#BUT IM SO HAPPY THEYRE ALIVE BUT FUCK FUCK
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EGGS EGGS EGGS
#NOOOO#YESSS#BUT BUT BUT#GGRRRRR#WHAT WHAT QUE#NO MAMES#DAPPER NOOOOO#BUT IM SO HAPPY THEYRE ALIVE BUT FUCK FUCK#k normal now#qsmp#qsmp purgatory#qsmp elquackity
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OOH YEAH BABY ITS THE SURGERY EPISODE BABY!!! ME AND THE HOMIES NEED SOME NEW FACES FOR OUR NEW PLAN, AND WHO BETTER TO GET THE JOB DONE THAN THE TWO MOST EVIL PEOPLE WE'VE EVER HAD THE MISFORTUNE OF HAVING OUR LIVES VIOLATED BY? I MEAN IT WOULD BE FUNNY. IT WOULD BE FUNNY.
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#cw blood#cw gore#jrwi suckening#jrwi suckening spoilers#vex waylin#viv waylin#MY FAVORIT EP!! HAVNT SEEN IT IN FOREVER THO BC WELL. IM BUSY. SO BEAR W ME IM RUNNIN OFF ALOTTA MEMORY FUMES#ALSO EDIT BC FUUUCK I HADMORE TAGS BUT TUMBLR FUCKEN ATE EM. OH WELL. MY DMS R OPEN IF U WANNA UNLOCK RAMBLES.#I LOVE THE WAYLIN TWINS SSSOO FUCKING MUCH IM SO!!! CURIOUS ABOUT THEM!!! WHO WERE THEY WHEN THEY WERE HUMAN? HOW LONGVE THEY BEEN ARND?#I LOVE IT WHEN PPL SAY ITS LIKE THESE TWO WERE MADE FOR MMEE BC YES!! YES!! ITS EVERYTHING I COULD EVER WANT FROMA CHARACTER!!!#I LOVE THEIR RED WHITE N BLACK COLOR SCHEME. I LOVE HOW THEYRE BOTH SO INTELLIGENT AND GENIUS N YET THEYRE DUMB AS FUUUUCK#COOOMICAL SUPER VILLAINS. OOH ILL GET YOU NEXT TIME SHAMIA SHAMAI!!! HOW DARE YOU FOIL MY PLAN!! MY PLANS OF MUTILATING AWAKE N ALIVE PPL#COMICAL AND YET. GENUINELY HORRIFYING. VIV CAN MAKE UR BONES EXPLODE JUST BY THINKING ABOUT IT. VEX CAN BECOME SOUP#WHY DONT WE TALK ABOUT THAT MORE? THE TURNING INTO RED MEAT SLIME?? METAL AS FUUUCK. I ALSO LOVE HOW SCARED THEY GOT SO QUICKLY#THIS LIL FUCKEN RRRRRAT COMES IN. AND WELL. HES JUST LIKE ALL THE OTHERS. WE FUCK HIM UP N TOSS HIM INTO THE SUN N LET HIM BURN#SURE HE HAD ONE MORE TRICK OF REBELLION UP HIS SLEEVE BUT THE SUN HAS TAKEN HIM NOW. ITS FINE. WE'RE FINE. HEY IS THERE SMTH IN THE CEILING#OHHH WE KILLED HIM ONCE N HE CAME BACK. WE KILLED HIM AGAIN N TOOK HIM APART BUT THEN HES BACK?? HE GETS AWAY AND THEN. COMES BACK. AGAIN.#WE CANT GET RID OF HIM. THAT FOUL SHAMIA SHAMAI. A MOUSE IN OUR KITCHEN. FUUUUCK HES GONNA SPREAD DISEASE! KILL IT! KILL IT!! AAAUUGH FUCK!#I LOVE THAT THE WAYLIN TWINS AGREED TO HELP THE BLONDE TWINS MOSTLY ON THE BASIS OF 'IT WOULD BE FUNNY' BUT ALSO#OOHHH WE ARE SO CLOSE TO REACHING SOMETHING TO MAKE HIM NNEEVER FUCK WITH US AGAIN. HIS ILLUSIONS WILL HAUNT US NO LONGER#THEY WERE SSSOOO PARANOID W ALL THE CAMERAS AND BOMBING THEIR OWN LAB AND RUNNING AND RUNNING AND GETTING AWWAY FROM THIS FUCKEN! MOUSE!!!!#OHHHH I THINK IM RUNNIN OUTA ROOM so ill talk about da art real quick.BEEN WORKIN ON THIS FOR A WHIIILE.ALOTTA THESE were started when the#ep came out.so OLD!! BUT DONE!!and im very very happy w my colors n gore n EXPRESSIONS!! the top right corner comic keeps making me chuckle#I ALSO rly love the lil convo between arthur n viv.theyre SO CUTE TOGETHERR they should go ona museum date together or somethin#they need more time to just talk abt da World together.ALSO CAN I BE PETTY.I MADE ARTHUR UGLY CORRECT-STYLE#THESE BOYS KNOW NOTHING OF UGLY.I MADE THE VAMPIRIC FLESH EVOLVE N ROT N BLOSSOM AND THERE IS SQUIRMING WITHIN THE TENEBRAE#UHHH IEAH THIS GUY W A ROTTED N DISTORTED FACE WALKS INTO MY BIKE STORE IEAH IM SCREAAAMIN LIKE WADDA HELL!! MONSTOR!!!
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MERRY CHRISTMAS TO THEM AND ONLY THEM AAUUAUAUAHGSGRGSRH 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤
I LOVE YOU FOREVER @beeholyshit LITERALLY EVERYONE LOOK AT HIS ART RIGHT NOW 🫵🫵🫵
#DUDE I WOKE UP#i WOKE UP WITH THE GROSS FACE I HAD TO WASH UP BUT OU HEY MY TEARS CLEANSED MY FAVE#I CRIED SLSH LIGHHEARTEDLY IM SO HAPPY RN#RHYS IS SO FUCKING HANDSOME IM SO#IM OVERWHELMED#KM SO GIDDY#I DDITM EXPECT CARMINE TO BE HERE IM. IM SO#CARMINE JUST SUPPORTING THE TWO LOVERS EHSHAHEHEHEHEHEHEHSHRBSHEJ#LAYLA LOOKS SO PLUMPY THANKYOU BEE THANKYPU THATS MY GIRL SHES SO. SLAAYYYYYY ILYILYILYILYILY#HASHTAG RHYLA SOLO AND CARMINE IS THER AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#MONOCHROME AINT STOPPING THEM FROM LOOKING SO FUCKING VIBRANY LOOK AT THEM THEYRE ALL SO HAPPY AND JOYFUL#IM GONNA MAKE THIS MY KEYBOARD WALLAPPER EUEUEUUEUERHBRHSJRJEJR#RHYS IS JUST SO ATTRACTIVE I LITERALLY CANT 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#MY BLOG LOOKING SO BLACK AND WHITE BUT BRO I AM THE MOST VIBRANT GIRL ALIVE RN#EUEUEUEYURUDRYEUEUEUUEUEEE I MISS U CARMINE I MISS YOU SO SO MUCHWAMWMAMWAS BIG BROTHER LOVES YOU#💚 for me#bee tag#♥ rhyla#layla briar.oc#rhys.oc#OUGH IM GONNA THROW UP#carmine.fam#CARMINE IS SO FUCKING BABY COMPARED TO THEM#LETS GO
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english jinriki utau is coming along!! hes based on a tts so he sounds kinda harsh and choppy (so im tuning him more robotically than i usually do). im actually enjoying working on his design. which is rare! so theres a wip of that too. his name is J, hes a decommissioned aquarium tour android. and hes just a little guy. he likes going to the beach and pointing out all the animal species he can find. hes not supposed to be able to sing And his vocal system is damaged, but he hangs out with androids who can sing and hes enamored with music so he tries his best
#spooksposting#oc#my art#vocal synth#utau#J#video#its almost 6 am......... i fucked up bigtime#u know i had to use a mili song....... i rly need to play library of ruina actually its so intimidating though 😭😭😭#i love this dude#most of his memory got corrupted so he really only knows what his model was intended for but based on bits and pieces#there was a long time between his decommissioning and abt a decade before the present where he was cared for by someone#and there were definitely alterations made to some of his systems but hes unsure what#he has his own kind of grief abt not being able to remember any of that bc he knows he was happy. whatever that means for him#i dont think even he knows#but hes chillin bc hes still alive after all this time#sorry i got back into vocal synth stuff recently and immediately started worldbuilding and shit w my utaus#and ofc they ended up way more personal than most of my ocs bc they all involve my own voice or directly interacting w characters who do 🫠#theyre all androids or computer programs so far in-universe and im like ah! perfect for dissecting all my brain processes#oooh i get chatty when im tired#anyawy my head hurts goot bye#spooks vsynth
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Monnnnaaaaaa
THIS IS SO CUTE OIUGGHUTG HELLOOOOOO!!!! i need to make a clown oc soon to be honest i made a clown danganronpa oc for my now MIA friend back in 2020. man. i miss her i think her name was emiko. the oc not the person their name was saturn
#desire mona#media#saturn </3 i miss them soo fucking much but theyre off social media which is WAY better for them so im happy theyre happy#they came online after like 2 yrs a while ago and msged me and my bsf being like#hey im still alive sorry ive been gone i just dont use social media anymore#and i was like based#douglas fir - chris thile and aoife o donovan#ask#rubester
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Hate being morally torn by a fictional setting that bears no weight
#orv has me fucked up#i havent read the manwha in a while so i started rereading and shit#letting namwoon die by not letting him kill the granny has me SOO torn#because morally standing by and doing nothing as he attacks a defenseless person is Wrong#but stopping him and watching as they Both die is also Not Right (though i cant call it wrong)#its not a moral thing either dokja just doesnt want namwoon alive cuz he's crazy and he's fine with Jihye who DID kill someone#he did say it was a matter of mentality because namwoon didnt regret it and isnt correct mentally but at the same time Mostly Everyone kills#Joonghyuk doesnt care about the cost of a life mostly of the time either but he's (well. not alright but) accepted by KDC#is it a matter of the victim? is it because namwoon chose someone defenseless and justified it?#is it a matter of namwoon's mentality in junction with the above statements?#morally how'd you weigh the cost of 1 life (the defenseless granny) between the cost of 2 (granny & mentally/morally questionable Namwoon)#is it better to have one die to inaction or have them both die in order to be morally correct and play hero#in an apocalypse setting can you afford killing someone useful even if theyre crazy?#sorry im being weird#it isnt that deep#namwoon probably cares less then i do#he found happiness in hell iy#ig*#k1ng talks#k1ng rants#in tags#in this essay i will#k1ng analyzes#?#does tag analysis count?
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They stole any possible joy of motherhood I could have possibly wanted they stole my entire childhood they stole my teenage years my twenties and they continue to steal my future they won't be happy untill they've taken my whole life
#i hope your in fuckin hell you ugly cultist bitch i hope your getting what you deserve dad i hope karma hits you#i hope all your children grow up to hate you#quiverfull parents are monsters and they all deserve a place in hell#i hope my next life is that is a thing i get freedom and respect in my life#i hope they get a say in their life snd are well loved well rested and happy#im tired of being alive im so fuckin tired of my life#i cant die because there's wo many people who depend on me but fuck life sucks and it really is 100 because of my parents#i wish my future was actually reachable#i wish people would stop using me#i love my siblings i love spending time and caring for them#but i look at all my other siblings and my dad who fits in dates multiple times a week#who get jobs that pay that they enjoy they get hobbies they are responsible for themselves and only themselves they are starting families#they're getting to experience what it's like to be allowed to be a teen a 20 something a fuckin human person they go to concerts they sleep#when theyre tired they use their money for their own bills and wants and needs they get to go do things with they're partners as often as#they'd like to they get to EXPERIENCE LIFE WHILE I TAKE ON ALL THE RESPONSIBILITY#i want to be able to move in with my partner go in dates do things with friends get married write books draw get a job#i want to grow and change#they get to experience young adult life i get the adult responsibility but not the life experience or world knowledge or wisdom#I'm supposed to be the friendless sexless constant caretaker whos hobbies are dishes and vacuuming#that being said i cant make a future if no one is willing to make a move i cant be the only person trying to grow up#this includes my partner my siblings my dad they all need to make steps for our goals or we'll be stuck in a stagnant bullshit of 'someday'#constantly daydreamin about a future that'll never come i need to start making steps for it and i need other people to start making steps to#gwt ready to start growing up I'm not goin to let people keep holding me back forever my life is goin to fucking change or I'm goin to die
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collapses to the ground and destroys everything within a 5 mile radius with how distraught and heartbroken I am
#vark posts#v live blogging#HOOOOW AM I SUPPOSED TO COPE#i cant even put my thoughts into words#i am just all emotion and nothing else#oh my god#Arthur........#ohhhhhh my goddddddd#im about to start tearing up the drywall#fuck man he literally gave his all to save who he could#literally every last bit right until the end#him laying on the ground wheezing actually crushed my soul u dont understand#AND HE DIED ALONE#im glad he was able to save who he could and help john get out and shit#knowing Arthurs character and how self sacrificing he is im sure he was happy to die to keep them safe so at least theres that closure#IM SOOOOO MAD MICAH DIDNT DIE#SOOOOOOOOOOO MAD#I CANNOT BELIEEEEEVE HES MADE IT OUT ALIVE#and theyre just gonna TIME SKIP?#LET ME SEE THE OTHERS AT LEAST#im gonna crumble into a million pieces what happened to charles and sadie and karen and tilly#i hope to fuck im gonna see them again in however long this whole playing as john thing goes#i cannot fuckin believe I didn't cry#if theres anything to prove im near incapable of crying its this bullshit cause i felt like my soul was leaving my body#i did tear up DEFINITELY#fuck man i just want Arthur back#i need him to just fuck off on a self care run and for him to be genuinely happy and not used#extremely good story telling 11/10 i feel like i got ripped apart but its ok im ok im normal#such an incredible and heartbreaking ending for such a complex caring man#the doomed by the narrative trope written in literally the best way ive ever seen
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thinking abt byler with their dog watching a movie on the couch all snuggled up in some blankets (plural, bc will hogs them & leaves mike to freeze to death [will rejects these slanderous claims, says mike's being a big baby]).. their dog's got its head in mike's lap and his feet against will's ribs in the weirdest most endearing position ever that cannot possibly be comfortable And Yet. mike scratches n rubs the little mongrel's chest n asks him if he's enjoying their boys night. This Is Real n True
#mike didn't exactly Want the dog as much as will did bc he never had any mammal pets growing up#but will was rly determined to keep going to the shelter until they found their match#n this one totally fucking like . imprinted on will or smth mike SWEARS bc he was so so sooooo happy to see will#it's a little joke between them at first tht its will's dog n mike loves how much it loves will bc even though he Knows#theyre safe and okay and everything is Fine and Normal now#he still has tht underlying thread of fear n nervousness in him tht this little ball of fur soothes n unspools#and he says its will's dog but oh man.... tht thing LOVES mike#presses its snout against his calf when he's all stressed n brings him his favorite toy when the vibes are off and cuddles with him etc#the duffers got rid of chester without a word and now im determined to keep his spirit alive#u r real to ME chester u will always be Real n live on in my gay heart .....#love writing tags on mobile bc i cant see shit re what i jus wrote so i jus have to hope n pray i was coherent . anyway <3
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Uh. Like month... 4... Without an big breakdown and im 😳 what.... Wha
#miranda talking shit#I always say this but holy shit what the fuck i didnt think medication could have so much impact#I thought be being numb would be the best case. But here i am like 👍 life's not so bleak. I have loved ones. There's more for me to see#Like what the fuck.... Ive been sucidal since i was 11... I thought that would just be permanent for me... That it would kill me one day#But here i am just.... Like...living?#I mean im still not living life to the fullest mainly bc im still not used to just ... Be and not feel like garbage#I still have many problems and inner battles but they don't .... Send me into the abyss or worse#Anti medication people can probably argue if im ACTUALLY happy or just high of my meds or something but i...#I just feel like myself but ...kinda like when you put on glasses after being without them for a while#You see things clearer again and you had forgotten that your eyes were bad#I see the same things who would make me smile for 1 second. Now i see them and they make me smile for half a minute or more#I feel i think a lot more and notice smaller things. Smaller delights. A little cute bug flying by. An pretty flower outside. Someone#Laughing with their friend. A child playing outside. They all make me happy now and i just ... Yeah.#I am not the most positive person alive or am super happy all the time... But having actual ... Normal days#Actually be just... Just fine. Not 'i have managed to not cry and kept my mental health in check somewhat etc' but actually just#Things are fine. On an scale more in tune with others version if fine. Im used to my okay days just being like... Oh i was awake today#I ate a meal today. I didn't cry. But i still had my usual bad mental space but it was fine bc it was a bit more manageable#That was a fine day. Now I'm like... Id describe my days now as great days. I usually have one or two of these days#Per year ... Now i have them like daily... Theyre just fine. It blows my mind...#Ive always been positive to medication despite not finding one that helped me as much as i... Wanted. But now it's like#Holy shit yeah. Wish i found this medicine at age 15 when i started and not 10 years later but man im glad i finally found it#So glad i decided not to just settle with the one i had. When i brought up i wanted to try new medication again#Doctors were like what... But why? And it's like.... Yeah that one i had was.... The best i had found at the time and i had kept it for 3#Years. But it did only help me to stabilize some. I still felt like garbage... And explaining that to a doctor is like... Idk how to do that#Like id say my old medication helped 25% i know it helped mostly with my general anxiety. But it wasn't like to a point i felt#It was a GOOD medication for me. Just ... It was the best i had tried so... It was fine...
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#part two omg <333#u can tell i originally was gonna tweet this and then it spiralled out of control to the point it got too long for tumblr tags. anyway#sometimes i just think about things and i get sooo mad lmao . i knew i was trans probably since i was like 11#meanwhile was so fucked up about this i just ignored it and slowly let it eat me alive for years and years until i hit my brink .#makes me so mad how the few like 'tolerant' and 'accepting' people around here act where theyre like#oh you can be that way but just ignore it <3 dont act on it <3' . you people would rather me go back to#being a suicidal 12 year old instead of actually existing and being happy. you people who know shit all about what i go through#its insanely funny to me too like compared to a large amount of people i am like extremely religious . i have#so much of the quran mf MEMORIZED. A SOLID CHUNK OF THIS ENTIRE BOOK. MEMORIZED#I CAN RECITE THE VERSES FROM IT IN PROPER FORM. i know more than my own dad does and yet.#everyone around me who isnt this at all is like oh yes we know sooo much about everything and this is#soooo gross and disgusting and perverted and sick and evil right maryam. yeah it sure fucking is besties <3#i can be everyones token poster child of having Envious amounts of knowledge and a role model for every future hafidha .#and yet you all only like me because you have to and youd all hate me if you knew anything about me#if you read all this my bad i am just crazy and angry and insane#i will go back to normal later i just need to be insane for a minute lollll#sometimes im like 'why am i so angry. why do i have ptsd' and then i remember how everyone around me is#vent#part two !!!!! wao <333
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IF LORE UPDATES APPLIED TO PEOPLE I WOULDVE JUST GOTTEN ONE OF MY HAPPIEST LORE UPDATES TODAY
#FUCK YEAH WE GOT MY FIRST EVER MURAL LOOKING SICK AS SHIT SO FAR#TORTUGA AS BIG AS ME AND DETAILED ENOUGH THAT STRANGERS COMPLIMENTED IT MY BELOVED#HUGE SHOUTOUT TO THE GUY DRIVING BY THAT ROLLED DOWN THEIR WINDOW AND SHOUTED “dude that’s amazing!” AS THEY PASSED#CAME OUT AS TRANS TO MY AUNT THAT IM PAINTING THE MURAL FOR AND SHE IS NOW OFFICIALLY MY FIRST BLOOD RELATIVE TO BE SUPPORTIVE OF ME OUT TH#GATE#HER ONLY THINGS WERE THAT SHE WASNT GONNA BE PERFECT ABOUT MY PRONOUNS AND THAT SHE WISHED ID COME OUT TO HER SOONER SO I WOULDNT HAVE#GOTTEN ATTACHED TO A NAME THAT I DIDNT REALIZE WAS LINKED TO MY REALLY SHITTY BIO DAD AND WANTED TO COME UP WITH A GENDER NEUTRAL NICKNAME#FOR ME THAT WOULD WORK NO MATTER WHAT I IDENTIFY AS FROM HERE ON OUT AND WORKS AROUND PEOPLE IM NOT OUT TO#AND SHE GAVE ME A CHAMORRAN NICKNAME!!!! A SIDE OF MY HERITAGE THAT I DONT GET TO CONNECT TO A TON!!! SHES GONNA CALL ME TAKKA (WE MESSED#WITH THE SPELLING OF “TOCA” A BIT TO SOUND LIKE “TALK-A” SO WE CAN MAKE JOKES ABOUT HOW I TALK A LOT IT HAS BEEN SO FUCKING FUNNY SO FAR I#LOVE IT)#AND SHES GONNA TEACH ME HOW TO MAKE KELAGUEN (A CHAMORRAN DISH) SOMETIME#AND SHE GAVE ME AN OVERSIZED SHIRT THAT BASICALLY SAYS FUCK T-MOBILE#AND TOLD ME SHE LOVED ME NO MATTER WHAT AND TOLD ME THAT SHE LOVED HOW I PRIORITIZED KINDNESS ABOVE ALL ELSE AND I GOT TO TELL HER ABOUT HO#I THINK KINDNESS AND CRUELTY ARE TRAITS BEYOND GENDER AND SEXUALITY AND THAT I WANT TO BECOME THE ADULT I NEEDED AS A KID AND THAT I NEEDED#SOMEONE KIND THAT FREELY GAVE HUGS AND TOLD A LOT OF SILLY JOKES AND WAS FORGIVING WHEN IT COUNTED AND THAT WHEN I GROW OLD WHETHER IM AN#OLD MAN OR OLD WOMAN OR OLD SOMETHING ELSE I WANNA BE A GEEZER THAT LIVES ACROSS THE STREET THAT YOU CAN PLAY CARDS WITH ANYTIME AND#SAVES YOU CHOCOLATE BECAUSE THEY KNOW YOU LIKE IT AND I WANNA BE THE TYPE OF KIND MAN LITTLE GIRLS GROW UP HOPING ARE REAL AND LABELS ARE#CLOTHES THAT SOMETIMES FIT A MONTH OR FIT FOREVER BUT WHAT MATTERS IS THAT THEYRE COMFY IN THE MOMENT AND THAT I JUST WANNA BE HAPPY AND I#LOVE PEOPLE FOR THEIR PERSONALITY AND IM WEIRD ABOUT KISSING BUT I HAVE MY PARTNERS BACK AND THAT MATTERS MORE TO US AND WERE HAPPY#AND I TOLD HER WHAT IM PLANNING ON MY NAME TO BE WHEN IM AN ADULT AND SHE LIKED MY IDEA FOR MY NEW SURNAME#AND WE SANG TO SONGS TOGETHER AND BITCHED ABOUT HER BOYFRIEND AND DID A LITTLE JIG IN THE STREET AND LAUGHED TOGETHER AND SHE WAS SO HAPPY#BECAUSE OF THE TURTLE IM PAINTING HER AND BECAUSE I TRUST HER AND IM SO HAPPY BECAUSE BOTH OF THOSE ARE WORKING OUT AND THIS EVENING WAS A#PERFECT SUMMER EVENING TO BE ALIVE. THIS MAY HAVE HAPPENED ON MY PERIOD BUT WHAT THE FUCK EVER THE GOOD OUTWEIGHS THE BAD. THERE IS BEAUTY#IN THE WORLD IF YOU KNOW WHERE TO LOOK. THERE IS BEAUTY IN BEING TRANS AND BEING SAFE WITH YOUR AUNT AND TALKING TO HER HONESTLY ABOUT YOUR#HOPES FOR THE FUTURE WITH YOUR BODY AND YOUR GENDER. THERE IS BEAUTY IN MAKING SILLY POSES WITH YOUR MURAL IN PROGRESS WITH YOUR AUNT AS TH#PHOTOGRAPHER. THERE IS BEAUTY IN LISTENING TO NOSTALGIC MUSIC WITH YOUR AUNT THAT A LOT OF PEOPLE WOULD PROBABLY MAKE FUN OF YOU FOR LIKING#THERE IS BEAUTY IN WEARING YOUR BANGS UP IN A STUPID PINEAPPLE PONYTAIL SO IT DOESNT FALL IN YOUR EYES AND WEARING CLOTHES YOU DONT CARE#ABOUT AND GRINNING AND LAUGHING AND SINGING MORE ENTHUSIASTICALLY AND GENUINELY THAN YOU HAVE IN A LONG TIME. THERE IS BEAUTY IN CLEANING#PAINT BRUSHES AND MEASURING CUPS IN HER KINDA BROKEN SINK AND MEOWING AT HER CAT AND THANKING HER FOR HELPING YOU CLEAN UP THE PAINTS SHE
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>tried to be ultimate good friend by never talking to ky friends abt my issues because they were too extreme
>now have no one who cares
#this is ENTIRELY my fault#even if they wouldnt have listened to me no matter what i sure couldve sussed that faster and eventually found people who would#sorryy im just after seeing debs pics from people in primary and feel awful upset now that 1) im not going#(self sabotage + insecurity + the whole suicide mindset i still have + no way in fuck would my parents. yeah)#and 2) just not supplementing it w anything ☹️☹️ my friends get to celebrate and be celebrated the world over for doing their leaving +#graduating. its just me and my dear friend not going#i made a vent art thing ages ago abt that NEVERRR to post i would never. but just how neither of us are going debs#but her family wouldve killed to have her go and now she never can. and how im not going out of choice#and how awful i am for not taking opportunity while im alive and shes not#but. nothing will ever like make me feel happy. as im learning#this summer has really been me coming to terms w the fact i do have depression and just will never be ‘happy’ as a default#will never. be able to do things#im Sick is what i am. its lit a sickness#and treating it likethat instead of fighting it might unfortunately be the realistic and rational and best way forward#which is very embarrassing for me and so hard to accept because ive always been a Fi. no i Was a fighter#and then she passed away i just crumbled lol. im still not half the person i used be#i used likeeee strive for greatness. because its all i could do and i had to fight for a better life as a gay person as someone w a rough#fam. but then she died and nooothing was ever worth it again. whats the point if people can just die so suddenly#she deserved so so so much. the world like#sorry debs just makes me think of her. of course it would like#.. can i hust be evil now and say i wish my friends wouldve. wanted me to come#THEYRE NOT MY FRIENDS ! i have this sorted. this has been established.#i need ro get over that. or rathee have them stop coming to ky mind#im talking
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i wake up and i immediately think abt how awful i am and how much i want to drive off a road and get into a fatal car accident
#everyone i know claims to be my friend or claims to be there for me but its not true#no one actually wants someone when theyre going throigh a shit ton of change#no one wants to be around me. not qhen im so streased out tht im losing weight and hair#my skin is breaking out evetywhere and im having a hard time eating anything more than coffee#and the caffeine dsnt help thts for sure#and im terrible at my new job it makes me overstimulated and exhausts my body even more#than it already is after moving houses#which btw. still hvnt moved the geckos or plants bc idk wgen i'll have time or energy#im fucking done and the world is dying and genocides are still occuring and here i am.#im fucking complaining abt being alive when so many ppl wld love to have what i have. why cant i be happy#why cant i let myself be happy. qhat is wring with me.#i am going to kill myaelf. i am going to drive until i hit a car or tree or something#i am going to do it. i swear tk fucking god.#dl
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#im so serious you probably do not want to read this i just needed to verbalise my words and be embarrassing#like dont read this. its a vent. its a depressing post. just scroll on and be happy today#...........................................................................................................................................#no because i actually dont like being alive. like this is the worst.#i can talk up and down about how beautiful the earth is and how lovely nature is and how great people really are#but it doesnt matter when i dont have the courage to go see any of that or the means to actually travel to places that are beautiful#not even if theyre in my area because the city isnt walkable#but i still have friends who i talk to every single day and i have things set up so that i am actually speaking to people like dnd#or watching stuff with zhari or even impromptu things like playing games and having people watch or multiplayer shit#and thats all well and good but i always know for a fact that i am going to fuck it up and i dont know how to curb that#i dont have money for therapy i dont have a job that works me consistently the resources that i have found dont work for me#and i know this because i have tried for years to be a better person and theres just nothing in the world that could ever make me good#like im not a fun person to be around right? im not kind and i dont know how to speak to people and im generally awkward and mean#i can swear to myself that ive changed that im better that im not the person i was when i was 14 but i havent changed. im not better#and i dont know how to be better#i dont provide any value to the people around me. at all#im just baseline a piece of shit and sometimes i do a nice thing for people sometimes im NICE and it makes people think that im kind#but im not i just did a nice thing and that doesnt make a kind person#we can try and coddle me forever and ever but we all know that its not going to be long until You know. It's all over#as in im alone again as i should be#i dont think i really care about people leaving me anymore because to be so real i deserve to be alone#i should be isolated until im no longer a piece of shit who cant be a normal kind person#and if that point never comes then like well . but its been so long and so much time where ive been this way that its like#we all know the day is never coming that ill be better than this#i really should just extract myself from people's lives already. like i need to be someone that people hardly know or speak to#it would be better that way for everyone involved#and people can come back and be like 'oh dont trust your thoughts when youre going through seasonal depression'#'dont trust your thoughts when its late' but i feel this way all the time it just gets more intense in the summer#i dont just become a better person when fall hits this is a consistent thing with me that im a piece of shit#and EVERYONE knows it
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College be kicking my ass but we continue on like Scaramouche (alive and kicking, but still crabby about it all lmfao)
Random idea but what happens when the acolytes got hold of Creator that is able to squeeze into small places (like a cat would but less liquid) and knows how to escape? Think of sagau but instead of all the deaths, its just they got overexited and chased the Creator the moment they see them which scared them shitless seeing a mob just appear out of nowhere.
I mean who wouldn't after seeing your favourite person in your favourite game just appear right in front of you? (I apologize in advance to the poor unfortunate sucker)
Imagine a world-wide search that keeps getting them heart attacks. Venti just flying by with Dvalin ony to see you on top of the floating pillar above Dragonspine LEANING PRECARIOUSLY OH MY ARCHONS GET AWAY FROM THE EDGE---
Zhongli walking around trying to find peace and quiet only to sense your presence which led him towards Azhdaha's domain and nearly shouted in terror seeing you hanging by one of the limestones above the slumbering dragon your grace what and how the in the fucking name of teyvat did you---
Yae Miko screaming in surprise seeing you inside one of the cupboards of your grace's house (you made a small temporary one in each country in case u need more rest) that she and Ei found in one of the remote islands.
Nahida and the entire Forest Rangers having one of the most intense, frustrating and most challenging game of hide and seek in the entire freaking forest.
You hiding underneath the sand like a fricking snake everytime Cyno spots you from a disrance.
-Vine Boom 🧨
I am no longer apologizing for lateness simply bc atp its basically assumed Im terribly sorry 💀 /so gen
Content under -----------------✄
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Sun: Reader, (you/they/them)
Orbit: Headcanons-ish, Imposter SAGAU? Imposter SAGAU Reversed Ver? unclear (NOT DARK)
Stars: little here, little there
Comets & Meteors: Content Warnings: reader/you thinks everyone is hunting them down, dark sagau fake-baiting lmao, & Trigger Warnings: none known.
Please comment if I missed any. /gen
No but the traumatic experience of you cautiously wandering into Mondstadt after realizing ur in Genshin like, ✨👄✨
and every single street/alleyway you try to go down to even avoid it is just people all looking at you like: 👁️👄👁️ ???
and ur over here equally just like: 😃 tf u lookin at????
u get up near the cathedral and finally see a playable character, Barbara, and she just fully GASPS and POINTS at you like she’s getting paid to be an actor for this
shouting sm nonsense like: “My Creator??? King of All???? IS THAT YOU?????”
and after which a few nuns check the commotion, Rosaria and Barbara’s Visions are glowing, and all join in heckling you
Venti coming (literally) flying around a corner on a breeze, saying he was trying to catch up to you, and ohhh now ur Convinced:
None of these bitches must be happy to see you, you did forcefully control their bodies if by the sounds of it they knew you/they must’ve been aware during the game, aw damn looks like u gotta run for your life now
You just book it out of Mond, Venti/Barbara yelling after you to come back, and meanwhile you’re leaving a shell-shocked Jean/Diluc/Kaeya (with Visions glowing) in ur wake on the way out
Not one being, mortal or otherwise, convinces you to stay in Mond, and you finally get to Dragonspine- the only place u know they wont follow
(well maybe the pyro characters but ur betting if u can make it up the mountain theyre not committed to,, running you down? arresting you?? ur not sure)
u make it all the way up and luckily everythings all solved like u did in the game, the traveler must be well into teyvat by now, and u decide to say “for the already achieved achievement” and fuck around and find out near the nail
U thought as u finally got on it u heard a scream somewhere in the sky, and u spotted Dvalin carrying Venti/Barbatos, and once again book it out of town (damn u cant believe theyre so committed they got the dragon in on it…)
so u haul ass all the way down the mountain, traveling only at night, living like a vampire, holing up during the day when u see Mond citizens/knights/gods/etc. walking around presumably looking for you
but u make it, finally! sweet, sweet Liyue, ur 2nd home (besides Mondstadt)
Only to immediately, like right outside the fucking gates to Liyue Harbor, run into Zhongli.
and he’s standing there like this mf knew u were coming, and the first thing out his mouth is some BS like, “…Darnell, that you??”/ref LMAOO
but instead of laughing abt it u just scream and run for your life haha
oh jesus h christ- he’s sending the adepti after you fuck- how hated are you??
sure u maybe hate Celestia a little, and sympathize with the traveler, but this seems a little extreme?!
you go to the one place u know he/any other adeptus doesnt like to come often, Azdaha’s cave
and after a night (well, day bc ur sleeping during the day now) of Azdaha sleeping peacefully, he wakes up fully coherent and u actaully have a rlly pleasant conversation with him about Liyue food lol
he also kept mentioning some kind of god? but like in reference to you?? are u connected to them, u kinda know a lot of gods atp so ur not sure which he means, a god to rule them all??? Celestia?? yeah u guess u know those fucks-
Cue u looking down from ur perch in the stalagmites above, u found a ledge and Azdaha helped you,
only to see a very concerned and borderline nervous Zhongli down below, Azhdaha just greets him like nothing’s wrong, but as soon as he sees you’re uncomfortable, helps you escape (more like teleport) away
(the old geo archon was probably nervous just be around Azhdaha u assume)
and now ur on the islands of Inazuma
u know exactly what islands are all but abandoned, the ghost one, the electrocuting one, and the scary bird one, all great options 👍
Raiden and Yae Miko manage to find you on every single one, with Yae getting more and more exasperated, and Ei getting more and more concerened with every position they find you in
hanging out on the banks of the electro river that would kill you if it weren’t for the little electro trees fending it off (thank fuck u maxed that shit out while in game)
bc u assumed they’d hate to be around it, plus lots of ronin- nope Ei is almost… scolding you?? oh but she’s got her Musou no Hitotachi out fuCK-
(she was slaying ronins that were getting too close to you)
she also is constantly jumpscaring you on tsurumi island/ghost island bc while the ghosts are gone, the creepy atmosphere isn't, and it makes her all the more terrifying as The Raiden Shogun comes walking out of the fog into the cave you've hidden in, stuff of ur nightmares for weeks as u just bird box style try to be silent and stealth around the island to get to an abandoned boat,
literally her scary ass purple sword glowing silhouette wandering around in the fog as you paddle away 💀
getting to thunder bird island and Yae Miko is literally both running/teleporting as quickly as she can to you, as you jump from floating rock to floating rock to escape her, god its so unnerving to watch someone so lazy running after you
she keeps getting in this weird “praising the heavens pose” sometimes when you jump, oh shit she’s aiming hER ATTACKS AT YOU THATS WHY-
oh good- she missed and deflected some stray debris coming ur way, u gotta get to the bird area and see if you can glide away (u managed to get a glider at some point thank fuck)
the bird is luckily on ur side against all these mfs trying to hunt u down (for controlling their bodies u guess) and flies u back to mainland teyvat
sumeru u thought would have the most mercy on u tbh, maybe fontaine bc Neuvillette only rlly cares if u break “fontaine” laws, maybe he wouldn't care to chase down a mortal like u over this
and nahida bc shes just nice
which is somewhat true, as you are acting like tarzan swinging around on vines and shit to escape the forest rangers
but she does show up in ur dreams, but shes just all foggy or distorted, u guess bc ur not of this world or smth??
and so it just unnerves u more, and u try to make it out to the desert, where at least there's no gods to worry about
mf ur hunkered down in a pyramid and see the shadowy shape of Cyno walking thru a sandstorm at you 💀
U dont kno how u got out of that one tbh, smth abt “king deshret made a plan for this” and left it behind for ppl to use to escape underground, sweet
And while Nahida and other eremites, scholars like Alhaitham/Kaveh/Dehya were looking around the desert sands, u slip by them
And u make it to the oasis at the edge of the desert, and steal an old rowboat to cross to fontaine (if i had a nickel everytime u needed to escape a god via old rowboat, youd have 2 nickels- )
and getting to Fontaine is not much better.
U literally get to the clockwork tower, foggy, ominous, uninhabited except for treasure-seekers occasionally, its perfect
until Neuvillette himself just strolls in abt 3 nights of u making camp there
u nearly shit urself as he just fake-knocked on a wall, meanwhile ur like hanging from the ceiling (four limbs out suspending you type of fictional shit)
luckily, mostly bc u were trying to wait him out (which wasn't possible ur limbs hurt so bad) he was, finally, the first person around u long enough to be genuinely kind and patient and answer questions
(Neuvillette acc couldn't figure out where u were at first, and was very confused how u got ur voice to boom around this chamber of the tower, after a minute of talking u trusted him enough to tell him to look up lol)
just in time too, he was able to hide u from the archons a little longer bc u were nervous
(u were already intimidated enough by Neuvillette being irl himself, talking to you, let alone all the other gods/vision users, as u realized afterwards thinking abt all the ppl trying to “hunt u down”, that if they all counted as ppl actually wanting to see you, that was a rlly overwhelming amount, esp if their first instinct is to run at you??? what are you, a fan-abused/disrespected kpop idol????)
☆
trying to be fancy and schedule posts once i get enough free time to actually wrangle my adhd to actually partake in my favorite hobbies 💀
well as long as I'm not getting slammed with lots of shifts again
hope u guys had a great weekend and have a good week! Happy late Valentine’s Day :)
Safe Travels Vine Boom,
💀♒
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(If you ever wanna drop, just DM me! "No more taglists/[specifically this AU/fandom] please!")
♡the Beloveds♡
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@kiyomi-uchiha777
#genshin sagau#sagau#genshin isekai#genshin imagines#aqua asks#my asks#genshin impact#genshin x reader#genshin impact sagau#genshin self aware au#ok but like more acc self aware au i promise#bc they knew u were there while gaming#esp if u played genshin 6+ months or like over a year#these mfs know ur Laugh at this point why wouldnt they kno ur face#anyway that eldritch au 1st part looking lonely#sorry my inbox hasnt been open for like a year#im just now getting thru my mail pretty decently#so shouldnt be too much longer#tysm for this old ask vine boom anon<333#aqua out ✌️
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