#but generally like idk i just dont want to be tethered to anything i dont really want

[justinefrischmanngf]

i need to stop giving people my instagram i think like it’s not conducive to appearing in people’s lives and then disappearing i think i should start a number/email/letterboxd only policy because i am in such a good place to meet people and then just disappear and that’s all i need from life rn and instagram is hindering me massively in that i’m literally going to start doing this

[ginjointsintheworld]

The calls for jail time and the loss of every single person that ever brought Lauren joy were so silly and extra that I know that if she was actually the interim medical director, the rage it would induce in #TeamMaxTheMessiah would be amazing lmao. I don’t really pay attention to anything outside Leyren these days because the show isn’t good enough to get me to care but the rare times I venture into the main tags on twitter and search Lauren it’s just like. A massacre lmao. Half people not knowing how these kinds of faux stakes shows work and half hating her because she’s a woman with an attitude? Or something? Idk but the misogynistic bitterness jumps all the way out and it’s mostly funny but also, makes me wonder if they’d even like Helen if she wasn’t tethered to Max because some of the shit they say is literally just ‘how dare women’ lol

Lol the jail line from 3x14 is truly the bane of my existence. This show has had so many lines that were obviously for dramatic effect but you know the haters take it as fodder and latch on as should be 'consequences'. It's very funny that people still clamor on about how lauren should be in jail for the donation when floyd is out here openly talking about nottingham's family donating a BUILDING for his residency spot. Or how fuentes heard about the donation and used it as blackmail to get lauren to make another donation to the hospital.

Anyways the funny thing is that although she'd hate it, I think lauren would actually be a pretty good medical director. she's conscious about money and budget and knows how to creatively handle shortages of it while running a dept, she comes up with actionable solutions (starting a community garden instead of opening a grocery store run by a hospital for example lmao), she's decisive and firm and she has a bleeding heart for patients. But you're right, the haters would foam at the mouth at the thought of lauren ascending to do something better than Max lmao. Frankly I do hope she's the interm just for that reaction. they seem to only want wilder in that spot since max 'handpicked' her. though seeing as how her solution to fuentes was running dangerous, off the books surgeries (which lauren did participate in one dont get me wrong) she might be too along the veins of max.

Idk I feel like if you go out of heavily fandom spaces, the general viewing audience likes lauren's character. But there are a rampant amount of sh*rpwin shippers who loathe her for wild reasons and partly because of some made up in their head drama between janet and freema over lack of ig post likes or some shit LOL. Tbh I think if MAX wasn't tethered to helen he'd get a lot more grief and a lot less passes for the shit he pulls.

Bottomline, Twitter is the absolute worst platform for fandom experience 😩

[inyoursheets]

what inspired the warm water title? very curious, because I love the title and I’ve wanted to ask for a while! 💖

oh! thank you for asking! i can talk about warm water for days! wish i had the same energy with actually writing it lol 

ok im a wordy person and apparently can’t answer a simple question -- i just started rambling about symbolism im using in this fic so let me put it below the cut

anyways!!!!

warm water is named after a BANKS song with the same title!

the lyrics i think i may love you / if you give me some time / maybe you’ll love me too open the first chapter

and it’s something that i thought relates to how beth feels at the beginning of the story, hoping rio will one day love her. the same way she loves him.

that said, there’s a reason chapter 14 is named after the lyrics i could never make you love me from SEVDALIZA’s song Hero bc i dont think you can MAKE someone love you

that’s kind of a... ok i dont think it’s a theme im exploring all that much with this fic but it’s just something i think about sometimes

anyway back to the actual title

warm water almost got a different name -- i changed the title at the last minute

im so very glad i did bc ive been messing with water-related imagery in the fic and it’s really helped me tether the story? just for myself?

it’s been really fun and helpful for me to use water as a metaphor or... symbol or literary device (or whatever the term is idek) for the relationship between beth and rio in this fic

using water to indicate their changing relationship and the blurry boundaries between friendship and something more

so i kept using water as a reminder of how they...stick to each other i guess?

ive also used anything relating to doors and windows to indicate the transition in the relationship between beth and rio

it just helps indicate closeness and distance between the two -- and the ever-present possibility of something more

ive given a few examples of how ive used doors/windows here! but there’s more references in the chapters ive pubished since then, like in chapter 8 the tiny bathroom window cracked open and in chapter 14, where bedroom door is gaping wide, bc hey, things are finally happening

but a slightly less on-the-nose way ive tried to show how beth and rio and their feelings for each other are always there, always sticking to them, is water

most explicitly (which i completely forgot about and wasn’t intentional) is in the first chapter with the leaking heart metaphor

but other occasions include chapter 8 at tequila night, which may be my favorite use of water in this fic

chapter 8 is a very moist chapter in general but im pretty fond of what i did at the end of the chapter

Shaking her hands in an attempt to dry them, she turns around, looking for the towel dispenser, only to find it empty.

first we get beth in the bathroom trying to process tequila night with aria, trying to dry her hands -- and trying to rid herself of her feelings for rio

She tries to dry her hands on her jeans—can’t, because they’re still wet from the rain, but she barely registers it, eyes glued to big hands  wrapped around a body that’s not hers.

she tries but she can’t. not only is the towel dispenser empty, her jeans are still soaked from the previous rain. even if something external to her (a towel dispenser, or, say......thanh) would be there, the rain has been pouring all night, her whole body is still soaked. paper towels doesn’t stand a chance against years of loving someone.

When she makes it to Thanh’s apartment, she lets him towel her dry, before falling asleep in his crisp, white sheets.

annnnd we close the chapter with thanh drying her. coincidence? i think not. bc i deliberately made that happen.

anyways there’s also chapter 12, post-kiss, right after beth says it was a mistake

She looks at the floor. Notices there’s a spill of water—probably Rio’s doing, watering the plant that sits on their makeshift side table, the books they never read. Feels his eyes on her. Doesn’t know what would greet her, should she find the guts to look.

yes! water can spill like your messy feelings for your best friend! you fools!

like i said it’s mostly been useful for myself to idk keep track of where they’re at emotionally

but you’ll find a lot of references to water in this fic

basically im a hoe for water 

i was pretty surprised to find how useful it was for me to have one or two symbols to keep coming back to. idk if it’s something that people notice when reading the fic. but it was very helpful for me!

in conclusion im very glad i ended up switching titles right before i shared the first chapter! it just ties together the watery imagery of the fic pretty nicely, i think

thank you for asking!!!!! anonymously (or not) ask me any question you’d like to know about me

[laurent-ofvere]

How did you get over your Sensitivities? Idk if this is what you mean but I relate/project too much on Laurent and seeing him in sex scenarios that feel ooc bothers me a lot, I would love to get over that to enjoy all the smut that the Capri fandom has to offer :(

oh yeah thats fully what i mean, it would honestly just put me in a weird mood and make me very blah, and i couldnt get myself to read it if i wanted to. then sensibilities aside, i wouldn't even be able to objectively enjoy it bc for me- i mainly read fic bc i wanna feel like im getting more out of the characters that i enjoy, so when its context that i dont believe would ever happen/i dont think they would ever do or say a certain thing, it just reads extremely flat to me. not in a holier than thou “this is ooc and would never happen, what terrible writing”, way, more so in a “i read fic to read more things they might do, so if i dont feel like they would do that, im simply disinterested” kinda way. its why i still shy away from anything post canon, i truly dont think they’d ever be with anyone else or involve anyone else so its just really unenjoyable for me bc it just defeats the purpose. 

honestly? i dont know how i got over it. im still pretty much like that with damen, i dont really like thinking of him with other people the way laurent/other can sometimes be 🔥🔥 (tho i dont objectively find the concept as appealing as the way i do with laurent regardless so its fine lol) truthfully, i think its just my overall disconnect from fandom and the books. its been a few years and my crazy spark has dwindled, and with the fandom being far less engaging and the mass production of content that once appealed to me having diminished significantly, i just dont feel as tethered. and honestly for me, picturing laurent/them in scenarios i didnt before is actually what helps me feel reengaged and more often sparked, bc it sort of opens new possibilities and outlets whereas everything else feels either ‘been there, done that’ or generally just dull at this point (not that i dont still love lamen in every scenario and i still prefer them to any other pairing etc etc etccc)

if laurent is your tender spot then maybe try removing damen entirely from the universe? like i personally really dont like the idea of damen being an option and laurent (a monogamous, not sleeping around, I'm-looking-for-one-man laurent) choosing someone else. if damen purely isnt an option for laurent then it wont feel, idk, inaccurate that he isnt only with him?

or you can make damen involved in a significant way, just not a focal way. i wrote a thing where laurent wants damen and his sights are entirely set on him in every way, but he wants to be experienced and completely confident with him so he makes an arrangement with lazar and he basically gets all of his sexual experience with him, someone he doesnt actually care that much about but still finds attractive and some kinda draw. but damen is always, always laurents end goal, no question about it.

IDK WHY THIS IS SO LONG IJFNKMC idk man i feel you, and i definitely feel you on wanting to enjoy everything the fandom has to offer. fandom is meant to be fun, but also a comfortable safe place for you. just find your balance! find ways to ease in. maybe just talk to someone about it? throwing headcanons around and dipping your toes in that way can be a good starting point. im always here if you wanna hit me up, even if its just on anon.