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noodyl-blasstal · 1 year ago

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AU - Blupjeans Week day 4

My @blupjeansweek prompts are part of a story find the others here: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | or on Ao3 -

Barry stood in the shower, grateful for the water pounding his shoulder blades. He let the steam curl around him and had to suds himself twice before he no longer felt gritty from getting wind blasted with sand on various roadsides. Finally clean, he changed into his pyjama bottoms and a soft tshirt, then opened the bathroom door.

Lup sat cross legged in the middle of the huge heart shaped bed, still damp from her own shower. She had drawn the canopies back to fully show off the ruffled red silk pillows and fluffy red throw. “Hey Bear! You can be super angry with me in a minute, but look what I found!” Lup brandished a remote dramatically and jabbed a button with a flourish. “Tadah!” The lights immediately dimmed and a lopsided disco ball lowered creakily from a hidden panel in the ceiling. Red tinged motes of light were sent spinning across the walls of the room and there was no way this was real. Surely Lup had just taken him to a nice normal motel, they had two shitty rooms with two shitty beds and Barry was going to wake up from his post-drive nap any minute. When tinny slap bass started piping out of speakers hidden somewhere in the wall Barry started laughing and wasn’t sure he was ever going to stop.

Lup scrambled towards the edge of the bed. “Oh fuck, did I break you?”

Barry stumbled across the room and just about managed to perch on the edge of the bed beside her. The music looped horribly, cutting itself off mid beat, and Barry’s giggles renewed themselves. He leaned his elbows on his knees and fought to stay upright. This was spectacular. Lup was a genius. “No… it’s… it’s perfect.” Barry managed to choke. “10/10, excellent.”

“Really sets the mood, doesn’t it?” Lup smirked. “I guess it did get you into bed with me.” She wiggled her eyebrows at him.

Barry was definitely going to need his inhaler if he kept laughing like this. “Stop… Lup… you’re going to kill me. I’m going to die in this stupid big bed and I won’t even get to find out if it vibrates or not.” Barry wheezed and coughed.

Lup immediately grabbed the remote again. “Barry, you genius! I didn’t even think to check for that. It’d be great for your back.”

“Always looking out for my old man bones.” Barry regretted it as soon as he said it. Lup looked positively gleeful and opened her mouth to make what was no doubt a horrifying double entendre. “No, absolutely not, you criminal! I’m not old enough to hear whatever you were about to say.” He couldn’t get distracted or run back to the bathroom for safety. When the owner had finally left them alone in the room Barry had insisted they both shower before Lup explained. Thankfully she had understood that he needed a bit of time to absorb, adjust, and scrub off a layer of skin before he tried to comprehend their apparent marriage. It had definitely given him time to think, and the more he had, the more he wasn’t actually bothered by it. Nothing had to be different. “I think we should just go with it.”

“I’m really sorry Barry, it was…” Lup stopped. “Wait, what?”

“It’ll be a good story.” Barry shrugged. “How was your trip home, Barry? Oh, well Lup and I accidentally got married, don’t worry about it, sorry we didn’t invite you!” Lup continued to stare. Oh no, was this creepy? He thought she’d find it funny. “Oh, oh no, I’m so sorry Lup, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I can go and explain? I mean, you’ll have to explain to me first, but then I can explain!”

Lup shook her head slightly and replied. “No no, cha’girl’s good. I just thought you’d be upset.”

“At the thought of being married to you? Never!” Barry winked. He could be normal about this, he could be calm and cool and joke about it as if the thought had never even crossed his mind before.

Lup blushed violently. “Charmer, I knew there was a reason I married you.” She knocked her head gently against his shoulder and stood up. “As long as you don’t mind I don’t mind. Sure you’re good?” Barry nodded. “Shall we go grab something to eat then, husband of mine?”

Barry swallowed drily and felt his face flame in response. He hadn’t considered how nice that would sound. Maybe Lup wouldn’t notice? He could style this out. “I’ll just get… clothes… dressed.” He grabbed his bag and fled back to the bathroom, naturally, calm and cool, Lup probably didn’t notice anything. A few quick breathing exercises, a change of clothes, and he’d be fine. It didn’t have to be weird. His phone buzzed loudly on the sink.

Taako [20:03] Married to my sister are we Barold? [20:03] Can’t believe you didn’t invite me. [20:03] I’m your brother in law, Barold, your own flesh and blood. [20:04] Why aren’t you answering? Did you finally tell Lup? [20:05] You’d better not be boning down. [20:05] WHY DID YOU MAKE ME THINK ABOUT THAT BAROLD? [20:05] You’re my least favourite brother in law.

Barry grimaced, Lup had definitely messaged Taako, which meant she either felt bad or uncomfortable and needed advice about how to get out of it, either way it was bad.

Barry [20:05] I’m your only brother in law, Taako. [20:05] Is Lup okay?

Taako [20:06] Wait, did you idiots actually get married?

Barry [20:06] Is Lup okay?

Taako [20:07] Answer mine first. If someone else made the cake I’m never speaking to either of you again.

Barry [20:07] No Taako, I didn’t secretly marry your sister, why would she agree to that? Is Lup okay?

Taako [20:08] She’s fine, my guy, worrying about you. [20:08] You could just tell her you know?

Barry [20:09] Goodnight Taako.

Okay, so Lup wasn’t grossed out. Barry didn’t have to tell her anything and everything was going to be fine.

– “So how did we meet?” Lup asked as they walked arm in arm down the corridor towards the restaurant.

“Orientation? I can’t believe you forgot. You yelled ‘nerd alert!’ super loudly, everyone laughed at me and I still carry the trauma to this very day.” Barry fell easily into their old joke, placing his free hand dramatically on his forehead.

Lup elbowed him gently. “No, we’re not doing the greatest hits, Barold, we’re thinking outside the box. How did we meet? World’s our oyster!”

“Tinder? That’s how most people do it now right?” Barry asked tentatively. Even the thought of Lup swiping… whichever direction the good way was on him was ridiculous.

Lup snorted. “Absolutely not. We’re better than that, Barold. What have you got, throw me some piping hot spaghetti? Think big! Think funky!”

“Bank heist gone wrong?”

“Now we’re talking, I was the robber, right?”

“Obviously.”

“What else? Cha’girl likes options.”

“Ballroom dance class enemies.”

“Intriguing, I like it, sexy energy. We had to dance together to save the community centre and sparks flew. We tried to fight it, but it was impossible. Keep going.”

“Astronaut training. I failed out, you’ve been to the moon twice.”

“Which one?”

“You’re contractually not allowed to talk about the second moon, you know that NASA’ll get you if you do.”

“Fine, I’ll avoid space jail, just for you.”

“You know I couldn’t bear to be without you, and it’d be hard to visit after I failed my space exams and all.”

“Good point. I was heartbroken when you got the double F-2. Okay, how about we ran away from the circus together?”

Barry considered it. “I think you can do better, but we can keep it as long as I was a tightrope guy.”

“Rude.” Lup huffed, then added, “...but thanks for always pushing me to be my best self. You’re right… Okay, serious business, you developed the flamethrower for my combustion based magic show… I kidnapped you and your family wouldn’t pay up but I decided to keep you in a super non-creepy way? Yeah. Okay. Not that. Errrrm… dog agility? No wait… fuck. Catalogue models? Race car drivers… dinosaur animatronic operators?”

“Why don’t we just take it in turns if anyone asks? No one knows us here.”

–

Once they arrived at the CryptoNOMicon they were promptly settled in a mothman backed booth with glasses full of slushy sweetness and assured that a complimentary appetiser tower was on the way.

“I put that we were celebrating a special occasion on the form.” Said Lup.

It was a few moments before Barry worked out what she was talking about. “Oh! The booking form? Well, we are.”

“... and I said we’d had a title change.”

“We did, you weren’t wrong.”

“... and that it was a surprise for you, and then I might have written a few paragraphs about how great you were and how much I wanted you to have the best time and how excited I was to meet your Mum in person finally… but I booked two rooms! He said he thought it was a mistake and that he’d already issued the refund.” Barry snorted. Lup glared at him. “Shut up, it could have happened to anyone.”

“Definitely, easy mistake to make! Happens all the time I’m sure.”

“I should have told him… he just got so excited talking about the special suite and our honeymoon and I didn’t know how to stop him…”

“Hey, Lup, look at that appet-ower and tell me this was a mistake?” Barry pointed to a monstrosity of fried things that mostly obscured the server wobbling towards them. Lup’s eyes widened in delight. “Exactly, I’m glad you didn’t tell them because there’s no way we’d have sprung for this.” The server stopped to light the sparkler shoved in the top layer of the serving tower and Barry took a happy sip of his drink as sparkles exploded. “Being married to you is amazing.”

#blupjeansweek2023 #Noodyl Writes #Blupjeans #Barry Bluejeans #Lup Tacco #Lup #Taz Fic #Balance spoilers

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