#Bruce is grumpy

[arkangelo-7]

Things Bruce Wayne does at Justice League meetings that 100% confirm the fact that he is a Dad.

Makes attempts at referencing pop culture to try and relate to the younger members. The most memorable instance is when he told Flash to “keep running up that hill.” (Dick laughs for an hour when Wally tells him about it.)

Does the iconic groan/grunt whenever he sits down in his chair. It’s hilarious, but no one is dumb enough to laugh at the Batman.

Ensures that the background music exclusively plays Matchbox 20 and Nirvana. Diana is the only one who enjoys this.

Actively complain about how everyone is “ruining his floor” whenever they push back their chairs.

On that note, he also complains about crumbs getting everywhere whenever someone is snacking.

Will (covertly) ask Clark for grilling tips during breaks. Oliver overhears this once and has to go lay down out of shock, because Batman? Grilling?

Declines requests for new equipment/tools/etc. because they “have that at the Watchtower.” This inevitably leads to complaining from the entire JL.

Always, without fail, will ask Hal if he’s changed the oil in the spacecraft recently. Hal doesn’t know whether to be offended or not.

Randomly interrogates members on if they’ve messed with the Hall of Justice’s thermostat. They have not, in fact, touched the thermostat.

Someone needs to stop me because I literally cannot get the image of Bruce being the Typical Dad (tm) of the Justice League.

[violent138]

I can see Jason and Dick having long since moved out but occasionally still pilfering Wayne Manor for things they need. Laundry machine to get the blood off their clothes, Alfred's cooking, the Batkayak for a camping trip, siblings, restocking on weaponry, Jason insisting Bruce has this one really old book because he needs win an argument with someone, Dick borrowing fancy candlesticks for Kori's Halloween costume, it goes on and on.

[superbat-love]

Flash: Thanks for volunteering to take care of my cat for me while I’m on the offworld mission, Supes. You’re the best.

Superman: No problem, Barry.

Flash: For real, though. Not many people would want to pet sit him, he’s pretty stubborn and feisty.

Superman: Well…

//Flashback//

Superman: Don’t you dare, Batman.

Batman: [scowling]

Superman: I can move faster than a speeding bullet. I will stop you.

Batman: [creeps closer to the edge of the roof, slowly extending out an arm]

Superman: You wouldn’t.

Batman: [casually topples the villain off the roof, keeping his eyes on Superman]

Villain: Noooo!

Superman: [catches the villain, drops him off at the Gotham City Police Department and flies back to Batman]

Superman: I can’t believe you! Didn’t we talk about not intimidating villains by pushing them off roofs? You never listen to a word I say!

Batman: [looking completely unrepentant] I knew you’d catch him.

//Flashback//

Alien delegate: Greetings puny earthlings. Welcome to our base. [extends his hand out for a handshake]

Batman: [smacks his hand away with his clawed gloves]

Alien delegate: Oww! He scratched me!

Superman: Batman!

Batman: I’d sooner trust a deadly creature than this cretin.

Superman, the world’s deadliest puppy: You say that about everyone we meet.

//End flashbacks//

Superman: I think I can handle him. I’ve had plenty of practice with stubborn and feisty kitties.

Batman: [typing on the computer and not paying attention to them] Hn.

[lunamugetsu]

The new hire

The Wayne Manor is a very large building with a large list of things that needed tending to. While Alfred takes pride in his ability in being the Wayne family butler, he is not too proud to admit that he does need help in maintaining the manor.

So he hired a part time maid!

A young lady named Jasmine, who is a student at Gotham University and is taking care of her younger siblings.

She's well behaved, doesn't complain, cleans well, doesn't steal, and has enough sass in her to deal with any of the batfamily's attitude.

One time she even stopped a group of burglars all by herself. When Alfred had come to check on her, he was met with the sight of Jazz having tied them up while lecturing them about their life choices and helping them find a better job.

So when he agrees to meeting with Jazz's brother to see if he'd be perfect to help with the jobs that needed heavy lifting or hard work. He is met with a 6'10 very muscled man with sharp teeth and flaming hair.

"This is my... twin brother! Dan!" Jazz introduces the man who Alfred.

[erinwantstowrite]

got to thinking about this au again and it got me in my feels. jason you will never outrun these idiots

[kartsie]

@batfam-au-zine is having their leftover sale now!! This was my Dr. Wayne piece I got to contribute ft. Teenage Dick and baby Tim

[frownyalfred]

“—and they only like WFA!!”

call the cops!!!! call the fucking cops, someone likes *checks notes* a thing that is *re-checks notes* not hurting anyone?? the police MUST be called!!!

[iguessthisisanewobsession]

Danny was being harassed in broad daylight.

He can’t get the guy to take a hint and frankly he’s going to be late for his new job if he can’t get through the door.

Just when he was starting to think that he would have to hit him, a hand gently rested on his shoulder.

“Hey Chum sorry it took me so long to get here but traffic was a killer! Is this man bothering you?”

Turns out His boss Bruce Wayne is actually a nice man.

Too bad Gotham gossips worst than a small town.

Seriously guys, this isn’t funny, it stopped being funny the third time he got picked out of a crowd as the “new Wayne.”

[puppetmaster13u]

Prompt 174

Despite what people complain and snark about, Bruce does in fact have contingency plans for pretty much everything. And while he doesn’t have an exact contingency for Jason apparently accidentally kidnapping the apparently prince of the Realms- some infinite space where the dead resided according to Zatanna and Constantine, he’ll have an existential crisis about it later thanks- he did have one for his kids accidentally kidnapping someone. 

He just doesn’t think that exact plan will work in this case, seeing as that plan had to do with civilians and not very large kings that could obliterate the entire world with a hand wave, nevermind the fact that they have so many armies. Not to mention what is apparently both the king’s second-in-command and brother. 

Well, if none of his usual contingencies won’t work and Constantine’s attempts at making a deal isn’t working, nor is the other’s attempts to talk the two down, then it’s plan Z time. Seduction it is. 

[olailamajnoon]

Zatanna had a cold. She had not planned on having a cold. But things have a funny way of working out.

She was sitting next to Batman, in the Javelin. It was fate.

She felt a Big One coming, full of nasal snot and creatures that only lived in nasal snot. So she hid her face behind her hand, and when it was almost there, she...

It wasn't her proudest moment. There were moments that were prouder. She was almost sure of it. But she would have been hard-pressed to enumerate any of them.

She sneezed into Batman's Cape.

Batman turned. His head swiveled towards her like a machine. It was as if time had just stood still. Zatanna shivered.

Then Batman, without a word, took off his cape, and brought it from around himself and wrapped it around Zatanna's shoulders with deliberate considerateness.

"I don't want you to be cold," he explained. His mouth was not as tight as it could have been. The bastard.

Zatanna tried to think of a Good Reason to get rid of the cape. There was a small tic in the corner of Batman's mouth that possibly was an infinitesimal smile of victory.

And Zatanna wondered if, like her, he felt a little warmer. (It wasn't just the stupid cape making her feel warm.)

(She had just stolen his insulation, and he was smiling.)

(Maliciously, but still.)

"I'll go wash this," she said as she stood up. "It's kinda...I don't know where it's been. The kind of places you've been in."

Batman's face was worth filming.

[arkangelo-7]

I hc that after Bruce’s infamous spine-breaking fight with Bane, all the Batkids pitch in and get Bruce one of those super bougie gamer chairs for the Bat-Computer. Like this thing is all leather, it’s got cup holders and LED lights, and that bad boy swivels smoother than butter.

It’s also bright fucking red. Robin red.

[mac-n-cheese-art]

low effort inking + flat coloring of a doodle i did

[nopxxx]

Bruce gets turned into a cat. Need I say more?

I believe the author’s tumblr acc is @inkpotsprite !!

[superbat-love]

When you bring a friend over and they meet your cat for the first time.

[dc-megatournament]

Batman VS Everyone

If Batman gets prep time, so does everyone else

[mantareidraws]

Brainrot batman stickers 🦇🫐 I finally watched the movie, and I'm sold on emo broody battinson 🫶!!

Still feeling unsure if I should print and sell them later on aaaaa. I rarely see DC merch at local conventionsss 🤧