#BUT. I think people get to be upset and sad. At the same time
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Rio's Favorite Person
“What if I stopped killing witches?”
“Are you going to?”
“No, of course not. But pretend. What if?”
“All right, I’m pretending. …I would be sad?"
“Is that all?”
“Probably more, um. Excitable?”
“…Not really what I meant, but good to know. Also, terrifying.”
“Agatha, are you asking if I’m only in love with you because you kill people?”
“Well. I assume it is a big part of the appeal—“
“Heh. I do like when you are insecure, beloved, it’s cute. Agatha Harkness, you are mine and I am yours, for all eternity. Nothing changes that.”
“Wow. Somehow both condescending and creepy. You really wouldn’t mind?”
“I would mind. I would be sad. I would sulk. I would do so right here, next to you, where I belong.”
“…You’re really overdoing it today.”
“I was trying for reassuring?”
“Who said I was even worried.”
“Agatha, do you know you are my favorite person in the world?”
“But why?”
“I was just asking myself the same question.”
“…”
“There, beloved! You do have feelings after all.”
“…mm.”
“…Agatha?”
“Hmm?”
“…Don’t get upset.”
“It’s fine.”
“Agatha, I didn’t mean that. I was only trying to—“
“Hurt my feelings? I know.”
“…You do it to me.”
“I do. You deserve to get some of your own back.”
“…I…I’m sorry, all right?”
“Hah! I knew you couldn’t hold out!”
"…”
“Goddess, you're terrible at—okay, okay, let's calm down, there's no need for this many vines.”
“That remains to be seen. Say something nice, Ags. Quickly."
"Right. …You know all that stuff you said before, about me not having to kill people? I…um. It was…I liked it. Really.”
"…You said it was condescending and creepy."
"It was. But it was also reassuring."
"Oh. …cute…"
"…I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that last part, okay?"
"I do mean it, you know. But…"
"Also don't stop killing people?"
"…It is very nice."
"Anything for you, my sweet."
"And for your own pursuit of power, of course."
"Of course. I am fundamentally selfish and unfeeling, after all."
"…I didn't say that."
"Today."
"Come here, beloved."
"Wait, why? Why vines?! I thought we were past vines!"
"Because you're going to try to get away if I tell you all the reasons you're wonderful. This way, you can't escape."
"You really, really, really don't have to do that."
"I do. I hurt your feelings. I want to make it up to you."
"No, no, you didn't, I promise I was only being manipulative, I swear!"
"You are a beautiful once-in-a-generation witch..."
Sometime much, much later
"…Fine. You win this one."
"I wasn't aware we were competing?"
"I mean, I won't pretend my feelings are hurt again."
"Heh. Pretend."
"...you really do spend a lot of time thinking about me, huh?"
"Yes, Agatha. I really do."
"Creepy. ...Don't stop, though."
"No, beloved. Never."
#agatha all along#agatha x rio#agathario#Rio is number 1 Agatha fan#She expresses things in her own way though#Idk about the title here
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The common consensus over this trailer: "I don't fucking know man. I'm so tired"
#absolutely doing our best#the not knowing if it's real. That's getting to me#I lean towards yes. Just so I can accept it if it is and be pleasantly surprised if it's not#BUT. I think people get to be upset and sad. At the same time#There has been some Extreme Reactions. Like we don't gotta burn lego sets guys it's okay#Worse case scenario would have been cancellation#so it's not that!#I just don't want to be upset at anyone before I know what's goin' on you know#lmk#lego monkie kid#lmk history
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#i never really thought about a person being a finite thing. you can see the effects of a person after they die. in the unfinished projects.#in the rooms of clutter. in abandoned closets. in pictures and in mermered phrases. and you can see time#chipping away at those things. eroding away the evidance that a person existed. clothes move into other people's closets. projects are boxed#away. and a person becomes confined to photos and memories. and thats existentially terrifying but its not a bad thing. time erodes away all#things. that's how life works. matter and energy transforms.#we arent made to last forever. i dunno. i guess im still just rattled from being home even tho ive been back a week and a half.#and my brain tends to fixate on the wrong things. nearly 27 years of knowing someone eclipsed by a visual sequence lasting less than a day.#bc i just cant get over how scary it would be to die like that. to start losing control of your body. to not be able to feed yourself or get#to the bathroom. to have your mind be overcome by the toxins building up in your mangled and broken body.#and it could have been worse. it could have been a lot worse. but its still not fair. theres no good way to die. i dunno. i guess i just#miss my mom in some abstract way but i find it more viscerally upsetting to think about the people that have to deal with her absence.#it makes me sad that my dad is alone now. i dunno. grief doesnt feel like i thought it would. most of the time i dont even know what im#crying about. its undirected. it doesnt feel like: i miss you. it feels like: youre gone. how can you be gone? why does everything feel the#same? and its not that it doesnt make sense. its that nothings changed. the terror of that.#and im walking around in an acumulation of my dead mother's clothes. and no one knows. theyll never know.#and there's nothing to be done about it. so it goes.#i guess im just sad. and its hard to breathe at the thought of returning to school at the end of August.#unrelated
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i think i just need to rewatch lost.
#that will fix me i think.#because i am doing. bad. i know i have not been keeping this a secret but i feel very stuck and i don't really know what to do.#my general anxiety levels are much higher than they usually are and um. i don't really know why. which then just makes it worse.#and i feel so down and hopeless. i can't make myself feel excited about things. i have hardly any motivation#and no energy to do anything even if i did#like yellowjackets s3 starting production and i just don't feel excited about it and it's making me really sad#and I'm getting upset about things that i feel silly for getting upset about and i can't say anything because I'm embarrassed#for being upset in the first place#i feel so incredibly disconnected from everyone around me it's so hard to talk to anyone#I'm running on autopilot most of the time at the moment#and I'm finding it so hard not to push people away. but at the same time i feel so out of place and I'm dissociating a lot so.#idk whay I'm saying with this#i just feel like i need to get stuff out because i feel so anxious i might explode#and with the weather getting warmer a lot of my physical symptoms are flaring up. anf being in this house is so suffocating#i feel like i can inly exist in this perpetual state of fine. can't be any worse can't be any better#I'm just constantly pretending that I'm just Okay because it's easier than having to deal wirh anything else. but i know I'm really just#causing myself more harm.#I'm done now. just trying to relieve some of the pressure i am feeling in my whole entire body.
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Last night i dreamt that the whole chat history between me and my most beloved ex-coworker had been deleted. Truly one of the most horrifying nightmares i've had in a while
#first thing i checked when i logged in this morning was our chat#i was so sad in my dream lmao#also the way his name is so far down i have to scroll to find him is truly upsetting#ahhhhh#today was the first tuesday without him#(tuesday is urology newsletter day and i always worked for him that day which meant lots of fun exchanges#today was my first time being responsible for the whole newsletter too. scary)#(also it's not like i couldn't just reply to him on whatsapp and maybe get a reply back so we can stay in touch#i just genuinely suck at staying in touch outside of work. like please just let me send messages‚ brain‚ I'm begging you#)#tomorrow is office day again and i gotta say I'm really not looking forward to it#(also i really don't want to take the train lol. i know that it's stupid but i still think of that sound and jolt of the impact yesterday#i'm aware the probability of this happening twice on the same route within such a short time is very low#but it's still unpleasant to imagine- maybe I'll just stay in the back of the train from now on lol#or at least until I've forgotten about it)#okay oversharing time is over and i shall go to bed now#void screams#(but seriously do they delete these accounts at some point or do people who left the company stay there as ghosts#with a permanent out of office note~ i hope they do.)
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i love how kh games are just sometimes psychological horrors
#like#u forget it a little bit when playing bc its like haha disney and also like#the gameplay kind of breaks what the fuckness bc u got shit to do now#at least for me im like woah thats fucked up but i cant think too hard abt it bc im trying to finish the game#but its not until you like actively sit and think abt it or like even explaining it to someone else#where youre like god damn this is a tragedy and also a horror story#like fuck castle oblivion and all the horrors of com is like???#and then the prologue for kh2 is definitely a psychological horror#i see a lot of people praise sora and go aw hes so brave and strong when sora like#actively ignores literally anything bad that happens to him#like that one scene in neverland in kh1 where sora was like LITERALLY SO SAD AND UPSET ABT KAIRI#and then immediately does a u turn and is like omg i flew wait until i tell kairi :)#and some people are like aw hes being so brave and he has faith that kairi can come back and he can save her#and that made me so upset when i first saw that scene bc to me i was like immediately oh hes just repressing#or someone was even like what a good boy about him stabbing himself in the heart to save kairi#like yeah i love a self sacrifical 14 yr old#i guess cuz like. idk most stories that are like in the same genre as kh do make shit like this like a positive thing? like dont focus on th#the bad things stay positive and all that#and it works in those stories dont get me wrong i do like them and it works in the beginning of kh but like#then you notice that sora doesnt process literally anything#in the game that tells you repressing the negativity is a bad thing#like rikus whole story line staring you in the face and youre still saying sora being positive and Not Thinking about literally anything bad#is a good thing#and like i said it worked in the beginning! it worked as intended!! then weird and upsetting things started happening to sora and that shit#piles up!!!! and you can see it happen in real time and sora was cracking HARD in kh3 i dont think ive ever seen that kid so god damn sad#idk where i was going with this#oh yeah psychological horros#the parallels between data sora and real sora and the contrasts haunt me every day#michi tag
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#one of the most annoying parts of having bpd isn’t even part of the bpd itself but it's the stigma#and don’t get me wrong this shit is FUCKING HELL and very hard and embarrassing#but the way people think bpd is somehow the same thing as sociopathy or psychopathy is just like ??????????????#and the way even doctors are so sensationalist about it and it does affect your overall hope for how you're gonna be able to#idk navigate life with it. because they make it look like someone who has bpd#is just the worst most difficult and awful human being on earth#like everyone else isn't difficult everyone else doesn't struggle w emotions or relationships or abandonment#and the way they approach it truly makes you feel like you're damaged for life and you're broken and you're doomed#i could go on and on about how this is just upsetting and like sometimes when people learn that i have bpd they're surprised#because i keep a lot of things and feelings to myself because i don't want to be the stereotype#i'm venting but what i mean is that i think the stigma around bpd just makes everything harder#for instance i feel the need to be centred because otherwise i'll be perceived as a bpd stereotype#so i can't get angry i can't get upset i can't get sad i can't miss someone i can't need someone#i can't fear not having someone in my life anymore i can't fear being alone and so on#i have to be manageable and cool and nonchalant and complaisant all the time#sometimes i feel like i'm not allowed to be a person BECAUSE i have bpd#but yeah i'm yet to learn to not give a shit about how people perceive me but there are days that this is harder than others
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i need to stop giving people my instagram i think like it’s not conducive to appearing in people’s lives and then disappearing i think i should start a number/email/letterboxd only policy because i am in such a good place to meet people and then just disappear and that’s all i need from life rn and instagram is hindering me massively in that i’m literally going to start doing this
#the best interactions with people i ahve had since moving have been people who i have spoken to completely openly to and then we have never#spoken again#this is not true i get to see vicky and that’s lovely and i also have made another friend so that’s been good#but generally like idk i just dont want to be tethered to anything i dont really want#i am always going to be tethered to my family and for so long i was tethered to ballet#i just dont want it anymore i want all my moving to be my choice not my parents#the longest i have ever lived in one house is 4.5 years#how could i possibly be expected to stay in one place after all that#i just feel this incredible barrier between me and anyone except like 2 people#i cant connect to anyone and insteadof being upset about it i just feel crazy#i’m not sad or put out over it it is just how it is for me sometimes#and i do need to reply to the people i care about but at the same time it’s like what’s the point#what’s the poitn when i just feel so disconnected fundamentally from nearly everyone i have ever known#and the thing is i do want to flit in and out of peoples lives it’s not even like i want to change this#i had a beautiful conversation with this man the first week i was in uni and he was incredible to speak to and i hope i offered him some of#that too and neither of us made any move to exchange any contact details or even our names#and THATS what i want that’s what i want from my life rn#which is maybe bad for me but i think it’s all i have in me rn#which is not true really i’m not going to stop talking to my friends and im not going to not make friends probably#but it’s such a gorgeous idea and i AM good at it i am good at talking to people once and then never again#i can do that
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i really need to draw khan and emmet hanging out bc they would be such buddies. ingo hates how quickly they bonded bc khan took one look at emmet, at how excited emmet is to battle, and seemed to Immediately like him (it only bc khan had already bonded w ingo, but like hell will he ever admit that. that proves he has emotions! he has to hide those.) khan & emmet battling each other. khan takes over for ingo sometimes on the multi trains except he and emmet get so into battles that they need a chaperone to keep them from getting too rowdy bc somehow (???) they've managed to destroy a couple of train cars??? khan challenges the subway himself (he battles using himself but also his pokemon. he'd rather battle using himself, but ingo and emmet get awfully concerned when he faints so he stops doing it so much). khan and emmet discuss battle tactics (khan insists "offense is the best defense" and "go balls to the walls immediately on attack" and emmet argues for better strategizing and well rounded move pools) and help each other train, offering suggestions and tips and "hey, let's try this maneuver" or "i think it would be better if you did this move first".
not that they don't enjoy an off day, but they definitely bonded well over battles.
#khan a.#just some thoughts#ingo is a little jealous over just how quick khan seemed to take to emmet but khan saw how ingo behaved around his brother and knew#he didn't have to worry. he based his reaction off ingo. not that he still liked emmet immediately (he didn't even immediately like akari-#he's been burned too many times to so quickly and willingly open his heart like that) but while it took him at least a year to go from#dubiously tolerating ingo for akari to hanging out with ingo with the excuse of 'having nothing better to do' and even longer to say#'yeah these are my people and i will protect them' (bc admitting he likes them?? that he loves that they love him?? that he would#keep them safe at the cost of his own life without hesitation? oh he'll admit he'll protect them but he would not say out loud#just how far he'd go to protect them.) it took him a few weeks to go from eyeballing emmet still suspiciously to going out of his way#to engage emmet in conversation and approach him. ofc he still approached emmet by way of 'i saw your battle. try me >:)' and challenging#him. but he wasn't threatening to kill him or anything. akari saw how khan watched ingo for his cues tho (bc she was doing the same thing.#that may have been her dad's brother but he was still just a stranger to her. she's been hurt by enough strangers.)#and she thinks its funny that ingo will grumble and complain about khan not threatening emmet like he'd threatened ingo in the beginning#(when khans not around ofc) but won't say it to his face. ingo is an Adult. he's Above Tthat. he's NOT jealous and upset that this#feral bastard has left him behind for a new treat (his OWN TWIN.) nevermind that khan will turn down emmet if ingo has a task for him#and that khan still drops in for dinner with them (drops everything if ingo invites him (through akari) for dinner).#ingo is still khan's preferred twin (unintentional human pack instinct & dog instinct bonding to ingo) but#he's glad that emmet exists as well. he's privately glad the twins exist and that ingo ended up in hisui and that nana yeeted him to arceus#bc what a sad & pathetic existence he'd have otherwise had. fighting w nana and getting his mind wiped. arguing w customers.#he'd have stagnated until he self destructed.#ANYWAY. i love my OC and the family he accidentally got himself inserted into.
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ugggggggggghhh
#im learning more and more about myself and i hate it lmao#like i realized the idea of love i have is literally fiction#that doesnt exist irl#and im learning what real relationship and love is and i dont want that lol#so im grieving the life i had envisioned#and the idea of love as a whole#but it just makes me so sad and it makes me sad it took me this long to learn#i didnt know love was such a flexible thing#i dont get the point of loving a man who will leave me if i get sick#or the point of being with a man if i have to hold back all my compliments of others#or what the point would be in getting married when we'll get divorced#i thought love was unconditional which shows my ignorance#now am upset be i know that wont ever be real#and im coping i know how to recondition myself to reshape my beliefs#but it sucks im doing this at 26 and not 12#someone should've told me the same time the told me about santa and dragons being fake lol#ive wasted so much of my life thinking about a partner#so many fantasies that involved love bc i thought it was a real thing most people experienced#here's to no more wasted time and taking care of the only person I'll have for life#me#and making me demisexual was actually cruel#urdtarah complains
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i migjt need to put down as a mercy kill or whatever
#thinking anout unrequited silvercandle again#WHAT DO YOU MEANNNN THEY DONT TALK ANYMORE??? WHAT ON EARTH???#literally made to be together what /j#see im so genuiely sad about it but i also feel like their distance is good for silver#bc silver became infatuated with candle and its like yeah ofc ofc crush#but if got bad when it stafged to negatively effect him and other people around him#like with what he did with yin yang (knocking hjm out) bc in his mind he needed to prove himself or whateevr?#and in that same episode he needed to trust the candle doll like cabby did with test tubes doll#but he didnt which yeah ofc he would with the real candle (maybe) it kind of shows that hes still kind of distrusting#we also have him like obsessing over her acceptance and approval which ends up leading to him using inner flame#which if you WATCHED the ep then you would know it went horribly#mot to mention candles side#she just wanted to best for everyone including herself#she knows the two of them staying seperate and just friends would be the best thinf for the both of them#im sure shes sad that she wont get to spend time with silver as much as she wants to but its in thejr best interest#not to mention she doesnt like him like that#and in silvers exit interview he spoke on like people who didnt find him as charming as he thought he was didnt deserve him#and i think the distance between him and candle really made him see that#that like even though he wants to talk and spend time with candle she doesnt give him approval#and that he would most likely not get it if he tries to obsess after her for it#him realizing that he needs to give up on having a romantic relationship with candle and finding people who like him#thats the best thing to happen#so rven if he doesnt get to marry or date candle he still got the best thing to happen#anyways im going back to crying this is upsetting
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me in 2019: yeah no i wouldn’t call myself an “old soul” i think my interests are fairly relevant. i don’t think i’d ever be one. me in 2024: .do yuo guys remember flappy bird and rainbow loom and minecraft letsplays and the dab and those shirts with the sequins and the cold shoulders on them and nightcore and animation memes and fidget spinners and vine and the area 51 raid and the day everyone posted chimneys and those memes where it was a character surrounded by heart emojis with some kind of motion blur around it and the magic card memes and funny reaction images and that thing everybody did where they put their arms in their sweaters and it made them look like little chickens or that one person with the hoodie who pulled the string things in all the way so it only showed their lips and then put sunglasses on over it so it looked like a funny face and. and. do you wanna see my cd collection or my books. can i have a physical copy of that book. i prefer my headphones to have wires thank u very much. yeah man i really want a flip phone or like. a refurbished older cell.
#sorry for getting really sentimental about the 2010s (and mentioning some 2000s stuff)#it will probably happen again#look man#i get some of these things are still around#but they dont feel the same#idk it just feels like ppl used to be a lot nicer??#like i think ppl have gotten too comfortable with just being cynical and mean all the time#i havent met one person my age who gets excited about the new year anymore. not even people my parents’ age or my cousins’ ages#the future seemed really bright but now it feels like nobody sees it that way anymore??#and i get it#shit happens#its fine to be upset with the world! ive been there a lot#but i feel like we as a society can benefit from being a little less doom and gloom all the time#like. covid really caused a huge cultural shift#earlier today i saw a video that was talking about how we dont really have any good comedy movies to have come out in the past couple of yr#which are dedicated comedies. and how people are leaning more towards drama with some funny bits#and like. thats the main reason why ive been thinking about all this stuff#that and the fact that youtube is recommending me videos from my 5+ year old ‘watch later’ playlist#like no thanks youtube i dont wanna watch ‘morgz’s mom went bankrupt’#anyway maybe im just uncomfortable with the passage of time and how things change#buildings get renovated trees get cut down playgrounds get replaced mall stores close sites shut down etc etc#it makes me sad and mad about the fact that i cant do anything about it and dont know what to do about how i feel#sorry for the random rant i just have a lot of feels rn
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personally, i dont see the fundamental difference between deleting your account and making a new one and deleting all your old posts, if we're talking about "running from ones past", then what are you tryna hide there, bud?
#mood#vent#the evidence of your past is gone regardless either way sooooooooooo#how is it so different and how do you keep convincing yourself you're morally superior?#i mean- this is me pretending I agree that that's true to play devils advocate a lil here#bc i know the only reason i deleted any account of mine was bc i just like fresh starts sometimes#and tbh i struggle to find a username i like and some website require me to delete & remake in order to change it#what-- is the problem that you struggle to hold on to me and keep track of me?#bc i promise as soon as i start posting my ocs people Will know who I am regardless of if I recreate-#at least yall and your kiwifarms stalking-ass followers will recognize it and immediately report back to their cult leader#so whats your issue here EXACTLY?#you're already documenting everything I do. so whats your issue?#i mean. is it bc other people wont 'know who I am' and what YOU think i'm like? even though other people- strangers-#already dont know who I am?#bc if thats your argument- I could say the same for you! how are people supposed to 'know who you are' when you delete all your posts?#there was only 1 time I actually deleted my acct out of fear of how ppl would treat me- and it was bc I was dating you!#you made me feel like I had to be Perfect. so quite frankly#blame yourself you bum#what can I say- ig i learned how to cover my tracks from you.#bc before you- I probably would have left it up even with all the bs happening at the time#and now I regret deleting it bc the only reason I did was to impress you with how Good I Am. 🤮#be honest- the reason you're upset is bc you cant use what was on that blog against me#even though what was on that blog PALES in comparison to the kind of shit you've done and posted.#ok ignoring you now and focusing on me again- there was so much art on that blog thats just lost forever and it makes me sad.#even any problematic things. I woulda wanted to keep it if only to keep an archive of my growth as an artist#plus there was a gif of hoody dancing to the thrill by wiz khalifa (i think that was the song I made the gif to) that i'll never get back 😔#i honestly have an issue with deleting my art in general- stuff that isnt problematic so dont start w me bitch- but- for some reason#I just used to get these urges to delete shit like out of shame. I think its bc of being trans and trying to stuff that down and feeling#ashamed that I even wanted to be the guy I wanted to be so I would just get rid of it all and .-.#theres a lil chunk of my comic art that's just gone forever and i wish ik everything I drew. at least I remember one of the ocs i deleted
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It's just a fact that nothing I do matters or has any impact
I can prove it, and I do mean that
I wouldn't want to because I think it would bother people, but I have... endless proof
#functionally I don't exist#I exist only in the sense of a vague technicality in that I'm physically present and all the think therefore kind of trash#but I have zero impact or interaction with the world#it's not that unlikely that I'm a hallucination haunting a keyboard#a figment of my own imagination#...the only sad part is if that was true at least I could just stop dreaming myself alive#instead of having to take more concrete and failure prone measures#but I genuinely do not and never have existed#and I really can prove it a thousand times over#but... I think it would be upsetting to have it all laid out; so I never will lay out the proof#besides; even if I said every last thing that would just sink into the void too#... I could say a lot more but I won't#there's questions I'd love an answer to but... but there's reasons I can't ask them including I already have and never got a response#...shame I won't even have anything to drink on my birthday I don't think#...if only I could dissect myself and place myself in neat little piles for medical folks to use as parts#if only if only if only#what I wouldn't give for a crumb#mm tag so i can find things later#or less kindly; what I wouldn't give to be able to breath these feelings down the world's throat#see how you like it when lockdowns are enough to make you squeamish#just bitter on that one cause everyone talked big about how sad it made them... but not a shred of anything given my way#when that's just a normal day everyday forever for me#I literally forgot about lockdowns being a thing on a regular basis#my life then and life now are the same except I don't have to drive to the trailer to clean; just have to go to the storage room#so that's nice at least#but I see the exact same amount of people every day as I did then#you could make some money killing me you know; and I'd film a clip making it clear it's all my idea#only problem is I'd have to trust you with people I like despite you being willing to kill... but maybe I would if you get it's a mercy#eh... I can't even say what I really think... I should go to bed#and I can't even talk about the stuff that got me thinking on this
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I feel the need to vent publicly
#as in on my main lol#just no. its not what im here for#im getting so upset over the smallest things that have nothing to do with me#like.. “omg why is the world full of hatred” when its literally someone who doesnt know i exist dealing with a minor problem that they dont-#-even care about#and im telling myself dumb stuff#oh why do these people target all these amazing ppl and NOT me :(#i think i might be mentally ill#maybe 🤔#amyways. then i get upset over the same person having friends like what???#i have friends. stop being sad. ive ruined my whole day just by thinking#all these aporeciation posts im so happy and my brain jjst has to ruin jt#i hate my brain#please stop thinking#i hate it so so so much#im just.. i dont know#communicating js so hard#if the internet didnt exist id probably be soulless and dead already smh#maybe itd be better if people never acknowledged me#the urge to disappear bc i hate myself#the urge is so strong each time but i feel like its soo selfish#and not fair#i cant with this workd#seriously#expresso the depresso#what#what?
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am i the only one who doesn't see purpose in the cycle of work for more work to do more work so that you can earn more work? why should i fucking try if my only reward is getting more work and maybe a "good job keep working". i am. fucking tired.
#i have no clue if im in a mood bc of . or if im actually feeling pissed off and upset right now#i hate so much that i deal with shit like this#i cant even leave my own fucking house#and they have the audacity to say that if something is pissing me off that i can just go away from it#im so tired of having work just to do more work#im fucking tired#im so fucking done with this shit#ive been at it for years it hasnt gotten any easier and they just keep going#i dont know how everyone else seems to do thsi easily and fucking. get a sense of accomplishment from it#i just finish something and feel angry#like i let them win#i am tired of acting like i dont feel things#i am so tired of being upset and being able to do nothing#i am so fucking close to snapping i swear to fucking god#and i know in the morning i'll back to the same shit as always#of thinking about how much i fucking hate my life#and being used as a box as an example of a good life#and im not saying i have a horrible life#im just tired of being told everyday that “at least you didn't have to deal with ___” or “Oh yeah?? Well ___ happened to me”#i dont even know why people want to stay my friends anymore#one of my friends said they don't knwo they'd do without me and i dunno why but it just made me really sad#i dont know what i even did for them#i seem to annoy so many of my friends all the time#i dont know what they mean by that#i dont know what im doing anymore#vent post#tw vent
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