinnamon

Icing

1 cup icing sugar/powdered sugar

2 tbsp milk

1/2 tsp vanilla extract

Preparation

Add yeast to warm milk and set aside for 10 minutes. In a separate bowl, whisk together flour, sugar and salt. Add in your yeast mixture to the dry ingredients and mix. Whisk in your eggs one at a time then add in your water. Lastly, add in your softened butter and knead with your hands until it forms a soft dough. Place your dough into a greased bowl and cover to let it rise for 2 hours. While your dough is rising mix together your sugar and cinnamon for the filling. Roll out your dough into a rectangular shape and brush on melted butter. Sprinkle your cinnamon sugar mixture evenly then roll it into a long roll. Cut it into 10 equal pieces and place the rolls into a buttered baking dish. Cover for 10 minutes.

Bake at 350 degrees for 20 to 25 minutes. When your rolls are out of the oven, mix your icing. Evenly spread it on top of your rolls. Serve while still warm.

*you can always reheat your rolls in the microwave

Every year my aunt goes all out by making advent calendars by hand, so that we can count down the days until Christmas🎄🎁✨

[brunhielda]

Because this has become THAT account:

I am 33 years old and just watched “Beverly Hills Cop” for the first time- I think it broke my brain.

Ok- so I watched Beverly Hills Cop II, and missed some of the beginning. I watched because my dad had it on while I was grabbing dinner, and I got pulled in.

1) How did I not know that was the theme to Beverly Hills Cop? I have heard that all over the internet since its infancy and had no clue. It just goes to show what I always say- a good piece of music will outlive the movie it was written for, and many iconic favorites are made for films.

2) Oof. This movie could NOT be made today. That is an officer of the law consistently breaking the law and skirting morality. The sexism ain’t great either.

That said- he never broke laws to physically hurt people. In fact, the film continually compared his method of talking his way in and out of things with the “bad guys” who shot up rooms full of people when they already had cover stories and could have been in and out with few to no questions asked.

No one put hands on women. They gawked at them, made a few rude comments. Our hero did have a creepy pick up line about shaving long legs. But for the 80s, I recognize that no one put hands on women- not even the bad guys. The heroes also had a female helper who was never sexualized at all and had crucial info. So… you get a “less creepy than you could be” pass 🤷🏻‍♀️

All that said, I really do understand the appeal. I got sucked in after all. Which brings me to 3 & 4.

3) This is going to make the male fans of this movie mad and the female fans giggle.

That was an R rated little boy adventure story along the lines of Goonies. As someone who regularly tries to convince people to enjoy more children’s literature, I am not complaining. I am saying they snuck it in there really well.

The humor was all stuff you would expect a 12-13 yr old to crack, including the sex jokes.

One of the most fun parts of the film was the somewhat quiet nerdy one slowly become more weapon obsessed and getting gleeful over pistols and rocket launchers. The punchline being is the correct personality types to actually read the instructions to be able to USE the rocket launcher when they needed it.

Which brings me to the biggest point here- our main trio is the exact personality profile one would expect in a “kids on bikes” storyline. Which is highlighted in their middle of the night raid on the shooting range. Our main hero- the “cool” one with all the best plans and sneaky skills, in a sports jacket and tennis shoes. Our excited “nerdy” one who just wants to be involved in the “cool guy’s” shenanigans is in a grey hoody. And then, the sarge- the character with money and reputation to lose but has been dragged along for moral reasons, dressed up in a sports coat and snappy polo like the rich kid dressed by his mom. I will add this is the character who is a little tubby and keeps pointing out that they are all going to be “in so much trouble.”

Like- remove the authority as cops and age them down to 13 and it would be the same movie. In the 80s, they would even have let them have guns by the end of film.

Then Murphy sells it with his absolute child like joy at getting away with all this crap.

This film revels in all the little boy dreams of solving the mystery, blowing shit up, getting to see pretty girls, and saving the day. Good for them.

4) Eddie Murphy is playing Bugs Bunny as a Cop.

This is the part that broke my brain.

I’m good with the chaotic “talk your ways past everyone” shenanigans. It was well done, and what sucked me in. Even while acknowledging how problematic it is, you cheer for him. You can’t help it. He has charm.

The fact that he pulled it off without any costume changes was impressive. I would have expected coat changed and fake mustaches. Nope. Just chatter.

It’s the cop part that is messing with me.

The type of character he is playing here is the “chaotic hero.” This is the sort of hero that comes along to break unjust systems and reorder everything by being so out of left field no one can predict them.

This is Robinhood. This is Vishnu. This is Scarlet Pimpernel. This is Zorro.

The pattern here is- these guys are from the position of power, use or reject it in some way, then destroy things as your everyday man or straight up criminal.

If you are talking even more chaotic, we come across Ananzi, Loki, Coyote, and Bugs Bunny. These guys aren’t always good. They are chaotic neutral who occasionally find themselves being heroes in a specific situation- not to do the right thing, but because it is fun to mess with the blow hard bad guy.

Now we come to Axel.

He is conning his friends into dangerous situations, steamrolling his boss at taxpayer expense, and laughing at other’s justified fears. He breaks the law consistently. Is he a bad guy? He backs up his friend who needs help, never takes anything to keep, and seems to make sure to pay back everyone who has been inconvenienced with political praise, favors they really like, or straight up cash. Is he the good guy?

He is NOT Robinhood or Zorro. There is no moral mission. He also does not come from a place of power that he leaves behind. He pulled himself out of a place of poverty to gain the power he needed to pull off this nonsense with impunity.

He is neutral chaos with a streak of loyalty, well wishes, and simplistic gleeful fun. He is, in fact, a cartoon.

In our minds that does not fit in with the authority of the police force. Neither does he.

He flashes his badge around, but often not to be a “cop” but to be “health inspector” or “building manager” or whatever else he needs at the moment.

He is consistently at odds with the chief of police and if he thinks you are terrible at your job he will ruin you, slowly and painfully. The chief in this film dug his own grave one step at a time and you wonder “did he plan it? Was it improved? What just happened?”

Now that I type this out, the closest character I have to this is Jack Sparrow. Again, but necessity of personality, Sparrow is a PIRATE.

The best thing you can say about Axel being a cop is that he seems to be slowly cleaning it out from the inside. The reverse Robinhood- he went up to the power structure to show them a thing or two about how it ought to be done. 😂

They make a point of all the cops who work with him slowly becoming more like him and becoming better at thier jobs, happier in thier lives, and generally better off for having met him. I suppose he works, even in this system of power, because he never FEELS like he is a part of it. He is a force, sweeping through, and sweeping back out.

He is less a chaotic hero, and more a chaos god. Sparrow was similar until they brought him down to earth in movie 4.

Speaking of which- I got all this from exactly one film. There are like what- 3 of these with another on the way? I cannot be the only person who saw this. Tell me someone somewhere did a full deep dive academic analysis on this character as a “trickster god” type. It was done too well.

Also realizing I started this by saying the film couldn’t be made today, and they are going to try. That will be a train wreck. I must go see it. 😈

[celestynne]

Past Story - Alma (1)

!! Please note that the translations might be inaccurate as I relied on Google Translate and am not fluent in Japanese !!

Snowy, Pure Days

I was born in a village in the corner of Naupli, a land of clergy. It seemed like I was crying so loudly that it was almost noisy. The old man is a confessor. Ever since I was a child, I learned about repentance and confession as a natural part of life. Having grown up in such an environment, I followed in my father’s footsteps and become a confessor. While living and working at a cathedral near his home, he also took care of children who had no relatives there. Despite its small size, the cathedral was lively.

.

Alma : “Now, in time of redemption, you have four days to clean the cathedral and make it sparkling clean!”

Alma : “With that remorse, your sins will be atoned for, and your soul will be covered in white snow!”

Child : “More, more~! 4th day 2, longer~!”

Alma : “Isn’t it a serious crime to eat your friend’s snack without permission?”

Child : “But come on~”

Alma : “Maybe it was just a light feeling, but it’s the same thing as stealing something.”

Alma : “I really need you to understand that!”

Child : “… Yes~”

Alma : “Okay, then let’s go right away!”

?? : “Do you really think you’ll reflect on that? Alma”

Alma : “Huh? Oh~ Chris! Good morning!”

Chris : “That kid did the same thing before and I scolded him. I guess he hasn’t learned anything.”

Alma : “Should be fine. This time I came to Zange on my own!”

Alma : “I knew it was bad. I’ll never do it again, haha!”

Chris : “That would be fine, but... Alma’s confession is just as rough as his father’s”

.

Chris was also one of the orphans living in the cathedral, and we were close in age, so we were close. Me, who is free-spirited and messy, and Chris, who is serious and methodical. Our personality was the exact opposite. No, that’s why. We get along well.

.

Alma : “Wahaha, Chris worries too much”

Alma : “There’s no such thing as a bad guy deep down. Well, there may be times when demons intervene…”

Alma : “Anyone can receive it as long as they are willing to change their minds. If I make amends, I can live straight again.”

Chris : “… When Alma says it, it’s convincing.”

Chris : “I’ll never forget talking to a great villain who shocked the world for three days and nights, and finally getting him to confess his feelings after becoming friends with him.”

Alma : “Oh, how nostalgic! That story was long~! Wahaha!”

.

Being a confessor is a calling; That’s how I felt. I enjoy talking to people, and it brings me joy to be able to help others by doing so. The more I talk to various people, the more I feel that there is no such thing as an inherently evil person. It’s just that there are unavoidable circumstances that can knock you off your feet.

.

Alma : “Well, what kind of person will come to confession today? I’m looking forward to it!”

Chris : “Have fun. Wouldn’t it be more peaceful if they didn’t come?”

Alma : “Surely, wahaha.”

Well-Dressed Man : “Rude. I heard that there’s a confessor here…”

Alma : “Oh, it’s me! Did you come here to confess?”

Well-Dressed Man : “Yes, it’s not for me, but for my son.”

A Difficult-Looking Young Man : “….”

Alma : “Okay, I understand! Let’s talk over here!”

.

Today again, I will be the one to whiten my heart with the snow of sin. My heart was just filled with such anticipation.

[velvetporcelain]

Do not weep for me, I am no longer hungry

Today I feel so loved. I feel seen spiritually. Do you know how hard it is to be seen spiritually? Everyone is so distracted by the physical vessel that we neglect seeing into this vessel.

Everyone has spirit. I can feel it when I walk by them. Like their spirit looks right at me, turning its head but never the vessel.

I think about the man in the grocery store and our interaction. It was nothing short of spiritual, and I believe that he was also longing to feel. I do feel a bit of pity for him, he hides behind his good looks, and wants someone more intelligent to teach him about life and what it means to love. I wanted to dive into him simply because I can feel this energy spewing from his vessel. It was oceanic and after all I am the goddess of love. Well, now that’s just my womanly ego speaking.

I think about him often and if our paths will ever cross again.

I know that I am not like most women, I dive without holding my breath and willingly drown. I feel like my own husband sees me as a something so shallow, but I think that is my own insecurities beating me to the punch. 🥊

There was a long period of time when I walked through life with my spirit completely deceased. Unmotivated and closed off from the energy fields, and I am convinced that the majority is currently walking around cut off. Only a handful of people truly listen to their spirit and I can easily recognize this. I don’t want to say that I was lost, but I was. I found myself somewhere laying in a dark forest, but now? Now I am the moon, and most people don’t understand how significant the moon’s light can be in total darkness. I’m learning to accept this and to not take it personally, for it does not reflect on my power. I remain open to the world surrounding me. I remain consistent in the spreading of love, truth, beauty, perspective and peace. It is what people long for in such a world of spiritual illness. I am not the cure by all means, I am simply the medicine.

Today I added two more snails and shrimp to my little aquarium. They bring me so much stimulation and joy that I couldn’t resist the urge to add more life. A world within a world. Two different ways of life taking care of each other. It serves my womanly nature perfectly.

Stay true to yourself and your spirit and you will find it to be the most advantageous choice you have ever made in your entire life. Giving you the confidence you indirectly seek. I am eternally grateful that I have the time to look inside myself and truly be alone with myself. That I have the ability to detach from myself and observe. I will admit that it is a hard process at times, but nothing good is ever easy. The more I practice the quicker I can learn. I want to help people be able to do the same.

In several months I will have all my children in school and entire seven hours will be devoted to me and me alone. I get impatient thinking about it because I haven’t had this much consistent time alone in sixteen years. I imagine what I would do with that time and I’m overwhelmed with ideas. I think the first few weeks I shall do nothing. Absolutely nothing. Stare out the windows as long as I want, take my time with errands, slow my walking, slow my processing. I am working on valuing the time I have with all of them right now. Sometimes it is hard to connect with all of them at the same time because of their various ages, but I have always enjoyed a challenge. Getting to know my children on a personal level brings me great joy. I am pleased to hear their creative minds speak. I am working on providing them a safe spot for them to be themselves and learn how to self regulate emotions and thought. To think that I there is something much more rewarding in the world is ridiculous. This is what I was born to do. Change lives.

-x

[cowboyjen68]

Hi Jen,

As a queer person in my 20’s I had been feeling like LGBT+ acceptance was growing through my lifetime, and that things would continue to get better, but the way hateful/violent homophobic and transphobic rhetoric have become so politically mainstream again in such a short time is extremely frightening. I’m sure it concerns you too so if you need to ignore this ask for peace of mind, I understand. But if you can talk about it, do you think there’s hope? How does it look from your perspective as someone who lived through harder times? I feel like LGBT+ support is so much more broad now, and we’re more visible in popular culture and even some public offices that it can all only be rolled back so far, but I’m truly scared. Thanks, and be well.

I again apologize for the delay and this answer comes at a weird time since the Club Q shooting is less than a week ago.

I honestly am not sure my generation experienced harder times in some ways. Just different ways. We didn't have much legal protection such as the right to same sex marriage or civil rights to housing or employment. Many states had laws making homosexuality illegal although the laws punished "acts" more than the actual same sex attraction which was just a sneaky way to keep us in line.

The laws are not in as much danger as the right and left want us to think. But when we are panicked they make more money. Not that there aren't reasons to be concerned and we certainly don't want to sit back on our laurels and think there is no threat. From experience the far edges of the political extremes are working very hard to convince us all that no one can possibly come together on anything and the divide is so great there is nothing in the middle. MOST of us fall in the middle because we are just trying to keep our family safe and fed and pay our bills without the governement in our bedroom.

Now it is not so much about fighting laws on the books but about keeping shitty laws from being added. Similar shit, different times.

This next part is from my experience and STRICTLY my opinion since I am not a political analyst nor a professional activist A little of my background:  I was very active in the AIDs ACT Up movement, in producing Prides and other events locally AND In organizing trips of local LGBT people to attend larger events like Stonewall 25 and the early 1990's March on Washington. I also have consistently created small lesbian gatherings and enouraged lesbians to form intergenerational friend and mentor groups either privately or at existing festvials and venues. I was in Stonewall Democrats (a delegate for Obama) and the Affirmitive Action Chair for my County Dems for many years. I have been around the activism and political block a few times.

 I can’t see the future but I can assure you we have see rough times as a community and will continue to see them but we always seem to get our shit together enough to focus energy and effort on making change. Life and politics are a cycle and history shows that. Nothing is ever a guarantee for all times. All of us live in a world where rights are always subject to threat. That is just reality. My best advice is do what you can with where you are and what you are able. We can’t all lead big protests and we can’t even all vote (age, previous felonies, mobility etc) but we all can do something. 

What brings me the most joy, fulfillment and happiness is strengthening connections with lesbians and gathering to share stores, experience and knowledge, whether that means life skills or how we over came obstacles. It feels right to have those conversations and to understand younger generations and their concerns AND to be able to share what worked. I have been exposed to a very particular legacy of lesbian communicaiton and organizing. And what I was taught has helped me in so many ways.

 Find what you are most passionate about and put your focus and energy into that. We can’t all change the world but we can ceate small pockets in our lives and those of others where we feel happy and welcomed and understood. And sometimes those groups end up working on change together which can be a very powerful force. 

[spectaculardistractions]

To José Rubia Barcia Mexico City, 6 July 1948 Dear Barcia, Your latest letter arrived, to my great joy as always although it has taken me this long to reply, because I’ve been beset with preoccupations recently. Still, better late than never, and I shall now absolve my sins with these lines. I always thought finding work at the university was the right thing to do. It may not have been your goal, but until something better comes along, it’s the most respectable and least tiresome thing you could do. You may not believe me, but I would swap places if I could. I see you are also still chasing the wicked world of cinema doing things for Godoy and Company. Don’t think, as you imply in your letter, that I mock you for doing so: if it brings in a few dollars, I think it’s wonderful. Anyway, if things work out well for me here and your migration issues permit, I am convinced we will work together again. You can count on it. My affairs in this ‘beautiful’ city are not going well. You wouldn’t believe how hard I have to struggle not to fall back on Gran Casino-style films. The current crisis, mediocre producers and viewers, and prevailing bad taste are all pushing me towards the heap of run-of-the-mill film-makers. Whenever I come up with an interesting film project, I fall flat on my face. Whereas I’ve turned down three idiotic films already. So financially speaking, times have been extremely tough. I only get by with help from my family in Spain. But where on earth would I go at this stage? Succeed or fail, I plan to stay around here. Here is a list of my failures: Six months with Pancho Cabrera on Doña Perfecta and Nazarín, I sold him the rights… Failure due to lack of funds. Noriega is keen to buy our script for The Threshold and wants me to make it… Another failure: Ramex ceases production. I come to an agreement with Rechi to direct La malquerida…. He leaves me high and dry and heads off to Los Angeles for two months. When he gets back, he takes on Gavald��n. Dancigers, with Philip Morris of New York, looks willing to produce a supremely avant-garde story Larrea and I wrote. Not for Mexico, but in English for civilized countries. But when the New York mister reads our story, his jaw drops so far, he dislocates it and withdraws the offer to fund. I think these four are enough to give you an idea. Three days ago, on the other hand, a producer came to my house with Pituka de Foronda, whom I’d never met, to propose I immediately begin filming the Insúa novel La mujer, el toro y el torero with Luis Procuna as leading man. It’s crazy! Things are bad, bad, bad! Later on this week, I’ll send you two copies of Illegible, Son of a Flute, which is the title of a script Juan Larrea and I wrote based on an old book of Juan’s that he lost years ago and never published. I’d be really grateful if you could register it at the Screen Writers on Cherokee, and send me the receipt. I’m doing this because the script is now wandering the streets of New York with Charles Ford, Iris Barry, etc., and someone (not Iris, of course) might plagiarize it. As you’ll see if you read it, it’s really unusual, prophetic even… and full of original images. New Directions Yearbook wanted to publish it but we turned them down, because that would have made it literature rather than film. I’m sorry for any bother this favour may cause. And I’d be grateful if you could let me know whether registration costs $5 or $10 so I can send you the money. If you see Kenneth Macgowan, pass on my very warmest wishes. I genuinely admire him; he’s one of the most decent people in Hollywood. In my desperation, I nearly wrote to ask him for a place on one of his courses and I almost sent him Illegible, Son of a Flute in case, if he liked it, he might be able to do something to help out. But I came to my senses in time. I often think of you and Evita and of our confabulations, gustation and collaborations with great nostalgia. But this Turkish galley refuses to steer me in your direction. My very fondest regards, Luis Buñuel PS I’ve insisted Larrea write back to you and he has promised to do it today

Jo Evans & Breixo Viejo, Luis Buñuel: A Life in Letters

[adorerdraco]

Healing Heart ✧ Draco x Reader Mini-Series PART 2

PART 1

Summary: PART 2  ! of Draco falling in love with reader during his sixth year (HBP) and dealing with the consequences of opening his heart to someone. 

Warnings: angst !!! but just a little fluff as always, BLOOD, violence, more crying, very detailed sectumsempra scene, mentions of death

Words: 4.9K

A/N: omg i can’t believe so many people liked the first one and to everyone who left me a comment, I appreciate you so much you have no idea plsss you guys are so beautiful. but here is part 2 and I hope you guys like it as much as the first oneee !!!!!!!! this one got dramatic. I’m thinking of doing a part 3, but I’m not sure and i also want to make it be mostly fluff so PLS let me knowww <3 i do not own gif. 

It was an awful feeling; the feeling of needing a specific someone to bring him a peace he so very much lacked in his life. It was a feeling of not being able to feel joy unless he had you by his side. He felt stupid and pathetic knowing he had made an even bigger mess of himself and regrettably of you. He felt more weak too, wondering to himself why he couldn’t stop crying and do what he needs to do without several potions or you with him to get him through the day. 

He didn’t want to need anyone. He didn’t want to need help. He didn’t want to need advice.

“Why can’t I just do this?” he cried to himself one night in the room of requirement, kicking something by his foot across the floor in frustration. He stared at the dead bird in hopelessness, not wanting to move it from its spot in the vanishing cabinet. He had managed to send inanimate objects, but not living things and that was only a discovery he was able to make when you were still in his life.

It had been weeks, since he left you under the tree, broken and in tears. He regressed back into to his old ways of lacking proper self care, of sleeping and eating, his studies being the last thing on his mind, him distancing himself from his Slytherin friends again. It was right back to square one, maybe even below that this time.

In Potions, he didn’t dare look at you, ever. He moved to a seat in the very back of the class where he would be hidden from you and could sulk to himself in peace.

“Mr. Malfoy, forgive me as it is none of my business, but why are you no longer working with Miss Y/L/N?” Slughorn asked him one day as he came by to grade his potion.

“It is nothing of concern, Professor,” Draco answered bitterly, holding back the scowl that wanted to show but deciding against being any more rude to authority. “I just rather work by myself.”

“It’s a shame, Mr. Malfoy, you both were my star pupils,” Slughorn mixes the potion around, eyeing it with a frown. “Now the both of you are falling behind. This potion is not passing, you forgot to mix in the dried periwinkle leaves.”

Draco never noticed how you would glance at him throughout Potions class. Of course, he was ignoring you and you felt that nasty realization every time your eyes landed on the platinum blond.

You felt numb, to say the least. You cried for days and days on end. If you weren’t in class, you were in your dorm, wrapped underneath the covers wondering why someone you shared so much love and time with had dropped you with no explanation. You tried endlessly to get him to talk to you, cornering him in the corridors, going up to him in class, but he would ignore you until you went away. He never once met your eyes, and your heart broke more every time you saw the coldness in his icy gray’s that made you feel like you didn’t even exist to him.

Your roommates and friends had gotten involved, forcing you to take better care of yourself. Staying up and hugging you while you cried. Bringing you meals from the Great Hall into the dorm. Brushing your hair when it started to become matted. Encouraging you to divulge yourself in studies rather than your sadness.

“Y/N, you are so much more than what you’re feeling,” your closest friend whispered to you one night as you cried in her embrace. “You can’t keep going like this. It’s okay to cry and be sad, but this is eating you up. Remember how strong you are. Remember the healer you are trying to be. You’ve helped so many people, inside and out, let your friends help you now.”

You nodded sadly, and finally accepted the help your friends had been trying so desperately to give you. You allowed them to take you out into the Great Hall again for meals. To Hogsmead for a fun day out. To the courtyard where you guys would sit and just talk. It was nice, feeling your old and normal life coming to light again even if it was just for a couple hours. But when you couldn’t sleep at night and your mind wandered off to Draco, you felt that same empty feeling of a gaping hole in your heart sting at you. 

There was nothing you could do or say anymore. The cornering him was getting desperate and made you feel weak. The ignoring was never going to stop. You didn’t cry anymore, forcing yourself to bottle up your feelings for him deep down into your mind, body and spirit to the point where you just tried your best to recognize him as a dream. 

Your brain didn’t know any better, right?

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Draco sat on the floor of his dorm, head resting against the side of his bed as he twiddled with the letter from his mother between his fingertips. His owl, Aquila, sat beside him and enjoyed the loving pets he was giving her with his other hand. It was rare she let him do this, but he figured it was because she felt that he might have possibly needed this. She nibbled on a crumb of a biscuit he gave her that she had brought with her on her journey from home. Draco sighed and opened the letter again, his eyes scanning over the perfect cursive of his mother’s handwriting once more.

My Dearest Draco,

          How are you, my love? I feel as though we have gone too long without writing to each other. I must say, the Manor feels lonely without you and your father here, but the house elves have been keeping me company. They are quite entertaining, some of them. I do hope you enjoy the small pastries I sent with Aquila that the elves also send on their behalf. 

I know the pain you are feeling, my son. I know it wears at you and I am deeply sorry that I cannot change it or help you. Please do entrust in Professor Snape, as he is the only one who can help you and understands your circumstances. You cannot get through this alone.

Please also remember that you are just a boy. In these times of turmoil, it is easy to lose yourself in your own despair. You are young, Draco, only 16 years of life and it has already failed you. Please find it in your heart to locate the little several joys in life that keep you going. Despite your situation, It is okay to be that 16 year old boy and revel in those joys for as long as you can before it is too late and they are no longer there. Do not succumb, it is what he wants. 

I will always love you, and I hope to see you soon. 

All my love,

Mother

He felt tears sting at his eyes, clutching the letter to his chest as if his mother had charmed it with the feeling of a hug. It wasn’t, but he swore he could feel it. He felt sad, knowing she was all alone in that house, but suddenly remembered that his aunt was seeking refuge with her at the Malfoy Manor and his mother left it out for the sake of keeping Bellatrix’s location secret. Seeing as she was a maddened Ex/Present Death Eater and escaped prisoner on the run. The thought of Bellatrix left a bitter and foul taste in his mouth, making him feel even worse that his mother was stuck at home with that beast who was nearly as bad as the Dark Lord himself. He didn’t care that that was her sister, his aunt, she had no empathy for anything, especially not for him. He recalls her telling him right before he went to school, that he should be grateful and honored for being entrusted with a task so important.

As much as Draco wanted nothing to do with his tasks, he didn’t ignore them. He begrudgingly let Bellatrix teach him Occlumency, something he desperately needed to learn and was now a little good at. He had even tried convincing himself that he needed to do this. It was all up to him. He was chosen for this. He hated it, but he was chosen nonetheless. And he would try with everything to save his family and to make them proud, even if it killed him.

He ignored the thoughts of his aunt and his dreadful life options, refocusing on the words his mother wrote to him. They echoed in his mind, imagining her saying them to him. 

“It is okay to be that 16 year old boy and revel in those joys for as long as you can before it is too late and they are no longer there.”

His mind wandered to you, knowing full and well you were are the one and only joy in his life he so deeply desires. His mother’s words hit him hard, to the point where he almost ran out of his room to go look for you. Almost.

But he was stubborn and still couldn’t pull himself out of the mindset he had boxed himself in where he thought being with you would be worse in the end for you than not being with you. 

So he went over to his desk, Aquila following him before flying up to the wooden surface where she perched herself in front of him as he sat down and pulled out a parchment and quill to begin his responding letter for his mother. He thanked her for the pastries, told her he would try his best in confiding in Snape, loosely promised he would fulfill her wishes of him finding some happiness, and gave her his love. He gave the letter to Aquila, smoothing the feathers on the top of her head one last time before she chirped and flew to the window and then out of his room and into the open dark starry sky. 

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

More weeks had gone by. And then a month. You were seeing less and less of Draco and for a healing heart, it was the best thing for you, but also the worst. He had even began skipping class as much as he could, not that anyone ever noticed, except you and Slughorn of course.

“Miss Y/L/N, may I have a word?” Slughorn came up to you while you were working on a potion with your friend. The same friend who had given up her seat to Draco who she now despised and regretted ever doing in the first place. She gave you and the professor a look before getting up and heading to the front of the class where she began to pick up vials and jars to store the potion.

“Of course, Professor,” you answer with a polite smile.

“I spoke to Mr. Malfoy about a month ago, he seemed rather distraught,” he began, placing a finger over his chin in thought. “I’m beginning to grow worried of the boy! Is there a reason he’s no longer showing up to class?”

You swallowed thickly before responding, “your guess is as good as mine, Professor.”

“Ah, well, one mustn’t pry too much,” he says. “Also, I’m pleased to see your marks improving in the last couple weeks. Keep up the good work, Miss Y/L/N.”

And with that the professor turned around and left to go check on other students, your friend returning.

“What’d he want?” She asked, setting the supplies down on the table.

“Wanted to know about, Mr. Malfoy,” you mocked quietly, your voice turning bitter when the name left your lips. 

You knew Draco’s disappearance was your fault and you felt that twang of hurt beat against your chest thinking about it. That whole conversation with the Professor killed your entire mood. It wasn’t great to begin with, but the feeling of nothing had turned into hurt. 

You were roughly stirring the cauldron, preparing to put the nearly finished potion into the two large jars so it could sit overnight. They were right beside your arm and you felt your elbow collide with the glasses, cringing internally when you heard them crash onto the ground and shatter. Luckily there was nothing in them, but you had still made a mess of glass. In your heat of embarrassment and with the people are you now staring at you, you forgot you could easily clean up your mess with magic so like a klutz, you instead bent down to pick up the shards of glass that scattered the floor with your bare hands.

A loud gasp left your mouth as you began to pick them up, feeling the largest piece of glass in your palm deeply slash the skin of your hand. You dropped it, feeling the blood begin to drip down your arms and onto the floor.

“Oh no, Y/N,” your friend sighed from above you, gripping onto your other arm and lifting you up. “Are you okay?”

The question was meant for your hand, but you felt it hit your soul just as it did whenever someone asked you that question when you were so overwhelmingly not okay. You shook your head no, the pain from your hand and your heart taking over you completely as tears began to trickle down your face. 

Slughorn came up to the table, waving his wand over the mess of the floor and fixed the damage done to the vases and making the small puddle of blood disappear.

“Class is dismissed, students, you are free to go to the Great Hall for lunch,” Slughorn announced and everyone quickly packed up their things and hurried out except for you and your friend. The full-bellied Professor watched you with concern and you turned to your friend where she took your hand in hers and placed it palm up for you.

You shuddered, bringing up your wand to the cut and simply thought your healing spell before watching it completely fade into a faint light pink scar.

“I’m going to explain to Slughorn what happened and put away our stuff,” she says to you, a sad glint in her eyes. “Go clean yourself up and I’ll meet you at our table for lunch with everyone when you’re done.”

You could only pathetically nod before you slung your bag over your shoulder and trudged off into the direction of a bathroom. You decided to go up to Moaning Myrtle’s bathroom, wanting to be alone from everyone so you could clean yourself up in peace and also have a meltdown. You didn’t know why you wanted to torture yourself with the ghosted memories you shared with Draco in that bathroom, but you still went. 

You took your time getting there and you were only down the hall when you saw the entrance. It was then when you heard a familiar ghastly screaming and wailing. It was horribly loud.

“MURDER! MURDER IN THE BATHROOM! MURDER!”

Moaning Myrtle floated from the large wooden double doors, screaming so loud it ricocheted off all the walls of the now deathly silent castle. You felt all the blood drain from your face as an awful and sickening feeling had bubbled in your stomach.

“It better not be Draco,” you said to yourself, your legs taking longer strides towards the bathroom. “Please, don’t let it be Draco.”

By now, you were sprinting towards the end of the corridor, throwing your bag to the floor as soon as you reached the doors and flung yourself through and into the destroyed bathroom, stepping into a pool of water that had streaks of crimson red. Your eyes followed the trail of blood, stopping suddenly when you found the source.

A blood-curdling scream twice as loud and stronger than Myrtle’s, left your throat as you tripped over your own feet to reach him. You saw Harry Potter, standing a little ways by the door, a panicked and pained look in his eyes as he tried to understand what he had just done. 

Once you reached Draco’s nearly lifeless body covered in angry red gashes, you fell next to him, his eyes finally meeting yours for the first time in ages. He was breathing raggedly in choked grunts, clutching at his mauled chest as he struggled to breath. The stormy eyes you loved so much were clouded in fear. Nothing but fear.

You shoved your hand into your pocket, searching for your wand and pulled it out hastily. You shakily waved it over his cuts, thinking and saying any spell you knew that came to your mind in the matter of 5 seconds. This was what you did. This was all you did. Why couldn’t you heal him? None of your spells worked.

“I, I can’t heal you,” you sobbed, resorting to putting your hands over his chest at a failing attempt to stop the bleeding. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

“n...o,” Draco said weakly and quietly. He mustered up all his remaining strength and placed a bloodied hand over yours, you grabbed it tightly and leaned over him when you realized he was trying to speak. “S-sorry. lo...ve. y...ou.”

It felt like there was a knife in your chest being repeatedly stabbed into your heart and twisted. His eyes closed and you cried harder, knowing you were going to lose him. Everything was happening so fast. You had only been in the bathroom a solid 10 seconds, everything around you moving in a slow blur but so quickly.

It was as if Merlin had answered your pleas, the sound of the door slammed open and a maddened looking Snape rushed inside, pushing Harry roughly to the side and looking down at Draco and then you only momentarily before dropping to his knees beside him and opposite of you.

“Vulnera sanentur,” he began running his wand over the cuts on Draco’s chest and you watched with wide teary eyes as the blood pooling around you began to retreat back into the wounds. He said it again, and once the blood was back in, the cuts began to close. He chanted it one last time, and the cuts had healed into thick and reddened scars. “Miss Y/L/N, please help Draco over to the hospital wing for some dittany, and quickly please. We might be able to help with the scarring, perhaps avoid it completely. I need to deal with, Potter.”

Draco was half conscious, a dazed and confused look in the gray of his eyes as they fluttered open and closed. You noticed the scar beginning to form on his paled face and you bit back a sob. You knew if that scar stayed there, it would only drive him into a deeper hatred for himself.

You quickly got up, Snape picking up Draco and throwing his arm over your shoulders so that you would be able to help him over to the hospital wing which luckily happened to be a hall away from the bathroom. The adrenaline and sheer love for the boy was pumping through your body which had made you feel stronger in basically carrying Draco through the halls. He was dragging his feet, mumbling incoherently and you couldn’t stop crying.

You saw the doors to the hospital wing open, Madam Pomfrey staring at the scene heading towards her in horror. 

“DITTANY!” you called to her. She threw open the doors wider, nodding before she ran back inside in a hurry. A passing seventh year Hufflepuff had dropped all of his books and his bag and linked arms with Draco’s free side, helping you take him inside with much more ease. Madam Pomfrey yelled to rest Draco on the nearest bed and she quickly returned with the dittany, shooing the both of you away from him.

“I’m afraid the two of you are going to have to leave, immediately,” she demands, her hand reaching up to grab the privacy curtain before shielding her and the love of your life from you and the prying eyes of shocked students gathered at the doorway to see what had happened. The Hufflepuff that had helped was already out the door, but you couldn’t bring your legs to move.

“Away from the door!” McGonagall suddenly appeared from behind the crowd of students, a disgruntled look etched into her aged skin. “Return to your house’s common rooms! That goes for you too, Miss Y/L/N.”

She gently placed both her hands on either of your shoulders, guiding you outside the door and out of the hospital wing. She gave you an empathetic glance before grabbing the handles of the doors and shutting them with a loud clang.

The lingering students stared at you in discomfort and grimaces. You looked around, still in a daze and then looked down at your body. You were drenched in blood and water, looking straight out of a horror movie and closely resembling the clothing of the Bloody Baron, Slytherin’s house ghost.

Everything still felt quiet and slow. You didn’t even notice your friends rushing towards you in hysterics, throwing you in hugs as you only stood there, unable to react. You let them pull you away, leading you to your house’s common room, tripping every now and then. You caught a glimpse of Moaning Myrtle in the distance, her cries still very loud and apparent. She had gone around the entirety of Hogwarts wailing the same news that had broken you, only this time you heard the new choice words she had added along the way.

“MURDER! MURDER IN THE BATHROOM! MURDER! HARRY POTTER HAS MURDERED DRACO MALFOY!”

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

You sat immobile on the edge of your seat besides Draco’s hospital bed. Much to your surprise, Madam Pomfrey had allowed you to stay overnight with the fallen Slytherin Prince. You recognized it might be her way of paying you back from all your countless volunteering and because of that, she trusted you in knowing exactly what to do when it came to the medical field of the wizarding world.

It was around three in the morning, the incident having happened well past twelve hours ago. You were showered now and in a fresh pair of robes, your pajamas holding in your warmth as a cold draft flowed throughout the dark dimly lit room. The hospital wing was tall and large, it felt like a castle in itself, and it only made you feel more feeble. You scooted your chair closer to the bed, placing a hand onto the mattress right next to Draco’s paled slender hand.

Fingertips ghosted over his knuckles, your body shivering at the closeness of the near contact. You didn’t know how he was going to react when he woke up. It was all a waiting game, and your heart squeezed with anxiety as you awaited his regained consciousness. You didn’t forget the words he said to you right before he slipped away. They rang and rattled in your head like a pinball game on loop.

He had told you he loved you.

The thought of him dying and you never being able to tell him you felt the same haunted you. You thanked Merlin that Snape got there when he did. You also made a mental note to hex Harry into the oblivion the next time you got a chance. 

You sighed deeply, your voice quavering as your ran a hand through your tangled hair. His face glistened under the orange lamp on the bedside table, his skin tinged with a grayish undertone and his eye bags deep and dark. The scar you had seen on his face earlier was gone, the skin now just holding a skinny reddened line going across his features as if he was just hit with something. You smiled slightly, knowing it would be gone in the morning and feeling grateful for him that he wouldn’t be scarred with it.

His body was covered in a hospital gown and bandages infused with dittany, but seeing how bad his cuts were before they healed, you knew those would leave something behind no matter what. In your studying towards becoming a Healer, you read about the effects of dark magic and the marks it left behind on its victims. You didn’t know what spell had done what it did to Draco, but it was violent and radiated with darkness. 

The softness of his his skin was met under yours, your hand finally allowing itself to fall over his and you let out a sharp exhale at the touch. It wasn’t like earlier when you were holding onto him for dear life, rough and filled with fear and pain, this time it felt familiar. It felt warm despite the coldness of your skin and his. You shook quietly, another set of tears rippling through your body as you tried your best to not wake him. You sat up and slowly leaned over him, looking down at him to observe his peaceful features. He slept soundly and peacefully, his breathing even and quiet. Even though he almost died earlier today, he looked as though he was having the best sleep of his life. The sleep he gravely needed but seemed to never be able to get. 

Your free hand softly rested on his cheek now and you carefully moved your lips towards his forehead where you placed a long kiss. A stray tear had fallen onto his skin as you pulled away and you frowned, wiping it away with your sleeve before moving your hand up towards his hair. You smoothed it back, the soft blond strands feeling like silk between your fingers. He was a dream, an angel to you. You stood by what you had told him that unfortunate day under the tree, he was good, and you would tell him again and again until he believed it himself.

Just as you pulled back from him, a sharp gasp erupted and he shot up in bed, grabbing and tearing at his gown as breathless quick pants fell from his lips. 

“Hey, Draco, I’m here, you’re okay, relax,” you coo gently, grabbing his hands and holding them tightly in yours so he wouldn’t tear his bandages. Your heart battered against your chest, the waterworks in your eyes beginning all over again. He stared at you, searching your eyes and he began to cry too. The same broken and deep sobbing from months ago you had grown accustomed to hearing. 

He threw himself onto you, crying even harder as his arms wrapped around you, his hand on the back of your head pressing you into his chest. You climbed into the bed in deep shaky breaths so that you were now sitting on your knees between his legs. It was overwhelming, to put it lightly, both of you crying into each other as you remembered the fall out, the lonely days and nights, the wasted opportunities, the endless missing of one another’s presence in their lives.

“I’m sorry,” Draco chokes out. “I never meant to hurt you. I thought that by pushing you away, you would be safer, but I can’t do it anymore. I need you, I love you, Y/N.”

You cradled him in your arms, rocking the two of you back and forth, and you shook your head reverently.

“I forgave you the second I thought I was going to lose you,” you respond quickly. “Merlin, Draco, you scared me to death. I thought you were gone.”

The same words from his mother echoed in his head again and he finally understood what they meant. 

“It is okay to be that 16 year old boy and revel in those joys for as long as you can before it is too late and they are no longer there.”

Darkness was going to arrive one way or another, it was going to steal the rest of whatever life he had left in him one day. It was out of his hands, out of his control. The time to live his life was now. Because he didn’t know when he would ever have this opportunity of love again, of safety, of light. Everything was undefined and unknown and he felt the anguishing regret of all his decisions when he had seen you in the bathroom hovering over him with a hopeless look in your eyes. He promised himself, to Merlin and to the sun, the moon and all the stars that in the 1% chance that he survived that close call with death, he would never abandon you again. His heart pained at the memory of him trying to sputter out his final ‘I love you,’ not knowing whether or not you heard it or if you understood how genuinely he had meant it.

The room was only filled with sniffles and shaky breathing, both of you still in the same rocking position, afraid that if you let each other go, the other is going to disappear.

“Draco,” you say, lifting his head up from the crook of your neck so that he could look you in the eyes. “I love you, too. More than you’ll ever know. Please don’t ever, ever leave again.”

“Not in a million years, darling.”

PART 3

[ruki-mukami-dl]

Blog Anniversary

((August 24th — Today's my 1st blog anniversary. Unbelievable... A whole year now... On this occasion I decided not to hide behind Ruki and say a few words myself.

First of all, I would like to thank my friends who encouraged me to portray Ruki and to make the blog. 🙏🏻 Without their convincing words, I wouldn't have been able to enjoy my time here. I have met such great new people and have taken some of them deep into my heart. ❤️ I'm grateful to them for reaching out to me, as I'm too shy to do so myself. And I have to admit that making the blog came at just the right moment. It helped me get through a very difficult time...

Answering the asks and also posting my own stuff gives me great joy. Even after a year I'm still on fire to do this. 🔥 Unfortunately, life now prevents me from spending more time running the blog. But whenever I can, I will be here to share my joy with you all. 😤

In the last year, I have received so many great asks. Even drawings were made for me. That is just great. To get such positive feedback is fantastic and shows me that you like what I do. Only because of you and your asks this blog is alive. Thank you so much for your support. I'm flattered and also honored. 🥺🛐

Today, I want to thank you with a little surprise. Hopefully you will like the following post. Of course, I'm not a professional and it was the first time I made something like this. And as always, I used my phone only. So I ask for your understanding if it didn't turn out absolutely perfect. However, I hope you guys enjoy it. Well, I personally enjoy it a lot~ 😏

Anyway, thank you all so, so much. I'm looking forward to what the new blog year will bring and what I can share with you. ❤️🙏🏻

I send all my love to you. Big hugs and lots of kisses to you all. 🫂💋))

[tarotchariotpickyourcard]

Pick a card reading: What you should like more about yourself!

This one is for the ones on that self love journey, the ones that need a pick me up or have a hard time with self confidence/esteem especially.

So I'm sure it's quite clear. The cards that you pick will reflect why you deserve to be more loving to yourself, what wonderful qualities you have, and maybe help convince you to lessen your negative inner language.

----------------------------------------------------------

Please pick one of the groups ( 1, 2, 3 or 4.)

You might be drawn to an item, the card itself, or a number. Please calm your mind and meditate for a minute.

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Side note: If you have a hard time choosing, or nothing seems strong to you, perhaps you could come back later on and try. Do not pressure yourself, darling.

Number one is the badge saying "yup"

Number 2 is the wing

Number 3 is the little bird

Number 4 is the chain saying "BE MINE"

GROUP 1 : (Yup badge)

Morning affirmations, Joy, Strength

6 of wands, 4 of pentacles, Mother of swords

What an interesting blend of character you are!

With the owl, this is a strong suggestion that you are able to see through deep into situations and understand "in between the lines". A great communicator, the queen of swords can be straight to the point, brilliant and not to be messed with. Your ability to say it like it is might be perceived as a little harsh to very sensitive or younger people, however it is a strong and much needed trait in the world. We need people with the organisational skills and know how of the mother of swords! The queen always reminds me of someone who is a good teacher, and a fair person.

With the 6 of wands and the 4 of pentacles, the combination hits in a way of potentially dulling that light. The traits I list may be some that you are aware of in a way, but perhaps have a lesser opinion of. The interesting mix of you is in the way of you being so strong, able to endure and be positive, yet a wonderful balance of being able to have boundaries. Again, I'm seeing the strong ability to recognise when someone is being a "rat" as the animal is right next to the owl. I can't help but get the idea that it is direct experience. I would be surprised if you haven't recently come to a revelation about a person in your social circle, or cut someone out/created more boundaries.

Strength mentions having resilience, coming through things more compassionate, stronger and brighter. Brighter being strong in focus to me, as it is next to joy. Your ability to have fun *despite* issues or obstacles is an enviable trait! I really feel that while you might have your difficulties, you never let them suck you in for too long mentally. You seem to try and stay positive through things, and not everyone can do that. You are also much more smart/knowledgeable than you give yourself credit for. Don't let anyone put you down, because you're being shown that if you go for what you've been studying/working at, with strong persistence you can succeed. I feel like the branches signify people who have acted as obstacles, or your troubles in life. This is confirmation you can rise above them, and if you're stuck right now, please accept my confirmation that things can and will change. Life can't help but flow, no matter how people may try and resist. So if anyone is putting you down, or getting in your way - know that their resistance to your future and well being is futile.

You keep having those boundaries. Keep on keeping on. You're sharp, you're witty, and of all things you have kept your kind heart. One day the joy you try to find in the little things will come to you effortlessly and in x100.

I got the need to call you cherub. Chin up, Cherub.

--------------------------------------------------------

GROUP 2 (the wing)

Wait, generosity, magic, peacefulness

The hermit, Ace of swords, Son of swords.

eYou're an extremely thoughtful person, aren't you? I get social activist vibes, the kind of person who thinks about bigger issues than just in their personal world, and could debate very well. The ability to get to the kernel of truth within an argument or bigger pattern in the world seems equal to none. If you have a hard time accepting that your opinions mean something, or you would be able to be persuasive, this is confirmation for you that actually - yes - you do have something meaningful to share with others.

In this pile I'm seeing a more peaceful, patient character. Someone who simply tries to be good, and do good for others. You create magic for other people. My heart swells at this, as I'm seeing reciprocity of kindnesses between you and others over time.

While The son of swords on it's own could potentially be quick to intervene or make a judgement, with the hermit and wait, I'm feeling more that you take the time to think things over. For example, if asked to make a decision, you would want to take your time and really think. If you were asked what your thoughts were on a political stand point, you would think in depth and make no judgements from the surface. This is so helpful, as there's less chance of misunderstanding/unkindness as well as the ability to make better long term decisions for yourself.

Very introspective, and the ace of swords suggests you have great clarity of mind. I can imagine you would be a wonderful person for explaining complicated matters to a wide group of people.

Generosity is what it says on the tin: You are a generous human. That is so, so important. There are many people out there who might feel like no one thinks about them or cares, and you come in and surprise them with something, or offer them help without them asking. It makes people feel valued, and like they are important or have a place in someone's life.

Peacefulness suggests not inviting drama, and I get 2 things. You might be described as grounded, or "chill". As well as this likely suggests your lack of interest in being within a dramatic situation. You are likely very good at looking at others drama, and seeing where it truly stems from, as well as having a good idea of advice for them. If you have friends right now, it's likely they feel peaceful being around you and that they can truly calm down or get your advice on their *own* drama.

You are so important to the people around you, and if there are people that can't appreciate you, I promise you they have *no* idea how lucky they are. You offer so much as a friend, confidant, and as a person who cares for the worlds well being. I appreciate you.

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GROUP 3: ( Little bird

Blessed change, gratitude, engagement, follow your heart, father of pentacles, the empress, the star

You're cool.

Right off the bat, I see your ability to see the silver lining, to take changes as they come (and I don't mean you happily drudge through hard changes, I mean more like you accept them more easily than others). Do you know, it really helps a persons resilience in life if they can have gratitude for things in general, as well as seeing the positive affects of life changes. You have an ability to notice the opportunities in said silver lining. An example I've read in the past involved a man who lost his job, but an opportunity came up for something he was passionate regarding his hobby. He would not have been free to do it unless he was let go of.

You're my free flowing group. Very adaptable. You're able to take time out to really think about what you truly desire in life. When themes like this come up, I really get the idea of authenticity. To put a focus on following your heart, being grateful for what you've taken part in and even quirky circumstances is a massive strength. Do you have any idea how scary that is to people? To wake up and think "My heart wants this, I'm going to actually aim for it because I need to be myself." That's terrifying to many!

Note: If you are finding it hard to be upfront or true to yourself due to fear, this is confirmation that you will be able to in the future. Take your time, as this will come naturally to you.

I know you might be shrugging thinking, but sometimes I get really negative or scared too. I won't say that's not a thing humans experience. What I am saying however, is that you have that strength of character to say actually, nothing would be worse than to answer to my fear. Fear of self expression, fear of being judged. Fear of not having your project liked. These kinds of things.

I feel like you're a fun person who is very interesting to people/has had at least one very interesting or unusual experience. I want you to know the cards are showing that people really enjoy speaking with you, and hearing your stories. So no negative self talk of being boring, or disliked.

Your flexibility, and your ability to be sociable, yet able to pull back appropriately is wonderful. The world needs those who can be more easy going as this can help people de-stress and stop thinking about their worries.

I'm seeing wonderful creativity, and again, being able to be social and talk to many people very well. You're a shining star, and you're supposed to be!

I wonder if sometimes you feel like you need to be "more" productive, but let me tell you... Networking with people is half the job.

I'm also wondering (as a rainbow stands out) if some here are part of the LGBTQIA+ community. It would make sense with the authenticity. If you have a social media presence, or a creative project you want to get out, or expressing your personal experiences to the world - this is confirmation to keep standing tall, stand proud because yes, you do have a lot to offer! King of pentacles next to the empress also suggests you might be on to something that can bring in some income for you. Again, even sharing your experiences is very valued and may well be it. The world itself wants to see you, or whatever you desire to create.

If you have a hard time focusing or being practical, darling, you get along well with others for a reason. Ask for help, whether it's family, friends online, a teacher, anyone. There's help to steer you further in the right direction. You're a beautiful person and you matter to people. You are loved, so please love yourself.

There's something here that seems upset, and I just have the biggest urge to hug you! So if you will, accept my many energetic and virtual hugs!

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GROUP 4: "Be mine"

Worthiness, Ups and downs, courage

Ace of pentacles, Ace of wands, daughter of wands (reversed)

Daughter of wands reversed suggests to me, that you have the traits such as this, but perhaps not the confidence in yourself right now about those things. The book describes her as passionate, visionary, cares more for career and starts a family later; stubborn, strong (i take this as physically actually) and may be going through a spiritual breakthrough or a big change. With this I get the thought that you probably don't recognise just *how* passionate you truly are. You might be finding it hard to go a certain way in your career and studies. There might even be some worries that you might not stick at it. But what you are not realising is your actions have magic in them.

If you are interested in LOA: Your actions manifest not only in a practical sense, but *that's* what truly gets the energy moving. You need physical expression of some kind.

I'm getting such practical, but passionate energy. The ace of wands with courage? That's amazing. Fire sign or not, you have classic fire energy. Even when you lack confidence, you have a strange inner ability to be brave even at your worst times.

Oh, if only you had the confidence to aim!

Your energy and action are seriously magnificent. You have a *lot* of inner energy, spiritual energy, physical vitality. If you have health issues this might sound strange to you - but I get the idea your body was built with a lot of vitality available. You might have really struggled in life with ups and downs here, but I'm seeing you crash right through all the barriers and try to do life the best way you know how. No matter your struggles, you are a warrior here.

The 2 aces here (that is so interesting to have seen) show that you are probably quite good at beginning new things, and when you're motivated, you're MOTIVATED. I'm getting the idea that when you *do* take action on a goal, you go at it with everything and it can surprise people.

I'm seeing creative ability. It's an ability that I have seen myself. An example would be.... A mistake is made in a piece of art. It didn't go the way you wanted originally. But, wait a minute... that's starting to look like something, so I'm going to change it all up and create something completely different than intended.

It's seeing potential in a small detail. I'm seeing original thinking.

I just see a bulls eye, and such great energy and ability, but the lack of confidence. And so, I feel like you're at a time where you're stopping yourself, or won't aim for something out of fear of failing. I also got the sentence biting your tongue. I'm sorry if you're in a situation where you can't speak up for yourself, as this is not aligned with your character.

Overall I believe your a creative but practical person, and have the ability to really pull through and create wonderful things. You can be *very* brave as well as motivated and so I feel you inspire others, as well as surprise them.

I really do feel that with worthiness, it is hinting to confidence/self esteem issues as it says "know that you deserve to receive good in all ways".

You deserve to be successful. You deserve to take the career path that you have been thinking about. You deserve people to treat you well. You deserve to have that hobby, whether you're "good" or not.

Deep down somewhere you know you are bigger than this. I am wishing for a healthy full confidence boost for you and some new energy to help push you.

Please have the courage to aim, as bob ross says:

"we don't make mistakes, we make happy little accidents"

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And that's the last of them! I hope you enjoyed, and I hoped this help you feel a little better about yourself. We need to cheer ourselves up sometimes and let ourselves think good things. We attract more honey with sugar after all!

Until the next pick a card!

Thank you!

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